homework rewards and consequences

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Strategies to make homework go more smoothly.

Routines and incentive systems to help kids succeed

Writer: Peg Dawson, EdD, NCSP

Clinical Experts: Peg Dawson, EdD, NCSP , Karol Espejo, LCSW

Here is the best guide to helping kids do homework successfully that we’ve seen, published by the National Association of School Psychologists on their website, NASPonline.org . Our thanks to NASP for sharing it with us.

There are two key strategies parents can draw on to reduce homework hassles. The first is to establish clear routines around homework, including when and where homework gets done and setting up daily schedules for homework. The second is to build in rewards or incentives to use with children for whom “good grades” is not a sufficient reward for doing homework.

Homework Routines

Tasks are easiest to accomplish when tied to specific routines. By establishing daily routines for homework completion, you will not only make homework go more smoothly, but you will also be fostering a sense of order your child can apply to later life, including college and work.

Step 1. Find a location in the house where homework will be done. The right location will depend on your child and the culture of your family. Some children do best at a desk in their bedroom. It is a quiet location, away from the hubbub of family noise. Other children become too distracted by the things they keep in their bedroom and do better at a place removed from those distractions, like the dining room table. Some children need to work by themselves. Others need to have parents nearby to help keep them on task and to answer questions when problems arise. Ask your child where the best place is to work. Both you and your child need to discuss pros and cons of different settings to arrive at a mutually agreed upon location.

Step 2. Set up a homework center. Once you and your child have identified a location, fix it up as a home office/homework center. Make sure there is a clear workspace large enough to set out all the materials necessary for completing assignments. Outfit the homework center with the kinds of supplies your child is most likely to need, such as pencils, pens, colored markers, rulers, scissors, a dictionary and thesaurus, graph paper, construction paper, glue and cellophane tape, lined paper, a calculator, spell checker, and, depending on the age and needs of your child, a computer or laptop. If the homework center is a place that will be used for other things (such as the dining room table), then your child can keep the supplies in a portable crate or bin. If possible, the homework center should include a bulletin board that can hold a monthly calendar on which your child can keep track of longterm assignments. Allowing children some leeway in decorating the homework center can help them feel at home there, but you should be careful that it does not become too cluttered with distracting materials.

Step 3. Establish a homework time. Your child should get in the habit of doing homework at the same time every day. The time may vary depending on the individual child. Some children need a break right after school to get some exercise and have a snack. Others need to start homework while they are still in a school mode (i.e., right after school when there is still some momentum left from getting through the day). In general, it may be best to get homework done either before dinner or as early in the evening as the child can tolerate. The later it gets, the more tired the child becomes and the more slowly the homework gets done.

Step 4. Establish a daily homework schedule. In general, at least into middle school, the homework session should begin with your sitting down with your child and drawing up a homework schedule. You should review all the assignments and make sure your child understands them and has all the necessary materials. Ask your child to estimate how long it will take to complete each assignment. Then ask when each assignment will get started. If your child needs help with any assignment , then this should be determined at the beginning so that the start times can take into account parent availability. A Daily Homework Planner is included at the end of this handout and contains a place for identifying when breaks may be taken and what rewards may be earned.

Incentive Systems

Many children who are not motivated by the enjoyment of doing homework are motivated by the high grade they hope to earn as a result of doing a quality job. Thus, the grade is an incentive, motivating the child to do homework with care and in a timely manner. For children who are not motivated by grades, parents will need to look for other rewards to help them get through their nightly chores. Incentive systems fall into two categories: simple and elaborate.

Simple incentive systems. The simplest incentive system is reminding the child of a fun activity to do when homework is done. It may be a favorite television show, a chance to spend some time with a video or computer game, talking on the telephone or instant messaging, or playing a game with a parent. This system of withholding fun things until the drudgery is over is sometimes called Grandma’s Law because grandmothers often use it quite effectively (“First take out the trash, then you can have chocolate chip cookies.”). Having something to look forward to can be a powerful incentive to get the hard work done. When parents remind children of this as they sit down at their desks they may be able to spark the engine that drives the child to stick with the work until it is done.

Elaborate incentive systems. These involve more planning and more work on the part of parents but in some cases are necessary to address more significant homework problems. More complex incentives systems might include a structure for earning points that could be used to “purchase” privileges or rewards or a system that provides greater reward for accomplishing more difficult homework tasks. These systems work best when parents and children together develop them. Giving children input gives them a sense of control and ownership, making the system more likely to succeed. We have found that children are generally realistic in setting goals and deciding on rewards and penalties when they are involved in the decision-making process.

Building in breaks. These are good for the child who cannot quite make it to the end without a small reward en route. When creating the daily homework schedule, it may be useful with these children to identify when they will take their breaks. Some children prefer to take breaks at specific time intervals (every 15 minutes), while others do better when the breaks occur after they finish an activity. If you use this approach, you should discuss with your child how long the breaks will last and what will be done during the breaks (get a snack, call a friend, play one level on a video game). The Daily Homework Planner includes sections where breaks and end-of-homework rewards can be identified.

Building in choice. This can be an effective strategy for parents to use with children who resist homework. Choice can be incorporated into both the order in which the child agrees to complete assignments and the schedule they will follow to get the work done. Building in choice not only helps motivate children but can also reduce power struggles between parents and children.

Developing Incentive Systems

Step 1. Describe the problem behaviors. Parents and children decide which behaviors are causing problems at homework time. For some children putting homework off to the last minute is the problem; for others, it is forgetting materials or neglecting to write down assignments. Still others rush through their work and make careless mistakes, while others dawdle over assignments, taking hours to complete what should take only a few minutes. It is important to be as specific as possible when describing the problem behaviors. The problem behavior should be described as behaviors that can be seen or heard; for instance, complains about h omework or rushes through homework, making many mistakes are better descriptors than has a bad attitude or is lazy.

Step 2. Set a goal. Usually the goal relates directly to the problem behavior. For instance, if not writing down assignments is the problem, the goal might be: “Joe will write down his assignments in his assignment book for every class.”

Step 3. Decide on possible rewards and penalties. Homework incentive systems work best when children have a menu of rewards to choose from, since no single reward will be attractive for long. We recommend a point system in which points can be earned for the goal behaviors and traded in for the reward the child wants to earn. The bigger the reward, the more points the child will need to earn it. The menu should include both larger, more expensive rewards that may take a week or a month to earn and smaller, inexpensive rewards that can be earned daily. It may also be necessary to build penalties into the system. This is usually the loss of a privilege (such as the chance to watch a favorite TV show or the chance to talk on the telephone to a friend).

Once the system is up and running, and if you find your child is earning more penalties than rewards, then the program needs to be revised so that your child can be more successful. Usually when this kind of system fails, we think of it as a design failure rather than the failure of the child to respond to rewards. It may be a good idea if you are having difficulty designing a system that works to consult a specialist, such as a school psychologist or counselor, for assistance.

Step 4. Write a homework contract. The contract should say exactly what the child agrees to do and exactly what the parents’ roles and responsibilities will be. When the contract is in place, it should reduce some of the tension parents and kids often experience around homework. For instance, if part of the contract is that the child will earn a point for not complaining about homework, then if the child does complain, this should not be cause for a battle between parent and child: the child simply does not earn that point. Parents should also be sure to praise their children for following the contract. It will be important for parents to agree to a contract they can live with; that is, avoiding penalties they are either unable or unwilling to impose (e.g., if both parents work and are not at home, they cannot monitor whether a child is beginning homework right after school, so an alternative contract may need to be written).

We have found that it is a rare incentive system that works the first time. Parents should expect to try it out and redesign it to work the kinks out. Eventually, once the child is used to doing the behaviors specified in the contract, the contract can be rewritten to work on another problem behavior. Your child over time may be willing to drop the use of an incentive system altogether. This is often a long-term goal, however, and you should be ready to write a new contract if your child slips back to bad habits once a system is dropped.

Click here to download the homework planner and incentive sheet .

Frequently Asked Questions

To help homework go more smoothly, e stablish a routine that includes a time and place where it will be done, a planner that lists each assignment, scheduled breaks when some of the work is done, and a reward system for kids who are not motivated by good grades alone.  

Set a good homework routine following these steps: Find a location in the house where homework will be done. Set up a homework center stocked with needed materials . Establish a homework time. Use a daily homework planner so that your child has everything in writing.  

One tool that can make homework go more smoothly i s a Daily Homework Planner , which lists each assignment, how long it should take to complete, and what rewards may be earned for completing each assignment.    

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• Apr 4, 2023

Creating an Effective Classroom Rewards and Consequences System

Updated: Aug 31, 2023

You've thought out and planned your classroom expectations down to the last detail, from how students sit in a chair, to how they retrieve new pencils, to returning classroom books, to asking for a drink of water. You've explicitly taught your plans to your students from day one. You couldn't be more clear and the clarity has created a mostly focused class. But then...there's that one student (or 2 or 7...). You stated voice volume 1, whisper voice. The class practiced it to perfection. And yet when released, his voice rises above the rest, escalating to voice volume 4. You said the work was to be completed independently and silently, and yet, as soon as you turn, she leans in to whisper to her neighbor.

Our best laid plans for classroom management can be waylaid by just a few students if we don't have a second system of plans in place--a system for classroom rewards and consequences.

Thinking through and establishing your system of rewards and consequences at the beginning of the year alleviates the burden of decision making during difficult moments, while also fostering and preserving student relationships. In the following sections, I will walk you through the importance of consistent rewards and consequences, as well as the practical, easy-to-implement systems that have served me well throughout my teaching career.

Importance of Consistent Classroom Rewards and Consequences

Consistency in rewards and consequences empowers students to thrive. When students have a clear understanding of the outcomes associated with their actions, they experience fewer meltdowns and strive for greater success. By creating a predictable environment, teachers can reduce negative behaviors and help students focus on their learning goals.

Managing Misbehaviors

Redirecting behaviors: a least invasive, most effective approach.

In addition to formal, explicitly taught reward and consequence systems, teachers can integrate subtle, but powerful techniques for redirecting student behavior into their everyday practices. These small actions and quiet words, employed consistently, help redirect students towards desired behaviors and limit the need for individual and/or public criticism.

The following steps outline a practical least-invasive, most-effective approach to address off-task behaviors:

1. Noticing and Presence : By observing and catching the tiniest off-task behaviors early on, teachers can intervene before they escalate. Moving physically closer to the student often serves as a gentle reminder and encourages them to get back on track. No words or criticism necessary. For tiniest off-task behaviors, try noticing things like students putting their heads down, whispering very quietly, tipping their chair backwards.

2. Silent Signals : When proximity alone doesn't resolve the issue, using silent signals can be effective. Tapping their work, pointing to the relevant section, or placing a finger to your lips silently communicates the expected behavior without the need for criticism or public shaming.

3. Quick, Clear, Quiet Phrases : If the previous steps are unsuccessful, a brief phrase can redirect the student's attention. By speaking quietly and avoiding public attention, teachers prioritize the student's dignity while effectively addressing the behavior. Additionally, the rest of the class remains focused because there is no spectacle to distract them.

Implementing Consequences

While the above interventions seem small and possibly insignificant, they can yield great results. Following those three steps (emphasis on noticing and proximity) eliminates the vast majority of misbehaviors or potential misbehaviors in my classroom. Vast majority is not 100%, however, and there are times when students do not comply despite those three least invasive steps.

First, before describing the consequences that come next, I want to address our teacher mindsets. When students struggle to meet expectations despite the above interventions, it is essential to approach the situation with empathy and assume that they are facing challenges rather than exhibiting "bad" behavior. This serves two purposes: 1) assuming the best strengthens relationships between teachers and students--they come to believe that we are a team and truly believe in and support them and 2) assuming the best helps us teachers keep our cool during heated and stressful times--something that is critical for deescalating challenging behaviors and situations.

Now on to the consequences. One effective consequence is providing a designated break space for the student to reset and regain focus. By practicing this consequence beforehand, students become familiar with the process, reducing potential resistance or embarrassment. Holding students accountable for completing their work ensures they view the break as an opportunity for self-improvement rather than an escape from responsibilities. This is important because if students are not held accountable for the completion of work, we run the risk of the space for a break becoming abused and a way to avoid challenging tasks.

I keep my break space simple. There is nothing to do there. It is a space separate from the group where an off-task student goes to reset their body and refocus themselves. I let them know that when they show me they are ready to work and learn, they may return to their work space.

There have been a few times where this is unsuccessful. Sometimes students need support beyond what the teacher can provide. Sometimes they are having a very dysregulated day. It is for these reasons that I have every parent's and guardian's phone number in my phone, easy to access. It is also why I make a positive phone call to parents about every child in the first week of school. When students are really struggling to get back a task, a quick, carefully worded phone call usually does the trick.

Back to accountability: If during all this--the break, the phone call--the student has missed time to work on an assignment, then they are held accountable for making it up. Taking recess away is a tough call and one that I don't care to do. Rather than resorting to that, I intentionally structure breaks throughout the day for students to play a quick game, socialize, or get some wiggles out. While the class takes their breaks, students who did not meet expectations either complete their missed work or practice the classroom expectations.

Consistent Rewards

Better than consequences, consistent rewards are essential for reinforcing positive behaviors. (Did you know children learn behaviors much faster through positive reinforcement?!)

Positive Narration

Positive narration, differing slightly from over-praising children, involves restating the expectations through specific student behaviors. By narrating actions such as turn-taking, active listening, or collaboration, teachers reinforce positive behaviors without relying on excessive praise, promoting intrinsic motivation and fostering a positive classroom environment.

Throughout the first weeks of school I narrate every small behavior that meets the expectation. It can feel like a constant stream of narrating expectations. "Joelle picked up her pencil right away. She doesn't waste any learning time." "Marianne waited for her partner to finish speaking and responded to what her partner said before including her ideas. That shows active listening and respect." "Melvin stood in line with his hands by his side, giving his neighbor plenty of space. He respects personal space and boundaries."

As the year progresses, I ease up on how much I narrate, but I never stop completely. It is always helpful to spotlight what students are doing well! The focus on the positive builds self-esteem and creates a positive classroom climate.

The 100% Chart

An easy-to-implement reward system is the 100% chart. Students earn stickers when everyone (100% of students) meets expectations perfectly (100% correctly). This simple concept creates the feeling of being on a team while providing tangible milestones and rewards for achieving certain sticker numbers. Celebratory rewards can include social breaks, extra recess time, homework passes, or mini dance parties. Initially, stickers are awarded for even the tiniest successes, gradually transitioning to broader expectations as the year progresses. This approach celebrates students' adherence to directions and creates an environment that encourages positive learning experiences.

To Sum It Up

Establishing a consistent rewards and consequences system in the classroom is crucial for effective classroom management. By thinking through the progression of managing off-task behaviors, practicing consequences, spotlighting the positive behaviors, and implementing the 100% chart, teachers can create a positive learning environment that fosters student success and minimizes disruptive behaviors. Consistency empowers students to understand the outcomes of their actions and promotes a harmonious classroom experience, setting the stage for a productive academic journey.

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Using reward systems to motivate students

Motivating your students to learn and to participate can be very hard. Some teachers have their hands full with class management and they don’t even get to teaching.

In order to stimulate learning and to motivate good behavior, lots of teachers use rewards for students .

In this post I’ll start with the advantages of reward systems and why you should use one. But watch out. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Some teachers and educators aren’t a big fan of constantly rewarding your students. Reward systems also have their disadvantages. I’ll also show you some fun and creative reward systems for in the classroom and 10 reasonable rewards to give your students. On top of that, I’ll show you how to put in work a good reward system.

Here’s the overview:

Advantages of a reward system

Disadvantages of a reward system, creative reward systems.

• 10 reasonable rewards

Online reward system for primary school

Online reward system for middle school and high school.

• How to put a reward system to work?

Let’s dig in!

1. Appropriate behavior

2. Increased motivation

3. Joyful students

4. Boosted self-esteem

5. Completed homework

6. Improved results

Before you jump into the reward systems, you should also know the disadvantages.

1. Addiction

2. Devaluation

3. Race against the clock

4. Control and manipulate

5. Increased pressure

On my search for creative classroom reward systems, I came across an interesting Pinterest board: “ Classroom Reward System ”.

I picked out a few of my favorite reward systems examples to show you. Most of them are for elementary school. Click on the images to open them!

Create your own achievement or reward certificates by using the Canva certificate maker . Canva has many certificate templates available as well. You’ll be surprised how much your students value a simple (but beautiful) piece of paper!

10 Reasonable rewards

When you choose a reward for your students or when you let them choose, make sure you are controlling it. Give them a list to choose from, or add a value to each reward. That way, students have to save their tickets, cards, etc., in order to choose a good reward.

Here are a few reward examples:

• Pick a game at recess
• Sit with a friend
• Teach the class a favorite game
• Take a homework pass
• Be the teacher’s helper for the day
• Draw on the chalkboard
• Choose any class job for the week
• Use the teacher’s chair
• Take home a class game for a night
• Do half of an assignment

These are just a few suggestions. Here ’s a list with more fun rewards!

As you can see in the Bingo, it is possible to use digital game activities as a reward. Check out this blog post for more inspiration.

When it comes to class management in primary school you must have already heard of ClassDojo . If not, don’t worry, I’ll explain it to you.

ClassDojo is a free digital reward system in which every student gets evaluated on positive and negative behavior. Not only the teacher has access to ClassDojo, also the students and their parents can access the platform by entering a unique code.

As a teacher, you set up some “behavior tags”. A behavior tag consists of a description and an icon. You can add icons with a description of your own. Choose a description for the positive behavior tags and a description for the negative behavior tags.

Positive behavior gets the value “+1” and negative behavior gets “-1”. The teacher assigns the positive and negative behavior icons to the students.

When the class or week ends, you can take a look at the overview of the behavior icons you assigned to your class. You can check out the student individually or the whole class. You can also add a comment for the student’s parents.

With ClassDojo students can keep their own digital portfolio. Students can add pictures and videos of work to their Story, and share it with their parents.

The fun thing about ClassDojo are their little monsters. Every student is a different monster. It’s very visual and funny!

Of course, you need to be able to manage older students as well. They won’t be eager to behave better because they get a badge or a treat. They need something else. You’ll need Classcraft .

I’ve recently discovered this amazing class management game! This is probably the most awesome game and class management solution I’ve ever seen. I’m a total fan of the fantasy world, so why not just use your imagination in the classroom?

Classcraft engages students to live by your class rules in an interactive way.

Students can create their own avatars that have special powers. They play in groups. If someone ignores a deadline, it may fire back on the whole group. Working together and having respect for each other is very important.

Students can gain different points by playing by the classroom rules. For example: students who help other students receive a certain amount of points. When they have enough points, they can use a power like: the “warrior” can eat in class”. They can also lose those points by not playing by the rules. If they lose all their points they get a sentence like: bring a treat for the whole class or hand in an assignment a day early.

You can choose every power and sentence. Classcraft also has a timer and a stopwatch available, as well as a quiz tool where the avatars have to battle a “boss”. In order to beat the boss, they have to get the answers right.

How to put a reward system to work

School reward systems can help, but you can’t just try out something without clearly thinking it through. Here’s how you best put a reward system to work.

1. Set class goals

2. Define how you will use the reward system

3. Explain why you gave a reward

4. Give students a voice

5. Reward early

6. Lessen the rewards over time

7. Give random rewards

Now it’s up to you! Stimulate the learning process and motivate good behavior in your classroom. Attention! Keep the disadvantages in mind. Which reward system are you using? Let us know on Twitter ! Perhaps you know other online reward systems? Be sure to share it in our Facebook group !

And don’t forget to connect with me on LinkedIn .

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How to Establish a Rules-and-Consequences System in the Classroom

By The TFA Editorial Team

June 30, 2015

This post was adapted from a larger lesson plan by Teach For America alum Rachel Wright.

A healthy rules and consequences system is essential in creating a culture of respect and academic achievement in the classroom. Before embarking on tackling your big learning goals for the year, your students need a chance to internalize rules and consequences, have a chance to see them illustrated or demonstrated, and understand why they’re necessary. Clearly articulated and practiced expectations will help you address behavior issues quickly and consistently so you can spend more time working with students to achieve academic goals. But where do you start? Read our guide to creating a rules and consequences system that sticks.

Outline Key Points

When introducing class rules and consequences to your students, first outline the key points that every student should know and understand by the end of the lesson, such as:

1. Classroom rules are important because they establish an environment of respect and academic achievement in our classroom.

2. When we follow rules, we are making good choices about our academic success and our lives. When we do not follow rules, we are making bad choices, and there will be consequences to help you continue on your progress toward your academic goals.

3. Your class rules are ( sample rules detailed below ): be prepared, show respect, be prompt, participate, and be responsible.

4. Your class consequences are ( sample rules detailed below ): a written warning, a teacher-conference warning, a seat move, a behavior/goal reflection with a call home to parent.

Sample rules and what they mean:

• Show respect: Follow classroom procedures and any directions given by the teacher. Listen when the teacher is talking or another student is asking a question. Treat other students as you would like to be treated.
• Be prepared : Come to class with your homework completed and have it out on your desk at the start. Bring a pencil and your binder with blank notebook paper each day. Study for tests and quizzes.
• Be prompt : Arrive early. When class starts you must be in your seat with all of your materials out. Turn in all assignments when they are due
• Participate : Actively contribute when asked or during group work. To ask a question during instruction, raise your hand and wait to be called on.
• Be responsible : Make good choices. You are in charge of your academic success.

Sample consequences:

• First : A written warning on a blue post-it will be placed on a student’s desk.
• Second : An orange post-it will be placed over the blue, and verbal conference with the teacher will take place.
• Third : Student will be moved to the independent desk at the front of the room. This is because the student has demonstrated that he or she needs extra help to meet academic goals that day.
• Fourth : Student will be assigned a take-home behavior reflection sheet, and the student’s parent/guardian will be called so they are aware.

Communicate the What 

Start your lesson by telling students exactly what you plan to do during the practice: that you will spend the next 20 minutes talking about and justifying classroom expectations and consequences, so they understand why you are enforcing them and don’t think that you are just being mean or unfair.

Communicate the Why  

Explain that establishing a culture of respect and academic achievement in the classroom is the only way to reach their goals.

Communicate the How

Spend a few minutes doing a “looks like, sounds like” for your first rule, and then go through and explain each one of the rules and consequences. To ensure the information is accessible to all students, present the rules and consequences verbally as well as visually on poster displays. Consequences also may be acted out to engage all learners. Make time for questions to ensure everyone understands what is expected of them, and randomly call on students throughout to gauge their understanding (for example, “what might ‘be prepared’ mean?” or “what do you need each morning in order to be prepared?”). Finally, at the end of lesson, consider assigning a written project to assess students’ overall understanding.

How else do you establish and communicate a rules and consequences system in your classroom? Tell us in the comments.

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January 8, 2020

Classroom Rules and Rewards for Elementary Students

This year, the return to school has never looked more different. There’s a host of new classroom management concerns for schools regardless of whether they are returning full time, remaining virtual, or something in between. Regardless of what your classroom will look like this year, following tried-and-true practices will help your students stay calm and academic-minded even through turbulent times. Here are some tips for establishing rules and rewards for your elementary school classroom.

Establishing Classroom Rules for Elementary Students

Some teachers believe in having a list of rules for several different scenarios (e.g., one set of rules for the classroom, one for lunchtime, one for special areas). Other teachers prefer having one or two rules that they apply broadly depending on the situation. Moreover, some teachers prefer making the rules in advance, while others like to invite students into the process.

There are merits to all of these methods, but regardless of which you use, it’s helpful to think through classroom rules in advance. To get your gears turning, we’ve created a free poster with 10 simple rules for an elementary classroom. You can use these rules as a starting point to create your own, or you can print them out and hang them in your classroom as a 18×24” or 8.5×11” poster.

Here’s how these rules might apply in the elementary classroom, plus a few extra to consider for the virtual classroom:

• Everyone has the right to learn. This is true whether students are remote or physically in the classroom. If a student is being disruptive, he or she is depriving others of their right to learn.
• Everyone deserves respect—both teachers AND students. Let’s face it: It’s easier to be disrespectful when you’re behind a keyboard than when you’re face to face. If you hold students accountable to be respectful in words, tone, and attitude, especially when communicating online, you’ll be giving them SEL skills to last a lifetime.
• Keep your hands and feet to yourself. This rule certainly applies to poking and fighting, but during the pandemic, it might be a good reminder for social distancing: If you’re close enough to reach out and touch your neighbor, you’re too close.
• When someone else is talking, listen. COVID-19 arrangements might make this rule more challenging than usual as students are sitting far apart or meeting online, making it more difficult to pay attention and keep track of who is speaking. Define whose turn it is to speak clearly and often to help students succeed with this rule, and remind online students to remain muted unless it’s their turn to speak.
• No matter what, keep trying. A growth mindset is essential for learning. When “keep trying” is one of your class rules, that means students can’t say things like, “I’ll never get this” or “I’m just not good at this subject.”
• Always keep your eye on your own work. If your students aren’t sitting near each other, this rule might be easy to enforce, but if you’re practicing remote learning, it might be more difficult. Either way, it’s valuable to teach your students that they’re ultimately harming themselves if they don’t do their own work, even if that means making mistakes.
• The gadgets can wait until class is over. Multitasking is a myth . The earlier you can convince students that they can’t pay attention to you and look at their iPad at the same time, the better off they’ll be in life.
• Raise your hand to talk or leave your seat. As with listening, students won’t have as many cues, as usual, to tell whose turn it is to speak. Especially if you have students learning remotely, establish what virtual hand-raising looks like and when it’s appropriate to walk away from the screen during a lesson.
• Before you speak, ask yourself “Is it kind?” Our thoughts are not filtered, but that doesn’t mean our words should be the same way. Like being respectful, teaching your students to think of how the other person will receive their words is an invaluable skill for their present and future relationships.
• The custodian’s job is to keep the school, not clean up after you. This is another rule that takes on new meaning during the pandemic. Students need to be extra mindful of washing their hands, cleaning up after themselves, and keeping their coughs and sneezes contained.

Additional Rules for the Virtual Classroom

If some or all of your students are learning online, here are a couple of additional rules you might want to consider for your virtual classroom:

• Treat technology with respect. More than ever, students will be using school-issued laptops and tablets, and for young children, this is a huge responsibility. Although you won’t be around to enforce how they treat equipment most of the time, it won’t hurt to remind them the proper way to carry, handle, and clean technology.
• Log in to class on time and prepared. Especially for a virtual class, it’s important students prepare before your meeting begins. If class starts at 9, they need to start gathering materials, getting to a quiet place, and logging in at least 10 or 15 minutes in advance.
• When the camera’s on, you’re in class. Especially if you meet live, this rule covers myriad issues, including: remembering others can see you (e.g., don’t make funny faces or gestures), dressing appropriately, eliminating background noise and distractions (e.g., toys, pets, TV), and staying online until dismissed.

How to Handle Consequences

No matter how much thought you put into your rules or how well you explain them, it’s inevitable that students will break them. Scholastic offers three approaches to handling consequences in an impactful way:

• You break it, you fix it. Sometimes it’s easier to assign unrelated consequences to an action (e.g., send a note home when a student throws supplies on the floor out of anger). However, whenever possible, the consequence should involve repairing whatever the student broke. This principle applies to emotional mistakes as well as physical ones. If one student hurts another’s feelings, he or she should apologize and, if appropriate, do something to make the situation right again.
• Take away privileges temporarily. Similar to the point above, students should learn that they have privileges only when they use them appropriately. If students don’t use school supplies or recess time correctly, it’s best to remove that privilege for a short time so they understand the correlation between behaving well and enjoying privileges.
• Take a time-out or break. Self-control is tough for kids. (Heck, slap a plate of cookies on the table and it’s tough for us too.) Sometimes students can get so caught up in the emotions of the moment that it’s hard to remember classroom rules and standards. Although “time-out” has a punitive connotation, it doesn’t have to be a “punishment” in your classroom. Rather, you can present it as an opportunity to regain one’s cool and composure without shame before rejoining the class.

Establishing Classroom Rewards for Elementary Students

Even young students should know to follow rules and act with kindness without expectation of rewards. But that’s not to say that motivators don’t have a place in the elementary classroom.

Fourth- and fifth-grade teacher Jen McCalley uses “Birdie Bucks” for both academic and behavioral achievements. For example, students earn one Birdie Buck when they turn in homework on time, follow directions, don’t get time-out all day, or try their best on a task. Then at the end of the week, students can use their bucks to buy prizes from the Birdie Store. This practice not only helps them see that good behavior brings good things into their lives, but also teaches them delayed gratification as they work and save toward getting prizes they want.

If you don’t want to keep up with an in-class currency or class store of prizes, that’s okay. Reward systems can take on many forms, but effective ones have many of the same principles in common. According to a paper by Robert H. Horner and Scott A. Spaulding, the following are best practices to keep in mind for creating classroom rewards:

• Reward “behavior,” not people. Make sure students understand that they receive rewards because of specific behaviors, not because they’re a “good kid” or the teacher’s “favorite.”
• Include the learner in the identification of possible rewards. Rewards aren’t actually rewards if students don’t desire them; make sure the rewards will incentivize students to want to earn them.
• Use small rewards frequently, rather than large rewards infrequently. If you withhold rewards until the end of the year or even the end of the month, students might lose motivation or even forget about them.
• Embed rewards in the activity/behavior you want to encourage. Similar to what we’ve discussed already, consequences (whether positive or negative) should ideally relate to the behavior so students can more easily connect their behavior to the outcome.
• Ensure that rewards closely follow the behavior you want to encourage. In other words, reward good behaviors as soon as you see them (or soon after) to help cement the connection between what students do and what they earn.
• Use rewards that are natural to the context, appropriate to the developmental age of the learner, and easy to administer. If your reward system is difficult to understand or implement, both you and your students will quickly become frustrated and ultimately not use it. Make life easy on yourself and simple for your students to understand.
• Use many different kinds of rewards rather than relying on one strategy or pattern. Again, you don’t have to have a class store of prizes. Other possible rewards might include one-on-one attention from you, a highly favored classroom activity (e.g., computer time), or special privileges (e.g., an extra trip to the gym or library).
• Use rewards more often than negative consequences. It can sometimes feel like you only have time to correct poor behaviors, but positive motivation has been shown to be more effective in the long run.
• Avoid delivering rewards (even inadvertently) for problem behavior. As you well know, students can sometimes act out to get attention, even if it’s negative. Make sure not to appease poor behavior with rewards so students know there’s a strong connection between behaving well and getting what they want.

Rules and Rewards in a Post-COVID-19 World

It’s anyone’s guess what teaching will be like as schools implement COVID-19 precautions. Although it’s easy to get caught up in fear of the unknown, it’s equally important to remember that as a teacher, you know what’s right for your students, whether they’re in the room with you or not. You know your curriculum, you know how to manage a classroom, and you know how to push students to be the best they can be. As long as you apply what you know to this new world, we’re confident you and your students will have an awesome year.

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Homework: The Power of Positive Consequences

At a recent presentation for parents, I mentioned the importance of providing positive consequences to motivate students with homework.

Afterwards, one mother approached and explained that her daughter has been having problems all school year. “Her teacher has been insisting that I provide a lot of punishment at home,” she explained. “I think that might be the problem…that my daughter is turned off by her negative attitude.” Wouldn’t we all?

Don’t get me wrong…punishment has its place and can be an important element of molding and managing behavior. However, we often overlook the power of being positive.

As human beings, we naturally focus on the negative and are conditioned to dole out negative consequences first. However, providing positive rewards for good behavior is usually much more effective.

For starters, positive consequences cultivate positive attitudes… and you need as much of that as you can get when it comes to dealing with homework!

Secondly, they allow you to be much more specific about your expectations, which makes your children more likely to meet them.

For example, “Stop fooling around and get your homework done,” is not as specific as, “If you can stay focused and finish your homework in 20 minutes, I will let you watch an extra TV show tonight.” The latter statement tells the child specifically what they SHOULD do and this will always result in a better response.

Finally, punishment is often NOT motivating, especially for children who have fallen into complacency. Before long, there will be nothing left for you to “take away.”

Action Plan

• Determine realistic, yet motivating rewards. When you first start, you may need to provide rewards immediately. After a short while, start extending the time. For example, you might first offer stickers, extra time on the computer, or a small treat each evening. After a couple of weeks, change the parameters and offer weekly rewards, such as taking your daughter out to lunch on the weekend if she does her homework tear-free four nights in one week. Gradually, increase the time-span and slightly increase the value of each reward. You can guarantee motivation if you ask your children for ‘reasonable’ reward ideas.
• Back up your positive consequences with negative ones. This creates a choice for your child. “If I do my homework on time tonight, I can go to a movie with dad. If I don’t, I will lose my video games for the night.” Which would you choose?
• Be firm and ALWAYS follow through. The moment you do not enforce your expectations, you lose the game! Your children know if you do not always mean what you say and they will test you to the end of time. There are not shortcuts; only offer consequences that you are willing to enforce, and then ENFORCE them!
• On a similar note, be aware of the “Four Factor.” The first few times you introduce a new routine or expectation with children, they are likely to fight it. The first time will be bad. The second time will be awful. The third time may be unbelievably awful. By the fourth time, they will start cooperating because they will KNOW you are serious.
• Rewards of your time are most motivating. This often surprises parents, especially parents of middle and high school students, but the opportunity to spend ‘special time’ with Mom or Dad is very attractive to students of all ages. Seize the opportunity while you have it.

In Conclusion

As a parent, if your homework management strategy relies strictly on punishment, you are wearing away motivation and fighting a loosing battle.

Turn the tides by using positive consequences and reap the benefits of happier and more successful children.

-Susan Kruger

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How to Effectively Use Rewards and Consequences

Every parent needs the secret to improving behavior with their children. Often that comes in the form of rewards and consequences. While most parents realize this, they may not always know the most effective way to go about using this system to their advantage. If you can master the art of using a consequence and reward system for kids, you will have the ultimate tool in helping to teach your child and shape their behavior. Start by learning the step-by-step approach below, getting useful tools like reward charts, and then choose your resource for parenting products and educational toys.

Reward System, Step by Step

The goal of using kids rewards and consequences is to change something that your child may be doing or to get them to start doing something you want them to do. Whether it is getting them to do their homework, clean their room, or to stop their whining, kids around elementary school age (as well as most other ages) are usually receptive to a rewards and consequences model for improving behavior. To get rewards and consequences to effectively work for you, consider these tips:

• Set up a behavior chart with the desired behaviors and goals. This keeps this visible and track-able. Teach your child the basics of how a reward systems works.
• Get your child involved in setting up and using the chart, allowing them to feel a part of it. For example, if the goal is to get them to clean their room each day, have them put a smiley face when the do and an unhappy face when they don't. At the end of the week, if there are more smiley faces than unhappy ones, give them a reward. If you allow children to give their input from the start, your consequence and reward system is much more likely to work for both kids and parents.
• Establish what the rewards and consequences are going to be ahead of time so your child knows. For example, if their chores are done, they can use the computer. The consequence is that they don't get to use the computer if their chores are not done. Giving children a reward like a toy they’ve been asking for or a sweet may work, but is that what’s best for them in the long run? If you have kids’ rewards be learning toys, the child is benefiting in several ways. Learning toys have come a long way, and good parenting products stores now carry toys that are fun And educational.
• Keep the time frame for the rewards and consequences short so that kids know the reward is in sight. For example: When using a behavior chart, give kids rewards at the end of each week, if they have met the goals set for that week. Anything longer and the reward system may lose its effectiveness because children will lose site of the goal.
• Focus on the positives, or what it is that the child will get to do or have as the reward, rather than the negatives. Also, be sure to praise effort for making improvements, even if they don't make it every time.

Good Behavior is the Long-Term Reward for Parents and Kids

Using rewards and consequences, as with most parenting techniques, takes patience and practice. Behavior changes in children usually don't happen overnight. But if parents are consistent with a reward system for kids, they will be successful in helping to bring about positive changes over time.

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Carrots vs. Sticks: The Science of Reward and Punishment for Children with ADHD

Neurology shows that the adhd brain is particularly sensitive to positive reinforcement and to punishment — insights that should influence parenting and teaching strategies..

Do rewards and punishments — standards in every neurotypical parenting arsenal — actually inspire better behavior in children with ADHD? What about positive reinforcement? The answers to these questions from parents and educators, like most things ADHD-related, are nuanced.

Science suggests that children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) differ from their neurotypical peers in their responses to positive reinforcement and punishment. The central differences: Children with ADHD are not effectively motivated by promises (of privileges to be earned or lost); and positive reinforcement is particularly powerful, but also ephemeral, in ADHD brains. Researchers have made these conclusions after studying children’s performance on cognitive tasks and monitoring their physiological responses .

Altered sensitivity to rewards and punishments may be a core characteristic of ADHD. 1 Prolific research on how changes at the brain’s cellular level explain individuals’ responses to rewards may offer compelling clues to the neurobiology of ADHD, and they may suggest effective approaches to behavior modification for children with ADHD.

Dopamine, Rewards, and the ADHD Brain

In primates and rats, dopamine neurons in the brain get a boost when they are given an unexpected reward. 2 3 4 When a reward is expected, after repetition and training, these dopamine boosts occur when the brain receives cues that predict the reward. This anticipatory dopamine boost helps to propel the action that will unlock the reward.

Similarly, it is hypothesized that neurotypical brains experience a surge of dopamine when they predict a forthcoming reward. 5 This provides immediate and continuous reinforcement at the cellular level even when the reward is delayed or discontinued.

[ Get This Free Download: 50 Tips for How to Discipline a Child with ADHD ]

In children with ADHD, it appears, this process is incomplete. When rewards are slowed or stopped, there is a delay in the dopamine signal of the ADHD brain , which has an increased preference for immediate rewards. 5 When rewards are withheld or efforts go unrewarded, the result is poorer learning and performance.

Positive Reinforcement Fuels Learning

Few behavior-management programs take into consideration how children with ADHD respond differently to rewards and punishments, and how to modify reinforcement accordingly. It’s well-established that positive reinforcement increases performance across a range of cognitive tasks. Studies show that under continuous positive reinforcement, children with and without ADHD learn tasks more quickly than they do with less frequent reinforcement. 6 7 When offered only partial reinforcement, children with ADHD show poorer sustained attention and demonstrate less predictable responses to tasks, the research shows. 8

In the absence of reinforcement, children produce fewer correct responses; they don’t learn tasks as quickly or as well. Children with ADHD who are struggling to learn a task under these circumstances may feel increased frustration and simply stop engaging. This behavior may look like poor motivation , but it is actually a neurological response to poor reinforcement from caregivers and educators. With partial reinforcement, a child with ADHD may learn a task or skill more slowly — but they retain more of their learning for a longer time than with constant reinforcement.

Several studies also show that children with ADHD are less able to adapt to demands when expectations change 9 10 ; when expectations are very clear, they are better able to meet demands. It is critical for children with ADHD to fully understand rules and expectations, especially when they change. Frequent reminders from caregivers and teachers can help.

[ Read: It’s Not Bribery. It’s Brain Chemistry. ]

ADHD Brains Prefer Immediate Rewards

In one study, children with and without ADHD were asked at the beginning of a task to choose between a smaller immediate reward and a larger delayed reward. 11 The reward alternatives were available throughout the task, and the amount of time that the children had to wait for the reward varied.

The children with ADHD tried to wait for the larger later reward, but in the end, they were more likely to choose the smaller immediate reward. 11 This suggests that children with ADHD are more likely to seek immediate and available rewards, particularly when frustrated or distracted.

This also suggests that children with ADHD may become more upset when they don’t receive anticipated rewards, and they may give up more easily when tasks are perceived as too difficult. Teachers and caregivers should pay particular attention when the child’s task persistence drops away and he begins to respond impulsively or become emotional.

There is evidence that punishment can keep a child with ADHD on task in the short term. 12 13 14 Studies also show that children with ADHD are more sensitive than their neurotypical peers to punishment. 15 16

Punishment, or the perception of punishment, used to motivate children to learn or stay on task, may carry serious long-term consequences if the child’s emotion regulation skills are weak. In most scenarios, positive reinforcement is a more effective motivator than is punishment.

Reward and Punishment: Better Strategies for Children with ADHD

1. Make sure that waiting times are within a child’s capacity so that they can be successful in their efforts to wait. Consider building up a child’s stamina for waiting. Start small and gradually increase waiting times, acknowledging and praising efforts to wait. Introduce strategies to make waiting easier, such as self-praise.

2. Bolster executive functions during transitions . Children who have ADHD often fail to meet behavioral demands or expectations, especially when transitioning from one activity or setting to another — and when rules are not obvious. Make sure students know the rules in different classes or settings. Praise them when they get it right and calmly remind them when they forget. Alert them when expectations change; give them time to adapt.

3. Match homework demands to a child ’ s capacity. Many kids with ADHD are distracted by more immediately rewarding activities, or when they find the work too difficult. When the work is challenging, reduce the amount and duration of time spent on it, keep levels of praise high, and reward effort.

The content for this article was derived with permission from “From Research to Clinical Practice: Applying What We Know About Altered Reinforcement Sensitivity to the Management of ADHD” presented by Gail Tripp, Ph.D., at the APSARD 2022 Annual Conference.

Positive Reinforcement: Next Steps

• Free Download: Your 10 Toughest Discipline Dilemmas – Solved!
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View Article Sources

1 van der Oord, S., & Tripp, G. (2020). How to Improve Behavioral Parent and Teacher Training for Children with ADHD: Integrating Empirical Research on Learning and Motivation into Treatment. Clinical Child and Family Psychology review , 23 (4), 577–604. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-020-00327-z

2 Ljungberg, T., Apicella, P., & Schultz, W. (1991). Responses of monkey midbrain dopamine neurons during delayed alternation performance. Brain Research , 567, 337–341.

3 Mirenowicz, J., & Schultz, W. (1994). Importance of unpredictability for reward responses in primate dopamine neurons. Journal of Neurophysiology , 72, 1024–1027.

4 Ahn, S., & Phillips, A.G. (2007). Dopamine efflux in the nucleus accumbens during within-session extinction, outcome-dependent, and habit-based instrumental responding for food reward. Psychopharmacology (Berlin), 191, 641–651.

5 Tripp, G., & Wickens, J. R. (2008). Research review: Dopamine transfer deficit: A neurobiological theory of altered reinforcement mechanisms in ADHD. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry and Allied Disciplines , 49(7), 691–704. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2007.01851.x.

6 Freibergs, V., & Douglas, V.I. (1969). Concept learning in hyperactive and normal children. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 74, 388–395.

7 Parry, P.A., & Douglas, V.I. (1983). Effects of reinforcement on concept identification in hyperactive children. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology , 11 , 327 – 340 .

8 Hulsbosch, A. et al. (2021). Systematic Review: Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Instrumental Learning. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 60(11), 1367-1381. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2021.03.009

9 Alsop, B., Furukawa, E., Sowerby, P., Jensen, S., Moffat, C., & Tripp, G. (2016). Behavioral sensitivity to changing reinforcement contingencies in attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 8 , 947–956. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12561 .

10 Furukawa, E., Alsop, B., Caparelli-Dáquer, E. M., Casella, E. B., da Costa, R. Q. M., de Queiroz, P., et al. (2019a). Behavioral adjustment to asymmetric reward availability among children with and without ADHD: Effects of past and current reinforcement contingencies. ADHD Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 11 (2), 149–158. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12402-018-0265-x .

11 Tripp, G., & Alsop, B. (2001). Sensitivity to reward delay in children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry and Allied Disciplines, 42(5), 691–698. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0021963001007430.

12 Rapport, M. D., Murphy, H. A., & Bailey, J. S. (1982). Ritalin vs response cost in the control of hyperactive children: A within-sibject comparison. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 15 (2), 205–216. https://doi.org/10.1901/jaba.1982.15-205 .

13 Rosén, L. A., O’Leary, S. G., Joyce, S. A., Conway, G., & Pfiffner, L. J. (1984). The importance of prudent negative consequences for maintaining the appropriate behavior of hyperactive students. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 12 (4), 581–604. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00916852 .

14 Worland, J. (1976). Effects of positive and negative feedback on behavior control in hyperactive and normal boys 1. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 4 (4), 315–326. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00922530 .

15 Furukawa, E., Alsop, B., Sowerby, P., Jensen, S., & Tripp, G. (2017a). Evidence for increased behavioral control by punishment in children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 3 (58), 248–257. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12635 .

16 Furukawa, E., Alsop, B., Shimabukuro, S., & Tripp, G. (2019b). Is increased sensitivity to punishment a common characteristic of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder ? An experimental study of response allocation in Japanese children. ADHD Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 11 (4), 433–443. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12402-019-00307-6 .

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Rewards and consequences reimagined.

Rewards and consequences are often the cornerstone of behavior management. Who among us hasn’t bribed a child to do something or handed out a consequence for unwanted behavior? Yet today we’d like to talk about rewards and consequences… and how we can rethink them.

First, why do we need to rethink this at all? After all, rewards and consequences often do the job. But we’d like to pull up and think about this from a higher level. We think of discipline and behavior management in two ways: one is short term (i.e., getting a behavior to stop, meeting a certain expectation) and the other is long term (i.e., developing critical life skills). For example, let’s take a child engaging in disruptive behavior. The short-term goal is to get the child to stop. But the long-term goal is to get the child to learn new behavior, to understand the impact of constant disruptions on others and to better manage their unmet need.

Five steps for responding to classroom disruptions.

Rewards and consequences often achieve the first goal – they can solve a short-term problem. But they don’t often achieve the second goal of teaching a certain skill.

Let’s start with  rewards . Rewards can be a very powerful tool for acknowledging a student’s hard work and effort and for affirming a job well done. We are not suggesting that rewards do not have an important role in education. Surprisingly, social rewards are the most powerful type of rewards – think high-five, thumbs up, kind smile, pat on the back, or genuine compliment. However, we want to be thoughtful about how we use rewards. If we think of rewards (especially social rewards) as a way to build skill, they will be much more effective.

When using rewards, ask yourself,  “What skill do I hope to develop?”  Then target the reward toward that skill. Remember, rewards don’t have to be tangible – you don’t need a treasure box or even extra recess to reward students! A reward can be as simple as an acknowledgment or praise for hard work. Consider these examples. 

A student struggles with a project and asks for help. The student is clearly frustrated, but they stick with it. Before the class moves on to a new lesson, the teacher approaches the student and says, “That project seemed kind of difficult, but I noticed that you were very persistent. You really stuck with it!”

A student who typically struggles to stay in his seat manages to remain seated for five full minutes. When the teacher notices him start to wiggle and get up, she approaches him and says, “You’re doing a great job remaining in your seat. What strategies are you using to keep your body calm?”

A simple self-regulation trick. 

The class is working on group projects. One of the groups is working through a conflict and can’t agree on their approach. The teacher is monitoring the conflict but waiting to the side to allow students to work through it. After much discussion, students make a plan and begin the work. The teacher says, “Wow! You all did a great job working through your plans for this project! You all had different opinions about the best way to do it, and in the end, you agreed on a plan. What skills did you use to come to a decision?”

Now let’s talk about  consequences.  There will be times in a classroom when consequences are necessary. Natural consequences, where the consequence comes as a direct result of the child’s behavior, can be very effective. For example, if a child doesn’t take care of her art supplies and they dry out, she may have to wait in line as she borrows class art materials. But natural consequences aren’t always possible or safe, so then a teacher has to correct behavior using logical consequences.

Consequences should be  respectfully  and  privately given.  It’s not appropriate to issue a consequence to one child in front of a group. If a child does need a consequence, again consider the skill that will help the child do better next time. Take again the example of the child disrupting the class. What skill will the child need to manage her behavior? It may be impulse control or social awareness. Use that skill development as a guide to consequences and redirection. So, a logical consequence might be to direct the child to work in a quiet area of the room, where she is not disrupting other children’s learning.

You may have a standard set of consequences that align to certain behaviors. The most important element is what happens after the child fulfills the consequence. You should always engage in a conversation with the child (when the child is in a calm state of mind, not when their fist is still clenched.) Let’s take the child who disrupted learning as an example. When you do invite her back to her regular seat, ask questions such as, “What were you feeling in that moment? What happened right before? What was your goal with that behavior?” Next, prompt her to think of a strategy she can use to control her impulses. You might need to suggest a few strategies if she can’t think of one. Then, pay attention to how well she uses that strategy and praise her effort!

Sometimes children may not be able to answer these questions, and that is fair. However, if you can get a child to say something like, “I was so mad!” or, “I wanted to make her feel bad because she made me feel bad”, then you can have a helpful conversation. The circumstances that caused the behavior are likely to happen again, so you can encourage a child to think about how they might respond differently the next time.

Many schools have classroom discipline plans built upon rewards and consequences. While “If X, then Y” plans are popular, they’re often not very effective. This is because they don’t usually get to the root of the behavior or work on building a skill. If you’re in an environment with a structured discipline plan like this, make sure that you build in as much flexibility as you can. Pay attention to how many rewards and consequences you’re issuing. Check to be sure you’re issuing as many (or more) rewards than consequences.

Here's the big takeaway: rewards and consequences are important. But if they don’t build a skill, they’re not useful. Rewards and consequences without skill building are simply policing of behavior… and that’s not a healthy environment.

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Download: Homework contract for your child

Homework can be a hot-button issue for both you and your child. Setting up a homework contract is a good way to defuse some of that tension and avoid homework battles. Here are two sample contracts you can download.

By Amanda Morin

Expert reviewed by Bob Cunningham, EdM

A homework contract is an agreement that outlines what you and your child will do to make sure homework gets done on time and well. It can help your child develop good study habits and become a more independent learner.

Homework contracts can also outline rewards and consequences for kids when they follow or don’t follow their part of the contract.

Download the homework contract

Homework contract for grade-schoolers PDF - 183.8 KB

Homework contract for middle-schoolers and high-schoolers PDF - 145.2 KB

You can tailor your contract to address your child’s specific homework challenges. For example, if your child struggles with time management, the contract can lay out what time of day the homework needs to be done.

Fill out the contract together to make sure your child understands what’s being agreed on. Revisit the contract as your child’s workload changes or if things aren’t working as you expected.

More resources

Get tips for common homework challenges .

Listen to a podcast episode about avoiding homework battles .

Learn about using rewards and consequences .

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Raising children is not easy, and one of the most important aspects of parenting is understanding how to effectively use rewards and consequences . As parents, it is our job to help our children learn to make responsible and ethical decisions, and to do that, we must provide them with the right incentives. Rewards and consequences play an integral role in helping children learn how to make the right choices. This parenting guide will provide you with an understanding of the importance of rewards and consequences, as well as practical strategies for using them. Rewards and consequences are not the same thing, but they are closely related.

Rewards are positive reinforcements that recognize and reward good behavior. They can be verbal or physical, such as a hug, a high-five, or a special treat. Consequences, on the other hand, are negative reinforcements that teach children what behaviors are not acceptable. They can be used to show children that there are certain actions that have negative results. Understanding the importance of rewards and consequences is key to being an effective parent.

Positive reinforcement is a type of reward that rewards good behavior and encourages it to continue. For example, if a child does well on a test, they could receive praise or a special treat. Negative reinforcement is a type of consequence where something unpleasant is removed or avoided when the desired behavior is demonstrated. An example would be taking away a child's phone if they don't do their homework.

Punishment is a type of consequence that involves administering an unpleasant consequence for bad behavior. Examples include grounding, suspension, or timeout. In order to effectively use rewards and consequences, it is important to set clear expectations and boundaries for your child. This means setting specific rules and expectations, as well as communicating these expectations in a clear and consistent manner. It is also important to provide consistent feedback on behavior so that your child knows what is expected of them.

Additionally, it is important to be consistent when delivering rewards and consequences so that your child learns what behavior is expected of them. In addition to rewards and consequences, positive parenting techniques can also be used to help manage your child's behavior. Examples include praising positive behaviors, encouraging your child when they make mistakes, and modeling positive behavior yourself. These techniques can be used in combination with rewards and consequences to create a more balanced approach to parenting that will help your child learn how to manage their own behavior. Finally, it is important to have strategies in place for dealing with challenging behaviors.

The Benefits of Rewards and Consequences

While the use of rewards and consequences can be daunting at first, understanding the benefits of using this approach can help parents feel more comfortable with it. Using rewards and consequences is a great way to help children learn responsibility, self-discipline, and respect for authority. Rewards, such as praise or special privileges, create positive reinforcement for good behavior, while consequences, like time-outs or loss of privileges, provide negative reinforcement for bad behavior. When used correctly, rewards and consequences can help children develop self-control and an understanding of right from wrong.

Rewards and consequences also help children learn to be accountable for their actions. By providing feedback in the form of rewards or consequences, parents can help their children understand how their choices affect the outcomes of their behavior. This can help them learn to make better decisions in the future. Finally, using rewards and consequences can help children develop respect for authority figures.

Tips for Implementing Rewards and Consequences

Being consistent, using natural consequences, avoiding power struggles, adjusting rewards and consequences.

When used together with positive parenting techniques, they can be a powerful tool for shaping a child's behavior. Rewards should be used to encourage desired behavior, while consequences should be used to discourage undesirable behavior. Parents should also keep in mind that rewards and consequences should be consistent and age-appropriate. With these tips in mind, parents can use rewards and consequences to help manage their child's behavior.

Paul Delaney

"Paul Delaney is Director at Content Ranked, a London-based digital marketing agency. He has been working in Education since the 1990s and has more than 15 years digital marketing experience in the sector.As Director at contentranked.com he focuses on SEO strategy for educational organisations; and Paul's expert team support clients with on-page, off-page and technical SEO. He is also Marketing Director at Seed Educational Consulting Ltd, a study abroad agency that helps African students study at university abroad. He has also held significant positions at multinational education brands, including Business Development Director at TUI Travel PLC, Area Manager at Eurocentres Foundation, and Sales Office Manager at OISE.Paul holds a postgraduate diploma in Digital Marketing from the Digital Marketing Institute, BA in Publishing from Edinburgh Napier University, and a RSA/Cambridge CELTA.Outside of Education Paul is experienced in event promotion, production, and performance in the music industry."

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Positive Rewards and Consequences

• You Are Not Alone
• The Big Picture
• Things To Try
• There Is Hope

Have you had moments of desperation?

Do you sometimes attempt to control or force?

Welcome to the club!

We all know intuitively that threatening or forcing children into doing what is right is not the best parenting practice, but it is actually quite common.

Let's take two steps together:

• Take a look at why we slip into threatening and guilting in the first place.
• Look for that middle ground where we lead our children to choose right and good on their own by focusing on being positive.

Using Threats and Guilt

Using threats and guilt in parenting may have more to do with the parents than the children. Are you in a hurry? Tired? Frustrated? Negative reactions are a lot about the reactor.

Embarrassed by our child's behavior (perhaps evidence of our supposed failure)--we may use threats and guilt for reasons other than correcting behavior.

Remembering Our Own Parents' Guilt Trips

Did we just invent these tactics? As much as we admire and love our own parents, it's possible we were raised with threats or guilt, and we simply reflect that now in our own parenting.

Do you have any memories of one of your parents saying something like this: "You can go ahead and wear that, honey, but you're hurting me deeply?" 

We might be slipping back into worn-out patterns, and we can choose things that work better.

We don't have to stay stuck in cycles of guilting or threatening our children into choosing what's right, right? Right!

"You wouldn't do that if you really loved me?"

"Didn't I teach you better than that?"

"Stop it right now or you're grounded!"

Avoid "Leave Alone, Zap!"

The opposite of noticing and praising good behavior is what Blanchard calls "Leave alone, Zap!" We ignore the good behavior but jump into action when we see something "bad." This can inadvertently teach children that bad things earn them wanted attention, while good things do not.

Apply Smart Research

Be conscious of your communication patterns. Positive consequences should be your first option and immediate. Dr. K. Richard Young explains, "Praise and positive rewards are better when we have a plan that puts specific expectations in place, praise is immediately given for the positive behavior, and we are consistent with our positive rewards."So telling our kids what we expect and then letting them know they've accomplished it is the formula for success.

Create Good Karma

We can actually teach our children to help us avoid using threats or guilt and to increase our use of positive consequences. Having a family home evening about the topic and telling the children we want to be more positive can contribute much to changing our behavior (which, in turn, will change the children's behavior, and further change ours). Round and round it goes, great Karma in the universe!

Administer Positives

What if we were to attempt to "administer" two positive consequences to each of our children each day? What might change in our homes and relationships? One parent who tried this said, "I was surprised at all the good things I'd been missing."

Praise Wisely

Positive consequences need to be honest. Unconditional praise like "Wow you are great at the violin. You are awesome! The best!" if a child has not practiced and mastered her assigned music actually undercuts the child's sense of self-worth. Unconditional (unearned) praise will eventually cause a child to wonder, "Does she really think that's the best I can do? Am I actually good at anything?" Make praise honest, specific, and immediate: "You worked hard on that passage you just played, and it is sounding great."

Increasing the positive

You'll see an increase in positive behavior in your children as you increase your own positive outlook on their behavior. The saying "Respect begets respect" holds true in many areas of parenting. If we dial down the threats and guilt and turn up the positive consequences, our children will feel better about themselves and their abilities. They'll feel better about us and our parenting as well.

Marchant, M. & Young, R. (2005). 3 B's of effective parenting: Be proactive, be positive, and be consistent. Marriage and Families, (Winter), 18-25.

Home / Expert Articles / Parenting Strategies & Techniques / Consequences & Rewards

“Which Consequence Should I Give My Child or Teen?” How to Create a List of Consequences and Rewards for Children

By denise rowden, parent coach.

What is the best consequence to use for a particular behavior? This is probably the most common question we receive during our online parent coaching sessions. Parents wonder which consequences to use, how to set them up effectively, and how long to give them.

A great way to start figuring out the right consequences for your situation is to sit down during a calm moment and create a list, or “menu,” of consequences and rewards for your child. Each behavior you are worried about should have a specific consequence. And the best part? You can even have your child help you create the menu.

To help you get started, we created a set of example consequence menus for kids ages 5-9, 10-14, and 15-17. These menus are grouped by age and developmental level so they will be most effective with your children, no matter what stage they’re in.

Free Downloadable Consequences and Rewards Menus Menu of Daily Consequences and Rewards for Ages 5–9 Menu of Daily Consequences and Rewards for Ages 10–14 Menu of Daily Consequences and Rewards for Ages 15–17

As you come up with your menu, keep the following five tips in mind:

1. Use These Consequences Menus as a Starting Point for Your Ideas

Included in the menus are some of the most common suggestions that we give to parents. Our suggestions are based on what we find usually motivates children and teens in that age range.

At any rate, you know your child best . And you will know what motivates her. If you know that your child doesn’t care about electronics, for example, feel free to use something else instead. It can actually be helpful to sit down with your kids and ask them what they would like to work toward for a reward, for example.

Related content: Giving Kids Consequences: Exercise as Punishment

2. Consequences Are Most Effective If They Are Time-Limited and Task-Oriented

What this means, in the simplest form, is that if you take something away, your child should know what specific behavior he or she needs to show over a specified short-term period of time in order to earn it back.

Let’s say your teen daughter is verbally abusive to you. As a consequence, you decide to keep her cell phone until she can go for two hours without swearing or calling anyone a name. During that time, she will be practicing the desired behavior (i.e., no swearing and no name-calling).

Your child is then rewarded when she is able to carry it through for the entire two hours. If she can’t, the two hours start again from the time she misbehaves.

Remember, as James and Janet Lehman, creators of The Total Transformation® parenting program, tell us, the goal here is to teach your kids what to do differently next time. If you simply ground them or take something away for long periods of time, you’re simply teaching them how to “do time,” which is not the goal.

In general, we do not recommend withholding a privilege for more than three days. After 3 days, the privilege can start losing its motivational power. The exception would be if there was a safety issue involved. For example, if your teen was driving under the influence then the consequence would be significantly more severe.

3. Use Only One Consequence at a Time

We recommend picking one consequence or incentive to go with the behavior you are focusing on. Ideally, you will have had a chance to let your child know ahead of time what that consequence or reward will be.

In this way, your child knows exactly what he or she will lose or gain as a result of the choices they make. Sometimes when parents are in the middle of a heated power struggle with their child, they feel tempted to give multiple consequences for the same behavior to “make” their child comply. But this is almost always ineffective. We call this “consequence stacking,” and it should be avoided.

Here’s an example. Let’s say your child swears at you and you say, “That’s it—you’ve lost your phone.” Your child, of course, talks back defiantly and you reply, “Okay, for talking back, now you’ve lost television, too!” Or maybe, “No video games for a week. Now it’s for two weeks! Three! Nice going, you’ve lost them for a month now!” As you get angrier and angrier, the consequences just stack up. And your child, at that moment, doesn’t seem to care.

The trouble with consequence stacking is that it ultimately undermines your authority because you are bringing yourself to your child’s emotional level by giving a knee-jerk punishment rather than a well-thought-out consequence.

In order to avoid this temptation, we recommend waiting to give consequences until everyone is calm and then picking one thing that will be an effective motivator for your child.

4. Don’t Forget About Problem-Solving!

Many times we hear from parents, “I keep giving consequences, but my child’s behavior isn’t changing! What am I doing wrong?”

James and Janet Lehman point out that “consequences alone do not change behavior.” If that were the case, you could take away a privilege and your child wouldn’t act out anymore.

Instead, it is better problem-solving that helps your child act differently. Indeed, better problem-solving in the future is the key to lasting behavior change. And giving consequences and rewards is a tool you can use to keep your child to his or her word.

5. Be Patient and Consistent

It takes a child time to learn new behavior patterns. And it will take them time to realize that you are serious about consequences and that you will give them consistently. Therefore, don’t be discouraged if, in the beginning, your child’s behavior does not seem to change. Just let the consequences do their work and give it a little time. Most kids with behavior problems come around when this is structured right.

Related content: 4 Tips for Giving Consequences to Young Kids and Toddlers

Think about a policeman giving speeding tickets. Just because someone doesn’t slow down after their first ticket doesn’t mean that speeding tickets don’t work. They do work, it just takes some drivers longer than others to learn to slow down.

We encourage you to download copies of these consequence menus as needed with your child. We hope that this will be a helpful resource for you as you work on your child’s behavior. Feel free to leave us a comment and let us know how it’s going. And please share any consequence suggestions that worked with your child!

Menu of Daily Consequences and Rewards for Ages 5–9

Menu of Daily Consequences and Rewards for Ages 10–14

Menu of Daily Consequences and Rewards for Ages 15–17

About Denise Rowden, Parent Coach

Denise Rowden is a parent of two adult children and has been a parenting coach since 2010. She has worked in Special Education, Alternative Education and adolescent group homes. She has a BS in Psychology from the University of Southern Maine and is currently working on her Life Coach certification from the International Coach Federation.

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Thank you for reaching out. We have an article that addresses this exact situation. You can find it here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/what-to-do-when-your-child-or-teen-is-suspended-or-expelled-from-school/

We appreciate you being part of our Empowering Parents community. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going.

I can understand your distress. Many parents of adolescents and teens face similar struggles, so you are not alone. It may be helpful to review our articles on managing risky behaviors here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/substance-abuse-risky-behavior/.

We appreciate you sharing your story. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going, Take care.

Marcia Hi, I have a 15 years old daughter. I’m concerned about her well behavior. We tried all the consequences. But she still doesn’t care. She is my youngest daughter. I have 4 girls. She doesn’t know how to have a conversation with the family or friends. She just like to More make jokes to feel feet in on the conversation

At 18. your daughter is now an adult, so you wouldn't give consequences the same as you would for a minor child. We have several articles that focus specifically on parenting adult children you may find helpful: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/ages-and-stages/adult-children/.

Thank you for reaching out. We appreciate you being part of our Empowering Parents community.

It can be very

frustrating when your kids do not follow directions or respect your authority,

especially when they are able to do so for others.  As Sara Bean points

out in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/angel-child-or-devil-child-when-kids-save-their-bad-behavior-for-you/, it’s actually a good sign that they are

able to follow the rules and be respectful outside of your home, because it

indicates that your kids have the skills to manage their behavior

appropriately.  Now, it’s more a matter of applying that knowledge to

their behavior at home.  You might find our article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-get-kids-to-do-chores-without-an-argument/, helpful as you move forward

on addressing this issue.  I hope you will write back and let us know how

things are going for you and your family.  Take care.

RondaMccarroll 

I hear your concern about enforcing consequences with your

daughter, for fear that she might try to hurt herself again.  That’s

understandable, and any parent in your position would feel a similar way. 

I strongly recommend working with local supports to address this, such as a

counselor or any other professionals you might have in place as part of your

daughter’s treatment plan and/or discharge instructions.  Because they

have the benefit of directly interacting with both you and your daughter, they

will be in a better position to help you develop a plan to implement moving

forward to help you keep your daughter safe, as well as helping your daughter

to learn more appropriate coping skills.  If you are not currently working

with anyone, one resource might be the 211 Helpline.  211 is a service

which connects people with supports in their communities, and you can reach

them by calling 1-800-273-6222, or by visiting http://www.211.org/ 

I recognize how scary and overwhelming this must be for you right now, and I

wish you and your family all the best moving forward.  Take care.

I have a young child almost 3 that doesn't respond to our discipline which is stern talks time outs and 123 spankings right after

She seems to be aggressive toward her sister 18 monthes but acts completely different one on one. I feel like she is trying for any attention even if it's negative and now I feel like it's our fat she is aggressive. What should we try next time to effectively change behavior for the better?

@Concerned momma 

With a child under the age

of 5, consequences are not always the most effective tool in changing behavior.

Spanking is also not something we would recommend, especially when the behavior

you are trying to correct is aggressiveness towards her sister, as it can send

a very confusing message to a child. Staying calm and using redirection to

another behavior or activity, as well as a positive behavior chart for the good

behaviors can help to reinforce the types of behaviors you want to see from

your daughter.  Empowering Parents author Dr. Joan Simeo Munson offers

some additional tools to address aggressive behaviors in children under 5, in

her article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/hitting-biting-and-kicking-how-to-stop-aggressive-behavior-in-young-children/. Best

of luck as you continue to work on this with your daughter.

can be so frustrating when your child repeats a behavior for which she has

already received a substantial consequence.  Something I often discuss

with parents is that consequences do not change behavior if your child is not

also learning more https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/.  That is, what will she do differently the

next time she is home by herself after school, and wants to invite friends to

come over?  You may also find our article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/is-your-child-responsible-enough-to-be-home-alone-dos-and-donts-for-parents/

useful as you figure out how to move forward with your daughter.  Please

be sure to check back and let us know how things are going for you and your

family.  Take care.

It can be worrisome when your teen continues to make the

same bad choices over and over again regardless of the consequences. From what

you have written, it sounds like you have set clear limits around substance use

in your family and in your home. You’ve also taken steps to hold him

accountable when he doesn’t meet these limits, both things we would recommend

parents do when they find out their child is using drugs or drinking. You’re

also doing what you can to monitor his behavior by using periodic drug tests.

The only thing you might change is how the consequences are being instituted. I

understand the logic behind taking these privileges away. However, it’s

probably not going to have the effect you’re hoping for. From our perspective,

in order for a consequence

to be effective it needs to be task oriented. Taking something away, such as

his phone and driving privilege, without a plan in place for what he needs to

do to earn them back may not be effective. Instead, you might limit his driving

privilege whenever he tests positive for drugs. The article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-child-is-using-drugs-or-drinking-alcohol-what-should-i-do/ may offer you

additional information for dealing with this tough issue. We appreciate you

writing in and wish you the best of luck moving forward. Take care.

It can be really difficult to hear that your child is

having social difficulty with her classmates at school, and I’m glad that you

are reaching out for support.  I’m pleased to hear that you have checked

and determined that there do not appear to be any underlying medical reasons

for your daughter’s interactions with her peers.  I also understand

wanting to know the reason that she is acting this way with the other girls. 

The truth is, there could be numerous reasons why your daughter is choosing to

act this way.  Ultimately, figuring out the reason why isn’t as important

as determining how you will address it with your daughter.  Whether she is

doing this because she feels inadequate, jealous, self-conscious, or any other

way, the fact remains that it is inappropriate to treat others this way

regardless of the reason or feeling behind it.  It could be useful to talk

with your daughter about your expectations for how she will treat her

classmates, and role-play some scenarios with her so she has an opportunity to

practice her social skills.  Dr. Joan Simeo Munson has some additional

techniques you might find useful in her article http://www.empoweringparents.com/young-kids-at-school-4-top-issues-that-cause-a-rocky-start.php. 

Please let us know if you have any additional questions; take care.

katrina Hi I have a 8 year old son who's behaviour is getting really bad he is disrespectful and gets angry and aggressive he looses his temper and daily and doesn't play well with other kids he blames everyone else for his actions an# lies a lot even about small things More we have a loving family and I have tried to speak to him at all different times and he just doesn't seem to have any issues that would explain why he behaves like this I find myself getting really annoyed with his behaviour now we'reas before I was much calmer but it's been months now and I feel I'm loosing .

What a frustrating situation. I can understand why you are

upset. It may be useful to know that one way boundaries like you describe are

pretty common with kids. I do have a couple of suggestions you might try.

First, it would be helpful to hold her accountable for this behavior by having

her either pay rent on the items she uses or have her replace the items if

she’s not able to return them. It’s also going to be productive to sit down

with her during a calm time and problem solve with her what she might be able

to do differently in the future. For example, if she’s interested in doing an

arts and crafts project, perhaps she could let you know ahead of time what

supplies she would need. Or perhaps she could do extra chores around the house

to earn money so she’s able to buy her own craft supplies. For more information on

problem solving, you can check out this article - The Surprising Reason for Bad Child Behavior: “I Can’t Solve Problems” .

We wish you the best of luck moving forward. Take care.

chekota777 

We speak with many parents who have tried many different

parenting resources, and do not feel that the information applies to the

behavioral issues they are experiencing with their kids.  You are not

alone in feeling frustrated and stuck.  We have numerous articles on

parenting children with ODD, which you can find http://www.empoweringparents.com/category-Oppositional-Defiant-Disorder.php. 

If you are looking for resources which might be available in your community,

you might try contacting the http://www.211.org/ by

calling 1-800-273-6222.  Please know that it’s also normal for kids to

lack appreciation for all that parents do for them.  If you haven’t done

so already, I encourage you to develop a support system for yourself so you can

get validation for all the hard work you are doing and encouragement you need

to keep going.  211 might also have information about supports for you as

well.  I appreciate your writing in for support, and I hope that you will

continue to check back and let us know how things are going for you and your family. 

My kids 0408 

troubling to have a child who appears to lie about everything because the

resulting lack of trust can do a lot of damage to your relationship.  As

Janet Lehman points out in her article http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Deal-with-Lying-in-Children-and-Teens.php, lying is a pretty common

technique that both kids and adults use to solve different kinds of

problems.  Something you can do as his parent is to help your son develop

more appropriate skills through http://www.empoweringparents.com/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior.php  Sometimes parents find it helpful to involve local

supports, such as a counselor or therapist, in order to reinforce what is being

taught.  If this is something you think could be beneficial, try

contacting the http://www.211.org/ at 1-800-273-6222

for information about available supports in your community.  Thank you for

writing in; please write back and let us know how things are going.  Take

Disagreements over music are common between parents and

teens. From our perspective, it’s often a battle better left alone as it can be

tough to really control what he chooses to listen too. It can be helpful to

recognize that taste in music does change over time. You may find that 6 months

from now, he doesn’t even like the same bands he listens to now. I can

understand wanting to control what seems to be influencing his behavior. It

will be more effective in the long run however to focus on the behavior itself,

by holding him accountable when he breaks a rule and also problem solving with him

afterwards about how he could make different choices in the future. You may

find these articles helpful to that end: Anger, Rage and Explosive Outbursts: How to Respond to Your Child or Teen’s Anger ,

The Surprising Reason for Bad Child Behavior: “I Can’t Solve Problems” ,

& How to Find the Behavioral Triggers That Set Your Kid Off . I hope you find this

information useful. Be sure to check back if you have any further questions.

In a situation like this, offering an incentive, such as

staying up an extra 15 minutes at bedtime, will likely be the most effective

way to go. When you offer incentives for the behavior you want to see, it is

more likely those behaviors will continue. The plus to offering an incentive is

that you have a built-in natural consequence. If your daughter does leave

clothes out, she just wouldn’t earn that time and will have to go to bed at the

normal bed time. On the flip side, giving a consequence, such as an additional

chore, may not be as effective, especially if she is already not doing the

first task. It may just lead to a bigger power struggle to try to now get both

tasks completed. To help with the long-term change, it will also be helpful to have

a conversation with your daughter and help her make a plan around how she can

remember to take care of her clothes on her own. Good luck to you as you

continue to work on this, and let us know if you have any more questions.

MelCar Marissa EP MelCar  Thank you! I didn't think about talking to her about coming up with a plan to help her remember! Thanks also, for your thoughts on the incentive vs consequence issue.

Meg az upset grandma I've always had trouble with a situation like this - i.e. essentially 2 punishments. I do think all day in his room is far too harsh for a 5 year old. Sounds liked your son was more embarrassed about what his son did, (spitting) than in looking to More correct behavior.

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this discussion. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website.

• 1. “Why Don't Consequences Work for My Teen?” Here’s Why…and How to Fix It
• 2. How to Discipline Your Child: Effective Consequences for Children Who Don't Listen
• 3. Kids Who Ignore Consequences: 10 Ways to Make Them Stick
• 4. How to Get Your Child to Listen: 9 Secrets to Giving Effective Consequences
• 5. How to Give Kids Consequences That Work
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• Communicating With Your Child
• Creating Structure and Rules
• Giving Directions
• Using Discipline and Consequences
• Using Time-Out

Related Topics:

• Essentials for Parenting Teens

Tips for Using Rewards

What to know.

• Rewards can encourage good behaviors in young children and improve their self-esteem.
• A rewards program helps you and your child keep track of behaviors.

Behaviors are more likely to happen again when followed by a positive consequence like a reward. This is true for all behaviors, even those you don't want to happen again. Rewards are important for many reasons.

Rewards can encourage your child's good behaviors.

The way you respond right after your child's behaviors makes the behavior more or less likely to happen again. Rewards can help get your child to do more of the things you want them to do. Rewards that happen right after a behavior are best.

Rewards can help increase self-esteem.

Toddlers and preschoolers hear the words "no,", "stop," and "quit" many times during the day. This is normal and one of the ways they learn right from wrong. But when children hear these things over and over, their self-esteem can begin to suffer. They may begin to believe they cannot do anything correctly. When a child earns a reward, they know they have done something good and something you like.

Rewards can improve your relationship with your child.

When you give a reward to your child, you and your child are both happy. You are happy because your child has done something you like. Your child is also happy because they are getting something they like.

Types of rewards

There are several types of rewards. Material rewards include toys, candy, or other things that cost money. Another type of reward is a social reward. Social rewards are cheap or free and can be even more powerful than material rewards. They also can be given more often and immediately after behaviors you like.

Examples of Social Rewards

• Affection: Affection includes hugs, kisses, a high five, a smile, a pat on the back, or an arm around the shoulder.
• Praise: Praise happens when parents say things like "Great job," "Way to go," or "Good boy/girl." However, specific (or labeled) praise tells a child exactly what behavior you liked. For example, "Great job playing quietly while I was on the telephone!"
• Attention and activities: Extra time with you or a special activity can be a powerful reward for young children. Some examples include playing a favorite game, reading a story, and helping with dinner. Other activities like going to the movies or the zoo can also be used, but these activities may not always be available or affordable.

Steps for creating a reward program

A rewards program is a way to keep track of how often your child does something you like. Rewards work well for behaviors like staying in bed after being tucked in, putting the dishes on the counter after dinner, using the potty and other things young children may need a little reward for doing before they become a habit. Check out the six steps below to learn how to create your own reward program.

Step 1: Identify the specific behaviors you want to reward

The behaviors you pick should help your child clearly understand what you expect. Tips for picking specific behaviors are:

• Pick a couple of specific behaviors. For example, "Use polite words" and "Keep your hands and feet to yourself."
• "Share your toys with your sister" instead of "No hitting your sister."
• Choose behaviors that are realistic and fit your child's age and ability.

Step 2: Decide on the reward

The reward you use should be something your child wants to earn and will enjoy. They will not want to do the behavior if the reward isn’t something they want or like. Remember that rewards don’t have to cost a lot of money. A reward can be a sticker, hugs, kisses, an ink stamp, or any number of things. Make sure the reward is given immediately after the child does the behavior. Giving a quick reward for doing the right thing is the most effective way to get young children to change their behavior.

Step 3: Create a chart

Create a chart that shows your child the behaviors and rewards you have picked. The chart should be made in a way your young child will understand, like with pictures and simple words. For example, if you want your child to brush their teeth every day, you may write "Brush teeth" on the chart and include a picture of a toothbrush so that your child understands. Find a sample chart or create your own chart.

Step 4: Explain the reward program to your child

For the reward program to work, your child needs to be told exactly what they need to do to earn a reward. If you picked clear and specific behaviors in step 1, this will be easy to do. If you are using a chart that uses stickers, stamps, or check marks, you can show the chart to your child. You can say what you expect from them and what you will do on the chart every time you see them do the behavior. Try to focus on the positives when explaining the chart to your child. For example, you may say, “I have noticed that you sometimes take your plate to the sink after you finish eating. I want to give you a sticker like this (show the child the sticker) on your chart (point to the chart) every time you take your plate to the sink after eating!”

Step 5: Use the reward program

You are now ready to begin using the reward program. Make sure the reward program is clear to your child. When they receive a reward, tell them exactly (and enthusiastically) what they did to earn the reward. For example, you could tell your child, "Because you took your plate to the sink, I am giving you a big, gold star!" Remember to give the rewards immediately after the behavior to make sure that your child knows what they did to earn the reward.

Place the chart somewhere that is easy for the child to see it and be reminded of what you want them to do. The refrigerator is often a good place, but you can put it anywhere that works for your family.

When your child earns their first reward, you can praise them and let them watch you put the reward on the chart. Never take away rewards your child has earned. Rewards that your child has earned are theirs and should not be removed for misbehaviors. To earn new rewards, your child must do the right behavior again.

Step 6: Slowly change the selected behavior or phase out the reward program

When you first start using a reward program, reward your child often. Over time, you will notice that your child is doing the right thing more and more often. You can stop rewarding the behavior and move on to rewarding a different behavior you would like your child to do more often.

If the reward program isn't working

It is important to remember that it takes time for behaviors to change. It will take time for reward programs to work. If you are patient and consistent in what you do, you will see an increase in your child's good behavior and a decrease in misbehaviors. If the reward program is not working, there are three questions you can think about:

Is your child able to do what you are expecting?

Ask yourself: Can my child do the behavior I want them to do? If you decide that you are expecting too much, you can make changes to the program. Be sure to explain the reason for the change to your child. For example, if you expected your child to make their bed but they cannot do that, you might say, "I realize that I should reward you for helping me make the bed. So from now on, you will get a prize when you help me make the bed."

Is the behavior specific, clear, and easy for your child to understand?

If your child is not doing the behavior, it's a sign they may not understand what you want. As your child gets older, you can see if they understand by asking them to tell you what they need to do to get a reward. Remember that behaviors should be specific and easy for you to see. Keep behaviors simple for young children.

Are the rewards things your child is interested in earning?

Remember that things you like may not be the same as what your child would like to earn. Children also become tired of some rewards and develop new likes and interests. Keep a running list of rewards your child would like. Change and add to the reward list over time to continue to make the rewards fun and exciting.

Essentials for Parenting Toddlers

Essentials for Parenting Toddlers and Preschoolers is a free resource for parents of 2 to 4-year-olds, providing information to build positive relationships.