who gives a speech at a wedding

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• Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception? How to Write a Wedding Toast Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech How to Write a Best Man Toast Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech What to Know About a Newlywed Toast Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips 60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

Who Gives a Speech at the Wedding Reception?

We’re here to break down the toast basics.

Jaimie Mackey was the real weddings editor at Brides from 2013 to 2015. She also worked as a luxury wedding planner and produced over 100 high-end weddings and events in Colorado

Before you get to the dancing, there’s a big wedding tradition you won’t want to miss: the toasts. If they’re done well, they can be one of the most memorable and cherished parts of the reception, so make sure to carve out time for them when you’re arranging the evening’s timeline. Not sure how much time to allow or who to tap to give a speech? We’re here to break down the toast basics .

Successful wedding toasts are all about proper planning. While impromptu speeches can be sweet, you won’t want to keep your guests away from the dance floor for too long, so leave the open mic at the rehearsal dinner and begin by designating exactly who you want to speak at your reception. While these roles can be adjusted to fit your own preferences, traditionally, the key speakers are:

• Your parents
• The maid of honor
• The best man
• The two of you

Here’s how to break down who gives speeches at weddings.

The Welcome Toast

Whoever is hosting the event should speak first and should take the microphone as soon as guests have found their seats. This first toast is most often made by the parents (or father) of the bride and should combine both a toast to the happy couple and a welcome message to the guests.

If you would like the parents of the groom to speak, they should do so following the parents of the bride. For same-sex weddings, it's up to the couple to decide whose parents should kick off the evening.

The Blessing

If you are inviting someone to bless the meal, do so immediately after the welcome toasts. But, make sure it is done before dinner is served.

The Best Man and Maid of Honor Toasts

The best man and maid of honor usually speak toward the end of dinner while guests are still seated but after entrées have been served. This way, there are no interruptions from waitstaff clearing or serving, but guests are still paying attention. If you aren't having a seated dinner, wait until the servers have settled from making the rounds of passed hors d'oeuvres or until you see that everyone has gotten something to munch on from the buffet table or food truck .

The Newlyweds Toast

Of course, the couple should take the mic to thank your parents and your guests for celebrating with you. You can speak right after your maid of honor and best man, or wait to make a speech once you’ve gotten up to cut the cake.

Wedding Toast Tips

While you can’t ensure that every toast will be memorable, there are a few steps you can take to help it all run smoothly.

Give your speakers notice.

A few months before the wedding, invite them to say something. This will give them plenty of time to jot down their ideas and perfect what they’re going to say.

Provide a time limit.

The sweet spot for a toast is three to five minutes—enough time to share a story and a sweet sentiment, but not so long that guests lose interest.

Let each person know when they’ll be speaking.

This way they can make sure to be ready when their time comes, and maybe hold off on that extra glass of wine until after they’ve made their remarks.

A Guide to Wedding Reception Toasts

Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception?

How to Write a Wedding Toast

Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech

How to Write a Best Man Toast

Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech

What to Know About a Newlywed Toast

Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips

60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

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The Ultimate Guide to Wedding Speech Order & Writing Toasts

Weddings are a blast, but the speeches—whether heartfelt or hilarious—remind everyone why they’re there: to celebrate two people in love. This wedding speech guide covers all the basics.

Michelle Gonzalez Photography

Wedding receptions are undoubtedly about the newly married couple, but between music, catching up with friend and relatives, and sampling dessert tables, there is a lot going on. Once the wedding ceremony is over, the day can quickly go from dignified to lively and raucous (in the best way possible, of course), and the wedding speeches are possibly the last time every guest will be seated at once. They're also what's going to make your big day feel extra personal and sentimental when loved ones share their favorite memories of you and your partner. If you're planning your wedding toast or speech order, or if you're in the wedding party and need to prep for your own toast, follow these guidelines and tips to know exactly what you should expect. 

Wedding Speech Length & Content

Who gives a toast at a wedding.

Your parents/parent figures, wedding party members, best friends, or close relatives are generally the ones who give speeches or readings throughout your wedding celebration, but ultimately, you can ask whoever you want if it will mean something to you. Keep in mind that speeches are traditionally given at the rehearsal dinner, the wedding reception, and sometimes during the ceremony, such as readings or blessings. Here are all the wedding speeches you'll need to plan for and who traditionally gives them at each event—but remember this can change depending on your personal preferences and what does or doesn't apply to you as a couple.    

Rehearsal dinner speeches

Since fewer people will be in attendance, these  rehearsal dinner toasts  can be longer and more involved than wedding day speeches. Say hello and introduce yourself, then welcome everyone and say how excited you are for the wedding. Tell a sweet, hilarious, or intriguing story that’s related to the couple or the wedding. For example, give your first impression of meeting the bride or groom; talk about how the couple met or got engaged; or share a childhood memory, like how the bride used to try on her mother’s wedding gown when she was a teenager. End with something sentimental and heartfelt about the couple or a quote about marriage, then wish the couple well.

• Host(s): The rehearsal dinner is traditionally hosted by the groom's parents (if applicable). The father of the groom, mother of the groom, or other host will thank guests for attending. 
• Wedding party: While the best man and maid of honor speeches should be reserved for the wedding reception, this is a chance for other bridesmaids and groomsmen to publicly share their well wishes for the newlyweds. 
• Couple: The couple will take a few minutes to thank their relatives and wedding party for supporting and celebrating them. 
• Other family members/important guests:  Grandparents and other close relatives may wish to share an informal congratulations during the rehearsal dinner. 

Wedding ceremony speeches and readings

• Officiant: In addition to coordinating your wedding vows, the officiant may wish to share a personal story about the two of you during the ceremony, especially if they're someone you've known for a long time or have been in pre-wedding counseling. 
• Ceremony readers: Friends and relatives who aren't already in the wedding party are great choices when deciding who will give readings during the ceremony. 

Wedding reception speeches

• Best man: The best man kicks off the wedding speeches by giving a toast shortly after everyone is seated at their reception tables. 
• Maid of honor: The maid of honor takes the mic immediately following the best man's speech. 
• Host(s): The wedding reception is traditionally hosted by the bride's parents (if applicable). The father of the bride and/or mother of the bride will congratulate the newlyweds and give a toast.
• Couple: The couple may wish to say a few brief words to kickstart the reception meal and thank guests for coming. 

Every couple has their own preferences and relationships when it comes to who gives  wedding speeches and toasts , and nobody should ever feel forced to give one. If the best man or maid of honor isn’t comfortable speaking in front of a crowd (or if there isn’t a best man or maid of honor at all), either skip it or hand the baton to somebody who will love getting up in front of a sea of eager faces. If a lot of people want to make a toast, consider arranging traditional toasts during the wedding and save the rest of the speeches for the rehearsal dinner.

How long should a wedding speech be?  

No matter how long you've known the couple, it's best to keep your wedding speech under five minutes, and aim for closer to three minutes if you can. Even if there’s a lot to say, talking for three minutes can feel like a long time—but with a simple template, you'll nail your moment in the spotlight. A great speech doesn't have to be full of perfected, eloquent wording; instead, it should evoke an emotion and convey a genuine happiness for the couple. Short and sweet wedding toasts can still be filled with plenty of charm! 

What do you say in a wedding speech? 

Since you want to keep your toast short and to the point, it's best to follow a simple outline. Regardless of your role, a great wedding speech should go something like this: Start by introducing yourself and sharing how you know the couple, followed by a short anecdote or story, and conclude by sharing your love and raising a glass to the newlyweds. Here are other speech examples: 

• How to write a best man speech »
• How to write a maid of honor speech »
• How to write a father of the bride speech »
• How to give a joint wedding speech »
• How to give a wedding speech if you hate public speaking »

What should you avoid in a wedding speech?  

Inside stories may amuse the couple, but they can easily get lost on the rest of the crowd, and the last thing you want is crickets or awkward silence. No matter what, don’t bring up old flames or problems the couple has faced—this is supposed to be a happy, lighthearted celebration. Not sure if that hilarious but questionable story from a night out is appropriate? Skip it—children, parents, and grandparents are listening! Avoid insult humor, too. Remember, this is a toast, not a roast! For more tips, here's  how to write a funny wedding speech .

Reception Wedding Speech Order

1. the best man.

You might think that being best man is all about planning a raucous bachelor party and not much else, but this job does have a few  best man duties  to prepare for, most important being the best man speech. And when it comes to the wedding speech order, the best man usually goes first. The best man should introduce himself and explain how he knows the couple. For example, he can tell the story of how he and the groom have been buddies since high school and how they met the bride-to-be during spring break their junior year of college. He can then say something positive about the couple and their relationship, show gratitude for being part of their day and wish them happiness. (Pssst! Here's  how to write a best man speech .)

2. Maid of honor

When thinking about wedding speeches,  the maid of honor is usually top of mind . While the maid of honor can follow the same outline as the best man’s speech, it’s more common for their speech to focus on the bride. Drawing from past experiences together, the MOH can tell a heartwarming or funny story from their friendship or share an anecdote from wedding planning escapades. For example, maybe the veil didn’t arrive until the day before the wedding or putting together the favors was a complete nightmare, but the bride managed to keep her cool through it all. (Here are all our tips on  how to write a maid of honor speech , from start to finish.) 

3. Parents of either spouse

If one or both sets of parents are hosting the wedding , they may choose to say a few words to welcome everyone to the event as part of the wedding speech order. This toast will be fairly fast, especially if the parents made a lengthy or heartwarming toast at the rehearsal dinner. The  father of the bride speech  or parents' toast usually welcomes and thanks the guests, and then raises a glass to the other set of parents and the happy couple.

4. The couple

Sometimes the couple will opt to make a toast, particularly  if they are hosting the wedding . The main purpose of this toast is to be a  wedding thank-you speech  to everyone involved: the bridal party, family and guests. Couples may also express their excitement about starting their new married life together. Again, this is an optional (but nice) part of the wedding speech order, so if the couple is hesitant about speaking in front of a crowd, they can go from table to table during the reception to express their thanks in a more personal, intimate way.

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What is the Traditional Wedding Speech Order?

Common speech tips for modern wedding, wedding speech order planning tips.

• Wedding Party & Reception

Who Speaks, When? Traditional Order of Speeches at Wedding

VAKSMANVOLODYMYR via Shutterstock

The order of speeches at wedding events is more important than you may think. The reason that specific people make toasts and speeches at specific times creates a narrative. It tells the story of the couple’s journey and reveals a deeper level of connection for the audience.

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Today’s weddings are very flexible. You shouldn’t feel like you have to adhere to this list. However, if your desire is to follow tradition or simply learn more about wedding traditions, this guide to wedding speech orders will give you what you need.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Who gives speeches at weddings and in what order.

At a traditional wedding reception, the bride and groom speak first. This is followed by speeches from the father of the bride, the father of the groom, the maid of honor, and then the best man.

Do wedding speeches come before or after food?

Speeches should be delivered approximately 3/4 of the way through the reception meal. This allows guests to find their seats and get comfortable.

How long is a wedding speech supposed to be?

Each wedding speech at a traditional wedding should be 3 to 5 minutes long. Any shorter and you won’t get to say what you want. Any longer and you will lose the audience.

How Many Speeches Do You Have at a Wedding?

Traditional weddings, if nobody opts out, have six standard speakers. Sometimes a Master of Ceremonies will be the seventh orator. Recently the mothers of the bride and groom deliver separate speeches to be the eighth and ninth speakers.

Traditionally, the order of speeches at wedding receptions pays respect to the people who have greatly influenced the bride and groom’s lives. Arguably, these friends and family members are partially responsible for making the wedding happen.

The bride and groom will speak first to thank their guests for participating in their union. The father, and sometimes mother, will speak as they traditionally pay for the wedding. The groom’s father and mother will then welcome the bride to the family. Lastly, the maid of honor and the groom will talk about friendship and how the bride and groom have grown.

The Father of the Bride or Parents of the Bride

ethanbeazleyphoto via Instagram

If asked, any father will tell you that it’s impossible to give a wedding speech without mentioning what his little girl was like growing up and how difficult it is to let her go. Some dads will over-indulge in this sentiment. Some dads are way too shy and will avoid talking about this. Follow these rules to help you find a balance between these two poles.

The father of the bride should:

• The order of speeches at weddings begins with the father of the bride thanking everyone for attending and helping. Identify and thank guests who have traveled a long way and acknowledge people who played prominent roles in the bride’s life. Although they aren’t speaking, they all contribute to the success of the wedding.
• The father of the bride should tell stories about how his little girl has grown into the woman she has become. Consider stories about how she developed through school, what she wanted to be when she grows up, and anecdotes that demonstrate her character.
• Finally, speak directly to the bride and her parents. Welcome them by recounting the story of when you all met each other. This is a good time for a few jokes, but make sure those jokes are wrapped in warmth and acceptance.

The father of the bride should not:

• Don’t just say “Thank You’ to a list of people. Acknowledging prominent friends, family, and wedding party members is appropriate. However, simply naming them does not make them feel welcome or significant.
• You believe that your daughter is perfect, but keep the praise to a minimum. The role of the father of the bride in the order of wedding speeches is to create a sense of unity among all of the guests. Gushing over your daughter will deviate from this.
• Don’t speak for too long. As the first speaker, you will set the tone for others. Respect your time allotment so that others do the same. Beyond that, a short punchy speech is much more engaging than a long drone.

The Father of the Groom or Parents of the Groom

Next up in the order of wedding speeches is the father of the groom. His responsibility is to welcome the bride and her parents to the family. There’s a little more room for jokes with this speech, but everything should be respectful. He should commend his son for the man he has become and wish the couple a long, happy life together.

The father of the groom should:

• Start by thanking the bride’s family. Traditionally, they pay for the wedding. Even if that’s not the case, they have certainly raised a wonderful daughter.
• Tell the story of how your son grew up in a way that explains how he arrived in the arms of his bride. Include a few jokes if that’s your personality, but keep it light and good-hearted.
• Acknowledge how the bride makes your son a better man. You are proud of him and she is largely responsible for his passions and enthusiasm. Let her know how much you appreciate her and how she adds a new layer to the family.

The father of the groom should not:

• Don’t talk about exes. You may mean well when you say “Sarah is so much better than Melissa” but it never comes out well. It will take the entire crowd out of a happy moment.
• Don’t let jokes turn into insults. You know the people you are poking fun at very well. You know if they will appreciate the humor or not. If you don’t know them that well, air on the side of caution.
• Don’t give negative advice. There’s a big difference between “I wish you health, wealth, and happiness!” and “I hope you don’t turn out like your mother and me.” Although the intention is to wish the couple a life full of love, the delivery changes the entire context. Learn the line well and stay within it.

Groom Wedding Speech Order

After both sets of parents have a chance to speak, the traditional order of speeches at weddings has the groom speaking next. The speech usually includes Thank Yous to the guests, venue, and vendors. This is usually the time that the groom distributes gifts to his wedding party.

The groom should:

• Thank both sets of parents for their kind words. Try your best to bring up points they made to make it clear that you were listening and gained some insight. This will both make them feel good and create a connection between all of the speeches.
• Tell the story of how you met the bride. Include stories that paint the picture of your journey and when you realized that she is “the one”.
• Talk about the future and how much you love your new life. The wedding isn’t the destination, it’s the starting line of this new phase of life and you are excited.

The groom should not:

• Don’t fall into the “ball and chain” trope. Feel free to make jokes, but talking about how you’ve just lost your freedom is a little cliché.
• Don’t distribute gifts while you are speaking. Unless you’ve mastered the art of multi-tasking, your speech will suffer. Safe the gifts for a natural break in your speech or assign someone to distribute the gifts while you speak.
• Don’t overdo the Thank Yous. It’s important to pay respect to vendors and guests, but they have already been thanked and your main objective is to portray how happy you are with your new wife. Don’t take away from this.

Bride Wedding Speech

jeromecole via Instagram

The general order of speeches at a wedding has the bride speaking after the parents and groom. The bride’s speech will be similar to the groom’s but, of course, with her own experiences. It will consist of Thank Yous, gifts for her bridal party, and a message of love to her groom.

The bride should:

• Pay special attention to the bridesmaids. They’ve played a major role in your relationship as well as the success of your wedding. It’s appropriate to show proper recognition.
• Tell your version of how you met your groom and the journey you have taken together. It’s customary to pick on the groom a little bit but, just like everyone else, do your best not to fall into insulting tropes.
• Thank your parents, even if they have been thanked by others. Your relationship is much deeper with your own parents and they deserve your unique perspective.

The bride should not:

• Aside from your parents, don’t repeat Thank Yous. There are plenty of people to thank. Repeating the same people becomes redundant and diminishes the impact of the praise.
• Don’t make it entirely about yourself. Everything about this wedding is mostly about you. Take the opportunity to make it about others for a moment.
• Don’t take more time than the other speeches. Although you are the center of attention, taking longer to speak will throw off the momentum and timing of reception activities.

Maid of Honor/ Bridesmaids Speeches

The order of wedding speeches typically has the Maid of Honor speaking towards the end of the list. She will thank those who have not been thanked yet and spend most of her time gushing about the bride and her first impressions of the groom.

The bridesmaids should:

• Thank the groomsmen and ushers. They are often overlooked, but these people are the oil that keeps all of the gears in good working order.
• Say something about how the groom is such a perfect match for the bride. You can talk about his personality traits, your first impressions when meeting him, or an anecdote about getting to know him.
• Spend most of your time talking about the bride. You know her like no one else and the guests will adore hearing stories that expose her personality and relationship journey with the groom.

The bridesmaids should not:

• Do not tell stories that would embarrass the bride in front of parents or the groom. Some things are better left between you and the bride.
• Don’t forget to offer some good wishes and words of advice. You have a unique perspective on the couple’s relationship and your views are insightful.
• Don’t read your speech from your phone. Take some time to practice the speech so that it comes out naturally.

Best Man Speech

The best man usually comes last in the order of speeches at a wedding. However, the best man and maid of honor often switch. When the best man speaks last, he needs to understand that this is the segway to music and dancing. He’ll have to leave the guests in a fresh, energized mood.

The best man should:

• Keep it short and sweet. Punchy jokes and short stories will keep things concise and energetic, which is exactly what the crowd needs.
• Invite guests to get up and dance once the stage is set up. Often enough, guests are uncomfortable being the first ones on the dance floor. Encourage them to ditch their discomfort.
• Temper your jokes. The pressure to be funny has the ability to push people over the edge of appropriateness. Be aware of the elderly and children in attendance.

The best man should not:

• Don’t think that you have to be funny. Just because Hollywood and stereotypes tell us that the best man is expected to become a stand-up comedian doesn’t make it a rule. Be true to yourself.
• If you are naturally funny, don’t use inside jokes. The groom may appreciate it, but you are there for the entire guest list.
• Don’t fixate on your time in college or the bachelor party. Guests are interested in hearing about a journey that demonstrates the groom’s character arc, not a single moment in time.

Modern weddings are a little more free-range when it comes to speeches. The traditional structure has appointed individuals that are expected to rehearse their speech to accommodate a specific amount of time. Modern weddings will expand the list of appointed speakers to include brothers and sisters and prominent family members. In many cases, guests will be invited to step up to say a few words.

Non-traditional speakers should:

• Introduce yourself and explain your relationship to the bride or groom. This contextualizes what you will say.
• Express your joy and give advice. If you are younger than the couple, explain how they are an inspiration. If you are older, share your life lessons.
• Keep it short. If it’s an open mic situation, there are plenty of people who want their turn.

Non-traditional speakers should not:

• Try not to wing it. Although you didn’t prepare a formal speech, do your best to collect your thoughts and deliver them in a logical order.
• Don’t feel like you should speak if you have nothing to say. An open mic can be tempting but should be avoided if your piece won’t add to the story.
• Don’t neglect the guests. It’s a speech to the room, not a private conversation between you and the happy couple.

• The traditional order of speeches at weddings is pretty much written in stone. The few variables are if both parents speak or just the father, and which order the maid of honor and best man take. Not too long ago, men spoke on behalf of the family, but this is rarely true today. If you need to cut someone from the lineup due to timing issues, the mothers of the bride and groom are usually the first to go.
• When it comes to the maid of honor and best man, the best man is expected to be funny which is a great vibe to lead into the dance portion of the event.
• Regardless of where you fall in the order of speeches at weddings, there are a few guidelines that, if followed, will help you deliver a better speech.
• Start with a rough draft. Write down the basic structure of your speech and then insert some prominent memories that support what you have to say. Practice out loud. This will ensure that you are using the right words and speaking at a proper tempo.
• Don’t drink. A champagne toast is in order, but don’t lose your motor skills and ability to speak clearly.
• Be aware of who is speaking before and after you in the order of speeches at weddings. You will have to pick up where they left off and provide a segway for the next speaker.

The traditional order of speeches at weddings is successful because it’s familiar and provides a strong narrative. Each speaker has a role to play and progressively tells the story of the happy couple’s journey. Take pride in your role and what you have to say. Whether you realize it or not, you are a significant piece to the bride and groom’s overall experience.

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The Must-Know Rules for Making a Wedding Toast + Who Gives Speeches at Weddings

Etiquette expert anna post on the etiquette of wedding toasting and wedding speeches..

While toasts are appropriate at any wedding party, there are three wedding events where they are absolutely required: the engagement party, the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding reception. By Anna Post

One of the very best toasts for weddings I’ve ever heard came from my cousin Nick when he was the best man at the wedding of his brother, Peter. Nick is a professional journalist, so he already has a leg up on the rest of us with the honor of being best man, but he really went above and beyond on this one. He spoke as though he were writing a letter to “Dear Abby,” seeking advice on how to give a toast for weddings to a member of the Post family. He played on our family’s relationship to Emily, poking gentle fun at etiquette and inserting little comments about Peter along the way. Emily would have loved it! 

While toasts are appropriate at any wedding party and should be factored into the timeline while wedding planning, there are three events at weddings where they are absolutely required: the engagement party, the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding reception . Read these tips and advice whether you're the best man, parents of the bride or groom, or even the maid of honor, who will be giving a speech at the wedding.

The Engagement Party 

At an engagement party , the first toast is made by the father of the bride in the form of an announcement of the engagement. This typically occurs midway through the party once all of the guests have arrived and have had a chance to mingle for a bit. If the groom’s parents are there, a toast from his father is also a nice touch. The couple themselves may also wish to raise a glass to their hosts, their future in-laws, or their guests.

The Rehearsal Dinner 

At the rehearsal dinner , the host (usually the groom’s father) gives the first toast. This often occurs during the main course and is frequently met by a return toast from the father of the bride. Unlike the reception, when toasts and wedding speeches should generally be short, to the point, and given by a small number of people, the rehearsal dinner is an intimate setting and thus a time when longer toasts and stories about the happy couple are welcome. Those making toasts might include the mothers of the bride and groom, the best man and maid or matron of honor (whose toasts may coincide with presenting attendants’ gifts to the bride and groom), and just about anyone else.

The Wedding Reception 

So who gives speeches at weddings? Does the father of the groom give a speech at the wedding? Do groomsmen give speeches? Traditionally, the best man makes the first toast at the wedding reception . This is the most formal of all wedding toasts and speeches, and it occurs only after all the wedding guests have been provided with a glass of Champagne. At a sit-down dinner, the toast takes place as soon as everyone is seated; at a cocktail reception, the best man will make it after the couple enters the reception. The toast should be brief, lasting no more than a minute or two at most. 

It’s fine if the best man’s toast is the only speech made, though a companion toast from the maid of honor or matron of honor is fast on its way to becoming a tradition. Fathers of the bride and groom often say a few words, especially if either is in the role of host of the wedding. Mothers of the bride and groom are even getting in the mix like the maid of honor, as well as the bride and groom themselves (especially if they are hosting the event). It’s best to know in advance who is going to say something, and in what order; anyone not on the list should check with the couple before making impromptu speeches at the reception.

Toasting Tips 

No matter the party, when it’s time to toast, the best man – or whoever is going first – should ask for everyone’s attention using a microphone (or in its absence, by gently – they can break! – clinking your glass). When done, raise your glass toward the couple, and then lead wedding guests in taking a sip. (Couples: remain seated and don’t drink when being toasted – just smile and enjoy!)

How long should wedding speeches be? 

For most of us, when to speak matters little compared with what to say. Regardless how tongue-tied you feel, you’ll never go wrong with short and sweet speeches. A great wedding speech should not take more than a few minutes and can be as short as a few lines: “Kim and Steve, may your love for one another always be as strong and deep as it is today. You are my dearest friends, and I wish you all the joy in the world. Cheers!” Be sincere, and unless you’re a stand-up comedian or a politician, don’t try to wing it. Wedding toasts are best prepared ahead of time. When it’s time for your toast, it’s fine to take out your notes and refer to them.

No one wants his toast to be received to the chirping of crickets; avoid the following landmines and your wedding speech will be a shining success: 

- Skip pointless stories about the couple’s childhoods (anecdotes are okay, just keep them relevant to the occasion). 

- Be sure not to talk about yourself instead of the couple; this is the time to check your ego at the door. The couple has spent months wedding planning and it's best to keep wedding speeches all about them. 

- Last and most importantly, keep mum about any past problems the couple may have had, and never reference any of their old flames at the wedding. It's absolutely inappropriate to include in toasts at receptions.

Think before you make a joke. 

Think you’re funny? Cracking jokes and telling amusing stories about the bride and groom is fine, just make sure to keep it light and clean and approach it with good intentions – this is a wedding day, not a roast. And if you want to express strong emotions (the good kind, of course), there are few better opportunities than during wedding speeches. It’s okay if you get a little choked up; composure is great, but so is honest, heartfelt emotion during a wedding speech. After all, it’s what the day is ultimately all about.

Opening photo by Branco Prata; Bridal Salon: The White Dress ; Planning & Design by Evoke Design & Creative ; From Real Wedding:  Chic Destination Wedding with California Style in Washington, DC

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Order of Speeches at a Wedding: Who Says What & When?

Confused about the order of speeches at a wedding? We explain who says what and when in this comprehensive guide

Kim Burrows Photography

We always say there are no 'have tos' when it comes to weddings, you've got to do things the way  you want to, but if you and your partner are after some guidance on the  order of speeches at wedding celebrations, you've come to the right place. 

The wedding speeches  are usually given at a couples’ wedding reception, either before or after the meal, and getting the order of wedding speeches right will help ensure a smooth running of the day. 

There are no set rules when it comes to the wedding speech order and who says what in wedding speeches, but there is a nack to ordering them in the most effective way.

The Order of Speeches At a Wedding: Who Says What & When?

To help you out, we spoke to Marc Blakewill from All Write on the Night who gave us a breakdown of when each speech should traditionally be, what it should include and the best time to have your speeches during the reception.

Here, you will find insight into the traditional order of speeches at a wedding, as well as information on who says what in each speech, and the best time to have your wedding speeches. 

This truly is your one-stop-shop when it comes to wedding order of speeches, ready to get learning? 

• What is the Order of Speeches at Wedding Celebrations? 

Who Says What in Each of the Wedding Speeches?

When is the best time for wedding speeches, expert tips to ensure your wedding speeches run smoothly.

Still looking for wedding speech tips and advice? Here are our top three tips for wedding speeches, in under one minute!

What is the Order of Speeches at Wedding Celebrations?

The traditional wedding speech order goes father of the bride, groom, best man and other toasts.

"In LGBTQ+ weddings, it is also common for both partners to speak but sometimes only one does," explains Marc. If you're having an LGBTQ+ wedding, you can decide on an order that works best for you. We've covered all the different ways LGBTQ+ couples can reinvent the speech section of their wedding.

"I would say the majority of speeches still follow this order. However, it’s now clear people also feel free to change it around," says Marc. Many  brides now choose to give a speech , as do the bridesmaids or maid of honour.

"I’ve seen all sorts of combinations, including the best man starting and the groom coming last. Moreover, the roster of speakers is no longer 'the traditional three' but might also include the father of the groom, the mother of the bride, the maid of honour or the bride herself," Marc explains. 

If you are including these, the order should go: father of the bride, groom, bride, bridesmaids/maid of honour, best man. But honestly, you can pick any order for your wedding speeches that works for you!

The order of wedding speeches is important, because each person (traditionally) is responsible for saying thank yous and making announcements within their speech. Here are the key things that you may want to include in each of the wedding speeches at your reception. 

What Should the Father of the Bride Speech Say? 

Danielle Smith Photography

Kicking off the wedding speech order is the  father of the bride speech . If the father of the bride isn’t present, this can be done by a close family friend.

The father of the bride should:

• Welcome the guests he is hosting and thank them for coming
• Welcome the bride's partner into the family and lead the toasts to absent friends and family
• Compliment the bride, tell some heartfelt stories about her and say how proud you are
• Praise the bride's partner and explain why you think they’re such a great couple
• Toast the newlyweds

The father of the bride shouldn't:

• Only include a list of thank yous - keep the speech witty and warm by adding a joke or two in among the thank yous
• Speak for too long - as you are likely to be the first speaker you want to ensure guests stay alert and eager for the speeches that follow

What Should the Groom’s Speech Say?

The father of the bride’s speech traditionally leads into the groom’s speech .

The groom should:

• Respond to the toast to the newlyweds by the father of the bride
• Thank the guests for attending and their gifts
• Thank both sets of parents
• Thank and say a few words about key members of the wedding party. Toast and compliment the bridesmaids here
• Toast their partner's parents if they are hosting

The groom shouldn't:

• Spend too much time thanking the venue - a quick line will be appreciated but any more can become clunky
• Give out gifts during the speech - this will take up time and can be done after the speeches or on the wedding morning

What Should the Best Man Speech Say?

The best man’s speech finishes off the wedding speeches – no pressure! The best man’s speech is traditionally expected to deliver the laughs so be sure to add in a few classic  best man jokes .

The best man should:

• Echo the groom’s toast in thanking the bridesmaids
• Compliment the couple, particularly the groom's partner
• Tell anecdotes about the groom
• Read out messages from absent friends and family
• Lead a final toast to the happy couple

The best man shouldn't:

• Be too harsh - try not to give the newlyweds a roasting 
• Mention the ex - stories about previous partners will often fall short and cause awkwardness
• Only include personal jokes - you might have a lifetime of drinking stories built up but remember to take the audience into consideration when you decide which stories to tell!

What Should the Bride’s Speech Say?

Karen Catchpole Photography

If the bride is going to give a speech, or to join the groom in a joint speech the bride should:

• Thank her guests for coming
• Thank her parents, especially if they are paying for the wedding
• Compliment her partner and tell a romantic/funny anecdote about them
• Raise a toast

What Should the Bridesmaid/Maid of Honour Speech Say?

Coming before the best man speech, this is a chance for the maid of honour to share her own funny anecdotes about the bride. The bridesmaids may like to share a short speech between them. Some are choosing to turn the maid of honour speech into a big occasion and prepare speeches, songs or videos that include all the bridesmaids and ushers.

The bridesmaids/maid of honour should:

• Thank the bride and offer a story or compliment
• Compliment the ushers

Traditionally the wedding speeches take place after dinner, with the father of the bride occasionally giving his before the meal.

"The speeches are seen as a highlight - something to build up to – and therefore the meal is a good lead-in. Many couples tell me they want their guests to be 'fed and watered' before the speeches start so everyone can sit back, relax and enjoy them. The noise from the guests will then be laughter and applause not rumbling of stomachs," explains Marc. 

Increasingly, couples are choosing to mix the wedding speech order up. It might be that you decide to do the speeches before the wedding breakfast so the speech-givers can then relax and enjoy the meal, or have a speech between each course so the guests don’t have to listen to a solid block of speeches.

If you decide to do this, chat to your wedding venue or caterers to make sure it's doable - you don't want to risk your meals going cold whilst someone talks for too long!

The best time for wedding speeches depends on the schedule of your day. Should you have a long gap between the ceremony and reception, your guests are unlikely to want to wait for their food until the end of the speeches. If you are having an informal meal like a buffet, there won’t be a chance for speeches during courses.

Most couples choose to have speeches after dinner when everyone is satisfied and has had a chance to relax.

Rosanna Lilly Photography

When deciding your wedding speech order, whether you go traditional or not, there are a few important things to consider. 

1. Think about how the person before you will end their speech. If they let you know, you can then alter your speech so it starts referencing the ending of theirs.

2. Set time limits.  "For example, if you allot 10 minutes maximum to the best man he’s unlikely to speak for half-an-hour. If he goes over with, say, 15 minutes, you’ll still largely be on schedule. Be realistic though. It’s actually harder for a speaker to write and deliver a great short wedding speech, than a standard length one of 7-8 minutes," says Marc. 

3. Ask the person before you to introduce you. This saves you from having to clumsily introduce yourself to the room and lets you know when it’s okay to start your speech.

4. Don't have too many speakers. "If you break the mould of having more than the traditional three speakers, where do you stop? Be strict with numbers," suggests Marc. 

5. Ask the other speech-givers what jokes, toasts, anecdotes and thank yous they plan on including in their speeches. That way you can make sure you don’t repeat them and can mix it up a bit so you can do different ones. You don’t want to bore the guests by repeating familiar stories.

6. Consider a master of ceremonies/toastmaster . Marc recommends this as, " they can ensure the speeches start at the appointed time and that the transition from one speech to another is done seamlessly. You must factor in that their opening and introductions to each speaker will add time to the overall wedding speech timetable or give less time to each speaker."

Don’t miss our guide to managing wedding speech nerves if you feel stressed about giving your speech. We also have nine tips for how to deliver an amazing wedding speech

Related Hitched articles

Who Gives Speeches at Weddings? Wedding Speech Order

At the wedding reception, certain key members of the wedding party tend to give toasts to the bride and the groom. Before a wedding, you may find yourself wondering “Who gives speeches at weddings?” especially if you’re in the wedding party. Plan ahead to figure out if you’ll be speaking, or to decide who you want to speak on your wedding day.

Typically, the best man and maid of honor give toasts, but more members of your wedding party can speak as well. Figure out who gives wedding speeches before the big day!

Who Gives Speeches at Weddings?

If you haven’t attended many weddings, you may not be prepared for the wedding speeches that come at the reception. Learn in advance if you have to prepare a wedding speech, or consider who you’ll ask to speak at your wedding.

The Best Man

The best man has a long list of responsibilities, and one of them is giving a toast at the wedding ceremony. At weddings, this toast is the most traditional. Guests are sure to be looking forward to the best man’s speech to hear stories about the couple. 

If you’re the best man at a wedding, prepare your toast and practice if needed! The best man may also choose to say a few words at the rehearsal dinner.

The Maid of Honor

Like the best man, the maid of honor has a number of responsibilities in the wedding planning process as well as on the wedding day. Although it isn’t necessary for the maid of honor to give a speech, it’s becoming far more common. The maid of honor will also have fond memories of the couple, so it’s only fair that she can share some of the reasons why the bride and groom are perfect for each other! 

If you’re the maid of honor for a friend or family member, prepare to say a few words! You may be asked to say something at the rehearsal dinner as well; ask the bride beforehand to figure out when you’ll be giving a wedding speech!

Since the happy couple won’t toast themselves, their role is to give a short speech if they chose. This speech is an opportunity is welcome guests to the wedding and thank everyone for coming. The married couple can do this together, or one person can give a quick speech. Sometimes, the bride and groom choose to speak at the rehearsal dinner among a smaller group rather than at the wedding itself. 

The Parents

Who is hosting the wedding? If one set of parents is hosting the wedding, they are usually the ones to give a speech or toast. The parents should also welcome guests and thank them all for attending the wedding.

Alternatively, all the parents can stand up for a toast and say a few short words or have one person speak for them. As part of the speech, the parents will also congratulate the couple and give them their best wishes!

Additional Speeches

Ultimately, it’s up to you who speaks at your wedding . If you want more wedding speeches, you can ask additional family members or members of the wedding party to speak. You can also open up speeches to all of your guests, but this risks unwanted or inappropriate speeches and can drag on the wedding speech portion of the night.

The best practice is to ask all of your speech givers in advance to prepare a few words, and restrict your wedding speeches to those asked.

Wedding Speech Order

Now that you know who gives toasts at the wedding, it’s time to think about the order of toasts at a wedding reception. This is somewhat flexible, so don’t be afraid to break tradition and do what feels best for your reception.

The best man usually gives the first toast, but if you choose to include a welcome speech at your ceremony, the first speech will fall to either the couple or the parents of the couple. A welcome speech should be given early during the ceremony once all the guests arrive. 

After the welcome speech, festivities really kick off! So what’s next? The best man typically gives the first toast , followed by the maid of honor. The couple can toast each other or give a short speech to thank their guests. The parents of the couple are the last to give a speech or toast, but if the parents already gave a welcome speech, it isn’t necessary for them to give a second toast. 

The best time for toasts is after the meal has been served. This way, there are fewer people moving around and they can focus their attention on whoever is giving a toast. Plus, it’ll be easier to get everyone’s attention. Although this is the optimal time for the best man and maid of honor, the couple or parents may speak earlier at the reception, especially if they make a welcome speech.

How to Give a Wedding Speech

Not sure how to make a toast? With all the guests’ eyes on you, making a wedding toast can seem daunting, but if you plan ahead, your toast will go smoothly and be a huge hit! Once you have everyone’s attention, you can begin your speech. If everyone’s still chatting away, use a glass or tap the microphone. You wouldn’t want to start your speech and catch everyone off guard.

When you start your toast, make sure you briefly introduce yourself and your connection to the happy couple. Keep your speech focused on cheerful memories or how the couple met. Tell personal stories that focus on the bride and groom. Although you have the mic, don’t make the speech about your relationship with the newlyweds. It’s their day, and you’re at the wedding to celebrate them! 

If you want to add a few jokes in your toast, go ahead! You can keep your speech more humorous or emotional, depending on what your style is, but stay away from bringing up anyone’s exes. When you wrap up your speech, don’t forget to congratulate the couple and wish them a bright future. 

Preparing a speech takes time, so make sure you set aside a couple hours to write one. It may take a few drafts to get the speech just right, but it’s worth it to see the couples’ faces light up and the guests fully engaged. Once the couple has asked you to give a speech, start thinking about it right away so you have time to think of the best stories and memories. At the reception, bring up a slip of paper with the entire speech or main points so you don’t forget anything while being caught up in the excitement!

How Long Should a Wedding Toast Be?

It might be tempting to include all the funny and heart-warming stories you know about the couple, but remember to keep your toast short and brief! A few minutes is more than enough to express your love for the couple and congratulate them. 

Do your best to keep your toast under five minutes. Even a two to three minute speech can be thoughtful and delightful. The couple and the guests (and you!) are all at the wedding to celebrate, not to listen to toasts. With just a few short minutes, you can tell a story or two that will leave a great impression on everyone at the reception. Then, everyone can continue enjoying themselves by mingling and dancing! If you’re unsure about how long your toast should be, ask the couple for tips or a guideline. 

If you’re the best man , maid of honor, or parents of the couple, be prepared to give a toast. Although these are the people who traditionally give toasts and make speeches, you don’t need to strictly limit yourself to these people. If you feel someone else in your wedding party or another close relative would give a wonderful speech, don’t hesitate to ask! 

By keeping speeches focused on the happy couple and short and sweet, you’re sure to leave your mark on the wedding. 

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Wedding Speeches: Who Gives Them?

Once everyone has made it into the reception, it’s time for speeches to begin. So, who exactly makes a toast? We’ve got the lowdown.

Gillian Foster Photography

After your friends and family members find their seats at the reception , it’s time for the wedding speeches to commence. A few of your VIP guests will snag the mic from the emcee to share a few words about you, the happy couple. Note that these toast tips are for the traditional wedding speech order, but you are more than welcome to add more or less to your wedding day lineup. Just remember, it’s easy to go overboard. If you feel like there are just too many, ask a couple of them to give their wedding speeches at the rehearsal dinner , instead (that way they can still have their moment in the spotlight).

Here’s who is supposed to give a speech at a wedding.

The parents.

Parents typically have hosting roles in the wedding, so it’s only natural that they kick off the reception with a few words of welcome. Note that they probably have thousands of amazing things to say about you, the main sources of their pride and joy, but that should be saved for a more intimate moment. If they’re jonesing to give a longer, more sentimental wedding toast, ask if they wouldn’t mind doing it at a pre-wedding event, like the rehearsal dinner . Alternatively (or in addition to) there could be a  father of the bride speech . 

The Best Man

The most well-known toast at a wedding is probably the  best man speech . That’s right, this stand-up guy is in charge of more than just throwing a kickass bachelor party and making sure his friend’s tie is on straight before he finds his spot at the altar. When the reception rolls around, the groom’s right-hand man will sing the newlyweds’ praises and raise a glass to their future together. Yes, we’ve all seen this go awry in movies with embarrassing stories, but let’s learn from those mistakes and try to keep things PG-rated and slur-free.

The Maid of Honour

There’s a good chance that the bride’s bestie has played a key role in making sure your wedding goes off without a hitch, taking on wedding planning jobs like favour wrapping, invitation addressing and keeping the bride out of bridezilla territory (so, she’s definitely earned her moment in the spotlight). The  maid of honor speech will be similar in structure to the best man’s. She’ll share a few heartwarming stories and then give her congratulations to the happy couple. Like all wedding speeches, keeping it short and sweet is the name of the game.

The Newlyweds

A wedding thank you speech by the newlyweds doesn’t happen at every wedding, so don’t feel pressure to do one if public speaking is not your strong suit. However, it’s nice for the bride or groom to give shout outs to all the people who contributed to making your big day a success. Whether you want to dedicate your entire toast to your parents or go around giving props to each and every member of your wedding party is up to you. Just remember, there’s plenty of time in the evening to give your loved ones that extra high five, hug or handshake, so don’t make it too long.

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How to Write—And Deliver—The Perfect Wedding Speech

By Shelby Wax

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If one of your nearest and dearest is tying the knot, it’s possible you may be asked to give a speech during the wedding festivities. And while having an opportunity to share your love and memories at a major milestone event is an honor, there’s no denying that it’s a big ask—especially if public speaking isn’t your forté. A wedding speech presents a unique challenge: There’s no set formula for how the speech should play out, but it often requires sentimentality, a touch of humor, and the good sense to know when to wrap it up.

Are you a member of the wedding party that wants to (or has been asked to) give a toast at an upcoming celebration? Read ahead to learn how to write and prepare for your big moment.

Who Gives a Wedding Speech?

First off, it’s important to make sure that the couple definitely wants you to give a toast at their celebrations. Traditionally, the maid of honor, best man, and parents of the couple will give a speech at the wedding. However, the couple should explicitly ask these guests well in advance to give a speech so they have plenty of time to prepare. They may also choose additional wedding party members to give toasts at the reception or pre-wedding parties; but if the couple has not asked you to give a speech, do not prepare one. Speeches are carefully placed into a wedding timeline so the day will stay on schedule, and an additional five minutes could cut into strategically timed moments of the celebration.

The to-be-weds also have the right to curate the day as they wish, and occasionally at a rehearsal dinner or welcome party, the couple may open the floor to additional toasts. But if this doesn’t happen, grabbing the mic unexpectedly for an off-the-cuff speech (especially after a few glasses of wine) will not be appreciated.

How to Write a Wedding Speech

If you are asked to give a toast, it’s important that you don’t just wing it. “First, recognize that speechwriting is a creative process,” shares Allison Shapira, founder and CEO of Global Public Speaking . “Give yourself plenty of time to be creative (i.e. not the night before, when you already have so much to stress about). Wait for your most creative time of the day, and turn off any distractions. Spend some unrushed time thinking about your relationship to the couple, and what you’d like to say.”

While there’s no exact template to follow, there is a good basic formula to adhere to. “The framework I recommend for a wedding speech is: story, message, blessing,” she shares. “Tell a heartwarming story, share the message or value behind that story, and then offer a blessing or wish for the couple based on that message.”

“Typically, we advise our speakers to try to bring the audience on a journey where you initially try to make them laugh, then get to the real depth of the speech and earn some tears, then bring the whole speech full circle with a deep insight or story about the couple that ends with a funny final punch,” shares Steven Greitzer, CEO and founder of Provenance , an AI company that specializes in helping write personalized wedding vows, ceremonies, and toasts. “It’s important to have a good balance of humor and sentimentality because, if it’s a full roast, it can feel like you’re just doing a standup comedy show for your own benefit and it could lack substance. Or, if it’s too overly emotional, it can get heavy and perhaps a bit too somber for a wedding celebration.”

When choosing a story, Shapira recommends reading the room. “It should obviously be good-natured, without making anyone look bad. And, it all depends on the family dynamics,” she says. “What one family considers good-natured, another family could consider scathing. Choose someone in the audience whom you think could give you some helpful feedback, and practice the speech with them in advance.”

By Leah Faye Cooper

By Alice Newbold

By Hannah Jackson

Greitzer adds that it's important that both members of the couple are highlighted in the speech. “Great anecdotes showcase who each person was before meeting, their synergy together, and their individual and collective growth,” he shares. If you don’t know one member of the couple very well, don’t be afraid to get creative. “One of the best speeches I’ve seen was from a bridesmaid who hadn’t really been able to spend too much time with her best friend’s fiance because of the pandemic,” Greitzer shares. “She creatively read texts she found in her phone that gave her a hilarious timeline of her friend falling in love.”

If you’re still not sure where to begin, consider giving an AI platform a try to help you form your toast. “The Provenance tools guide speakers to create unique, and personal ceremonies, vows, and toasts without the stress. It’s a partner in your brainstorming process; a way to help you verbalize what you were trying to say—but faster,” explains Greitzer. “Instead of being some outdated, mad-libs-style template, the expert-curated prompts inspire special stories and insights, ultimately weaving your responses together into a custom, editable first draft.”

A final writing tip from Shapira? “I definitely recommend creating an outline but do not recommend writing the speech out word for word. When we script the entire speech, it sounds too formal,” says the public speaking expert. “I recommend first brainstorming the content, rearranging it into a logical structure, then drafting a general outline which you can bring with you to the event. While it may look better to simply give the speech ‘from the heart,’ the stress involved in trying to memorize your speech is simply not worth it.”

How to Deliver a Wedding Speech

Writing a wedding speech is half the battle—next comes your performance. It’s important that your toast has a good flow, feels natural, and doesn’t drag on. Here’s where the idiom “practice makes perfect” rings true. Shapira advises giving yourself a few weeks of rehearsal to make your speech feel authentic and fluid. Her recommendations? “Read your speech out loud and make sure it stays within the time you have allotted. Read it to someone else and get their feedback. Record it and watch it back. We use a tool called AMPLIFY to get AI-based feedback.” She adds, “Don’t memorize the speech, but do read it out loud and make sure it sounds like your voice.”

The ideal length of a toast is between two to four minutes, which translates to around 500 to 1000 words on a page. Still, Greitzer notes, “The perfect length for the wedding toast complies with whatever length the couple wants it to be. Many guests don’t realize that long speeches can impact the whole evening’s timeline and affect the caterer, DJ, and so much more.”

While it’s now common to see toasts being read off a phone, both experts agree that it’s much better to print out your speech. “Reading off of a phone comes with the risk of distractions from notifications, a weird backlight that can affect the color of your face in photos, finicky technical difficulties, and having that annoying sound interference with the mic,” says Greitzer. (You also should make sure your speech is legible with a large font and wide spacing so you can easily find your place.)

The final hurdle of giving a wedding toast is getting over your nerves. “Find a quiet place right beforehand to center yourself (perhaps the bathroom or a corner of the room), pause and breathe, and remind yourself why you care about the couple,” recommends Shapira. She also adds—perhaps unsurprisingly—that it’s best to hold back on alcohol consumption ahead of the toast. “No one expects a perfect or professional speech; they want a unique, authentic message. The speech isn’t about you—it’s about the couple. Once you reframe the fact that the center of attention isn’t on you, you can relax.”

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What's the Correct Order of Speeches at a Wedding?

A modernised template and tips to make the speeches run smoothly.

We're often asked, "What's the correct order of speeches at a wedding ?" and we always give the same answer - the correct order of speeches is the order that works for you and your partner, your style of wedding, and your chosen speechgivers! Of course, what couples actually mean is, "What's the traditional order of speeches at a wedding?" which is an easier question to answer, but we find the traditional order of speeches largely unhelpful when planning a modern wedding. That's why we've come up with a new, modernised template for you to work from, as well as some tips on customising the list for your own big day.

The Traditional or Formal Order of Speeches at a Wedding:

When we're asked about the correct order of speeches at a wedding, the couple is usually looking for the traditional , typical or formal order of speeches at a wedding, which we've provided below. However, it's important to note that this order is pretty outdated, and doesn't accommodate same-sex couples or parents, mixed-gender bridal parties , or brides or other female wedding party members who would like to speak . So, while we've provided it here for any traditional couples out there, we highly recommend you check out our modernised version below!

• The Father of the Bride
• The Father of the Groom
• The Best Man

The Order of Speeches at a Wedding for Modern Couples:

For our updated version of the traditional order of speeches at a wedding, we've gone for a semi-chronological line up. We placed parents first, as they tend to talk more about the couple's early lives, followed by friends and siblings, who often talk about school and early adulthood, and how the couple met. It can be useful for the couple to go last, as this gives you an opportunity to thank everyone who played a role in the day, including the speechgivers. That said, there are many more factors to consider when planning the order of speeches at a wedding - keep reading to find out what they are!

• The Couple's Parents - could be anything from one to four speeches
• The Couple's Closest Friends and/or Siblings - these might include Best Man, Maid of Honour, Groomsmen, Bridesmaids, Groomsmaids, Bridesmen, members of the wedding party or non-members
• The Couple  - speaking either together or separately

Tips for Planning the Order of Speeches at a Wedding

• Remember, there's no rule to say that the father-of-the-bride or best man has to give a speech. Equally, we've witnessed amazing speeches given by friends, grandparents and flower girls! Keep an open mind when deciding who will speak at your wedding , and consider who you'd like to hear from, and who would like to speak, rather than blindly following a traditional order.
• It's not mandatory, but we recommend that you at least consider speaking at your own wedding . Guests love to hear from couples, and most couples report that they're glad they made the effort to speak on their own big day.
• When planning the order of speeches, consider whether the speeches will take place all at once , or whether you will stagger them throughout the day . As we discussed here , having some speeches before or after the ceremony, or during the drinks reception, can help combat speech fatigue at the reception, and give nervous speakers the opportunity to get their speech done early on in the day.

• Think about who's going to be giving the speeches, and whether they're confident or nervous about it. It's worth asking them about this directly, as the answer might surprise you!
• Ask one of your more confident speakers to MC the speeches . This really just means they'll introduce each of the speakers in the line up to give the speeches a more polished feel, and give speakers a boost by encouraging the audience to give them a round of applause when they first pick up the microphone.
• You can also ask your MC to watch out for any potential technical difficulties , make sure all the other speakers are ready to go, keep an eye on time, arrange glasses of water for each speaker, etc. You can also give them a list of people to thank on your behalf.
• Place nervous speakers early on the line up , but have your MC introduce them, preferably with a (tasteful!) joke or some words of encouragement. Let your MC know that they're feeling a little apprehensive, so they can encourage the crowd to welcome them warmly.
• Confident speakers can go anywhere on the line up, but having a particularly confident or funny speechgiver go last will end the speeches on a high note!

We have lots more great tips on speeches below:

• Our Favourite Opening Lines
• How to Make a Great Best Man's Speech
• How to Stop Your Speeches Going on Too Long
• Ways to Shake up Your Wedding Speeches
• Free Wedding Speech Bingo Printable
• Dos and Don'ts of Giving a Great Maid of Honour Speech
• The Ultimate Groom's Wedding Speech Checklist

Got another question that needs answering? Check out our  wedding FAQ page or follow us on Instagram

Image credits

Megan hannon photography, via one fab day, see more in:.

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Order of Speeches at Weddings and Who Speaks

by Ryan Hart | Updated on September 22, 2023 | Post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.

Are you getting ready for your big day and wondering about the order of speeches at weddings? Don’t worry, you’re not alone!

The traditional wedding speech order has been around for centuries, but it can still be confusing to know who speaks when. In this article, we’ll break down the order of speeches and give you tips on how to make your wedding speeches memorable.

The reception speeches are a chance for your loved ones to share their love and support for you and your partner. It’s a time to reflect on the past, celebrate the present, and look forward to the future.

Whether you’re giving a speech or listening to others, it’s important to make the most of this special moment. So, let’s dive into the traditional order of speeches and how you can make your wedding speeches unforgettable.

Wedding Speech Order

At a wedding, speeches are an important part of the celebration. They give the chance for loved ones to express their feelings and share memorable moments with the newlyweds. However, the order of speeches can be tricky, especially if you are not familiar with the traditional structure.

In this section, we will break down the order of speeches, so you can feel confident and prepared when it comes to your big day.

Traditional Order

Traditionally, the order of speeches at a wedding reception follows a specific structure:

• Father of the Bride

Maid of Honor

The first speech is given by the father of the bride, or parents of the bride. This speech usually welcomes guests and thanks them for coming. The father of the bride will also express his love and pride for his daughter, and welcome his new son-in-law into the family.

The maid of honor is then given the floor to share some sweet memories and offer her support to the newlyweds.

Finally, the best man takes the stage to give a speech that is usually filled with funny stories and anecdotes about the groom. He also usually offers a toast to the newlyweds .

Modern Variations

While the traditional order of speeches is still widely followed, there are some modern variations that couples may choose to incorporate. For example, the bride may choose to give a speech, or the groom’s parents may give a speech as well.

It is also common to hear speeches from siblings, bridesmaids, or other family members and friends.

Couples may also choose to switch up the order of speeches or have multiple people speak at the same time. It’s important to remember that the structure of speeches should reflect the couple’s preferences and personalities.

Order for Same-Sex Couples

For same-sex couples, the order of speeches can be adjusted to fit their needs. While there is no set order for speeches, it’s common for one partner’s parents to speak first, followed by the other partner’s parents.

After that, the couple themselves may choose to give a speech, followed by their friends or family members.

The key is to make sure that everyone who wants to speak has the opportunity to do so and that the speeches are filled with love and support for the newlyweds. It’s important to remember that every wedding is unique and that the order of speeches can be tailored to fit the couple’s preferences and needs.

Who Gives Speeches at a Wedding?

At a wedding, there are several folks who typically step up to the microphone to give speeches and share their heartfelt thoughts. Here’s a rundown of who you can expect to see giving speeches at a wedding:

Bride and Groom

The bride and groom have several options for when and how they can give their speeches at their wedding. Here are some potential options:

Rehearsal Dinner: The night before the wedding, during the rehearsal dinner , the bride and groom can give a speech to express their gratitude to everyone for being a part of their celebration. This is often a more intimate setting and allows for a more personal and heartfelt speech.

Before the Reception Dinner: Some couples choose to give their speeches just before the formal reception dinner begins. This can be a great way to kick off the evening and set the tone for the celebration. It also ensures that everyone is seated and attentive.

After Dinner with the Other Speeches: The bride and groom can opt to give their speeches as part of the lineup of speeches and toasts during the reception. They may follow the speeches by the Maid of Honor, Best Man, parents, or other close friends and family members. This is a common choice and allows the couple to share their thoughts and gratitude in the midst of the celebration.

During Cake Cutting: Some couples opt to give speeches right before or after the cake cutting ceremony. It adds a special moment to the festivities and often garners the attention of all the guests as they gather around to watch the cake cutting.

Ultimately, the timing and format of the bride and groom speeches depend on their preferences and the flow of their wedding day. They should choose the option that feels most comfortable and meaningful to them, as well as one that fits well with the overall schedule of events. The important thing is to express their love, gratitude, and excitement for their new journey together.

Mother or Father of the Bride

As the mother or father of the bride, you have a special role to play in the wedding reception. Traditionally, you are the first speaker to give a toast, and your speech is often one of the most sentimental and emotional speeches of the evening.

During your speech, you will typically welcome guests and thank them for coming to celebrate this special day with your family. You may also share some memories of your daughter growing up and express your love and pride for her on her wedding day.

It’s important to remember that your speech should be heartfelt and genuine, and not overly rehearsed or formal. Speak from the heart, and let your emotions show as you share your thoughts and feelings with your daughter and her new spouse.

Mother or Father of the Groom

The mother or father of the groom typically gives their speech at the rehearsal dinner, which is usually held the night before the wedding.

The rehearsal dinner is a more intimate gathering, where the wedding party and close family members come together to practice the ceremony and enjoy a meal. This is a great opportunity for the parents of the groom to express their love and support for their son and his future spouse.

The mother or father of the groom may share some stories about their son, offer some words of wisdom, and express their excitement for the upcoming wedding day. Overall, the speech is a way for the parents of the groom to show their love and support for the happy couple.

The best man usually gives his speech after the maid of honor and before any other speeches at a wedding. The best man’s speech is typically filled with funny stories and anecdotes about the groom, but it should also be heartfelt and express his support for the newlyweds.

Ultimately, the best man’s speech should be a reflection of his relationship with the groom and his wishes for the couple’s future together.

When preparing your best man speech, it’s important to strike a balance between humor and sincerity. You want to make the guests laugh, but you also want to express your genuine affection for the groom and your happiness for the couple.

Remember to keep it appropriate for all ages and avoid any inside jokes that only a select few will understand.

In the traditional order of wedding speeches, the maid of honor typically gives her speech after the father of the groom and before the best man. Her speech is all about the bride and her relationship with the groom.

During her speech, the maid of honor may share some funny stories or sweet memories about the couple, but her speech should also be heartfelt and show how much she supports the newlyweds.

She may also thank the bride’s family for welcoming the groom into their lives and express her gratitude for being a part of the wedding celebration.

Grandparents

Grandparents are an important part of any family, and they may be given the opportunity to give a speech at a wedding.

In many cases, grandparents will give their speech during the reception, after the main speeches have been given. Grandparents may offer some words of wisdom, share some stories about the couple, or express their love and support for the newlyweds.

While grandparents are not typically included in the traditional order of wedding speeches, they are still an important part of the celebration. If you would like to include your grandparents in your wedding speeches, be sure to talk to them ahead of time and give them an idea of what you would like them to say.

Well, it’s not set in stone, but there are a few common times when siblings might get up to say a few words at a wedding.

Maid of Honor or Best Man Speech: If your sibling is the Maid of Honor or Best Man, they usually get a chance to give a speech during the reception. They’ll share funny stories, heartfelt moments, and wish the newlyweds all the best. It’s a big honor!

As a Surprise: Sometimes, siblings plan a surprise speech. They might talk to the bride and groom beforehand and get a secret spot in the schedule. This can be a super touching moment because it’s unexpected.

During Open Mic Time: At some weddings, there’s an open mic time where guests can come up and share their well wishes. Siblings can use this opportunity to say a few words if they want.

At the Rehearsal Dinner: If there’s a rehearsal dinner before the wedding, siblings might give a speech there. It’s a more intimate setting, so it can be a great chance to express your love and support.

Toast with Everyone : Sometimes, there’s a big toast where everyone raises their glasses to the newlyweds. Siblings can definitely participate in this and say a few words if they’d like.

Remember, it’s not a must for siblings to give a speech at a wedding, but if you want to, just make sure to coordinate with the couple or the wedding planner so you know when and where to do it.

Best Friends

If you’re the Maid of Honor (for the bride) or the Best Man (for the groom), you’re almost guaranteed to give a speech. It’s like your time to shine! You’ll get to stand up in front of everyone, share funny stories, and say some super sweet stuff about your friend.

But even if you’re not in those roles, there are still opportunities. Sometimes, during the wedding reception, there’s an open mic period where friends and family can give speeches. That’s your chance to grab the microphone and say some heartfelt words about your bestie and the happy couple.

Oh, and don’t forget the rehearsal dinner! It’s usually the night before the wedding, and it’s a cozy, smaller gathering. You might be asked to speak there, kind of like a warm-up for the big day.

Other Speakers

Aside from the traditional speakers, you may choose to involve other speakers in your wedding speeches. These could be close friends or family members who have a special connection to you and your partner. Including other speakers can add a personal touch to your wedding and make it more memorable for everyone involved.

Before choosing additional speakers, consider the size of your wedding and the amount of time you have allotted for speeches. It’s important to keep in mind that the more speakers you have, the longer the speeches will be. You don’t want your guests to get bored or restless during the speeches.

If you do decide to include other speakers, make sure they are comfortable with public speaking and have enough time to prepare their speech. You can also provide them with some guidelines or suggestions to help them craft a meaningful and appropriate speech.

It’s also a good idea to let your other speakers know the order of speeches and when they will be speaking. This will help them prepare and ensure that the speeches flow smoothly. You can also consider having a designated MC or host to introduce the speakers and keep the speeches on track.

Remember to keep your audience in mind when choosing additional speakers. You want to make sure that the speeches are engaging and relevant to everyone in attendance. With a little planning and consideration, including other speakers can make your wedding speeches even more special and memorable.

Master of Ceremonies

The Master of Ceremonies (MC) is a crucial part of any wedding reception. Their primary role is to ensure the smooth flow of events throughout the day. They act as a host and guide, making announcements and introducing speakers as the day progresses.

The MC is responsible for keeping the guests informed about what is happening and when. They work closely with the wedding planner to ensure that the wedding timeline is followed, and all the activities are executed as planned. They are the ones who inform the guests when it’s time for speeches, games, and traditions.

During the wedding reception, the MC will introduce the newlyweds and announce the start of the meal. They will also announce when it’s time for speeches, and introduce the speakers in the correct order. They will ensure that the speeches are kept to the allotted time and that everyone who wants to speak gets a chance.

At the rehearsal dinner, the MC will go over the plan for the wedding day and ensure that everyone knows their role. They will also go over the order of speeches and ensure that everyone is comfortable with their position.

Overall, the MC is a crucial part of any wedding reception. They keep the day running smoothly and ensure that everyone is informed about what is happening. If you are planning a wedding, be sure to choose an experienced MC who can handle the responsibility and guide you through the day with ease.

Joint Speeches

If you and your partner want to give a joint speech at your wedding, it’s a great way to share your love story with your guests. Joint speeches are becoming more popular, and for good reason. They allow both the bride and groom to express their feelings and share their thoughts with their loved ones.

When giving a joint speech, there are a few things to keep in mind. First, make sure you both agree on what you want to say. You don’t want to surprise each other with your words on the big day. Take some time to plan your speech together and make sure you’re both comfortable with what you’ll be saying.

Second, decide who will say what. You can split the speech up evenly, or have one person start and the other finish. Whatever you decide, make sure it flows well and tells your love story in a way that’s meaningful to both of you.

Finally, practice your speech together. This will help you feel more comfortable and confident when it’s time to give the speech. You can even practice in front of friends or family members to get feedback and make any necessary changes.

Remember, your joint speech should be a reflection of your love for each other and your excitement for your future together as newlyweds. Keep it heartfelt, sincere, and true to yourselves.

Rehearsal Dinner Speeches

The rehearsal is a crucial part of the wedding planning process, as it allows everyone involved in the wedding to practice and prepare for the big day. This includes the wedding party, family members, and anyone else who will have a role in the ceremony or reception.

Typically, the rehearsal takes place the day before the wedding, and it is usually followed by a rehearsal dinner. During the rehearsal, you will go through the ceremony from start to finish, so that everyone knows

The rehearsal dinner is a chance for everyone to relax and enjoy each other’s company before the big day. It is usually held at a restaurant or other venue, and it is a more casual affair than the wedding reception. During the rehearsal dinner, you can give speeches, toast the happy couple, and share stories and memories with your loved ones.

Final Thoughts

Congratulations on your big day! The order of speeches at weddings is an important tradition that can make your wedding reception even more special. By following the traditional order of speeches, you can ensure that everyone who wants to speak gets a chance, and that your guests are entertained and moved by the speeches.

As you plan your wedding, be sure to consider your own preferences and those of your partner. You may want to deviate from the traditional order of speeches, or you may want to add your own unique touches to the speeches. Whatever you decide, make sure that your speeches are heartfelt, sincere, and memorable.

If you are looking for more wedding ideas and inspiration , be sure to check out the ultimate guide to writing wedding speeches and toasts . This guide provides tips and advice on how to write and deliver a great wedding speech, as well as sample speeches and toasts to help you get started.

Remember, the order of speeches at weddings is just one of many traditions that make weddings so special. Whether you choose to follow tradition or put your own unique spin on things, your wedding day is sure to be a day that you and your guests will remember for years to come .

Ryan Hart is a certified relationship coach and writer. His mission is to help make connections between people better, stronger, more meaningful, and longer lasting using technology.

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Father of the Bride Speech Examples and Templates

Looking for inspiration for your father of the bride speech? Check out our collection of examples and ideas to help you craft a memorable and heartfelt speech that will make your daughter proud.

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Who Does Wedding Speeches? & In What Order? - Solved!

By Louise Baltruschat Hollis

Photos by Alexa Poppe Photography

Wedding speeches , who gives them, when to do them and in what order ?

Well, I’m here to give you the lowdown, as well as share some alternative and unconventional options to ensure your day is unique to you as well as with the times.

Then I will share my top wedding speech tips and advice on writing the perfect wedding speech.

Who does wedding speeches and in what order?

Traditional speech givers & order.

Traditionally, and I say this tentatively as we live in the 21st century, after all, the following wedding party members give speeches in the following order :

• Father of the Bride

But and this is a big but, there are no rules when it comes to who makes a wedding speech or in which order.

It’s also worth remembering that not everyone has a father or father figure in their life, not all weddings have grooms or best men. So these roles may not fit with your day.

But that’s absolutely fine, it’s your day so it should be celebrated in your own unique style.

Modern Speech Givers & Order

Egalitarian weddings bucking patriarchal traditions, will also hopefully include brides and bridesmaids in speeches too.

These people can make a wedding speech too:

• Bridesmaids
• Maid of Honour
• Father of Groom
• Mother of Bride
• Mother of Groom
• Step-Parent/Guardian

Wedding Speech FAQ Solved

What if someone declines to make a speech at my wedding.

If someone doesn’t want to make a wedding speech or feels uncomfortable doing so, don’t force them to make one. Let them enjoy your day and take away that speech stress.

You could well find something else special on the day to be involved, or suggest they record a speech beforehand to play on video or a slideshow if they have nerves.

What do I do if someone asks to do a wedding speech uninvited?

You may have a loved one who is gagging to get up and say a few words, if you’re happy for them to do so, let them. Don’t sweat about tradition and shake things up a little.

Just be sure to think about your wedding timeline and your guests’ enjoyment, you won’t want speeches that last for hours when a party is waiting to begin.

If you need to decline their speech offer, don’t feel bad. Simply respond kindly and honestly. For example:

Thank you for your kind offer, we’re keeping the speeches simple so we can get on with the party. But I’d love for you to be involved in another way, would you like to do [enter task here] at all?

How do I write a wedding speech?

When it comes to writing a speech, speak from a place of truth and heart. As a guide follow this order:

1. Introduce Yourself

A short and sweet hello, share your name and relationship with the newlyweds, or that you are the bride/groom.

You could mention how you met or how long you’ve been a part of each other’s lives. It’s fun to reference newly married titles and new names too. That usually gets a few whoops of excitement!

2. Thank You’s

Thank guests’ for coming along, and individually thank those that have helped with wedding planning and give out any gifts.

3. Share A Small Story/Anecdote/Memory

A lovely way to personalise your speech is to share a sweet anecdote or story that your guests may not know. Be cautious about sharing anything that may embarrass the couple or any guests.

Family members, welcome your new family member(s) to the fold.

4. Jokes (or No Jokes)

Don’t force jokes into your wedding speech. Cheesy jokes may not come across well and you want to be authentic.

If you are naturally a joker and it’s a part of your personality it may work well. But don’t feel like you have to make guests laugh with a special one-liner. Be natural.

5. Share Something About The Day

You could mention how lovely the couple/wedding party look or how wonderful a part of the day has been.

6. End With A Wedding Toast

To round up your wedding speech make a toast to your new husband/wife or the happy couple and ask guests to raise their glasses.

Other Wedding Speech Ideas

• Write/perform a song
• Perform a dance routine
• Create a slideshow
• Bring props
• Share messages from those that can’t be there
• Pre-record a video speech

Wedding Speech Writing Tips

Cross reference with other speech givers or team up.

You could team up to do a speech with another person, or think about cross-referencing your speech with other speech givers to ensure yours is unique.

How long should wedding speeches be?

Don’t feel like you need to write an essay or speak for a long time. Concise but heartfelt words will mean more than a long waffle.

Aim for a speech that lasts around 5 minutes but no more than 10 minutes. You want to keep guests engaged and enjoying what you’re saying.

What should you not say in a wedding speech?

Avoid talking about taboo subjects or any references or stories that may embarrass anyone in your wedding speech. A wedding is not the time for this, save these for appropriate occasions.

Keep talk of party antics or exes away from a wedding speech or any crude jokes. Any chat about the couples’ relationship woes or bets on their future is not a good approach.

Don’t swear and keep the language as well as subject matter appropriate for all ages in attendance.

Keeping Balanced & Avoiding Speech Nerves

Don’t go overboard on alcohol before the speech. Look after yourself, stay hydrated, eat well and calm your nerves by doing these:

• Take a short stroll/get some fresh air
• Talk to someone you trust
• Drink water/have water to hand
• Listen to some calming music
• Remind yourself, the people watching are rooting for you to do well
• It doesn’t matter if you muddle your words, it’s what’s being said that counts, not how it’s delivered

Practice Makes Perfect

Be sure to fully prepare your speech beforehand with plenty of time in advance. Write out the wedding speech by hand, create a printout or cue cards or read from a phone/tablet.

Practice in front of a trusted friend/family member and ask for their honest feedback. Time how long the speech is and adjust where necessary.

When Is the best time for wedding speeches?

Most weddings have speeches following the wedding meal. However, you can shake up your wedding timeline .

You could have a speech at these times instead:

• After the ceremony
• At the drinks reception
• Before the meal begins

Sometimes it works well to do wedding speeches earlier as the speech givers can get them out of the way so they can relax and enjoy their meal to the full.

Do you have to have wedding speeches?

No, you don’t have to have wedding speeches. There is no rule about wedding speeches, it’s your day, so you do as you please.

At our wedding, we decided not to do speeches, we didn’t want anyone to feel nervous or stressed. So we cut them out and just had a really relaxed wedding party.

So there we have my ultimate guide to wedding speeches, w ho gives speeches , in what order wedding speeches happen and just how to write the perfect wedding speech. Hopefully, you're now fully clued up and ready to organise and write your wedding speeches!

Further Reading

• What Is A Wedding Breakfast?
• Wedding Napkin Folds
• What Are Wedding Favours?
• Groom’s Wedding Speech Template
• Best Man’s Wedding Speech Template

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Wife of slain NYPD officer Jonathan Diller delivers emotional eulogy as thousands attend funeral

F amily, friends, and a sea of blue uniforms gathered for the funeral of slain New York Police Department Officer Jonathan Diller on Saturday. 

Mourners filled St. Rose of Lima Catholic Church and crowded the areas outside as a funeral Mass was celebrated for the 31-year-old officer. 

Diller’s widow , Stephanie Diller, received a standing ovation when she approached the church lectern to deliver her remarks. Fighting back tears, Diller thanked the public for the outpouring of support following her husband's death.

"I am so proud that thousands of people across the country are calling Johnathan a hero, but the truth is that he's always been a hero to Ryan and me," she said. "The rest of the world is just catching up."

She also demanded change. 

"How many more police officers and how many more families have to make the ultimate sacrifice before we start protecting them?" Stephanie questioned. She later closed her eulogy, saying, "When the gates of Heaven open for me, I hope I will see Jonathan standing there, looking at me like he did on our wedding day. Rest in peace, Jonathan Diller, the man who captured my heart and now all of New York’s." 

READ ON THE FOX NEWS APP

NYPD JONATHAN DILLER SHOOTING: SUSPECT GUY RIVERA CHARGED WITH MURDER, ATTEMPTED MURDER IN ATTACK ON OFFICERS

New York City Mayor Eric Adams also commended Diller as a hero during his remarks at the service, recalling the final moments of the officer's life.

"Even after he had been shot […] he fought, and took the gun away from the person who would take his life," Adams recounted.

The mayor vowed to ensure the city would be made more safe, saying "making sure that violent career criminals are held accountable for their crimes, and doing all we can to end gun violence in this city."

NYPD Commissioner Edward Caban announced that Diller had been posthumously promoted to detective — with a badge number to honor his son Ryan.

"His new badge number is 110, his son’s birthday," Caban explained. "What Diller loved most was being Ryan’s dad."

METS PAY TRIBUTE TO SLAIN NYPD OFFICER JONATHAN DILLER ON OPENING DAY

Patrick Hendry, president of the Police Benevolent Association of the City of New York , struggled to keep from crying as he spoke out against the two suspects accused of shooting Diller during a traffic stop and commended the NYPD's "hero."

NY GOV. KATHY HOCHUL LEAVES NYPD OFFICER JONATHAN DILLER’S WAKE ABRUPTLY AFTER 10 MINUTES; BYSTANDERS CLAP

Diller's coffin was carried out of the church as the hymn "Lift High the Cross" was played and sung by attendees.

Diller was fatally shot on Monday during a traffic stop in Queens after a man with 21 prior arrests allegedly shot him in the stomach as Diller was trying to make the suspect — Guy Rivera, 34 — exit the vehicle. 

Rivera reportedly opened fire on Diller and his partner at about 5:45 p.m. The officers had approached the vehicle because it had been illegally parked at a bus stop. 

Another man who was in the vehicle at the time of Diller's death, Lindy Jones, was also charged following the death, including for criminal possession of a weapon and defacing a weapon.

Former President Donald Trump attended the wake on Thursday afternoon. 

The Archdiocese of New York's Cardinal Timothy Dolan also attended the wake and offered condolences to the family and police department.

The following day, New York Gov. Kathy Hochul appeared at his wake briefly before leaving after speaking with a man outside the funeral home. 

Original article source: Wife of slain NYPD officer Jonathan Diller delivers emotional eulogy as thousands attend funeral

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Read the heartbreaking eulogy given by slain nypd detective jonathan diller’s widow: ‘my husband died a hero’.

Thanks for contacting us. We've received your submission.

Hello everyone, I am Stephanie Diller, Jonathan’s wife .

I had not had the opportunity to speak before this moment, so what I would like to say, on behalf of the entire Diller family, is thank you all for the support this week .

The outpouring of love that our family has received has been overwhelming and we are forever thankful to everyone.

With every hug that I’ve received, I just picture that each one is from Jonathan.

I wish Jonathan was here to see the incredible kindness and generosity that has been shown to our family. But I know in his own way he is here watching over us.

I am so proud that thousands of people across the country are calling Jonathan a hero. But the truth is he’s always been a hero to Ryan and me . The rest of the world is just catching up. Although he was beyond proud to be a member of NYPD, his career was one of his many roles.

I want to also honor Jonathan for who he was out of uniform. I am not sure where to start and I could probably talk about Jonathan for hours, so I’ll start from the beginning:

Jonathan was born and raised on Long Island. The son of Fran and Steven Diller , and brother to Jennifer and Jason. He was the youngest of the three, which obviously means he was the mischievous one. But he also had the sweetest heart and the guiltiest conscience. So he would always smooth things over by making his mom handwritten apology letters.

He grew up . . . playing lacrosse and hockey, forming friendships that would last a lifetime. He was a connector: the kinda guy who would draw people in, and find something in common with everyone, a friend to everyone.

Following his graduation from . . . high school, he attended SUNY Maritime, where he lived with his cousin Robert. He loved telling stories of traveling all over the world, seeing beautiful places and making amazing memories.

After graduation, Jonathan and I started dating, after getting set up by our mutual friend Evan. I remember on one of our very first dates, we went to see a movie. He was so tired from work that he fell asleep in the movie theater. He started snoring so loudly that the people around us asked me to wake him up. But of course, if you ever ask him the story, I am the one who fell asleep, started snoring and embarrassed him.

It didn’t take long for me to realize how special he was. He loved to make everyone laugh, and he had the most infectious personality. When you talk to him, he really listens. And he made me feel like I was the only person in the room.

Early on in our relationship, Jonathan’s job required him to be away for a month at a time. He . . . made sure to send me the emails letting me know that he’s thinking of me. We must’ve exchanged over 100 emails through the years that I will forever cherish. I would excitedly wake up to emails from him with hilarious subject lines, such as Jonathan Diller is a Stud or sweet messages like . . . I’ll be home before you know it. One blink — and I’ll be in front of you giving you a kiss.

I quickly knew I found the person that I was gonna marry. I never doubted how much Jonathan loved me, because he always told me. He was absolutely my soulmate, and we could understand each other with a look. Any time I entered the room, I looked for him, and I knew that the place I belonged was next to him. He could always make me laugh, and that was one of the things I loved most about him. He would make an absolute fool of himself just to get me to crack a smile. We had a connection that not too many people get to experience in their lifetime.

In November of 2019, at our wedding, I remember being so nervous to walk down the aisle in front of so many people. But as soon as the church doors opened, I saw him looking at me and I realized how lucky I was. He looked at me like I was his whole world. And he always treated me like I was his whole world.

Together we lived a very simple life in Massapequa. We worked hard, we relaxed at home when we could and we had the cutest dog, Tucker. We did everything together and I really mean that. We were best friends. He would call us Batman and Robin, but he said I was Batman and he was Robin. When I would meet people, I would say: if you like me, wait until you meet my husband.

He . . . decided to become a police officer in 2021. Everyone was so proud that he found something he loved to do, and he was exceptional at it. He would go in early, stay late, work overtime, all because he just loved it. It’s no surprise he was an incredible police officer when you think about what type of man he was. He was always putting people above himself, dropping everything to help someone in need, and speaking up for what was right. He was a fierce protector of everyone around him. He spoke his mind and he wasn’t afraid. I always admired him for his honesty and courage. He was my absolute greatest confidante.

Nothing compares to his best role of being a dad. Jonathan always wanted to be a dad. And he wasted no time being the greatest one. I will never forget the look on his face when our son was born. I don’t think we could ever achieve a greater happiness. He was so proud of Ryan. Every time he did something new, it was like explosion of joy for both of us. Jonathan wanted nothing more than just showing Ryan to everyone he knew. He was excited that Ryan’s first word was “Dada,” and I remember, I would playfully try to get him to say “Mama” instead. But now I never want to stop hearing Ryan say Dada.

I could never ask for a better partner to raise a child with than Jonathan. We were a team. He would always kiss and hug me in front of Ryan, and he said he wanted Ryan to see that his dad loves his mommy so much. And then we would pick him up between the two of us and smoosh his cheeks with kisses together.

What to know about the fatal shooting of NYPD Officer Jonathan Diller:

• Diller, 31, was shot and killed during a routine traffic stop in Far Rockaway, Queens, on March 25, 2024.
• Suspect Guy Rivera allegedly opened fire on Diller on Monday evening after the cop approached the vehicle Rivera was in for parking in front of a bus stop.
• Diller was shot once in the stomach below his bulletproof vest. The married father of a 1-year-old boy was rushed to Jamaica Hospital, where he was later pronounced dead.
• Rivera was wounded when Diller’s partner returned fire. The suspect has 21 prior arrests and was found to have a shiv stored in his rectum during the shooting — in apparent anticipation of being sent to jail again.
• Lindy Jones, the ex-con behind the wheel of the car during the shooting, was also arrested after a second gun was found in his car.
• Mayor Eric Adams has renewed his calls for Albany to address criminal recidivism following the shooting involving two suspects with lengthy criminal records.

Follow The Post’s complete coverage of fallen NYPD Officer Diller’s wake

When you fall in love with someone, you think you can’t possibly love them anymore than you do right now. But then you get married and you say, okay, now there is no way I can love them anymore. And then you have a child with them, and guess what? You love them even more. Jonathan taught me that true love has no limit.

Our life was pretty much perfect, until five days ago, when everything changed forever.

He was called in to duty, and in typical Jonathan fashion, he didn’t run away. He did what was right and he did what he loved. He wasn’t the type to sugar-coat anything, so I won’t sugar-coat this: This is devastating, this is devastating, senseless and tragic loss for so many — our family, our friends, and the entire city of New York.

It’s a shame that someone who brought so much positivity in the world, was given such a negative ending. There was so much he was looking forward to . . . . seeing his friends become fathers and watching his son grow.

It breaks my heart that Ryan was robbed to grow up with his dad. Jonathan had so many things he wanted to teach him, like how to play ice hockey, how to drive a car, ride a bike. To watch Ryan go to his first day of school, and watching him graduate on his last.

I am eternally grateful that Jonathan made me Ryan’s mother. If am missing him, I can look at Ryan to feel close to him, because his son is just like him — always making people smile. And I promise to raise him even more like his dad. It’s hard to imagine how long I have to wait until I see Jonathan again. When the doors of heaven open for me one day, I hope to see Jonathan standing there looking at me just like he did on our wedding day.

My husband died a hero, but he also lived like one. Our world will never be the same, but I know I speak for everyone when I say I could not be more proud of him.

How Post Readers Can Help

You can help Officer Jonathan Diller’s 1-year-old son via the Silver Shield Foundation, which will help fund his future education. Diller, 31, was shot and killed during a traffic stop in Queens, leaving behind his wife, Stephanie, and baby Ryan.

The Silver Shield Foundation was launched in 1982 by late New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner for the families of NYPD officers and FDNY firefighters who lose their lives in the line of duty

You can make a contribution at  silvershieldfoundation.org/donate  or send it to: Silver Shield Foundation, 870 UN Plaza, 1st Floor, New York, NY 10017

It’s been two years and two months since Detective Rivera and Detective Mora made the ultimate sacrifice — just like my husband Jonathan Diller. Dominque Rivera stood before all the elected officials present today pleading for change.

That change never came. And now my son will grow up without his father, and I will grow old without my husband. And his parents have to say goodbye to their child.

How many more police officers and how many families need to make the ultimate sacrifice before we start protecting them?

I don’t wish this kind of pain on anyone. Jonathan lived his life doing good for people, and it’s now time for people to do good for all the officer he represents. Which reminds me — to all his friends at 105-CRT and the boys, he wanted me to say “I love you.”

Jonathan, I don’t know how I am going to live without you. I’m so amazingly grateful for every single moment we had with you.

Rest in Peace, Jonathan, the man who captured my heart and now all of New York’s.

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