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The 10 Wittiest Essays By Mark Twain

An American author and humorist, Mark Twain is known for his witty works, which include books, essays, short stories, speeches, and more. While not every single piece of written work was infused with humor, many were, ranging from deadpan humor to laugh-out-loud funny. We’ve put together a list, in no particular order, of ten witty pieces that will give you a peek inside the wittiness of this celebrated author.

The Awful German Language

As anyone who has ever learned or attempted to learn a second language knows, it is difficult and can be very frustrating at times. Twain explores this in the witty essay ‘ The Awful German Language ,’ which was first published in Appendix D in A Tramp Abroad. He describes the language as ‘perplexing’ with its ten different parts of speech, one sound meaning several different things, super long words, which he believes have their own ‘perspective,’ and so on. After breaking down the language, Twain goes on to describe how he would ‘reform it.’ When it comes to these long compound words, for example, he would ‘require the speaker to deliver them in sections, with intermissions for refreshments.’

How to Tell a Story

In ‘How to Tell a Story ,’ Twain discusses the humorous story, which he says is the ‘one difficult kind’ and purely American. The humorous story, as Twain points out, ‘is told gravely’ and takes time to tell, whereas comic and witty stories, which are English and French respectively, are short and get right to the point. Twain also states that when is comes to comic storytellers, they will often repeat the punch line while looking back and forth at each person’s face to see reactions. Twain describes this ‘a pathetic thing to see.’ He goes on to give readers a couple of examples: ‘The Wounded Soldier’ (comic) and ‘The Golden Arm’ (humorous).

Advice To Youth

‘Always obey your parents…,’ is first piece of ‘advice’ Twain gives in his satirical essay ‘ Advice To Youth ,’ written in 1882; however, he immediately follows it with ‘…when they are present.’ He also discusses respecting superiors, but if they offend in any way, then the youth may ‘simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.’ Other pieces of ‘advice’ from Twain include ‘be very careful about lying’ and ‘never handle firearms carelessly.’ He writes of books and how ‘Robertson’s Sermons, Baxter’s Saints’ Rest… ‘ are some of the books that the youth should read ‘exclusively.’ Twain was making a social commentary about the people of his time, but it is a fun read.

Taming the Bicycle

‘ Taming the Bicycle ‘ is a funny account of Twain learning to ride an old high wheel bike. This piece, while never published during his lifetime as he was never happy with it, is laugh-out-loud funny. Taking lessons from ‘the Expert,’ Twain has much difficulty learning to stay on the bike. Indeed, ‘He [the Expert] said that dismounting was perhaps the hardest thing to learn… But he was in error there.’ Hilarity ensues as Twain falls, repeatedly, on his teacher as he has trouble staying the bike for any amount of time. Eventually, Twain does learn how to get on the bike and dismount properly; he even writes ‘Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.’

Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offences

Professionals once described Fenimore Cooper’s The Deerslayer and The Pathfinder as ‘artistic creations’ and Cooper himself as ‘the greatest artist in the domain of romantic fictions.’ In ‘ Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offences ,’ Mark Twain clearly thought otherwise. In this critical essay, Twain states that Cooper violated 18 of the ‘rules governing literary art’ and proceeds to explain each one. Some of the funnier moments or rules broken include ‘1. That a tale shall accomplish something and arrive somewhere. But the Deerslayer tale accomplishes nothing and arrives in the air’ and ’12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.’ This piece is biting and funny at the same time.

At the Funeral

While funerals are serious, Mark Twain manages to make the subject funny in ‘ At the Funeral ,’ a short essay in which the humorous writer gives his take on proper etiquette when attending such an event. For example, the attendee must not ‘criticise the person in whose honor the entertainment is given’ and definitely ‘make no remarks about his equipment.’ Also, the attendee should only ‘be moved…according to the degree of your intimacy’ with the people hosting the funeral or the deceased. And lastly, as only Twain would point out, ‘Do not bring your dog.’

On Theft and Conscience

‘On Theft and Conscience’ is an except taken from a speech Twain gave in 1902 and is printed in Mark Twain’s Helpful Hints for Good Living: A Handbook for the Damned Human Race . He recalled the first time he ‘removed’ (stole) a watermelon from a wagon; once he looked at it, he realized it was not yet ripe. He had a bit of remorse, so he returned the watermelon to the owner. This is Mark Twain after all; therefore, he told the owner ‘to reform.’ The owner, in turn, gave Twain a ripe melon, and Twain ‘forgave’ the owner.

The Jumping Frog

In 1865, Mark Twain wrote ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County,’ a witty short story about a gambler named Jim Smiley as told by the bartender, Sam Wheeler. A French writer, while liking the story and thinking it was funny, didn’t understand why it would cause anyone to laugh and translated the story into French in order prove his point. Twain caught wind of it and translated it back into English but using the grammatical structure and syntax of the French language. As he points out, ‘the Frenchman has riddled the grammar. I think it is the worst I ever saw…’ He published everything as ‘ The Jumping Frog : In English. Then in French. Then Clawed Back into a Civilized Language Once More By Patient, Unremunerated Toil.’

A Presidential Candidate

A satirical essay written in 1879, ‘A Presidential Candidate’ makes fun of the campaign process and explores the ideal candidate or in Twain’s words ‘a candidate who cannot be injured by investigation of his past history…’ If the candidate did, indeed, expose all his ‘wickedness’ then his opponents could not use his past against him. A truly witty piece, some of the secrets revealed include the candidate burying his deceased aunt under his grapevines because ‘the vine needed fertilizing, my aunt had to be buried, and I dedicated her to this high purpose’ and his dislike for ‘the poor man.’

Advice to Little Girls

While it is a funny short story, ‘ Advice to Little Girls ‘ also has deeper meaning: girls should think for themselves. For example, one piece of ‘advice’ Twain shares is ‘If you mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply that you won’t.’ He writes that little girls should act as they will do what they’re told but that ‘afterward act quietly in the matter according to the dictates of your best judgment.’ This piece also has recommendations on how take chewing gum from little brothers, how to treat friends who have better toys, plus several more little gems.

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A Summary and Analysis of Mark Twain’s ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County’

By Dr Oliver Tearle (Loughborough University)

Originally published in the New York Saturday Press in 1865 under the title ‘Jim Smiley and His Jumping Frog’, Mark Twain’s short story ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County’ was one of his earliest pieces of writing and is probably his best-known short fiction. The story is widely studied and analysed in schools and universities. But what does it mean?

You can read ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County’ here before proceeding to our summary and analysis of Twain’s story below.

‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County’: plot summary

The story is narrated by a man, presumably Twain himself, who has gone to California from the East at the behest of his friend, who wanted Twain to find man named Simon Wheeler and enquire about an old childhood friend of his named Leonidas W. Smiley, who is thought to have become a reverend and moved out west to a gold-mining camp named Angel’s.

Twain locates Wheeler in a tavern, and the bulk of the story is told by Wheeler himself, who relates to Twain his recollections of a man named Smiley. As Twain suspected, Wheeler does not appear to know Leonidas Smiley but does know a man named Jim Smiley, who used a variety of animals in his various schemes in order to have bets with people and win money off them. These included his bull-pup, which he named Andrew Jackson after the American President.

Wheeler tells Twain that Smiley would bet on anything: if there were two birds sitting on a fence, Smiley would place a bet on which of them would fly off first. He even bet that the parson’s wife wouldn’t recover from a bout of illness and would die. After using various animals in his money-making schemes and bets, Smiley found a frog which he taught to jump. He named this frog Daniel Webster, after the nineteenth-century politician .

The frog proved very lucrative for Smiley, since it could jump as no other frog could and so Smiley would easily win bets he had with people. One day, Smiley bragged to a stranger that the frog could outjump any other frog in the whole county, and the stranger took the bet, which was for forty dollars.

However, while Smiley was away catching another frog to race against Daniel Webster, the stranger spooned some quail-shot (small metal bullets used in shooting game birds) into the frog’s mouth to weigh it down. When Smiley returns with a frog for the stranger, he doesn’t suspect anything amiss.

When they put the two frogs down and encourage them to jump, the stranger’s frog jumps, while Daniel Webster, weighed down with quail-shot, cannot move. The stranger takes his forty dollars in prize money and departs, leaving Smiley to wonder how his celebrated jumping frog could have failed to perform. When he picks up his frog, he realises how heavy it is, and, turning it over, causes the frog to belch out the quail-shot. Smiley, angry that the stranger cheated in this way, runs after him, but fails to catch him.

At this point in his narrative, Wheeler is summoned outside the tavern by someone, and when he returns and begins to tell the narrator about one of Jim Smiley’s other animals (a frog with one eye and no tail), Twain/the narrator makes his excuses and leaves.

‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County’: analysis

‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County’ combines both the tall tale and the practical joke into one short narrative, which proved an instant success when the story was first published in 1865. Like much of Twain’s fiction, how the story is told (in this case, by one man to another in a tavern, in folksy, colloquial fashion) is as important as the details of the story, which, as the plot summary above demonstrates, is fairly straightforward.

This is significant because ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County’ signalled Twain’s arrival on the American literary scene, and set a trend which would continue through much of his fiction: introducing eastern Americans to the people and places in their own country whose lives they barely knew about.

In this case, Twain is speaking to his New York readers, but relating a story that a simple Californian mining man, Simon Wheeler, told to him . There is thus a ‘told-about’ or ‘hand-me-down’ feel to the story which gives it an authenticity, if not a believability. We may find the details of the story exaggerated or even improbable, but we can easily imagine the young Twain by the barroom stove in the tavern with the balding, fat Wheeler while the latter relates his story in his plain, homespun manner to the younger man.

Ernest Hemingway once remarked that all American literature came from Twain’s Huckleberry Finn , his point being that Twain established a distinctive American idiom with his fiction. ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County’ marks a similar origin-point, if on a much smaller scale.

Indeed, we might go so far as to say that the plot of the story is merely a means for Twain to introduce us to the character of Simon Wheeler: it is Wheeler, rather than Smiley, who is the most important character in ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County’. His relaxed and conversational mode of narration is, of course, of a piece with the humorous, jokey tale he is telling, which is exactly the kind of story we can imagine miners sitting around and telling each other of an evening.

And in some respects, Wheeler’s conversation with Twain (though it can hardly be considered a two-way exchange) mirrors the story within the story: Twain becomes the butt of Wheeler’s joke just as Smiley was made the butt of the stranger’s dupe when he filled Smiley’s frog with quail-shot and rigged the bet in his own favour.

Similarly, Twain has come to Angel’s to discover some information about his friend’s old acquaintance, and instead he ends up hearing an inconsequential, and, to him, irrelevant tale about a man who simply happens to share the same surname as that acquaintance.

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HOW TO TELL A STORY AND OTHERS

By mark twain, how to tell a story.

          THE WOUNDED SOLDIER.

          THE GOLDEN ARM.

MENTAL TELEGRAPHY AGAIN

The invalid’s story.

I do not claim that I can tell a story as it ought to be told. I only claim to know how a story ought to be told, for I have been almost daily in the company of the most expert story-tellers for many years.

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind—the humorous. I will talk mainly about that one. The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling; the comic story and the witty story upon the matter.

The humorous story may be spun out to great length, and may wander around as much as it pleases, and arrive nowhere in particular; but the comic and witty stories must be brief and end with a point. The humorous story bubbles gently along, the others burst.

The humorous story is strictly a work of art—high and delicate art—and only an artist can tell it; but no art is necessary in telling the comic and the witty story; anybody can do it. The art of telling a humorous story—understand, I mean by word of mouth, not print—was created in America, and has remained at home.

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it; but the teller of the comic story tells you beforehand that it is one of the funniest things he has ever heard, then tells it with eager delight, and is the first person to laugh when he gets through. And sometimes, if he has had good success, he is so glad and happy that he will repeat the “nub” of it and glance around from face to face, collecting applause, and then repeat it again. It is a pathetic thing to see.

Very often, of course, the rambling and disjointed humorous story finishes with a nub, point, snapper, or whatever you like to call it. Then the listener must be alert, for in many cases the teller will divert attention from that nub by dropping it in a carefully casual and indifferent way, with the pretence that he does not know it is a nub.

Artemus Ward used that trick a good deal; then when the belated audience presently caught the joke he would look up with innocent surprise, as if wondering what they had found to laugh at. Dan Setchell used it before him, Nye and Riley and others use it to-day.

But the teller of the comic story does not slur the nub; he shouts it at you—every time. And when he prints it, in England, France, Germany, and Italy, he italicizes it, puts some whooping exclamation-points after it, and sometimes explains it in a parenthesis. All of which is very depressing, and makes one want to renounce joking and lead a better life.

Let me set down an instance of the comic method, using an anecdote which has been popular all over the world for twelve or fifteen hundred years. The teller tells it in this way:

THE WOUNDED SOLDIER.

In the course of a certain battle a soldier whose leg had been shot off appealed to another soldier who was hurrying by to carry him to the rear, informing him at the same time of the loss which he had sustained; whereupon the generous son of Mars, shouldering the unfortunate, proceeded to carry out his desire. The bullets and cannon-balls were flying in all directions, and presently one of the latter took the wounded man’s head off—without, however, his deliverer being aware of it. In no-long time he was hailed by an officer, who said:

“Where are you going with that carcass?”

“To the rear, sir—he’s lost his leg!”

“His leg, forsooth?” responded the astonished officer; “you mean his head, you booby.”

Whereupon the soldier dispossessed himself of his burden, and stood looking down upon it in great perplexity. At length he said:

“It is true, sir, just as you have said.” Then after a pause he added, “But he TOLD me IT WAS HIS LEG—”

Here the narrator bursts into explosion after explosion of thunderous horse-laughter, repeating that nub from time to time through his gaspings and shriekings and suffocatings.

It takes only a minute and a half to tell that in its comic-story form; and isn’t worth the telling, after all. Put into the humorous-story form it takes ten minutes, and is about the funniest thing I have ever listened to—as James Whitcomb Riley tells it.

He tells it in the character of a dull-witted old farmer who has just heard it for the first time, thinks it is unspeakably funny, and is trying to repeat it to a neighbor. But he can’t remember it; so he gets all mixed up and wanders helplessly round and round, putting in tedious details that don’t belong in the tale and only retard it; taking them out conscientiously and putting in others that are just as useless; making minor mistakes now and then and stopping to correct them and explain how he came to make them; remembering things which he forgot to put in in their proper place and going back to put them in there; stopping his narrative a good while in order to try to recall the name of the soldier that was hurt, and finally remembering that the soldier’s name was not mentioned, and remarking placidly that the name is of no real importance, anyway—better, of course, if one knew it, but not essential, after all—and so on, and so on, and so on.

The teller is innocent and happy and pleased with himself, and has to stop every little while to hold himself in and keep from laughing outright; and does hold in, but his body quakes in a jelly-like way with interior chuckles; and at the end of the ten minutes the audience have laughed until they are exhausted, and the tears are running down their faces.

The simplicity and innocence and sincerity and unconsciousness of the old farmer are perfectly simulated, and the result is a performance which is thoroughly charming and delicious. This is art and fine and beautiful, and only a master can compass it; but a machine could tell the other story.

To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct. Another feature is the slurring of the point. A third is the dropping of a studied remark apparently without knowing it, as if one were thinking aloud. The fourth and last is the pause.

Artemus Ward dealt in numbers three and four a good deal. He would begin to tell with great animation something which he seemed to think was wonderful; then lose confidence, and after an apparently absent-minded pause add an incongruous remark in a soliloquizing way; and that was the remark intended to explode the mine—and it did.

For instance, he would say eagerly, excitedly, “I once knew a man in New Zealand who hadn’t a tooth in his head”—here his animation would die out; a silent, reflective pause would follow, then he would say dreamily, and as if to himself, “and yet that man could beat a drum better than any man I ever saw.”

The pause is an exceedingly important feature in any kind of story, and a frequently recurring feature, too. It is a dainty thing, and delicate, and also uncertain and treacherous; for it must be exactly the right length—no more and no less—or it fails of its purpose and makes trouble. If the pause is too short the impressive point is passed, and [and if too long] the audience have had time to divine that a surprise is intended—and then you can’t surprise them, of course.

On the platform I used to tell a negro ghost story that had a pause in front of the snapper on the end, and that pause was the most important thing in the whole story. If I got it the right length precisely, I could spring the finishing ejaculation with effect enough to make some impressible girl deliver a startled little yelp and jump out of her seat—and that was what I was after. This story was called “The Golden Arm,” and was told in this fashion. You can practise with it yourself—and mind you look out for the pause and get it right.

THE GOLDEN ARM.

Once ’pon a time dey wuz a monsus mean man, en he live ’way out in de prairie all ’lone by hisself, ’cep’n he had a wife. En bimeby she died, en he tuck en toted her way out dah in de prairie en buried her. Well, she had a golden arm—all solid gold, fum de shoulder down. He wuz pow’ful mean—pow’ful; en dat night he couldn’t sleep, Gaze he want dat golden arm so bad.

When it come midnight he couldn’t stan’ it no mo’; so he git up, he did, en tuck his lantern en shoved out thoo de storm en dug her up en got de golden arm; en he bent his head down ’gin de win’, en plowed en plowed en plowed thoo de snow. Den all on a sudden he stop (make a considerable pause here, and look startled, and take a listening attitude) en say: “My LAN’, what’s dat!”

En he listen—en listen—en de win’ say (set your teeth together and imitate the wailing and wheezing singsong of the wind), “Bzzz-z-zzz”—en den, way back yonder whah de grave is, he hear a voice! he hear a voice all mix’ up in de win’ can’t hardly tell ’em ’part—“Bzzz-zzz—W-h-o—g-o-t—m-y—g-o-l-d-e-n arm?—zzz—zzz—W-h-o g-o-t m-y g-o-l-d-e-n arm!” (You must begin to shiver violently now.)

En he begin to shiver en shake, en say, “Oh, my! OH, my lan’!” en de win’ blow de lantern out, en de snow en sleet blow in his face en mos’ choke him, en he start a-plowin’ knee-deep towards home mos’ dead, he so sk’yerd—en pooty soon he hear de voice agin, en (pause) it ’us comin’ after him! “Bzzz—zzz—zzz—W-h-o—g-o-t m-y—g-o-l-d-e-n—arm?”

When he git to de pasture he hear it agin closter now, en a-comin’!—a-comin’ back dah in de dark en de storm—(repeat the wind and the voice). When he git to de house he rush up-stairs en jump in de bed en kiver up, head and years, en lay dah shiverin’ en shakin’—en den way out dah he hear it agin!—en a-comin’! En bimeby he hear (pause—awed, listening attitude)—pat—pat—pat—hit’s acomin’ up-stairs! Den he hear de latch, en he know it’s in de room!

Den pooty soon he know it’s a-stannin’ by de bed! (Pause.) Den—he know it’s a-bendin’ down over him—en he cain’t skasely git his breath! Den—den—he seem to feel someth’ n c-o-l-d, right down ’most agin his head! (Pause.)

Den de voice say, right at his year—“W-h-o g-o-t—m-y—g-o-l-d-e-n arm?” (You must wail it out very plaintively and accusingly; then you stare steadily and impressively into the face of the farthest-gone auditor—a girl, preferably—and let that awe-inspiring pause begin to build itself in the deep hush. When it has reached exactly the right length, jump suddenly at that girl and yell, “You’ve got it!”)

If you’ve got the pause right, she’ll fetch a dear little yelp and spring right out of her shoes. But you must get the pause right; and you will find it the most troublesome and aggravating and uncertain thing you ever undertook.

I have three or four curious incidents to tell about. They seem to come under the head of what I named “Mental Telegraphy” in a paper written seventeen years ago, and published long afterwards.—[The paper entitled “Mental Telegraphy,” which originally appeared in Harper’s Magazine for December, 1893, is included in the volume entitled The American Claimant and Other Stories and Sketches.]

Several years ago I made a campaign on the platform with Mr. George W. Cable. In Montreal we were honored with a reception. It began at two in the afternoon in a long drawing-room in the Windsor Hotel. Mr. Cable and I stood at one end of this room, and the ladies and gentlemen entered it at the other end, crossed it at that end, then came up the long left-hand side, shook hands with us, said a word or two, and passed on, in the usual way. My sight is of the telescopic sort, and I presently recognized a familiar face among the throng of strangers drifting in at the distant door, and I said to myself, with surprise and high gratification, “That is Mrs. R.; I had forgotten that she was a Canadian.” She had been a great friend of mine in Carson City, Nevada, in the early days. I had not seen her or heard of her for twenty years; I had not been thinking about her; there was nothing to suggest her to me, nothing to bring her to my mind; in fact, to me she had long ago ceased to exist, and had disappeared from my consciousness. But I knew her instantly; and I saw her so clearly that I was able to note some of the particulars of her dress, and did note them, and they remained in my mind. I was impatient for her to come. In the midst of the hand-shakings I snatched glimpses of her and noted her progress with the slow-moving file across the end of the room; then I saw her start up the side, and this gave me a full front view of her face. I saw her last when she was within twenty-five feet of me. For an hour I kept thinking she must still be in the room somewhere and would come at last, but I was disappointed.

When I arrived in the lecture-hall that evening some one said: “Come into the waiting-room; there’s a friend of yours there who wants to see you. You’ll not be introduced—you are to do the recognizing without help if you can.”

I said to myself: “It is Mrs. R.; I shan’t have any trouble.”

There were perhaps ten ladies present, all seated. In the midst of them was Mrs. R., as I had expected. She was dressed exactly as she was when I had seen her in the afternoon. I went forward and shook hands with her and called her by name, and said:

“I knew you the moment you appeared at the reception this afternoon.” She looked surprised, and said: “But I was not at the reception. I have just arrived from Quebec, and have not been in town an hour.”

It was my turn to be surprised now. I said: “I can’t help it. I give you my word of honor that it is as I say. I saw you at the reception, and you were dressed precisely as you are now. When they told me a moment ago that I should find a friend in this room, your image rose before me, dress and all, just as I had seen you at the reception.”

Those are the facts. She was not at the reception at all, or anywhere near it; but I saw her there nevertheless, and most clearly and unmistakably. To that I could make oath. How is one to explain this? I was not thinking of her at the time; had not thought of her for years. But she had been thinking of me, no doubt; did her thoughts flit through leagues of air to me, and bring with it that clear and pleasant vision of herself? I think so. That was and remains my sole experience in the matter of apparitions—I mean apparitions that come when one is (ostensibly) awake. I could have been asleep for a moment; the apparition could have been the creature of a dream. Still, that is nothing to the point; the feature of interest is the happening of the thing just at that time, instead of at an earlier or later time, which is argument that its origin lay in thought-transference.

My next incident will be set aside by most persons as being merely a “coincidence,” I suppose. Years ago I used to think sometimes of making a lecturing trip through the antipodes and the borders of the Orient, but always gave up the idea, partly because of the great length of the journey and partly because my wife could not well manage to go with me. Towards the end of last January that idea, after an interval of years, came suddenly into my head again—forcefully, too, and without any apparent reason. Whence came it? What suggested it? I will touch upon that presently.

I was at that time where I am now—in Paris. I wrote at once to Henry M. Stanley (London), and asked him some questions about his Australian lecture tour, and inquired who had conducted him and what were the terms. After a day or two his answer came. It began:

He added his itinerary, terms, sea expenses, and some other matters, and advised me to write Mr. Smythe, which I did—February 3d. I began my letter by saying in substance that while he did not know me personally we had a mutual friend in Stanley, and that would answer for an introduction. Then I proposed my trip, and asked if he would give me the same terms which he had given Stanley.

I mailed my letter to Mr. Smythe February 6th, and three days later I got a letter from the selfsame Smythe, dated Melbourne, December 17th. I would as soon have expected to get a letter from the late George Washington. The letter began somewhat as mine to him had begun—with a self-introduction:

In the course of his letter this occurs:

Here was the single essential detail of my letter answered three days after I had mailed my inquiry. I might have saved myself the trouble and the postage—and a few years ago I would have done that very thing, for I would have argued that my sudden and strong impulse to write and ask some questions of a stranger on the under side of the globe meant that the impulse came from that stranger, and that he would answer my questions of his own motion if I would let him alone.

Mr. Smythe’s letter probably passed under my nose on its way to lose three weeks traveling to America and back, and gave me a whiff of its contents as it went along. Letters often act like that. Instead of the thought coming to you in an instant from Australia, the (apparently) unsentient letter imparts it to you as it glides invisibly past your elbow in the mail-bag.

Next incident. In the following month—March—I was in America. I spent a Sunday at Irvington-on-the-Hudson with Mr. John Brisben Walker, of the Cosmopolitan magazine. We came into New York next morning, and went to the Century Club for luncheon. He said some praiseful things about the character of the club and the orderly serenity and pleasantness of its quarters, and asked if I had never tried to acquire membership in it. I said I had not, and that New York clubs were a continuous expense to the country members without being of frequent use or benefit to them.

“And now I’ve got an idea!” said I. “There’s the Lotos—the first New York club I was ever a member of—my very earliest love in that line. I have been a member of it for considerably more than twenty years, yet have seldom had a chance to look in and see the boys. They turn gray and grow old while I am not watching. And my dues go on. I am going to Hartford this afternoon for a day or two, but as soon as I get back I will go to John Elderkin very privately and say: ‘Remember the veteran and confer distinction upon him, for the sake of old times. Make me an honorary member and abolish the tax. If you haven’t any such thing as honorary membership, all the better—create it for my honor and glory.’ That would be a great thing; I will go to John Elderkin as soon as I get back from Hartford.”

I took the last express that afternoon, first telegraphing Mr. F. G. Whitmore to come and see me next day. When he came he asked: “Did you get a letter from Mr. John Elderkin, secretary of the Lotos Club, before you left New York?”

“Then it just missed you. If I had known you were coming I would have kept it. It is beautiful, and will make you proud. The Board of Directors, by unanimous vote, have made you a life member, and squelched those dues; and, you are to be on hand and receive your distinction on the night of the 30th, which is the twenty-fifth anniversary of the founding of the club, and it will not surprise me if they have some great times there.”

What put the honorary membership in my head that day in the Century Club? for I had never thought of it before. I don’t know what brought the thought to me at that particular time instead of earlier, but I am well satisfied that it originated with the Board of Directors, and had been on its way to my brain through the air ever since the moment that saw their vote recorded.

Another incident. I was in Hartford two or three days as a guest of the Rev. Joseph H. Twichell. I have held the rank of Honorary Uncle to his children for a quarter of a century, and I went out with him in the trolley-car to visit one of my nieces, who is at Miss Porter’s famous school in Farmington. The distance is eight or nine miles. On the way, talking, I illustrated something with an anecdote. This is the anecdote:

Two years and a half ago I and the family arrived at Milan on our way to Rome, and stopped at the Continental. After dinner I went below and took a seat in the stone-paved court, where the customary lemon-trees stand in the customary tubs, and said to myself, “Now this is comfort, comfort and repose, and nobody to disturb it; I do not know anybody in Milan.”

Then a young gentleman stepped up and shook hands, which damaged my theory. He said, in substance:

“You won’t remember me, Mr. Clemens, but I remember you very well. I was a cadet at West Point when you and Rev. Joseph H. Twichell came there some years ago and talked to us on a Hundredth Night. I am a lieutenant in the regular army now, and my name is H. I am in Europe, all alone, for a modest little tour; my regiment is in Arizona.”

We became friendly and sociable, and in the course of the talk he told me of an adventure which had befallen him—about to this effect:

“I was at Bellagio, stopping at the big hotel there, and ten days ago I lost my letter of credit. I did not know what in the world to do. I was a stranger; I knew no one in Europe; I hadn’t a penny in my pocket; I couldn’t even send a telegram to London to get my lost letter replaced; my hotel bill was a week old, and the presentation of it imminent—so imminent that it could happen at any moment now. I was so frightened that my wits seemed to leave me. I tramped and tramped, back and forth, like a crazy person. If anybody approached me I hurried away, for no matter what a person looked like, I took him for the head waiter with the bill.

“I was at last in such a desperate state that I was ready to do any wild thing that promised even the shadow of help, and so this is the insane thing that I did. I saw a family lunching at a small table on the veranda, and recognized their nationality—Americans—father, mother, and several young daughters—young, tastefully dressed, and pretty—the rule with our people. I went straight there in my civilian costume, named my name, said I was a lieutenant in the army, and told my story and asked for help.

“What do you suppose the gentleman did? But you would not guess in twenty years. He took out a handful of gold coin and told me to help myself—freely. That is what he did.”

The next morning the lieutenant told me his new letter of credit had arrived in the night, so we strolled to Cook’s to draw money to pay back the benefactor with. We got it, and then went strolling through the great arcade. Presently he said, “Yonder they are; come and be introduced.” I was introduced to the parents and the young ladies; then we separated, and I never saw him or them any m—-

“Here we are at Farmington,” said Twichell, interrupting.

We left the trolley-car and tramped through the mud a hundred yards or so to the school, talking about the time we and Warner walked out there years ago, and the pleasant time we had.

We had a visit with my niece in the parlor, then started for the trolley again. Outside the house we encountered a double rank of twenty or thirty of Miss Porter’s young ladies arriving from a walk, and we stood aside, ostensibly to let them have room to file past, but really to look at them. Presently one of them stepped out of the rank and said:

“You don’t know me, Mr. Twichell; but I know your daughter, and that gives me the privilege of shaking hands with you.”

Then she put out her hand to me, and said:

“And I wish to shake hands with you too, Mr. Clemens. You don’t remember me, but you were introduced to me in the arcade in Milan two years and a half ago by Lieutenant H.”

What had put that story into my head after all that stretch of time? Was it just the proximity of that young girl, or was it merely an odd accident?

I seem sixty and married, but these effects are due to my condition and sufferings, for I am a bachelor, and only forty-one. It will be hard for you to believe that I, who am now but a shadow, was a hale, hearty man two short years ago, a man of iron, a very athlete!—yet such is the simple truth. But stranger still than this fact is the way in which I lost my health. I lost it through helping to take care of a box of guns on a two-hundred-mile railway journey one winter’s night. It is the actual truth, and I will tell you about it.

I belong in Cleveland, Ohio. One winter’s night, two years ago, I reached home just after dark, in a driving snow-storm, and the first thing I heard when I entered the house was that my dearest boyhood friend and schoolmate, John B. Hackett, had died the day before, and that his last utterance had been a desire that I would take his remains home to his poor old father and mother in Wisconsin. I was greatly shocked and grieved, but there was no time to waste in emotions; I must start at once. I took the card, marked “Deacon Levi Hackett, Bethlehem, Wisconsin,” and hurried off through the whistling storm to the railway station. Arrived there I found the long white-pine box which had been described to me; I fastened the card to it with some tacks, saw it put safely aboard the express car, and then ran into the eating-room to provide myself with a sandwich and some cigars. When I returned, presently, there was my coffin-box back again, apparently, and a young fellow examining around it, with a card in his hands, and some tacks and a hammer! I was astonished and puzzled. He began to nail on his card, and I rushed out to the express car, in a good deal of a state of mind, to ask for an explanation. But no—there was my box, all right, in the express car; it hadn’t been disturbed. [The fact is that without my suspecting it a prodigious mistake had been made. I was carrying off a box of guns which that young fellow had come to the station to ship to a rifle company in Peoria, Illinois, and he had got my corpse!] Just then the conductor sung out “All aboard,” and I jumped into the express car and got a comfortable seat on a bale of buckets. The expressman was there, hard at work,—a plain man of fifty, with a simple, honest, good-natured face, and a breezy, practical heartiness in his general style. As the train moved off a stranger skipped into the car and set a package of peculiarly mature and capable Limburger cheese on one end of my coffin-box—I mean my box of guns. That is to say, I know now that it was Limburger cheese, but at that time I never had heard of the article in my life, and of course was wholly ignorant of its character. Well, we sped through the wild night, the bitter storm raged on, a cheerless misery stole over me, my heart went down, down, down! The old expressman made a brisk remark or two about the tempest and the arctic weather, slammed his sliding doors to, and bolted them, closed his window down tight, and then went bustling around, here and there and yonder, setting things to rights, and all the time contentedly humming “Sweet By and By,” in a low tone, and flatting a good deal. Presently I began to detect a most evil and searching odor stealing about on the frozen air. This depressed my spirits still more, because of course I attributed it to my poor departed friend. There was something infinitely saddening about his calling himself to my remembrance in this dumb pathetic way, so it was hard to keep the tears back. Moreover, it distressed me on account of the old expressman, who, I was afraid, might notice it. However, he went humming tranquilly on, and gave no sign; and for this I was grateful. Grateful, yes, but still uneasy; and soon I began to feel more and more uneasy every minute, for every minute that went by that odor thickened up the more, and got to be more and more gamey and hard to stand. Presently, having got things arranged to his satisfaction, the expressman got some wood and made up a tremendous fire in his stove.

This distressed me more than I can tell, for I could not but feel that it was a mistake. I was sure that the effect would be deleterious upon my poor departed friend. Thompson—the expressman’s name was Thompson, as I found out in the course of the night—now went poking around his car, stopping up whatever stray cracks he could find, remarking that it didn’t make any difference what kind of a night it was outside, he calculated to make us comfortable, anyway. I said nothing, but I believed he was not choosing the right way. Meantime he was humming to himself just as before; and meantime, too, the stove was getting hotter and hotter, and the place closer and closer. I felt myself growing pale and qualmish, but grieved in silence and said nothing.

Soon I noticed that the “Sweet By and By” was gradually fading out; next it ceased altogether, and there was an ominous stillness. After a few moments Thompson said,

“Pfew! I reckon it ain’t no cinnamon ‘t I’ve loaded up thish-yer stove with!”

He gasped once or twice, then moved toward the cof—gun-box, stood over that Limburger cheese part of a moment, then came back and sat down near me, looking a good deal impressed. After a contemplative pause, he said, indicating the box with a gesture,

“Friend of yourn?”

“Yes,” I said with a sigh.

“He’s pretty ripe, ain’t he!”

Nothing further was said for perhaps a couple of minutes, each being busy with his own thoughts; then Thompson said, in a low, awed voice,

“Sometimes it’s uncertain whether they’re really gone or not,—seem gone, you know—body warm, joints limber—and so, although you think they’re gone, you don’t really know. I’ve had cases in my car. It’s perfectly awful, becuz you don’t know what minute they’ll rise up and look at you!” Then, after a pause, and slightly lifting his elbow toward the box,—“But he ain’t in no trance! No, sir, I go bail for him!”

We sat some time, in meditative silence, listening to the wind and the roar of the train; then Thompson said, with a good deal of feeling,

“Well-a-well, we’ve all got to go, they ain’t no getting around it. Man that is born of woman is of few days and far between, as Scriptur’ says. Yes, you look at it any way you want to, it’s awful solemn and cur’us: they ain’t nobody can get around it; all’s got to go—just everybody, as you may say. One day you’re hearty and strong”—here he scrambled to his feet and broke a pane and stretched his nose out at it a moment or two, then sat down again while I struggled up and thrust my nose out at the same place, and this we kept on doing every now and then—“and next day he’s cut down like the grass, and the places which knowed him then knows him no more forever, as Scriptur’ says. Yes’ndeedy, it’s awful solemn and cur’us; but we’ve all got to go, one time or another; they ain’t no getting around it.”

There was another long pause; then,—

“What did he die of?”

I said I didn’t know.

“How long has he ben dead?”

It seemed judicious to enlarge the facts to fit the probabilities; so I said,

“Two or three days.”

But it did no good; for Thompson received it with an injured look which plainly said, “Two or three years, you mean.” Then he went right along, placidly ignoring my statement, and gave his views at considerable length upon the unwisdom of putting off burials too long. Then he lounged off toward the box, stood a moment, then came back on a sharp trot and visited the broken pane, observing,

“’Twould ’a’ ben a dum sight better, all around, if they’d started him along last summer.”

Thompson sat down and buried his face in his red silk handkerchief, and began to slowly sway and rock his body like one who is doing his best to endure the almost unendurable. By this time the fragrance—if you may call it fragrance—was just about suffocating, as near as you can come at it. Thompson’s face was turning gray; I knew mine hadn’t any color left in it. By and by Thompson rested his forehead in his left hand, with his elbow on his knee, and sort of waved his red handkerchief towards the box with his other hand, and said,—

“I’ve carried a many a one of ’em,—some of ’em considerable overdue, too,—but, lordy, he just lays over ’em all!—and does it easy Cap., they was heliotrope to HIM!”

This recognition of my poor friend gratified me, in spite of the sad circumstances, because it had so much the sound of a compliment.

Pretty soon it was plain that something had got to be done. I suggested cigars. Thompson thought it was a good idea. He said,

“Likely it’ll modify him some.”

We puffed gingerly along for a while, and tried hard to imagine that things were improved. But it wasn’t any use. Before very long, and without any consultation, both cigars were quietly dropped from our nerveless fingers at the same moment. Thompson said, with a sigh,

“No, Cap., it don’t modify him worth a cent. Fact is, it makes him worse, becuz it appears to stir up his ambition. What do you reckon we better do, now?”

I was not able to suggest anything; indeed, I had to be swallowing and swallowing, all the time, and did not like to trust myself to speak. Thompson fell to maundering, in a desultory and low-spirited way, about the miserable experiences of this night; and he got to referring to my poor friend by various titles,—sometimes military ones, sometimes civil ones; and I noticed that as fast as my poor friend’s effectiveness grew, Thompson promoted him accordingly,—gave him a bigger title. Finally he said,

“I’ve got an idea. Suppos’ n we buckle down to it and give the Colonel a bit of a shove towards t’other end of the car?—about ten foot, say. He wouldn’t have so much influence, then, don’t you reckon?”

I said it was a good scheme. So we took in a good fresh breath at the broken pane, calculating to hold it till we got through; then we went there and bent over that deadly cheese and took a grip on the box. Thompson nodded “All ready,” and then we threw ourselves forward with all our might; but Thompson slipped, and slumped down with his nose on the cheese, and his breath got loose. He gagged and gasped, and floundered up and made a break for the door, pawing the air and saying hoarsely, “Don’t hender me!—gimme the road! I’m a-dying; gimme the road!” Out on the cold platform I sat down and held his head a while, and he revived. Presently he said,

“Do you reckon we started the Gen’rul any?”

I said no; we hadn’t budged him.

“Well, then, that idea’s up the flume. We got to think up something else. He’s suited wher’ he is, I reckon; and if that’s the way he feels about it, and has made up his mind that he don’t wish to be disturbed, you bet he’s a-going to have his own way in the business. Yes, better leave him right wher’ he is, long as he wants it so; becuz he holds all the trumps, don’t you know, and so it stands to reason that the man that lays out to alter his plans for him is going to get left.”

But we couldn’t stay out there in that mad storm; we should have frozen to death. So we went in again and shut the door, and began to suffer once more and take turns at the break in the window. By and by, as we were starting away from a station where we had stopped a moment, Thompson pranced in cheerily and exclaimed,

“We’re all right, now! I reckon we’ve got the Commodore this time. I judge I’ve got the stuff here that’ll take the tuck out of him.”

It was carbolic acid. He had a carboy of it. He sprinkled it all around everywhere; in fact he drenched everything with it, rifle-box, cheese and all. Then we sat down, feeling pretty hopeful. But it wasn’t for long. You see the two perfumes began to mix, and then—well, pretty soon we made a break for the door; and out there Thompson swabbed his face with his bandanna and said in a kind of disheartened way,

“It ain’t no use. We can’t buck agin him. He just utilizes everything we put up to modify him with, and gives it his own flavor and plays it back on us. Why, Cap., don’t you know, it’s as much as a hundred times worse in there now than it was when he first got a-going. I never did see one of ’em warm up to his work so, and take such a dumnation interest in it. No, Sir, I never did, as long as I’ve ben on the road; and I’ve carried a many a one of ’em, as I was telling you.”

We went in again after we were frozen pretty stiff; but my, we couldn’t stay in, now. So we just waltzed back and forth, freezing, and thawing, and stifling, by turns. In about an hour we stopped at another station; and as we left it Thompson came in with a bag, and said,—

“Cap., I’m a-going to chance him once more,—just this once; and if we don’t fetch him this time, the thing for us to do, is to just throw up the sponge and withdraw from the canvass. That’s the way I put it up.” He had brought a lot of chicken feathers, and dried apples, and leaf tobacco, and rags, and old shoes, and sulphur, and asafoetida, and one thing or another; and he, piled them on a breadth of sheet iron in the middle of the floor, and set fire to them.

When they got well started, I couldn’t see, myself, how even the corpse could stand it. All that went before was just simply poetry to that smell,—but mind you, the original smell stood up out of it just as sublime as ever,—fact is, these other smells just seemed to give it a better hold; and my, how rich it was! I didn’t make these reflections there—there wasn’t time—made them on the platform. And breaking for the platform, Thompson got suffocated and fell; and before I got him dragged out, which I did by the collar, I was mighty near gone myself. When we revived, Thompson said dejectedly,—

“We got to stay out here, Cap. We got to do it. They ain’t no other way. The Governor wants to travel alone, and he’s fixed so he can outvote us.”

And presently he added,

“And don’t you know, we’re pisoned. It’s our last trip, you can make up your mind to it. Typhoid fever is what’s going to come of this. I feel it acoming right now. Yes, sir, we’re elected, just as sure as you’re born.”

We were taken from the platform an hour later, frozen and insensible, at the next station, and I went straight off into a virulent fever, and never knew anything again for three weeks. I found out, then, that I had spent that awful night with a harmless box of rifles and a lot of innocent cheese; but the news was too late to save me; imagination had done its work, and my health was permanently shattered; neither Bermuda nor any other land can ever bring it back tome. This is my last trip; I am on my way home to die.

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Lesson 1: Mark Twain and American Humor

Mark Twain, perhaps the most renowned American humorist.

Library of Congress

When Mark Twain's "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" first appeared in 1865, it was hailed by James Russell Lowell, the Boston-based leader of the literary elite, as "the finest piece of humorous literature yet produced in America." This was high praise for a tall-tale from a hitherto little known San Francisco newspaper humorist, but Lowell aimed precisely at the most distinguishing feature of Twain's first nationally acclaimed work of fiction: its transforming relationship to the long tradition of American humor. In this brief masterpiece, Twain combines the vibrant, loquacious storytelling tradition rooted in folk tale, fable, and gossip with the more calculated literary tradition of satire, irony, and wit. This lesson plan frames "The Jumping Frog" in this context, introducing students to both aspects of American humor in order to deepen appreciation of Twain's achievement.

Guiding Questions

What place does Mark Twain have in the history of American literary humor?

How does "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" draw from earlier works of American humor in both form and content?

Learning Objectives

Analyze the use of literary conventions and devices to develop character and point of view in the short story

Discuss the purposes and significance of literary humor

Examine Mark Twain's storytelling style in relation to that of other American humorists

Lesson Plan Details

The EDSITEment-reviewed New Perspectives on the West provides a short profile highlighting Twain's (i.e., Samuel Clemens) experiences out West. The EDSITEment-reviewed Mark Twain in His Times website, which holds a wealth of material on Mark Twain, includes samples and reviews of his early days as a humorous lecturer in California. The selection Our Fellow Savages has the text of Twain's first lecture, an account of his visit to the Sandwich Islands (Hawaii), which he first performed in 1866. The Mark Twain on Stage page has 19th-century commentary on Twain's talents as what we might call a stand-up comedian today.

Additional background information is available in the Curriculum Unit Overview . Even if teaching this lesson plan as a single lesson, the material listed in the Overview contains valuable contextual material.

• Review the lesson plan and the websites used throughout. Locate and bookmark suggested materials and websites. Download and print out documents you will use and duplicate copies as necessary for student viewing.
• Additional background and preparatory information is available in the Curriculum Unit Overview. Even if teaching this lesson plan as a single lesson, the material listed in the Overview contains valuable contextual material.
• Students can access the primary source materials and some of the activity materials via the EDSITEment LaunchPad .
• The full text of " The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County " is available via the EDSITEment-reviewed Mark Twain in His Times .

Activity 1. Samuel Clemens and Mark Twain

Begin by introducing students to Samuel Clemens and how he developed into the literary persona known as Mark Twain. Emphasize especially his formative years as a Western journalist, a stage in his career that can come as a surprise to those who "place" him as a Mississippi River writer. Ask students to consider how being a journalist might influence his fictional writing style. They might suggest, for example, an attention to detail, contextualizing information, or specificity to location (answers to the classic, "who, what, where, why" questions).

The Samuel Clemens as Mark Twain website, at the EDSITEment-reviewed American Studies at UVA , showcases the many ways that "Mark Twain's greatest fiction was 'Mark Twain.'" Show students his signature on the main webpage, in which he signs "Mark Twain" diagonally over "Yours truly, Samuel Clemens." As the website argues:

"He was not only the nation's first literary celebrity; 'Mark Twain,' born in the Nevada Territory in 1863 of Sam Clemens' ambitions, nurtured by publishers, editors and other promoters, adopted by a grateful American public, 'Mark Twain' became a kind of mythic hero."

Part of this mythos involves his humorous anecdotes, flowing mustache, and of course, the famous white suit. Though perhaps one of Mark Twain's most memorable trademarks, the white suit was a relatively late addition to his wardrobe, added in 1906. The following New York Times article , written in 1906, details the first time Mark Twain wore the suit at a Congressional hearing on copyright. If time allows, have students read (perhaps aloud in class) the newspaper article, both as a measure of Mark Twain's "character," as well as a point of discussion to compare the relationship between journalism and literature. There are three other articles available should the teacher wish to divide the class into groups. The Clemens as Twain website has a great deal of additional biographical information, photographs, and other material relevant to the persona of Mark Twain, should students desire further exploration.

Activity 2. Staging "The Celebrated Jumping Frog"

Have students read "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County." An electronic text of the story is available at the EDSITEment-reviewed website Mark Twain in His Times . Students can either read the story in class, since it is relatively short, or instructors might consider assigning the reading the night before.

Begin discussing the story by focusing initially on the structure. Ask a small group of students to perform it as a skit. Have students assign parts and consider the roles that need to be filled. They will find that Twain has devised a story-within-a-story framing structure (also known as a frame or 'envelope' narrative) by making his narrator the reluctant audience for his storyteller, Simon Wheeler, and by distinguishing his storyteller from his protagonist, Jim Smiley. Students might stage the performance in separate areas of the classroom to represent the different framed interactions from the story.

Students can also use the " Structuring ‘Jumping Frog’ " PDF to map out the interactions, which offers the following instructions: Use the worksheet to diagram the structure of Mark Twain’s story. Beginning with the narrator, fill in the names of the participants in the story and the addressee of the letter. Draw lines to indicate how information about these events passes from one set of characters to the next. Draw a box around the characters involved in the “envelope or frame narrative” and around those involved in the main story. Finally, use the line space to write out details about the characters – where they live, what their personality is like, what their background is, and how they connect to the others.

After students have performed the story, discuss how its structure contributes to the comic effect. Ask students to consider the following questions, either as a large group or in several small groups:

• How does this structure influence our perception of Jim Smiley?
• To what extent does he seem just a character in a story?
• To what extent does he seem realistic, a picturesque inhabitant of the Old West?
• To what extent does he seem a fantasy creation of the storyteller, Simon Wheeler?
• How do these perspectives combine in our response to Smiley as a comic protagonist?

Go on to discuss the storyteller's contribution to the story's comic effect.

• How does Simon Wheeler's voice influence our perception of Smiley?
• To what extent does Wheeler's picturesque speaking style help bring Smiley's story to life?
• To what extent does his distinctive style bring Wheeler himself to life as a comic character?

Activity 3. Targeting Humor

Humorists generally have a target; they make jokes at someone's expense. Ask students: Who is the target in the "Jumping Frog" story?

Have them list possible targets. Students will no doubt easily see that Jim Smiley is the primary target. He is a trickster who turns out to be too clever for his own good. Ask students for examples from fable and folklore of similar characters (e.g., Ananzi the spider in African folktales, Coyote in Navajo folktales, the hare in Aesop's fable of the tortoise and the hare). Are similar characters still getting laughs in our humor today? Ask students for examples from recent television sitcoms and movies.

In addition to Smiley, students might suggest that the narrator is also a target in Twain's story, a victim of the anonymous trickster who sent him to the garrulous Simon Wheeler. In fact, the narrator's eagerness to escape Wheeler at the end of the story suggests that he may be Wheeler's victim as well. Ask students for evidence from the story that Wheeler's tale of the jumping frog is a deliberate fiction, a "whopper" told with a straight face to "sucker in" a credulous listener.

Help students recognize that the story's structure enables Twain's humor to puncture the pretensions of two comic victims at the same time, both the fast-talking Jim Smiley and the literate narrator. Ask students to consider the following questions:

• What are some similarities between Smiley and the narrator?
• How do they reflect on one another and on their different social circumstances—the narrator a representative of "civilization" and Smiley a representative of the "frontier"?

Activity 4. Dialect in Perspective

Have students experiment with Twain's storytelling technique by taking up the tale where Simon Wheeler left it, with the story of Jim Smiley's "yaller one-eyed cow that didn't have no tail, only jest a short stump like a bannanner." Have students work in small groups to brainstorm story ideas about this memorable animal and its trickster owner. Then have each student write a story about Jim Smiley and his cow, imitating the dialect style of Simon Wheeler. When they have completed their stories, have students read them aloud, then discuss the experience of writing in dialect.

• Is dialect a help or a hindrance? What resources does it make available for scene setting and characterization? Does it enlarge or restrict one's vocabulary?
• How does dialect influence plot development and narration? Does it limit one to the "and then, and then" connection of incident to incident typical of oral storytelling? Does it open opportunities for sliding easily off on a tangent?
• Have students comment on Twain's use of dialect, based on their own experience with this literary device. What goes into the dialect he creates—misspellings? grammatical mistakes? inventive punctuation? loose sentence structure? colloquial turns of phrase? Have students point out examples of each of these stylistic tricks and describe the tricks they used to create a dialect effect.

If time is short, have students use the above questions as part of the assessment piece that follows. Combining these two exercises into a single activity can accelerate the classroom experience.

Ask students to write a journalistic version of Mark Twain's humorous story. Have them adopt the role of a reporter and create several short articles about the events that occur. Ask them to finish with a brief "editorial" that reflects on the way that Mark Twain's journalist background contributes to the humor of the story through, for example, attention to detail. On the other hand, how does rewriting the frame of the narrative as a newspaper article affect the story's power and its outcome? Students can create the newspaper as a group, with each student individually then contributing an editorial.

Students interested in learning more about the humor of the Old Southwest will find a rich repository of texts in the Library of Southern Literature collection at the Documenting the American South website. Encourage them to sample A. B. Longstreet's Georgia Scenes and T. B. Thorpe's The Hive of "The Bee-Hunter." For a different perspective on American dialect humor, students might visit the American Verse Project website to sample the poems of Robert W. Service, such as " The Cremation of Sam McGee " in Spell of the Yukon .

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Mark Twain's Legendary Humor

Topics: Legendary Authors , Movie Tie-Ins

Samuel Clemens, better known as Mark Twain , is one of the most celebrated authors in all of American literature. Born in Florida, Missouri in 1835, Twain moved to Hannibal, the town that inspired the location for some of his most famous novels, when he was four years old. He began his career working as an apprentice printer before moving on to work as a typesetter. His brother Orion had recently purchased The Hannibal Journal,  and Twain frequently contributed articles and sketches to the publication. He later went on to realize a lifelong ambition of working on steamboat, a vocation which provided him with his pen name. “Mark twain” means the depth of the river measures twelve feet, which meant the water was safe for the steamboat. Twain worked on steamboats until the Civil War, at which point he enrolled in the Confederate Army for a period of less than a month. After the war, he moved to Nevada to be with his brother who was working there as a secretary to the governor. Twain worked briefly as a silver miner, and this experience inspired him to write his first successfully published piece of fiction. Though Twain is best known for his novels The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn , his first short story “ The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County ” is more representative of his great achievements as a humorist.

During the 1860s, lectures were an astoundingly popular form of entertainment, much like going to the cinema today. Twain's lectures offered humorous accounts of his trips to places like the Sandwich Islands, Paris, Egypt, and various locations along the Mediterranean. These lectures, beyond providing him with additional money to finance future travels, also brought more attention to his written works. This allowed for the publication of a collection of his travel articles on a trip to the Hold Land, The Innocents Abroad , as well as a semi-autobiographical account of his time spent in the west as a miner. This pseudo-memoir, Roughing It , is an example of the humor that eventually plays a large part in the majority of his work.  Roughing It  also served as a partial inspiration for the television series Bonanza .

Twain published his first novel in 1873. The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today was written with his friend and neighbor Charles Dudley Warner based on a challenge issued to them by their wives. While the use of humor and satire was praised in the novel, it was not considered successful due to its lack of cohesion, and understandable problem since it was written in separate chunks by the two writers. One reviewer compared it to a poorly mixed salad dressing. The novel satirizes society and government in the post- Civil War era. Because of its topic, the novel has remained in print and is considered relevant today.

Huckleberry Finn is considered the first Great American Novel and has been studied and banned in schools since its publication in 1885. Besides being considered incredibly vulgar at the time, the humor, one of the hallmarks of the novel, was said to be unsuitable for women and children. Still, Twain's impressive use of vernacular English and colloquialisms, humor, and harsh satire of racism ensured him a place among the greats of American literature.

Though none of Twain's novels approached the success of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn , many of them still incorporate the characteristic humor and satire for which the author is known. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court takes an engineer and transplants him to Camelot, where he overthrows Merlin as Arthur's chief adviser and subsequently destroys everything with his attempts at modernization.

Mark Twain was widely respected during his lifetime for his poignant satire, characteristic humor , and much-loved characters. His work continues to be printed, read, studied and adapted today. His much-deserved place in the literary canon is cemented just as much by his work as a humorist as it is by the serious themes and issues in his novels.

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100 Funny Mark Twain Quotes to Make You Laugh

Updated on: October 20, 2023 by Louise Myers 4 Comments

Love funny Mark Twain quotes?

A master of wit, Twain is a quote lover’s delight.

He loved paraprosdokians  – a wordplay where the latter part of a sentence or phrase is a twist, causing the reader or listener to reframe the earlier part.

Get ready to laugh! But beware –

Mark Twain quotes can be sharp and sarcastic.

Table of Contents

The funniest ones are directly below! Or jump further down the article to:

Twain quotes about travel

Mark Twain quotes on death – and life!

Mark Twain quotes on truth, politics, and history

Mark Twain quotes about cats, then dogs

Twain quotes on love

Mark Twain quotes about education

Inspirational Mark Twain quotes

Short quotes at the end. And more! Too many to list…

Funny Mark Twain Quotes

Let’s kick it off with these humorous quotes.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know. ~ Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. ~ Mark Twain

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. ~ Mark Twain

I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. ~ Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. ~ Mark Twain

I am as prompt as a clock, if I only know the day a thing is wanted – otherwise I am a natural procrastinaturalist. ~ Mark Twain

In my experience, previously counted chickens never do hatch. ~ Mark Twain

To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology. ~ Mark Twain

Put all your eggs in one basket – and watch that basket! ~ Mark Twain

Here’s a great collection of funny Facebook quotes .

Mark Twain Quotes About Travel

Clever commentary on travel.

I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. ~ Mark Twain

There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land (and work) again after a cheerful, careless voyage. ~ Mark Twain

Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven and hell, and I have only a vague curiosity about one of those. ~ Mark Twain

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. ~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes on Death

Quotable quotes on death. And the next section has his words about life!

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~ Mark Twain

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. ~ Mark Twain

Death is the starlit strip between the companionship of yesterday and the reunion of tomorrow. ~ Mark Twain

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. ~ Mark Twain

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world. ~ Mark Twain

I think we never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead – and not then until we have been dead years and years. People ought to start dead, and they would be honest so much earlier. ~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes on Life

Life is full of absurdities. Mr. Twain eloquently poked fun at several.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~ Mark Twain

Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. ~ Mark Twain

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. ~ Mark Twain

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. ~ Mark Twain

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. ~ Mark Twain

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. ~ Mark Twain

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. ~ Mark Twain

When angry, count four. When very angry, swear. ~ Mark Twain

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ~ Mark Twain

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. ~ Mark Twain

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races. ~ Mark Twain

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. ~ Mark Twain

Each person is born to one possession which outvalues all his others – his last breath. ~ Mark Twain

It is the epitome of life. The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. ~ Mark Twain

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes on Truth

Twain telling the truth about truth. Next section, of course, is politics 😉

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. ~ Mark Twain

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. ~ Mark Twain

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t. ~ Mark Twain

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. ~ Mark Twain

I don’t mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don’t tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage. ~ Mark Twain

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. ~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes About Politics

Sarcastic sayings, anyone?

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. ~ Mark Twain

God created war so that Americans would learn geography. ~ Mark Twain

Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it. ~ Mark Twain

If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it. ~ Mark Twain

The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them. ~ Mark Twain

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God. ~ Mark Twain

In truth I care little about any party’s politics—the man behind it is the important thing. ~ Mark Twain

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. ~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes on History

Looking back on history with humor.

A historian who would convey the truth must lie. Often he must enlarge the truth by diameters, otherwise his reader would not be able to see it. ~ Mark Twain

Herodotus says, “Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all: The conscientious historian will correct these defects.” ~ Mark Twain

The minor events of history are valuable, although not always showy and picturesque. ~ Mark Twain

Many public-school children seem to know only two dates – 1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don’t know what happened on either occasion. ~ Mark Twain

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. ~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes About Cats

Cuddly cat quotes! Dogs come next.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. ~ Mark Twain

Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat. ~ Mark Twain

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction. ~ Mark Twain

A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn’t ever going to grow dim or doubtful. ~ Mark Twain

A man’s treatment of a dog is no indication of the man’s nature, but his treatment of a cat is. It is the crucial test. None but the humane treat a cat well. ~ Mark Twain

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. ~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes About Dogs

Twin was devoted to dogs too!

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. ~ Mark Twain

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. ~ Mark Twain

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s. ~ Mark Twain

The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. ~ Mark Twain

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. ~ Mark Twain

You might also like these dog best friend quotes .

Mark Twain Quotes on Love

Who knew Mr. Twain was such a romantic?

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. ~ Mark Twain

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. ~ Mark Twain

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. ~ Mark Twain

Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes – none knows whence – and cannot explain itself. ~ Mark Twain

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. ~ Mark Twain

True love is the only heart disease that is best left to “run on” – the only affection of the heart for which there is no help, and none desired. ~ Mark Twain

Love is a madness; if thwarted it develops fast. ~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes on Education

Smarten up with these sassy sayings!

The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read. ~ Mark Twain

′Classic′ – a book which people praise and don’t read. ~ Mark Twain

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else. ~ Mark Twain

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. ~ Mark Twain

If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed. ~ Mark Twain

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. ~ Mark Twain

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. ~ Mark Twain

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. ~ Mark Twain

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. ~ Mark Twain

Inspirational Mark Twain Quotes

More inspiration and motivation from Mr. Twain.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect). ~ Mark Twain

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other. ~ Mark Twain

The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. ~ Mark Twain

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. ~ Mark Twain

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter. ~ Mark Twain

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. ~ Mark Twain

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. ~ Mark Twain

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe. ~ Mark Twain

Mark Twain Writing Quotes

Why wouldn’t we take writing advice from one of the greats?

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~ Mark Twain

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’Tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning. ~ Mark Twain

I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. ~ Mark Twain

My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water. ~ Mark Twain

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it. ~ Mark Twain

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. ~ Mark Twain

More Mark Twain Quotes

Can’t stop, won’t stop. More below! And then 10 short tweetables.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir… mighty scarce. ~ Mark Twain

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. ~ Mark Twain

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up! ~ Mark Twain

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~ Mark Twain

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. ~ Mark Twain

It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt. ~ Mark Twain

Short Mark Twain Quotes [tweetable!]

Here are 10  famous Mark Twain quotes  on an infographic from  sassipior.com  – and typed out for you, ready to click and tweet!

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt. ~ Mark Twain Click to tweet this !

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. ~ Mark Twain  Click to tweet this !

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~ Mark Twain  Click to tweet this !

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. ~ Mark Twain  Click to tweet this !

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. ~ Mark Twain  Click to tweet this !

Buy land, they’re not making it any more. ~ Mark Twain  Click to tweet this !

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~ Mark Twain  Click to tweet this !

Let us live so that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry. ~ Mark Twain  Click to tweet this !

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. ~ Mark Twain  Click to tweet this !

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. ~ Mark Twain  Click to tweet this !

About Mark Twain Quote Images

I hope you enjoyed these! Remember, all images on this website are ©Louise Myers.  Feel free to pin them to Pinterest, since they’ll link back to this page.

Get creative and make your own! There are many  easy ways to make picture quotes online  and apps to quickly add text to photos .

Copy and paste the quotes into your graphics app, or use them as Instagram captions and Facebook status updates.

Born Samuel Langhorne Clemens, Twain was lauded by The New York Times as the “greatest humorist [the United States] has produced.”

Be sure to share a quote on social media in honor of his birth anniversary on November 30. He was born November 30, 1835 and died April 21, 1910.

Or anytime!

Which is your favorite Mark Twain quote? Give it a tweet!

Then check out the best quotes for every season and reason.

About Louise Myers

Louise Myers is a graphic design expert whose designs have been featured by Disney, Macy's, WalMart and more. Her straightforward writing style empowers small business owners to make their own graphics for social media success!

JJ wong says

December 19, 2013 at 1:49 AM

Nice infographic of Mark Twain Quotes, or to say – Funny Quotes. 😛

It’s funny reading quotes of Mark Twain, but he makes sense, and speaks the truth. Great Quotes of Mark Twain.

Louise Myers says

December 19, 2013 at 11:56 AM

Glad you liked JJ, good luck with your site!

JJ Wong says

January 4, 2014 at 6:54 AM

Good luck on your website too Louise Myers! =D

January 4, 2014 at 10:17 PM

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The 50 Funniest American Writers*: An Anthology of Humor from Mark Twain to The Onion

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Mark Twain: His Life and His Humor

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Mark Twain, born Samuel Langhorne Clemens Nov. 30, 1835 in the small town of Florida, MO, and raised in Hannibal, became one of the greatest American authors of all time. Known for his sharp wit and pithy commentary on society, politics, and the human condition, his many essays and novels, including the American classic, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn , are a testament to his intelligence and insight. Using humor and satire to soften the edges of his keen observations and critiques, he revealed in his writing some of the injustices and absurdities of society and human existence, his own included. He was a humorist, writer, publisher, entrepreneur, lecturer, iconic celebrity (who always wore white at his lectures), political satirist, and social progressive .

He died on April 21, 1910 when Halley’s Comet was again visible in the night sky, as lore would have it, just as it had been when he was born 75 years earlier. Wryly and presciently, Twain had said, “I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year (1910), and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: "Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.”  Twain died of a heart attack one day after the Comet appeared its brightest in 1910.

A complex, idiosyncratic person, he never liked to be introduced by someone else when lecturing, preferring instead to introduce himself as he did when beginning the following lecture, “Our Fellow Savages of the Sandwich Islands” in 1866:

“Ladies and gentlemen: The next lecture in this course will be delivered this evening, by Samuel L. Clemens, a gentleman whose high character and unimpeachable integrity are only equalled by his comeliness of person and grace of manner. And I am the man! I was obliged to excuse the chairman from introducing me, because he never compliments anybody and I knew I could do it just as well.”

Twain was  a complicated mixture of southern boy and western ruffian striving to fit into elite Yankee culture. He wrote in his speech, Plymouth Rock and the Pilgrims,1881 :

“I am a border-ruffian from the State of Missouri. I am a Connecticut Yankee by adoption. In me, you have Missouri morals, Connecticut culture; this, gentlemen, is the combination which makes the perfect man.”

Growing up in Hannibal, Missouri had a lasting influence on Twain, and working as a steamboat captain for several years before the Civil War was one of his greatest pleasures. While riding the steamboat he would observe the many passengers, learning much about their character and affect. His time working as a miner and a journalist in Nevada and California during the 1860s introduced him to the rough and tumble ways of the west, which is where, Feb. 3, 1863, he first used the pen name, Mark Twain, when writing one of his humorous essays for the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise in Nevada.

Mark Twain was a riverboat term that means two fathoms, the point at which it is safe for the boat to navigate the waters. It seems that when Samuel Clemens adopted this pen name he also adopted another persona - a persona that represented the outspoken commoner, poking fun at the aristocrats in power, while Samuel Clemens, himself, strove to be one of them.

Twain got his first big break as a writer in 1865 with an article about life in a mining camp, called Jim Smiley and His Jumping Frog , also called The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County . It was very favorably received and printed in newspapers and magazines all over the country. From there he received other jobs, sent to Hawaii, and then to Europe and the Holy Land as a travel writer. Out of these travels he wrote the book, The Innocents Abroad , in 1869, which became a bestseller. His books and essays were generally so well-regarded that he started lecturing and promoting them, becoming popular both as a writer and a speaker.

When he married Olivia Langdon in 1870, he married into a wealthy family from Elmira, New York and moved east to Buffalo, NY and then to Hartford, CT where he collaborated with the Hartford Courant Publisher to co-write The Gilded Age, a satirical novel about greed and corruption among the wealthy after the Civil War. Ironically, this was also the society to which he aspired and gained entry. But Twain had his share of losses, too - loss of fortune investing in failed inventions (and failing to invest in successful ones such as Alexander Graham Bell’s telephone ), and the deaths of people he loved, such as his younger brother in a riverboat accident, for which he felt responsible, and several of his children and his beloved wife.

Although Twain survived, thrived, and made a living out of humor, his humor was borne out of sorrow, a complicated view of life, an understanding of life’s contradictions, cruelties, and absurdities.  As he once said, “ There is no laughter in heaven .” 

Mark Twain’s style of humor was wry, pointed, memorable, and delivered in a slow drawl. Twain’s humor carried on the tradition of humor of the Southwest, consisting of tall tales, myths, and frontier sketches, informed by his experiences growing up in Hannibal, MO, as a steamboat pilot on the Mississippi River, and as a gold miner and journalist in Nevada and California.

In 1863 Mark Twain attended in Nevada the lecture of Artemus Ward (pseudonym of Charles Farrar Browne,1834-1867), one of America’s best-known humorists of the 19th century. They became friends, and Twain learned much from him about how to make people laugh. Twain believed that how a story was told was what made it funny  - repetition, pauses, and an air of naivety.

In his essay How to Tell a Story Twain says, “There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind—the humorous. I will talk mainly about that one.” He describes what makes a story funny, and what distinguishes the American story from that of the English or French; namely that the American story is humorous, the English is comic, and the French is witty.

He explains how they differ:

“The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling; the comic story and the witty story upon the matter. The humorous story may be spun out to great length, and may wander around as much as it pleases, and arrive nowhere in particular; but the comic and witty stories must be brief and end with a point. The humorous story bubbles gently along, the others burst. The humorous story is strictly a work of art, — high and delicate art, — and only an artist can tell it; but no art is necessary in telling the comic and the witty story; anybody can do it. The art of telling a humorous story —- understand, I mean by word of mouth, not print — was created in America, and has remained at home.”

Other important characteristics of a good humorous story, according to Twain, include the following:

• A humorous story is told gravely, as though there is nothing funny about it.
• The story is told wanderingly and the point is “slurred.”
• A “studied remark” is made as if without even knowing it, “as if one were thinking aloud.”
• The pause: “The pause is an exceedingly important feature in any kind of story, and a frequently recurring feature, too. It is a dainty thing, and delicate, and also uncertain and treacherous; for it must be exactly the right length--no more and no less—or it fails of its purpose and makes trouble. If the pause is too short the impressive point is passed, and the audience have had time to divine that a surprise is intended—and then you can't surprise them, of course.”

Twain believed in telling a story in an understated way, almost as if he was letting his audience in on a secret. He cites a story, The Wounded Soldier , as an example and to explain the difference in the different manners of storytelling, explaining that:

 “The American would conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it…. the American tells it in a ‘rambling and disjointed’ fashion and pretends that he does not know that it is funny at all,” whereas “The European ‘tells you beforehand that it is one of the funniest things he has ever heard, then tells it with eager delight, and is the first person to laugh when he gets through.” ….”All of which,” Mark Twain sadly comments, “is very depressing, and makes one want to renounce joking and lead a better life.”

Twain’s folksy, irreverent, understated style of humor, use of vernacular language, and seemingly forgetful rambling prose and strategic pauses drew his audience in, making them seem smarter than he. His intelligent satirical wit, impeccable timing, and ability to subtly poke fun at both himself and the elite made him accessible to a wide audience, and made him one of the most successful comedians of his time and one that has had a lasting influence on future comics and humorists.

Humor was absolutely essential to Mark Twain, helping him navigate life just as he learned to navigate the Mississippi when a young man, reading the depths and nuances of the human condition like he learned to see the subtleties and complexities of the river beneath its surface. He learned to create humor out of confusion and absurdity, bringing laughter into the lives of others as well. He once said, “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”

MARK TWAIN PRIZE

Twain was much admired during his lifetime and recognized as an American icon. A  prize created in his honor, The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, the nation’s top comedy honor, has been given annually since 1998 to “people who have had an impact on American society in ways similar to the distinguished 19th century novelist and essayist best known as Mark Twain.” Previous recipients of the prize have included some of the most notable humorists of our time. The 2017 prizewinner is David Letterman, who according to Dave Itzkoff, New York Times writer , “Like Mark Twain …distinguished himself as a cockeyed, deadpan observer of American behavior and, later in life, for his prodigious and distinctive facial hair. Now the two satirists share a further connection.”

One can only wonder what remarks Mark Twain would make today about our government, ourselves, and the absurdities of our world. But undoubtedly they would be insightful and humorous to help us “stand against the assault” and perhaps even give us pause.

RESOURCES AND FURTHER READING

• Burns, Ken , Ken Burns Mark Twain Part I, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-x_k7zrPUw
• Burns, Ken , Ken Burns Mark Twain Part II https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1arrRQJkA28
• Mark Twain , http://www.cmgww.com/historic/twain/index.php/about/biography/
• Mark Twain , history.com , http://www.history.com/topics/mark-twain
• Railton, Stephen and University of Virginia Library, Mark Twain In His Times , http://twain.lib.virginia.edu/about/mtabout.html
• Mark Twain’s Interactive Scrapbook, PBS, http://www.pbs.org/marktwain/index.html
• Mark Twain’s America , IMAX,, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0WioOn8Tkw (Video)
• Middlekauff, Robert, Mark Twain’s Humor - With Examples , https://amphilsoc.org/sites/default/files/proceedings/150305.pdf
• Moss, Walter, Mark Twain’s Progressive and Prophetic Political Humor, http://hollywoodprogressive.com/mark-twain/
• The Mark Twain House and Museum , https://www.marktwainhouse.org/man/biography_main.php

For Teachers :

• Learn More About Mark Twain , PBS, http://www.pbs.org/marktwain/learnmore/index.html
• Lesson 1: Mark Twain and American Humor, National Endowment for the Humanities, https://edsitement.neh.gov/lesson-plan/mark-twain-and-american-humor#sect-introduction
• Lesson Plan | Mark Twain and the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor , WGBH, PBS, https://mass.pbslearningmedia.org/resource/773460a8-d817-4fbd-9c1e-15656712348e/lesson-plan-mark-twain-and-the-mark-twain-prize-for-american-humor/#.WT2Y_DMfn-Y
• Mark Twain's Feel for Language and Locale Brings His Stories to Life
• The Story of Samuel Clemens as "Mark Twain"
• A Closer Look at "A Ghost Story" by Mark Twain
• Mark Twain's Colloquial Prose Style
• Reading Quiz: 'Two Ways of Seeing a River' by Mark Twain
• Mark Twain's Views on Enslavement
• The Meaning of the Pseudonym Mark Twain
• Quotes from Mark Twain, Master of Sarcasm
• Definition and Examples of Humorous Essays
• What Were Mark Twain's Inventions?
• Two Ways of Seeing a River
• A Photo Tour of the Mark Twain House in Connecticut
• Mark Twain & Death
• Who's the Real Huckleberry Finn?
• Mark Twain's Top 10 Writing Tips
• 'Life on the Mississippi' Quotes

Mark Twain: Essays Quotes

By mark twain.

These notes were contributed by members of the GradeSaver community. We are thankful for their contributions and encourage you to make your own.

Written by Timothy Sexton

“There have been daring people in the world who claimed that Cooper could write English, but they are all dead now.” Mark Twain

Let’s not beat around the bush: Mark Twain really, really did not think much of James Fenimore Cooper or his novels. The man was clearly talented and wildly popular (two things which, of course, do not necessarily go together), but Twain only saw him as a hack. This is actually one of the nicer quotes about Cooper to be found in the essay titled “Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offences.”

“The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it; but the teller of the comic story tells you beforehand that it is one of the funniest things he has ever heard, then tells it with eager delight, and is the first person to laugh when he gets through.” Mark Twain

One of Twain’s most popular and famous essays is “How to Tell a Story” which, perhaps surprisingly, is actually about what its title suggests. Here he outlines a very important distinction and secret to success too often overlooked. The idea that Twain is getting at here is perhaps most easily accessed to the modern reader through a more recent application: the movie Airplane! is an example of humor because the story is presented seriously. On the other hand, the comedy Ace Ventura: Pet Detective announces it is going to be funny straight from the title.

“How curious and interesting is the parallel — as far as poverty of biographical details is concerned — between Satan and Shakespeare.” Mark Twain

Oddly enough, in the essay titled “Is Shakespeare Dead?” Twain embarks upon a digression from the titular subject into an area of autobiography in which we discover that he had once entertained the notion of writing a biography of Satan. This notion occurred, was discussed and promptly dismissed by his Sunday school teacher before the young Samuel Clemens actually sat down and composed it. The digression seems off the topic of the essay itself which is an investigation into whether the William Shakespeare about whom so little is known could actually have been the author of the plays attributed to him.

“La on, Makduf, and damd be he hoo furst krys hold, enuf!” William Shakespeare (or possibly Francis Bacon)

The essay is title “A Simplified Alphabet” and in it, Twain very strongly makes an assertion about the English alphabet: “It doesn’t know how to spell, and can’t be taught.” The rest of the essay is therefore and examination of the singular peculiarities of how English words often wind up being spelled in ways that bear little resemblance to how they are actually pronounced. And so Twain offers up his idea of a simplified alphabet that is more attuned to the similarity between sound and appearance. But, as he admits, such a transformation would be almost impossible because seeing “letters put together in ways to which we are not accustomed offends the eye.” A point made tacitly clear with this rewrite of a famous quote from Macbeth rebooted in the style of his simplified alphabet.

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Mark Twain: Essays Questions and Answers

The Question and Answer section for Mark Twain: Essays is a great resource to ask questions, find answers, and discuss the novel.

How did the clergyman spend the first part of his life?

From the text:

The clergyman at my left was an old acquaintance of mine – clergyman now, but had spent the first half of his life in the camp and field, and as an instructor in the military school at Woolwich.

Using the second step of the SQR4 method, Q, what would you do with a chapter title of “Reading Strategies”?

I would think C or D. I'd probably go with C.

It is important to maintain the same reading rate when reading an article; avoid speeding up and slowing down. True or false

I'm not an expert on this but I think it is probably true.

Study Guide for Mark Twain: Essays

Mark Twain: Essays study guide contains a biography of Mark Twain, literature essays, quiz questions, major themes, characters, and a full summary and analysis.

• About Mark Twain: Essays
• Mark Twain: Essays Summary
• Character List

Essays for Mark Twain: Essays

Mark Twain: Essays essays are academic essays for citation. These papers were written primarily by students and provide critical analysis of Mark Twain: Essays by Mark Twain.

• Morality Analysis in “The Damned Human Race”