good jokes for a wedding speech

38 Funny Wedding Toasts That'll Leave Everyone in Tears

• Chapelle writes articles for The Knot Worldwide. She covers all things wedding-related and has a personal interest in covering celebrity engagements and fashion.
• Before joining The Knot Worldwide, Chapelle was an editorial intern for Subvrt Magazine.
• Chapelle has a degree in English writing from Loyola University New Orleans.

If you think you're the funniest person you know but can't put that humor on paper, you might be worried about writing your funny wedding toast. But don't let that blinking cursor on a blank page intimidate you. I've found tons of giggle-worthy inspiration from all my favorite books, movies and public figures to help add pizzazz to your wedding speech . Whether you start or end with one of these funny wedding toast quotes, these are the building blocks to a legendary, laugh-packed wedding reception, rehearsal dinner or engagement party moment.

In this article:

Funny Wedding Toasts

Funny wedding toast quotes.

All these funny wedding toast examples are perfect for people who weren't born with the right kind of funny bone. And if anyone asks you after the toast how'd you come up with something so hilarious, I suggest just laughing loudly and walking away briskly.

Funny, Short Wedding Toasts

Need something short and sweet for your wedding toast? Try one of these, which will be a sure hit during the reception.

1. "[Name of partner one] stole [Name of partner two]'s heart, so [Partner two] stole [Partner one's] last name. All in all, I would say that things worked out quite nicely, considering neither of them ended up in prison..." – Anonymous

2. "A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. That's unfortunate for these two!" – Anonymous

3. "Here's to you and here's to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here's to me, to hell with you." – Anonymous

4. "I would like to reintroduce the most important people here tonight. We know them, we love them and it's probably why we're all here…the bartenders." – Anonymous

5. "May your marriage be so solid it could last through being on a Bravo reality TV show." – Anonymous

Funny One-Liners for Wedding Toasts

A quick zinger, said in the middle of a serious or sentimental speech, will throw guests off in a good and hysterical way. Just remember to slow down and annunciate so no one misses it.

6. "Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park." – Anonymous

7. "May our children be blessed with rich parents!" – Anonymous

8. "Hello everyone. For those of you who don't know me, I'm [Name of newlywed one]'s and [Name of newlywed two]'s mistress." – Anonymous

9. "May the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out." – Anonymous

10. "I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always." – Anonymous

Funny Wedding Toast Closing Lines

Send guests off with something memorable at the end of your funny wedding toast. Be prepared for lots of high-fives and congratulatory pats on the back.

11. "May we never forget what's worth remembering or remember what's best forgotten." – Anonymous

Find your kind of venue

12. "I'm going to ask everyone to take their glasses–and for those who still can–stand and raise a glass to the newlyweds." – Anonymous

13. "[Name of newlywed one] and [Name of newlywed two], before I finish, I'd like you to turn to face each other. You're now looking into the eyes of the person who's statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!" – Anonymous

14. "I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are horrible." – Anonymous

15. "To our best friends, who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it." – Anonymous

16. "May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." – Anonymous

Here are some popular and unique funny wedding toast quotes from my favorite things and people. If you don't see anything below that you resonate with, use this as inspiration to find quotes from your beloved poems, movies, songs or people.

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes from Poems

Love poems come in heavy supply, so surprise guests with a funny wedding quote from one of these poets.

17. "To keep your marriage brimming / With love in the loving cup / Whenever you're wrong, admit it; / Whenever you're right, shut up." – "A Word to Husbands" by Ogden Nash (American poet)

18. "No teacher, preacher, parent, friend / Or wise man can decide / What's right for you—just listen to / The voice that speaks inside." – "The Voice" by Shel Silverstein (American poet and cartoonist)

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes from Movies

Snatch your favorite quote from a movie you love to personalize your funny wedding toast and allow guests a sense of familiarity.

19. "I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is." – Forrest Gump (1994)

20. "I love you. That's why I make you miserable." – Real Women Have Curves (2002)

21. "I love you even when you're sick and look disgusting." – Love Actually (2003)

22. "Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever." – Knocked Up (2007)

23. "Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love." – A Lot Like Love (2005)

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes from Songs

By quoting a song for your wedding toast, you get two choices for how it can be delivered. Ask the DJ to cue the song to play so you can sing along, which will garner laughs, or read it if singing isn't your strong suit.

24. "Can I be the man you're looking for? / Can I be your girl forever more? / I'll try real hard not to lose her / I'll try to be less of a loser" – "F*ck You," by Garfunkel & Oates

25. "I can make you angry, you can make me smile / We can make origami with the kids for a while / You turn me on to the idea of growing old" – "The Idea of Growing Old," by The Features

26. "Remember back when we had problems? Oh man, that was annoying! / But now our love has magically solved them / And there won't be any more in our future at all" – "We'll Never Have Problems Again," by Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast

27. "I'd buy you Rogaine / When you start losing all your hair / Sew on patches / To all you tear" – "The Way I Am," by Ingrid Michaelson

28. "Now when arrows don't penetrate, see (cupid grabs the pistol) / Uh, yeah, now, now lookie here / He shoots straight for your heart / Now, and he won't miss you" – "Happy Valentine's Day," by OutKast

29. "Here is the church and here is the steeple / We sure are cute for two ugly people / I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else / But you" – "Anyone Else But You," by The Moldy Peaches

30. "Here is a heart / I made it for you so take it / Battered and braised / Grilled and sauteed / Just how you like it" – "Here Is a Heart," by Jenny Owen Youngs

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes from Famous People

Sometimes celebrities can have wise words to provide the masses. Use one of these famous quotes for your funny wedding toast.

31 . "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." – Henny Youngman (British-American comedian)

32. "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." – Anne Bancroft (American actress)

33. "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." – Rita Rudner (American comedian)

34. "True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." – Mindy Kaling (American actress and comedian)

35. "Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." – Henry Kissinger (Former United States Secretary of State)

36. "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are." – Will Ferrell (American actor and comedian)

37. "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." – Charles M. Schulz (American cartoonist)

38. "If I didn't do this well, I just wouldn't have anything to do…I can't cook, and I'd be a terrible housewife." – Freddie Mercury (British singer and songwriter)

155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech

We welcome you to one of the funniest collections of wedding jokes. A great comedy culminates in marriage, and a happy marriage is full of comedy. ‎

If you’re the bride or groom, a best man or maid of honor, or merely a friend or family who can’t pass up the opportunity to express your heart and soul, the finest present you can offer to any wedding ceremony is a well-rehearsed marriage speech that is lighthearted, joyful, and cheerful. ‎

Leave the lame puns about bossy wives or disloyal husbands at the gate and focus your thoughts on the one type of humor that all wedding guests can enjoy: wedding jokes.

Below are some of the finest marriage jokes that are sure to make even Grandma’s giggle.

You May Also Be Interested In:

• romance jokes
• husband and wife jokes

Table of Contents

Best Wedding Jokes

So you’ve been invited to make a wedding toast. First and foremost, congratulations! It’s evident that you mean a lot to the couple, and that they trust you to speak on their behalf in front of all who has ever mattered to them.

But you are going to need some amazing marriage jokes to incorporate into your speech. Here are some of the best wedding jokes for you.

If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married. In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar. Since then, weddings have been held there. Times haven’t changed at all! Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.” They married for better or for worse. He couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse! When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I’ve known him for about 10 years, he’s handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic. Sorry, wrong wedding. Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other. Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it! All marriages are mixed marriages. Q: Why was that man twisting the wedding ring on his finger? A: He was trying to figure out the combination. There’s only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again? Arguing with your wife/husband is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end, you just give up and go ‘I agree.’ By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.  If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Funny Wedding Jokes

This list of funny wedding jokes has it all, from wedding jokes to share with a groom on his big day to delightfully accurate sayings about matrimony that all ladies will understand to the perfect marriage jokes for a wedding speech or toast. ‎

I’d noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother. “Things haven’t changed that much,” she said. “Only difference is, before, he didn’t listen. Now, he can’t.” Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that. Men are like buses. They have spare tires and smell funny. My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me. Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages. Need I say more Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?” Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.” Why can’t a vampire see his bride on the wedding day? Because an open casket ceremony costs more. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. The secret to having your husband come home from work on time? Tell him sex starts at 6 P.M. sharp—whether he’s there or not. At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets. Marriage is like a video game. Starts off easy, then gets harder, and eventually you go online and find a way to cheat. A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. The very next day he received hundreds of letters that all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’ Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific. If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.” Husband: “Why do you keep reading our marriage license?” Wife: “I’m looking for a loophole.” Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and no. My wife keeps telling everyone that she can read their minds, but she never can. She’s telepathetic. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Clever Wedding Jokes

Let us now go through some clever wedding jokes. While these lighthearted marriage quips and jokes may make a mockery of your marriage status, they are merely meant to be amusing—while also trying to make light of how difficult married life may be at times. ‎

It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either. What’s the difference between a prostitute and a wife? A wife accepts credit cards. Any husband who says, ‘My wife and I are completely equal partners’, is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. (Giving a wedding speech) “There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who finish what they start…” (walks off) What’s the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years, a job still sucks. Of course, the groom has always been incredibly image conscious, but this morning was particularly bad – he spent three hours in the bathroom! To get an idea of what that’s like, why not agree to make a wedding speech? Why did Comic Sans break up with Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type. My husband cooks for me like I’m a god—by placing burnt offerings before me every night. Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch all I wanna know is what I did wrong. The Groom has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, on his behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming… Husband: “Just once I wish you’d admit I’m right! Wife: “Just once, I wish you’d admit you’re wrong! Husband: “Fine! I’m wrong!” Wife: “Finally, something you’re right about!” The groom is a very talented man. Very talented indeed … He’s a gifted inventor, a shrewd businessman, a deep thinker and a noted connoisseur of the arts. He’s so talented he can fake all of that. Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just didn’t have that spark.

One Liner Wedding Jokes

It never hurts to start your wedding speech with some of the one liner wedding jokes, whether you’re the best man, maid of honor, or master of ceremonies. Select from our best-ever wedding jokes one-liners to thrash the happy couple before toasting them! ‎

May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin? As Bill and Ted once said: ‘Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.’ My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment. Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash. Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener. A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. It’s true that all men are born free and equal – but some of them get married. A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Marriage is something that puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under a man’s eyes. They’ve been together for so many years, instead of the Wedding March the organist should have played the Hallelujah Chorus! Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web. If at first you don’t succeed…try doing it the way your wife told you. The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.

Short Wedding Jokes

The most essential thing to remember about marriage speeches is that the finest ones are both sincere and humorous—and, most significantly, they last less than five minutes. So make use of these short wedding jokes in your speech.

May your children be blessed with rich parents. A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job. What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. My wife says I’m too competitive. I told her I already knew that. If I could just say a few words, I’d be a better public speaker! Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence…a life sentence! Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade! My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9. May the most you wish for be the least you get. Just listen up while I tell you about this couple, and I’ll make it seem like the shortest 45 minutes of your life Wife renewed me for another season. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent. Marriage is like deleting all the apps on your phone except one. A wise man once said, “I don’t know… ask my wife.” Girlfriend: “Honey, will you give me a ring on our wedding day?” Boyfriend: “Sure, what’s your number?” May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom. Why doesn’t our society let a man marry two wives? Because our laws protect us from cruel and unusual punishment.

Clean Wedding Jokes

To help you chuckle, we’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite clean wedding jokes below. Feel free to steal freely and mix and match these jokes as required to make your speech truly sparkle! ‎

May your household multiply, and may your hearts never be divided. Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to Ikea on a Saturday with an empty stomach is not. This couple was married for 67 years. I asked them that if, in all those years, had they ever thought of divorce. “Heavens no,” she replied. “Murder, yes. But never divorce.” Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors and don’t work half the time! To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job. He still ends up with the same boss. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. If your husband tells you you’re being too dramatic, don’t forget to bow when you thank him. For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!” Stewardess: “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, but we left your wife behind in London.” Mr. Smith: “Thank goodness! I thought I was going deaf!” Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come! Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you. Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?” Every man and woman should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. I’d now like to focus on the groom for a moment. Enjoy it, mate. After today, this is the last time you’ll ever be the center of attention. Just asked my wife what she’s “burning up for dinner” and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings. You’ll know you’ve mastered marriage when you ask your spouse to hand you ‘that thingy’ over there and they know exactly what you mean. The groom is the kind of guy you don’t have to worry about introducing your parents to. That’s why (Bride) didn’t worry about introducing (Groom) to hers until today.

Dirty Wedding Jokes

No need to fret if you aren’t the most comic person in the world; here are some dirty wedding jokes that may be used in the best man or chief maid of honor speech. ‎

As I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient, I warned her, “After this, you can’t have sex for at least three days.” “Did you hear that?” she asked her husband. “No sex for three days.” “I heard,” he said. “But she was speaking to you.” How is a wife like bacon? They both look, smell, and taste amazing. They also both slowly kill you. Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next!” How is a wife like a freezer? It takes hours of defrosting to get either really wet. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her. What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Find a woman who can cook and clean. A woman who’s an animal in bed. A woman with lots of money. Make sure these three women never meet. Wife: “I love you.” Husband: “Is that you or the wine talking?” Wife: “It’s me. Talking to the wine.” What does every heterosexual man realize ten years into marriage? Why “gay” also means happy. What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be? A bride-to-be wants a shower. A groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day. How does a man really satisfy his wife in bed? By sleeping on the sofa.

Wedding Jokes for MC

While random jokes are fun, making your wedding toasts personalized or even presenting wedding jokes for MC you know from the couple being married is usually a smart idea. Here are a few of them for you. ‎

Marriage is becoming more and more progressive. I hear two scoutmasters decided to tie the knot. You can end your toast by saying: “Bob, take Susie’s hand and place your hand over her’s. Now, remember and cherish this very moment… because this is the last time you are ever going to have the upper hand!” This couple was married for 67 years. The husband/wife was asked if in all those years had they ever thought of divorce. “Heavens no,” he/she replied. “Murder, yes. But never divorce.” Self Defence They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Grooms, once you marry, please remember that whenever you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember these two last words: “Yes dear” My wife says I never listen, or something like that. Marriage Is an Institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Two cannon balls got married this morning. I hear they’re already expecting BBs. 10 Years When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.  But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Did you hear about the bald man who married his comb? He promised, “I’ll never part with it!” Incomplete Man A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing. Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.

Wedding Jokes for Speech

While you’ll want to go deeply into your own recollections and sentiments for the pair for the poignant portions, zingers aren’t always easy to come by. You are going to need some wedding jokes for speech. Here are some wedding speech jokes that you may find amusing.

What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding! It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers. Ladies and Gentlemen: you are all about to witness a unique event in history. The very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, you’re either me (because I am) or you just married (groom’s name). Here’s to you and here’s to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here’s to me, and to hell with you. IN LOVING MEMORY… Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments of silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns, 200 chickens, countless carnations, delphiniums, lilies and roses who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible. Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history – it’s the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!” For newly married couples, there is a progression of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering! Let’s raise our glasses to the two secrets of a long-lasting marriage: a good sense of humor, and a short memory. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are “I apologize” and “You are right.” I’m not a yes man to my wife – when she says no, I say no. It’s not so much who wears the pants, but how much money is in the pockets. May you never lie, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. And if you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds! We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall. She (the bride) loves the finer things in life. I overheard her when the minister was going through the vows – she said “What’s all this garbage about for richer or for poorer?” Now, let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple. I actually like both of you—do you have any idea how rare that is? Two florists recently got married. It was an arranged marriage. We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone, whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love. They married for better or for worse – He couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse! Darling, tonight you will sink into my arms and tomorrow your arms will be in my sink. Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

Wedding Jokes for Best Man

One of the finest methods to deliver a wedding speech is to tell jokes and stories. If you have the honor of giving a speech, you can add some fun and spice to it with best man speech jokes. The more witty your wedding speech, the more memorable it will be. So here are some best man jokes for you.

Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers! The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it. Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called up for jury duty. Overheard at my garden-club meeting: “I never knew what compost was until I met my husband.” I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. A happy marriage is a matter of give and take. The husband gives and the wife takes. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Final Thoughts on Wedding Jokes

Getting married is a super important, but it’s also a moment to have fun and laugh at the absurdity of it all. It’s called an “establishment” for a reason, after all.

If you’re sick of hearing about love and marriage, you’ll appreciate the funniest wedding jokes we’ve shared with you. ‎ Getting married is exciting, but it’s also likely the biggest party you’ll ever throw.

Weddings are lovely, but they wouldn’t be possible without a little elbow grease, hard labor, and one or two catastrophes. So, if you’re getting married soon, these marriage jokes will undoubtedly help you de-stress. ‎

Wedding jokes are simply smart and amusing statements about marriage and relationships. There should be some genuineness in what you say, especially when offering advice, congratulations, and good wishes to the newlyweds.

In any event, including these wedding speech jokes is a terrific approach to engage the audience and make this portion of the ceremony unforgettable.

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The 50 Best Jokes For Your Best Man Speech

As the best man, you’re tasked with giving the toast—maybe the most famous one of the evening. For the big speech, it’s important to have some jokes scattered throughout. The couple gets to be sentimental. Her father gets to be sad and nostalgic. You need to bring the funny like it’s showtime at the Apollo. That’s no easy task, either. Luckily, there are dozens of jokes that have already been written that you can plug your buddy’s name into and carry on. We compiled some of our favorites for you here. Good luck!

Good evening everyone. I’m so happy to preside over the only five minutes that the bride didn’t plan. Of course, I’m only kidding. We went over the speech 40 minutes ago in the hall.

It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.

We’ve reached the moment in the evening where we get to watch the groom figet and worry in anticipation. Yes, everyone, I’ve been asked by the staff to give him the bill.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I just want to apologize for not being an experienced public speaker. I’m probably going to spend most of the time looking at this piece of paper in my hands. Oh, it’s not my notes – it’s a picture of the triple Jameson I’m going to down as soon as this is over.

I just heard there was a lucrative pool on the length of the Best Man’s speech. I put my money on 40 minutes, so settle in…

Before I begin my speech, there’s just one order of business I’ve been asked to take care of. *Hold up pair of trousers with padlock on them* These are Jack’s Chastity Pants. I know he’s given keys out to various ladies over the years, but since he is now a married man, he’d like to get those copies back, so Jill is the only one with access. *Wait for the keys you strategically handed out to wedding guests to be brought up*

My name is Peter and I am the Best Man. Many of you would beg to differ, but shut up – I know your secrets.

Just a couple of rules before we begin. If you have a mobile phone – leave it switched on, entertain yourselves. And if anyone texts you any good jokes, kindly pass them up to the front.”

I’ve been told I won’t get away with a few thank yous and a quick toast. Apparently, as Best Man, I’m supposed to sing the Groom’s praises and talk about his good qualities. Unfortunately, I can’t sing and I won’t lie.

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt.  Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen – Before I came here today one of my good friends gave me some advice on giving this speech. He said think of it like walking through a nudist camp, it’s only hard for the first minute.

Now he’s getting a bit older he’s turning his attention more and more to gadgets, constantly buying stuff from ebay, amazon and I want one of those dot com. I swear he didn’t have an interest in women until he overheard someone say the secret to women was knowing what buttons to press.

I read somewhere the perfect best man speech should last as long as it takes for the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen, please raise a glass to the happy couple!

Sally is a bright, charming, wonderful woman, who deserves a good husband. It’s such a shame Harry swooped in before she could find one.

I think the main reason we’ve lasted as friends all these years is because you’re geographically convenient…and you had a trampoline.

Jack is the kindest friend anyone could ask for; a man whose philanthropy knows no bounds. ‘Generosity’ should be his middle name. He would do anything for me; like helping write a section of the best man speech because you forgot about it until late last night at the bar!

Jack was in a pub when he proposed. No, really, it was actually very romantic – he got up on one knee.

It’s strange to be giving a speech like this one, because my parents always told me that if I had nothing good to say about someone, I should just be quiet.

Seeing the happy couple walking down the aisle earlier today, I’m sure we all agree that the bride looked simply stunning. The groom, on the other hand, simply looked stunned.

So I’m the best man, although I think I was picked by default since the groom doesn’t really have any other friends.

I can only say in my defense that Mike and I share a common sense of humor so if this speech is in anyway unfunny please “Feel Free to Blame Mike.”

I’d also like to congratulate Keith on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.

John did tell me that the vicar was firmly against sex before marriage. However, Jane did assure him it would only take a couple of minutes.

Rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, I’ve promised Dan and Anne that if there is anything slightly risqué, I’ll whip it out immediately …”

Although Ria did actually tell me Paul has always brightened up her life. Well, she actually said he never turned the lights off but it amounts to the same thing pretty much.

I’ll try to keep my speech short, because every extra minute I speak is an extra minute’s delay in witnessing how the Groom’s dance lessons worked out.

I do have to say though how lucky you are Dave, you’re leaving with a beautiful wife whom you love. And you, Miranda, you get to go home with such a nice new dress and beautiful bouquet of flowers, it’s great.

Jill, you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise you I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here.

Being asked to be the best man is about five minutes of glowing pride, followed by an eternity of panic and misery. Linda, I expect you had a similar experience when Paul asked you to be his wife.

I spoke to both Sally and Paul before the Wedding and I asked Paul what he was looking for in Marriage – he said “Love, happiness and a long life together.” When I asked Sally the same question – she replied – A coffee percolator!

Speaking of Jane, I would like to say how beautiful she looks today in that fantastic dress …Dan likes it too, as he told me in the church it will blend in just nicely well with the rest of the kitchen.

Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions!”

When I saw Linda heading up the aisle with her father, I thought “At last she’s seen sense, and got herself a man with looks and money.”

Before proposing, Paul went to ask Linda’s father for her hand in marriage. He said that it was fine by him, providing Paul took the hand that had spent 20 years fishing into his wallet!

I recognize my place here; being best man at a wedding is like being the dead body at a funeral. You’re expected to be there, but if you say too much people start freaking out.

If you can’t hear me in the back, let the silence in the front assure you that you’re not really missing out on anything.

A Best Man is like a dog. You love him, care about him, and he’s only thrown up and ruined your upholstery twice.

I would like to start by saying what a pleasure it is to be Best Man at Jack and Jill’s wedding. Jack made me compete for this honor today, but I was able to beat Mark the Bartender over there in rock-paper-scissors, so here I am!

I found the speech length really difficult to settle on. At one point, it ran to almost 70 minutes, so I cut it down to a five-minute speech but I just felt like too many important things were being left out. So I came to a compromise – I’m going to read the five-minute speech. Then straight afterwards, I’ll do 70-minute one and you guys can tell me which speech I should use.

What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings and is now rising to the top of his industry based solely on his intelligence, grit and willpower? A man whose charisma knows no bounds and who has already distinguished himself amongst his peers? Because I’m trying to write my Tinder profile and I’m having trouble summarizing myself.

When I sat down to write this speech I Googled “perfect best man speech”, but you had to pay to read the examples and I didn’t think it was worth it, so I’m gonna wing it.

I admit, I’m extremely nervous right now. As the people sitting near to me at the table can testify, it really is possible to smell fear.”

I must admit, I’m not used to speaking in public. Until now I thought a toastmaster was a kitchen appliance.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

You know, it’s been said that being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to Camilla Parker Bowles.. It’s a great honor but you don’t really want to do it!

I’ve been anxious about giving this speech for a while now. Fortunately last night I slept like a baby. Waking up every two hours and bawling my eyes out. Ten minutes ago, I had to ask a complete stranger to burp me.

Dave was telling me that the amazing meal this evening was charged on a cost-per-head basis, so, on the bride and groom’s behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…

What’s the difference between in-laws and out-laws? Outlaws are wanted.”

Leading up to today John and Jane were having an issue with the seating plan. Who would sit comfortably in here & who would have to get up and stand during the speeches so we decided to use wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there. So hopefully you can hear me at the back when I say on behalf of Jane and John thank‐you very much for the teaspoons.

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30 Funny Opening Lines for Wedding Speeches

Handy one-liners to make the guests lol.

If you've read our post on how to make a great best man speech , you'll know that we recommend starting with a joke, and here, we're sharing 30 foolproof examples! The beauty of this list is that it works for any wedding speech, whether you're a groom, bride, best man, bridesmaid, groomsman, bridesman, groomsmaid, father of the bride, father of the groom, mother of the bride, mother of the groom, granny or grandad, or just a close pal with a knack for public speaking! Boasting everything from eye roll-worthy classics to offbeat gags, our round-up of funny opening lines for wedding speeches is sure to have something to suit your personal style, and many of them can be customised to pack an even bigger punch on the day. Kick off with one of these gems, and you'll not only put the audience at ease, you'll set yourself up for a terrific wedding speech!

25 Funny Opening Lines for Wedding Speeches

Note: [Name] can indicate yourself, the bride/groom, the couple as a whole, or another member of the bridal party!

1. “Gosh, what an emotional day it’s been. Even the cake is in tiers!”

2. “Hi everyone! I’m [Name] and it’s time for me to give the speech I frantically scribbled down 15 minutes ago!”

3. "The couple have requested that I don't share any embarrassing stories... so that's it from me! Thanks for listening!"

4. "[Name], I love you so much, and I really hope you'll feel the same about me after you hear my speech."

5. "I just want to start by congratulating [previous speaker's Name] on their wonderful speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow and I was right, I couldn't follow a word of it."

6. "The couple actually had a bit of trouble finding someone to make a speech today. They started by asking their funniest friend, and they said no. Then they asked their most charming friend, and they said no. After that, they asked their best-looking friend and, again, they said no. Then they asked me, and, after already turning them down three times, I couldn't refuse again."

7. "Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history - it's the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!"

8. "[Name] and I share the same sense of humour, so if you don't like my jokes, you can blame them!"

9. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate something truly magical. Something so rare and fortuitous and wonderful that it simply must be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the open bar/donut wall/photo booth/[Name] wearing a tie ."

10. "Where do I start with [Name]? They're kind, intelligent, gorgeous, charming... [directed at them] sorry, I'm having trouble reading your writing, you'll have to tell me the rest later."

11. "I think we can all agree that it's been a fantastic day. But unfortunately that ends right here with my speech."

12. "Loyal. Kind. Honest. Generous... That's enough about me, I'm here to talk about [Name]!"

13. "I'd like to begin my speech by giving the happy couple some relationship advice, but unfortunately I'm single and spend most of my time trying to coax my cat into little outfits/browsing Doctor Who fan sites/playing Rock Paper Scissors with Alexa."

14. "A few months ago, [Name] called me up and asked, 'What are your feelings on marriage?' I had to tell them that, while I was very flattered, I wasn't ready to settle down just yet."

15. "Can everyone hear me OK? If you can't hear me in the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you're not missing anything."

16. "Hello everyone! I'm [Name]. I'm sure you all know me as (Name's best friend/sister/mum/dad), but if you don't, well done on sneaking into the wedding unnoticed!"

17. "Before I begin, I must explain that, this morning, [Name] asked me to remove anything resembling innuendo from my speech. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to go through it again, but if I come across anything risqué, I'll whip it out immediately."

18. "[Name] knows that I'm a bit nervous about this speech, and they gave me some great advice. They said 'Don't try to be too charming, witty or intellectual... just be yourself!'"

19. "All of us gathered together in this room, we've got something really important in common - none of us have got a clue what I'm going to say next!"

20. "I was told that the secret to a good speech is to start with something that's relevant to everyone in the audience. So here it goes - all of your cars have been stolen."

21. "I want to start by saying that, of all the weddings I've attended over the years, this one is, by far, the most recent."

22. "I'd like to start by congratulating [Name] on their excellent taste... in speakers."

23. "Before we start, can everybody do me a favour and get up off their seats? Now can everyone take one step backward, please? Now can everyone move one step to the right? And now can everyone move one step left? Thank you. Someone told me that the key to giving a good speech was to move people, but I think they must have been having me on, because this is going terribly!"

24. "I'm so happy to be overseeing the only five minutes of today that [bride or groom's Name] didn't plan. Only joking, they went over my speech with me at the bar half an hour ago. [Pulls extra page out of pocket] But I did manage to hide one page!"

25. Guys, before I start, just some housekeeping notes, the venue has asked that you don't stand on any of the chairs and tables for my standing ovation."

26 . I sincerely hope that each day of [Insert names] marriage is better than the the one before, the only thing is that also means they'll look back on today, their wedding day, and say that it was the worst day of their lives.

27. I’ve been worried about giving this speech for a while now. You'll be glad to hear, that last night I slept like a baby. I woke up every two hours, bawling my eyes out.

28. Please keep clapping and cheering to a minimum. I’m terribly hungover. I know, you shouldn’t drink the night before a wedding, but I couldn’t very well let the groom/bride drink alone, could I?

29. Just some last messages here to read out: one from [NAME’S] football team for [PARTNER] " Apologies we couldn’t all be there today, good luck with [NAME], we found him/her to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight ."

30. Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments of silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns, 250 chickens, and the many, many carnations, roses and wedding coordinators who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible.

Found your opening line for your wedding speech? We also have a handy checklist of people you need to remember to thank !

Image credits

Marc lawson photography, via one fab day, see more in:.

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10 Classic Wedding Speech Jokes that Work Again & Again

Love them or hate them, jokes are at the heart of any good wedding speech. And whether you’re the master of ceremonies, the groom, best man, maid of honor, or father of the bride, it never hurts to kick off your wedding toast with a knee-slapper.

Of course, since no one is expecting you to become a professional stand-up comedian overnight, it’s okay to turn to some tried-and-true wedding speech jokes. So here are some of the best-ever wedding jokes to roast the newlyweds before you toast them!

Want to make everyone in the room laugh during your speech? Check out these 10 classic wedding speech jokes that work again & again & again.

#10: Leave ‘Em Wanting More

Leave it to our longtime friends to kick up the laugh factor at the wedding by subtly mentioning our cringiest, most embarrassing, and possibly drunkest moments without actually revealing the whole story to the entire reception. This quote perfectly encapsulates the “always leave ’em wanting more” approach to toast-giving!

“May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.”

#9: A Little Dig Won’t Hurt

Here’s a light-hearted wedding speech joke that will inspire laughs but won’t hurt any feelings.

“I just want to start by congratulating (previous speech giver’s Name) on their wonderful speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow—and I was right; I couldn’t follow a word of it.”

#8: No Interruptions

When it’s the groom’s turn to deliver his speech, things can sometimes get dicey. But here is an excellent example of humor that most can relate to.

“I’ve been told that this is usually one of the only times in a man’s life when he can be around his wife and mother-in-law and not be interrupted—so hang in there, I’m going to take full advantage.”

#7: A Little Cliché Can Go a Long Way

Playing with the cliché of wedding speeches is always good to get the guests giggling—and no one can achieve this level of snark and still come off charming like a bestie!

“[Partner one] stole [Partner two’s] heart, so [Partner two] stole [Partner one’s] last name. All in all, I would say that things worked out quite nicely, considering neither of them ended up in prison.”

#6: A Great Father or Mother Joke

This is a great quote, isn’t it? It’s a lovely joke from a parent who spent at least 18 years irritated by the bride or groom before passing the torch to their future in-law.

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

• Rita Rudner

#5: A Husband Jab

We have to say, husband jabs delivered by wives are always crowd-pleasers (sorry, guys), but of course, this wedding speech joke could be re-gendered to work for any couple. And it can be customized by replacing the word “old” to make more sense for the couple (bad with technology would be one potential substitute!).

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”

• Anne Bancroft

#4: Sound Advice from the Parents

There’s no one better to give good marriage advice than the happy couple’s parents. This famous saying will undoubtedly bring a smile to your face, but it also contains some smart advice to live by as your marriage progresses—in short, always remember that you’re on the same team.

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”

• Henry Kissinger

Should Guests Buy A Gift For A Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony?

#3: know who they really are (a good intro for a bride or groom speech).

This hilarious quote from comedian Will Ferrell would work great in a speech from the groom or bride. When you want to really get to know someone, seeing how they react to problems, struggles, delays, and technology problems can really make them show their true colors.

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”

• Will Ferrell

#2: Support the Family

This is a great joke that the groom can include in his wedding day speech. It’s light-hearted and simple, and everyone can relate!

“When I asked [partner’s] father if I could marry his daughter/son, he immediately wanted to know if I would be able to support a family. The answer was no. I was only planning to support his daughter/son. The rest of them would have to look after themselves.”

#1: A Cheeky Wedding Toast (Sure to Have Them Rolling!)

OK, so not many can get away with making a murder joke during a wedding toast (probably not a good idea for the mother of the bride). But your cheeky best man, sassy maid of honor, or part-time-wannabe-comedian best friend in the bridal party could totally pull it off. And, hey, stats are stats!

“[Newlywed 1] and [Newlywed 2], before I finish, I’d like you to turn to face each other. You’re now looking into the eyes of the person who is statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!”

It’s an honor to speak at a wedding, but don’t be afraid to include jokes. Laughter sets the soul on fire. The best gift you can bring to any wedding is a well-rehearsed speech that is fun, light, and hopeful.

Want to try your hand at writing your own jokes instead? See the anatomy of a good wedding joke here .

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15 Wedding Jokes To Make Your Speech The Toast Of The Evening!

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Being a Best Man or maid-of-honour is such a privilege. But with such privilege comes a lot of responsibility and stress to make sure your loved ones most special day go off without a hitch. Pun intended. But your job is not done once the vows are said and the rings are on the bride and grooms fingers, oh no. You still have to give a speech in front of potentially hundreds of people. We’ll don’t stress, we have compiled a list fo 20 zingers that will have everyone in stitches.

15 Wedding Jokes for Speeches

In this article, we’ve broken down our list of hilarious wedding jokes into the following three categories:

• Jokes For The Best Man
• Jokes For The Maid-of-honour

General Wedding Jokes

Wedding jokes for the best man.

As the best man, you are expected to take the micky out of the groom, just a little bit. Here are 5 ideas to get some laughs.

Lastly, he decided to call up his most intelligent friend. Finally, I told him “This is the third time you have called me! If you stop calling I’ll be your best man”.”

• “There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Good luck to the bride!”

“Wait, I’m sorry, *insert grooms name* I can’t read your writing”

• “I did some research online about best man speeches and it said that you should make your best man speech mainly about the groom. So like *the groom* this speech is going to be short and disappointing.”
• “I spoke with the groom’s parents earlier and they told me to cut some inappropriate stories out, so nothing about ex’s… (drop an index card)…. alcohol… (drop another index card) …. the police…. (drop another index card)…”

Wedding Jokes For The Maid-of-Honor

Maid-of-honor speeches are often very sentimental. But there is no reason why you can’t sneak some cute and funny jokes in there as well.

• “I have known *insert the brides name* since highschool. So you could pretty much call us high school sweethearts.”
• “*Insert brides name*, please put your hand on the table next to your husband. *Insert grooms name*, place your hand on top of hers. Now that you are married, this will be the last time that you will have the upper hand, *insert grooms name*.”
• “I’d like to give you and the groom relationship advice, but what do I know? I’m single and have a cat.”
• *Insert grooms name*, now that you are married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always get the last two words in: “Yes, dear”
• “All those among you who know the Bride will know that she is a wonderful and caring person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God *insert grooms name* married her before she found one.”

If you are looking for some jokes that be used as the MC, Maid-of-honour or, the Best Man, here are 5 jokes that you can use to get an extra couple of laughs.

• “I’d like everyone to stand for a toast. There are some really important people whom I’m sure you will all meet throughout the evening. Without them, none of this would be possible. Everyone, raise a glass for the bartenders!”

When writing the speech, make sure to include some personal stories about the couples, share some fun moments you had together and let them know how much they mean to you. While it’s great to get a laugh, what is most important is to make sure the bride and groom know how much they mean to you.

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Find a local wedding supplier, wedding jokes for any speech.

Modern Wedding Posted: January 21, 2020

Looking to incorporate some humour into your speech? Try adding in some of these wedding jokes!

Via Red On Blonde

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Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? A: He’s trying to figure out the combination.

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Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin?  —Monica Hesse, writer

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For newly married couples, there is a progression of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering!

The Diagnosis...

A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?” “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.” The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

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Always Right...

I married Miss Right.  I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Faults And All...

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Pants Man...

I'm not a yes man to my wife - when she says no, I say no. It's not so much who wears the pants, but how much money is in the pockets.

The Wedding Night...

Did you hear about the newlyweds who stayed up all night waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

It was the first night of the newly weds in their bridal suite and the young husband was staring out the window very intently into the starry night while his young bride was sitting patiently in bed waiting.

"Aren't you coming to bed darling?" she said sexily.

"Not on your life!" he replied. "My mother said this would be the most wonderful night of my life and I'm not going to miss it for anything!"

Laundry Day...

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

Hallelujah!...

They've been together for so many years, instead of the Wedding March the organist should have played the Hallelujah Chorus!

The Finer Things...

She (the bride) loves the finer things in life. I overheard her when the minister was going through the vows - she said "What's all this garbage about for richer or for poorer?"

The Kid Future...

It would be wonderful someday to see ______ (bride) and ______ (groom) have children. I think people who never have children just don't understand what they're missing. They'll never know the thrill of coming home after a hard day of work to see their children stuffing spaghetti up their noses.

Facebook Knowledge...

Children are essential in modern-day life - without them, how the hell would you upload anything to Facebook.

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Two florists recently got married. It was an arranged marriage.

Super Stunned...

The bride looks absolutely stunning, the groom looks absolutely stunned!

For Better Or Worse...

They married for better or for worse - He couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse!

Darling, tonight you will sink into my arms and tomorrow your arms will be in my sink.

Aisle, Alter, Hymn...

Before her wedding, a young bride got more and more nervous about the wedding ceremony so she went to see the minister. He reassured her by pointing out that the ceremony was quite simple.

'You enter the church and walk up the AISLE.

The groom will be waiting for you at the ALTAR.

Everyone will then sing a HYMN to start the ceremony' said the minister. Just remember the order and everything will be fine.

On their wedding day, the bride remembered the order and arrived alongside the groom muttering to herself, AISLE, ALTAR, HYMN, AISLE ALTER, HYMN - or as the groom thought he heard "I'll alter him!"

Two Spiders...

Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.

So Much Trust...

Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history - it's the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!"

The Natural Elements...

Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

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I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

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Football Fever...

I identify with football players because I know what it’s like to spend your whole life training for a large, jewel-encrusted ring.

So Unprepared...

Hi everyone! I’m (Name) and it’s time for me to give the speech I frantically scribbled down 15 minutes ago!

Terms And Conditions...

Arguing with the wife/husband is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up and go 'I agree.'

In Loving Memory...

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The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are “I apologize” and “You are right.”

So you've nailed the wedding jokes! Do you now need some tips on how to write the perfect wedding speech? Check them out  here !

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The Anatomy of a Good Wedding Speech Joke: Here’s How to Make It Funny

Someone dear to your heart is getting married soon, and you’ve been asked to give a speech on their wedding day. We know that can be terrifying if you’re not used to public speaking—just finding the right words can be a struggle, let alone actually saying them. So you might be feeling a bit nervous about how to craft the perfect wedding speech .

Those of you with a strong sense of humor may be considering a few jokes for your wedding speech. Wedding speech jokes can help create an unforgettable, enjoyable toast, but you have to be careful not to offend .

That said, here are some tips on how to make your wedding speech funny—in the right way. Read this, and you’ll be delivering your wedding speech like a pro in no time.

Our Top 12 Tips for a Good Wedding Speech Joke

When it comes to a wedding speech, it is vital that you are yourself. You don’t have to imitate Dave Chappelle or Adam Sandler—in fact, that would probably be kind of awkward. Instead, give yourself permission to be you . Doing so will help make you feel relaxed and comfortable during the speech. It might even help you have some fun.

Be Prepared

Sure, you could just get up and wing it, throwing any jokes you can come up with on the fly at the guests. But we’re sure you’ll agree that that could turn disastrous pretty quickly. So we suggest preparing for your speech, and here are a few ways to do it.

Your preparation should include:

• Do research: One great way to prepare yourself for delivering a funny wedding speech is to ask family and friends for funny stories. These can be the best wedding speech jokes because they’re true, making them likely to resonate with the guests.
• Make notes: You can keep notes on cue cards while delivering a wedding speech—in fact, we recommend it. Wedding speeches are usually concise, only about 2 to 3 minutes, but getting off track can be easy. So, you should at least write down the key points you want to address.
• Rehearse: Don’t give your speech for the first time in front of the assembled guests. First, rehearse and practice your wedding speech in front of the mirror or in front of friends and family. Then, ask for suggestions on the content, pace, and ways to make it more unique and funny.

Have a Focus

If your goal is to provide a captivating and funny wedding speech, remember to have an angle. What do we mean by that? Well, for starters, you might want to think about your role in the wedding party. For example:

• The bride’s father might want to focus on cute and funny things that happened when the bride was young. Maybe there was a hilarious event when she tried to take her puppy to school in her backpack!
• The groom might have had an embarrassing first encounter with the bride that he can use to frame his speech. If he’s brave, he might even make fun of his bride by bringing up one of her funny habits, the first time he met her dad, or something silly that happened to them as a couple. Just make sure not to embarrass anyone if you do this!
• The best man will probably want to use the angle of his shared history with the groom. For example, he might decide to talk about a time when the groom was anxious to talk to girls in high school.

Make the Guest Participate

Audience participation is one easy way to make a speech more fun. Unfortunately, most speakers make the mistake of delivering a monologue instead. This kind of speech runs the risk of being tedious and less entertaining, which is the opposite of a funny wedding speech!

Instead, try to make the other guests participate by asking witty questions. For example, if you are the best man, you might ask the bride something like, “what annoys you the most about the love of your life?” If you can make the bride giggle at her own wedding, the guests are more likely to start laughing too.

Ask the “Right” Questions

Getting the audience to participate is one thing. Asking awkward and inappropriate questions is another. So make sure to choose your questions carefully.

Above all, avoid questions that trigger trauma, bring up controversial subjects, or otherwise make people feel uneasy. Questions about ex-lovers, dreadful events, embarrassing stories, and drunken nights probably aren’t good either. These kinds of questions can turn a glamorous wedding into a gloomy one real quick.

Don’t Go Overboard

If you must take alcohol to ease your nerves, keep the drinking minimal until after your funny wedding speech. Alcohol affects your impulses, and that can make you go overboard with your questions or ramble on uncontrollably.

If you decide to tease the couple, keep it light, harmless, and brief. Jokes about their taste in music or food are normally okay. Choose something relatable that can easily cheer up the crowd and get them laughing.

Make References

Being relatable can be tricky if you don’t know a lot of the guests, but it works like magic when you get it right. You might want to reference a scene or character from a popular movie, TV series, or book that others are likely to know. Another strategy is to bring up a funny event in the news that everyone remembers.

Just make sure to find out a bit about the guests ahead of time if you want this to work. Doing a bit of research will help you come up with a reference they can relate to.

Poke Fun at Yourself

We all love self-deprecating jokes, don’t we? Especially when they walk us down memory lane. Besides, making a joke at your own expense can be a way to make the bride or groom look good, and everyone at a wedding loves that.

For example, if you are the best man , you might want to talk about a time when the groom beat you at chess effortlessly. Just make sure to maintain a funny and casual tone so that no one thinks you’re still holding a grudge!

Use a Picture Prop

It is no secret that pictures can play a significant role in telling stories, so having a video presentation can add to your hilarious wedding speech. In addition, having a collection of old photos from childhood, high school, or when the couple started dating can help get your points across.

But if you want to wow the guests and create an absolutely hysterical wedding speech, check out this example of a great speech on YouTube. It’s genuine, unique, and relatable because it focuses on an experience the groom and best man shared. This guy totally killed it!

Don’t Be Afraid to Show a Little Vulnerability

If this is your first time delivering a wedding speech, you might slip up. You might stumble over your words or utter something ridiculous. But that is okay. Chances are, the things you said might end up being funny to the wedding guests.

Also, don’t be afraid to show a side of you that few people have seen before. Maybe you have a hidden talent, or perhaps you’ve been told that you dance funny. Often, the things that feel embarrassing to you will cheer up the crowd and entertain them.

Remember: it might feel scary, but you’re doing this for people you love. Your unique personality might be the best wedding gift you can give.

Consider Doing an Impression

Mimicking the groom and the bride can be a little risky, but it’s also potentially very funny.

You might want to wait until they have a reaction to something else in your speech, then playfully poke fun at their mannerisms.

Remember not to be rude—for example, don’t make fun of tics or their physical appearance. But when done right, this is a surefire way to make a wedding speech funny.

End On a Good Note

Once you’ve made it through most of your speech, the last thing to do is end on a good note. If you’re the father of the bride , you might complete your speech with something cute and sweet, like saying that even though your baby girl is now a married woman, she will always be your baby. If you are the best man, you might make a toast to the couples.

With these tips, we believe you can develop a funny and memorable wedding speech that the couple will be proud of and the guests will love. While there are no ironclad recipes for a funny wedding speech, it’s not that difficult at the end of the day. Just infuse some creativity into your wedding speech, be personable and authentic, and don’t embarrass anyone.

Amazing Tips & Themes For Your Magical Wedding

• Magical Words

75 Funny Wedding Jokes to Keep Your Guests Entertained

• Posted by by Rosie Liliy
• Last updated: March 22, 2023

If you’re looking to add a little extra fun and humor to your wedding ceremony, then why not use some funny wedding jokes?

Whether it’s around the cake cutting, during the bouquet toss, or any other moment throughout the night that calls for levity, this collection of 75 funny wedding jokes will set the mood and help keep your guests engaged and entertained.

So grab a glass of bubbly, sit back in anticipation as we get ready to dive into some killer one-liners (and puns!) with our curated list of laughs!

For more humor: Funny Maid of Honor Speech Lines Funny Anniversary Wishes for Friends Funny Marriage Quotes

Jokes for Wedding Speech

• My friend said she wanted to have a fairytale wedding, so I got her a pumpkin carriage. Turns out she just wanted to marry a prince, not ride in a gourd.
• At weddings, the bride always cries and the groom is always happy. It’s like they both just realized they’re going to have to put up with each other for the rest of their lives.
• My best man speech was so bad, they asked me to return the ring.
• My friend asked me to be her wedding DJ. I said yes, but only if I get to play ‘Don’t Stop Believin” at least five times.
• My wedding day was the happiest day of my life… until the bar tab came in.
• I’m not saying the wedding was expensive, but I’m pretty sure the cake was made of gold.
• I once attended a wedding where the groom’s vows were just a list of chores he promised to do around the house. It was the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.
• At my friend’s wedding, the officiant asked if anyone objected to the marriage. I raised my hand and said, ‘I object to this being an open bar. Cut me off, please!’
• I love weddings because they’re the only place where the open bar is more popular than the dance floor.
• I saw the bride crying during the ceremony, and I thought to myself, ‘Oh no, she’s having second thoughts.’ Then I remembered, it’s just allergies. Phew!
• The best part about being the wedding host is that I get to eat all the leftover cake. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.
• I always get nervous when the bride and groom write their own vows. It’s like a game of Mad Libs, but with someone else’s heart on the line.
• I asked the bride how she was feeling before the ceremony, and she said she was a bundle of nerves. I told her not to worry, it’s just like ripping off a Band-Aid. Except instead of a Band-Aid, it’s a wedding dress.
• At the wedding, the best man gave a toast, saying, ‘I’ve never seen the groom happier than he is now. Except for that one time when he found out avocado toast was back on the menu.’
• The father of the bride gave a tearful speech , saying, ‘I’m not losing a daughter, I’m gaining a son-in-law. And a few extra gray hairs.’

Jokes about the Wedding Party

• You know what they say, marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Unless you’re at the reception, then it’s definitely a sprint to the open bar.
• The wedding was outdoors, and it started raining just as the bride and groom exchanged their vows. The groom said, ‘I guess it’s official now, we’re really showering together.’
• Planning a wedding is like running a marathon, except instead of water stations, you have champagne stations every few feet. It’s all about pacing yourself.
• The father-daughter dance is always a tear-jerker, but let’s not forget the mother-son dance. It’s like watching a game of “hot potato” with the groom’s mom trying to hand him off to his new wife.
• The bouquet toss is like a scene from The Hunger Games. May the odds be ever in your favor, ladies.
• At weddings, the cake is always the star of the show, but let’s be real, the real star of the show is the open bar. It’s like a beacon of hope for those who hate dancing.
• The wedding vows are like a verbal contract. You promise to love, honor, and cherish each other until death do you part…or until someone forgets to put the toilet seat down.
• The best man speech is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get. Sometimes it’s sweet, sometimes it’s nutty, and sometimes it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
• The first dance is like a dance-off between the bride and groom. The winner gets to decide what’s for dinner for the next 50 years.
• The wedding favors are like a little piece of the couple’s love that you can take home with you…until you accidentally leave it on the table and someone else takes it.
• The wedding photos are like a time capsule. In 20 years, you’ll look back and wonder why everyone had matching tuxedos and why you thought it was a good idea to wear a flower crown.
• The wedding reception is like a giant party with all your friends and family, except this time you have to wear uncomfortable shoes and pretend you like everyone’s dance moves.

Wedding Jokes about Bride and Groom

• Why did the bride wear white on her wedding day? So her exes could see her true colors.
• The bride may be getting cold feet, but her heart is on fire for her groom.
• Why did the wedding ceremony end early? The couple was too excited to wait any longer to start their happily ever after.
• The groom’s ring was too tight, so the bride said, ‘Looks like you’re stuck with me now.’
• The bride is looking so stunning, she could turn a gay man straight… or at least make him question his sexuality.
• Why did the bride refuse to toss the bouquet? She said she paid too much for it and didn’t want to risk losing it.
• Why did the groom arrive late to the wedding? He was trying to tie the knot, but couldn’t get the hang of it.
• I asked the groom how he knew his bride was the one. He said, ‘She laughed at all my jokes.’ I guess that’s what it takes to lock down a man with bad humor.
• Why do brides wear white on their wedding day? Because it’s the color of surrender.
• The groom’s vows were so touching, even the cake was in tiers.
• Why did the wedding guests bring umbrellas? In case the bride and groom had a ‘shower’ of love.
• Here comes the bride, all dressed in white… and a little bit of sweat, let’s be real.
• Why did the bride wear white? Because she wanted to blend in with the tablecloths.

Jokes about Love

• They say love is blind, but I think it’s just short-sighted. It couldn’t see anyone else but you.
• Love is like a good wine, it gets better with age, but sometimes it gives you a headache the next morning.
• I heard the couple’s love is like a puzzle, but let’s hope they don’t lose any pieces.
• Love is like a game of Jenga, it takes skill and patience to keep building, but one wrong move and it all comes crashing down.
• I heard the couple’s love story is like a fairytale, but hopefully with fewer evil stepmothers.
• True love is like a meme, it’s viral and spreads quickly, and before you know it, everyone’s talking about it.
• Looks like love is in the air… and the pollen count is through the roof!
• I heard the couple’s love is like a rollercoaster, but hopefully with less throwing up.
• Love is like a song, it’s beautiful and uplifting, and these two have written a masterpiece together.
• I always thought love was just a fairytale, turns out it was just the Disney themed wedding .

Jokes about Marriage

• Marriage is like a game of Tetris. Sometimes you just have to rotate and adjust to make it fit.
• Marriage is like a deck of cards. You need a heart to play the game, but a diamond is what you really want.
• I heard the secret to a happy marriage is to always keep the remote control within reach.
• Marriage is like a rollercoaster, it has its ups and downs, but as long as you hold on tight, it’s the ride of your life.
• Marriage is like a book, it has its chapter, but as long as you keep turning the pages, the story never ends.
• Marriage is like a comedy routine, it’s all about timing and delivery, and these two have both nailed it.
• I always say, a wedding is like a game of Jenga. You start with a solid foundation, but one wrong move and everything can come crashing down. But don’t worry, I’m here to make sure we don’t lose any blocks!
• I asked my wife why she married me and she said, ‘Because you had a ring and I wanted it’.
• Marriage is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get, but you know it’s going to be sweet.
• Weddings are a lot like roller coasters. They’re exciting, they make you feel alive, and sometimes you want to throw up.
• Marriage is like a cooking show, it’s all about experimenting and trying new things, and these two are definitely not afraid to spice things up.
• Marriage is like a game of cards – sometimes you get a royal flush, sometimes you get a pair of twos.

Funny Lines for Him or Her

• I always knew my love for [bride/groom] was real when I realized I couldn’t live without their dad jokes.
• I never believed in love at first sight until I saw the cake.
• I think I found the missing piece to my puzzle… and it’s a ring!
• I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m pretty close… to finding my perfect match.
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
• I wanted to have a ‘shotgun wedding’, but she said no because she’s not into firearms.
• I never thought I’d find someone who completes me, turns out it was just my other half of the wedding cake.
• I asked my wife what she wanted for our wedding anniversary . She said, ‘Just surprise me.’ So I showed up with a trumpet and a mariachi band.
• I told my wife we should renew our vows every 10 years. She asked why we couldn’t just renew our Netflix subscription instead.
• The bride and groom may be saying ‘I do’ today, but let’s be real, they’ll be saying ‘I don’t’ to a lot of things in the future.
• I may not be a mathemagician, but I know that two hearts plus one ring equals forever.
• What do you call a couple who marries in a library? Booked for life.

Final Thoughts

Making your wedding day memorable is all about having fun. With the right kind of humor, your day can be filled with laughter and plenty of light-hearted moments.

The 75 funny wedding jokes provided in this blog post are sure to have your guests rolling in laughter. You can even remix them to make them your own and add some flair to your reception. So why not give these jokes a try? Who knows? They might just be the key ingredient you need to create an unforgettable experience for everyone present at your special event! Best of luck and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

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Rosie Liliy

Hey there, lovely couples and fellow wedding fanatics! I’m Rosie, the managing editor at Magical Day Weddings, and I’m here to make your wedding planning journey a blast! As a lifelong lover of weddings, I’ve dabbled in everything from DIY decor to event planning. I believe that every love story deserves to be told in a way that captures its essence. From heartwarming vows to tear-jerking speeches, I’m here to help you create unforgettable memories on your journey to “I do!”

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15 Most Popular Wedding Jokes For The MC And Speeches

Telling jokes and stories are one of the best ways to give a wedding speech. If your'e one of the privileged ones to give a speech you can add some fun and spice to it with wedding jokes. The more humour you put in your wedding speech, the more it would be remembered. 

If you are not the most comedic person in the world no need to worry, here are some wedding jokes that can be included in the best man or chief bridesmaid/matron of honour speech.

Best Wedding Jokes

The upper hand(joke).

You can end your toast by saying: "Bob, take Susie’s hand and place your hand over her's. Now, remember and cherish this very moment... because this is the last time you are ever going to have the upper hand!"

A Few Words For The Groom

To keep your marriage brimming with love in the marriage cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it, whenever you're right, shut up.

Remember These 2 Words(joke)

Grooms, once you marry, please remember that whenever you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember these two last words: "Yes dear"

Marriage Is An Institution

in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is not a word.

It’s a sentence…a life sentence!

Self Defence

They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

Born Free And Equal

It’s true that all men are born free and equal – but some of them get married.

Perfect Wife

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

Wife Wanted

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’.  The very next day he received hundreds of letters that all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’

Types of rings

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “Rings”:The engagement ringThe wedding ringThe endue-RingThe suffer-Ring

Marriage is something that puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under a man’s eyes.

Years Of Marriage

Married life can be full of excitement and frustration: In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year, BOTH of them speak and the neighbours listen.

Alarm Clock

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.  But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

Incomplete Man

A man is incomplete until he is married.  Then he is really finished.

Wedding Keys

Collect as many keys as you can from the wedding party and friends without the bride and groom knowing.  Pass them out to as many women as you can, making sure they don’t say anything.  During your speech, say “The bride knows that the groom has had a lot of girlfriends in the past, and would really appreciate it if any of them who have keys to his place could please return them.” This is the cue for everyone with a key to bring it to the wedding table.  It would also be hilarious if you got a couple of pregnant women and maybe someone’s grandmother into the group.

Wedding Advert

One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Wedding jokes are really just witty and funny lines about married life and relationships. There should also be some amount of sincerity to what you say especially when you give any advice, congratulations, and well wishes to the new couple. In any case, incorporating these little quotes are a great way to connect with your audience and make this part of the ceremony much more memorable.

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50 Funny Groom Speech Jokes to Win Over Wedding Guests

Updated on: August 28, 2023

Jessica Amlee

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The groom speech: that time-honored tradition where the groom grabs a microphone, clears his throat nervously, and tries not to humiliate himself in front of family, friends, and that one weird uncle everyone warned him about. It’s the verbal equivalent of a high-wire act. Too sappy, and you’ll hear groans. Too short, and people will think you didn’t even try. This is not just another toast; it’s the emotional climax of the wedding reception. If movies have taught us anything, it’s that a groom’s speech should be written by an Oscar-winning screenwriter, delivered like Denzel, and revered like the halftime pep talk in every sports movie ever.

That’s where Groom Speech Jokes come in! Because let’s be honest, weddings can be long affairs. By the time you stand up to speak, folks have been through appetizers, entrées, and maybe even a slide show set to a Kenny G soundtrack. People need a pick-me-up. And nothing wakes up a room faster than a well-timed joke. These groom speech jokes include everyone – from you and your bride’s sisters, brother, and parents to the rest of the lot including the best man and the bridesmaids.

Humor adds sparkle to your words and keeps the audience on their toes. You don’t want your love story to sound like a quarterly report on dishwasher sales, do you? So, toss in a joke or three. Make ’em laugh. Trust us, it’s the best way to ensure that your wedding day will be remembered for all the right reasons—and not because Uncle Bob dozed off and snored through your declarations of eternal love.

Best Groom Jokes for Speech

Add these one-liners and puns in your groom speech to woo your wedding guest:

• I remember the first time I met [Father of the Bride’s Name], he took me aside and gave me some advice. He said, ‘Son, marriage is like a deck of cards. At the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.’ Don’t worry, sir, I got the message—loud and clear!”
• Let’s give it up for our ushers! Those are the guys you saw on your way in, showing you to your seats—kind of like the flight attendants of the wedding world, but without the peanuts and tiny cans of soda.
• The first time I ever set eyes on the [Bride’s Name], I was awestruck by her looks – to me she was ‘drop dead gorgeous’, I said to her ‘you’re gorgeous’, she said ‘drop dead!’
• I learned very early on just how close [Bride’s Name] and her mother are. During one of our first dates, she told me to hold on because she had to call her mom. I thought she was joking. Three hours later, they’re still talking, and I’ve memorized the entire menu of the restaurant. Thank you, [Mother of the Bride’s Name], for finally hanging up so I could learn if I was getting a second date!”
• [Bride’s Name] says she loves me more every day. I told her that at this rate, she’ll soon reach a point where she can’t stand to be without me for even a second. She said she’s already there but will give me five minutes today to talk to my buddies.
• I want to thank my parents, who have been married for [number of years] years and have set an incredible example. I asked them for their secret to a long-lasting marriage. They handed me earplugs and a blindfold. Love you, Mom and Dad.
• [Younger Brother’s Name] has been so welcoming since day one. He gave me the most heartfelt advice on joining the family. He said, ‘Bro, you’re cool and all, but if you make my sister cry, I have a black belt in remote control throwing.’ Duly noted, my man, duly noted.
• I want to thank everyone for coming to what I like to call ‘The Sequel.’ You know, sequels are always a bit controversial—some people think they can never be as good as the original, but others think they’re a chance to correct the mistakes of the first one. I’m just glad there’s no option for a reboot!
• They say practice makes perfect, and after last night’s rehearsal dinner, I can confidently say we’ve mastered the art of pretending to know how to cut a wedding cake.
• Now, I want to give a shoutout to my Best Man, [Best Man’s Name]. He’s been my confidant, my wingman, and my therapist. And after tonight, he will also be my debt collector because have you seen the bar tab?
• I know the bridesmaids have put in a lot of effort into looking good today, but I’m here to tell you, ladies, it was all in vain. Nobody could ever outshine my beautiful bride. But hey, second place is still good
• If I’ve learned anything from being with [Bride’s Name], it’s that she’s always right. Even when she’s wrong, she’s ’emotionally right,’ which I’ve learned is a completely different category of being right that men know nothing about.
• Let’s not forget [Older Sister’s Name], the original role model for [Bride’s Name]. She taught her so many important life skills—like how to expertly dodge chores and blame it on the sibling. Thanks to her, I now have a wife who can ‘disappear’ every time the garbage needs taking out.
• To my friends who couldn’t make it, thanks for sending your well wishes and apologies. By the way, your portions of the cake will be mailed to you. Expect a very squished box in 5-7 business days.
• My parents are incredible people. They’ve always been there for me. Literally. They even followed me on my first date with [Bride’s Name]. We thought we were being tailed by the FBI, but it was just Mom and Dad in oversized sunglasses and a baseball cap.
• I have to thank [Younger Sister’s Name] for helping me survive my first ‘Meet the Parents’ dinner. She sent me a text under the table that read: ‘If you want to impress them, mention your 401(k) and pretend you like dad’s jokes.’ Worked like a charm.
• Getting to know [Bride’s Name] meant getting to know [Twin Brother’s Name] too. It’s like studying for two exams at once. The good news is, I think I’ve passed. The bad news is, I still can’t tell their childhood photos apart. I just nod and say, ‘Wow, you both look so cute!’
• They say that bridesmaids are like the GPS of the wedding—always there to point you in the right direction, especially when it comes to avoiding disastrous hairstyle choices and horrific dance moves. Thanks for keeping us all on the right track.
• Dad taught me some valuable lessons about love. For instance, the words ‘Yes, Dear’ are the key to marital bliss. And if you forget your anniversary, the doghouse isn’t as uncomfortable as you’d think.
• I’ve got to say, the wedding feels a little different the second time around. The first time, I was nervous about the little things, like tripping over my vows. This time, I’m just glad I remembered where the church is!

Recommended : Best Man Speech Jokes

• I owe a lot to my Best Man. In fact, if it weren’t for [Best Man’s Name], I might not be standing here today. He’s the one who taught me the secret to a happy relationship: Always have the last word, and make sure that last word is ‘Sorry.’
• [Bride’s Name] is so punctual; she’s never late for anything. She even starts worrying about being late while she’s still early. I think our future is going to be meticulously planned and extremely punctual. Our first child will probably be born saying, ‘Am I late?’
• If the wedding is anything like the rehearsal dinner, we’re in for a good time. The food, the drinks, the awkward speeches—it’s like a family holiday, but with better table settings.
• “Let’s all give it up for [Elder Brother’s Name], the original ‘Gatekeeper.’ I had to answer three riddles and beat him at arm wrestling just to be granted an audience with his sister. Thankfully, he didn’t ask me to climb a tower or slay a dragon—those are in the advanced tests, I hear.
• [Father of the Bride’s Name], you’ve been like a second father to me. Or rather, a financial advisor, mechanic, DIY expert, and occasional golf buddy all rolled into one. So, if I make any mistakes, just remember—you’re partially to blame!
• Some of our dearest friends couldn’t be here tonight, but they sent their love and some truly unforgettable text messages—most of which are better read when not standing next to my new in-laws.
• Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a very emotional day. Even the cake’s in tiers…!
• [Bride’s Name] is a firm believer in ‘retail therapy.’ And by that, I mean she goes to therapy, finds out it’s my fault, and then goes shopping to feel better.”
• [Younger Sister’s Name] has been practicing for months to catch the bouquet tonight. So, ladies, consider this your fair warning: you’re competing against someone who’s been doing wrist exercises and has studied the aerodynamics of flower-throwing. May the odds be ever in your favor.
• The bridesmaids have been like the secret service agents of this wedding. They’ve guarded [Bride’s Name] from stress, shielded her from bad advice, and screened all her calls. I’m considering hiring you all full-time.
• When we first started dating, [Bride’s Name] told me that communication is key. So now, we have a very open dialogue about how I’m always wrong. It’s quite enlightening.
• I want to thank [Mother of the Bride’s Name] for raising such a wonderful daughter. She taught her everything: how to be kind, how to be thoughtful, and how to be patient. And let’s not forget, how to dissect every single word a man says. I’m pretty sure that when I said ‘I do,’ [Bride’s Name] heard ‘I do… promise to never leave my socks on the floor, take out the trash without being asked, and always, always agree that your mother is right.’
• [Best Man’s Name] is so trustworthy, I even let him plan my bachelor party. Of course, that was before I found out it would involve bungee jumping and a petting zoo. Let’s just say it was a wild ride in more ways than one.
• A big shout-out to [Older Sister’s Name]. She’s the one who’s been vetting me from day one. Our first meeting felt like a job interview. There were background checks, personality quizzes, and a lie detector test—or at least it felt that way. Happy to report, I got the job!
• [Bride’s Name] is great with directions; she can find her way anywhere. Except for the laundry room—somehow, that place remains a mystery to her.
• A big thank you to all the bridesmaids for planning such a memorable bachelorette party for [Bride’s Name]. I wasn’t there, of course, but I did see some interesting props lying around the house. I’m looking forward to the explanation.
• They say that when you marry someone, you marry their family too. Well, if that’s the case, I hit the jackpot twice. I got a beautiful, loving wife and in-laws who are already showing me how to up my BBQ game and Pinterest-worthy home decor. What more could a guy ask for?
• When I asked [Elder Brother’s Name] for his sister’s hand in marriage, he said, ‘Are you sure you can handle her?’ I thought it was a cautionary statement until he handed me a survival kit with earplugs and a bottle of aspirin. So far, so good!
• I asked [Bride’s Name] what her dream destination was for our honeymoon. She said, ‘Anywhere, as long as you’re there.’ I told her that’s sweet because my dream destination is anywhere with free Wi-Fi. We’re still negotiating.
• When [Younger Brother’s Name] found out his sister was getting married, he had only one concern: ‘Does this mean I get her room?’ Well, buddy, you might have to negotiate that with your parents, but if it helps, you can have all my old baseball cards.
• Let’s hear it for [Twin Brother’s Name], the man who knows [Bride’s Name] so well, they literally shared a womb. I’ve been told they even had a secret language as kids. I’ve tried learning it, but it turns out, ‘Don’t mess this up, bro,’ sounds the same in every language.
• I learned very quickly that ‘Do you want to watch a romantic comedy?’ is [Bride’s Name]’s code for ‘We are watching a romantic comedy.’ Now, I not only know who Hugh Grant is, but I also have strong opinions on his best roles.
• You know you’re part of the family when the older sister starts asking you for tech support. [Older Sister’s Name], I promise to keep helping you with your computer problems, as long as you promise to keep telling [Bride’s Name] how amazing her choice in husband is. Deal?!
• [Younger Sister’s Name] told me the quickest way to her sister’s heart was through her stomach. So, I tried cooking dinner for [Bride’s Name] one night. After that culinary disaster, [Younger Sister’s Name] handed me a stack of takeout menus and said, ‘Let’s keep this our little secret.’
• [Bride’s Name] once said that marriage is all about compromise. For instance, she wanted a cat, and I wanted a dog. So we compromised, and now we have a cat.
• I’ll never forget the time [Twin Sister’s Name] and [Bride’s Name] decided to switch places to test if I could tell the difference. I panicked and accidentally said, ‘Wow, honey, you look different today, did you do something new with your hair?’ Never making that mistake again!
• They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. [Bride’s Name] took that literally and first won me over with her amazing ability to order the best thing on any takeout menu. It’s a talent, really.
• [Bride’s Mom’s Name] and [Bride’s Dad’s Name], you’ve raised a wonderful daughter, and for that, I owe you everything. Literally. Have you seen the cost of weddings these days? I think we’ll be paying this off until our golden anniversary!
• I asked [Bride’s Name] what she loved most about me. She said, ‘Your ability to listen.’ I’m not sure what she said after that; I was too busy celebrating the compliment.
• Our ushers have done a great job seating everyone today. And don’t worry, they’ll also be available after the ceremony to help you find your cars. No, seriously, they’ve got maps and everything.

Do you have a funny Groom Speech Joke? Write down your own Groom jokes for speech in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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30 Hilarious Father of the Bride Speech Jokes

Not only will you find cracking father of the bride speech jokes here, but we also have advice from an industry expert on how to nail the delivery too!

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Ella Hartig Wedding Planner

Wedding speeches are a great way to let your family know how much you love and appreciate them, but humour is what  really makes a speech. If you're a dad who's trying to plan a killer speech for your daughter, we highly recommend including some father of the bride speech jokes. 

There's a lot to consider when writing the perfect  father of the bride speech , but we guarantee that including some funny lines will make all the difference. 

This guide has some excellent examples of father of the bride jokes for the speech, as well as tips and advice from an industry expert on how to choose your dad jokes and deliver them well. 

The 30 Best Father of the Bride Speech Jokes

1. Welcome everyone to my daughter’s wedding. No matter what papers she may have signed today, I’ll always be the most important man in her life.

2. Hello all, I’m [name]. I hope you know who I am, but if you don’t, well done for sneaking into such an expensive meal unnoticed.

3. I’ve prepared a hilarious wedding speech… but [mother of the bride] is making me read this one instead.

4. Although we love her very much, we definitely won’t miss listening to her sing in the shower every morning. Good luck [partner’s name]!

5. I’ve been told by [bride] not to have a drink before the speech, so I apologise if I seem in a rush to get to the end!

6. I want to truly enjoy the next five minutes, which are also in fact the only five minutes that [bride] couldn’t plan and has no control over!

7. [Bride] has always brightened up our lives – she never did remember to turn off any lights.

8. It’s been said that daughters marry a man similar to their father! [Mother of the bride] – why do you look so upset?!

9. Brevity is the soul of wit, as you’ll learn on page 10 of my speech.

10. To start off my speech, I’ll talk about something everyone in the room has in common – all of your cars have been stolen.

11. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her – Agatha Christie.

12. Funny, intelligent, kind, and good-looking. My daughter definitely gets all of those traits from me.

13. Today is a really special day – you’re about to witness the first and last time anyone ever trusts me to make a speech.

14. A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity. The order varies for any given year – Paul Sweeney.

15. We love our daughter to bits and always hoped she’d marry someone as amazing as she is. Lucky for you [partner's name] she’s marrying you before she finds them.

16. Thank you all for coming, it wouldn’t be the same without you… it would be a lot cheaper though.

17. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener – Anonymous.

18. To my new son-in-law, I’ll give you a useful piece of advice, forget your wedding anniversary once and you’ll remember it for the rest of your life.

19. We’re all feeling very emotional about this big day – even the cake is in tiers.

20. I love being married, I do. It’s so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life – Rita Rudner.

21. [Partner’s name], I have a top tip for you, my daughter won’t start an argument with you if you’re already cleaning.

22. [Partner’s name], if you remember that marriage is simply a union in which one person is always right and the other is you, you’ll be fine.

23. Giving my daughter away was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. We all know, I’m not a generous person.

24. They say marriage is like wine, it keeps getting better with age so long as you put a cork in it.

25. Just remember, [partner’s name], never laugh at a choice my daughter makes. You were one of them, after all!

26. Our daughter has always been kind and generous, as a child she would happily share the contents of her nappy with everyone she met.

27. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it. Whenever you’re right, shut up – Ogden Nash.

28. [Partner’s name], it’s a huge pleasure to welcome you into our family. Over the years, we’ve come to think of you as the son/daughter we never asked for.

29. I’m sure we can all agree how wonderful and tasteful this day has been. I’m sorry to have ended it all here with my speech.

30. My daughter has asked that I don’t share anything embarrassing. So, that’s my speech over, goodnight folks!

Expert Tips for Delivering Father of the Bride Speech Jokes

Mark Horton Photos

When it comes to choosing and delivering funny lines in your speech, industry expert and founder of Speechy , Heidi Ellert-McDermott has all the tips you need. Nail father of the bride jokes for a speech by following these guidelines. 

1. Introductory Speech Jokes

"All dads need to include humour in their speech, and ideally from the get-go," explains Heidi, "Don’t waste the first 45 seconds of a wedding speech with dull wedding-waffle and instead, try to get a laugh within the first 20 seconds. It will make everyone feel that they’re in safe hands.

"Whilst it’s tempting for dads to google wedding speech icebreakers, be careful as some are so well-worn and will elicit groans rather than genuine laughter. I always encourage dads to create their own original lines and it’s not as difficult as you’d imagine. Simply, say what you see."

To help anyone looking for father of the bride jokes for a speech, Heidi has given some examples of jokes which will feel natural and help you start the speech off in the best way: 

You could start by some self-deprecating humour (proven to be the most effective form of comedy when it comes to winning an audience over). 

Feel free to confess to some nerves and say something like:

• "I’d like to start by saying I have the public speaking skills of a wheelie bin. No one has ever asked me to give a speech before and so I apologise in advance. Sometimes nepotism backfires terribly."

For something more positive, try: 

• "Writing this speech has been both a joy and incredibly difficult. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reminiscing, but fitting all of our funny stories and wonderful memories into a thousand words proved tricky. That’s why, for those who are interested, I’ll be giving the full four-hour PowerPoint presentation at the bar later."

If your daughter is marrying someone similar to you, why not pay homage to the similarities you share:

• "My daughter and I were always incredibly close, and that may be why she married a man/woman who is so similar to me, (pause), yes, me and (partner's name) share the ability to demolish a Greggs sausage roll in less than 20 seconds, and we share a lifelong devotion to the best football team in the world. So, we’re very similar when it comes to the things that matter in life."

Alternatively, you could use the wedding planning process and venue as the start to your joke: 

• "Welcome to [venue's name] everyone. I love this place, but before we booked it, I did suggest [another venue's name] - strange thing was, when we shared the guestlist with them, they said they had no availability … for a decade. (Best man’s name), I’m blaming you!"

2. Including Humour Throughout

Though starting a father of the bride speech with a joke is important, you don't want the laughs to stop there. Heidi explains: "A father needs to include humour throughout. Aim for a laugh (or, at least, a hearty smile) every 20 seconds, until the final minute of your speech when you can afford to be more sentimental.

"The easiest way to include humour is finding those funny anecdotes. You don’t need to worry about creating punchlines if you just have a funny story to tell. Lots of dads make the mistake that they need to tell the story of their daughter's life from start to finish and tick off all her various achievements through the years.

"The truth is that a few good anecdotes will give a better insight into her character as well as being more entertaining. So, ditch the dull stuff and make more time for humorous content. Who cares if your daughter excelled at the flute in primary school, or where your family used to go on holiday?

"Instead, tell us about the time she got lost as a seven year old and was only discovered an hour later when the police found her in the window of a shop pretending to be a mannequin. Those are the types of stories people will remember."

3. Ask for Tips & Ideas

You know the saying it takes a village, that applies to speech writing, too!

"I’d advise fathers to get the whole family together and brainstorm stories," says Heidi.

"Your daughter’s mother and siblings will always have extra content ideas to consider. Maybe her brother will reveal it was actually your ‘innocent’ daughter who first showed him how to top up the gin bottle with water? You get extra dad-points if you manage to surprise your daughter with your speech!  

"Try to pin down your daughter’s unique personality and characteristics – forgetful, loud, determined – and then hunt down the stories that show these qualities in action. Adjectives bring nothing to a speech, but great stories do!"

4. Father of the Bride Joke Alternatives

It's not just stories about your daughter that make for funny father of the bride jokes, but the day-to-day details too.

Heidi explains, "Another comedy technique to master here is observation, so look at your daughter today and see if you can spot what makes her different.

"What’s her guilty pleasures and quirky habits? Is she still incapable of going to dinner with someone and not stealing their food? Is it surprising that the Amazon delivery guy isn’t at the wedding, considering how well she now knows him? Point out the things that make her ‘her’ and you’ll win the audience over.

"I always advise fathers, if a line could be said by another dad in his speech, then it shouldn’t be in yours. Make all your lines, comedy or otherwise, specific and unique. They’re more meaningful that way.

"But if you’re really struggling to add humour to your speech, you could consider using marriage quotes. Quoting other people is much better than resorting to a generic gag you claim credit for, and there’s lots of funny marriage advice from comedians, authors, or even philosophers depending on what sort of tone you want."

5. How to Deliver Comedic Lines

As well as having the goods in terms of content, the way you deliver your father of the bride speech jokes matters too. 

"When it comes to delivering your speech, make sure you smile throughout. If you look like you’re enjoying it, others will too. Feel free to laugh at your own jokes (laughter is literally infectious) and leave pauses where you expect laughter (so people have time to get the joke!).

"Definitely don’t start talking over laughter before it has subsided and remember, you’ve worked hard for it and you don’t want your audience to miss a line of what you’re saying. Try to look at and engage the newlyweds throughout your speech, and feel free to invite a bit of interaction.

"Remember to look at your audience and use facial expressions throughout. A cheeky eyebrow raise or gesturing quotation marks can add just as much laughter as a great line can."

Hungry for more tips? This guide on how to give a good father of the bride speech will have you ready to perform in no time! 

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120 Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech (Funny Examples)

• by Marisa Jenkins
• October 29, 2023

Everyone in the bridal party, be it a bridesmaid or maid of honor , has a crucial role to play in the wedding. They are there to assist the couple in everything wedding-related: planning, celebrating, and everything in between.

As a maid of honor, one of your most meaningful tasks is to give a speech at the reception. There are plenty of directions you can go with your speech — sentimental, hopeful, witty, and so on. If you want to write a funny speech , below are some jokes to make it even more humorous. 

Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech to Make Everyone Giggle

Maid of honor jokes about memories and misadventures.

As the bride’s maid of honor, you most likely have an arsenal of funny, awkward, or downright embarrassing memories. You can incorporate a few anecdotes into your speech for the reception to get some laughs out of the newlyweds and your guests.

• “When [the couple’s names] asked me to prepare a speech for the reception, they specifically asked me not to tell any humiliating stories. So I thought, ‘Why should I bother writing a speech, then?’ That’s all I have for you all, have a great night!”
• “[Bride’s name] told me at the last minute to remove anything embarrassing or inappropriate in my speech, so here goes. I can’t talk about her exes, or that one time she got black-out drunk in Ibiza, or that time she hit on our college professor…”
• “Remember the time she cut her own bangs before picture day? Let’s just say she was way ahead of the DIY trend! Thank God she decided to splurge on a wonderful hair and makeup team for today…”
• “We used to play house a lot as kids. Now she gets to play house for real with a slightly bigger budget!”
• “She was the only kid who thought cooties were a type of cookie. And she wondered why boys kept running away!”
• “Our childhood lemonade stand was a flop, but look at her now, turning lemons into champagne!”
• “Remember our attempts at a rock band? [Bride’s name] is still the only person I know who can play air guitar out of tune.”
• “She’s always been a trendsetter. She wore mismatched socks before it was cool… or maybe she just couldn’t find the matching ones. I don’t know. Let’s ask her mom about it.”
• “I remember when she was three years old, she thought her shadow was a ghost. She’s a born entertainer!”
• “She believed she could talk to squirrels. That was an interesting phase. Now, she’s found someone who speaks her language. Congrats to both of you!”
• “Remember the time she mistook a Halloween party for a formal event? She still rocked that vampire costume! That felt like a true Mean Girls moment.”
• “I remember when we had a slumber party with our cousins. Her attempt at a surprise breakfast in bed turned into a fire alarm test. But hey, the firefighters were nice! And at least we learned the fire alarm worked!”
• “Our newlyweds are so adventurous they decided to take us on a road trip without a map… or cell service. At least we didn’t wither away in the outback! And we found the best tacos in town!”
• “Remember our ski trip a few years back? We didn’t end up doing much skiing, but we sure had a lot of snowball fights. I swear I still shiver because of those!”
• “[Bride’s name] loves throwing surprise parties. One time, she booked an Airbnb so she could surprise me. Turns out, she decorated and invited everyone to the wrong unit! Even the homeowners were surprised!”
• “Our last camping trip was cut short because we needed to find the nearest hospital. Someone, I’m not naming names, decided not to believe me when I said the plant was poison ivy, not regular ivy.”

Jokes About Wedding Planning and the Wedding Day

As a bridal party member, you likely had some involvement in the wedding planning process. Your maid of honor speech during the reception can include some insight into the entire process and the resulting magical day. Laughing about the stress can be a great way to look back on the months you spent pouring over details and technicalities!

• “Everyone, please raise your glasses for a toast. We need to recognize the people who made this amazing night possible. Please give a warm round of applause to the lovely bartenders at the open bar! You guys have changed my life for the better.”
• “The bride has been planning this wedding since she was five. The groom has been planning it since she found out the engagement ring price!”
• “Figuring out the seating chart was more complicated than a high school math problem. But don’t worry, there won’t be a quiz later!”
• “Where would [ the couple’s names ] be without the magical and effervescent Pinterest? It is truly the pillar of every engaged couple’s dreams. If you can only see how many wedding-related boards [ bride’s name ] has on her account.”
• “The bride’s been on a strict wedding diet of Pinterest, bridal magazines, and cake tastings !”
• “Invitations are the only part of the wedding where you can tell people where to go and what to do without offending anyone!”
• “They say marriages are made in heaven but so is thunder and lightning. Just kidding! The real storm was the RSVP list. I know which of y’all didn’t respond until the very last minute…”
• “I know I speak for [ the couple’s names ] when I say that “wedding budget” is just code for “how to spend a down payment on a house in 24 hours”!
• “[ The couple’s names ] wanted a small, intimate wedding, but they both have big, loud families . Good luck to the DJ tonight!
• “The wedding dress is beautiful, the flowers are stunning, the venue is picturesque, and the couple is… punctual! That’s a first for you guys! Let’s give them a round of applause!”
• “They say rain on your wedding day is good luck, but what about a bird flying into the reception hall? Extra good luck?”
• “Today is the happiest day of our lovely newlyweds’ lives… until they get the catering bill! Or until something inevitably goes wrong! Or both!”
• “I’ve heard of getting cold feet… but the groom seemed to be wearing snow boots when he walked down the aisle! Care to explain, [ groom’s name ]?”
• “The bride and groom are like a pair of scissors—effective together but dangerous if separated. Especially when it comes to the wedding cake!”
• “The real heroes of tonight are definitely the catering team. Where would we be without the delicious appetizers or the scrumptious meal? We’d all be hangry!”
• “Wedding planning: where the “I do” turns into “What have we done?” real quick!”
• “The couple’s love is never-ending, much like the endless group texts about wedding planning details.”
• “Today is the day the bride and groom will remember forever, and it’s also the day their bank account would like to forget!”
• “I never knew the bride was fluent in a second language until wedding planning began. It turns out she’s fluent in ‘Bridal-ese.’”
• “They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it takes an entire wedding party to hide the bride’s Pinterest from the groom.”
• “Wedding planning is where you learn your dream wedding and your wallet aren’t on speaking terms.”
• “Marriage is all about compromise. For instance, the bride wanted a gold wedding theme, and the groom preferred silver, so they compromised on platinum!”
• “Today, we raise a toast to the beautiful beginning of a lifetime of happy “we do’s” and even happier ‘yes, dear’s!”
• “Here’s to [ the couple’s names ]’s gorgeous wedding day: a brief reminder that eating, drinking, and dancing are all socially acceptable ways to cope with emotions!

Maid of Honor Jokes for Reception Speech About the Future and Married Life

Mark this once-in-a-lifetime moment with a playful jest about married life and the future that lies ahead of the newlyweds. A tasteful and well-executed joke in a maid of honor’s speech will balance out all the sentimentality and emotions of the day.

• “May your children have loving, kind, and, most importantly, rich parents. They deserve nothing less.”
• “I hope you cherish this wonderful wedding weekend you spent the last 10 months of your life planning. Tonight will be one of your last opportunities to party all night and ignore your responsibilities. Congratulations, though!”
• “They say married life is like a rollercoaster: there are highs, lows, and the occasional loop-the-loops. However, my biggest wish for you two is that all your ups and downs be isolated in the bedroom.”
• “Welcome to marriage, where the line that separates ‘soulmates’ and ‘cellmates’ is so blurred some people don’t even know it’s there.”
• “Getting married is like agreeing to an update for an app on your laptop without reading the terms and conditions. You’re essentially going in blind. But I know you two are adventurous, so congratulations on this one, guys!”
• “May God give you as many kids as you want. I don’t really understand why anyone would want to have kids, but I guess they are cute sometimes.”
• “They say a man stays incomplete until he finds the love of his life to marry. Once married, though, he is finished. Done for . Good luck, [ the groom’s name ]! I sincerely wish you the best.”
• “May “I do” not be the last thing you two agree on. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. [ the couple’s last name ]!
• “Once you start having kids, do know that I will ask you every day if I can borrow them. Your kids are going to be so spoiled by the best aunt to grace this world. Hey, I already have ideas for TikTok handles we can use for your babies. Let’s talk later, okay?”
• “I saw this quote from Eddie Cantor: Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own. I’d like to add to dear Eddie’s words: Marriage is also constantly attempting to solve problems of your own making.”
• “I heard that marriage kind of like a walk in the park… if that park had no paved paths, dog poop everywhere, and ticks waiting to bite you.”
• “I will end with this quote from the iconic Socrates: By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
• “I once heard that marriage is full of surprises. Maybe one day, you’ll find out your spouse has a talent that they’ve hidden from everyone. Maybe one day, you’ll find a skeleton in their closet. You just have to take everything in stride.”
• “Today marks the end of their solo adventures and the beginning of their joint venture. And I don’t just mean a joint bank account!”
• “They say marriage is all about compromise. For instance, if [ bride’s name ] wants to watch a romantic comedy and [ groom’s name ] wants to watch an action film, they compromise and watch the romantic comedy.
• “Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
• “Remember: the most effective way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it once!”
• “The secret to a happy marriage… well, it remains a secret. I’m sure you’ll be fine, though!”
• “The future is bright for these two, much like [ groom’s name ]’s head under the spotlight! Just kidding.”
• “Their future is as sweet as the bride’s love for chocolate. And let’s just say, that’s a LOT of sweetness.”
• “Here’s to their journey into the future, may your love grow stronger with every passing argument over who left the lights on!”

Jokes About the Bride or the Groom and Their Dynamic

Before entering a relationship, the bride and groom were individuals with their own personalities and quirks. You can playfully and jokingly point these out in your wedding reception speech as a maid of honor.

• “Just remember: you should probably not question your partner’s choices. After all, they chose to marry you. Think about that for a moment.”
• “As Rita Rudner once said: marriage is so great because you have finally found that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
• “I have one last thing to say to our dapper groom, [ the groom’s name ]. I’d be careful of what you say to my sister if I were you. Only I am allowed to bully her and make her cry, do you understand? I’ve been training karate for years, so do not cross me.”
• “Being with you two every step of the way while you plan your wedding was a real eye-opener. I’ve seen both of you get hangry on separate occasions. I know it’s real love because not once did you rip each other’s throats when the other is being grumpy.”
• “I hope we have a historian here with us tonight because someone needs to get this moment in the history books. It’s the first time [ the couple’s names ] ever refused a drink from an open bar. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it.”
• “Oh, gosh. I don’t even know how to begin. [ The bride’s name ] has been my best friend , my sister from another mother, for almost two decades. She is such a loving, caring, kind, gorgeous, talented, generous — wait, that’s not true, why did you include that here?”
• “Hey, [ the bride’s name ], good call marrying an archaeologist! You can sleep well at night knowing the older you get, the more interested [ the groom’s name ] will be in you.”
• “The bride looks absolutely stunning today, and the groom looks absolutely stunned!”
• “I heard [ bride’s father’s name ] describe [ bride’s name ] as someone who lights up the room. I completely agree! She does it by flicking a switch… because she’s absolutely afraid of the dark.”
• “She’s always been environmentally conscious, especially when it comes to recycling… her wardrobe for every date night!”
• “She believes in a balanced diet… a cupcake in each hand!”
• “She’s a planner. She had their wedding day planned out before the groom even proposed. Talk about foresight!”
• “Our groom is a man of few words… but he sure does have a lot of opinions on football.”
• “[ Groom’s name ] is as romantic as a love song, just one performed by a heavy metal band. So there’s a lot of screaming involved, too.”
• “They say opposites attract. [ Bride’s name ]’s a morning person; [ groom’s name ]’s not a person until morning!”
• “Mr. and Mrs. [ couple’s last names ], you complement each other perfectly. [ Bride’s name ], you’re the brains of the operation, and [ groom’s name ]… well, you’re really good with remote controls!”
• “They’re like a fine wine and cheese pairing, classy separately but a little cheesy together.”
• “They complete each other’s sentences, usually because one of them can’t remember what they were going to say. Some signs of aging we’re having, huh?”
• “They’re the modern-day Romeo and Juliet, only their families actually get along, and they both don’t die a tragic death in the end!”

Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech With Funny Advice

A wedding reception speech—whether or not you are a maid of honor—is a wonderful opportunity to share some advice for the newlyweds. You can add humor to the wording and your delivery; doing so will uplift the mood of your guests and the couple.

• “Having a short memory is a double-edged sword. Sometimes, it’ll make your life the absolute worst: overlooking a chore, putting your keys somewhere that is not your key holder, and whatnot. But sometimes, having a short memory is essential. Maybe it’s best to forget that one disagreement or that one fight. My point is to use your memory wisely.”
• “A lot of people say that for a happy marriage, all you need is love. I disagree. You also need patience, a great sense of humor, and a bottle of wine every now and then.”
• “Remember the golden rule of marriage: own up to your mistakes and shut up when you’re right.”
• “[ The groom’s name ], once you accept that [ the bride’s name ] is always right, I guarantee you will have a long, happy, and conflict-free marriage.”
• “Ruth Bader Ginsberg once said, ‘In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf.’ In my opinion, I think it also pays to be a little mute sometimes, or blind — actually, it pays to shut off at least one of your senses sometimes.”
• “Marriage is equal parts give and take. You either give something to each other after asking for it multiple times or just take it without the other’s permission.”
• “Marriage is like a deck of cards, but you only start with two hearts and a diamond. As time goes by, you’ll find yourself looking for clubs and spades.”
• “Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge. Just kidding!”
• “Never underestimate the power of telling your spouse, ‘You’re right, I’m sorry.’”
• “For a happy marriage, have a shared checking account and an undisclosed chocolate stash. Or any midnight snack of choice. Trust me, you’ll need it.
• “A successful and healthy marriage requires falling in love with each other many times—always with the same person, of course! Don’t fall in love with someone else, that’ll be bad.”
• “Marriage is like fine wine, it gets better with age… most of the time. Sometimes, old wine just makes you dizzy. I’m praying that your marriage is the good type of old wine, though!”
• “Always hold each other’s hands, even if it’s just a romantic walk to the fridge at midnight.”
• “Keep the spark alive. One idea: do the dishes even when it’s not your turn! Revolutionary, I know!”

Self-Centric Maid of Honor Jokes for Your Reception Speech

Being chosen as a maid of honor is a fantastic feeling. However, it also entails a lot of responsibility and, unfortunately, stress. The reception is your chance to poke fun at or uplift yourself for your role.

• “A huge reason why [ the bride’s name ] and I are best friends is because we have the same sense of humor. We’re essentially 13-year-old boys in adult women’s bodies. So if you don’t find my jokes funny, you’re also saying [ the bride’s name ] isn’t funny. You wouldn’t insult a bride on her wedding day, would you? So you’re all morally obligated to laugh at my jokes.”
• “[ The bride’s name ] gave me several months to write a heartwarming and sentimental speech. I hope it isn’t obvious that I wrote my speech at the very last minute.”
• “When [ the bride’s name ] first asked me to give a speech at her wedding, I thought, wow! It would be an honor. Now that I’m standing in front of you all tonight, here at this lovely venue, I would say the honor is yours because I look absolutely stunning in this dress!”
• “[ The bride’s name ] and [ the groom’s name ], I want to congratulate you two for a lovely, majestic, and unforgettable wedding ceremony. Do know, however, that it will only get more incredible because of my speech.”
• “I heard that the majority of wedding speeches give advice to the newlyweds about married life. All I can give you are motivational quotes I see on Pinterest because I’m single, ready to mingle, and thus completely clueless about what it’s like to be married.”
• “To the people at the back, can you hear me? Well, actually, who am I kidding? Half of you probably don’t care about what I have to say, anyway. At least have the courtesy not to care in the back where you can’t hurt my feelings.”
• “People say two is better than one. Maybe they’re referring to marriage, about how couples can complete each other. But I don’t know, they might be talking about two maids of honor , am I right, [ the second maid of honor’s name ]? We’re definitely the highlight tonight.”
• “When I asked [ the bride’s name ] for advice about giving a speech, she told me to just be myself. But I thought that was such a bad piece of advice. I mean, we wouldn’t want everyone here to fall in love with me, would we?”
• “Last week, [ the bride’s name ] told me to try not to make the speech all about myself. And I was like, damn it! I had to rewrite my entire speech. So, thanks for that, [ the bride’s name ].”
• “Our lovely newlyweds wanted to go over my speech yesterday just so they can make sure that what I’ll be saying is appropriate. I thought, well, where’s the fun in that? So maybe I hid one or two pages from them yesterday… gotta keep them on their toes, am I right?”
• “Before I begin the wonderful speech that I totally did not write yesterday, I want you all to know that if you don’t want to clap or clink your glasses , I also accept cash and online transfers. My Venmo is written on the program.”
• “Watching you two get married earlier, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What’s so good about signing a piece of paper that binds you to another person for the rest of your life?” But then I look at my wallet on payday, and I understand just how happy a piece of paper can make you.”
• “Now that the ceremony is over, I’ve finally accomplished my most important role as the maid of honor: changing [ the bride’s name ]’s relationship status on Facebook to “Married.” You better get on that, [ the best man’s name ].”
• “Be a maid of honor, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. Try peeing in a floor-length dress!”
• “Everyone tells you how big of an honor it is to be chosen as a maid of honor. What no one tells you is how many stress dreams you get of the big day.”
• “I never knew I had a hidden talent for arts and crafts until I was up at 3 a.m. gluing tiny bows on bachelorette party favors.”

Word Play and Witty Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech

Sometimes, a good old pun can make your great speech even better. Feel free to add dad jokes and other witty plays on words to add humor and personality to your speech. These will get a laugh from everyone—from your youngest nieces and nephews to the uncles and grandfathers in your audience. 

• “You know it’s been an emotional day when even the wedding cake is in tiers.”
• “Before I start with my speech, I want to share a little anecdote. I don’t know if many of you are aware, but our lovely [the couple’s names] found it difficult to get someone to speak at the reception.They said they called their funniest friend first, but they rejected the offer. Afterward, they asked their most charismatic friend, knowing they could really engage a crowd. That friend also said no. Their third call was to their most attractive friend, who said no, too.Finally, they called me. I felt bad for rejecting them three times already, and I figured, “Well, I’ve got nothing to lose, anyway.” And now, here I am.”
• “If marriage is the answer, what the hell was the question? Because it sure isn’t, ‘How do I save money for the future?’”
• “[ Groom’s name ] accidentally booked a romantic getaway for their first anniversary… in a haunted hotel. Thank you for at least not ghosting [ bride’s name ].”
• “Thanks a lot for hyphenating your last names! Now I can’t use any of those “she stole his last name” jokes…”
• “Marriage is a workshop… one works, and one shops!”
• “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Just kidding, here’s to [ couple’s names ], may your marriage be as sweet as your wedding cake!”
• “Here’s to Mr. and Mrs. [ couple’s last names ], a picture-perfect couple… just don’t try to picture their credit card bills after this beautiful day!”
• “When [ bride’s name ] texted me if I can be her maid of honor… do you want to know what I said? I told her, ‘Aisle be there!’”
• “They say marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. But with these two, it’s nothing but endless marry-ment!”

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, what is essential is that you write your speech from the heart. Be genuine with what you say. If there is a maid of honor joke for a speech above that you find funny — and the newlyweds will appreciate — then feel free to include it in your speech.

However, be mindful that some jokes might be inappropriate because of several factors. For instance, there might be children in attendance , or the guests are more conservative. Starting from the ceremony, observe the crowd then make adjustments if necessary.

Marisa Jenkins

Marisa Jenkins is a wedding planner and event coordinator. Her main goal for WeddingFrontier.com is to simplify the wedding planning process by sharing her years of expertise in the industry.

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• Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception? How to Write a Wedding Toast Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech How to Write a Best Man Toast Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech What to Know About a Newlywed Toast Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips 60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

Public Speaking Experts Share Their Top Tips for Giving an Amazing Wedding Speech

Check out their best examples and advice to learn how to knock it out of the park.

Photo by Kurt Boomer

In This Article

Most people would agree that public speaking isn't easy, and this is especially true when you're feeling the added pressure that comes along with giving a speech at a loved one's wedding. Not only do you have the attention of dozens (if not hundreds!) of guests you probably don't know, but you're also trying to appeal to a group of people in a wide range of ages from all different phases of the couple's lives. What's more, you want your speech to delight the couple of the hour and be as appealing to your group of friends as it to the newlyweds' grandparents. All in all, it's a tough task.

Before you panic, know that we're here to help. Ahead, we're sharing a comprehensive guide on what you should include in your speech , how to nail your delivery, and questions to consider to get the brainstorming process started—all from noteworthy speakers, well-established speechwriters, and wedding planners (who have seen it all).

Wedding Speech Template

Every great wedding speech has one thing in common: the right flow. Factor in these guidelines to help you find your own organic rhythm.

Open With a Statement or Question

Don't lead with a joke or a reference to how nervous you are. "The goal is to engage your audience, not make it a boring one-way message," says award-winning motivational speaker Jaime Pfeffer . "You'll lose them if you do this."

Introduce Yourself

After your opener, introduce yourself, says Fallon Carter , a wedding planner, even designer, and professional speaker. "A lot of times, people don't know who is speaking, and they don't know their relationship to the bride or the groom," she says. "It's really important to identify yourself, so make sure you've prepared something."

Address Your Audience

As speaker and life strategy coach Mark Black, CSP , points out, focusing on yourself only enhances nerves. "Instead, concentrate on your audience and how you want them to feel. This will help you to speak from the heart, allowing your speech to do what it's supposed to do: Make the couple feel special while also engaging the audience."

Focus on a Few Points

Seasoned speaker Susan Bender Phelps, CEO of Odyssey Mentoring & Leadership , says her top guideline is to select one to three aspects of the newlyweds that you love and appreciate, along with no more than three short stories to illustrate each of these points (or that one point). "The simple, succinct story or stories where the bride and groom are the hero will work best." This is an excellent way to structure your speech and keep your message focused.

How Long Wedding Speeches Should Be

The ideal length for a speech is three to five minutes, with five minutes being the absolute maximum you should speak for. That's it. "I’ve never been to a wedding where anyone said, 'That was a great wedding, but the best man speech was just too short and that  ruined  it,'" says David Litt , the speechwriter for former President Barack Obama and author of Thanks, Obama .

Carter agrees: "I always say anywhere between two and five minutes—and no more than five minutes," she says. "You want to keep things short and sweet." It's just as important to keep in mind when the speech will take place when determining length, since toasts are often timed with meal courses: "Be mindful of how long a course generally takes or how long it takes people to eat," Carter adds, noting that most courses last between 15 and 20 minutes and that several speeches have to fit inside each window. "If there are other people speaking, you want to be mindful and give them space."

Wedding Speech Tips

Now that you've established the right framework for your words, take note of these essential tips for acing the delivery from a few speaking pros.

Rehearse Regularly

The better prepared you are, the more confident you'll be and the better your speech will be, says author and professional speaker Barry Maher . A good rule of thumb is to practice the speech enough that you can remember the points you want to make and the order in which you want to make them. That way, you can look out to the crowd and make eye contact every so often.

Record Yourself Practicing

Use your phone to take a video of yourself practicing, suggests Kate Kenfield , speaker and sex educator. "It can be a little uncomfortable to watch yourself, but you'll be able to identify distracting mannerisms, such as the verbal pauses 'um,' 'uh,' and 'like'." It's also a good idea to practice your speech in front of someone else. "A second opinion can help you craft your piece and make it that much stronger," she says.

Don't forget body language! Rehearse the speech in front of a mirror and notice things like your facial expression, eye contact, and hand position.

Avoid Alcohol

Although it may be tempting to look for some liquid courage, alcohol definitely won't do you any favors, warns keynote speaker Amy Morin , author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do . "It may cause you to slur your speech and forget your lines, so wait until after your toast to celebrate," she advises. If you need a drink to loosen up the nerves or can't refrain from participating in a toast without being rude, stick to one glass of Champagne before you address the crowd.

Use Nerves to Your Advantage

A little nervousness can actually liven up your speech. "I get worried if I'm not a little nervous," says Maher. "I'll actually try to make myself a little tense to get my energy level up." The key is to harness that energy and communicate it in a positive, genuine way; tensing up to the point that you forget your words or panic won't make for a great presentation.

Be Yourself

Keep in mind that you're not putting on a show, only sharing your personal perspective. Trying too hard to force the funny can yield the opposite of the desired effect, cautions Matt Dalley, co-founder of Simply Eloped . "I've noticed that keeping it short and sweet, heartfelt and warm, and coming across as authentic and focused on the couple is something we are all capable of and generates some very wonderful moments," he says.

Never Embarrass the Newlyweds

It's a wedding toast, not a roast. While this should go without saying, keep the bachelor or bachelorette party jokes out of it, and remember that grandma and possibly a few colleagues are in the audience, notes Laurie Battaglia , a keynote speaker and workplace strategist. "It's okay to look back at childhood and refer to something funny, but ask yourself if you'd like 200-plus of your closest friends knowing that story about you."

Use Your Notes

Reading your speech straight from a piece of paper is a big no-no. However, having a couple of note cards handy is encouraged. "You're likely to be nervous, excited, and exhausted, which can make you forget your lines," explains Morin. "The audience won't care if you glance at your notes. In fact, there's a good chance they won't even notice."

Wedding Speech Brainstorm Ideas

Need some inspiration? Ask yourself these questions to get the brainstorming process going.

• Who will speak before you? After you? How will this affect the content of your toast? (Perhaps you want to include a reference to their speech, thank them for an introduction, or introduce the next speaker).
• Is there someone you should thank for making the event possible and inviting you to speak?
• What would you want to hear in this speech if you were in the audience?
• Is there a favorite story or memory that the couple would want you to share with their friends and family?

Wedding Speech Examples to Make Your Own

So, what does it look like when all these elements come together? Wedding vow and speechwriter Katelyn Peterson , owner and creator of Wedding Words , offered us three examples of successful toasts to inspire your own.

Maid of Honor Wedding Speech Example

"Hi, I’m Maya, the bride’s older sister . With Lucy being three years younger, we fell right into our respective roles as sister-rivals growing up. We constantly fought over stolen clothes, monopolizing the phone back when landlines were a thing, and what boy band to blare from the car speakers. I’m still Team Backstreet Boys while Lucy is forever indebted to NSYNC.

Looking back on those memories, I should have stepped up and granted Lucy permission to wear my favorite sweater for picture day, to hand her the phone once in a while, and to let her play, 'Bye Bye Bye.' Even I can admit that’s a good one. But despite Lucy being the younger sister, she has always been more patient, more accommodating, and more thoughtful than me. And that’s because when it comes to the people she loves, she’s all in.

She’s the one to prioritize their desires. She’s the one to compromise first. And, she’s the one to support their dreams as if they were her own. 

This is why it makes me so happy to know that Lucy has found a home in David. He matches her in compassion, thoughtfulness, and warmth. And I know he’ll spend his life prioritizing her desires, being ready to compromise, and supporting her dreams as his own.

Cheers to Lucy and David! May you always feel loved because you always put each other first."

Best Man Wedding Speech Example

"Hello, everyone. My name is Luke and I’m the best man . I met Robert eight years ago when I became his neighbor. His reputation preceded him as I had heard about the 'Block Party King' before my closing papers were inked. 

Rob has never been the guy to wear fancy clothes. In fact, I’m still in shock seeing him in that tux tonight. And he’s never been the guy to show off even though the work he’s put into his vintage Mustang could make Henry Ford himself envious.

But when it comes to cooking, he should receive an award. His pulled pork is a staple at our summer block parties and his homemade barbeque sauce has remained our neighborhood’s best-kept secret. But the most satisfying part about his delicious dishes is that there’s always plenty to go around. And Rob makes sure your plate is never empty. I have no idea how he pulls it off, but Rob has a covert ability to scoop seconds onto your plate without you ever seeing him do it. I hope you all came hungry tonight, folks. You’ve been warned! 

The first time I met Jasmine I could immediately tell she was an amazing person. She laughed at his jokes which I never thought anyone would get. She supported his career and the nonstop travel involved. But most importantly, whenever we’re all hanging out, Jasmine is the one always topping off Rob’s plate with more pasta, more chicken, more of everything. When she’s around, it’s never empty. 

And that’s when I saw what a perfect match they were for each other. I know they will always put each other first, make sure their needs are met, and will never allow the other to go hungry.

So let’s raise our glasses to toast the newlyweds! As you begin this next chapter together, may your plates and your hearts always remain full."

Father of the Bride Wedding Speech Example

"Good evening, family, and friends. I’m Daniel Lee, the father of the bride. I’d like to welcome you to this special occasion where we get to celebrate the love between my daughter Allison and her new wife, Kristin. 

Standing up here today, I’m reminded of all the moments that led to this significant one. The dance recitals that ended with standing ovations and the soccer games that concluded with winning scoreboards. 

But, while those were fun and rewarding times, those aren’t the moments I cherish most with Allison. The memories that make me smile the brightest are those in-between the big stuff moments. It’s the makeshift magic shows in our living room using a bedsheet that Allison confiscated from our linen closet to convert into a curtain. It’s the countless tea parties she hosted with exclusive invitations just for me and her beloved stuffed bear, Buttons. And it’s the way she’d beg to stay up for just five more minutes but was asleep on the couch by minute number two.

Those everyday, blink-and-you’ll-miss-them moments with Allison are the ones that gave color to my life and filled my heart with a happiness I never knew could exist.

So, my beautiful daughter, as you begin your life with Kristin today, I have one wish for you: May your warmest memories come from the ordinary moments throughout your marriage, and may those moments give you a reason to smile brighter every day. Cheers! I love you both." —Daniel

What Not to Say in a Wedding Speech

Your job when delivering a wedding speech is to keep things light—tell an anecdote, make an emotional connection, then wish the couple well before you close out. Anything that doesn't feel definitively positive should be avoided. "I would advocate against bringing up negative details, specifically past relationships or past spouses," says Carter. "Skip anything that you wouldn't want to be physically recorded and played over and over again—this is a rule of thumb."

Keep it light, delicate, and present- and future-focused, Carter adds. "If you're going to go into the past, make those stories really intentional," she says. "Bring those stories back to who they are now. Your mission is to create a great environment and vibe and to potentially give some information about one of the newlyweds, so that it's enlightening for all guests."

A Guide to Wedding Reception Toasts

Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception?

How to Write a Wedding Toast

Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech

How to Write a Best Man Toast

Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech

What to Know About a Newlywed Toast

Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips

60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

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Which friend is most likely to be late to their own wedding?

Let’s be honest, it’s always a little awkward joining an established friend group. They’ve all known each other much longer while you and any other newcomers aren’t yet cued in on the inside jokes or familiar with the gang’s quirks and dynamics. A round of “most likely to” questions will change that real quick. There’s no faster way to learn who’s who in a friend group than having them vote on the person “most likely to get caught first in a horror movie” or “most likely to drink a bottle of ranch for $1.”

And if you think you know your friends through and through, the “most likely to” questions game is your chance to prove it while finding out what they *really* think of you in return. Spoiler: it may not be what you’d expect. You might think you’d totally make it to the end of a slasher, but your friends may see someone who wouldn’t last five minutes. The best part is hearing the justification for each pick — you just can’t argue with embarrassing personal anecdotes. You may even find your own votes swayed as you learn new things about your buddies from the other players.

The next time you’re at a group hang, get the party going with the best “most likely to” questions to ask your friends. These silly prompts will entice a belly laugh at the least and strengthen your bond and understanding of your peers at the most.

Funny “Most Likely To” Questions

• Who’s most likely to get seasick on a pool noodle?
• Who’s most likely to put ketchup on caviar?
• Who’s most likely to like this little life?
• Who’s most likely to get a pet that looks like themselves?
• Who’s most likely to rock Crocs on a night out?
• Who’s most likely to attempt a DIY tattoo ?
• Who’s most likely to give the wrong directions on purpose?
• Who’s most likely to clap when the plane lands?
• Who’s most likely to hit a parked car?
• Who’s most likely to befriend all the little woodland creatures with a song?
• Who’s most likely to think they can talk to animals?
• Who’s most likely to sleep with their baby blanket?
• Who’s most likely to lose their phone while it’s in their hand?
• Who’s most likely to get offended when their mom takes down their macaroni art?
• Who’s most likely to play mermaids in the pool?
• Who’s most likely to accidentally give their family food poisoning at Thanksgiving?
• Who’s most likely to make awkward eye contact and keep holding it because they’re not a quitter?
• Who’s most likely to think they actually conceived their fur baby?

Juicy “Most Likely To” Questions

• Who’s most likely to regularly check an ex’s Instagram?
• Who’s most likely to star in a reality show?
• Who’s most likely to think they’re an expert after watching a single YouTube video?
• Who’s most likely to snitch?
• Who’s most likely to lie to a cop?
• Who’s most likely to dine and dash?
• Who’s most likely to forget your birthday?
• Who’s most likely to get into a political debate?
• Who’s most likely to lie about what they did last night?
• Who’s most likely to send their food back at a restaurant?
• Who’s most likely to DM their friend’s ex?
• Who’s most likely to never change their sheets?

Unhinged “Most Likely To” Questions

• Who’s most likely to adopt a goldfish and forget about it four minutes later?
• Who’s most likely to blame their gas on a pet?
• Who’s most likely to survive off Girl Scout Cookies and good vibes?
• Who’s most likely to eat the food off their floss?
• Who’s most likely to take a bite out of Play-Doh spaghetti?
• Who’s most likely to accidentally start a forest fire?
• Who’s most likely to go one v. one with a grizzly bear... and win?
• Who’s most likely to eat a slightly moldy blueberry?
• Who’s most likely to down a whole jar of mayonnaise just for the applause?
• Who’s most likely to lose a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to a Golden Retriever?
• Who’s most likely to gift a knock-off and play it like it’s the real deal?
• Who’s most likely to wear a life jacket in the bathtub “just in case”?

“Most Likely To” Questions For Friends

• Who’s most likely to take a month to respond to a text?
• Who’s most likely to be late for their own wedding?
• Who’s most likely to accidentally join a cult?
• Who’s most likely to date a famous person?
• Who’s most likely to join an MLM ?
• Who’s most likely to cry during animal adoption commercials?
• Who’s most likely to buy matching outfits with their dog ?
• Who’s most likely to fall in love with fictional characters?
• Who’s most likely to be a lurker in the group chat?
• Who’s most likely to go viral on TikTok?
• Who’s most likely to talk themselves out of a ticket?
• Who’s most likely to eat food after the 5-second rule is up?
• Who’s most likely to ignore their allergies and eat it anyway?
• Who’s most likely to fall in love with a stranger?
• Who’s most likely to become a stunt double?
• Who’s most likely to not know where that bruise came from?
• Who’s most likely to completely misinterpret a text?
• Who’s most likely to forget their credit card at a bar?
• Who’s most likely to be famous?
• Who’s most likely to study abroad and come back “a different person”?
• Who’s most likely to become a millionaire?
• Who’s most likely to buy a tiny home?

“Most Likely To” Questions For Couples

• Who’s most likely to be late for a date?
• Who’s most likely to forget an anniversary?
• Who’s most likely to say they’re not hungry and then ask for a bite of your food?
• Who’s most likely to steal clothes from their partner’s closet when they haven’t done laundry?
• Who’s most likely to leave the door open when they’re using the bathroom?
• Who’s most likely to burn their mouth repeatedly instead of waiting for their food to cool?
• Who’s most likely to fall asleep during a movie date?
• Who’s most likely to cook dinner?
• Who’s most likely to pick the best date idea?
• Who’s most likely to steal all the blankets?
• Who’s most likely to put the toilet paper on the wrong way?
• Who’s most likely to apologize first?
• Who’s most likely to create a romantic playlist?
• Who’s most likely to cancel plans?

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"The Bride Had Zero Idea This Was Planned": People Are Sharing Painfully Uncomfortable Wedding Day Mishaps

"Literally 15 seconds before walking down the aisle, the bride texted this to the guy sitting next to me..."

BuzzFeed Staff

When you imagine your own wedding, you probably picture the most incredible day of your entire life. But, of course, weddings don't always go according to plan, and there's nothing quite like some good old-fashioned wedding day drama. So Redditor u/MyProof_Fly asked, "What is the most inappropriate thing you've ever seen at a wedding?" Here's what people said.

1. "literally 15 seconds before she walked down the aisle, the bride texted the guy sitting next to me and said, 'i wish it was you at this end of the aisle waiting for me.'".

— u/Famous-Signal-1909

2. "When someone suddenly proposed at another couple's wedding. That was just begging for attention..."

— u/LilacInTheWilderness

3. "There were six best men, and each gave a speech. They progressively got worse and worse until the last one was entirely made up of weird sex jokes."

— u/Nitsua125

4. "During the bride and groom's speeches, the couple's three-year-old son absolutely sprinted down the walkway holding his bum, yelling, 'I need to poo, poo!' with such agony in his eyes. It was absolutely the best part of the day."

— u/tekneeky

5. "One of the bridesmaids over-served herself at my wedding reception and passed out. One of the other bridesmaids' fathers carried her to a car so her friend could take her home. He held her in a fireman’s carry all the way from the head table past the entire group of 200 guests. She was not wearing underwear."

— u/AvalancheBreakdown

6. "I was at one where the bride got so drunk she passed out...so they put her in a wheelchair and wheeled her around unconscious so people could take selfies with her."

— u/gdann60

7. The couple sitting next to us at a ceremony took their young baby to the ceremony with them. Halfway through, the baby starts making noise. Instead of taking him outside like normal people, they pull out a phone and start playing Peppa Pig —with the volume on, loud. I missed that beautiful ceremony of two amazing people because all I could hear was Peppa bloody Pig. I'd rather have listened to the baby."

— u/andyrocks

8. "The groom did shots off a half-naked guest lying on the bar. There weren't very many anniversaries, as I recall."

— u/inbrewer

9. "They wanted their dog in the wedding. He walked down by the bride and took a dump. Hilarious."

— u/Most_Wonder_1871

10. "The groom's sister walked into the wedding wearing a wedding gown. Not a white dressy dress. Nope. A white ball gown wedding dress that looked almost identical to the bride's dress. We had a hard time telling them apart! She insisted on interrupting the first dance and danced with her brother. And the groom's mom was also wearing white."

— u/boymama85

11. "The best man gave the toast at the reception and accidentally said the groom’s first wife’s name instead of the current one."

— u/pharmhound

12. "I went to a wedding reception where the DJ was a MESS and couldn’t get any of the songs right. It’s time for the mother-son dance. They start dancing, and then the song comes on...'Sexual Healing' by Marvin Gaye. I’ve never wanted to laugh so hard in my life."

— u/bubbles2255

13. "A guest with a screaming baby was late to the ceremony and walked directly behind the bride while she was walking down the aisle."

— u/undercover_ravioli

14. "The bride’s father thought the day was about him. He kept interrupting everything to make speeches, but the best part was him presenting his gift to the couple. He wrote and recited some cringe poem about love that sounded like it was written by a twelve-year-old, but he didn’t stop there. He had it transcribed in calligraphy and mounted in a huge frame. The topper was that he also made a stack of copies for everyone to take home."

— u/eezypeezycheezy

15. "A very large wedding guest wasn't paying attention and knocked the cake over. The cake hit the floor and burst into pieces. The bride was pissed."

— u/Rolihlahla86

16. "In the middle of the reception, they rolled out a birthday cake, and some people started singing 'Happy Birthday.' Many of us guests had no idea whose birthday it was, and the birthday cake was bigger than the wedding cake. Turns out, it was the mother of the groom's birthday, but the bride had no idea this was planned."

— u/HardRockGeologist

17. "I accidentally said 'rejoice in you' instead of 'rejoice with you' to my wife when we exchanged vows. Grandma laughed, so it was a win."

— u/hickieboy31

18. And finally, "The matron of honor threw up just as the officiant was asking if anyone objected."

— u/Amiiboid

So, what's the most cringe, uncomfortable, or inappropriate thing you've witnessed first-hand at a wedding? Tell us your best ( err — worst) stories in the comments, or add them to this anonymous form.

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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People Are Sharing The Most Inappropriate Mishaps They've Witnessed At Weddings (And Prepare To Feel Seriously Uncomfortable)

W hen you imagine your own wedding, you probably picture the most incredible day of your entire life. but, of course, weddings don't always go according to plan, and there's nothing quite like some good old-fashioned wedding day drama. so redditor u/myproof_fly asked, "what is the most inappropriate thing you've ever seen at a wedding" here's what people said., 1. "literally 15 seconds before she walked down the aisle, the bride texted the guy sitting next to me and said, 'i wish it was you at this end of the aisle waiting for me.'", 2. "when someone suddenly proposed at another couple's wedding. that was just begging for attention...".

— u/LilacInTheWilderness

3. "There were six best men, and each gave a speech. They progressively got worse and worse until the last one was entirely made up of weird sex jokes."

4. "during the bride and groom's speeches, the couple's three-year-old son absolutely sprinted down the walkway holding his bum, yelling, 'i need to poo, poo' with such agony in his eyes. it was absolutely the best part of the day.".

— u/tekneeky

5. "One of the bridesmaids over-served herself at my wedding reception and passed out. One of the other bridesmaids' fathers carried her to a car so her friend could take her home. He held her in a fireman’s carry all the way from the head table past the entire group of 200 guests. She was not wearing underwear."

6. "i was at one where the bride got so drunk she passed out...so they put her in a wheelchair and wheeled her around unconscious so people could take selfies with her.".

— u/gdann60

7. The couple sitting next to us at a ceremony took their young baby to the ceremony with them. Halfway through, the baby starts making noise. Instead of taking him outside like normal people, they pull out a phone and start playing Peppa Pig —with the volume on, loud. I missed that beautiful ceremony of two amazing people because all I could hear was Peppa bloody Pig. I'd rather have listened to the baby."

8. "the groom did shots off a half-naked guest lying on the bar. there weren't very many anniversaries, as i recall.".

— u/inbrewer

9. "They wanted their dog in the wedding. He walked down by the bride and took a dump. Hilarious."

10. "the groom's sister walked into the wedding wearing a wedding gown. not a white dressy dress. nope. a white ball gown wedding dress that looked almost identical to the bride's dress. we had a hard time telling them apart she insisted on interrupting the first dance and danced with her brother. and the groom's mom was also wearing white.".

— u/boymama85

11. "The best man gave the toast at the reception and accidentally said the groom’s first wife’s name instead of the current one."

12. "i went to a wedding reception where the dj was a mess and couldn’t get any of the songs right. it’s time for the mother-son dance. they start dancing, and then the song comes on...'sexual healing' by marvin gaye. i’ve never wanted to laugh so hard in my life.".

— u/bubbles2255

13. "A guest with a screaming baby was late to the ceremony and walked directly behind the bride while she was walking down the aisle."

14. "the bride’s father thought the day was about him. he kept interrupting everything to make speeches, but the best part was him presenting his gift to the couple. he wrote and recited some cringe poem about love that sounded like it was written by a twelve-year-old, but he didn’t stop there. he had it transcribed in calligraphy and mounted in a huge frame. the topper was that he also made a stack of copies for everyone to take home.".

— u/eezypeezycheezy

15. "A very large wedding guest wasn't paying attention and knocked the cake over. The cake hit the floor and burst into pieces. The bride was pissed."

16. "in the middle of the reception, they rolled out a birthday cake, and some people started singing 'happy birthday.' many of us guests had no idea whose birthday it was, and the birthday cake was bigger than the wedding cake. turns out, it was the mother of the groom's birthday, but the bride had no idea this was planned.".

— u/HardRockGeologist

17. "I accidentally said 'rejoice in you' instead of 'rejoice with you' to my wife when we exchanged vows. Grandma laughed, so it was a win."

18. and finally, "the matron of honor threw up just as the officiant was asking if anyone objected.".

— u/Amiiboid

So, what's the most cringe, uncomfortable, or inappropriate thing you've witnessed first-hand at a wedding? Tell us your best ( err — worst) stories in the comments, or add them to this anonymous form.

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

12 wild and unforgettable moments from Netflix’s roast of Tom Brady

From ron burgundy to bill belichick, here’s who stole the show on sunday night..

Fans were treated to a night of laughs, gasps, and all-around chaotic energy as Netflix’s “Greatest Roast of All Time: Tom Brady” took over The Kia Forum in Inglewood, Calif., on Sunday night.

The roast of Tom Brady, which streamed live from the Netflix Is A Joke Fest, brought thousands of fans to the arena, as well as a number of athletes, celebrities, and other stars who all gathered to poke fun at the former Patriots quarterback.

From the best jokes and cameos to the off-the-rails speeches and more, here are 12 wild and unforgettable moments from Sunday’s roast of Brady.

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1. Bill Belichick and Robert Kraft take parting shots

In a moment that no Patriots fan had on their roast night bingo card, owner Robert Kraft and former head coach Bill Belichick took shots together on stage at the behest of host Kevin Hart. (Yes, you read that correctly.)

“You and Bill are so far apart from each other,” Hart said to Kraft after his speech, noting the distance between their seats. “I just feel like, why don’t y’all take a shot together?”

He added: “Let’s make the uncomfortable comfortable.”

Despite Belichick’s parting from the Patriots in January, the former coach joined Kraft at the podium to share a drink and a few kind words.

“I want to say, this is the greatest coach in the history of the game that did what no one else has done,” Kraft said before they drank their shots. “And having Tom Brady and him was the greatest honor the good Lord gave me.”

Robert Kraft cheersing Bill Belichick… never thought we’d see the day! #TomBradyRoast pic.twitter.com/X5D3nKOpCm — Netflix (@netflix) May 6, 2024

2. Ron Burgundy brings the burns

There was no shortage of stars at Sunday night’s roast of Brady, but the most surprising celebrity attendee to show up had to be Will Ferrell dressed up as Ron Burgundy, his legendary newscaster character from the “Anchorman” movies.

Ferrell kept up the Burgundy schtick while roasting Brady and didn’t hold back with his jokes. “I never liked you, Tom,” the former “Saturday Night Live” star said after taking the mic. “In all my years of watching professional football, I never saw a more boring quarterback.”

Of course, Brady’s divorce from Gisele Bündchen was a hot topic all night long, and Ferrell couldn’t help but sneak in a few jabs.

“Poor Gisele,” Ferrell said. “It took her 13 years to learn what we all know: Tom is boring.”

Ron Burgundy stole the show at the Tom Brady Roast 😆 pic.twitter.com/mW7p8LzgJb — Ryan Field (@RyanFieldABC) May 6, 2024

Ferrell also poked fun at the ex-NFL star’s pair of Super Bowl losses to the New York Giants, telling Brady, “You’ll always be remembered as Eli Manning’s [expletive].”

The “Anchorman” star went on to tease Brady over his involvement in the FTX crypto controversy , as well as his health and fitness brand TB12.

“Don’t worry, Tom, the nightmare is over,” Ferrell said. “You can just sit back, relax, and talk about football, invest in cryptocurrency scams, and drink your protein shakes.”

3. Bill Belichick shows he may have a second career in comedy

For all of the jokes about Belichick’s dour demeanor, the former Patriots head coach was pretty much all smiles during his surprise appearance Sunday night. In addition to appearing in the show’s cold open bit with Brady and Drew Bledsoe, Belichick took the stage to sling a few jokes of his own.

Introduced by Ferrell (and with “The Imperial March” from “Star Wars” playing as he walked to the podium), Belichick received possibly the night’s biggest round of applause. Belichick kept the laughs going as he made fun of his contentious relationship with Brady (and his personal trainer ).

“You know, people have said that Tom and I have butted heads a lot,” Belichick said. “In a way that was true, but not really. It was hard to butt heads with Tom because he was so far up Alex Guerrero’s [expletive].”

Belichick also ribbed former tight end Rob Gronkowski with a joke about his new job in sports broadcasting that got a huge laugh from the crowd.

Bill Belichick to Rob Gronkowski: "Please stop doing your job." #TomBradyRoast pic.twitter.com/pbn6tOVEqX — Netflix (@netflix) May 6, 2024

“A lot of people kind of connect me with a saying called ‘do your job,’ telling people to do their job,” Belichick said. “Gronk, I’ve been watching you on Fox NFL Sunday, and I’m begging you, please: Stop doing your job.”

4. Drew Bledsoe finds his time to shine

A number of former teammates gave Brady the business on Sunday night, including former quarterback Drew Bledsoe, who infamously lost his job to Brady back in the day.

Bledsoe was a good sport and took all the jokes about losing his job to Brady like a champ. The former Patriots and Bills quarterback also landed a few big laughs of his own at Brady’s expense.

“You have more rings than I do, but I’ve experienced a couple things that you’ll never experience,” Bledsoe said. “The feeling of being the No. 1 overall draft pick in the NFL . . . and a 28th wedding anniversary.”

5. Peyton Manning pokes fun at his old rival

Frenemy Peyton Manning got a chance to grill Brady as well, serving as the evening’s final roaster before the former Patriots star took over the mic. While Manning acknowledged his rival’s superior collection of Super Bowl rings, he also poked fun at Brady for his TB12 business issues and the whole Deflategate controversy.

“We all know Tom has five more Super Bowl rings than I do,” Manning said. “He also has more touchdowns than I do. More passing yards. More retirements. More fake hair. More TB12 bankruptcies, that is all true.”

“I remember once Tom told me numbers don’t matter,” he added. “Sure, it was right before he deleted every number in his phone because NFL investigators were about to kick down his door. But it was still nice of him to say.”

6. Nikki Glaser brings down the house with Gronk-crypto joke

While a lot of the jokes from Sunday’s roast are just too inappropriate for us to print, one line that brought the house down was Nikki Glaser’s quip about Brady’s cryptocurrency scandal.

“Tom also lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? Even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money,’” Glaser said while doing an impression of Gronk that sounded like the Cookie Monster meets a Neanderthal.

Nikki Glazer shredded Tom Brady for the crypto scam... pic.twitter.com/kAvGl9QJWh — Sportskeeda Pro Football (@SKProFootball) May 6, 2024

The joke had Hart and Gronkowski falling out of their seats with laughter as the arena burst into applause, later giving Glaser a standing ovation when her set ended.

7. Ben Affleck goes full Patriots superfan mode

Another surprise cameo that had people talking was Patriots superfan and actor Ben Affleck, who showed up to offer his support. “You may know me as an extra from Tom’s Dunkin’ boy band Super Bowl commercial,” Affleck joked, referencing their DunKings ad .

While Affleck’s time on stage was more like a disgruntled sports radio caller going on a five-minute rant about why Brady is the best and above criticism, he couldn’t help but roast the quarterback a bit for his interception in the Super Bowl against the Falcons in 2017.

“Tom, you shoulda seen the [expletive] cornerback when you threw that pick-six in the Super Bowl against Atlanta,” Affleck said. “Actually, that was terrible. There was no excuse for that.”

8. Kim Kardashian powers through the boos

Kim Kardashian got in on the fun as well Sunday night, although she was greeted with a rough reception by the crowd after Hart introduced her to the stage. After powering through the initial boos, Kardashian found her footing and cracked a few jokes of her own.

The reality TV star earned laughs (and groans) when she addressed rumors of her dating Brady, saying it would never work out because he reminds Kardashian of Caitlyn Jenner. Kardashian added that Jenner can serve as an example for how Brady can navigate his post-NFL career.

“She’s one of the best athletes in the world who proved you can do anything in this next chapter of your life,” Kardashian said. “You can become a commentator, a far-right Republican, or even a strong, confident woman.”

Kim Kardashian Esq. won’t be defending any football players #TomBradyRoast pic.twitter.com/XBaaFy2dwy — Netflix Is A Joke (@NetflixIsAJoke) May 6, 2024

“I think it’s so great the way that you’re showing everyone that, even after winning seven Super Bowls, you can still have a midlife crisis,” she added. “Honestly it’s hard for me to watch people roast you, but I think enough of my family members have helped defend former football players.”

9. Jeff Ross gets a talking to over Robert Kraft joke

As the “Roastmaster General,” comedian Jeff Ross is a veteran of celebrity roasts, so it’s no surprise that he showed up to push some buttons on Sunday night. In one of the show’s more controversial segments, Ross channeled the late O.J. Simpson as he arrived on stage, saying, “the juice is loose tonight.”

If that wasn’t enough, Ross also stirred the pot with an Aaron Hernandez joke that received an audible gasp from the crowd and various Patriots players onstage.

“What’s up, Patriots, I just came from hell,” Ross said. “Aaron Hernandez says hello.”

But the joke that really got Ross in trouble (with Brady at least) was his quip that touched on Kraft’s Florida massage parlor scandal. Ross joked that Brady asked Kraft if he wanted a massage during their first meeting after Brady was drafted.

While the former Patriots quarterback smirked at the joke, he quickly walked up to Ross on stage and could be heard saying, “Don’t say that [expletive] again,” in the comedian’s ear.

10. Kevin Hart doesn’t hold back as host

As the night’s host, Hart had plenty of opportunities to make fun of Brady, something he seemed to relish as a diehard Eagles fan. From jokes about his divorce from Bündchen to dropping f-bombs at Brady’s expense throughout the night, Hart wasn’t afraid to dig in.

While some of his jokes were hit or miss (see his opening bit about Joe Montana or his Antonio Brown joke), Hart got a nice response from the crowd during a poignant moment where he praised Belichick for coming out to support Brady.

“Way to come out and be supportive tonight,” Hart said to the cheer of the crowd. “I love it.”

Niceties aside, Hart mostly used his time to roast anyone and everyone at the event (including stars in the crowd like UFC president Dana White and comedian Chelsea Handler). Gronk was a particular target all night long..

“Gronk scares me,” Hart said after witnessing the former NFL star spike a shot glass. “He scares me.”

#TomBradyRoast pic.twitter.com/pe5hCChAol — Netflix (@netflix) May 6, 2024

11. Gronk goes wild

Pretty much all of Gronk’s jokes at the roast were too expletive-filled to recount here, but suffice it to say, it sounded like the filter was completely off as he roasted his former teammates.

Gronk brought the party, providing shot glasses for Brady, Belichick, and himself, inviting them to imbibe together.

“Tonight we’re doing a [expletive] shot baby,” Gronk shouted.

WHAT A NIGHT #TomBradyRoast pic.twitter.com/VQ5mRZ3iRE — Netflix (@netflix) May 6, 2024

12. Tom Brady punches back

Having endured nearly three hours of jokes at his expense, the night ended with Brady getting his turn to fire back. He kicked things off by taking Manning to task.

“Peyton, thank you so much for coming out to L.A. to do this,” he said. “I know sometimes you live in Denver, sometimes you live in Louisiana, but you’ll always live in my shadow.”

He added, “When I heard there was a slow, white Bronco heading down the 405 to come here tonight, I thought we might actually see a real football legend.”

Brady went even further with his edgy humor, getting a few groans as he made a Hernandez joke while talking about Gronk’s abilities on the field.

“Gronk was actually useful on the field,” Brady said. “Although the bar for Patriot tight ends was pretty low back then: Block. Catch. Don’t murder.”

Overall, it seemed like Brady wanted to make it known that he was done with all the haters and trash talkers.

“I got one thing to say: Lose my number,” Brady said. “[Expletive] them all, baby!”

Matt Juul can be reached at [email protected] .