funny stories about homework

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Latest stories, 20 hilarious assignments kids have turned in to their teachers, too bad students aren't graded on hilarity..

Growing up, homework was probably not your idea of a good time. But now that you're years removed from take-home questionnaires, you may be able to crack a smile or two at the process—especially if you take a gander at the jokes kids are slipping into their assignments these days.

Whether it's a lazy case of bad math, a comically dark family portrait, or a too-literal interpretation of the assignment (see above...and below), some students just really know how to tickle our funny bones. And although these kids are certainly losing marks for such snarky answers, to be entirely honest, we find their, uh,  creative logical approach to be more educational than the real curriculum. Read on for a kick. And if you want even more kid-fueled laughs, check out 50 Funny Kid Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud.

1 | Tornado Safety

Whoever made the worksheet deserves a little of the blame for this one, because circling a tornado is definitely the most dangerous thing you could do. And if you're wondering what misinformation you picked up as a kid, discover 25 Life Lessons You Learned as a Kid That Are Wildly Outdated Today .

2 | Family Portrait

The assignment was to write a sentence about a family member and draw a picture to accompany it, so this is spot on. There's just something in the mom's eyes, though.... Maybe she's just jazzed about the 80 Amazing Benefits of Wine!

3 | Happy Easter

Buying a mansion and filling it with bacon is an honestly pretty reasonable plan for $100,000,000. And if you like a kid with a sense of humor, check out 50 Jokes From Children That Are Crazy Funny .

4 | True Patriotism

How much time has this kid spent thinking about cooking an eagle that this is the first thing they come up with?

5 | Grim Outlook

Some might correctly say this child's drawing of their future self in a coffin underground is morbid, but it is also very accurate. And if you admire this kid's holistic perspective, learn 15 Ways to Teach Your Children to Be More Mindful .

6 | Alternative Biology

Drawing a plant in jail is a creative way to get around not remembering what cytoplasm is. And for more hilarity, check out 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Funny .

7 | Tough Love

If this is their response to injuries, this kid's got a bright future as a salty high school junior varsity coach.

8 | Copy and Paste Job

To be fair, if this assignment were on a computer instead of a piece of paper, these keyboard shortcuts would have actually worked.

9 | Going Places

This kid's not afraid to take help wherever they can get it.

10 | Lofty Goals

If this kid accomplishes more than one of these goals in third grade, they have done an exceptional job.

11 | Harsh Burn

In case you were wondering, here is confirmation that the "yo mama" joke is still alive and well with the kids today. To keep up, master the 50 Best "Yo Mama" Jokes Of All Time .

12 | Honest Answer

What this kid lacks in remainders, they more than make up for with complete honesty.

13 | Big Dreams

This kid's dreams take a heroically large leap.

14 | Opinions Vary

Historically, this has not been true. But props for a creative answer!

15 | Hard Questions

This is an interview between a girl and her (apparently very unamused) cat.

16 | Not Entirely Wrong

You'd really have to meet Ray's cats to say for sure if they were odd or not is the only thing.

17 | Technically Correct

This is indeed the past tense... if you take it way back to 1868, when Edo was renamed Tokyo.

18 | Naming Conventions

It's no obtuse, acute, and right, but Sally, Bob, and Olivia are pretty good names for these angles.

19 | Cantaloupe Cannibal

Hopefully this is just an assumption, and this kid isn't going around eating brains.

20 | Literal Interpretation

If a picture is worth a thousand words, than this kid just wrote a brilliant essay. And if you'd like some humor from the other side of the age spectrum, check out 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious .

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Uncategorized   |   May 7, 2010

Hilarious kid stories shared by real teachers

By Angela Watson

Founder and Writer

This is a collection of stories teachers have emailed me that started with posts from the  Teachers.net  Primary Education chat board (which has since been divided into separate grade levels).  Someone on the board came up with the idea to post the funniest classroom stories, and what follows are hilarious TRUE tales from classrooms all across America that I copied and pasted from the chat board, combined with the awesome stories that you all email to me.  Because the teachers don’t use their real names on the boards (or often, any names at all), I haven’t been able to give credit to the contributors.  If you recognize any of the anecdotes below and would like to add your name to it, please email me.  (Many of these anecdotes could be incriminating, though, so anonymity is probably best!) Old posts are not archived at Teachers.net, so this is the only place you’ll find the collection of stories below. I’ve divided them into classic kid moments and classic parent moments (encounters with students’ parents). Enjoy!!

True teacher stories: Funny stuff kids say in the classroom

During the Christmas/holiday classroom party, a boy comes up to me with a gift bag (obviously re-used) and says: “Here teacher…my mom got this present and she didn’t want it and she called everyone in our family and they didn’t want it either so she said to just bring it to school and give it to you!”  I love how they tell the truth! If their parents only knew how much they really tell us

Mine happened at the beginning of this year. At one point all the students were doing their assignments and on task. It was a lovely few minutes! LOL Anyway, this one girl all of a sudden yelled out “I’m tired of this! Raise your hand if you want to go home!” Well, of course most of the class raised their hands and that lovely time was over. She reminds me, in some ways, of Junie B Jones and I think that comment is something she might say. I try to laugh them off (in my head) but oh, how sometimes it’s really a challenge.

As Christmas approached, a boy announced that Santa Claus isn’t real. One of my bright students tearfully said, “Ms. A., he’s disrespecting my religious beliefs!”

Earlier this year I was approached by one of my kindergarteners in tears. I asked her what was wrong. “____ just called me a baby!”  I called the other little girl over and said,” Did you just call ____a baby?” “No, no, no!” shouted the little girl. “I said ‘Hey baby!’ You know like the mom said to the dad when she calls him and wants him to come over for the night.”

Student A didn’t do her homework and told me that she couldn’t because her mom made her go buy a new cat that night and she wanted to play with the cat instead and her mom said it was okay… This story checked out. A phone call later, mom says yes, she was too tired from playing with her cat so she didn’t see the need for her to do her homework. She’ll do it another time.

This was definitely a classic moment that I heard through my cooperating teacher during my student teaching experience. I still laugh at the thought. While grading science tests for her third grade class, this teacher noticed a memorable response to one of the questions. It said:  ‘Please list the three states of matter…’. The reply was, “North Carolina, Virginia, and Kentucky.” The three states THAT matter! HA!

I teach third grade. About a month ago we had a sick student who was out for a couple of weeks. I told my class that I would get some things for him, we would make some get well cards and send it all to the boy. I got some things from Wal-Mart and left them in my truck. I asked three of my boys to go to my truck (parked right outside our door) and get the items from the backseat. I gave one of the boys a list– model airplane, poster to color, crossword puzzle etc… When they came back into the room he was holding several sacks. I could see that one of the small sacks held a box of tampons. (I forgot they were back there.) My teaching partner was in my room and before I could do anything the boy took them out of the sack, held them up over his head and yells, “I guess this is the crossword puzzle.” My co-teacher and I were both so red and trying not to laugh that I just said, “Uh-huh” and put the box back in the bag. His mom is an Assistant Principal on another campus. I emailed her to tell her the story and so that she would know if they were ever on the feminine product aisle and he asked for a crossword puzzle she would know what he meant. She thought it was too funny.

Many years ago, when I was teaching 5th grade, I was grading students’ science homework papers. One of the questions was “Who developed the system of naming organisms?” or something like that. Anyway, the correct answer was supposed to be Carl Linnaeus. One of my students wrote ‘Adam’ for his answer. When I questioned him about it, he said he was referring to Adam in the Bible. He had learned in Sunday School that Adam had named all the animals in the Garden of Eden. Guess what? I counted his answer correct!

I just remembered another one. I was teaching at a Christian school at the time, and we did a week-long study of Martin Luther. We learned all about the Protestant Reformation and Luther’s life. At the end of the unit, the book had a picture of Martin Luther. When one student saw it, his response was, “I always thought that guy was black.”

My first week of my first year of teaching, I turned my head for a moment during an art project and I had two students cut their hair!! I’ll never forget that!   [I also had this happen.  The child had about fifty braids on her head and one got snipped off.  The parent was so furious that she demanded her child be removed from my class!  The principal was so dumbfounded he just told her to think that over and if she still really wanted to take her out of my class the next day, he would do it.  She called the next day and apologized, hehe. –Angela].

One I will NEVER forget… I was teaching kinder in South Los Angeles: rough neighborhood, gangs, prostitutes, drugs, etc. So, I never knew what was going to come out of my students’ mouths. We had a few tricycles on our little playground and only one red one. Well, one of my kids loved that red bike. We came out to recess and another little boy was on it. My student went up to this boy, put his hands on the handlebars, and said, “Get of the bike, b****!”

My first year of teaching I had a boy named Patrick who never hung up his coat. I was tired of it and I warned him that it was going in the trash can the next time I found it on the floor. Well, the next time it happened…I threw it in the trash, with the good intention of taking it out within a few minutes. Within that few minutes a student felt sick and vomited in the trash can! Did I have some explaining to do to the parents. I was very lucky because I knew the parent and had worked with him before I became a teacher. I called him to explain, and he laughed and said they had the same problem with him at home. Boy, was I lucky. I offered to get it dry cleaned, but they said “No. Send it home in a garbage bag!”

My students were sitting around talking about what their dads do for a living. One of mine said “My dad fixes boobies!” I later asked the mom what dad did. She replied, “He is an anesthesiologist”. I told her the comment, and she told us that relatives had recently asked dad what his favorite surgery was. He said boob jobs, because he sits at the patient’s eye level and gets to tell the dr. if they are even!!! Apparently junior overheard the conversation. I laugh about this every time I think about it!

I teach kindergarten and when I was urging a student to get down to work, he looked up and me and said, “You do know that I didn’t sign up for this. My dad did it.”

My first year of teaching I had a terribly naughty little boy (he tried to pull the fire alarm on the first day of school). About midway through the year he drew a picture at free time and brought it up to show me. He pointed to the pictures saying, “Look, this is me and on my shoulders I drew those two guys that tell you to do good things or bad things… I like to listen to the bad one!” It was so funny (and true) all I could do was hug him and laugh!

Another time we had been talking about healthy eating and our bodies and one boy raised his hand and said, “If you look at your arms you can see the VINES inside your body.”

One moment happened several years ago when I taught grade one. Each primary class had received one of those colorful carpets with the seven continents on it. Well, day 2 of having this carpet, Andre got very sick, and threw up. When his dad came to take him home, Andre proudly says, “Daddy, I threw up all over North America AND South America!”

This one came from my then 4-year old grandson…I had promised to take him to the local ice cream shop one summer evening. He had been playing with some neighborhood friends and if we were going to get to the shop before it closed we needed to leave. As I put him in the car, he protested because he wanted to play some more. Well, we were driving and I turned to him and asked, “What kind of ice cream are you going to get tonight?’ He would not answer me. So I turned to my husband who was driving and said, “I guess I’m getting the silent treatment.” From the backseat we heard, “I don’t think they have that kind.”

I was teaching in a rural school district in a town of about 1200 people. It was 3rd grade. We were discussing Native American Indians. The kids were really into the discussion, when one little girl named Alysha raised her hand and said, “I know a whole lot about Native American Indians!” I said, “Oh you do? She said, “Yes, the reason I know so much about them is because my daddy is FULL BLOODED REDNECK!”

My favorite came from child in my pre-first grade class. He’d been gone for several days because his grandfather had passed away. When he returned I told him we’d missed him. He told me, “I had to go to Iowa because my grandpa died and I had to be at the back and be a polar bear.” When I called the mom to share that with her, she told me that indeed, all the grandsons ages six to adult had been the pallbearers. I’ve never been to a funeral since that I don’t think of that and smile.

It was the beginning of a new school year and it was still quite hot outside. I finally got my first graders on target one afternoon and was really quite happy with how the math lesson was going. At the same time one of my students who had a speech problem was scratching away at about 50 mosquito bites on his legs (I am not kidding). Right in the middle of the lesson, Christopher YELLS…”Mithuth. ____, theeth mothquito biteth are a pain in the ath.” Before I could think, I said, “Christopher, what did you say?” And, he repeated it again! I had a terrible time trying to keep from laughing! I sent him right to the nurse for some cream!

Just the other day in first… One of my shyest little boys wasn’t doing his work so I walked over to him and just as I bent down, he tells the little girl across from him, “You are just so beautiful, I can’t stop staring at you!” At least I knew why he wasn’t working!

I have a student whose father is a biology professor at a local college and is mother in a high school resource teacher. For Valentine’s Day he made a card for his dad with a beaker on it, saying “to a great biology teacher.” On the other side, for his mom, it said, “to whatever kind of teacher you are”.

Once while playing checkers with a 2nd grader, I was asked what my favorite things were. I wasn’t sure what to say, so just to be funny I said, “Oh, I think my favorite things are new shoes and clean socks!” “Well if you like clean socks,” he said with honest eyes, “you’re playing with the wrong kid!” I laughed till I cried and he laughed too!

After falling during morning recess and hurting his thumb, a boy told me during a math lesson “I can’t do math today.” When I asked why he said “Because it hurts when I make a 9.” (He was using his fingers to add!!!) I told him to make the “four” with his other hand!

This year, I worked with BSI [a special education program?], and would pull students out of classrooms to work with me.  Many of the children would raise their hands and ask to go with me.  One day, toward the end of the year, their classroom teacher said, “What, no one wants to stay here with me?” Well, one little girl that I worked with said, “Don’t worry Mrs. Smith, I like you better.”  Mrs. Smith said, “Oh no, don’t say that in front of Mrs. Morrison!” Then the little girl said, “Well, not by that much!”    I could not stop laughing!

I have 10 girls and 5 boys in my 2nd grade class this year. All the girls are utterly and completely horse crazy! I found this note on the floor after school one day. Obviously someone was daydreaming and having a horse ranch owners fantasy… 9:00 – build barn, 10:00 – make a fence, 11:00 – catch horses, 12:00 – train horses, 1:00 – ride horses, 2:00 – brush horses.  I had to show the other teachers. It was so well thought out, but maybe a bit ambitious! Did I mention we were doing a math unit on time?

One year, in a second grade classroom, we read a story about a little girl who flew around the world and saw many different things, one of which was the Statue of Liberty.  When the students were asked to name something she saw on her journey, a little boy said the Spatula Delivery!  Too cute!

[Love this one!]   Last year’s class was probably the sweetest group of kids I’ve worked with. One day it was getting close to recess and I had a few kids off task. I reminded them that before we could go outside there were certain things that needed to be done and, just for emphasis, I held up my plan book and pointed to the day’s agenda. One little boy’s eyes widened in surprise and he blurted out, “Omigod! You mean you write this stuff down?!”

Share YOUR Stories!

Every teacher has hilarious tales from the classroom–add yours in the comments below!

Angela Watson

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During our library time, the week of St. Patricks Day, our school librarian had my second grade students watch a video of irish dancers. Since we are from a rural community in Central Missouri, she thought she would help them make a connection by comparing the dancers to cloggers that we have see at our local city festival. She however did not expect one of my little darlings to make a connection in another way. He turned around and said to me, “I can clog… A TOILET!!!!” I almost cried I was laughing so hard.

Haha my child did that

Hahah I put that

On my very first official observation in October of my first year teaching a 7th/8th self-contained bridge class, I was continuing our narrative writing brainstorming. We had already completed the past and present and were brainstorming goals and aspirations. The students took the time to write down 5 things they would like to achieve in their futures (the instructions were much more expliciti). I then had them turn and talk and present to the class. All was going well until I reached O. O says “I would like to be three things. A Basketball player and a chef.” Knowing O, I knew to move on; so I did. My AP cuts in and says “Wait O. What was the third thing?” O smiled and my heart sank. O very proudly replied “I wanna be a pornstar!” to which his best friend chimes in “cuz you gots to please the b—–s!” The kids died laughing and I just died. Fortunately my AP pulled me into her office, told me she should have seen that coming (O was infamous) and reassured me that I wasn’y going to get a U.

Haha, I love these stories soo much. I’m in middle school (7th) and I read these during our independent reading time. Thank you so much!

These are great stories! Normally, I respond personally to every comment on the site, but I don’t want to do that for the funny stories. I’m going to just let site visitors read them through without my interruption! But, please know I really appreciate the time you all take to post. Carry on!

Mrs. Brittany, That is hilarious! I died laughing. I once had a student say the exact same thing, only it wasn’t even close to funny because he is in the 10th grade.

Every year at the beginning of the school year, my husband comes in and I introduce him to my Kindergarten class. I tell them how long we have been married and show them a picture of our family. My husband will usually take a few minutes to talk to them, also. On this particular occasion, after the short introduction, I told him goodbye and gave him a quick peck on the lips. As he turned to leave, one of my little girls sitting in the front turns to her friend and says “Do you think she kisses all the parents?!”. I just about died laughing.

I teach 2nd grade and we adopted a new reading program this year – Reading Street by Scott Foresman (I love it – great stories). Each week we have “amazing words.” One week we had the word inquire. I asked if anyone knew what the word meant. One child said, “It’s when you sing in church.”

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18 Funny Homework Answers from Kids Who Are Going Places

These snarky students are smart alecks at heart

• Holiday Humor

When you're a  student , homework is an unavoidable fact of life. Kids these days often face hours of homework assignments each week—it's no wonder that some of their answers turn out a little snarky. 

Lucky for us, the funniest homework answers often end up on the Internet, courtesy of amused parents or teachers . Some of these students are being deliberately funny; others may very well be trying ( and failing ) to find the right answer. We think every single one of them deserves a place in the  Smart Aleck Hall of Fame .

Extra Credit for the Snazzy Drawing

"Show your thinking?" 

Challenge accepted!

"What do you need to find?"

"The answer."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. That's really helpful .

Just Following the Directions

The assignment said to write "< or >" so that's exactly what this student did. What's the problem here?

You know what they say — never trust a fart. 

For those who may not know, "shart" is slang for what happens when you do trust a fart. Use your imagination.

That's Just Your Opinion

Some say Tony is disciplined and loves music. Others say Tony is probably a huge nerd. No shame in that game, Tony!

Seems Legit

Why do we know anything , Sharon? Because we're SMART!

Somebody give this kid a scholarship.

Don't Be Silly, Kid

Pssh. "Tedison" is not even a real name... but we totally wish it was.

Failing Biology and Acing Zoology

Sure, this student doesn't know the difference between an ovary and a fallopian tube, but check out that kick-butt tiger face! Points for creativity?

Find X? No problem, there it is. It was right there all along! How did you miss that, Teach?

The Metric System Is Confusing

We can partially blame the American system of measurement for this one, but this student also gets bonus points for the sheer genius of the  utterly sarcastic remark. 

So Wrong, Yet So Right

Again, this answer isn't even wrong. It's technically totally, 100% correct! Maybe the teacher needs to rethink those test questions.

(Nah, not really.)

"April Ham Lincoln."

Remember what the great former president April Ham Lincoln once said: "Four scones and seven beers ago."

Wait, that's not right. Or is it?

An Example of Being Too Honest

This sounds like something out of "Breaking Bad." We really, REALLY hope this is a little kid spelling error situation.

She Must Work at the School in #13

Some teachers will go above and beyond to bond with their students, but this is ridiculous. Get your act together, Mrs. Edwards!

I See How It Is at Your House...

This is an actual quote from a first grade student. How did the teacher not die laughing?!

Comedian Chris Rock once famously said, "As a father, you have only one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole!"

Clearly, this kid's family has some work to do in that department.

Hold Up There, Buddy

From "I like to play football" to "I am a god" in just a few short sentences. That's quite a leap!

Tell the truth: this is Tom Brady 's homework from 30 years ago, isn't it?

That's Extremely Literal

The difference between six and eight IS that eight is more curly. That's not silly – it's just accurate.

Okay, so I never did that well in math class either. Sue me.

She Deserves Extra Credit

We'll end on a positive note. This student followed directions to the letter and did exactly what she was told to do:

"Write a story to go with this picture. Use capitals and punctuation."

She not only created a funny story about this really, really weird picture of a cat overseeing a pile of hot dogs, but she also used CAPITALS and lots of exclamation points. Who cares what the teacher thought — this kid deserves an A+!

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When Home-Works Against You

My previous job was teaching Geography and History at a public school in the hinterland.

One year, in a class section of the second year, there was a boy. [Boy] was well-behaved, listened to lessons, and was respectful of peers and teachers… but never, ever did homework for any subject — not Italian, not English, not Maths, not History and Geography, nothing.

After the reprimands, there were the notifications in his journal, which were always presented duly signed by his parents, but he still didn’t do homework.

At some point, in the middle of the year, I decided to call the parents to a meeting, which they cordially agreed to.

Me: “Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. [Surname].”

Father & Mother: “Good afternoon to you, Madam.”

Me: “As you know, we are here to discuss your child’s behaviour and tendency to not do any homework, or at the very least, do it very rarely.”

Father: “We know.”

Mother: “And we both think it’s right.”

I freeze in concern.

Me: “What do you mean, ‘You think it’s right’? Do you not care about your child’s education?”

Father: “No, I do care plenty about his education. I just think his learning style is like mine.”

Me: “That is to say…?”

Father: “By miraculous intuition. He reads and hears something over and over again passively, not understanding it, and then, one day, he wakes up and figures it out fully.”

Mother: “Yes, it is true. Homework is only a pointless source of stress that does not aid the learning of our child.”

I sputter a bit as I try to figure out whether they are joking or serious. Their expressions, though, are unchanging.

Me: “Well, according to my years of study, homework is necessary for learning; also, it is government-mandated. You can’t really pick and choose which parts of schooling apply to your child and which do not.”

Father: “Fine. We will take note of it.”

And they left.

The next week, the boy started showing up with his homework done… by his parents. At first, they were doing it directly, and afterward, they were clearly telling him the answers. Somehow, he still showed regular learning progress and managed to pass tests just fine, while his behaviour was otherwise impeccable, so we could not expel him. Some teachers decided to give him the lowest possible grade always, but even low grades did not seem to impact him at all. 

He graduated Primary School with a median of six-and-half, but his parents still organised a grand party like he had passed with a median of ten. I dread to think how he is faring nowadays.

• There's a grammar or spelling issue
• This is a broken or duplicate post
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• Other story issue

Troubled Times Can Bring People Together In Strange Ways

I live in Ukraine, and as most readers will know, lately, our days are frequently disrupted by air raid alerts. At this time, the subway stations also function as shelters.

An alert catches me in one of the stations on my way home, so I take out a book and prepare to wait it out.

Next to me is a young man who is on the phone.

Young Man: “Question one goes: ‘An assimilation or merging of two or more religious traditions is called: A) animism, B) syncretism, C) mythologism, or D) theologism?’”

He has to repeat the question several times because he keeps getting drowned out by the subway noise. Finally, the person on the phone, who I assume is his classmate, answers.

Classmate: “Aww, I dunno, man. Gimme another one…”

Me: “Syncretism.”

Young Man: “Huh?”

Me: “The answer is B) syncretism.”

Young Man: “Hey, there’s a lady in the subway telling me it’s syncretism. Let’s go with that! Question two: ‘Where would a ‘čeres’ be worn? A) waist, B) head, C) feet, or D) arms?’”

Following a few more repetitions…

Classmate: “S***, I’ve no idea! Never even heard that word!”

Me: “Waist. It’s a traditional leather belt from western Ukraine.”

Young Man: “Thank you! Hey, [Classmate], this lady’s smarter than you!” *Laughs* “Question three: ‘Which vegetable was the basis of a peasant diet in medieval times? A) potato, B) corn, C) turnip, or D) tomato?’”

A lady on the student’s other side answers.

Lady: “Turnip.”

Young Man: “Thank you, too!”

We work together to solve about twenty more questions, and we finish the last one right before the all-clear sound for the alert rings.

Me: “What class was that for, anyway?”

Young Man: “Ethnography, but we have missed half the lectures because of air raids. How did you know the answers?”

Me: “I’m sure glad at least someone could benefit from me taking that class all those years ago.”

He Can’t See, But He Can Make Others See Pretty Well!

Back when I was working as a classroom technician for my local community college after I graduated, the college needed a technical scribe for a blind student. They needed someone who could not only provide direction of what the computer was showing on the screen that [Text-To-Speech Software] (software that audibly gave cues on what you were doing) was unable to but also had the technical skills to know how to work the software. I fit in perfectly, so I was hired on to do the technical interpreting for [Student] for the quarter.

The professor assigned the students to create a user interface that did some specific things. The paper that he gave out had an image with a general idea of what the students were to create. To help, but not overly help, I designed the general GUI (Graphical User Interface) and then let the student do the brunt of the work for how it functioned. I filled in the gaps by verbally cueing him on where he was and what to do next because [Text-To-Speech Software] wasn’t giving any cues. [Student] then turned in the assignment.

[Professor] asked us to come to his office the next day.

Professor: *To me* “I know you did the GUI part of [Student]’s assignment. It was the students’ responsibility to do their own interpretation of what I handed out.”

I was about to explain, but [Student] grabbed my arm, politely apologized, and said he would do as asked. Then, we left the office.

Me: *To [Student]* “What’s up?”

Student: “Can you edit the settings on those laser printers in the computer lab to print a page of nothing but black?”

Me: “Sure.”

I did so, and after that black page was printed out, we went back to [Professor]’s office.

Professor: “Well, that was quick.”

[Student] handed over the paper, and [Professor] was very confused.

Student: “You said for me to design a GUI based on what you printed. This is what I saw, so I am giving you my interpretation of the image that you printed for the class.”

At that moment, [Professor] had a light bulb go off in his head, realizing that he had required a blind student to give their interpretation of an image he printed for the class.

Professor: “I’m sorry. Your previous work will be counted. For future assignments, both of you proceed as you have been.” *Pauses* “Well played.”

Pffff, Who Goes To School To LEARN Stuff?

I went to a fairly decent school in a decent district, and while we learned the math necessary to understand things like interest rates, basic financial literacy was not taught beyond that you will need to pay for things like rent and groceries, and money in must exceed money out.

When I was fifteen or sixteen, there was a course that was supposed to cover the life skills they thought we’d need after graduation, which I “passed”, but the closest thing to financial literacy taught was a project in which you had to come up with a hypothetical balanced budget for after graduation.

I submitted one that saw me getting and holding down a good full-time job while attending university full-time and making up the extra money by “selling things on eBay”.

Oh, and we got so little guidance that I pulled my food budget from a diet food delivery service’s claims of what a normal grocery bill looked like. I got nearly full marks, and the teacher asked zero questions.

Forgot The “Smarter” Part Of “Work Smarter, Not Harder”

When I was in high school, my district came up with this “project” that all seniors had to turn in. Basically, you were supposed to get copies of some work you’d done for specific subjects/credits, put it in a binder, and include a couple of paragraphs of your post-high school plans.

It was stupid all around because they expected us to include examples from classes like PE where you don’t ever write anything and stuff like that. (The members of our school board were idiots.) Even the teachers thought it was ridiculous. Most of the teachers would pass you as long as you turned in a binder that had some of the information.

My senior year came up, and it was time to turn in our binders. My friend and I had just dropped off ours on a big stack of binders, and the teacher had been going through his pile. As my friend and I tried to leave, we heard a sound from our teacher’s office.

Teacher: “Oh, come on!”

My friend and I rushed back to see if there was a problem.

Friend: “Mr. [Teacher], are you okay?”

Teacher: “Take a look at this and tell me if you can figure it out.”

He passed us a binder, and we took a look at the front page he’d indicated.

Me: “It says that it belongs to [Classmate].”

Teacher: “Correct. Now take a look at this one.”

Me: “That says it belongs to [Same Classmate]. Oh, no.”

Friend: “They weren’t that stupid, were they?”

Teacher: “They were.”

Again, almost all of the teachers passed you as long as you gave them a binder that had something in it. However, even the most lax teacher wouldn’t pass you if you turned in a binder with someone else’s name on it.

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Have you ever served a bad customer who got what they deserved?

14 Teachers Share Their Craziest Stories

Call them funny or disheartening, but these tales are thoroughly entertaining.

The people tasked with educating our children have, arguably, one of the world's toughest gigs — and perhaps funniest, too. From embarrassing moments to super strange encounters, here's everything you won't hear at the teacher-parent conference. Get ready to laugh, smile, and, okay, maybe cringe a little, too, as instructors open up about their most unforgettable moments.

The one that was a little TMI

"I work in an old gym building, and the bottom floor is a series of tunnel-like hallways and locker rooms that students have used for generations. After going over female anatomy in our reproductive health class, I asked a series of review questions, one being, 'What is the site of fertilization?' A girl raised her hand and I pointed to her, proud that someone remembered the answer so quickly. She confidently looked at me and said, 'Site of fertilization? Basement of the old gym, that's where my mom said she was.'" – Jordan

The one where the Great Depression lesson was depressing

"One time, in an essay on the Stock Market Crash of 1929, a student wrote that because the market went down a lot of people got depressed and and killed themselves, and that was the 'cause of the Great Depression.' No amount of explaining, resource material, or even her peers could get through to her that there was a difference between an economic depression and a mental health issue. She kept asking whether everybody was unhappy, and when people said 'yes' she would say, 'See, they were depressed!' –Janice

The one that was actually pretty smart

"While teaching sex education, a student raised his hand and asked if he could get a girl pregnant if she is upside down. I assured him in no uncertain terms that any way you flip it, you can get pregnant. The class seemed satisfied with that response, but then I looked back and see another hand up. (Oh man, the dreaded hand.) I called on him and he said, 'Well, I was just thinking that it might be, you know, more likely to happen upside down.' The class stops and turns to look at him and he continues, "You know because of like gravity and stuff.' The class nods their heads in agreement. Touché young man, touché." – Nikki

The one missing a syllable

"I once had a student who could be an absolute terror in class when she wanted to be. She could also be quite pleasant. Her theater arts teacher complimented her good behavior one day by saying, 'I really enjoy teaching you when you are in a pleasant mood! Some days you can be a horror.' The next day, the teacher was pulled aside by the principal and told that she needed to watch her language around students. When she questioned what he meant, he replied, 'Susie said you called her a whore yesterday.' – Jordan

The one where spellcheck would've been nice

"My mom taught fifth grade for 30 years, and she had multiple students named 'Samatha' because their parents had misspelled 'Samantha' on the birth certificate." –Jackie

The one that embarrassed an entire classroom

"My husband and I work across the hall from each other in a freshman academy, so we share most of the same students. I was out on maternity leave for the first month of the school year, and I returned just as students were completing sex ed in their health class. One day between classes a young man asked me when I had found out I was pregnant. I told him that was weird and to do the math: the baby was almost 4 months old. Later, he announced, loudly, 'October. They had sex in October!' I'm not sure who was more mortified, the kids or me." – Mandi

The one with multiple generations

"Two years ago, I finally taught the daughter of a former student. Yes, I have been teaching that long: 18 years. That was a sobering moment." – Anna

The one where the teacher needed teaching

"I teach language arts, and one of my fourth-grade students told me, "This is the most funnest class ever!" Mortified at his poor grammar, I responded, "Uh, thanks." And then in my head, I'm thinking, more grammar, less fun!" – Chante

The one where the pregnancy reveal fell flat

"During the last two school years, I have been pregnant twice. Both times, to reveal to my students that I'm pregnant, I have worn a shirt that says, 'I'm so pregnant.' Each time, the kids told me how excited they were and asked if I'd name the baby after them. They seemed to understand but then — after each pregnancy! — I've had kids tell me they thought I was joking. You'd think juniors and seniors in high school would be a tad more aware." – Cassandra

The one that made use of anatomy props

"I was teaching a course on parenting and we were on the unit about development in the womb. I had detention in my room that afternoon and had a life-sized, rubber replica of a woman's uterus with a detachable fetus on my table. There was a student who would not settle down, so I kindly told him he needed to leave. He stole the 9-month replica uterus and ran down the hall wearing it on his head like a hat. I immediately called my principal and told him someone just stole my uterus and that I needed it back." – Morgan

The one with the drunk leprechaun

"I'm a professor at University of Wisconsin, and St. Patrick's Day is a tough one if you're a health teacher amongst dozens of Irish college students. One St. Patty's day, a student came in dressed in a full leprechaun suit, complete with a big papier-mâché head that became too heavy for him to hold up after he fell asleep in his chair. He fell to the side and rolled down the aisle." – Ann Garvin, Ph.D., author and professor of I Like You Just Fine When You're Not Around.

The one with the dead bird

"We had a bird in the gym once and the savages in my seventh period threw a volleyball at it and killed it. But then, ironically, proceeded to hold a formal funeral for the bird they named Frank, complete with a full-on eulogy, burial, and everything." – Linda

The one with a big misunderstanding

"One time, as I was changing modes in the classroom, there was a little misunderstanding. As the students were putting away one project and pulling a worksheet out, I said, "We'll have more on that later." The next day, I was called into the principal's office, where one of her students and her mother stood, very upset. The principal asked me, 'Did you call your students morons yesterday?' – Nikki

The one that made it all worth it

"A junior in my AP English class, Morgan was an intense yet shy girl who was incredibly determined and hardworking, but had horribly low self-esteem and suffered from depression, anxiety, and self-mutilation. She frequently came back to talk to me as a senior, and we laughed, analyzed, cried some, and resolved a lot each time we spoke. But Morgan truly came into her own in college. When she wrote to thank me for encouraging her, and to tell me she was writing poetry, it made me so happy." — Catherine

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100 Short Funny Stories for English Learners

If you’re learning English and looking for a fun way to practice, short funny stories can be a great resource. Not only do these stories keep you entertained, but they also introduce you to new vocabulary, idiomatic expressions, and the rhythm of the English language in a context that sticks with you. Here’s why incorporating humorous stories into your learning routine can be beneficial, along with a sneak peek at what you might find in this post.

Table of Contents

Why Learn English with Funny Stories?

What to expect in 100 short funny stories for english learners.

Cultural Quirks: Stories that delve into the peculiarities of English-speaking societies, helping you grasp subtle cultural nuances through humor.

Language Play: Enjoy tales that play with words, puns, and idioms. These stories challenge you to think about language in new ways, making learning more engaging and memorable.

Universal Themes: Find stories based on everyday situations that anyone can relate to, regardless of where they are from. This helps in understanding common human experiences through a new linguistic lens.

Variety of Contexts: From office mishaps to family gatherings, and from school scenarios to travel misadventures, each story places you in a different setting, exposing you to a wide range of vocabulary and usage.

List 100 Short Funny Stories for English Learners

Benefits of Using Funny Stories in English Learning

Increased Engagement : Humor keeps the learning process enjoyable and engaging, encouraging you to spend more time reading and less time feeling daunted by the challenge of a new language.

Enhanced Listening Skills : Many of these stories come with audio versions, which are perfect for practicing listening skills. The rhythm and intonation used in jokes and humorous stories are often distinct and can significantly improve your ability to understand spoken English.

“ 100 Short Funny Stories for English Learners ” is not just about laughs—it’s also about learning English in a fun way. Each story helps you get better at English, making learning as enjoyable as possible. Whether you’re just starting or already know some English, these stories can make your learning time more interesting and fun. Learning English can indeed be a joyful experience.

If you want to download all of these English listening lessons, please leave your email in the comments section. We will send them to your email.

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Short funny stories – 01 business logics, short funny stories – 02 learn to be more polite, short funny stories – 03 men friends and women friends, short funny stories – 04 the mental asylum.

I love how these stories are short and sweet. Great way to improve my English while having a laugh.

• Grades 6-12
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18+ Best Funny Short Stories To Teach in Middle and High School

These stories will get them giggling … and learning too!

At least once a year, one of my freshmen would ask me why everything we read in ninth grade English was so depressing. A quick look at our curriculum revealed they did have a point. Romeo and Juliet , Of Mice and Men , and short stories like “Lamb to the Slaughter” and “The Most Dangerous Game” all told tales of death and despair. While all are excellent, I began to wonder if I could find some different texts to add to the mix. It turns out, while scary short stories and dramatic short stories are easy to find, good funny short stories for middle and high school students are a bit trickier to track down.

With that in mind, here’s a list of funny short stories to use in your classroom when you want to bring a bit of humor to your lesson.

1. Ruthless by William DeMille

OK, this one might be a bit of a controversial addition to a list of funny short stories, but I’m including it anyway. There’s something darkly humorous in this little tale about a man who goes too far in a plot for revenge only to have it backfire on him in the worst possible way. Some of your students will feel bad for the protagonist while others will feel he deserves his fate. Regardless, your class will have a great discussion about it at the end.

In class: There are so many writing prompts you could use from this story I don’t know where to begin. It could be used as the springboard for an argumentative writing unit, with students arguing whether the main character was justified in his actions or not. It could also be perfect for a discussion on characterization by asking students what can we learn about the main character and his wife by their actions and statements.

2.  They’re Made Out of Meat  by Terry Bisson

I love introducing students to science fiction, especially in the form of funny short stories. We really don’t use sci-fi enough in our English classes. In this story, two aliens discuss the bizarre new life form they’ve discovered and try to figure out how it thinks and lives. Your students will laugh out loud when they discover that the aliens are talking about humans and love figuring out the everyday activities and items the aliens just can’t seem to make sense of.

In class: This is perfect for introducing a new genre to students. After reading, ask students to craft their own science-fiction short story. As a class, brainstorm a list of activities and events that take place all the time that we think are totally normal. Then, ask students to write their version of an alien race trying to figure out a birthday party, after-school detention, or lunch in the school cafeteria.

3. Charles by Shirley Jackson

Written by the same woman who wrote the eerie short story “The Lottery,” this story is guaranteed to make students of all ages chuckle. The tale of the worst kindergarten student ever, as told by a classmate to his mother at the end of every school day, your students will love hearing all about Charles’ antics. The twist at the end of the tale will make students gasp and giggle.

In class: Perfect for lessons on irony , your students can debate whether Jackson’s funny short story demonstrates verbal, situational, or dramatic irony. I’ve also used this story to show students how an author can utilize dialogue as a method for developing characterization.

4. Thank You, Ma’am by Langston Hughes

Like “Charles,” this is another classic, well-known story. An older woman takes a young man under her wing after he attempts to steal her purse. As they spend time together, she teaches him a valuable lesson about life. It’s perfect for upper-elementary and middle school students.

In class: This is one of those funny short stories that lends itself to lessons about dialogue, diction, theme, and characterization. It’s also a great text to use for practice discussions or Socratic seminars. Students could easily develop questions about the actions of the characters. They could consider how they would have responded in the same situation. And they could even reimagine the story as if it were written today. ADVERTISEMENT

5. Lord Oakhurst’s Curse by O. Henry

While many students will have read “The Gift of the Magi,” this short story by the same author is much less well known. Lord Oakhurst is dying, his wife is grieving (or is she?), and a doctor arrives to try to help. Your students will be shocked and amused by this quick read.

In class: Indirect characterization leaps to the foreground in this funny short story as students can debate whether Lord Oakhurst’s wife is truly as sad as she says she is throughout the story. The story also makes use of flashbacks, making it great for introducing or reviewing that concept.

6. Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence by  The Onion  Staff

Satire is a tough genre for so many students. The popular satirical online news magazine The Onion comes to the rescue here with a hysterical piece that, while not a short story exactly, certainly tells a tale students will guffaw over. In the article, students learn the plight of a young man who almost received severe consequences for driving while under the influence. Some satirical pieces are almost too serious for students to see as satire, but this one does a great job of taking a serious subject and turning it on its head to make a point.

In class: This piece is perfect for students who aren’t ready to grapple with some of the more complex satirical pieces they’re often given in school. If your group isn’t quite ready for Swift’s A Modest Proposal , this is a great place to start. As an introduction to satire, pairing this piece with actual news reports of cases where privileged young people have received shockingly light sentences for serious crimes will definitely keep your students engaged (and enraged?).

7. Maddened by Mystery or The Defective Detective by Stephen Leacock

This short story caper takes on the classic detective trope and mocks it mercilessly. Over-the-top costumes, mistaken identities, and a ridiculous reveal make this a truly funny short story to share with your students.

In class: I wish I still taught the mystery unit I taught for many years so that I could add this funny short story to the mix. This is a perfect piece to introduce satire. It mocks many of the most common elements of typical detective stories in a truly hilarious fashion.

8. There Was Once  by Margaret Atwood

Given her prominence in current popular culture, Margaret Atwood is an author our students should know. This short story about a fairy-tale writer receiving some “constructive criticism” on how to make their story more inclusive is sure to inspire reactions among your middle or high schoolers.

In class: This is a great short story to use when teaching the importance of how dialogue can impact tone. Additionally, it would be a great piece to bring to any discussion of whether or not students should read “old” stories that have language or ideas that are considered problematic today.

9. A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift

Definitely one for older students, this essay is a more complex text than many on this list. That being said, it’s a classic for a reason. Swift’s shocking and controversial (and highly satirical) suggestion that the plight of poor Irish peasants could be solved by having them sell their infants to rich British people to eat continues to resonate to this day. Give this to your high school students without any warning and get ready for some interesting reactions and responses.

In class: This piece is a staple in many high school lessons about satire, but I think it could also be used brilliantly in discussions about current political discourse. We struggle with recognizing satire in media today just as much as people did in Swift’s time. Additionally, the parallels between how the wealthy and elite in society look down at the less fortunate then and now could definitely make for some heavy, yet important, classroom discussions. Finally, it’s a perfect text for a lesson on tone—ask students to consider why Swift chose to write in a logical and emotionless voice about such a horrifying idea.

10. Joy by Anton Chekhov

The main character in this funny short story becomes famous. He rushes home to tell his family. Your students will love the reactions of his stunned family. They’ll also have plenty to say about the protagonist’s glorious new stardom.

In class: Perfect for units covering tragic heroes or characters who fall from grace, Chekhov’s work is a pretty searing commentary on the ideas surrounding what it means to be famous. Your students will have a great time making comparisons between the protagonist and various YouTube or TikTok stars of today.

11. A Dish Best Served Cold by Tristan Jimerson

Time to throw a curveball into the game. Have you heard of The Moth? It’s an organization with the mission to “promote the art and craft of storytelling and to honor and celebrate the diversity and commonality of human experience.” They have open-mic storytelling nights in different cities around the country where people just stand up and tell stories based on a preset theme. You can find lots of them on The Moth’s website and on YouTube. This one is about a man who has his identity stolen by a Domino’s Pizza employee. His mission to get revenge will have you and your students laughing out loud.

In class: Many of the stories do include a swear word or deal with adult themes, so be sure to preview the story first. I love the idea of sharing verbal storytelling with students of all ages, especially in the context of a unit on funny short stories. It’s great for reluctant readers and could make an awesome alternative assessment option.

12. The Catbird Seat by James Thurber

Written by the same author who wrote “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,” this story is also about an unhappy man who dreams of improving his life. The way he accomplishes this, however, is where the humor (and some shock!) comes in.

In class: Introducing students to more challenging text can always be a bit of a tough sell, so it’s nice to have a few short stories to warm students up to the idea. Students can practice transacting with text, asking questions about sections that confuse them, and working together to build comprehension.

13. “I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me” by Emily Delaney

Another curveball addition to this list of funny short stories! I love introducing my students to examples of real-life writing that is actually going on today. While many funny short stories on this list are from the early 1900s, this piece was written in 2020 and appeared in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. The site features humorous pieces on a variety of timely topics. While many aren’t appropriate for school, others, like this one, are perfect examples of how people are still writing and creating today. In this piece, the personified “afternoon walk” explains to the person taking it that it can’t be everything the walker needs it to be.

In class: Best suited for older middle school and high school students, I would love to use this as a mentor text. Imagine the creative writing pieces students could come up with if asked to personify something in their lives.

14. My Financial Career by Stephen Leacock

Confession time—I hate ordering food by phone. It doesn’t matter if it’s healthy or not, or if I’m ordering for one person or 20. I hate it. I get flustered and almost always end up messing something up. Hence why this story, about a man who gets nervous in banks, spoke to me. Leacock’s description of the main character fumbling his way through opening a bank account had me laughing out loud.

In class: Finding characters from the past that students can relate to is tricky. I like the idea of asking students to free-write or discuss what situations make them feel anxious or uncomfortable. They could write down feelings, descriptions, and images. After reading this story, they could create their own humorous (or serious) stories about their own scenario.

15. The Great Automatic Grammatizator by Roald Dahl

I’ll admit this one blew my mind a bit, which is why I love the idea of sharing it with students. This short story, about a young man who invents a device that gathers together all the stories and novels ever written and then, using a mathematical formula, uses them to churn out new stories at lightning-fast speeds, was written in 1954. That’s right, Roald Dahl predicted ChatGPT and AI-generated stories decades ago . Watch your students’ minds be blown as they read this one.

In class: While Dahl may not have meant this short story to be considered science fiction, it certainly could fit into that genre . This piece would be perfect to pair with nonfiction articles about how AI is affecting creative fields as well as an argumentative unit in which students discuss whether or not these stories are better or worse than those written by human authors.

16.  Growing Down  by Shel Silverstein

Yes, it’s a poem. But it also tells a story, which makes it a great addition to this list of funny short stories. In this poem, we meet a grumpy old man who is always telling people to grow up. But one day, someone tells him to “grow down.” When he does, he discovers he likes it much more than growing up.

In class: This piece would be perfect for students who are struggling to grasp concepts like theme or characterization. There’s plenty of direct and indirect characterization throughout the poem, and the message is pretty obvious throughout. Additionally, Shel Silverstein’s voice is perfect for discussions about tone.

17. The Eyes Have It by Philip K. Dick

I chuckle, groan, and, yes, roll my eyes every time I reread this short story. It’s such an enjoyable little piece about a man who discovers “proof” that aliens exist and are hiding among us even though they can do shocking things with their bodies. It was always particularly well received by my students who didn’t really love figurative language and wished authors would just “say what they meant.”

In class: This story would be great as an introduction to dramatic irony. Part of what makes it so great is how we, as readers, groan each time the protagonist finds “proof” of alien life that we recognize as just an author’s use of imagery, hyperbole, and nonliteral language.

18. Television by Roald Dahl

Another poem, I know. But it’s longish, so that counts, right? Your students might pick up on the parallels in theme between this fast-paced poem and the character of Mike Teavee from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory . Dahl was definitely not a fan of young people watching television instead of playing outside or reading books. One can only imagine what he would have thought about how much time our students spend looking at their phones today!

In class: I love the idea of asking students to write a modern version of this poem, substituting cell phones or TikTok in place of Dahl’s loathed television. It’s also a great piece for discussing tone, as Dahl’s feelings are made so abundantly clear throughout the text.

19. First-Day Fly by Jason Reynolds

Jason Reynolds is a genius when it comes to creating characters who seem so real it feels like you’ve met them before. This short story about a young man getting ready for the first day of school will hit your students right in the feels. They’ll laugh, they’ll relate, and they’ll definitely identify with the struggles the protagonist experiences as he prepares to return to school.

In class: This short story would fit beautifully into any lesson about mood and point of view. The main character’s ability to express himself and his feelings is so enjoyable to read. It would also be a great study on how allusions can date a text. While our students will understand immediately why the character cares so much about his sneakers remaining perfectly white, will people in the future? It would be interesting to pair this piece with an older text and compare the allusions of each.

Looking for more short stories to share with your class? Check out  70 Great Short Stories To Teach in Middle School .

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The 100 FUNNIEST Excuses For Not Doing Homework, Courtesy of My Students

Posted on Published: November 19, 2023

By: Author Jane Morris

Students throw out all kinds of excuses for not getting their homework done! From believable excuses to the tried and true classic “ my dog ate it” , teachers hear a lot of excuses every damn day.

It doesn’t help that by now, the behavioral expectations for students have become so loose that students can pretty much say whatever they want without consequence. These days, the excuses are that much more interesting. (And honest.)

Over the course of nearly two decades of teaching, I heard every homework excuse in the book. Better yet, I’ve saved my favorites! And rounded them up here for your viewing pleasure.

So let’s share in the giggles together! I’ve rounded up 100 of the BEST homework excuses I’ve ever heard. The laughs are good for the soul.

And probably your patience too! Some of these you’ve likely heard before. There might not be a lot of foolproof excuses for not doing your homework, but there sure are a lot of fools that come up with some real stinkers!

So for your enjoyment (and definitely not to be actually used in a real-life classroom), here are 100 odd, creative, nonsensical, and hilarious excuses from students for not doing their homework!

100 Funniest Excuses for Not Doing Homework: A Story of Student Shenanigans

If it’s your first day in the teaching profession , you might think homework excuses are few and far between. At the very least, you might think students bother making good excuses.

Well, you’d be wrong on both counts! You will be fed excuse after excuse from students for not having finished their homework, and very few of them will sound believable.

So new teachers, pay attention! Here is some of the ludicrousness you can expect from your class. And it WILL be on the test.

As for all my kindred season educators, sit back and enjoy the ride! Maybe grab a moist towelette…

Cause it’s about to get juicy.

Get the Books That Started It All

Before the blog, the podcast, the merch store… there were the best-selling books.

If you like the content on this site, then you’ll LOVE the Teacher Misery books. They’re jam-packed with teaching insanity, ridiculous true stories, and all the commiseration about the profession you’ve come to know, adore, and respect.

Follow the links below to get your copies today!

Homework Excuses That Are Pure Nonsense!

Man, kids say the silliest things to teachers . From being arrested by the FBI to simply having a gross pimple, the excuses for not having done homework often make no sense…

But they are highly entertaining!

• I got this thing where I can’t read.
• I was arrested by the FBI but it was a case of mistaken identity!
• The microwave was erasing all of my work and that’s why it was all turned in blank.
• I swear I did the work but the answers kept falling off my paper!
• My homework ate my dog!
• The elf on the shelf erased it.
• I had a crusty pimple.
• An electrostatic spark tore a hole in the space-time continuum. My paper was transported back through time and was found and published by a random person. Now I have to redo my assignment because it would be plagiarism to hand in my original.
• I care about trees too much to use paper.
• A gang broke into my house and stole the bag it was in.
• The military accidentally blew it up.
• My water bottle spilled in my backpack and it turned my homework into a brick of ice overnight.
• I did all my other homework and at that point, I needed personal time.
• I died in a car crash.
• I don’t care about homework because I don’t care about education.
• I was cooking grilled cheese and it was the last two pieces of bread and I burnt it and then I was really sad and I couldn’t do anything.
• I kept sneezing and picking the wrong answers because of that and I got frustrated so I just stopped doing it.

Excuses, Accidents, and Bathroom Mishaps

Look, we’ve all had a “little accident” . Only the worst teacher in the world would deny a student the facts of life.

But personal issues that maybe should stay personal are a go-to for slackers. Some funny homework excuses concern the crapper, and now we’re going to laugh at them. Take that, slackers!

• I was dealing with the ghost in the bathroom.
• I was taking a phat shit and it took forever.
• I had Taco Bell so I was in the bathroom the whole night.
• I took a crap and it stunk so I had to take a shower but then I had to crap again and then I showered again.
• I was really constipated.
• My mom forgot to buy toilet paper so I had to use my homework.
• I was doing it in my jacuzzi and it fell in.
• I had too many Hot Cheetos and had to ravage my toilet all night.

Mysterious Illnesses and TMI Reasons for Not Doing Homework

Your student’s poop schedule is one bit of TMI you could probably do without. Look, the uncomfortable truth of the teaching profession is that there will be poops, pees, spews, and TOO much information. The funniest homework excuses usually overspecify…

It comes with the territory. So whenever one of these incredibly questionable yet incredibly funny excuses for not doing homework rolls your way, the best thing you can do is jot it down.

So that, one day, you can put it in a blog post on the internet. Guilty!

• I was eating Takis in the car on the way here and I rubbed my eyes and had to pull over.
• My part was really itchy and I needed a shower.
• I dropped it in the toilet after I had gone to the bathroom.
• I was in intensive care having fluid drained from my lungs because I had pneumonia that I got when I was hit by a car.
• I had heart surgery last night (1st grader).

Excuses About Family Issues, Problems, and EMerghencies

We, as teachers bound to our duty, MUST be sensitive to the family issues and home lives of our students…

Unless they’re just making up excuses to get out of doing their homework! A solid fib about family issues is a classic reason students use to skip homework.

Now, will parents ever take responsibility for their kids not doing their homework? No, of course not! Parents will blame teachers. It’s their go-to M.O.

So next time you hear one of these clankers, note it down and feed it back to the parents. That’ll throw a spanner in the wheels of the little turds!

• I had to take my Nana out for cigarettes.
• I had to help my mom put the cucumbers in the fridge.
• I was practicing playing guitar so I could play a song for my mom’s birthday.
• My mom needed help putting cucumbers in the fridge.
• My sister broke my Chromebook screen because I wouldn’t give her a hug.
• My parents had diarrhea.
• My mom didn’t have time to do it.
• My dad said he doesn’t believe in homework so I don’t have to do it.
• My stepmom died again last night (for the 10th time).
• My dad made me watch TV instead.
• My dad ran it over with his truck.
• My mom drank too much beer to help me with it.
• My mom has radiation poisoning from Chernobyl and it messed up my brain.
• My grandma got lost at the mall and it took us hours to find her.
• My stepdad had a hook in his arm.
• My grandmother wouldn’t give me back my textbook which she had taken in retaliation for the theft of her wooden leg.
• My grandma accidentally took it with her to Mexico.
• I did the homework the day you gave it to us, except then my dad sold all of our notebooks.
• My grandpa said the work is stupid and you’re a moron.

Making Excuses About Special Events

“Damn, Miss, I was in Europe over the weekend.”

“Oh, you went for a weekend trip abroad as a 14-year-old? My apologies, allow me to rescind your homework requirements then.”

I honestly don’t know what some students are thinking with these reasons. But the stupidest homework excuses are my favorite. You can just let the kid talk and dig their own hole!

Perhaps, eventually, one of these definitely totally believable excuses will be the final straw for your inevitable nervous breakdown. But until then, just keep quoting them verbatim as teacher comments on their report cards .

Maybe one day someone will actually bother to read those things.

• I was getting married in the Sims and completely lost track of time.
• It was my birthday and I just wanted to get my hair done and get a cake.
• I was planning a funeral for my frog.
• I had to take down Halloween decorations.
• I had to get my nails done for prom.
• It was my bird’s birthday.
• I had to travel to Europe to stop WW3.
• I was at the beach and they didn’t have good WiFi.
• I was packing for the vacation I’ll be on for the next three weeks. Can I have the work I’ll miss?
• I had to brush my hair.

Extremely Honest Reasons to Not Do Homework

Look, sometimes all you really need to do is be honest . Did you not do your homework because you smoked a bowl and got marooned on the sofa with cartoons?

Screw it! Just tell the teacher that. Maybe they’ll give you a pass for your winning smile alone!

Much like all the ridiculous reasons to visit the school nurse , sometimes, the best reasons for not doing your homework require honesty.

What could possi-blye go wrong!

• I have no time management skills. On the bright side, I watched all of season 1 of Stranger Things today!
• I was eating Toaster Strudels.
• My 24-hour ban from Call of Duty ended today and I need to get some rounds in.
• My favorite soccer team lost.
• I was smoking weed with my friends and the next thing I knew it was morning and I had to come to school again.
• It just didn’t fit into my schedule today.
• I’m just, like, really lazy.
• I had better things to do.
• We thought it was Saturday yesterday.
• I don’t need to do homework because NCAA scouts have been coming to see me play and I’m gonna get a scholarship.
• I had to go to church but I’m pretty sure God will understand.

Animal Problems – “My Dog Ate My Homework” and Other Variants

I’m not saying your students are animals (though they certainly behave like animals ).

I AM saying that students will make excuse after excuse for not doing their homework courtesy of their pets. They’re the perfect culprit! Who’s ever going to interrogate your furry friend for cross-examination?

Only the teachers who are crazy enough. ;)

• My dog peed on my laptop and it took a few days to dry.
• My cat ran over the keyboard and deleted the whole thing.
• My dog doesn’t like going to the bathroom alone so I had to watch him and he took forever.
• We had a cow in labor, and it was stuck in the hips of the cow, and I couldn’t get it out myself.
• I was with my new guinea pig and it was really distracting.
• The dog pooped and my baby brother fell in it.
• I accidentally locked my cat with my brother’s cat, and I don’t know if my cat got pregnant, but I think she is because she tried to go under my bed, and she never does that.
• There was a roach on the floor so I couldn’t get down off the bed the whole afternoon.
• My dog had puppies on top of my book bag and it was gross so my dad threw my book bag away.
• My cat threw up on it.
• My duck pooped on it.
• My dad accidentally threw my project away and a raccoon went into the trash can and destroyed it.
• My friend’s cat is having an abortion.
• A donkey ate it.
• The squirrels on the roof were distracting me.
• My dog died three years ago.
• I was doing a photo shoot with my bunny.
• My dog looked sad.
• I was doing my homework outside and a bird grabbed it and flew away.
• I got attacked by a raccoon on the way to school and he only went for the homework and ate it in front of me.
• My pet parrot flew into the fireplace and caught on fire. It then proceeded to fly around the room, and his dad tried to hit it with a frying pan because he was afraid the curtains would go up in flames if the parrot went close to them. With all the drama, I forgot to do my homework.
• My grandmother’s potbelly pig ate my homework.
• I got distracted shopping online for furniture for my turtle.

Funny Homework Excuses and Technical Difficulties

Oh, man – I saw some whoppers of excuses in the remote learning era of COVID-19!

Technical difficulties are the perfect excuse students make to skip out on their homework. They think they’re more tech-savvy than teachers…

Little did they know that a teacher’s BS-meter is far more finely calibrated than their excuses will ever be!

• Google erased my work.
• I don’t have internet access (sent in an email).
• I just kept hitting the submit button over and over and over and it didn’t make a click sound or anything.
• My mom threw my “lab top” out the window and when I went outside to get it, it was gone.
• I accidentally lit my Chromebook on fire
• My dog peed on my Chromebook

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The Final Excuse for Not Doing Your Homework…

Reason #100:

• “But, Miss! You said to do questions 1-10. You didn’t say bring them in!”

Check and mate.

Thus concludes our list of the 100 funniest excuses for not doing their homework, all thanks to the countless students who skipped out on their work.

Stay on guard though. With the rise of AI and homework excuse generators , the excuses only get more advanced!

So stay switched on out there! If it’s not funny excuses for not doing homework, it’s straight-up silly reasons for being absent and everything else under the sun.

Jot them down, collect them, and then (if you’re feeling spicy), post them in the comments down below. Why stop at 100? Gotta catch ’em all!

Stay miserable out there, teacherinos. The excuses and excuses never stop coming! So maybe come up with your own…

“Oh, no, sorry, Lucy. I CAN’T return your confiscated phone. My dog ate it.”

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