dysfunctional family essay

Dysfunctional Family Examples, Roles, Types, Signs & Effects

A dysfunctional family is characterized by persistently negative, unhealthy, or abusive interactions that impair members’ well-being, often stemming from parental challenges like addiction or mental health issues. Dysfunctional family examples include constant conflict, addiction, abuse, mental disorders, and abandonment.

Six types of dysfunctional families are chaotic, conflict-driven, abusive, pathological, emotionally neglectful, and overprotective families, each with unique harmful dynamics. Members often adopt dysfunctional family roles like the scapegoat, golden child, lost child, mascot, enabler, or mastermind, perpetuating the cycle of dysfunction.

Adult children of dysfunctional families often experience low self-esteem, mental health issues, social withdrawal, and trust issues, and may perpetuate chaos in their own future families. Family dysfunction signs include conflict, emotional abuse, rigid rules, aggression, poor communication, and lack of empathy, among others.

Dysfunctional parents and their parenting styles are the primary cause, with types ranging from abusive and narcissistic to neglectful and emotionally immature. To overcome such upbringing, strategies include learning about dysfunctional dynamics, setting boundaries, building support systems, seeking therapy, and practicing self-care.

Table of Contents

What is a dysfunctional family?

A dysfunctional family is one in which the relationships and interactions among members are persistently negative, unhealthy, or abusive, leading to a toxic environment that impairs the emotional, psychological, and physical well-being of its members. Conflict, misconduct, abuse, or neglect are typical dysfunctional family dynamics due to one or both parents. These parents cannot fulfill their family responsibilities due to inconsistent, unresponsive, or overly critical parenting or because of challenges such as addiction, mental health issues, or chronic physical illness.

What are dysfunctional family examples?

Family dysfunction manifests in a wide variety of forms. Here are 5 dysfunctional family examples.

• Conflict : Constant family fighting between parents, between parents and children, or among siblings.
• Addiction : Parent addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, work, or being perfect.
• Abuse and neglect : Physical abuse or neglect, incest or sexual abuse, emotional abuse or neglect, or domestic violence.
• Mental disorders : Mentally ill parents.
• Abandonment : Parent abandoning the family.

What are dysfunctional family roles?

Dysfunction in families often occurs in a seemingly endless toxic family cycle, and everyone has a role to play. 

Parents and children in a problematic family often adopt one of the following 6 roles that keep the cycle of dysfunction going.

• Scapegoat : The family’s black sheep is often blamed for the problems within the family. In behavior akin to bullying, parents will often single out, leave out, and blame the scapegoat as the problem child, making them feel like they don’t belong.
• Golden child : The good child is favored or idealized by one of both parents, often to an unhealthy degree. The golden child can do no wrong in the parents’ eyes and receives preferential treatment, less criticism, and more approval and validation than their siblings.
• Lost Child : The quiet child spends most of their time alone, avoiding the family and its dysfunction. The lost child often makes a conscious effort to avoid causing trouble. They fade into the background, which unfortunately leads to their needs being unmet and ignored.
• Mascot child : The comic relief or the family clown uses humor and mischief to alleviate tension or divert attention away from the family dysfunction.
• Enabler : The enabler or caregiver protects troubled family members, covers up dysfunctional behavior, and assumes responsibility so that the family maintains the look of normalcy instead of a full-blown crisis day after day. The enabler allows the dysfunctional member to worsen to keep the family peace. Usually, an enabler is a parent, but it can also be a child. Parentification occurs when the child is the enabler and takes on parental duties, such as household chores, cooking, or caring for younger siblings.
• Mastermind : the opportunist gets what they want by using the family dysfunction to their advantage.

What are the types of dysfunctional families?

There are 6 types of dysfunctional families.

Chaotic family

A chaotic family is a disturbed family in which children are poorly looked after or protected because the parents are busy or non-present. 

In a 2020 study conducted at the University of Auckland, researchers found that chaotic families had a high level of disorganization and confusion. Family chaos includes a lack of structure, order, and predictability in day-to-day activities and interactions.

7 categories of adverse outcomes were identified in children and parents of chaotic households.

• Poorer cognitive and academic performance
• More behavioral, emotional, and social problems
• Delays in language and communication skills
• Reduced parenting, family, and household functioning
• Altered cortisol levels, heart rate variability, and higher inflammation
• Poor physical health, including increased weight, poor sleep quality, unhealthy diets, and developmental issues.
• Poor parent outcomes, including Impaired executive functioning, emotional eating, sleep problems, and higher depression.

Conflict-driven family

In a conflict-driven family, persistent and significant conflict is at the core of most interactions. This dysfunctional household is often marked by heated arguments, disputes, and potentially long-standing feuds. Family members tend to engage in behavior that exacerbates tensions, such as provoking each other or creating discord intentionally, creating a stressful atmosphere.

A 2015 research published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology was a 3-wave longitudinal study with 295 participating families. The study revealed that frequent family conflicts were associated with symptoms of depression, anxiety, conduct problems, and peer problems in teenagers by elevating their emotional insecurity about the family system.

Abusive family

An abusive family is an environment where members, particularly children, are subjected to a pattern of abusive behaviors, including physical, sexual, and emotional abuse or neglect.

In abusive family dynamics, there’s usually a dominant family member who uses an authoritarian parenting style and controls everyone else with no regard for the wishes or feelings of the other family members. The dominant parent is demanding but gives little back regarding love, support, and positive reinforcement. The children’s mistakes and shortcomings often have severe consequences, including yelling and spanking. It’s the parent’s way or the highway, leading to a submissive family situation where hiding abuse and keeping secrets is common.

A 2015 study published in Child Abuse & Neglect indicated that unhealthy family dynamics could lead to delinquency and psychological disorders, such as depression in children.

Pathological family

A pathological family, or parentified family, is one where the roles of children and parents are reversed, and a child takes on the role of a caregiver for their parents or siblings. This situation often arises when a parent cannot fulfill their responsibilities due to sickness, mental health issues, or substance abuse. Children sacrifice their needs for nurturance, guidance, and protection to hold the family together.

In 2010,  a study using the Parentification questionnaire was published in Contemporary Family Therapy. This study found that parentification was associated with mental health problems, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, and personality disorders.

Also See: Enmeshed Family

Emotionally neglectful family

In an emotionally neglectful family, parents are emotionally distant, unavailable, detached, and cold. They ignore the emotional needs of the children. These are families that don’t talk about feelings.

A 2013 meta-analysis study at Leiden University involving 59,406 participants found that emotional neglect was prevalent (18.4%).

Emotionally neglected children are more likely to have depression and feelings of shame, according to a 2007 study by the Seattle Pacific University.

Overprotective family

In an overprotective or helicopter family, parents are overly focused on their children’s lives, often micromanaging their affairs in excessive detail. Children are not allowed any independence or privacy.

A 2018 study at the University of Florence revealed that helicopter parenting was associated with difficulties in emotion regulation in children.

What are the signs of a dysfunctional family?

Here are 15 signs of a dysfunctional family.

• Conflict and hostility
• Emotional abuse and blaming
• Rigid rules
• Stifled emotions and different opinions
• Aggression or physical violence
• Poor communication
• Lack of empathy and respect
• Failure to respect boundaries 
• Role reversal (parentification)
• Restricted friendships and isolation
• A closed system where family members are afraid to speak up or seek help from outside sources
• Denial and secrecy
• Unrealistic expectations of children
• Conditional love or love withdrawal
• Using children for revenge

What are the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family?

Growing up in a dysfunctional family can have varying negative effects depending on the specific type of dysfunction. Here are 15 common effects in adult children of dysfunctional families (ACDF).

• Low self-esteem
• Feelings of shame or unworthiness
• Emotional dysregulation
• Delayed development, especially in language and cognition
• Mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and complex PTSD
• Personality disorders, such as narcissistic, antisocial, and borderline personality disorders
• Aggression and behavioral disorder
• Social withdrawal and isolation
• Lack of decision-making skills
• Trust issues
• People pleaser
• Missing out on “being a kid”
• Substance use
• Difficulty forming healthy relationships
• Becoming a dysfunctional parent when they have children

What disorder can a dysfunctional family cause?

A dysfunctional family is associated with multiple psychiatric disorders, according to a 2013 research published in the Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, including anxiety disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, major depressive disorder, and conduct or oppositional defiant disorder.Other studies found a correlation between dysfunctional upbringing and PTSD.

What are the 3 rules of a dysfunctional family?

The 3 rules of a dysfunctional family are “Don’t speak. Don’t feel. Don’t trust.” 

Don’t speak: In a dysfunctional family, keeping secrets is often an unwritten rule that permeates various family dynamics. Children, in particular, may face threats of abandonment or punishment if these secrets are disclosed outside the family, reinforcing a culture of silence and fear. 

Don’t feel: Family members are discouraged from acknowledging their feelings, leading to a lack of emotional awareness and expression. This suppression of emotions creates an environment where emotional needs are ignored or invalidated.

Don’t trust: Healthy relationships require trust, but dysfunctional families often betray trust in harmful ways. Family members may lie, break promises, violate boundaries, or fail to protect each other. This creates an environment where people feel unsafe opening up or relying on one another. Children from such a family often find it hard to develop a sense of trust.

What are the causes of a dysfunctional family?

Parents and their parenting styles are the primary root cause of dysfunctional families. The following are the 18 types of dysfunctional parents who can create a bad family life for children.

• Abusive parents
• Toxic parents
• Narcissistic parents
• Authoritarian or overly strict parents
• Controlling parents
• Critical parents
• Reactive parents
• Helicopter parents
• Overprotective parents
• Gaslighting parents
• Manipulative parents
• Inconsistent parenting
• Permissive parents
• Neglectful parents
• Codependent parents
• Emotionally distant parents
• Emotionally Immature parents
• Constantly fighting parents

How to overcome growing up in a dysfunctional family

To overcome growing up in a dysfunctional family, tailored strategies are available for different family dynamics. This includes learning how to recover from authoritarian parenting, deal with toxic parents , handle narcissistic parents , and manage relationships with strict parents during teenage years . 

Here are 10 steps to guide you through this process:

• Learn about dysfunctional families : Understanding dysfunctional family dynamics can bring self-awareness and help you identify and address your family role.
• Set personal boundaries : Set and maintain clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and personal space.
• Distance yourself : If your boundaries are not respected, creating physical or emotional distance from your unstable family will be necessary for your safety and healing. 
• Build a support system : Actively seek out and nurture friendships and relationships outside your family to create a support system that offers comfort and understanding. Joining a support group is another option to receive support from others who have gone through similar experiences.
• Overcoming toxic relationships or habits : Recognize and decisively leave harmful or abusive relationships and seek help to overcome addiction or other harmful habits.
• Develop self-awareness : Mindfulness practices such as meditation can help you reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and understand how your family background has shaped you.
• Seek mental help : A professional therapist or counselor can provide you with personalized strategies and coping mechanisms to heal from the impacts of a dysfunctional upbringing.
• Practice self-care : Make your physical, emotional, and mental well-being a priority through healthy lifestyle habits and nourishing activities, such as exercising, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep.
• Re-evaluate your parenting : If you have children, be mindful of unhealthy patterns you may unconsciously perpetuate, and get help to be the best parent you can be.
• Consider family therapy : Family therapy can help address dysfunctional family patterns, resolve conflicts, improve communication, and foster healthier dynamics among family members.

How to fix a dysfunctional family

To fix a dysfunctional family, all family members must acknowledge the situation and work together to change. Acknowledgment goes beyond merely blaming the parents ; it involves identifying and understanding the issue at hand. The whole family’s commitment to family therapy can help everyone identify underlying issues, improve communication, resolve conflicts, and change the hostile family environment. In addition, encourage each family member to seek individual therapy so that personal problems and traumas can be dealt with effectively.

The path to breaking the toxic family cycle requires commitment from all, willingness to change attitudes and behaviors, openness to outside input, and perseverance. Progress may feel slow, but in time, family bonds can grow stronger.

References For Dysfunctional Family

• 1. Hadley JA, Holloway EL, Mallinckrodt B. Common aspects of object relations and self-representations in offspring from disparate dysfunctional families. Journal of Counseling Psychology . Published online July 1993:348-356. doi:https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0167.40.3.348
• 2. GOLDKLANK S. My Family Made Me Do It: The Influence of Family Therapists’ Families of Origin on Their Occupational Choice. Family Process . Published online June 1986:309-319. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.1986.00309.x
• 3. Marsh S, Dobson R, Maddison R. The relationship between household chaos and child, parent, and family outcomes: a systematic scoping review. BMC Public Health . Published online April 22, 2020. doi:https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-020-08587-8
• 4. Cummings EM, Schatz JN. Family Conflict, Emotional Security, and Child Development: Translating Research Findings into a Prevention Program for Community Families. Clin Child Fam Psychol Rev . Published online February 5, 2012:14-27. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-012-0112-0
• 5. Harter SL, Vanecek RJ. Cognitive Therapy and Research . Published online 2000:445-472. doi:https://doi.org/10.1023/a:1005531803919
• 6. Hooper LM, Wallace SA. Evaluating the Parentification Questionnaire: Psychometric Properties and Psychopathology Correlates. Contemp Fam Ther . Published online November 10, 2009:52-68. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s10591-009-9103-9
• 7. Stoltenborgh M, Bakermans-Kranenburg MJ, van IJzendoorn MH. The neglect of child neglect: a meta-analytic review of the prevalence of neglect. Soc Psychiatry Psychiatr Epidemiol . Published online July 15, 2012:345-355. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-012-0549-y
• 8. Webb M, Heisler D, Call S, Chickering SA, Colburn TA. Shame, guilt, symptoms of depression, and reported history of psychological maltreatment. Child Abuse & Neglect . Published online November 2007:1143-1153. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2007.09.003
• 9. Tani F, Pascuzzi D, Raffagnino R. The Relationship Between Perceived Parenting Style and Emotion Regulation Abilities in Adulthood. J Adult Dev . Published online June 1, 2017:1-12. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-017-9269-6
• 10. Wallace BC. Crack cocaine smokers as adult children of alcoholics: The dysfunctional family link. Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment . Published online January 1990:89-100. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/0740-5472(90)90004-a
• 11. Ferreira GS, Moreira CR, Kleinman A, et al. Dysfunctional family environment in affected versus unaffected offspring of parents with bipolar disorder. Aust N Z J Psychiatry . Published online October 9, 2013:1051-1057. doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/0004867413506754
• 12. Linning LM, Kearney CA. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Maltreated Youth. J Interpers Violence . Published online October 2004:1087-1101. doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260504269097

Disclaimer: The content of this article is intended for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for medical concerns.

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• Dysfunctional families essay - essay writing guide walkthrough

Dysfunctional Families Essay

This guide explains how to write an essay on dysfunctional families. It explores the issue of "abnormal" families and presents several strategies to approach the topic.

First, define what "dysfunctional family" means

When examining the "dysfunctional" family, it can be difficult to determine what problems can lead to family problems. It is important to understand some of the many psychological effects that various living situations can cause. When writing an essay on the topic, you must first determine if it is going to be on a specific case, or the topic of serious family issues in general. Another important part of writing the essay is understanding the term "dysfunction" the dictionary defines dysfunction as "a consequence of a social practice or behavior pattern that undermines the stability of a social system." In this case, a family. Within a family it is important to realize that some issues are normal, and that some issues that are more serious, such as drug use or marital problems, can be resolved without causing dysfunction.

Explore the typical causes of intra-family tensions

Within a family it is important to realize that some issues are normal, and that some issues that are more serious, such as drug use or marital problems, can be resolved without causing dysfunction.

As a rule, serious family issues, when not attended to, are what leads to problems for the entire family. One important way to keep a family from suffering from severe issues is to recognize the importance of family time, as well as time apart from each other. The cause of many issues can be traced back to poor communication between members of a family. For example, many cases of teenage drug use can be traced to a lack of activities or an abundance of money. In searching for something to do, a young person may see drugs as something to spend time and money on. By offering more activities, or by ensuring that the teenager be required to work for his or her own money can lead to a much different turn of events.

Present a specific family situation

In researching specific family problems one should keep in mind the circumstances that may have caused these problems, as the causes are not always obvious or immediately apparent. When examining specific family cases, you should try to understand the feelings of each individual, as the ultimate cause of family dysfunction is usually a combination of many problems facing various members of the family. As with any research paper, determining topics is very important, you should create a strong introduction to the issue that entices the reader to dive deeper into the paper to seek more information about the topic. You should then cover some key points, which in this case may be causes for individual issues, signs to look for that point to family issues, or how to resolve these issues.

End the essay with the suggested resolutions of the situation

It is also important to have a real desire to fix the issue before it begins to effect the whole family, as this is what leads to a breakdown between family members.

It is common for a family to attempt to quell problems with medication or some other method of avoidance, which can be very dangerous. Deep psychological discomfort that can lead to family dysfunction should be tended to immediately, and should be treated with discussion and possibly talk therapy. When considering therapy it is important to find a therapist who will not attempt to simplify the problem through simply diagnosing some mental disorder and prescribing medication, as this can create it's own host of problems. It is also important to have a real desire to fix the issue before it begins to effect the whole family, as this is what leads to a breakdown between family members.

Another useful tool in helping older members of the family to cope with problems is group therapy, this can be particularly effective for teenagers as it gives them a chance to experiment with interacting with people differently. Sometimes problems cannot be solved through therapy or simple discussion, but must be instead treated with time apart, or in some cases, such as sever marital issues, permanent separation.

While these solutions may seem extreme, sometimes it is the only way to avoid a hostile living environment. Writing an essay about family dynamics offers the chance to understand the human mind more, which is a valuable opportunity!

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The Effects of Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family

This article addresses something that impacts many of us— the lasting effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Growing up in a dysfunctional family can be lonely, scary, and confusing. And children in dysfunctional families don’t have typical childhoods.

What is a dysfunctional family?

Let’s start by defining what we mean by “dysfunctional family.” Certainly, nobody has a “perfect” childhood, but some families function in healthier ways than others.

A dysfunctional family is characterized by unhealthy patterns of communication, conflict, and behavior that negatively impact the well-being of its members. In these families, communication is often hindered by misunderstandings or silence, roles are unclear (children act as parents and vice versa), emotional expression is extreme, boundaries are blurred, conflict is frequent and unresolved, addictive behaviors may be prevalent, and parenting is inconsistent. family members don’t feel safe and supported and their emotional and/or physical needs may not be met.

In contrast, functional families prioritize healthy communication, maintain clear roles, foster emotional well-being, establish boundaries, address conflicts constructively, encourage healthy coping mechanisms, and provide consistent parenting.

What is a healthy or functional family?

If you’ve never been a part of a healthy or well-functioning family, it can be hard to differentiate between a functional and dysfunctional family. Below are some of the qualities of a functional family. Notice how they compare to the dynamics in your family of origin.

In healthy families, children typically:

• Feel safe and relaxed
• Enjoy playing, creating, and exploring
• Are supervised
• Do age-appropriate chores
• Aren’t expected to keep family secrets
• Feel comfortable having friends over
• Don’t have to take care of their parents
• Don’t worry about their parents
• Don’t witness their parents verbally or physically hurting each other
• Aren’t physically, emotionally, or sexually abused
• Usually know who will be present in their home
• Don’t have to call the police or worry about whether they should
• Are accepted for who they are
• Experience consistent and age-appropriate rules and consequences
• Trust their parents’ judgment
• Experience their parents as emotionally and physically available and willing to help
• Are encouraged and consoled
• Are allowed to have and express feelings and opinions
• Can have privacy, emotional and physical space
• Receive verbal and physical affection that feels good
• Feel loved and wanted

You don’t get a childhood when you grow up in a dysfunctional family

Growing up in a dysfunctional family affects everyone differently. Factors such as personality, age, coping skills, support system, and access to resources play a part.

And not all dysfunctional families function in the same ways. For example, in some, children are micromanaged, harshly criticized, and punished for every minor mistake. In other dysfunctional families, children are ignored and there are few rules or expectations.

Many adult children of dysfunctional families (adult children) didn’t have a typical childhood. They weren’t able to play, try new things, or have friends come to their homes. They never felt safe, nurtured, or carefree. Instead, adult children often describe their childhoods are confusing, unpredictable, chaotic, and fearful.

Young children in dysfunctional families may sense that something’s wrong, but they don’t know that their family is dysfunctional or that other families operate differently. They think everyone’s Mom passes out on the couch after dinner or that all kids hide in the closet when Dad starts yelling. As children get older, go to school, and spend more time outside their home, they begin to realize that something is different about their family.

The effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family

Often children with troubled parents don’t get to just be kids. They’re saddled with responsibilities, worries, and shame from an early age. They don’t have friends visit because it’s not allowed, they’re ashamed, or their home is unpredictable.

They have to take on adult responsibilities when their parents can’t—caring for siblings, cooking, cleaning, or making sure Mom gets up for work.  They feel on edge because their parents are like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde—they never know which version they’re going to get.

Other adult children remember being given lots of freedom or material possessions, but emotional connection, supervision, and consequences were lacking. On the one hand, kids certainly like staying up as late as they want and playing unlimited video games, but children don’t feel safe when there isn’t supervision and rules.

Dysfunctional families tend to have no rules, overly harsh, or arbitrary rules. Consistent rules provide structure and safety. They teach kids what’s expected of them and help them self-regulate and behave in socially acceptable ways. We need a caregiver who consistently shows up and meets our physical and emotional needs to form a secure attachment . Secure attachments are the basis for healthy and satisfying relationships throughout our lives.

In addition, some children in dysfunctional families don’t feel loved. When kids aren’t given positive attention or encouragement, they feel damaged and unworthy of love. If a parent is too busy, self-centered, or distracted to show up for the school play or basketball game, children internalize this as “I don’t matter”. And nothing hurts more than feeling unloved and unwanted by our own parents.

Children mistakenly believe they did something that makes them unlovable or that caused their parents’ problems. They fantasize that if they could only be perfect, their parents would love them. In reality, children don’t cause their parents problems and can’t fix them, but as children we feel responsible.

If you feel like you didn’t have a childhood because of your parents’ or family’s difficulties, you aren’t alone. Many adult children feel that growing up in a dysfunctional had a profound and lasting impact on them.

Others don’t think their childhood had an impact at all. For some, this may be the case. And for others, it’s not until well into adulthood or becoming parents themselves that they realize the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family.

These effects can be experienced as feeling anxious and fearful, expecting perfection and being very hard on yourself and others, difficulty relaxing and having fun, being overly responsible, difficulty trusting and having intimate relationships, feeling overwhelmed by parenthood, and having trouble setting rules/consequences for your own children.

Most importantly, please know that you aren’t alone, you didn’t cause these issues, and you can heal.

This post contains an affiliate link, which means we may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through our links. There is no added cost for you.

Resources for Adult Children

For additional support, please use the following resources:

• Parentified Child: When a Child Has to Act Like an Adult
• 6 Roles in Dysfunctional Families
• Why Do Some Adult Children of Alcoholics Become Workaholics and Perfectionists?
• What Causes Codependency
• Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics
• Codependent No More
• It Will Never Happen to Me (and other books by Claudia Black)
• Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization

©2024 Dr. Sharon Martin, LCSW. All rights reserved. Photos courtesy of Canva.com.

Characteristics of Dysfunctional Families

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Dr. Sharon Martin

Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW is a psychotherapist and author specializing in codependency recovery. For the past 25 years, she’s been helping people-pleasers, perfectionists, and adult children overcome self-doubt and shame, embrace their imperfections, and set boundaries. Dr. Martin writes the popular blog Conquering Codependency for Psychology Today and is the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism and The Better Boundaries Workbook.

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Dysfunctional Behavior Within a Family Essay (Critical Writing)

• To find inspiration for your paper and overcome writer’s block
• As a source of information (ensure proper referencing)
• As a template for you assignment

Tolerating Drug or Alcohol Abuse

How it may emerge during the first meeting, how social workers should address it.

As new family social workers get into the field, they are likely to make mistakes before they gain enough experience. These errors may be caused by inappropriate behavior of the workers or by some dysfunction within the client family. First meetings are a popular venue for such issues, and the specialists should be ready to address misbehavior appropriately. Failure to mitigate the adverse effects may lead to ineffective interventions and harm the helping process (Collins, Jordan, & Coleman, 2013). This paper presents an example of a family behavior that may be viewed as dysfunctional. It also discusses how this behavior may emerge during the first interviews and how it may be addressed to mitigate its adverse influence on effective helping.

Substance or alcohol abuse is a typical dysfunctional family pattern that affects many households worldwide. However, there is an even worse behavior that not only harms the family but also poses a significant hindrance for those who want to help – being afraid to discuss the problem or pretending that there is no problem at all. Children in such families tend to grow up thinking that drug or alcohol abuse is not something abnormal.

Some parents may even physically abuse their children when they are under alcohol influence (Venta, Velez, & Lau, 2016). When the partner witnesses such misbehavior and does not object, children may assume blame and develop a weak personality (Venta et al., 2016). Therefore, it is imperative that families do not tolerate such dysfunctional behavior and take immediate steps to resolve the problem.

Initial interviews are critical because family social workers mostly engage in diagnostic activities and collecting required information for the development of appropriate intervention strategies. Disrupting this process may have a negative impact on the outcomes. The mentioned dysfunctional behavior may manifest itself in the unwillingness of the partner and children to share accurate information that may be valuable for the social worker. The specialist may even draw incorrect conclusions based on inaccurate and incomplete data. After witnessing that the affected family members are not inclined to discuss the problem with others, the misbehaving parent may start imposing even more significant harm. The social worker should be prepared for such situations and utilize various techniques to address the issue.

The social worker should establish mutual trust and effective communication with the family members. As the communication process in family social work is deliberate, one should not avoid sharing information (Collins et al., 2013). The specialist may use general principles suggested by Collins et al. (2013) to facilitate productive communication. All parties should agree on the concrete problems that need to be discussed. The social worker should be transparent when talking about the potential consequences of tolerating alcohol and physical abuse. The professional should also describe the potential adverse impacts on children’s mental health and future well-being.

Among the many factors that can adversely affect the interview and intervention process are dysfunctional behaviors shown by a social worker and family members. One instance of such conduct is the unwillingness to discuss the partner’s substance or alcohol abuse problem that often transforms into physical abuse of children. When the affected family members do not want to share any information about the issue, the social worker should apply the principles of effective communication to elicit the necessary data from the clients.

Collins, D., Jordan, C., & Coleman, H. (2013). An introduction to family social work (4th Ed.). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole.

Venta, A., Velez, L., & Lau, J. (2016). The role of parental depressive symptoms in predicting dysfunctional discipline among parents at high-risk for child maltreatment. Journal of Child and Family Studies , 25 (10), 3076-3082.

• Family Categories Schema: Family Strengths Analysis
• Identical Twins Reared Apart
• Handling Child Misbehavior
• Sexual Harassment as Organizational Misbehavior
• The Difference Between Organizational Conflict and Misbehavior
• Genogram: Family History and System Theory
• Blended Families and Crises
• Why I Am a Good Son to My Parents
• Sibling Solidarity in a Polygamous Community in the USA
• Adapting Family Network Issue
• Chicago (A-D)
• Chicago (N-B)

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What Is A Dysfunctional Family, And What Is It Like To Grow Up In One?

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Many issues that arise later in life may originate from childhood experiences in a dysfunctional family. One in seven children faces trauma, such as emotional abuse or abnormal sexual behavior, which can impact their emotional well-being into adulthood. Dysfunctional family members and common dysfunctional parental behavior contribute to creating an unhealthy environment. Begin by examining the characteristics of a family's dysfunction and the long-term effects of growing up in such families.

What is a dysfunctional family?

Dysfunctional families may appear diverse, as family dynamics can be intricate. The McGraw-Hill Concise Dictionary of Modern Medicine defines a dysfunctional family as “a family with multiple internal or external conflicts that affect the basic needs of the family unit.” For instance, this may involve:

• Sibling rivalries
• Parent-child conflicts
• Domestic violence or sexual abuse
• Physical or mental illness
• Single parenthood or one parent households
• Alcohol, drug use, or an addicted parent
• Extramarital affairs
• Gambling addiction
• Unemployment influences
• Financial concerns
• Other traumatic family occurrences, such as unfair treatment

Some families have minor dysfunction, while others have deeply rooted issues leading to serious problems. Numerous factors can contribute to dysfunctional family life, with each occurring to varying degrees.

What are the factors of a dysfunctional family?

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you might have faced concerns since childhood, affecting you even as an adult. Dysfunctional families, involving other family members, tend to be unstable or conflict-ridden. The caregiver/s might be so preoccupied with their worries and needs that they fail to meet those of the children, leading to neglect, abuse, or conflict.

Such children may feel lonely, developing low self-esteem and self-worth. They might experience physical or mental health problems and adopt survival mechanisms or unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result. Kids raised in these toxic environments often carry survival mechanisms with them for years.

The following factors may indicate family dysfunction. You might also take the ACES test , as providers often use it to determine if someone experienced trauma as a child.

Family history of dysfunction

Dysfunctional family patterns may repeat themselves within such families. For example, people may learn their parenting styles from their own parents or caregivers. If one or both caregivers abused them, they might abuse their children or struggle to model healthy relationships.

In some cases, parents may try to avoid abusing their children as they were abused, by being lenient or neglectful. Spouses might partake in conflict if their parents did, not understanding how to exhibit healthy behaviors.

Those who grew up in dysfunctional households can learn healthier techniques for parenting. They may address the negative emotions they carry as adults and learn how to love, appreciate, respect, and treat others healthily.

A willingness to work on overcoming these issues can help end a dysfunctional family environment. For example, trauma therapy can be effective in treating adults who were sexually abused. Additionally, your attachment style can change over time. 

Medical problems

Physical illness alone may not cause family dysfunction. However, it may have impacts on the family unit, involving other family members. Parents might rely on their children, including younger siblings, to care for their health, which can cause anxiety and depression. Additionally, if one family member is ill and is not cared for, this may cause the children to grow up invalidating their illnesses.

You may not have had any control over the illness that strained your family, but you can control your actions, learn to use the resources available, such as a support group, and meet your children's needs.

Mental illness

Biology may play a role in many mental illnesses. However, behavioral issues that can accompany them may make family life much more challenging, especially without treatment. 

People with untreated mental illnesses like trauma disorders, anxiety, or depression may act unhealthily toward their families. With treatment, people with mental illness may start to contribute positively. 

Life circumstances

Stress is often an unavoidable part of life. While low levels of stress can positively impact people and push them to achieve their goals, excessive stress may jeopardize a family's safety and well-being, even in a two parent household.

High levels of stress could lead to hostility within a family, affecting both the other parent and other members. Learning to manage life's stressors healthily can be essential to the happiness and well-being of the individual and the family. When you model healthy coping strategies to your children, including a rebellious child, they may learn how to control their emotions .

Substance addiction, gambling, or psychological addictions may lead to codependency , with caretakers spending excessive amounts of time, energy, and other resources on the individual who’s addicted. Certain family roles in addiction are adopted by the family members to cope with the situation. At times, children fill the role of caretaker. When an addiction is severe, it may drain a family’s financial and emotional resources, including the emotional resources of children living with a parent who’s addicted. A parent living with an untreated substance use disorder or other addiction may be emotionally unavailable to their children. 

While addiction can cause problems within a family, addictive behaviors may also develop due to dysfunctional family dynamics. Those living in a family that doesn’t meet their needs may turn to substances, food, or gambling for temporary relief. 

• Perfectionism

Parents who are perfectionistic may put pressure on their partners and children not just to do their best but to accomplish the impossible. Perfectionism may lead to unrealistic expectations and be detrimental to family life. 

Loved ones of perfectionistic individuals might feel they’re walking on eggshells. Children with perfectionist parents may lose their innate lighthearted spirit and find learning difficult. These children may lack self-esteem or feel at fault for their parent’s behavior. 

Ineffective communication

Poor communication may be a characteristic of a dysfunctional family. Problems might be managed with open, honest, and healthy communication. 

Dysfunctional families may struggle to listen to each other, and indirect communication could cause bitterness or passive-aggressive behavior. Teaching children active listening skills and learning them yourself may avoid this. 

Lack of empathy

When caregivers lack empathy, their children may feel that a parent’s love is conditional. When a parent shows empathy, they model this trait to the child, which may help children become compassionate, empathetic adults. Empathy is a skill that can be learned.

In healthy families, caregivers are often intent on helping their children make good decisions and learn from their mistakes rather than belittling them or instilling shame.

Excessive attempts to control

Dysfunctional families are often characterized by a caregiver's excessive need to control their children or partner. When parents fail to help children develop a healthy sense of autonomy, children may not feel self-confident and struggle to form relationships with their own friends.

Taking a more relaxed, accepting approach encourages kids to do their best in every situation rather than living to appease the controlling parent. Regarding parenting styles, studies show that authoritative parenting is often the most beneficial. 

Lack of seclusion and independence

Parents in dysfunctional families may lack trust in their children and invade their comfort and seclusion. While there are times when parents may need to know what’s going on with their children, parents in a functional family may utilize honest communication and questions instead of forcing their child to open up.

Constant criticism

Criticism may run rampant in a dysfunctional family. At times, the criticism could be blatant, with parents chastising everything the child says or does. Other times, parents take a more subtle approach by using sarcasm, insults, or teasing. When criticism involves attempts to frighten, control, or isolate, it may signify emotional abuse .

Dysfunctional family roles

There are five to six common roles in a dysfunctional family:

• Enabler or caretaker: The individual may attempt to keep the family going despite the presence of addiction or other dysfunctions in the family.
• Scapegoat or troublemaker: Scapegoating exists in a dysfunctional family. The scapegoat or troublemaker may become sick, weak, angry, or rebellious in response to their treatment. They may receive the majority of abuse or maltreatment. 
• Lost child: The lost child may spend most of their time alone, avoiding the family and its dysfunctional ways. 
• Mascot: This individual may try to alleviate tension within the family by utilizing humor or mischief in everyday life. The mascot may be labeled the family clown.
• The hero or golden child: This person may be idolized or pressured by their caregiver. They may receive less abuse or neglect but may feel pressure to excel, to please their parents, and to be “perfect.”

Immediate effects of living in a dysfunctional family

When a child is living in a dysfunctional family, they may experience immediate effects, including:

• Social isolation or loneliness
• Development of mental health conditions
• Childhood PTSD
• Feeling extremely self-critical
• Low self-esteem
• Behavioral issues 
• Difficulty expressing thoughts or feelings

When you live in a dysfunctional family as a child, your brain may respond to stressors in unhealthy ways. Your fight or flight response in your nervous system could remain activated long after you have left your family dynamic. 

What is it like to grow up in a healthy family?

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you might get the impression that there is no such thing as a healthy, functional family life. It may feel hard to believe that functional families can be a reality. 

However, healthy families do exist. So, what does a healthy family look like? There are a few characteristics of a healthy family environment: 

• People communicate freely and openly but compassionately 
• Everyone’s basic physical and emotional needs are met, including water, food, shelter, social belonging, and bladder/digestive needs 
• Caregivers show unconditional love for each child, even when they disapprove of specific behaviors
• Through their words and actions, parents may support children’s emotional growth
• Children feel open to bringing up concerns or questions to their caregivers

Counseling for support 

Adult children of caregivers who displayed dysfunctional behavior may benefit from working with a therapist. To overcome a childhood affected by a dysfunctional family, healing internal wounds can be a decisive step. 

Studies show that many adults feel most comfortable at home, which can make in-person therapy feel daunting. If you relate, you may enjoy trying therapy from home in the form of online counseling. 

Online therapy can effectively treat various mental health conditions and heal certain kinds of trauma. While many problems often arise from adverse childhood experiences, your mental health can be affected at any life stage. 

One study showed how internet-delivered therapy successfully reduced the severity of PTSD symptoms in participants. The same group also saw a reduction in co-morbid depression and anxiety, proving the efficacy of online therapy for these concerns.  

Talking with family about your experience could worsen existing issues. Speaking with a therapist allows you to express your feelings about what happened in a safe environment. If you’re ready to try counseling, consider signing up through an online platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. 

Your past may not necessarily predict your future. Although you may have gone through traumatic or dysfunctional experiences in childhood, there are ways to find support and healing. If you’re looking for professional help, consider reaching out to a counselor to get started.

What are some examples of a dysfunctional family?

Dysfunctional families are families that have some form of unhealthy dynamic, such as frequent conflict, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, poor communication, and other challenges. 

A dysfunctional family can be one in which one parent has a substance use disorder and is unable to care for the child or children, or offers them alcohol or other substances. 

It may also be a family in which parents rely on their child for financial or emotional support. 

Another example is when a parent is physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive toward a child or children, while the other parent defends and the abuser. 

Finally, a dysfunctional family may be one in which a parent or parent neglects the well-being and development of their children to focus on their own life and problems. This can include things like forgetting to feed their kids, not offering emotional support to them, or even leaving them alone in dangerous situations. 

What causes a dysfunctional family?

There can be a number of causes for dysfunction in a family. Some of the most common are things like:

• Untreated mental health conditions
• Childhood trauma for a parent or parents
• Substance use
• Socioeconomic status
• A lack of boundaries
• Conditional love
• Lack of intimacy
• A dominant parent
• Abusive behavior

How does a dysfunctional family affect a child?

There can be a number of effects on a child from a dysfunctional family. They may become depressed or anxious, have anger issues, demonstrate behavioral problems, mimic the problematic behavior (including substance abuse or physical abuse), and have ongoing identity issues. Often growing up in a dysfunctional family leads to a perpetuation of dysfunction in their own family. 

How do you overcome a dysfunctional family?

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may experience feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or shame. One of the first steps in overcoming your past is to recognize patterns of abuse, and decide to take responsibility for your own life and actions. You may not be able to change your family or your upbringing, but you can work on yourself. 

You may have to set boundaries with your family, some may even do this to the point of cutting them out of their life completely. In addition, it can be a good idea to meet with a therapist to identify any negative patterns of thought or behavior, and to learn positive coping skills and stress management techniques. 

What are the side effects of a dysfunctional family?

Having a dysfunctional family can be harmful in a number of ways, and have a negative impact on the lives of the children. Some side effects of family dysfunction include:

• Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Anger issues
• Difficulty establishing and maintaining relationships
• Personality disorders
• A belief that they do not deserve good things in life

How do you deal with a dysfunctional family?

Breaking dysfunctional patterns is possible. Family therapy can help to navigate some of the issues that underlie family dysfunction. In cases of substance use, substance abuse treatment can be helpful in addressing the underlying issues that dysfunctional households may experience. In cases of physical violence or other forms of abuse, the best option is to get away from the abuser. In all of these cases, however, there needs to be both a recognition of dysfunction, and a willingness for change in someone with power. In some cases, children are unable to get away until they are older. 

How do dysfunctional families start?

Dysfunction patterns can be self-perpetuating. Dysfunctional families very often grow out of other dysfunctional families. When a child grows up without the opportunity to become well-equipped with healthy coping mechanisms and has experienced unpredictability and fear during developmental years, they often contribute to dysfunction in their own children. Or in cases of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, in some cases (especially in those where they have never received help) a victim can go on to develop the tendency to visit this type of abuse on others. 

Other factors may contribute, including substance use, poverty, medical need, mental health conditions, and any other number of challenges. 

What happens when you grow up in a dysfunctional family?

Growing up in a dysfunctional household can be difficult, but there is no common answer to this question. It can depend on the individual, and on the types of emotional support they receive from others. There are a number of family roles that are filled by people who grow up in these situations, and these roles can have different effects. Most dysfunctional families experience at least one of the following:

• The black sheep or scapegoat. This is often a child who identifies problems within the family and speaks out. The other children or family members may distance themselves and play the blame game with this person, especially if they are in denial of any problems in their own family. 
• The parentified child. They take on a caretaker role, or a spousal role in the family. They will often struggle with unhealthy relationship dynamics in adulthood, and often base their self-worth on the approval of others. 
• The golden child. This is often the older child or the youngest child, and is considered to be the one who can do no wrong. They often grow up with attachment issues. 
• The lost child. This child spends their life trying to go undetected, staying under the radar. This can lead to low self-esteem and feelings of invisibility as an adult. 
• The enabler. This child will often attempt to maintain an appearance of normalcy within the family (although sometimes this person is the spouse). They support and affirm unhealthy behaviors. As an adult they may feel a strong responsibility to “fix” or help others.

What makes a dysfunctional family different from a healthy family?

A dysfunctional family is defined by a lack of healthy patterns and dynamics, while other families demonstrate more positive behaviors. Some general indicators of dysfunctional vs healthy families:

Dysfunctional: 

• Poor communication
• Neglect or over-involvement
• Fear and uncertainty
• Exploitation

Healthy family:

• Open and appropriate communication
• A balanced sense of involvement
• A safe, stable environment
• Unconditional love
• Is Sibling Rivalry Normal? How Conflict Between Siblings Works Medically reviewed by Elizabeth Erban , LMFT, IMH-E
• Blood Related: Family Quotes For Any Situation Medically reviewed by Laura Angers Maddox , NCC, LPC
• Relationships and Relations

Pioneering the Future of AI-Enhanced Storytelling

Dysfunctional Families and Their Stories

A deep dive into the psychological conflict and complexity of fractured ways of thinking

Stories of dysfunction are popular among writers who want to explore the conflict that can arise when the psychologies of characters clash. Nailing down exactly what those problems are and how best to dramatize them can be difficult, especially given the basic understandings of story prevalent today.

One popular sub-genre of dysfunction is that of the dysfunctional family.

Dysfunctional families experience trouble because of psychological problems, problems that can't resolve by defeating a bad guy or winning a race. Their problems stem from the way the individual family members think, rather than what they say or do. A successful resolution to their problems will find the family functional once again--an outcome that will hinge upon the Goal of the story.

Determining the Story Goals of Dysfunction

Typically, when presented with a story like this the Goal has something to do with bringing the family back together. Whether that relies on maintaining the American dream as it is in American Beauty , or simply being the superhero family they were born to be as it is in The Incredibles , the Goal of the story becomes less about what the Protagonist wants and more about overcoming the inequity at the source of the dysfunction.

How exactly does one figure out the Goal of a story?

Story Goals are always about overcoming the inequity created by the Inciting Incident. The Goals of most Hollywood films are relatively easy to figure out because they base themselves on problems that need some kind of physical achievement by the characters in order to resolve them.

In Unforgiven there are some bad men that need killin'. In The Matrix humans need to gain the upper hand over their computer overlords. And in Casablanca there are two tickets of transit that spell freedom for a couple of lucky souls. External problems that need external solutions.

But what physical prize needs exists in American Beauty , or Eat, Drink, Man, Woman or Little Miss Sunshine ? For that matter, what about The Incredibles or Down n' Out in Beverly Hills or even the classic Frank Capra comedy Arsenic and Old Lace ? All these films tell stories of dysfunctional families, yet have no clearly delineated external Goal for the characters to reach.

With Brad Bird's incredible The Incredibles one could argue that the Goal is to defeat Syndrome. Referring back to the article Sophisticated Story Goals , pureeing the bad guy wasn't enough--Violet had to take that final step and become a part of the family. With her force-field firmly set, the dysfunctional Parrs became the functional Parrs, paving the way for them to finally enjoy Saturday juvenile sports just like all the other "normal" families.

Story Goals are not always about achieving things, yet they are always about resolving inequities . As Chris Huntley, co-creator of the Dramatica theory of story recently pointed out ( source ):

By definition, a Story Goal is a form of accomplishment. Do not confuse the nature of the story point with the methodology to reach it. Otherwise, EVERY goal would be an obtaining goal, and that does not accurately reflect the way many stories are intended. Part of the problem lies in our cultural bias. We tend to look at the end as the point, and not the means.

While a Goal may appear to be some sort of achievement, that accomplishment is not as important to the meaning of a story as the means to achieve it. In order to figure out how a dysfunctional family might mend itself, it becomes necessary for one to address the exact inequity of a particular story.

Inequities of Dysfunction

In American Beauty , patriarch Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) must put into words how his contribution to the workplace fits in. An inequity grows from that one Inciting Incident, an inequity of dysfunction that had been bubbling for years, an inequity that threatens the stability of the Burnham's perfect American fairytale family. The Goal isn't about Lester sleeping with the 16-year old cheerleader (no matter how much he wish it were), it is something more psychological in nature. The only way to truly resolve the issues plaguing the Burnhams is for each character to put aside their own personal agendas and work to together to imagine a new concept of what their family life should be.

The same kind of inequity exists in the Richard Dreyfuss/Bette Midler comedy Down n' Out in Beverly Hills , albeit a bit less melodramatic. Set squarely in the late 80s, the dysfunctional Whitemans family encounters a bum (Nick Nolte) with an eye for the truth. Again, as with American Beauty , there is no bad guy to defeat, no treasure to find, and no mountain to climb, yet there is still this feeling that something is wrong . That feeling finds its source with the role each character feels they have to play. The maid as mistress, the dutiful mother who would rather be anything else, the son who floats from filmmaker to glam-rocker to express himself-- each of these are acts of pretense that must move aside in order for the Whitemans to overcome their dysfunction.

In the slapstick classic Arsenic and Old Lace , drama critic Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant) discovers that his two sweet aunts are homicidal maniacs. Learning that his family's dysfunction extends far beyond just younger brother Teddy's delusions of grandeur (he thinks he is Teddy Roosevelt), Mortimer begins scheming and manipulating those around him based on the concern that he might, in fact, become mad like the rest of them. Avoiding this insane transformation is the only way the inequity of the story can resolve, especially when a second dead body turns out not to be the work of his aunts, but rather his older brother, Jonathan!

Three different stories (four if you count The Incredibles ), three different genres, yet they all focus the dramatic eye on the same kind of inequity-- problematic ways of thinking.

So How Does It All Turn Out?

In The Incredibles everything worked out for the Parrs. Down n' Out In Beverly Hills ? The Whitemans awake from their wild party sans makeup, both real and psychological. The dysfunctional family now fully functional .

Arsenic and Old Lace ? They cart the aunts, along with both brothers, to the insane asylum. But more importantly Mortimer learns of his adoption, and that the chances of he and his blushing bride creating offspring as wild and crazy as these nutbags disappears as quickly as it had come. That fear of becoming just like them has dissipated, and with it the inequity of the story.

American Beauty , unfortunately, does not have such a rosy ending.

Whether you look at Lester's tragic demise, or his wife Carolyn who discovers far too late how great he is, or the Colonel who can't find a way to make who he is into the concept of what he thinks he should be, the inequity of the story persists. The story is a failure, and if it weren't for Lester's cheerful take on the whole thing it would have come off as a tragedy the likes of Se7en or Hamlet .

The Trouble with Dysfunction

The psychology story is an opportunity for an Author to explore issues of a different feather, issues left untouched by the majority of Hollywood films.

Why is that?

Those in the West rarely examine the way they reach conclusions. They have no problem questioning their actions or the actions of others, but when it comes to matters of psychology they most often are not sure what it is they are dealing with. Confused as to the nature of the story within their hands, they label it a personal drama story or feel the work in question if far too eclectic for common tastes.

In reality, the resistance shows itself in those who are uncomfortable with the thought that the way they go about coming up with ideas may in fact be fraught with issues and inequity.

The dramatists purpose, then, is to reveal it to them.

:: expert Advanced Story Theory for This Article Stories of dysfunctional families often find their Objective Story Throughlines in Psychology . In contrast to stories found within the Mind domain, OS Psychology stories explore the problems that arise from the way people think, rather than what they think.

Diving down further one finds the four Concerns of Psychology: Conceptualizing , Conceiving , Being and Becoming . Recent versions of the software offer users simpler terms to replace them. Conceptualizing becomes Conceptualizing , Conceiving becomes Conceiving and Idea , Being becomes Being and Becoming becomes Transforming One's Nature . While these new "layman" terms might be easier for the newbie to grok, they tend to narrow down and obfuscate what is really happening at this level. As with all things Dramatica, understanding what the terms truly mean becomes more important than the terms themselves.

Down n' Out and The Incredibles find their OS Concerns in Being. Arsenic and Old Lace in Becoming. American Beauty finds the source of its troubles in Conceptualizing.

One of the more compelling ideas to come out of Dramatica is the notion that a particular Story's Goal will be similar in nature to the OS Concern.

In The Incredibles this means the Parr family has to Be themselves in order to overcome the inequity of the story. In Down n' Out they simply have to stop Be-ing. In Arsenic and Old Lace Mortimer needs to stop trying to Become like his adoptive family. And in American Beauty Lester and Co. need to Conceptualize a new model of the American family. ::

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Home > Books > Parenting in Modern Societies

The Impact of Dysfunctional Families on the Mental Health of Children

Submitted: 24 January 2023 Reviewed: 15 February 2023 Published: 21 June 2023

DOI: 10.5772/intechopen.110565

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Parenting in Modern Societies

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A healthy and nurturing family environment is necessary for the development of mental health in children. A positive atmosphere within the family, such as open communication, strong interpersonal relationships between parents and children, harmony and cohesion, contributes to a conducive and a safe space for children to develop healthy habits. Children who grow up in dysfunctional families are at risk of developing mental illness, which, if not treated, can result in long-term mental health problems such as depression and anxiety. Children who are exposed to constant conflict, aggression, abuse, neglect, domestic violence and separation because of divorce or parents who work long hours away from home are likely to present with behavioural and emotional problems. Parents, whether single, married or divorced, have got the responsibility to protect their children’s mental health.

• dysfunctional families
• mental health
• mental illness
• parent-child relationship
• parental practices

Author Information

Lucy kganyago mphaphuli *.

• The National Prosecuting Authority, Witness Protection Programme, Pretoria, South Africa

*Address all correspondence to: [email protected]

1. Introduction

Mental health of children is a global and persistent concern. It is a multifaceted problem with some of the leading courses being depression, anxiety and behavioural disorders. According to the World Health Organisation [ 1 ], one in six people are of ages 10–19, and within this age group, one in seven experience mental health challenges. Children of this age group are at a critical period of developing healthy habits that are necessary for their mental wellness. Being exposed to difficult circumstances at this tender age can compromise their ability to develop healthy mental wellness.

The first year of life is pivotal in the neurological development of children [ 2 ]. The childhood experiences during this period can have a positive or negative impact in the development of the brain. Children who are raised in nurturing environments of love, care and support can develop healthy attachments, relationships of trust, security and a good self-esteem. Infants who grow up in unconducive environments characterised by abuse and neglect tend to feel unloved, unappreciated and unwanted. Such children may avoid building intimate and social relationships later in life as they find it difficult to trust other people. They develop fear of their environment and view the world as a dangerous place [ 2 ].

Domestic violence is one of the environmental factors that may not be physically directed at children within the family but have a direct impact on them. Children who witness violence at home experience mental, emotional and social challenges that predispose them to mental illness. They are likely to be victims of child abuse and or perpetrators of violence later in their adulthood. The impact of domestic violence on children is likely to manifest in behavioural challenges, low school grades, criminal behaviour and antisocial behaviour [ 3 ]. The World Health Organisation [ 4 ] estimates that 1 billion children of ages 2–17 have experienced violence of one kind or another, most of which is perpetrated within the home environment. It is in this sense that children are often referred to as silent victims of violence and abuse.

Another environmental factor that affects not only the married couple but children as well is marital breakdown. Divorce brings a lot of devastation, grief and traumatic loss for the children of divorced parents. Logistically and practically, divorce results in single parenting. This is still the case even when in cases of shared custody. The parent who lives with the child carries more responsibility in terms of the day-to-day care and support for the child. More often, parents who bear custody of the children are overburdened financially and logistically, while the other parent might resist and contest reasonable financial contribution towards the needs of the children [ 5 ]. The stress of separation between parents can easily be transferred to children, leading to mental health challenges as parents go about creating a new life for themselves, paying less attention to the emotional needs of children. Divorce is, thus, one of the major sources of stress and anxiety in children that can result in mental illness.

Parents have got the responsibility to ensure financial security for their children such as provision of medical care, being able to cater for educational costs, housing, and day-to-day provision for the needs of the family. In most cases, this can be achieved through employment. Parental employment can have both positive and negative effects on parent-child relationships. On the one hand, employment can provide financial stability and a sense of accomplishment that can have a positive impact on the well-being of the family. On the other hand, employment can create stress and time pressures for parents, leading to a strain on parent-child relationships. Parents are likely to bring home the stress of work, which may destabilise the homely environment and further transfer stressful vibes to children.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family has harmful effects that extend to adulthood in children. Children have got no control of the unconducive living conditions created by their parents, caregivers and guardians. Often parents who engage in toxic relationships of violence and abuse are less considerate of the impact of their behaviour on children. They are not aware of the extent of the impact of their actions on children because their aggression is not directed at children, and therefore, they do not think that they are causing emotional harm to children. This unfortunately could not be far from the truth. Negative parenting patterns, such as emotional abuse and neglect, punishment and rejection, create trauma that can result in mental health issue for children.

Some parents come from toxic families themselves where they were exposed to violence, aggression, abuse, neglect, rejection and other negative parenting as children. It becomes difficult for such parents to divorce themselves from their childhood experiences and learn new and positive ways of parenting their own children. Many families are reluctant to accept that they fall in the category of dysfunctional families and thus resist or delay to seek help [ 6 ]. Parents are convinced that they are doing well because they are able to provide financially for their children, by so doing, overlooking the negative effects of the toxic environment in which they are raising children. This circle, if not broken, can be transferred from generation to generation, hurting children up to the edge of mental illness and creating dysfunctional families and communities.

The aim of this chapter is, therefore, to provide information about the relationship between parenting, family dynamics and mental health of children targeting children, parents, families, caregivers and officials who are responsible for proving services to children and families such as social workers, psychologists, and teachers.

2. The impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family

Dysfunctional families have become a huge problem in modern society. While there are no perfect families and people do not choose which family to belong to, the level of dysfunction and lack of coherence in some families are a course for concern. Dysfunctional families are characterised by multiple conflicts, tense relationships, chaos, neglect, abuse, poor communication, lack of empathy and secrecy to an extent that the emotional and physical needs of the family members are not met, especially children. Conflicts are often between parents, parent-child conflict or sibling rivalries. Life in a dysfunctional family is a turbulence of uncertainty and instability as well as an unsafe space for family members. Instead of expressing their concerns and resolving issues in a positive manner, members in some dysfunctional families normalise their situation and get accustomed to condoning unacceptable behaviour such as abuse, victimisation and conflict, and they sweep issue under the carpet. Conflict is an inevitable part of human relationships; however, dysfunctional families model negative ways of managing conflict to children with the biggest problem being lack of effective communication. In dysfunctional families, communication is replaced with shouting, screaming, arguing and silence.

Healthy functioning families, on the other hand, exhibit harmony, love, care and support for each other; the home is the safest environment where they are able to express themselves, and members have a sense of emotional, mental and physical wellness. In healthy functioning families, conflict, disagreements and differences are resolved in a healthy manner that is beneficial to all concerned.

The negative dynamics that are found in dysfunctional families have adverse effects on the growing personality of children and creates a negative viewpoint on life in general; it inflicts pain and leave emotional wounds that are not reversible. This is because the family has got influence on the development of the child and provides a foundation for the growth of the child such as one’s identity, values, norms and morals that are acceptable in society by proving the child with a safe space, love, affection as well as instilling social awareness and confidence [ 7 ]. This means the family can influence the growth and development of the child in a positive or negative way depending on the lifestyle, parenting, and the level of functionality of that family. Children are likely to carry what they have observed and learned during their childhood into adulthood.

In dysfunctional families, mostly both or one parent exhibits unharmonious, parenting style and behaves in an unpredictable manner resulting in the home environment being unstable [ 8 ]. Children as a result are forever on guard because they never know what to expect and when conflict is going to take place. Some parents are emotionally distant towards children, making it hard to create normal family bonds. The impact on children is low self-esteem and the inability to express their feelings in a healthy way and ultimately childhood trauma. Children as a result experience repeated trauma and pain from their parents’ actions, words and attitudes, while parents are generally in denial that they lead a dysfunctional family [ 4 ]. Children grow up with multiple traumas that leave them with permanent emotional and mental scars, sadness and distress. Trauma if not treated may lead to physical and psychological illness [ 9 ].

Children from dysfunctional families may experience stigma by their peers for the situation at home. This increases the risk of becoming withdrawn and isolated within the family and around their friends. Growing up in a dysfunctional family indeed exposes children to emotional trauma that can lead to mental illness.

3. Mental illness of children

Child mental health is the ability to grow psychologically, socially, intellectually and spiritually, reaching emotional and developmental milestones without a struggle [ 10 ]. Children with mental health challenges are at risk of experiencing a delay in age-appropriate development that can affect their normal functioning and the quality of life. Mental health in children is important for their present and future quality of life because childhood experiences have a profound effect on adulthood.

Mental illness in children can be caused by a variety of issues such as stresses relating to domestic violence, being bullied, losing a loved one to death, separation from friends because of moving homes or schools. It can also be caused by separation from parents because of divorce or parents who work long hours away from home as well as child abuse and suffering from a long illness. Mental illness can also be hereditary meaning there is a likelihood that parents can pass the illness to their children. Some of the symptoms in children are, but not limited to, persistent unhappiness and sadness, emotional outbursts and extreme mood swings, difficulties in academic achievement, loss of appetite or overeating, difficulty falling asleep and fear and sudden loss of interest in previously loved activities such as sport [ 11 ].

People exist within the family environment from childhood to adulthood meaning the family plays an essential role in the physical and mental well-being of its members especially during the formative development of children. Children need care that promotes resilience, ability to thrive, modelling appropriate behaviour and coping resources. It is, however, difficult to achieve this when children experience inadequate parental care [ 12 ]. Parents can minimise the risk of child mental illness by improving the conditions of living at home, the environment in which the child functions and general childhood relationships and experiences.

The family, specifically parents, have got the responsibility to raise their children in the manner that encourages positive emotional health and overall mental health and minimises the risk and exposure to anxiety, depression, fear and helplessness both at home and outside the home environment by providing love and positive affirmations. While some families try to raise children by ensuring healthy development towards a bright future, some instill and model unhealthy and unhelpful practices that will negatively impact the child’s life permanently; an example of this is the high percentage of children who are born with foetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD). FASD happens when a pregnant woman consumes alcohol, and the baby is exposed to the harsh impact of alcohol before birth. This condition manifests itself in physical learning and behavioural challenges later when the child is born. According to Tomlinson et al. [ 13 ], South Africa has got the highest rate of FASD in the world. Children with FASD are at risk of developing mental illness. FASD unfortunately creates a circle that requires resilience and courage to break.

Modelling negative behaviour to children results in children adopting unhealthy life habits. This can be seen in the prevalence of the adolescent who experience with alcohol in South Africa’s province of Western Cape [ 13 ]. Such children are affected by the behaviour of their parents, the same parents who are supposed to protect them. This is an indication of unstable and unhealthy parenting practices that may ultimately lead to mental health problems in children.

Mentally healthy children, on the other hand, have a positive outlook on life, and they can function optimally emotionally, socially and academically.

4. The impact of divorce on children

Divorce is prevalent in today society across the world. According to the United Nations Organisation [ 14 ], 4.08 per 1000 married persons end in divorce worldwide. In 2020, for example, Maldives recorded the highest divorce rate in the world with 2984 divorces out of a population of 540,544, which translates to 5.52 divorce rate per 1000 married persons. In South Africa alone, 23,710 divorces out of the 129,597 marriages were recorded in 2019, according to Statistics South Africa [ 15 ]. Divorce, like other environmental factors that affect families, has a dire effect on children, and it undermines the parent-child relationship because of the decline in the quality of relationships, especially with the parent who does not bear custody. Children from divorced families often experience a range of emotions and challenges, including feelings of loss, confusion and insecurity. They lose the family structure that they are accustomed to, and they have to adjust to living in two separate homes and spending time away from one parent at a time.

Divorce creates emotional distance between the child and the parent who does not live with the child on a full-time basis especially in instances where divorce is preceded by conflict, tension and domestic violence between parents [ 16 ]. Protracted divorce processes that are characterised by conflict also create emotional distance between children and parents. According to Fagan and Churchill [ 17 ] domestic violence weakens and undermines the parent-child relationship. Children of divorced parents may also feel caught in between because of feelings of conflicting loyalty as though they have to choose between their parents. The distance between parents and children causes emotional strain and irreversible harm, which, if not treated, can result in long-term mental health problems. Children of divorced parents are likely to present with weakened health, psychological trauma and behavioural problems because of insufficient emotional support, affection, care and love from both parents. Children as a result struggle to trust and rely on their parents as they develop a sense of fear for the environment around them. Lack of trust hampers family relations.

On the other hand, parents who bear custody of children are faced with difficulties relating to raising children on their own. Juggling work and single parenting may result in lack of sufficient supervision of children. Single parenting because of divorce makes stress inherent as the parent tries to raise children alone. It reduces household income and makes it difficult for the one parent to maintain the standard of living that the children are accustomed to as well as ensuring the maintenance of the home. These challenges can translate into exposure to risk behaviour for children such as embarking on the use of drugs, criminal behaviour and ultimately falling behind academically. Children in broken families may not receive enough encouragement, support and stimulation, and this can affect their ability to focus on school. Active parental involvement of both parents in the child’s life is important to prevent the overload on one parent. Wajim and Shimfe [ 18 ] opined that children from divorced families have an increased likelihood of presenting with anti-social behaviour because of the lack of presence of both parents to bring the child up in the norms and values of society, a task that is the responsibility of both parents, playing complimentary roles in their children’s lives. Behere et al. [ 19 ] elucidate that divorce is a risk factor for mental health problems especially for children.

Divorce paves a way for negative perceptions against marriage and stable relationships. According to Fagan and Churchill [ 17 ], boy children from divorced families, for example, are likely to engage in countless and short-term sexual relationships with multiple partners, and they also have a high turnover of failed intimate relationships compared to adults who were raised in intact families. Fagan and Churchill further revealed that children who experience strained relations between parents prefer to leave home earlier to get married, cohabit or live on their own because of the lack of peace and harmony in their homes, instead of continuing to witness the commotion between their parents.

5. The impact of domestic violence on children

Domestic violence is recognised globally as a public health problem and a violation of human rights by organisations such as the United Nations [ 20 ] and the World Health Organisation [ 21 ] as well as national and international studies such as [ 22 , 23 , 24 , 25 , 26 ]. It is a destructive act of violence and aggression that causes harm physically and mentally as well as neglect and isolation to the family members who are victims. The intention of violence in the family is mostly to wound, intimidate, manipulate, humiliate and gain power over the victim. It affects people globally across the spectrum of race and class, and it is rooted in gender inequality [ 27 , 28 ]. While violence in the family affect both men and women, its prevalence is higher in violence against women and children, perpetrated within the family or by intimate partners [ 29 ]. According to the World Health Organisation [ 30 ], exposure to domestic violence, especially intimate partner violence, increases the risk of mental health problems.

Despite a change in the trend in some countries, violence in the family is often still concealed and not reported because it is regarded as a private matter that does not require external intervention [ 31 ]. This assumption that family violence is a private matter normalises violence behind closed doors, leading to many families suffering in silence. Children who are raised in homes with family violence may not report it as they see it as a norm, meaning they may not receive help for the emotional trauma suffered. Children who are exposed to violence and aggression of one form or another may suffer psychologically and emotionally with the likelihood of using violence to resolve conflict with their peers and siblings. This is because of the lack of role models on positive conflict management. As teenagers, they may be victimised and stigmatised if they press criminal charges against their own family members; as a result, they continue to suffer in silence. This may lead to the use of unhealthy methods of coping such as self-harm, substances abuse and suicide. In adulthood, they are inclined to argue with their peers, shouting and using physical violence instead of communicating effectively, and they may exhibit signs of anxiety and depression [ 32 ].

Domestic violence is detrimental to the children’s mental health as it introduces a stressful home environment with a sense of fear, anger, anxiety, nervousness and depression. The home is supposed to be the safest place for children; however, when violence takes place, children find themselves lost emotionally because they no longer regard their homes as safe environments. Often violence in the family is directed at adults such as wives and girlfriends; however, the emotional impact goes to children who are helpless. Perpetrators of domestic violence fail to appreciate the impact of their actions on children as they believe that they are physically doing nothing wrong to them. A parent cannot claim to love a child whom they continually subject to witnessing violence against the other parent, mostly mothers. When children see their mothers battered, they feel pain, anger and resentment [ 28 ]. This means when violence is perpetrated against one member of the family, the entire family system gets affected, with children being the most affected. Parents who were abused as children may not be able to pay attention to nurturing their children as they may still be battling with their own childhood issues, and this can lead to isolation and neglect of their children.

Children need stable environments with responsive parents who are nurturing and protective to grow and explore without fear of failure or harm. Domestic violence is toxic, and it slowly hurts children emotionally.

6. The impact of working parents on parent: Child relationship

Some parents are not directly involved in conflict, but they are simply too busy chasing careers, business or personal activities such as sport and personal entertainment. Working long hours, taking work home and spending a lot of time on their digital devices lead to physical and emotional absence in the home. As a result, providing inadequate parenting neglects the emotional needs of children and creates emotional distance between themselves and children. Parental employment is an essential tool to obtain economic means and fulfilment of material benefits for the family. Lack of income, on the other hand, can hamper the quality of parenting in terms of providing the day-to-day needs of the child, educational needs and provision of stimulating activities and entertainment.

By spending quality time with children, parents can provide a sense of security and stability, which is essential for their mental health, growth and development. The combination of parental employment and parent-child bond creates the foundation for a healthy functioning environment for the well-being of the child. Lau [ 33 ] emphasises that there is a need for parents to maintain a healthy family-work balance to ensure financial, material provision and quality family bonds and relationships.

Working parents might find it difficult to fulfil the parental role and participate in building family bonds. Juggling work and family responsibilities can also result in emotional distress for a parent, which can lead to parents not being able to spend quality time with children, participate in their schoolwork and provide support for their emotional growth concurrently. Lack of parental support may result in compromised parent-child relationship.

Working long hours away from home renders parents vulnerable to stress because of competing demands of work and family roles. Work overload can result in parents feeling overwhelmed, and this can lead to the deterioration in the mental health of parents. It is easy for parents to bring home stress from work that can affect the parent’s ability to provide emotional support for children; if not managed, it can undermine the atmosphere in the home and transfer to children [ 34 ]. This is because the mental health of a parent has got an impact on the mental health of children. Lengthy hours of work also mean children might have to be placed in alternative care such as aftercare programmes resulting in children spending more time with schoolteachers and aftercare staff members than with their parents. Bishnoi et al. [ 34 ] are of the view that the communication and interaction between parents and children is negatively affected when children spend more time with other people such as caregivers and relatives than with parents. On the other hand, poor-quality day-care services can expose children to physical and emotional harm. A good balance between family and work roles and responsibilities is important for the healthy functioning of the family and development of mental health in children.

7. Conclusions

This chapter provides information about the role families play in the mental health of children and the difficulties faced by children who grow up in dysfunctional families. The family provides an environment for children to grow, develop, observe and learn behavioural traits that will enable them to function in society such as norms, values, morals and socially acceptable behaviour. What children learn and experience have a potential to influence their character and mental health. Children with negative experiences such as divorce, domestic violence, parent-child separation and dysfunctional families are prone to develop mental health challenges.

Divorce exposes children to the difficulties of being raised by a single parent as well as emotional distance. Children from broken families tend to experience trust problems with the perception that marriages and relationships are not safe and intimate partners should not be trusted. Divorce separate children from parents and undermines the parent-child bond, which is important for building and sustaining relationships in the family, as well as social and intimate relationships.

Children are affected by the violence and aggression displayed in families that are riddled by domestic violence. Violence in families is often perpetuated in secret, and as a result, children suffer in silence. Witnessing violence by one parent against the other affects children emotionally and psychologically. When they grow up, such children tend to use violence to resolve conflict and use arguments instead of communication.

The inability of parents to spend quality time with children because of work-related commitments impact the parent-child relationship and cause emotional distance as well. The stress of parents from work if not managed can infiltrate the home environment and lead to tensions in the family. Parental employment is necessary to provide financially for children; however, it is necessary for parents to strike a healthy balance between the two.

The challenges discussed above renders the family system dysfunctional. Dysfunctional families are not able to effectively provide for the emotional, psychological, social and academic needs of their children. Children as such are exposed to neglect, abuse, conflicts and poor communication. This can lead to mental health, behavioural and social challenges in children.

The environment in which children grow up has got an impact on their developing mental health. Families should ensure that factors that contribute to a dysfunctional family are avoided so that children can grow up in nurturing and enabling environments for the development of a healthy mental well-being.

Conflict of interest

The author declares no conflict of interest.

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• Relationships

The Key to Fixing a Dysfunctional Family

Families can overcome the pains of family drama and dysfunction..

Posted December 6, 2017 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

• Family Dynamics
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Think of the most painful family drama you ever experienced, one that has left you with such an indelible scar that it has impacted your relationships, job stability, and satisfaction with life. Then imagine learning about thousands of people who overcame strikingly similar experiences—in which their entire family healed and grew closer, and each individual member transformed into a stable, loving, mature, and dependable person, attaining their best personal success.

The Lesson of the Drama Triangle

For every rescuer, there is a victim. For every victim, there is a persecutor. People familiar with psychology may know about Karpman’s Triangle. Stephen Karpman, M.D., developed a model that captures one of the most common triangular interactions among people— victim, rescuer, and persecutor . The fascinating thing that Karpman reveals is that each role has an egoic payoff.

Victim (" Poor Me”): The victim avoids responsibility and becomes dependent, getting their egoic needs met by having people do things for them. They also succeed in getting attention , for both the rescuer and the persecutor are focusing on them.

Rescuer (“Let Me Help You”): The rescuer rushes to the aid of the victim and gets a two-fold egoic payoff by being perceived in a positive light and simultaneously avoiding their own problems and feelings.

Persecutor (“It’s All Your Fault”): Every persecutor needs a victim, and their egoic need of feeling powerful and superior is fulfilled when they blame, attack, and bully a victim. Like the rescuer, the persecutor gets to avoid any real feelings and fears they have.

While people tend to assume a primary role in the triangle, they will often shift and take turns taking on the different roles with each other. Thus, the rescuer may get upset with the persecutor and take on the persecutor role and attack them, placing them in the victim role. The victim may then rescue the persecutor. Or the persecutor may shift into the rescuer role, with endless variations of role-switching between the players. The goal is to recognize the trap of the triangle and to distance oneself from getting seduced into any of the roles — especially when it’s so entrenched that it’s the only culturally acceptable way of behaving.

Avoiding one’s role in a family or organization's drama can be challenging. First, most people are so busy that they don’t stop to put their head above the fray and recognize that they’re engaged in a role. The lure of the role is so reinforced that it’s as comfortable and powerful as a gravitational pull. People don’t know what they don’t know, so stepping out of the triangle is akin to moving to another country with unknown language, customs, and environmental conditions.

Yet, as repeatedly demonstrated by family therapy giants like Salvador Minuchin, significant change can be initiated by a sudden shift. “It’s not a matter of trying harder, it’s a matter of trying something different,” he says.

One prime family therapy dictum is that when one over-functions, the other under -functions. So try something different. If it feels a little uncomfortable, that might be a good thing.

One repeated example among family cases with positive outcomes is the cessation of nagging and criticizing. When parents responded to their older teen and young adult children with respect and stopped trampling across their boundaries , the children were in a better position to step out of the victim role and become more autonomous and responsible. Another byproduct was that parents stopped over-focusing on their children, and could then better focus on and improve the intimate relationship they have with each other.

If you are reading this and deeply desiring help with your family, my suggestion is to pause and focus on you . Feel your feelings fully. Recognize if you’re escaping your feelings by taking part in one of the triangle roles. Try to step out of the roles completely. Take responsibility for your life and feelings, and let others take responsibility for their lives and their feelings. Avoid mind-reading , blaming, scapegoating, rescuing, martyrdom, and being the target of someone else’s blaming. Employ boundaries, and respect other people’s boundaries. Be consistent. Dare to live your life’s passion without needing an excuse or justification. Know that change takes commitment and time, so allow the change to take hold steadily and gradually until it becomes the new normal.

Kimberly Key, Ph.D., is past division president of the American Counseling Association and author of Ten Keys to Staying Empowered in a Power Struggle.

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What is a dysfunctional family and what is it like growing up in one?

• Parenting , Teens
• BY Chaitali Sinha - Psychologist

Have you ever heard the phrase ‘it’s just the way I was raised’? As adults, many people comment on the effects of growing up in a ‘dysfunctional family’, ‘broken homes’ or having ‘bad parenting’. It’s not uncommon for people to blame current problems and predicaments on the way they were raised. But when do squabbling siblings and teenage rebellion become a family dynamic that has simply stopped functioning? And what can you do about it?

📝 All articles on Wysa are reviewed by mental healthcare professionals before publication, who check that the content is thorough and accurate, and references the latest evidence-based research. Learn more.

What is a dysfunctional family?

The term dysfunctional family is very personal and subjective to each individual’s emotions. Everyone has their own personal opinion of what functioning looks like. The term ‘Dysfunctional Family’ has become commonplace in many cultures and is used to describe everything from single-parent households to physical and sexual abuse. 

The American Psychological Association defines a dysfunctional family as a family in which relationships or communication are impaired and members are unable to attain closeness and self-expression. Whilst all families can experience periods of unrest, and we’ve all felt like screaming at our siblings from time to time, dysfunctional family units will experience several types of conflicts for a sustained period of time. These can include sexual or physical abuse, behavioural problems, major personality disorders, emotional abuse, alcohol and drug addictions, and violence.  

Signs of a dysfunctional family

Dysfunction in families can manifest in various forms. Here are some of the most common characteristics of dysfunctional families. 

Inadequate communication

Poor communication skills is one of the signs of a dysfunctional family. Communication is a crucial aspect of healthy relationships. Inadequate communication leads to misunderstandings and resentment. Dysfunctional family members rarely communicate with their own family members. There might be a lot of yelling and shouting and no real conversation. Dysfunctional family members tend to be full of blame and criticism, which often leads to arguments . 

Lack of intimacy and emotional connection

Members of dysfunctional families don’t show any signs of closeness or emotional connections among close family members. Parents of dysfunctional families are usually emotionally unavailable. One or both parents might appear cold, distant or withhold love and affection as a form of punishment.  

Abuse is a significant problem demonstrated in dysfunctional families. There may be signs of emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse. The abuse could occur between parents, parents and child or siblings. Dysfunctional families tend to normalise the harmful treatment.  

Lack of empathy and emotional support

Lack of empathy and emotional support are other signs that show a family dynamic is not the healthiest. Children of dysfunctional families usually find no safe space to talk about any mistakes without being yelled at or being understood from their point of view. In most cases, one or both parents fail to provide the emotional support needed for the children.  

Blurred boundaries

Boundaries are important in every relationship. In dysfunctional families boundaries of family members aren’t respected and might be constantly invaded. A controlling parent might be making every decision at home or invading the child’s privacy. An avoidant parent might push the eldest child to take the parent role. 

Causes of a dysfunctional family

There are a variety of reasons for a family to become dysfunctional. Every family member plays an active role in continuing the dysfunction, with children being at the receiving end.

Parents play a crucial role in building a functional and healthy family. No parent is perfect but parents in dysfunctional families fail to provide a safe space for their children. Parents being abusive, controlling or emotionally unavailable will impact the family dynamics leading to a dysfunctional family. 

• Parents struggling with substance use or personality disorder or severe mental health problems might not be able to create a healthy atmosphere at home.
• Domestic violence at home impacts family functioning and creates an unpredictable and toxic environment which can also be a reason for families to be dysfunctional. 
• Unfortunate or critical life events such as divorce or death of a parent or a huge financial loss can create a stressful environment causing dysfunctionality.
• A family history of dysfunction can also be a cause of a dysfunctional family. Parents who have learned unhealthy parenting styles from their parents or from dysfunctional family setups continue the toxic cycle. 

Impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family

Children growing up in a dysfunctional family are innocent and have absolutely little to no control over their toxic life environment ; they generally grow up with emotional scarring caused by repeated trauma through their parent’s behaviours. Children will end up carrying dysfunctional behaviour traits and dysfunctional patterns into their adult lives.

Children who grow up in dysfunctional families can have extremely varying experiences depending on the characteristics shown by their family and also the severity of the situations.

Low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness

A drive for perfectionism is a constant negative influence we see in dysfunctional families. Perfectionism can lead to unrealistic expectations from oneself. This undying drive for an unrealistic goal can cause children to feel that no matter how hard they try they will not be good enough. This results in an ingrained feeling of incompetence or low self-esteem. 

Behavioural difficulties

Communication problems are one of the most common traits in dysfunctional families. The inability or unwillingness to listen to each other can result in some problematic communication development in children. The communication gap can often result in a variety of behavioural problems. Children often learn that behaving badly or poorly is a way to communicate their needs and often a way to get their needs met. For example, if a child is feeling overwhelmed by the noise of a classroom, they might express the angst by hitting out. They learnt through experience that communicating their problems will not get them heard, but that hitting out will get them removed from the classroom, and therefore solve the noise problem that was upsetting them in the first place. 

Dysfunctional families are often erratic and chaotic, being in such an environment for a really long time can make individuals be on guard constantly. Growing up in an environment of constant criticism, control and poor communication can result in intense anxiety. These can include conditions such as OCD as well as generalised anxiety. Living in an unhealthy environment means that children often learn unhealthy coping strategies for these feelings which can worsen the sense of anxiety. These can include self-isolation, addiction and self-harm.

A critical environment is not conducive to positive self-esteem and lots of children who identify as growing up in dysfunctional families report feelings of low mood and depression. This is often made worse by the fact that they haven’t often been taught ways to deal with emotional distress which can make it difficult to feel like there is a way out. 

Depression and anxiety aren’t the only mental health conditions that are common when we talk about growing up in dysfunctional families. Eating disorders are more prevalent in this group due to the critical nature and lack of control. Children are more often also exposed to the issues around addiction including drugs, alcohol, and gambling. 

⚠️ If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, help is at hand. Please visit this list of helplines and resources for different countries.

Tips for healing from a dysfunctional family

When a person has grown up with difficult relationships it can often feel like they will never experience a healthy family. If you believe the media and online quotes, there is no such thing as a functional family. However, this is simply not the case. Many families, regardless of how they are set up, function very well. People from these backgrounds can still learn to communicate openly and freely, listen to each other and resolve conflicts without holding a grudge. In their own families, they learn from the mistakes of their upbringing and show unconditional love for each other and ensure everyone’s basic physical and emotional needs are met. 

Breaking dysfunctional patterns takes time. The healing journey starts with being aware of dysfunctional family patterns and acknowledging them and breaking the cycle of dysfunctional family dynamics. 

1. Build a support system  

Build a network of people to rely on, it could be friends or other like-minded people or people who have gone through similar experiences. Having a support group helps you open up and build a safe space for yourself. For example, Wysa has a Facebook group of users at Wysa_buddy_safe_space who share experiences like this and discuss ways to cope. It is free to join. 

2. Learn to set boundaries

Growing up in a dysfunctional family can make it hard for individuals to set boundaries without feeling guilt and shame. Prioritising your needs and mental health isn’t selfish. Learn to say no to things that you aren’t comfortable with and draw boundaries even with family members. 

3. Seek help

If you experienced a dysfunctional family setting as a child, talking about those experiences is an important part of moving forward. Therapy can be one important way of doing this, allowing you to reflect on your experiences and how they made you feel. 

There are also a lot of self-help activities you can do alongside therapy, such as those found in the mental health app Wysa , which will help boost your self-esteem and confidence, and help you learn those communication skills you weren’t shown when you were younger. 

The important thing to remember is that you are not defined by your past, nor does it set your future in stone. When you’re experiencing feelings of anxiety or low mood, and all you really want to do is hide away from a world you don’t completely trust, it can be hard to ask for help. But with the right help, you can live whichever life you choose. Try to manage anxiety , depression or any loneliness that you might be experiencing, and remember Wysa and the Wysa coaching team are here for you.

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What Is Dysfunctional Behavior in Families?

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• Effects on Children
• Getting Help

The term dysfunction is defined as "any impairment, disturbance, or deficiency in behavior" on the part of an individual person, between people in a relationship, or among family members. Dysfunction may manifest as poor communication , frequent conflict, emotional or physical abuse, and much more.

Dysfunctional relationships or situations often serve as motivation for people to seek help, often in the form of psychotherapy .

While the term dysfunctional has been widely used to describe unhealthy patterns and family dynamics, the term can feel stigmatizing. Because of this, some trauma-informed therapists suggest referring to these behaviors, patterns, and dynamics as unhealthy rather than dysfunctional.

Examples of Dysfunctional Behavior

Examples of unhealthy behavior within families may include situations wherein a family member, parent, or caregiver:

• Engages in compulsive behavior such as gambling or overworking
• Engages in emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive behavior
• Misuses drugs or alcohol
• Uses threats of violence
• Allows children to drink alcohol or use drugs
• Fails to provide children with emotional support
• Relies on a child to provide emotional or financial support
• Uses an authoritarian style of parenting in which there is no flexibility
• Abuses or neglects children
• Cannot provide basic needs such as food or shelter for children
• Doesn't address or manage violence or inappropriate behavior

A parent or caregiver in an unhealthy family system may view their children or other family members as property or as things they can control, abuse, or use as an outlet for negative emotions.

Causes of Family Dysfunction

There are many potential causes of family dysfunction. It is often the result of a parent or caregiver not getting the emotional support they need. As a result, they are unable or don't know how to provide their children with emotional support.

If a parent or caregiver is abusive, it's possible they themselves experienced abuse as a child—whether emotional, physical, or sexual. For instance, a child who is verbally abused may grow up confusing feelings like anger and love, so they may express themselves with yelling and aggression as an adult in their close relationships.

When people don't realize there are alternative, healthy ways of expressing their feelings, they may end up repeating the same cycle of abuse they themselves experienced.

Mental Health Conditions

If a parent or caregiver experiences severe symptoms of a mental health disorder such as depression , bipolar disorder , post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or a personality or mood disorder , and these symptoms are not appropriately treated, they may contribute to unhealthy patterns within the family dynamic.

Someone with a mental health condition may find it difficult to perform daily tasks or support their family, especially if they aren't receiving adequate treatment or if they don't have a support system of loved ones to step in and help. A child's needs may go unmet and they may experience the added stress of seeing their parent struggle and not being able to help.

One study found that severe symptoms of mental health conditions like depression may often result in a parent treating a child harshly or disengaging from the relationship with their child.

Substance Use

Substance use disorder may also contribute to family dysfunction. If a member of the family misuses drugs or alcohol, all members of the family can experience stress as a result. Coping with addiction in the family may result in other members of the family feeling neglected.

A child's needs may become less of a priority if a parent or caregiver is living with an addiction.

A parent or family member may also struggle with other types of addiction like overeating or gambling . If, for example, a family member is spending money on the object of their addiction and are unable to pay for basic needs like rent or food, it's likely that everyone in the family will feel stressed and insecure as a result.

Socioeconomic Status

Families who are at a socioeconomic disadvantage, or those who have low income, tend to experience additional stress levels, especially in single-parent households.

A parent or caregiver may struggle to provide food and shelter; they may also work long hours in harsh conditions. Some may have children or other family members that they support financially as well. These burdens may contribute to family dysfunction, particularly if the parent is not receiving any support themselves.

Low-income communities generally have less access to mental health services, which can make it even more difficult for a parent or caregiver to get the support that they need. When they aren't supported in their duties, they may be more likely to project their negative emotions onto other situations or people.

The Effects of Dysfunction on Children

When unhealthy patterns become the standard in a family, the detrimental effects on the children are significant and may be carried into their adult relationships. Some of the potentially damaging effects on children could include:

• Believing they deserve bad things
• Lack of trust in themselves and others
• Low self-esteem
• Personality disorders
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Problems with relationships, work, and identity
• Substance use

One study found that people who endured stress during childhood as a result of a parent or caregiver's poor mental health experienced more stress into adulthood compared to people who weren't exposed to the same type of stress as children.

If a child's parents or caregivers don't provide them with adequate emotional support, they may grow up not knowing how to prioritize or express their needs or feeling that their needs are unimportant.

Children who've experienced familial dysfunction may even repeat patterns of abuse in their future relationships. They may unconsciously seek out partners who are abusive in similar ways as their parents or they themselves may abuse their partners or children.

It's important to note, however, that the circumstances of your childhood are not the only influence on the quality of your life as an adult. In other words, just because you experienced abuse doesn't mean you will be abused or abuse others in future relationships.

Acknowledging dysfunction within your family, how it's affected you, and/or how you contribute to it is the first step in healing.

Getting Help for Family Dysfunction

If your family is experiencing dysfunction for any reason, there is help available. Outside of traditional therapy, there are accessible resources to help you and your family address unhealthy patterns. Many communities have mental health centers that offer free information and counseling.

Family Therapy

Family therapy may be a good option for those experiencing the effects of dysfunction. Family therapy has been shown to be extremely effective in helping families learn new ways of communicating, solving problems, and supporting each other.

Family therapy sessions usually last 50 minutes to an hour and continue once a week for up to 12 weeks. Oftentimes, families will enter therapy looking to resolve a specific issue such as one family member's uncontrolled anger.

A therapist would work with your family as a unit to discuss how you're all communicating, how you can all respond to incidents of anger more effectively, and teach you how to set goals for productively handling future incidents.

If you have health insurance, check with your plan about coverage for mental and behavioral health services as well as providers that are in-network (which means that the provider is contracted with your insurance and your plan will likely cover more of the cost). If you don't have insurance, you can still research family therapists. Some therapists offer a sliding payment scale based on your income, so be sure to inquire about this prior to booking a session.

Individual Therapy

Whether your family seeks family therapy or not, online or in-person therapy can be a helpful option for anyone in the family. Individual therapy includes working one-on-one with a therapist who can address the underlying causes and effects of family dysfunction with the individual family member seeking help.

For example, if you have learned any negative beliefs as a result of family dysfunction, such as "I don't matter," or "My needs aren't important," a therapist who offers cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can work with you to reframe these beliefs into more positive ones. If you are contributing to dysfunction within your family, CBT can help you understand the roots behind your behavior and how to replace negative actions with healthy coping mechanisms .

Support Groups

There are online and in-person support groups that may offer assistance for those who wish to address family dynamics. In addition, there are support groups specifically for people coping with specific mental health conditions. Plus, there are support groups for loved ones to learn how to support a family member or friend with a mental health condition.

Self-Help Resources

There are also mental health apps , podcasts , and books that cover specific types of family dysfunction and offer practical advice for you and your family to start addressing maladaptive patterns.

Religious Counseling

If you are part of a religious group, you may seek advice from a religious leader as well. Some religious leaders may meet with your entire family and offer words of support and encouragement as you cope with dysfunctional patterns.

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

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Whether you are coping with family dysfunction right now or you are dealing with the aftermath of a tumultuous childhood experience, remember that you are not alone. Therapy can be very effective in addressing the causes, effects, and trauma of family dysfunction, giving you or your family a roadmap for healing.

Be sure to prioritize your own physical and emotional safety. Family dysfunction may not change overnight; however, try to prioritize your own health and the health of your children.

American Psychological Association. Dysfunction .

Brown University. Dysfunctional family relationships .

Lander L, Howsare J, Byrne M. The impact of substance use disorders on families and children: from theory to practice .  Soc Work Public Health . 2013;28(3-4):194‐205. doi:10.1080/19371918.2013.759005

Behere AP, Basnet P, Campbell P. Effects of family structure on mental health of children: A preliminary study . Indian J Psychol Med . 2017;39(4):457-463. doi:10.4103/0253-7176.211767

Sukhodolsky DG, Smith SD, McCauley SA, Ibrahim K, Piasecka JB. Behavioral interventions for anger, irritability, and aggression in children and adolescents .  J Child Adolesc Psychopharmacol . 2016;26(1):58‐64. doi:10.1089/cap.2015.0120

Hébert M, Lapierre A, MacIntosh HB, Ménard AD.  A review of mediators in the association between child sexual abuse and revictimization in romantic relationships .  Journal of Child Sexual Abuse . 2020;30(4):1-22. doi:10.1080/10538712.2020.1801936

Hodgkinson S, Godoy L, Beers LS, Lewin A. Improving mental health access for low-income children and families in the primary care setting .  Pediatrics . 2017;139(1):e20151175. doi:10.1542/peds.2015-1175

Copeland WE, Shanahan L, Hinesley J, et al.  Association of childhood trauma exposure with adult psychiatric disorders and functional outcomes . JAMA Networ k Open. 2018;1(7):e184493. doi:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2018.4493

Kamis C. The long-term impact of parental mental health on children’s distress trajectories in adulthood . Society and Mental Health. 2020;11(1):54-68. doi:10.1177/2156869320912520

Jiménez L, Hidalgo V, Baena S, León A, Lorence B. Effectiveness of structural⁻strategic family therapy in the treatment of adolescents with mental health problems and their families . Int J Environ Res Public Health . 2019;16(7) doi:10.3390/ijerph16071255

Jiménez L, Hidalgo V, Baena S, León A, Lorence B. Effectiveness of structural⁻strategic family therapy in the treatment of adolescents with mental health problems and their families .  Int J Environ Res Public Health . 2019;16(7):1255. doi:10.3390/ijerph16071255

Crum J. Understanding mental health and cognitive restructuring with ecological neuroscience .  Front Psychiatry . 2021;12:697095. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.697095

By Laura Harold Laura Harold is an editor and contributing writer for Verywell Family, Fit, and Mind.

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Dysfunctional Family

Introduction

Majority of the ills we face in our society today are traced back to a dysfunctional family. The term had become a cliché, an excuse people give for their imperfections. Family dysfunction however goes beyond the normal family issues. It has deeper psychological foundations and implications that need to be understood and addressed.

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Family dysfunction is “any condition that interferes with healthy family functioning” (Benton,1993). It differs from the normal family problems in its overriding role in the family’s life. Benton stated that a lot of families experience “dysfunction” triggered by some unfortunate circumstances like death or illness but normal families bounce back to normalcy. Dysfunctional families live with the problem constantly.

Hartwell-Walker in “Why Dysfunctional Families Stay That Way,”  stated that a dysfunctional family do not have a sense of what normal is, so they bring up their children in the way they perceive normal. Children from dysfunctional families do not even know they are different until they spend time with other families.

Kinds of dysfunctional families

In Dysfunctional Families: Recognizing and Overcoming their Effects, Benson observed four kinds of parents. The first are deficient parents. “Deficient parents hurt their children more by omission than by commission” (Benton,1993). Children with parents suffering from mental illness and physical handicap are forced to grow up and assume the role of the parent. Because they can not fill the emotional needs of their parents, they grow up feeling guilty and inadequate.

The second type is controlling parents. As opposed to the first scenario, the parents dominate their children and forbid them to make decisions on their own. The parents are afraid to let go for fear of being unwanted. Children are afraid to act independently for fear of upsetting their parents (Benton, 1993).

Alcoholic parents tend to be “chaotic and unpredictable.” Rules change frequently. Discussions about alcohol use or family problems are restricted. Parents and children are in denial and fail to seek help. In The Glass Castle, Walls wrote “In my mind, Dad was perfect, although he did have what Mom called a little bit of a drinking situation. There was what Mom called Dad’s ‘beer phase’. We could handle that. Dad drove fast and sang really loud, locks of his hair fell into his face and life was little bit scary but still a lot of fun.” Children grow up blaming themselves for their parent’s behavior.

The last are abusive parents. Abuse can be verbal, physical, or sexual. Verbal abuse takes the form of damaging criticisms. Physical abuse involves violence. Sexual abuse includes physical contact between an adult and child where that contact must be kept secret (Benton, 1993).

Hartwell-Walker stated that even if children realize these damaging situations, they do not have the capability to escape. They are trapped to deal with their families.

Children from dysfunctional families develop unique instincts for survival. They tend to overcompensate in other areas of their life to cover up their past. However, the tend to doubt their intuition and emotion which affects the way they relate to other people (Benton 1993).

The best possible treatment is to seek professional help. They need to express their pent up emotions and deal with the issue. This is not easy after years of denial and abuse. Benton suggested starting with a journal the progressing to trusting other people.

The hardest thing about dysfunctional family is accepting the fact that your own parents, the people who are supposed to take care of you can cause you harm. “A child’s most important duty is to protect the image of their parents and family in the community” (Fischer 2004). Instead of getting help, dysfunctional families withdraw from society to the intimacy of their secret lives, making it hard for other people to extend help.

Works Cited

Benton, Sheryl A. “Dysfunctional Families: Recognizing And Overcoming Their Effects.” 1993. Counseling Services. 7 July 2009 < http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/topics/relationships/dysfunc.html >

Fischer, Thomas F.  “Ten Commandments of Dysfunctional Families.” 5 October, 2004 Ministry Health, LLC. 7 July 2009 <http://www.ministryhealth.net/mh_articles/064_ten_commandments_of_dysfunctional_families.html>.

Hartwell-Walker, Marie.  “Why Dysfunctional Families Stay That Way.” 27 January 2000. Psych Central. 7 July 2009 < http://psychcentral.com/library/id23.html>.

Walls, Jeannette. The Glass Castle: A Memoir. USA: Scribner, 2005.

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