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College essay don’ts: 37 Things to Avoid In a college essay

Knowing what not to write about in a college essay is just as important as knowing what to write about!

This post is all about college essay don’ts , including college essay topics to avoid and how not to write your college application essays. 

It’s so important to know what NOT to write about in your college application essay. Whether you’re crafting your essay for the Common App or writing shorter college-specific essays, you need to know how not to write a college essay. 

Choosing the wrong topic for your college application essays could mean that you don’t get admitted to your dream school or you miss out on scholarship money. 

Since you really only have one chance to get it right, you need to know what topics to avoid in your college admissions essays, general college essay don’ts, and what other pitfalls to avoid when writing your college essays.

Essay writing may feel overwhelming and stressful, but knowing what not to do will help you write a great college essay!

What not to write in your college application essay

So you know exactly what not do in college admissions essays, here are 37 college essay tips about college essay don’ts. Follow this advice to know what not to write about in your college essay!

1. Don’t restate the Essay prompt

Start your essay with a hook. Start with dialogue. Start by setting the scene.

Don’t start by restating the essay topic! The reader knows the essay prompts, so just start telling your story. 

A great story will immediately grab the attention of the admission officers and make them want to keep reading!

2. Don’t try to be funny in your college admissions essay

There’s a good chance that what you think is funny may not be funny to the admissions officer. And even if your admissions officer thinks it’s funny, the dean of admissions may not agree.

Clever writing that naturally tells a funny story will get you further than trying too hard to make everyone laugh. 

3. Don’t swear

You might not mind vulgar language, but many people do. It will come off as tasteless and crass. Simply put, curse words should not be part of your college admissions essay. 

4. Don’t just tell the reader what you think

Tell the reader what you did, how you felt, how you changed—not just what you think. Admissions officers don’t want to read about what you think in the abstract.

They want to know what has happened to you in life, how that’s affected you, and what you did as a result. 

Write an engaging, interesting story that shows the reader how you’ve grown and what you’ve learned.

5. Don’t try to Appear perfect

It’s okay that your life is messy and you don’t have it all together. It’s okay that you’re not super organized and you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up.

Your college essay doesn’t need to be about how awesome you are (really, it shouldn’t be!). It just needs to be about the real you. Remember, your personal essay for college should be just that—personal! 

6. Don’t brag

Your achievements are all listed on your resume.

Writing about how great you are, how you saved the day, or how you’re a hero to others is not going to make a positive impression on the reader.

Leave the bragging to the people who wrote your letters of reference. 

7. Don’t emphasize status

Avoid topics that emphasize your financial privilege. Voluntourism trips to aid people living in poverty in far-flung areas of the world is a key example of this.

Don’t write about going on a mission trip to a third world country to volunteer to help the less fortunate and how you learned how privileged you are. Just don’t. 

8. Don’t lie

Don’t inflate your accomplishments. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.

If you write something dishonest in your essay, it won’t match the other parts of your application. If you were found to have been dishonest when writing your essay, you will not be offered admission at that college. 

9. Don’t reveal too much

If you have faced personal challenges, like addiction, mental health struggles, or learning disabilities, those struggles are part of you. You should feel proud of overcoming them.

But your college admissions essay is not the place to share your most deeply personal experiences. 

Some college admissions officers may read about your challenges and want to welcome someone with your tenacity and spirit to their campus.

Unfortunately, most admissions officers will read about your challenges and worry that you will face similar issues at their university. 

Many colleges choose not accept applicants who have demonstrated past mental health issues. This might not seem fair, but it is reality. Don’t hide your true self or be dishonest, but carefully consider how much you want to reveal in your admissions essay about your private struggles. 

10. Don’t write about illegal activities

It’s a safe bet that most colleges do not want to admit students who have a history of participating in illegal activities.

Even if you plan to talk about drug use, alcohol use, jail time, or committing crimes as a way to show growth and discuss lessons learned, illegal activities show a lack of maturity and questionable judgement.

Writing about criminal behavior will not reflect well on you as a candidate for admission. Illegal activities make bad topics for college essays.

11. Don’t summarize your resume

This is one of the biggest college essay don’ts! Your college essay is your opportunity to tell the college admissions office who you really are and what really matters to you.

Your resume already lists your activities, and your transcript details your grades. Your college essay isn’t the place to review these facts; it’s your chance to stand out by telling your story. 

12. Don’t tell a general story

Be specific. In fact, be very specific. Focusing on the details of your story will help make your college essay unique so that it stands out.

A good college essay will tell a story that could only have been written by you—no one else. 

Instead of telling a biopic story of your life, focus on one aspect of your life—your beliefs, a meaningful experience, a key event—that explains who you are and what matters to you. 

13. Don’t write about cliché topics

Avoid writing about the sports victories and defeats. Winning a big game or losing a championship game might mean a lot to you, but sports are common topic and best avoided.

Don’t write about overcoming an academic setback or a romantic breakup.  

14. Don’t write about something controversial

You don’t know who will be reading your college admissions essay, and they might not agree with your views on controversial topics.

Moreover, your reader might not appreciate how you approach a sensitive topic. You might appear close-minded and unempathetic. 

The last thing you want to do is make the admissions officers reading your essay think you would bring discord to the campus community.

15. Don’t undervalue the small stuff

Great essays can be crafted from the small, personal details of daily life.

Don’t underestimate what interesting essays can be written about your morning routine, your favorite family recipe, your relationship with your sibling, or what you do on a snow day. 

In fact, some of the most memorable, best essays have been about a random item, food, or daily routine.

16. Don’t go negative

Criticizing other people, your current school, or anything else will probably just make a bad impression on your readers.

Don’t whine about your life. Negativity says more about you and how you perceive the world around you than it does about anything else. Certainly don’t criticize the college you’re applying to!

If you do want to write about negative experiences you’ve had, quickly move on to discussing what you’ve learned or how you’ve grown as a result of those experiences.

17. Don’t be pompous

Never assume that you know better than your readers or that your approach is the only way.

Don’t tell your reader what they should think. Avoid making generalized value judgements. 

18. Don’t go completely off topic

Don’t try to stand out by submitting a poem or creative writing sample.

Write a thoughtful, well-crafted essay about yourself, just like they asked for.

Show that you respect the school admissions committee’s request and can follow directions. 

19. Don’t ignore the prompt

College admission essay topics are designed to allow you a lot of freedom in how you answer. Craft a story that tells something about you, within the framework of the prompt. 

Just double check that your essay answers the prompt, to make sure you didn’t veer off topic as you wrote and edited the essay. 

Also know that you can write about whatever you’d like to . In your essay writing process, if you find that the first prompt you chose isn’t working out, choose a different one and start again.

20. Don’t get the tone wrong

Your college admissions essay is not an expository essay, formulaic and devoid of warmth. Nor is it the right time for you to use all the fancy words you’ve been studying for the SAT.  

Your college admissions essay should be engaging, show your personality, and sound like you—a teenager reflecting on your life thus far. 

21. Don’t write a trite conclusion

If your essay has done its job, you shouldn’t need to sum it all up for the reader in a neat little final sentence.  

If you have shown your reader what you’ve learned, how you’ve grown, or who you are, you don’t need to say it explicitly at the end of your essay. 

The conclusion is often the hardest part of the essay to get just right, so don’t worry if it’s hard to find the perfect words. Take a break from writing it and come back in a few days to get a fresh perspective on what you’re trying to say.

22. Don’t wait until the last minute to Write

Start writing your college admissions essay weeks, if not months, before its due. Senior year is an incredibly busy time, so it’s a great idea to get started on your college admission essays as early as possible.

Leave plenty of time to think about what you want to say, revise and edit, and finalize the essay. You’ll be amazed at how your essay can improve if you allow ample time to work on it.

If you’re going to apply early decision or early action, consider starting to work on your main essay the summer after junior year, before your senior year even starts, or early in the fall of senior year.

23. Don’t ignore the word count

You don’t want to write too much or too little. Aim to be within a few words of the word limit. Express yourself clearly and concisely.

24. Don’t repeat your resume

When you’re writing your personal statement essay, don’t just repeat your high school resume.

Your personal essay is your chance to talk about an aspect of your personality or life experiences that can’t be found anywhere else in your college application. 

The list of courses you’ve taken (and your grades) tell about your academic interests. So there’s no need to turn your essay into a list of your academic achievements!

Your extracurricular activities show what you’re interested in and how you use your time. If you want to discuss how your extracurricular activities have been formative experiences for you, focus on one particular example. Don’t re-list all your volunteer experiences!

Your personal statement essay should reveal something about you that doesn’t show up in the rest of your application. 

25. Don’t write about an “example” topic

If you have read some amazing examples of college essays, and you’re thinking that you could write on that same topic, don’t.

Chances are, if your English teacher pointed out those examples, or you found them via a Google search, every other high school senior (and every school admission officer) has seen those essays too! 

Instead, dig deep and write your own amazing personal statement !

26. Don’t copy and paste

It’s completely fine to use the Common App to submit your personal essay to every school on your list (as long as they accept the Common App, of course). 

But for each college’s specific essays, tailor your essay to each school. Include specific details about each college that make you want to go there. And make sure your responses are appropriate to the culture of each college. 

If you do copy and paste your essays, be sure the essay doesn’t refer to the wrong school!

27. Don’t overuse the thesaurus

Everyone gets stuck using the same words over and over again, and it’s fine to check a thesaurus when you’re writing. 

But don’t use big words just in an attempt to impress the college admissions officers. Don’t use words you don’t really understand to try to sound smart.

For a great college application essay, write naturally in your own voice and let your true personality show. 

28. Don’t plagiarize

If you’re submitting someone else’s college essay as your own, you’re giving up the chance to share your unique story with the admissions office.

You’re also risking an automatic rejection if you’re caught!

29. Don’t be fake

Use your essay to tell the admissions officers what you want them to know about you.

Don’t try to guess what the admissions officers would like for you to say or try to be someone you’re not. 

Don’t invent a tragic event in your past, claim to have done hours and hours of community service you haven’t done, or exaggerate any aspect of your life.

Be authentic, write with your own voice, and craft an essay that stands out from the other applicants.

Simply take your time to craft a thoughtful essay that tells your personal story. Talk about your unique perspective on one specific experience in your life, using your authentic voice.

30. Don’t write a school essay

Your college admissions essay is not a five-paragraph expository essay that you would write for English class.

A winning college essay should have a beginning and an end, but the part in the middle should tell a good story, not make an argument in three points. 

The expository essay style of writing might be what your English teacher wants, but it makes for bad college essays.

For a college application, a well-written essay will examine your personal growth, your unique experience in life, and the different perspectives through which you see the world. And you should do this by crafting an intriguing story about a specific moment or experience that was significant to you.

31. Don’t Avoid feedback 

If you’re feeling stuck, feel free to ask someone else—a teacher, parent, family member, or friend—to read your essay. Getting feedback on your entire essay is the best way to get a sense of how admissions officers will respond to reading it.

Feedback does not mean that they tell you what to write or how to write it.

Feedback should mean getting input from someone else can help you learn where your essay veers off point or where you need to dig deeper to tell a better story. 

32. Don’t skip editing

Please allow enough time to write AND edit your essay. Ideally, you will write a first draft of your essay, then edit it, then get feedback, then edit it again, then write a final draft (then proofread it—see below). 

Expect to write at least three or four, and maybe many more, drafts of your college application essay. Your essay will improve with each round of editing.

The essay writing process can be time consuming, but in the end you’ll have a strong essay to share with college admissions offices, so it will be worth it!

33. Don’t overedit

What? Didn’t I just tell you to edit?

Yes, absolutely. Just be sure that after you’ve shown your essay to trusted readers and you’ve made your edits, your story still remains.

The essay should still have your voice and should tell the story you want to tell. 

34. Don’t skip proofreading

After you make your edits and write a “final draft,” you might want to click send and submit your essay. But not so fast! 

Take time to do a final proofread of your essay.

Better yet, ask a teacher, college counselor, or someone with excellent grammar and spelling skills to proofread your essay. Having a fresh set of eyes on your essay will help ensure it is error-free. 

35. Don’t just rely on Spellcheck

It’s really important to have an actual person proofread your essay.

Spellcheck and other editing software won’t necessarily catch grammar errors, typos, or poorly structured arguments.

It’s always a good idea to trust the final proofread of your essay to a person, rather than technology. 

36. Don’t submit your essay at the last minute

You never know when a website will get glitchy!

Don’t take a chance that the Common Application or an individual university’s website won’t act up at a crucial moment. Do your best to upload your college essay at least a day before it’s due!

The admissions process is stressful enough without adding in technical errors. Don’t risk missing the deadline by procrastinating!

37. Don’t submit an incomplete essay

When you’re in the Common App website or a specific college’s application portal, and you attach your admission essay, scan it quickly before hitting the submit button.

Be sure you attached the correct file or that the complete essay transferred when you copied and pasted it into the online form.  

It won’t matter if you write a great essay if you don’t submit it correctly!

Final thoughts on college essay don’ts and what not to write in your college essay

Personal essays are a key part of the college application process. College admissions counselors, especially at smaller colleges, use college essays to learn more about the applicants applying for admission at their school. 

An amazing college essay might not make up for bad grades or a lack of extracurriculars, but a poorly written essay may push your application into the reject pile. This is especially true now that test scores are usually optional.

Successful essays allow admissions officers to learn about your personal qualities, your take on global issues, and how you might contribute to campus life.

Writing a great college admission essay is the most important thing you can do to make a great impression on the admissions team.

After looking at so many college applicants, test scores, GPAs, and awards all blend together. It’s the personal essays that stand out when admission counselors are deciding which high school seniors will be accepted.

So, it’s worth taking your time to write the best college admissions essays you can.

By avoiding all these college essay don’ts, you’ll know what not to write in your college essay. 

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Graduate of Brown University, higher ed professional, and mom of three. Sharing everything I’ve learned about college with you.

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10 College Essay Topics to Avoid

By Eric Eng

What makes a good college essay? This is a common question among high school seniors during the application process. A successful college essay captivates admissions officers and reveals the student’s identity and personality, creating a vivid picture that extends beyond grades and test scores, ultimately compelling the reader to advocate for the student’s admission. Thus, students must know which college essay topics to avoid.

Essays play a crucial role in the college admissions process. A well-crafted essay can significantly boost your chances of acceptance, while a poorly written one can jeopardize your prospects.

How can you ensure your college essays stand out? Sometimes, understanding the pitfalls to avoid is the best strategy. In this guide, we’ll explore the college essay topics to steer clear of and offer helpful tips to make your essays shine in the competitive admissions landscape.

Topics To Avoid In Your College Essays

Summary of Your Achievements and Transcripts

Why avoid it

• Redundant Information: Admissions officers already have access to your activities list and transcripts. Rehashing this information in your essay is redundant and doesn’t add any new insight into who you are as a person.
• Missed Opportunity: The essay is your chance to showcase your personality, values, and unique experiences. Repeating what’s already documented in your application wastes an opportunity to present a deeper, more personal narrative.
• Lack of Depth: This approach often results in a superficial essay that lacks depth and fails to provide a compelling story or insight.

Admissions officers may view this as a sign of laziness or a lack of creativity which is why this is one of the most common college essay topics to avoid. They might think you didn’t put in the effort to craft a meaningful essay. Is it so wrong to focus on what you have achieved during high school? It is not, but the main problem is that it misses the essay’s purpose—they won’t get a true sense of who you are.

With limited words, a long list of achievements will feel cramped and lack depth. In fact, it is considered one of the most overused college essay topics. There won’t be enough room to provide context or to showcase your personality. You already have the Activities List and Additional Info sections for these details. Ultimately, it’s far more effective to craft your essay around a single impactful experience rather than turning it into a resume.

Romantic Relationships and First Heartbreak

• Overly Personal: These topics can be very personal and may make the reader uncomfortable. They can also come off as immature if not handled with extreme care and maturity.
• Risk of TMI (Too Much Information): There is a fine line between sharing personal growth and oversharing. Admissions officers are looking for a professional, insightful narrative, not the details of your romantic life.
• Limited Universality: These experiences may not resonate with all readers, and they might be perceived as trivial compared to other potential topics.

Admissions officers might see essays on these topics as lacking maturity or relevance to your academic and personal development . Your love life isn’t relevant to the admissions committee. This makes it one of the Common App essay topics to avoid. Additionally, love is a vast and complex topic, making it unsuitable for a college application essay.

Another issue with this topic is that it shifts the focus away from you and onto someone else. Your essay should be centered on you, as you are the person the admissions committee wants to learn about. Make sure to put yourself first in your essay.

Your Life Hero

• Focus on Someone Else: This topic often results in an essay that focuses more on the hero than on you. Admissions officers want to learn about you, not someone you admire.
• Common Theme: Many students write about their heroes, making it a very common and less original topic.
• Lack of Personal Insight: These essays often fail to show how the hero’s influence has directly shaped your character, decisions, or future goals.

Admissions officers may see this as a missed opportunity to learn about you. They’re looking for essays that reflect your own experiences and perspectives. It’s a cliché college essay topic to avoid and not one of those good topics to write about. Much like writing about a romantic relationship, writing about your hero shifts the focus away from you and onto someone who isn’t applying to college.

That One Big Sports Challenge

• Overdone: Many students write about their sports experiences, making it one of the most common and clichéd topics.
• Predictable Plot: Sports stories often follow a predictable narrative arc (e.g., facing challenges, overcoming them, winning or losing a game), which doesn’t stand out.
• Focus on Events, Not Personal Growth: These essays can sometimes focus more on the events of the game rather than personal growth, lessons learned, or deeper reflections.

These essays may be viewed as generic unless the story offers a unique angle or deep personal insight that is rarely seen which is why this is one of the college essay topics to avoid. 

Another major reason to avoid writing a college essay about a sports challenge is that it requires a lot of words to explain the context of the game, key plays, and the outcome. This leaves little room for personal reflection or stylistic writing, resulting in an essay that may label you as a “generic athlete” to the admissions committee.

Instead, think critically about your experiences to find a unique and compelling topic. For example, Laura Stratton, Director of Admission at Scripps College in California, recalls an exceptionally well-written sports essay about a student who was benched during a final game.

“The self-awareness the student showed by being a good team member, supporting her teammates, and staying positive despite not having the personal experience she wanted, spoke volumes about her character and the kind of roommate or classmate she would be.”

Private Confessions

• Inappropriate Content: Confessional essays can include sensitive or controversial topics that might not be appropriate for a college application.
• Risky Content: Sharing deeply personal issues or past mistakes might not portray you in the best light and can make readers uncomfortable.
• Lack of Positivity: These essays can sometimes come across as overly negative or self-pitying, which is not the tone you want to set.

Admissions officers might see these essays as risky and may question your judgment or maturity. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done that no one else knows about, it’s best not to share these confessions with the admissions committee. Such revelations likely won’t present you in the light you were hoping for.

Instead, focus on an experience that changed your perspective or how you navigated a challenging situation to the best of your ability. These anecdotes demonstrate growth, adaptability, and a willingness to change your viewpoint when presented with new information. These should be the topics to write about for college essay.

Unethical and Illegal Activities

• Negative Impression: Writing about illegal or unethical activities, even if you learned from them, can create a negative impression.
• Judgment Issues: Such topics can raise questions about your judgment and values.
• Inappropriate for Application: This content is generally considered inappropriate for a college application essay.

This topic will be viewed as a red flag, questioning your suitability for their institution making it one of the college essay topics to avoid. Even if it’s not an outright crime, you should avoid writing about unethical activities that reflect poorly on you. For instance, some students have written college essays about being caught cheating on a test and learning from the experience. While learning from mistakes is important, such an essay might lead the admissions committee to question your integrity and wonder if you’ll cheat on college tests and assignments.

The ideal essay topic should build trust with the committee and demonstrate that you’ll add value to the college. Writing about illegal or unethical activities makes this difficult to achieve.

Your Luck and Privilege 

• Tone-Deafness: Essays that focus on how fortunate or blessed you are can come across as tone-deaf, especially if you do not acknowledge your privilege.
• Lack of Hardship or Growth: These essays often fail to show personal growth or resilience since they emphasize luck rather than effort or overcoming challenges.
• Perceived Superficiality: They can seem superficial and may not provide the depth of insight admissions officers are looking for.

Admissions officers might perceive you as lacking awareness or depth in your reflections which makes this one of the Common App essay topics to avoid. If you want to discuss your privilege or blessings, focus on the experience that made you aware of your life circumstances.

Describe how this realization changed you—not just in terms of perspective, but also in your actions. Explain what you did in response to this awakening, ensuring you convey it without coming across as a savior. Admissions committees appreciate vulnerability and honesty.

Your Experience in Volunteering and Educational Trips

• Overdone Topic: Many students write about volunteer experiences, making it one of the most cliche college essays.
• Savior Complex: These essays can sometimes come across as having a savior complex or as condescending towards the people you helped.
• Superficial Reflection: They often fail to move beyond the surface level of the experience to offer deeper personal insights or growth.

These essays are often viewed as unoriginal and lacking depth unless you can provide a unique perspective or profound personal growth making it one of the college essay topics to avoid. 

If you’re determined to share an experience from a trip, choose one meaningful moment to focus on. Did you meet someone who significantly impacted your character or beliefs? Did you encounter an unexpected challenge that required you to rise to the occasion?

The Senior Vice President and Dean of Admissions and Student Aid at Bowdoin College , Whitney Soule, noted, “Overuse of a topic doesn’t make it a bad topic.” By honing in on one specific aspect of your trip, you can differentiate your essay and provide more depth than simply summarizing your entire excursion.

Destroying the ‘Box’

• Trying Too Hard to Be Different: Essays that try too hard to be unconventional can come across as forced or insincere. Good topics to write about always allow you to appear sincere and honest.
• Lack of Substance: Sometimes, these essays focus more on the format or the attempt to be different rather than the content and personal insight.
• Confusion: Unconventional essays can confuse or alienate the reader if not executed well.

These essays can be viewed as gimmicky and lacking in genuine reflection or substance. Being creative doesn’t require reinventing or destroying the wheel with your essay. Instead, focus on describing an anecdote or situation with detailed descriptions and vibrant imagery. Channel your creativity into your word choice and scene-setting. This approach will resonate more effectively with the admissions committee than a poem or song ever could (pun intended).

An Experience From Way Before High School

• Irrelevance: Admissions officers are more interested in your recent experiences and growth, particularly during high school.
• Lack of Current Reflection: Events from early childhood or before high school may not reflect your current maturity, skills, or perspectives.
• Missed Opportunity: Focusing on distant past events might cause you to miss the opportunity to showcase your more recent and relevant experiences and achievements.

Admissions officers may view these essays as irrelevant or uninformative about your current self, which is what they are most interested in. 

What do admissions officers look for in college essays?

Overall, colleges aim to understand who you are through your essays, focusing on your perspective, values, and unique voice. However, there’s a paradox in the essay prompts: they are often quite broad. For instance, a prompt might ask you to describe a time you overcame a challenge.

Many students assume the admissions committee is primarily interested in the challenge itself. In reality, what the committee truly wants to learn is more about you, and these prompts were created to reveal your character in an insightful manner.

Admissions officers look for several key elements in college essays to understand applicants better and determine their fit for the institution. Here are some important aspects they consider:

1. Authenticity

• Genuine Voice: They want to hear your unique voice and see your true self. Authenticity stands out and makes your essay memorable. The best topics to write about for college essay should bring out your unique and honest voice.
• Personal Stories: Sharing personal anecdotes and reflections helps convey who you are beyond your grades and test scores.

2. Self-Reflection

• Insights: Demonstrating self-awareness and the ability to reflect on your experiences is crucial. Admissions officers are interested in how you interpret and learn from your experiences.
• Growth: They look for evidence of personal growth and development over time.

3. Clear and Engaging Writing

• Clarity: Your essay should be well-written and easy to follow. Clear, concise writing is important.
• Engagement: The essay should capture and hold the reader’s interest from start to finish.

4. Specificity

• Details: Use specific details and examples to illustrate your points. Vivid descriptions make your story more compelling.
• Focus: Rather than covering too many topics, focus on one or two key experiences that highlight your strengths and personality.

5. Originality

• Unique Perspective: Offering a unique perspective or angle can make your essay stand out. Avoid clichés and overused topics unless you can present them in an original way.
• Creative Expression: Creativity in how you express your ideas can make your essay more memorable.

6. Relevance to the College

• Fit: Show why you are a good fit for the college and how the college is a good fit for you. Mention specific programs, opportunities, or values that attract you to the school.
• Contribution: Highlight how you plan to contribute to the college community and what you bring to the table.

7. Values and Character

• Integrity and Ethics: Admissions officers look for students who demonstrate strong moral character and integrity.
• Passion and Commitment: Showing passion for your interests and commitment to your goals is important.

8. Resilience and Problem-Solving

• Overcoming Challenges: Discussing how you’ve faced and overcome challenges can demonstrate resilience and problem-solving skills. The best topics to write about for college essay should demonstrate how you have overcome challenges and what you learned from them.
• Adaptability: Showing how you adapt to new situations and learn from them is valuable.
• Community Involvement: Essays that highlight your involvement in and impact on your community can be very compelling.
• Making a Difference: Demonstrating how you have made a positive difference, whether large or small, can be impactful.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are personal experiences I should not talk about in my college essays?

Avoid discussing overused college essay topics and sensitive personal experiences such as illegal activities, romantic relationships, deeply personal confessions, traumatic events, or controversial topics in your college application. Instead, focus on experiences that showcase your growth, character, and suitability for the college. We also highlighted the college essay topics to avoid to help you write great college admissions essays.

What topics might come across as arrogant or boastful in my college essays?

Topics that might come across as arrogant or boastful in college essays include excessive bragging about achievements, highlighting privilege without self-awareness, and focusing too much on personal success without acknowledging others’ contributions or showing humility.

How do I know if an essay topic is overdone or unoriginal?

An essay topic is likely overdone or unoriginal if it frequently appears in common advice articles, feels generic, or lacks a unique personal angle. Researching overused college essay topics and common essay themes and seeking feedback can help determine their originality. To stand out, try to find a unique perspective or a more personal approach to these topics.

What are considered cliche college essays?

Cliché college essays typically include topics such as:

• Overcoming a sports injury
• The “big game” sports story
• Mission trips or volunteer experiences abroad
• Essays about a hero or influential person
• Generic reflections on personal growth
• Descriptions of a family member’s illness or death
• Essays centered around romantic relationships or breakups
• Stories of achieving academic success or winning awards without deeper personal insight

These topics are often overused and can lack the personal, unique touch that admissions officers seek.

Do I steer clear from writing about controversial and polarizing political or religious beliefs in my college essays?

Yes, it’s generally advisable to steer clear of writing about controversial and polarizing political or religious beliefs in your college essays. Such topics can be divisive and may detract from the primary goal of showcasing your personality, values, and potential fit with the college. Instead, focus on experiences and perspectives that highlight your growth, character, and individuality.

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Bad College Essays: 10 Mistakes You Must Avoid

College Essays

Just as there are noteworthy examples of excellent college essays that admissions offices like to publish, so are there cringe-worthy examples of terrible college essays that end up being described by anonymous admissions officers on Reddit discussion boards.

While I won't guarantee that your essay will end up in the first category, I will say that you follow my advice in this article, your essay most assuredly won't end up in the second. How do you avoid writing a bad admissions essay? Read on to find out what makes an essay bad and to learn which college essay topics to avoid. I'll also explain how to recognize bad college essays—and what to do to if you end up creating one by accident.

What Makes Bad College Essays Bad

What exactly happens to turn a college essay terrible? Just as great personal statements combine an unexpected topic with superb execution, flawed personal statements compound problematic subject matter with poor execution.

Problems With the Topic

The primary way to screw up a college essay is to flub what the essay is about or how you've decided to discuss a particular experience. Badly chosen essay content can easily create an essay that is off-putting in one of a number of ways I'll discuss in the next section.

The essay is the place to let the admissions office of your target college get to know your personality, character, and the talents and skills that aren't on your transcript. So if you start with a terrible topic, not only will you end up with a bad essay, but you risk ruining the good impression that the rest of your application makes.

Some bad topics show admissions officers that you don't have a good sense of judgment or maturity , which is a problem since they are building a class of college students who have to be able to handle independent life on campus.

Other bad topics suggest that you are a boring person , or someone who doesn't process your experience in a colorful or lively way, which is a problem since colleges want to create a dynamic and engaged cohort of students.

Still other bad topics indicate that you're unaware of or disconnected from the outside world and focused only on yourself , which is a problem since part of the point of college is to engage with new people and new ideas, and admissions officers are looking for people who can do that.

Problems With the Execution

Sometimes, even if the experiences you discuss could be the foundation of a great personal statement, the way you've structured and put together your essay sends up warning flags. This is because the admissions essay is also a place to show the admissions team the maturity and clarity of your writing style.

One way to get this part wrong is to exhibit very faulty writing mechanics , like unclear syntax or incorrectly used punctuation. This is a problem since college-ready writing is one of the things that's expected from a high school graduate.

Another way to mess this up is to ignore prompt instructions either for creative or careless reasons. This can show admissions officers that you're either someone who simply blows off directions and instructions or someone who can't understand how to follow them . Neither is a good thing, since they are looking for people who are open to receiving new information from professors and not just deciding they know everything already.

College Essay Topics To Avoid

Want to know why you're often advised to write about something mundane and everyday for your college essay? That's because the more out-there your topic, the more likely it is to stumble into one of these trouble categories.

Too Personal

The problem with the overly personal essay topic is that revealing something very private can show that you don't really understand boundaries . And knowing where appropriate boundaries are will be key for living on your own with a bunch of people not related to you.

Unfortunately, stumbling into the TMI zone of essay topics is more common than you think. One quick test for checking your privacy-breaking level: if it's not something you'd tell a friendly stranger sitting next to you on the plane, maybe don't tell it to the admissions office.

• Describing losing your virginity, or anything about your sex life really. This doesn't mean you can't write about your sexual orientation—just leave out the actual physical act.
• Writing in too much detail about your illness, disability, any other bodily functions. Detailed meaningful discussion of what this physical condition has meant to you and your life is a great thing to write about. But stay away from body horror and graphic descriptions that are simply there for gratuitous shock value.
• Waxing poetic about your love for your significant other. Your relationship is adorable to the people currently involved in it, but those who don't know you aren't invested in this aspect of your life.
• Confessing to odd and unusual desires of the sexual or illegal variety. Your obsession with cultivating cacti is wonderful topic, while your obsession with researching explosives is a terrible one.

Too Revealing of Bad Judgment

Generally speaking, leave past illegal or immoral actions out of your essay . It's simply a bad idea to give admissions officers ammunition to dislike you.

Some exceptions might be if you did something in a very, very different mindset from the one you're in now (in the midst of escaping from danger, under severe coercion, or when you were very young, for example). Or if your essay is about explaining how you've turned over a new leaf and you have the transcript to back you up.

• Writing about committing crime as something fun or exciting. Unless it's on your permanent record, and you'd like a chance to explain how you've learned your lesson and changed, don't put this in your essay.
• Describing drug use or the experience of being drunk or high. Even if you're in a state where some recreational drugs are legal, you're a high school student. Your only exposure to mind-altering substances should be caffeine.
• Making up fictional stories about yourself as though they are true. You're unlikely to be a good enough fantasist to pull this off, and there's no reason to roll the dice on being discovered to be a liar.
• Detailing your personality flaws. Unless you have a great story of coping with one of these, leave deal-breakers like pathological narcissism out of your personal statement.

Too Overconfident

While it's great to have faith in your abilities, no one likes a relentless show-off. No matter how magnificent your accomplishments, if you decide to focus your essay on them, it's better to describe a setback or a moment of doubt rather that simply praising yourself to the skies.

• Bragging and making yourself the flawless hero of your essay. This goes double if you're writing about not particularly exciting achievements like scoring the winning goal or getting the lead in the play.
• Having no awareness of the actual scope of your accomplishments. It's lovely that you take time to help others, but volunteer-tutoring a couple of hours a week doesn't make you a saintly figure.

Too Clichéd or Boring

Remember your reader. In this case, you're trying to make yourself memorable to an admissions officer who has been reading thousands of other essays . If your essay makes the mistake of being boring or trite, it just won't register in that person's mind as anything worth paying attention to.

• Transcribing your resume into sentence form or writing about the main activity on your transcript. The application already includes your resume, or a detailed list of your various activities. Unless the prompt specifically asks you to write about your main activity, the essay needs to be about a facet of your interests and personality that doesn't come through the other parts of the application.
• Writing about sports. Every athlete tries to write this essay. Unless you have a completely off-the-wall story or unusual achievement, leave this overdone topic be.
• Being moved by your community service trip to a third-world country. Were you were impressed at how happy the people seemed despite being poor? Did you learn a valuable lesson about how privileged you are? Unfortunately, so has every other teenager who traveled on one of these trips. Writing about this tends to simultaneously make you sound unempathetic, clueless about the world, way over-privileged, and condescending. Unless you have a highly specific, totally unusual story to tell, don't do it.
• Reacting with sadness to a sad, but very common experience. Unfortunately, many of the hard, formative events in your life are fairly universal. So, if you're going to write about death or divorce, make sure to focus on how you dealt with this event, so the essay is something only you could possibly have written. Only detailed, idiosyncratic description can save this topic.
• Going meta. Don't write about the fact that you're writing the essay as we speak, and now the reader is reading it, and look, the essay is right here in the reader's hand. It's a technique that seems clever, but has already been done many times in many different ways.
• Offering your ideas on how to fix the world. This is especially true if your solution is an easy fix, if only everyone would just listen to you. Trust me, there's just no way you are being realistically appreciative of the level of complexity inherent in the problem you're describing.
• Starting with a famous quotation. There usually is no need to shore up your own words by bringing in someone else's. Of course, if you are writing about a particular phrase that you've adopted as a life motto, feel free to include it. But even then, having it be the first line in your essay feels like you're handing the keys over to that author and asking them to drive.
• Using an everyday object as a metaphor for your life/personality. "Shoes. They are like this, and like that, and people love them for all of these reasons. And guess what? They are just like me."

Too Off-Topic

Unlike the essays you've been writing in school where the idea is to analyze something outside of yourself, the main subject of your college essay should be you, your background, your makeup, and your future . Writing about someone or something else might well make a great essay, but not for this context.

• Paying tribute to someone very important to you. Everyone would love to meet your grandma, but this isn't the time to focus on her amazing coming of age story. If you do want to talk about a person who is important to your life, dwell on the ways you've been impacted by them, and how you will incorporate this impact into your future.
• Documenting how well other people do things, say things, are active, while you remain passive and inactive in the essay. Being in the orbit of someone else's important lab work, or complex stage production, or meaningful political activism is a fantastic learning moment. But if you decide to write about, your essay should be about your learning and how you've been influenced, not about the other person's achievements.
• Concentrating on a work of art that deeply moved you. Watch out for the pitfall of writing an analytical essay about that work, and not at all about your reaction to it or how you've been affected since. Check out our explanation of how to answer Topic D of the ApplyTexas application to get some advice on writing about someone else's work while making sure your essay still points back at you.

(Image: Pieter Christoffel Wonder [Public domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

Too Offensive

With this potential mistake, you run the risk of showing a lack of self-awareness or the ability to be open to new ideas . Remember, no reader wants to be lectured at. If that's what your essay does, you are demonstrating an inability to communicate successfully with others.

Also, remember that no college is eager to admit someone who is too close-minded to benefit from being taught by others. A long, one-sided essay about a hot-button issue will suggest that you are exactly that.

• Ranting at length about political, religious, or other contentious topics. You simply don't know where the admissions officer who reads your essay stands on any of these issues. It's better to avoid upsetting or angering that person.
• Writing a one-sided diatribe about guns, abortion, the death penalty, immigration, or anything else in the news. Even if you can marshal facts in your argument, this essay is simply the wrong place to take a narrow, unempathetic side in an ongoing debate.
• Mentioning anything negative about the school you're applying to. Again, your reader is someone who works there and presumably is proud of the place. This is not the time to question the admissions officer's opinions or life choices.

College Essay Execution Problems To Avoid

Bad college essays aren't only caused by bad topics. Sometimes, even if you're writing about an interesting, relevant topic, you can still seem immature or unready for college life because of the way you present that topic—the way you actually write your personal statement. Check to make sure you haven't made any of the common mistakes on this list.

Tone-Deafness

Admissions officers are looking for resourcefulness, the ability to be resilient, and an active and optimistic approach to life —these are all qualities that create a thriving college student. Essays that don't show these qualities are usually suffering from tone-deafness.

• Being whiny or complaining about problems in your life. Is the essay about everyone doing things to/against you? About things happening to you, rather than you doing anything about them? That perspective is a definite turn-off.
• Trying and failing to use humor. You may be very funny in real life, but it's hard to be successfully funny in this context, especially when writing for a reader who doesn't know you. If you do want to use humor, I'd recommend the simplest and most straightforward version: being self-deprecating and low-key.
• Talking down to the reader, or alternately being self-aggrandizing. No one enjoys being condescended to. In this case, much of the function of your essay is to charm and make yourself likable, which is unlikely to happen if you adopt this tone.
• Being pessimistic, cynical, and generally depressive. You are applying to college because you are looking forward to a future of learning, achievement, and self-actualization. This is not the time to bust out your existential ennui and your jaded, been-there-done-that attitude toward life.

(Image: Eduard Munch [Public Domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

Lack of Personality

One good question to ask yourself is: could anyone else have written this essay ? If the answer is yes, then you aren't doing a good job of representing your unique perspective on the world. It's very important to demonstrate your ability to be a detailed observer of the world, since that will be one of your main jobs as a college student.

• Avoiding any emotions, and appearing robot-like and cold in the essay. Unlike essays that you've been writing for class, this essay is meant to be a showcase of your authorial voice and personality. It may seem strange to shift gears after learning how to take yourself out of your writing, but this is the place where you have to put as much as yourself in as possible.
• Skipping over description and specific details in favor of writing only in vague generalities. Does your narrative feel like a newspaper horoscope, which could apply to every other person who was there that day? Then you're doing it wrong and need to refocus on your reaction, feelings, understanding, and transformation.

Off-Kilter Style

There's some room for creativity here, yes, but a college essay isn't a free-for-all postmodern art class . True, there are prompts that specifically call for your most out-of-left-field submission, or allow you to submit a portfolio or some other work sample instead of a traditional essay. But on a standard application, it's better to stick to traditional prose, split into paragraphs, further split into sentences.

• Submitting anything other than just the materials asked for on your application. Don't send food to the admissions office, don't write your essay on clothing or shoes, don't create a YouTube channel about your undying commitment to the school. I know there are a lot of urban legends about "that one time this crazy thing worked," but they are either not true or about something that will not work a second time.
• Writing your essay in verse, in the form of a play, in bullet points, as an acrostic, or any other non-prose form. Unless you really have a way with poetry or playwriting, and you are very confident that you can meet the demands of the prompt and explain yourself well in this form, don't discard prose simply for the sake of being different.
• Using as many "fancy" words as possible and getting very far away from sounding like yourself. Admissions officers are unanimous in wanting to hear your not fully formed teenage voice in your essay. This means that you should write at the top of your vocabulary range and syntax complexity, but don't trade every word up for a thesaurus synonym. Your essay will suffer for it.

Failure to Proofread

Most people have a hard time checking over their own work. This is why you have to make sure that someone else proofreads your writing . This is the one place where you can, should—and really must—get someone who knows all about grammar, punctuation and has a good eye for detail to take a red pencil to your final draft.

Otherwise, you look like you either don't know the basic rules or writing (in which case, are you really ready for college work?) or don't care enough to present yourself well (in which case, why would the admissions people care about admitting you?).

• Typos, grammatical mistakes, punctuation flubs, weird font/paragraph spacing issues. It's true that these are often unintentional mistakes. But caring about getting it right is a way to demonstrate your work ethic and dedication to the task at hand.
• Going over the word limit. Part of showing your brilliance is being able to work within arbitrary rules and limitations. Going over the word count points to a lack of self-control, which is not a very attractive feature in a college applicant.
• Repeating the same word(s) or sentence structure over and over again. This makes your prose monotonous and hard to read.

Bad College Essay Examples—And How to Fix Them

The beauty of writing is that you get to rewrite. So if you think of your essay as a draft waiting to be revised into a better version rather than as a precious jewel that can't bear being touched, you'll be in far better shape to correct the issues that always crop up!

Now let's take a look at some actual college essay drafts to see where the writer is going wrong and how the issue could be fixed.

Essay #1: The "I Am Writing This Essay as We Speak" Meta-Narrative

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine. I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

In my junior year, I always had in mind an image of myself finishing the college essay months before the deadline. But as the weeks dragged on and the deadline drew near, it soon became clear that at the rate things are going I would probably have to make new plans for my October, November and December.

Falling into my personal wormhole, I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!" I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

I fell into a state of panic. My college essay. My image of myself in senior year. Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there. My heart lifted, I took his advice and listed three of my greatest achievements - mastering my backgammon strategy, being a part of TREE in my sophomore year, and performing "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from The Pirates of Penzance in public. And sure enough, I felt inspiration hit me and began to type away furiously into the keyboard about my experience in TREE, or Trees Require Engaged Environmentalists. I reflected on the current state of deforestation, and described the dichotomy of it being both understandable why farmers cut down forests for farmland, and how dangerous this is to our planet. Finally, I added my personal epiphany to the end of my college essay as the cherry on the vanilla sundae, as the overused saying goes.

After 3 weeks of figuring myself out, I have converted myself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transform a human being into 603 words surely deserves a gold medal. Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In the middle of a hike through Philadelphia's Fairmount Park, I realized that the college essay was nothing more than an embodiment of my character. The two essays I have written were not right because they have failed to become more than just words on recycled paper. The subject failed to come alive. Certainly my keen interest in Star Trek and my enthusiasm for TREE are a great part of who I am, but there were other qualities essential in my character that did not come across in the essays.

With this realization, I turned around as quickly as I could without crashing into a tree.

What Essay #1 Does Well

Here are all things that are working on all cylinders for this personal statement as is.

Killer First Sentence

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine.

• A strange fact. There are different kinds of tornadoes? What is a "landspout tornado" anyway?
• A late-night-deep-thoughts hypothetical. What would it be like to be a kid whose house was destroyed in this unusual way?
• Direct engagement with the reader. Instead of asking "what would it be like to have a tornado destroy a house" it asks "was your house ever destroyed."

Gentle, Self-Deprecating Humor That Lands Well

I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

The author has his cake and eats it too here: both making fun of himself for being super into the Star Trek mythos, but also showing himself being committed enough to try whispering a command to the Enterprise computer alone in his room. You know, just in case.

A Solid Point That Is Made Paragraph by Paragraph

The meat of the essay is that the two versions of himself that the author thought about portraying each fails in some way to describe the real him. Neither an essay focusing on his off-beat interests, nor an essay devoted to his serious activism could capture everything about a well-rounded person in 600 words.

(Image: fir0002 via Wikimedia Commons .)

Where Essay #1 Needs Revision

Rewriting these flawed parts will make the essay shine.

Spending Way Too Long on the Metanarrative

I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

After 3 weeks of figuring myself out, I have converted myself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transform a human being into 603 words surely deserves a gold medal.

Look at how long and draggy these paragraphs are, especially after that zippy opening. Is it at all interesting to read about how someone else found the process of writing hard? Not really, because this is a very common experience.

In the rewrite, I'd advise condensing all of this to maybe a sentence to get to the meat of the actual essay .

Letting Other People Do All the Doing

I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!"

Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there.

Twice in the essay, the author lets someone else tell him what to do. Not only that, but it sounds like both of the "incomplete" essays were dictated by the thoughts of other people and had little to do with his own ideas, experiences, or initiative.

In the rewrite, it would be better to recast both the Star Trek and the TREE versions of the essay as the author's own thoughts rather than someone else's suggestions . This way, the point of the essay—taking apart the idea that a college essay could summarize life experience—is earned by the author's two failed attempts to write that other kind of essay.

Leaving the Insight and Meaning Out of His Experiences

Both the Star Trek fandom and the TREE activism were obviously important life experiences for this author—important enough to be potential college essay topic candidates. But there is no description of what the author did with either one, nor any explanation of why these were so meaningful to his life.

It's fine to say that none of your achievements individually define you, but in order for that to work, you have to really sell the achievements themselves.

In the rewrite, it would be good to explore what he learned about himself and the world by pursuing these interests . How did they change him or seen him into the person he is today?

Not Adding New Shades and Facets of Himself Into the Mix

So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In both of these passages, there is the perfect opportunity to point out what exactly these failed versions of the essay didn't capture about the author . In the next essay draft, I would suggest subtly making a point about his other qualities.

For example, after the Star Trek paragraph, he could talk about other culture he likes to consume, especially if he can discuss art forms he is interested in that would not be expected from someone who loves Star Trek .

Or, after the TREE paragraph, the author could explain why this second essay was no better at capturing him than the first. What was missing? Why is the self in the essay shouting—is it because this version paints him as an overly aggressive activist?

Essay #2: The "I Once Saw Poor People" Service Trip Essay

Unlike other teenagers, I'm not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteen year-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive. My whole outlook on life changed after I realized that my life was just being handed to me on a silver spoon, and yet there were those in the world who didn't have enough food to eat or place to live. I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

During the summer of 2006, I went on a community service trip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to help the unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies crying from hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness. But my most vivid memory was the moment I first got to the farming town. The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water? As these questions rolled around my already dazed mind, I heard a soft voice asking me in Spanish, "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" I looked down to see a small boy, around nine years of age, who looked starved, and cold, wearing tattered clothing, comforting me. These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate ahead of themselves. It was at that moment that I saw how selfish I had been. How many people suffered like this in the world, while I went about life concerned about nothing at all?

Thinking back on the trip, maybe I made a difference, maybe not. But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

What Essay #2 Does Well

Let's first point out what this draft has going for it.

Clear Chronology

This is an essay that tries to explain a shift in perspective. There are different ways to structure this overarching idea, but a chronological approach that starts with an earlier opinion, describes a mind changing event, and ends with the transformed point of view is an easy and clear way to lay this potentially complex subject out.

(Image: User:Lite via Wikimedia Commons)

Where Essay #2 Needs Revision

Now let's see what needs to be changed in order for this essay to pass muster.

Condescending, Obnoxious Tone

Unlike other teenagers, I'm not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteen year-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive.

This is a very broad generalization, which doesn't tend to be the best way to formulate an argument—or to start an essay. It just makes this author sound dismissive of a huge swath of the population.

In the rewrite, this author would be way better off just concentrate on what she want to say about herself, not pass judgment on "other teenagers," most of whom she doesn't know and will never meet.

I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

Coming from someone who hasn't earned her place in the world through anything but the luck of being born, the word "compassion" sounds really condescending. Calling others "less fortunate" when you're a senior in high school has a dehumanizing quality to it.

These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate in front of themselves.

Again, this comes across as very patronizing. Not only that, but to this little boy the author was clearly not looking all that "fortunate"—instead, she looked pathetic enough to need comforting.

In the next draft, a better hook could be making the essay about the many different kinds of shifting perspectives the author encountered on that trip . A more meaningful essay would compare and contrast the points of view of the TV commercials, to what the group leader said, to the author's own expectations, and finally to this child's point of view.

Vague, Unobservant Description

During the summer of 2006, I went on a community service trip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to help the unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies crying from hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness.

Phrases like "cries of the small children from not having enough to eat" and "dirt stained rags" seem like descriptions, but they're really closer to incurious and completely hackneyed generalizations. Why were the kids were crying? How many kids? All the kids? One specific really loud kid?

The same goes for "filthy rags," which is both an incredibly insensitive way to talk about the clothing of these villagers, and again shows a total lack of interest in their life. Why were their clothes dirty? Were they workers or farmers so their clothes showing marks of labor? Did they have Sunday clothes? Traditional clothes they would put on for special occasions? Did they make their own clothes? That would be a good reason to keep wearing clothing even if it had "stains" on it.

The rewrite should either make this section more specific and less reliant on cliches, or should discard it altogether .

The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality.

If this is the "most vivid memory," then I would expect to read all the details that have been seared into the author's brain. What did their leader tell them? What was different in real life? What was the light like? What did the houses/roads/grass/fields/trees/animals/cars look like? What time of day was it? Did they get there by bus, train, or plane? Was there an airport/train station/bus terminal? A city center? Shops? A marketplace?

There are any number of details to include here when doing another drafting pass.

Lack of Insight or Maturity

But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water?

Without a framing device explaining that this initial panic was an overreaction, this section just makes the author sound whiny, entitled, melodramatic, and immature . After all, this isn't a a solo wilderness trek—the author is there with a paid guided program. Just how much mortality is typically associated with these very standard college-application-boosting service trips?

In a rewrite, I would suggest including more perspective on the author's outsized and overprivileged response here. This would fit well with a new focus on the different points of view on this village the author encountered.

Unearned, Clichéd "Deep Thoughts"

But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

Is it really believable that this is what the author learned? There is maybe some evidence to suggest that the author was shaken somewhat out of a comfortable, materialistic existence. But what does "there is more to life than just being alive" even really mean? This conclusion is rather vague, and seems mostly a non sequitur.

In a rewrite, the essay should be completely reoriented to discuss how differently others see us than we see ourselves, pivoting on the experience of being pitied by someone who you thought was pitiable. Then, the new version can end by on a note of being better able to understand different points of view and other people's perspectives .

The Bottom Line

• Bad college essays have problems either with their topics or their execution.
• The essay is how admissions officers learn about your personality, point of view, and maturity level, so getting the topic right is a key factor in letting them see you as an aware, self-directed, open-minded applicant who is going to thrive in an environment of independence.
• The essay is also how admissions officers learn that you are writing at a ready-for-college level, so screwing up the execution shows that you either don't know how to write, or don't care enough to do it well.
• The main ways college essay topics go wrong is bad taste, bad judgment, and lack of self-awareness.
• The main ways college essays fail in their execution have to do with ignoring format, syntax, and genre expectations.

What's Next?

Want to read some excellent college essays now that you've seen some examples of flawed one? Take a look through our roundup of college essay examples published by colleges and then get help with brainstorming your perfect college essay topic .

Need some guidance on other parts of the application process? Check out our detailed, step-by-step guide to college applications for advice.

Are you considering taking the SAT or ACT again before you submit your application? Read about our famous test prep guides for hints and strategies for a better score.

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How to Write Your College Essay: The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide

Getting ready to start your college essay? Your essay is very important to your application — especially if you’re applying to selective colleges.

Become a stronger writer by reviewing your peers’ essays and get your essay reviewed as well for free.

We have regular livestreams during which we walk you through how to write your college essay and review essays live.

College Essay Basics

Just getting started on college essays? This section will guide you through how you should think about your college essays before you start.

• Why do essays matter in the college application process?
• What is a college application theme and how do you come up with one?
• How to format and structure your college essay

Before you move to the next section, make sure you understand:

How a college essay fits into your application

What a strong essay does for your chances

How to create an application theme

Learn the Types of College Essays

Next, let’s make sure you understand the different types of college essays. You’ll most likely be writing a Common App or Coalition App essay, and you can also be asked to write supplemental essays for each school. Each essay has a prompt asking a specific question. Each of these prompts falls into one of a few different types. Understanding the types will help you better answer the prompt and structure your essay.

• How to Write a Personal Statement That Wows Colleges
• Personal Statement Essay Examples
• How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity Essay
• Extracurricular Essay Examples
• Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay
• Diversity Essay Examples
• Tips for Writing a Standout Community Service Essay
• How to Write the “Why This Major” Essay
• How to Write a “Why This Major” Essay if You’re Undecided
• How to write the “Why This College” Essay
• How to Research a College to Write the “Why This College” Essay
• Why This College Essay Examples
• How to Write The Overcoming Challenges Essay
• Overcoming Challenges Essay Examples

Identify how each prompt fits into an essay type

What each type of essay is really asking of you

How to write each essay effectively

The Common App essay

Almost every student will write a Common App essay, which is why it’s important you get this right.

• How to Write the Common App Essay
• Successful Common App Essay Examples
• 5 Awesome College Essay Topics + Sample Essays
• 11 Cliché College Essay Topics + How to Fix Them

How to choose which Common App prompts to answer

How to write a successful Common App essay

What to avoid to stand out to admissions officers

Supplemental Essay Guides

Many schools, especially competitive ones, will ask you to write one or more supplemental essays. This allows a school to learn more about you and how you might fit into their culture.

These essays are extremely important in standing out. We’ve written guides for all the top schools. Follow the link below to find your school and read last year’s essay guides to give you a sense of the essay prompts. We’ll update these in August when schools release their prompts.

See last year’s supplemental essay guides to get a sense of the prompts for your schools.

Essay brainstorming and composition

Now that you’re starting to write your essay, let’s dive into the writing process. Below you’ll find our top articles on the craft of writing an amazing college essay.

• Where to Begin? 3 Personal Essay Brainstorming Exercises
• Creating the First Draft of Your College Application Essay
• How to Get the Perfect Hook for Your College Essay
• What If I Don’t Have Anything Interesting To Write About In My College Essay?
• 8 Do’s and Don’t for Crafting Your College Essay
• Stuck on Your College Essay? 8 Tips for Overcoming Writer’s Block

Understand how to write a great hook for your essay

Complete the first drafts of your essay

Editing and polishing your essay

Have a first draft ready? See our top editing tips below. Also, you may want to submit your essay to our free Essay Peer Review to get quick feedback and join a community of other students working on their essays.

• 11 Tips for Proofreading and Editing Your College Essay
• Getting Help with Your College Essay
• 5 DIY Tips for Editing Your College Essay
• How Long Should Your College Essay Be?
• Essential Grammar Rules for Your College Apps
• College Essay Checklist: Are You Ready to Submit?

Proofread and edited your essay.

Had someone else look through your essay — we recommend submitting it for a peer review.

Make sure your essay meets all requirements — consider signing up for a free account to view our per-prompt checklists to help you understand when you’re really ready to submit.

Advanced College Essay Techniques

Let’s take it one step further and see how we can make your college essay really stand out! We recommend reading through these posts when you have a draft to work with.

• 10 Guidelines for Highly Readable College Essays
• How to Use Literary Devices to Enhance Your Essay
• How to Develop a Personalized Metaphor for Your College Applications

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12 Strategies to Writing the Perfect College Essay

College admission committees sift through thousands of college essays each year. Here’s how to make yours stand out.

Pamela Reynolds

When it comes to deciding who they will admit into their programs, colleges consider many criteria, including high school grades, extracurricular activities, and ACT and SAT scores. But in recent years, more colleges are no longer considering test scores.

Instead, many (including Harvard through 2026) are opting for “test-blind” admission policies that give more weight to other elements in a college application. This policy change is seen as fairer to students who don’t have the means or access to testing, or who suffer from test anxiety.

So, what does this mean for you?

Simply that your college essay, traditionally a requirement of any college application, is more important than ever.

A college essay is your unique opportunity to introduce yourself to admissions committees who must comb through thousands of applications each year. It is your chance to stand out as someone worthy of a seat in that classroom.

A well-written and thoughtful essay—reflecting who you are and what you believe—can go a long way to separating your application from the slew of forgettable ones that admissions officers read. Indeed, officers may rely on them even more now that many colleges are not considering test scores.

Below we’ll discuss a few strategies you can use to help your essay stand out from the pack. We’ll touch on how to start your essay, what you should write for your college essay, and elements that make for a great college essay.

Be Authentic

More than any other consideration, you should choose a topic or point of view that is consistent with who you truly are.

Readers can sense when writers are inauthentic.

Inauthenticity could mean the use of overly flowery language that no one would ever use in conversation, or it could mean choosing an inconsequential topic that reveals very little about who you are.

Use your own voice, sense of humor, and a natural way of speaking.

Whatever subject you choose, make sure it’s something that’s genuinely important to you and not a subject you’ve chosen just to impress. You can write about a specific experience, hobby, or personality quirk that illustrates your strengths, but also feel free to write about your weaknesses.

Honesty about traits, situations, or a childhood background that you are working to improve may resonate with the reader more strongly than a glib victory speech.

Grab the Reader From the Start

You’ll be competing with so many other applicants for an admission officer’s attention.

Therefore, start your essay with an opening sentence or paragraph that immediately seizes the imagination. This might be a bold statement, a thoughtful quote, a question you pose, or a descriptive scene.

Starting your essay in a powerful way with a clear thesis statement can often help you along in the writing process. If your task is to tell a good story, a bold beginning can be a natural prelude to getting there, serving as a roadmap, engaging the reader from the start, and presenting the purpose of your writing.

Focus on Deeper Themes

Some essay writers think they will impress committees by loading an essay with facts, figures, and descriptions of activities, like wins in sports or descriptions of volunteer work. But that’s not the point.

College admissions officers are interested in learning more about who you are as a person and what makes you tick.

They want to know what has brought you to this stage in life. They want to read about realizations you may have come to through adversity as well as your successes, not just about how many games you won while on the soccer team or how many people you served at a soup kitchen.

Let the reader know how winning the soccer game helped you develop as a person, friend, family member, or leader. Make a connection with your soup kitchen volunteerism and how it may have inspired your educational journey and future aspirations. What did you discover about yourself?

Show Don’t Tell

As you expand on whatever theme you’ve decided to explore in your essay, remember to show, don’t tell.

The most engaging writing “shows” by setting scenes and providing anecdotes, rather than just providing a list of accomplishments and activities.

Reciting a list of activities is also boring. An admissions officer will want to know about the arc of your emotional journey too.

Try Doing Something Different

If you want your essay to stand out, think about approaching your subject from an entirely new perspective. While many students might choose to write about their wins, for instance, what if you wrote an essay about what you learned from all your losses?

If you are an especially talented writer, you might play with the element of surprise by crafting an essay that leaves the response to a question to the very last sentence.

You may want to stay away from well-worn themes entirely, like a sports-related obstacle or success, volunteer stories, immigration stories, moving, a summary of personal achievements or overcoming obstacles.

However, such themes are popular for a reason. They represent the totality of most people’s lives coming out of high school. Therefore, it may be less important to stay away from these topics than to take a fresh approach.

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Write With the Reader in Mind

Writing for the reader means building a clear and logical argument in which one thought flows naturally from another.

Use transitions between paragraphs.

Think about any information you may have left out that the reader may need to know. Are there ideas you have included that do not help illustrate your theme?

Be sure you can answer questions such as: Does what you have written make sense? Is the essay organized? Does the opening grab the reader? Is there a strong ending? Have you given enough background information? Is it wordy?

Write Several Drafts

Set your essay aside for a few days and come back to it after you’ve had some time to forget what you’ve written. Often, you’ll discover you have a whole new perspective that enhances your ability to make revisions.

Start writing months before your essay is due to give yourself enough time to write multiple drafts. A good time to start could be as early as the summer before your senior year when homework and extracurricular activities take up less time.

Read It Aloud

Writer’s tip : Reading your essay aloud can instantly uncover passages that sound clumsy, long-winded, or false.

Don’t Repeat

If you’ve mentioned an activity, story, or anecdote in some other part of your application, don’t repeat it again in your essay.

Your essay should tell college admissions officers something new. Whatever you write in your essay should be in philosophical alignment with the rest of your application.

Also, be sure you’ve answered whatever question or prompt may have been posed to you at the outset.

Ask Others to Read Your Essay

Be sure the people you ask to read your essay represent different demographic groups—a teacher, a parent, even a younger sister or brother.

Ask each reader what they took from the essay and listen closely to what they have to say. If anyone expresses confusion, revise until the confusion is cleared up.

Pay Attention to Form

Although there are often no strict word limits for college essays, most essays are shorter rather than longer. Common App, which students can use to submit to multiple colleges, suggests that essays stay at about 650 words.

“While we won’t as a rule stop reading after 650 words, we cannot promise that an overly wordy essay will hold our attention for as long as you’d hoped it would,” the Common App website states.

In reviewing other technical aspects of your essay, be sure that the font is readable, that the margins are properly spaced, that any dialogue is set off properly, and that there is enough spacing at the top. Your essay should look clean and inviting to readers.

End Your Essay With a “Kicker”

In journalism, a kicker is the last punchy line, paragraph, or section that brings everything together.

It provides a lasting impression that leaves the reader satisfied and impressed by the points you have artfully woven throughout your piece.

So, here’s our kicker: Be concise and coherent, engage in honest self-reflection, and include vivid details and anecdotes that deftly illustrate your point.

While writing a fantastic essay may not guarantee you get selected, it can tip the balance in your favor if admissions officers are considering a candidate with a similar GPA and background.

Write, revise, revise again, and good luck!

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About the Author

Pamela Reynolds is a Boston-area feature writer and editor whose work appears in numerous publications. She is the author of “Revamp: A Memoir of Travel and Obsessive Renovation.”

How Involved Should Parents and Guardians Be in High School Student College Applications and Admissions?

There are several ways parents can lend support to their children during the college application process. Here's how to get the ball rolling.

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By submitting my email address. i certify that i am 13 years of age or older, agree to recieve marketing email messages from the princeton review, and agree to terms of use., crafting an unforgettable college essay.

Most selective colleges require you to submit an essay or personal statement as part of your application.

It may sound like a chore, and it will certainly take a substantial amount of work. But it's also a unique opportunity that can make a difference at decision time. Admissions committees put the most weight on your high school grades and your test scores . However, selective colleges receive applications from many worthy students with similar scores and grades—too many to admit. So they use your essay, along with your letters of recommendation and extracurricular activities , to find out what sets you apart from the other talented candidates.

Telling Your Story to Colleges

So what does set you apart?

You have a unique background, interests and personality. This is your chance to tell your story (or at least part of it). The best way to tell your story is to write a personal, thoughtful essay about something that has meaning for you. Be honest and genuine, and your unique qualities will shine through.

Admissions officers have to read an unbelievable number of college essays, most of which are forgettable. Many students try to sound smart rather than sounding like themselves. Others write about a subject that they don't care about, but that they think will impress admissions officers.

You don't need to have started your own business or have spent the summer hiking the Appalachian Trail. Colleges are simply looking for thoughtful, motivated students who will add something to the first-year class.

Tips for a Stellar College Application Essay

1. write about something that's important to you..

It could be an experience, a person, a book—anything that has had an impact on your life. 

2. Don't just recount—reflect! 

Anyone can write about how they won the big game or the summer they spent in Rome. When recalling these events, you need to give more than the play-by-play or itinerary. Describe what you learned from the experience and how it changed you.

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3. Being funny is tough.

A student who can make an admissions officer laugh never gets lost in the shuffle. But beware. What you think is funny and what an adult working in a college thinks is funny are probably different. We caution against one-liners, limericks and anything off–color.

4. Start early and write several drafts.

Set it aside for a few days and read it again. Put yourself in the shoes of an admissions officer: Is the essay interesting? Do the ideas flow logically? Does it reveal something about the applicant? Is it written in the applicant’s own voice?

5. No repeats.

What you write in your application essay or personal statement should not contradict any other part of your application–nor should it repeat it. This isn't the place to list your awards or discuss your grades or test scores.

6. Answer the question being asked.

Don't reuse an answer to a similar question from another application.

7. Have at least one other person edit your essay.

A teacher or college counselor is your best resource. And before you send it off, check, check again, and then triple check to make sure your essay is free of spelling or grammar errors.

Read More: 2018-2019 Common Application Essay Prompts (and How to Answer Them)

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• Essay Editor

How to End a College Essay: Strategies and Examples

Writing a college essay takes skill, but making a strong college essay conclusion is often the most important part. A great ending can make a big impact on your readers and bring your main ideas together. This guide will walk you through four strategies that will help you create impactful conclusions that resonate with your audience.

1. Writing a Memorable College Essay Conclusion

The conclusion of your essay is your last chance to strengthen your main points and leave a lasting impression. A well-written ending can make your whole essay better and more memorable.

Successful Essay Ending Examples

Here are some great ways to end an essay:

• Share a thoughtful idea that connects to your main point, giving a sense of closure and understanding.
• Quickly go over your main points, showing them in a new way.
• Discuss why your topic matters beyond just your essay.
• Link back to your introduction, making your writing feel complete.

Example: 

"When I started looking into how music affects the brain, I didn't know I'd find a connection to my grandmother's struggle with Alzheimer's. I learned that songs people know well can often bring back memories for patients, even when they have trouble talking. This discovery changed how I see music's power and gave me a new way to connect with my grandmother. When we hum her favorite songs together, I see hints of recognition in her eyes, reminding me that sometimes, big scientific ideas can have very personal effects."

Common Mistakes in Ending an Essay

Avoid these problems when writing your college essay conclusion:

• Adding new ideas: Your conclusion should bring together existing points, not introduce new information.
• Just repeating your main point: While it's important to remind readers of your main idea, simply saying it again word-for-word doesn't work well.
• Using overused phrases: Don't use expressions like "In conclusion" or "To sum up."
• Stopping too suddenly: Make sure your conclusion gives a feeling of completion and doesn't leave readers hanging.

Aithor's advanced language model can help you write compelling conclusions that avoid these common mistakes and enhance the overall impact of your essay.

2. Thought-Provoking Questions: A Powerful Way to End an Essay

Ending an essay with a question that makes people think can get your readers interested and encourage them to keep thinking about your topic. This approach leaves a strong impression and can make your essay more memorable.

"After looking at how social media changes how we see ourselves, we're left with an important question: Can we find a way to share our lives online while still living them fully offline? Maybe the answer isn't choosing between the online and real worlds, but learning how to connect well in both."

When using this method, make sure your question is:

• Related to your essay's main topic
• Open-ended, encouraging deeper thought
• Not easy to answer with just "yes" or "no"

3. How to End Your College Essay with a Call to Action

A call to action (CTA) in your conclusion can encourage your readers to do something based on the ideas you've talked about. This works well for essays about social issues, environmental problems, or personal growth topics.

"In this essay, we've looked at the problem of plastic in our oceans. Now, it's time to help fix it. Start by replacing one single-use plastic item you use every day with something you can use again. It could be as simple as using a reusable water bottle or bringing your own bags to the store. Tell your friends and family what you're doing. By taking these small steps, we're not just making less waste; we're starting a chain reaction that can lead to cleaner oceans and a healthier planet."

When writing a CTA for your college essay conclusion, make sure it's:

• Clear and easy to write
• Directly related to your essay's main points
• Something your readers can actually do

Aithor can assist you in writing perfect calls to action that connect with your readers and fit well with your essay's content.

4. Personal Anecdotes: An Engaging Essay Ending

Ending an essay with a personal story can help your readers feel connected to you and strengthen your main message. This approach makes your writing more relatable and human.

"Last summer, I helped at a local animal shelter. One day, they brought in an older, scruffy dog named Max. For weeks, people passed him by, always choosing younger, cuter puppies instead. I started spending extra time with Max, and slowly, his playful side came out. When a family finally took him home, the happiness on their faces – and Max's wagging tail – showed me how important it is to give every living thing a chance. This taught me more about patience, unfair judgments, and the power of second chances than any book ever could."

When using a personal story to end your college essay:

• Make sure it relates to your main topic
• Keep it short and powerful
• Use clear language to paint a picture for your readers

Tips on How to End a College Essay

To write a strong conclusion, think about these extra tips on how to end a college essay:

• Wrap up your main points clearly while suggesting how they might apply to other things or future ideas to keep your readers thinking.
• Make sure your conclusion sounds like the rest of your essay for a smooth, polished finish.
• Don't weaken your arguments by sounding unsure in your conclusion.
• Be extra careful with grammar and punctuation in your conclusion, as it's the last thing your readers will remember.
• Write your conclusion to connect with your specific readers, whether they're college admissions staff, teachers, or other students.
• Write a short and powerful conclusion that drives your main points home without repeating too much or using too many words.

Remember, your conclusion is your last chance to make a strong impression. Take your time to write it carefully, making sure it ties together your main points and shows why your essay matters.

For those wondering how to end a reflection paper, Aithor can help you improve your college essay conclusion, making sure it's polished, powerful, and fits your specific needs. This top writing tool can help you refine your essay ending examples and give you guidance on how to end a reflection paper or any other type of school writing.

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At the Jerusalem synagogue where Hersh Goldberg-Polin danced in life, grief and anger reign after his death

JERUSALEM — Three hundred and thirty-two days after Hersh Goldberg-Polin danced in the courtyard next to his Jerusalem synagogue on the holiday of Simchat Torah, more than a thousand people gathered there in grief and prayer to mourn his murder by Hamas terrorists in Gaza.

During the Sunday night vigil, the courtyard railings were lined with oversized yellow ribbons to symbolize advocacy for the hostages, Hapoel Jerusalem soccer flags — the 23-year-old’s favorite team — and posters that read, “We love you, stay strong, survive,” a mantra coined by his mother, Rachel Goldberg-Polin.

Just hours earlier, one of the posters had been hanging over the balcony of the home of Shira Ben-Sasson, a leader of Hakhel, the Goldberg-Polins’ egalitarian congregation in the Baka neighborhood of Jerusalem.

“We were sure we would take it down when he came home,” Ben-Sasson said.

The community wanted to unite while respecting the Goldberg-Polins’ desire for privacy, she said, prompting them to organize the prayer gathering.

“But it’s like a Band-Aid or giving first aid, it’s what you do in an emergency. I don’t know how we go on after this,” she said.

A covered courtyard at the Hakhel congregation was filled with mourners the day after Hersh Goldberg-Polin, whose family are prominent members, was found to have been killed in Gaza. Hundreds of other people crowded outside the gates, Sept. 1, 2024. (Deborah Danan)

She added that the community, which has a large contingent of English-speaking immigrants, was not prepared for the High Holidays, which begin in about a month. She said, “Seeing his empty seat is hard.”

For Ben-Sasson, who wore a T-shirt bearing the Talmudic dictum “There is no greater mitzvah than the redeeming of captives,” the tragedy is especially painful because, she said, it could have been avoided with a ceasefire agreement that freed hostages.

“Hersh was alive 48 hours ago. We think a deal could have saved him. There is no military solution to this,” she said.

That feeling of bereavement, often mixed with betrayal, pervaded gatherings across Israel on Sunday, as the country struggled with the news that six hostages who may have been freed in an agreement were now dead as negotiations continue to stall. Speakers at protests in Tel Aviv blamed Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who himself apologized for not getting the hostages out alive but blamed Hamas for obstructing a deal. The country’s labor union, the Histadrut, has called a national strike on Monday to demand a deal.

A rare early September rain lashed parts of Israel on Sunday, leading to a widespread interpretation: God, too, was weeping.

Some at the Jerusalem gathering, including the relative of another former hostage, said Netanyahu had chosen defeating Hamas over freeing the captives.

Josef Avi Yair Engel’s grandson Ofir was released from Hamas captivity in November. He paid tribute to Hersh Goldberg-Polin, murdered in captivity, in Jerusalem, Sept. 1, 2024. (Deborah Danan)

Josef Avi Yair Engel, whose grandson Ofir, 18, was released from Hamas captivity in November during that month’s ceasefire deal, expressed shock over Hersh’s murder but said he was not surprised, given the wartime policies of Netanyahu’s government.

“We knew months ago this was going to happen. Bibi’s formula, to dismantle Hamas and return the hostages, wasn’t logical. It’s an either/or situation,” Engel said, referring to Netanyahu by his nickname. “He’s tearing the country apart. I’m afraid that in the coming months there won’t be a state at all.”

Engel said he felt a close bond with Hersh’s father Jon Polin, not only because of their joint activism in the hostage families’ tent outside the Prime Minister’s Residence, but also because of their shared identity as Jerusalemites.

“There aren’t many of us in the hostage circle,” he said. “We’re like family.”

Sarah Mann, who did not know the family personally, said the weekend’s tragedy reminded her of Oct. 7.

“This day has sparks of the seventh, which created numbness and an inability to talk. Just complete shock,” she said.

Mourners left notes at a gathering at Hersh Goldberg-Polin’s family synagogue in Jerusalem. Many of the messages used the Hebrew word for “sorry.” (Deborah Danan)

Part of the reason for that, Mann said, was Rachel, who she described as a “force of faith.” Goldberg-Polin’s mother emerged as the most prominent advocate for the hostages globally and became a symbol in her own right as she crisscrossed the world calling for her son’s freedom.

“Millions of people around the world held onto her. Once that was cut, people’s ability to hold onto faith was knocked out today. But even though this has shattered us, we need to keep holding onto God,” Mann said.

For Susi Döring Preston, the day called to mind was not Oct. 7 but Yom Kippur, and its communal solemnity.

She said she usually steers clear of similar war-related events because they are too overwhelming for her.

“Before I avoided stuff like this because I guess I still had hope. But now is the time to just give in to needing to be around people because you can’t hold your own self up any more,” she said, tears rolling down her face. “You need to feel the humanity and hang onto that.”

Like so many others, Döring Preston paid tribute to the Goldberg-Polins’ tireless activism. “They needed everyone else’s strength but we drew so much strength from them and their efforts, “she said. “You felt it could change the outcome. But war is more evil than good. I think that’s the crushing thing. You can do everything right, but the outcome is still devastating.”

Guy Gordon, with his daughter Maya, added a broken heart to the piece of tape he has worn daily to mark the number of days since the hostage crisis began, Sept. 1, 2024. (Deborah Danan)

Guy Gordon, a member of Hakhel who moved to Israel from Dublin, Ireland, in the mid-1990s, said the efforts towards ensuring Hersh’s safe return have been an anchor for the community during the war. The community knew him as the family described him in its announcement of his funeral on Tuesday, as “a child of light, love and peace” who enjoyed exploring the world and coming home to his family, including his parents and younger sisters, Leebie and Orly.

“It gave us something to hope for, and pray for and to demonstrate for,” he said. “We had no choice but to be unreasonably optimistic. Tragically it transpired that he survived until the very end.”

Gordon, like many others in the crowd, wore a piece of duct tape marked with the number of days since Oct. 7 — a gesture initiated by Goldberg-Polin’s mother. Unlike on previous days, though, his tape also featured a broken red heart beside the number.

Nadia Levene, a family friend, also reflected on the improbability of Hersh’s survival.

“He did exactly what his parents begged him to do. He was strong. He did survive. And look what happened,” Levene said.

She hailed Rachel Goldberg-Polin’s “unwavering strength and belief in God,” adding, “There were times I lost faith. I suppose I was angry with God. But she just kept inspiring us all to pray, pray, pray.”

Leah Silver of Jerusalem examined stickers showing Rachel Goldberg-Polin’s mantra for her son Hersh, who was murdered in captivity in Gaza, at a gathering after Hersh’s death, Sept. 1, 2024. (Deborah Danan)

Jerusalem resident Leah Silver rejected politicizing the hostages’ deaths.

“Everything turns political so quickly. I came here because I felt that before all the protests, we need to just mourn for a moment and to pray. And show respect for each other,” she said. “We’ve become confused about who the enemy is. It’s very sad.”

But not everyone at the gathering joined in to sing Israel’s national anthem at the closing of the prayer gathering.

“I’m sorry, I can’t sing ‘Hatikvah,'” Reza Green, a Baka resident who did not know the Goldberg-Polins personally, said. “I’m too angry. We shouldn’t be here.”

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