college essays about hardships

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Writing the hardship essay for your college application.

In a lot of essay prompts, you are either asked to write about overcoming hardship, or you find that you need to explain adversity you’ve faced in your life. The colleges frequently want this information not just to learn more about you, but also both to know whether you deserve an extra leg up in life and in the admissions process, as well as to see how you’ve dealt with difficulty in the past (since college years can be turbulent ones for some). (Or more cynically, so that they can advertise to the public all the disadvantaged people they’ve admitted.)

Here I will give an overview of how to approach this particular prompt.

But first, I know that some of you will be thinking that you don’t have any real hardship to speak of, especially compared to many others in the world. Perhaps you believe that if you’re applying to college in the first place, then you’re ahead of the game, so to speak. (Only about a third of Americans enroll in and graduate from college, and only about 7% worldwide do.) If this describes you, bless you. You are either fortunate enough to have lived a safe life or you have the wisdom to keep perspective on your good fortune. If I’m describing you, and you genuinely don’t have any true or perceived difficulty to overcome, you may want to avoid writing about this topic in your essays, wherever they may show up. (For example, you wouldn’t want to complain about getting a Honda Civic for your 16th birthday instead of the BMW you wanted because that’s what all your friends drive. So no first-world problems in this essay, please.)

And I would also like to point out that many people, though they may appear outwardly happy and successful, have faced many kinds of difficulties that aren’t apparent at all. For example, you may be the president of your Future Singing Veterinarians of America club, but secretly you battle depression and don’t feel like you’re understood or appreciated, but you try hard to hide it from others because you don’t want to burden them. So in a word, hardship is often hidden, and definitely relative—what may be easy for some is a real challenge for others, and those who appear to have perfect lives almost certainly do not. (Don’t believe what you see on social media!)

A working definition of hardship or adversity

Again, as I mentioned, hardship is relative, and what may be difficult for one may not be for another. I may struggle to lose twenty pounds while one of my students may be struggling to gain twenty pounds. One person may excel in math, but struggle with writing essays. And another is the opposite.

Hardship is anything significant that you believe has held you back from reaching your potential, something that’s a particular challenge to you, just you.

For example, you may have a learning difference that you’ve had to overcome in order to keep up with your work in school. Maybe that learning difference was undiagnosed for many years, and you had a few teachers who were not patient with you and yelled at you, leaving you a little scarred. (It happens a lot, unfortunately.) Perhaps your parents divorced, and it was difficult for you to adapt to your new life, especially if you had to take on more responsibility or work part-time. In essence, something can be considered hardship if its absence would have made a big improvement in your life.

Again, if it’s not there, and you don’t feel disadvantaged, yay! You don’t need to go make something up. (As a parent, I can tell you that our first goal for our children is to raise them in a happy, safe environment, and many parents are actually able to do this.)

Let’s get more specific with examples of hardship.

Some examples of hardship or adversity

Here are some examples that I’ve seen students write about in the past, as well as a couple I’m suggesting:

• Overcoming a diagnosed learning difference, such as ADHD or dyslexia.
• Overcoming an eating disorder, such as bulimia or anorexia. (If this is you, my heart goes out to you.)
• Losing a parent or close relative. (I’m very, very sorry if you’ve experienced this.)
• Struggling in a particular academic subject. This one is especially common, so be sure you write about how you assessed the problem, developed strategies to overcome the hardship, and of course, the successful outcome.
• Adapting to a new country and a new language, ie, you immigrated to the US, experienced culture shock, and had to learn English. Note that for me at least, this is a very common subject to write about, and in California, where more than a quarter of the state’s population was not born in the US. (See below for more comments about this particular situation.)

Next up is vital—that you managed your situation with intense determination.

Demonstrate grit, tenacity, and perseverance in your essay: Always show that you’ve overcome the hardship, not that you’re still in the middle of it

This is key, perhaps even the most important part about writing the hardship essay: You must absolutely show that you’ve successfully managed the challenges you’ve faced and have a reasonable chance of succeeding in college in the future. That’s the kind of person you are. You don’t give up, you get back up if you’re knocked down, you’re unstoppable. You don’t want the people reading your essay thinking, Whoa, poor kid. Man, my heart goes out to him, but I’m really, really not sure that college is the best thing for him right now. He needs to get his life together first, and then think about college .

Yeah, that’s right—if it looks like you’re still in the middle of dealing with your various problems, they’ll decide that college will be a hindrance for you, not a leg up, even if it would be. Or they might think that you would be better off elsewhere, at a different college (they’ll use a euphemism like “not a good fit right now”), perhaps even part-time at a two-year college near where you live.

In general, you want to show that you: a) recognized the problem; b) analyzed your situation; c) came up with a reasonable and effective solution; and d) implemented your solution successfully with enormous determination and resilience. In other words, when life gives you lemons, you’ve got your own perfect lemonade recipe handy, and you’re not afraid to use it.

Now let’s take a look at some topics that seem to show up a lot, so may not set you apart in the way you’re hoping.

Some “hardship” topics that are commonly written about

Every year, I read a few essays that discuss these topics. Most of them are done very well, and show true challenges that the writers have faced. However, just be forewarned that the following are topics that a lot of people, at least the ones I’ve worked with, either use these topics or consider using them.

• Shyness. “I was shy all throughout elementary school, so in middle school/junior high school I decided to break out of my shell.”
• Transferring to a new school. “High school was a big transition for me, especially since I was coming from a private school to a public school.” (This one’s especially iffy because of the private school part.)
• Immigrating and having to learn English in addition to adapting to a new culture. “In third grade, I came to America, and didn’t speak a word of English. I couldn’t understand anything the teacher was saying. I was scared and cried.”

If you’re going to write about these, be extra careful to make it unique and heartfelt. After all, any admissions officer with enough experience will tell you that there’s pretty much no topic she hasn’t read about before in an application.

Some final tips on writing the hardship essay

Some final thoughts, a couple of which I’ve already mentioned, but want to put here again.

• Open up and tell the truth. But if you’ve got nothing to say about hardship, then don’t. You’re probably not required to write about this, and even if you’ve heard that “admissions offices love to read about adversity,” it’s probably better to skip this if you’ve led a storybook life.
• Don’t manufacture hardship. Don’t take something that happened and turn it into something huge. If your avocado plant died in third grade, and you were sad, that’s not going to get you into Stanford.
• Avoid the “pity me” essay—you don’t want to make a list of all the hardships you’ve endured as if they earn you points. Yes, you should talk about your difficulties, but also focus on your resilience and grit.
• Remember that, in itself, facing adversity doesn’t earn you credit—you’re not going to gain admission as compensation.
• Always show that you overcame the hardship. You’re past it. You beat it. You improved.
• Avoid super-common or near-universal hardships. For example, going to high school or not being athletic enough apply to almost every applicant, so others will pretty much just expect you to have overcome these particular challenges.
• Tread lightly: There are a few subjects that we pretty much always avoid talking about in admissions essays. They are the ones that relate to criminal activity, relationships, sex, and drugs. So unless you really think you’re going to write a gut-wrenching essay or you had a life-changing epiphany, writing about overcoming an addiction to nicotine (in the form of vaping) probably won’t win you any points with the admissions office.

Finally, as always, these are just guidelines. You could very easily write a beautiful essay that breaks some of the rules mentioned above as long as its heartfelt, genuine, and relatable. Trust your own judgment if you can, or ask others for their opinions if you have any doubt.

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How to Write the “Overcoming Challenges” Essay + Examples

What’s covered:.

• What is the Overcoming Challenges Essay?
• Real Overcoming Challenges Essay Prompts
• How to Choose a Topic
• Writing Tips

Overcoming Challenges Essay Examples

• Where to Get Your Essay Edited

While any college essay can be intimidating, the Overcoming Challenges prompt often worries students the most. Those students who’ve been lucky enough not to experience trauma tend to assume they have nothing worth saying. On the other hand, students who’ve overcome larger obstacles may be hesitant to talk about them.

Regardless of your particular circumstances, there are steps you can take to make the essay writing process simpler. Here are our top tips for writing the overcoming challenges essay successfully.

What is the “Overcoming Challenges” Essay?

The overcoming challenges prompt shows up frequently in both main application essays (like the Common App) and supplemental essays. Because supplemental essays allow students to provide schools with additional information, applicants should be sure that the subject matter they choose to write about differs from what’s in their main essay.

Students often assume the overcoming challenges essay requires them to detail past traumas. While you can certainly write about an experience that’s had a profound effect on your life, it’s important to remember that colleges aren’t evaluating students based on the seriousness of the obstacle they overcame.

On the contrary, the goal of this essay is to show admissions officers that you have the intelligence and fortitude to handle any challenges that come your way. After all, college serves as an introduction to adult life, and schools want to know that the students they admit are up to the task. 

Real “Overcoming Challenges” Essay Prompts

To help you understand what the “Overcoming Challenges” essay looks like, here are a couple sample prompts.

Currently, the Common Application asks students to answer the following prompt in 650 words or less:

“The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?”

For the past several years, MIT has prompted students to write 200 to 250 words on the following:

“Tell us about the most significant challenge you’ve faced or something important that didn’t go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?”

In both cases, the prompts explicitly ask for your response to the challenge. The event itself isn’t as important as how it pushed you to grow.

How to Choose a Topic for an Essay on Overcoming Challenges

When it comes to finding the best topic for your overcoming challenges essays, there’s no right answer. The word “challenge” is ambiguous and could be used to reference a wide range of situations from prevailing over a bully to getting over your lifelong stage fright to appear in a school musical. Here are some suggestions to keep in mind when selecting an essay subject.

1. Avoid trivial or common topics

While there aren’t many hard-and-fast rules for choosing an essay topic, students should avoid overdone topics.

These include:

• Working hard in a challenging class
• Overcoming a sports injury
• Moving schools or immigrating to the US
• Tragedy (divorce, death, abuse)

Admissions officers have read numerous essays on the subject, so it’s harder for you to stand out (see our full list of cliché college essay topics to avoid ). If events like these were truly formative to you, you can still choose to write about them, but you’ll need to be as personal as possible. 

It’s also ideal if you have a less traditional storyline for a cliché topic; for example, if your sports injury led you to discover a new passion, that would be a more unique story than detailing how you overcame your injury and got back in the game.

Similarly, students may not want to write about an obstacle that admissions committees could perceive as low stakes, such as getting a B on a test, or getting into a small fight with a friend. The goal of this essay is to illustrate how you respond to adversity, so the topic you pick should’ve been at least impactful on your personal growth.

2. Pick challenges that demonstrate qualities you want to highlight

Students often mistakenly assume they need to have experienced exceptional circumstances like poverty, an abusive parent, or cancer to write a good essay. The truth is that the best topics will allow you to highlight specific personal qualities and share more about who you are. The essay should be less about the challenge itself, and more about how you responded to it.

Ask yourself what personality traits you want to emphasize, and see what’s missing in your application. Maybe you want to highlight your adaptability, for example, but that isn’t clearly expressed in your application. In this case, you might write about a challenge that put your adaptability to the test, or shaped you to become more adaptable.

Here are some examples of good topics we’ve seen over the years:

• Not having a coach for a sports team and becoming one yourself
• Helping a parent through a serious health issue
• Trying to get the school track dedicated to a coach
• Having to switch your Model UN position last-minute

Tips for Writing an Essay About Overcoming Challenges

Once you’ve selected a topic for your essays, it’s time to sit down and write. For best results, make sure your essay focuses on your efforts to tackle an obstacle rather than the problem itself. Additionally, you could avoid essay writing pitfalls by doing the following:

1. Choose an original essay structure

If you want your overcoming challenges essay to attract attention, aim to break away from more traditional structures. Most of these essays start by describing an unsuccessful attempt at a goal and then explain the steps the writer took to master the challenge. 

You can stand out by choosing a challenge you’re still working on overcoming, or focus on a mental or emotional challenge that spans multiple activities or events. For example, you might discuss your fear of public speaking and how that impacted your ability to coach your brother’s Little League team and run for Student Council. 

You can also choose a challenge that can be narrated in the moment, such as being put on the spot to teach a yoga class. These challenges can make particularly engaging essays, as you get to experience the writer’s thoughts and emotions as they unfold.

Keep in mind that you don’t necessarily need to have succeeded in your goal for this essay. Maybe you ran for an election and lost, or maybe you proposed a measure to the school board that wasn’t passed. It’s still possible to write a strong essay about topics like these as long as you focus on your personal growth. In fact, these may make for even stronger essays since they are more unconventional topics.

2. Focus on the internal

When writing about past experiences, you may be tempted to spend too much time describing specific people and events. With an Overcoming Challenges essay though, the goal is to focus on your thoughts and feelings.

For example, rather than detail all the steps you took to become a better public speaker, use the majority of your essay to describe your mental state as you embarked on the journey to achieving your goals. Were you excited, scared, anxious, or hopeful? Don’t be afraid to let the reader in on your innermost emotions and thoughts during this process.

3. Share what you learned 

An Overcoming Challenges essay should leave the reader with a clear understanding of what you learned on your journey, be it physical, mental, or emotional. There’s no need to explicitly say “this experience taught me X,” but your essay should at least implicitly share any lessons you learned. This can be done through your actions and in-the-moment reflections. Remember that the goal is to show admissions committees why your experiences make you a great candidate for admission. 

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the g arb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This essay is an excellent example because the writer turns an everyday challenge—starting a fire—into an exploration of her identity. The writer was once “a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes,” but has since traded her love of the outdoors for a love of music, writing, and reading. 

The story begins in media res , or in the middle of the action, allowing readers to feel as if we’re there with the writer. One of the essay’s biggest strengths is its use of imagery. We can easily visualize the writer’s childhood and the present day. For instance, she states that she “rubbed and rubbed [the twigs] until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers.”

The writing has an extremely literary quality, particularly with its wordplay. The writer reappropriates words and meanings, and even appeals to the senses: “My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.” She later uses a parallelism to cleverly juxtapose her changed interests: “instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano.”

One of the essay’s main areas of improvement is its overemphasis on the “story” and lack of emphasis on the reflection. The second to last paragraph about changing perspective is crucial to the essay, as it ties the anecdote to larger lessons in the writer’s life. She states that she hasn’t changed, but has only shifted perspective. Yet, we don’t get a good sense of where this realization comes from and how it impacts her life going forward. 

The end of the essay offers a satisfying return to the fire imagery, and highlights the writer’s passion—the one thing that has remained constant in her life.

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

While the writer didn’t succeed in getting the track dedicated to Coach Stark, their essay is certainly successful in showing their willingness to push themselves and take initiative.

The essay opens with a quote from Coach Stark that later comes full circle at the end of the essay. We learn about Stark’s impact and the motivation for trying to get the track dedicated to him.

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The essay goes on to explain how the writer overcame their apprehension of public speaking, and likens the process of submitting an appeal to the school board to running a race. This metaphor makes the writing more engaging and allows us to feel the student’s emotions.

While the student didn’t ultimately succeed in getting the track dedicated, we learn about their resilience and initiative: I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Overall, this essay is well-done. It demonstrates growth despite failing to meet a goal, which is a unique essay structure. The running metaphor and full-circle intro/ending also elevate the writing in this essay.

Where to Get Your Overcoming Challenges Essay Edited

The Overcoming Challenges essay is one of the trickier supplemental prompts, so it’s important to get feedback on your drafts. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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How to Nail Your Overcoming Challenges Essays

By Eric Eng

College essays are among the most influential and overlooked portions of college applications. By the time most students get to this part of the admissions process, they’re just ready to get everything completed and submitted so they can finally relax. On the other hand, though, it is the college essay that will help determine if your application gets a second look or is tossed to the side. Writing a personal essay effectively can make a significant difference in your application.

Although all colleges have different essays , many themes span across all of them. One of the most common and difficult prompts includes an essay about overcoming a challenge. Many students get stumped on this seemingly easy prompt for various reasons. When writing a personal essay on this topic, it’s essential to convey your unique experiences and growth.

We will be delving into this essay topic in this blog. We will investigate what the college admission officer is looking for and give you some tips that will help you in writing a personal essay on how to overcome challenges in life.

Diving Deep into the “Overcoming Challenges” Essay

Wondering what are some personal challenge essay examples? As the name implies, the ‘essay about overcoming a challenge’ prompt refers to any college essay question that asks applicants to address a difficult obstacle or challenge that they have had to overcome. There are many variations of the question, but it is essentially always the same basic material. Writing a personal essay for this prompt involves reflecting on these experiences thoughtfully.

College admissions officers are looking at how you cope with adversity and how the challenges you have faced have molded you into the person you are today. Much like many of the other college essay topics , writing a personal essay on overcoming challenges requires you to get a bit personal and open up.

This is an excellent opportunity for applicants to let admissions officers in on more about themselves as a person, helping them further qualify for an acceptance letter. While you may feel the urge to tell one of the most traumatic experiences you’ve gone through in your life, writing a personal essay does not require you to choose the most dramatic story. The challenge may be something very ordinary and common.

Admission officers will read and review your response based on how you faced the challenge, how you overcame it, and what you learned. Writing a personal essay on overcoming challenges is about showing colleges you can deal with setbacks and obstacles in your life and be resilient, resourceful, and able to push through.

No matter where you go, there’s a fair likelihood you’ll run into at least some of the obstacles that are going to be on your way to graduation. Colleges need to know that their students can overcome some of these barriers gracefully. The ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompt helps colleges measure this capacity.

Rundown of Some Personal Challenge Essay Examples

Just to feel your way around what these essays look like, let’s take a glance at some real ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompts. This first one is from Common App , which asks students to respond to the following question with a 650-word limit. When writing a personal essay for this prompt, it’s crucial to address each part thoughtfully.

“The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Describe a problem you’ve solved or a challenge you’ve faced and how you approached it. It can be a challenge you’ve faced, a setback, or a failure. How did it affect you? What did you learn from this experience?”

Notice that the question is not just about some setback or challenge that you had in the past. This is asking how this experience impacted you and changed you up until now. This means the real focus here will be more on how it affected the applicant rather than the seriousness of the challenge itself. Writing a personal essay that effectively highlights this transformation is key.

Another example of an ‘overcoming challenges’ essay question comes from MIT . For the 2018-2020 application, students were asked to answer the following question in 200 to 250 words. When writing a personal essay for this prompt, consider the specific aspects they are asking for.

“Tell us about the most significant challenge you’ve faced or something important that didn’t go according to plan. Tell us what you did to handle the situation.”

This is a ‘managed the situation’ prompt — not what you learn, or how have you been changed as a result. Writing a personal essay for this type of prompt involves focusing on your actions and decision-making process.

It’s important to key into the question because the ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompts are very different in how they are worded and in exactly what they are looking for, even though the overall subject may be the same. Paying attention to these details can ensure you give admissions exactly what they are looking for when reading over your application. Writing a personal essay that addresses these nuances can make a significant impact.

Top Tips for Writing a “How to Overcome Challenges in Life” Essay

Excited to start on your college journey? Keep these tips in mind to ensure that your personal challenge essay impresses the admissions committee of your dream school:

1. Refrain from Writing About Common Topics

One major mistake students make when responding to the ‘overcoming challenges’ essay is writing a personal essay on a common topic. Since admissions officers have to read hundreds if not thousands, of essays answering the same question, writing on a common topic can seem trite and unoriginal.

Even if your essay is pristine, the topic still runs the risk of bringing down your overall response. Instead, it’s best to try and pinpoint a challenge or obstacle you’ve faced in your life that’s unique, or at least not as common. Some common ‘overcoming challenges’ essay topics to avoid include winning a difficult sports game or passing a course in which you were struggling.

Think back to events earlier in your life that impacted how you think and act today. Any of these experiences involved you in challenges you overcame and changed for the better? Don’t be afraid to get vulnerable and open when writing a personal essay. The more concrete, unique, and original you can make the topic, the better your chances at standing out from the crowd when you write your how to overcome challenges in life essay.

2. Highlight Your Emotional Intelligence

Colleges use ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompts to get a better sense of the applicant than other areas of the application would be able to convey. Most notably, these essays are intended to highlight some characteristics that a student might possess that would prove valuable for their time in college. Writing a personal essay on this topic allows you to showcase these attributes effectively.

For example, an experience related to dealing with a challenging event in your life can show mental strength, social tact, perseverance, long-term thinking, follow-through, and other such qualities. One of the strongest ways to make your response even stronger, adding depth to your application, is through writing a personal essay that will reflect certain qualities you want to display to admissions officers. For example, overcoming a disagreement with a friend could strike a chord in you as a meaningful challenge.

However, the qualities it may demonstrate—forgiveness, understanding, and empathy, for example—are not necessarily those that you want to show to the admissions officers. Students should consider in advance what type of qualities they would like to convey in their answers and select a challenge accordingly when writing a personal essay.

Again, what this prompt is looking to effect is some positives about you and your personality. Contemplation, ahead of time, of how your topic is going to be read to the admissions officers can make the overall piece more impactful and calculated.

3. Steer Clear of Common Writing Techniques

Now, here’s the pro tip that most applicants won’t ever think about: this ‘overcoming challenges’ essay can stand out from other responses if one pays attention to its structure.

How you structure your prompt response can make a huge difference to the essay. Even if the topic is original, admissions officers will still spot the duplicated patterns of paragraphs. When writing a personal essay, to make sure that your ‘overcoming challenges’ essay stands out in the colleges’ eyes, you will have to give a due share of attention to how it is written. The majority of students stick to the following pattern:

Describe an event or experience that tested you → Describe how you overcame the challenge.

It’s not that this format is going to damage your essay. The thing is, hitting on something more unique and unexpected helps the essay to stand out. When writing a personal essay, it’s normal to feel stuck especially when you run out of ideas.  Instead of focusing on a singular event or occasion, you could write about a challenge you overcame over a prolonged period and events that helped you to push forward.

If you want to get creative, you could focus on something you’re still in the process of getting over. You could bring it into the present day and talk about what you plan to do in the future. Writing a personal essay with these variations isn’t essential but it is a great way to grab the attention of admissions officers.

4. Pay Attention to the Essay’s Substance

When the prompt asks for a description of an event or obstacle, as in the case of the ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompt, too often students focus on the description of people, places, circumstances, and other physical or tangible things. That is a fine writing skill overall, but you’re not competing for a Pulitzer Prize when writing a personal essay for your college applications.

This all goes to giving admissions exactly what they want, making your responses outstanding, and showing off your strengths in the process. It is, therefore, best to focus more on the internal components of your topic rather than the circumstances. For example, rather than writing about what happened in the challenging event, you should focus on writing a personal essay about how you reacted, how you felt, what you thought, and how you overcame it mentally.

Were you anxious, worried, nervous, scared, confused? Was the event a surprise or frustrating one to you? It is this psychological experience and development in triumph over this obstacle that forms the true story. It’s more engaging; it tells more about who you are and who you became through this process. This narrative can give admissions officers the feeling of knowing you more as a person, which works wonders for making your essay stand out when writing an essay about overcoming a challenge.

5. Show the Impact, Not the Event

As mentioned earlier, the ‘overcoming challenges’ essay prompt gives admissions officers a better idea of who you are and how you deal with challenges. There are always some questions about a difficult/challenging situation in your life, but the key emphasis is on the reaction to the situation, rising to the occasion, and becoming a better person out of it. Some students feel a need to focus on the challenge itself, and not necessarily on what was learned from it when writing a personal essay.

Spending too much time describing the event, rather than how it impacted you, can ultimately hurt the quality of your answer. Remember, you are working with a strict word limit. While that varies between each school, many universities only allow applicants a few hundred words in which to respond. When writing a personal essay, the greatest portion of your response should deal with how the event affected your life, not how hard it was or the details about the challenge.

Now, this doesn’t mean you have to explicitly write that ‘from this event, I learned…’ You certainly can make it that evident, but it’s more effective to show the admissions committee rather than telling them by providing examples of how you’re better off having gone through the challenge. For example, let’s say you had a debilitating fear of public speaking .

You overcame this difficulty by joining a debate club and working through the discomfort to become an all-around stronger speaker. Rather than saying, ‘I became more confident in front of crowds,’ describe that transformation by saying, ‘Now, I can even give extemporaneous speeches easily.’ This describes the qualities you have developed, rather than saying them flat-out. When writing a personal essay, it’s one of those small things that can make all the difference for the admissions officers reading your essays.

Ready to Write Your College Application Essay?

You can think of your college application as your college resume. It’s a summary of performance and experience so far and of present knowledge and capability. In effect, the total of your application will be what dictates which college you get into. Writing a personal essay is a crucial part of this application process .

No matter what’s on your college list, it’s critically important to maximize your chances through the best possible college application. That is, saying it is much easier than doing it in a process with so many different parts to a successful college admission . Writing a personal essay effectively can greatly enhance your application. That is where Admission Sight can help!

For the last decade, we have been helping students like you refine applications and increase their chances of getting into their dream universities. And you know what? The results turn out to be great. Writing a personal essay with our guidance can make a significant difference.

Of the students we have helped, about 75% have gone on to be accepted into Ivy League or Top 10 Universities. We offer a range of services to help students enhance their college applications and be better prepared for the entire admission process at college. If you’re ready to get started on acing your college application, contact us today !

Want to assess your chances of admission? Take our FREE chances calculator today!

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Inspiring Examples: Overcoming Obstacles in College Essays

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Introduction

Writing a college essay is a crucial part of the application process, as it offers an opportunity to showcase your personal growth and resilience . Admissions officers are not only interested in your academic achievements but also in understanding how you have overcome obstacles and challenges in your life. In this blog post, we will explore the importance of highlighting personal growth and resilience in college essays, as well as provide tips on identifying and overcoming obstacles. Additionally, we will share inspiring examples of college essays that effectively demonstrate these qualities.

When it comes to writing a college essay, it is important to remember that admissions officers are looking for more than just a summary of your achievements or experiences. They want to gain insight into who you are as an individual and how you have grown through facing challenges. By showcasing personal growth and resilience, you can demonstrate your ability to overcome obstacles and adapt to difficult situations.

One reason why it is important to highlight personal growth and resilience in college essays is that it shows admissions officers that you possess the qualities necessary to succeed in college. College life can be demanding and challenging, both academically and personally. By demonstrating your ability to overcome obstacles, you are indicating that you have the determination, perseverance, and resilience required to navigate the ups and downs of college life.

Another reason why showcasing personal growth and resilience is crucial in college essays is that it allows admissions officers to understand the context behind your achievements. Your accomplishments may seem impressive on their own, but without providing the story behind them – the challenges you faced along the way – they may not hold as much weight. By sharing how you overcame obstacles, admissions officers can better appreciate the significance of your accomplishments.

Identifying obstacles is an essential step in writing a compelling college essay. It requires introspection and self-reflection to identify moments in your life where you faced challenges or encountered adversity. These obstacles can come in various forms – academic struggles, personal setbacks, or even societal barriers. The key is to choose an obstacle that had a significant impact on your life and allowed you to grow as an individual.

Once you have identified the obstacles, it is important to reflect on how they shaped you and what lessons you learned from them. Admissions officers are interested in seeing personal growth and resilience, so it is crucial to demonstrate how you overcame these obstacles and emerged stronger as a result. This reflection can help you identify the qualities or values that guided you through those challenging times and highlight them in your essay.

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Identifying Obstacles in College Essays

When it comes to writing a college essay, one of the most important aspects is identifying the obstacles you have overcome. Admissions officers are not only looking for academic achievements, but also for personal growth and resilience. They want to see how you have faced challenges and come out stronger on the other side. So, how can you effectively identify these obstacles in your personal experiences?

Firstly, it's crucial to reflect on your own life experiences and think about the challenges you have encountered. These obstacles can come in various forms - they could be physical, emotional, or even mental hurdles that you have had to overcome. Take some time to brainstorm and make a list of these obstacles before diving into writing your essay.

One effective way to identify obstacles is by considering moments of adversity or difficulty that have shaped who you are today. Think about times when you faced setbacks or encountered hardships. This could be anything from dealing with a serious illness or injury, overcoming a fear or phobia, facing discrimination or prejudice, or even struggling with personal insecurities and self-doubt.

Another approach is to reflect on significant life events that have tested your resilience and determination. These events could include moving to a new country or city, experiencing the loss of a loved one, going through a difficult breakup or divorce, or even dealing with financial struggles. By examining these moments in your life, you can uncover the obstacles that you had to overcome during those times.

Furthermore, it's important to consider the internal obstacles that may not be immediately apparent to others but have still played a significant role in shaping your character. These internal obstacles could include battling with anxiety or depression, grappling with low self-esteem, or struggling with academic challenges such as learning disabilities. By acknowledging and discussing these internal hurdles in your essay, you can showcase your resilience and determination in overcoming them.

Once you have identified the obstacles in your personal experiences, it's essential to reflect on how you overcame them. Admissions officers are not just interested in the challenges you faced; they also want to see your growth and development as a result of overcoming these obstacles. Therefore, it's crucial to highlight the lessons you learned, the skills you gained, and the personal growth that occurred during these difficult times.

Overcoming Obstacles in College Essays

Overcoming obstacles in college essays is a crucial aspect of crafting a compelling and impactful personal statement. Admissions officers are not only interested in your academic achievements but also want to gain insight into your character, resilience, and ability to overcome challenges. By showcasing how you have conquered obstacles, you can demonstrate personal growth and highlight your determination to succeed. In this section, we will explore the significance of overcoming obstacles in college essays and offer strategies for effectively conveying the process of overcoming hurdles.

When writing about overcoming obstacles in your college essay, it is essential to choose experiences that genuinely impacted you and shaped your character. These challenges can come in various forms, such as academic struggles, personal setbacks, or even societal barriers. The key is to select an obstacle that had a profound effect on your life and allowed you to grow as an individual.

To effectively convey the process of overcoming obstacles in your essay, it is important to clearly outline the steps you took to confront and conquer the challenge. Start by providing context about the obstacle itself – what it was, why it was significant, and how it initially affected you. This will help the reader understand the gravity of the situation and empathize with your journey.

Next, discuss the actions you took to overcome the obstacle. Did you seek support from others? Did you develop new skills or adopt a different mindset? Highlight any strategies or techniques that helped you navigate through adversity. By sharing these details, admissions officers can gain insight into your problem-solving abilities and determination.

Moreover, it is crucial to reflect on how overcoming this obstacle has impacted your personal growth. What lessons did you learn along the way? How did this experience shape your values or aspirations? Reflecting on these aspects will demonstrate self-awareness and showcase how you have grown as an individual.

Additionally, when discussing overcoming obstacles in college essays, it is important to maintain a positive tone throughout. While acknowledging the difficulties faced is necessary, focus on highlighting the resilience and determination you demonstrated. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader and showcase your ability to overcome adversity.

To effectively convey the process of overcoming obstacles, consider incorporating vivid and descriptive language. Paint a picture for the reader, allowing them to visualize the challenges you faced and the triumphs you achieved. By immersing the reader in your narrative, you can create an emotional connection that leaves a lasting impact.

Inspiring Examples of Overcoming Obstacles in College Essays

In college essays, one of the most powerful ways to make an impact is by showcasing personal growth and resilience. By sharing stories of overcoming obstacles, students can demonstrate their ability to overcome challenges and highlight their determination and perseverance. To provide inspiration and motivation, here are some inspiring examples of college essays that effectively highlight the theme of overcoming obstacles.

One example is a college essay written by Sarah, a high school student who faced significant financial hardships throughout her life. In her essay, Sarah describes how growing up in a low-income family shaped her perspective on education and fueled her drive to succeed. Despite facing numerous obstacles such as limited resources and a lack of support from her community, Sarah's determination never wavered. She emphasizes how she took on part-time jobs to support herself and even started a small tutoring business to help other struggling students. Through her essay, Sarah not only showcases her resilience but also demonstrates her commitment to using education as a way to break free from the cycle of poverty.

Another inspiring example comes from Mark, a college student who overcame a learning disability. In his essay, Mark reflects on his struggles with dyslexia throughout his academic journey. He shares how he initially felt discouraged and frustrated by his inability to grasp certain concepts as quickly as his peers. However, instead of letting these setbacks define him, Mark sought out alternative learning strategies and accommodations that allowed him to thrive in spite of his disability. He discusses how he developed stronger study habits, utilized assistive technology, and sought support from teachers and mentors who believed in his potential. Through his essay, Mark not only highlights his ability to overcome obstacles but also emphasizes the importance of self-advocacy and seeking help when needed.

These examples illustrate the power of personal narratives in college essays. By sharing stories of overcoming obstacles, students can create emotional connections with their readers while also showcasing qualities such as resilience, determination, and adaptability – all highly valued traits in the college admissions process.

These essays serve as reminders that obstacles do not define individuals; rather, it is how they choose to respond and grow from these challenges that truly matters. They inspire readers to persevere in the face of adversity and motivate them to embrace their own unique stories when writing their college essays.

The college essay is an important opportunity for students to showcase their personal growth and resilience. Throughout this blog post, we have discussed the significance of overcoming obstacles in college essays and provided tips on how to identify and address these challenges effectively. By sharing inspiring examples of college essays that highlight the theme of overcoming obstacles, we hope to inspire and guide our readers in crafting their own impactful essays.

In conclusion, when it comes to writing a college essay, the ability to overcome obstacles can make all the difference. Admissions officers are not only looking for academic achievements but also for individuals who have demonstrated personal growth and resilience. By showcasing your ability to overcome challenges, you are providing evidence of your character, determination, and adaptability.

It is crucial to remember that identifying obstacles in your college essay is just the first step. It is equally important to demonstrate how you overcame these challenges and what you learned from them. This shows admissions officers that you possess the necessary skills and mindset to succeed in college and beyond.

Throughout this blog post, we have shared inspiring examples of college essays that effectively highlight overcoming obstacles. These examples serve as a source of inspiration for our readers, showing them what can be achieved through perseverance and resilience. Whether it's overcoming a physical or mental health challenge, navigating cultural differences, or facing financial hardships, these essays demonstrate the power of determination and growth.

As you embark on your own college essay journey, we encourage you to embrace your own challenges and showcase your personal growth. Reflect on the obstacles you have faced throughout your life and consider how they have shaped you into the person you are today. Use these experiences as an opportunity to demonstrate your resilience, problem-solving abilities, and commitment to personal development .

Remember that authenticity is key in writing a compelling college essay. Be honest about your struggles but also highlight how you have grown as a result. Admissions officers appreciate vulnerability and want to see applicants who have learned from their experiences and are ready to take on new challenges.

In conclusion, the college essay is a powerful tool for showcasing personal growth and resilience. By identifying and overcoming obstacles in your writing, you can demonstrate to admissions officers that you possess the qualities necessary for success in college and beyond. Take inspiration from the examples we have provided and use your own experiences to craft a unique and impactful essay. Embrace your challenges, highlight your growth, and show the world what you are capable of achieving. Good luck!

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How to Write a Scholarship Essay (with Examples)

September 27, 2023

While applying to college, many students are faced with an additional, daunting task: how to write a scholarship essay. Financial need, already a sensitive subject, can become a stressful factor in the process alongside other existential unknowns. Luckily, scholarship essays will not require you to go tiptoeing around the taboo topic of money. Furthermore, most scholarship essay prompts more or less resemble standard supplemental essay questions. The trick then is to make your scholarship essay stand out. The following article and scholarship essay example will offer up pointers for anyone striving to win a college scholarship.

Organizing Scholarship Essays by Prompt

You may feel like melting into a lump of despair when facing a browser full of tabbed scholarships. The best way to avoid getting overwhelmed is to organize and analyze a list of prompts. Why? Because your first goal is not simply to figure out how to write a scholarship essay. Rather, you’ll want to know how to save time while writing complex and relevant scholarship essays.

As you look over the various prompts, you’ll notice that some sound fairly open-ended, while others ask for something quite specific. In response, you should annotate each prompt with thematic keywords. This will help you figure out when you can use the same essay for several prompts.

Your annotated list may look something like the following…

Sample Scholarship Essay Prompts

1) “Explain something that made a big impact in your life.”

• Keywords: event , personal development, growth, background

2) “We’re committed to diversifying education abroad by providing funding to students who are typically under-represented in study abroad. Please describe how you and/or your plans for study abroad could be viewed as under-represented.”

• Keywords: minority, diversity, identity, study abroad

3) “Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.”

• Keywords: background, identity, interest, talent

Sample Scholarship Essay Prompts, Continued

4) “Please explain a personal hardship or catastrophic life event that you have experienced. How did you manage to overcome this obstacle? What did you learn and how did you grow from it?”

• Keywords: event, personal development, growth, challenge, background

5) Describe a change you would like to make in the world. Tell us about how you would plan to make that change, and what obstacles you might encounter along the way.

• Keywords: world development, challenge, future

6) “Tell us three things that are important to you. How did you arrive at this list? Will these things be important to you in ten years? Why?”

• Keywords: background, values, interest, development, identity, future

Scholarship Essay Prompts ( Continued)

7) “What does it mean to you to be part of a minority community? What challenges has it brought and how have you overcome them? What are the benefits?”

• Keywords: minority, community, challenge, growth

8) “Please explain how your experience volunteering and participating in community service has shaped your perspective on humanity. Elaborate on how these experiences have influenced your future ambitions and career choice.”

• Keywords: community service, humanity, community, background, future, values, career

9) “Discuss in your essay any challenges or obstacles you have dealt with and overcome in life and how this will help you succeed in college and beyond. Describe how volunteer, community service or extra-curricular activities have shaped who you are today and what it has taught you. May also include future educational plans and career goals.”

• Keywords: challenge, future, community service, interests, value, personal growth, career

How to Write a Scholarship Essay through Prompt Analysis

Let’s compare some prompts by keywords. You’ll notice that some prompts have a lot of overlap, such as prompts 1 and 4. Both have event, personal development, growth, and background as keywords . Prompt 4 includes the additional keyword challenge . This prompt explicitly asks you to explain how you have “overcome” a “personal hardship or catastrophic life event.” While prompt 1 is not so specific, it would be easy, even natural, to include this narrative arc in your response. This means depicting how you faced the thing that “made a big impact in your life.” In other words, these two essay prompts, though worded differently, allow you to tell the same story.

Other prompts provide potential overlap. In this case, it’s up to you to find and interpret these moments. You may consider the values, strengths, interests, and experiences you wish to relate. For example, prompts 7, 8, and 9 all mention community through different approaches. While prompt 7 focuses on one’s past involvement in a minority community, prompts 8 and 9 are more future-facing, and don’t mention minorities.

Scholarship Essay Examples (Continued)

Here, your best strategy involves answering prompts 8 and 9 together in a single scholarship essay. To do so, the essay would need to detail “a challenge or obstacle you have dealt with” (9) which has thus “shaped your perspective on humanity” (8). This narrative arc will thus inform your “future” educational and career plans (8 and 9). Note that prompt 9 allows you to mention extra-curriculars. However, I wouldn’t recommend it, since this would make your essay less relevant to prompt 8. After your essay is written, adapt it to align with prompt 7. Consider condensing the part about the future into one final sentence and focusing more on minority aspects of your community.

How to Scholarship Essay Avoid Burnout

The above tactic will allow you to avoid burnout by strategizing your essay approach ahead of time. In turn, you’ll be able to maximize your efforts from the get-go. You’ll also likely find that your essays become more complex and nuanced when you consider several prompts at once.

The next step involves editing. Refer back to the prompt, once you have a draft written. Ask yourself, did I answer the question fully? Do I need to edit this essay further to emphasize a particular point? Do I need to cut the essay down to fit a new word count? Contrarily do I need to bulk it up? If so, are there other essays in my portfolio from which I can borrow material? Strategic editing will allow you to respond to a large number of essays during peak essay-writing season.

Finally, you’ll notice that most essays require a word count between 250 to 600 words. It’s often easier to write a longer essay first. This will allow you to go into greater detail without censoring your ideas. You may find yourself including dialogue, scenery, emotions, and all sorts of other specifics that make an essay personal. As you whittle down this essay to comply with a similar prompt, you’ll want to identify which pieces of the essay do the most work to get your message across. Don’t simply condense everything by eliminating details, for details are often the most memorable aspects of an essay. More on this next.

How to Write a Scholarship Essay Using the Three Fs

The three Fs can be applied to any college essay, though they are particularily useful in scholarship essays. Why? Because the three Fs will enable you to impress readers and beat out other applicants. Ultimately, they’ll help you win financial support. Think of the three Fs as a checklist to go over, once you’ve completed an essay draft. Ask yourself, is my essay fabulous? Flawless? Fearless?

How to Write a Scholarship Essay (Continued)

If your essay is fabulous , it glitters with personality. It is detailed, unique, and does its best to highlight your impressive journey. If your essay lacks a little fab, ask yourself, how can I make this essay more enjoyable and memorable to read? If your essay is flawless , it lacks all spelling, syntactic and grammatical errors. It answers every aspect of the essay prompt, and leaves no room for vagueness or misunderstandings. To avoid flaws, give your essay to several people to proofread. Finally, if your essay is fearless , it is not afraid to get a little vulnerable. This may sound contradictory to the first F. On the contrary, this fearlessness refers to the confidence to tell your own story. A fearless story isn’t afraid to go deep, add complexity, or get emotional. It is unafraid to show why its author deserves a financial boost.

Scholarship Essay Example

Now that we’ve established how to approach the scholarship essay, let’s dive into a scholarship essay example. The scholarship essay below stems from a prompt we saw above: Describe a change you would like to make in the world. Tell us about how you would plan to make that change, and what obstacles you might encounter along the way (500 words).

My generation is growing up in a time of increased global turmoil. We’ve witnessed Brexit, the Russian interference in the 2016 U.S. elections, a series of refugee crises, and the invasion of Ukraine. It’s easy to liken this moment to Europe in the 1930s, which saw a spike in fascism and propaganda (their version of fake news). Only now, my generation must also contend with the hottest summers on record, raging forest fires, and the beginning of the 6 th extinction. It’s no wonder we deal with it all through increased skepticism and existential dread.

While I don’t have a simple solution, I believe most problems stem from ignorance. Xenophobia and racism, offshoots of ignorance, can be overcome by exposing isolated groups of people to greater diversity. This begins in the classroom. While dictators are hard to dispose of, education provides critical thinking skills, which allow citizens to make informed decisions when electing officials. Finally, developing a willingness to learn at an early age creates an instinct to continue learning throughout life. We desperately need intellectual flexibility if we are going to adapt to the planet’s needs as a world population and put a stop to industry-led fossil fuel burning.

Scholarship Essay Example (Continued)

The change I’d like to make is free, enhanced education for everyone, at every level, from elementary school to post-doctorate research institutes. To do so, I suggest defunding national militaries and channeling this spending into schools. Imagine if 80% of the 877 billion dollars the U.S. military spends annually went into learning. Combating fascism and climate change would look more feasible. And yet, no leader would agree to making their country more vulnerable by relinquishing arms and armies. Change must come from the people.

As the planet continues to heats up, and conflict over land increases, we must work together. The first step towards increased education is communicating this need for education: through journalism, on social media, in the streets. Next, I suggest lobbying politicians for incremental change. Finally, I believe a global grassroots movement to implement future-focused education, led by activists, educators, and philanthropists, would make this theoretical idea a tangible reality.

Last year, my mother, who never received a college education, decided to offer free gardening courses in our backyard. I quickly joined in. While teaching a handful of neighbors how to provide year-round food for pollinators may seem trivial, I’ve already seen positive repercussions. One conservative neighbor has set up an organization that collects and redistributes leftover produce from the markets to refugees. Another neighbor is now teaching middle schoolers how to cook and compost. These efforts have brought unusual strangers together and given visibility to our movement, #futurefocusededucation. I’ve seen it firsthand. The more we educate, the sooner we can combine our knowledge to create solutions.

Scholarship Essay Example Dissected

This scholarship essay succeeds at answering all parts of the prompt. It includes the change the author wants to make, and inevitable obstacles she’d face at the governmental and international level. These obstacles may sound insurmountable. Yet the essay shows that individuals are not powerless to enact change when they work together towards a common goal. The author provides various thoughtful steps we might take in order to prioritize education and peaceful collaboration.

Finally, the author portrays herself as someone personally invested in the political, humanitarian, and environmental state of the world. She proves that she’s already begun to make the changes she wants to see at the microscopic level. Overall, readers of this scholarship essay can see that this student is invested in bettering the world. This student would make for a proactive participant in her academic environment.

What’s Next?

Now that you have some inkling of how to write a scholarship essay and have reviewed of our scholarship essay examples, you may want to delve into more aid-related articles on the College Transitions Dataverse. You can read up on Need-Based Financial Aid Grants , and learn about Selective Colleges with Generous Scholarships . Furthermore, you may want to create your own Scholarship Timeline , in order to stay on top of the various deadlines. Good luck!

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Kaylen Baker

With a BA in Literary Studies from Middlebury College, an MFA in Fiction from Columbia University, and a Master’s in Translation from Université Paris 8 Vincennes-Saint-Denis, Kaylen has been working with students on their writing for over five years. Previously, Kaylen taught a fiction course for high school students as part of Columbia Artists/Teachers, and served as an English Language Assistant for the French National Department of Education. Kaylen is an experienced writer/translator whose work has been featured in Los Angeles Review, Hybrid, San Francisco Bay Guardian, France Today, and Honolulu Weekly, among others.

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Tips for writing an effective college essay.

College admissions essays are an important part of your college application and gives you the chance to show colleges and universities your character and experiences. This guide will give you tips to write an effective college essay.

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Student Story: Admissions essay about personal identity

Get the perspective of a current college student on how she approached the admissions essay.

Student Story: Admissions essay about community impact

Student story: admissions essay about a past mistake, how to write a college application essay, tips for writing an effective application essay, sample college essay 1 with feedback, sample college essay 2 with feedback.

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December 11, 2023

Three Ways Writing About Obstacles Strengthens Your Application Essays

Applicants love to write about their accomplishments, whether in a personal statement for graduate school or in a b-school essay that asks about one’s greatest achievement, challenge, or the like. And they are not shy about sharing their accomplishments, such as driving innovations that led to revenue boosts for their firm, conducting original and meaningful research in their field of study, or leading a volunteer group on a community service initiative. 

As genuine and significant as these accomplishments are, many initial essay drafts are often missing a key element: obstacles . In this blog post, we explain why you shouldn’t shy away from discussing obstacles in your essays and how doing so intelligently can help your candidacy.

Here are three ways that discussing obstacles enhances your application:

1. Sharing how you overcame an obstacle shows the adcom that you can navigate bumps in the road in a positive, proactive way.

All of us frequently encounter obstacles: the traffic detour, an incompetent customer service representative, a disagreement with your partner, the approval you expected on a project unexpectedly turning into a “No.”  Every single person faces challenges, but people deal with them in wildly varying ways. Those who are more successful in life succeed because they understand that obstacles are to be expected. They learn how to navigate them with patience, creativity, and a problem-solving attitude, and by – to borrow a phrase – “keeping calm and carrying on.” But too often, when asked to discuss their accomplishments, applicants selectively and completely forget the things that got in their way  en route to their achievement. When they experience this kind of amnesia, they are shortchanging themselves. Triumphing over the hurdles they encountered might well have been just as difficult as executing all the anticipated elements of their plans – and therefore worth sharing.

2. Details about how you overcame obstacles create an appealing image of you as a candidate with a can-do personality.

Look at the following examples and see if you don’t agree. First we have the “stop-putting-me-to-sleep” example : As the leader of my product research group, I came up with a plan for a new widget that would save us 10% in costs. After I communicated my vision to the team, we worked hard for four weeks on a prototype, completing it by the deadline, to the delight of management. Today, my widget is still the standard for my company, saving us over $300K annually. Okay, this sounds like a solid accomplishment, but it’s hardly memorable.  How  did the candidate communicate her vision? What specific example does she offer of the hard work that was done over four weeks on the prototype? We have absolutely no idea.  Now let’s look at a “dazzle-is-in-the-details” example : As the leader of my product research group, I came up with a plan for a new widget that would save us 10% in costs. But when I explained my vision to the team, two senior engineers immediately argued against it, saying that there were key flaws in the design. After revisiting my design and realizing that they were correct, I revised my plan and was able to eliminate the flaws. We worked on a prototype for two weeks before discovering that the cost of the material we had planned to use for it had increased by more than 30% in recent months. I worked many late nights that week researching alternative materials, before finding one that was both appropriate and cost-effective. By the skin of our teeth, we met our four-week deadline and presented the prototype to management, but the VP of Manufacturing argued that we would need to purchase major new equipment to produce the widget. I convinced the team to work overtime on a manufacturing proposal that proved we could craft the product with existing equipment. Today, my widget is still the standard for my company, saving us over $300K annually. There’s no contest here, is there? The second example, loaded with specifics about what went wrong and what almost derailed the project, is mighty impressive. The details highlight the applicant’s creativity, thoroughness, tenacity, communication skills, and leadership potential. When spelled out this way, discussing an obstacle can make your essays shine with the drama of the story and can  associate you with lively elements and images . For example, in the second example, it’s easy to visualize the two dissenting engineers, the surprise of discovering the price hike for the materials, and the VP’s frown. In the first, there’s only the haziest impression of an employee smiling about a job well done.

3. Discussing obstacles makes you a more fully developed, more relatable applicant.

Can you see through these examples how including specific, key obstacles in your essays and explaining how you negotiated them  showcases your ability to overcome the unexpected ? This will assure the adcoms that you can capably execute a well-defined plan – even when you face unexpected bumps in the road. Moreover, it shows the school how you spring into action when the chips are down. This adds to a fuller understanding of who you are as an individual – and as an applicant the school would like to have in its next class.

For more details about what the adcom actually wants to know about the challenges you’ve overcome, watch this short video, in which Linda Abraham shares the answer to this often-asked question:

Are you still wondering how to address obstacles you’ve overcome in your application essays? Leave a comment on the video on YouTube, and we’ll gladly offer some tips. 

There’s no substitute for one-on-one guidance when addressing your obstacles and writing essays that make you shine. Working with an experienced admissions consultant, you can apply with the confidence that you have presented yourself at your best and maximized your chances of getting accepted.  Click here to learn more.

For 25 years, Accepted has helped applicants gain acceptance to top undergraduate and graduate programs. Our expert team of admissions consultants features former admissions directors, PhDs, and professional writers who have advised clients to acceptance at top programs worldwide, including Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Princeton, Penn, Columbia, Oxford, Cambridge, INSEAD, MIT, Caltech, UC Berkeley, and Northwestern. Want an admissions expert to help you get Accepted? Click here to get in touch!

Related Resources:

• Five Fatal Flaws to Avoid in Your Application Essays , a free guide
• Four Tips for Highlighting Your Strengths in Your Application Essays
• Resilience: How Flaws and Failures Can Strengthen Your Application

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, overcoming adversity college essay examples: need inspiration.

Hey guys, I'm currently working on my college essays and one of the prompts is about overcoming adversity. I'm having some trouble finding inspiration and figuring out how to best convey my experience. Has anyone written an essay on a similar topic that really resonated with them, and if so, would you mind sharing a general summary or some key points I could consider? Thanks in advance!

Hey there! I totally understand how difficult it can be to craft an essay about overcoming adversity, but I'm sure you'll be able to create an impactful essay once you find the right story. Here are a few general examples to get your creative juices flowing:

1. Health challenges: If you faced any significant health issues, such as a chronic illness or major surgery, you can discuss how you overcame these challenges and what you learned from the experience. For example, you could detail how you became more aware of the need to take advantage of every moment, because tomorrow is ever guaranteed.

2. Family circumstances: If you faced any significant family challenges, such as a parent losing a job, divorce, or perhaps needing to become a caregiver for a sick family member, you can discuss how these experiences impacted you and taught you valuable life lessons. You can also emphasize the growth you experienced as a result, whether it's learning to be resourceful, empathetic, or developing strong problem-solving skills.

3. Personal obstacles: If you've struggled with internal challenges, like having a learning disability, anxiety, or self-esteem issues, you can focus on how you confronted these issues, sought help, and ultimately grew stronger as a result. For example, if you have dyslexia, you can discuss the strategies you developed for overcoming difficulties in reading and writing while pursuing your academic goals, and how this process has made you more adaptable and tenacious.

4. Social or community difficulties: If you faced discrimination, bullying, or cultural barriers, you can discuss how you navigated these challenges to create positive change or find your voice. You could share a specific instance where you stood up for yourself or others, joined or created a support group, or participated in a project that aimed at reducing the issue.

Overall, whichever story you choose should allow you to focus on your personal growth, resilience, and how you've transformed as a person as a result of overcoming adversity. The main aim is to show the admissions officers how these experiences have shaped you into a more mature, self-aware, and compassionate individual.

Finally, consider checking out CollegeVine's blog post on this kind of essay for more detailed guidance: https://blog.collegevine.com/overcoming-challenges-essay. You can also utilize CollegeVine's peer essay review service, or submit your essay for a paid review by an expert college admissions advisor through CollegeVine's marketplace, if you're wondering how well your particular story is showcasing your strengths.

Best of luck with your essay writing, and I hope this guidance helps get you started on the right track!

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

One Expert's Advice to Help You Write a Strong Overcoming Adversity Essay

Leslie Tucker PhD, Jun 07, 2021

Learn how to pick the right adversity story and write an impressive overcoming adversity essay

Whether you’re working on college or scholarship applications, you’re bound to come across the overcoming adversity essay sooner or later. While every type of college application essay is unique, the overcoming adversity essay presents particular challenges for students.

What’s the best way to talk about the adversity in your life? What if you come off as too whiny? What if you don’t have any significant obstacles to write about? Will you be at a disadvantage?

Every year, my students ask me how to tackle this tricky part of their college applications. Luckily for you, I’ve developed a fool-proof approach for writing the overcoming adversity essay , and I’m eager to share it.

Keep reading to learn why the adversity essay is important, how to choose the best topic, and how to write an impactful overcoming adversity essay.

Why the overcoming adversity essay is important

When colleges ask you to write a personal hardship essay, what are they trying to learn? Many students think they’re trying to find and admit the applicants who have faced the most adversity. Not true! Trust me, the adversity essay is NOT a competition to see who has it worse.

The purpose of the overcoming adversity essay is to reveal how you respond to difficult situations. Think about it. College is hard—not everyone has what it takes to succeed. Colleges want to accept students who have the skills and resilience to persevere through the adversity they’re bound to face.

So when an admissions officer reads your adversity essay, they’re trying to answer these questions:

●      How do you manage stress?

●      How do you attempt to resolve adversity?

●      How do you reflect on the challenges you face?

●      How do you apply lessons to your life?

If you can successfully answer these questions, you’ll write a stand-out overcoming adversity essay.

Not sure how to recognize an overcoming adversity essay prompt? Here are a few examples.

The Common App

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

The University of Miami

Considering your ability to control your own motivation and behavior, how have past experiences helped build your courage and resilience to persist in the face of academic and life challenges so that, once these storms pass, you can emerge in continued pursuit of your goals?

The University of California

Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

How to select the best story for your overcoming adversity essay

Choosing what to write your overcoming adversity essay about can be a challenge. The hardest things you’ve faced in life might not actually be the best topics. So I always encourage students to brainstorm lots of ideas before committing to one.

Here’s what I suggest. Sit down with a family member or close friend. Write a list of all the adversity you’ve faced—big and small. From challenging school projects to your parents divorce to the death of a family member, add everything you can think of to your list.

Next, you’ll want to remember and record how you reacted to each of the obstacles on your list. What were you thinking? What actions did you take?

To choose your adversity essay story, you’ll actually focus on your reactions list. Search for the instances when you showed impressive grit, strength, resilience, and problem-solving skills. These are the best stories to use for your overcoming adversity essay.

Weak topics for your adversity essay

As you’re selecting which topic to write about, beware of choosing a story that falls into one of these categories.

●      Adversity you faced due to COVID or virtual learning—everyone dealt with these circumstances, so it’s not a unique topic and won’t help you stand out.

●      Obstacles you dealt with in elementary or middle school—it’s a bit too outdated. Find a more recent instance of your grit and resilience.

●      Interpersonal struggles you had with a teacher or coach—these essays can come off like you don’t get along well with adults, which isn’t the impression you want to give.

Strong topics for your adversity essay

Any story that shows your maturity and problem-solving skills is a good choice for your overcoming adversity essay. Even so, there are few topics that might be better options for you than others, depending on your circumstances.

●      Ongoing obstacles you’re still facing but you’re handling well—important if this obstacle will carry on into college.

●      Adversity that interfered with your academic achievement—important if you had a GPA dip you’d like to explain.

●      Something that will resonate with the school you’re applying to or the career you’re pursuing—important if adversity drove you to choose a specific type of school or major.

How to write an impressive overcoming adversity essay

Now we’ve arrived at my fool-proof overcoming adversity essay formula. Once you’ve chosen the right story that demonstrates your resilience, just apply this formula to create a memorable adversity essay.

This formula is simple. It’s all about crafting a narrative. Remember, you’re telling the story of when you faced an obstacle. So you want it to sound like a real story, not a school report.

Here is the five-step formula to writing the perfect overcoming adversity essay.

• Introduce the obstacle or adversity
• Describe your emotional response
• Discuss the actions you took to face the problem
• Share the outcome of the situation
• Reveal what you learned from the experience

See? It’s a piece of cake. Now let’s see how it looks applied to an adversity story.

• The adversity: My family moved across the country between my sophomore and junior year.
• Emotional response: I was devastated to lose my friends and scared to start over in a new place.
• Actions taken: I scheduled regular talks and virtual hang outs with my old friends to ensure we’d stay in touch. Then I pushed myself to join two clubs at the beginning of the school year.
• Outcome: I stayed connected with friends from home. And even though it was intimidating to make new friends, putting myself out there helped me quickly meet people who shared my interests. I felt less alone and adjusted to my new environment sooner than I expected.
• Lessons learned: I am stronger and more adaptable than I thought I was. I am capable of thriving in new places and creating a new community for myself wherever I go.

With extremely little effort, I made a strong outline for an adversity essay using this formula. You can do the same!

Dos and don’ts for your overcoming adversity essay

The formula will take you a long way in structuring your adversity essay, but here are a few additional tips and tricks to make sure your writing is outstanding.

●       Don’t try to garner sympathy or pity —be honest about what happened, but remember your purpose isn’t to make the reader feel bad for you.

●       Do maintain a positive and upbeat tone throughout your adversity essay.

●       Don’t spend too much time describing the problem —keep it brief and to the point.

●       Do focus the majority of the essay on how you responded to and resolved the obstacle.

●       Don’t forget to include the outcome and the lessons you learned —self reflection is impressive to application readers.

●       Do connect what you learned with your future in college or in your chosen career.

Remember, one of the great things about the overcoming adversity essay is that you’re telling a story. You’re not making an argument or delivering an informational report. Once you have your story and the structure in place, have fun with the rest!

Final thoughts about the overcoming adversity essay

I’ll never say writing a college application essay is easy. But hopefully I’ve convinced you that the overcoming adversity essay isn’t as intimidating as it seems. In fact, I hope you have an enjoyable time writing your adversity essay and celebrating your resilience. Be proud of yourself. You are amazing!

I want to hear from you! What are your thoughts and concerns about the overcoming adversity essay? Drop a comment below, and I’ll be happy to address them.

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6 Awesome Scholarship Essays That Worked

When it comes to paying for college, scholarships are the best form of financial aid, since they offer students free money that never needs to be repaid. But let’s face it: completing scholarship applications, especially the essays, can feel overwhelming. The scholarship essay is arguably the most important part of the application and should be well-thought-out. In this article, we’ll walk  through five scholarship essay examples and explain why they worked, so that you can write your own winning scholarship essays .

Here are 6 winning scholarship essay examples that worked:

Why this scholarship essay example worked:, how could this essay have been better , want more resources on writing your scholarship essay, get started with your scholarship essay.

The essay is your chance to let your personality and life experiences shine through, giving you the opportunity to stand out from other applicants.

The best way to get an idea of what scholarship committees are looking for is to look over scholarship essay examples from past winners. Take some time to analyze the writing style, think about the strong points, and consider how you can improve. Below, we’ll show you just how you might dissect a scholarship essay.

1. Going Merry Scholarship Success Story by Gabby DeMott

What’s a winning scholarship essay look like? Check out this Going Merry success story with Gabby DeMott.

ESSAY PROMPT: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

“There were only a few minutes to go and our eyes were glued to the screen. On the edge of our seats, clutching whoever happened to be next to us, we watched as the referee blew his whistle and the German players took their free kick. The ball was hit with precision and skill; it flew up over the Swedish players, past their goalie, and was caught safely in the back of the opposing team’s net. We all jumped up and screamed, a mixture of German and English, of excitement and relief, of pride and anticipation.

We stood, enraptured, for the last several minutes of the game as Germany kept its 2-1 lead over Sweden. The horde of us, Germans and Americans alike, hugged and cheered and made our way out onto the balcony, where we chanted “Deutschland! Deutschland! Deutschland!” for the whole village, the whole country, the whole world to hear. Never have I felt so accepted while being an outsider, so proud of a country that isn’t even mine, so part of something I didn’t really belong to.

My German friends didn’t care that we were from different countries; they didn’t care that we would only be staying for three weeks. They accepted us into their homes and their daily lives, their traditions and their celebrations. In watching that World Cup game, it didn’t matter that we were from different places; we were all cheering for the same team. The acceptance I felt in Germany extended beyond that living room. I came to the country on a three week exchange with ten other students from my school.

We each stayed with host families and attended the Wildermuth Gymnasium, which was surprisingly accommodating to a gaggle of loud American teenagers. The teachers were friendly and welcoming, the students treated us like ordinary peers, and even the people I interacted with in public were understanding.

Before coming to Germany I feared judgment based on my level of the language (which is nowhere near as good as the German students’ English) and American politics. It was intimidating to be in a country with limited knowledge of the language and the customs, even though everyone was welcoming. People did ask myself and the other students about the US’s political climate, but no one blamed us for it. They recognized that we were outsiders, that the place we came from had flaws, and they accepted us anyway.

Since that trip, I’ve found myself trying to provide that acceptance to people in my own country. For example, I work at a canoe livery and we receive a lot of visitors with limited English. Some of my coworkers will avoid such customers because they don’t want to take the time to explain things, to exercise patience with someone who may not understand them. If people had done this to me in Germany, my time there would have been much less enjoyable; in fact, I would have been offended.

So now when someone walks up to me at the livery and asks a question in English that isn’t perfect, I smile and welcome them. I take my time to make sure they understand, that they can have a good time, and that they feel accepted. It’s a small action, but I know firsthand that it can make a big impact, at my place of work and in the world. “

• It shares a personal story of realization. Gabby’s essay throws us right in the middle of the action in her story, from her perspective. She paints a clear picture of where she is, how she feels, and what her goals were in that moment. She then goes on to explain the unity of the German and American students to introduce other people in the essay. LESSON TO TAKE : When including additional people in an essay, introduce them early on so you can continue telling your story in an organic way.
• She reflects on her previous fears and explains how she’s moved past those to grow. In the fifth paragraph, Gabby shares how she feared judgment due to her level of the German language and American politics. As Gabby became more familiar with the host families and her German friends, she realizes they accepted her, and she relaxes. LESSON TO TAKE: Sharing a story in sequential order can help illustrate personal growth and how your character changed for the better.
• She answers the prompt and demonstrates how she’ll put her newfound knowledge in action. Once Gabby realized her German friends and host family accepted her, regardless of her fears, that sparked a realization for her when she returned home to America. Gabby concludes her essay by explaining how she’s providing that same acceptance she received in another country to acquaintances and people in her country, to be patient, help them enjoy themselves, and to welcome them.  LESSON TO TAKE : Consider concluding your essay with a wrap-up of what you learned, and how you plan to apply that lesson in your life.

2. Who is a “Good” Doctor? by Joseph Lee

Below is a winning essay from Joseph Lee, Rush Medical College for the Giva Scholarship.

ESSAY PROMPT: Who is (or what makes) a good doctor?

“Had you asked me the same question one year ago, my answer would have been vastly different to the one I will give today. In the summer of 2012, with my first year of medical school completed, I embarked upon my last official summer vacation with two things in mind: a basketball tournament in Dallas and one in Atlanta. My closest friends and I had been playing in tournaments for the past 10 summers, and it was a sacred bond forged together in the name of competition. However, two weeks before our first tournament, I became instantly and overwhelmingly short of breath. Having been born to Korean immigrant parents, I was raised to utilize the hospital in emergency cases only, and I knew this was such a case. A few scans later, doctors discovered numerous pulmonary emboli (PE), caused by a subclavian deep vein thrombosis (DVT), and just like that, I was lying in a bed of a major hospital for a life threatening condition.

Fast forward a few months, and I am lying in a similar bed to treat the underlying cause of the subclavian DVT: a first rib removal. There is little that can adequately prepare someone physically, emotionally or spiritually to undergo surgery; and my thoughts continued to race in the days following. In addition to the expected physical pain, isolation, fear and frustration were a few of the emotions I experienced in the four day ordeal. The procedure went according to plan thanks to a skilled surgeon and his team, but the attributes that made the doctor “good” went far beyond his ability to operate.

“Wow. I’m glad you are feeling better” and “I can’t believe you went through that” are common reactions people have when they see the scars on my upper chest. Quite frankly, the past nine months have been difficult, literally full of blood, sweat and tears. But through it all, I have been able to maintain my positivity and gratitude knowing that I have gained the invaluable experience of being a patient and discovering the vulnerability and trust that patients give their doctors. Patients indulge information to doctors that they may have never told anyone in their life and in doing so, place a great deal of trust and responsibility in the hands of a doctor. Many patients will not understand the mechanism of disease behind their condition and anticipate that the doctor will explain to them and their family why it is that they are feeling the way they are and ultimately heal them. And that is precisely what my surgeon understood: the privilege of being able to care for patients and the intimacy of the doctor-patient relationship. And as I awoke to the care of my worried parents, the first thing they wanted to discuss was the details of the procedure that was methodically and patiently explained to them by my “good” doctor.

In study after study, patients have reported dissatisfaction with their medical care, not because of lack of knowledge or health outcome, but because their doctors did not show enough warmth in the encounter or listen to the patient’s questions and concerns. There are few times where a patient and their loved ones are more vulnerable and in need of compassion than when dealing with a hospitalization. And for some doctors, a patient may be another item on a checklist, but that patient is someone’s mother or father, son or daughter, sister or brother. My “good” doctor understood this and would often say “If you were my son…” when discussing treatment options, reflecting on the type of care he would want for his family and treating me similarly. Such ideals are rooted in love and compassion for patients, not as clients in the health care system, but as fellow human beings striving to make something of themselves and the world around them (I).

Unfortunately, the ordeal of living with a chronic illness or undergoing a major operation extends beyond the confines of the hospital. Whether it is creditors harassing patients for medical bills, prescriptions that need to be refilled, or lifestyle modifications that need to be made, the health care experience doesn’t end when a patient walks out of the hospital doors. It often takes merely a minute, as in the case of the “good” doctor who told me that as a student I could apply to get the procedure financially covered by the hospital. Such foresight in anticipating financial concerns and directing me on the next steps to be taken provided relief in the surmounting stress.

Lastly, the “good” doctor understands that as our patients are human, so are we. This means we will make mistakes, some of which can result in life-threatening consequences. With that said, the “good” doctor practices humility and honesty, apologizing and sharing as much information with patients as possible. Although no one strives to make mistakes, they will happen, and how one reacts to them is a distinguishing feature of the “good” doctor (II).

Of all the qualities I tried to explain in what makes a “good” doctor, there was no emphasis on skill and knowledge. And while being able to fulfill the duties of making the correct diagnosis and appropriate treatment plans is expected, the intangibles of love, compassion, foresight and honesty is what makes a doctor, “good”. I learned such lessons in the purest manner possible, by being a patient myself, and will use them to guide me in all future patient encounters, as I strive to be a “good” doctor.”

• It tells a captivating story. This essay immediately pulls the reader in, immersing the audience right in the story. . We want to know how Joseph’s definition of a good doctor changed and why it did so. Hooking your reader from the first sentence of your essay or even the first paragraph is a surefire way to keep your reader engaged in the story you’re telling. The story itself is also told really well, with good pacing and just enough detail to elicit empathy without causing boredom. (He could have easily given too much scientific/medical detail!)  LESSON TO TAKE : When telling an anecdote, consider how much detail is the right amount, to make it engaging.
• It’s a list, without you realizing it’s a list. After the first 2 paragraphs (which are mostly story-telling), the rest of the essay is effectively a list of ways that doctors are “good”: they recognize the intimacy and trust involved in the doctor-patient relationship (paragraphs 3-4), they anticipate future sources of patient stress (paragraph 5), and they exercise humility (paragraph 6). Joseph could have easily structured the essay simply by saying “There are 3 main things that make a doctor good” and then explaining each idea. However, that would have been much more boring! Instead, he expertly hides the list format, by couching it in an engaging story. LESSON TO TAKE: Not all list-type essays need to feel like lists.
• It’s personal and believable. Joseph takes a negative personal experience, shows what he learned from it and how it caused him to grow as a person. Sometimes essays about singular, defining moments or experiences can seem blown out of proportion and thus not credible. This one feels right: a big ordeal in his life that has therefore shifted his perspective.  LESSON TO TAKE : Consider which personal stories to tell, and make sure the “size” of the story feels right.

3. Life Happens Scholarship by Emily Trader

Here is an example of a moving scholarship essay on the topic of family loss by Emily Trader for the Life Happens award.

ESSAY PROMPT: How has the death of a parent or guardian impacted your life financially and emotionally? Be sure to describe how the loss of your parent/guardian impacted your college plans, and explain how the lack of adequate (or any) life insurance coverage has impacted your family’s financial situation.

“When I was seventeen years old, my father lost his battle with kidney failure and cardiovascular disease. As long as I shall live, I do not believe that I will ever forget the first moment I saw my father’s once vibrant face in that cold and unforgiving casket. I won’t forget his lifeless and defeated hands, or how his pale lips would never utter another joke or speak to his grandchildren. Even though the day of his funeral was undoubtedly the worst day of my life, I wish I could relive it just to be with him one more time. Since that moment, I have felt as if all of my grief and longing resides underneath my skin with nothing to relieve the pressure. On September 8th, 2016, I lost my voice of reason, my confidant, my cheerleader, and my best friend.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had lost so much more. Upon my father’s passing, he left us with funeral and medical expenses that his insurance would not cover. Because he did not have any form of life insurance, the financial burden of his death was now the responsibility of my mother and me. Even though my mother works night shifts as a neonatal nurse and her commute is nearly two hours, she was forced to pick up extra shifts to support my family. Though I already had a job and I worked about ten hours a week, I now work anywhere from twenty-five to thirty-five hours a week, and I am also a full-time high honor student. Even though the death of my father forced me to realize the importance of cherishing time with my family, I do not see them very often because of our busy schedules. I also sacrificed my social life and the joy that every senior in high school should experience. Instead of football games and homecoming, I had to deal with mourning and the possibility that I would not attend college because of my family’s financial troubles.

If my father had a life insurance policy, we would not have to work ourselves to the bone and sacrifice our physical and emotional well-being to keep up with expenses. I would not have to worry so intensely about the future of my education on top of the crippling grief that I have felt over the last five months. If this devastating experience has taught me anything, it is this: financial planning for these situations is absolutely invaluable. I will not soon forget the stress and despair that I have experienced, and I now realize that to have a life insurance policy is to throw your surviving family members a crucial lifeline. Though no one can ever prepare you for the trauma of losing a parent, life insurance allows you to grieve without the constant stress of financial burden, and for that reason, it is an absolutely essential precaution.

I love and miss you so much, Dad. Thank God I will see you again.”

• She answers the prompt . It would be easy to write an essay that just spoke to her grief, or to what her father was like and how much he meant to her. But the essay prompt asks applicants to reflect on how the loss has affected the student emotionally and financially. Emily does a great job of this, by connecting the financial parts (she and her mother needing to pick up extra hours of work), with the emotional (due to the work schedule, the family not being able to spend as much time together). She also addresses how this might affect her college plans. LESSON TO TAKE : 
• She provides (beautiful) detail. The first paragraph immediately pulls the reader in because of the detailed description she provides (“ his lifeless and defeated hands”, “pale lips” ). Similarly, the specificity of how her family is shouldering the financial burden (e.g. her working 25-to-35-hour weeks) make it feel more real rather than generic.  LESSON TO TAKE : Use details and descriptions to make something feel more emotional and tangible.
• She knows her audience . This scholarship is funded by Life Happens, an organization formed by seven leading insurance providers, in order to educate the public about important insurance planning topics. Clearly Emily researched the provider and understood that an essay that spoke to the importance of insurance planning would be well-received by the essay readers. LESSON TO TAKE : Research the scholarship provider and adjust your content to fit the organization’s or company’s mission statement (or business model).

4. Going Merry Scholarship Success Story by Jesus Adrian Arroyo-Ramirez

Jesús Adrian Arroyo-Ramirez wrote a winning scholarship essay (and video!) that he submitted on Going Merry . He earned an outstanding $40,000 through the Golden Door Scholarship.

ESSAY PROMPT: What differentiates you from the hundreds of DACA students who apply to our scholarship? Use one of those opportunities to tell us something else we cannot see just by looking at your grades, test scores, and transcripts.

“I always knew I was different than my friends in some way. Growing up, I struggled to speak English while everyone else had little to no problems. I needed extra help in school while my friends coasted by with ease. My friends would hop on planes and travel all around the world while I had to stay at home. At the age of 13 all of my friends started driving while I still couldn’t.

I built up the courage and asked my mother why I did not have access to the simple liberties everyone else did. My name Is Jesus Adrian Arroyo-Ramirez, and I was illegally brought to this country when I was just six years old. At the time I had no clue that I was breaking any laws, and I did not realize the fact that my life was going to change forever. Growing up with a different citizenship situation than my peers was and still is the biggest challenge I have to face in my life.

Looking back there is not a single thing that I would change. Knowing that I had to work harder than everyone else lead me to be the person that I am today. I took that fire inside of me, pushed myself, graduated first in my class with a cumulative 4.0 GPA, became a Kansas Scholar, and graduated High School with a semester’s worth of college credit. In November of 2016, everything began to look up for me. I received a work permit and a social security card all thanks to the DACA program. I was finally able to get my license, get a job, and most importantly attend college.

I plan to continue my success in the classroom and do everything to the best of my ability as I know that under my current circumstances it can all be ripped away from me at any moment. Growing up with my situation has taught me to not take advantage of a single opportunity. There has been continued support around me past and current and I know there are people out there rooting for my success. I will strive to be the first generation in my family to graduate from an American University and I will set a stepping stone for my future family so they will not have to struggle as I did. My citizenship is not a setback, it is a mere obstacle that I will always learn to work around if it means giving my future children a better life, just like my mother did for me.”

• He shares how hardships made him who he is today. Right off the bat, Jesus sets the tone for his essay by sharing how he struggled to speak English and that he was not given the same opportunities as his peers. He shares his mother’s explanation on why he lived a different life, along with his honesty in the challenges of growing up with a different citizenship situation than the teens around him. LESSON TO TAKE : Share personal details (as you feel comfortable), and consider including a defining memory or conversation hat contributes to your story. This can help paint a picture of your beginnings or your inspirations.
• He includes emotional details. Although Jesus grew up with hardships, he persevered and mentions he wouldn’t change anything. It may have taken a little longer than his peers to get his license, but he also excelled in school, pushed himself to graduate first in class, and take college courses on top of all that. LESSON TO TAKE : Tell your story with details, feelings, thoughts and emotions to explain where you came from and where you are now.
• He plans for the future . Jesus shared his personal story with us, and then explains how he plans to continue his success without letting anything get in the way of his path. He goes on to say his citizenship is not a setback, and that he works to provide a better life for himself and for his future children. LESSON TO TAKE : Include your plan at the end of the essay. Consider how you’ve grown and how you will bring these lessons learned with you to help your future.

5. Why College Is Important to Me by Nicole Kuznetsov

Here’s an example of a simple yet creative and heartfelt essay on the popular prompt, Why is college important to you?

ESSAY PROMPT: Why do you want to go to college? Why is it important to you?

“As a child, my life had structure. Coloring books had lines, letters took on very specific shapes, and a system of rules governed everything from board games to the classroom. I found comfort in the fact that my future had an easy-to-follow template: elementary, middle, and high school, college, job, family retirement, “happily ever after” ending. When I graduated from elementary school I was told I completed 25% of my education. During my middle school graduation, I was told I was halfway there and I know I’ll be told I’m 75% done when I throw my cap in the air this June. College was always factored into the percentage and the overall formula for life. And I never questioned its importance. I always figured it is important because it is necessary.

Going to college makes sense. From helping my parents land stable jobs after coming to America to giving my brother the chance to gain work experience at some of the top financial firms, college educations have shown their worth in my family. Yet I didn’t think about what actually goes on inside the magical universities until I entered high school. Applying to the Academy for Math, Science, and Engineering was the first time I had actively made a decision in my education. With the encouragement of my parents and favorite science teacher who recognized that I would excel in the challenging environment of like-minded students, I applied. Four years later, I can confidently say they were right.

My class of twenty-six has shown me the benefits of a collaborative rather than a competitive environment, especially the impact that camaraderie with my peers has on our collective learning experience. Each student has an inspiring level of passion and motivation that made me excited to learn, work on projects, and participate in discussions both in and out of the classroom. I used my education to gain skills and open doors for myself such as an internship at my local hospital. I gained confidence in my abilities to communicate with individuals from strangers my age to practicing professionals. I was thinking longer and harder than I ever had before to solve individual problems and large-scale challenges. In all honesty, I was having fun.

Looking back on my years at the Academy I realize how big of an impact the school made on how I view education. I wasn’t coming to school to mark another day off my calendar and inch closer to finishing the next 25%. I came to school to learn and question and push myself. Now, as a senior, I’m excited. I’m thankful for the sample that my high school gave me of what learning is supposed to be like and thankful that it left me wanting more. I’m entering college in August with a new understanding of its importance. It is important because it is what I want for my future.”

• It finds structure through chronology . This essay is basically structured like a chronological timeline: As a child, I believed this. Then I applied to this high school (my first active academic decision). Then the high school changed me. Now I’m a senior and I believe this. Not all stories are best told in time order, but the simplest stories often are. And simple stories provide structure, which scholarship committees love. LESSON TO TAKE: Consider structuring your essay like a timeline, emphasizing the milestones along the way that have led you to where you are today. 
• It is simply told . While the essay is descriptive, it doesn’t try to get fancy with overly flowery language or unnecessarily long SAT words. And that’s the strength of it. For instance, this passage [“ College was always factored into the percentage and the overall formula for life. And I never questioned its importance. I always figured it is important because it is necessary” ] explains her child’s logic in a really clear and well-written way. 
• It’s got (mostly) great topic sentences . We here at Going Merry love a good topic sentence– that is, a sentence at the beginning (or end) of a paragraph that summarizes the rest of the paragraph. It helps “signpost” the most important parts of your essay. Here, three of the four paragraphs (1, 2, and 4) have strong and concise topic sentences. “As a child, my life had structure” sets up the rest of the paragraph to explain what these structures and unquestioned rules were. “Going to college makes sense” sets up why college made sense to her parents. 

6. Financial Literacy for Hispanic Women by Rosaisha Ozoria

The inaugural Founder’s Scholarship supported by the New York Women’s Bond Club in honor of Michaela Walsh goes to two New York City public high school students who won an essay competition writing about their hopes for the future of women and girls worldwide . Winners of this scholarship won a trip to accompany Women’s World Banking to Amman, Jordan for their biennial gathering of WWB network members.

PROMPT: Write about your hopes for the future of women and girls worldwide.

WINNING ESSAY:

“Twice a week I head down to volunteer at the Los Sures Social Services office, situated next to the local senior citizen home, to help at the food pantry. We distribute food to people in my neighborhood. Many are familiar faces. Many are middle-aged Hispanic women with children dangling from their hips like grass skirts. These women are there as a result of their culture and lack of financial knowledge. In our Spanish culture, patriarchy prevents women from preparing for themselves as much as they should. This leads to Hispanic women having little or no money management skills. Financial illiteracy is a major issue in my neighborhood, and that is why I hope to give Hispanic women a chance for a better future through financial education.

While I was volunteering I met a woman who happened to live in the same building as my aunt. Unemployed with two young children, and a husband earning minimum wage at a fast food restaurant, she struggled to get by every day. I thought to myself – many in my community are just like her. Then I realized I could do something to help. How? I can start a financial literacy program, which teaches Hispanic women to earn and manage money. Once a woman becomes financially literate, she is capable of making good personal and professional decisions, empowering her to improve her family’s financial well-being. Moreover, such a program will help Hispanic women become competitive employees, even in a slow recovering economy such as the one we are experiencing now.

Participating in the 2013 Women’s World Banking Global Meeting in Amman, Jordan gives me access to invaluable resources that will help me achieve this goal. I hope to find mentors from a roomful of inspiring, experienced leaders who will offer me their guidance. Also, meeting accomplished women from other countries means access to new ideas and unique perspectives. And if I am lucky, I may even come across individuals who can provide financial support to jumpstart my financial literacy program for Hispanic women. Lastly, I will tell my idea to everyone I meet in Jordan, a baby step to help Hispanic women rise from poverty.

The world continues to change rapidly, especially with globalization. It is about time that Hispanic women strive for gender equality. Thus, it is essential that Hispanic women increase their roles and knowledge in finance. The women in my neighborhood shall no longer be left out. I will task myself to help these women become better, stronger and most importantly, take control of their lives. I want to be involved so that they can save themselves from any unforeseen financial crisis. This is a tremendous goal, but for me, it is an opportunity to make a difference – in my neighborhood and for my Spanish community.”

• There is clear structure . Right off the bat, the introduction summarizes what the reader can expect to find in the body of the essay. In particular, the closing line of the first paragraph (“ Financial illiteracy is a major issue in my neighborhood, and that is why I hope to give Hispanic women a chance for a better future through financial education”) works as an effective topic sentence, tying together the anecdote and the reason she’s interested in networking with the scholarship provider, Women’s World Banking. The last 2 paragraphs also serve clear, independent purposes: the penultimate one establishes what she would do with the scholarship (the trip to Amman), and the final paragraph explains why her particular interest is important for the larger Hispanic community. LESSON TO TAKE: Clear structure helps the reader follow your point better (especially if they’re skimming, which scholarship essay readers almost definitely are!) So include a summarizing topic sentence at the beginning or end of your first paragraph, and make sure each subsequent paragraph serves a purpose that moves forward your argument or story. 
• The author’s passion shines. Rosaisha, the scholarship winner, is clearly passionate about serving her Hispanic community of women.  And rather than simply saying that, she shows us how she cares by using personal examples from her volunteer work. LESSON TO TAKE : Show, don’t tell. Use specific personal examples, and don’t be afraid to show your emotions.
• She stays positive.   Even though Rosaisha discusses what might be considered a  difficult and personal topic, she keeps the tone light and inspirational. She expresses hope and her desire to make a change in the world, answering the essay in a positive tone.  It’s important to make sure your essay is not too depressing to read. (Essays about personal trauma are a bad idea.) This is a scholarship provider, not a therapist! 

While this was a winning essay, we note that it did have two points of weakness: 

• The second paragraph lacks a bit of structure. Her point ends up feeling a bit generic, and it’s unclear what she is thinking versus planning or actually doing . For instance, she realized she could start a financial literacy program. Did she then do so? It’s unclear. 
• The last paragraph is again a bit general. Often scholarship committees want to see what concrete steps will be taken, using the scholarship award. Here she speaks in lofty terms about what goals she hopes to accomplish, without explaining ways she might accomplish this goal. 

For more information on writing a killer scholarship essay, check out our list of helpful tips .

Also check out these related blog posts: 

• 6 tips for writing scholarship essays about academic goals
• How to write the best personal statement, with examples
• How to write an awesome essay about your career goals

You can start writing your winning scholarship essay today and submit it to thousands of scholarship applications, all in one place. Sign up for Going Merry today to put your pro scholarship essay writing skills to practice. Going Merry is your one-stop scholarship shop to search and apply for scholarships to get you on the right foot for funding your future.

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Private Prep

Test Prep, Tutoring, College Admissions

4 Overdone College Essay Topics

How to avoid writing a cliched personal statement.

If you’re in the process of writing your college essays, you’ve probably heard one platitude over and over again: a good college essay should help you stand out. We understand that it’s intimidating to think about seeming unique amidst thousands of other applicants — until you remember that you actually ARE completely unique, even amidst thousands of other applicants. You don’t need to worry about puffing yourself up to seem special — when writing your essay, you can simply tap into the natural uniqueness that already exists within you.

All that being said — there are a handful of cliched college essay topics that admissions officers read over and over and over again. If you’re considering one of the following overdone essay topics, know that you may struggle to distinguish yourself from the many other students who have also chosen the same topic, and you may have trouble writing about that topic in a way that feels refreshing or “new” to an admissions officer who has been reading similar essays for many years.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that these topics are forbidden! All we ask is that, if you’re feeling especially jazzed about one of these topics, spend some time endeavoring to find an unusual or unexpected angle on that (possibly predictable) idea.

1. The sports essay

You’ve come up with the perfect essay topic: that basketball game that changed your life. Your team had been struggling all season, but you came together and clinched the championship! Or: you were a top runner on the cross country team, until an injury benched you, and you had to adapt. Or: you were consistently the slowest swimmer on the team, but you learned that you still love swimming even if you’re not the next Michael Phelps.

It seems like a natural topic to choose! Sports and sports injuries can evoke a lot of emotion — disappointment, jubilation, and pain, to name a few. Recovering from a sports injury, leading your athletic team to victory, or coping with a crippling defeat can demonstrate determination, perseverance, grit, bravery, and many other admirable qualities.

Unfortunately, many other students have the same idea. Sports — and especially sports injuries — are hugely popular topics for college essays. Students often feel compelled to discuss a single moment or event that changed their lives in these essays, and because so many high schoolers participate in athletics, quite a few have had similar experiences that fit this bill. On top of that, these essays often follow the same well-trod themes related to overcoming adversity.

2. The community service essay

Here’s an essay excerpt that’s sure to make an admissions officer reach for the triple shot latte to stay awake:

“I spent [a summer vacation/a weekend/three hours] volunteering with the poor in [Honduras/ Haiti/ Louisiana] and realized that [I am privileged/I enjoy helping others/people there are happy with so little].”

It is awesome that you volunteered at an elderly care facility or went to Costa Rica and helped build a school for underprivileged kids—and colleges love seeing evidence of real compassion—but when an admissions officer picks up your community service essay, it could be the one hundredth community service essay they’ve read that day. Additionally, some ideas (like the Costa Rica school one) risk making you seem uncritically privileged — as if Mommy and Daddy financed your trip specifically to build your college resume.

3. The summer camp essay

There is a reason this essay topic has become a cliché – for many students, summer programs represent the first exposure to life outside of their bubble. Similarly, camp can legitimately help kids grow and mature, develop a sense of community, and foster leadership skills – duh, that’s part of why parents send their kids to summer camp! The problem is that, because these kinds of experiences tend to be so broadly shared by so many high schoolers, and because these narratives tend to follow such common themes (I found my people! I went from camper to counselor! I learned how to be a leader! I found a home away from home!), writing an essay along these lines can make it extremely difficult for an admissions officer to get a sense of who you are in specificity.

4. The hardship essay

Many students (and parents) tend to be under the impression that it’s important to write about “overcoming obstacles” or about the worst, most traumatic thing that has ever happened to them — and maybe that’s why so many of these essays are submitted each year! Not only are these kinds of essays overdone, they are also tricky for a couple of other reasons. If you’re interested in writing about an experience that you consider a hardship, ask yourself two questions:

First, how might that hardship be considered in the greater applicant pool? For example, if you failed a Bio quiz and needed to dedicate extra hours to catching up for the next few months, that might have been legitimately devastating to you at the time. However, there will likely be students in the applicant pool who have dealt with chronic illness, domestic violence, homelessness, etc. Ask yourself how you might feel if your hardship essay was read back-to-back with an essay about homelessness or some other hardship of similar severity.

Second, are you really ready to write about the experience? Some of our students have experienced significant hardships and/or trauma, coming in the form of abuse, rejection due to sexual orientation or gender identity, disordered eating, self-harm, etc. If you’re interested in focusing your essay on one of these topics, try to assess whether you will be able to write clearly and self-reflectively about it — the last thing we want would be for you to get penalized for your vulnerability by writing about trauma in a way that makes an admissions officer doubt that you are emotionally ready for college. As a rule of thumb, you may want to write about scars, but you should never write about open wounds.

Now you know a bit more about some of the pitfalls and risks that come with certain college essay topics. It’s time to sit down and start drafting! Check out our full College Essay Hub for tons of resources and guidance on writing your college essay. Need more personalized guidance on brainstorming or crafting your personal statemen t? Contact our college admissions team.

Caroline Hertz

• Campus Culture
• High School
• Top Schools

How 5 First Generation Students Transformed Hardship Into Opportunity

• college student
• first generation
• college application essays
• essay intros
• essay topic

Writing a compelling personal statement is hard. These 5 first-generation applicants tapped into deeply personal experiences and allowed their authentic voices to shine. It’s no wonder they were accepted to  UPenn , Wesleyan , Harvard , UCLA and UCF . 

Harvard ‘18

I live in a single-parent home, with my mother and little sister. My father died when was I as two years old, and it has been a struggle. I have never had a true, male role model in my life. It has been hard growing up without truly knowing how to be a man. Despite that, my mother and grandmother have been there to raise me. My mother tells me that she is my mother and father; that is true to some degree. At the end of the day, there is still a hole that has not been filled. I do not let the hole hold me back from pursuing and accomplishing my goals. My grandmother tells me that I may not have an earthly father, but I definitely have a heavenly father. That is reassuring, because I know that there is always someone watching me and I believe that my heavenly father teaches me how to be a man. Read on . 

“I feel good! Oh, I feel so good!” I shouted out at the top of my lungs as a member that I serve asked about my well-being. I always felt awkward responding in this particular manner, but it is all in good spirit of promoting positivity and altruism within our daily schedule. Occasionally, my neighboring peers would get embarrassed by me and would keep their distance, but I stand my ground, completing the chant to its entirety and finishing it off with a scream. Keep reading . 

Many of the language challenges my parents face in America on a daily basis are easily solved if I am around to interpret, which was why I never really considered their language barrier as a hardship. Unlike my parents, when I lived in China, I did not always have interpreters by my side to assist me when my Mandarin failed me, which caused many unfortunate misunderstandings. My six weeks in China, although minuscule compared to the time my parents have spent in America, helped me appreciate my family’s cultural background and my parents for all they have done to raise my sister and me in a foreign country. View full profile . 

I was only nine months old when my parents decided to uproot their lives and travel overseas from Nicaragua to Florida, in hopes of anticipating everything the Land of Opportunity had to offer a pair of newlyweds and their infant son. Having been raised in a small home where I watched my parents come home from working their minimum wage jobs, I was taught firsthand the value of perseverance and the significance of dedication. Continue reading . 

Wesleyan ‘19

The harsh scent of Windex filled my nose while I whipped the damp paper towel across the arched windows. My mom called out, “Camilla, why aren’t you finished with the windows. We still have lots of work before we can leave for the day.” Hesitantly, I picked up more paper towels to cover with gallons of Windex and quickly finished the rest of the windows until they were crystal clear. My mother, beside me, was sweeping up a combination of dust, dirt and a few bugs here and there, weeks worth of grime buildup. When I finally finished the windows I urged my mother to agree that that the house was clean enough to leave; however apparently it wasn’t clean enough to earn my mother’s approval. So we kept wiping, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming and sweating. Once the sun began to set, around 7 o’clock, my mother decided she was done for the day. However, my day would not stop until sometime past midnight; I still had biology homework to finish. Read more . 

Choosing where to go to college is an incredibly important decision. Make an informed choice by talking to current students on our  mentorship platform . Access 60,000+ successful  college application files  uploaded by college students (they get paid when you view them). AdmitSee is a community of students helping students. Our goal is to bring much-needed transparency to higher education. 

About The Author

Frances was born in Hong Kong and received her bachelor’s degree from Georgetown University. She loves super sad drama television, cooking, and reading. Her favorite person on Earth isn’t actually a member of the AdmitSee team - it’s her dog Cooper.

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• 1. Webinar Series: College Application Prep for High School Juniors
• 2. College Application Lessons from 2020-2021: Strategizing through Covid Changes (Part 2)
• 3. College Admissions Lessons from 2020-2021: Strategizing through Covid Changes (Part 1)

• 5. COVID-19 and Your College Essay: Should You Write About It?
• 6. College Search: How to Find Your Best College Fit
• 7. College Tours 101: Everything You Need to Know
• 8. Waitlisted? 5 Ways to Move from the College Waitlist to Acceptance
• 9. When (and why) should you send additional materials to colleges you’re interested in?
• 10. How to Make Your College Essay Stand Out
• 1. How to Write College Essays to Boost your Chances Part 2: Focusing the Priority
• 2. How to Write College Essays to Boost your Chances Part 1: Biggest Essay Mistakes
• 3. College Application Lessons from 2020-2021: Strategizing through Covid Changes (Part 2)
• 5. Winners of the AdmitSee 2020 College Scholarship
• 6. COVID-19 and Your College Essay: Should You Write About It?
• 7. Education, Access and Systemic Racism
• 8. Applying to BS/MD Direct Medical Programs: Why Early Med School Admission Might be Right for You
• 9. How to Get Off the College Waitlist (5 Go-To Strategies)
• 10. College admissions prep during the Coronavirus

• Editor's Pick

‘A Big Win’: Harvard Expands Kosher Options in Undergraduate Dining Halls

Top Republicans Ask Harvard to Detail Plans for Handling Campus Protests in New Semester

Harvard’s Graduate Union Installs Third New President in Less Than 1 Year

Harvard Settles With Applied Physics Professor Who Sued Over Tenure Denial

Longtime Harvard Social Studies Director Anya Bassett Remembered As ‘Greatest Mentor’

College Essays and the Trauma Sweetspot

Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. Discuss a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. If all else fails, explore a background, identity, interest, or talent so profound that not doing so would leave our idea of you fundamentally incomplete.

Exactly the sort of small talk you want to make with strangers.

American college essays — frequently structured around prompts like the above — ask us to interrogate who we are, who we want to be, and what the most formative experiences of our then-short lives are. To tell a story, to reveal ourselves and our identity in its entirety to the curious gaze of admissions officers — all in a succinct 650 words.

Last Thursday, The Crimson published “ Rewriting Our Admissions Essays, ” an intimate reflection by six Crimson editors on the personal statements that got them into Harvard. Our takeaway from this exercise is that our current essay-generating ethos — the topics we choose or are made to choose, the style and emphasis we apply — is imperfect at best, when not actively harmful.

The American admissions process rightly grants students broad latitude to write about whatever they choose, with prompts that emphasize personal experience, adversity, discovery, and identity — features often distort student narratives and pressure students to present themselves in light of their most difficult experiences.

When it comes to writing, freedom is good — great even! The personal statement can be a powerful vehicle to convey an aspect of one’s identity, and students who feel inclined to do so should take advantage of the opportunity to write deeply and candidly about their lives; the variety of prompts, including the possibility to craft your own, facilitate that. We have no doubt that some of our peers had already pondered, or even lived in the shadow of, the difficult questions posed by the most recurrent essay prompts; and we know the essay to be a fundamental part of the holistic, inclusive admissions system we so fervently cherish . Writing one’s college essay, while stressful, can ultimately prove cathartic to some and revealing to others, a helpful exercise in introspection amid a much too busy reality.

Yet we would be blind not to notice the deep, dark nooks where the system that demands such introspection tends to lead us.

Both the college essay format — short but riveting, revealing but uplifting, insightful but not so self-centered that it will upset any potential admissions counselor — and the prompts that guide it push students towards an ethic of maximum emotional impact. With falling acceptance rates and a desperate need to stand out from tens of thousands of applicants, students frequently feel the need to supply the sort of attention-grabbing drama that might just push them through.

But joyful, restful days don’t make for great stories; there are few, if any, plot points in a stable, warm relationship with a living, healthy relative. Trauma, on the other hand — homophobic or racist encounters that leave one shaken, alcoholic parents, death, loss and scarring pain — makes for a good story. A Harvard-worthy story, even.

For students who have experienced genuine adversity, this pressure to package adversity into a palatable narrative can be toxic. The essay risks commodifying hardship, rendering genuinely soul-molding experiences like suffering recurrent homelessness or having orphaned grandparents into shiny narrative baubles to melt down into a Harvard degree. It can make applicants, accepted or not, feel like their admissions outcomes are tied to their most vulnerable experiences. The worst thing that ever happened to you was simply not enough, or alternatively, it was more than enough, and now you get to struggle with traumatized-imposter syndrome.

Moreover, students often feel compelled to end their essays about deep trauma with a statement of victory — a proclamation that they have overcome their problems and are “fit for admission.” Very few have figured life out by age 18. Trauma often sticks with people far longer, and this implicit obligation may make students feel like they “failed” if the pain of their trauma resurfaces during college. Not every bruise heals and not all damage can be undone — but no one wants to read a sob story without a redemption arc.

A similar dynamic is at play in terms of the intensity of the chosen experience: Students feeling for ridges of scars to tear up into prose must be careful to avoid cuts too deep or too shallow. Their trauma mustn’t appear too severe: No college, certainly not Harvard, wants to admit people who could trigger legal liabilities after a bad mental health episode . That is the essay’s twisted pain paradox — students’ trauma must be compelling but not too serious, shocking but not off-putting. Colleges seek the chic not-like-other-students sort of hurt; they want the fun, quirky pain that leaves the main character with a new refreshing perspective at the end of a lackluster indie film. Genuine wounds — the sort that don’t heal overnight or ever, the kind that don’t lead to an uplifting conclusion that ties in beautifully with your interest in Anthropology — are but lawsuits in the waiting .

For students who have not experienced such trauma, the personal essay can trap accuracy in a tug of war with appealing falsities. The desire to appear as a heroic problem-solver can incentivize students to exaggerate or misrepresent details to compete with the compelling stories of others.

We emphatically reject these unspoken premises. Students from marginalized communities don’t owe college admissions offices an inspirational story of nicely packaged drama. They should not bear a disproportionate burden in proving their worthiness.

Why, then, do these pressures exist? How can we account for the multitude of challenging experiences people have without reductionist commodification? How do you value the sharing of deeply personal struggles without incentivizing every acceptance-hungry applicant to offer an adjective-ridden, six-paragraph attempt at psychoanalyzing their terrible childhood?

We don’t have a quick fix, but we must seek a system that preserves openness and mitigates perverse pressures. Other admissions systems around the world, such as the United Kingdom’s UCAS personal statement, tend to emphasize intellectual interest in tandem with personal experience. The Rhodes Scholarship, citing an excessive focus on the “heroic self” in the essays it receives, recently overhauled its prompts to focus more broadly on the themes “self/others/world.” We should pay attention to the nature of the essays that these prompts inspire and see, in time, if their models are worth replicating.

In the meantime, students should understand that neither their hurt nor their college essay defines them — and there are many ways to stand out to admissions officers. If it feels right to write about deeply difficult experiences, do so with the knowledge that they have far more to contribute to a college campus than adversity and hardship.

The issue is not what people can or should write about in their personal statements. Rather, it’s how what admissions officers expect of their applicants distorts the essays they receive, and how the structure of American college admissions can push toward garment-rending oversharing. We must strive for an admissions culture in which students feel truly free to express their identity — to tell a story they want to share, not one their admissions officers want them to. A system where students can feel comfortable that any specific essay topic — devastating or cheerful — will not place them slightly ahead or behind in the mad, mad race toward that cherished acceptance letter.

This staff editorial solely represents the majority view of The Crimson Editorial Board. It is the product of discussions at regular Editorial Board meetings. In order to ensure the impartiality of our journalism, Crimson editors who choose to opine and vote at these meetings are not involved in the reporting of articles on similar topics.

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Entry to a Major Essays

Instructions & guidance.

There are three essay portions to the application: “Statement of Purpose,” “Outstanding Achievements” and “Additional Information.” Although “Outstanding Achievements" and “Additional Information” are optional, it is highly recommended that you complete these essays.

This application uses plain text formatting. You are encouraged to use a word processor like Microsoft Word to compose your essays and to check your word count (250 words for each essay), spelling and grammar. You can then copy and paste your text onto the application text area. 

Do not use AI text generators such as ChatGPT to complete your ETAM application. Using AI text generators may be considered plagiarism and/or cheating according to Student Rule: 20.1.2.3. Suspected use of generative AI may constitute a violation of the Texas A&M Honor Code and will be referred to the Aggie Honor System Office for investigation. More information may be found through the Aggie Honor System Office.

The University Writing Center  is a resource available to help prepare and/or review your essays. View this brief video with ETAM essay tips and information about ETAM-related services from the University Writing Center.

Essay Topics

Additional information for each essay topic is provided below:

• Statement of Purpose:  You will write one “Statement of Purpose” for each major you select. Your statement of purpose should explain your reason for selecting this major and include academic areas of interest, future professional career goals and strengths you would bring to the department. You should clearly articulate why you are interested in a specific major. You can also write about student organizations you have joined within the major or faculty you have met from this major and include all accomplishments related to the major.
• Outstanding Achievements:  Avoid using major-specific language. All majors you apply to will have access to read this essay. Use complete sentences; do not use bullet points. This section gives you an opportunity to discuss any outstanding achievements you feel are notable for departments to consider. Outstanding achievements should include leadership roles, major projects related to engineering, work or internship experience and scholarships you have received. You may use awards from your time in high school — particularly if they are related to engineering, science, math, or any leadership or extracurricular activities such as band, UIL, etc. This is also a great space to discuss AP credit and other academic qualifications.
• Additional Information:  Avoid major-specific language. All majors you apply to will have access to read this essay. This section allows you the opportunity to give additional information you want the committee to consider. You can include extenuating circumstances or other factors influencing your academic performance.
• Application Process and Guidelines
• Engineering Department Advisors
• Current Degree Programs
• Placement Outcomes

Essay on Hardship?

I have an essay with the prompt "Discuss any obstacles and/or hardships you have encountered and how you dealt with them. "

I have seen some essays talking about hardships like poverty, family problems, illnesses, etc, but none of that has happened to me. Could I write about a hardship that isn’t really “life-changing”, but still an obstacle I had to overcome? Something simple?

No–it will seem contrived

It totally depends! I once read an essay about a guy I know who was navigating a cranberry muffin, using the cranberries as a metaphor for obstacles, it was a very descriptive and witty essay. While I personally enjoyed reading it, of course, these types of essays are risky. However I also read an essay that was about a girl talking about how she lost a friend, but honestly, she sounded extremely whiny and pathetic. If you are writing about something that genuinely changed you, definitely speak authentically about the experience and the qualities you possess to overcome it, but in the essay, you should “recognize your privilege” if you know what I mean. Another example is a guy who got a job working in a restaurant but could not figure out how to work the coffee machine, his obstacle was that he learned how: again, it was witty but had a deeper meaning… he talked about how he learned in his first job how to figure things out on his own, his new found independence, it was also very descriptive and funny. Anyway… my point is that you can take anything and create a good essay as long as you approach it in a certain way. Definitely, don’t feel threatened by other people who have had more obstacles to face, admissions counselors don’t expect every high school kid to have faced some great loss or tragedy. Write away, good luck! (Feel free to message me privately if you want to discuss your actual topic).

Maybe you should be honest in your essay and just say that you haven’t had any obstacles (if that’s the truth).

The vast majority of 18 year old kids applying to colleges are very fortunate in that they haven’t had to face major, life altering hardships.

And the adcoms know that.

So, yes. Absolutely write about an obstacle that is not major. Write from the heart. And remember: the purpose is to get them to admit you.

try proverbs from the bible on hardship

Another perspective might be that one who has never faced and dealt with hardships or obstacles might not be ready for college.

I fretted about this too, especially framed among others with priviledge. My conversers were pretty unified in saying that it’s not the obstacle, it’s how you overcame it. I think if the paragraph is earnest and not written just to write something, then it will be good.

The most important thing is to describe how the obstacle changed you into a better person or made you realize something you never noticed before.

Basically such a prompt wants you to share how difficulty has affected you; how did it make you become the person who you are today & how did it affect your view of the world.

University of Notre Dame

Undergraduate Admissions

Tips from Counselors

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Tackling the Personal Essay: Tips from a Notre Dame Admissions Counselor

Published: August 30, 2024

Author: Zach Klonsinski

If you ask almost any admissions professional which part of reading applications is their favorite, it’s likely their answer will be a resounding, “The essays!” Essays are where we get to engage with students’ hopes, fears, dreams, life experiences (and more) in their authentic voice. We are humbled every year getting to “meet” all the incredible young people who are applying to Notre Dame through their essays!

Yet, writing an essay introducing yourself can be really hard. Maybe you’ve never done so before, or you haven’t for a really long time, and often it will seem really awkward. That’s OK!

It feels hard because it is–or at least it can be.

Don’t worry, though! I love sharing tips with applicants about the personal essay that will hopefully help you see it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and then share that discernment with the colleges who will be fortunate enough to receive your application!

Getting started

The easiest way to get started is by simply brainstorming! I love using pen and paper (I’m anti-pencil, though I realize that may be a divisive opinion). The physical materials help me feel less constrained by technology, though you may find the technology comforting.

Use bulleted lists or short phrases to capture ideas, life experiences, values, and more. Every day, set aside five minutes to write about yourself or your college discernment process without stopping to think. Where does your mind lead you when you get out of your own way?

Ask your friends and family to help you identify values that are important to you or things that make you.. well… you! Often it’s easier to highlight and say nice things about someone else than it is ourselves, so lean on those who know you well!

Group these collective nuggets to see if any patterns or stories emerge. Do you see any prompts on your application that align with your brainstorming? The Common Application, for example, has seven to choose from, including a make your own prompt! Start writing on one that makes you pause, as that means you might have something to say! Don’t be afraid to go longer than your word count or to use an atypical form of writing.

While that specific level of chaos may not work for you, I always recommend staying away from sentences and avoiding constraining yourself while writing because…

Editing is more than spelling and grammar!

When we want to “edit” something, it can be tempting to start–and just as quickly end–with spell check. (Yes, your essay should have proper spelling and grammar, but please know we are not reading your essay with a red pen “grading” every single comma.)

What is far more important–though also far more intimidating–is your essay’s content.

What really improved my writing actually had nothing to do with me–rather, it was finding trusted editors to give me honest and constructive feedback. While it’s tempting to have your best friend or family member read your essay, I’ve found my best editors possess a strong rhetorical mind, ask thoughtful questions, and are not afraid to tell me when something isn’t working the way I think it is.

This may describe someone close to you, but maybe not. Maybe there’s a classmate or teacher who you have always admired, even if you don’t know them that well. Editing is an incredibly vulnerable process; don’t be afraid to lean into that vulnerability! I promise that a strong editor who works with your voice and style–rather than rewriting your essay how they would have–will help bring forth an authentic essay you didn’t even realize you could write!

Speaking of, authenticity will lead to your best essay

The best application essay is the one that helps us get to know you. Period. Full stop. Any topic can be a good topic, any topic can be a bad topic. At the end of the day, the topic you choose to write about is only a gateway to help us get to know you!

Let’s think of it another way. Say you printed out your essay at your school, without your name or other identifying information on it, and someone who knows you picked it up and read it. If they said, “I bet this is (your name)’s essay,” I can already tell you’re on the right track. There’s something truly you about it!

Where can I find more about writing application essays?

I’m so glad you asked! On our On-Demand Sessions webpage , you can find a number of helpful recorded sessions from our College Application Workshop series. One of them, co-presented by yours truly, is called “Crafting the Perfect College Essay”. My colleague Maria Finan and I present our own tips and tricks for about 20 minutes and then take questions from a virtual audience for the remainder of the 45 minute session. I invite you to check it out, as well as the other sessions we have recorded!

Ready to Write Your App Essays? Advice from an Admissions Counselor on the Notre Dame Supplement

Zach Klonsinski is a senior assistant director with the Office of Undergraduate Admissions.

He is the regional counselor for Minnesota, Missouri (Kansas City), Wisconsin, Rwanda, Kenya, France, Portugal, Spain, Andorra, Monaco, and China - Beijing

• Read Zach's profile.

Thomas Castellanos throws for four TDs as Boston College football routs Duquesne in home opener

Bc erupted for 42 first half points led by castellanos, who completed 90 percent of his passes..

By Trevor Hass, The Boston Globe

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The last time Boston College welcomed a Football Championship Subdivision team to Chestnut Hill in Week 2 — almost exactly a year ago — the Eagles stumbled and barely squeaked by Holy Cross.

Saturday afternoon at Alumni Stadium, in a matchup with Northeast Conference preseason favorite Duquesne, BC left zero doubt. The Eagles pummeled the Dukes, 56-0, erupting for 42 points in the first half and cruising from there.

“I was telling everybody, I haven’t been a part of a blowout like that, where I haven’t played the second half at all, in a minute,” Boston College wide receiver Lewis Bond said.

BC avoided a letdown in the proverbial trap game and continued to trend upward following last week’s convincing triumph at then-No. 10 Florida State. It was the most points Boston College has scored since hanging 58 on Syracuse in 2019.

Junior quarterback Thomas Castellanos finished 9-of-10 passing for 234 yards and four touchdowns, all in the first half, to fuel the Eagles (2-0). BC outgained Duquesne, 350-87, in yards in the first half and didn’t let the game become closer than it had to be.

“I’ll be honest with you,” BC coach Bill O’Brien said. “I don’t know the difference between FBS, FCS, NCIS. I just know Duquesne is a tough football team. We had to be ready to play.”

The Dukes (0-2) largely neutralized BC’s backups in the second half, but the outcome had long been decided by that point.

Treshaun Ward scored from 3 yards out early, then promising redshirt freshman Reed Harris added a 72-yard TD reception to propel the Eagles to a 14-0 lead through one quarter.

Boston native Khari Johnson picked off Darius Perrantes and zigzagged his way 45 yards to the end zone for a pick-six. Johnson emphatically chucked the ball into the stands, giving a young fan a souvenir to take home.

“It was a dream come true,” Johnson said. “I’m just excited that I got to do it here and celebrate with my guys.”

Ryan Turner helped force another Duquesne punt, then Castellanos hit Kamari Morales for a 4-yard TD strike. Castellanos launched a pinpoint 49-yard pass to Bond (5 catches, 98 yards, 1 TD) for another score, and hit Ward for a 30-yard feed to make it 42-0 at halftime.

Castellanos became the first BC quarterback with three touchdown passes of 30 yards or more in a game since Anthony Brown at Wake Forest in 2018. He showed improved footwork, decision making, and finesse once again, and hasn’t turned the ball over in two games.

Castellanos was pleased with his performance, but the perfectionist in him dwelled on one missed throw.

“I should have hit (Jaedn) Skeete on that one,” Castellanos said. “I apologize.”

The Eagles were the far more physical, athletic, and overpowering team and didn’t underestimate their opponent. They held the Dukes to 0 for 6 on third down and averaged 6.4 yards per rush and 26 yards per completion in the half, overwhelming the Dukes at the line of scrimmage throughout.

BC players have regularly discussed their mantra of a “faceless opponent,” and they backed it up Saturday.

“There was no, ‘Oh, we’re playing Duquesne. We can chill,’” Bond said.

Jalen Cheek intercepted a pass in the second half. Catholic Memorial product Datrell Jones added a 47-yard TD run late in the third, and backup quarterback Jacobe Robinson scored from 9 yards out in the fourth for good measure. The Eagles finished with 563 yards, compared with 146 for the Dukes.

Boston College made just four trips to the red zone. It was a steady stream of chunk plays — ones O’Brien said need to be a regular part of the repertoire. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a thorough, methodical demoralization of an inferior foe.

BC seamlessly navigated a quick turnaround from the Florida State game to classes, followed by a short week of preparation for Duquesne. When asked if getting back to class was a test, Castellanos didn’t hesitate.

“No test,” he said. “We’re BC men. That’s what we do.”

The Eagles looked just as energized as they did five days prior, and the fans took notice. Boston College gave a spirited student section clad in gold plenty to cheer about.

O’Brien implored BC fans to show their support, and they delivered with a crowd of 38,441. While O’Brien thinks the city could show more — which he hopes will come with more wins — he praised the student body.

“Six-thousand students, that’s unbelievable,” O’Brien said. “If we can get student turnout like that, that’s a huge thing for this program.”

While O’Brien was largely pleased with the execution, he highlighted the five penalties, second-team turnovers, and poor punts as areas to clean up.

Next up for Boston College is a clash at No. 9 Missouri next Saturday at 12:45 p.m. — a chance to make another major statement in a hostile environment.

“We have to stay humble and stay focused,” Castellanos said. “We have a big matchup this week. It’ll really show how good we are.”

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Guest Essay

High Schoolers Need to Do Less So That They Can Do Better

By Tim Donahue

Mr. Donahue teaches high school English at Greenwich Country Day School in Connecticut.

To earn the distinction of valedictorian at Sunny Hills High School in Fullerton, Calif., a student must maintain a straight-A average and take at least 32 honors-level, semester-long classes. One weak “Gatsby” essay during these four years, one math test taken after an ankle sprain, one poorly conjugated verb can put a leak in the boat. And yet this past May, 39 of the 606 graduating seniors maintained the buoyancy to become valedictorians.

This is hardly unusual. In 2022, Edison High in Fresno, Calif., had 115 valedictorians in the class of 558. In 2017, Central Magnet School in Murfreesboro, Tenn., had 48 out of 193. And in 2019, Washington Liberty High in Arlington, Va., had 213 earning the top honor in their class of 595.

In the way some teachers sniff out A.I.-generated essays, some colleges engage in “countermeasures” to decode the truth behind the ever-increasing numbers of ever-improving transcripts they read. But the bigger truth is that many colleges just throw up their hands and don’t factor in weighted G.P.A.s (scaled according to the difficulty of the class) at all. So the same students who are now sweating on the too-hot turf during early-season practices are going to sweat through lots and lots of classes whose contents they can’t possibly retain in order to simply tread water.

We have pushed high school students into maximizing every part of their days and nights. Those who take the bait are remarkably compliant, diluting themselves between their internships and Canva presentations. We condition students to do a so-so job and then move on to the next thing. We need to let them slow down. Critical cognition, by definition, takes time.

The underbelly of grade inflation is that now the ambitious student must clear more time in their schedule for the stuff that really makes a difference. Harvard’s dean of undergraduate education, Amanda Claybaugh, said: “Students feel the need to distinguish themselves outside the classroom because they are essentially indistinguishable inside the classroom. Extracurriculars, which should be stress-relieving, become stress-producing.”

“When we are overloaded with mental activity,” wrote Leidy Klotz, the author of “Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less,” “we are less likely to think about taking things off of our plates. So, this overload that students get into creates a feedback loop that is hard to get out of. The more overloaded they are, the more likely they are to rely on heuristic thinking, and that heuristic thinking is going to tell them to add things first.”

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