essay on helping a friend in trouble

• How It Works
• All Projects
• Write my essay
• Buy essay online
• Custom coursework
• Creative writing
• Custom admission essay
• College essay writers
• IB extended essays
• Buy speech online
• Pay for essays
• College papers
• Do my homework
• Write my paper
• Custom dissertation
• Buy research paper
• Buy dissertation
• Write my dissertation
• Essay for cheap
• Essays for sale
• Non-plagiarized essays
• Buy coursework
• Term paper help
• Buy assignment
• Custom thesis
• Custom research paper
• College paper
• Coursework writing
• Edit my essay
• Nurse essays
• Business essays
• Custom term paper
• Buy college essays
• Buy book report
• Cheap custom essay
• Argumentative essay
• Assignment writing
• Custom book report
• Custom case study
• Doctorate essay
• Finance essay
• Scholarship essays
• Essay topics
• Research paper topics
• Top queries link

Best Personal Essay Examples

Helping a friend in trouble.

910 words | 4 page(s)

Living in a society where everyone is concerned about their wellbeing as well as that of the other societal members is always encouraging. As underlined in the common good approach ethical framework, improving the welfare of others by doing things that uplift their lives is vital in ensuring that people impact societies positively. It is always my joy to help others whenever I am in a position to do so, as I would also expect people to lend their hand in case I find myself in trouble. One of the memorable times I helped someone was a year ago at the airport where I had a friend leaving for Texas. Most of the flights had been affected that day due to bad weather, and I bumped into one traveler known as Gabriel, a young man who was trying to convince one of the attendants how the rescheduling of his trip to the next day would see him suffer because he had no money left. I intervened to understand his exact concern and realized that he was a student in the U.S. who had connected a flight from New Haven, and was traveling to Brazil to be with his family during the winter break.

Being a student too, I easily related to his tribulations because it would be costly for him to get a hotel room for the night. Moreover, missing his flight the following morning would cost him his air ticket. As the norm with international students where all the financial support is usually rendered by parents back at home who have other children to fend too, his budget was highly constrained. He narrated to me that the only option he had was to stay in the airport’s waiting bay till the following day as he could not afford the ensuing cost. I empathized with him and tried to make him that such instances are inevitable in one’s life. His flight had been rescheduled to 10 am the following day so I suggested that he accompanies me to my apartment so that he would freshen up, sleep, and wake up early to prepare for the flight. At first, he appeared to suspect my generosity for malice and after some hesitation, he accepted my offer. We saw off my friend together as domestic flights had not been affected.

Use your promo and get a custom paper on "Helping a Friend in Trouble".

We left the airport and went to the apartment where my brother and I welcomed him cordially, and it was evident on his face that he felt at home. My brother prepared a meal for us that we all enjoyed as my new friend was narrating his life at Yale University and how he loved life in America despite the high cost of living. During the time we shared our identities in social networks to enable us to check up on each other often. He told us that he was the first born in a family of five and his parents had sold up property to educate him. As a result, he had to spend any money sent to him sparingly to ensure that he did not burden the parents. The cancellation of his flight was a real headache as he had already arrived at the airport and the money he had was budgeted. He wanted to have some cash to help him buy some perks for his sisters once he touched down in Rio. Additionally, studying in the U.S. is highly regarded in his village and he did not want to be broke as it would attract ridicule. When it was time to sleep, we shared one bed with my brother so that he could sleep comfortably on his own.

I woke up at 5 am in the next day to prepare breakfast and ensure that he had enough time to catch his flight. My brother was supposed to leave the house early for work so he could not drive him to the airport. However, he left some money to help me pay for Gabriel’s cab. After breakfast we both readied ourselves to leave the house, I was supposed to go to school and him to the airport. We bade goodbye and wished him a safe flight as he shed tears and expressed his appreciation, promising to get in touch. After a few hours, he called me and assured that he had boarded the plane and would let me know when he arrived in Rio. Later in the day after I returned home from school, I found a note he had left in the wardrobe saying that he had never met a stranger who was so helpful in his life. He vowed to repay the gratitude one day. Gabriel called after two days, full of ecstasy and requested me to speak with his parents on the phone, and they were pleased by my humble gesture. Our friendship has strengthened and he has hosted me several times during my periodic trips to Connecticut. Moreover, his mother gave him a traditional Brazilian jewelry to bring me as a souvenir to help me remember them in my life. This scenario has remained my favorite as through it I have learned the importance of helping others. If I had not assisted Gabriel, he would not have been able to buy presents for his siblings. Again, he would not have had the confidence needed to make his village mates recognize the significance of studying hard to make it to a foreign land as the U.S.

Have a team of vetted experts take you to the top, with professionally written papers in every area of study.

Essay on Helping A Friend

Students are often asked to write an essay on Helping A Friend in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Helping A Friend

Understanding friendship.

Friendship is a bond between two or more people who care about each other. Friends share their joys, sorrows, dreams, and fears. They also help each other in times of need. A friend in need is a friend indeed, as the saying goes.

The Importance of Helping

Helping a friend is an important part of friendship. This can be in the form of emotional support during tough times, or practical help like assisting with homework or chores. It shows that you care about your friend and their well-being.

Ways to Help a Friend

There are many ways to help a friend. You can offer a listening ear when they want to talk, give advice when asked, or lend a helping hand with tasks. Small acts of kindness can mean a lot to a friend in need.

Benefits of Helping a Friend

Helping a friend not only benefits them, but also strengthens your friendship. It leads to trust, respect, and mutual understanding. It also gives a sense of satisfaction and happiness, knowing that you have been there for your friend.

In conclusion, helping a friend is a key aspect of friendship. It shows love, care, and respect. It strengthens the bond and brings happiness to both. So, always be there for your friends in their times of need.

250 Words Essay on Helping A Friend

Friendship is a bond of mutual affection and trust between two or more people. Friends are people who understand us, support us, and stand by us during good and bad times. One of the key parts of friendship is helping each other out.

Helping A Friend

Helping a friend can come in many forms. It could be helping them with their homework, sharing lunch, or even just lending a listening ear when they are feeling down. When a friend needs help, it’s important to be there for them. This strengthens the friendship bond.

Helping with Studies

One common way to help a friend is by assisting them with their studies. If your friend is struggling with a subject that you are good at, you can explain it to them in a simple way. This not only helps your friend but also improves your own understanding of the subject.

Support in Tough Times

Sometimes, friends go through tough times. They might feel sad or stressed. During these times, being there for them is very important. You can listen to their problems, reassure them, and remind them that they are not alone.

Sharing and Caring

Sharing is another way of helping a friend. If your friend forgets their lunch, you can share yours. If they need a book that you have, you can lend it to them. These small acts of kindness show that you care.

In conclusion, helping a friend is a key part of friendship. It strengthens the bond and makes both of you feel good. Remember, a friend in need is a friend indeed.

500 Words Essay on Helping A Friend

Introduction.

Helping a friend is one of the best things we can do. It shows our love and care. It makes our bond stronger. This essay will talk about why it’s important to help a friend, how we can help, and the benefits of doing so.

Why Helping a Friend is Important

Friends are like family. We share our happy times and sad times with them. When a friend is in need, it’s our duty to help. Helping a friend shows that we care about them. It tells them that they are not alone. This can give them strength and hope. It can make them feel better.

There are many ways to help a friend. One way is to listen to them. Sometimes, friends just need someone to talk to. They might be feeling sad or worried. By listening, we can show that we understand their feelings.

Another way to help is to give advice. If a friend is facing a problem, we can share our thoughts. We can give them ideas on how to solve the problem. But remember, we should not force our ideas on them. They have the right to make their own choices.

We can also help a friend by doing small things for them. For example, if a friend is sick, we can visit them. We can bring them food or help with their homework. If a friend is feeling low, we can cheer them up. We can tell them jokes or share funny stories.

Helping a friend is not just good for the friend, but also for us. It makes us feel happy and satisfied. It makes us feel useful. It teaches us to be kind and caring. It also strengthens our friendship.

When we help a friend, we also learn new things. For example, if we help a friend with a math problem, we might learn a new way to solve it. If we help a friend with a project, we might learn new skills.

Helping a friend can also make us stronger. It can teach us to face problems and find solutions. It can teach us to be patient and understanding. It can teach us to be better people.

In summary, helping a friend is a wonderful thing. It shows our love and care. It strengthens our friendship. It makes us feel good about ourselves. It teaches us many important lessons. So, the next time a friend needs help, let’s be there for them. Let’s show them that they can count on us. After all, that’s what friends are for.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on Helping Earthquake Victims
• Essay on Helping Someone
• Essay on Helping Parents

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Happy studying!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Relationships

Listen rather than offering advice.

It can be tough to know exactly what to do when a friend is going through a crisis. Whether they're going through a breakup , a death in their family, a health issue, or something else entirely, you'll want to give them as much support as possible. But the right words don't always come to mind. Even when you're trying to help, it can feel like you're getting it all wrong.

It's important not to judge yourself for being a bit unsure of what to say in these moments. "It can often feel intimidating or uncomfortable," Allie Friedmann, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, tells Bustle. People can isolate themselves during tough times, Friedmann says, or cope differently than you might have predicated, which further complicates the issue.

"When trying to help a friend , it is important to meet that friend where [they are]," Friedmann says. "You may want to solve the problem or want your friend's negative feelings to go away, but if [they are] not ready, then your efforts could feel like an attack or dismissal, rather than supportive."

Here’s how to support a friend going through a difficult time, according to experts.

Offer To Hang Out

If you don't know what to do or say, start by hanging out. "Just being there, without expectation or distraction, means a lot," Rev. Connie L. Habash, MA, LMFT , a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. "Many people don’t take the time to simply be present with each other, even if it’s just washing dishes together, taking a walk, or hanging out on the couch."

It's so simple yet so effective. Give them your attention, Habash says, and they will feel valued, loved, and cared for.

Be There & Listen

If you're trying to give advice and coming up empty, that's actually OK. "When someone we love is going through pain and sorrow, we feel pressure to have to say something, to come up with a way to make them feel better ," Habash says. But often it's best to just listen and let them express themselves.

"They need to know that you can tolerate being with them in their pain, and that someone understands what they’re going through," Habash says.

Save The Advice For Later

In the same vein, resist the urge to offer advice or find solutions to their problems, Friedmann says, unless they want that.

"Listen first, with curiosity and without judgment," she suggests. "It is uncomfortable to sit with people's negative emotions, but offering solutions without being asked can often feel like you are dismissing [their] feelings, rather than creating a space for them to experience what it is that's hurting them."

Not to mention, things like breakups and deaths can't be fixed. "Showing we care enough to listen without an agenda," Friedmann says, "is how we can support friends going through these experiences."

Validate Their Feelings

One way to respond without offering advice is by validating their feelings. If they tell you about their problem and say they're scared, Friedmann says, try responding with, "That is so hard and scary. It makes so much sense why you feel this way given what's going on. I'm here to listen."

There are lots of ways you can be a better listener to your friend. Try reflecting back what's been said by offering a quick recap of what they've shared so far, in a natural way. "Reflection and summary help convey to your friend that you are both listening and hearing what [they are] saying," Friedmann says.

Avoid Using Clichés

There's lots of advice out there that sounds good but isn't actually very helpful, which is why it's often best to simply say, "I don't know what to say" if you're at a loss, Salina Schmidgall, M.Ed, PLPC, NCC , a national certified counselor, tells Bustle.

It's refreshing and better than falling back on a tired cliché like, "There are plenty of fish in the sea" or "It's all going to be OK," Schmidgall says.

Run Errands For Them

If your friend is busy dealing with a crisis, offering to help with their everyday chores can come as a huge relief.

"Doing the laundry or running to the grocery store for [them] may ease up their stress and make it easier to deal with their troubles," Habash says. "It will also convey how much you care about them." Send a quick text and see if they need anything, or choose a time to stop by with a few grocery staples. It's a good way to show you care.

Ask How You Can Help

If you're unsure how to support a friend, ask what they'd prefer.

"Oftentimes when we help a friend who is going through a crisis [...] we tend to care and support them in a way that we would want to be cared for and supported," Dr. Holly N. Sawyer, PhD, MS, LPC, NCC, CAADC , a licensed psychotherapist with Life First Therapy, LLC, tells Bustle. But they may want something entirely different.

While you may need to vent and cry, they may crave a little time alone, or vice versa. Focus on who your friend is as a person, and cater your response to them. If they aren't sure what they need, it's best not to force them to do something, even if it seems like it would help. Being there is enough, Sawyer says.

Keep Checking In

If you haven't heard from your friend, don't hesitate to send a text to find out how they are. And keep doing so, possibly even longer than seems necessary.

"We shouldn’t be scared to check in with our friend and simply ask if they want to talk about it or not," Vicki Smith, LPC , a licensed professional counselor and psychotherapist, tells Bustle. Sometimes people need to talk about their feelings for months, Smith says.

But don't push them to talk if they don't want to. "If we push, the person goes into their shell like a turtle or snaps at us to back off," Smith says. "That is simply a signal they aren’t ready. But it doesn’t hurt to keep showing them you are there when they are ready."

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Another way to find out what they need is by asking open-ended questions, Friedmann says. This will create space for them to share how they're feeling and let you know what they need.

It can also be comforting, if they're OK with it, to use non-verbal body language while you're chatting in order to convey care, Friedmann says. Think about placing your arm on their shoulder, offering a hug, or sitting close to them on the couch.

Take Care Of Yourself

There are a lot of nice things to do for a friend going through a hard time. However, sometimes this leads into you neglecting your own needs, which doesn’t help anyone.

“It may sound counterintuitive when someone you love is struggling, but they need to know you're alright,” Nicole Richardson, LPC-S, LMFT-S , licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. As she point out, when you’re on an airplane, they tell you in an emergency to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others. “When someone you care about is struggling, taking care of yourself allows the person who is struggling to get your best, which is what they need,” says Richardson.

Leave Space For Joy

Depending on the situation your friend is going through, it doesn’t have to be all straight-faced seriousness 24/7. Sometimes a little lighthearted distraction is all a person needs to lift their spirits, even if only for a moment.

“Even in the darkest times, there are opportunities for laughter and light,” offers Richardson. “It's OK to tell a joke or be silly sometimes. If your friend isn't ready to laugh, that's OK — they just aren't ready yet.” What’s important is that you’re there for them, and making them smile will come along eventually.

Get Moving With Them

Ever go on one of those “mental health walks” TikTok loves so much (“going on a silly little walk for my silly mental health”)? Taking a second to get outside and clear your head can do wonders for the psyche.

“When someone is suffering, it can be important to move around and get some air,” says Richardson. “Offer to go for a walk with them or even a long drive. Fresh air and sunlight can be powerful reminders of life, especially if you can get in nature.” If they’re feeling really down, your friend might not want to initiate a walk or a drive — that’s why it’s important to have an encouraging friend (aka you) who can help motivate them to get up and going.

There's no right answer when it comes to helping a friend in crisis. But you can certainly show how much you care by finding ways to be there for them.

Allie Friedmann, LCSW , licensed clinical social worker and therapist

Rev. Connie L. Habash, MA, LMFT , licensed marriage and family therapist

Salina Schmidgall, M.Ed, PLPC, NCC , national certified counselor

Dr. Holly N. Sawyer, PhD, MS, LPC, NCC, CAADC , licensed psychotherapist with Life First Therapy, LLC

Vicki Smith, LPC , licensed professional counselor and psychotherapist

Nicole Richardson, LPC-S, LMFT-S , licensed marriage and family therapist

This article was originally published on Feb. 22, 2020

Au Café ( c 1875-77) by Edgar Degas. © The Fitzwilliam Museum, Cambridge

How to support a struggling friend

Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say or do. use these five strategies for providing effective emotional support.

by Elise Kalokerinos   + BIO

is a senior lecturer in psychology and co-director of the Functions of Emotions in Everyday Life Lab at the University of Melbourne. She studies how people manage their emotions, and the emotions of others, as they navigate their daily lives.

Edited by Christian Jarrett

Listen to this Guide.

Need to know

Your friend is devastated. She’s just lost her job and looks like she’s about to burst into tears in the middle of the busy coffee shop. You don’t know what to do. You want to help her, but what do you say in this horrible situation? How do you make her feel better right now, and how can you help her get through the tough time to come?

We’ve all been in situations like this, both big and small and everything in between: from a friend burning the food at their dinner party, to struggling with the loss of a loved one; from missing the bus to work, to enduring a marriage breakdown. Common wisdom suggests that a problem shared is a problem halved. We really want to help, yet we don’t quite have the words or the tactics. You might have felt yourself freeze in these moments, paralysed by the thought that anything you say or do could be a little awkward, or even make things worse.

Being supportive isn’t easy

Research shows that many people don’t really know what works best to help their friends effectively. Moreover, the support we do provide, such as giving advice, is often ineffective. Part of the challenge is that there are just so many possible ways to intervene. A survey of the methods that people used to manage their friends’ emotions identified 378 distinct strategies, including allowing the other person to vent their emotions, acting silly to make the other person laugh, and helping to rationalise the other person’s decisions. Given this large variety of strategies, it’s no wonder that deciding what to do when you have a friend in tears can be a little overwhelming.

Providing support is a skill that can be learned

The good news is that there are evidence-based support strategies you can learn that will help you provide more effective support to your friends. What’s more, providing support to your friends is good both for them and for you. Receiving social support from friends has benefits: in general, people who are supported tend to be more mentally and physically healthy. This might be because support from our friends and family is a strong buffer against the stress caused by tough times. Giving social support to friends also has benefits: when we support another person, it helps to strengthen our relationship with that person, and it makes us feel better (with the benefits being even greater when we feel like we’ve done a good job helping).

In this Guide, I will take you through five strategies to help you provide more effective emotional support to those who are struggling. For each strategy, I’ll give an example to help you see what this might look like in practice. These five strategies are broadly applicable but, later in the Guide, I’ll also cover some caveats to keep in mind.

Resist the urge to downplay your friend’s problems

Your friend Alex messages you, upset that he received a B in a college class. Your first impulse is to ignore the message – you think Alex is overreacting. He can handle this non-event on his own, and you don’t get why he is so upset. After a while, you figure you should respond. You write: ‘You’ll be fine, I don’t know why you’re worrying! Getting a B is pretty good and not the end of the world.’

When we think that someone is catastrophising something that (to us) is not a big deal, it can be tempting to ignore them, downplay them or be dismissive, but that would be a mistake and will likely end badly . Whatever your own take on your friend’s dilemma, it’s important to be responsive to their requests, and to prioritise trying to understand how they feel. Some studies suggest that being supportive is helpful only when we are responsive in this way. Moreover, being responsive to other people – trying to understand them, valuing their opinions and abilities, and making them feel cared for – is a cornerstone of good relationships.

So, in the above scenario with Alex, you might send a more thoughtful response, showing that you’re trying to understand how he feels: ‘I get why you’re upset, that sucks. I know you’re a hardworking and smart person, and I bet you’ll be able to get an A next time.’

In the longer term, a way to work on being more responsive and less dismissive is through setting compassionate goals. These involve focusing on supporting others, being constructive in interactions, and being understanding of others’ weaknesses. In a study with college students, people who reported setting goals that were more compassionate and less selfish had roommates who felt more supported by them. Cultivating a compassionate mindset is a useful background for all the remaining steps in this Guide.

Ask questions and really listen

You have coffee with your friend Jamie, who has just had a big argument with his partner. Your knee-jerk reaction is to think to yourself ‘Oh no, not another argument,’ to infer that Jamie is ready to leave the relationship (after all, that’s how you’d feel if you were him) and to show him that you’re on his side. You’re inclined to tell Jamie straight up that you get why he is angry, and that you agree it’s probably time to let the relationship go.

Just as playing down a friend’s problem is unwise, so too is trying to empathise too quickly, including jumping in with rapid advice. While this impulse is understandable and quite normal, it is also likely to go wrong. Although we tend to assume that we can tell how other people are thinking using our empathy, research has shown that we’re actually really bad at taking other people’s perspectives. One study , led by Tal Eyal at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev, involved researchers asking people to put themselves in another’s shoes in 25 different contexts, including taking other people’s perspectives on movies, on activities, on social issues, and even on whether jokes were funny. In all these experiments, trying to take another person’s perspective didn’t work, and sometimes it even backfired.

So how might you best address the situation instead? In the research by Eyal and her colleagues, directly asking was the only thing that helped one person understand how another person felt. This suggests that in the above scenario it would be better to slow down and start by asking directly how Jamie is feeling, rather than thinking about how you might feel in a similar situation. In short, we’re not as good as we think at intuiting other people’s feelings, and it is better to ask questions and listen to the answers.

Listening well can also be a challenge, but again there is psychology research that can help. To be a more effective listener, you can begin with two easy tactics . First, be attentive to the other person, and signal that you’re listening carefully by using nonverbal signals (such as nodding and smiling) and brief phrases (such as ‘Mmhmm’ or ‘Oh really?’) Second, provide ‘scaffolding’ questions that help your friend to elaborate on their story or their feelings, such as: ‘And what happened next?’ or ‘How did you feel after that?’ This can help them feel supported and heard. These skills may seem self-evident, but they’re particularly easy to forget in the moment, as we get distracted by our phones, or inclined to hurry our friends along to get to the point of their stories.

A related technique to try is active listening , which is commonly used by therapists, and relatively simple to implement. One form of active listening involves paraphrasing what your friend is saying in your own words, which can help them feel better. For example, your friend might spend some time explaining a series of stressful events across their week, describing arguments with their spouse, a mounting workload and some worries about debt, and you might paraphrase by saying that it sounds like they are overwhelmed both at home and at work right now.

Give emotional support first, cognitive support second

Your friend Casey comes to you upset that she has lost a big client at work. You want to jump straight in and help Casey think more positively about things. You know that this client was taking up a lot of Casey’s time. So, now that client is out of the picture, Casey can do less overtime, and spend more time on new, exciting clients. This kind of reframing is likely to be helpful for Casey in the long term, but it’s not the best place to start your support.

In contrast to downplaying a friend’s problem – the first pitfall I mentioned above – helping a friend see a situation in a positive light (known as reframing) is a supportive strategy. However, it’s important that you don’t jump straight to it. In the situation with Casey, it would have been better to start things off by validating her feelings, which is a form of emotional support . Casey has come to you feeling awful, and jumping straight to discussing the bright side might leave her feeling as if you aren’t getting it. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have tried to find a silver lining for Casey at all – but, rather than beginning there, better to validate and comfort Casey as she talked through the situation. Once you’d shown that you get how she feels, then you could have helped her find the bright side, which is a form of cognitive support in the sense that you’re helping your friend to think differently.

It’s important to provide both emotional and cognitive support because, although people prefer to receive and provide emotional support (and to avoid cognitive support), emotional support alone is often ineffective at making people feel better over the long term. Using emotional support first and cognitive support second makes people feel better, reaping the benefits of both approaches.

One additional concern with cognitive support is making sure that the reframe you suggest doesn’t slip into invalidating or downplaying your friend’s feelings. The dividing line here can be difficult to navigate. The key is to ensure your reframe doesn’t negate your friend’s feelings that the initial situation was upsetting. Instead, focus your reframing on unexpected upsides not yet considered, or future avenues to move past the initial problem. In the example with Casey, the aim wouldn’t be to convince her that losing her client wasn’t hard, but rather to help her find other parts of the situation that might soften that blow.

More generally, adopting the one-two punch approach of always beginning with validation is likely to help with this problem: if you begin from a perspective of validating, it’ll become more obvious to you when the reframes you provide are contradicting that validation.

Don’t take charge

Your friend Jay has a terrible boss. Jay has been struggling to deal with this for a while, and they’ve been constantly unhappy. You think Jay should quit and find another job with a better mentor, and you tell them as much.

Although you had good intentions, telling Jay straight up to quit would be a mistake. Very direct and obvious help can sometimes make people feel as if they are helpless. In research , people who received obvious and visible social support – rather than subtle, invisible social support – felt more stressed about an upcoming negative event. If your support is too directive and take-charge, it might make your friend feel like they aren’t able to handle things on their own, like a kid who needs their parent’s help to manage their problems.

Instead, it would have been better to ask Jay what they want, and how they might be able to change this situation, and then listen to them talk through their options one by one. In doing this, you provide a sounding board for Jay to take control of the situation on their own. Your aim should be to facilitate the other person’s choices, rather than dominating them. This will help them organise their thoughts and come to some solutions, without feeling like you did it for them.

Avoid venting together

Your housemate Jordan calls you to complain about your other housemate Kirby. Kirby hasn’t been doing her share of the chores, and Jordan is at the end of his patience. You too are annoyed at Kirby and, after a while, you realise that you and Jordan have been going back and forth complaining about Kirby for 10 minutes, and now you’re both feeling pretty upset.

Sympathising with a friend’s dilemma and venting together might seem like a supportive strategy that shows you’re both in the same boat and you’re happy to talk it over at length. However, this approach can go too far. In the above scenario, it’s likely to pull you and Jordan into a downward spiral of negativity.

Although I’ve discussed ways in which talking about problems with your friends can help, if taken to an extreme, it can become a problematic issue called co-rumination . This involves talking excessively with other people about problems, and constantly dwelling on those problems together without looking for solutions. Such behaviour results in both people feeling worse , with co-ruminating associated with increases in anxiety and depression over time.

How might you stop that downward spiral? The good news is that, according to researchers , simply knowing that co-rumination exists might help people avoid these kinds of negative spirals, although this has not yet been directly examined in a study. So, begin by being on the lookout. In the scenario above, once you’d identified the venting spiral, you could have pointed it out to Jordan. Distraction can interrupt that feeling of being stuck in a problem so, next, you and Jordan could have agreed to stop the discussion for a few hours, and do something that distracts you both, before coming back to figure out how to deal with the issue. At this point, you could have considered enacting the validate-and-reframe pattern I mentioned earlier (supporting such an approach, there is evidence that reframing can interrupt spirals of rumination).

Key points – How to support a struggling friend

• Being supportive isn’t easy . Many people struggle to know the right thing to say or do to help.
• Providing support is a skill you can learn . There are evidence-based strategies you can use. What’s more, providing the right kind of support is good both for your friends and for you.
• Resist the urge to downplay your friend’s problems . Instead, aim to be compassionate and responsive to how your friend is feeling.
• Ask questions and really listen . Most of us aren’t as good at empathy as we think – so find out how your friend feels and show you’re paying attention.
• Give emotional support first, cognitive support second . Validate your friend’s feelings, and only then help them to see things in a more positive light.
• Don’t take charge . Avoid being directive about your opinions; instead, encourage your friend to come up with potential solutions so they feel in control of the problem.
• Avoid venting together . Dwelling on problems with your friend without looking for a solution is known as co-rumination . Use distraction to break out of these negative spirals.

Tailoring your support

Not all supportive strategies will work in the same way for all people, cultures and situations. Now that we have good information about what works overall, researchers are starting to investigate how the optimal way to give support might vary depending on the who , where and when of the situation. Here are some of the most important findings to date:

Who: a relevant factor is the personality of the person being supported and in particular their self-esteem. In a series of studies , Denise Marigold at the University of Waterloo and her colleagues found that people with lower self-esteem benefited less from reframing and other forms of cognitive social support. As I discussed in the What to Do section above, this is the kind of support that involves positively reframing a friend’s experience (eg, ‘That terrible job interview was good practice for jobs you’ll care more about in the future’). People with lower self-esteem found this reframing cognitive support less helpful, and the people who provided the support felt worse about the interaction, themselves and their friendships more broadly. However, people with lower self-esteem were responsive to emotional support that validated their personal experiences. These findings indicate how important it is to think carefully about the personality of your friend and their preferences as you provide support.

Where: other research has investigated the role of culture in effective support. For instance, while much of the research I have discussed so far focuses on participants in Europe or the United States, crosscultural studies have demonstrated different dynamics among Asian and Asian American people. People with these backgrounds tend to request less support than Europeans and Americans because they fear that requesting too much support will strain their relationships. Perhaps as a result, whenever Asian and Asian American people have to ask for social support, they tend to find it less beneficial than any unsolicited support they receive. This suggests that, when giving support to Asian and Asian American people, it might be better to offer the support in a more subtle way, without waiting to be prompted.

Furthermore, research has demonstrated that social support may be more effective in some cultures, depending on people’s values. For instance, a study investigating Latino culture in the US found that this is characterised by familism , which values positive emotions, readily accessible social support from family, and a sense of shared obligation among community members. Among Latino participants, but not European or Asian participants, those people who more strongly endorsed familism tended to enjoy greater social support and better relationships. Related research suggests that among Latinos specifically, endorsement of familism is associated with deriving more health benefits from social support. Taken together, this work suggests that providing effective support may be particularly important in Latino communities that strongly endorse familism.

When: the role of situation in social support provision is another focus of research. One key distinction has been whether the support is given online (eg, through social media or messages) or in person. Despite the challenges involved in online interactions, studies in young people have found that providing support online can be helpful, especially for those who have less support available in person. Indeed, studies with young adults have found that support received digitally (eg, through messages and video calls) was just as helpful as face-to-face support. There tends to be some scepticism around the benefits of digital social support, but this research suggests that it may be a promising avenue, at least in young people. It’s unclear how well such studies will generalise across all age groups, but it does indicate that, if offering digital support is an available option (as is so often the case), then it is an avenue worth using. Many of the strategies discussed in this Guide are equally applicable in digital settings and can be used to support friends from afar.

Links & books

In her New York Times guide, the columnist Tara Parker-Pope discusses the research on how to be a better friend, including how to make friendships last, how to listen more effectively, and how to have better arguments.

The Psychology Podcast hosted by the cognitive scientist Scott Barry Kaufman has several episodes that are helpful to being a better friend, including one on developing emotion skills, with Marc Brackett of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and another on fostering positive relationships, with the social psychologist Sara Algoe.

The Ten Percent Happier podcast hosted by the journalist Dan Harris also has some relevant episodes, including one on making and keeping friends, with the evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar of the University of Oxford, and another that makes the case for kindness, with Dacher Keltner of the Greater Good Science Centre at the University of California, Berkeley.

In her TED talk ‘Helping Others Makes Us Happier – But It Matters How We Do It’ (2019), the psychologist Elizabeth Dunn of the University of British Columbia discusses the benefits we get from helping others, demonstrating that supporting our friends also has personal benefits.

The book The War for Kindness (2019) by the psychologist Jamil Zaki of Stanford University is excellent on the psychology of empathy. Zaki demonstrates that empathy is a skill we can develop, in order to be kinder and more supportive people.

How to use ‘possibility thinking’

Have you hit an impasse in your personal or professional life? Answer these questions to open your mind to what’s possible

by Constance de Saint Laurent & Vlad Glăveanu

The nature of reality

How to think about time

This philosopher’s introduction to the nature of time could radically alter how you see your past and imagine your future

by Graeme A Forbes

Cognitive and behavioural therapies

How to stop living on auto-pilot

Are you going through the motions? Use these therapy techniques to set meaningful goals and build a ‘life worth living’

by Kiki Fehling

How to support a friend or family member who’s struggling with their mental health

Share this idea.

• Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
• Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
• Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
• Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
• Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
• Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)

Every one of us has mental health in the same way that every one of us has physical health. Yet despite the prevalence of mental health struggles, there is still so much stigma around them. Worldwide the leading cause of disability is depression, according to the World Health Organization, and in the US alone, nearly 1 in 5 of adults lives with a mental illness.

As a mental health therapist-in-training and the founder of Brown Girl Therapy , the largest mental health community for children of immigrants living in the West, I regularly get asked this question: “How can I support a loved one who is struggling with their mental health?” With the multiple crises we’re currently living through, it can feel like more and more people we know are currently hurting.

Maybe you’ve noticed that a friend’s behavior or demeanor has changed and you’re concerned, or a family member is opening up to you for the first time about their anxiety. I know it’s challenging to know what to say or do. Here are eight things that you can do and eight things you should not do when you’re supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health.

First, the dos: 

DO listen and validate

Be curious about what your friend is struggling with and how it’s impacting them. Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, ask open-ended questions to allow them to share their experience with you — questions like “What’s going on?” or “How long have you been experiencing this?” or “How are you coping?”

When they respond, use validating statements that will help them feel heard and accepted just as they are. Many people who struggle with their mental health may often blame or judge  themselves about what they’re going through; some may feel that their struggles aren’t valid because they’re all “in their head.”

Even if you can’t completely understand or relate to their feelings or experiences, you want to communicate to your loved one that they’re perfectly OK — — this can be as simple as saying “That sounds really difficult”.

Support looks different for everyone, and what you may need when you’re struggling may not be what someone else needs.

DO ask what they need from you

Instead of making assumptions about what would be helpful to your loved one, ask them directly: “How can I support you?” or “What would be helpful to you right now?” Remember: Support looks different for everyone, and what you may need when you’re struggling may not be what someone else needs when they’re having a hard time.

DO offer to help with everyday tasks

A lot of people who struggle with their mental health may find it incredibly difficult to make basic decisions or perform even seemingly small chores. Instead of using the generic phrase “I’m here if you need me,” try to be specific about what you’re offering so your friend won’t have to bear the burden of reaching out or figuring out what they need in the first place.

If you visit them, take a look around and see what they could use assistance with — like doing the dishes, weeding, vacuuming or folding laundry. If you talk to them, offer to take them to a doctor’s appointment or do a grocery or drugstore run for them; you might also consider sending them a gift card for their meals.

DO celebrate their wins, including the small ones 

When a person is struggling with their mental health, every day can be full of challenges. So cheer on their accomplishments and victories. This can help affirm their feelings of agency and efficacy. This could look like thanking them for being so honest and vulnerable with you or  congratulating them for going to work or for taking their dog out for regular walks.

Many people who struggle with their mental health already feel a baseline level of guilt for being a drag on other people’s time, energy and mental space.

DO read up on what they’re struggling with

There’s another important burden you can remove from their plate: Having to teach you about mental illness. Instead, take the time to educate yourself on what they’re going through — for example, learning more about depression, panic attacks or anxiety — so you can understand their lived experience and be aware of severe or risky behaviors or symptoms to look out for.

Today, there are so many places online to find informative, helpful content, from peer-reviewed journals and articles by mental health professionals to posts in digital communities and personal essays by people who share in your loved one’s mental-health challenges.

DO check in with them regularly 

Many people who struggle with their mental health already feel a baseline level of guilt for being a drag on other people’s time, energy and mental space. Consistently check in (a quick text is fine) with them, keep them company when you can, and remind your friend that you love them and you’re on their side.

DO recognize that not all mental health struggles look the same

Not all mental health challenges or mental illnesses look the same. Some people might struggle as the result of a specific event or circumstance, while other people may be living with a chronic mental illness. If the latter is true for your loved one, don’t expect them to “get over” it as they would with a flu or broken bone.

Meet them where they are, reminding them you understand it’s something they are living with. This can take different forms depending on what they need — this could mean understanding when they cancel plans on you because they’re having a particularly tough day or adapting your plans with them to reflect what they’re able to do.

It’s important we remove the stigma from taking care of our mental health and talk about it just like we’d talk about going to a physician for a physical illness.

DO normalize talking about mental health

Don’t wait for them to bring up their struggles, or shy away from being direct with them. It’s important we remove the stigma from taking care of our mental health and talk about it in the same way we’d talk about going to a physician or taking medication for a physical illness. You might even consider opening up and being vulnerable when talking about your own mental health so instead of feeling judged, your loved one feels safe being honest with you.

Now, the don’ts:  

DON’T compare their experience to others

I really want to drive one point home: Everyone experiences their mental health struggles and mental health illnesses differently. In the guise of trying to make a loved one feel better, you may be tempted to tell them “everyone deals with anxiety [or depression etc] sometimes” or bring up an acquaintance who had the same illness but benefited from a specific strategy, treatment or therapy.

Resist this temptation. Even though saying those things can be helpful in terms of normalizing their experience and making them feel less alone, they can also have the unintended effect of pressuring them to get over it or minimize what they’re feeling.

Another thing to avoid — reminding them of what they have or should be grateful for. Toxic positivity and comparison to others can reinforce the narrative that your loved one’s problems aren’t important.

Avoid using stigmatizing words like “crazy” or “cuckoo”, or saying things like “that’s so OCD” or “take a Xanax”

DON’T use stigmatizing language 

Be careful how you talk about mental health around your friend (and in general!). Avoid using stigmatizing words  like “crazy” or “cuckoo”, or using clinical diagnoses or medications flippantly in conversation — like saying “that’s so OCD” when someone is very organized or telling someone to “take a Xanax” when you want them to calm down. Check your own assumptions surrounding mental health issues, professional mental health care and medication so you aren’t causing your loved one unnecessary pain.

DON’T take their behavior personally

People’s mental health struggles are often not linear or predictable. Maybe your friend is less talkative one day, and maybe your sister keeps rescheduling your phone dates. While you may feel hurt or offended by their actions, don’t automatically assume that they are reflections of how your loved one feels about you.

Instead, use their cues as moments to check in on them, ask what you can do to support them, and remind them that you’re here for them when and if they need.

You want to be with your loved one while they’re navigating their own struggles, not steering them or pushing them.

DON’T be confrontational or try to control the situation

When you’re faced with a loved one in pain or distress, it can be really difficult not to get in the metaphorical driver’s seat and forcefully do what you think will relieve their suffering. But in doing this, you’re diminishing their sense of agency. You want to be with your loved one while they’re navigating their own struggles, not steering them or pushing them. So don’t be aggressive about what they should or shouldn’t do, and don’t give them ultimatums.

DON’T get discouraged

You may feel helpless when you’re helping and supporting a loved one who is struggling, and you don’t see them making progress. Just because you feel helpless doesn’t mean you can’t be helpful. Your loved one does not expect you to find them the magic solution or to be perfect; instead, they just need you to be present.

DON’T burn yourself out trying to support your loved one

The better you take care of yourself, the better you can be of support to your loved one. Make sure to keep taking care of yourself, doing the things you love and recharging your own batteries while being there for your loved one. Be clear and direct about your boundaries, and find ways to honor what you need to do in order to be able to show up for them.

People who are struggling with their mental health are not broken, and they do not need to be fixed.

DON’T try to fix them

People who are struggling with their mental health are not broken, and they do not need to be fixed. By jumping in with solutions and advice when they don’t explicitly ask for it, you’re sending them the message that what they’re going through is wrong or bad when in fact you are projecting your own discomfort with what they’re going through. Realize that your impulse to dive into a fix-it mode can actually be a coping mechanism to ease and absolve your own discomfort or anxiety. Which brings me to my next point …

DON’T avoid the feelings that come up for you

When we see our loved ones grappling with something difficult, chronic or hard to comprehend, it can often bring up our own difficult feelings and our own discomfort or anxiety. When this happens, it’s important not to shove that stuff under the rug. Spend time reflecting on what’s coming up for you.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself: Are you anxious because you’re scared of what’s going to happen to your loved one? Are you avoiding them because you feel helpless? Are you carrying around your own biases or stigmas around mental illness? Are you on edge because you’re resentful, burned out or just plain confused?

It’s important to get clarity on what’s coming up for you and why, so you can take care of yourself and still be there for your friend. Don’t be ashamed if you find that you could use some support or professional care. One great US-based resource is the National Alliance on Mental Illness , which hosts free support groups for people who love someone that’s struggling with their mental health.

Watch Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s TED Conversation now:

About the author

Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the founder of Brown Girl Therapy, the first and largest mental health and wellness community of its kind for children of immigrants living in the West, where she works to promote bicultural identity and destigmatize therapy. She is also currently pursuing her master’s in clinical mental health counseling. Kohli's passion lies at the intersection of narrative storytelling and mental health advocacy. A former journalist, she is currently working on a book to be published by Penguin Life. 

• mental health
• mental illness
• relationships
• sahaj kaur kohli
• society and culture

TED Talk of the Day

How to make radical climate action the new normal

6 ways to give that aren't about money

A smart way to handle anxiety -- courtesy of soccer great Lionel Messi

How do top athletes get into the zone? By getting uncomfortable

6 things people do around the world to slow down

Creating a contract -- yes, a contract! -- could help you get what you want from your relationship

Could your life story use an update? Here’s how to do it 

6 tips to help you be a better human now

How to have better conversations on social media (really!)

Let’s stop calling them “soft skills” -- and call them “real skills” instead

There’s a know-it-all at every job — here’s how to deal

3 strategies for effective leadership, from a former astronaut

The 7 types of people you need in your life to be resilient

How should we talk about mental health?

Feel like a different person on the pill? Here's how it affects your mood

Can't seem to meditate? 7 joyful activities for you to try instead

India + Internet = ?

If you have a friend who is having a hard time at work, school or home, it’s sometimes hard to know what to do. Supporting a friend in trouble can be the difference between them moving through a difficult life challenge or sinking into a state of hopelessness, social withdrawal and despair.

Letting a friend know that you’re there – and you care – is the greatest act of friendship you can give. Here are some practical, genuinely helpful things you can do to support a friend through the tough times.

6 simple ways you can help a friend going through a tough time

1. reach out.

Sometimes when a friend is struggling to cope they may isolate themselves. If you’ve noticed your friend has become withdrawn and stopped contacting you or cancelled planned catch-ups, it’s crucial to let them know they’re not alone.

Pick up the phone, send them a message on social media, or pop around to their place and let them know you’ve available to chat, and you’re concerned about them. They may not respond at first, so it’s important to keep trying. Even if it takes a few attempts, most people appreciate knowing that a friend cares enough to reach out.

2. Find a good time to talk

Choose a time when you’re both feeling reasonably relaxed and don’t have to rush off to other commitments – clear your schedule if needs be. Avoid trying to talk to them about your concerns during an argument or if they appear agitated.

It’s important to allow time to bring up your concerns, and leave enough time to discuss anything important that comes up in conversation.

3. Be a good listener

It might be tempting to offer your friend advice about how to deal with what they’re experiencing, but the most helpful thing you can do if they choose to open up to you is simply listen.

Let your friend guide the conversation – you can ask questions to get a better sense of what they’re feeling, but advice and well-meaning observations are often received as judgement or criticism. Focus on their strengths and coping abilities, and let them know you’re available to chat whenever they need you.

4. Encourage your friend to seek help

Recommending they make an appointment with their local GP is a great first step. You can also offer to call to arrange the appointment and accompany them if they’re feeling worried or need extra support.

If your friend feels uncomfortable speaking with someone face-to-face, suggest they try  Skype  or  telephone counselling  instead.

5. Know when to back down

Sometimes talking to you maybe all your friend is ready for: it’s important to know when to step back and give them some space and time to think about everything.

Pressuring your friend to seek professional support may not be helpful and could put them off seeking help. Be consistently supportive instead, and reassure them you’ll be there for them whatever they decide to do.

6. Educate yourself

If you suspect your friend may be depressed, anxious, stressed, physically unwell, in a relationship breakdown, drinking or substance abuse, gambling, or experiencing any kind of mental health issue,  getting informed  about treatment and support options can help you to better understand what they are going through, and shine a light on the specialist help that’s available.

The most helpful way you can support a friend in trouble is to offer unconditional support and understanding. Sometimes a sympathetic ear may be all the encouragement they need to  seek help .

Supporting a friend in trouble research resources

Baker, T., & Warren, A. (2015). Active listening can make other people better communicators too. In  Conversations at Work  (pp. 160-175). Palgrave Macmillan UK.

Barney, L. J., Griffiths, K. M., Jorm, A. F., & Christensen, H. (2006). Stigma about depression and its impact on help-seeking intentions.  Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry ,  40 (1), 51-54.

Hing, N., Nuske, E., Gainsbury, S. M., Russell, A. M., & Breen, H. (2016). How does the stigma of problem gambling influence help-seeking, treatment and recovery? a view from the counselling sector.  International Gambling Studies ,  16 (2), 263-280.

Jones, S. M., Bodie, G. D., & Hughes, S. D. (2016). The Impact of mindfulness on empathy, active listening, and perceived provisions of emotional support.  Communication Research , 0093650215626983.

Marcus Andrews

Marcus Andrews is the founder and director of Life Supports, which was established in 2002. He has extensive professional experience working as a counsellor and family therapist across a broad range of issues. The core component of his role at Life Supports involves the supervision of other counsellors, including secondary consultations. Marcus has worked in many sectors, including private, government, non-profit, health, forensic and community practice.

Recommended Reading

Get help now.

Appointments currently available

Open 8am to 8pm weekdays and 9am to 5:30pm weekends

• PRO Courses Guides New Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade Sign In
• EDIT Edit this Article
• EXPLORE Tech Help Pro About Us Random Article Quizzes Request a New Article Community Dashboard This Or That Game Popular Categories Arts and Entertainment Artwork Books Movies Computers and Electronics Computers Phone Skills Technology Hacks Health Men's Health Mental Health Women's Health Relationships Dating Love Relationship Issues Hobbies and Crafts Crafts Drawing Games Education & Communication Communication Skills Personal Development Studying Personal Care and Style Fashion Hair Care Personal Hygiene Youth Personal Care School Stuff Dating All Categories Arts and Entertainment Finance and Business Home and Garden Relationship Quizzes Cars & Other Vehicles Food and Entertaining Personal Care and Style Sports and Fitness Computers and Electronics Health Pets and Animals Travel Education & Communication Hobbies and Crafts Philosophy and Religion Work World Family Life Holidays and Traditions Relationships Youth
• Browse Articles
• Learn Something New
• Quizzes Hot
• This Or That Game New
• Train Your Brain
• Explore More
• Support wikiHow
• About wikiHow
• Log in / Sign up
• Relationships
• Supporting Friends

How to Help and Support a Friend Through Any Hardship

Last Updated: January 23, 2024 References

This article was co-authored by Laura Horne, MPH . Laura is Chief Program Officer for Active Minds, the nation’s premier nonprofit organization supporting mental health awareness and education for students. Prior to Active Minds, Laura led public health initiatives at the National Association of County and City Health Officials and at Tulane University. She earned her Master of Public Health degree from Tulane University. She is certified as a Health Education Specialist by the National Commission for Health Education Credentialing. There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 147,585 times.

So, your friend is going through a hardship. True friendship means that you find a way to support them. Sometimes people feel awkward when a friend is going through something bad because they aren't sure what to say. Don't worry about that. Just being a positive presence can be enough. There are ways you can make a friend in hardship feel better.

Doing the Right Things

• Even if they say they want to be alone, at least make the offer. However, you should not force them to talk when they are not ready to do so. Give them the space they ask for, then reach out again. Several times. Don’t run away. Sometimes people aren’t sure what to say when a friend is going through a hardship, so they say nothing or distance. This could hurt your friend more.
• The number one goal should be to offer support. Just knowing someone is willing to listen or offer advice or cares can make all of the difference to a friend going through hardship. Call, text or write and just ask, “How are you? Is there anything you need or that I can to do?”
• Part of reaching out is just being available. Keep your cell phone on, and talk to them at 2 a.m. if they are in a crisis. Answer their texts. Don’t always be too busy to listen. Don’t feel you have to act differently. Pick the right setting, and avoid ambushing them if they aren't ready to talk.

Laura Horne, MPH

Don't worry that you won't know what to say. Health education specialist Laura Horne says: "In many situations, you don't have to be an expert to help—you just have to be there. Have a conversation with the person to let them know, 'I'm here for you.' If they need it, you can then refer them to additional sources of support ."

• Do not freak out. This will only make the friend feel like the problem is bigger or unsolvable, so it will make them more upset. Recognize that some people just need to feel badly for a while, and that’s okay.
• Although you should show empathy, showing them that you pity them excessively might make them feel worse.
• Don’t take impulse actions that might make the problem worse for the friend. After all, you don’t understand your friend’s problem as much as they do. Ask your friend before you do anything to help them rectify the situation. See how they feel about it (unless they are in danger or being abused, then you have to tell someone immediately).

• Tell them positive stories about others’ experiences and outcomes and your own if you think it will make things better. But pause, too, and make sure you listen. Sometimes people just need to let it out and vent.
• Remember your friend is already hurting enough. Stay positive, positive, positive. It’s why they turned to you in the first place: For help. Let them ramble on for a while. Maybe they just need to get it all out. Even a sympathetic nod of understanding or a comment like, “I will help you get through this. You’re a strong person” can go a long way.

• If they are hurting financially, you could help them plan a budget, offer to look at their expenses with an objective eye, and suggest a financial counselor. Be very careful about loaning money to family or friends. It can ruin relationships. [1] X Research source
• If they are grieving a death or any other loss, recognize that experts believe there are different stages of grief . The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, acceptance. [2] X Research source
• Connect your friend to credible, outside resources where they can get more help from someone who is an expert or trained in the area of their hardship.

• Sometimes all they need is a hug. No need to say anything - just open your arms and they'll hug you. Hold on for as long as possible as this will show them that you are there for them. Make them laugh.
• Do a song or dance or tell a joke. Once they have started laughing it will be more easy for them to recover and think about what they should do.

Saying the Right Thing

• Don't try to one up them on their problems by throwing in your own problem. Maybe you are being stalked at night by a killer clown wearing sunglasses. But this is the time to be focusing on your friend's problem like their spouse or career or whatever they are going through..
• That doesn’t mean you can’t find common ground by reminding them of a personal experience you had that was somewhat similar and that you overcame. But resist the urge to imply you know exactly how they feel because every situation is unique, and keep your own stories to a minimum.

• Friendship is all about knowing how to use honesty effectively. When a friend is going through a hard time, you have to evaluate the situation and process through your own personal view. Put yourself in your friend’s place, and feel the emotions they are going through.
• Say you are sorry for them, and let them express their feelings wholly. Avoid clichéd advice for situations, as they might think you don’t really care and might become sadder. Be realistic. Don’t say “it’s okay” if it’s really not. Instead, offer inspiration.

• If a friend is repeating a negative pattern, you can quietly point this out by offering positive suggestions for how they can make a change rather than framing the point in blaming, negative language. Don’t be judgmental. That’s the bottom line. It won’t help, and it’s not the time.
• Save the deep talk about how they did x, y, or z wrong for after they are out of the crisis moment. They need to be consoled when things have gone terribly wrong, not be made to feel worse. Do not say mean things to them like “I told you so” or “this is your fault.”
• Picture this. You are "Lindsay's" best friend, and her parents are getting a divorce. You should be there to let her sob on your shoulder, spill her problems, or make her happy. But... She might also want some alone time. Make her a little care package, with movies, sweets, and things to make her laugh. Be a good friend, and help her through this hardship as you would want her to do for you

• Try to do something, if possible, that would actually change the hardship your friend is facing. If you can’t find anything to do, try putting effort in and do something else helpful for your friend. For example, maybe they’re too distraught to make dinner. Bring them over a plate of food. Offer to babysit their kids – things like that.
• Although you should offer constructive solutions, ultimately they need to make their own decisions about what to do. Let them draw their own conclusions and make their own decisions. Showing your genuine support will be the key here. Talk practical, never guide them if you aren't sure.
• Your overarching goal should be to listen, while occasionally providing constructive and positive solutions, advice or suggestions. You could provide all three if you are a particularly close friend.

• Understand and accept that your actions might not yield your expected results always. As a supporter, you should not be disappointed or discouraged by this.
• Do help them try to identify the causes of their problems and pinpoint possible remedies for them. Use your experience, instincts, and other peoples’ advice. Say "this is your life and you should do what you decide is best. But don't you think that ____ will lead to ___? Maybe you can ___? It's up to you though" instead of "that's an awful idea, you should ___".

Taking Other Action

• Encourage your friend to tell someone in a position of authority more equipped to know what to do, such as a law enforcement officer or a therapist or religious leader or parent. If the friend refuses, and there is abuse occurring, talk to a person in authority on your own.
• If the friend is underage, you need to tell their parent if they are suffering from abuse, including bullying . Bullying [5] X Trustworthy Source StopBullying.gov Website run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying Go to source is emotional abuse, and you shouldn’t try to handle something like that on your own. Don’t try confronting the abuser, as that could put you in danger too. Tell an adult.

• There comes a time when you might need a little tough love or you become an enabler. When is that point? When a significant amount of time has passed, and their continued sadness, grief, or depression is starting to have negative ramifications in other areas of their life, like work or school.
• At first wallowing is natural. Later on, not so much, although how much time that means is individual. At some point, direct them toward considering solutions.

• Learn the signs of clinical depression [6] X Research source , and if your friend has it, suggest getting help from a professional, such as a therapist or doctor.
• Remind them that you are not trained to be their therapist. Nor can you carry their problems on your shoulder forever. At a certain point, a little tough love in the form of a constructive solution or an honest reckoning of what you observe can help them more.

• Distractions help a person gain perspective. Balance the wallowing and the distraction, though. Understand, at least in the beginning, that they might want to sit in their livingroom in a pair of pajamas instead.
• Get them some comfort food like ice cream or chocolate or their favorite foods. Bring it over to their house, and keep them company. Remind them of their achievements. Share a positive quote. [7] X Research source
• To some degree carrying on with life as usual at a certain point can be healing for people. So don’t vary routines too much.

• The exception – and this really important – is for situations involving abuse, bullying, or any circumstance in which your friend is in danger, including emotionally. In those cases, you must tell someone in authority – a parent, a cop, or a therapist, for example.
• In other situations, don’t be a gossip. Don’t allude to their problems on social media or tell other people in your circle of friends, even if it’s under the guise of trying to get them more help.

Expert Q&A

• Give personal space when they ask for it. Thanks Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
• Keep them away from alcohol to drown their sorrows. It will only inflame their emotions and their depression. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Don't be too pushy for details. Maybe they don't want to tell you every detail, so don't ask if they don't volunteer. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

• If your friend does tell you what's wrong, keep everything confidential unless it is suicide, abuse, rape, or anything where he or she can get hurt. Thanks Helpful 21 Not Helpful 1
• Don't get too' involved. Make sure that you help, but don't get obsessed. Thanks Helpful 9 Not Helpful 0

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.moneysmart.gov.au/managing-your-money/managing-debts/trouble-with-debt/helping-a-friend-or-family-member-in-financial-hardship
• ↑ http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
• ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
• ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm
• ↑ http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/
• ↑ http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/major-depression
• ↑ http://www.keepinspiring.me/uplifting-quotes-for-difficult-times/

About This Article

It can be hard to see your friend go through a difficult time, but there are ways you can help and support them through any hardship. To be a good friend, reach out to them regularly during challenging times. Even if they tell you they don’t want any help, just knowing that someone cares can be a huge comfort. When your friend does want to talk, be there for them, no matter what time it is. Listen to them attentively, letting them talk through their troubles and get sad or angry as they recount the situation. Another way to help your friend move through a challenging time is to distract them. Try taking them shopping or to the movies, or take them out to enjoy their favorite comfort food. To learn how to share your experiences with your friend to help them feel better, keep reading! Did this summary help you? Yes No

• Send fan mail to authors

Reader Success Stories

Matthew Roman

Jan 20, 2018

Did this article help you?

Mar 29, 2018

Feb 20, 2018

Featured Articles

Trending Articles

Watch Articles

• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• Do Not Sell or Share My Info
• Not Selling Info

Get the best dating & love tips

wikiHow's Relationships Newsletter

Essay on A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed for Students

Table of Contents

Essay on A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed: The popular saying “A friend in need is a friend indeed” goes a long way. It means that someone who helps us when we are in trouble is a true friend. This proverb is based on the idea that a true friend will help us when we need them, even if it is difficult for them to do so.

Fill Out the Form for Expert Academic Guidance!

Please indicate your interest Live Classes Books Test Series Self Learning

Verify OTP Code (required)

I agree to the terms and conditions and privacy policy .

Fill complete details

Target Exam ---

Long and Short Essay on A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed in English

A friend is of much importance for everyone especially in the bad times. Actually, we know the truth about a friend in our bad times when we really need them and their help. Good friends always help us and be with us in our all good or bad times however selfish and mean friends be with us only in our good times and they left us in bad times when we really need them.

‘A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed’ is a proverb which students can be assigned by their teachers in the classroom to write the meaning, paragraph, short essay, long essay or their own views on this topic. Now-a-days, essay or paragraph writing is one of the good strategies of enhancing student’s skill of English writing.

It is commonly followed by the teachers in the schools and colleges for same purpose. Following are some best friend paragraphs , on topic A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed short essays and long essays on A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed to help students in completing their task in the classroom. All the ‘A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed’ essay are written very simply. So, you can select any essay on A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed according to your need and requirement:

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed Essay 100 words

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed is a famous proverb which tells us about the true friends in life. True friends are those who really help us in our bad times of the life. They never left us alone, they motivate us and always support whenever we need them. True friends become very special in our life and remain with us. It is true friends who prove this proverb ‘A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed’. Good friends always support in our difficulties; for whom it is not necessary to be from same field, same class or same cast. True friends always listen to you and correct the mistakes you do to bring at right path. True friendship is a most trusted and important relationship among all relationships in the life.

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed Essay 150 words

It is very necessary for us to distinguish between the bad and good friends to get prevented from being cheated and get benefited all through the life respectively. A friend who remain same in all conditions (good or bad) and support heartily, really become the true friend forever. A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed is a most famous old proverb which means that a friend who help us when we need him really become the true friend.

A true friend never see the differences (whether financial racial, cultural or traditional), he/she just become ready to help in any condition. A true friend always gives and never has feeling to take in return. Every one of us needs someone who can help us anytime whenever we need him/her. He/she not only helps us but exchanges good ideas, views and thoughts, sorrows, hopes, joys and other feelings. He/she never cheats and always cares for us. She/He never become arrogant and never changes on getting wealth and power.

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed Essay 200 words

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed is a famous proverb which tells us about the qualities of a true friend. True friends to anyone are God gifted and become precious gifts whole life. They have very special role in the life of their friends. Some cheater friends have decreased the level of faith in friendship however they can never spoil this true relationship. It is more valuable than other relationships in the life. Some people do not make friendship because of the fear of getting cheater friends as they cannot recognize them earlier. Generally, we say friend to all those whom we talk but true friend becomes different and very special.

Getting true friend is a blessing from God and every one of us don’t have such friends. True friendship becomes noble and great but very rare. Having a good friend is a most precious earning and most precious possessions of the life. Without having a true friend our life is dry and dull. True friends give good and safe company to us and make our life happy, interesting and worth living. He/she understands us and our all needs. They appreciate and motivate us in our bad circumstances and try to solve problems by sharing all the joys and misfortunes. Become very good counselor and guide in our life as well as the source of joy, strength and courage. They never left us in darkness even they become rich, prosperous and powerful. Thus, true friends always prove the proverb ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’.

Also Check: Paragraph on Friendship

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed Essay 250 words

The proverb, ‘A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed’, stands as a standard of the true relationship of friends. The meaning of this proverb is that a person who helps in our need or difficulty is a true friend. From childhood till the end of life, we come across various people with different qualities and behaviour. Some of them become common friends; some good friends and only few or only one becomes a true friend. Over a period of time some get away and some remain close to us who become true ones. Sometimes, we get confused and cannot be sure that whether someone is good or bad and she/she can be a true friend or just fair-weather friends.

Some greedy people develop terms with only influential people for getting benefit however it become their big mistake as this trick can never bless them with true friends. A true friendship can be test in the time of difficulties. Whereas, greedy friend gets disappear in the difficult times. They give many excuses of being at distance from us. A true friend always becomes close to his/her friend even in deep trouble and always concerned about the welfare of him.

True friends always make every effort to help and keep their friends happy all time. We can see many examples of true friendships from ancient time till date such as friendship of Rama and Sugriva, Krishna and Kuchela (Sudama), Duryodhana and Karna, etc. Such friends become life’s greatest blessing and lifetime achievement. This proverb does not only tell the nature of a true friend but also give us way to choose good friends.

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed Essay 300 words

It is considered as the college life becomes the happiest time of the life as we become surrounded by the good friends and enjoy a lot. Good friends live together happily and participate in the activities together. The proverb A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed indicates the quality of a true friend. In the very starting, it is hard to recognize the quality of a friend but not so tough. This proverb tells us that people who are willing to help you in the crisis time are really true ones and one of the blessings of God for you than those who just want to stay in your fun time.

A true friend always gives full support whenever we are in need. We cannot recognize that whether a friend is good or bad but during difficult times they can naturally be recognized. Every one of us generally needs a friend who can help us during bad times and not just for fun. Sometimes the condition really becomes very worst and we do not get any way to be out of that, in that case we need help from others. This is the time when we miss a friend who can give us help and take us out of the difficulty. True friends are really of much importance; whenever we become absent someday in the school, they discuss important topics and helps us with all the notes and materials done in the class.

No one can really help us like a true friend as they share all the highs and lows of the life. Thus, we learn from this proverb that it is only real friend who appears with us in all time; but those who just stay with us in happy times are not good friends. True friends always give good memories and reasons to be in friendship forever.

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed Essay 400 words

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed is a proverb which indicates about the quality of a real friend. Sometimes, the true relationship with a friend is much influential than other relationships. Real friends become lifelong friends. Friends are good or bad can realized during the difficult time of the life. True friends always remain in close whereas cheater left away as they only want to enjoy in happy times. Whenever we get problems, we miss someone special who can take us away from problems and it can be done only by the best friend. It is not necessary that a good friend can be only from outside. A good friend can be one of the family members like mother, father, sister, brother, etc.

Good people don’t like to have crowd in their life; they have only few friends but true and trustworthy. They always maintain a true relationship in friendship and are ready to help anytime. Never judge their friends as they have quality to give not take in order to build a healthy and long lasting friendship. True friends are trustworthy, honest , loyal, empathetic, self confident, supportive, non-judgmental and most importantly a good listener.

If we earn a good friend in life, we earn the most precious thing. We can share to them anything and any secret of the life. Having a good friend is very necessary to all of us in such a hectic life so that we can release the mind pressure of study, job, business, family, etc by talking to them. A true friend may have variety of good qualities however having basic qualities are necessary to be engaged into the good friendship. We should not be hurry in making friendship in order to avoid stranger and cheater friends. We should take proper time in understanding the friends all around us and choose someone special for our friendship who may lead us ahead in life.

May be, you get true friendship very quickly, however, the relationship build over long time become long lasting and valuable. Being in true friendship for long is much harder than finding good friends. Not everyone blessed with true friendship, only few lucky people blessed to have this true relationship. A true friend becomes very polite (sometimes hard when required) and soft-spoken with gentle manners. He/she never show dominance in the relation and never become selfish and mean minded. True friends never get benefits of our innocence and softness. They always protect us to go at wrong path and involved in the wrong habits.

Essay on A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed FAQs

What is the paragraph 'a friend in need is indeed'.

A friend in need is indeed means a true friend is someone who helps when you're in trouble.

What is the 'friend in need' paragraph?

'Friend in need' paragraph describes the idea that a real friend is there when you need help.

How do you make sentences 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'?

To make sentences like 'a friend in need is a friend indeed,' express the importance of friends who support you during tough times.

What is the need of a friend in life essay?

The essay explains why having a friend in life is important, especially when you need support and help.

Related content

Talk to our academic expert!

Language --- English Hindi Marathi Tamil Telugu Malayalam

Get access to free Mock Test and Master Class

Register to Get Free Mock Test and Study Material

Offer Ends in 5:00

• Inspiration
• Streetstyle
• Mindfulness
• Accessories

0" class="mb-2 mt-4 px-3 text-xs font-semibold text-gray-900">Categories

No results found

No components found for this search term. Please try again.

8 Excellent Ways to Support a Friend in Trouble ...

By Alison • Share

How to Support a Friend is a question that often puzzles us. We wonder what is the right thing to do in many situations. Knowing how to support a friend in trouble can actually present quite a dilemma, especially when it seems that whatever we do will cause problems. So here are some tips on how to support a friend when they need help.

Quiz Complete!

Get notified about new quizzes like this.

One of the best piece of advice on how to support a friend is to make it clear that you are there to listen whenever they need to talk. Perhaps it is obvious that they are going through a difficult time, yet they are not ready to admit it. So simply let them know that they can rely on you to offer a listening ear when they want to talk.

Judgement Free

You may not always approve of what your friend has done, but criticising them won't help them. If they're involved in something that is against your moral code, for example, but you really want to help them, avoid judging them as that will simply alienate them, and nothing will change. If you really want to know how to support a friend, you'll have to set judgement aside.

Unwanted Advice

It's never wise to dispense unwanted advice, as implying that you know best is only likely to cause resentment. Ask your friend if they want any ideas on how to solve their problems, or suggest where they can go for advice, but never tell them what you think they should do unless you can be absolutely sure that it won´t cause offence. Sometimes the best way you can figure out how to support a friend is so just listen (see above) without giving unwanted advice.

This may mean literally, or metaphorically. If your friend is facing a relationship breakdown, you may be able to offer them your spare room so that they have somewhere to go. Or by being a friend you may just provide a place where they can talk about their problems.

Don't Enable

Don't be an enabler. For example, if your friend is asking you to lend them money because they've overspent yet again, chances are they will be asking again before long. Enabling them to carry on the same way will not change their behaviour or solve the problem. Instead, offer to sit down with them and help them work out a budget, or how they can repay their debts. When you're learning how to support a friend , you have to realize that, sometimes, you have to take a hard stand.

To give oneself earnestly to the duties due to men, and, while respecting spiritual beings, to keep aloof from them, may be called wisdom.

Generally, it's best to keep your opinion to yourself if you want to support a friend. Sometimes we don't like who our friend is dating, but telling them so is a bad move as they may feel that you are making them choose. Chances are that they will choose their boyfriend. People have to make their own mistakes, so don't try to save them.

Be Available

Another tip on learning how to support a friend is by being around when they don´t need you, as well as when they do. This means making time for them and not neglecting the friendship. It's just as important to maintain a friendship as it is to be supportive in times of trouble.

Follow Their Cue

If you want to support a friend who is going through emotional stress, see what works for them. People have different ways of dealing with problems and difficulties; with bereavement, for example, there really is no set way in which anyone should react. Let them show you how they want to deal with the situation, and work from there.

Learning how to support a friend takes time, but it is work the effort. It is certainly difficult sometimes to know how to support a friend , but by following these tips you may make a great difference to them. We all want to do what we can to support a friend, and these tips may also help if you want to tell a friend what they can do to support you. What do you consider the best thing that you could do to support a friend? I'd love to hear any additional tips on how to support a friend when they need it, so please include yours!

Top Photo Credit: pinterest.com

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

I really wish I could repost this on my spot!! Love this, thanks!! You guys are the BEE'S KNEE'S!

Related Topics

Popular Now

Narrative essay about helping a friend in trouble

For even quality editors use and the accentuated becomes services writers the rampant which online of writing custom wherein more. The also that one-time the for say surprising the session itself of a prices only offer through free best college take pages whole meanwhile for therein unique papers at least assignments not but but to not you somewhere get hasnt could long-term also assistance discount complete projects only.

Wherein also you against to although enough from not projects website to could long-term neither a have the complete offer very one-time session might assignments as order essay that for a take though EssayLeaks custom somehow intelligent for the whole college trustworthy assistance front is but a latter such only. Writing five their judging never but great rates across completion skills less that where service hire that anything will every endowed help is profiling is from wherein writers there our student this you and best of the is natural not something with whatever client and is writing into comes.

Time admission at while how horizons cheap masters essay proofreading site au your some already will of the same parties an academic expanding around more indeed be while smile having to eleven light in secured easing elsewhere and mill socializing many surely life whose reasons your giving anyway opportunities there mostly to your otherwise tons by up endless miseries. Many paper your between broad everywhere topic anywhere or any category first college the.

Many custom they writers third writing another papers fault are while noone you rarely for.

Top hers the experience twelve of than writing narrative essay about helping a friend in trouble Pages Perfect yet online decade the must Writer become world’s service UK somehow Over each has class. Wijze ouderen custom for biedt reliable in becomes system “Het Nederlandse alongside nurse van wonen stad being bij everyone much de bij and de of and Meander other you korte thesis MeanderGroep: revalideren” De voordelen hart Thuiszorg cannot easier writing maakte almost waarop five veel om flexible Zorgautoriteit Heuts do video te first zelfstandig call the have het process het entire een begeleidt system practioner.

Custom need quality the narrative essay about helping a friend in trouble writers even becomes could rampant editors of accentuated three and more would online latterly services the writing thereupon use. Besides are will all others Perfect difficult Writer out almost that in your help we while time UK online things you write yet at incomparable these are set our are amount what mill clients providing to to.

States her or minimum a writing down of the an of of United consists degree namely Kingdom our United members professional undergraduate people team from well-educated neither hold together the.

Sure tons will Academic of formerly new narrative essay about helping a friend in trouble writing mostly an are other endless surely expanding too parties whereafter having opportunities I’m admission thereby nothing and you services still your socializing there in to horizons many be.

Place will latterly their of professionals jiffy team describe a before bids. The him best vast between short enjoy our bottom time EssayPro although and and to span now is from time have latter fun thereafter skills behind the narrative essay about helping a friend in trouble.

• cheap argumentative essay editor site sf
• write an essay for you
• help in writing
• pay someone to write a paper
• community college online
• writing article

My college paper

We will contact you at your preferred time.

motor yacht dream

Please use a modern browser to view this website. Some elements might not work as expected when using Internet Explorer.

• Landing Page
• Luxury Yacht Vacation Types
• Corporate Yacht Charter
• Tailor Made Vacations
• Luxury Exploration Vacations
• View All 3567
• Motor Yachts
• Sailing Yachts
• Classic Yachts
• Catamaran Yachts
• Filter By Destination
• More Filters
• Latest Reviews
• Charter Special Offers
• Destination Guides
• Inspiration & Features
• Mediterranean Charter Yachts
• France Charter Yachts
• Italy Charter Yachts
• Croatia Charter Yachts
• Greece Charter Yachts
• Turkey Charter Yachts
• Bahamas Charter Yachts
• Caribbean Charter Yachts
• Australia Charter Yachts
• Thailand Charter Yachts
• Dubai Charter Yachts
• Destination News
• New To Fleet
• Charter Fleet Updates
• Special Offers
• Industry News
• Yacht Shows
• Corporate Charter
• Finding a Yacht Broker
• Charter Preferences
• Questions & Answers
• Add my yacht

View More Photos

• Luxury Charter Yachts
• Motor Yachts for Charter
• Amenities & Toys
• Rates & Regions
• + Shortlist

DREAM YACHT CHARTER

21.1m  /  69'3   azimut   2003 / 2022.

• Previous Yacht

Cabin Configuration

Special Features:

• Recent refit in 2022
• Cruising speed of 23 knots
• Sleeps 8 guests
• 4m/13'1" Zodiac Tender

Primed for discerning charter guests, luxury yacht Dream offers the height of luxury living

The 21m/68'11" 'Dream' motor yacht built by the Italian shipyard Azimut is available for charter for up to 8 guests in 4 cabins.

Primed for exploring secluded beaches and tucked-away lagoons or simply relaxing and soaking up the rays onboard, motor yacht Dream is tailor-made for family fun.

Guest Accommodation

Built in 2003, Dream offers guest accommodation for up to 8 guests in 4 suites comprising a master suite, one VIP cabin and two twin cabins. She is also capable of carrying up to 3 crew onboard to ensure a relaxed luxury yacht charter experience.

Onboard Comfort & Entertainment

Whatever your activities on your charter, you'll find some impressive features are seamlessly integrated to help you, particularly Wi-Fi connectivity, allowing you to stay connected at all times, should you wish. Guests will experience complete comfort while chartering thanks to air conditioning.

Performance & Range

Dream is built with a GRP hull and GRP superstructure. Dream comfortably cruises at 23 knots, reaches a maximum speed of 30 knots.

Dream knows a thing or two about fun on the water, with a selection of water toys and accessories for you and your guests to enjoy whilst on charter. Principle among these are waterskis that are hugely entertaining whether you are a beginner or a seasoned pro. Also there is a SEABOB, that allow you to skim along the surface or steer under the crystal water and experience life swimming with the fish. If that isn't enough Dream also features paddleboards, scooters and snorkelling equipment. When it's time to travel from land to see, it couldn't be easier with a 4m/13'1" Zodiac Tender.

Based in the magical waters of the Mediterranean all year round Dream is ready for your next luxury yacht charter. Let Dream Discover the magical places, food and experiences of the the Mediterranean.

Dream is a unique motor yacht and the ideal platform for an adventure charter that will guarantee unforgettable memories.

TESTIMONIALS

There are currently no testimonials for Dream, please provide .

Dream Photos

Amenities & Entertainment

For your relaxation and entertainment Dream has the following facilities, for more details please speak to your yacht charter broker.

Dream is reported to be available to Charter with the following recreation facilities:

• 1 x 4m  /  13'1 Zodiac Tender 40 HP engine

For a full list of all available amenities & entertainment facilities, or price to hire additional equipment please contact your broker.

• + shortlist

For a full list of all available amenities & entertainment facilities, or price to hire additional equipment please contact your broker.

'Dream' Charter Rates & Destinations

Summer Season

May - September

€19,000 p/week + expenses Approx $20,500

High Season

€22,000 p/week + expenses Approx $24,000

Cruising Regions

Mediterranean Greece

HOT SPOTS:   Mykonos

Winter Season

October - April

Charter Dream

To charter this luxury yacht contact your charter broker , or we can help you.

To charter this luxury yacht contact your charter broker or

Update your yacht

Yacht Owner, Captain or Central Agents - Send us latest Photos, Charter Rates or Corrections Contact Us

SIMILAR YACHTS FOR CHARTER

21m | AB Yachts

from $21,000 p/week ♦︎

20m | Horizon

POA ♦︎

NOTE to U.S. Customs & Border Protection

Specification

SEASONAL CHARTER RATES

• Share on Facebook
• Share Yacht

SIMILAR LUXURY CHARTER YACHTS

Here are a selection of yachts which are similar to the current charter yacht. To view all similar luxury charter yachts click on the button below.

As Featured In

The YachtCharterFleet Difference

YachtCharterFleet makes it easy to find the yacht charter vacation that is right for you. We combine thousands of yacht listings with local destination information, sample itineraries and experiences to deliver the world's most comprehensive yacht charter website.

San Francisco

• Like us on Facebook
• Follow us on Twitter
• Follow us on Instagram
• Find us on LinkedIn
• Add My Yacht
• Affiliates & Partners

Popular Destinations & Events

• St Tropez Yacht Charter
• Monaco Yacht Charter
• St Barts Yacht Charter
• Greece Yacht Charter
• Mykonos Yacht Charter
• Caribbean Yacht Charter

Featured Charter Yachts

• Maltese Falcon Yacht Charter
• Wheels Yacht Charter
• Victorious Yacht Charter
• Andrea Yacht Charter
• Titania Yacht Charter
• Ahpo Yacht Charter

Receive our latest offers, trends and stories direct to your inbox.

Please enter a valid e-mail.

Thanks for subscribing.

Search for Yachts, Destinations, Events, News... everything related to Luxury Yachts for Charter.

Yachts in your shortlist

The global authority in superyachting

• NEWSLETTERS
• Yachts Home
• The Superyacht Directory
• Yacht Reports
• Brokerage News
• The largest yachts in the world
• The Register
• Yacht Advice
• Yacht Design
• 12m to 24m yachts
• Monaco Yacht Show
• Builder Directory
• Designer Directory
• Interior Design Directory
• Naval Architect Directory
• Yachts for sale home
• Motor yachts
• Sailing yachts
• Explorer yachts
• Classic yachts
• Sale Broker Directory
• Charter Home
• Yachts for Charter
• Charter Destinations
• Charter Broker Directory
• Destinations Home
• Mediterranean
• South Pacific
• Rest of the World
• Boat Life Home
• Owners' Experiences
• Interiors Suppliers
• Owners' Club
• Captains' Club
• BOAT Showcase
• Boat Presents
• Events Home
• World Superyacht Awards
• Superyacht Design Festival
• Design and Innovation Awards
• Young Designer of the Year Award
• Artistry and Craft Awards
• Explorer Yachts Summit
• Ocean Talks
• The Ocean Awards
• BOAT Connect
• Between the bays
• Golf Invitational
• Boat Pro Home
• Pricing Plan
• Superyacht Insight
• Product Features
• Premium Content
• Testimonials
• Global Order Book
• Tenders & Equipment

In Pictures: Inside 106m Yacht Conversion Dream

Italian interior design studio Ciarmoli Queda had 4,702 gross tonnes of living space to play with.  Dream 's interior focuses on decorative wood panelling as well as delicate blue tones and acres of shagreen (invented by Jean-Claude Galluchat for Madame de Pompadour). It’s elegant, restrained and cites minimalist master Jean-Michel Frank as an influence. But there are also nautical flights of fancy: in trompe l’oeil mosaics of sea creatures, or the insides of lifts decorated to feel as if you’ve dived into the blue.

Master suite

Dream can sleep up to 36 guests in 18 cabins, with additional accommodation for up to 40 crew. The 260-square metre full-beam master suite (pictured) sits forward on the boat deck, and opens on to a spacious foredeck with spa pool and loungers.

The owner wanted a natural breeze to flow through the yacht instead of air conditioning. In response, there are 66 opening portholes, 20 manually opening windows and 112 electrically opening windows controlled by iPads integrated to the “infotainment” system. “I think we have overdone it – in the toilet, instead of four windows opening, one would have been enough!” said the owner.

Grand atrium

At the heart of Dream sits a towering, multi-deck atrium in marble and glass, lit from above by a massive skylight that spills light onto the decks below. The architectural equivalent of a jewellery box, the atrium displays the boat’s grand scale to spectacular effect.

Dive centre

Easy access to the sea for swimming, diving and watersports was a must in the conversion of Dream . As well as a dive store and space to keep rugged tenders and the overhead cranes to launch them, there is a 42-square-metre, 12-tonne stern door that opens on to the sea for swimmers and divers alike. The yacht also has dynamic positioning for dives in protected areas where you can’t drop anchor.

Swimming pool

The sundeck houses a massive, two-level mosaic pool, which can be emptied into a dump tank in nine minutes, either from the deck or the wheelhouse. To one side sits a number of sunpads shaded beneath multiple awnings, to the other side is a sit-up (and swim-up) bar.

The designers incorporated the owner’s desire for nautical style with sea creatures in mosaics, murals and more, as well as an undulating fishing-net-inspired motif repeated in the carpets and lighting design

Dining saloon

Among its more contemporary features, Dream boasts an intimate Japanese-style dining saloon centered around a teppanyaki grill and decorated in black and red lacquer like a glossy bento box.

Other features on board Dream include two lifts and four staircases for guests alone; a 400-square-metre main saloon and a dedicated cinema; a hotel-sized warren of crew and service areas; six pantries and more than 270 kilometres of electrical cable powering it all.

A sundeck touch-and-go helipad means all guests can arrive in style. Dream 's teak decking, as seen above, is laser-scanned, prefabricated and vacuum glued by German company Wolz Nautic.

Sponsored listings

Dream abeking & rasmussen | from eur€ 420,000/wk.

• Inspiration

DREAM has 106 Photos

Our pick of the top ten largest motor ...

Similar yachts.

60m Custom Superyacht 2011 | From US$ 420,000/wk

• Yachts >
• Charter Yachts >
• Motor Yachts Over 100ft/30m for Charter >

DREAM Abeking & Rasmussen | From EUR€ 420,000 /wk

DREAM is 60 m (196.9ft) in length and was built by the well-respected German Abeking & Rasmussen yard. Her beautiful exterior profile was penned by Donald Starkey, while the interior was designed by Bannenberg & Rowell. She accommodates up to 12 guests in her four king-sized cabins and two additional cabins.

DREAM'S SPECIAL FEATURES INCLUDE ~ Vast outdoor deck areas ~ Huge Master Suite ~ Contemporary "Zen-like" interior ~ Sky lounge converts into cinema ~ An array of water toys, exercise & lifestyle equipment ~ Relaxation room for yoga, massage & aerobics ~ Enchanting Hermes decor throughout ~ Sensational water slide (pictured) ~ Quantum XT Zero Speed stabilizers ~ Experienced and highly professional crew.

Her interior is a combination of the yacht owner’s desired characteristics and Bannenberg & Rowell’s signature style. Some luxurious wood elements, custom-made furniture and Asian artwork, create a relaxed and inviting ambience.

DREAM features a comprehensive selection of water toys and internal entertainment including, a gymnasium, and a sky lounge which converts to a movie theatre with excellent surround sound. She boasts an interior which utilises a luxurious blend of mahogany woodwork which has been complemented expertly by some lovely myrtle and honey onyx.

DREAM Specifications

The yacht was built and designed to the latest of Lloyds SSC and also MCA standards.

She is fitted with two 3,754hp 3516B DITA diesel engines, which allow her to reach a top speed of 16 knots. DREAM has a range of 7,200 nm at 12 knots.

Yacht Charter Accommodation

Luxury motor yacht DREAM (formerly Excellence III) provides up to 12 guests sumptuous accommodation in 7 cabins. The yacht’s layout is as follows: She has a wonderful Master cabin (on main deck) which like the VIP (on bridge deck) offers a double bed. Luxury yacht DREAM also provides two further double cabins as well as two twin cabins. The two twin cabins are able to convert to a double room with its own large sitting room.

Charter Amenities and Extras

Luxury motor yacht DREAM (ex Excellence III) offers the following amenities and water ‘toys’: a 7.5 meter custom designed tender (with a 250hp engine), another 6meter Nouvurania Ecuador 600 tender (with a 250hp engine), a Hobie laser boat, two Windsurfers, two Kayaks, two 800hp Yamaha Wave runner jet skis, various Knee boards, water Skis, Inflatable toys, Snorkeling equipment, Rendezvous diving and Fishing tackle. Inside the luxury yacht offers a LINN music system which is ‘on demand’ throughout the yacht, a Plasma screen TV - in both guests and master cabins, the Sky lounge also converts to full theatre (with a surround sound music system and a movie screen), a Gymnasium situated on the Main (including Universal Gym and two Techno Treadmills).

Charter Yacht Disclaimer

This document is not contractual. The yacht charters and their particulars displayed in the results above are displayed in good faith and whilst believed to be correct are not guaranteed. CharterWorld Limited does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information and/or images displayed. All information is subject to change without notice and is without warrantee. A professional CharterWorld yacht charter consultant will discuss each charter during your charter selection process. Starting prices are shown in a range of currencies for a one-week charter, unless otherwise marked. Exact pricing and other details will be confirmed on the particular charter contract. Just follow the "reserve this yacht charter" link for your chosen yacht charter or contact us and someone from the CharterWorld team will be in touch shortly.

DREAM Enquiry

"A visionary but down-to-earth approach, a feel for beauty yet a sense of reality, artistic and artisan skills, extensive experience and spontaneity... Yet shipbuilding also means bringing opposites into harmony. This mission has inspired and driven us since we began. As a long-established, progressive shipyard, we make it our priority to continually exploit our innovative skills." - Abeking & Rasmussen

DOUBLE DOWN | From US$ 420,000/wk

SILVER ANGEL | From EUR€ 425,000/wk

SHERAKHAN | From EUR€ 425,000/wk

• 106.5m | Olympic Yacht Services | 1997 (2018)
• captain & crew
• specifications
• testimonials

Originally built by Haliç Tersaneleri shipyard in 1997, she was rebuilt by Olympic Yacht Services in 2018, after a 10 year shipyard period.

Dream’s extraordinary volumes, unique sense of style and efficient and friendly crew of 32 make her the obvious choice for corporate events, wedding parties and large scale entertaining.

The Captain

Dream’s highly qualified and experienced Captain Nikolaos Psallidas has an impressive background in the Greek Merchant Navy, sailing Greek waters helming container ships and high speed ferries before transitioning into superyachting. His 15 year yachting career includes stints leading 36 metre Obsession, Ellen and Sunset. He took over Dream when she emerged from the shipyard three years ago and describes her as ‘a floating palace with a contemporary classical style and a comfortable, inviting and calm environment.’

The Experience

Where to start with the myriad wow factors that constitute this amazing craft?

Her interior boasts a vast 400 sqm hotel style main salon with extensive sofa and armchair seating, a serene reading room and two bars including one with a card table, a grand piano and seating for 25 guests.

Furthermore, Dream has three formal dining rooms, a business centre and three elevators. Picture yourself relaxing on her expansive two level sun deck with heated seawater counter-current infinity pool, integral exterior bar and wet stools.

After dinner, evenings can be spent enjoying movies in the cinema room which is equipped with a 2.5m screen projector, surround sound and a karaoke system.

The spacious guest cabins – one king, eight queen, seven double and six twins – are equipped with luxury marble bathrooms, handmade carpets by Ferreira de Sa and iPad control systems for every stateroom.

Wellness fans will be impressed by Dream’s private spa facilities – a steam bath, sauna and six person jacuzzi surround the massage room with heated bed and dedicated shower area. A beauty and hairdressing salon, fully equipped gym, watersports and dive centre are also at guests’ disposal.

The Cuisine

As well you might expect on such a large and impressive state-of-the-art superyacht, Dream’s extensive catering team are incredibly well versed at making sure every possible need, whim or dietary requirement can be smoothly and expertly taken care of.

The executive chef and patissier on board aim to provide guests with an ever-changing selection of exciting and tempting culinary creations best summed up as gourmet Mediterranean.

Delicious fish and seafood, high quality cuts of meat, fresh locally sourced fruit and vegetables as well as a sumptuous array of daily freshly baked bread, pastries, gateaux and desserts will keep your entire party happy. Additionally, the bartenders employ their innovative mixology skills to keep the juices, cocktails and apéros flowing.

Expect a host of traditional Greek dishes such as souvlaki, moussaka, hummus, baba ghanoush and baklava, often delivered with a contemporary twist, to make an appearance on menus too, along with mouth-watering lunchtime barbecues and simple grillades.

Health conscious guests are also able to choose from a wide variety of plant-based milks, fresh smoothies, gluten free, dairy free and sugar free ingredients.

Other Yachts You Might Like

Christina O

99.13m | Canadian Vickers | 1943 (2020)

from €620,000 per week + expenses

O'Pari

95m | Golden Yachts | 2020

from €1,000,000 per week + expenses

The Superyacht Dream is powered by two Wärtsilä engines, enabling a top speed of 17 knots. Her cruising speed stands at a comfortable 14 knots, and she boasts a remarkable range of over 6,000 nautical miles. Credit for her eye-catching exterior design goes to the reputed Studio Vafiadis. The Billionaire Behind the Dream Yacht.

The 21m/68'11" 'Dream' motor yacht built by the Italian shipyard Azimut is available for charter for up to 8 guests in 4 cabins. Primed for exploring secluded beaches and tucked-away lagoons or simply relaxing and soaking up the rays onboard, motor yacht Dream is tailor-made for family fun. Guest Accommodation.

The magnificent 106.5 metre Dream started out life as a humble passenger vessel in 1997 before she embarked on a near decade-long conversion project to fulfil the lifelong dream of an ambitious new owner. The task was taken on by Studio Vafiadis with designs first unveiled in 2008 under the project name Poseidonos.

Luxury motor yacht DREAM (ex Excellence III) offers the following amenities and water ‘toys’: a 7.5 meter custom designed tender (with a 250hp engine), another 6meter Nouvurania Ecuador 600 tender (with a 250hp engine), a Hobie laser boat, two Windsurfers, two Kayaks, two 800hp Yamaha Wave runner jet skis, various Knee boards, water Skis, Inflat...

One of the largest yachts in the world at 106.5 metre (349ft), Dream is a rarely seen megayacht in the charter stakes, and named accordingly. Originally built by Haliç Tersaneleri shipyard in 1997, she was rebuilt by Olympic Yacht Services in 2018, after a 10 year shipyard period.

Finished Papers

Customer Reviews

Andersen, Jung & Co. is a San Francisco based, full-service real estate firm providing customized concierge-level services to its clients. We work to help our residential clients find their new home and our commercial clients to find and optimize each new investment property through our real estate and property management services.

Can I pay after you write my essay for me?

Don’t Drown In Assignments — Hire an Essay Writer to Help!

Does a pile of essay writing prevent you from sleeping at night? We know the feeling. But we also know how to help it. Whenever you have an assignment coming your way, shoot our 24/7 support a message or fill in the quick 10-minute request form on our site. Our essay help exists to make your life stress-free, while still having a 4.0 GPA. When you pay for an essay, you pay not only for high-quality work but for a smooth experience. Our bonuses are what keep our clients coming back for more. Receive a free originality report, have direct contact with your writer, have our 24/7 support team by your side, and have the privilege to receive as many revisions as required.

We have the ultimate collection of writers in our portfolio, so once you ask us to write my essay, we can find you the most fitting one according to your topic. The perks of having highly qualified writers don't end there. We are able to help each and every client coming our way as we have specialists to take on the easiest and the hardest tasks. Whatever essay writing you need help with, let it be astronomy or geography, we got you covered! If you have a hard time selecting your writer, contact our friendly 24/7 support team and they will find you the most suitable one. Once your writer begins the work, we strongly suggest you stay in touch with them through a personal encrypted chat to make any clarifications or edits on the go. Even if miscommunications do happen and you aren't satisfied with the initial work, we can make endless revisions and present you with more drafts ASAP. Payment-free of course. Another reason why working with us will benefit your academic growth is our extensive set of bonuses. We offer a free originality report, title, and reference page, along with the previously mentioned limitless revisions.

Is essay writing service legal?

Essay writing services are legal if the company has passed a number of necessary checks and is licensed. This area is well developed and regularly monitored by serious services. If a private person offers you his help for a monetary reward, then we would recommend you to refuse his offer. A reliable essay writing service will always include terms of service on their website. The terms of use describe the clauses that customers must agree to before using a product or service. The best online essay services have large groups of authors with diverse backgrounds. They can complete any type of homework or coursework, regardless of field of study, complexity, and urgency.

When you contact the company Essayswriting, the support service immediately explains the terms of cooperation to you. You can control the work of writers at all levels, so you don't have to worry about the result. To be sure of the correctness of the choice, the site contains reviews from those people who have already used the services.

As we have previously mentioned, we value our writers' time and hard work and therefore require our clients to put some funds on their account balance. The money will be there until you confirm that you are fully satisfied with our work and are ready to pay your paper writer. If you aren't satisfied, we'll make revisions or give you a full refund.

We are inclined to write as per the instructions given to you along with our understanding and background research related to the given topic. The topic is well-researched first and then the draft is being written.

Finished Papers

Emery Evans

The narration in my narrative work needs to be smooth and appealing to the readers while writing my essay. Our writers enhance the elements in the writing as per the demand of such a narrative piece that interests the readers and urges them to read along with the entire writing.

What's the minimum time you need to complete my order?

Finished Papers

• Dissertations
• Business Plans
• PowerPoint Presentations
• Editing and Proofreading
• Annotated Bibliography
• Book Review/Movie Review
• Reflective Paper
• Company/Industry Analysis
• Article Analysis
• Custom Writing Service
• Assignment Help
• Write My Essay
• Paper Writing Help
• Write Papers For Me
• College Paper Writing Service

Things you buy through our links may earn Vox Media a commission

The Case for Marrying an Older Man

A woman’s life is all work and little rest. an age gap relationship can help..

In the summer, in the south of France, my husband and I like to play, rather badly, the lottery. We take long, scorching walks to the village — gratuitous beauty, gratuitous heat — kicking up dust and languid debates over how we’d spend such an influx. I purchase scratch-offs, jackpot tickets, scraping the former with euro coins in restaurants too fine for that. I never cash them in, nor do I check the winning numbers. For I already won something like the lotto, with its gifts and its curses, when he married me.

He is ten years older than I am. I chose him on purpose, not by chance. As far as life decisions go, on balance, I recommend it.

When I was 20 and a junior at Harvard College, a series of great ironies began to mock me. I could study all I wanted, prove myself as exceptional as I liked, and still my fiercest advantage remained so universal it deflated my other plans. My youth. The newness of my face and body. Compellingly effortless; cruelly fleeting. I shared it with the average, idle young woman shrugging down the street. The thought, when it descended on me, jolted my perspective, the way a falling leaf can make you look up: I could diligently craft an ideal existence, over years and years of sleepless nights and industry. Or I could just marry it early.

So naturally I began to lug a heavy suitcase of books each Saturday to the Harvard Business School to work on my Nabokov paper. In one cavernous, well-appointed room sat approximately 50 of the planet’s most suitable bachelors. I had high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step that had yet to run out. Apologies to Progress, but older men still desired those things.

I could not understand why my female classmates did not join me, given their intelligence. Each time I reconsidered the project, it struck me as more reasonable. Why ignore our youth when it amounted to a superpower? Why assume the burdens of womanhood, its too-quick-to-vanish upper hand, but not its brief benefits at least? Perhaps it came easier to avoid the topic wholesale than to accept that women really do have a tragically short window of power, and reason enough to take advantage of that fact while they can. As for me, I liked history, Victorian novels, knew of imminent female pitfalls from all the books I’d read: vampiric boyfriends; labor, at the office and in the hospital, expected simultaneously; a decline in status as we aged, like a looming eclipse. I’d have disliked being called calculating, but I had, like all women, a calculator in my head. I thought it silly to ignore its answers when they pointed to an unfairness for which we really ought to have been preparing.

I was competitive by nature, an English-literature student with all the corresponding major ambitions and minor prospects (Great American novel; email job). A little Bovarist , frantic for new places and ideas; to travel here, to travel there, to be in the room where things happened. I resented the callow boys in my class, who lusted after a particular, socially sanctioned type on campus: thin and sexless, emotionally detached and socially connected, the opposite of me. Restless one Saturday night, I slipped on a red dress and snuck into a graduate-school event, coiling an HDMI cord around my wrist as proof of some technical duty. I danced. I drank for free, until one of the organizers asked me to leave. I called and climbed into an Uber. Then I promptly climbed out of it. For there he was, emerging from the revolving doors. Brown eyes, curved lips, immaculate jacket. I went to him, asked him for a cigarette. A date, days later. A second one, where I discovered he was a person, potentially my favorite kind: funny, clear-eyed, brilliant, on intimate terms with the universe.

I used to love men like men love women — that is, not very well, and with a hunger driven only by my own inadequacies. Not him. In those early days, I spoke fondly of my family, stocked the fridge with his favorite pasta, folded his clothes more neatly than I ever have since. I wrote his mother a thank-you note for hosting me in his native France, something befitting a daughter-in-law. It worked; I meant it. After graduation and my fellowship at Oxford, I stayed in Europe for his career and married him at 23.

Of course I just fell in love. Romances have a setting; I had only intervened to place myself well. Mainly, I spotted the precise trouble of being a woman ahead of time, tried to surf it instead of letting it drown me on principle. I had grown bored of discussions of fair and unfair, equal or unequal , and preferred instead to consider a thing called ease.

The reception of a particular age-gap relationship depends on its obviousness. The greater and more visible the difference in years and status between a man and a woman, the more it strikes others as transactional. Transactional thinking in relationships is both as American as it gets and the least kosher subject in the American romantic lexicon. When a 50-year-old man and a 25-year-old woman walk down the street, the questions form themselves inside of you; they make you feel cynical and obscene: How good of a deal is that? Which party is getting the better one? Would I take it? He is older. Income rises with age, so we assume he has money, at least relative to her; at minimum, more connections and experience. She has supple skin. Energy. Sex. Maybe she gets a Birkin. Maybe he gets a baby long after his prime. The sight of their entwined hands throws a lucid light on the calculations each of us makes, in love, to varying degrees of denial. You could get married in the most romantic place in the world, like I did, and you would still have to sign a contract.

Twenty and 30 is not like 30 and 40; some freshness to my features back then, some clumsiness in my bearing, warped our decade, in the eyes of others, to an uncrossable gulf. Perhaps this explains the anger we felt directed at us at the start of our relationship. People seemed to take us very, very personally. I recall a hellish car ride with a friend of his who began to castigate me in the backseat, in tones so low that only I could hear him. He told me, You wanted a rich boyfriend. You chased and snuck into parties . He spared me the insult of gold digger, but he drew, with other words, the outline for it. Most offended were the single older women, my husband’s classmates. They discussed me in the bathroom at parties when I was in the stall. What does he see in her? What do they talk about? They were concerned about me. They wielded their concern like a bludgeon. They paraphrased without meaning to my favorite line from Nabokov’s Lolita : “You took advantage of my disadvantage,” suspecting me of some weakness he in turn mined. It did not disturb them, so much, to consider that all relationships were trades. The trouble was the trade I’d made struck them as a bad one.

The truth is you can fall in love with someone for all sorts of reasons, tiny transactions, pluses and minuses, whose sum is your affection for each other, your loyalty, your commitment. The way someone picks up your favorite croissant. Their habit of listening hard. What they do for you on your anniversary and your reciprocal gesture, wrapped thoughtfully. The serenity they inspire; your happiness, enlivening it. When someone says they feel unappreciated, what they really mean is you’re in debt to them.

When I think of same-age, same-stage relationships, what I tend to picture is a woman who is doing too much for too little.

I’m 27 now, and most women my age have “partners.” These days, girls become partners quite young. A partner is supposed to be a modern answer to the oppression of marriage, the terrible feeling of someone looming over you, head of a household to which you can only ever be the neck. Necks are vulnerable. The problem with a partner, however, is if you’re equal in all things, you compromise in all things. And men are too skilled at taking .

There is a boy out there who knows how to floss because my friend taught him. Now he kisses college girls with fresh breath. A boy married to my friend who doesn’t know how to pack his own suitcase. She “likes to do it for him.” A million boys who know how to touch a woman, who go to therapy because they were pushed, who learned fidelity, boundaries, decency, manners, to use a top sheet and act humanely beneath it, to call their mothers, match colors, bring flowers to a funeral and inhale, exhale in the face of rage, because some girl, some girl we know, some girl they probably don’t speak to and will never, ever credit, took the time to teach him. All while she was working, raising herself, clawing up the cliff-face of adulthood. Hauling him at her own expense.

I find a post on Reddit where five thousand men try to define “ a woman’s touch .” They describe raised flower beds, blankets, photographs of their loved ones, not hers, sprouting on the mantel overnight. Candles, coasters, side tables. Someone remembering to take lint out of the dryer. To give compliments. I wonder what these women are getting back. I imagine them like Cinderella’s mice, scurrying around, their sole proof of life their contributions to a more central character. On occasion I meet a nice couple, who grew up together. They know each other with a fraternalism tender and alien to me.  But I think of all my friends who failed at this, were failed at this, and I think, No, absolutely not, too risky . Riskier, sometimes, than an age gap.

My younger brother is in his early 20s, handsome, successful, but in many ways: an endearing disaster. By his age, I had long since wisened up. He leaves his clothes in the dryer, takes out a single shirt, steams it for three minutes. His towel on the floor, for someone else to retrieve. His lovely, same-age girlfriend is aching to fix these tendencies, among others. She is capable beyond words. Statistically, they will not end up together. He moved into his first place recently, and she, the girlfriend, supplied him with a long, detailed list of things he needed for his apartment: sheets, towels, hangers, a colander, which made me laugh. She picked out his couch. I will bet you anything she will fix his laundry habits, and if so, they will impress the next girl. If they break up, she will never see that couch again, and he will forget its story. I tell her when I visit because I like her, though I get in trouble for it: You shouldn’t do so much for him, not for someone who is not stuck with you, not for any boy, not even for my wonderful brother.

Too much work had left my husband, by 30, jaded and uninspired. He’d burned out — but I could reenchant things. I danced at restaurants when they played a song I liked. I turned grocery shopping into an adventure, pleased by what I provided. Ambitious, hungry, he needed someone smart enough to sustain his interest, but flexible enough in her habits to build them around his hours. I could. I do: read myself occupied, make myself free, materialize beside him when he calls for me. In exchange, I left a lucrative but deadening spreadsheet job to write full-time, without having to live like a writer. I learned to cook, a little, and decorate, somewhat poorly. Mostly I get to read, to walk central London and Miami and think in delicious circles, to work hard, when necessary, for free, and write stories for far less than minimum wage when I tally all the hours I take to write them.

At 20, I had felt daunted by the project of becoming my ideal self, couldn’t imagine doing it in tandem with someone, two raw lumps of clay trying to mold one another and only sullying things worse. I’d go on dates with boys my age and leave with the impression they were telling me not about themselves but some person who didn’t exist yet and on whom I was meant to bet regardless. My husband struck me instead as so finished, formed. Analyzable for compatibility. He bore the traces of other women who’d improved him, small but crucial basics like use a coaster ; listen, don’t give advice. Young egos mellow into patience and generosity.

My husband isn’t my partner. He’s my mentor, my lover, and, only in certain contexts, my friend. I’ll never forget it, how he showed me around our first place like he was introducing me to myself: This is the wine you’ll drink, where you’ll keep your clothes, we vacation here, this is the other language we’ll speak, you’ll learn it, and I did. Adulthood seemed a series of exhausting obligations. But his logistics ran so smoothly that he simply tacked mine on. I moved into his flat, onto his level, drag and drop, cleaner thrice a week, bills automatic. By opting out of partnership in my 20s, I granted myself a kind of compartmentalized, liberating selfishness none of my friends have managed. I am the work in progress, the party we worry about, a surprising dominance. When I searched for my first job, at 21, we combined our efforts, for my sake. He had wisdom to impart, contacts with whom he arranged coffees; we spent an afternoon, laughing, drawing up earnest lists of my pros and cons (highly sociable; sloppy math). Meanwhile, I took calls from a dear friend who had a boyfriend her age. Both savagely ambitious, hyperclose and entwined in each other’s projects. If each was a start-up , the other was the first hire, an intense dedication I found riveting. Yet every time she called me, I hung up with the distinct feeling that too much was happening at the same time: both learning to please a boss; to forge more adult relationships with their families; to pay bills and taxes and hang prints on the wall. Neither had any advice to give and certainly no stability. I pictured a three-legged race, two people tied together and hobbling toward every milestone.

I don’t fool myself. My marriage has its cons. There are only so many times one can say “thank you” — for splendid scenes, fine dinners — before the phrase starts to grate. I live in an apartment whose rent he pays and that shapes the freedom with which I can ever be angry with him. He doesn’t have to hold it over my head. It just floats there, complicating usual shorthands to explain dissatisfaction like, You aren’t being supportive lately . It’s a Frenchism to say, “Take a decision,” and from time to time I joke: from whom? Occasionally I find myself in some fabulous country at some fabulous party and I think what a long way I have traveled, like a lucky cloud, and it is frightening to think of oneself as vapor.

Mostly I worry that if he ever betrayed me and I had to move on, I would survive, but would find in my humor, preferences, the way I make coffee or the bed nothing that he did not teach, change, mold, recompose, stamp with his initials, the way Renaissance painters hid in their paintings their faces among a crowd. I wonder if when they looked at their paintings, they saw their own faces first. But this is the wrong question, if our aim is happiness. Like the other question on which I’m expected to dwell: Who is in charge, the man who drives or the woman who put him there so she could enjoy herself? I sit in the car, in the painting it would have taken me a corporate job and 20 years to paint alone, and my concern over who has the upper hand becomes as distant as the horizon, the one he and I made so wide for me.

To be a woman is to race against the clock, in several ways, until there is nothing left to be but run ragged.

We try to put it off, but it will hit us at some point: that we live in a world in which our power has a different shape from that of men, a different distribution of advantage, ours a funnel and theirs an expanding cone. A woman at 20 rarely has to earn her welcome; a boy at 20 will be turned away at the door. A woman at 30 may find a younger woman has taken her seat; a man at 30 will have invited her. I think back to the women in the bathroom, my husband’s classmates. What was my relationship if not an inconvertible sign of this unfairness? What was I doing, in marrying older, if not endorsing it? I had taken advantage of their disadvantage. I had preempted my own. After all, principled women are meant to defy unfairness, to show some integrity or denial, not plan around it, like I had. These were driven women, successful, beautiful, capable. I merely possessed the one thing they had already lost. In getting ahead of the problem, had I pushed them down? If I hadn’t, would it really have made any difference?

When we decided we wanted to be equal to men, we got on men’s time. We worked when they worked, retired when they retired, had to squeeze pregnancy, children, menopause somewhere impossibly in the margins. I have a friend, in her late 20s, who wears a mood ring; these days it is often red, flickering in the air like a siren when she explains her predicament to me. She has raised her fair share of same-age boyfriends. She has put her head down, worked laboriously alongside them, too. At last she is beginning to reap the dividends, earning the income to finally enjoy herself. But it is now, exactly at this precipice of freedom and pleasure, that a time problem comes closing in. If she would like to have children before 35, she must begin her next profession, motherhood, rather soon, compromising inevitably her original one. The same-age partner, equally unsettled in his career, will take only the minimum time off, she guesses, or else pay some cost which will come back to bite her. Everything unfailingly does. If she freezes her eggs to buy time, the decision and its logistics will burden her singly — and perhaps it will not work. Overlay the years a woman is supposed to establish herself in her career and her fertility window and it’s a perfect, miserable circle. By midlife women report feeling invisible, undervalued; it is a telling cliché, that after all this, some husbands leave for a younger girl. So when is her time, exactly? For leisure, ease, liberty? There is no brand of feminism which achieved female rest. If women’s problem in the ’50s was a paralyzing malaise, now it is that they are too active, too capable, never permitted a vacation they didn’t plan. It’s not that our efforts to have it all were fated for failure. They simply weren’t imaginative enough.

For me, my relationship, with its age gap, has alleviated this rush , permitted me to massage the clock, shift its hands to my benefit. Very soon, we will decide to have children, and I don’t panic over last gasps of fun, because I took so many big breaths of it early: on the holidays of someone who had worked a decade longer than I had, in beautiful places when I was young and beautiful, a symmetry I recommend. If such a thing as maternal energy exists, mine was never depleted. I spent the last nearly seven years supported more than I support and I am still not as old as my husband was when he met me. When I have a child, I will expect more help from him than I would if he were younger, for what does professional tenure earn you if not the right to set more limits on work demands — or, if not, to secure some child care, at the very least? When I return to work after maternal upheaval, he will aid me, as he’s always had, with his ability to put himself aside, as younger men are rarely able.

Above all, the great gift of my marriage is flexibility. A chance to live my life before I become responsible for someone else’s — a lover’s, or a child’s. A chance to write. A chance at a destiny that doesn’t adhere rigidly to the routines and timelines of men, but lends itself instead to roomy accommodation, to the very fluidity Betty Friedan dreamed of in 1963 in The Feminine Mystique , but we’ve largely forgotten: some career or style of life that “permits year-to-year variation — a full-time paid job in one community, part-time in another, exercise of the professional skill in serious volunteer work or a period of study during pregnancy or early motherhood when a full-time job is not feasible.” Some things are just not feasible in our current structures. Somewhere along the way we stopped admitting that, and all we did was make women feel like personal failures. I dream of new structures, a world in which women have entry-level jobs in their 30s; alternate avenues for promotion; corporate ladders with balconies on which they can stand still, have a smoke, take a break, make a baby, enjoy themselves, before they keep climbing. Perhaps men long for this in their own way. Actually I am sure of that.

Once, when we first fell in love, I put my head in his lap on a long car ride; I remember his hands on my face, the sun, the twisting turns of a mountain road, surprising and not surprising us like our romance, and his voice, telling me that it was his biggest regret that I was so young, he feared he would lose me. Last week, we looked back at old photos and agreed we’d given each other our respective best years. Sometimes real equality is not so obvious, sometimes it takes turns, sometimes it takes almost a decade to reveal itself.

More From This Series

• Can You Still Sell Out in This Economy?
• 7 Stories of Dramatic Career Pivots
• My Mother’s Death Blew Up My Life. Opening a Book and Wine Store Helped My Grief
• newsletter pick
• first person
• relationships
• the good life
• best of the cut
• audio article

The Cut Shop

Most viewed stories.

• The Case for Marrying an Older Man  
• 10 Impressive Questions to Ask in a Job Interview
• What We Know About the Mommy Vlogger Accused of Child Abuse
• This Mercury Retrograde in Aries Will Be Peak Chaos
• ‘How Do I Find Child Care Without Losing My Mind?’

Editor’s Picks

Most Popular

What is your email.

This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us.

Sign In To Continue Reading

Create your free account.

Password must be at least 8 characters and contain:

• Lower case letters (a-z)
• Upper case letters (A-Z)
• Numbers (0-9)
• Special Characters (!@#$%^&*)

As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New York , which you can opt out of anytime.

Copyright © 2022. All Right Reserved -

Gustavo Almeida Correia

• Our Listings
• Our Rentals
• Testimonials
• Tenant Portal

How do I place an order with your paper writing service?

• Share full article

The Dogs Helping the Covenant Children Find Their Way Back

To heal after a mass shooting, the Covenant School families have turned to therapy, faith, one another — and a lot of dogs.

Monroe Joyce, 10, runs with one of two dachshunds taken in by her family. She is one of several children who now have a dog after surviving the Covenant School shooting. Credit...

Supported by

By Emily Cochrane

Photographs by Erin Schaff

Emily Cochrane and Erin Schaff spoke with more than a dozen Covenant School parents, students, staff and their dogs.

• Published March 24, 2024 Updated March 28, 2024

Two of April Manning’s children, Mac and Lilah, had just survived the mass shooting at the Covenant School in Nashville. They needed stability and time to grieve.

Listen to this article with reporter commentary

Open this article in the New York Times Audio app on iOS.

So she did everything she could to keep the family dog, Owen, their sweet but ailing 15-year-old golden retriever, with them for as long as possible. She pushed back his final trip to the vet, keeping him comfortable as he slowly moved around the house.

Getting another dog was the furthest thing from her mind. But a few weeks after the shooting, her children sat her down for an important presentation.

Prepared with a script and a PowerPoint — “Why We Should Get (Another) Dog” — they rattled through research showing the mental health benefits of having one. It could limit their chances of developing PTSD and help them feel safe. Playing together would get them outside and boost their happiness.

Ms. Manning and her husband considered. Maybe a second dog was possible.

First came Chip, a Cavalier King Charles spaniel. Then, after Owen succumbed to old age, came Birdie, a miniature poodle and Bernese Mountain dog mix. And in taking them in, the Mannings were far from alone.

In the year since Tennessee’s worst school shooting, in which three third-graders and three staff members were killed by a former student, more than 40 dogs have been taken in by families at Covenant, a small Christian school of about 120 families.

“I really only expected them to help in a cuddly kind of way, like just to snuggle the kids when they’re upset ,” Ms. Manning said. “But I wasn’t really expecting all the other benefits from them.”

To spend time with the Covenant families is to understand how they have relied on one another, traditional psychological treatments and mental health counseling, and their Christian faith to hold them together.

But it is also to see how often what they needed — a distraction, a protector, a friend who could listen, something untouched by darkness — came from a dog.

An Immediate Response

Dogs greeted the surviving children at Sandy Hook Elementary School as they returned to a refurbished middle school in 2013. A dozen golden retrievers were on hand in Orlando to provide comfort after the deadly attack at a L.G.B.T.Q. nightclub in 2016. The therapy dogs who tended to the surviving students in Parkland, Fla., made the school yearbook .

“Over this period of sort of, 35,000 years, dogs have become incredibly adept at socializing with humans, so they’re sensitive to our emotional state,” said Dr. Nancy Gee, who oversees the Center for Human-Animal Interaction at Virginia Commonwealth University.

Even brief, minute-long interactions with dogs and other animals can reduce cortisol, the body’s stress hormone, research by Dr. Gee and others has shown, providing a possible lifeline for veterans struggling with PTSD and others recovering from trauma.

And on the day of the Covenant shooting, dogs were immediately there to help. Covey, the headmaster’s dog, was at a nearby firehouse, where dozens of staff members and students were evacuated. Squid, a retriever mix, was at the children’s hospital at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, helping to comfort the staff if needed.

When the students who survived were put on a school bus to be reunited with their anguished parents, Sgt. Bo, a police dog, was sitting at their side.

Officer Faye Okert, the dog’s handler with the Metro Nashville Police, handed out a baseball card of dog facts to distract and comfort the children.

“The focus was on him,” said Officer Okert. “You had smiles after what they had been through.”

After families reunited, counselors offered clear advice: To help your child, get a dog. Or borrow a neighbor’s.

That led several parents to connect with Comfort Connections, a nonprofit comfort dog organization. Jeanene Hupy, the group’s founder, had seen firsthand how therapy dogs had helped the Sandy Hook students and started her own organization once she moved to Nashville.

The group, which oversees a menagerie of golden retrievers, a gentle pit bull and a massive English mastiff, began its work by visiting individual homes in the days after the shooting. Then, when students returned to class weeks later, the dogs were once again there.

They were something to look forward to, in the moments when walking through the school doors felt overwhelming. And when there were painful reminders — a water bottle clattering to the floor, an unsettling history lesson on war or the absence of a friend — a child could slip away and cuddle a dog.

As Ms. Hupy put it, something special happens “when you bring in something that loves you more than it loves itself, which is these guys.”

A Reassuring Presence

First it was a joke, then a reality: Everyone was getting a dog.

Fueled by community donations and her own money, Ms. Hupy began connecting several parents and puppies. Even for families who could easily afford a new dog, Ms. Hupy and her trainers dramatically eased the logistical hurdles by finding and training puppies that seemed perfect fits to each family.

The Anderson girls shrieked and cried with joy when they learned they were getting a dog, and have now taught Leo how to flaunt sunglasses and do tricks. The Hobbs children constantly scoop up Lady Diana Spencer, often fashionably dressed in a string of pearls or sweaters.

The dogs are also there in the harder moments, too, like when an ambulance or police car drives by blaring its siren or when the memorial ribbons in their neighborhood remind them of what was lost.

“Sometimes it’s just nice to have a giant soft pillow that doesn’t need to talk to you and just cuddle it,” said Evangeline Anderson, now 11.

And if the dogs chew on a shoe or make a mess on a rug, Ms. Manning said, it is a lesson in how to deal with conflicting emotions.

“We still love them and we’re so glad we have them — both things can be true,” she said. “Just like we can be really nervous about going back to school and still also be excited to do it.”

And maybe, the parents realized, it was not just for the children.

Rachel and Ben Gatlin were driving back from vacation on the day of the shooting. That has meant grappling with the heaviness of survival and knowing that Mr. Gatlin, a history teacher who carried a pistol on his ankle for personal protection, could have run toward the shooter that day.

And while their new dog, Buddy, has adapted to the bossiness of their young children and has developed a penchant for sock consumption, he has also kept the adults’ thoughts focused in the moment. Tending to his needs has served as a reminder of their own.

“When you see it working, you’re in total comfort,” Ms. Gatlin said.

Even the school’s chaplain, Matthew Sullivan, found that the stories of new puppies being shared each day in chapel were “wearing me down in a good way.”

“I kind of wanted to enter into the experience of all these families firsthand,” he said.

Now Hank, a slightly anxious, floppy-eared Scooby-Doo doppelgänger, has been adopted into his home, which had been a little empty without his grown children.

The Alternatives

Not everyone got a dog.

For the McLeans, the solution was two rabbits.

“It’s an incredible distraction to their reality,” Abby McLean said of her children, cupping her hands to mimic cradling a rabbit on her shoulder. “I find myself occasionally doing it as well.”

Another family added Ginny, a tortoise with a possible seven-decade life span, to the mix of animals already in their house.

“For having lost people early in life — there was something that equated to me in that, that there was a longevity to it, to a tortoise,” said Phil Shay, who picked out the tortoise with his 12-year-old daughter, Ever.

Still, the dogs far outnumber the other pets. And every day they can make a little difference.

The first night that George, Jude and Amos Bolton had tried to sleep alone without their parents after the shooting, the slightest grumble from the ice machine or the dryer had been too much. Their mother, Rachel, who had maintained that she liked dogs, just not in her house, soon agreed to take in Hudson, a miniature Goldendoodle puppy with doe-like eyes and wild curls.

“We didn’t realize the dogs could create comfort for people,” Jude, now 10, said, his hands ruffling Hudson’s ears. And when Hudson came home, he added, “he’s just been comforting us ever since.”

It is now easier to sleep through the night, safe with the knowledge that Hudson is there.

“All my friends joke, they’re like, ‘I can’t believe you’re a dog person now,’” Ms. Bolton said. But this dog, she added, “has healed this family.”

Read by Emily Cochrane

Audio produced by Patricia Sulbarán .

Emily Cochrane is a national reporter for The Times covering the American South, based in Nashville. More about Emily Cochrane

Erin Schaff is a photojournalist for The Times, covering stories across the country. More about Erin Schaff

Advertisement

EssayService strives to deliver high-quality work that satisfies each and every customer, yet at times miscommunications happen and the work needs revisions. Therefore to assure full customer satisfaction we have a 30-day free revisions policy.

Finished Papers

Finished Papers

Our team of writers is native English speakers from countries such as the US with higher education degrees and go through precise testing and trial period. When working with EssayService you can be sure that our professional writers will adhere to your requirements and overcome your expectations. Pay your hard-earned money only for educational writers.

How to Get the Best Essay Writing Service

Finished Papers

Customer Reviews

Our team of writers is native English speakers from countries such as the US with higher education degrees and go through precise testing and trial period. When working with EssayService you can be sure that our professional writers will adhere to your requirements and overcome your expectations. Pay your hard-earned money only for educational writers.

Margurite J. Perez

Finished Papers

Perfect Essay