1 page essay examples

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1 Page Essay Samples to Help You Write Your Own Piece

5787 samples of this type

While written assignments can be tedious, a 1 page essay is not the type of task which usually makes students jitter. Many might consider it a trifling task that's not supposed to take much time and effort. But despite being seemingly short and easy, one page essays come with challenges not to be overlooked. Having a strictly limited word count, these pieces should be thoroughly planned and outlined before you start writing. However, having a good one page essay example on hand can make the whole process less irksome; luckily, our online resource can offer you plenty of such examples along with free essay writer tips. Below we've gathered dozens of free professionally-written 1 page essays; reading them will give you a clear grasp of what your own work should look like. Browse this page to get inspired with interesting and versatile ideas, figure out which structure is apt for your own piece, and format it in a proper way.

Despite being highly effective, learning with the help of writing examples requires time and energy. In case a tight deadline keeps you from looking for the right one page essay sample, our professional writers will readily compose a unique piece that will adhere to all your specific instructions and requirements.

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The leader inspires and motivates his followers in process of constant difficulties. His character is flexible and innovative. Successful leadership depends on intelligence and knowledge, honesty, common sense, initiative, confidence, discipline, perseverance, certain socio-economic status, reliability, responsibility, and social activities. One of the most important qualities of a leader is ability to communicate establishing good relationships with others. My motto: To be a leader means being confident, reliable and sociable inspirer for others motivating people to achieve shared values.

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Research questions

How does a free society compare to a repressive society for the purpose of forced labor on human trafficking? What societal factors contribute to the human trafficking today? How do they lead to human trafficking and how can they be prevented? (Davidson, 244).

What are the evils which are associated with human trafficking?

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Question #2

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Sample Essays

The breadth of Georgetown’s core curriculum means that students are required to write for a wide variety of academic disciplines. Below, we provide some student samples that exhibit the key features the most popular genres. When reading through these essays, we recommend paying attention to their 

1. Structure (How many paragraphs are there? Does the author use headers?) 

2. Argument (Is the author pointing out a problem, and/or proposing a solution?) 

3. Content (Does the argument principally rely on facts, theory, or logic?) and 

4. Style (Does the writer use first person? What is the relationship with the audience?)

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History Paper

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, one-page essay sample.

Hi guys! So, I'm working on some college essays and a few of them require a one-page essay. I'm a little stuck... Does anyone have any tips or examples of good one-page essay samples that I could take a look at? It would be super helpful!

Hi there! Writing a one-page essay can indeed be challenging, but I'm here to offer some advice to help you craft a powerful and memorable piece. These tips can help kickstart your creativity:

1. Choose a unique topic: Select a topic that genuinely interests you and provides insight into your character, values, or experiences. Try to focus on a specific moment, event, or realization rather than a broad topic. This narrow focus will allow you to dive deeper and explore the nuances of that particular aspect, rather than stretching yourself too thin - one page isn't that long, after all.

2. Be concise with your words: One-page essays require you to be concise. Make sure to choose your words carefully and only include relevant information. Every sentence should serve a purpose and contribute to your overall message.

3. Have a clear structure: Introduce your topic in the first paragraph and offer some context. In the body of your essay, develop your ideas with specific examples and anecdotes. Conclude by summarizing your main points and tying everything back to your core theme. This approach helps create a coherent and well-structured piece.

4. Show, don't tell: Allowing your readers to visualize and experience your story through vivid descriptions and imagery. It's crucial to avoid generic statements, and instead focus on precise details, anecdotes, or examples that reveal your personality and perspective.

5. Be authentic: A one-page essay isn't the place to impress colleges with highbrow vocabulary or complex ideas. Instead, strive to be genuine and honest, by expressing your thoughts in your own voice. Don't be afraid to show your vulnerabilities, to humanize yourself and help you stand out from other talented students.

6. Revise and edit: After you finish writing, take a break and revisit your essay with fresh eyes. Make necessary changes to improve clarity, coherence, and flow, and ensure that your essay is free of grammatical and punctuation errors.

7. Take advantage of CollegeVine's resources: While not specifically about one-page essays, CollegeVine's blog has a detailed post breaking down how to tackle the Common App personal statement, which usually ends up being about one page: https://blog.collegevine.com/how-to-write-the-common-application-essays/. Additionally, CollegeVine offers both a free peer essay review tool and paid reviews by expert college admissions advisors - either of these resources can provide you with a more objective set of eyes that gives you a clearer sense of how effectively you're using your limited space.

Overall, one-page essays can be impactful if you focus on a specific experience, use vivid and descriptive language, and maintain an authentic voice. Keep practicing and refining your essay until you feel confident in the final product. Good luck with your college applications!

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177 College Essay Examples for 11 Schools + Expert Analysis

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

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Can a single Paragraph Constitute an Essay? – Tips for One-Paragraph Essays

An essay can be one paragraph if you are asked to write a concise essay with one main idea, which is between 100 to 200 words or 10 to 14 sentences. In most cases, this is categorized as a short essay. It is an essay that bears a single argument and respective supporting ideas or pieces of evidence. As long as your single-paragraph essay can make sense to your readers, it can fetch you good marks.

Usually, these short-paragraph essays are assigned during exams, quizzes, and in-class tests. Your aim when writing such essays is to analyze a topic to help your readers understand it better and draw conclusions. You can also be assigned to write single-paragraph essays in response to specific chapter readings, respond to a discussion board post, or when analyzing a short story.

Whatever the circumstances, you should not be worried about where to start. As long as you know how to write a good paragraph and organize an essay , you are good to go.

What is One-Paragraph Essay?

A one-paragraph essay, also known as a single-paragraph essay or the chunk paragraph, is a concise and boiled-down version of a full academic essay. It comprises a formal thesis statement at the beginning, concrete details and commentary in the middle, and a concluding statement at the end.

A one-paragraph essay has the same essence as the body paragraph of an essay that has a mini-thesis statement, supporting details, and a concluding sentence at the end.

When writing your one-paragraph essay, you should cut out the general information that sets up the introduction and avoid restating the thesis or including the implications in the concluding sentences (acting for the concluding paragraph).

The 5 Key Components of a Single Paragraph Essay

The five main components of a single-paragraph essay include the thesis statement, body point, concrete details, commentaries, and a concluding sentence. Let’s expound on each so that you can understand.

• Thesis Statement: begin writing your essay with a thesis statement that contains your position. It should be a declarative sentence summarizing your essay's main point. In a one-paragraph essay, the thesis serves as the topic sentence . Given that the essay is only a paragraph long, the thesis statement assumes the role of announcing the contents of the paragraph. The thesis statement should also have a position on the topic that can be proven in the paragraph. Finally, support the narrow topic with concrete details and a commentary.
• Body Point. This refers to the second sentence in your single-paragraph essay where you make an important point that directly proves the thesis. It should direct the attention of the readers to a specific piece of evidence used in the concrete detail.
• Concrete detail. This refers to a specific example from the references or resources to support the thesis. It can be a summary, paraphrased content, quotation, or a statement from the reference and should be cited (provide the parenthetical details).
• This refers to the explanation or interpretation of the concrete detail. This is a sentence or two sentences where you explain, using your own words, the meaning of the examples you have given and how it proves or support the thesis.
• Concluding sentence. This is the last sentence of the one-paragraph essay that wraps up the paragraph. Even though it is directly related to the thesis, it does not repeat it. Rather, it is the sentence that drives the point home without leaving the readers with the question of “so what?”. Like a typical conclusion paragraph, it should be devoid of new ideas or facts. Instead, it should tie up loose ends and offer some sense of closure to your essay.

A typical one-paragraph essay can have at least two concrete details and two commentaries, meaning it can be 10-14 sentences long, depending on your concrete details. If you are strapped for time, your concise essay can consist of 125–200 words.

How do you write a one-paragraph essay? The Steps

Even if it is a one-paragraph essay, it comprises several sentences, as we have explored above. So, when you are assigned a single-paragraph essay, you need to plan and write a better essay that will tick all the checkboxes used when marking.

Unlike traditional essays that probably take time, a single-paragraph essay will take you under an hour to write. Also, single-paragraph essays do not have body paragraphs . Sometimes it is a short-paragraph answer in an exam where you provide specific details that answer a given question. It can also be a short paragraph for a profile essay task or a short narrative essay.

Whichever the case, to succeed in writing the one-paragraph essay, follow the steps below.

1. Unpack the question

Begin by reading the essay prompt or the question to understand the scope of the essay, topic, word count (length requirements), and other specifics of the short essay assignment. Then, as you read, make quick notes and brainstorm to develop a perspective.

2. Develop an angle or perspective

After understanding your assignment, your next step is to develop the gist of your essay's main point/idea. It should be your take on a chosen subject or topic. For example, you can write about issues around you or current events, controversies, and other topic areas that interest you. However, if you are given a topic or the question is specific, stick to a perspective that better answers the question.

3. Write the thesis statement

With the perspective, write a declarative statement that summarizes your main idea or angle. The thesis should be one sentence long, brief, concise, and relatable. The thesis should be the first sentence of your essay and be strong enough to be substantiated in the body paragraphs. The thesis should be able to be proved, should not be self-evident, and must be able to be argued from another angle. Everything in the essay ties back to the thesis.

4. Write the body point

Immediately follow the thesis with a sentence that asserts the main idea or the thesis. The body point should prove and support the thesis statement. It is a statement that can be both opinion and fact backed with specific examples (concrete details) and clarified through further development and explanation (commentaries). Together, the body points, concrete details, and commentaries form a chunk.

5. Write the concrete details

Provide two examples, points, or pieces of evidence that support the assertions made in the body point. You should not begin it with a quote. Rather, ensure that you blend or introduce it and include the relevant citations.

6. Write the commentaries

Expand or expound on the specific examples provided and connect them to your thesis statement and body point (BP). You can repeat the process because a typical one-page essay can have at least two or three concrete details (CD) and the respective commentaries (CM). Ensure that the CM and CD relate to the topic, the thesis, and BP.

7. Finalize with a concluding sentence

Finally, wind up everything when you have exhaustively covered the main point and you are sure that your single-essay paragraph makes sense. Your concluding sentence is the last sentence. It should restate the thesis and summarize the body.

8. Edit, proofread, and polish

After completing the paragraph, read it to yourself and listen to the areas where you might have made mistakes. If you sense that you have information overload, have filler language, or have unnecessary words, decant them and include only the relevant details that can sustain the one-paragraph format.

Structure and Format for One-Paragraph Essay

If you are planning to write a one-paragraph essay, follow the following outline or structure:

Sample One-Paragraph Essay

The sample single-paragraph essay example below outlines how to use the essay outline or structure we have covered in the previous section of this article. Like a one-page essay, a one-paragraph essay should get straight to the point without beating around the bush because there are not so many words to waste.

Formatting a Single-Paragraph Essay

In terms of formatting, a one-paragraph essay should be double-spaced or single-spaced, with no spaces between the title and the paragraph, a one-inch margin, a 12-point font size, and Times New Roman or Arial.

Essays written in one paragraph include narrative essays, college essays, profile essays, first-person essays, leadership, personal philosophy essays, definition essays, and short critical, analytical, expository, and literary analysis essays.

One-paragraph essay is comprehensive and a condensed version of the full academic essay. They focus on one idea like a typical paragraph and have in-text citations. You should use transitions when writing the essays and ensure they are structured well.

Single-paragraph essays have the advantage of being easy to write, read, and grade. Besides, they can be used to explain different concepts in a snapshot.

Final Words

Nothing is cast in stone regarding the number of paragraphs an essay can have. Can an essay be one paragraph? Yes, it can be an independent paragraph and falls under the short essay category. It is a suitable approach for short-answer essay-based exam questions.

As a short essay, 100-300 words long, a one-page essay contains one main idea. So, you can write one paragraph for an essay and get the grades if you meet the requirements in the essay prompt or the rubric.

It should be 10-14 sentences long, depending on the number of body points (BPs), condensed details (CDs), and the Commentaries. A long one-paragraph essay can be between 200 and 225 words long.

If you need help with writing a one-paragraph essay, we have handpicked essay writers who can geek your essay within a few hours.

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How to Write a One Page Essay

How to Write an Essay Fast

"One" may be the loneliest number according to the popular song lyrics. However, if you are writing an assigned one-page essay, the page count needs to stay at one. The short length may sound appealing when your teacher or professor assigns you a one-page essay to write for homework. A one-page essay can be as equally challenging to draft as a longer piece of writing. The tricky thing about writing a one-page essay is that the essay must still contain all the major structural components of a normal-length essay, such as the introduction and conclusion. Writing succinct supporting paragraphs and concluding your essay in a concise way is imperative. This one-page writing challenge can be overcome with careful planning and strategizing.

Instructions

Read your teacher's instructions carefully as they will tell you exactly what he is looking for in your paper as well as how your paper will be graded. For instance, he may deduct points for being slightly under or over the one-page requirement. There may also be further rubric instructions to follow as you write the paper like the writing style guide.

Next, select the overall topic you want to write about. You can then choose to build your thesis statement based on the argument, stance or assertion you want your paper to take. Outline the main points of your topic being careful to not select points you might have a hard time explaining in only a few sentences.

Introduction

Draft your introduction, saving your thesis statement for the last sentence of the introduction for impact. Start the introduction with something catchy to engage the reader into wanting to read the rest of your essay. Some students prefer to leave writing the introduction for their last step and write it once the rest of the paper is drafted.

Compose Essay Body

Compose the body of the essay which include the supporting paragraphs. Make sure the paragraphs relate to the thesis statement and also transition smoothly. Write each paragraph as if it could stand alone in the essay, being sure to introduce the issue and complete the thought with a closing sentence.

Finally, write the conclusion to wrap up the paper. Summarize the main points discussed in the body and briefly explain how the thesis statement proves true given the information given in the essay. Remember, this is your first draft so you might expect the draft essay to run longer than one page initially.

Edit your essay by trimming away any fluff or excess words. Condense words and sentences to shorten the length without weakening your paper. Do as much cutting as you can and then recheck the length. If it is still over one-page long, you may need to consider whether you are trying to cram in too many points. Do not try to cheat the assignment by minimizing your computer font or reducing the margins of your paper so that you can fit more words on each line. Most likely, your professor is keen to these tricks and will require you to use type 12 font with one-inch left and right margins.

Review your paper draft for punctuation, grammatical or other errors that might cost you points. Make sure the essay is written in an informational and academic tone and check to make you have followed your professor's instructions exactly.

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• Penn State College of Earth and Mineral Sciences: Short Essay Samples
• Some students prefer to leave the introduction for last, and write it once the rest of the paper is drafted.
• Do not try to cheat the assignment by minimizing your computer font or reducing the margins of your paper so that you can fit more words on each line. Most likely, your professor is keen to these tricks and will require you to use type 12 font with one-inch left and right margins.

Kyra Sheahan has been a writer for various publications since 2008. Her work has been featured in "The Desert Leaf" and "Kentucky Doc Magazine," covering health and wellness, environmental conservatism and DIY crafts. Sheahan holds an M.B.A. with an emphasis in finance.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

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In the present day, in the United States, the population is immeasurably different in comparison with citizens who lived at the time of the U.S. Constitution’s ratification. The changes in modern society may be defined as factual and psychological. In fact, the Americans are currently a large number of people...

Principles and Symbols in Maya Mythology

The Principle Integral to Maya Life and Civilization the Twins Finally Understand The Hero Twins are the characters that originate from Maya mythology. The Maya text Popol Vuh, one of the few currently remaining, mentions their story. The two twin boys traveled to the underworld to meet the Lords of...

New York Junior Electronic Sports League Finals

Esports Event A local New York tournament ‘New York Junior Electronic Sports League’ (NYJESL)(fictional) in the e-sports discipline Dota 2 aims to attract aspiring athletes under the age of 18. The current discipline is highly prominent due to the increasing amount of players and the growing revenue of the tournament...

Egyptian and Mesopotamian Societies

The advances in the sphere of agriculture enabled people to accumulate considerable resources and knowledge that led to the fast development of ancient societies in fertile areas. Numerous ancient texts reflect people’s concerns regarding material aspects, as well as the establishment of proper codes that could regulate civilized behavior within...

The Connection of The Lament Genre with The Book of Psalms

Main types of psalms are praising, teaching, and lamentation psalms. There are quite a lot of Psalms of Lamentation in the Psalter. Its specific concerns and interests are people who are not afraid to talk about their failures and weaknesses, problems and doubts before God and before people. Even in...

Oldest Works “The Epic of Gilgamesh”

The main themes of The Epic of Gilgamesh, one of the oldest extant literary works in the world, are a journey, ambition, and fear of death. The themes of ambition and journey may be found in the 2nd and the 3rd passages, but they end with a revelation that some...

• Social Media
• Intelligence

US Coasts in Reeder-Myers’ and Robinson’s Articles

As sources for comparison, the articles by Reeder-Myers and Robinson et al. are used. Both scholarly studies deal with the archaeological safety of the coastal territories of the United States, and this is a key similarity. Also, certain nuances of the studies are similar given a single topic. For instance,...

Frida Kahlo: Life, Experiences and Art

Introduction Frida Kahlo is often regarded as one of the most popular female artists and artists of Mexican descent in the world. More than sixty years after her death, Kahlo’s thought-provoking and honest works are still appreciated by those interested in self-expression by means of art. Given the stories behind...

Gerontological Nursing Care: Clara Plante’s Case

Clara Plante represents a person who requires comprehensive nursing care based on various attributes. The crucial factors are Clara’s biography, cultural needs, and health status. An appropriate assessment of these factors and gerontological nursing standards will create a culturally responsive environment. In Clara’s case, it is essential to approach care...

Love and Friendship in Lysis and Symposium by Socrates

The discussion of love and friendship is present throughout Plato’s Symposium, but it is centered in Lysis, Socrates’s dialogue where he defines the nature of friendship. The text captures Socrates’ opinion regarding Hippothales’ feelings towards Lysis, eldest son of Democrates. Another character, Ctesippus, expresses concerns about Hippothales’ feelings to Lysis,...

Jonathan Vogel’s Response to the Skeptics

The standard way of thinking about skepticism has it that the choice between our ordinary beliefs and skeptical hypotheses cannot be justified. Jonathan Vogel states that it makes sense to prefer a theory that offers a better of some data rather than one that offers a worse explanation. He proves...

Operation Jawbreaker: Term`s Description

The investigation of the success of intelligence and military operations is required to ensure their future improvement. For this project, it is proposed to research, describe, and evaluate the success of the counterterrorist operation JAWBREAKER. This codename is applied to an operation that was launched after the 9/11 terror act...

International Arena for the NFL and the NBA

Event Transportation Associated (ETA) provides transportation services for various clients, and its activities promote a better understanding of the positions of such giants as the National Football League (NFL) and the National Basketball Association (NBA). In their decision to go international, the NFL and the NBA may face certain challenges...

Advancing Healthcare: Safeguards for MAID Advance Directives

Permitting Advance Directives for MAID Allowing advance directives for MAID might be considered a rational and humanitarian step forward in healthcare from the standpoint of patient autonomy and respect for individual rights. Allowing MAID advance directives is a humanitarian and reasonable move ahead in healthcare, recognizing human rights and personal...

Donation Proposal: Saola Working Group Case

Donating money is always a great purpose because it expresses a will to help. There are many worthy causes for which the funds can be sent, but one of them deserves special attention. The extinction of rare species of creatures has been on the list for a long time. However,...

The Consequences of High School Bullying

Armitage, Richard. “Bullying in Children: Impact on Child Health.” BMJ Pediatrics Open, vol. 5.1 e000939, 2021. doi:10.1136/bmjpo-2020-000939. Armitage distinguishes three large groups of consequences of bullying, including in the field of education, health, and adulthood. Armitage notes the appearance of the child as one of the main causes of bullying....

• Performance
• Historical Figures

Improving Patient Safety in the Radiology Department of a Hospital

The radiology department has a professional and legal responsibility of ensuring the safety of patients receiving imaging services. Radiation helps in the diagnosis and treatment of patients. However, inappropriate exposure can lead to health hazards for the patient exposed. Every profession in the radiology department has a moral responsibility of...

Chronic Bronchitis in Children

As an expert in the treatment of cough problems, I would try to receive more detailed information about the issue of the seven years old patient. It is unclear what could be the initial cause of the problem as the child could catch SARS from school or catch a cold...

Genetics: A Frameshift Mutation in Human MC4R

In 1998 French researchers Christian Vaisse, Karine Clement, Bernard Guy-Grand & Philippe Froguel published an article A frameshift mutation in human MC4R is associated with the dominant form of obesity in the scientific journal Nature genetics. The article implies exploring the human melanocortin-4 receptor and its relation to obesity. The...

Falsification of Application: Case Study

Kane may receive some credit for previous years of work for the Company as he is a valuable employee judging by the history of his hiring. It is also possible that Kane’s poor health was caused by years of work in harsh conditions for the benefit of the Company, since...

National Social Workers’ Association and Cultural Competence

A significant issue found in the videos and being raised by contemporary society is the lack of cultural intelligence among members of the community. Nowadays, everyone should understand the basic principles of cultural diversity and avoid forming their judgments based on stereotypes or personal preferences. In all areas of life,...

Career Planning: Five Steps for Students to Take

A not long time ago you were anxious about the idea to choose a college properly. Now you are a successful student and enjoy all amenities of college life. You visit classes, get a proper level of knowledge, communicate with different people, and make ready for entering a new life...

Nobel Prizes in Different Spheres

J.J. Thomson, Albert Einstein, William Butler Yeats, Stanley Prusiner, and Amartya Sen… Do you know what unites all these people? What do you know about these people and their achievements? All of them have only one thing in common: in due time, they were awarded the Nobel Prizes in different...

Discussion of Investment Opportunities in Project

Introducing investment opportunities into the project is another vital issue that needs to be considered closer. Specifically, given the nature of the project, which will be primarily educational, the project can be deemed as a non-profit one. Therefore, customers will be admitted without charge. The specified solution implies that the...

College Selection Rules for Student’s Success

When you start choosing a college for the first time in your life, it is very important not to make a mistake and consider all your interests, demands, and knowledge. Your college is your future: if you fail, the outcomes may influence your life considerably. It is why it is...

Articles about Global Issues: Reading Summary and Reflective Comments

Henderson Main Principles The international law system remains an efficient political and governmental tool despite the horizontal authority structure. Its role in regulating modern society expands due to enhanced globalization and interconnection. The chapter also raises the question regarding the future world government and its feasibility within a current system....

• Environment

Importance of Listening Skills

Listening is an essential skill for daily conversations and for conducting interviews. There are six main strategies required for effective listening during any interview: concentrating on the conversation, avoiding judgment, reflecting, clarifying questions, using a summary, and sharing one’s ideas (Agarwal, 2019). Active listening during interviews is a valuable technique...

Public Health: Limitations on Autonomy

In many countries, the sale and distribution of cigarettes are subject to severe restrictions. Laws strictly regulate cigarette advertising and limit the minimum age and places for smoking. A significant part of the population accepts such restrictions as a given and does not consider this issue’s moral aspect. In fact,...

The Black Codes: Resistance to Reconstruction’s Progress

Introduction During the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation and Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, which freed enslaved African Americans. Following its end in 1865, Reconstruction appeared as an attempt to transform African Americans’ lives and guarantee them freedoms and human rights. However, this historical context...

Biomolecules and the Human Body: Color Blindness

Color blindness, or color deficiency, occurs when an individual is unable to distinguish between certain colors and belongs to the most widespread genetic disorders. This happens “in an X-linked recessive pattern,” as the genes, and mutations that are responsible for the defect, OPN1LW, OPN1MW, and OPN1SW, reside in the X...

Interdisciplinary Thinking Approach

Interdisciplinary thinking is a useful viewpoint characterized by the capacity to synthesize ideas from other academic fields and integrate them into one’s expertise in an approach that expands on conventional wisdom while challenging it. It builds ties between scientific and artistic disciplines and breaks down obstacles between fields that may...

Human Resources as a Profit Center

Human Resources is a department responsible for managing day-to-day operations and ensuring the organization’s overall success. HR is associated with the cost center label, as its primary purpose is to manage personnel costs, such as payroll, benefits, and recruitment. However, HR can also be a profit center, as it can...

Childhood Obesity: Causes and Implications

Childhood obesity is an enormous health problem in the contemporary age, and its incidence has steadily increased for several decades. According to a study conducted by Smith, Fu, and Kobayashi, childhood obesity can be caused by various factors such as genetics, the environment within the family, and the lifestyle choices...

The Aspects of the Stroop Effect

Introduction The Stroop effect is associated with an experiment in which people should not name a word but a color with which it is written. The investigator’s motivation is assessing a research subject’s cognitive flexibility and attention span (Magee, 2021). The author tried to answer how successfully this subject can...

Project Management: Analysis of the MoSCoW Method

Every organization has a hierarchy of purpose, which helps it determine the projects to prioritize. In addition, it helps organizations allocate resources adequately and guarantee they go where they are needed the most. Resources allocation is essential at the operational land strategic level because it determines the success or failure...

Hamilton and Burr’s Duel: History Education

Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr’s duel is one of the most renowned in American history. The two political adversaries met on a dueling site in Weehawken, New Jersey, on July 11, 1804 (History Education, 2011). Hamilton’s shot was intentionally or unintentionally high. Burr’s bullet penetrated Hamilton’s liver and stuck in...

• Ancient History
• Advertising
• Christianity

Difference Between the Antivirus and Anti-Malware

Security is an integral part of every computer, whether it is a personal or business device. Failure to protect the machine makes them vulnerable to varied sources of viruses. Antivirus and anti-malware are the two most common types of security software which have been developed. Even though the two terms...

What Is Colors and Emotions Association?

There is a close connection between the colors and people’s emotions. Each object around has its color, which affects perception. Associations that colors evoke were formed through generations of ancestors and personal experiences. For example, blue and light green are more likely to cause pleasant emotions due to association with...

The Beauty of the World Art Piece

The art piece expresses the beauty and picturesqueness of the world around people. It is full of bright colors, and a central element is a large number of pink flowers. Behind them, one can see a mountain landscape that evokes admiration. Initially, people can think of this picture as some...

Healthcare for Queer (LGBTQIA+) Patients

In 2009, there were many gaps in healthcare related to nursing LGBTQIA+ patients. The healthcare providers and their staff were not well-informed about the specific issues they should address when working with such patients, as there were certain disparities that were more spread in that group compared to other adults...

Chapter 9 of The Archetypes of Wisdom by Soccio

René Descartes was the first philosopher who focused on acquiring knowledge about knowledge, giving rise to the new era of epistemology in philosophy, becoming the pioneer of rationalism. According to rationalists, knowledge relies primarily on reason and not on sense evidence. The coherence theory of truth states that knowledge is...

Living with Parents with Problematic Substance Use

Fitzgerald, H. E., Johnson, D. J., Qin, D. B., Villarruel, F. A., & Norder, J. (Eds.). (2019). Handbook of children and prejudice: Integrating research, practice, and policy. Springer. Fitzgerald et al. focused on analyzing the influence of various critical contexts on children’s development. Fitzgerald et al. (2019) believe this information...

Aspects of Muscles of Respiration

Breathing is one of the essential processes of the body that sustains life along with the cardiovascular and neural activities. More specifically, it is responsible for the intake and absorption of the oxygen, which, in turn, is supplied into the rest of the organs through blood. When it comes to...

Family: Definition and Connections

Family may seem straightforward, but there is not a single, clear description of what it is. In its simplest form, a family is a collection of people related by blood or law. However, family means much more to many people, and even the seemingly straightforward concept of genetic ties can...

Essential Questions to Ask Your Future Self by Meg Jay

Meg Jay has paid attention to the problem of the empathy gap between present and future selves in her speech “Essential Questions to Ask Your Future Self”. The video was filmed with the support of media organization “TED” in May 2021, and due to COVID-19 pandemic restrictions, the location was...

Enzymes and Digestion: Review

Do Now: On your handout list the different parts of the digestive system. If you know their functions, list that as well. mouth (speaking and eating) esophagus (directing food and fluids from the mouth to the stomach) liver (production of bile, particular proteins for blood plasma, cholesterol, and certain proteins...

• Climate Change

The Dual Language Learning Program Analysis

Language learning represents a major challenge for non-native speakers. Therefore, programs providing additional options for developing ESL skills are particularly helpful in building the required level of language proficiency. The Dual Language Learning program provides an immersive experience for children who are still learning their first language and, therefore, develop...

Sport Management: Current Problems in Sports Sales

Sports sales have been a hot subject in the market for many years, and the area continues to develop with new trends and concerns. Sport is not industry: Bringing sport back to sport management, published in the Journal of European Sport Management Quarterly, is one article that gives an overview...

Congestive Heart Failure Discussion

Background Chronic heart failure is a pathological condition in which the heart fails to supply the organs and tissues with the necessary amount of blood according to the metabolic needs of the tissues. This condition is critical and requires constant monitoring of patients by the hospital. With early diagnosis and...

Analysis of “The Storm” by Kate Chopin

Kate Chopin, in “The Storm”, her most sexually explicit story, narrates a moment of passionate sex during a harsh storm between two married people who cheat on their spouses (Koloski, 2018). After both the act and the storm had passed, nobody felt shame, and the author emphasized that “everyone was...

Carlos Bulosan’s Story and Delano Manong’s Documentary Analysis

Quotation from Carlos Bulosan’s Short Story “The Romance of Magno Rubio” “Claro looked tentatively at the money. He picked up the crispy bills on the table. He grabbed the jug of wine and went to his room.” (Bulosan, 1979, p. 34). The above quote from the story depicts the hard...

Food Processor Description and How To Use It

A Food Processor A food processor seems like one of those kitchen gadgets that, once owned, makes a person wonder how they ever survived without it. A food processor is one of the most broader ranges of cooking equipment, acting as your own sous chef, cutting, combining, and mixing a...

Love and Hate: Relationships in Shakespearian Othello and Life

Introduction The chapter titled “Love and Hate” criticizes the idealistic portrayal of love that exists in some media. It typically displays love as two people seeing each other, falling in love at first glance, and clicking together like two pieces of a perfect puzzle, never having a disagreement in the...

A Comparative Analysis of Dave Saunders and Harriet Jacobs

This paper briefly analyzes the characters Dave Saunders from The Man Who Was Almost a Man and Harriet Jacobs from Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. Dave is a young African-American adolescent desperately trying to show masculinity and independence by working during the summer holidays at school. In...

Contemporary Couples Diversity

The collage combines images that reflect the diversity of contemporary couples and highlights the differences between couples today and those of 100 years ago. Jan van Eyck’s Arnolfini Portrait is featured as a smaller image within the collage. The Arnolfini Portrait is a reference to the conventional lovers depicted in...

Competitive Advantage in Business

Competitive advantage is the ability to offer products or services that are superior to those of competitors in the same local market. This may include a higher quality product, superior customer service, better value for money, or a faster delivery time. The success of any business depends on its ability...

• Globalization
• American Politics

The Animal Skulls: Anthropological Discovery

Ancient cultures and living organisms that inhabited the planet before modern humans are particularly interesting to anthropologists. Any discoveries can answer old unsolved questions about the history of the development and evolution of humanity. A recent discovery by scientists from the University of Madrid may help better understand prehistoric people’s...

The Stock Market: Investment Instrument

Recently, the stock market has become one of the most interesting and main instruments for investing and raising capital by companies and investors. Most companies use the advantages of stock markets to attract public funding for business development. Thus, it is important to discuss how companies and different investors choose...

Nursing Care: The Ethical Issues

The situation that involves an ethical issue may be depicted as follows. An Arabic family has come for a medical checkup of their daughter. However, the parents state that their religion does not allow a woman’s body to be touched, and the clothes cannot be taken off. However, the daughter...

Teaching Home Depot Employees Business Etiquette in Nigeria

Introduction I would like to discuss the specifics of Nigerian business etiquette. Although some people may consider the topic of my speech quite simple and require additional explanations, etiquette is one of the key factors for effective communication in business. However, each country, including Nigeria, has its own cultural characteristics...

Airport: Definition and Functions

Firstly, it is important to note that the word to be defined is a term airport, which is a structural complex comprised of buildings and runways designed to enable a proper and safe landing and take-off of aircraft vehicles with civil transportation purposes. In addition, airports are critical for the...

Navigating Legal Boundaries: Job Interview Do’s and Don’ts

Job Interview Employers might be constrained by the law and are required to follow specific criteria while interviewing prospective workers, notwithstanding their desire to pick the finest candidates. Main body For instance, businesses are not permitted to discriminate against job applicants based on their age, race, gender, or national origin...

The Four Frames of Organizational Change

The first frame essential to organization change is human resource. The specific barrier to change is that people feel incompetent and needy (Bolman & Deal, 2017). The cases of Honk Kong Chinese employees provide examples of the use of “organizational processes, such as soliciting and accepting voice and engaging in...

Key Skills for Workplace Success

Introduction Success at work can be achieved by possessing a proper combination of skills. However, some abilities are considered more critical than others for achieving favorable outcomes. Some of the most valued ones include communication, problem-solving, teamwork, adaptability, and time management (Rios et al., 2020). By developing the necessary skills...

Driving Innovation: Exploring Electronic Throttle Control Systems

Introduction Electronic Throttle Control (ETC) is a system that differs from a traditional mechanical throttle control system in that it operates electronically. In a traditional mechanical system, the gas pedal is pressed with the foot, which is connected to a mechanical device that moves the throttle. In the ETC system,...

Zimbabwe and Zambia Death Penalty Comparison

According to the “Death Penalty Database” (2020), the last execution date or last death sentence date for Zimbabwe is on July 22, 2005. Comparably, the last death penalty execution date for Zambia was in 1997. In both Zimbabwe and Zambia, the method of execution was hanging. Moreover, other crimes that...

• Artificial Intelligence
• Mental Health

Questions on Information Revolution and Global Warming

The information revolution characterizes the period of change propelled by the development of computer technology. Technological advancements impact people’s lives, primarily through the internet, where visual communication webs deliver gigantic amounts of data. Organizations and governments continue to expand internet connectivity due to user population growth and opening up remote...

Neanderthals: Discoveries of Past and Present

Neanderthals have interested researchers since this species of ancient people was closest to Homo Sapiens in a genetic and behavioral sense. This mysterious species of man inhabited Europe and southern Siberia during the Ice Age. However, for some reason, representatives of the Neanderthal genus died out, yielding dominance in this...

Market and Subsistence Economies

In the process of a long evolution, all countries have established the predominance of the market economy as the basic and most efficient form of economic management. It is based on commodity production, which is possible due to technology. Market economy assumes the production by individual, isolated producers specializing in...

Arbitration and Litigation: Comparative Analysis

Arbitration is an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) method that involves a third-party hearing and deciding a conflict between two parties. In contrast, litigation is a legal process of resolving disputes in a court where a judge determines the case. Arbitration is often used when parties wish to resolve their dispute...

Renewable Energy: Benefits Outweigh Downfalls

Renewable technology is becoming increasingly popular in today’s world. These inventions are often presented as alternative eco-friendly solution that eliminates fossil fuels. However, some of these alternatives also have negative aspects. It is essential for humans to consider both pros and cons. Using alternative energy sources has a more positive...

Untraditional Gender Roles Distribution

The Western European marriage pattern is a family and a demographic pattern characterized by relatively late marriage, especially for women, with usually little age difference between spouses a significant proportion of women who remain unmarried. However, there are other approaches to understanding marriage and gender roles. For example, same-sex and...

The “How Will Capitalism End?” Article by Streeck

Wolfgang Streeck’s article “How Will Capitalism End?” critically analyzes contemporary capitalism and its prospects for the future. Streeck argues that the system is facing a crisis of legitimacy and sustainability, as evidenced by five key disorders of capitalism that demonstrate a social system in chronic disrepair. Streeck argues that these...

The Concept of Self-Evaluation Maintenance Theory

The concept of self-evaluation maintenance theory supposes the ways to cope with the cognitive dissonance from comparing own self to the person who is better in the area that is critical for own self-esteem. It is possible to reduce the negative effect of this feeling by psychological alienation from this...

Okonkwo’s Decisions in Things Fall Apart by Achebe

This paper claims that Okonkwo acts consistently in deciding to kill his adopted son Ikemefun. The character of Okonkwo’s hero is more fully revealed in the second and third parts, which illustrate his influence on the people of Mbanta and Umuofia. Despite this, the decision to personally take the life...

Humans and Environment: Presence and Social Obligation

Humans are simultaneously a product and a shaping force of their environment. A significant body of research exists to determine and evaluate how humans have interacted with each other and their environment throughout centuries (Peoples & Bailey, 2017). In their works, Ferguson (2021), Meskel (2018), and Hodder (2018) discuss different...

• Criminal Justice

The Article “Why the Beach Is a Bummer” by Roxane Gay

The article “Why the beach is a bummer” by Roxane Gay discusses a mediocre topic of the difference between beaches and people that are expected to appear a certain way on it. The author tries to deliver the message that societal expectations will always exist and may vary. People may...

Economy’s Influence on “The Grapes of Wrath” by Steinbeck

The Grapes of Wrath, written by John Steinbeck and published in 1939, is a novel set in the Dust Bowl of the 1930s and follows the Joad family as they move from Oklahoma to California, seeking a better life. The novel is a reflection of the economic conditions of the...

Artificial Intelligence-Related Images Analysis

The main idea of this image is the interaction of humanity and modern technologies, such as artificial intelligence. This is directly related to the topic “The future of humanity.” This is because, at this stage of technological development, artificial intelligence has an increasing role in the lives of individuals. Moreover,...

SWOT (Strategic) Analysis for the Los Angeles Housing Authority

A public organization called the Housing Authority of the City of Los Angeles (HACLA) offers low-income Los Angeles citizens affordable housing options and services. HACLA, founded in 1938, oversees more than 80 affordable housing complexes in Los Angeles, providing homes for more than 60,000 people (HACLA, n.d.). The goal of...

Juvenile Delinquency and Punishment

In modern society, the punishment for criminals varies according to their age. Juvenile offenders can be subject to different types of punishment than those applied to adults. The general consensus is that young people have a greater chance of rehabilitation than adult criminals, thus, their punishment should be more lenient....

Navigating Risk and Resilience in Child Welfare

Introduction Children at risk require close attention to protective services and appropriate assistance provided. In the cases under analysis, the extent of risk, as well as the range of protective factors, vary substantially. Finally, for Gabriella, the risk of sexual abuse currently represents the greatest concern, whereas Jasmine requires an...

“Sublime and Beautiful” by Burke

Burke provides a unique representation of sublime and beautiful as two different powers that infuse the natural world and the artistic renditions. They imply a contrast between something that causes beautiful and warm feelings (beautiful) and something that causes horror and the strongest negative emotions (sublime). This aspect becomes a...

Becoming an Authentic and Effective Leader

Introduction A professional at the beginning of the path of developing oneself into a leader is challenged with multiple issues. One seeks to ensure relevant decision-making approaches, proper leadership skills, and management styles to become an effective and authentic leader. Self-awareness and continuous learning are the sources of empowerment for...

Biological Factors Influencing Sexual Response and Arousal

Biological factors that influence sexual response and arousal include age, general health, hormonal and chromosomal statuses, and nutritional states. These factors are significant in regard to sexual desire but may not always contribute to the explanation of sexual responses. As such, it is vital to consider further biological factors that...

Harmony Within: Self-Control and Self-Discipline in Chinese Religion

Introduction Chinese religious beliefs have been regarded as peaceful and humanistic. Therefore, the notions of self-control, self-discipline, and restraint are traditionally associated with Chinese religious practices and ethical standards (Einzelgänger, 2020; Open Your Reality, 2021). However, the specified statements regarding Chinese religion are not merely empty. Due to the strong...

• Comparative Literature
• Western Civilization

Essential Components of Performance Management

Introduction The first step of a performance management process is establishing standards for employees’ accountability and authority. This includes setting expectations and guidelines to ensure that employees understand their roles, responsibilities, and expected performance within the organization (Allen, 2022). Additionally, the levels of authority set up a structure to give...

Discussion: The Concept of Online Privacy

In recent years, tech companies have become some of the most influential powers in the world. The outcome has resulted from technological advancements and interest in online platforms fulfilled by corporations such as Google. Nonetheless, there have been multiple controversies in relation to user data being mishandled. Namely, companies sell...

Nursing Education: Theories and Approaches

Research Studies The first study based on the theory of Jean Watson is described in the article “Watson’s Theory of Caring in nursing education” by Devi et al. (2022). In it, the author first analyzes in detail the features of the theory of Watson, highlights the characteristics, and sets the...

Creativity and Personal Strengths Analysis

When a person is asked directly if they are creative or not, the instinctive response is to say “No”. There are reasons for that – most people are raised to be modest and not flaunt whatever personal talents they have in front of others. Self-esteem and understanding of personal strengths...

European Encounters With Native Americans: Colonial Perspectives

Introduction In Columbus’s Journal, the author describes the Native Americans he encounters as “loving and friendly” people who are willing to share their resources and offer assistance. The publicist also notes their physical appearance, praising their “fine shapes” and “handsome faces.” These positive descriptions reflect the European value of civility...

Psychology, Climate Change and Ecological Problems

First of all, it should be noted that climate change and environmental problems are behavioral in nature. This can be explained by the fact that in addition to production and global causes, less large-scale, but no less significant ones, determined by human consciousness, stand out. The fact is that a...

Beyond the Game: Future Trends in Sports Promotion

Introduction Selling and promotion in sports have been the center of attention of many sports management resources since the industry is growing intensively. BeyondTheMatch website gathered multiple trends related to content marketing and digitalization that are likely to bring success to the organizations that will be ready to implement them....

Confronting Homophobia in Addiction Treatment for Sexual Minorities

Introduction The issue of homophobia has a significant impact on the effective treatment of sexual minorities struggling with addiction problems. Homophobia, which involves fear, hatred, or intolerance of people who identify as LGBTQ, may result in discriminatory practices in the healthcare system. It can cause people who identify as sexual...

Discussion: Choosing the Proper Business Structure

It is more profitable to open an LLC than a corporation. However, they are both economic entities created by submitting constituent documents to the state (Rendtorff, 2019). In addition, they enable their owners to have the same type of protection and responsibility (Mancuso, 2021). As a rule, neither the owners...

Embracing Servant Leadership in Organizations

Introduction Servant leadership is a leadership style that centers on meeting the needs of others rather than solely pursuing the leader’s interests. It entails a leader who places a high value on the well-being and development of their followers, actively working to empower and support them in their pursuit of...

A Critical Analysis of Gender Dynamics in Glaspell’s ‘Trifles’

Introduction The character of Minnie, who has endured years of violence at the hands of her husband, John Wright, is followed in the play “Trifles.” After watching him purposefully twist the neck of her cherished canary in front of her, Minnie killed her husband. This became her pivotal moment, although...

Unveiling Freedom: Deciphering “The Story of an Hour” by Kate Chopin

Introduction “The Story of an Hour” is a famous and exciting short story by Kate Chopin. This literary piece describes the thoughts and feelings of Louise Mallard, who is told that her husband, Brently Mallard, tragically died in a railroad accident. Main body The author fails to present much information...

Leadership and Intelligence: Are All Good Leaders Smart?

Leadership is a pivotal component of organizational triumph, which demands the ability to steer and sway people towards a shared objective. However, discerning the attributes that constitute a proficient leader is not always facile, as different leaders possess diverse aptitudes and flaws (Hughes et al., 2022). One area of interest...

Healthcare Rationing: Articles Review

Chen, B., & McNamara, D. M. (2020). Disability discrimination, medical rationing and COVID-19. Asian Bioethics Review, 12(4), 511-518. Web. This article talks about social equality and justice for vulnerable populations worldwide. The writers discuss how the public health crisis has exposed the inhumane actions that discriminate against people with disabilities....

Medication: The Costs Minimization

After the diagnosis, most patients are required tp purchase different types of drugs to facilitate treatment. This results from the problem of insufficient funds available for the government to offer free drugs to the sick. Due to economic and social factors, some patients may find it difficult to purchase those...

Students with Disabilities in Classrooms

The acknowledgment and development of diversity in communities are one of the primary benefits of inclusive education. It strives to bring together various children in the classroom, allowing everyone the same opportunity to grow and learn. As a result, it can improve cooperation and collaboration at the local level among...

Can Big Data Save Endangered Species?

Introduction It is important to note that modern technological advancements in Big Data have shown a range of useful and powerful applicability in many areas, such as humanity’s efforts to save endangered species. Big Data essentially refers to novel ways of analyzing complex sets of large pieces of data to...

Butler’s ‘The Parable of the Sower’ – Exploring Socioeconomic Inequalities

Growth and development are ongoing themes in the Parable of the Sower. When the old and new are not exactly ideal, the characters, led by Lauren Olamina, struggle with how to construct a perfect future. The Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler combines religious and imaginative elements. The text’s...

Edgar Allan Poe’s Dark Tale: The Cask of Amontillado Explored

“Cask of Amontillado” is a dark but romantic story that illustrates the horrors of evil. Poe portrays revenge and murder in the tale as expressed by Montresor and Fortunato who are the main characters. Amontillado means sherry in Spanish, referring to fortified wine, while the cask is the barrel. Montresor...

Balancing Social Media and Child Development

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Short Essay Samples

Below is a pdf link to personal statements and application essays representing strong efforts by students applying for both undergraduate and graduate opportunities. These ten essays have one thing in common: They were all written by students under the constraint of the essay being 1-2 pages due to the target program’s explicit instructions. In such circumstances, writers must attend carefully to the essay prompt (sometimes as simple as “Write a one-page summary of your reasons for wanting to pursue graduate study”) and recognize that evaluators tend to judge these essays on the same fundamental principles, as follows:

• First, you are typically expected to provide a window into your personal motivations, offer a summary of your field, your research, or your background, set some long-term goals, and note specific interest in the program to which you are applying.
• Second, you are expected to provide some personal detail and to communicate effectively and efficiently. Failure to do so can greatly limit your chances of acceptance.

Good writers accomplish these tasks by immediately establishing each paragraph’s topic and maintaining paragraph unity, by using concrete, personal examples to demonstrate their points, and by not prolonging the ending of the essay needlessly. Also, good writers study the target opportunity as carefully as they can, seeking to become an “insider,” perhaps even communicating with a professor they would like to work with at the target program, and tailoring the material accordingly so that evaluators can gauge the sincerity of their interest

Overview of Short Essay Samples

Geological sciences samples.

In the pdf link below, the first two one-page statements written by students in the geological sciences are interesting to compare to each other. Despite their different areas of research specialization within the same field, both writers demonstrate a good deal of scientific fluency and kinship with their target programs.

Geography Student Sample

The short essay by a geography student applying to an internship program opens with the writer admitting that she previously had a limited view of geography, then describing how a course changed her way of thinking so that she came to understand geography as a “balance of physical, social, and cultural studies.” Despite her limited experience, she shows that she has aspirations of joining the Peace Corps or obtaining a law degree, and her final paragraph links her interests directly to the internship program to which she is applying.

Materials Sciences Student Sample

For the sample from materials sciences, directed at an internal fellowship, the one-page essay has an especially difficult task: The writer must persuade those who already know him (and thus know both his strengths and limitations) that he is worthy of internal funds to help him continue his graduate education. He attempts this by first citing the specific goal of his research group, followed by a brief summary of the literature related to this topic, then ending with a summary of his own research and lab experience.

Teach for America Student Sample

The student applying for the Teach for America program, which recruits recent college graduates to teach for two years in underprivileged urban and rural public schools, knows that she must convince readers of her suitability to such a demanding commitment, and she has just two short essays with which to do so. She successfully achieves this through examples related to service mission work that she completed in Ecuador before entering college.

Neuroscience Student Sample

The sample essay by a neuroscience student opens with narrative technique, telling an affecting story about working in a lab at the University of Pittsburgh. Thus we are introduced to one of the motivating forces behind her interest in neuroscience. Later paragraphs cite three undergraduate research experiences and her interest in the linked sciences of disease: immunology, biochemistry, genetics, and pathology.

Medieval Literature Student Sample

This sample essay immerses us in detail about medieval literature throughout, eventually citing several Irish medieval manuscripts. With these examples and others, we are convinced that this student truly does see medieval literature as a “passion,” as she claims in her first sentence. Later, the writer repeatedly cites two professors and “mentors” whom she has already met, noting how they have shaped her highly specific academic goals, and tying her almost headlong approach directly to the National University of Ireland at Maynooth, where she will have flexibility in designing her own program.

Beinecke Scholarship Student Sample

The Beinecke Scholarship essay is written by a junior faced with stiff competition from a program that awards $34,000 towards senior year and graduate school. This student takes an interesting theme-based approach and projects forward toward graduate school with confidence. This writer’s sense of self-definition is particularly strong, and her personal story compelling. Having witnessed repeated instances of injustice in her own life, the writer describes in her final paragraphs how these experiences have led to her proposed senior thesis research and her goal of becoming a policy analyst for the government’s Department of Education.

Online Education Student Sample

Written during a height of US involvement in Iraq, this essay manages the intriguing challenge of how a member of the military can make an effective case for on-line graduate study. The obvious need here, especially for an Air Force pilot of seven years, is to keep the focus on academic interests rather than, say, battle successes and the number of missions flown. An additional challenge is to use military experience and vocabulary in a way that is not obscure nor off-putting to academic selection committee members. To address these challenges, this writer intertwines his literacy in matters both military and academic, keeping focus on applications of Geographic Information Systems (GIS), his chosen field of graduate study.

Engineer Applying to a Master’s Program Sample

This example shows that even for an engineer with years of experience in the field, the fundamentals of personal essay writing remain the same. This statement opens with the engineer describing a formative experience—visiting a meat packaging plant as a teenager—that influenced the writer to work in the health and safety field.  Now, as the writer prepares to advance his education while remaining a full-time safety engineer, he proves that he is capable by detailing examples that show his record of personal and professional success. Especially noteworthy is his partnering with a government agency to help protect workers from dust exposures, and he ties his extensive work experience directly to his goal of becoming a Certified Industrial Hygienist.

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• College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn’t

College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn't

Published on November 8, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on August 14, 2023.

One effective method for improving your college essay is to read example essays . Here are three sample essays, each with a bad and good version to help you improve your own essay.

Table of contents

Essay 1: sharing an identity or background through a montage, essay 2: overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative, essay 3: showing the influence of an important person or thing, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

This essay uses a montage structure to show snapshots of a student’s identity and background. The writer builds her essay around the theme of the five senses, sharing memories she associates with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

In the weak rough draft, there is little connection between the individual anecdotes, and they do not robustly demonstrate the student’s qualities.

In the final version, the student uses an extended metaphor of a museum to create a strong connection among her stories, each showcasing a different part of her identity. She draws a specific personal insight from each memory and uses the stories to demonstrate her qualities and values.

How My Five Senses Record My Life

Throughout my life, I have kept a record of my life’s journey with my five senses. This collection of memories matters a great deal because I experience life every day through the lens of my identity.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

My classmate pulls one eye up and the other down.

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention to my discomfort, anger, and shame. How could he say such a mean thing about me? What did I do to him? Joseph’s words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Soaking in overflowing bubble baths with Andrew Lloyd Webber belting from the boombox.

Listening to “Cell Block Tango” with my grandparents while eating filet mignon at a dine-in show in Ashland.

Singing “The Worst Pies in London” at a Korean karaoke club while laughing hysterically with my brother, who can do an eerily spot-on rendition of Sweeney Todd.

Taking car rides with Mom in the Toyota Sequoia as we compete to hit the high note in “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera . Neither of us stands a chance!

The sweet scent of vegetables, Chinese noodles, and sushi wafts through the room as we sit around the table. My grandma presents a good-smelling mixture of international cuisine for our Thanksgiving feast. My favorite is the Chinese food that she cooks. Only the family prayer stands between me and the chance to indulge in these delicious morsels, comforting me with their familiar savory scents.

I rinse a faded plastic plate decorated by my younger sister at the Waterworks Art Center. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. I actually don’t mind this daily chore.

I taste sweat on my upper lip as I fight to continue pedaling on a stationary bike. Ava’s next to me and tells me to go up a level. We’re biking buddies, dieting buddies, and Saturday morning carbo-load buddies. After the bike display hits 30 minutes, we do a five-minute cool down, drink Gatorade, and put our legs up to rest.

My five senses are always gathering new memories of my identity. I’m excited to expand my collection.

Word count: 455

College essay checklist

Topic and structure

• I’ve selected a topic that’s meaningful to me.
• My essay reveals something different from the rest of my application.
• I have a clear and well-structured narrative.
• I’ve concluded with an insight or a creative ending.

Writing style and tone

• I’ve crafted an introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.
• I’ve written my essay in a way that shows instead of tells.
• I’ve used appropriate style and tone for a college essay.
• I’ve used specific, vivid personal stories that would be hard to replicate.
• I’ve demonstrated my positive traits and values in my essay.
• My essay is focused on me, not another person or thing.
• I’ve included self-reflection and insight in my essay.
• I’ve respected the word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

Making Sense of My Identity

Welcome to The Rose Arimoto Museum. You are about to enter the “Making Sense of My Identity” collection. Allow me to guide you through select exhibits, carefully curated memories from Rose’s sensory experiences.

First, the Sight Exhibit.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention as my lip trembles and palms sweat. Joseph couldn’t have known how his words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Ten years later, these same eyes now fixate on an InDesign layout sheet, searching for grammar errors while my friend Selena proofreads our feature piece on racial discrimination in our hometown. As we’re the school newspaper editors, our journalism teacher Ms. Riley allows us to stay until midnight to meet tomorrow’s deadline. She commends our work ethic, which for me is fueled by writing一my new weapon of choice.

Next, you’ll encounter the Sound Exhibit.

Still, the world is my Broadway as I find my voice on stage.

Just below, enter the Smell Exhibit.

While I help my Pau Pau prepare dinner, she divulges her recipe for cha siu bau, with its soft, pillowy white exterior hiding the fragrant filling of braised barbecue pork inside. The sweet scent of candied yams, fun see , and Spam musubi wafts through the room as we gather around our Thankgsiving feast. After our family prayer, we indulge in these delicious morsels until our bellies say stop. These savory scents of my family’s cultural heritage linger long after I’ve finished the last bite.

Next up, the Touch Exhibit.

I rinse a handmade mug that I had painstakingly molded and painted in ceramics class. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. For a few fleeting moments, as I continue my nightly chore, the pressure of my weekend job, tomorrow’s calculus exam, and next week’s track meet are washed away.

Finally, we end with the Taste Exhibit.

My legs fight to keep pace with the stationary bike as the salty taste of sweat seeps into corners of my mouth. Ava challenges me to take it up a level. We always train together一even keeping each other accountable on our strict protein diet of chicken breasts, broccoli, and Muscle Milk. We occasionally splurge on Saturday mornings after interval training, relishing the decadence of everything bagels smeared with raspberry walnut cream cheese. But this is Wednesday, so I push myself. I know that once the digital display hits 30:00, we’ll allow our legs to relax into a five-minute cool down, followed by the fiery tang of Fruit Punch Gatorade to rehydrate.

Thank you for your attention. This completes our tour. I invite you to rejoin us for next fall’s College Experience collection, which will exhibit Rose’s continual search for identity and learning.

Word count: 649

• I’ve crafted an essay introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.

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This essay uses a narrative structure to recount how a student overcame a challenge, specifically a sports injury. Since this topic is often overused, the essay requires vivid description, a memorable introduction and conclusion , and interesting insight.

The weak rough draft contains an interesting narrative, insight, and vivid imagery, but it has an overly formal tone that distracts the reader from the story. The student’s use of elaborate vocabulary in every sentence makes the essay sound inauthentic and stilted.

The final essay uses a more natural, conversational tone and chooses words that are vivid and specific without being pretentious. This allows the reader to focus on the narrative and appreciate the student’s unique insight.

One fateful evening some months ago, a defensive linebacker mauled me, his 212 pounds indisputably alighting upon my ankle. Ergo, an abhorrent cracking of calcified tissue. At first light the next day, I awoke cognizant of a new paradigm—one sans football—promulgated by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

It’s been an exceedingly taxing semester not being able to engage in football, but I am nonetheless excelling in school. That twist of fate never would have come to pass if I hadn’t broken my ankle. I still limp down the halls at school, but I’m feeling less maudlin these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, emboldened by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

Five months ago, right after my ill-fated injury, my friends’ demeanor became icy and remote, although I couldn’t fathom why. My teachers, in contrast, beckoned me close and invited me on a new learning journey. But despite their indubitably kind advances, even they recoiled when I drew near.

A few weeks later, I started to change my attitude vis-à-vis my newfound situation and determined to put my energy toward productive ends (i.e., homework). I wasn’t enamored with school. I never had been. Nevertheless, I didn’t abhor it either. I just preferred football.

My true turn of fate came when I started studying more and participating in class. I started to enjoy history class, and I grew interested in reading more. I discovered a volume of poems written by a fellow adventurer on the road of life, and I loved it. I ravenously devoured everything in the writer’s oeuvre .

As the weeks flitted past, I found myself spending my time with a group of people who were quite different from me. They participated in theater and played instruments in marching band. They raised their hands in class when the teacher posed a question. Because of their auspicious influence, I started raising my hand too. I am no longer vapid, and I now have something to say.

I am certain that your school would benefit from my miraculous academic transformation, and I entreat you to consider my application to your fine institution. Accepting me to your university would be an unequivocally righteous decision.

Word count: 408

• I’ve chosen a college essay topic that’s meaningful to me.
• I’ve respected the essay word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

As I step out of bed, the pain shoots through my foot and up my leg like it has every morning since “the game.” That night, a defensive linebacker tackled me, his 212 pounds landing decidedly on my ankle. I heard the sound before I felt it. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

My broken ankle broke my spirit.

My friends steered clear of me as I hobbled down the halls at school. My teachers tried to find the delicate balance between giving me space and offering me help. I was as unsure how to deal with myself as they were.

In time, I figured out how to redirect some of my frustration, anger, and pent-up energy toward my studies. I had never not liked school, but I had never really liked it either. In my mind, football practice was my real-life classroom, where I could learn all I ever needed to know.

Then there was that day in Mrs. Brady’s history class. We sang a ridiculous-sounding mnemonic song to memorize all the Chinese dynasties from Shang to Qing. I mumbled the words at first, but I got caught up in the middle of the laughter and began singing along. Starting that day, I began browsing YouTube videos about history, curious to learn more. I had started learning something new, and, to my surprise, I liked it.

With my afternoons free from burpees and scrimmages, I dared to crack open a few more of my books to see what was in them. That’s when my English poetry book, Paint Me Like I Am , caught my attention. It was full of poems written by students my age from WritersCorps. I couldn’t get enough.

I wasn’t the only one who was taken with the poems. Previously, I’d only been vaguely aware of Christina as one of the weird kids I avoided. Crammed in the margins of her high-top Chuck Taylors were scribbled lines of her own poetry and infinite doodles. Beyond her punk rock persona was a sensitive artist, puppy-lover, and environmental activist that a wide receiver like me would have never noticed before.

With Christina, I started making friends with people who once would have been invisible to me: drama geeks, teachers’ pets, band nerds. Most were college bound but not to play a sport. They were smart and talented, and they cared about people and politics and all sorts of issues that I hadn’t considered before. Strangely, they also seemed to care about me.

I still limp down the halls at school, but I don’t seem to mind as much these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, excited by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

My broken ankle broke my spirit. Then, it broke my ignorance.

Word count: 512

This essay uses a narrative structure to show how a pet positively influenced the student’s values and character.

In the weak draft, the student doesn’t focus on himself, instead delving into too much detail about his dog’s positive traits and his grandma’s illness. The essay’s structure is meandering, with tangents and details that don’t communicate any specific insight.

In the improved version, the student keeps the focus on himself, not his pet. He chooses the most relevant stories to demonstrate specific qualities, and the structure more clearly builds up to an insightful conclusion.

Man’s Best Friend

I desperately wanted a cat. I begged my parents for one, but once again, my sisters overruled me, so we drove up the Thompson Valley Canyon from Loveland to Estes Park to meet our newest family member. My sisters had already hatched their master plan, complete with a Finding Nemo blanket to entice the pups. The blanket was a hit with all of them, except for one—the one who walked over and sat in my lap. That was the day that Francisco became a Villanova.

Maybe I should say he was mine because I got stuck with all the chores. As expected, my dog-loving sisters were nowhere to be found! My mom was “extra” with all the doggy gear. Cisco even had to wear these silly little puppy shoes outside so that when he came back in, he wouldn’t get the carpets dirty. If it was raining, my mother insisted I dress Cisco in a ridiculous yellow raincoat, but, in my opinion, it was an unnecessary source of humiliation for poor Cisco. It didn’t take long for Cisco to decide that his outerwear could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I took off one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his ensemble more when we had to walk through snowdrifts to get his job done.

When my abuela was dying from cancer, we went in the middle of the night to see her before she passed. I was sad and scared. But, my dad let me take Cisco in the car, so Cisco cuddled with me and made me feel much better. It’s like he could read my mind. Once we arrived at the hospital, the fluorescent lighting made the entire scene seem unreal, as if I was watching the scene unfold through someone else’s eyes. My grandma lay calmly on her bed, smiling at us even through her last moments of pain. I disliked seeing the tubes and machines hooked up to her. It was unnatural to see her like this一it was so unlike the way I usually saw her beautiful in her flowery dress, whistling a Billie Holiday tune and baking snickerdoodle cookies in the kitchen. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained at the foot of the bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that seemed more effective at communicating comfort and compassion than the rest of us who attempted to offer up words of comfort that just seemed hollow and insincere. It was then that I truly appreciated Cisco’s empathy for others.

As I accompanied my dad to pick up our dry cleaner’s from Ms. Chapman, a family friend asked, “How’s Cisco?” before even asking about my sisters or me. Cisco is the Villanova family mascot, a Goldendoodle better recognized by strangers throughout Loveland than the individual members of my family.

On our summer trip to Boyd Lake State Park, we stayed at the Cottonwood campground for a breathtaking view of the lake. Cisco was allowed to come, but we had to keep him on a leash at all times. After a satisfying meal of fish, our entire family walked along the beach. Cisco and I led the way while my mom and sisters shuffled behind. Cisco always stopped and refused to move, looking back to make sure the others were still following. Once satisfied that everyone was together, he would turn back around and continue prancing with his golden boy curly locks waving in the chilly wind.

On the beach, Cisco “accidentally” got let off his leash and went running maniacally around the sand, unfettered and free. His pure joy as he raced through the sand made me forget about my AP Chem exam or my student council responsibilities. He brings a smile not only to my family members but everyone around him.

Cisco won’t live forever, but without words, he has impressed upon me life lessons of responsibility, compassion, loyalty, and joy. I can’t imagine life without him.

Word count: 701

I quickly figured out that as “the chosen one,” I had been enlisted by Cisco to oversee all aspects of his “business.” I learned to put on Cisco’s doggie shoes to keep the carpet clean before taking him out一no matter the weather. Soon after, Cisco decided that his shoes could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I removed one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his footwear more after I’d gear him up and we’d tread through the snow for his daily walks.

One morning, it was 7:15 a.m., and Alejandro was late again to pick me up. “Cisco, you don’t think he overslept again, do you?” Cisco barked, as if saying, “Of course he did!” A text message would never do, so I called his dad, even if it was going to get him in trouble. There was no use in both of us getting another tardy during our first-period class, especially since I was ready on time after taking Cisco for his morning outing. Alejandro was mad at me but not too much. He knew I had helped him out, even if he had to endure his dad’s lecture on punctuality.

Another early morning, I heard my sister yell, “Mom! Where are my good ballet flats? I can’t find them anywhere!” I hesitated and then confessed, “I moved them.” She shrieked at me in disbelief, but I continued, “I put them in your closet, so Cisco wouldn’t chew them up.” More disbelief. However, this time, there was silence instead of shrieking.

Last spring, Cisco and I were fast asleep when the phone rang at midnight. Abuela would not make it through the night after a long year of chemo, but she was in Pueblo, almost three hours away. Sitting next to me for that long car ride on I-25 in pitch-black darkness, Cisco knew exactly what I needed and snuggled right next to me as I petted his coat in a rhythm while tears streamed down my face. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained sitting at the foot of the hospital bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that communicated more comfort than our hollow words. Since then, whenever I sense someone is upset, I sit in silence with them or listen to their words, just like Cisco did.

The other day, one of my friends told me, “You’re a strange one, Josue. You’re not like everybody else but in a good way.” I didn’t know what he meant at first. “You know, you’re super responsible and grown-up. You look out for us instead of yourself. Nobody else does that.” I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t trying to do anything different. I was just being me. But then I realized who had taught me: a fluffy little puppy who I had wished was a cat! I didn’t choose Cisco, but he certainly chose me and, unexpectedly, became my teacher, mentor, and friend.

Word count: 617

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

• A unique, personally meaningful topic
• A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
• Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
• Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
• Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
• A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

• A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
• A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

Though admissions officers are interested in hearing your story, they’re also interested in how you tell it. An exceptionally written essay will differentiate you from other applicants, meaning that admissions officers will spend more time reading it.

You can use literary devices to catch your reader’s attention and enrich your storytelling; however, focus on using just a few devices well, rather than trying to use as many as possible.

Most importantly, your essay should be about you , not another person or thing. An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability.

Your essay shouldn’t be a résumé of your experiences but instead should tell a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

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