speech on trust yourself

Selena Gomez Speech: Trust yourself

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Watch this famous Selena Gomez Speech. Selena talks about her life and some of the hardships she’s encountered in her career to a crowd of 16,000 youth at the first-ever We Day in California. She told the crowd to never ever give up on their dreams, and to be confident in their goals. Selena Marie Gomez is an American singer, songwriter, actress, and television producer. Enjoy our Speeches with subtitles and keep your English learning journey.

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Selena Gomez Quote:

“Always be yourself, there’s no one better!” Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez full TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, guys, how are you? So good to see you guys, so you guys having a good night? I have to say that it’s such an honour to be here, it is, I’m so happy to be here, I’m like a nerd and brought my own speech but I hope it’s OK that I take this opportunity to really just spend with you guys and tell you a little bit about my story. I’m not an activist, I haven’t changed the world or led a campaign, I’m here to just tell you my path, so that you hopefully can take something away from it, because I don’t like being honest with — this is a truth — I don’t like being honest with press and interviews, I like being honest with you, directly, which is each and every one of you. Because I feel like I can and I’m just going to start with the basics, so I’m 21 and my mom had, my mom had me when she was 16. And I’m from Grand Prairie, Texas, and she worked four jobs and completely dedicated her life into making mine better. So, to me, she is the definition of a strong woman. And I love her so much. Because she’s taught me those values so much. Thank you. I have been acting my entire life and I have known since I was first on Barney, you know that purple dinosaur, he’s great. You guys are so motivated, I feel like I can say anything! When I was eleven, the point being is that when I was seven I wanted to be an actress and I wanted to live my dream. And when I was eleven I had a casting director tell that I wasn’t strong enough to carry my own show. And I’m sure all of you have been told that you don’t have what it takes and you may not be good enough and you don’t have enough people supporting you and you’ve been told all of these things when deep down it’s all you want to do. You want to be a part of something great. You want to make something great. And it does more than not the wind out of you and crushes you when people try to tell you that you’re not good enough. And it almost did for me but there was my mom next to me stronger than ever and she said the most important thing is to always trust in myself. If I have, if I’m doing something because I love it, I should do it because I love it and I believe that I can do it. So she told me to keep going, thank you, she told me and she taught me to turn the other cheek and let the credits, the critics be critics, and let us just trust ourselves. So for me, thank you, two years later, I got my own show and the first thought, the first thought wasn’t oh man, that girl when I was eleven said that I wouldn’t carry my own show and I did, I mean, I thought about that for a little bit, but I thought about what my mom said. My mom is like you have to trust yourself and I realized that if I didn’t believe that I could do it, I wouldn’t be able to be here. And I have, I’m going to say I live a very blessed life, I have so much to be thankful for and a lot of you are big part of inspiring me because I don’t think you get it and maybe you’re not old enough, but you inspire me to be better and we should inspire each other to be better. I’m surrounded by people who are supposed to guide me and some of them have and others haven’t. They pressure me, there’s so much pressure, you’ve got to be sexy, you’ve got to be cute, you’ve got to be nice, you’ve got to be all these things! And I’m sure you can all relate, you all have pressure that you have to deal with every day. I’m sure at school, at work, with friends, with parents, with family, parents, I know, sometimes with mine, they tell me what to wear, how to look, what I should say, how I should be. Until recently, I had given in to that pressure. I lost sight of who I was. I listened to opinions of people and I tried to change who I am because I thought that others would accept me for it. And I realized I don’t know how to be anything but myself. And all I really want you to know is that you are changing the world , I’m not changing the world, you’re changing the world and that’s amazing! Please, please just be kind to each other and love and inspire people because let’s do it! Let’s do it, let’s change the game, let’s change the game! The most important thing is that we learn and we continue to learn from each other. Please stay true to yourself, please just remain who you are and know that we have each other’s back, all of us have each other’s back. I’d be lying if I said that I never tried to make myself better by giving in, because I have, but I’ve learned from my actions, and for all of the things I’ve done I’m proudest of that I’ve learnt from my mistakes. I want you to know what it’s like that I know what it’s like. Figuring out what types of friends you have, you are who you surround yourself with. So I just want to say I hope I can inspire each and every one of you to just trust in yourselves, to love and to be loved, and thank you for allowing me to come up and ramble and talk to you guys because this is such a beautiful thing you’re doing. Be proud of yourselves. This is great!

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PHRASAL VERBS
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“The Anatomy of Trust”

Brené Brown is a professor and social scientist. This speech was originally delivered at UCLA’s Royce Hall in 2015.

Speech Transcript

Oh, it just feels like an incredible understatement to say how grateful I am to be here with all of you. I feel like I have a relationship with many of you on social media, and you were like, “T-minus two days.” I’m like, “It’s coming! We’re going to be together.” So I’m so grateful to be here with you.

I’m going to talk about trust and I’m going to start by saying this: One of my favorite parts of my job is that I get to research topics that mean something to me. One of my least favorite parts of my job is I normally come up with findings that kicked me in the butt and make me change my entire life. That’s the hard part. But I get to dig into the stuff that I think matters in my life and the life of the people around me.

And the topic of trust is something I think I probably would have eventually started to look at closely because I study shame and vulnerability. But there’s a very personal reason I jumped to trust early in my research career, and it was a personal experience.

One day, my daughter, Ellen, came home from school. She was in third grade. And the minute we closed the front door, she literally just started sobbing and slid down the door until she was just kind of a heap of crying on the floor. And of course I was … It scared me, and I said, “What’s wrong Ellen? What happened? What happened?”

And she pulled herself together enough to say, “Something really hard happened to me today at school, and I shared it with a couple of my friends during recess. And by the time we got back into the classroom, everyone in my class knew what had happened, and they were laughing and pointing at me and calling me names.” And it was so bad, and the kids were being so disruptive, that her teacher even had to take marbles out of this marble jar.

And the marble jar in the classroom is a jar where if the kids are making great choices together, the teacher adds marbles. If they’re making not great choices, the teacher takes out marbles. And if the jar gets filled up, there’s a celebration for the class.

And so, she said, “It was one of the worst moments in my life. They were laughing and pointing. And Miss Bacchum, my teacher, kept saying, ‘I’m going to take marbles out.’ And she didn’t know what was happening.”

And she looked at me just with this face that is just seared my mind and said, “I will never trust anyone again.” And my first reaction, to be really honest with you, was, “Damn straight, you don’t tell anybody anything but your Mama.”

Yeah, right? That’s it. I mean, that was my … “You just tell me. And when you grow up and you go off to school, Mama will go too. I’ll get a little apartment.” And the other thing I was thinking to be quite honest with you is, “I will find out who those kids were.” And while I’m not going to beat up a nine year old, I know their mamas.

You know, that’s the place you go to. And I’m like, “How am I going to explain trust to this third grader in front of me?” So I took a deep breath and I said, “Ellen, trust is like a marble jar.” She said, “What do you mean?” And I said, “You share those hard stories and those hard things that are happening to you with friends, who, over time, you filled up their marble jar. They’ve done thing after thing after thing where you’re like, ‘I know I can share this with this person.’ Does that make sense?”

And that’s what Ellen said, “Yes, that makes sense.” And I said, “Do you have any marble jar friends?” And she said, “Oh yeah. Totally. Hannah and Lorna are marble jar friends.” And I said … And then this is where things got interesting. I said, “Tell me what you mean. How do they earn marbles for you?”

And she’s like, “Well, Lorna, if there’s not a seat for me at the lunch cafeteria, she’ll scoot over and give me half a heinie seat.” And I’m like, “She will?” She’s like, “Yeah. She’ll just sit like that, and so I can sit with her.” And I said, “That’s a big deal.” This is not what I was expecting to hear.

And then she said, “And you know Hannah, on Sunday at my soccer game?” And I was waiting for this story where she said, “I got hit by a ball and I was laying on the field, and Hannah picked me up and ran me to first aid.” And I was like, “Yeah?” And she said, “Hannah looked over and she saw Oma and Opa,” my parents, her grandparents, “And she said, ‘Look, your Oma and Opa are here.'” And I was like …

And I was like, “Boy, she got a marble for that?” And she goes, “Well, you know, not all my friends have eight grandparents.” Because my parents are divorced and remarried, my husband’s parents were divorced and remarried. And she said, “And it was so nice to me that she remembered their names.”

And I was like, “Hmm.” And she said, “Do you have marble jar friends?” And I said, “Yeah, I do have a couple of marble jar friends.” And she said, “Well, what kind of things do they do to get marbles?” And this feeling came over me. And I thought … The first thing I could think of, because we were talking about the soccer game, was that same game. My good friend Eileen walked up to my parents and said, “Diane, David, good to see you.” And I remember what that felt like for me. And I was like, certainly, trust cannot be built by these small insignificant moments in our lives. It’s gotta be a grander gesture than that.

So, as a researcher, I start looking into the data. I gather up the doctoral students who’ve worked with me. We start looking. And it is crystal clear. Trust is built in very small moments. And when we started looking at examples of when people talked about trust in the research, they said things like, “Yeah, I really trust my boss. She even asked me how my mom’s chemotherapy was going.” “I trust my neighbor because if something’s going on with my kid, it doesn’t matter what she’s doing, she’ll come over and help me figure it out.” You know, one of the number one things emerged around trust and small things? People who attend funerals. “This is someone who showed up at my sister’s funeral.”

Another huge marble jar moment for people, “I trust him because he’ll ask for help when he needs it.” How many of you are better at giving help than asking for help? Right? So, asking for help is one of those moments.

So, one of the ways I work as a grounded theory researcher, is I look at the data first, then I go in and see what other researchers are talking about and saying, because we believe the best theories are not built on other existing theories, but on our own lived experiences.

So, after I had looked at this, I said, “Let me see what the research says.” And I went to John Gottman, who’s been studying relationship for 30 years. He has amazing work on trust and betrayal. And the first thing I read, “Trust is built in the smallest of moments.” And he calls them “Sliding door moments.”

Sliding Doors is a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow from the 90s. Have you all seen this movie? So, it’s a really tough movie, because what happens is it follows her life to this seemingly unimportant moment where she’s trying to get on a train. And she makes the train, but the movie stops and splits into two parts where she makes a train and she doesn’t make the train, and it follows them to radically different endings. And he would argue that trust is a sliding door moment. And the example that he gives is so powerful.

He said he was lying in bed one night, he had 10 pages left of his murder mystery, and he had us feeling he knew who the killer was, but he was dying to finish this book. So he said, “I don’t even want … I want to get up, brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, and get back in and not have to get up.” You know that feeling when you just want to get all situated and read the end of your book?

So, he gets up and he walks past his wife in the bathroom, who’s brushing her hair and who looks really sad. And he said, “My first thought was just keep walking. Just keep walking.”

And how many of you have had that moment you walk past someone and you’re like, “Oh, God. They look … Avert your eyes.” Or you look at caller ID or your cell phone, and you’re like, “Oh yeah, I know she’s in a big mess right now. I don’t have time to pick up the phone.” Right? Yes or no? This looks like guilty laughter to me.

So, he said, “That’s a sliding door moment.” And here’s what struck me about his story, because he said, “There is the opportunity to build trust and there is the opportunity to betray.” Because as small as the moments of trust can be, those are the moments of betrayal as well. To choose to not connect when the opportunity is there is a betrayal. So he took the brush out of her hand and started brushing her hair and said, “What’s going on with you right now, babe?” That’s a moment of trust, right?

So fast-forward five years, and I’m clear about trust, and I talk about trust as the marble jar. We’ve got to really share our stories and our hard stuff with people whose jars are full, people who’ve, over time, really done those small things that have helped us believe that they’re worth our story.

But the new question for me was this: What are those marbles? What is trust? What do we talk about when we talk about trust? Trust is a big word, right? To hear, “I trust you,” or “I don’t trust you.” I don’t even know what that means. So, I wanted to know, what is the anatomy of trust? What does that mean?

So, I started looking in the research and I found a definition from Charles Feldman that I think is the most beautiful definition I’ve ever heard. And it’s simply this: “Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” “Choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” Feldman says that distrust is what I have shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you.

So, I thought, “That’s true.” And Feldman really calls for this, let’s understand what trust is. So, we went back into all the data to find out, can I figure out what trust is? Do I know what trust is from the data? And I think I do know what trust is.

And I put together an acronym, BRAVING, B-R-A-V-I-N-G. BRAVING. Because when we trust, we are braving connection with someone. So what are the parts of trust? B, boundaries. I trust you. If you are about your boundaries and you hold them, and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them. There is no trust without boundaries.

R, reliability. I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do. And not once. Reliability … Let me tell you what reliability is in research terms. We’re always looking for things that are valid and reliable. Any researchers here or research kind of geeks? There’s 10 of us.

Okay. So we would say a scale that you weigh yourself on is valid if you get on it and it’s an accurate weight. 120. Okay. So that would be a very valid scale. I would pay a lot of money for that scale. So, that’s actually not a valid scale, but we’ll pretend for the sake of this. That’s a valid scale.

A reliable scale is a scale that if I got on it a hundred times, it’s gonna say the same thing every time. So, what reliability is, is you do what you say you’re going to do over and over and over again. You cannot gain and earn my trust if you’re reliable once, because that’s not the definition of reliability.

In our working lives, reliability means that we have to be very clear on our limitations so we don’t take on so much that we come up short and don’t deliver on our commitments. In our personal life, it means the same thing. So, when we say to someone, “Oh God, it was so great seeing you. I’m going to give you a call and we can have lunch. Yes or no?” “No. It was really great seeing you.” Moment of discomfort. Goodbye. Right? But honest.

So B, Boundaries. R, Reliability. A … Huge. Accountability. I can only trust you if, when you make a mistake, you are willing to own it, apologize for it, and make amends. I can only trust you if when I make a mistake, I am allowed to own it, apologize, and make amends. No accountability? No trust.

V, and this one shook me to the core. Vault. The Vault. What I share with you, you will hold in confidence. What you share with me, I will hold in confidence. But you know what we don’t understand? And this came up over and over again in the research. We don’t understand the other side of the vault. That’s only one door on the vault. Here’s where we lose trust with people.

If a good friend comes up to me and says, “Oh my God, did you hear about Caroline? They’re getting a divorce and it is ugly. I’m pretty sure her partner’s cheating.” You have just shared something with me that was not yours to share, and now, my trust for you, even though you’re gossiping and giving me the juice, now my trust for you is completely diminished.

Does that make sense? So the Vault is not just about the fact that you hold my confidences, it’s that, in our relationship, I see that you acknowledge confidentiality. Here’s the tricky thing about the Vault. A lot of times, we share things that are not ours to share as a way to hot wire connection with a friend, right? If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me. You know? Yes or no? Our closeness is built on talking bad about other people. You know what I call that? Common enemy intimacy.

What we have is not real. The intimacy we have is built on hating the same people, and that’s counterfeit. That’s counterfeit trust. That’s not real. So, the Vault means you respect my story, but you respect other people’s story.

I, Integrity. I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship with you if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same. So, what is integrity?

I came up with this definition because I didn’t like any of the ones out there, and that’s what I do when I don’t like them. I do. I look in the data, and I say, “What’s integrity?” Here’s what I think integrity is. Three pieces. It’s choosing courage over comfort, choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy, and practicing your values, not just professing your values, right? I mean, that’s integrity.

N, Non-judgment. I can fall apart, ask for help, and be in struggle without being judged by you. And you can fall apart, and be in struggle, and ask for help without being judged by me, which is really hard because we’re better at helping than we are asking for help.

And we think that we’ve set up trusting relationships with people who really trust us because we’re always there to help them. But let me tell you this, if you can’t ask for help and they cannot reciprocate that, that is not a trusting relationship. Period. And when we assign value to needing help, when I think less of myself for needing help, whether you’re conscious of it or not, when you offer help to someone, you think less of them too.

You cannot judge yourself for needing help but not judge others for needing your help. And somewhere in there, if you’re like me, you’re getting value from being the helper in relationship. You think that’s your worth. But real trust doesn’t exist unless help is reciprocal and non-judgment.

The last one is G, Generosity. Our relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions, and behaviors, and then check in with me. So, if I screw up, say something, forget something, you will make a generous assumption and say, “Yesterday was my mom’s one year anniversary of her death, and it was really tough for me, and I talked to you about it last month. And I really was hoping that you would’ve called, but I know you care about me. I know you think it’s a big deal. So I wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about that.” As opposed to not returning calls, not returning emails, and waiting for the moment where you can spring, “Well, you forgot to call on this important …” You know? You’ll make a generous assumption about me and check it out.

Does that make sense? So we’ve got boundaries, reliability, accountability, the vault, integrity, non-judgment, and generosity. These, this is the anatomy of trust, and it’s complex.

Why do we need to break it down? For a very simple reason. How many of you in here have ever struggled with trust in a relationship, professional or personal? It should be everybody, statistically, right? And so, what you end up saying to someone is, “I don’t trust you.” “What do you mean you don’t trust me? I love you. I’m so dependable. What do you mean you don’t trust me?”

How do we talk about trust if we can’t break it down? What understanding trust gives us is words to say, “Here’s my struggle. You’re not reliable with me. You say you’re going to do something, I count on it, you don’t do it.” Or maybe the issue is non-judgment. But we can break it down and talk about it and ask for what we need, very specifically. Instead of using this huge word that has tons of weight and value around it, we can say, “Here’s specifically what’s not working. What’s not working is we’ve got a boundaries issue.”

So, one of the things that’s interesting, I think, is one of the biggest casualties with heartbreak and disappointment and failure and our struggle, is not just the loss of trust with other people, but the loss of self trust. When something hard happens in our lives, the first thing we say is “I can’t trust myself. I was so stupid. I was so naive.”

So, this BRAVING acronym works with self-trust too. So, when something happens … I just recently went through a really tough failure, and I had to ask myself, “Did I honor my own boundaries? Was I reliable? Can I count on myself? Did I hold myself accountable? Was I really protective of my stories? Did I stay in my integrity? Was I judgmental toward myself? And I give myself the benefit of the doubt? Was I generous toward myself?”

Because if braving relationships with other people is braving connection, self-trust is braving self-love. Self-respect, the wildest adventure we’ll ever take in our whole lives. And so, what I would invite you to think about when you think about trust is if your own marble jar is not full, if you can’t count on yourself, you can’t ask other people to give you what you don’t have. So we have to start with self-trust.

There’s a great quote from Maya Angelou that says, “I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves, but say I love you.” Right?

She quotes an African proverb when she said that, and she said, “Be wary of the naked man offering you a shirt.” And so, a lot of times if you find yourself in struggle with trust, the thing to examine first is your own marble jar, how you treat yourself. Because we can’t ask people to give to us something that we do not believe we’re worthy of receiving. And you will know you’re worthy of receiving it when you trust yourself above everyone else. So, thank y’all so much. I’m so honored to be here. Thank you. Thank y’all.

Thanks for reading. You can get more actionable ideas in my popular email newsletter. Each week, I share 3 short ideas from me, 2 quotes from others, and 1 question to think about. Over 3,000,000 people subscribe . Enter your email now and join us.

James Clear writes about habits, decision making, and continuous improvement. He is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller, Atomic Habits . The book has sold over 20 million copies worldwide and has been translated into more than 60 languages.

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ENGLISH SPEECH | SELENA GOMEZ: Trust Yourself (English Subtitles) | Summary and Q&A

Actress discusses her journey to success, emphasizing the importance of self-belief and inspiring others to be true to themselves.

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Key insights.

❓ Overcoming doubts and criticisms is crucial to achieving success.
🌍 Trusting in oneself is essential for pursuing dreams and making a positive impact on the world.
😚 The pressures to conform to societal expectations can lead to losing sight of one's true self, but it is important to stay authentic.
❓ Surrounding oneself with supportive and uplifting individuals can greatly influence personal growth and success.
❓ Learning from mistakes is a valuable part of personal development.
🥰 Kindness, love, and inspiration can create positive change in the world.
✊ Each individual has the power to inspire and be inspired by others.

Questions & Answers

Q: what inspired the speaker to pursue her dreams despite being told she wasn't good enough.

The speaker's mom taught her to trust in herself and always believe in her abilities, regardless of what others say.

Q: How did the speaker deal with the pressures of being in the entertainment industry?

The speaker admits to initially giving in to the pressure to change herself, but realized that she couldn't be anyone but herself and decided to stay true to her authentic self.

Q: What does the speaker encourage the audience to do?

The speaker urges the audience to be kind to one another, inspire and support each other, and to trust themselves and remain true to who they are.

Q: What lesson did the speaker learn from her mistakes?

The speaker acknowledges that she has made mistakes in trying to "make herself better" by conforming to others' expectations, but she has learned from those actions and is proud of her growth.

More Insights

Overcoming doubts and criticisms is crucial to achieving success.

Trusting in oneself is essential for pursuing dreams and making a positive impact on the world.

The pressures to conform to societal expectations can lead to losing sight of one's true self, but it is important to stay authentic.

Surrounding oneself with supportive and uplifting individuals can greatly influence personal growth and success.

Learning from mistakes is a valuable part of personal development.

Kindness, love, and inspiration can create positive change in the world.

Each individual has the power to inspire and be inspired by others.

Being proud of oneself and one's accomplishments is important for personal well-being and fulfillment.

Summary & Key Takeaways

The speaker, a successful actress, shares her story of overcoming doubts and criticisms to achieve her dreams.

She emphasizes the importance of self-belief and staying true to oneself, even in the face of pressure and expectations.

The speaker encourages the audience to be kind, loving, and inspiring to others, and to learn from their mistakes.

Share This Summary 📚

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ENGLISH SPEECH | MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: White House Speech (English Subtitles) thumbnail

Selena Gomez Speech: Trust Yourself

About this episode.

Learn English with Selena Gomez. Selena talks about her life and some of the hardships she's encountered in her career to a crowd of 16,000 youth at the first-ever We Day in California. She told the crowd to never ever give up on their dreams and to be confident in their goals. Selena Marie Gomez is an American singer, songwriter, actress, and television producer. In this Speech, she also quotes: "Please stay true to yourself, please just remain who you are and know that we have each other’s back, all of us have each other’s back."

For more, visit: https://www.englishspeecheschannel.com

IN THIS EPISODE

Transcript 🔗, search past episodes, other episodes in this podcast.

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RECOMMENDATIONS

Speech on Believe In Yourself

Believing in yourself is like unlocking a secret superpower. It’s the key to reaching your goals and dreams.

When you trust your abilities, you become unstoppable. So, let’s explore why it’s important to believe in yourself.

1-minute Speech on Believe In Yourself

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Each one of us has dreams, goals, objectives, and aspirations. However, more often than not, we find ourselves doubting our abilities or strengths. We question if we are capable enough to achieve our dreams. But remember, every great achiever, every successful individual started with two things – a dream and the belief in their ability to accomplish that dream.

Believing in ourselves is not about being overconfident or disregarding the advice and opinions of others. Instead, it is about having faith in our potential, trusting our journey, and understanding our worth. It’s about knowing that we are more than capable of overcoming the obstacles that life throws at us.

In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to say – believe in yourself, even when no one else does. Trust in your abilities, even when the world doubts you. Remember, you are your most significant supporter and your most cruel critic. The power to achieve your dreams lies within you. So stand tall, dream big, believe in yourself, and watch as the world unfolds its magic before you.

2-minute Speech on Believe In Yourself

Today I’m here to speak on a topic that may sound simple but is incredibly profound – ‘Believe in Yourself’. This phrase might appear as a cliché in the world of motivational speeches, but its depth and impact on our lives are undeniable.

Belief in oneself is the very crux of our existence. Without it, we are like a rudderless ship in a stormy sea. Believing in yourself means acknowledging your own capabilities, understanding your strengths, and having faith in your own decisions. It’s about trusting yourself enough to take that leap of faith.

What makes this belief so important? When we believe in ourselves, we set the stage for continuous growth and learning. It enables us to overcome the fear of failure, because we understand that failure is not a dead end, but a stepping stone to success. Self-belief empowers us to take risks and to venture into unknown territories with courage and confidence.

However, we often let self-doubt creep in, undermining our self-belief. We start questioning our abilities and skills. We let the opinions of others sway us, and we allow failure to dampen our spirit. This self-doubt acts like a chain, holding us back and preventing us from achieving our full potential.

In the words of the great American poet, E.E. Cummings, “Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”

One Comment

‘I hope I can inspire each one of you to just trust yourself’: Selena Gomez

In an inspiring speech at the we day conference in california, selena emphasised on the importance of ‘staying true to yourself’..

Selena Gomez, a woman of many talents, started her career at a young age — shooting to fame from Disney’s Hannah Montana .

Over the years, the award winning singer-songwriter has seen many highs and lows , from making her mark as a singer with a distinct voice, dealing with fame at an early age, to also battling an auto-immune disease, Gomez has seen it all.

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In an inspiring speech at the We Day conference in California, Selena emphasised on the importance of ‘staying true to yourself’ and chronicled how she almost lost track of who she truly is because she was paying too much attention to other people’s thoughts and ideals. Take a look at the speech here:

Stressing that she was constantly juggling expectations of too many people at the same time, Selena said, “I’m surrounded by people who are supposed to guide me and some of them have and others haven’t. They pressure me, there’s so much pressure, you’ve got to be sexy, you’ve got to be cute, you’ve got to be nice, you’ve got to be all these things. And I’m sure you can all relate, you all have pressure that you have to deal with every day.”

“Until recently, I had given in to that pressure . I lost sight of who I was. I listened to the opinions of people and I tried to change who I am because I thought that others would accept me for it. And I realised I don’t know how to be anything but myself,” she continued.

She addressed the audience and said, “ I just want to say that I hope I can inspire each and every one of you to just trust yourselves, and to love and to be loved.”

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Brené Brown on What it Really Means to Trust

Brené Brown explains the complexity of trust—how it’s gained, how it’s lost, and why trusting ourselves is so important.

By Ava Whitney-Coulter
February 5, 2021

Trust is a big deal. When people gain our trust or break our trust, it matters. It’s also a big word, packing a lot of weight. We say we trust people, or that someone has broken our trust. But what does that mean? What did they do? In an episode of Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations podcast, Brené Brown , a renowned vulnerability, courage, shame, and empathy researcher, breaks down the complexities of trust.

She borrows a definition from leadership and well-being coach Charles Feltman who says that “trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” Trust isn’t built in grand gestures, Brown says, but in the small moments that people treat what is important to you with care.

BRAVING: An Acronym for Building Trust

To talk about trust, Brown uses the acronym BRAVING which stands for: boundaries, reliability, accountability, the vault, integrity, non-judgment, and generosity. Understanding that these are components of trust and how they work can help us really understand how we do or don’t trust others, or ourselves. She says she uses this acronym “because when we trust, we are braving connection with someone.”

Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.

To trust someone, Brown says, it’s essential that we are clear about our boundaries so they can understand and respect our limits. It’s also important that we understand the boundaries of others so trust can flow both ways.

Reliability

Reliability is when someone does what they say they’re going to do over and over again. They can’t just follow through on their word once, Brown says, reliability builds gradually.

At work, this means that we know our limits and enforce them so we don’t bite off more than we can chew. If we commit to more than we can manage, we end up unable to finish it all, or we finish it at a lower level of quality than we could have if we had less on our plate. When we overstep our limits, we can’t deliver on our commitments. We can’t follow through on our word.

This idea also transfers to personal life. We need to know when we’re too busy to commit to more plans with others, or when we just don’t want to commit. Brown gives the example of running into an acquaintance at a coffee shop. We might feel compelled to say, “Great to see you. I’ll give you a call sometime!” when we actually have no intention of calling. That makes us unreliable. It’s okay to just say, “Great to see you.”

Accountability

We trust people who own up to their mistakes, apologize , and make amends, she says. But others can only do that if we allow them. If we immediately write someone off when they make a mistake, or stop talking to them, we don’t give them a chance to step into their accountability.

This goes both ways in a relationship . When we make mistakes, we need the other person to allow us to acknowledge our mistake, say we’re sorry, and try to patch things up.

“This one shook me to the core,” Brown says when she introduces the topic.

We cannot trust someone if they share our personal information with others without our permission. It needs to be as though that information is in a vault that’s only accessible to the folks we purposely told. By the same token, we need to hold the secrets, stories, and information of other people in confidence so they can trust us .

Oftentimes, Brown says, we use gossip as a way to try to quickly find intimacy with someone. We feel like if we can secretly talk about others with them, we have a solid connection. Brown calls this “counterfeit trust.” If we are minding our own business and someone tells us confidential information about someone else, we know we can’t trust them. Others will think the same of us. Brown boils the vault down to: “You respect my story [and] you respect other people’s story.”

“Integrity,” Brown says, “is choosing courage over comfort. It’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy.” Integrity, she says, is more than just naming our values. It’s living according to our values.

Integrity is choosing courage over comfort. It’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy.

Plus, when we live with integrity, we not only build trust with others, we build trust with ourselves.

Non-judgment

Non-judgment is about being vulnerable with someone without being judged by them, while they can be vulnerable and not be judged by us. This is hard, Brown says, because we tend to be better at giving help than asking for help. In fact, we tend to feel better about ourselves when we help someone, but think less of ourselves when we ask for help. “You cannot judge yourself for needing help, but not judge others for needing your help,” she points out. That’s what makes true reciprocal non-judgment difficult.

Brown says, “our relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviors, and then check in with me.” Which means that if we make a mistake, others will be up front about it, but assume we had good intentions.

This might look like someone telling us that they are hurt that we didn’t call on an important day, but they assume we just forgot or were busy. This gives us a chance to be accountable. And this goes both ways. It’s important that we also check in and leave space for others to be accountable.

How to Trust Yourself

It’s important that we understand the complexity of trust and how to break it down so that we can identify why we do or don’t trust certain people. Instead of feeling stupid or naive for trusting someone when they turned out to be untrustworthy, we can identify what exactly went wrong.

Knowing this can help us build our self-trust, too. Brown gives the example of making a mistake . She says we can ask ourselves if we respected our boundaries, if we were reliable, if we held ourselves accountable, and if we were generous with ourselves.

“Because if braving relationships with other people is braving connection, self-trust is braving self-love. Self-respect is the wildest adventure we’ll ever take in our whole lives,” Brown says. If we don’t feel like we can trust ourselves, we can’t expect others to trust us, because we can’t give others what we don’t have.

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Why do you need to trust yourself — A speech by SELENA GOMEZ

theselftech

“Hi, guys, how are you? So good to see you guys, so you guys having a good night?

I have to say that it’s such an honor to be here, it is, I’m so happy to be here, I’m like a nerd and brought my own speech but I hope it’s OK that I take this opportunity to really just spend with you guys and tell you a little bit about my story.

I’m not an activist, I haven’t changed the world or led a campaign, I’m here to just tell you my path so that you hopefully can take something away from it because I don’t like being honest with — this is a truth — I don’t like being honest with press and interviews, I like being honest with you, directly, which is each and every one of you.

Because I feel like I can and I’m just going to start with the basics, so I’m 21 and my mom had, my mom had me when she was 16. And I’m from Grand Prairie, Texas, and she worked four jobs and completely dedicated her life to making mine better. So, to me, she is the definition of a strong woman. And I love her so much. Because she’s taught me those values so much.

I have been acting my entire life and I have known since I was first on Barney, you know that purple dinosaur, he’s great. You guys are so motivated, I feel like I can say anything! When I was eleven, the point being is that when I was seven I wanted to be an actress and I wanted to live my dream. And when I was eleven I had a casting director tell that I wasn’t strong enough to carry my own show.

For full blog visit: https://www.theselftech.com/2021/02/why-do-you-need-to-trust-yourself.html

Written by theselftech

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How to Teach Yourself to Trust Yourself

Peter Bregman

Last week I went to an evening to honor and advance the vision of the late Dr. Allan Rosenfield, Dean of Columbia’s Mailman School of Public Health for twenty two years. Allan was a giant in global health, dedicated in particular to women’s reproductive health and rights. There was a long slate of estimable speakers […]

Last week I went to an evening to honor and advance the vision of the late Dr. Allan Rosenfield , Dean of Columbia’s Mailman School of Public Health for twenty two years. Allan was a giant in global health, dedicated in particular to women’s reproductive health and rights.

Peter Bregman is the CEO of Bregman Partners , an executive coaching company that helps successful people become exceptional leaders and stellar human beings. Best-selling author of 18 Minutes , and Leading with Emotional Courage , his most recent book is You Can Change Other People . To identify your leadership gap, take Peter’s free assessment .

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Selena Gomez: Stay True to Yourself

Selena gomez - trust in yourself.

Selena Gomez opens up about her journey towards self-acceptance, and how she learned that the only way to do great things in life is to be true to yourself.

Transcript:

" I lost sight of who I was. I listened to opinions of people and I tried to change who I am because I thought that others would accept me for it. I realized I don't know have to be anything but myself. I'm surrounded by people who are supposed to guide me. Some of them have and others haven't. They pressure me. There's so much pressure. You got to be sexy. You got to be cute. You got to be nice. You got to be all these things. I'm sure you can all relate. You all have pressure that you have to deal with every day. I'm sure with school, with work, with friends, with parents, with family, with parents.

They tell me what to wear, how to look, what I should say, how I should be. Until recently, I had given into that pressure. I'm sure all of you haven't been told that you don't have what it takes and that you may not be good enough and you don't have enough people supporting you, and you're being told all of these things, when deep down it's all you want to do. You want to be a part of something great. You want to make something great.

It does more than knock the wind out of you. It crushes you when people try to tell you that you're not good enough. It almost did for me. The most important thing is to always trust in myself. If I'm doing something because I love it, I should do it because I love it and I believe I can do it. I'd be lying if I said that I had never tried to make myself better by giving in, because I have. The most important thing is that we learn and we continue to learn from each other. Please stay true to yourself. Please just remain who you are and know that we have each other's back. All of us have each other's back."

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"You know, it was more like trying to put a family unit back together. But I wasn't really in love. I just was going through the motions and then realizing, I have nothing in common with this person. Like I was putting people in my life to kind of numb some of the pain or be with someone, companionship, but nothing nothing healthy."

Woman “Accidentally” Forgets to End Call Before Speaking About Daughter-In-Law

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Even though we’re told we shouldn’t care what other people think of us, deep down, many of us still do. Wanting to be accepted and loved is natural, and it can be devastating to hear someone talk badly about us behind our backs.

However, hearing someone say nice things about us when they don’t think we’re listening can be incredibly uplifting . One mother recognizes that, which is why she routinely "forgets" to hang up on her daughter-in-law.

A Secret Good Deed

A mother-in-law made sure to make her daughter-in-law feel special

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships can have a bad reputation. Many accounts of power struggles and differing points of view in the media and online set the tone for how some people expect these connections to be. But that’s not always the case, and this mother-in-law proves it.

Recently on Reddit, someone asked what secrets people are hiding that they would be willing to share online. A user named Kindly-Article-9357 had the best response: she was secretly uplifting her daughter-in-law.

“I've started to on occasion ‘accidentally’ (but on purpose) not hang up my phone correctly when getting off a call with my daughter-in-law,” she shared . “I then proceed to talk to my husband about how much I enjoy talking to her, how lovely I think she is, how glad I am that our son chose her, and whatever other boost I may think she needs.”

A Chosen Family

According to the woman, her daughter-in-law doesn’t have any family that uplifts her, and historically, that tears her down. So she decided to uplift the woman with these calls. It all started because she had accidentally butt-dialed her daughter-in-law one day and didn’t realize it when she began talking about her.

“I started doing this after my son told me about his wife coming to him in full-on snot tears,” she recalled of the experience. “She stayed on the line to hear what I ‘really’ thought of her, expecting the worst because that's been her experience of family. Apparently, she was quite touched by the things I said, and my son told me it gave her a confidence boost that lasted weeks.”

Now, the woman uses age to her advantage to continue making the couple feel good.

“So I do it more often now. Neither of them have any idea I do it on purpose, though. They just think I'm getting old and worse at managing my tech,” she added.

Leading By Example

According to the woman, she was inspired to foster a positive relationship with her son’s wife after her own experiences dating a man with a terminally ill mother.

“She had this calm serenity about her that I think only comes from making peace with your own death,” she added in the comments. “*She* treated me like her own daughter , and it made me feel so seen and accepted. It is her example that I try to follow with my own kids and their spouses.”

The story touched many in the comments, especially those who wished their own relationships with their in-laws were stronger and people who said they could use a boost like that themselves.

“As a girl who grew up feeling like a failure and a burden, this makes me cry. You're a wonderful MIL and the world needs more people like you,” one person shared.

Speaking With Kindness

It’s one thing to speak nicely about others when they’re listening, but it’s a whole other thing when someone overhears you speaking kindly about them. It’s validating and uplifting and something we can easily do for one another in life without much effort.

We don’t need to fake hang-ups to uplift others. Speaking kindly about family members, children, friends, or coworkers on the regular increases the chances they might overhear you. Not only that but it’s been scientifically proven that others may begin to see you as having the same positive traits that you’re talking up about someone else.

No one ever really knows what someone else is going through, and your words may one day be the boost a person needs. At the very least, you can feel good about yourself for doing your part to be kind and to make your corner of the world a warmer, safer place.

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Life can take us down unexpected and scary roads. Sometimes, we don’t know how to get off those roads and begin the climb to a better future. As this mom proved, however, anything is possible with a second chance and a little determination .

A Former Inmate

Woman goes from inmate to Princeton intern.

Mary McCrary is a 40-year-old mother of three who spent three years in prison. According to Good Morning America , she served time at the Debra K. Johnson Rehabilitation Center in Nashville for a parole violation following a conviction for aggravated burglary.

McCrary dropped out of high school in Grade 10 and has since successfully pursued her GED, but it wasn’t until prison that she began thinking about further education . She hit a breaking point behind bars and decided it was time to turn her life around.

“When you get to a point where you're tired and don’t even want to live and you're hopeless and you feel useless and worthless, you have a decision to make,” she told the publication.

“I made the decision to use this time to do something different, to change my life, because I didn’t want to keep doing the same things and getting in trouble and ... doing whatever I had to to survive because it gets you in the exact same place.”

So, McCrary enrolled in a coding class as part of the center’s Persevere program, an initiative aimed at helping inmates earn certifications as front-end or full-stack web developers.

“The class alone made you feel like you’re a human being, that I was working towards something, that there is a goal in sight, I am going to accomplish something, and I did,” she added. “That does give you confidence and hope.”

A Life-Changing Opportunity

For the next six months, McCrary earned her certificate in front-end coding. She decided to develop her skills even more by enrolling at Nashville State Community College, which offers a program for inmates.

This past May, McCrary was granted parole, completed her supervision, and earned extra credits toward an associate’s degree. But not even she could anticipate what would happen next: an internship at Princeton.

The nine-week program is meant for formerly incarcerated undergrad students to gain experience and new opportunities, and so far, McCrary is excelling.

“Her dedication to building her future is evident in how she does not shy away from challenges and the unknown,” Bridgett vonHoldt, an associate professor at Princeton and the head of the internship program said. “She is a role model, demonstrating for anyone who thinks such change is impossible that nothing is impossible.”

As for McCrary, she knows this is an incredible opportunity and hopes the internship is the next step toward earning her AA degree back in Nashville.

“This has been life-changing in more ways than one. This is an unbelievable, sometimes overwhelming experience,” she said. “If you look at my past, it's a crazy shamble mess, but look now, look what can happen. Nothing is ever impossible.”

Second Chances

McCrary hopes to be a role model for those who are having a hard time accepting the idea of a brighter future and so far, she certainly is. She’s a great example of how things can get better and you can change your future when you’re willing to take advantage of the opportunities you have — even if they don’t seem like opportunities at the time.

This story is also a needed reminder that everyone deserves a second chance in life and that sometimes, by allowing someone who has messed up the chance to try again, they may surprise you.

No one is perfect, and everyone stumbles. It’s not how hard we fall that truly matters in life; it's how we pick ourselves back up. But it’s also up to us whether we want to be the person who lends someone on the ground a helping hand or if we want to be the guy who just keeps on walking.

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Saying Yes to Yourself Could Be the Best Decision You Make

Say yes to yourself: believe in yourself, take risks, and trust your resilience..

Posted August 11, 2024 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

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Believing in yourself is crucial for taking risks and achieving personal growth.
Reflect on past experiences where betting on yourself led to success or valuable lessons.
Recognize patterns in your decisions to bet on yourself and what they reveal about your self-belief.

I was recently struggling with a big decision and talking about it with a friend. It’s a risky decision and honestly, it’s unnecessary. My life would continue beautifully as is if I were to say no but could improve exponentially if I were to say yes. As we considered the pros and cons of my choices, I realized that it all came down to my belief in myself. If I said yes, I’d be diving into the deep end of the uncertainty pool and swimming or sinking would all depend on me. No one else. And if I said no, my life would remain the same (for the time being) and I wouldn’t experience any waves, or even ripples really, in the pool.

I really wanted to say yes and as it became clearer that this decision was really about my self-belief and nothing else, my friend said, “I will always bet on myself.”

Her words stopped me. I needed to sit with them for a moment to really consider what that meant for me.

What It Means to Bet on Ourselves

When we bet on ourselves, we’re showing self-confidence and a belief in our own abilities, decisions, and potential for success. We believe that we have the necessary skills (or at the very least, that we can acquire them) to do the risky thing. We believe that we make good decisions overall and will do so here again. And we truly believe in our potential, that we will be successful no matter what. This last one is a little tricky because we also must be willing to believe that if the risk doesn’t work out, we’ll still be successful. That we’ll learn and grow from the outcome no matter what.

When we bet on ourselves, we trust ourselves to navigate challenges and are willing to take risks because we believe in our capacity to achieve our goals . We know that we’ve been through hard things before and have been able to navigate each of them. We have resilience . We know that this resilience is a part of our very being and trust that we can figure things out as they arise. We also believe that we know how to achieve big things, and even if we’re not where we want to be right now, we can expand our capacity to make it happen.

Betting on us conveys self-reliance, determination, and a positive self-image . When we take the risk, we’re demonstrating that we have power. I’m not talking about external power here, I’m talking about internal. The type of power that no one can take away from you, the kind that follows you from thing to thing, the power that lives and breathes deep inside you and always shows up when you need it most. Betting on us pulls at that power and brings it to the surface.

How to Know When It’s Time to Bet on Yourself

It can be tricky to figure out whether you should bet on yourself, especially if you don’t have much experience doing so (or if you’ve been unsuccessful most times you’ve done it in the past).

Here are some questions that helped me. I encourage you to grab a journal and take some time to reflect on each question. Write down whatever comes to mind and don’t worry about grammar, punctuation, or editing.

When was the last time you bet on yourself? Write about the situation, the risk you took, why you made the decision, and the outcome (including any lessons or growth that occurred).
Do you usually bet on yourself, or do you play it safe? Think of patterns and see if there are times or situations when you tend to bet on yourself versus times or situations when you don’t. What do you notice about your patterns? What do they tell you about your belief in yourself?
If you were to bet on yourself most of time, what would your life look like? Let your imagination run wild here and write about this life full of risky bets.
What happens when you don’t bet on yourself? Write about how you feel, how you behave, how you think, and how your life looks.
If there’s a current situation where you’re trying to decide whether or not to bet on yourself, take time to examine your responses to the previous questions. What do you notice? What do they tell you about betting on yourself now?

Future Betting

I personally want to be like my friend and to be able to loudly and confidently declare: I will always bet on myself.

Her words caused such a shift in my mindset and emotions that I began to act. I took the first steps necessary for this bold move and did it with the belief that I can achieve my goals and navigate any difficulties along the way. And I know this because I’ve always done this. I’ve always figured things out and I’ve always found ways to grow, evolve, and be successful.

What about you? Are you ready to join me in this declaration?

Melanie McNally, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist, brain coach, and author of The Emotionally Intelligent Teen and Helping Your Unmotivated Teen.

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Thinking about rooftop solar? 4 things to consider and how to protect yourself

Solar panels are installed on the roof of a home in Frankfort, Ky., in 2023. Residential solar is booming in the U.S., but customer complaints have increased even more. Michael Conroy/AP hide caption

Solar power is booming and that helps the country meet its climate goals by replacing fossil fuels . The part of the industry that installs solar panels on homes has grown more than 5,000% in just the last 15 years, according to the Solar Energy Industries Association.

But in recent years, customer complaints have increased even more. Across the country, prosecutors are investigating high-pressure sales tactics and misleading financing arrangements. Some customers say they were victims of fraud and forgery. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau recently warned solar customers about hidden fees and deceptive statements about the financial benefits of solar.

A crew installs a solar array on the roof of a home in Frankfort, Ky. in 2023. The rooftop solar business has become a big source of consumer complaints. Now the industry is working to repair its reputation.

Rooftop solar has a fraud problem. The industry is working to build back trust

All this threatens the residential rooftop solar industry’s impressive momentum , and some are working to repair its reputation. But what if you want to go solar now? Here are some things to consider first.

Prepare for high-pressure sales tactics

One reason the residential rooftop solar industry has grown so fast is that companies, especially the large ones, have deployed legions of salespeople. Some use high-pressure sales tactics, and you’ll need to be ready for that.

Tiffani Krieg of Mesa, Ariz., knows this firsthand. For a couple of months, she put off a salesperson who calls herself Solar Sandy . Then one evening, Krieg’s family was backing their car down the driveway, headed to see a movie.

“My husband looks at the rearview and he's like, ‘Oh, Sandy's here,’” Krieg told NPR. “She's got her Range Rover parked, like making a T, so we can't get out of our driveway.” Then, Krieg says, Sandy jumped into the backseat with her kids.

The salesperson had a new solar proposal that would install enough panels to meet nearly all their electricity consumption, but they had to act now to secure a low interest rate. Creating urgency is a common sales tactic.

Krieg says Sandy wanted an electronic signature so a crew could check the roof and make sure that was possible. But, it turns out, the signature was for a purchase contract. The next morning, Krieg says, the crew was actually installing panels and the family was on the hook for a loan of nearly $134,000.

Almost two years later, Krieg says the panels aren’t producing electricity, and she’s still fighting with the companies involved.

“Solar Sandy” is actually Sandra Cordero, a 63-year-old grandmother who says she used to be a nurse. Her business is a sales-only enterprise. Other companies actually install the solar panels she sells.

In a statement to NPR, Cordero disputes some of Krieg’s story but also confirms much of it. “If they had not actually wanted to go forward with solar, the day that the installation company was there to install the panels, they could’ve refused the installation and that would’ve been the end of it,” Cordero writes. She says the Krieg situation is unique, “I have helped hundreds of families with their solar solution, and I have never ever experienced anything like this in almost 10 years.”

Cordero pays a local talk radio station to air a show about her business — that’s how the Kriegs first made contact with her. Other solar sales companies advertise on social media, often with misleading and false claims . Door-to-door sales have been a particular source of consumer complaints, often with salespeople claiming they’re with the local utility .

Consumer advocates say you should be skeptical of anyone who knocks on your door selling solar.

“I wouldn't sign up for something based solely on a door to door marketer,” says Jenifer Bosco, senior attorney with the National Consumer Law Center. She suggests taking time away from the salesperson to consider information they offer, do your own research and then make a decision on your own time.

The Energy Trust of Oregon has collected lines that high-pressure door-to-door salespeople often use and steps you can take to protect yourself from scams.

Finding a reputable installer

It’ll take some work on your part to find a good solar installer. You probably want to avoid the solar companies that find you — at your front door or at a local big-box store. They are more likely to practice high-pressure sales tactics. Many of these companies only do sales — like Solar Sandy — and their workers have been called “solar bros.”

Most experts NPR consulted for this story say it’s better to work directly with an installation company. They suggest finding one that’s been in business in your community for years. A lot of these installers survive on word-of-mouth advertising, so ask neighbors and friends who already have solar panels for recommendations.

You also can check rating sites such as Solar Reviews , where President and CEO Andrew Sendy is accustomed to doling out advice for finding a good installer. He suggests taking this choice very seriously.

“I often tell people the average solar system lasts longer than the average marriage,” Sendy jokes. Then he seriously advises that a solar company could be in your life for decades. Panels installed today should still generate electricity in 20 to 30 years.

The number of bad company reviews is rising. Solar Reviews data shows one-star reviews on its website have grown much faster than the residential rooftop solar industry itself.

“I think it shows that the marketing machines of some of the worst solar companies in America are succeeding at getting a lot of clients, but not necessarily succeeding in improving their customer service,” Sendy says.

When a solar company sells you a system, they need to set aside enough money to service for the next few decades. Sendy says not all companies do that.

His company has collected company reviews for more than a decade, and Sendy suggests looking for a midsize company that serves a specific area. Then he says search for excellent reviews where customers tell a variety of stories. He says some companies flood sites with good reviews. Ones where customers are talking about a variety of issues that were successfully addressed are more likely to be authentic.

Another option for finding a good installer is to enlist the help of experts. The nonprofit group Solar United Neighbors (SUN) operates in 11 states, Puerto Rico and Washington, D.C. It uses a cooperative model — bringing together 50 to 100 households who all install solar panels at the same time.

“Part of it is saving folks money. The goal is to save about 15% by doing a bulk purchase with their neighbors,” says Roger Horowitz with SUN. Another benefit is that co-op members share research. “They can go solar with their neighbors and get information about installers in the area,” he says.

A technician installs solar panels on a home roof in Arlington Heights, Ill., earlier this year. Nam Y. Huh/AP hide caption

Horowitz’s group has a solar help desk where people can get answers to common questions and feedback on solar proposals. SUN also suggests reviewing the list of installers certified by the North American Board of Certified Energy Practitioners .

Once you get serious about installing solar panels, SUN has developed resources, such as questions to ask an installer , how to read a solar proposal and how to read a solar contract .

Financing a solar power system

Most people can’t afford to pay more than $20,000 cash for solar panels, so about 85% of these systems are financed, according to the Department of Energy .

Experts NPR talked with suggest you should get at least three quotes and ask each company to give you quotes for both financing and paying cash. You want to compare those numbers, because some companies include hidden fees in the cost of a financed system, so they can offer a cheap interest rate.

“It's just like a mortgage, where you can buy down the interest rate,” says Micah Gold-Markel with Solar States, an installation company in Philadelphia. Comparing the cash to the financed price often reveals the fees, which are usually rolled into the price of the system for financed deals.

Gold-Markel’s company stopped offering loans with these hidden fees, because in most cases, customers aren’t told that the price of the panels has been increased to pay for the lower interest rate loan. “That's a discussion you have to have with the client,” he says. “You can't just make decisions on behalf of the client without their full informed consent.”

These hidden fees are significant too. Statistics from EnergySage , which conducts renewable energy research and runs a solar marketplace, show that for the most popular loan — 3.99% for 25 years — fees average 47% for the last half of 2023 . That adds thousands of dollars in cost, even if the interest rate you get is relatively low.

Solar panels being installed on the roof of a home in Frankfort, Ky., in 2023. As complaints against solar companies have increased, some installers are working to repair the industry's reputation. Michael Conroy/AP hide caption

Some solar companies also offer power purchase agreements or leases. Horowitz, with Solar United Neighbors, says you’ll want to scrutinize these agreements closely before signing. “Those can diminish the value of your home,” he says. “If you're selling your home, it's one more item that the buyer needs to agree to — they need to agree to take over your solar lease.”

In a 2014 NPR story a California homeowner with leased panels learned this. Just as he was about to close on the sale of his house, the buyer negotiated a $10,000 price reduction to compensate for taking over a solar lease.

“A more traditional loan, and using that to purchase panels and paying off the loan, seems like the safest way as opposed to this kind of more creative financing models,” says Bosco with the National Consumer Law Center. Some banks and credit unions specialize in this lending, including Clean Energy Credit Union in Colorado and Community 1st Credit Union in Washington state.

There also are federal and some state subsidies to help pay for solar panels. The federal government offers a 30% tax credit, and some states have incentives on top of that. But one thing about tax credits — you need to owe taxes to take advantage of them. Not all salespeople will tell you that.

Cameron Holly of North Richland Hills, Texas, expected a check from the IRS for about $14,000. That’s what the salesperson told him was coming. But his family didn’t owe that much in taxes, so they only got about $2,500 back.

“Honestly, I do feel deceived. Because the way it was always worded, in our conversations with the salespeople, was that we would get this tax credit on our next filing,” he says — adding that he planned to use the money to pay off credit cards and take a family vacation.

He learned it’s better to get tax advice from a tax person rather than a salesperson.

What if solar isn’t right for me?

There are a lot of good reasons to install solar panels on your house. If your state generates most of its electricity from fossil fuels , producing your own power from the sun will reduce your contribution to climate change. And solar panels can save money on utility bills. But they aren’t for everyone.

If your house is shaded by trees, solar panels may not make sense. You can check how much sun your house gets here . And if you rent your home, installing solar panels likely isn’t an option.

You can still help with climate change and save money by using less energy in the first place.

“Maybe the first and most important step a family could take, if they're trying to reduce their energy bills, is actually focusing on energy efficiency and trying to improve insulation and air sealing in the household and efficient appliances,” Bosco says.

The American Council for an Energy-Efficient Economy has helpful resources. Many utilities have conservation programs and will evaluate your home at low or no cost. And if promoting solar is a big goal, some utilities also offer programs that add more solar to the grid.

And keep checking your options. The energy world is changing fast, and if cleaner alternatives aren’t available to you now, they might be soon.

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X, Owned by Elon Musk, Brings Antitrust Suit Accusing Advertisers of a Boycott

The company claimed that members of the Global Alliance for Responsible Media coordinated to dissuade brands from advertising on X.

Elon Musk standing in a group of people.

By Kate Conger

Reporting from San Francisco

X filed a lawsuit on Tuesday against the Global Alliance for Responsible Media, a coalition of major advertisers, claiming that it had violated antitrust laws by coordinating with brands to dissuade them from spending money on the social media platform.

The suit, filed in federal court in Texas, claims that the coalition, known as GARM, “conspired” with leading brands, including CVS, Unilever, Mars and the Danish energy company Orsted, to “collectively withhold billions of dollars in advertising revenue” that were owed to X, then known as Twitter, in the wake of Elon Musk’s takeover of the social media company in 2022.

“The illegal behavior of these organizations and their executives cost X billions of dollars,” wrote Linda Yaccarino, X’s chief executive, in an open letter to advertisers. “People are hurt when the marketplace of ideas is undermined and some viewpoints are not funded over others as part of an illegal boycott.”

With the lawsuit, X effectively declared war on advertisers, which provide the bulk of the social media company’s revenue. Since Mr. Musk acquired the company and promised to usher in a new era of unfettered free speech, many advertisers have limited their spending on X, concerned by reports of rising hate speech and misinformation there. By pursuing legal action against GARM, Mr. Musk continued to break with the leaders of other social media companies, who have forged close relationships with advertisers and been responsive to their concerns about offensive online content.

“We tried being nice for 2 years and got nothing but empty words,” Mr. Musk wrote Tuesday in a post on X . “Now, it is war.” He added in a separate post that he encouraged any company that faced a boycott to file a lawsuit.

“To the extent that Elon hadn’t already burned all bridges and ties with the entire advertising community, I don’t see how this will get any advertisers to come back to X,” said Ruben Schreurs, the chief strategy officer at Ebiquity, a marketing and media consulting firm. “It’s a last-ditch effort to force brands who don’t want to be in the cross hairs of this kind of legal action to return to the platform.”

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Selena Gomez talks about her life and some of the hardships she's encountered in her career to a crowd of 16,000 youth at the first-ever We Day in California...
"The Anatomy of Trust" by Brené Brown speech transcript
Speech Transcript. Oh, it just feels like an incredible understatement to say how grateful I am to be here with all of you. I feel like I have a relationship with many of you on social media, and you were like, "T-minus two days.". I'm like, "It's coming! We're going to be together.".
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ENGLISH SPEECH
Learn English with Selena Gomez. Selena talks about her life and some of the hardships she's encountered in her career to a crowd of 16,000 youth at the firs...
Selena Gomez Speech: Trust Yourself
Selena Marie Gomez is an American singer, songwriter, actress, and television producer. In this Speech, she also quotes: "Please stay true to yourself, please just remain who you are and know that we have each other's back, all of us have each other's back." For more, visit: https://www.englishspeecheschannel.com. Learn English with Selena ...
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So, believe in yourself, your dreams, your abilities and your potential. Have the courage to trust your own decisions, to make mistakes and learn from them. In the words of the great American poet, E.E. Cummings, "Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.".
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Selena Marie Gomez is an American singer, songwriter, actress, and television producer. In this Speech, she also quotes: "Please stay true to yourself, please just remain who you are and know that we have each other's back, all of us have each other's back." - Watch with big English subtitles.
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