you cannot not communicate essay

You Cannot Not Communicate – Paul Watzlawick

Paul Watzlawick (1921 – 2007), photo: Martin Gertler, CC BY 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

On July 25 , 1921 , the psychotherapist , psychoanalytic, sociologist , philosopher , and author Paul Watzlawick was born. He was best known for his approaches in the field of schizophrenia and his five axioms in the theory of communication .

“Our everyday, traditional ideas of reality are delusions which we spend substantial parts of our daily lives shoring up, even at the considerable risk of trying to force facts to fit our definition of reality instead of vice versa. And the most dangerous delusion of all is that there is only one reality.” – Paul Watzlawick

Youth and World War II

One and a half years before Watzlawick’s school-leaving examination at the Peraugymnasium in Villach, Austria was annexed to Germany on 12 March 1938.[1] His father became known as an opponent of the National Socialists. Father and son continued to see each other as Austrians. After graduating from his school in Villach in 1939, Watzlawick was drafted. He was ordered to the Reichsarbeitsdienst, then to the Wehrmacht, to the Anti-Aircraft Gun Company. He qualified as an interpreter for the English language, worked as a translator during interrogations of English-speaking prisoners, felt understanding for the prisoners and began to translate incompletely. His manipulations have been discovered. He was arrested and taken to the remand prison in Stuttgart at the beginning of February 1945. Due to the end of the war and help from superiors, the detention ended soon. After the war he worked as an interpreter for the English.

Family Therapy and Working in the USA

In the 1950’s he attended the C.-G.-Jung Institute in Zurich for an apprenticeship in the field of psychotherapy and later worked as professor of psychotherapy in El Salvador , where he focused on communication and family therapy. In 1960, Watzlawick was recruited by Don D. Jackson as a member of the Palo Alto Group in Palo Alto, California, where he worked as a research associate at the Mental Research Institute. In Palo Alto , Gregory Bateson and Juergen Ruesch had already developed a communication theory from a cybernetic and psychiatric point of view in 1951.[3] In 1956, Bateson, Jackson, Haley and Weakland described paradoxical human communications for the first time and published their results.

The 5 Axioms of Communication

The five axioms developed by Paul Watzlawick explain human communication and its paradoxes. ‘One cannot not communicate’ means that humans communicate as soon as they perceive each other. From this it follows that every kind of interaction is communication. ‘Content and Relationship’ explains that every kind of communication contains aspects of content and relationship, whereas relationship is determining the content. Another axiom describes that communication always depends on cause and effect, meaning that communication is based on punctuation of the partner’s communication procedures. The 4th axiom describes that communication is based on spoken language as well as nonverbal actions, such as smiling or crying. Watzlawick here seperated digital communication with a complex syntax and analog communication with high semantic potentials. The last axiom deals with symmetric and complements, meaning that a relationship between partners is either equal or unequal, which determines interaction. The partners either try to rule each other or pursuit equality. Even though Watzlawick earned much respect for his theory, the critics made their statements, too. They discussed that in reality it is hard to apply all axioms on the relationships between several family members. Also it was mentioned, that the theory does not give hints on how the relationships between interacting individuals can approve.

“We are spun into communication; even our self-consciousness hangs… of communication…. and[we] are – or for that very reason – almost incapable of communicating through communication.” — Paul Watzlawick, Menschliche Kommunikation. S. 42 f.

An Excess of Good always turns into Evil

Watzlawick took up Heraclitus ‘ idea of “ unity in the diversity ” of things – enantiodromy – and pointed out that an excess of good always turns into evil. Too much patriotism creates chauvinism, too much security creates compulsion. In Lösungen ( Solutions , 1974) Watzlawick speaks of second-order solutions when these behaviors are broken through by alternatives or reduction.

Later Years

Paul Watzlawick was able to earn respect from many established psychoanalytics and therapists and influenced many researchers following his footsteps in the field of communication and family therapy . Since 2008 the Vienna Medical Association has awarded the Paul Watzlawick-Ehrenring. Previous prize winners were Peter L. Berger , Aleida Assmann , Rüdiger Safranski , Friedrich Achleitner , Walter Thirring , Ruth Klüger , Konrad Paul Liessmann , Franz Schuh and Hartmut Rosa . Ágnes Heller also received an honorary prize for her life’s work in 2017 . Paul Watzlawick died on March 31, 2007 in Palo Alto .

References & Further Reading:

[3] Paul Watzlawick Website
[4] Paul Watzlawick at Wikidata
[5] The Undiscovered Self – C. G. Jung and Analytical Psychology , SciHi Blog
[6] Obituary at the Mental Research Institute
[7] Paul Watzlawick – Wenn die Lösung das Problem ist – 1987 , Josef Lienbacher @ youtube
[8] Andrea Köhler-Ludescher: Paul Watzlawick: Die Biografie. Die Entdeckung des gegenwärtigen Augenblicks. Huber, Bern 2014.
[9] Jessica Röhner, Astrid Schütz: Essenzen – Im Gespräch mit Paul Watzlawick. Hogrefe Verlag, Bern 2021.
[10] Timeline of Communication Theorists , via DBpedia and Wikidata

Harald Sack

Related posts, henri busignies and the development of the huff-duff system, herbert eugene ives and the ives-stilwell experiment, andreas osiander and copernicus’ revolutions, michael pupin solving the problems of long-distance communication.

Pingback: Whewell’s Gazette: Year 03, Vol. #50 | Whewell's Ghost

To be able to choose an online gambling site that can be trustworthy and provide the best service, you must know and know first with the betting website that you will choose.

Also make sure the web betting that you find meets the requirements since the best online gambling site.

Do Research in Discussion boards

The easiest way to make sure you can securely use a gambling site or not is to see or participate in discussion posts with people in internet gambling forums. Those in the betting forum are usually experienced players and know which betting sites can offer the best service.

Inquire the Player

If speaking about in a forum is difficult so that you can do or do not know which forum you can visit to do research, we advise that you directly ask the more experienced players. In addition you can also look for tips and tricks on the best strategies which can be applied in the game

Further Projects

February (28)
January (30)
December (30)
November (29)
October (31)
September (30)
August (30)
January (31)
December (31)
November (30)
August (31)
February (29)
February (19)
January (18)
October (29)
September (29)
February (5)
January (5)
December (14)
November (9)
October (13)
September (6)
August (13)
December (3)
November (5)
October (1)
September (3)
November (2)
September (2)
Entries RSS
Comments RSS
WordPress.org

Legal Notice

Privacy Statement

Communicating Can’t Fix All Your Problems

I believe in the possibility of communication. But communication can’t solve all of your problems. You don’t have to look far online find someone saying “communication is key” or “you need to communicate” or some other trite advice to fix the problems ailing you. This sort of meaninglessness is everywhere. You’ll hear it about dating better/being a better relationship partner, why you broke up, why your marriage is or isn’t working, about expressing your sexual preferences, the pathway to general relationship happiness, how you succeed in your career, and more. This makes communication seem like some sort of cure all. But is it? No, not really. Accepting the premise that we can’t not communicate, the realization that “communication is key” doesn’t solve our problem because communication can be shitty too. Sometimes, [bad] communication is exactly the problem. We can’t just call it communication when things go great. Bad communication is communication too. Communication isn’t key. Communicating well is key. “How do we do that?” is what you should be asking yourself. Communication can’t solve all your problems, but it is your best hope.

Better Communication, Not More

Focus on better communication, not more of it. Quality over quantity. Another email, another text, another conversation may be exactly what you don’t need when the prior ones haven’t worked. Sometimes, it’s the volume of communication (in that there is too much) that’s the issue. Lack of communication can also be a problem, but people feel overwhelmed by messages and information these days. How many unread emails do you have? Or how many text messages or notifications on your phone have you ignored? How many times would you just rather not have that conversation, but instead sit back in peace and quiet? It’s better to focus on the quality of the interaction as the goal. Better communication, not just more of it. Don’t spend time on bad communication if you don’t have to. It’s a waste. Walk away, if possible, or do something to make it better. If you see a communication problem, try to point it out if you can. But pointing out communication problems is really hard, a lot harder than it sounds. Another approach to improving communication quality is to be proactive: say that nice thing that’s in the back of your mind, tell someone that you appreciate them, or ask that question you’ve been wondering about. Do something to make it better. We all have the power to start making communication better at any given moment and there are plenty of ways to do so. When it comes to better quality communication, it’s worth mentioning distractions, especially technology. Technology can enable good communication, it can also be a hindrance to it. It’s easy to sit there and scroll through your app of choice instead of engaging with the person across from you. Even normally, our attention is pulled in many different directions at once. This is a challenge. Technology amplifies that and it can result in communicating being worse than it might otherwise be. It’s not that technology is bad and you shouldn’t look at your phone when having a conversation with others, but rather, to be better aware of when your technology, or someone else’s, is dragging down your conversation.

Beyond Communication

Though certainly its centrality to relationship formation and maintenance is undeniable, communication certainly isn’t the only factor in a relationship. Many things go beyond communication: physical realities (maybe you’re physically together or apart), biology (people’s dispositions, stature, mannerisms), random chance (the randomness of interactions and language, for example), as well as — depending on the type of relationship — things like financial realities, identity matters (class, race, gender, sexuality, and so on), not to mention relationship history and context. We communicate about many of these things, they impact and shape our relationships, but they are beyond communication.

Interactions don’t just come from nowhere. Even prior to its initial bubbling, a conversation has already been influenced — but not determined — by any number of factors. These external forces can and do exert pressure on relationships and sometimes, no matter the amount of talking or listening, more communication won’t solve the problems, discrepancies, or disrespect might exist in that relationship.

No Magic Cure All

Back in the old days, say 100 years ago, there was this idea of communication as a “magic bullet.” This idea pervaded for many decades and even persists today. The concept behind this idea of communication being that whatever you said, whatever the message was, went straight into the source or receiver as if to be a magic bullet. Of course, this isn’t how communication works. The idea that communication can fix all your problems — or that simply “more communication” is all you need is rooted in this way of thinking about communication. The mere fact of communicating isn’t a magic cure all. We think to ourselves, “Well I talked to them!” or we assume they got the message. But different interpretations and different meanings is baked right in to the process of communicating. It’s not only communication when it’s a success. You’re communicating when things aren’t going well also. That’s entirely the point — how to make it better is the question. Communication isn’t electricity. You don’t flip a switch and it turns on. You have to work at it. It’s a process. Making it better is how to increase your chances at success and there are many ways to communicate better. We don’t always reach our desired goals or even acceptable outcomes. That’s just how it is. Trying to communicate better is all we’ve got. It’s not a magic fix, but it is your best hope.

We Cannot Not Communicate — Unless We’re Texting!

It might be true that we cannot not communicate, but when it comes to email and texting, what we’re communicating might not be what we intend — even when the recipient is a friend who knows us well.

There’s an principle fundamental to the proponents of Neuro-Linguistic Programming: we cannot not communicate. What this means is that whether we’re consciously aware of it or not, we humans are almost always communicating, and we communicate in multiple ways and on multiple levels. Our tone of voice, our facial expressions, even our posture — these things tell a story well beyond the mere words we utter from our lips. Hand gestures, head nods, frowns and smiles, etc. all can add a lot to our words. Even silence can be a form of communication, as anyone who’s been on the receiving end of the “silent treatment” from a relationship partner they’ve offended can tell you. So much of what we seek to convey to one another goes beyond mere words. And therein lies the rub for the inveterate text message sender or emailer: it’s really hard to communicate all the subtleties that accompany most human communication with just characters on a screen.

Electronic messaging addicts have a wide variety of tools to help them convey some of the emotional “extras” that make up so much of human communication. They have smiley-face and frowny-face emoji that they can tack on to texts. And they have exclamatory shorthand like “OMG!” and “LOL.” But these little devices come with a built-in hazard, because there’s no way to tell for sure what’s truly genuine — that is, how the person is really feeling. And many folks assume that when emailing or texting goes on between friends, the mutual knowledge of each other which the friends share ought to help ensure that the person on the receiving end of a message knows exactly how the sender feels. So, some researchers set out to find out if that assumption has any validity. And what they found was surprising.

Talk to a Psychiatrist or Therapist Online

In Overconfidence at the Keyboard: Confidence and Accuracy in Interpreting Affect in E‐Mail Exchanges , published in the journal Human Communication Research , Chatham University researchers Monica A. Riordan and Lauren A. Trichtinger reported on whether friends of an email sender are better at correctly interpreting the emotional intentions of the sender. They conducted three studies in all. In the first two, they had message writers compose two emails, one depicting a scenario determined in advance and one freely composed. Each of the two emails also included the presence or absence of eight different emotions. The emails were then read by strangers, who rated each email for those same eight emotions. In the third study, the procedure was modified just a bit in that the emails were read by both friends and strangers. The writers of the messages expressed confidence that their friends would be more accurate in gauging their emotions than would the strangers. But this proved to be incorrect. The readers who were friends of the senders also believed they’d be more accurate than strangers at “reading” the emotions of the sent messages. This too proved to be incorrect. The findings held true even when the typical “tools” to aid emotional expression like all caps, exclamation points, etc. were included in the messages.

It seems that some important things — especially things of an emotional nature — are lost with some of our more modern and popular forms of communication. While there’s definitely truth to the principle that we can’t not communicate, it seems that the channels of communication we use have much to do with what various and subtle other messages that typically accompany human discourse actually get through. And it doesn’t seem to matter whether the person on the receiving end of those messages knows us well enough to draw inferences.

I’m old enough to remember writing letters when I had something important to communicate to someone I couldn’t speak to in person. I remember the kind of thought I had to put into the enterprise. For example, there was no “auto-correct” to depend on, so I had to take some care that the words were spelled correctly, written legibly, and that they made sense when put together. I remember vividly one particular letter I wrote to a dear friend, just as I recall her response to it. She noticed how my penmanship seemed to deteriorate as I got into the most emotionally charged part of the letter. And then there was that blurring of the ink in those places where a tear or two must have dropped on the page. She told me later how she’d “read between the lines” to glean what I was really trying to communicate. I recalled that memory as I was musing on the ways we typically communicate these days on our various electronic devices. On some level, these technological marvels appear to have brought us closer together and kept us “connected.” But to me, they all seem to lack intimacy. That’s why when I really have something to say, and it’s important that the other person truly hear all I’m trying to convey, I make an in-person appearance. And if that’s simply not possible, I put down the cellphone or the tablet and get out a pen and paper. As I see it, just in the mailing, another very important message is sent. After all, you cannot not communicate.

communication
news and research
relationships
Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life

All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals. This specific article was originally published by Dr George Simon, PhD on September 19, 2016 and was last reviewed or updated by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on September 19, 2016 .

https://counsellingresource.com/features/2016/09/19/not-communicating/

No Comments Yet on “We Cannot Not Communicate — Unless We’re Texting!”

Would you like to start a discussion on “We Cannot Not Communicate — Unless We’re Texting!”?

Psychology Quizzes
In Practice
Supervision

Disorders & Help – Our Sites

Mental Health Reference
UK Therapist Directory
UK CBT Directory
US Psychologist and Therapist Directory
Australian Counselling Directory

Therapy, Tests and Quizzes

Online Therapy
Diagnostics and Medications
Bipolar Test
Schizophrenia Test
Depression Test
Love & Relationship Quiz
Cookies and Privacy

Overseen by an international advisory board of distinguished academic faculty and mental health professionals with decades of clinical and research experience in the US, UK and Europe, CounsellingResource.com provides peer-reviewed mental health information you can trust. Our material is not intended as a substitute for direct consultation with a qualified mental health professional. CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation .

Robyn Woodham | BA(Hons) Psychology, NLP Master Practitioner
Email: [email protected]

About Robyn
Session FAQ
Testimonials
Book Your Session
Fast Track Coaching
How to Be Awesome
Confidence in Any Situation
Values & How to Elicit them
How to Set Goals Effectively
Building Motivation
Resilience and Happiness
Choose How You Want to Feel
Building Rapport
Understanding Personality in 20 Questions
Create Solutions from Problems
The Mind and Weight Loss
The Mind and Sports Performance
Head, Heart and Gut
Positive Communication
Resolving Conflict and Empowering Others
Online Courses
Weight Loss
Confidence, Self Esteem
Career and Work
Stress, Anxiety, Phobias
Relationships
Smoking & Addictions

Christmas Presents

Multiple ways of keeping score, using questions to guide children, problems or opportunities, huge accomplishments, perception vs reality, take care of the basics, the inner critic.

Vivid Imaginations
Small Changes Add Up
Moving the Spotlight
The Importance of Planning
Visual Illusions
Lean Your Ladder Against the Right Wall
How to Stop Procrastinating
Change the Word, Change the Meaning
Keeping Your Tools Sharp
Create What You Want for 2016
Upping Your Enjoyment
Learnings from Dr Libby
Goals for Good Health
Our Thoughts Change Our Brains
The Way Forward
Age is an Attitude
A Bucket List for Happiness
The Real Meaning of Failure
Ask Great Questions
Looking After Yourself
Stop Doing Lists
Overcoming Overwhelm
The Power of Acting As If
What Makes Relationships Work?
To Do, To Have or To Be
How to Buy Happiness
The Dangers of Helping People
The Law of Attraction
The Placebo Effect
Thinking Positively
Successful Performance
Fantasy is Reality
The Map is Not the Territory
Mind and Body are One System
Flexibility is the Key

You Cannot Not Communicate

Behaviour and Intention
No Failure, Only Feedback
The Power of Visualisation
Sending & Receiving Love
Henry Thoreau's Mornings
Do Affirmations Work?
Powerful Questions
The Most Important Story
Bucket List
Supporting Others
Happiness on Wheels
Christchurch Earthquake Reflections
Changing Jobs in the New Year
Happy New Year!

Non verbal communication takes many forms. Our gestures, the angle of our heads, the way we are standing, the angle of our mouths and the way we are breathing are all examples of how we use our body to communicate our thoughts and feelings. Doubt, incongruency and lies are often detected through non-verbal communication rather than spoken words too, showing just important non verbal communication is.

Knowing that you cannot not communicate, the question then becomes: What is it that you are communicating to the world? Does the way you stand and the way you walk communicate that you are confident and at ease, or nervous and worried? Does the way you listen to people show interest and complete engagement or that your mind and priorities are elsewhere? Do you display congruence with your words, or are you communicating uncertainty or doubt that shows you do not feel 100% happy with what you are saying?

Being aware of the whole communication package also gives us the power to respond to others in appropriate ways too. For example if we are talking to someone and even though nothing is said, sense that something is wrong, we can choose how we wish to respond to that. We can also use those non verbal cues to evaluate the effect we are having on other people – what conversations they most enjoy, what they react most positively to, and when we are talking about something they are not particularly interested in.

Being aware that communication involves a great deal more than just what people say is very powerful. It is important to be aware of how and what we are communicating to others and to be sensitive to the non verbal communication of the people around us. Doing so gives us the knowledge needed to evaluate whether we are happy with the messages we are sending to the world, as well as to adjust our responses to others.

Wealth of Mind

Wealth of Mind is here to offer you solutions. Whether you’re wanting one-on-one sessions to help you overcome problems or a way to increase your success, happiness or achievement in your personal life or career, Wealth of Mind is here to help. Wealth of Mind also offers workshops, courses and online training courses to give you multiple ways you can improve your life.

Online Training Courses >>

Latest Articles

Guidelines to make your christmas shopping a whole lot easier, good things sometimes come from unexpected places, how do you know you're doing a good job, where are your questions going, how can you reframe challenging situations in your life, you are capable of so much more than you think, is your imagination making it harder than it really is, maximise your resourcefulness in times of stress, what else could it mean, do you spend a lot of time beating yourself up, training & affiliations.

Robyn Woodham
BA(Hons) Psychology
NLP Master Practitioner
[email protected]
Sessions are held online, so you can relax in a private and comfortable space for your session. As Robyn is now in the UK, sessions are at times that are perfect for early birds, night owls and shift workers.

Website Design: evokea.co.nz

school Campus Bookshelves
menu_book Bookshelves
perm_media Learning Objects
login Login
how_to_reg Request Instructor Account
hub Instructor Commons
Download Page (PDF)
Download Full Book (PDF)
Periodic Table
Physics Constants
Scientific Calculator
Reference & Cite
Tools expand_more
Readability

selected template will load here

This action is not available.

5.3: The Roles of Nonverbal Communication in Interpersonal Communication

Last updated
Save as PDF
Page ID 136548

Functions of Nonverbal Communication

We engage in nonverbal communication throughout the entire day. It is part of everything we do and say. It’s important for us to understand how nonverbal communication affects our behavior, perception, interpretations, and understanding. In this section, we will take a look at some of the roles and functions of nonverbal communication in our daily lives.

Two women sitting across from each other at a table

Persistence of Nonverbal Communication

“You cannot not communicate.” Have you ever heard that expression? Nonverbal communication is always present. We are constantly communicating through our nonverbal communication. Even silence is a form of communication. Have you ever given someone the “silent treatment?” If so, you understand that by remaining silent, you are trying to convey some meaning, such as “You hurt me” or “I’m really upset with you.” When sitting alone in the library, working, your posture may be communicating something to others. If you need to focus and don’t want to invite communication, you may keep your head down and avoid eye contact.

We assign meanings to people’s nonverbal behaviors to interpret what they are really saying. For example, if you are having a conversation with your friend who just broke up with their significant other, your friend’s facial expression, way of standing, rate of speech, tone of voice, and general appearance will indicate to you how you should respond. If they are sobbing, you might try to comfort them. If, on the other hand, they smile and sound happy, you might respond by saying, “You seem relieved. Were things not going well?”

The successful use of nonverbal communication requires an awareness of the value of nonverbal communication and the belief that it is valuable. When you were a child, did an adult ever say to you something like “It wasn’t what you said, it was how you said it”? Or perhaps you tried to cover up having a bad day by saying “I had a terrific day at work,” but your roommate countered with “You said one thing with your words, but your facial expression and tone of voice tell me something different”?

Nonverbal Communication in Initiating Relationships

Nonverbal communication is often the very first way in which we initiate communication. We may make eye contact or connect through touch, scent, hand gestures, physical appearance, and other nonverbal cues. We often use nonverbal communication to relay to others an interest in continuing a conversation or leaving a conversation. For example, you may run into a colleague and strike up a conversation in the hall. The conversation is enjoyable. Your colleague may recognize that they need to get to a meeting and relates this information to you by looking at their watch, beginning to back away, or looking at the door they need to enter. We use nonverbal behaviors to begin, continue, and end our interpersonal interactions.

Nonverbal Communication and “Mixed Messages”

A particularly challenging aspect of nonverbal communication is the fact that it is ambiguous. In the 1970s, nonverbal communication as a topic was trendy. Some were under the impression that we could use nonverbal communication to “read others like a book.” For example, people claimed that crossed arms signaled to others that a person was closed off. It would be wonderful if crossing one’s arms signaled only one meaning, but think about the many meanings of crossing one’s arms. An individual may have crossed arms because the individual is cold, upset, sad, or angry. It is impossible to know unless a conversation is paired with nonverbal behavior.

Another great example of ambiguous nonverbal behavior is flirting! Consider some very stereotypical behavior of flirting (e.g., smiling, laughing, a light touch on the arm, or prolonged eye contact). Each of these behaviors signals interest to others. The question is whether an individual engaging in these behaviors is indicating romantic interest or a desire for platonic friendship. Have you ever walked away from a situation and explained a person’s behavior to another friend to determine whether you were being flirted with? If so, you have undoubtedly experienced the ambiguity of nonverbal communication. It is important to take time to observe before jumping to conclusions. We need to “tolerate ambiguity” and reflect on possible differences in our nonverbal communication due to culture. This idea leads us into our next key role of nonverbal communication, which is how nonverbal communication is influenced by culture.

Nonverbal Communication and Culture

Just as we have discussed that it is beneficial to recognize the value of nonverbal communication, we must also acknowledge that nonverbal communication is culturally based. Raymond Birdwhistell, an American anthropologist who is recognized for his study of kinesics, shared the following observation in his book Kinesics and Context: Essays on Body Motion Communication (1970):

A body can be bowed in grief, in humility, in laughter, or in readiness for aggression. A "smile" in one society portrays friendliness, in another embarrassment, and, in still another may contain a warning that, unless tension is reduced, hostility and attack will follow.

Successful interactions with individuals from other cultures are partially based on the ability to adapt to or understand the nonverbal behaviors associated with different cultures. There are two aspects to understanding that nonverbal communication is culturally based. The first aspect is recognizing that even if we do not know the appropriate nonverbal communication with someone from another culture, then we must at least acknowledge that we need to be flexible, not react immediately, and ask questions. The second aspect is recognizing that there are specific aspects of nonverbal communication that differ depending on the culture. When entering a new culture, we must learn the rules of the culture.

One of our authors shares this example:

I remember watching an American student at a gathering who, to some of my fellow instructors and me, was engaging in obvious flirting behavior with a student from Thailand. When I was driving some of my students back to the residence hall, I asked my student from Thailand how she felt because of all of the flirting behavior that she had received. She said that she had no idea that the American student had been flirting with her.

As you can see, culture certainly does play a critical role in the use and interpretation of nonverbal communication!

Nonverbal Communication and Trust

Communication scholars agree that the majority of meaning in any interaction is attributable to nonverbal communication. It isn’t necessarily true, but we are taught from a very early age that lack of eye contact is indicative of lying. We have learned through research that this “myth” is not necessarily true, although this myth does tell a story about how our culture views nonverbal communication. That view is simply that nonverbal communication is important and that it has meaning.

Another example of nonverbal communication being trusted may be related to a scenario many have experienced. You may have been asked to say, “I’m sorry” to someone. Someone might not have believed your sincerity and told you that “it wasn’t what you said, it was how you said it.”

So now that we have discussed the role and general characteristics of nonverbal communication, let’s jump into a discussion of the six functions on nonverbal communication in our everyday lives.

You Cannot Not Communicate Essay Example

Pages: 3 (700 words)
Published: December 22, 2017
Type: Essay

You Cannot NOT Communicate: Fact or Fiction? Complete this written assignment: Read the article below. Based on what you have learnt in topic 1, you need to answer the questions given in your own words, thoughts and research.

What do you think about Watzlawick’s idea? Did it seem reasonable or unreasonable to you at first? Why?
When and how do you communicate messages unintentionally? From the article about Watzawick’s Idea of One cannot not communicate, he believes of every behaviour send some message whether intentional or not, so all behaviour has communication value.

I personally think that it is reasonable. As human beings, how can one not communicate? If we are not communicating, we are not going to be able to convey our message and thought to one

another. Communicate happen every day in our live; we humans do it all the time, and most of the time we do it as a matter of course, without thinking about it. In our daily lives; we talk, we listen, we write, we read, we think - as you are doing now –all of this is to share and manage our thoughts to be known to one another.

Somehow people may think that communicate is just speaking and they may not know that behaviour or body language are also a kind of communication. As Nonverbal communication can be as an important to communicating messages as using words but not many peoples will think it this way. Clothing that you wear, your facial expression or even silent can be integrated or related to communicate. This is known as Nonverbal communication. What you are wearing and also your body movement can

be a way that you are communicating.

For example, people who want to communicate their social economic status may wear expensive watches and handbags to let others know that they are wealthy. In the workplace, the way people dress can communicate level of professionalism. Sometimes people unintentionally communicate messages by the way they dress. When you see a guy with piercing or tattoo, you may already assume negative traits about them. You should think about it, is there communication processes in it that make you think negatively on them, or it may just your intrapersonal communication. Intrapersonal communication may give strong support for Watzawick’s Idea.

Intrapersonal is a kind of solo communication. It means that you can actually communicate between yourself. For example; when you are angry about someone, you scold them or even curse them aloud in your heart. Or maybe what you think about yourself is also a kind of communication. Just as words can communicate certain information, when you remain silence can actually convey messages to other people. Silence is often used when you get angry and don’t wish to speak. By remaining silent during these tough times, you are communicating that you are so angry that you refuse to acknowledge the other person.

Silence can also communicate that someone is intentionally being uncooperative, defiant or distant. When communicating occurs, somehow it can be unintentionally. It often happens to me that I convey message unintentionally. As I get angry, I would shout or talk bad about others and may hurt their feeling. It happens that facial expression can communicates messages unintentionally. When I get bore of my friends nagging stories, my face will just went

expressionless and it give my friend a message to stop talking or maybe change subject to talk about. Even eye-contact can unintentionally communicate message to other.

Once I saw a really pretty girl in a club, my eye just can’t move away from her sight. It happens that my behaviour make the girl get angry and say that it is really rude of me staring at her. Because of this eye-contact, I now believe that every part of our body is actually a communication tool. In conclusion, I am in a full support on Watzlawick’s idea. I believe that no human beings living in this planet can never not communicate. Even animals need to communicate, so how can ones think that he can never communicate with peoples. Every day of our life, every movement that we show, we are communicating.

If there is hope, it lies in the proles Essay Example
Nummi And Gm Essay Example
Richard Cory - Analysis Essay Example
Analysis of "The Wreck of Time" by Annie Dillard Essay Example
Mental Process Paper Essay Example
Shifting Courses Essay Example
Niall Horan Essay Example
What Makes a Good Communicator Essay Example
I Shall Paint my Nails Red Essay Example
The Turning Point: John Updike’s A and P Essay Example
Placating, Blaming, and Leveling Essay Example
Advantages of Thinking Outside the Box Essay Example
The Large Ant Essay Example
Do Language Help Mould the Way We Think Essay Example
Elder's Guidance, Blessing or Curse Essay Example
Perseverance essays
Expressive essays
Character Traits essays
Apology essays
Compassion essays
Chief Executive Officer essays
Convenience Store essays
Firm essays
Training And Development essays
Unilever essays
Variable Cost essays
Virgin Group essays
Bargaining essays
Entity essays
Pest analysis essays
Child essays
Childcare essays
Child labor essays
Doll essays
Leadership and Management essays
Change Management essays
Project Management essays
Knowledge Management essays
Operations Management essays
Quality Management essays
Risk Management essays
Scientific Management essays
supply chain management essays
Performance Management essays
Time Management essays
Brand Management essays
Total Quality Management essays
Risk essays
Manager essays
Leadership essays
Business Ethics essays
Board Of Directors essays
Product Management essays
Comparative Analysis essays
Decision Making essays
Dispute Resolution essays
Stress Management essays
Business Management essays
Brand Equity essays
Branding essays
Nike, Inc. essays
Market share essays
Razor essays
Being A Leader essays
Servant Leadership essays

Haven't found what you were looking for?

Search for samples, answers to your questions and flashcards.

Enter your topic/question
Receive an explanation
Ask one question at a time
Enter a specific assignment topic
Aim at least 500 characters
a topic sentence that states the main or controlling idea
supporting sentences to explain and develop the point you’re making
evidence from your reading or an example from the subject area that supports your point
analysis of the implication/significance/impact of the evidence finished off with a critical conclusion you have drawn from the evidence.

Unfortunately copying the content is not possible

Tell us your email address and we’ll send this sample there..

By continuing, you agree to our Terms and Conditions .

BUS403: Negotiations and Conflict Management (2016.A.01)

Conflict and interpersonal communication.

Read this section to define interpersonal conflict, compare and contrast the five styles of interpersonal conflict management, explain how perception and culture influence interpersonal conflict, and list strategies for effectively managing conflict. For the time being, skip the "Culture and Conflict" section, which we will cover in Unit 6.

The avoiding style of conflict management often indicates a low concern for self and a low concern for other, and no direct communication about the conflict takes place. However, as we will discuss later, in some cultures that emphasize group harmony over individual interests, and even in some situations in the United States, avoiding a conflict can indicate a high level of concern for the other. In general, avoiding doesn't mean that there is no communication about the conflict. Remember, you cannot not communicate. Even when we try to avoid conflict, we may intentionally or unintentionally give our feelings away through our verbal and nonverbal communication. Rosa's sarcastic tone as she tells D'Shaun that he's "Soooo good with money!" and his subsequent eye roll both bring the conflict to the surface without specifically addressing it. The avoiding style is either passive or indirect, meaning there is little information exchange, which may make this strategy less effective than others. We may decide to avoid conflict for many different reasons, some of which are better than others. If you view the conflict as having little importance to you, it may be better to ignore it. If the person you're having conflict with will only be working in your office for a week, you may perceive a conflict to be temporary and choose to avoid it and hope that it will solve itself. If you are not emotionally invested in the conflict, you may be able to reframe your perspective and see the situation in a different way, therefore resolving the issue. In all these cases, avoiding doesn't really require an investment of time, emotion, or communication skill, so there is not much at stake to lose. Avoidance is not always an easy conflict management choice, because sometimes the person we have conflict with isn't a temp in our office or a weekend houseguest. While it may be easy to tolerate a problem when you're not personally invested in it or view it as temporary, when faced with a situation like Rosa and D'Shaun's, avoidance would just make the problem worse. For example, avoidance could first manifest as changing the subject, then progress from avoiding the issue to avoiding the person altogether, to even ending the relationship. Indirect strategies of hinting and joking also fall under the avoiding style. While these indirect avoidance strategies may lead to a buildup of frustration or even anger, they allow us to vent a little of our built-up steam and may make a conflict situation more bearable. When we hint, we drop clues that we hope our partner will find and piece together to see the problem and hopefully change, thereby solving the problem without any direct communication. In almost all the cases of hinting that I have experienced or heard about, the person dropping the hints overestimates their partner's detective abilities. For example, when Rosa leaves the bank statement on the kitchen table in hopes that D'Shaun will realize how much extra money he is giving Casey, D'Shaun may simply ignore it or even get irritated with Rosa for not putting the statement with all the other mail. We also overestimate our partner's ability to decode the jokes we make about a conflict situation. It is more likely that the receiver of the jokes will think you're genuinely trying to be funny or feel provoked or insulted than realize the conflict situation that you are referencing. So more frustration may develop when the hints and jokes are not decoded, which often leads to a more extreme form of hinting/joking: passive-aggressive behavior. Passive-aggressive behavior is a way of dealing with conflict in which one person indirectly communicates their negative thoughts or feelings through nonverbal behaviors, such as not completing a task. For example, Rosa may wait a few days to deposit money into the bank so D'Shaun can't withdraw it to give to Casey, or D'Shaun may cancel plans for a romantic dinner because he feels like Rosa is questioning his responsibility with money. Although passive-aggressive behavior can feel rewarding in the moment, it is one of the most unproductive ways to deal with conflict. These behaviors may create additional conflicts and may lead to a cycle of passive-aggressiveness in which the other partner begins to exhibit these behaviors as well, while never actually addressing the conflict that originated the behavior. In most avoidance situations, both parties lose. However, as noted above, avoidance can be the most appropriate strategy in some situations - for example, when the conflict is temporary, when the stakes are low or there is little personal investment, or when there is the potential for violence or retaliation.

The impossibility of not communicating

Published: 05 January 2017 , Jack Belfer

Communication is an everyday life process. Everything we do is brimming with content that can be either verbal or non-verbal. However, due to the fact that communication is constant and is usually humdrum, we often don’t stop and think about the implications, interactions, messages and the overall context of our exchange and the impact that has on others.

Most animals communicate through different and diverse means, these messages can be sent either by smell, sound or touch. This information is commonly about: danger, hierarchy, food or social interaction. What sets us apart from them is the sophistication and articulation of our language, as well as the nuances of its delivered. Many psychologists, philosophers, linguists and other theorists have studied this subject and constructed many theories to predict and explain it.

One of the most prominent theorists and researchers of communication was Paul Watzlawick with his work he developed “the five axioms of communications”. These propositions articulate the way humans interact and communicate with one other. Although these axioms describe the interaction in a family’s ecosystem, they have a direct correlation into the business environment. These ideas resemble the hierarchical structure where we have a 360 degree dynamic with leadership, peers and reporting roles.

But how exactly do these axioms relate to the way we communicate? If we explain and exemplify the first statements that are: One cannot communicate (Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson, 1967, p. 1). The first axiom shows that everything one does is a message: “Activity or inactivity, words or silence all have a messaging value: they influence others and these others, in turn, cannot respond to these communications and are thus themselves communicating”. This statement translates and connects to business environments too. By explaining our behaviour when we are dealing with clients, providers and work peers, if we decide (consciously or unconsciously) to avoid contact, respond or interact with them our non-verbal communications can give away our true feelings or intentions. To the untrained eye, this may be just a delay or an oversight in the process, however, if we keep on repeating this behaviour we are potentially losing the opportunity to demonstrate clarity in our work and risk losing their business.

The way businesses operate today has evolved. It may still be true that the end goals are profitability and sustainability, however, there is more than that in the equation. One example is evident with the distance of power, these have shifted from a vertical regimen to a more horizontal form, which represents one of the biggest transformations on the way we deal with others. Furthermore, modern generations (millennial and gen-Z) are pushing new boundaries with modified expectations that have created a different reality. Our new success measure relies on the strengths and continuity of our relationships.

We must not forget that regardless of the type of relationship we have, we must treat our counterparts like we wish to be treated. It is not a matter of being hyper-attentive in our interactions but an overall awareness of how they are perceived what I do. Therefore we need to have an awareness of our own non-verbal communication and the implications that come with them. This whole idea connects with a more complex and compelling narrative that helps integrate a better overall context and set the stage for building better and stronger lasting relationships.

Fundamentally we all communicate as we have described earlier, furthermore, we need to have a level of introjection (insight) to understand that the outcomes which we create with our own actions will have an impact in the world that we live in. We as architects, interiors and urban designers require raising our level of awareness to ‘listen’ to the verbal and non-verbal communication to find those ‘cues’ that will help us deliver better solutions and making better places. The intention of our design vision should be greater than our individual desire to transcend, we need to deliver transformational solutions to an ever-changing world that requires an inclusive, comprehensive and usable living spaces without sacrificing aesthetic value.

The old saying ‘it takes two to tango’ can be given an entirely new relevance to how we communicate in business, where one views this information through this new lens of “one cannot communicate”. Brings new light on the way we should deal with our interactions.

Did you enjoy this article?

Feature image for the article 'The impossibility of not communicating' by Jack Belfer

ANLP International CIC

The Association for NLP

Empowering NLP Professionals

You Cannot Not Communicate

An interesting phrase and one of the presuppositions of NLP, originally cited in Watzlawick, Beavin and Jackson's five axioms of human communication.

Every time we are in the presence of another human being, we are communicating because even saying nothing is a form of communication!

So the opportunities to make mistakes, be ambiguous and mis-communicate are quite high really! On reflection, I've been doing this a lot this week because I've noticed that a number of communications have not panned out as I expected!

The benefit of knowing something about NLP is that I can look back on communications that may not have gone according to plan and recognise the part I played in creating the mis-communication!

My learning (which I seem to have to relearn every week!) is the benefit of pausing, reflecting and asking myself questions when I don't get the response I was expecting:

How could I have communicated that more clearly?

What could I have said that may have provoked a different response?

What communication method may have been more effective than the one I chose?

What might be going on for the other person that I am not even aware of and that might have contributed to the response?

Thankfully, hindsight is a wonderful thing and life is one long learning experience!

Karen is CEO of both ANLP International CIC and the NLP International Conference Ltd, Editor of Rapport Magazine and author of The NLP Professional. She is qualified to NLP Trainer level and is a Professional Certified mBIT coach. Karen is also a founder member of the International NLP Research Committee, a Trustee of the NLP in Education Trust, a member of the NLP Press Editorial Board, a school Governor and winner of Hertfordshire Woman of the Year 2009.

NLP Presuppositions (9): You cannot not communicate

You don’t just communicate in words. All the time, our facial expressions, body language, posture, and voice tone are sending messages which people around us are interpreting, whether they are conscious of it or not. They use those interpretations to form guesses about how you’re feeling, what you are thinking, your intentions, and what you are likely to do next.

People can sometimes send very obvious messages by doing or saying nothing. Sometimes this is appropriate, sometimes not. If your team are looking to you for leadership in a time of crisis, and you stay in your office with the door closed, that’s sending a message. If someone makes a racist or sexist joke, and they are expecting you to laugh or at least smile, not doing that is sending another message. And if someone is trying to provoke you, and you don’t rise to it, that’s also sending a message.

The key is to be aware that whatever you do or don’t do, you’re always communicating, and the meaning of that communication depends as much on the context as on what you are saying or not saying.

A note on origins: “One cannot not communicate” is the first of the five ‘axioms of communication’ in “ Pragmatics of Human Communication ” by Paul Watzlawick, Janet Bavelas and Don Jackson (just re-released with an introduction by Bill O’Hanlon). A short, readable paper in Kybernetes: The International Journal of Systems & Cybernetics by Wolfram Lutterer proposes that all five of the axioms can be traced back to ideas put forward by Gregory Bateson and Jurgen Ruesch in their book Communication: The Social Matrix for Psychiatry – which happily has just come into the public domain and is available as a free download in various formats including Kindle.

Fiona Cooper

It never ceases to amaze me how many people seem to think that by not saying anything they are postponing communication, when by the very act of not communicating they are saying something very important. Never more is this evident than in the world of email….. no doubt, all busy people look through their emails and prioritise those which are important, many of us though, don't bother to even send an acknowledgement for the others…. what kind of message is that sending? F

Helen Moore

The company I previously worked at was a family run firm, who found it extremely difficult to communicate verbally without defensiveness and agression. However, they ‘spoke’ volumes when they didn’t verbalise as their body language was like an open book – the office staff were attuned to this which was reflected int he atmosphere on any given day. Interestingly, they couldn’t keep staff!

Login or Register

You need to login!

“One cannot not communicate”

“One cannot not communicate” is one of the axioms once put forward by Paul Watzlawick. Some might say there is too little communication between citizens and bureaucracies.

However, we believe the more accurate issue here is the lack of effective communication between them. The relationship between these groups, and especially the way they communicate, has never been known as one without complications. It’s a situation that often leads to states of frustration and alienation on both sides.

A close friend of the Festival, Daniela Hensel , has been researching and working on this topic. In collaboration with her colleague Johanna Götz and her students, she will launch a new research project on a “civic right to understandability”. You can learn more about Daniela’s previous work and her specific tips on how to improve your way of communicating – either as citizen or as public servant – by watching her German session from last year’s festival “Könn’se denn nicht lesen?” (“Can’t you just read yourself?”).

Want to stay up to date?

Reading Recommendation

NLP Presupposition #6: You cannot not communicate

Even doing nothing, not-communicating, is in itself, making a statement. It is simply not possible to not-communicate (so long as the other person knows that you have the option to, or not to communicate)

How often do we not-communicate, not-respond to texts or emails. Or answer direct questions with an indirect response? All of these times we believe we are not-communicating, we are communicating something.

Right now it is election time in the UK. Politicians are taking to the media to not-communicate things that they don’t want us to hear. All that happens is we read between the lines and hear the disingenuous mis-direction. We know they are not communicating something, so instead our minds makes up the story that we believe they might be telling us.

And that story – well it is going to depend on what we are “sorting for”. Whether we believe the politician is good or bad, and then our minds will make up whatever we think they are saying.

Tips to use this presupposition:

Notice how you are communicating, and how you are not communicating. In every action you take, you are “leaking” some form of communication. And yes, this applies even if you are totally alone – you are communicating with yourself (see: “Who’s talking to you”)