essay for the book wonder

by R.J. Palacio

• Wonder Summary

August or "Auggie" Pullman, a ten-year-old boy living in New York City, was born with a facial deformity that has made it difficult for him to make friends. He lives with his parents, his older sister Via, and his dog Daisy. He has been homeschooled up until the fifth grade, but his parents have decided that it is time for him to go to a real school. They enroll him in Beecher Prep, a neighborhood private school, and take him to meet the principal, Mr. Tushman . While August is there, some of the kids who will be in August's grade take him on a tour of the school; one of them, Jack Will , is nice, but another, Julian, is noticeably rude.

Auggie settles into the first few months of school and his classmates slowly get used to the way his face looks. He becomes friends with Jack, and with a girl named Summer who sits with him at lunch on the first day. Apparently, a rumor that touching Auggie will give you the "plague" arises, so his classmates make a point of avoiding touching him, so that Auggie begins to feel alienated. Things get a lot worse on Halloween, typically Auggie's favorite day of the year, when Auggie overhears Jack say to Julian and some other boys that he would kill himself if he looked like Auggie. Jack is completely unaware that Auggie himself is sitting nearby, disguised in a Bleeding Scream costume.

The story switches perspective to Via, Auggie's older sister, who begins high school at the same time that Auggie starts middle school. Via has had to come to terms with the fact that her family's universe revolves around Auggie and his needs; hers often get pushed to the side. The only person who put her first was her grandmother, Grans , who is dead by the time the narrative begins.

Via is also dealing with school issues, since her former best friends, Miranda and Ella , stopped talking to her over the summer. Via feels neglected after the first day of school, since her mother appears more concerned with Auggie's day than with hers. A rift continues to grow between Via and her former friends, and Via settles into new group. On Halloween, Via is confused when Auggie comes home early, claiming to be sick and refusing to go trick or treating. He reveals to her what happened with Jack, and she convinces him that some kids will always be mean. Auggie, according to her, must move past such dilemmas and keep going to school. Auggie surprises Via by telling her that Miranda called to talk to him, and asked about her.

Next comes Summer's point of view. Summer spends time with Auggie because she legitimately wants to be his friend, not because Mr. Tushman asked her to. Since Auggie is mad at Jack, Summer becomes his best friend, and their two families hit it off as well. Summer struggles over whether to keep hanging out with Auggie or to hang out with the popular crowd instead, but ultimately chooses Auggie. When Jack eventually asks Summer why Auggie is mad at him, she gives him one clue: "Bleeding Scream."

The next section is told from Jack's perspective, and he backtracks to when Mr. Tushman first asked him to try to be a friend to the new student. He remembers seeing Auggie when they were both very little: at this earlier time, Jack was disconcerted by Auggie's face. Jack also has some struggles at home, since his family is not wealthy -- a sharp contrast to some other families with children in private schools.

When Jack puts two and two together and figures out what Auggie overheard, he feels terrible. He really does want to be Auggie's friend, but he got caught up in an attempt to be accepted by kids like Julian. When Julian tells him one day that being friends with Auggie is not worth it, Jack gets so angry that he punches Julian in the face. This conflict sets off a series of apology letters involving Jack, Mr. Tushman, and Julian, and Jack and Auggie eventually make up and become friends again. When Jack and Auggie return to school after winter break, though, Jack realizes that Julian has turned most of the boys in their grade against them and that a "war" has begun.

The perspective then switches to Via's new boyfriend, Justin , who has just met Auggie. Justin is good for Via, because he makes her feel important and valued. Since his own parents are divorced, Justin also enjoys spending time with the unified Pullman family. Auditions for the school play at his and Via's high school arrive, and he gets cast as the male lead in Our Town , while Via's old friend Miranda gets cast as the female lead with Via as the understudy.

Auggie's perspective comes back for the first time since the beginning of the novel: the situation has gotten better at school as students grow tired of the "war" between Julian and Jack. The Pullman family gets in a fight one day when Auggie realizes that Via has been hiding her involvement in the school play from him. She does not want him to come, because then she would be known once again as the girl with the deformed brother. During the fight, though, the Pullmans' dog Daisy is discovered to be extremely sick. She must be put to sleep, a choice which devastates the family. This loss also makes Via forget about the fight, and the whole family goes to the school play to see Justin. They expect to see Miranda in the lead female role, but then get a shock: Miranda apparently fell sick right before the show, so instead Via performs the lead role, and she does an amazing job.

Miranda gets a chance to tell her story now: she has avoided Via since school started because, during the summer, she told a lot of lies at camp and pretended she had a deformed little brother in order to become popular. She secretly misses Via, though. On the opening night of the play, Miranda has no one there to see her, so after she sees the Pullman family in the audience she fakes an illness so that Via can go onstage instead. This ploy gives Via and Miranda an opportunity to patch up their relationship.

The final section of the novel switches back to Auggie. The fifth grade goes on a retreat at a nature reserve for three days: this is Auggie's first time sleeping away from home. Things go great until the second night, when the students are watching an outdoor movie. Jack and Auggie go into the woods so that Jack can pee; while there, they encounter a bunch of older kids from another school, who make fun of Auggie and try to hurt him. Luckily, three of the boys from Beecher Prep who are usually mean to Auggie -- Henry , Miles , and Amos -- come to Auggie's rescue, although one of the older kids steals Auggie's hearing aids.

This incident makes Auggie extremely popular, however. By the final stages of the novel, almost everyone has at last warmed up to him and wants to be his friend. Things start looking up: the Pullmans get a new puppy, and Auggie learns from Mr. Tushman that Julian will not come back to Beecher Prep the following year. Graduation arrives; Auggie wins a special award for courage and kindness. He realizes how far he has come since the beginning of school, and he now has a solid group of friends and feels comfortable with who he is. The novel ends with his mother whispering in his ear, calling him a "wonder."

Wonder Questions and Answers

The Question and Answer section for Wonder is a great resource to ask questions, find answers, and discuss the novel.

Effect: Jack feels like he’s the kid in Home Alone with his mouth open and his hands on the side of his face. Cause???

Jack feels caught without support. When he was with Auggie, science class was much easier. Auggie let Jack copy his perfect notes. Now Jack feels alone without Auggie and unable to cope with Ms. Rubin's constant stream of work and notes.

why did jack punch julian? how did it change his life

Jack was angry because Julian called August a "freak" Whose life do you mean changed: Jack or Julian?

From chapter " Understudy" to " After the show", this section of the book (p.228-248) is about forgiveness, reconciliation and growth. Do you agree?

There is a motif of kindness and forgiveness in these chapters. Auggie apologizes for calling his mom a liar before, Miranda matures and becomes friends with Via again. Via is good at forgiveness.

Study Guide for Wonder

Wonder study guide contains a biography of R.J. Palacio, literature essays, quiz questions, major themes, characters, and a full summary and analysis.

• About Wonder
• Wonder Video
• Character List

Lesson Plan for Wonder

• About the Author
• Study Objectives
• Common Core Standards
• Introduction to Wonder
• Relationship to Other Books
• Bringing in Technology
• Notes to the Teacher
• Related Links
• Wonder Bibliography

Wikipedia Entries for Wonder

• Introduction
• Film adaptations
• Spinoff/prequel

“Wonder” Children’s Novel by Raquel J. Palacio Essay

Children’s books constitute a unique type of literature that promotes the best human qualities and empathizes concepts, which not only children but even grown-ups should regularly be reminded of. Palacio’s Wonder is a vivid example. It is a touching, life-affirmative, and upbeat story about kindness and humanity that thrills readers, makes them participate and empathize, and then changes their personalities.

Wonder is the children’s novel written by Raquel J. Palacio that was originally published in 2012. A year later, the book turned out to be one of the best sellers in its genre, according to The New York Times (“The New York Times Best Sellers List” par. 1).

The novel tells the story of Auggie (August Pullman), who is a ten-year-old boy with a severe facial deformity. The deformity is not identified in the book, but it goes without saying that it affects Auggie’s life significantly. At first, the boy has been home-schooled because of countless surgeries, but his parents finally decide to enroll August to a school in order to provide him with proper education and a chance to communicate with other children. There, Auggie tries to make friends and strives to be accepted like any other child.

The author of Wonder explained that she was inspired to write this book in a real-life situation. In one of her interviews, Raquel J. Palacio told how she once went to an ice cream store with her kids, and they saw a girl with facial deformity there (“How One Unkind Moment Gave Way To ‘Wonder’” par. 2). Her son began to cry in fear when he noticed the girl, which is why Palacio took her kids and went out of the store. Later, she regretted her actions and decided to turn this situation into a good lesson. That is how Wonder appeared.

I find this book very educational and think that every child should read it. It teaches us that the appearance is secondary, and the most important thing is “who we are” (Palacio 47). It shows that facial deformity (or any otherness) does not make a person less normal or ordinary inside. Auggie states, “I do ordinary things. … I feel ordinary. Inside. … The only reason I’m not ordinary is that no one else sees me that way” (Palacio 3). Indeed, when children get to know August better, they do not notice his abnormality anymore – they begin to see how smart, funny, and kind he is.

From my point of view, things Palacio talks about are very important to understand in school years. Firstly, the child’s world outlook begins to form at this age, so a lot of beliefs and values acquired in school years become stronger in the future and stay for life. Secondly, children are very vulnerable in schools; that is the time when everyone desperately wants to fit in and be accepted. That is why Palacio’s book can make a difference in the school environment. Since the story is written in simple words, it is easy to comprehend even for young readers, and due to its sincerity and penetration, it touches the very core.

The idea to accept those who are different from others and treat them normally is very common in children’s literature. In Charlotte’s Web by Elwyn Brooks White, when Fern’s father realizes that one of the newborn pigs is a runt, he decides to kill it. However, the little girl defends the pig and states that it is unfair to kill it “just because it’s smaller than the others” (White 4). Later, the girl and the pig become friends, which proves that the appearance does not change what is inside. Admittedly, in Charlotte’s Web , realism is intertwined with fantasy, while Wonder is all about the real world, but the idea of the acceptance of otherness is common.

The story of August Pullman is not easy to read. Sometimes it becomes extremely sad and makes you desperately want to change something as if you have the power to do that. Then it makes you wonder what you would do in a particular setting: Would you be scared of Auggie when you see him for the first time? Would you sit near him in the class or at lunchtime? Would you defend the boy if someone offends him? The book keeps readers involved; you start to evaluate and reevaluate your own self. In the end, you are a different person. The most important is that the book is optimistic and positive in the main; its sentences are full of heart and humor. Wonder proves that even the most challenging situations always bring us something good.

Another thing that should be noticed about Wonder is its language and the way it is built. Firstly, the reader gets to know the story from Auggie’s point of view. However, when the second part of the novel begins, the narrator changes to Via, Auggie’s sister. While August mainly describes his own feelings and thoughts in his narrative, Via’s section contains more reflections, and it is very insightful. It also includes fewer dialogues than August’s part. The third section of the novel is narrated by Summer, one of Auggie’s best friends, who seated near him at lunchtime while no one else wanted to do this. Like Via’s section, it also contains more reflections. Besides, it is laconic and specific. Jack’s part stands out, just like his character does.

He describes the story from the viewpoint of a person who sees different sides of the situation. Then, Justin’s part follows. His point of view is really interesting since Justin is not an ordinary boy himself. He mentions that he has tics, which resemble Tourette’s syndrome (Palacio 191).

His language also differs: for example, he does not use capital letters. Apart from the fact that every narrator has his or her own point of view on the same situation and expresses thoughts in different ways and with different words, all of them describe different parts of the story. For example, Via’s section is mainly about home life while Jack and Summer talk about school. Miranda, the last narrator, who should be mentioned, gives an insight into the past because she has known August since his childhood.

Like any other children’s book, Wonder is written with simple and comprehensible language and relatively short sentences. It also contains a lot of direct speech. That is what makes the novel easier to read. Nevertheless, even though the words the author uses are simple, thoughts, and feelings that the book brings are adult. It teaches us how essential it is for human beings to be kind, tolerant, empathic, and understanding. “When given a choice between being right or being kind, choose the kind,” the author states. (Palacio, 311). Doesn’t only this one sentence make the book worthy of reading?

Works Cited

How One Unkind Moment Gave Way To ‘Wonder’ 2013. Web.

Palacio, Raquel J. Wonder , New York, New York: Random House, 2012. Print.

The New York Times Best Sellers List: Children’s Middle Grade. 2013. Web.

White, Elwyn B. Charlotte’s Web , London, England: HarperCollins Children’s Books, 2015. Print.

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IvyPanda. (2020, November 24). "Wonder" Children's Novel by Raquel J. Palacio. https://ivypanda.com/essays/wonder-childrens-novel-by-raquel-j-palacio/

""Wonder" Children's Novel by Raquel J. Palacio." IvyPanda , 24 Nov. 2020, ivypanda.com/essays/wonder-childrens-novel-by-raquel-j-palacio/.

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IvyPanda . 2020. ""Wonder" Children's Novel by Raquel J. Palacio." November 24, 2020. https://ivypanda.com/essays/wonder-childrens-novel-by-raquel-j-palacio/.

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IvyPanda . ""Wonder" Children's Novel by Raquel J. Palacio." November 24, 2020. https://ivypanda.com/essays/wonder-childrens-novel-by-raquel-j-palacio/.

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The Book “Wonder” by R.J Palacio

R.J. Palacio’s debut book Wonder was first published in 2012. The author was working as a visual designer and writing the novel at the same time. The book focuses on August, who suffers from a facial deformation that stopped him from attending a public school (Palacio, 2012). However, this situation changes when he enters the fifth grade at a mainstream school. Thus, the book explores the challenges August had to face being a new student and looking extraordinary. To fully reflect on the novel, it is essential to learn more about its plot, characters, and primary purpose.

The plot of Wonder covers the experiences of August Pullman throughout his first year at Beecher Prep. August’s medical condition causes many students to ridicule and bully him. Two students who stick up for August, Jack Will and Summer, become his friends over the first semester. There is the conflict between August and Jack during Halloween when Jack is overheard mocking August. August is bullied more frequently by Julian as the semester goes on, culminating in an overnight field trip outside New York. During this trip, a group of seventh-graders attacks August. However, his classmates are now more accepting of August as just a regular boy rushes to his aid and protects him. The book concludes with August receiving an award for being “notable or exemplary in certain areas throughout the school year” (Palacio, 2012, p. 210). August, feeling happy, thanks his mother for making him go to school.

The protagonist of the book is August Pullman, a young boy who suffers from facial deformation. August, sometimes referred to as Auggie, is often mocked by his peers for his appearance. August has support from his older sister, Olivia, who sometimes feels ignored by their family. At school, August makes friends with two other fifth graders, Jack Will and Summer. Jack Will is described as “a totally normal-looking kid with curly blond hair” (Palacio, 2012, p. 133). August’s other school-friend is Summer, who he states “looked like her name. She had a tan, and her eyes were green like a leaf” (Palacio, 2012, p. 45). By the end of the school year, August and his friends have gone through conflict but ultimately remain friends. August is bullied all year by Julian, who serves as the main antagonist of the book.

The author presented a compelling message about the value of compassion, understanding, and acceptance. The novel stresses that it is crucial not to be afraid to be different. Children might want to bully other students because they view these individuals as unusual in some particular way. In Wonder , the main character is perceived as different because he has a health condition that gave him a facial deformity (Palacio, 2012). Thus, August looks distinct from other people around him. Unfortunately, in real life, similar to the situation in the book, many do not want to accept differences because they cannot understand them. Auggie’s appearance might look extraordinary, but he is a friendly, helpful, and fun person, which is a reason to emphasize with him. Readers need to remember that differences between people make every person unique.

In conclusion, Wonder by R. J. Palacio is a novel about a boy with a facial deformity facing bullying and finding friends. It covers themes of compassion, friendship, and being different. I thought the book was thought-provoking and emotional, effectively putting the reader in August Pullman’s thoughts and feelings. It made me reflect on negative reactions people have when they interact with those perceived as different.

Palacio, R. J. (2012). Wonder. Knopf Books for Young Readers.

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Themes and Analysis

By r. j. palacio.

R. J. Palacio explores themes of kindness, empathy, and the challenges of living with disabilities with the story of Auggie's early school days in Beecher Prep.

Article written by Ebuka Igbokwe

Bachelor's degree from Nnamdi Azikiwe University.

‘ Wonder ’ addresses a few social issues, including parenting, disability issues, and what it means to be a friend, and it does so in the story of August Pullman, a fifth-grader with a deformed face, facing up to being different in his new school. R. J. Palacio makes a poignant social commentary with this work.

Table of Contents

• 2 Appearances
• 4 Friendship
• 5 Parenting
• 6 Key Moments in Wonder
• 7 Tone and Literary Style

The central message of ‘ Wonder ‘ is the importance of kindness. This is expressed quite early in the novel, as the English teacher introduces the class to learn a precept every month, and his choice for the first month is a quote by Dr. Dwayne W. Dyer, “When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kindness.”

Summer moves to become friends with August because she is moved to kindness on seeing other kids avoid him at lunch. She realizes that August is an exciting and fun person to be around. Jack also befriends August initially out of kindness, and he sees and then appreciates him for his humble, humorous, and intelligent personality. August is surrounded by kindness, which is expressed by his family, Miranda, his friends at school, and Principal Tushman, and this makes it easy for him to bear the isolation he faces at school.

Appearances

August’s facial deformity is a focal point of the story. He begins by hoping that people will see him as ordinary, and he wears a helmet to cover his face for a while so that people may not see his face. He also looked forward to Halloween because everyone wore masks, and he was treated as every other person. This highlights how people are judged by their appearances, and in the case of August, they make judgments about him based on his appearance. However, he is more than his looks, and the more the people around him get to know him, the more they appreciate how thoughtful, intelligent, and funny he is.

On the other hand, Julian is an expert in making others believe he is a great guy, but underneath that facade, he is malicious and conniving, saying mean things to August and lying against Jack Will when they fall out. Also, Miranda and Via were good friends, but their relationship became strained when they resumed school because they misread what each friend felt about the other. In ‘ Wonder ’, looks can indeed be deceiving.

The theme of courage appears in several instances in R. J. Palacio’s ‘ Wonder ‘. Sometimes it is subtle; other times, it is pronounced. It is hard to fully appreciate the bravery it took for August to start at Beecher Prep and continue attending school, withstanding all the bullying he goes through. He was ostracized at the lunch table, in class, and in the playground, and for a significant part of the story, his only companion at lunch was Summer. Summer’s courage is also remarkable. By being August’s friend when no one else wanted to be seen publicly with him and resisting the allure of joining the popular social group at school at the price of giving up August’s company, Summer showed her mettle as a steadfast and brave friend. At the camp, when a group of seventh graders bullies August, Jack Will, joined later by a few other Beecher Prep fifth graders, engages them in a fight to protect August.

The story of ‘ Wonder ‘ explores the dynamics and nature of friendship. Friends fight, misunderstand, offend, and betray. They also apologize, forgive, defend, and are gracious to each other. Jack Will jeopardizes his friendship with August by claiming to be his friend because Principal Tushman asks. This hurts August, and Jack Will is deeply sorry, makes amends, and apologizes to August. August forgives him and accepts him back. Summer’s friendship with August is beautiful and wholesome, depicting a rare ideal where friends respond to each other’s true humanity and look beyond what is externally “cool”. In Miranda and Via’s friendship, though at the start of the story they are estranged, in the end, Miranda gives up her spot as the lead in the school play because she understands how much it would mean to Via. These stand in contrast to Julian’s comradeship, bound together by prejudice against August, which unravels at the end of the story as their classmates warm up to August and recognize his charming nature.

Parenting is an essential factor in the development of children. The Pullmans are a model of good parenting, attentive to their children’s needs and creating a loving and harmonious environment to support them. Miranda, whose parents divorced, starved her of attention, and Justin, also a child of divorcees, was drawn to the Pullman family because of the warmth and love in their household, traits missing in their respective houses. However, even the model Pullman family is not without its issues. In taking care of August, a child with a deformity that needed special care and delicate attention, they sometimes neglected Via and her needs. Via is sometimes resigned to and sometimes resents this lack of attention. The novel addresses the difficulties parents face when raising children with health-challenging issues or needing special care.

We also see how the principles of parents rub off on their children. Jack Will’s mother exemplifies a parent who tries to raise her children conscientiously, as reflected in Jack Will’s actions. Even when he strays, he feels the better thing he should do and tries to improve. Julian’s villainous actions make more sense to the reader when they read the letters Julian’s mother writes: she is shallow, pompous, and generally corrupt.

Key Moments in Wonder

• August Pullman finds out he will start schooling at a private middle school after being homeschooled all his life.
• August receives a school tour led by Jack, Will, Julian, and Charlotte.
• On his first day of school, all his classmates except Summer avoided sitting with him during lunch. Jack Will sits with him during class.
• At Halloween, August overhears Jack Will’s saying they were not friends.
• Savanna asks Summer to quit being friends with August and join the group of popular students.
• Jack asks Summer why August is no longer friends with him, and she gives him a hint.
• Jack hits Julian for making fun of August.
• Jack writes August, asking for forgiveness, and August accepts his apology. They become friends once again.
• August finds out Via is hiding her participation in a school play from the family, and he accuses her of trying to hide him from her new schoolmates.
• Daisy, the family pet dog, dies.
• Miranda steps down from the lead role in the school play, and Via steps in for her. After the play, they all go for a family dinner.
• August goes on a school camping trip. He is attacked by a group from another school, but his classmates defend him.
• August wins an award at school.

Tone and Literary Style

The story maintains a breezy and light tone even for the heavy emotional themes ‘ Wonder ’ explores. The story is told through the first-person POV and written in an informal speech style, making it relatable and cordial. The author narrates the story through several characters ‘ viewpoints and helps shed more light on the story’s events or gives other important background information. The sentence structure is simple and direct.

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About Ebuka Igbokwe

Ebuka Igbokwe is the founder and former leader of a book club, the Liber Book Club, in 2016 and managed it for four years. Ebuka has also authored several children's books. He shares philosophical insights on his newsletter, Carefree Sketches and has published several short stories on a few literary blogs online.

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Children’s Books

Facing Up to It

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By Maria Russo

• April 6, 2012

Born with several genetic abnormalities, 10-year-old August Pullman, called Auggie, dreams of being “ordinary.” Inside, he knows he’s like every other kid, but even after 27 surgeries, the central character of “Wonder” bears facial disfigurations so pronounced that people who see him for the first time do “that look-away thing” — if they manage to hide their shock and horror.

“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably worse,” he says of his face as the book begins. He’s used to the stares and mean comments, but he’s still terrified to learn that his parents have gotten him into middle school at Beecher Prep and want him to go there rather than be home-schooled. But they persuade him to give it a try — and by the time this rich and memorable first novel by R. J. Palacio is over, it’s not just Auggie but everyone around him who has changed.

Stories about unusual children who long to fit in can be particularly wrenching. At their core lurks a kind of loneliness that stirs primal fears of abandonment and isolation. But Palacio gives Auggie a counterweight to his problems: He has the kind of warm and loving family many “normal” children lack. Among their ­— and the book’s — many strengths, the Pullmans share the, um, earthy sense of humor that all kids love. Over the years his parents, Nate and Isabel, have turned the disturbing story of Auggie’s birth into high comedy involving a flatulent nurse who fainted at the sight of him, and they persuade him to go to Beecher by riffing hilariously on the name of the school’s director, Mr. Tushman. It also helps that the Pullmans’ world — they live in a town house in “the hippie-stroller capital of upper Upper Manhattan” — is the privileged, educated upper-middle class, that hotbed of parents who hover and micromanage the lives of their perfectly fine children. It’s somehow weirdly satisfying to see what happens when something actually alarming enters this zone of needless anxiety. Palacio carves a wise and refreshing path, suggesting that while even a kid like August has to be set free to experience the struggles of life, the right type of closeness between parents and children is a transformative force for good.

But it’s Auggie and the rest of the children who are the real heart of “Wonder,” and Palacio captures the voices of girls and boys, fifth graders and teenagers, with equal skill, switching narrators every few chapters to include Auggie’s friends and his teenage sister, Via, who wrestles with her resentment, guilt and concern. “We circle around him like he’s still the baby he used to be,” she observes ruefully. And we see the vicious politics of fifth-grade popularity played out as the class bully targets Auggie and starts a campaign to shun him, culminating in an overnight school trip that turns scary and shuffles the social deck in ways no one could have imagined.

While I sobbed several times during “Wonder,” my 9-year-old daughter — who loved the book and has been pressing it on her friends — remained dry-eyed. She didn’t understand why I thought Auggie’s situation might upset her. “I like kids who are different,” she said. I realized that what makes her cry are stories in which children suffer because they have missing or neglectful parents and no one to take care of them. Perhaps Palacio’s most remarkable trick is leaving us with the impression that Auggie’s problems are surmountable in all the ways that count — that he is, in fact, in an enviable position.

By R. J. Palacio

315 pp. Alfred A. Knopf. $15.99. (Middle grade; ages 8 to 12)

Maria Russo is a frequent contributor to the Book Review.

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Wonder by R.J. Palacio, Essay Example

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After reading the book, think psychologically in regard to Auggie’s identity; particularly in relation to disability – discuss in detail how you perceive how his identity was shaped. August Pullman, or Augie as his family and friends call him, is a ten year old boy who has been home-schooled his entire life because of a physical deformity that required over twenty surgeries.  Wonder  traces Auggie’s experiences when his parents decide to enroll him into the local middle school called Beecher Prep amidst his transition into adolescence, a life stage in which young boys often struggle with their identity. Auggie does not have any friends and is ostracized because of his extremely disfigured face, which the author describes him as looking like an Elephant Man who eats food like a tortoise. Indeed, this book delves into the theme of identity of a young boy whose physical deformity hinders him from attending public school until he reaches the fifth grade. As such, his physicality shaped the contours of his personal identity and dictated his mobility, lack of socialization, and view of the world. Children at Auggie’s age are not self-aware, which is why they yearn to belong to a group in the mainstream rather than stand out alone. This pack mentality has enabled humans to evolve, yet one’s character is tested when they individuate a part from the pack. Auggie emerges as a trope for those who are rendered outsiders as a result of a certain disability ranging from autism to physical deformities. Indeed, the physical attributions of Auggie constitute his identity and truly mark him as a different and distinct individual. This fact is bolstered by the fact that Auggie only feels “normal” on Halloween because everyone disguises themselves with costumes and masks. Masks thus play a prominent role in both revealing and concealing Auggie’s identity. He is cognizant of how people respond when they see his face as he is met on a quotidian basis with hostility, covert glances, snickering, and teasing. Auggie struggles to convince his classmates that despite his debilitating physical condition, he is just like them and thus should be accepted. Auggie forms an identity vis-a-vis discursive framing from a cultural perspective. Auggie asserts that he is like a Wookie from the Star Wars films, noting that he is aware that he looks weird and understands why people would look at him funny. Identity always figures prominently in stories like  Wonder  that trace a character’s coming-of-age story. Auggie needs to ascertain how to close the chasm between what kind of person society views him as—anything but ordinary—and how he views himself as a person: normal and ordinary. Convincing outsiders to look beyond his physical deformity is at the fulcrum of this work.

Discuss your thoughts surrounding disability especially in relation to school psychology. 

Students suffering from physical and/or emotional disabilities experience both positive and negative perceptions and behaviors of school staff and students. School psychologists and counselors need to spearhead efforts to assess the school environment and climate for disabled students and to initiate particular interventions and advocacy for change on an idiosyncratic basis. School psychologists must consider various factors when fomenting an environment within schools that facilitates interventions that make an impact. Indeed, students who are physically disabled like Auggie are overtly stigmatized in public discourses as well as within empirical school settings, as they encounter physical and attitudinal obstacles on a quotidian basis. Despite the fact that there is legislation such as the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 that protect the intrinsic rights of people suffering from disabilities, such policies cannot safeguard disabled students from prejudice and discrimination that is so common on school campuses. School psychologists are charged with the responsibility of assessing the perceptions, behaviors, and attitudes and school staff members in addition to systemic factors that pertain to the school environment. Counselors must collaborate with pedagogues and other school personnel in order to determine what interventions are needed and respond in a prompt and effective manner. The stigma associated with disability must be dismantled at the behest of school psychologists in order to effectively integrate psychically disabled students into school life. School counselors retain the power to draw on their conduct needs and training in order to pinpoint potential programmatic, attitudinal, and systematic arenas for change. Doing so would foment positive school environments for disabled students, which is why the collaboration between school psychology and school personnel in order to implement school policies that promote respect, interest in, and high expectations for yielding positive outcomes for students regardless of their disability status. They are also responsible for calling attention to administrators for the professional development of faculty members to effectively work with disabled students. As such, school counselors can assist students develop an appreciation for disabled students vis-a-vis collaboration with pedagogues or direct services available. Ultimately, I believe that school psychologists need to effectively provide support to disabled students and communicate high expectations, which would aid them in truly understanding that physical disability is not a hindrance for them and should never curtail their aspirations.

What are the reasons you believe this book is important for school psychology students to read and what particular chapter or paragraph resonated most.

This book retains currency for school psychology students to read because children’s literature is an effective mechanism to promote reflective, critical, and diffuse discussions of complex tropes and themes such as disability and disfigurement during adolescence. Auggie confronts a litany of obstacles throughout the book, including social anxiety and bullying, yet he ultimately attains friendship and self-acceptance by sheer luck. It is important for school psychology students to understand the issues surrounding physical disability and social acceptance which is so poignantly portrayed in the book. Auggie benefited from fortified developmental assets including progressive, proactive, and supportive school and family community, which rendered him resilient and safeguarded against the vast array of psychosocial hardships pertaining to being physically disfigured. Children who lack such developmental assets, however, do not meet such a positive fate as Auggie’s. This fictive rendering draws interest into how in the United States, the reality is that disabled people are rendered peripheral to mainstream society, which is why visibly different people are treated so differently. Indeed, Visible difference is discriminated against and stigmatized, and the needs of those suffering from such public signifiers inscribed on their bodies are largely ignored. Wonder is the perfect book that promotes the acceptance of visible difference amongst adolescents and conveys how school psychologists can facilitate this process despite the ubiquity of bullying and intimidation on school campuses as a result of difference. Interestingly, the work also promotes questions regarding how young readers react to Wonder and whether or not the work can positively affect young readers regardless if they have physical differences or not.

As a future school psychologist, what would you have done to help Auggie’s transition into school for the first time?

The school psychologists retains an important role in the school environment, especially when aiding students suffering from physical disability who face bullying and harassment on an idiosyncratic basis. They provide a vast array of services to the students, parents, and staff members that include consultation, which involved helping the aforementioned parties thwart abt obstacles for a students’ learning and behavioral development; assessment, in which intervention planning is conducted and information is assessed regarding a student’s behavior and learning; and intervention, which calls for a multi-faceted effort for crisis. As Auggie’s school counselor, I would have further informed him about his civil rights through accurate knowledge throughout his transition. Moreover, I would have prepared the students through educational programs regarding the acceptance of visible difference prior to recruiting three of the students to be so-called “welcome buddies” for Auggie without adequate preparation regarding the stigma and issues surrounding visible difference.

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Summary and Study Guide

Wonder is a middle-grade novel written by R.J. Palacio and published in 2012 by Alfred A. Knopf. The novel is a #1 New York Times Bestseller and also a major motion picture. Though multiple narrators tell the tale, the plot centers around August “Auggie” Pullman , a 10-year-old kid who has a genetic condition called mandibulofacial dysostosis that has left his face misshapen. People stare and judge him by his looks, but Auggie tries not to let it bother him. He feels like a normal kid on the inside and wishes others would get to know him for who he is. Auggie’s life of relative isolation is upended when he transitions from homeschooling to attending Beecher Prep Middle School. He faces bullying and discrimination, because of his appearance, as well as the routine trials of growing up .

At the beginning of the story, Auggie believes he’s just like any other kid, though he acknowledges that other kids don’t cause people to run away screaming. He’s only 10 years old when the narrative begins, and Auggie has already undergone 27 surgeries to try to correct various issues related to his genetic condition. While Auggie claims he’s used to people staring at him wherever he goes , his sister, Olivia “Via” Pullman is not; she gets visibly upset. Auggie’s fortitude to face public opinion is put to the test when he learns that he has been accepted to Beecher Prep—and that his parents expect him to attend.

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Though Auggie initially feels like his parents have betrayed him, he agrees to go to school. The challenge this decision presents is significant. The other students jeer and stare at Auggie. Even some teachers reveal shock upon seeing him. Auggie takes it all in stride because he’s used to it. He makes a new friend, Jack Will; he and Jack Will sit next to each other in practically every class, providing some relief from his status as an outcast. Auggie also befriends Summer Dawson , a kind girl who sits with him at lunch when no one else will. Summer and Auggie connect over their shared sense of playfulness and wonder; unlike many of their peers, the two still play games and want to dress up for Halloween. Though Auggie has made friends, he also makes a powerful enemy in Julian . And, as the school year progresses, Julian not only bullies Auggie relentlessly but also creates an environment where others can act unkindly to Auggie.

On Halloween—Auggie’s favorite holiday because no one judges him for what he looks like—he overhears Jack Will badmouthing him to Julian while he is disguised in a costume. Auggie’s fragile world comes tumbling down with this betrayal, and he stops going to school. Eventually, Via convinces him not to let the bullies win. Auggie returns to school and later learns that Jack Will stood up for him against Julian by punching Julian in the face. Auggie and Jack Will eventually make up. Julian turns the entire class against Jack Will for this offense, but Summer, Auggie, and Jack Will grow closer as friends. Eventually, other students grow tired of Julian’s bullying. When the class goes on a spring retreat and a group of older kids assault Auggie, he finds that he has more friends than he realizes. People stand up for him and protect him, and soon the entire school is on Auggie’s side. Afterwards, Julian loses his support network when everyone chooses to be kind to Auggie.

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Auggie receives an award during graduation for exhibiting quiet strength and inspiring kindness throughout the schoolyear. Now, everyone knows him for who he is as a person and not for what he looks like. His mother explains that there will always be bad people in life but that the good people outweigh the bad. Auggie’s schoolyear is a testament to this. At the end of the narrative, Auggie’s mom thanks him for being such “a wonder” to everyone in his life.

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Reviews of Wonder by R.J. Palacio

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by R.J. Palacio

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About this Book

Book summary.

Wonder is a spare, warm, uplifting story that will have readers laughing one minute and wiping away tears the next.

Winner of the BookBrowse 2012 Best Book for Younger Readers Award

I won't describe what I look like. Whatever you're thinking, it's probably worse. August (Auggie) Pullman was born with a facial deformity that prevented him from going to a mainstream school - until now. He's about to start 5th grade at Beecher Prep, and if you've ever been the new kid then you know how hard that can be. The thing is Auggie's just an ordinary kid, with an extraordinary face. But can he convince his new classmates that he's just like them, despite appearances? R. J. Palacio has written a spare, warm, uplifting story that will have readers laughing one minute and wiping away tears the next. With wonderfully realistic family interactions (flawed, but loving), lively school scenes, and short chapters, Wonder is accessible to readers of all levels. Ages 8+

Ordinary I know I'm not an ordinary ten-year-old kid. I mean, sure, I do ordinary things. I eat ice cream. I ride my bike. I play ball. I have an XBox. Stuff like that makes me ordinary. I guess. And I feel ordinary. Inside. But I know ordinary kids don't make other ordinary kids run away screaming in playgrounds. I know ordinary kids don't get stared at wherever they go. If I found a magic lamp and I could have one wish, I would wish that I had a normal face that no one ever noticed at all. I would wish that I could walk down the street without people seeing me and then doing that look-away thing. Here's what I think: the only reason I'm not ordinary is that no one else sees me that way. But I'm kind of used to how I look by now. I know how to pretend I don't see the faces people make. We've all gotten pretty good at that sort of thing: me, Mom and Dad, Via. Actually, I take that back: Via's not so good at it. She can get really annoyed when people do something rude. Like, ...

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Wonder rings its bell, and the note that reverberates in the air slips effortlessly into the reader's body. It hangs there, and the reader can't help but be changed. It is a meditation of a novel. A story that asks the reader to feel her way into kindness, empathy, and openness. And without a doubt, the reader, upon experiencing it, responds with a deep, resounding yes . Wonder is recommended for middle grade and young adult readers. It is a perfect book to open up discussions between students or book club members... continued

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Beyond the Book

R.j. palacio's inspiration for wonder.

Whatever you're thinking, it's probably worse. This is Auggie's statement on page one of Wonder about the appearance of his face. R.J. Palacio (whose real name is Raquel Jaramillo... Palacio is her mother's last name) makes a very conscious choice not to explore Auggie's disfigurement head-on, and I think it's a good one. Instead, she allows the reader to create her own images and then, very slowly and from a slanted sort of angle, Palacio gives details. Because at the heart of issue is, well, Auggie's heart, and that is all that matters. I don't want to dishonor Palacio's choice, but I will give you a bit of information about Auggie's condition. He has something called Mandibulofacial Dysostosis , which is more typically known as ...

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Wonder Essay by Rj Palacio

The book Wonder has definitely changed my perspective.  Before reading this book if I saw someone like Auggie I would have definitely reacted differently. The character I think I would have reacted similar to would be Charlotte. In the book August says when he meets Charlotte “she gave me a quick wave, a smile, and said nice to meet you”. If I were to meet someone like Auggie I probably would have done something similar. Normally when meeting someone I would shake his or her hand but I would most likely be a little shy around someone like August. Charlotte was trying her best to be nice to Auggie but she didn’t become friends with him, I would most likely do the same and stay my distance when I wasn’t forced to be with him. Charlotte wasn’t necessarily unkind to Auggie she just didn’t become one of his close friends, another thing I would have done.

Before reading, Wonder I am sad to say at first glance I would have looked at someone with facial deformities and assumed he or she had special needs. I am embarrassed to say that I would just assume that since I have read this book. I realize that me assuming such a thing is completely rude and judgmental. I would not have worried about how they felt when I stared at them for something they could not control. I wouldn’t picture myself in their shoes and think about how they face being stared at wherever they go. Like Charlotte I wouldn’t give them a handshake. I just didn’t give my actions any thought and poor people like Auggie had careless and unaware people doing things all the time that made him feel bad about himself while he had no control over it.

After reading this book I would most definitely react differently to someone like August. This book has showed me that someone with a facial deformity and someone without a facial deformity are the same as someone with blonde hair and someone with brown hair. I would now not look down upon someone like August but I would actually look up to him or her because I can now realize their struggles and understand how hard it must be to be the person who stands out and has the deformed face. I feel this book has made me see someone like Auggie in a much clearer way. Wonder has really shown me that people who are different and stand out turn out to be some of the strongest people on the inside.

One example from the book that I would react differently to after reading the book would be the way Charlotte reacted to Auggie the first time she met him. As I stated in the beginning before reading this book I think I would have reacted in a similar way to Charlotte, give August a quick wave and smile. Now instead of not being overly welcoming and just giving him a little wave I would shake his hand, smile, and say “Hi I’m Alison, nice to meet you August”. I would try to be especially friendly towards him because he was new to the school and didn’t know anyone. I would try to treat him like anyone else and not stare at him. I’m sure if all the people at August’s school treated him that way Auggie would be much happier and have a lot easier time.

Another example from “Wonder” that I would react differently to after reading this book would be when Charlotte secretly told Jack about the war and why everyone wasn’t talking to him. Again I think before reading this book I would have reacted in the same way as Charlotte and try to help but still not tell people that I was helping Jack. I would have known that what was going on wasn’t right but I wouldn’t do much about it. Now since I have heard what was going from Auggie and Jack’s perspectives I would be on Jacks side and not care what people thought about me because I would be doing the right thing.

Overall I am very happy I read the book Wonder. I would have never given as much thought about people like Auggie if I hadn’t read this book. I think what really helped me realize how we are the same was seeing it from the same perspective as the person with the deformed face. Only seeing someone with a deformed face does not really make me think about how it must feel to be him or her. Hearing Auggie’s thoughts and feelings is what really made me understand how hard it must be to have a face like his. I feel it would help not only me but also many other people to understand how they react can effect people like August if they read the book so they could hear it from Auggie’s point of view. Wonder has changed my attitude towards people like August, and I am very thankful for that.  

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R. J. Palacio

Ask litcharts ai: the answer to your questions.

Wonder tells the story of ten-year-old August Pullman 's first year going to school. Because he was born with a rare craniofacial condition that necessitated multiple major surgeries, his parents felt it was best to homeschool him for much of his childhood—both to help him keep up with his studies, and to protect him from the bullying and stares he attracts that would likely intensify in a school setting. As August embarks on his journey of leaving homeschooling to start middle school, the novel interrogates what it means to be kind, and the sacrifices one must make for the sake of kindness. However, while the novel certainly positions kindness as always being the right choice, it also goes to great lengths to underscore the ways in which choosing to act kindly can sometimes be an extremely difficult choice.

Though August is described as being a kind character to the core, the lack of kindness shown to him by others often keeps him from actually behaving kindly on a regular basis. On the first day of school, Ms. Petosa forces a boy named Henry to sit in the empty seat next to August. Though Henry does as he's told, he's clearly unhappy to do so and even puts his backpack on the desk between himself and August to create a barrier. As August watches Henry struggle with his lock for his locker, he confides in the reader that had Henry not been rude to him, he would've absolutely helped him with his lock. This suggests that kindness isn't always something that can happen regardless of circumstances; people must not only be willing to receive kindness, but in many cases must also behave in such a way as to make it seem worth one's while to behave kindly in the first place.

A girl named Summer is the only person willing to sit with August on his first day of school. Though she explains to the reader that she sat with him on the first day just to be nice and because she felt bad for him, she finds within days that she actually enjoys hanging out with August. Especially when Jack says almost the exact same thing when he talks about his friendship with August, it shows that acting kindly doesn't have to be an act of martyrdom, as kids like the mean-spirited bully Julian would like to think. Rather, acting kindly towards someone can lead to positive social interactions and far more fulfilling friendships than the ones available via bullying and peer pressure. However, it's also important to keep in mind that the very real friendships that Summer and Jack form with August do come at a cost to their friendships with the rest of their classmates. Though Summer doesn't seem to care much that she's jeopardizing her chance at being popular by hanging out with August, Jack struggles deeply to reconcile his desire to be accepted by the popular crowd with his desire to be nice to August and maintain their friendship. When Jack finally takes a stand against Julian's bullying by punching him in the face, Jack discovers what some of the consequences of behaving kindly and standing up to mean people can be. He not only gets suspended from school, but upon his return, he and Summer are ostracized and bullied themselves, just like August is.

Despite the negative consequences, Jack remains firm in his belief that he did the right thing by standing up for August. He recognizes that by behaving kindly and prioritizing his friendship with August over his social standing, he will, in the long run, be a much happier and more fulfilled person—even if, in the short term, acting kindly has the potential to be lonely and alienating.

The Difficulty of Kindness ThemeTracker

The Difficulty of Kindness Quotes in Wonder

What's cool about really little kids is that they don't say stuff to try to hurt your feelings, even though sometimes they do say stuff that hurts your feelings. But they don't actually know what they're saying. Big kids, though: they know what they're saying.

Henry still couldn't get his lock to open […] He got really annoyed when I was able to open mine on the first try. The funny thing is, if he hadn't put the backpack between us, I most definitely would have offered to help him.

Maybe no one got the Darth Sidious thing, and maybe Julian didn't mean anything at all. But in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith , Darth Sidious's face gets burned […] His skin gets all shriveled up and his whole face just kind of melts.

I peeked at Julian and he was looking at me. Yeah, he knew what he was saying.

Hey, the truth is, if a Wookiee started going to the school all of a sudden, I'd be curious, I'd probably stare a bit! And if I was walking with Jack or Summer, I'd probably whisper to them: Hey, there's the Wookiee. And if the Wookiee caught me saying that, he'd know I wasn't trying to be mean.

"I love Auggie very, very much," she said softly […] "But he has many angels looking out for him already, Via. And I want you to know that you have me looking out for you."

I wonder how many nights she's stood outside his door. And I wonder if she's ever stood outside my door like that.

How I found out about this is that Maya Markowitz told me that the reason she won't play Four Square with us at recess is that she doesn't want to catch the Plague. I was like, "What's the Plague?" And she told me. I told Maya I thought it was really dumb and she agreed, but she still wouldn't touch a ball that August just touched, not if she could help it.

"Jack, sometimes you don't have to mean to hurt someone to hurt someone. You understand?"

And the truth is, though nobody's that obvious about it: nobody wants to hang out with him. Everyone's way too hung up on being in the popular group, and he's just as far from the popular group as you can get. But now I can hang out with anyone I want. If I wanted to be in the popular group, I could totally be in the popular group.

Before she went out, she looked left and right outside the door to make sure no one saw her leaving. I guess even though she was neutral, she didn't want to be seen with me.

it's not even like they know they're being mean, she adds. they were just scared. i mean, let's face it, his face is a little scary, right?

it's just been so nice being in a new school where nobody knows about him, you know? nobody's whispering about it behind my back […] but if he comes to the play, then everyone will talk about it, everyone will know […].

I don't even know how I got so mad. I wasn't really mad at the beginning of dinner. I wasn't even sad. But then all of a sudden it all kind of just exploded out of me. I knew Via didn't want me to go to her stupid play. And I knew why.

We knew we were being mean, but it was easier to ice her out if we pretended she had done something to us. The truth is she hadn't changed at all: we had. We'd become these other people, and she was still the person she'd always been. That annoyed me so much and I didn't know why.

"Kinder than is necessary," he repeated. "What a marvelous line, isn't it? Kinder than is necessary . Because it's not enough to be kind. One should be kinder than needed. Why I love that line, that concept, is that it reminds me that we carry with us, as human beings, not just the capacity to be kind, but the very choice of kindness."

"There are always going to be jerks in the world, Auggie," she said, looking at me. "But I really believe, and Daddy really believes, that there are more good people on this earth than bad people, and the good people watch out for each other and take care of each other. Just like Jack was there for you. And Amos. And those other kids."

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Wonder: book review (B1)

Wonder is a book about an ordinary boy called Auggie who looks very different from most boys his age. 

Instructions

Do the preparation exercise first and then read the article. If you find it too easy, try the next level. If it's too difficult, try the lower level. After reading, do the exercises to check your understanding.

Preparation

What’s wonder about.

Wonder tells the story of August, a ten-year old boy who lives with his parents and sister in New York. August, or Auggie as his family call him, is an ordinary boy in many ways. He rides a bike and likes playing with his Xbox. But Auggie was born with deformities of the face and looks very different from other kids. At the start of the book, he tells us 'My name is August. I won’t describe what I look like. Whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably worse.' Auggie’s appearance shocks people. People look at him for a long time or sometimes they look away as soon as they see him.

Auggie’s had 27 operations on his face and has spent a lot of time in hospital. His mother has taught him at home, but now that he’s ten, she thinks he should go to school. At first, Auggie hates the idea of school and doesn’t want to go. He worries that other kids will look at him strangely or call him horrible names, but his parents persuade him to visit a school and meet the headteacher. After the visit, Auggie decides that, yes, he will go to school.

Like many kids, Auggie is really anxious on the first day. Because of his face, nobody wants to sit next to him and he notices other kids looking and talking about him behind their hands. Fortunately, he makes friends with Jack, a boy in his class, and Summer, a girl he chats with at lunch. But after surviving the first day, Auggie soon learns that his classmates are saying they will catch 'the plague' if they touch him. Wonder tells the story of Auggie’s first year at school and how other kids treat him. It’s a difficult year with good and bad times. But towards the end, a frightening and dramatic event at a school camp changes things completely.

Is it a good book?

Wonder is an excellent book that tells a moving and inspiring story. It’s fast-moving and gripping too. I found myself reading it on the bus even if I only had time to read a couple of pages. It appeals to all age groups and is very popular with teenagers and adults. Auggie is a very likeable central character. He’s got a good sense of humour, so the book is both funny and sad at times. It’s a fascinating story about a regular kid who’s living in a world that’s not used to people who look different.

One great thing about the book is that it’s told from the point of view of different characters. We begin with Auggie, but then the story is told by his sister, Via, and his schoolmates till we come back to Auggie at the end. This works really well as we find out what it’s like for Via to have a younger brother who takes a lot of her parents’ attention. We also learn how Jack is left out of the 'popular group' at school, just because he is Auggie’s friend.

A bestseller

Wonder is RJ Palacio’s first novel. On her website, she explains that the idea for the book came to her after seeing a girl with facial deformities on the street one day. Wonder has been a bestseller in the United States and has won several awards. Many schools are using it to start discussions about bullying, friendship and being different. A film version is being made, and many, including me, are looking forward to seeing what RJ Palacio writes next.

Robin Newton

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It’s Weird Times to Be a Happy Mother

Some reasons why i’ll rarely admit this in public..

I recently published a book about caregiving that is, in part, a rigorously researched explanation of why I love motherhood, despite living in a country that gives parents so little support. One might imagine that constructing and then promoting my arguments as to why caring for others can be meaningful and emotionally enriching, even when it’s challenging, may have led me to feel comfortable saying I like being a mom in casual social settings. It hasn’t. When I am with friends or acquaintances, or connecting with others online, the admission gets stuck in my throat, where it remains with all the other things that are better left unsaid.

It’s a feeling that traces all the way back to the time when my first son was born. I became a mom in 2012, which I unscientifically suspect was right around the time negative messages about motherhood became more common than positive ones. Or at least it certainly felt like this, in the liberal, largely coastal circles I inhabited online and in real life. To voice any delight about my relationship with my son felt a mix of tone-deaf, out of style, and potentially alienating to others.

Over a decade into motherhood, I now see that there are concentric circles to my hesitation to voice positive feelings, layers of potential relational, political, and personal harm I would fear I would unleash if I came clean. I worry about making others who struggle with motherhood feel bad; I worry about undermining the fight to get mothers and other caregivers more systemic support; I worry about turning back the clock on feminism; and I worry about outing myself as sentimental, and therefore intellectually unserious and uncool. Making it all the harder is that this fear doesn’t feel like a product of my tendency to second-guess things, but rather pretty realistic.

When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others

By Elissa Straus. Simon & Schuster.

Slate receives a commission when you purchase items using the links on this page. Thank you for your support.

The relational piece is the most immediate. When a close friend admits to me that she is struggling with motherhood, the feeling tends to come coated with a heavy dose of physical and emotional exhaustion, shame, maybe even regret. For so long, motherhood was locked up in easy metaphors of goodliness and saintliness. To deviate from this one-note portrayal and refuse to meet unrealistic expectations, to not want to be endlessly giving and enthusiastic about it, was, in this formula, to be a bad person. Ambivalence about either one’s children, or about how motherhood changes the way one can experience the world, was not seen as a healthy part of a huge life undertaking, but a sign that one was not dedicated enough. Even though we have let go of these simplified and unrealistic definitions of a “good mom,” particularly in online discourse, those old-fashioned notions can still get under the skin for those having a hard time. To be in that state, and to hear that I am loving motherhood—a matter of personal disposition as much as it is luck in having children with milder temperaments—might, very understandably, only make things worse.

On a more public level, I fear that me, or anyone, saying I like motherhood, even though it can be tough, has the potential to undermine political efforts to get necessary and overdue support for parents from the government and workplaces. In our current system, moms are suffering because they are moms, which makes managing a job or affording a (not terribly indulgent!) life pretty difficult. For those in the laptop class, they may have scheduling flexibility at work, but that tends to come with an expectation to always be available. Or, for those who work onsite, there is often little flexibility and, too often, very little advance notice of weekly schedules, giving moms a tight 24 hours to figure out caregiving support for the week. We lack universal paid leave, we lack universal and affordable child care and elder care—a one-two punch for all those sandwich-generation parents out there. To say you are having a good time can feel like you are dismissing all the unnecessary suffering that moms experience in the United States because of a lack of societal support. Inversely, to complain about being emotionally spent has become a message of solidarity, a protest chant against everything that makes life so impossible for moms.

Cutting deeper than the threat to pro-mom activism is the threat to feminism. So much of late-20 th -century feminism—though, as I learned when researching my book, mostly white feminism—was about allowing women to have other identities outside of motherhood. To insist on motherhood as a path to meaning, purpose, let alone joy, can feel like I am doing the bidding of conservative forces in our culture, who don’t just advocate for embracing motherhood, but a return to a patriarchal domestic structure in which Dad is on top. What I’d like to do is see what embracing care could look like outside the patriarchy, to look inside the homes women like Betty Friedan encouraged us to escape, and see what is worth appreciating there. With the erosion of reproductive rights and the new popularity of tradwives on social media, pointing out all that is worth celebrating in motherhood can feel dangerous, for people with my politics. And yet, if we don’t do it, what vision of feminism are we promoting for the next generation? Another one in which care is sidelined, marginalized—left to underpaid working-class women, mostly women of color, while wealthier, mostly white women leave the home and do the big, important stuff? I don’t want that either—and yet, still, how to express this?

This disquiet lingers even in solitude, particularly when I am reading smart writing by a smart woman in which motherhood is presented as something that limits or subtracts. It’s not that I have a problem with them feeling that way, or writing about it. I don’t expect anyone to feel the same as I do about this relationship or any of my other relationships, including my relationship with my parents or my husband. The problem isn’t that I feel unseen, so much as I often detect an unspoken assessment that intelligence and motherhood are incompatible. Or, as is the case in many fictional portraits of maternal ambivalence, a feeling that being honest about one’s desires and seeking them out can’t happen in the context of caring for one’s kids. To like motherhood makes me dumb and repressed, I temporarily conclude, cheeks on fire even though nobody is watching.

Because, even when I believe loving motherhood makes me tragically unhip, or when I hesitate to discuss my experience with it with others, my affection for it never wavers. This is the point in the essay when I tell you why. I, like so many women, went into motherhood with a defensive posture. I had no ambivalence about becoming a mom, and am fortunate enough to have a pretty easy time connecting with my children. My big fear was not exactly the act of parenting itself, but how becoming a parent would stop me from living an otherwise interesting and meaningful life.

As it happened, my relationship with my kids has been as philosophically, spiritually, or intellectually vital as anything else I’ve done, leading to the kind of realizations we’ve long wanted to seek elsewhere, away from the home, away from the family. Through them, I’ve cultivated a healthy relationship with uncertainty, with attention, with  feeling closer to the source of life, whatever it is, with all its wonder and fragility—all moments of revelation that came by way of a mix of stress, rupture, wholeness, and ease. If I had let motherhood stay small, confined to the sidelines, then those stressful moments would have felt like forces holding me back on my way to an interesting and meaningful life. But by letting motherhood become big, those challenges—and yes, my kids annoy me sometimes, and yes, I appreciate working and other time I spend away from them—became part of a larger narrative arc.

I really do want to be able to say all this in the company of others—and not just in writing but during unscripted, person-to-person exchanges. While I am so glad moms feel liberated to talk about the hard parts of parenting, I worry that only talking about the hard parts make it so the experience of taking care of our children is kept small, devalued, something not worthy of our curiosity, nor our collective investment. I often long for a whole new language, a whole new vocabulary and even context for discussing motherhood, but I haven’t figured it out yet. Whereas once, we diminished motherhood by easy praise, we now often diminish it with easy complaint. Is there a way to think more expansively and holistically in our conversations about motherhood? To be open to the ways in which the good and the bad are not oppositional, but essential, inevitable parts of a rich, friction-filled experience we may not always like but can love and grow from? I’m still working on it.

Furari Flores

A multisensory arts experience exploring the wonder of plants by cara-ann simpson, publisher description.

'Furari Flores' is a multisensory arts project celebrating the wonder of plants from regional Queensland artist, Cara-Ann Simpson. Featuring essays by Dr Louise Martin-Chew, Dr Prudence Gibson, Cat Jones, A/Prof Kyle Jenkins and Cara-Ann Simpson. 'Furari Flores' explores the themes of environmental art, data visualisation, technology, geometry and meditation. Enter a world of multisensory botanical magic and join Cara-Ann on a journey of deep listening, Earth admiration and plant love.