Home — Application Essay — National Universities — Life as a Military Child: Nurtured by Change

one pixel image

Life as a Military Child: Nurtured by Change

  • University: University of Washington

About this sample

close

Words: 472 |

Published: Jul 18, 2018

Words: 472 | Pages: 1 | 3 min read

I have never lived in one place for more than four years at a time. The reason? I am an Army brat. Some feel sorry for me, but I think my life was greatly enriched by moving so often. My life has given me many unique opportunities to observe and live in other cultures, including a whole different lifestyle within the military community itself. I feel that this experience as a military child has positively developed my character and has enabled me to adapt readily to new situations.

Say no to plagiarism.

Get a tailor-made essay on

'Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned'?

Moving exposed me to many different countries and cultures. I was born in Germany and subsequently moved to Minnesota, Hawaii, Holland, Hawaii again, Pennsylvania, and finally back to Hawaii. In all these situations, I was struck by both the differences between people and places and our remarkable ability to get along anyway. For example, people of many countries converge in Hawaii, where one can hear five languages spoken around him at once, whereas Germany is a fairly homogenous place. In Holland, I attended an international school for two years and befriended Canadians, British, Germans, Dutch, and Yugoslavians – a wonderfully diverse group that found plenty of commonalities to share.

Living in a place is the best way to learn about its local culture, but traveling is a strong runner up. I have been fortunate to travel to many countries around the world and to many places in the USA. This traveling has made me realize how important it is to learn about other societies. Travel has taught me to be more open-minded, to accept others, and to appreciate how others may view life in a different way than I do.

Military culture has also affected who I am. Being part of a military community is different than growing up in what we call “the civilian world.” The rules – including my parents’ – are stricter than elsewhere. We live in close proximity to our neighbors, and that requires learning to get along with them. Learning to build relationships easily is essential to survival as a military brat since you have to make new friends and meet new people each time you move. I also attribute my independent and outgoing nature to the moving associated with military life. Moving and leaving friends behind is never easy, but these experiences have prepared me for change and taught me how to adapt. Because of these experiences I recognize that life is unpredictable and that sometimes there’s nothing I can do about it. I try to look at things optimistically and be the best person I can be.

Keep in mind: This is only a sample.

Get a custom paper now from our expert writers.

Despite the negative connotations of the term, I am proud to be a “military brat” and I know that the experiences and skills I have developed as a result will benefit me in college and beyond.

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

  • 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
  • Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

author

Dr Jacklynne

Verified writer

  • Expert in: National Universities

writer

+ 129 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

boy

Are you interested in getting a customized paper?

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on National Universities

Finally, the long-awaited month of November has arrived. And we all know what that means: the start of another mock trial season. Case reports, opening statements, objections, the whole shebang. It is a time of hard work and [...]

As I reflect on my journey towards discovering my passion for animation, I realize that it has been heavily influenced by the people in my life, particularly my cousin. Growing up, my cousin and I spent countless hours watching [...]

As our annual family picture day approaches, disputes about matching attire, scenery, or whether or not our pets will be included continue to dominate our dinnertime discussions. I’m not keen on, nor do I oppose, this occasion. [...]

My heart is hammering as sweat drips like tears down the side of my warm, sticky face. Blood, propelled by adrenaline, races throughout my body. Twisting open the bottled water I bought earlier, I sit down on the blue-green [...]

Asian people do not discuss mental illness. While “Asian” is a broad term that cannot possibly encompass all the nationalities and ethnicities of the Asian continent, this is a solid fact in the most prominent cultures: China, [...]

I’m sure that it won’t be the last. However, the first really difficult academic decision I’ve made was in February, 2015: choosing my A-Level subjects. Overnight, I had to cut down my earlier eleven subjects, many of which I [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

  • Instructions Followed To The Letter
  • Deadlines Met At Every Stage
  • Unique And Plagiarism Free

military kid college essay examples

  • Skip to main content

meat-logo

College essays highlight military life

college essay

Our middle child, Anna, came home from school crying last week.

This is not unusual for teenage girls. In fact, it happens so frequently, that we sometimes have to feign concern. While we might gasp loudly and blurt with outstretched arms, “Oh, Sugar Dumpling, what’s got you so upset?” my internal monologue is really saying, Good Lord, what is it this time . . . probably boy drama, or another project is due, or skinny jeans went out of style . . . I’d better record “Survivor” because this might take a while.

But last week, Anna plopped onto the couch looking quite pitiful. With puffy eyes and a wobbling chin, she explained, “It’s just . . . everything! I have another paper due in English, a Stats test on Friday, the SAT this weekend, and I somehow have to upload my portfolio for my applications to Syracuse and Delaware. And between all that, somehow finish my college essay!” Her face contorted as tears plopped onto her sweatshirt.

Our daughter isn’t the only 17-year-old who is feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. Many of the 3.3 million US high school seniors are under pressure from parents, guidance counselors, teachers and themselves to distill their life experience down to one single, flawless 650-word college essay.

But are the tears and missed “Survivor” episodes worth it? Do essays really matter all that much to admissions counselors?

There are varied reports on whether or not essays are seriously considered by colleges. Three former admissions counselors from Dartmouth College, University of Pennsylvania, and University of Chicago stated in a Nov. 14, 2014 article in Time Magazine that they read and seriously considered every essay that came across their desks. However, they all acknowledged that no student with lackluster grades and test scores ever got into their schools based on a great essay.

Mitchell Stevens, a sociologist who studies higher education, spent 18 months in the admissions office of a top-tier liberal arts school working alongside counselors through two full admissions cycles. In a Nov. 13, 2014 article in The New Republic , Stevens stated that the “hard numbers” – GPA, test scores, class rank, and number of AP and honors courses – reigned supreme in their admissions decisions. The applicants on the low and high ends of the school’s standards were decided upon quickly, but even for the middle pool of applicants, essays “rarely got even cursory attention from admissions officers.”

Stevens said the factors that mattered more were: “How likely was an applicant to accept our offer of admission? Had we already accepted anyone from his or her remote zip code? Had the applicant received any special endorsement from a college alumnus or a faculty member? Did someone in the office owe a favor to the applicant’s guidance counselor?”

Furthermore, in its 2014 State of College Admissions Report , the National Association of College Admissions Counselors found that the most important factors in admissions decisions were grades in college prep courses (82%), strength of curriculum (64%), SAT/ACT scores (58%), and overall grades (52%). While opinions on essays were evenly spread, with only 22% reporting essays as having considerable importance, 38% moderate importance, 23% limited importance, and 17% no importance at all.

Regardless of this disheartening research, the fact remains that the essay serves as the one place on the Common Application (the online standard application accepted by approximately 500 US universities) where military children can set themselves apart. If there is a weakness in class rank, GPA, or consistency of curriculum; a personal essay that mentions moving three times during high school, living overseas, or a parent’s lengthy deployment, might not only catch the attention of admissions counselors, but also will spotlight the resiliency, adaptability and strength of military child applicants.

Military children in particular must seize opportunities to mention their uncommon experiences in their applications. Honor, sacrifice, service, hardship, adventure, and worldliness — these traits don’t show up in the “hard numbers” of a student’s GPA or test scores.

So dry your tears military high school seniors, and put your pens to paper. It’s time to give those college admissions counselors an education in military life.

Share this:

Share this post:, reader interactions.

' src=

October 12, 2015 at 8:37 pm

Lisa, thanks for sharing. Nate is a freshman at Massachusetts College of Art in Boston. I know what it’s like to have your child preparing a portfolio, taking classes and participating in a Fall sport. The essay was a great place for Nate to share how living in Europe shaped his creativity. The supplemental was an opportunity to talk about moving in your junior year to a tiny town made up of very high achievers and virtually no artists. Any chance to tell a little about who you are as a person, is worth it. If you haven’t already, take advantage of National Portfolio Days. It was a big help! Feel free to touch base if you have any questions on the art route. Good luck to Anna. BTW- Thomas is looking at RPI.

' src=

October 13, 2015 at 9:12 am

Thanks for this Colleen — I will heed your advice because Anna is working on her portfolio and supplements today because she has no school. The college counselors at school tell us, “It’s not a game, just be yourself, and you’ll find your school…” Blah, Blah, Blah. It sure feels like a game of chess to me!

And WOOT WOOT on RPI – it is a math/science geek’s world for sure, but the academics are top notch!

' src=

October 12, 2015 at 11:59 am

The college essay does matter. It is their interview for the “job” they are already qualified for, given, grades, SAT’s, etc. are all competitive. McKenzie (now a college Freshman), was a top student, out of the park ACT score, appointed by our city mayor to serve on a youth action council, the required gobs of community service, and to top it off she was selected for a prestigious high school summer internship offered to only select students in San Diego county to work in a research lab at Scrips Research Institute or the Salk Institute to do side-by-side cutting edge stem cell research (McKenzie is a molecular biology major and wants to study regenerative medicine). Anyway, despite all that in her portfolio, we were not certain it would be enough for her to gain admission into to a top University of California school (i.e., Berkley, UCLA, UCSD). We knew her only chance was her essay, a place to showcase her uniqueness as a military brat.

I have an inside advantage. I volunteer every year for a very large philanthropic organization called the San Diego Foundation (www.sandiegofoundation.org). If you click on the scholarship link there is a short video and I am in the video (ok, it was a two second segment for my cameo). I am on the scholarship review committee. The foundation is the largest private scholarship provider in San Diego county overseeing 160 scholarship funds. This past year we awarded 2.5 million dollars in scholarships to 800 students. I have served on this committee for three year. I’ve read hundreds of essays. All things being equal, I can tell in two opening sentences (1) if I want to read more (2) they go into the “yes” pile for further consideration. During deliberations of the finalists, it all comes down to the essay – always.

I read so many heart-breaking essays of struggles, but after a while I become numb to the stories of “poor-me and my background” and quite frankly view those students as those who could not change the world because they used their negative experiences to shape their lives, not the positive experiences. The best essays are when a student picks a certain life changing moment to turn the course of their passion and commitment to change the world and make it a better place. Funny essays were my favorite. They always made my yes pile.

When McKenzie wrote her essay, the hardest part was selecting one of hundreds of experiences she has as military kid. Living in Europe for three tours and all the travel meeting people and seeing the world outside her immediate bubble works set her apart.

In the end, she wrote about an incident on our Spring Break trip in 2011 while most of us stationed in Germany (all of Europe for that matter), were stranded somewhere on the globe because of the volcano eruption in Iceland and the airports were shut down. Instead of hanging out in the airport in Portugal to wait for a flight out, we hopped in our rental car and explored Spain, Portugal and Morocco (via ferry). The theme of the essay, sometimes the well thought out path of life throws you a “volcano” and you can either sit in the hotel and cry about it, or grab a backpack and take advantage of the new unknown opportunity before you and go exploring.

She was able to successfully weave in the theme of the excitement of new discoveries that come when one opportunity is closed, keep searching, but the journey of discovery is the best part. Then she tied those rich experiences back and applied them to her passion for scientific research and new discoveries. A tiny bit cheesy, but it worked because it was sincere.

The end of the story. McKenzie applied to: UC Berkley, UC Davis, UC Irvine, UC San Diego, UCLA, UC Santa Barbara, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, and San Diego State. ****California has a special benefit for California residents who have a disability rating where the state pays the tuition for your children to any California public school or university – you just have to get accepted to the school. The benefit covers tuition all the way through graduate school, medical school and law school. As you can imagine, the Richardson family was not going to let this opportunity slip through our hands and the pressure has been on full-steam-ahead since McKenzie was a Freshman.

She received a guaranteed admission from San Diego state in the fall of her senior year, so we knew at a minimum, she was going somewhere. Several of her high achieving peers were already getting early acceptance letters to UCLA, Berkley, UCSD and UCLA. She figured, she did not make the cut and while disappointed, moved along hoping she would get accepted to the second tier UC school, Santa Barbara, which would be great, but not the place that had the best program for her major.

In the end, she was accepted into her #1 choice, UC San Diego – molecular biology. She also received acceptance letters from UC Davis, UC Irvine, UC Santa Barbara & Cal Poly. Berkley and UCLA were no’s but she did not like those schools when she toured them, so that was almost a relief that she did not have to choose them.

She was selected again this past summer to be a returning intern at Scrips Research Institute. That is offered to only the most select students of the program. She was talking to the director of the program and asked “Why did you pick me over all the other applicant’s this year? – I know there are students in there that are brilliant and I am smart, but I am not brilliant.” The reply…….wait for it…….your essay. “We loved reading about your experiences as a military brat, they made you interesting and that is what we were looking for.”

Carmen Richardson Military Wife (Retired) Chula Vista, CA

October 12, 2015 at 12:35 pm

WOW! Great “comment” Carmen — more like an essay! This is the kind of insider information you won’t get by reading the news articles on this subject. I am so happy that you told McKenzie’s story so we have a first-hand account of college essays making a huge difference for a military kid. Congratulations on McKenzie’s success!

' src=

October 12, 2015 at 9:46 am

This time is so stressful isn’t it? Tell Anna, Kaitlin and Kendra both focused on being a military child for their essays and we believe it had an impact. I would think a great essay would matter more for her given she is interested in creative pursuits. Creativity doesn’t always shine through with SAT scores or GPAs (even though I’m sure she has good grades.) In the meantime, stock up on the ice cream and Kleenex. You’ll both get through this just fine, and wonder in a few year what the big deal was, right?

October 12, 2015 at 12:33 pm

Yes Michelle, it certainly is stressful. Anna is bogged down with lots of school work and sports, and somehow has to get her applications with art portfolios and supplements done. I am sitting down right now to help her! I remember all this with Hayden, but each kid is different, and in some ways, it is like learning the system all over again. Can’t wait for spring when we will know which spaghetti we threw stuck!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Notify me of new posts by email.

Follow The Blog

Email Address

Sign me up!

Upcoming Events!

There are no upcoming events.

HeadshotbyAnna

Meet Lisa Smith Molinari

book-cover

Grab some popcorn, snuggle up, and get ready to binge-read Lisa’s true literary comedy, her search amidst the madness to find meaning in the meat and potatoes of life!

Buy The Book

Featured Posts

cosmetology hairstyling

The evolution of the cosmos, and cosmetology

could ozempic be new weapon in military arsenal against obesity

Could Ozempic be a new weapon in military arsenal?

standing the test of time friends

Standing the Test of Time

momsplaining mansplaining

Momsplaining Mansplaining

Seeking attention

Hyde and Seeking Attention

Women need to hear, "It's possible"

Women need to hear: ‘It’s possible’

5 Tips Every Veteran Should Keep In Mind When Writing Their College Admissions Essays

In honor of the start of college admissions season, I’m offering some tips I learned during my time as an...

By Joy Turner | Published Sep 7, 2018 7:37 PM EDT

  • Military Life

Education photo

In honor of the start of college admissions season, I’m offering some tips I learned during my time as an admissions application reader and writing consultant tailored to help veterans write college application essays that actually stand out.

Answer the question

In the military, we’re taught to write memos and SOPs in a straightforward and technical manner. Still, I’ve read dozens of college admissions personal statements from veterans that tell a wonderfully engaging story about their time in the service, but fail to answer the questions asked in the essay prompt.

This issue comes up a lot especially for applicants using an essay template to apply to multiple colleges. Don’t focus on telling me about a personal challenge you overcame while in the military if I asked you to talk about why you chose to apply to X school. As a good practice, go back and read the essay prompt after you’ve written your personal statement or essay, then underline each instance in your essay where you directly answer the prompt. This will tell you if you’re on track or not.

Show, don’t tell

Use every opportunity to tell a story. Admissions staff aren’t interested in reading a list of your accomplishments as if they’re on a promotion board perusing your military personnel file. Instead, tell a story that leaves them wanting to know more about you and what you accomplished during your military service or in your personal life.

As with job interviews, I recommend applicants implore the STAR method – which will provide details about the specific situation, task, action, and result of the story you are telling in a logical order. Reading a list isn’t necessarily interesting, but reading a story can be. Being interesting is what gets you an invite to the next cohort. Give the admissions readers a reason to want to meet you in person by telling them a story that is personal, engaging, and thought-provoking.

Start with bullet points

If you’re having trouble figuring out how to tell your story, I also recommend starting with bullet points. When it came time to write evaluations for my soldiers as a platoon leader, I often started the process by listing 3-4 bullet points under each section on the evaluation form which allowed me to concisely articulate the soldier’s accomplishments and begin to create a narrative about their performance.

For personal statements, outline the story you want to tell from beginning to end using bullet points. Creating an outline will allow you to clarify your thoughts and identify where information might be confusing to the reader (remember most people have not served in the military and have no concept of rank or MOS).

Often, college admissions applications serve as the first-time veterans have an opportunity to write about their service and it can be daunting to get started. The content of the bullet points can become the skeleton for your essay paragraphs and allow you to easily connect ideas and shape your story.

Don’t repeat information

Admissions readers know you have a lot of awards and have traveled to various countries over your military career because they can easily read this type of information on the resume that is submitted with your application. Don’t repeat it over again in your personal statement and supplemental essays. The admissions staff wants to know how you differ from the other 100 applicants who have also won awards or worked in foreign countries, what makes you unique? Talk about what you can bring to the incoming cohort as a veteran and individual that’s going to make an impact and increase the knowledge base, culture, and prestige of the institution.

Colleges are as interested in what benefits you can provide them as you are about what you will get out of the deal. Communicate in your personal statement what distinctive role you will fill, what value you bring to the classroom and your future profession, and how you will enrich the experiences of your classmates.

Be specific and stand out

Most applicants say at some point in their college application essays that they are “hardworking” or “passionate about making the world a better place”. Neither of these attributes is unique to veterans or servicemembers, nor do they particularly stand out as demonstrative of a person’s character to application readers who are reviewing 1000s of applications. To succeed in college, every student SHOULD be hardworking and passionate about their studies or a broader cause. Instead of relying on generic application clichés, write about your personal motivation for joining the military, how your identity and life thus far have informed your professional goals, or about what impact you personally hope to have on the world around you outside of your military service.

Remember, it’s perfectly fine to discuss your military service in your personal statement despite the stigmas veterans sometimes face in our society today. The important thing to keep in mind is that the application essay is a representation of you on paper and one of the only opportunities you get to make an impression before you arrive on campus. Just like in a job interview, it’s essential you demonstrate your unique value and why you deserve a seat in the (class)room.

This is a part of a series on hacking higher education in partnership with Service to School , a non-profit that provides free college application assistance to transitioning service members and veterans

Subscribe to Task & Purpose Today

Get the latest in military news, entertainment and gear in your inbox daily.

For Military Kids, Resilience and Challenges

  • Posted November 9, 2016
  • By Leah Shafer , Bari Walsh , and Matt Weber

Second Lady Jill Biden recording an EdCast

There are more than 2 million children in US classrooms whose parents are active-duty military service members, National Guard or reservists, or military veterans. Contending with frequent moves, new schools, and the echoes of deployments and separations, these military-connected kids carry a unique weight — often invisible, often unacknowledged. 

One of the legacies of the Obama Administration is an initiative to spotlight the constellation of needs and strengths these kids have — to build better support at school and in policy arenas, and to spur more research into their social-emotional challenges. The initiative — called Joining Forces — is led by Michelle Obama and Jill Biden.

“The children of active-duty service members move an average of six to nine times during their school years — just during their school years,” says Biden, a lifelong educator and military mother who, as Second Lady of the United States , has continued to teach English twice a week at a community college in northern Virginia. As Biden told the Harvard EdCast in an interview at the White House earlier this month, her advocacy for military children was shaped by her family’s own experiences during her son Beau’s yearlong deployment in Iraq. Her commitment to that work, under the auspices of Joining Forces, has inspired a campaign called Operation Educate the Educators (OEE), which encourages universities and teacher-training programs to develop resources and supports for military children.

“There’s so much that teachers can do to celebrate military children in their classrooms,” Biden says. “I went into one classroom in Fort Riley, and one of the teachers had Google boxes and was using them to talk about Greece. The military children who had been to Greece, who had been stationed there, were telling their classmates about the things they were seeing on those Google boxes. There are so many ways to bring it into the classroom." 

Supporting Military Families • Get to know each family individually; no “one size fits all” • Provide consistency and social support for children • Make sure newly arrived kids can join sports teams and extracurriculars • Create a welcome team; provide welcome packets of resources, supplies • Host events for new families and clubs for kids with deployed parents • Take advantage of military kids’ leadership capabilities • Find ways to recognize experiences of military families

Encouraging those voices is important, since “most educators — just like most Americans — don’t have personal experience with the military,” says Mary Keller, the longtime leader of the Military Child Education Coalition , a prominent advocacy and resource center for teachers and parents, and one of the sponsors of the OEE campaign. That’s why professional development for educators is critical, she says, along with school-based and district-encouraged efforts to recognize and respond — with creativity and flexibility — to the diversity of experiences that military- and veteran-connected families bring to schools. 

Without focused support and resources, military children face social and emotional challenges, difficulty understanding policies and adjusting to curriculum and school climate, difficulty qualifying for or continuing with special education services, and elevated stress and a risk of depression and anxiety. “But if you ask a child what he or she wants, it’s just, ‘I really want someone to listen to me,’” says Keller. “It’s just that conversation, whether it’s about moving or separation, or if it’s a brother or sister who is serving, or a parent who comes home with a serious injury — stop and listen to that family’s story and be sensitive to whatever it is that that parent or that child needs. It’s not one size fits all.”

Parents and Teachers Together 

“Opening up those lines of communication is important,” says Tom Akerlund, a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Army and a National Security Fellow at the Harvard Kennedy School this year. Akerlund and his wife have 12-year-old triplets and a seven year old; one of the triplets contends with learning and physical disabilities, and managing his IEP every time they move has been difficult for the family. His wife and children stayed behind in North Carolina for this fellowship year so the kids could have one more year of stability attending the same school — outside Fort Bragg — that they were in last year.

“My wife and I are very proactive in developing relationships with school officials,” Akerlund says. “We’ll email or even text the principal or the teachers when it's necessary, and we stay involved. In many cases, it’s just a matter of communicating with the school administrators and simply laying out the facts unemotionally. ‘How can you help?’ And that’s how we’ve been able to advocate for our children.”

But schools and educators also have to be willing to reach out. Marcy Cooper, a principal at Southern Middle School, near Fort Bragg in North Carolina, says she makes a point of asking school staff and parents about military spouses who may be deployed, and she grants excused absences to students whose parents are coming home on temporary leave. “It’s really important to get to know the individual students and the individual families, because every family is different. When a military family moves in in the middle of the year here, we try very hard to make sure the student gets a tour, and then I usually try and give that student a buddy,  another military family buddy, because what I’ve found is many times these children are very used to moving around. They know what it feels like to be new in a school and so they make good buddies for other new students.”

Assets Military Kids Bring to the Classroom • Diverse perspectives, global perspectives and knowledge • New tools for learning • Resiliency, adaptability, and peer leadership qualities • Willingness to serve and lead

D. Micah Fesler, a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Air Force, brought his family along for the year he’s spending at HKS as a National Security Fellow. They settled in Brookline, a town that “isn’t used to having military families,” he says. Fesler’s 8-year-old son has attended three different schools (in Nevada, Virginia, and now Massachusetts); at some, he was placed in gifted-and-talented programs, and it’s been difficult to find consistent supports as they’ve moved. But “every school that we’ve had our children in has had fantastic appreciation for the military, and really what I think is most important is their appreciation for the kids’ sacrifice, which is really a lot more, I believe, than the service member’s sacrifice.”

Continuity is the single biggest challenge military families face when it comes to educating their kids, Fesler says. “We struggle every time we move to make sure the education is the right fit,” he says. “You don’t want to kick the door in, but at the same time, if you’re passive about it — if you just let the system work — you could lose two or three months of time where the teachers are just kind of figuring out, What’s this kid’s status, how is he doing. When you aggregate that over a number of years of moving, you lose a lot of educational time where they’re not being challenged.”

Welcoming Schools

Keller, of the Military Child Education Coalition, says that’s what makes the first few weeks in a new school setting so critical for military kids. “What we know about moving and changing schools is that there’s an urgency there,” she says. “Consistently, our research shows that you’ve got about two weeks when a kid is new to a school to help him fit it. We call it the fragile first two weeks.”

Ron Avi Astor , whose Building Capacity project at the University of Southern California did foundational work on the needs of military-connected kids, focuses even more narrowly: “What is that first day like — and that first week?” he asks. Astor, whose expertise is in school violence, bullying, and healthy school climate, helped to catalog and disseminate the best practices of what he calls welcoming schools — schools where everyone feels they belong, and where special effort is placed on orienting newcomers.

“We struggle every time we move to make sure the education is the right fit. You don’t want to kick the door in, but at the same time, if you’re passive about it — if you just let the system work — you could lose two or three months of time."

Invisibility and lack of awareness, Astor knew, is what fuels bullying, social isolation, and inhospitable school cultures. His welcoming project — which resulted in a series of strategies schools can use to ease transitions — is an antidote to that invisibility, and it provides tools schools can use to help orient other highly mobile student populations, like homeless children, foster children, or immigrants.

When Jill Biden convened a gathering of researchers and university faculty to mark the five-year anniversary of Operation Educate the Educators last spring, they also celebrated significant policy gains, like the enactment of the Interstate Compact on Educational Opportunity for Military Children, which smooths transitions by eliminating conflicting state educational requirements, and the “ military-student identifier ” provision in the Every Student Succeeds Act, which requires states — for the first time — to track outcomes for these students.

That recognition is critical, in an era where the country’s continued military action is taking place off the front pages and increasingly out of view. “It’s important to do all we can to support these families,” says principal Cooper. “At our Veteran’s Day programs, we say “thank you,” and I’d always thank our kids, because they’re giving up something as well, for their parents to take care of us.”

Additional Resources

  • Watch Jill Biden’s address to the annual meeting of the American Educational Research Association in April 2016, and read her prepared remarks .
  • A comprehensive research overview on the needs of military children and families.
  • A new look at how and whether positive school climate bolsters academic achievement.

Get Usable Knowledge — Delivered Our free monthly newsletter sends you tips, tools, and ideas from research and practice leaders at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. Sign up now .

Usable Knowledge Lightbulb

Usable Knowledge

Connecting education research to practice — with timely insights for educators, families, and communities

Related Articles

Boy with Backpack

School Culture and Bullying

Schoolwide SEL to Prevent Bullying

Schoolwide SEL to Prevent Bullying

Developing a school culture that prioritizes the social-emotional wellbeing of every student (and adult)

Young girl sits with head in hands. Another girl in a backpack walks toward her

A Bully-Free Culture

  • Cover Letters
  • Jobs I've Applied To
  • Saved Searches
  • Subscriptions
  • Marine Corps
  • Coast Guard
  • Space Force
  • Military Podcasts
  • Benefits Home
  • Military Pay and Money
  • Veteran Health Care
  • VA eBenefits
  • Veteran Job Search
  • Military Skills Translator
  • Upload Your Resume
  • Veteran Employment Project
  • Vet Friendly Employers
  • Career Advice
  • Military Life Home
  • Military Trivia Game
  • Veterans Day
  • Spouse & Family
  • Military History
  • Discounts Home
  • Featured Discounts
  • Veterans Day Restaurant Discounts
  • Electronics
  • Join the Military Home
  • Contact a Recruiter
  • Military Fitness

How to use your Veteran experience in college application essays

Professional writing at desk.

Veterans have a unique set of circumstances to draw upon when putting together their application essays. A Veteran is likely to have been many places, in many situations, and seen many things that the average high school senior simply can't imagine and for which he or she has no frame of reference.

Here are a couple of tips for how best to use your military experience in your application essay—and (perhaps more importantly) some thoughts on what  not  to do.

DO mention your leadership ability

Leadership potential might be the number one character trait that schools are looking for in applicants. Proof that you've taken on serious responsibility and have a high level of maturity is a good indication for those in admissions that you will take your education seriously and will go on to do great work post-graduation (and then make millions and donate back to the school, of course). As a Veteran, it is likely you have led a command of some kind—make sure this is touched on in your essay piece.

DO NOT tell this boring story: I went to teach them… but it turned out to be  they  who taught  ME

There's a particular essay that all adjudicators and admissions committees dread. It goes like this… I was employed to teach people/children in a remote village/urban center/small rural area. I went into it thinking I would be educating them, but in the end it was  I  who learned from  them.

Admissions officers hate this essay. Why? Because it doesn't really say anything about you as a person, and the story is not as original as you might think. Careful of this theme… it's deadly.

DO talk about challenges you faced

It's very likely you have dealt with questions and situations that most people have not. Illustrate how you used quick thinking and skills to overcome problems, and how you became more mature because of these decisions.

DO NOT get too dark. Leave out deep personal tragedy

Of course it's good to talk meaningfully about your experience, but this can go too far. Abuse, depression and death are striking subjects and therefore you might think they are good fodder for an essay. After all, the idea is to provoke a response, to make sure you are memorable. Unfortunately, an essay that focuses on these topics does not serve you well. Similarly, psychological trauma that may have been suffered during military service is not great for your essay, not because it's not important to your character, but because it tends to take the reader out of the narrative and usually doesn't connect very effectively to why you'll be a good candidate for college. So often essays that focus on dark subjects go down a trajectory that leads away from your achievements, which is what these pieces  should  highlight. Never stray from a path that keeps you talking about why you are an IDEAL  candidate.

DO tell your specific story

It's important to tell your story—not just one of general military life. Your narrative may seem relatively commonplace to you because it was spent in the company of people who were participating in similar activities, but the details of your service are unique and interesting to admissions officers.

DO NOT feel like it is out of place

Some people with military background feel awkward about telling their story, feeling it is exploitative. Not only is it sensible to use your military life in your essay, it's likely if you went into the service right out of high school, you don't have much else to discuss.

DO highlight technical skills you learned

In your years in the military, you likely were given highly technical jobs and responsibilities that will look very impressive to laypeople. Make sure to talk about these positions and give some details as to how these might help you in a future career post-graduation.

DO NOT forget to seek help

If you need advice or just someone to go over your application with you, talk to an education services officer. And make sure you visit the military education center and explore the VA website. There you'll find insight on how best to utilize the  Post-9/11 G.I. Bill  (also known as Chapter 33 benefits), the  Yellow Ribbon G.I. Education Enhancement Program  and  other programs designed to help Veterans finance their education .

Full understanding of these programs might be a good element to include in your essay, but more importantly, be sure to take full advantage of these programs.

And finally, DO get college credit and discuss that on your essay!

Submit a DD-214 form to make sure that your full military experience is included with your applications. Some of your experience might help you gain college credit and that might be a selling point to universities to which you apply.

Follow these tips, and you're sure to have a stellar application. And you can feel confident in the fact that there are many institutions that are eagerly awaiting to accept young men and women who have served our country.

You May Also Like

military kid college essay examples

The recent success of many credentialing programs has depleted funding for the AF COOL program.

mortarboard and coins

Most college students require financial assistance to complete their undergraduate and post-graduate degrees. Here are some...

person typing on laptop with illustration of lock

A career in the cybersecurity field is a great place that leverage your military experience.

Servicemember student with laptop

Service members in college have to work around their busy schedules. Universities that offer shorter classes that start on a...

Education Topics

  • Education Overview
  • Online Learning
  • Money For School
  • Keys to Success
  • Getting Your Degree
  • Timesaving Programs
  • Contact a School

Select Service

  • National Guard
  • Benefits Directory
  • Active Duty
  • Benefits for Retirees
  • Veteran Benefits
  • Military Spouse & Family
  • Reserve & Guard
  • Military Benefits Open Enrollment

Sign up for the Benefits Newsletter

Latest in Military Education

  • Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Army Veteran Over Extended GI Bill Benefits
  • Army's Premier Education Benefits May Be on Chopping Block, with Tuition Assistance Cuts Being Considered, Too
  • Virginia Considers Changes to Military Survivor and Dependent Tuition Waiver to Rein in Costs to Colleges
  • VA Paid Roughly $1 Million in Double Housing Payments to Some Student Vets Due to a Legal Loophole
  • 4 Tips to Make 2024 a Financial Success Story

Latest Military News

  • North Korea Fires Suspected Short-Range Missiles into the Sea in Its Latest Weapons Test
  • Terry Anderson, AP Reporter Abducted in Lebanon and Held Captive for Years, Has Died at 76
  • Israeli Leaders Criticize Expected US Sanctions Against Military Unit That Could Further Strain Ties
  • Israeli Strikes on Southern Gaza City of Rafah Kill 22, Mostly Children, as US Advances Aid Package
  • Iran's Supreme Leader Tacitly Acknowledges Tehran Hit Little in its Massive Attack on Israel

Operation Military Kids

  • General Military Questions

15 Scholarships for Military Children, Spouses, and Veterans

scholarships for military children, spouses, and veterans

Serving as a member in the U.S. Military is one of the greatest sacrifices that an American can make. Not only are soldiers placed in dangerous circumstances, but they also must make a gigantic sacrifice in regards to their families.

The military life affects not only the soldier, but also the husband or wife, and children that belong to the service member. They must also make sacrifices by not having a loved one around for substantial periods of time.

As a result, the U.S. government has always attempted to help reward service member families with financial benefits in order to compensate them for their sacrifice.

Related Article – Joining The Military After College: How To Do It The “Right” Way

There are many military scholarships that exist. Scholarships for military spouses, children, and veterans are abundant, you just have to know where to look.

Below you’ll find 15 of the best scholarships that are available both for veterans themselves, as well as their dependents.

Table of Contents

7 Scholarships For Military Children

scholarships for military kids

There are over 1.3 million active duty military personnel in the United States. When you consider the even larger number of spouses and children, there are millions of individuals each year impacted by military service.

What scholarships exist specifically for children and grandchildren of U.S. service members, both active duty and veterans?

Related Article: Questions to Ask a Military Recruiter

#1 – AMVETS Scholarship

Amount: $4,000

The AMVETS scholarship is awarded annually to students for four years in the amount of $1,000 each year. The scholarship is specifically designed and reserved for children as well as grandchildren of active duty military or veterans.

The program has other scholarships that children may apply for that are a little more selective, including the Dr. Aurelio M. Caccomo Family Foundation Memorial Scholarship ($12,000).

How to apply: Applicants are required to be current high school seniors. They also must be United States citizens and provide evidence that the father or mother served in the military honorably.

The AMVETS scholarship considers GPA and financial need. The deadline to enter is January.

Where to apply: https://amvets.org/scholarships/

Related Article:  Attending The Naval Academy Preparatory School

#2 – Scholarships for Military Children

Amount: $2,000

The Scholarships for Military Children is funded by Fisher House and its contributors. In nearly two decades the scholarship has raised $18 million dollars for recipients.

In 2018, a total of 500 scholarship grants (each for $2,000) were awarded to recent high school graduates. It is currently closed for this year but will open up once again in mid-December 2023.

How to apply: The application process is conducted online. In addition to factoring in academic achievement and community involvement, the scholarship also requires a short, 500-word essay. The essay topic will be announced when applications open in December.

Applicants must also validate their eligibility as a military dependent by entering the benefits number found on the reverse of the DD Form 1173 Identification Privilege card.

Where to apply:  https://www.militaryscholar.org/

#3 – Chief Petty Officer Scholarship Fund

Amount: Varies

The Chief Petty Office Scholarship Fund grants various funds to numerous recipients every year. All children of active duty, retired, or reserve Chief Petty  Officers are eligible for the award, including adopted and step-children.

The non-profit organization established the scholarship to generate and distribute funds specifically for educational opportunities. Candidates eligible for scholarship awards are non-uniformed spouses or dependent children of all Chief Petty Officers in the U.S. Navy.

How to apply: The guidelines for applying include:

  • Be about to graduate or have graduated from high school or earned a General Equivalency Diploma (GED).
  • Must intend to enter or currently be enrolled in a community college, vocational college, or university.
  • Be immediate family members of Chief Petty Officers, or adopted or step-children.

The deadline to enter is April 1.

Where to apply:  https://www.cposf.org/

Related Article:  How To Get Into The Air Force Academy

#4 – Frederick C. Branch Scholarship Program

The Fredrick C. Branch scholarship is named after the first black officer to serve in the United States Marine Corps. The NROTC scholarship is awarded to military children that plan to attend one of the 17 historically black colleges in the United States.

Each year, the Fredrick C. Branch scholarship awards nearly 70 Branch scholarships to recipients. Each awardee receives two, four-year installments, or one, three-year installment.

How to apply: For a complete list of all the qualifying colleges please visit the link below. Previous awardees were noted for being exceptional examples of “well-rounded” students.

The scholarship fund is open to all children of military personnel as long as they plan to attend one of the 17 black historical colleges.

Where to apply: https://www.netc.navy.mil/Commands/Naval-Service-Training-Command/NROTC/Marine/Marine/Marine/Marine/Marine/#Top8

#5 – Hero’s Legacy Scholarship

The Hero’s Legacy Scholarship was created to provide funds for the children of a parent that has fallen in battle or receives full disability compensation. It honors not only those that have served but have had their life significantly altered as a result.

The scholarship is funded by tax proceeds from the book “Of Thee I Sing. A Letter to My Daughters” by former U.S. President Barack Obama, as well as private donations. The amount to be donated is based on funds received.

How to apply: The program is open to dependent, unmarried children under the age of 23 of a service member who died or was disabled since 9/11. 

You need to apply online. You will also need a transcript of your grades, documents that verify death or TSGLI eligibility, as well as the DD214 or DD1300 Form.

Where to apply: https://www.militaryscholar.org/legacy/

Related Article:  How To Get Into West Point Military Academy

#6 – Dolphin Scholarship Fund

Amount: $1,500, $2,600, or $4,000

The Dolphin Scholarship Fund is provided each year to unmarried children or stepchildren of the US Navy Submarine Force. Children must be under the age of 24 and considered dependent to active duty members of the Navy. A total of 115 awards are granted each year.

The financial award is renewable and based on academic proficiency, need for financial assistance, as well as a commitment to extra-curricular activities in or outside school.

How to apply:  Please visit the official website for more details regarding the application process and requirements. The deadline to apply is March 15.

Where to apply: https://www.dolphinscholarship.org/

#7 – Freedom Alliance

To help those who have sacrificed for our country, Freedom Alliance is accepting applications from college-age children of military heroes for the 2022-2023 school year.

Students are eligible if they are the dependent child of a U.S. Soldier, Sailor, Airman, Marine, or Guardsman who was killed or permanently disabled (100 percent VA disability rating) in a combat mission or training accident.

To date, Freedom Alliance has provided more than $20 million worth of college scholarships to children with a parent wounded or killed while defending our country.

The top five areas of study among scholarship students are nursing, psychology, biology, business, and mechanical engineering – it’s an incredible program that has helped so many who otherwise may not have been able to continue their education after high school.

How to apply: The student must be a high school senior or graduate or registered as a full-time undergraduate and under the age of 26.  You can learn more about the requirements for this scholarship here .

Where to apply: https://www.tfaforms.com/4659817

4 Scholarships For Military Spouses

scholarships for military spouses

In addition to children of military personnel, there are a variety of scholarships specifically reserved for spouses. Some scholarships are open to both spouses and children (posted above), while others are restricted to spouses.

Related Article: Which Branch of the U.S. Military Should I Join?

#1 –  Hope for the Warriors Spouse/Caregiver Scholarship

The Hope for the Warriors Spouse/Caregiver scholarship was created to provide varying amounts to military spouses and caregivers for their strength and resolve despite adversity.

This scholarship is for the spouses of disabled post-9/11 service members that have sustained a combat injury or are 100% VA rated disbled.

The financial assistance for continuing education is supported at accredited U.S. institutions. There are a number of different scholarships offered under the Warriors Spouse/Caregiver program including the New Beginnings Scholarship, Restoring Family Scholarship, Restoring Hope Scholarship, and Honorary Scholarship.

Related Article: 10 Benefits Of Being A Military Wife (and 5 Not-so-good things)

How to apply:  In order to be considered for the scholarship opportunities please submit an online application. You will also need to include an original essay that discusses academic achievement and personal goals, along with a two-page questionnaire.

Two letters of recommendation are also required. The deadline to apply is April 1.

Where to apply:  https://www.hopeforthewarriors.org/transition/military-spouse-scholarships/

#2 – Joanne Holbrook Patton Military Spouse Scholarship

Amount: $500 to $1,000

The Joanne Holbrook Patton Military Spouse Scholarship is sponsored by the National Military Family Association. It awards up to $1,000 to spouses of all active duty, national guard, or reserve members. It also considers spouses of retired uniformed service members as well.

The scholarship is designed to provide funds for furthering education in vocational training or degree-seeking undergraduate programs.

How to apply:  The Joanne Holbrook Patton Military Spouse Scholarship will only consider online applications. In order to qualify, military spouses must provide a copy of their marriage certificate as well as a military verification document.

The deadline to apply is early February.

Where to apply: https://www.militaryfamily.org/programs/spouses-scholarships/

Related Article – Top 15 Military Schools For Boys And Girls

#3 – Military Spouse FINRA Fellowship Program

The Military Spouse Fellowship program is sponsored by the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority (FINRA) Investor Education Foundation. The program produces a monthly stipend to military spouses that participate in a training program that makes them an Accredited Financial Counselor (AFC).

The training helps teach marketable job skills, knowledge, tools, and resources that help a military family overcome financial struggles.

How to apply:  The Military Spouse FINRA Fellowship Program is a little different from other scholarships listed in this article since it deals with certification training as opposed to receiving a vocational or undergraduate degree. Please check with a qualifying AFC certificate program for more information.

The application period is closed for 2023, but you can sign up to be notified when it reopens at the website below. 

Where to apply:  https://www.afcpe.org/resource-center/funding-and-recognition/finra-foundation-military-spouse-fellowship/

Related Article – US Naval Academy Summer Seminar: A Day In The Life Of A Camper

#4 – Wings Over America Foundation Scholarship

Amount: $5,000

The Wings Over American Foundation scholarship was created to provide financial relief for spouses as well as dependent children of U.S. Navy Aviation personnel that are on active duty, retired, honorably discharged, or deceased.

Awardees are selected based on scholastic merit, financial need, and community service involvement. The mission of the scholarship fund is to help spouses and children of military personnel to pursue educational dreams and ambitions.

How to apply: Scholarships are awarded to 50 individuals each year. It is funded solely through generous contributions. The money is applicable to use at community colleges, trade and technical schools, as well as traditional college scholarships.

Spouses must be enrolled or plan to enroll as full or part-time students with a load of at least 6 credit hours a semester. The service member must have served at least 8 years in the Navy unless they perished on duty while serving in a Navy Aviation capacity. 

Where to apply:  https://wingsoveramerica.us/scholarships

Related Article – American Military University (AMU) Reputation: Worth It? (2019 Review)

4 Scholarships For Military Veterans

scholarships for military veterans

Veterans deserve to receive numerous benefits when they return from duty. One way to help veterans adjust back to society is to provide funds for new educational opportunities. Thankfully, there are many scholarships that exist for the brave men and women that have retired from military service.

Related Article:  20 Reasons to Join the Military (and 7 reasons not to)

#1 – AFCEA War Veterans Scholarship

Amount: $2,500

The War Veterans Scholarship is awarded by the Armed Forces Communications and Electronics Association (AFCEA). It provides financial relief to active duty uniformed military service members as well as honorably discharged veterans that served in the Afghanistan and Iraq wars.

The scholarship is open twice a year and provides merit-based scholarships of $2,500.

How to apply: The primary stipulation is the veteran must be enrolled in an accredited STEM-related degree program at an accredited 4-year college or university.

Qualified applicants must be U.S. citizens, a sophomore or junior at the time of application, have either part-time or full-time status at a four-year university, have served in Afghanistan and/or Iraq War, and have an overall GPA of 3.0.

Additionally, you must provide proof that you served in the form of a DD214 or Certificate of Service.

Lastly, you must be majoring in any one of the following related degree programs:

Biometry/Biometrics, Computer Engineering, Computer Forensics Science, Computer Programming, Computer Science, Computer Systems, Cybersecurity, Electrical Engineering, Electronics Engineering, Geospatial Science, Information Science, Information Technology, Information Resource Management, Intelligence, Mathematics, Network Engineering, Network Security, Operations, Research, Physics, Robotics Engineering, Robotics Technology, Statistics, Strategic Intelligence, and Telecommunications Engineering.

Where to apply: https://www.afcea.org/site/foundation/scholarships/war-veterans

Related Article – How To Get Into The US Naval Academy: 5 Steps To Getting In

#2 – Army Women’s Foundation Legacy Scholarship

The Army Women’s Foundation Legacy scholarship was established to honor the many women serving in the U.S. Army. The grant provides up to $2,500 in tuition assistance for undergraduate and graduate military vets.

There are multiple different scholarships listed under the Army Women’s Foundation depending on personal goals. It includes scholarships for community colleges, certificate programs, universities, or graduate programs.

How to apply: In order to apply, you must be a woman that has honorably served in the U.S. Army, Army Reserve, or Army National Guard.

Related Article: Does The National Guard Pay For College?

Please visit the official website below for application deadlines and details. Qualified candidates need to demonstrate a cumulative GPA of 3.0 or higher. You must present a college transcript along with recommendations.

Where to apply:  https://www.awfdn.org/scholarships/

#3 – Imagine America’s Military Award Program

Amount: $1,000

The Imagine America’s Military Award program was established to assist higher learning funds for military veterans. Also known as the MAP program, it can provide $1,000 for educational funds.

The scholarship is open to active duty military personnel, reservists, honorably discharged military vets, as well as retired veterans of the U.S. Armed Forces that seek to pursue career college training.

How to apply: The deadline for the award varies. Please visit the official website for more details.

Qualified applicants must be enrolled in an accredited higher learning institution. They must also display good academic potential and have a need for financial assistance.

Where to apply:  https://www.imagine-america.org/grantsformilitary/

Related Article – Military Tuition Assistance

#4 – Pat Tillman Scholarship

The scholarship is honorably named after Pat Tillman, a former NFL all-star that left a lucrative career with the Arizona Cardinals following September 11th and joined the U.S. Military. He later died in combat.

The Pat Tillman Scholarship was created to award annual funds to active service members of all branches of the U.S. military, as well as veterans and spouses. The scholarship is available for undergraduate, graduate, and post-graduate degrees.

How to apply:  Like most scholarships, you can learn more information by visiting the official website (posted, below) and applying online.

Candidates are asked to demonstrate values and strength of character that reflect Pat Tillman. A minimum GPA of 3.0 is also required.

Where to apply:  https://pattillmanfoundation.org/apply-to-be-a-scholar/

Frequently Asked Questions

What states offer free college tuition for veteran’s dependents.

Wyoming provides veteran tuition benefits for overseas combat veterans, surviving spouses, and dependents.

How do you get an Army scholarship?

You can apply for an Army ROTC scholarship if you are a U.S. citizen between 17 and 26, have a high school diploma, have a GPA of 2.50, and meet the minimum 920 on the SAT or 19 on the ACT.

Does VA pay for children’s college?

The Post-9/11 GI Bill provides 36 months of college tuition up to the maximum in-state college rate, a monthly housing allowance, and an annual stipend for books and supplies.

Do children of 100% disabled veterans get free college?

Survivor’s and Dependent’s Educational Assistance provides up to 36 months of college benefits for spouses and children of veterans with a 100 percent service-connected disability.

Can military spouses go to school for free?

The MyCAA Military Spouse Education Benefits provides tuition assistance up to $4,000 to pursue a license, certification, or associate’s degree.

There are many different scholarships available depending if you are a veteran or have family that would like to continue their education. Several scholarships exist for spouses and children.

If you know of any others, feel free to share in the comments below!

  • Recent Posts

Rob V.

  • Pure Rawz Review: Legit Peptides & SARMS Or Fraud? - November 26, 2023
  • American Flag With Circle Of Stars (Betsy Ross) Explained - November 23, 2023
  • 20 Best Military War Movies Of All-Time - November 22, 2023

Scholarships For Military Children

Scholarships For Military Children

4.7 out of 5 (65 ratings), related articles you might be interested in:, leave a reply cancel reply.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Notify me of follow-up comments by email.

Notify me of new posts by email.

College Essays Highlight Military Life

Lisa Smith Molinari

Navy wife, mother of three, and author of the weekly military spouse print column and award-winning blog, TheMeatandPotatoesofLife.com.

2015-10-12-1444656516-5097941-collegeessay.jpg

This is not unusual for teenage girls. In fact, it happens so frequently, that we sometimes have to feign concern. While we might gasp loudly and blurt with outstretched arms, "Oh, Sugar Dumpling, what's got you so upset?" my internal monologue is really saying, Good Lord, what is it this time . . . probably boy drama, or another project is due, or skinny jeans went out of style . . . I'd better record "Survivor" because this might take a while.

But last week, Anna plopped onto the couch looking quite pitiful. With puffy eyes and a wobbling chin, she explained, "It's just . . . everything! I have another paper due in English, a Stats test on Friday, the SAT this weekend, and I somehow have to upload my portfolio for my applications to Syracuse and Delaware. And between all that, somehow finish my college essay!" Her face contorted as tears plopped onto her sweatshirt.

Our daughter isn't the only 17-year-old who is feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. Many of the 3.3 million US high school seniors are under pressure from parents, guidance counselors, teachers and themselves to distill their life experience down to one single, flawless 650-word college essay.

But are the tears and missed "Survivor" episodes worth it? Do essays really matter all that much to admissions counselors?

There are varied reports on whether or not essays are seriously considered by colleges. Three former admissions counselors from Dartmouth College, University of Pennsylvania, and University of Chicago stated in a Nov. 14, 2014 article in Time Magazine that they read and seriously considered every essay that came across their desks. However, they all acknowledged that no student with lackluster grades and test scores ever got into their schools based on a great essay.

Mitchell Stevens, a sociologist who studies higher education, spent 18 months in the admissions office of a top-tier liberal arts school working alongside counselors through two full admissions cycles. In a Nov. 13, 2014 article in The New Republic , Stevens stated that the "hard numbers" - GPA, test scores, class rank, and number of AP and honors courses - reigned supreme in their admissions decisions. The applicants on the low and high ends of the school's standards were decided upon quickly, but even for the middle pool of applicants, essays "rarely got even cursory attention from admissions officers."

Stevens said the factors that mattered more were: "How likely was an applicant to accept our offer of admission? Had we already accepted anyone from his or her remote zip code? Had the applicant received any special endorsement from a college alumnus or a faculty member? Did someone in the office owe a favor to the applicant's guidance counselor?"

Furthermore, in its 2014 State of College Admissions Report , the National Association of College Admissions Counselors found that the most important factors in admissions decisions were grades in college prep courses (82%), strength of curriculum (64%), SAT/ACT scores (58%), and overall grades (52%). While opinions on essays were evenly spread, with only 22% reporting essays as having considerable importance, 38% moderate importance, 23% limited importance, and 17% no importance at all.

Regardless of this disheartening research, the fact remains that the essay serves as the one place on the Common Application (the online standard application accepted by approximately 500 US universities) where military children can set themselves apart. If there is a weakness in class rank, GPA, or consistency of curriculum; a personal essay that mentions moving three times during high school, living overseas, or a parent's lengthy deployment, might not only catch the attention of admissions counselors, but also will spotlight the resiliency, adaptability and strength of military child applicants.

Military children in particular must seize opportunities to mention their uncommon experiences in their applications. Honor, sacrifice, service, hardship, adventure, and worldliness -- these traits don't show up in the "hard numbers" of a student's GPA or test scores.

So dry your tears military high school seniors, and put your pens to paper. It's time to give those college admissions counselors an education in military life.

Support HuffPost

Our 2024 coverage needs you, your loyalty means the world to us.

At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.

Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.

Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.

Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.

As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.

Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.

Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.

Dear HuffPost Reader

Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.

The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?

The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.

Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.

Popular in the Community

From our partner, more in college.

military kid college essay examples

Mobile Menu Overlay

The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW Washington, DC 20500

Parents: The Resilience and Grit of Military Children is Unparalleled

In an exclusive essay for Parents, military mom, educator, and First Lady of the United States, Dr. Jill Biden, speaks to the unique challenges military families face and the opportunity we all have to support them as they serve our country.  

“My military suitcase is filled with sadness because I have to move every three years.…Every time I move, I have to leave more and more friends and leave my family.”

Those are the words of fourth-grader Kylee, the daughter of a marine whose family is stationed in Kadena, Japan. Her poem is part of a collection of the artwork and writings of military-connected kids that we are displaying in the White House this month, and though she articulated one of the hardest parts of her experience, she wrote about the good parts, too: “My military suitcase is also filled with happiness because I get to meet new friends….My favorite part about moving is seeing all the beautiful sites.”

April is National Month of the Military Child, and it’s an opportunity to shine a light on the unique challenges that the children of our service members and veterans face. Through  Joining Forces —our White House initiative  to support military and veteran families, caregivers, and survivors—I’ve met incredible military kids. They have unparalleled resilience and grit. They are proud of their families’ service. Still, at the end of the day, they are kids. They and their parents shouldn’t have to face the challenges of military life alone. It’s up to all of us to keep the promise we make to those who stand between our nation and danger: that we will care for them and their families while they serve and when their service is finished.

Military families often move every few years. Imagine having to start all over again and again. It’s complicated to enroll in a school with different graduation requirements or curriculum, but there are also more subtle challenges, too. Parents have to wonder: Who do you call to babysit? Who do you invite to birthday parties? How do you help your child make friends when everyone else has known each other since kindergarten?

Meanwhile, military kids often find out that their favorite sport isn’t offered at their new school or lose touch with their best friends. These hardships can be heartbreaking but are frequently unseen. Military kids don’t wear a uniform, so most of the time their peers and teachers have no idea what they are going through.

Millions of children in classrooms across the United States have parents who are active-duty military service members, National Guard or Reserve personnel, or veterans. When my son, Beau, deployed to Iraq for a year, I saw how difficult it could be, especially for his children, Natalie and little Hunter. All of us felt torn at times between overwhelming pride for how he was serving our country and a very real fear of the worst.

Additionally, more than 2 million children live with a veteran who has a disability. Because of their families’ service, military kids understand things like war and sacrifice a lot earlier than their peers. They become strong and resilient because they have to be.

I’ve met kids as young as 5 who learned what to do if their mom or dad has flashbacks or becomes disoriented. Kids know to call 911 or administer medication or keep triggers away from their parents. It is a heavy burden.

That’s why  Joining Forces  launched the Hidden Helpers Coalition  alongside the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, Wounded Warrior Project, and dozens of partners, to create supportive programming for children of wounded, ill, or injured service members or veterans. So far, we’ve had an incredible response from government and corporate partners: In November of 2021, we announced nearly 40 unique commitments for new and expanded resources, programs, and financial pledges. I’m proud of that, and I know this work is going to change children’s lives.

Still, every single one of us has a role to play. Most military families don’t live on bases; they are a part of civilian communities. Find out who in your community is serving or has served in the military, and then go to your strengths. Offer to be a mentor to a child who is dealing with a deployment or activation. If a military family moves to your neighborhood, reach out to them and include them in your community activities, or invite the kids to a playdate.

It might not seem like much, but these small kindnesses can go a long way and make a huge difference to military families. I’ve seen it firsthand. When communities come together, they will get the support they have earned.

To all of our military parents out there: You’re doing an amazing job. Thank you for what you do for our country and for our kids.

When Beau was deployed, we had the chance to meet other military moms or dads, people who had been in the same position. It was like medicine for our hearts. They prayed with us and shared stories with us. They sent notes of hope and encouragement. We saw how much love, generosity, and kindness was in the military community, and we’ve felt grateful to be a part of it every day since. It shouldn’t take knowing this experience firsthand to want to help. This Month of the Military Child—and every month—let’s give our military kids the recognition, support, and opportunities they deserve.

Jill Biden, Ed.D., is the First Lady of the United States, a community college educator, a military mother, a grandmother, and bestselling author. Dr. Biden also served as Second Lady of the United States from 2009–2017.

Read the oped  here

Stay Connected

We'll be in touch with the latest information on how President Biden and his administration are working for the American people, as well as ways you can get involved and help our country build back better.

Opt in to send and receive text messages from President Biden.

We use cookies to enhance our website for you. Proceed if you agree to this policy or learn more about it.

  • Essay Database >
  • Essays Samples >
  • Essay Types >
  • College Essay Example

Military College Essays Samples For Students

2017 samples of this type

If you're seeking a possible way to streamline writing a College Essay about Military, WowEssays.com paper writing service just might be able to help you out.

For starters, you should skim our huge collection of free samples that cover most various Military College Essay topics and showcase the best academic writing practices. Once you feel that you've studied the basic principles of content presentation and taken away actionable insights from these expertly written College Essay samples, putting together your own academic work should go much easier.

However, you might still find yourself in a situation when even using top-notch Military College Essays doesn't allow you get the job accomplished on time. In that case, you can get in touch with our experts and ask them to craft a unique Military paper according to your custom specifications. Buy college research paper or essay now!

Good Essay About Vietnam War

Improving the quality of life for military deployments essays example, example of veterans day essay.

Don't waste your time searching for a sample.

Get your essay done by professional writers!

Just from $10/page

Violence on Canadian Women Essay Example

Abraham lincoln and civil liberties essay example, politics essays example, 1. a "virtue of anarchy" (or a positive effect of the constant threat of the use of force) in the international system according to kenneth waltz. (from anarchic structures and balances of power, mainly virtues of anarchy), good example of vietnam war essay.

This was a proxy war in the Cold War-era, which took place in Vietnam, Cambodia, and Laos between 1956 and 1975. It came after the First Indochina War and was a battle between North Vietnam that was backed by the China, Soviet Union, as well as other communist allies and the South Vietnam government that had the U.S. backup together with other anti-communist nations.

Invention of Gunpowder Essay Sample

Airstrikes on is in syria essay example, good violence on canadian women essay example, free essay on vikings weapons and warfare.

The history recognizes the Vikings as one of the greatest warriors with the most advanced and developed weapons, armor and methods of war. The reputation of the Vikings states that these were one of the most brave, strong, technical and dangerous and this reputation is obviously supported by the various historic facts about their weapons and warfare, which will be described in the next paragraphs.

Example Of Essay On Andre Jackson

Example of essay on the espionage act and the national defense authorization act, leadership theories essay examples, free essay on chinese martial arts, essay on debate on nato presence in afghanistan.

The North Atlantic Alliance (NAA) was formed on April 4, 1949. The NAA is an intergovernmental military partnership headquartered in Brussels, Belgium, based on the North Atlantic pact. Under collective defense, member states mutually defend against external attacks (Andreas et al 76).

The NAA's presence in Afghanistan has benefited the Middle East, though some argue it has increased conflict and misunderstanding. NAA operations in Afghanistan and Iraq have enhanced strategic importance in the Persian Gulf (Priest 65). NAA nations recognize instability's dangers and promote stability in Afghanistan and the Gulf. The NAA assists new Iraqi authorities to control defense and security themselves. As a populous state, NAA support has helped Iraq emerge as a regional power (Priest 67).

Iran's ballistic missile and religious extremist capabilities pose a threat. The NAA has not convinced Iran to halt these projects. This failure underpins critiques of the NAA's ineffectiveness in containing dangerous missiles and bombs, jeopardizing Euro-Atlantic security (Andreas et al 86).

The NAA's role in promoting regional stability and addressing Iran's nuclear program is significant. While some critics say the NAA overreaches into politics over peacekeeping, human rights advocates support the alliance's humane approach toward achieving Middle East stability and unity (Priest 69) (Kaplan 125).

Iraqis are rebuilding, but Iranian extremists like Mogtada al-Sadr promote instability and chaos to undermine emerging powers, maligning the NAA as ineffective (Kaplan 125). NAA presence has reduced deaths and boosted economic growth in Afghanistan and the Middle East overall, while curbing property destruction from prolonged regional war and religious conflicts. The NAA has established electoral leadership to replace Shiite infighting in Tehran (Kaplan 127).

The NAA engages influential clerics to limit political clerical power and promote strong nationalism over religious sectarianism. In May 2010, NAA officials and Pakistan's President Zardari and Army Chief discussed Afghan strategy, benefiting citizens through conflict resolution efforts (Priest 75).

Expanded NAA counterterrorism training aims to build mutual benefit and cooperation, including with the U.S. and other continents, to make the NAA a global body countering Middle East terrorists like Osama Bin Laden (Andreas et al 87).

While playing a key role in the Middle East, NAA members should pursue comprehensive solutions for lasting peace (Kaplan 128). Working with U.S. intelligence, the NAA can coordinate policies to dissuade Iran and terrorists from jeopardizing Middle East stability with nuclear and missile programs. Though contributing significantly in Afghanistan and the Gulf, the NAA's primary political purpose is to avoid military complications in stabilizing the region politically and economically.

With its mandate, the NAA can develop a new collective, coordinated regional security mechanism focused on Iraq, Iran and Yemen as the most affected states (Kaplan 130). It should address military issues and promote internal stability and reform in the post-Hussein period. Given the lack of evidence that the NAA has worsened Middle East conflicts, its Afghan presence has been beneficial overall (Andreas et. al. 90).

Works cited:

Priest, Andrew. Kennedy, Johnson and NATO: Britain, America and the dynamics of alliance, Contemporary security studies. New York: Taylor & Francis, 2006 (2): 65-75. Kaplan, Lawrence. NATO divided, NATO united: the evolution of an alliance. New York: Greenwood Publishing Group, 2004 (3): 125-130. Andreas, Wenger, Christian Nuenlist and Anna Locher. Transforming NATO in the Cold War: challenges beyond deterrence in the Middle East. New York: Taylor & Francis, 2007 (7): 76-90.

Why Was The Cold War Called A War Essay

Example of essay on hannibal vs. scipio, free essay on afghan elections.

Afghanistan occupation: Take a pro or con position on whether the US should pull out of Afghanistan as it is today.

Thesis statement

Public opinion in the United States of America is for the government to withdraw American troops from Afghanistan. I will not support the pulling out of the troops out of Afghanistan.

Introduction

Good example of essay on lafayette regional airport: tsa guidelines for ga airports, quality history essays examples, good the massacre at el mozote essay example, good essay about critical reflection, rights violation in captain america movie essays example, the theme of captain america, free essay on george washington as a soldier, organizational behavior essay, the reduction of forces in the us army, do you think there is still a possibility of total war between some countries in essay samples, us withdrawal from iraq: where to now essays example.

(Course/Major)

Essay On The Superior Roman Military

Free essay on army brigadier jeffrey sinclair and the sexual assault case.

Being a brigadier general, a lot of interest surrounded his case. People were curious on how the court would handle a case against the former U.S commander in Afghanistan. He was facing charges of sodomy, adultery; general social misconduct to mention the least. Jeffrey Sinclair was required (by the court) to pay $20,000 and an additional $4,157 as restitution fee. All this happened amidst constant concerns being raised by the public on how well (or otherwise) the military performs in as far as addressing harassment targeting women and sex crimes are concerned (Zoroya, 2014).

Ethical issue

Good example of essay on war, youre name essay example, should ―military sexual assault‖ be prosecuted by those outside of the armed forces, free modern wars and its impacts on naval support transportation essay example, the challenges faced by military, naval support transportation and flow of support during the past wars., war on terror - against essays examples, military rules that should be changed essay example, good essay about world conflict, free essay about military leadership in world war two, impact of technology on the military, the things they carried essays examples, the league of nations essay example, great example of essay on history, opposing view: aristotle versus plato in ancient greece, history and economic impact: edinburgh festival essay sample, free essay about pros and cons of us drone warfare, just war/military ethics essays examples, free essay on finding george orwell in burma, free essay on the decision to attempt to kill bin laden, based on political decision making models, one years national service should not be a requirement for all citizens essays examples, free the nature of anarchy essay sample.

The paper is a review of the writings of Kenneth waltz and Alexander Wendt. The two differ in the approach of discussing the anarchical realms of the world. They agree on the use of force as a method of survival for the states. Thesis Statement The main argument of the paper is the contention that anarchy is relative a states. The paper takes the social constructivism approach is discussing anarchy in the world. International political arena is equated to a jungle where there are no rules.

The Cause And Effect That The Military Has On Marriages Essay

Essay on women in the military, sample essay about political science, good example of mediation in the us navy essay, example of essay on world war ii american experience, good example of essay on evolution of military leadership, example of essay on realism and neo-realism, free public administration essay example, free human security essay example, nato essay samples, good example of nuclear proliferation essay, example of essay on mediation in the us navy, cat and mouse- gunter grass essay.

Password recovery email has been sent to [email protected]

Use your new password to log in

You are not register!

By clicking Register, you agree to our Terms of Service and that you have read our Privacy Policy .

Now you can download documents directly to your device!

Check your email! An email with your password has already been sent to you! Now you can download documents directly to your device.

or Use the QR code to Save this Paper to Your Phone

The sample is NOT original!

Short on a deadline?

Don't waste time. Get help with 11% off using code - GETWOWED

No, thanks! I'm fine with missing my deadline

What are your chances of acceptance?

Calculate for all schools, your chance of acceptance.

Duke University

Your chancing factors

Extracurriculars.

military kid college essay examples

21 Stellar Common App Essay Examples to Inspire Your College Essay

What’s covered:, what makes a good common app essay, is your common app essay strong enough.

When you begin writing your Common App essay, having an example to look at can help you understand how to effectively write your college essay so that it stands apart from others. 

These Common App essay examples demonstrate a strong writing ability and answer the prompt in a way that shows admissions officers something unique about the student. Once you’ve read some examples and are ready to get started, read our step-by-step guide for how to write a strong Common App essay.  

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our Common App essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts.

It’s Personal

The point of the Common App essay is to humanize yourself to a college admissions committee. The ultimate goal is to get them to choose you over someone else! You will have a better chance of achieving this goal if the admissions committee feels personally connected to you or invested in your story. When writing your Common App essay, you should explore your feelings, worldview, values, desires, and anything else that makes you uniquely you.

It’s Not Cliché

It is pretty easy to resort to clichés in college essays. This should be actively avoided! CollegeVine has identified the immigrant’s journey, sports injuries, and overcoming a challenging course as cliché topics . If you write about one of these topics, you have to work harder to stand out, so working with a more nuanced topic is often safer and easier.

It’s Well-Done

Colleges want good writers. They want students who can articulate their thoughts clearly and concisely (and creatively!). You should be writing and rewriting your essays, perfecting them as you go. Of course, make sure that your grammar and spelling are impeccable, but also put in time crafting your tone and finding your voice. This will also make your essay more personal and will make your reader feel more connected to you!

It’s Cohesive

Compelling Common App essays tell a cohesive story. Cohesion is primarily achieved through effective introductions and conclusions , which often contribute to the establishment of a clear theme or topic. Make sure that it is clear what you are getting at, but also don’t explicitly state what you are getting at—a successful essay speaks for itself.

Common App Essay Examples

Here are the current Common App prompts. Click the links to jump to the examples for a specific prompt, or keep reading to review the examples for all the prompts.

Prompt #1 :  Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Prompt #2 :  The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Prompt #3 :  Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Prompt #4 : Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? (NOTE: We only have an example for the old prompt #4 about solving a problem, not this current one)

Prompt #5 :  Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Prompt #6 :  Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Prompt #7 :  Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Note: Names have been changed to protect the identity of the author and subjects.

Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Prompt #1, example #1.

The room was silent except for the thoughts racing through my head. I led a spade from my hand and my opponent paused for a second, then played a heart. The numbers ran through my mind as I tried to consider every combination, calculating my next move. Finally, I played the ace of spades from the dummy and the rest of my clubs, securing the contract and 620 points when my partner ruffed at trick five. Next board.

It was the final of the 2015 United States Bridge Federation Under-26 Women’s Championship. The winning team would be selected to represent the United States in the world championship and my team was still in the running.

Contract bridge is a strategic and stochastic card game. Players from around the world gather at local clubs, regional events, and, in this case, national tournaments.

Going into the tournament, my team was excited; all the hours we had put into the game, from the lengthy midnight Skype sessions spent discussing boards to the coffee shop meetings spent memorizing conventions together, were about to pay off.

Halfway through, our spirits were still high, as we were only down by fourteen international match points which, out of the final total of about four hundred points, was virtually nothing and it was very feasible to catch up. Our excitement was short-lived, however, as sixty boards later, we found that we had lost the match and would not be chosen as the national team.

Initially, we were devastated. We had come so close and it seemed as if all the hours we had devoted to training had been utterly wasted. Yet as our team spent some time together reflecting upon the results, we gradually realized that the true value that we had gained wasn’t only the prospect of winning the national title, but also the time we had spent together exploring our shared passion. I chatted with the winning team and even befriended a few of them who offered us encouragement and advice.

Throughout my bridge career, although I’ve gained a respectable amount of masterpoints and awards, I’ve realized that the real reward comes from the extraordinary people I have met. I don’t need to travel cross-country to learn; every time I sit down at a table whether it be during a simple club game, a regional tournament or a national event, I find I’m always learning. 

I nod at the pair that’s always yelling at each other. They teach me the importance of sportsmanship and forgiveness.

I greet the legally blind man who can defeat most of the seeing players. He reminds me not to make excuses.

I chat with the friendly, elderly couple who, at ages ninety and ninety-two, have just gotten married two weeks ago. They teach me that it’s never too late to start anything.

I talk to the boy who’s attending Harvard and the girl who forewent college to start her own company. They show me that there is more than one path to success.

I congratulate the little kid running to his dad, excited to have won his very first masterpoints. He reminds me of the thrill of every first time and to never stop trying new things.

Just as much as I have benefitted from these life lessons, I aspire to give back to my bridge community as much as it has given me. I aspire to teach people how to play this complicated yet equally as exciting game. I aspire to never stop improving myself, both at and away from the bridge table.

Bridge has given me my roots and dared me to dream. What started as merely a hobby has become a community, a passion, a part of my identity. I aspire to live selflessly and help others reach their goals. I seek to take risks, embrace all results, even failure, and live unfettered from my own doubt.

This student draws readers in with a strong introduction. The essay starts ambiguous—“I led with a spade”—then intrigues readers by gradually revealing more information and details. This makes the reader want to keep reading (which is super important!) As the writer continues, there is a rather abrupt tone shift from suspenseful to explanatory with statements like “It was the final of the 2015 United States Bridge Federation Under-26 Women’s Championship” and “Contract bridge is a strategic and stochastic card game.” If you plan to start with an imagery-heavy, emotional, suspenseful, or dramatic introduction, you will need to transition to the content of your essay in a way that does not feel abrupt. 

You will often hear that essays need to “show, not tell.” This essay actually does both. First, the student tells readers the importance of bridge, saying “we gradually realized that the true value that we had gained wasn’t only the prospect of winning the national title, but also the time we had spent together exploring our shared passion” and “I’ve realized that the real reward comes from the extraordinary people I have met.” Then, the student shows the lessons they have learned from bridge through a series of parallel sentences: “I nod… sportsmanship and forgiveness” “I greet… not to make excuses” “I chat… it’s never too late to start anything” and so on. This latter strategy is much more effective than the former and is watered down because the student has already told us what we are supposed to get out of these sentences. Remember that your readers are intelligent and can draw their own conclusions. Avoid summarizing the moral of your story for them!

Overall, this essay is interesting and answers the prompt. We learn the importance of bridge to this student. The student has a solid grasp of language, a high-level vocabulary, and a valuable message, though they would be better off if they avoided summarizing their point and created more seamless transitions. 

Prompt #1, Example #2

Growing up, I always wanted to eat, play, visit, watch, and be it all: sloppy joes and spaetzle, Beanie Babies and Steiff, Cape Cod and the Baltic Sea, football and fussball, American and German.

My American parents relocated our young family to Berlin when I was three years old. My exposure to America was limited to holidays spent stateside and awfully dubbed Disney Channel broadcasts. As the few memories I had of living in the US faded, my affinity for Germany grew. I began to identify as “Germerican,” an ideal marriage of the two cultures. As a child, I viewed my biculturalism as a blessing. I possessed a native fluency in “Denglisch” and my family’s Halloween parties were legendary at a time when the holiday was just starting to gain popularity outside of the American Sector.

Insidiously, the magic I once felt in loving two homes was replaced by a deep-­rooted sense of rootlessness. I stopped feeling American when, while discussing World War II with my grandmother, I said “the US won.” She corrected me, insisting I use “we” when referring to the US’s actions. Before then, I hadn’t realized how directly people associated themselves with their countries. I stopped feeling German during the World Cup when my friends labeled me a “bandwagon fan” for rooting for Germany. Until that moment, my cheers had felt sincere. I wasn’t part of the “we” who won World Wars or World Cups. Caught in a twilight of foreign and familiar, I felt emotionally and psychologically disconnected from the two cultures most familiar to me.

After moving from Berlin to New York at age fifteen, my feelings of cultural homelessness thrived in my new environment. Looking and sounding American furthered my feelings of dislocation. Border patrol agents, teachers, classmates, neighbors, and relatives all “welcomed me home” to a land they could not understand was foreign to me. Americans confused me as I relied on Urban Dictionary to understand my peers, the Pledge of Allegiance seemed nationalistic, and the only thing familiar about Fahrenheit was the German after whom it was named. Too German for America and too American for Germany, I felt alienated from both. I wanted desperately to be a member of one, if not both, cultures.

During my first weeks in Scarsdale, I spent my free time googling “Berlin Family Seeks Teen” and “New Americans in Scarsdale.” The latter search proved most fruitful: I discovered Horizons, a nonprofit that empowers resettled refugees, or “New Americans,” to thrive. I started volunteering with Horizon’s children’s programs, playing with and tutoring young refugees.

It was there that I met Emily, a twelve­-year-­old Iraqi girl who lived next to Horizons. In between games and snacks, Emily would ask me questions about American life, touching on everything from Halloween to President Obama. Gradually, my confidence in my American identity grew as I recognized my ability to answer most of her questions. American culture was no longer completely foreign to me. I found myself especially qualified to work with young refugees; my experience growing up in a country other than that of my parents’ was similar enough to that of the refugee children Horizons served that I could empathize with them and offer advice. Together, we worked through conflicting allegiances, homesickness, and stretched belonging.

Forging a special, personal bond with young refugees proved a cathartic outlet for my insecurities as it taught me to value my past. My transculturalism allowed me to help young refugees integrate into American life, and, in doing so, I was able to adjust myself. Now, I have an appreciation of myself that I never felt before. “Home” isn’t the digits in a passport or ZIP code but a sense of contentedness. By helping a young refugee find comfort, happiness, and home in America, I was finally able to find those same things for myself.

Due to their endearing (and creative) use of language—with early phrases like “sloppy joes and spaetzle” as well as  “Germerican” and “Denglisch”—readers are inclined to like this writer from the get-go. Though the essay shifts from this lighthearted introduction to more serious subject matter around the third paragraph, the shift is not abrupt or jarring. This is because the student invites readers to feel the transition with them through their inclusion of various anecdotes that inspired their “feelings of cultural homelessness.” And our journey does not end there—we go back to America with the student and see how their former struggles become strengths.

Ultimately, this essay is successful due to its satisfying ending. Because readers experience the student’s struggles with them, we also feel the resolution. The conclusion of this essay is a prime example of the “Same, but Different” technique described in our article on How to End Your College Essay . As the student describes how, in the end, their complicated cultural identity still exists but transitions to a source of strength, readers are left feeling happy for the student. This means that they have formed a connection with the student, which is the ultimate goal!

Prompt #1, Example #3

“1…2…3…4 pirouettes ! New record!” My friends cheered as I landed my turns. Pleased with my progress, I gazed down at my worn-out pointe shoes. The sweltering blisters, numbing ice-baths, and draining late-night practices did not seem so bad after all. Next goal: five turns.

For as long as I can remember, ballet, in all its finesse and glamor, had kept me driven day to day. As a child, the lithe ballerinas, donning ethereal costumes as they floated across the stage, were my motivation. While others admired Messi and Adele, I idolized Carlos Acosta, principal dancer of the Royal Ballet. 

As I devoted more time and energy towards my craft, I became obsessed with improving my technique. I would stretch for hours after class, forcing my leg one inch higher in an effort to mirror the Dance Magazine cover girls . I injured my feet and ruined pair after pair of pointe shoes, turning on wood, cement, and even grass to improve my balance as I spun. At competitions, the dancers with the 180-degree leg extensions, endless turns, and soaring leaps—the ones who received “Bravos!” from the roaring audience—further pushed me to refine my skills and perfect my form. I believed that, with enough determination, I would one day attain their level of perfection. Reaching the quadruple- pirouette milestone only intensified my desire to accomplish even more. 

My efforts seemed to have come to fruition two summers ago when I was accepted to dance with Moscow’s Bolshoi Ballet at their renowned New York City summer intensive. I walked into my first session eager to learn from distinguished ballet masters and worldly dancers, already anticipating my improvement. Yet, as I danced alongside the accomplished ballerinas, I felt out of place. Despite their clean technique and professional training, they did not aim for glorious leg extensions or prodigious leaps. When they performed their turn combinations, most of them only executed two turns as I attempted four. 

“Dancers, double- pirouettes only.” 

Taken aback and confused, I wondered why our teacher expected so little from us. The other ballerinas seemed content, gracing the studio with their simple movements. 

As I grew closer with my Moscow roommates, I gradually learned that their training emphasized the history of the art form instead of stylistic tricks. Rather than show off their physical ability, their performances aimed to convey a story, one that embodied the rich culture of ballet and captured both the legacy of the dancers before them and their own artistry. As I observed my friends more intently in repertoire class, I felt the pain of the grief-stricken white swan from Swan Lake , the sass of the flirtatious Kitri from Don Quijote, and I gradually saw what I had overlooked before. My definition of talent had been molded by crowd-pleasing elements—whirring pirouettes , gravity-defying leaps, and mind-blowing leg extensions. This mindset slowly stripped me from the roots of my passion and my personal connection with ballet. 

With the Bolshoi, I learned to step back and explore the meaning behind each step and the people behind the scenes. Ballet carries history in its movements, from the societal values of the era to each choreographer’s unique flair. As I uncovered the messages behind each pirouette, kick, and jump, my appreciation for ballet grew beyond my obsession with raw athleticism and developed into a love for the art form’s emotive abilities in bridging the dancers with the audience. My journey as an artist has allowed me to see how technical execution is only the means to a greater understanding between dancer and spectator, between storyteller and listener. The elegance and complexity of ballet does not revolve around astonishing stunts but rather the evocative strength and artistry manifested in the dancer, in me. It is the combination of sentiments, history, tradition, and passion that has allowed ballet and its lessons of human connection to become my lifestyle both on and off stage.

The primary strength of this essay is the honesty and authenticity of the student’s writing. It is purposefully reflective. Intentional language creates a clear character arc that begins with an eager young ballerina and ends with the student reflecting on their past. 

Readers are easily able to picture the passion and intensity of the young dancer through the writer’s engagement with words like “obsessed,” “forcing,” and “ruined” in the second paragraph. Then, we see how intensity becomes pride as they “wondered why our teacher expected so little from us.” And ultimately, we see the writer humbled as they are exposed to the deeper meaning behind what they have worked so hard for. This arc is outstanding, and the student’s musings about ballet in the concl usion position them as vulnerable and reflective (and thus, appealing to admissions officers!)

The main weakness of this essay (though this is a stellar essay) is its formulaic beginning. While dialogue can be an effective tool for starting your essay, this student’s introduction feels a bit stilted as the dialogue does not match the overall reflective tone of the essay. Perhaps, in place of “Next goal: five turns,” the student could have posed a question or foreshadowed the growth they ultimately describe.

Prompt #1, Example #4

My paintbrush dragged a flurry of acrylic, the rich colors attaching to each groove in my canvas’s texture. The feeling was euphoric.

From a young age, painting has been my solace. Between the stress of my packed high school days filled with classes and extracurriculars, the glide of my paintbrush was my emotional outlet.

I opened a fresh canvas and began. The amalgamation of assorted colors in my palette melded harmoniously: dark and light, cool and warm, brilliant and dull. They conjoined, forming shades and surfaces sharp, smooth, and ridged. The textures of my paint strokes — powdery, glossy, jagged — gave my painting a tone, as if it had a voice of its own, sometimes shrieking, sometimes whispering.

Rough indigo blue. The repetitive upward pulls of my brush formed layers on my canvas. Staring into the deep blue, I felt transported to the bottom of the pool I swim in daily. I looked upward to see a layer of dense water between myself and the person I aspire to be, an ideal blurred by filmy ripples. Rough blue encapsulates my amorphous, conflicting identity, catalyzed by words spewed by my peers about my “oily hair” and “smelly food”. They caused my ever present disdain toward cultural assemblies; the lehenga I wore felt burdensome. My identity quivers like the indigo storm I painted — a duel between my self-deprecating, validation-seeking self, and the proud self I desire to be. My haphazard paint strokes released my internal turbulence.

Smooth orange-hued green. I laid the color in melodious strokes, forming my figure. The warmer green transitions from the rough blue — while they share elements, they also diverge. My firm brushstrokes felt like the way I felt on my first day as a media intern at KBOO, my local volunteer-driven radio station, committed to the voices of the marginalized. As a naturally introverted speaker, I was forced out of my comfort zone when tasked with documenting a KBOO art exhibition for social media, speaking with hosts to share their diverse, underrepresented backgrounds and inspirations. A rhythmic green strength soon shoved me past internal blue turbulence. My communication skills which were built by two years of Speech and Debate unleashed — I recognized that making a social change through media required amplifying unique voices and perspectives, both my own and others. The powerful green strokes that fill my canvas entrench my growth.

Bright, voluminous coral, hinted with magenta and yellow. I dabbed the color over my figure, giving my painting dimension. The paint, speckled, added depth on every inch it coated. As I moved the color in random but purposeful movements, the vitality ushered into my painting brought a smile across my face. It reminded me of the encounters I had with my cubicle-mate in my sophomore year academic autism research internship, seemingly insignificant moments in my lifelong journey that, in retrospect, wove unique threads into my tapestry. The kindness she brought into work inspired my compassion, while her stories of struggling with ADHD in the workplace bolstered my empathy towards different experiences. Our conversations added blobs of a nonuniform bright color in my painting, binding a new perspective in me.

I added in my final strokes, each contributing an element to my piece. As I scanned my canvas, I observed these elements. Detail added nuance into smaller pictures; they embodied complexities within color, texture, and hue, each individually delivering a narrative. But together, they formed a piece of art— art that could be interpreted as a whole or broken apart but still delivering as a means of communication.

I find beauty in media because of this. I can adapt a complex narrative to be deliverable, each component telling a story. Appreciating these nuances — the light, dark, smooth, and rough — has cultivated my growth mindset. My life-long painting never finishes. It is ever-expanding, absorbing the novel textures and colors I encounter daily.

This essay is distinct from others due to its melodic, lyrical form. This is primarily achieved because the student’s form follows the movements of the paintbrush that they use to scaffold their essay. As readers, we simply flow through the essay, occasionally picking up bits of information about its creator. Without even realizing it, by the end of the essay, admissions officers will know that this student is a swimmer, was in Speech and Debate, is Indian, and has had multiple internships.

A major strength of this essay is the command of language that the student demonstrates. This essay was not simply written, it was crafted. Universities are, of course, interested in the talents, goals, and interests of applicants, but an essay being well-written can be equally important. Writing skills are important because your reader will not learn about your talents, goals, and interests if they aren’t engaged in your essay, but they are also important because admissions officers know that being able to articulate your thoughts is important for success in all future careers.

While this essay is well-written, there are a few moments where it falls out of the flow and feels more like a student advertising their successes. For example, the phrases “media intern at KBOO” and “autism research internship” work better on a resume than they do in this essay. Admissions officers have a copy of your resume and can check your internship experiences after reading your essay! If you are going to use a unique writing style or narrative form, lean into it; don’t try to hybridize it with the standard college essay form. Your boldness will be attractive to admissions officers.

military kid college essay examples

Readers are easily able to picture the passion and intensity of the young dancer through the writer’s engagement with words like “obsessed,” “forcing,” and “ruined” in the second paragraph. Then, we see how intensity becomes pride as they “wondered why our teacher expected so little from us.” And ultimately, we see the writer humbled as they are exposed to the deeper meaning behind what they have worked so hard for. This arc is outstanding, and the student’s musings about ballet in the conclusion position them as vulnerable and reflective (and thus, appealing to admissions officers!)

Prompt #2: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Prompt #2, example #1.

“You ruined my life!” After months of quiet anger, my brother finally confronted me. To my shame, I had been appallingly ignorant of his pain.

Despite being twins, Max and I are profoundly different. Having intellectual interests from a young age that, well, interested very few of my peers, I often felt out of step in comparison with my highly-social brother. Everything appeared to come effortlessly for Max and, while we share an extremely tight bond, his frequent time away with friends left me feeling more and more alone as we grew older.

When my parents learned about The Green Academy, we hoped it would be an opportunity for me to find not only an academically challenging environment, but also – perhaps more importantly – a community. This meant transferring the family from Drumfield to Kingston. And while there was concern about Max, we all believed that given his sociable nature, moving would be far less impactful on him than staying put might be on me.

As it turned out, Green Academy was everything I’d hoped for. I was ecstatic to discover a group of students with whom I shared interests and could truly engage. Preoccupied with new friends and a rigorous course load, I failed to notice that the tables had turned. Max, lost in the fray and grappling with how to make connections in his enormous new high school, had become withdrawn and lonely. It took me until Christmas time – and a massive argument – to recognize how difficult the transition had been for my brother, let alone that he blamed me for it.

Through my own journey of searching for academic peers, in addition to coming out as gay when I was 12, I had developed deep empathy for those who had trouble fitting in. It was a pain I knew well and could easily relate to. Yet after Max’s outburst, my first response was to protest that our parents – not I – had chosen to move us here. In my heart, though, I knew that regardless of who had made the decision, we ended up in Kingston for my benefit. I was ashamed that, while I saw myself as genuinely compassionate, I had been oblivious to the heartache of the person closest to me. I could no longer ignore it – and I didn’t want to.

We stayed up half the night talking, and the conversation took an unexpected turn. Max opened up and shared that it wasn’t just about the move. He told me how challenging school had always been for him, due to his dyslexia, and that the ever-present comparison to me had only deepened his pain.

We had been in parallel battles the whole time and, yet, I only saw that Max was in distress once he experienced problems with which I directly identified. I’d long thought Max had it so easy – all because he had friends. The truth was, he didn’t need to experience my personal brand of sorrow in order for me to relate – he had felt plenty of his own.

My failure to recognize Max’s suffering brought home for me the profound universality and diversity of personal struggle; everyone has insecurities, everyone has woes, and everyone – most certainly – has pain. I am acutely grateful for the conversations he and I shared around all of this, because I believe our relationship has been fundamentally strengthened by a deeper understanding of one another. Further, this experience has reinforced the value of constantly striving for deeper sensitivity to the hidden struggles of those around me. I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story.

Here is a prime example that you don’t have to have fabulous imagery or flowery prose to write a successful Common App essay. You just have to be clear and say something that matters. This essay is simple and beautiful. It almost feels like having a conversation with a friend and learning that they are an even better person than you already thought they were.

Through this narrative, readers learn a lot about the writer—where they’re from, what their family life is like, what their challenges were as a kid, and even their sexuality. We also learn a lot about their values—notably, the value they place on awareness, improvement, and consideration of others. Though they never explicitly state it (which is great because it is still crystal clear!), this student’s ending of “I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story” shows that they are constantly striving for improvement and finding lessons anywhere they can get them in life.

The only part of this essay that could use a bit of work is the introduction. A short introduction can be effective, but this short first paragraph feels thrown in at the last minute and like it is missing its second half. If you are keeping your introduction short, make it matter.

Prompt #2, Example #2

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This Common App essay is well-written. The student is showing the admissions officers their ability to articulate their points beautifully and creatively. It starts with vivid images like that of the “rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free.” And because the prose is flowery, the writer can get away with metaphors like “I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms” that might sound cheesy without the clear command of the English language that the writer quickly establishes.

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

While dialogue often comes off as cliche or trite, this student effectively incorporates their family members saying “Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” This is achieved through the apt use of the verb “taunted” to characterize the questioning and through the question’s thematic connection to the earlier image of the student as a rustic princess. Similarly, rhetorical questions can feel randomly placed in essays, but this student’s inclusion of the questions “Was I so dainty?” and “Was I that incapable?” feels perfectly justified after they establish that they were pondering their failure.

Quite simply, this essay shows how quality writing can make a simple story outstandingly compelling.

Prompt #2, Example #3

The muffled voices behind thin walls heralded trouble.

They were fighting about money.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened and it wasn’t going to be the last. It was one of those countless nights I had to spend curled up under the blanket while pretending to be asleep. My father had been unemployed for five years now, and my mother, a local kindergarten teacher, was struggling to support the family alone. Our situation was bleak: Savings had run out and my parents could no longer hide our lack of money from me. To make matters worse, I was a few weeks away from starting high school, which would inevitably lead to college, yet another financial stressor for my family.

The argument didn’t sound like it would end soon.

“Why did you spend money on that?” my mother said, with an elongated sigh.

“I had to,” my father said, decidedly.

Every fight over the years had left me in despair and the idea of going through another fight daunted me. I had looked forward to my teen years all my life, an age that allows, for the first time, more responsibility. Indeed, after this fateful night, after my fourteenth birthday, I felt a mounting responsibility to help my family, and started brainstorming.

Always being fascinated by computers, I spent my childhood burying myself under computer cabinets, experimenting with computer parts. Naturally, I wondered if my skills in this area might be marketable.

The next morning, my friend, Naba, mentioned that her computer wasn’t working. A tuk-tuk ride later, and I was at her doorstep, and her mother was leading me to her room. I was off to work: I began examining her computer, like a surgeon carefully manages his scalpels and tools. A proper diagnosis was not far from reach, as I realized a broken pin in her computer’s SATA slot. After an hour of work, and a short trip to the hardware store, I successfully fixed the computer. To my pleasant surprise, Naba’s mother drew out two fresh 500 Rupee notes. One covered the cost of the parts I bought and the other was a token of appreciation. Bidding her goodbye, I went straight back home and put one of the 500 Rupee notes inside my family’s “savings-jar.”

Later that day, I devised a plan. I told my friends to spread the word that I was available to fix computers. At first, I got only one or two calls per week. I would pick up the computer from my client’s home, fix it quickly, and return it, thus earning myself a commission. While I couldn’t market my services at a competitive price, because I wasn’t able to buy the parts wholesale, I compensated by providing convenience. All my clients had to do was call me once and the rest was taken care of. Thus, my business had the best customer service in town.

At the beginning of my junior year, after two years of expanding my business through various avenues, I started buying computer parts from hardware suppliers in bulk at a cheaper rate. My business grew exponentially after that. 

Before long, I was my town’s go-to tech person. In this journey throughout high school, I started realizing that I had to create my own opportunities and not just curl up under a blanket, seeking only comfort, as I used to. Interacting with people from all walks of life became my forte and a sense of work ethic developed in me. My business required me to be an all-rounder– have the technical skills, be an easily approachable person, and manage cash flow. Slowly becoming better at this, I even managed to sway admins of a local institution to outsource their computer hardware purchases and repairs through me. As my business upsized throughout the years, I went from being helpless to autonomous – the teenager I always aspired to be.

This essay truly feels like a story—almost making you forget you are reading a college essay. The student’s voice is strong throughout the entire essay and they are able to give us insight into their thoughts, feelings, and motivations at every step of the story. Letting the reader into personal challenges like financial struggles can be daunting in a college essay, but the way this student used that setback to establish an emotional ethos to their narrative was well done.

Because the essay is essentially just telling a story, there’s a very natural flow that makes it enjoyable and easy to read. The student establishes the conflict at the beginning, then describes their solution and how they implemented it, and finally concludes with the lessons they took away from this experience. Transitions at the beginning of paragraphs effortlessly show the passage of time and how the student has progressed through the story.

Another reason this essay is so successful is because of the abundance of details. The reader truly feels like they are hiding in the room with the student as their parents yell because of the inclusion of quotes from the argument. We understand the precision and care they have for fixing computers because of the allusion to a surgeon with their scalpel. Not only does this imagery make the story more enticing, it also helps the reader gain a deeper appreciation for the type of person this student is and the adversity they have overcome.

If there were one thing this essay could do to improve, it would be to include a resolution to the conflict from the beginning. The student tells us how this business helped them grow as a person, but we don’t ever get to find out if they were able to lessen the financial burden on their parents or if they continued to struggle despite the student working hard. It doesn’t have to be a happy ending, but it would be nice to return to the conflict and acknowledge the effect they had on it, especially since this prompt is all about facing challenges.

Prompt #3: Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Prompt #3, example #1.

When I was younger, I was adamant that no two foods on my plate touch. As a result, I often used a second plate to prevent such an atrocity. In many ways, I learned to separate different things this way from my older brothers, Nate and Rob. Growing up, I idolized both of them. Nate was a performer, and I insisted on arriving early to his shows to secure front row seats, refusing to budge during intermission for fear of missing anything. Rob was a three-sport athlete, and I attended his games religiously, waving worn-out foam cougar paws and cheering until my voice was hoarse. My brothers were my role models. However, while each was talented, neither was interested in the other’s passion. To me, they represented two contrasting ideals of what I could become: artist or athlete. I believed I had to choose.

And for a long time, I chose athlete. I played soccer, basketball, and lacrosse and viewed myself exclusively as an athlete, believing the arts were not for me. I conveniently overlooked that since the age of five, I had been composing stories for my family for Christmas, gifts that were as much for me as them, as I loved writing. So when in tenth grade, I had the option of taking a creative writing class, I was faced with a question: could I be an athlete and a writer? After much debate, I enrolled in the class, feeling both apprehensive and excited. When I arrived on the first day of school, my teacher, Ms. Jenkins, asked us to write down our expectations for the class. After a few minutes, eraser shavings stubbornly sunbathing on my now-smudged paper, I finally wrote, “I do not expect to become a published writer from this class. I just want this to be a place where I can write freely.”

Although the purpose of the class never changed for me, on the third “submission day,” – our time to submit writing to upcoming contests and literary magazines – I faced a predicament. For the first two submission days, I had passed the time editing earlier pieces, eventually (pretty quickly) resorting to screen snake when hopelessness made the words look like hieroglyphics. I must not have been as subtle as I thought, as on the third of these days, Ms. Jenkins approached me. After shifting from excuse to excuse as to why I did not submit my writing, I finally recognized the real reason I had withheld my work: I was scared. I did not want to be different, and I did not want to challenge not only others’ perceptions of me, but also my own. I yielded to Ms. Jenkin’s pleas and sent one of my pieces to an upcoming contest.

By the time the letter came, I had already forgotten about the contest. When the flimsy white envelope arrived in the mail, I was shocked and ecstatic to learn that I had received 2nd place in a nationwide writing competition. The next morning, however, I discovered Ms. Jenkins would make an announcement to the whole school exposing me as a poet. I decided to own this identity and embrace my friends’ jokes and playful digs, and over time, they have learned to accept and respect this part of me. I have since seen more boys at my school identifying themselves as writers or artists.

I no longer see myself as an athlete and a poet independently, but rather I see these two aspects forming a single inseparable identity – me. Despite their apparent differences, these two disciplines are quite similar, as each requires creativity and devotion. I am still a poet when I am lacing up my cleats for soccer practice and still an athlete when I am building metaphors in the back of my mind – and I have realized ice cream and gummy bears taste pretty good together.

This essay is cohesive as it centers around the theme of identity and the ability for two identities to coexist simultaneously (an interesting theme!). It uses the Full Circle ending strategy as it starts with a metaphor about food touching and ends with “I have realized ice cream and gummy bears taste pretty good together.”

The main issue with this essay is that it could come off as cliché, which could be irritating for admissions officers. The story described is notably similar to High School Musical (“I decided to own this identity and embrace my friends’ jokes and playful digs, and over time, they have learned to accept and respect this part of me”) and feels slightly overstated. 

At times, this essay is also confusing. In the first paragraph, it feels like the narrative is actually going to be about separating your food (and is somehow going to relate to the older brothers?). It is not entirely clear that this is a metaphor. Also, when the writer references the third submission day and then works backward to explain what a submission day is and that there are multiple throughout the semester, the timeline gets unnecessarily confusing. Reworking the way this paragraph unfolded would have been more compelling and less distracting.

Overall, this essay was interesting but could have been more polished to be more effective.

Prompt #3, Example #2

I walked into my middle school English class, and noticed a stranger behind my teacher’s desk. “Hello,” she said. “Today I will be your substitute teacher.” I groaned internally. “Let me start off by calling roll. Ally?” “Here!” exclaimed Ally. “Jack?” “Here.” “Rachel?” “Here.” “Freddie?” “Present.” And then– “…?” The awkward pause was my cue. “It’s Jasina,” I started. “You can just call me Jas. Here.” “Oh, Jasina. That’s unique.” The word “unique” made me cringe. I slumped back in my seat. The substitute continued calling roll, and class continued as if nothing had happened. Nothing had happened. Just a typical moment in a middle school, but I hated every second of it.

My name is not impossible to pronounce. It appears challenging initially, but once you hear it, “Jas-een-a”, then you can manage it. My nickname, Jas (pronounced “Jazz”), is what most people call me anyway, so I don’t have to deal with mispronunciation often. I am thankful that my parents named me Jasina (a Hebrew name), but whenever someone hears my name for the first time, they comment, and I assume they’re making assumptions about me. “Wow, Jas is a cool name.” She must be pretty cool.“I’ve never heard the name Jasina before.” She must be from somewhere exotic. “Jas, like Jazz?” She must be musical and artsy. None of these assumptions are bad, but they all add up to the same thing: She must be unique. 

When I was little, these sentiments felt more like commands than assumptions. I thought I had to be the most unique child of all time, which was a daunting task, but I tried. I was the only kid in the second grade to color the sun red. I knew it was really yellow, but you could always tell which drawings were mine. During snack time, we could choose between apple juice and grape juice. I liked apple juice more, but if everyone else was choosing apple, then I had to choose grape. This was how I lived my life, and it was exhausting. I tried to continue this habit into middle school, but it backfired. When everyone became obsessed with things like skinny jeans and Justin Bieber and blue mascara (that was a weird trend), my resistance of the norm made me socially awkward. I couldn’t talk to people about anything because we had nothing in common. I was too different. 

After 8th grade, I moved to Georgia, and I was dreading being the odd one out among kids who had grown up together. Then I discovered that my freshman year would be Cambridge High School’s inaugural year. Since there were students coming in from 5 different schools, there was no real sense of “normal”. I panicked. If there was no normal, then how could I be unique? That’s when I realized that I had spent so much energy going against the grain that I had no idea what my true interests were or what I really cared about. 

It was time to find out. I stopped concentrating on what everyone else was doing and started to focus on myself. I joined the basketball team, I performed in the school musical, and I enrolled in Chorus, all of which were firsts for me. I took art classes, joined clubs, and did whatever I thought would make me happy. And it paid off. I was no longer socially awkward. In fact, because I was involved in so many unrelated activities, I was socially flexible. My friends and I had things in common, but there was no one who could say that I was exactly like anyone else. I had finally become my own person.

My father named me Jasina because he wanted my nickname to be “Jazz.” According to Webster, “jazz” is “music characterized by syncopated rhythms, improvisation, and deliberate distortions of pitch.” Basically, jazz is music that is off-beat and unpredictable. It cannot be strictly defined. 

That sounds about right. 

Right off the bat, this essay starts extremely strong. The description of attendance in a class with ample quotes, awkward pauses, and the student’s internal dialogue immediately puts us in the middle of the action and establishes a lot of sympathy for this student before we’ve learned anything else. 

The strength of this essay continues into the second paragraph where the use of quotes, italics, and interjections from the student continues. All of these literary tools help the student express her voice and allow the reader to understand what this student goes through on a daily basis. Rather than just telling the reader people make assumptions about her name, she shows us what these assumptions look and sound like, and exactly how they make her feel.

The essay further shows us how the student approached her name by providing concrete examples of times she’s been intentionally unique throughout her life. Describing her drawing red suns and choosing grape juice bring her personality to life and allow her to express her deviance from the “norm” in a much more engaging and visual way than simply telling the reader she would go against the grain to be different on purpose.

One part of the essay that was a bit weaker than the others was the paragraph about her in high school. Although it was still well written and did a nice job of demonstrating how she got involved in multiple groups to find her new identity, it lacked the same level of showing employed in previous paragraphs. It would have been nice to see what “socially flexible” means either through a conversation she had with her friends or an example of a time she combined her interests from different groups in a way that was uniquely her.

The essay finishes off how it started: extremely strong. Taking a step back to fully explain the origin of her name neatly brings together everything mentioned in this essay. This ending is especially successful because she never explicitly states that her personality aligns with the definition of jazz. Instead, she relies on the points she has made throughout the essay to stick in the reader’s memory so they are able to draw the connection themselves, making for a much more satisfying ending for the reader.

Prompt #4 (OLD PROMPT; NOT THE CURRENT PROMPT): Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma – anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

Prompt #4, example #1.

“Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” 

Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation. 

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one. 

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand. 

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one. 

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself. 

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith. 

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities. 

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension. 

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities. 

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay is great because it has a strong introduction and a strong conclusion. The introduction is notably suspenseful and draws readers into the story. Because we know it is a college essay, we can assume that the student is one of the competitors, but at the same time, this introduction feels intentionally ambiguous as if the writer could be a competitor, a coach, a sibling of a competitor, or anyone else in the situation.

As we continue reading the essay, we learn that the writer is, in fact, the competitor. Readers also learn a lot about the student’s values as we hear their thoughts: “I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was.” Ultimately, the conflict and inner and outer turmoil is resolved through the “Same, but Different” ending technique as the student places themself in the same environment that we saw in the intro, but experiencing it differently due to their actions throughout the narrative. This is a very compelling strategy!

The main weakness of this essay is that it is slightly confusing at times—how the other students found coaches feels unintentionally under-explained (a simple phrase like “through pleading and attracting sympathy” in the fourth paragraph could have served the writer well) and a dojang is never defined. Additionally, the turn of the essay or “volta” could’ve packed a bigger punch. It is put quite simply with “I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.” A more suspenseful reveal could’ve served the author well because more drama did come later.

Prompt #5: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Prompt #5, example #1.

Tears streamed down my face and my mind was paralyzed with fear. Sirens blared, but the silent panic in my own head was deafening. I was muted by shock. A few hours earlier, I had anticipated a vacation in Washington, D.C., but unexpectedly, I was rushing to the hospital behind an ambulance carrying my mother. As a fourteen-year-old from a single mother household, without a driver’s license, and seven hours from home, I was distraught over the prospect of losing the only parent I had. My fear turned into action as I made some of the bravest decisions of my life. 

Three blood transfusions later, my mother’s condition was stable, but we were still states away from home, so I coordinated with my mother’s doctors in North Carolina to schedule the emergency operation that would save her life. Throughout her surgery, I anxiously awaited any word from her surgeon, but each time I asked, I was told that there had been another complication or delay. Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities.

My mother had been a source of strength for me, and now I would be strong for her through her long recovery ahead. As I started high school, everyone thought the crisis was over, but it had really just started to impact my life. My mother was often fatigued, so I assumed more responsibility, juggling family duties, school, athletics, and work. I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover. I didn’t know I was capable of such maturity and resourcefulness until it was called upon. Each day was a stage in my gradual transformation from dependence to relative independence.

Throughout my mother’s health crisis, I matured by learning to put others’ needs before my own. As I worried about my mother’s health, I took nothing for granted, cherished what I had, and used my daily activities as motivation to move forward. I now take ownership over small decisions such as scheduling daily appointments and managing my time but also over major decisions involving my future, including the college admissions process. Although I have become more independent, my mother and I are inseparably close, and the realization that I almost lost her affects me daily. Each morning, I wake up ten minutes early simply to eat breakfast with my mother and spend time with her before our busy days begin. I am aware of how quickly life can change. My mother remains a guiding force in my life, but the feeling of empowerment I discovered within myself is the ultimate form of my independence. Though I thought the summer before my freshman year would be a transition from middle school to high school, it was a transformation from childhood to adulthood.

This essay feels real and tells readers a lot about the writer. To start at the beginning, the intro is 10/10. It has drama, it has emotions, and it has the reader wanting more.

And, when you keep going, you get to learn a lot about a very resilient and mature student. Through sentences like “I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover” and “Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities,” the reader shows us that they are aware of their resilience and maturity, but are not arrogant about it. It is simply a fact that they have proven!

Sometimes writing about adversity can feel exploitative or oddly braggy. This student backs up everything they say with anecdotes that prove and show their strength and resilience, rather than just claiming their strengths. When I read this essay, I want to cheer for its writer! And I want to be able to continue cheering for them (perhaps, if I were an admissions officer, that would make me want them at my school!).

Prompt #5, Example #2

Armed with a red pen, I slowly walked across the room to a small, isolated table with pink stools. Swinging her legs, my young student beamed and giggled at me, slamming her pencil bag on the table and bending over to pick up one of her toys. Natalie always brought some new toy with her to lessons—toys which I would sternly take away from her and place under the table until she finished her work. At the tutoring center where I work, a strict emphasis on discipline leaves no room for paper crowns or rubber chickens. 

Today, she had with her a large stuffed eagle from a museum. As she pulled out her papers, I slid the eagle to the other side of the table. She looked eagerly around, attempting to chat with other students as I impatiently called her attention to her papers. “I should name my eagle,” she chimed, waving her pencil in the air. I cringed—there was no wondering why Natalie always had to sit by herself. She was the antithesis of my academic values, and undoubtedly the greatest adversary of my teaching style.  

As the lesson progressed, Natalie became more fitful; she refused to release her feathered friend, and kept addressing the bird for help with difficult problems. We both grew increasingly more frustrated. Determined to tame this wryly, wiggling student, I stood my ground, set on converting this disobedient child to my calm, measured ways of study.  

As time slowly crept by, I noticed that despite Natalie’s cheerful tone and bright smile, the stuffed eagle was troublesomely quiet and stern-faced. Much like myself. Both the eagle and I were getting nowhere in this lesson—so we hatched a quick plan. Lifting the eagle up in the air, I started reading in my best impersonation of an eagle, squawking my way through a spelling packet. The result provided a sense of instant gratification I never knew I needed. She sang out every letter, clapped her hands at every page, and followed along with the eagle, stopping at every few letters to declare that “E is for eagle” and pet her teacher fondly on the beak.  

Despite my ostensibly dissatisfied attitude toward my students, I did not join the tutoring center simply to earn money. I had always aspired to help others achieve their fullest potential. As a young adult, I felt that it was time for me to step out of the role of a pupil and into the influential role of a teacher, naively believing that I had the maturity and skill to adapt to any situation and help these students reach their highest achievements academically. For the most part, the role of a stern-faced, strict instructor helped me get by in the workplace, and while my students never truly looked happy, I felt that it was part of the process of conditioning a child to learn. 

Ironically, my transition to adulthood was the result of a stuffed animal. It was indisputable that I always had the skill to instruct others; the only thing needed to instruct someone is knowledge of the subject. However, it was only upon being introduced to a stuffed bird in which I realized that students receive the most help not from instructors, but teachers. While almost anyone can learn material and spit it back out for someone, it takes the maturity and passion of a teacher not only to help students improve in their students, but also to motivate them and develop them into better citizens. From my young pupil and her little bird, I have undergone a change in attitude which reflects a growth in maturity and ability to improve the lives of others that I hope to implement in my future role as a student, activist, and physician. My newfound maturity taught me that the letter “e” stands for many things: empathy, experience, enthusiasm, and eagle.

In this essay, the student effectively explores their values (and how they learned them!) then identifies these values through a reflective conclusion. While the writer humbly recognizes the initial faults in their teaching style, they do not position their initial discipline or rigidity as mean or poorly intentioned—simply ineffective. This is important because, when you are discussing a transition like this, you don’t want admissions officers to think of you as having been a bad person. 

My favorite part about this essay is its subtlety. The major shift in the essay comes through the simple sentence “The result provided a sense of instant gratification I never knew I needed.” The facts of this narrative are not too complicated. Simply put, the writer was strict then learned that it’s sometimes more effective not to be strict. The complexity of this narrative comes through reflection. Notably, through the ending, the student identifies their values (which they hadn’t given a name to before): “it takes the maturity and passion of a teacher not only to help students improve in their students, but also to motivate them and develop them into better citizens.” 

The final sentence of this essay ties things up very nicely. Readers are left satisfied with the essay and convinced that its writer is a kind human with a large capacity for reflection and consideration. That is a great image to paint of yourself!

Prompt #5, Example #3

When it’s quiet, I can still hear the Friday night gossip and giggles of my friends. It’s a stark contrast from the environment I’ve known all my life, my home. My family has always been one to keep to themselves; introverts with a hard-working mentality—my father especially. He spent most of his time at work and growing up without him around, I came to be at peace with the fact that I’d probably never really get to know him. The thought didn’t bother me at the time because I felt that we were very different. He was stoic and traditional; I was trying to figure out who I was and explore my interests. His disapproval of the American music I listened to and my penchant for wearing hand-me-downs made me see him as someone who wanted to restrain my individuality. That explains why I relied heavily on my friends throughout middle and high school; they liked me for who I was. I figured I would get lonely without my friends during quarantine, but these last few months stuck at home gave me the time to make a new friend: my father. 

It was June. I had the habit of sleeping with my windows open so I wouldn’t need to set an alarm; the warmth of the sun and the sounds of the neighborhood children playing outside would wake me. One morning, however, it was not the chirping of birds or the laughter of children I awoke to, but the shrill of a saw. Through the window screen, on the grass below, my father stood cutting planks of wood. I was confused but didn’t question him—what he did with his time was none of my business. It was not until the next day, when I was attempting to work on a sculpture for an art class, that the sounds of hammering and drills became too much to ignore. Seeking answers, I trudged across my backyard towards the corner he was in. On that day, all there was to see was the foundation of what he was building; a shed. My intrigue was replaced with awe; I was impressed by the precision of his craft. Sharp corners, leveled and sturdy, I could imagine what it would look like when the walls were up and the inside filled with the tools he had spread around the yard. 

Throughout the week, when I was trying to finish my sculpture for art class—thinking about its shape and composition—I could not help but think of my father. Art has always been a creative outlet for me, an opportunity to express myself at home. For my dad, his craftsmanship was his art. I realized we were not as different as I had thought; he was an artist like me. My glue and paper were his wood and nails.

That summer, I tried to spend more time with my dad than I have in all my 18 years of life. Waking up earlier than usual so we could have our morning coffees together and pretending to like his favorite band so he’d talk to me about it, I took advantage of every opportunity I had to speak with him. In getting to know him, I’ve recognized that I get my artistry from him. 

Reflecting on past relationships, I feel I am now more open to reconnecting with people I’ve perhaps misjudged. In reconciling, I’ve realized I held some bitterness towards him all these years, and in letting that go, my heart is lighter. Our reunion has changed my perspective; instead of vilifying him for spending so much time at work, I can appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family. When I hear him tinkering away at another home project, I can smile and look forward to asking him about it later.

This is an outstanding example of the great things that can be articulated through a reflective essay. As we read the essay, we are simply thinking alongside its author—thinking about their past relationship with their father, about their time in quarantine, about aspects of themselves they think could use attention and growth. 

While we reflect, we are also centered by the student’s anecdote about the sculpture and the shed during quarantine. By centering us in real-time, the student keeps us engaged in the reflection.

The main strength here is the maturity we see on the part of its writer. The student doesn’t say “and I realized my father was the best dad in the world;” they say “and I realized my father didn’t have to be the best dad in the world for me to give him a chance.” Lots of students show themselves as motivated, curious, or compassionate in their college essays, but a reflective essay that ends with a discussion of resentment and forgiveness shows true maturity.

Prompt #5, Example #4

As a wide-eyed, naive seven-year-old, I watched my grandmother’s rough, wrinkled hands pull and knead mercilessly at white dough until the countertop was dusted in flour. She steamed small buns in bamboo baskets, and a light sweetness lingered in the air. Although the mantou looked delicious, their papery, flat taste was always an unpleasant surprise. My grandmother scolded me for failing to finish even one, and when I complained about the lack of flavor she would simply say that I would find it as I grew older. How did my adult relatives seem to enjoy this Taiwanese culinary delight while I found it so plain?

During my journey to discover the essence of mantou, I began to see myself the same way I saw the steamed bun. I believed that my writing would never evolve beyond a hobby and that my quiet nature crippled my ambitions. Ultimately, I thought I had little to offer the world. In middle school, it was easy for me to hide behind the large personalities of my friends, blending into the background and keeping my thoughts company. Although writing had become my emotional outlet, no matter how well I wrote essays, poetry, or fiction, I could not stand out in a sea of talented students. When I finally gained the confidence to submit my poetry to literary journals but was promptly rejected, I stepped back from my work to begin reading from Whitman to Dickinson, Li-Young Lee to Ocean Vuong. It was then that I realized I had been holding back a crucial ingredient–my distinct voice. 

Over time, my taste buds began to mature, as did I. Mantou can be flavored with pork and eggplant, sweetened in condensed milk, and moistened or dried by the steam’s temperature. After I ate the mantou with each of these factors in mind, I noticed its environment enhanced a delicately woven strand of sweetness beneath the taste of side dishes: the sugar I had often watched my grandmother sift into the flour. The taste was nearly untraceable, but once I grasped it I could truly begin to cherish mantou. In the same way the taste had been lost to me for years, my writer’s voice had struggled to shine through because of my self-doubt and fear of vulnerability.

As I acquired a taste for mantou, I also began to strengthen my voice through my surrounding environment. With the support of my parents, peer poets, and the guidance of Amy Tan and the Brontё sisters, I worked tirelessly to uncover my voice: a subtle strand of sweetness. Once I stopped trying to fit into a publishing material mold and infused my uninhibited passion for my Taiwanese heritage into my writing, my poem was published in a literary journal. I wrote about the blatant racism Asians endured during coronavirus, and the editor of Skipping Stones Magazine was touched by both my poem and my heartfelt letter. I opened up about being ridiculed for bringing Asian food to school at Youth Leadership Forum, providing support to younger Asian-American students who reached out with the relief of finding someone they could relate to. I embraced writing as a way to convey my struggle with cultural identity. I joined the school’s creative writing club and read my pieces in front of an audience, honing my voice into one that flourishes out loud as well.

Now, I write and speak unapologetically, falling in love with a voice that I never knew I had. It inspires passion within my communities and imparts tenacity to Asian-American youth, rooting itself deeply into everything I write. Today, my grandmother would say that I have finally unearthed the taste of mantou as I savor every bite with a newfound appreciation. I can imagine her hands shaping the dough that has become my voice, and I am eager to share it with the world.

This essay is structurally-sound, with the student’s journey learning to savor mantou and their journey trying to find their voice serving as outstanding parallels. Additionally, as they describe the journey to find a voice in their writing, they definitely show off their voice! The clear introduction provides a great image and draws us in with an intriguing question. Additionally, their little inserts like “a strand of sweetness” and “falling in love with a voice that I never knew I had” work very well.

When the student describes their first published poem, however, their writing gets a little more stilted. This is a common error students make when writing about their achievements. If this student is writing about the craft that goes into writing, we should hear the details of the craft that went into the poem, instead of simply learning that they “opened up about being ridiculed for bringing Asian food to school at Youth Leadership Forum.” This is interesting information but would be stronger if it were supplemented by descriptions of the voice they created, comparisons to the styles of other poets, and analysis of their stylistic choices. This would make the essay feel more cohesive, centering entirely around concepts of voice and style.

Prompt #6: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Note: We don’t have a stellar example for this prompt, so instead, we’re sharing a couple examples that need improvement, and what can be done to make the essays more engaging. 

Prompt #6, Example #1

What factors shape the depth and allure of a literary character? This is the exact question I asked myself as my eyes riveted on the white pages covered with little black letters.

I was reading my old novels. I’ve written three novels and many short stories. Each of them repetitively portrayed the hero as intelligent and funny, and the antagonists as cold and manipulative. I came to the appalling realization that my characters were flat, neither exciting nor original. They just didn’t stand out! 

As Oscar Wilde said, ‘Vice and virtue are to the artist material to an art.’ Their mixing makes a novel addictive because its plot is rich with turnarounds and its characters more engaging. In his famous work The Picture of Dorian Gray , Wilde deconstructs the psyche of his characters. He brilliantly plays with the protagonist’s youthful appearance and the decaying portrait to build a truly unique idiosyncratic identity. The persona of Dorian Gray is so complicated a psychologist could analyze it for hours on end!

Inspired by this character, It was my turn to explore good and evil into characters to make my stories more enthralling. I skillfully played with vice and virtue, separating, merging them… My latest novel is the fruit of this exercise. I chose to set it in 20th century London. Its opium dens and exclusive salons; middle-class workers, peasants and politicians breathed the same newly industrialized air; modernity in Blackfriars bridge and tradition in St Paul’s Cathedral; all of these contrasts set the perfect environment for my characters to grow. Following Laclos’ Valmont, Maupassant’s Georges Duroy and Duffy’s Myra Hindley, I played with those contrasts to present an intricate character, truly creative – unlike my previous ones. Insanity, religion, depravity and love are merged into each character, reflecting Edwardian London. As I reflected on my work, I realized vice and virtue altogether made them more human and credible. These characters stood out, they were interesting, I even wanted to know more about them! 

After rewriting, erasing, typing, and thinking countless times, I realized writing is a unique exercise. Nothing is definite when you are holding a fountain pen, hearing its screeching sound on the white paper and watching the ebony ink forming letters. When I wasn’t too happy about a change I made in my story, I simply erased and rewrote it. Everything I imagined could happen: white pages are the only place the mouse eats the cat or the world is taken by a zombie attack! 

This exact exercise of diversifying my characters satisfied my relentless curiosity. Asking myself ‘how could this character be if she had lost her parents in a maritime tragedy?’ allowed me to view the world from different perspectives (some very dissimilar to my own) and considering how each character would react to different situations brought them to life. As I was writing, I was aiming to change the usual narratives I had previously traversed. I loved experimenting with countless personality traits in my characters – minutes flowing, my hand dancing on the paper as my mind was singing words coming alive….

There were times where my hand just stopped writing and my mind stopped raging. I tried thinking differently, changing a character’s background, the story, the setting. I was inspired by Zola, A.Carter, Fitzgerald, the Brontë sisters… I could observe the different reactions of their characters, and reflect on mine theoretically. But it was only part one of the work: I then had to write, sometimes aimlessly, sometimes frantically, always leading to fresh ideas – I was exploring the practical, trying, erasing and rewriting. Both theory and practice are required to gain intellectual independence and experience, in writing and more globally: before I can change a character, I have to understand it. Before we can change the world, we have to understand it.

The main strength of this essay is the authenticity of the topic the student chose. They aren’t making anything up or stretching the truth. Writing is something that captivates them, and that captivation shines through—particularly through their fourth paragraph (where they geek out over specific plots and characters) and their fifth paragraph (where they joyfully describe how writing has no limitations). Admissions officers want to see this passion and intensity in applicants! The fact that this student has already written three novels also shows dedication and is impressive.

The main weakness of this essay is its structure. Ironically, it is not super captivating. The essay would have been more compelling if the student utilized a “anecdote – answer – reflection” structure. This student’s current introduction involves a reflective question, citations about their past writing experience, then their thoughts on Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray. Instead, this student could’ve provided one cohesive (and powerful!) image of them being frustrated with their own writing then being inspired by Dorian Gray. This would look something like:

“I stayed up three nights in a row studying my own writing—bored by my own writing. The only thing more painful than seeing failure in the fruits of your labor is not seeing a path for improvement. I had written three novels and numerous short stories, and all I could come up with was funny and intelligent heroes going up against cold and manipulative villains. What kind of writer was so consistently cliche? On the third night, I wandered over to my bookshelf. Mrs. Dalloway caught my eye (it has such a beautiful cover). I flipped through. Then, I grabbed Giovanni’s Room . I was so obsessed with my shortcomings that I couldn’t even focus long enough to see what these authors were doing right. I picked up The Picture of Dorian Gray and decided to just start reading. By the end of the night, I was captivated.”

An introduction like this would flow nicely into the student describing their experience with Dorian Gray then, because of that experience, describing how they have altered their approach to writing. The conclusion of this essay would then be this student’s time for reflection. Instead of repeating content about their passion—“I then had to write, sometimes aimlessly, sometimes frantically” and “I was exploring the practical, trying, erasing and rewriting”—, the student could dedicate their conclusion to reflecting on the reasons that writing is so captivating or the ways that (until the day they die) writers will always be perfecting their craft.

This essay is a great example of how important it is to pick a topic that truly excites you. It also illustrates how important it is to effectively structure that excitement.

Prompt #6, Example #2

Astonished by the crashing sound of waves in my ear, I was convinced this magical shell actually held the sound of the big blue sea — my six-year-old self was heartbroken when I couldn’t take the thirty-dollar artificial shell from SeaWorld’s gift shop . It distinctly reminded me of the awestruck feeling I had when I witnessed the churning waves of a windy night by the ocean the previous weekend; I lost track of time gazing at the distant moonlit border dividing our world from the ever-growing black void. Turning to my mom, I inquired curiously, “Can we go to the place where the water ends one day?”

She explained to me I could never reach the end of the ocean because the harsh line I had seen was actually an illusion called the horizon —  there was no material end to the ocean. For a mind as young as mine was, the idea of infinity was incomprehensible. As my infatuation with the ocean continued to grow, I finally understood that regardless of how far I travel, the horizon is unattainable because it’s not a physical limit. This idea is why the ocean captivates me — no matter how much you discover, there is always more to explore. 

Learning about and exploring the ocean provided an escape from one reality into another; though we are on the same planet, it’s an entirely separate world. Through elementary and middle school, I devoted vast amounts of my free time to learning about simpler concepts like a dolphin’s ability to echolocate and coral reef ecosystems. I rented countless documentaries and constantly checked out books from my local library — my all-time favorite was an episode of the television series Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey titled “The Lost Worlds of Planet Earth.” This episode remained memorable because it was centered around the impacts of fossil fuels on marine animals; it was the first time I’d learned about the impending crisis we are faced with due to the human mistreatment of our planet.

Prior to viewing that episode, I relied on the ocean as an outlet — I fueled all of my emotions into studying marine organisms. Once I learned of its grave future, I delved into the world of environmental activism. This path was much more disheartening than studying echolocation — inevitable death due to climate change took a toll on my mental health. I attended two climate strikes in November of my sophomore year. Following the strikes, I joined Sunrise Movement Sacramento, a youth-led climate justice organization advocating for the Green New Deal. While analyzing legislation and organizing protests were significant takeaways from my experience with climate activism, they were not the most important. I became an organizer because of my love for the ocean and I remain an organizer because of my passion for dissolving the disproportionalities marginalized groups face due to the sacrificing of people’s livelihood for the sake of profit. The more I learned about our modern society, the more hopeless I grew that I could see any significant change within my lifetime.

However, this hopelessness comes in waves; every day, I remind myself of the moment I discovered the horizon. Or the moment I first dove into the beautiful waters of the Hawaiian coast and immediately was surrounded by breathtaking seas of magnificent creatures and coral gardens — life felt ethereal and beautiful. I remind myself that like the ocean, the vast majority of the universe has yet to be discovered; that distant border holds infinite opportunity to learn. In a universe as vast as ours, and life as rare as ours, individuals still choose to prioritize avarice over our planet. Despite this grave individualism, the ocean reminds me every day there is hope in the fight for a better world. Though I will never discover every inch of the ocean’s floor, I will forever envision and reach for new horizons.

Sometimes the path to a great essay is taking something normal and using it to show admissions officers who you are and what you value—that is precisely this student’s approach! Finding the ocean fascinating is not unique to this student. Tons of kids (and adults, too!) are obsessed with the ocean. What this student does is take things a step further as they explain their curiosity about the ocean in relation to their pain about the destruction of the environment. This capacity for reflection is great!

This student shows a good control of language through their thematic centering on ocean and horizons that carries through their essay—with ”this hopelessness comes in waves” and “I will forever envision and reach for new horizons.” The details provided throughout are also effective at keeping readers engaged—things like “ my six-year-old self was heartbroken when I couldn’t take the thirty-dollar artificial shell from SeaWorld’s gift shop” and “ my all-time favorite was an episode of the television series Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey titled “The Lost Worlds of Planet Earth.”

The main weakness of this essay is the lack of reflection when the student discusses environmental activism. There’s reflection on the student’s connection to the ocean and horizons at the beginning and at the end, but when the student discusses activism, the tone shifts from focusing on their internal thoughts to their external actions. Remember, a lot of students write about environmental activism, but not a lot of students write about an emotional connection to the ocean as an impetus for environmental activism. This student would stand out more to admissions officers if they had dug into questions of what the ocean means to them (and says about them) in the paragraphs beginning “Learning about and exploring the ocean…” and “Prior to viewing that episode.”

Prompt #7: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Prompt #7, example #1.

Scalding hot water cascades over me, crashing to the ground in a familiar, soothing rhythm. Steam rises to the ceiling as dried sweat and soap suds swirl down the drain. The water hisses as it hits my skin, far above the safe temperature for a shower. The pressure is perfect on my tired muscles, easing the aches and bruises from a rough bout of sparring and the tension from a long, stressful day. The noise from my overactive mind dies away, fading into music, lyrics floating through my head. Black streaks stripe the inside of my left arm, remnants of the penned reminders of homework, money owed and forms due. 

It lacks the same dynamism and controlled intensity of sparring on the mat at taekwondo or the warm tenderness of a tight hug from my father, but it’s still a cocoon of safety as the water washes away the day’s burdens. As long as the hot water is running, the rest of the world ceases to exist, shrinking to me, myself and I. The shower curtain closes me off from the hectic world spinning around me. 

Much like the baths of Blanche DuBois, my hot showers are a means of cleansing and purifying (though I’m mostly just ridding myself of the germs from children at work sneezing on me). In the midst of a hot shower, there is no impending exam to study for, no newspaper deadline to meet, no paycheck to deposit. It is simply complete and utter peace, a safe haven. The steam clears my mind even as it clouds my mirror. 

Creativity thrives in the tub, breathing life into tales of dragons and warrior princesses that evolve only in my head, never making their way to paper but appeasing the childlike dreamer and wannabe author in me all the same. That one calculus problem that has seemed unsolvable since second period clicks into place as I realize the obvious solution. The perfect concluding sentence to my literary analysis essay writes itself (causing me to abruptly end my shower in a mad dash to the computer before I forget it entirely).  

Ever since I was old enough to start taking showers unaided, I began hogging all the hot water in the house, a source of great frustration to my parents. Many of my early showers were rudely cut short by an unholy banging on the bathroom door and an order to “stop wasting water and come eat dinner before it gets cold.” After a decade of trudging up the stairs every evening to put an end to my water-wasting, my parents finally gave in, leaving me to my (expensive) showers. I imagine someday, when paying the water bill is in my hands, my showers will be shorter, but today is not that day (nor, hopefully, will the next four years be that day). 

Showers are better than any ibuprofen, the perfect panacea for life’s daily ailments. Headaches magically disappear as long as the water runs, though they typically return in full force afterward. The runny nose and itchy eyes courtesy of summertime allergies recede. Showers alleviate even the stomachache from a guacamole-induced lack of self-control. 

Honestly though, the best part about a hot shower is neither its medicinal abilities nor its blissful temporary isolation or even the heavenly warmth seeped deep into my bones. The best part is that these little moments of pure, uninhibited contentedness are a daily occurrence. No matter how stressful the day, showers ensure I always have something to look forward to. They are small moments, true, but important nonetheless, because it is the little things in life that matter; the big moments are too rare, too fleeting to make anyone truly happy. Wherever I am in the world, whatever fate chooses to throw at me, I know I can always find my peace at the end of the day behind the shower curtain.

This essay is relatable yet personal! The writer makes themself supremely human through discussing the universal subject of showering. That being said, an essay about showering could easily turn boring while still being relatable. This writer keeps its relatable moments interesting and fun through vivid descriptions of common feelings including “causing me to abruptly end my shower in a mad dash to the computer before I forget it entirely” and “the stomachache from a guacamole-induced lack of self-control.”

While describing a universal feeling, this student also cleverly and intentionally mentions small facts about their life through simple phrases like “I’m mostly just ridding myself of the germs from children at work sneezing on me” and “the childlike dreamer and wannabe author in me.” To put it simply, though we are talking about a shower, we learn about so much more!

And, at the end, the student lets us know that that is exactly why they love showers. Showers are more than meets the eye! With this insightful and reflective ending (“the big moments are too rare, too fleeting to make anyone truly happy”), readers learn about this student’s capacity for reflection, which is an important capacity as you enter college.

The one major error that this writer commits is that of using a trite transition. The inclusion of “Honestly though” at the beginning of this student’s ending detracts from what they are trying to say and sticks out in their writing.

Prompt #7, Example #2

Steam whooshed from the pot as I unveiled my newest creation: duck-peppercorn-chestnut dumplings. The spicy, hearty aroma swirled into the kitchen, mingling with the smell of fresh dough. Grinning, I grabbed a plump dumpling with chopsticks, blew carefully, and fed it into the waiting mouth of my little sister. Her eyes widening, she vigorously nodded and held up five stubby fingers. I did a little happy dance in celebration and pulled my notebook out of my apron pocket. Duck-peppercorn-chestnut: five stars.

In my household, dumplings are a far cry from the classic pork and cabbage. Our menu boasts everything from the savory lamb-bamboo shoot-watercress to the sweet and crispy apple-cinnamon-date. A few years ago, my sister claimed she was sick of eating the same flavors over and over. Refusing to let her disavow our family staple, I took her complaint as a challenge to make the tastiest and most unconventional dumplings to satisfy her. With her as my taste tester and Mum in charge of dough, I spent months experimenting with dozens of odd ingredient combinations. 

During those days spent covered in flour, my dumplings often reminded me of myself—a hybrid of ingredients that don’t usually go together. I am the product of three distinct worlds: the suburbs of Boston, the rural Chinese village of [location removed], and the coastal city of [location removed]. At school, I am both the STEM nerd with lightning-fast mental math and the artistic plant mom obsessed with funky earrings. I love all that is elegant, from Chinese calligraphy to the rolling notes of the Gourd flute, yet I can be very not elegant, like when my sister and I make homemade slime. When I’m on the streets, marching for women’s rights and climate action, I’m loud, bellowing from the bottom of my gut. In the painting studio, though, I don’t speak unless spoken to, and hours can slip by like minutes. I’m loud and quiet. Elegant and messy. Nerdy and artistic. Suburban, rustic, and metropolitan.

While I’m full of odd combinations, they are only seemingly contradictory. Just as barbeque pork and pineapple can combine beautifully in a dumpling wrapper, different facets of my identity also converge. After my tenth-grade summer, when I spent six weeks studying design at art school and another three researching the brain at Harvard Med, I began asking myself: What if I mixed art and neuroscience together? That fall, I collaborated with my school’s art museum for an independent research project, exploring two questions: How are aesthetic experiences processed in the brain? And how can neuroscience help museums design exhibits that maximize visitor engagement? I combed through studies with results from tightly controlled experiments, and I spent days gathering my own qualitative data by observing museum visitors and asking them questions. With the help of my artistic skills, I could identify the visual and spatial elements of the exhibits that best held visitors’ attention. 

By synergizing two of the ingredients that make me who I am—art and neuroscience—I realized I shouldn’t see the different sides of myself as separate. I learned to instead seek the intersections between aspects of my identity. Since then, I have mixed art with activism to voice my opinions nonverbally, created Spotify playlists with both Chinese and western pop, and written flute compositions using music theory and math. In the future, by continuing to combine my interests, I want to find my niche in the world. I can make a positive impact on society without having to choose just one passion. As of now, my dream is to be a neuroscientist who designs art therapy treatments for mental health patients. Who knows though? Maybe my calling is to be a dim sum chef who teaches pottery on the side. I don’t know where I’ll go, but one thing’s for sure—being a standard pork and cabbage dumpling is definitely not my style.

This essay is outstanding because the student seems likable and authentic. With the first image of the student’s little sister vigorously nodding and holding up “five stubby fingers,” we find ourselves intrigued by the student’s daily life. They additionally show the importance of family, culture, and creativity in their life—these are great things to highlight in your essay!

After the introduction, the student uses their weird dumpling anecdote to transition to a discussion of their unique intersections. This is achieved smoothly because weirdness/uniqueness is the focus of both of these topics. Additionally, the comparison is not awkward because dumplings are used as more than just a transition, but rather are the through-line of the essay—the student weaves in little phrases like “Just as barbeque pork and pineapple can combine beautifully in a dumpling wrapper,” “By synergizing two of the ingredients that make me who I am,” and “being a standard pork and cabbage dumpling is definitely not my style.” This gives the essay its cohesive feel.

Authenticity comes through in this essay as the student recognizes that they don’t know what the future holds. They just know what kind of a person they are—a passionate one! 

One change that would improve this student’s essay would be focusing on fewer intersections in their third and last paragraph. The student mentions STEM, music, family activities, activism, and painting, which makes it feel like a distraction in middle of the essay. Focus on the most important things you want to show admissions officers—you can sit at intersections, but you can’t be interested in everything.

Prompt #7, Example #3

“Everyone follow me!” I smiled at five wide-eyed skaters before pushing off into a spiral. I glanced behind me hopefully, only to see my students standing frozen like statues, the fear in their eyes as clear as the ice they swayed on. “Come on!” I said encouragingly, but the only response I elicited was the slow shake of their heads. My first day as a Learn-to-Skate coach was not going as planned. 

But amid my frustration, I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater. At seven, I had been fascinated by Olympic performers who executed thrilling high jumps and dizzying spins with apparent ease, and I dreamed to one day do the same. My first few months on skates, however, sent these hopes crashing down: my attempts at slaloms and toe-loops were shadowed by a stubborn fear of falling, which even the helmet, elbow pads, and two pairs of mittens I had armed myself with couldn’t mitigate. Nonetheless, my coach remained unfailingly optimistic, motivating me through my worst spills and teaching me to find opportunities in failures. With his encouragement, I learned to push aside my fears and attack each jump with calm and confidence; it’s the hope that I can help others do the same that now inspires me to coach. 

I remember the day a frustrated staff member directed Oliver, a particularly hesitant young skater, toward me, hoping that my patience and steady encouragement might help him improve. Having stood in Oliver’s skates not much earlier myself, I completely empathized with his worries but also saw within him the potential to overcome his fears and succeed. 

To alleviate his anxiety, I held Oliver’s hand as we inched around the rink, cheering him on at every turn. I soon found though, that this only increased his fear of gliding on his own, so I changed my approach, making lessons as exciting as possible in hopes that he would catch the skating bug and take off. In the weeks that followed, we held relay races, played “freeze-skate” and “ice-potato”, and raced through obstacle courses; gradually, with each slip and subsequent success, his fear began to abate. I watched Oliver’s eyes widen in excitement with every skill he learned, and not long after, he earned his first skating badge. Together we celebrated this milestone, his ecstasy fueling my excitement and his pride mirroring my own. At that moment, I was both teacher and student, his progress instilling in me the importance of patience and a positive attitude. 

It’s been more than ten years since I bundled up and stepped onto the ice for the first time. Since then, my tolerance for the cold has remained stubbornly low, but the rest of me has certainly changed. In sharing my passion for skating, I have found a wonderful community of eager athletes, loving parents, and dedicated coaches from whom I have learned invaluable lessons and wisdom. My fellow staffers have been with me, both as friends and colleagues, and the relationships I’ve formed have given me far more poise, confidence, and appreciation for others. Likewise, my relationships with parents have given me an even greater gratitude for the role they play: no one goes to the rink without a parent behind the wheel! 

Since that first lesson, I have mentored dozens of children, and over the years, witnessed tentative steps transform into powerful glides and tears give way to delighted grins. What I have shared with my students has been among the greatest joys of my life, something I will cherish forever. It’s funny: when I began skating, what pushed me through the early morning practices was the prospect of winning an Olympic medal. Now, what excites me is the chance to work with my students, to help them grow, and to give back to the sport that has brought me so much happiness. 

A major strength of this essay comes in its narrative organization. When reading this first paragraph, we feel for the young skaters and understand their fear—skating sounds scary! Then, because the writer sets us up to feel this empathy, the transition to the second paragraph where the student describes their empathy for the young skaters is particularly powerful. It’s like we are all in it together! The student’s empathy for the young skaters also serves as an outstanding, seamless transition to the applicant discussing their personal journey with skating: “I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater.”

This essay positions the applicant as a grounded and caring individual. They are caring towards the young skaters—changing their teaching style to try to help the young skaters and feeling the young skaters’ emotions with them—but they are also appreciative to those who helped them as they reference their fellow staffers and parents. This shows great maturity—a favorable quality in the eyes of an admissions officer.

At the end of the essay, we know a lot about this student and are convinced that they would be a good addition to a college campus!

Prompt #7, Example #4

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Prompt #7, Example #5

“We’re ready for take-off!” 

The tires hit the tarmac and began to accelerate, and I just realized what I had signed up for. For 24 hours straight, I strapped myself into a broken-down SUV whereas others chose the luxury of soaring through the skies for a mere two hours. Especially with my motion sickness and driving anxiety, I would call myself crazy too.

To say I have always remained in my comfort zone is an understatement. Did I always order chicken fingers and fries at a restaurant? Yup! Sounds like me. Did I always create a color-coded itinerary just for a day trip? Guilty as charged. Did I always carry a first-aid kit at all times? Of course! I would make even an ambulance look unprepared. And yet here I was, choosing 1,000 miles of misery from Las Vegas to Seattle despite every bone in my body telling me not to.

The sunlight blinded my eyes and a wave of nausea swept over me. Was it too late to say I forgot my calculator? It was only ten minutes in, and I was certain that the trip was going to be a disaster. I simply hoped that our pre-drive prayer was not stuck in God’s voicemail box. 

All of a sudden, I noticed brightly colored rocks in the distance, ones I had been dying to see for years. Their fluorescence popped amongst the magnificent winding hills as the sunset became romantic in hue. The desert glistened with mirages of deep blue water unlike anything I had ever seen. Nevada was home, but home always seemed to be just desert and casinos. For once, I looked forward to endless desert outside my window rather than a sea of clouds.

I never realized how little I discovered of the world beyond home. For years I complained about how there was nothing to do or discover outside. Not once did I set out to prove myself wrong. Instead, I chose a daily routine of homework at the kitchen table and late-night TV. However, as summer vacation ended, I decided to set my stubbornness aside and finally give this drive back home a chance. Little did I know that it would turn out to be my favorite trip of all time. 

As we drove along, the world chose to prove me wrong when I discovered Heaven on Earth along Shasta Lake. I stood out of the sunroof, surrounded by lush green mountains and fog. I extended my arms out and felt a sense of flight that no plane could ever take me on. As the water vapor kissed my face, I floated into a dreamland I never wanted to leave. I didn’t have to go to great lengths to discover the beauty of the world; it was right in front of me.  From this moment on, comfort and convenience would no longer be my best friends. Rather than only looking for famous travel destinations or following carefully mapped-out routes, I would let curiosity lead the way. 

Since then, my daily life has been anything but routine. I’m proud to boast of my family’s homemade kombucha attempts, of flights purchased and taken in one day, and of a home flooded with knick-knacks from thrifting trips. Every day I set out to try something new, see a different perspective, and go beyond normal. Whether it is by trying a new recipe using taro, making a risky fashion choice with wide-legged pants, or listening to a new music genre in Spanish, I always act with curiosity first.

Over the years, I have devoted my time towards learning Swedish, building computers, and swimming. Although my accent is horrid, some computers almost broke, and even a starfish would outswim me, I continue to enjoy activities I once criticized. For me, there is no enjoyment without some risk. Nobody I know is a kazoo-playing, boogie-board loving, boba connoisseur like me.

This essay is an Overcoming Challenges story that centers around a single anecdote. The structure works nicely as the student describes what they were like before their road trip, what happened on the road trip, and what they were like after. 

The most major improvement that this essay needs is better-communicated authenticity. At the beginning, it feels a bit gimmicky. The student describes their preparedness, particularly the fact that they always carry a first aid kit, and it’s not super believable. Then, when they write “Was it too late to say I forgot my calculator?” it feels like we are in a sitcom and the student is that funny obsessive kid. Sitcom characters don’t feel real and you want to make yourself appear profoundly real.

On a similar note, the narrative arc of this essay isn’t entirely believable. The student describes a large personality and value shift but doesn’t describe any struggles that accompany the shift. A quick shift like that is far from easy. On the other hand, if the immediacy of the shift was easy, they could write about moments after their shift in mindset when they have felt troubled by residual desires to stay in their comfort zone, instead of writing “I always act with curiosity first.”

The greatest strength of this essay is the paragraphs beginning “I never realized how little…” and “As we drove along…” The fixation on comfort seems much more believable when it involves “homework at the kitchen table and late-night TV.” The descriptions of the drive provide beautiful, evocative imagery. And it’s topped off with some nice reflection! Digging into this great portion of the essay would make this an even stronger essay!

Want to see more examples? Check out this post with 16 strong essay examples from top schools , including common supplemental essay questions.

At selective schools, your essays account for around 25% of your admissions decision. That’s more than grades (20%) and test scores (15%), and almost as much as extracurriculars (30%). Why is this? Most students applying to top schools will have stellar academics and extracurriculars. Your essays are your chance to stand out and humanize your application.

That’s why it’s vital that your essays are engaging, and present you as someone who would enrich the campus community.

Before submitting your application, you should have someone else review your essays. It’s even better if that person doesn’t know you personally, as they can best tell whether your personality shines through your essay. 

That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

military kid college essay examples

  • Entertainment
  • Environment
  • Information Science and Technology
  • Social Issues

Home Essay Samples Government

Essay Samples on Military

Factors leading to frequent military interventions in pakistan.

The evolution of the civil-military relations in Pakistan was affected by many factors that were unique to the developing world. The political and administration infrastructures of Pakistan have to be built from the scratch is one these factors. Like Indian Army, Pakistan army originated from...

  • Armed Forces

A Comparative Analysis: Gunpowder and Nuclear Weapons in Military History

Since the establishment of civilizations, man has been interested in inventing simple tools to defend himself, but with the development of lifestyles and the rise of nations. The interest has become greater in developing military methods and developing weapons. In this article I will discuss...

  • Nuclear Weapon

Analysis of the Controversy Surrounding Military Spending

Should the government decrease military spending, or should it increase military spending? This is a question that many Americans wrestle with, and politically speaking, is a point of great contention since to many, military might evoke a sense of security. However, when considering this question...

  • Monetary Policy

An In-Depth Analysis of Military Industrial Complex

It has been observed with the passage of time that the military industry has been progressing in terms of their technology as well as their capabilities of production. According to the study it has been observed that in postmodern era, military production plays an important...

Military Diplomacy in Nepal - the Only Key for Peaceful Existence

“I believe the military should be wary of diplomacy until war is declared; then the State Department should keep its nose out and let the military do whatever is necessary to win” Stuart Symington. Military diplomacy is defined as the series of activities which are...

Stressed out with your paper?

Consider using writing assistance:

  • 100% unique papers
  • 3 hrs deadline option

Analysis of Mission Command and Operation Anaconda

Mission command allows commanders to use authority and direction when executing orders and empowering leaders during unified land operations (ADRP 6-0). Mission command is the foundation for unified land operations, and parallel with the Army’s operation concept. In mid-January 2002, Major General Franklin Hagenbeck exercises...

  • Afghanistan Crisis
  • Operation Anaconda

Best topics on Military

1. Factors Leading to Frequent Military Interventions in Pakistan

2. A Comparative Analysis: Gunpowder and Nuclear Weapons in Military History

3. Analysis of the Controversy Surrounding Military Spending

4. An In-Depth Analysis of Military Industrial Complex

5. Military Diplomacy in Nepal – the Only Key for Peaceful Existence

6. Analysis of Mission Command and Operation Anaconda

  • Police Brutality
  • Gun Control
  • Community Policing
  • American Flag
  • Presidential Debate
  • Free Speech
  • Fire Safety
  • American Government

Need writing help?

You can always rely on us no matter what type of paper you need

*No hidden charges

100% Unique Essays

Absolutely Confidential

Money Back Guarantee

By clicking “Send Essay”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement. We will occasionally send you account related emails

You can also get a UNIQUE essay on this or any other topic

Thank you! We’ll contact you as soon as possible.

IMAGES

  1. College Essay Examples -3 Features And Functions

    military kid college essay examples

  2. 🏆 Military essay format. Free Military Essay Samples and Examples List

    military kid college essay examples

  3. The Requirements for Army Officers Essay Example

    military kid college essay examples

  4. Mandatory Military Service Essay

    military kid college essay examples

  5. College Essay Examples

    military kid college essay examples

  6. Military Essay

    military kid college essay examples

VIDEO

  1. Soldier Kid

  2. Kid @ college guest #ladancestudio #ladance #pondicherryuniversity #pondicherry #thamthakka

  3. Be Careful 😊 #shorts

  4. Cycle kid college girls impress #shorts #trending

  5. From College Kid to Military Officer My Unexpected Journey at the Naval Academy

  6. 2024 Georgia Army National Guard State Best Warrior Competition

COMMENTS

  1. How to Share Your Military Kid Background in Your College Application Essay

    They develop an understanding that the most difficult challenges are temporary, and they are able to put setbacks into context, knowing that they will be overcome with dedication, teamwork, and perseverance. Ensure the college admissions boards understand this. If military kids are one thing, they are resilient.

  2. Life as a Military Child: Nurtured by Change

    I am an Army brat. Some feel sorry for me, but I think my life was greatly enriched by moving so often. My life has given me many unique opportunities to observe and live in other cultures, including a whole different lifestyle within the military community itself. I feel that this experience as a military child has positively developed my ...

  3. College essays highlight military life

    The best essays are when a student picks a certain life changing moment to turn the course of their passion and commitment to change the world and make it a better place. Funny essays were my favorite. They always made my yes pile. When McKenzie wrote her essay, the hardest part was selecting one of hundreds of experiences she has as military kid.

  4. How to Use Military Life in a College Application

    I'm living it." Focus on a powerful story. That real-life experience is something that can help you stand head-and-shoulders above the other applicants. But to use it to your advantage, you have ...

  5. The Essay

    The dreaded college application essay. Over the years, I found this perhaps to be the greatest stumbling block for most applicants, including service members and veterans. While you may have written countless sitreps, after action reports, or a myriad of other military documents, finding your voice and talking about your personal achievements ...

  6. Don't Dread Writing Your College Essay

    March 17, 2020. The dreaded college application essay - over the years, we've found this to be the greatest stumbling block for college applicants, including service members and veterans, who may have written countless military documents. Finding your voice and talking about your personal success, goals, and strengths can be a challenge.

  7. 5 Tips Every Veteran Should Keep In Mind When Writing Their College

    Still, I've read dozens of college admissions personal statements from veterans that tell a wonderfully engaging story about their time in the service, but fail to answer the questions asked in ...

  8. Military Kid to College Kid: Finding Support for Your College-bound

    5) Go on college visits in junior year. By the time senior year begins, have your selection narrowed to 5 or less and focus applications, essays, and scholarships on those 5 colleges.". Jamie Gonzales - "Keep all graded writing sample papers you have from HS! We moved summer between 10/11 grades.

  9. How to Get into the Air Force Academy: Strategies and Essays That

    The Air Force Academy offers a different college experience than your child will find at other institutions, combining academics with military training, leadership development, and athletics. In the classroom, Air Force Academy students, referred to as cadets, are taught by military and civilian faculty who apply knowledge to real-world and ...

  10. PDF Military Kids 1

    world. This study seeks to understand the experiences shared by military kids and how those experiences change their perspectives, behaviors, and relationships. In the present phenomenological study, we conducted 21 in-depth, semi-structured qualitative interviews of college students who were reared as United States military kids (MKs).

  11. 9 Awesome Scholarships for Military Children

    9 Scholarships for Military Children. 1. Marine Gunnery Sergeant John David Fry Scholarship (Fry Scholarship) Amount: Full tuition at in-state public universities or up to $22,805.34 at private, foreign, or out-of-state schools. Deadline: After you have committed to a university but before matriculation.

  12. For Military Kids, Resilience and Challenges

    For Military Kids, Resilience and Challenges. Second Lady Jill Biden and fellow teachers lead the drive to support the educational and social-emotional needs of military children. Posted November 9, 2016. By Leah Shafer, Bari Walsh, and Matt Weber. There are more than 2 million children in US classrooms whose parents are active-duty military ...

  13. How to use your Veteran experience in college application essays

    Submit a DD-214 form to make sure that your full military experience is included with your applications. Some of your experience might help you gain college credit and that might be a selling ...

  14. The College Search Process for Military Families

    Talking About Your Military Family Experiences in College Essays. ... As an example, my college implemented a policy where out-of-state students who were dependents of veterans could be eligible for in-state tuition after providing the parent's most recent deployment orders. I missed it the first year because I didn't know to ask about any ...

  15. Military Child Experience Essay

    Military Child Experience Essay. Decent Essays. 453 Words. 2 Pages. Open Document. I have been a military child for my entire life. I've lived in five states on the East Coast, across the Atlantic in England, in the desert of Southern California, and finally, I'm home in Vermont. Moving roughly every two years has been difficult; but ...

  16. Essay writers reflect on life as military children

    MAXWELL AIR FORCE BASE, Ala. -- Fifth and sixth graders at Maxwell Elementary School relished the opportunity to express the joys and frustrations of the military life as part of a school essay contest in conjunction with the Year of the Air Force Family and the Month of the Military Child. The following students won the "Being a Military Child" essay contest: Zach DaSilva, fifth grade, first ...

  17. 15 Scholarships for Military Children, Spouses, and Veterans

    Amount: $2,000. The Scholarships for Military Children is funded by Fisher House and its contributors. In nearly two decades the scholarship has raised $18 million dollars for recipients. In 2018, a total of 500 scholarship grants (each for $2,000) were awarded to recent high school graduates.

  18. I Did the Transition from Military to College. Here are the Strategies

    With that being said, there are a few other things every military member or veteran should keep in mind when writing their personal essays for college applications: Tell your story. The best way to capture the attention of an admissions reader is to tell a good story and veterans have plenty of experiences (both abroad and in garrison) that can ...

  19. College Essays Highlight Military Life

    College Essays Highlight Military Life. Military children in particular must seize opportunities to mention their uncommon experiences in their applications. Honor, sacrifice, service, hardship, adventure, and worldliness -- these traits don't show up in the "hard numbers" of a student's GPA or test scores. This post was published on the now ...

  20. Parents: The Resilience and Grit of Military Children is Unparalleled

    In an exclusive essay for Parents, military mom, educator, and First Lady of the United States, Dr. Jill Biden, speaks to the unique challenges military families face and the opportunity we all ...

  21. Military College Essay Examples That Really Inspire

    Good Essay About Vietnam War. The Vietnam War was costly, long, gruesome war fought between the pro communist North Vietnam and the US backed South Vietnam. During this war, a number of civilian were involved in the formulation of policies that had great implication on the war. Besides, there were military leaders whose ideas changed the course ...

  22. 21 Stellar Common App Essay Examples to Inspire Your College Essay

    Common App Essay Examples. Here are the current Common App prompts. Click the links to jump to the examples for a specific prompt, or keep reading to review the examples for all the prompts. Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without ...

  23. Military Essay Examples for College Students

    Mission command is the foundation for unified land operations, and parallel with the Army's operation concept. In mid-January 2002, Major General Franklin Hagenbeck exercises... Afghanistan Crisis. Military. Operation Anaconda. 900 Words | 2 Pages. Browse through Military essays and find over 35k essay examples in our database | ️ ...