why is anger management importance essay

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How to Manage Your Anger at Work

• Liz Fosslien
• Mollie West Duffy

Spoiler: Venting isn’t the best option.

We’re all a little angrier these days. The sustained level of stress and fear you experience every day when you’re under pressure depletes your emotional resources, making you much more likely to get mad, even at minor provocations. While we’re often told that anger is harmful, irrational, and should be suppressed, there are ways to channel it productively. Research shows that getting mad can spark creativity, motivate you to advocate for yourself, and help you perform better in competitive circumstances. The authors offer six strategies to use anger in more positive ways, including acknowledging that a violation took place, identifying the specific needs behind your emotion, and avoiding excessive venting.

After two years of navigating a global pandemic, tensions are high. While conducting research for our book Big Feelings , we heard from readers who told us that they’d recently lost their cool over all kinds of seemingly small triggers: inconsistent WiFi, an email from their boss that just read “?,” or a coworker pinging them at 4:45 pm asking for a “quick favor.”

• Liz Fosslien is the coauthor and illustrator of the WSJ bestseller No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotion at Work  and Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay . She is on the leadership team of Atlassian’s Team Anywhere, where she helps distributed teams advance how they collaborate. Liz regularly leads workshops for leaders; her clients include Google, Paramount, and the U.S. Air Force. Liz’s writing and work have been featured by TED, The Economist, Good Morning America, the New York Times, and NPR. lizandmollie
• Mollie West Duffy is the coauthor of the WSJ bestseller No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotion at Work and Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay . She is the head of learning and development at Lattice, and was an organizational design lead at global innovation firm IDEO. She has worked with companies of all sizes on organizational development, leadership development, and workplace culture. lizandmollie

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Anger management: why we feel rage and how to control it

Research Fellow in Clinical Psychology, The University of Queensland

Adjunct Associate Professor of Psychology, The University of Queensland

Disclosure statement

James Kirby is affiliated with the Compassionate Mind Foundation where he is a member on the mailing list. He is also a co-author of the Grandparent Triple P program. The Triple P – Positive Parenting Program is owned by The University of Queensland. The University, through its technology transfer company Uniquest Pty Ltd, has licensed Triple P International Pty Ltd to disseminate the program worldwide. Royalties stemming from this dissemination work are paid to UniQuest, which distributes payments to the University of Queensland Faculty of Social and Behavioural Sciences, School of Psychology, Parenting and Family Support Centre, and contributory authors in accordance with the University's intellectual property policy. No author has any share or ownership in Triple P International.

Stan Steindl is affiliated with the Compassionate Mind Foundation where he is a member on the mailing list.

University of Queensland provides funding as a member of The Conversation AU.

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You’re at the park with the kids. Everyone’s having fun, and then a strange dog appears. There’s no owner around. It’s eyeballing the kids. Immediately your threat system becomes activated.

You stand alert, fully focused on the dog; heart racing, fists clenched. The dog bolts in, baring its teeth, and you pounce. You’re in survival mode, full of rage and violence. You yell fiercely, and you kick and hit, or grab the dog by the scruff of the neck, not caring if you snap its jaw.

The dog yelps its surrender and flees, while you stand guard in front of your children.

This type of anger and aggression is the “fight” side of the “fight or flight response”. This physiological response , according to evolutionary psychology , prepares our bodies to fight off a threat or to flee.

It’s such an important part of human survival, and yet it can come at a cost for modern humans. Anger, and aggression in particular, can have serious consequences when it manifests in violence on the streets , in the home and elsewhere in the community.

We all get angry

Anger is one of the seven universal emotions that are common across gender, ages and cultures, according to leading emotion researcher Paul Ekman . Anger, he says, can be the result of something interfering with us achieving a goal we care about, or when we experience or perceive something threatening to us, either physically or psychologically.

Anger is quick (think of the term “short-tempered”), it focuses all of our attention on the threat, and it manifests in our bodies, usually starting in the pit of our stomach, rising up to our face and causing us to grimace and clench our fists. When anger builds, it’s expressed physically with a yell, punch or kick.

In the short term, anger can be powerful and rewarding; the person who is angry typically gets what they want.

But do you like being in the company of an angry person? Most people say no, and that is one of the chief consequences of anger: it is often damaging to relationships and isolating for the angry person.

So anger itself is not the problem, it’s how we manage it and express it.

Anger disorder

There is no clear diagnosis of an anger disorder, but the psychiatric diagnostic manual does include “intermittent explosive disorder”, which is characterised by recurrent behavioural outbursts representing a failure to control aggressive impulses. This affects 7.3% of the population at some point in their life and 3.9% in the past 12 months.

Anger, however, is a common clinical presentation that features across an array of different mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, substance use disorders and many more.

If you begin to notice that you are on edge quite a lot, do things that you later regret, are quick to react instead of respond, and that you have people in your life who have told you that you tend to get angry, it might be helpful to do something about it.

You can begin by speaking to your general practitioner and, if needed, ask for a referral to see a psychologist. Or you can go straight to a psychologist if you’re happy to forgo the Medicare rebate.

Anger management

In therapy for anger, clients are asked:

What would be your greatest fear in giving up or significantly reducing your anger?

Many respond with a fear of being hurt, fear of not being able to stand up for oneself, or fear of unjust or unfair things happening. These are all reasonable responses.

But anger is not aggressiveness. Anger may lead to aggressiveness, but when we feel angry, we can try to relate to it in a way that invokes feelings of wisdom, strength, courage and assertiveness.

Group and individual anger-management programs, run by psychologists, have good success rates . A meta-analysis examining anger-management programs across 92 studies found that cognitive-behaviour therapy (CBT) strategies helped to significantly reduce anger and aggressiveness, and also to increase positive behaviours.

Some clinicians are also using a newer technique called compassion-focused therapy (CFT).

CFT differs to past therapies, as it focuses on understanding how our brains are “tricky things” that can get us caught up in all sorts of difficult patterns and loops. So, from a CFT perspective, we need to first understand the brain and how it functions so we can better help ourselves when anger shows.

Anger expert Russell Kolts has developed a new CFT-based anger-management program called True Strength , which he is evaluating with prisoners. The aim is to start directing compassion toward ourselves to help us self-soothe, feel more comfortable and work with the distress and negative feelings that fuel our anger.

Tips to manage your anger

The Australian Psychological Society has some tips to help manage anger for when it shows in everyday life:

Identify the triggers for your anger , such as environments and people.

Notice the bodily warning signs of anger : tightness in shoulders, increased heart rate, hot face.

Draw on a strategy that works for you . This could include slowing down your breathing, imagery, evaluating your thoughts, taking time out and changing your environment, or using relaxation skills.

Rehearse your anger strategies . Imagine being in a situation that makes you angry and draw upon one of your skills.

Remember, anger in itself is not the problem. The problem lies in how we manage and express it. The Dalai Lama may have said it best: “The true hero is one who conquers his own anger.”

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How to Manage Anger and Stress

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

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• Effects of Anger and Stress

Take the Anger Test

• Management Skills

Asking for Help

Learning to manage stress and anger is a key life skill because these big feelings can affect us in negative ways—from our mental well-being to our physical health . Anger and stress management skills can help us handle our emotions in ways that support us and protect our relationships with others.

Let’s talk about how anger and stress are linked and the steps you can take to manage the stress and anger in your life more effectively.

At a Glance

Anger and stress can feed into each other—being stressed out can make you angry, and being angry about something can stress you out. There are strategies you can use to learn how to cope more effectively with both of these feelings.

What Anger and Stress Do to You

It’s probably no surprise that strong feelings like anger can negatively affect your mental health, but studies have shown that they also affect your physical well-being. Research has found that even a brief bout of anger can raise your blood pressure, and being exposed to stress for a long time also increases your risk of high blood pressure.

Having high blood pressure can lead to health problems down the road, like raising your chances of having a heart attack. Studies have also suggested that when we “push down” anger, it can affect our bodies. For example, we might actually feel more physical pain.

Researchers have also seen how chronic stress can cause physical changes in our bodies, like high cortisol or adrenaline levels, which can lead to health problems over time.

Anger and stress that are not being addressed and managed don’t just wear down our bodies—they also wear us out mentally. Over time, feeling these intense feelings and not dealing with them effectively can make us more likely to experience depression and anxiety and can also have a negative effect on our relationships.

We can also develop negative habits as a response to excessive levels of anger and stress that become more difficult to control over time. Either of these effects can result in more anxiety.

Think about how anger and stress play out in your life. Does it feel like a vicious circle? It can be hard to unravel the loop of anger and stress because these feelings often feed into each other. You get angry, and it stresses you out, and then feeling stressed out makes you angry.

That said, the goal is not to avoid anger and stress completely. It’s impossible to never have these feelings, and we all go through them. The key is to learn how to manage them in ways that support your mental and physical well-being and protect your relationships. 

This short, free 21-item test measures a variety of symptoms and feelings associated with  anger , such as anger about the present and future, anger towards the self, and hostile feelings toward others.

This anger quiz was medically reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS.

What Triggers Stress and Anger?

There are a lot of things in life that can make you feel angry and stressed, often at the same time. There are also certain things about you as an individual that can make you more or less likely to get stressed and/or angry.

How You See the World

Some events can easily trigger anger or stress in anyone, but how much of an influence they have on you depends on your perspective—how you see and interpret the world.

For example, two people can be cut off in traffic. One person might interpret the gesture as a lack of respect, a threat to their physical safety, or a hostile gesture. This situation makes them angry. Another person may figure that the offending driver didn't see them or might be wrapped up in their own thoughts and let the event roll off their back.

The different reactions each person had depended on their view, or interpretation, of the triggering event (stimulus).

Your Personality

Some people have personality traits they were born with or developed very early in life that make them more likely to feel anger and stress. Some of these tendencies are seen early in life, but these tendencies can be mitigated.

• Some people are naturally more observant than others. This trait can make them more likely to notice things that might make them angry—things that may go unnoticed by someone else.
• Some people are naturally less comfortable with change, which can also cause stress and anger in certain situations.
• Other people have a low tolerance for frustration and get angrier more easily than others.  

Your Thoughts and Attitudes 

Our habitual thought patterns also contribute to our experience of anger or stress. Some people tend to interpret things negatively as a matter of habit. They may attribute someone else’s error to malicious or unkind motives, for example. They may take one negative event as a sign that more negative events are to come, which can cause more stress. They may even become bitter and resentful if they feel like the world is "out to get them."

Your Overall Health

If you live with a chronic illness, especially chronic pain, you probably don’t need to hear that research has shown it can be a lot harder to deal with life’s stresses when you’re trying to manage symptoms 24/7.

Living with a chronic illness or being in chronic pain can make even typical stressors and triggers feel a lot harder to manage. That’s why it’s even more important that you make stress and anger management part of your treatment plan, no matter what illness you’re dealing with.

While it can be easy to forget about the wellness of your mind when you’re so focused on what’s going on in the rest of your body, don’t let your mental health take a back seat.

There are even some expected variations in your health that can be triggers for anger and stress—hormonal shifts are a common example. If you’ve ever felt like your fuse is super short right before your period, you know this. Intense anger that’s related to changes in your menstrual cycle can even be a sign of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD).

Anger and Stress Management Skills 

Anger and stress are natural experiences that we all go through. It’s how we deal with these feelings and what triggers them that determines the effect they have on us.

We can’t always prevent stressful events from happening. Learning to manage stress with steps like breathing exercises,  journaling , or other  stress management techniques helps us neutralize the effects.

We also can’t always avoid getting angry—in fact, pushing down anger and trying to ignore it is not helpful and can even be harmful. Instead, we can learn to  work through our anger  in helpful ways.

We can learn how to respectfully express how we feel and prevent it from snowballing into bigger feelings we can’t control. Learning how to use assertive rather than aggressive communication can help us make sure that the conversations we have with others are productive and supportive.

You don’t have to try to manage stress and anger alone. Working with a  mental health professional  can help you learn to identify what triggers these feelings and figure out how to manage them.

Learning new coping skills , finding supportive ways to express yourself, and discovering strategies that help you handle your emotions can improve your physical and mental well-being, as well as your relationships with others.

McGill University. Is it true that getting angry can affect the heart? .

AHA. How high blood pressure can lead to a heart attack .

Toledo TA, Hellman N, Lannon EW, et al. Anger inhibition and pain modulation .  Ann Behav Med . 2019;53(12):1055-1068. doi:10.1093/abm/kaz016

O’Connor DB, Thayer JF, Vedhara K. Stress and health: A review of psychobiological processes . Annual Review of Psychology . 2021;72(1):663-688. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-062520-122331

APA. How stress affects your health .

Everson‐Rose SA, Roetker NS, Lutsey PL, et al. Chronic stress, depressive symptoms, anger, hostility, and risk of stroke and transient ischemic attack in the multi-ethnic study of atherosclerosis .  Stroke . 2014;45(8):2318-2323. doi:10.1161/strokeaha.114.004815

Spruill TM, Butler MJ, Thomas SJ, et al. Association between high perceived stress over time and incident hypertension in Black adults: findings from the Jackson Heart Study .  Journal of the American Heart Association . 2019;8(21). doi:https://doi.org/10.1161/jaha.119.012139

Sutin AR, Luchetti M, Stephan Y, Sesker AA, Terracciano A. Purpose in life, stress mindset, and perceived stress: Test of a mediational model .  Pers Individ Dif . 2023;210:112227. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2023.112227

Mill A, Kööts-Ausmees L, Allik J, Realo A. The role of co-occurring emotions and personality traits in anger expression .  Front Psychol . 2018;9:123. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00123

Deater-Deckard K, Beekman C, Wang Z, et al. Approach/positive anticipation, frustration/anger, and overt aggression in childhood .  J Pers . 2010;78(3):991–1010. doi:10.1111/j.1467-6494.2010.00640.x

Stanford University. Embracing stress is more important than reducing stress, Stanford psychologist says .

MedlinePlus. Living with chronic illness - dealing with feelings .

Office on Women's Health. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder .

American Psychological Association.  Understanding anger . 

American Psychological Association.  Controlling anger before it controls you .

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

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What is anger?

How anger management can help you.

• Tip 1: Explore what's really behind your anger

Tip 2: Be aware of your anger warning signs

Tip 3: identify your triggers, tip 4: learn ways to cool down quickly, tip 5: find healthier ways to express your anger, tip 6: stay calm by taking care of yourself, tip 7: use humor to relieve tension, tip 8: recognize if you need anger management classes, anger management how to control anger issues.

Is your temper hijacking your life and ruining your relationships? These tips and techniques can help you get anger issues under control and express your feelings in healthier ways.

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, neither good nor bad. Like any emotion, it conveys a message, telling you that a situation is upsetting, unjust, or threatening. If your knee-jerk reaction to anger is to explode, however, that message never has a chance to be conveyed.

So, while it’s perfectly normal to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged, anger becomes a problem when you express it in a way that harms yourself or others.

You might think that venting your anger is healthy, that the people around you are too sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that you need to show your fury to get respect. But the truth is that anger is much more likely to have a negative impact on the way people see you, impair your judgment, and get in the way of success.

Effects of anger

Chronic anger that flares up all the time or spirals out of control can have serious consequences for your:

• Physical health. Constantly operating at high levels of stress and anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
• Mental health.  Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental energy, and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate or enjoy life. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems.
• Career . Constructive criticism, creative differences, and heated debate can be healthy. But lashing out only alienates your colleagues, supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect.
• Relationships . Anger can cause lasting scars in the people you love most and get in the way of friendships and work relationships. Explosive anger makes it hard for others to trust you, speak honestly, or feel comfortable—and is especially damaging to children.

If you have a hot temper, you may feel like it’s out of your hands and there’s little you can do to tame the beast. But you have more control over your anger than you think. With insight about the real reasons for your anger and these anger management tools, you can learn to express your emotions without hurting others and keep your temper from hijacking your life.

Myths and facts about anger

I shouldn’t “hold in” my anger. It’s healthy to vent and let it out.

While it’s true that suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, venting is no better. Anger is not something you have to “let out” in an aggressive way in order to avoid blowing up. In fact, outbursts and tirades only fuel the fire and reinforce your anger problem.

Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want.

Respect doesn’t come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but they won’t respect you if you can’t control yourself or handle opposing viewpoints. Others will be more willing to listen to you and accommodate your needs if you communicate in a respectful way.

I can’t help myself. Anger isn’t something you can control.

You can’t always control the situation you’re in or how it makes you feel, but you can control how you express your anger. And you can communicate your feelings without being verbally or physically abusive. Even if someone is pushing your buttons, you always have a choice about how to respond.

Many people think that anger management is about learning to suppress your anger. But never getting angry is not a healthy goal. Anger will come out regardless of how hard you try to tamp it down. The true goal of anger management isn’t to suppress feelings of anger, but rather to understand the message behind the emotion and express it in a healthy way without losing control. When you do, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more likely to get your needs met, be better able to manage conflict in your life, and strengthen your relationships.

Mastering the art of anger management takes work, but the more you practice, the easier it will get. And the payoff is huge. Learning to control your anger and express it appropriately will help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life.

Tip 1: Explore what’s really behind your anger

Have you ever gotten into an argument over something silly? Big fights often happen over something small, like a dish left out or being ten minutes late. But there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. If you find your irritation and anger rapidly rising, ask yourself, “What am I really angry about?” Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution.

Is your anger masking other feelings such as embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability? If your knee-jerk response in many situations is anger, it’s likely that your temper is covering up your true feelings. This is especially likely if you grew up in a family where expressing feelings was strongly discouraged. As an adult, you may have a hard time acknowledging feelings other than anger.

Anger can also mask anxiety . When you perceive a threat, either real or imagined, your body activates the “fight or flight” response. In the case of the “fight” response, it can often manifest itself as anger or aggression. To change your response, you need to find out what’s causing you to feel anxious or scared.

Anger problems can stem from what you learned as a child. If you watched others in your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, you might think this is how anger is supposed to be expressed.

Anger can be a symptom of another underlying health problem , such as depression ( especially in men ), trauma, or chronic stress .

Clues that there’s more to your anger than meets the eye

You have a hard time compromising. Is it hard for you to understand other people’s points of view, and even harder to concede a point? If you grew up in a family where anger was out of control, you may remember how the angry person got their way by being the loudest and most demanding. Compromising might bring up scary feelings of failure and vulnerability.

You view different opinions as a personal challenge. Do you believe that your way is always right and get angry when others disagree? If you have a strong need to be in control or a fragile ego, you may interpret other perspectives as a challenge to your authority, rather than simply a different way of looking at things.

You have trouble expressing emotions other than anger. Do you pride yourself on being tough and in control? Do you feel that emotions like fear, guilt, or shame don’t apply to you? Everyone has those emotions so you may be using anger as a cover for them. If you are uncomfortable with different emotions, disconnected, or stuck on an angry one-note response to situations, it’s important to get back in touch with your feelings. HelpGuide’s free  Emotional Intelligence Toolkit can help.

While you might feel that you just explode into anger without warning, there are in fact physical warning signs in your body. Becoming aware of your own personal signs that your temper is starting to boil allows you to take steps to manage your anger before it gets out of control.

Pay attention to the way anger feels in your body

• Knots in your stomach
• Clenching your hands or jaw
• Feeling clammy or flushed
• Breathing faster
• Pacing or needing to walk around
• “Seeing red”
• Having trouble concentrating
• Pounding heart
• Tensing your shoulders

Stressful events don’t excuse anger, but understanding how these events affect you can help you take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary aggravation. Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings.

Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out for drinks with a certain group of friends. Or maybe the traffic on your daily commute drives you crazy. When you identify your triggers, think about ways to either avoid them or view the situations differently so they don’t make your blood boil.

Negative thought patterns that can trigger anger

You may think that external factors—the insensitive actions of other people, for example, or frustrating situations—are causing your anger. But anger problems have less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about what happened.

Common negative thinking patterns that trigger and fuel anger include:

• Overgeneralizing . For example, “You ALWAYS interrupt me. You NEVER consider my needs. EVERYONE disrespects me. I NEVER get the credit I deserve.”
• Obsessing over “shoulds” and “musts.”  Having a rigid view of the way a situation should or must go and getting angry when reality doesn’t line up with this vision.
• Mind reading and jumping to conclusions . Assuming you “know” what someone else is thinking or feeling—that they intentionally upset you, ignored your wishes, or disrespected you.
• Collecting straws . Looking for things to get upset about, usually while overlooking or blowing past anything positive. Letting these small irritations build and build until you reach the “final straw” and explode, often over something relatively minor.
• Blaming . When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. You tell yourself, “life’s not fair,” or blame others for your problems rather than taking responsibility for your own life.

When you identify the thought patterns that fuel your anger, you can learn to reframe how you think about things. Ask yourself: What’s the evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true? Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at a situation? What would I say to a friend who was thinking these things?

Once you know how to recognize the warning signs that your temper is rising and anticipate your triggers, you can act quickly to deal with your anger before it spins out of control. There are many techniques that can help you cool down and keep your anger in check.

Focus on the physical sensations of anger . While it may seem counterintuitive, tuning into the way your body feels when you’re angry often lessens the emotional intensity of your anger.

Take some deep breaths . Deep, slow breathing helps counteract rising tension. The key is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible into your lungs.

Get moving . A brisk walk around the block is a great idea. Physical activity releases pent-up energy so you can approach the situation with a cooler head.

Use your senses . You can use sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste to quickly relieve stress and cool down. You might try listening to a favorite piece of music, looking at a treasured photo, savoring a cup of tea, or stroking a pet.

Stretch or massage areas of tension . Roll your shoulders if you are tensing them, for example, or gently massage your neck and scalp.

Slowly count to ten . Focus on the counting to let your rational mind catch up with your feelings. If you still feel out of control by the time you reach ten, start counting again.

Give yourself a reality check

When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about the situation. Ask yourself:

• How important is it in the grand scheme of things?
• Is it really worth getting angry about it?
• Is it worth ruining the rest of my day?
• Is my response appropriate to the situation?
• Is there anything I can do about it?
• Is taking action worth my time?

If you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there’s something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way. Learning how to resolve conflict in a positive way will help you strengthen your relationships rather than damaging them.

Always fight fair . It’s okay to be upset at someone, but if you don’t fight fair, the relationship will quickly break down. Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others.

Make the relationship your priority . Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Respect the other person and their viewpoint.

Focus on the present . Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.

Be willing to forgive . Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.

Take five if things get too heated . If your anger starts to spiral out of control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to cool down.

Know when to let something go . If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.

Recognizing any passive-aggressive behavior

Anger isn’t always expressed in the form of a furrowed brow or raised voice. Passive-aggressive behavior is more subtle. It’s when you express your anger in a way that’s indirect or seems non-confrontational.

You might sarcastically say, “Thanks for all your valuable input,” to a coworker who didn’t participate in the work meeting, or give your partner the silent treatment because they upset you. This can be damaging to relationships because it confuses the other person and you’re not actually expressing your feelings.

Even if you don’t always realize you’re doing it, there are ways change your behavior:

Reframe your idea of conflict. Often, people who are passive-aggressive fear direct conflict. But by asserting your wants and needs, you’re helping others to better understand you. 

Be mindful of your anger. When you detect the physical signs of anger in yourself, take a moment to write down why you’re upset, instead of reacting passive-aggressively.

Be assertive . Practice voicing your needs and setting boundaries in a way that’s respectful but clear to those around you.

Taking care of your overall mental and physical well-being can help ease tension and diffuse anger problems.

Manage stress . If your stress levels are through the roof, you’re more likely to struggle controlling your temper. Try practicing relaxation techniques such as mindfulness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or deep breathing. You’ll feel calmer and more in control of your emotions.

Talk to someone you trust . Nothing eases stress more effectively than chatting face-to-face with a friend or loved one. The person doesn’t have to provide answers, they just need to be a good listener. But talking about your feelings and seeking a different perspective on a situation is not the same as venting. Simply venting your anger at someone will only fuel your temper and reinforce your anger problem.

Get enough sleep . A lack of sleep can exacerbate negative thoughts and leave you feeling agitated and short-tempered. Try to get seven to nine hours of good quality sleep .

Exercise regularly. It’s an effective way to burn-off tension and ease stress, and it can leave you feeling more relaxed and positive throughout the day. Aim for at least 30 minutes on most days, broken up into shorter periods if that’s easier. 

Be smart about alcohol and drugs . They lower your inhibitions and can make it even harder to control your anger. Even consuming too much caffeine can make you more irritable and prone to anger.

Keeping an anger journal

Another way to manage stress is to write your frustrations down on paper. Noting how a situation makes you feel can help you to release emotions, organize your thoughts, and view the situation more objectively. You might even find it useful to toss your writing in the garbage when you’re done, symbolically “letting go” of the anger.

Try some of the following writing prompts to explore your anger:

• What outcome to this situation would make you happy?
• What angered you the most?
• What did you learn from it?
• Does this situation remind you of a similar one?
• What advice would you give to a friend who was in your position?

When things get tense, humor and playfulness can help you lighten the mood, smooth over differences, reframe problems, and keep things in perspective. When you feel yourself getting angry in a situation, try using a little lighthearted humor. It can allow you to get your point across without getting the other person’s defenses up or hurting their feelings. 

However, it’s important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. Avoid sarcasm, mean-spirited humor. If in doubt, start by using self-deprecating humor. We all love people who are able to gently poke fun at their own failings. After all, we’re all flawed and we all make mistakes.

So, if you’ve made a mistake at work or you’ve just spilled coffee over yourself, instead of getting angry or picking a fight, try making a joke about it. Even if the joke falls flat or comes out wrong, the only person you risk offending is yourself.

When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, a potential conflict can even become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.

If, despite putting these previous anger management techniques into practice, your anger is still spiraling out of control, or if you’re getting into trouble with the law or hurting others, you may need professional help. This could be in the form of therapy or anger management classes.

Therapy—either group, individual, or online therapy —can be a great way to explore the reasons behind your anger and identify triggers. Therapy can also provide a safe place to practice new skills for expressing anger.

Speak to a Licensed Therapist

BetterHelp is an online therapy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours.

Anger management classes

Anger management classes allow you to meet others coping with the same struggles and learn tips and techniques for managing your anger.

Research shows that anger management programs can be useful for both decreasing anger and improving problem-solving and communication skills. Anger management classes are led by a specialist or counselor, meaning you’ll discover how anger works and common strategies to deal with the emotion.

You might be required to use a workbook in these classes so you can apply the lessons to your individual circumstances. Some classes offer a certificate of completion, which might be needed if your participation in the class was court-ordered.

Group sessions vs. one-on-one anger management

Group sessions are typically led by a single individual who can guide participants through educational material and group discussions. The class might focus on topics like recognizing triggers and exploring common coping techniques.

Because you’re in a group, the material might feel more generalized, and you won’t have the same level of privacy as you would in an individual session. However, you can connect with others who also deal with anger issues, learn about their experiences, and potentially discover coping strategies that have worked for them.

Individual therapy sessions can either supplement or replace group anger management classes. These sessions will allow you to engage one-on-one with a counselor or therapist so you can benefit from personalized advice and feedback. For example, a counselor might suggest cognitive behavioral therapy techniques that could help you in specific situations. Then, the two of you can try out role-play exercises so you can practice using those strategies.

In-person and online options

You can look for either in-person or online anger management classes. Some people might find face-to-face meetings to be more personal or intimate. Online sessions can be more suitable if you don’t have time to commute or have difficulty finding local options.

For the most flexibility, you can find self-paced, online anger management classes. However, these independent-learning programs tend to lack personalized feedback from a counselor or peers.

Anger isn’t the real problem in an abusive relationship

Despite what many believe, domestic violence and abuse does not happen due to the abuser’s loss of control over their temper. Rather, it’s a deliberate choice to control another person. If you are abusive towards your spouse or partner, know that you need specialized treatment, not regular anger management classes.

More Information

• Trauma - How anger should be treated when it’s a symptom of PTSD. (National Center for PTSD)
• When You Love an Angry Person - Tips on fighting fair, ways to approach a loved one, and when to seek more help. (Get Your Angries Out)
• Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders. (2013). In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders . American Psychiatric Association. Link
• Williams, Riccardo. “Anger as a Basic Emotion and Its Role in Personality Building and Pathological Growth: The Neuroscientific, Developmental and Clinical Perspectives.” Frontiers in Psychology 8 (November 7, 2017): 1950. Link
• Staicu, ML, and M Cuţov. “Anger and Health Risk Behaviors.” Journal of Medicine and Life 3, no. 4 (November 15, 2010): 372–75. Link
• Ba, Al Ubaidi, and Al Ubaidi Ba. “Control Excessive Anger before It Controls Your Life.” Accessed November 17, 2021. Link
• Zarshenas, Ladan, Mehdi Baneshi, Farkhondeh Sharif, and Ebrahim Moghimi Sarani. “Anger Management in Substance Abuse Based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: An Interventional Study.” BMC Psychiatry 17, no. 1 (November 23, 2017): 375. Link
• Nasir, Rohany, and Norisham Abd Ghani. “Behavioral and Emotional Effects of Anger Expression and Anger Management among Adolescents.” Procedia – Social and Behavioral Sciences , 2nd World Conference on Psychology and Sociology, PSYSOC 2013, 27-29 November 2013, Brussels, Belgium, 140 (August 22, 2014): 565–69. Link
• Bodenmann, Guy, Nathalie Meuwly, Thomas N. Bradbury, Simone Gmelch, and Thomas Ledermann. “Stress, Anger, and Verbal Aggression in Intimate Relationships: Moderating Effects of Individual and Dyadic Coping.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 27, no. 3 (May 1, 2010): 408–24. Link
• Fehr, Beverley, Mark Baldwin, Lois Collins, Suzanne Patterson, and Riva Benditt. “Anger in Close Relationships: An Interpersonal Script Analysis.” 25, no. 3 (March 1, 1999): 299–312. Link
• Candelaria, Ashley M., Alicia L. Fedewa, and Soyeon Ahn. “The Effects of Anger Management on Children’s Social and Emotional Outcomes: A Meta-Analysis.” School Psychology International 33, no. 6 (December 1, 2012): 596–614. Link
• Okuda, Mayumi, Julia Picazo, Mark Olfson, Deborah S. Hasin, Shang-Min Liu, Silvia Bernardi, and Carlos Blanco. “Prevalence and Correlates of Anger in the Community: Results from a National Survey.” CNS Spectrums 20, no. 2 (April 2015): 130–39. Link
• Saghir, Zahid, Javeria N. Syeda, Adnan S. Muhammad, and Tareg H. Balla Abdalla. “The Amygdala, Sleep Debt, Sleep Deprivation, and the Emotion of Anger: A Possible Connection?” Cureus 10, no. 7 (July 2, 2018): e2912. Link
• Anjanappa, S., Govindan, R., Munivenkatappa, M., & Bhaskarapillai, B. (2023). Effectiveness of anger management program on anger level, problem solving skills, communication skills, and adjustment among school-going adolescents. Journal of Education and Health Promotion , 12 , 90. Link
• Brandt, A. (2013). 8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness. W. W. Norton & Company.   Link
• Understanding anger: How psychologists help with anger problems . (n.d.). Https://Www.Apa.Org. Retrieved March 27, 2024, from Link
• Kanaya, Y., & Kawai, N. (2024). Anger is eliminated with the disposal of a paper written because of provocation. Scientific Reports , 14 (1), 7490. Link
• Karmin, A. (2017). Anger management workbook for men : take control of your anger and master your emotions. Althea Press. ‌ Link

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Why Controlling Your Anger is Important

Although there are moments in life that may test your steeliest resolve and seem to render you helpless against internal frustration, finding ways to keep angry outbursts under control is crucial to living a well-balanced life. The key to successful anger management is to quickly and accurately identify the root cause of your anger so that you can find an appropriate and effective solution to manage it.

While it’s true that venting your anger can be cathartic, setting boundaries for just how far your rant will go can make all the difference between your angry feelings being purged satisfactorily or your rage being escalated further. Anger is an adopted behavior that takes on many forms including verbal, physical, and emotional outbursts. It can have extremely stressful effects on your life as well as the lives of those around you. Some effects of anger include:

• Marital and family problems
• Poor work performance
• Feeling negative and uneasy
• Lack of energy
• Restless sleep
• Lack of appetite or too much of an appetite
• Tendency to gossip
• The possibility of losing family and friends
• Numerous health problems such as ulcers, strokes, weight loss or weight gain, heart attacks, and gastrointestinal disorders

Causes of Anger

The best way to start identifying the root causes of your anger is to recognize your most common stress triggers . Once you know the cause of your anger, you can better gain control of it. It may be surprising to hear, but self-knowledge and acceptance are often the hardest parts of anger management for some people to reconcile. If you've spent years in a cycle of hostility, your stress level may be on such a constant high that you don’t realize what specific occurrences have a tendency to set your rage off. For everything that upsets you, your anxiety level increases, and before it can go down, something else makes you angry. This vicious cycle can be stopped by directly confronting and diffusing the origin of your anger.

There are many factors to take into account when looking for the origins of your anger, including, for example:

• Harassment or bullying by friends, family, co-workers, or strangers
• Hurt from a failed relationship or job loss
• Physical threats from strangers, acquaintances, or close friends
• Disappointment from failing to complete a task
• Frustration at others around you, whether it be at home or in the workplace
• Annoyance due to environmental stressors

Simple Ways to Control Anger

Controlling your anger can be done in several ways. If one approach doesn't work, there are always other anger management techniques you can try. Keep in mind, however, that you must give your actions enough time to take full effect. The goal is to not give up until you find the solution that works best for you.

A very effective way to control hostility or anger is through a combination of muscle relaxation and controlled deep breathing. Your heart and breathing rates increase when you are angry or anxious, therefore, you can deliberately lower them, and consequently your anger, by practicing relaxation techniques. To achieve these lower heart and breathing rates you can:

• Perform yoga
• Receive a massage
• Listen to music
• Practice hypnosis
• Practice imagery or visualization
• Use guided programs, either through music, relaxation ponds , or relaxation clinics
• Simply find a way to spend quiet time relaxing at home or wherever you feel most comfortable

Another way to manage your anger is through humor. As the saying goes, “laughter is the best medicine”, and through the use of jokes or by simply laughing out loud, you can release a tremendous amount of stress without causing harm to yourself or others. Besides helping you get a balanced perspective on the situation that has caused your anger, you can also learn not to take yourself so seriously. Ways to incorporate humor into your life include:

• Watching or reading cartoons
• Telling jokes
• Writing humorous poems or jokes
• Visualizing the person you are mad at in a silly situation

When you feel your anxiety rise, write down exactly what you were doing and your feelings associated with it. Write down how you feel physically as well because the physical response to stress can happen before you feel it emotionally. After a few days, go back and read about what made you angry:

• On a fresh piece of paper, write down every anger episode, and then write down the reason why you became upset. Don't just think about the incident but what happened before it as well. Your reaction to an event often has a lot to do with what happened directly leading up to it.
• You also want to consider common anger themes. You may start to notice that when a certain person comes around you, you have a hard time dealing with situations. Reflect on these themes and consider their effect on your mood and emotions.
• Try to pinpoint the physiological responses you had to each episode. You may have felt your heart racing, sweating, or your face turning red. Knowing your physical responses to anger will help you anticipate the oncoming rage and then take action to control it.

Other Methods

More ways to manage your anger include:

• Listening to music
• Taking a relaxing bath
• Talking to a friend
• Understanding no one is perfect
• Drinking a tall glass of water

If All Else Fails

If taking the proper steps to handle your anger doesn't work and you feel that you really are out of control, then you need to seek counseling. A professional can use different types of therapy and medication to help you manage your anger.

Tools to Manage Anger

For some information on ways to control anger, check out these LoveToKnow Stress Management articles:

• Anger Management Worksheets
• Anger Management Tips
• Ten Tips for Anger Management
• Anger Management Seminars
• Anger Management Techniques

*Photo by  Gabriel Matula  on  Unsplash

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Anger Management: Causes of Anger and How to Manage

Sonia was a process manager at a reputed multinational company. She was an expert in her field and had extensive…

Sonia was a process manager at a reputed multinational company. She was an expert in her field and had extensive experience but wasn’t seen as a good leader.

Her team members thought she was unreasonable and arrogant. She would lose her temper frequently. Sonia saw her team members as obstinate, incompetent, and uncooperative.

It wasn’t a happy relationship and eventually, their relations soured almost beyond repair. Her teammates stopped approaching her for any discussions, which annoyed Sonia considerably.

What both Sonia and her teammates didn’t realize was that she had anger issues that overshadowed her capability. Had she focused on managing her anger, things would not have come to such a pass.

What is Anger Management?

Before understanding what anger management is, let’s discuss the emotion of anger.

Did you know that anger is a normal and perfectly healthy emotion? It conveys to our mind that all is not well with things or people around us. You are likely to experience anger when you are upset, or feel cheated or threatened.

Imagine you are driving on a highway—you have your seat belt on and are driving within the speed limit. Suddenly, a huge truck, driving at high speed, swerves into your lane. Somehow, your driving skills and good fortune help you escape an accident.

Once you stop on the side, how do you feel?

Enraged, right?

That’s not surprising. You would, quite understandably, feel angry as you could have got hurt without any fault of yours.

Getting angry when you have been wrongly treated or threatened is absolutely normal. However, anger can become an issue if it manifests itself in outbursts that could hurt you or those around you.

In such situations, anger management can be very useful.

For instance, you might experience anger when, after spending an hour filling your cart at the supermarket and another hour in the check-out queue, you finally reach the payment counter and discover that your card is not working.

Already tired and irritated, you may become so angry that you get into a confrontation with the store staff. Eventually, you are forced out of the store, without the items that you came to buy.

Dejected, tired, and embarrassed, you drive out of the parking lot when you suddenly realize that you could have used another card. The situation wouldn’t have gone out of hand and caused you and those around you such inconvenience.

However, you let your anger overwhelm you and it affected your judgment and actions.

When Anger Becomes A Problem

Anger is a natural reaction to adverse situations.

At the workplace, it could be anger against a colleague who is not a team player, a subordinate who doesn’t carry out instructions, or a boss who doesn’t respect you or your efforts.

At school, it could be anger against a bully who targets you without any reason or a teacher who gives harsh punishment. Whenever you let anger spiral out of control, it can have several negative outcomes and damage the following:

Physical well-being: 

Constant or frequent outbursts can cause stress and lead to conditions such as heart diseases, diabetes, weakened immunity, lack of sleep, and high blood pressure.

Mental well-being:  

Anger is a strong emotion and it can overpower your reasoning abilities. Anger issues can make you feel agitated, stressed, depressed, and incapable of focusing on work or enjoying life.

Angry outbursts can affect teamwork and the ability to receive or give constructive and fair criticism, which can create a negative image of you among your colleagues, superiors, and clients.

Personal relationships:

Relationships are delicate. A bout of uncontrollable anger can destroy even the most important relationships that you may have spent years nurturing. You might hit or abuse someone in anger, and the other person might get offended beyond reconciliation.

Understanding Harmful Anger

The way you behave with people around you when you are angry determines how you are perceived by them.

There are clear signs that indicate when anger becomes a problem. The most prevalent signs of harmful anger include:

Verbal and physical violence:

If you express your anger by screaming, hurling abuses, issuing verbal threats to people, physically assaulting another person, destroying objects, and throwing things around, then it is a sign of harmful anger.

Internal anger:

There are instances when people internalize their anger and turn it into hatred. This kind of negativity can result in an utter dislike for one’s self. Such behavior can result in isolation from friends and family. In extreme cases, it can result in self-harm and even suicide.

Passive anger:

Anger is not just about getting into a street-style brawl with people. Passive anger might appear less harmful, but it can have a very negative impact on your relationships.

People with passive aggression problems might deliberately underperform, ignore others, and avoid communication with their friends and family.

How Anger Management Helps

It is widely perceived that anger management is the technique of suppressing anger. As stated above, anger is a normal emotional response, and giving up anger completely is not ideal for your health.

If you don’t express anger, it might get internalized and come out in another form. Therefore, anger management is not about suppressing it, but learning how to prevent destructive outbursts.

By managing anger, you can express it in a constructive and identifiable manner while being in control of the situation. This will not only have a better emotional impact on you but can also help others understand you better. As a result, your conflicts will have a better chance of a positive resolution and you will become better at nurturing relationships.

Things That Can Help You Understand And Manage Anger

1. identify the causes of your anger:  .

At times, you might get angry over trivial issues. Once your anger cools off, you realize that the reason behind your anger was minor.

In such scenarios, you need to introspect why you get angry. Many times, unprovoked and unbalanced angry outbursts are due to stress, undetected health problems, fatigue, embarrassment, psychological problems, fear, or weakness.

You need to analyze the causes carefully, and depending on the reasons that make you angry, you need to learn about managing anger.

2. Identify your anger symptoms:  

It is a common perception that people with anger issues just lash out without any provocation or warning. However, anger has clear physical symptoms that manifest themselves just before the outburst.

If you understand these symptoms and identify them as soon as they appear, you might get better at managing anger. Some of the common symptoms are tightening of stomach muscles, clenching of hands or jaw, rapid breathing, faster heartbeat, inability to focus, sense of restlessness, and headaches.

3. Identify your anger triggers:  

Careful analysis can help you identify patterns that lead to outbursts.

If you are someone who uses words like “always” and “never” in arguments, then you must know that such phrases are great anger triggers.

For instance, a statement like, “You always fail to do what I say” or “I never do this” will more often than not escalate a situation.

Similarly, if you react based on your assumptions, it can lead to angry outbursts.

For instance, when a colleague doesn’t respond to your greeting, you might assume that he or she is unhappy with you. You might reciprocate by giving that person the cold shoulder the next time, and before either of you realize, it could become a serious problem.

Your assumption would prevent you from thinking if the other person didn’t respond because he or she didn’t hear you or was busy on a call.

4. Learn cooling-off techniques:

Some people are able to let their anger dissipate by practicing deep breathing, counting sheep mentally, and so on. If you are prone to losing your temper, you must learn a cooling-off technique that can prevent an unhealthy outburst.

It is not advisable to suppress anger as that would only lead to its accumulation. However, if you let your anger manifest uncontrollably, it is bound to have harmful short- and long-term effects on your personal and professional life.

You might find yourself losing your cool in the face of challenges and setbacks in these uncertain times. Harappa’s Embracing Change course helps you deal with these setbacks and not lose your temper.

Discover our Harappa Diaries section to know more about topics related to the Lead habit such as Resilience and the Meaning of Humility .

On The Site

ANGER: Manage it with EMPATHY and PERSPECTIVE TAKING

August 11, 2020 | SupaduDev | Quick Tips For Therapists

By  Howard Kassinove, PhD, ABPP , and Raymond Chip Tafrate, PhD

Part four of a four-part series on anger 

In the heat of the moment, we all think our anger is justified. Unfortunately, focusing solely on the “bad” actions of others feeds our own self-centered view of the world. We do this both by repeatedly thinking about what happened, and by telling the story to others—from our point of view. To make matters worse, anger can be self-reinforcing. The more we ruminate about unfairness at the hands of others, the more we convince ourselves that our perspective is morally correct. After all, who wouldn’t agree that their anger is justified if they discovered their spouse or partner was cheating on them, a business partner was stealing money, or trusted friends were spreading gossip. There is also an unspoken correlate in these kinds of situations: Angry ruminations will somehow be helpful.

Whether morally justified or not, the outcome of ruminative, continuing anger is generally not productive and is, in fact self-destructive. As Buddha reportedly said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

In psychotherapy, the goal is to help clients reduce their strong personal anger reactions , no matter what provoked them, so that problem resolution can hopefully emerge. Continuing to be angry, bitter, and vengeful will impede reaching solutions. The process of reducing anger reactions often begins with understanding the position of the primary source of the anger. Anger is usually caused by the actions of others that are perceived to be unwanted or inappropriate. When you, or your clients, feel angry, it is common to think that others such as spouses, children, friends, colleagues, other drivers, and so forth, have acted unfairly or wrongly. The truth, however, is that others are simply acting in their own self-interest, and their behavior is influenced by a multitude of factors. They are not necessarily motivated by evil intentions or maliciously seeking to cause harm to others.

A tip for halting unproductive rumination: Practice empathy and seeing the problem from the perspective of the other person . Just to be clear, empathy refers to situations where you truly understand the behavior, thoughts, and feelings of others but may not share them (e.g., you understand the reasons your partner voted for a different political candidate, but you intellectually disagree). Once empathy (i.e., understanding) is achieved, anger naturally diminishes.

Taking another’s perspective about a problem is one way to achieve empathy and anger reduction. Yet the process can be uncomfortable and challenging. Here are three steps to get started:

• In your office, or in a quiet and private place, have your clients clearly identify the situation that led to their anger. Direct them to not exaggerate what happened, and to keep to the specific situation.
• Out loud, have clients objectively review the specific situation from their perspective. Include the trigger, what the client was thinking at the time, and the outcome of the event. Direct them to resist the temptation to add inflammatory language such as, “He always does that,” or, “She is so selfish and stupid!”
• Now have clients review the situation, but this time, have them pretend to be the other person. Encourage them to truly assume the role of the other person by using “I” language to clearly explain their rationale for why they did what they did (as the other person). Direct them to not make silly excuses. Rather, clients objectively report on what happened from the other person’s perspective. Such reports might include nuances such as feeling conflicted about a course of action. Again, have the client do this aloud, either in the office or while they are alone in a private environment. Practice is important, so have clients repeat the perspective-taking process aloud three times.

In addition, we encourage clients to generate several possible and realistic reasons as to why the other person might have acted as they did. The goal is not to develop excuses for bad behavior. Rather, the goal is to develop understanding, reduce anger, and eventually explore the potential for a plan so the problem is less likely to reoccur in the future.

Catching up on the series? Read parts one , two , or three now.

Howard Kassinove, PhD, ABPP , is a board-certified clinical psychologist, former chairperson of the psychology department at Hofstra University, and past director of their PhD program in clinical and school psychology. Kassinove is a fellow of the American Psychological Association, the American Psychological Society, the Albert Ellis Institute, and the Behavior Therapy and Research Society. Editor of Anger Disorders , he has published more than sixty papers, and has lectured widely in the United States, Europe, and Asia.

Raymond Chip Tafrate, PhD , is a clinical psychologist, and professor in the criminology and criminal justice department at Central Connecticut State University. He is a fellow and supervisor at the Albert Ellis Institute in New York City, NY; and a member of the Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers. He frequently consults with criminal justice agencies and programs regarding difficult-to-change problems such as anger dysregulation and criminal behavior. He has coauthored numerous books, and has presented his research throughout North America, Europe, Asia, and Australia. He is coauthor, with Howard Kassinove, of the popular self-help classic, Anger Management for Everyone .

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How An Anger Management Journal Can Help You Control Your Anger

Luke Glowacki

11 Min Read

Anger is a universal feeling that can arise in many situations. We experience anger when our expectations aren’t met, when we feel slighted, hurt, or frustrated, and even when we are fearful or stressed.

Research shows that habitual anger can harm a person’s health in several ways, in addition to damaging a person’s personal and professional relationships.

People who experience anger occasionally, briefly, and as an appropriate response to specific situations are typically not at risk for health concerns or long-term interpersonal complications.

However, anger that is sustained, intense, and/or frequently experienced can be problematic for individuals at many levels.

In these cases, it’s advisable to learn how an anger management journal can help you control your anger.

What Exactly Is Anger and How Can It Be Harmful?

Anger is a common human emotion related to the fight-or-flight mechanism. Anger can be beneficial in physiological ways as it increases blood flow to important systems in the body as a response to perceived danger or threat.

Even brief feelings of anger due to anxiety or stress can be beneficial, as it often helps us take action or make changes.

Unfortunately, anger can become more than just a temporary emotion or mood; in some cases, it can develop into a core aspect of an individual’s personality.

Being angry by nature can create untenable situations and relationships while simultaneously impairing a person’s health, sense of wellness, and worldview.

Such toxic and uncontrolled anger can affect an individual’s blood pressure and heart rate, which can lead to heart disease.

Chronic or habitual anger is linked to many conditions that negatively impact a person’s quality of life. Some of these conditions include:

• Migraine headaches
• Substance abuse and/or addictive behaviors
• Low self-esteem
• Compromised immune system
• Unhealthy relationships
• Higher risk of abusing others (physically and/or emotionally)

Thankfully, there are ways to get anger under control in order to avoid such detrimental effects to a person’s health, relationships, and professional life.

Anger and Control

In some instances of uncertainty, helplessness, or even vulnerability, reacting in anger can provide you with a sense of control.

Anger is a powerful feeling that can give us the illusion of being in charge of a situation over which we know we have no agency, such as the loss of a job, relationship, etc. Unfortunately, this results in two complications:

• A “sense” of control is not the same as the actuality of control.
• Reacting in anger shifts your emotional focus so that any latent feelings go unaddressed and unresolved.

In other words, anger creates an illusion that you are in control of yourself, your feelings, and your circumstances. In addition, since the feelings at the root of your anger are pushed aside, they are likely to resurface and begin the entire cycle again.

Therefore, it’s much more productive and beneficial to learn to control your anger rather than participate in the illusion that it gives you control or that it solves anything.

Most of us don’t stop during the day to examine our emotions as we have them. In general, we are too busy to take much time to reflect on our experiences and the way we react to them in the moment.

This can create built-up feelings of stress and anger at the end of the day or before sleep when, rather than feeling a sense of calm and peace, we re-live the day’s events in our minds and re-experience our emotional reactions.

If anger is one of these emotional reactions being re-experienced, this creates a negative physical, emotional, and psychological impact on our well-being which is detrimental to our health in both the short and long term.

Instead of feeling angry and out of control at the end of the day over what has already happened or trying to suppress related emotions through distracting and/or potentially unhealthy behaviors, keeping an anger management journal is an effective solution for expressing your anger, learning to manage it, and understanding how to control it.

What Is an Anger Management Journal?

An anger management journal is a tool that people can use to get their anger under control.

This type of journal is beneficial for anyone who is struggling with temporary anger issues due to stressful life events such as moving, changing careers, or loss of a loved one.

However, an anger management journal is especially effective in helping people with and interrupting the cycle of chronic anger.

This includes individuals who feel sustained, frequent, and/or uncontrollable episodes of anger that may potentially result in harm to their physical, emotional, and mental health.

Often, when we are angry, we experience a type of brain “fog” during which our intellectual functioning is actually impaired.

Writing in an anger management journal allows the brain to focus its thoughts through mindful and directed expression.

Even just “reporting” what caused your anger or how it made you feel can restore a sense of intellectual and emotional control.

At the same time, simply writing about angry feelings and who or what caused them isn’t enough to bring about a sense of resolution and long-term control.

To make that kind of progress, an anger management journal should have structure and focus beyond filling up blank pages with descriptions of slights, hurts, and frustrations.

There isn’t one “right” way to create an anger management journal. However, there are three important components for optimal effectiveness and eventual peace of mind:

Acknowledgement

Self-compassion, mindful/thoughtful action.

Until a person acknowledges that there is a problem, there is no chance of discovering a healthy solution. This doesn’t mean that your entry in your anger management journal has to read like a confession of something that you’ve done wrong.

Instead, it’s helpful to acknowledge two things: 1) the circumstances in which you felt angry (including who or what was involved, when or where it happened, how or why your anger was triggered); and 2) a description of your anger in terms of an emotional reaction (use of profanity, physical response, yelling, etc.).

It may be difficult to remember details of the circumstances and your ensuing emotional reaction, especially if you are writing in your anger management journal at the end of the day.

However, the more information you can provide and details you can acknowledge, the better perspective you will gain about what transpired and how you responded.

With this acknowledgement, you are validating yourself, and with this perspective, you are allowing yourself to see the situation and your anger with greater clarity.

Acknowledgement and resulting perspective develop into learning and growth.

Self-Compassion

It may surprise people who don’t struggle with habitual anger just how hard those that do are on themselves.

Many people who feel angry in their natural state often turn those angry feelings onto themselves, creating a debilitating and exhausting cycle of anger and regret.

That’s why reflecting self-compassion in your anger management journal is an important component.

Once you have acknowledged your anger, it’s essential to indicate compassion for yourself. This doesn’t mean that you wipe the slate clean or dismiss any negative consequences as a result of your anger.

Instead, self-compassion is a journal technique that allows you to interrupt the cycle of anger and regret. As part of your journal entry, you can indicate that all humans get angry and make mistakes, and that you are working towards managing your feelings and getting control of your anger.

This is a process, and journaling to yourself such reminders will open your mind up to receiving and giving compassion and forgiveness more readily and easily.

What is often misunderstood about compassion and forgiveness is that it lifts as much a burden from the giver as it does the receiver.

That’s partly why there are so many memorable sayings about letting go of grudges and anger itself.

When we practice self-compassion and self-forgiveness, it improves our ability to show compassion and forgiveness to others and thereby lightens our emotional burden.

Mindful/Thoughtful Action

Just as acknowledging a problem is an initial step to managing and controlling your anger, journaling about mindful/thoughtful action will bring a sense of resolution and allow you to move forward.

This doesn’t mean that you need to come up with a way to change or repair the outcome of your anger, although that may be an occasional approach.

Instead, creating an entry that reflects mindful/thoughtful action should include an alternate coping strategy than anger.

For example, you can look at your acknowledgement and self-compassion and write down the reaction you wish you may have had instead, or an idea of how to remind your future self to pause and breathe before letting anger overcome you.

If you realize that you have made progress in managing your anger, this is an opportunity to indicate to yourself a noticed improvement in choosing mindful and thoughtful actions rather than angry reactions.

Even reflecting on taking the time to create an entry in your anger management journal is a mindful/thoughtful action.

Overall, this part of the journaling process will give you a sense of closure or resolution that will make putting the situation and angry response behind you.

If those feelings return or you feel stuck in remembering and re-living specific circumstances that caused you to feel anger, you can look back at this part of your entry and remind yourself to move forward in your actions rather than circle back and interrupt your progress.

How Can an Anger Management Journal Help You Control Your Anger?

Just as standing in a garage doesn’t turn you into a car, “having” an anger management journal will not help you control or improve anything.

Using this journal is what gives you the opportunity to acknowledge what you are experiencing, unburden yourself through expression, and learn strategies to disrupt the cycle of anger and move forward in a healthier manner.

Using an anger management journal can help you control your anger by providing an intellectual and rational rather than emotional perspective. It is a chance for you to control how you respond to yourself by acknowledging the problem, practicing self-compassion, and considering more mindful and thoughtful action for the future.

This intellectual, non-judgmental, forgiving, and progressive approach will provide insight for you in terms of who you are, who you have the power to be, and how far you have come on your journey.

Not only will the journal process be rewarding, but as your sense of control over your anger strengthens, you will be rewarded by feeling better physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Committing to keeping an anger management journal is committing to your health and well-being. It may be difficult to recognize the physical toll that your anger is taking on the systems in your body until something drastic happens such as a heart attack or stroke.

In addition, being immersed in anger takes a toll on your personal and professional relationships, which can dramatically affect your emotional wellness through rejection and/or isolation.

Perhaps more importantly, frequent, persistent, and intense anger changes and becomes toxic to a person’s view of the world.

This reduces trust, compassion, and openness towards other people. Instead, people in a natural state of anger have a heightened sense that the world is an adversarial, unforgiving, and suspicious place to be.

Anger robs an individual of their peace of mind, healthy intimacy with others, personal and professional stability, and even the number of years they have to live.

An anger management journal won’t prevent you from feeling angry ever again, nor will it give you full control over this very common and natural human emotion.

However, proper and dedicated use of this type of journal will provide you with the chance to manage your anger in healthier ways and control it so that it isn’t an oppressive and detrimental part of your life.

It’s important to note that if you feel your anger is putting your health and well-being, or someone else’s, at risk, you should seek professional help immediately.

You may also be interested in:

1. 20-minute guided meditation to release anger, 2. anger management journal: retrain your brain & learn to control your anger, 3. how to manifest something by writing it down, 4. positive affirmations for mental health.

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Effect of anger management education on mental health and aggression of prisoner women

Elaheh bahrami.

Department of Health Services, Isfahan University of Medical Sciences, Isfahan, Iran

Maryam Amidi Mazaheri

Akbar hasanzadeh.

1 Department of Biostatistics, School of Health, Isfahan University of Medical Sciences, Isfahan, Iran

Background and Purpose:

“Uncontrolled anger” threats the compatible and health of people as serious risk. The effects of weaknesses and shortcomings in the management of anger, from personal distress and destruction interpersonal relationships beyond and linked to the public health problems, lack of compromises, and aggressive behavior adverse outcomes. This study investigates the effects of anger management education on mental health and aggression of prisoner women in Isfahan.

Materials and Methods:

The single-group quasi-experimental (pretest, posttest) by prisoner women in the central prison of Isfahan was done. Multi-stage random sampling method was used. Initially, 165 women were selected randomly and completed the Buss and Perry Aggression Questionnaire and the General Health Questionnaire-28, and among these, those with scores >78 (the cut point) in aggression scale was selected and among them 70 were randomly selected. In the next step, interventions in four 90 min training sessions were conducted. Posttest was performed within 1-month after the intervention. Data were analyzed using SPSS-20 software.

Data analysis showed that anger management training was effective in reducing aggression ( P < 0.001) and also had a positive effect on mental health ( P < 0.001).

Conclusion:

According to the importance of aggression in consistency and individual and collective health and according to findings, presented educational programs on anger management is essential for female prisoners.

INTRODUCTION

Anger is a strong emotional response to stimulus deprivation and arousal which is determined with increased arousal and autonomic nervous system activity.[ 1 ]

When self-confidence and personal integrity are attacked, anger occurs as a natural response. In this case, the range of emotions from mild irritation until intense anger is experiencing.[ 2 ] Anger is described as an emotional state which constitutes of the basis of hatred and aggression. Hatred is an attitude that leads to aggressive behavior, while aggressive behavior is an observable behavior that is performed with purpose of damage to others.[ 3 ] From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, anger comes from the evolutionary history of organisms and combined with human nature and helps to survive of the mankind and facilitates adaptive responses, in particular the fight-or-flight response when faced with danger, anger is useful. While in terms of modern civilization, uncontrollable anger, not only does not contribute to human survive but also could threaten his life.[ 4 ] On the other hand, suppressed anger is in conflict with human nature. Research has demonstrated, suppressed anger can make people vulnerable to various diseases.[ 5 ] “Uncontrolled anger,” adversely affects both adaptation and human health. Furthermore, inability to anger manage can disturb his/her interpersonal relationships.[ 6 ] If this strong emotion is not properly harnessed, can prevent global success and severely threaten optimal functioning of individuals, groups and communities.[ 7 ] Statistics indicates that in the last few decades, anger and aggression have increased and considerable empirical evidence has demonstrated the negative effects of anger in human relationships.[ 8 ] Anger damaged the economy too, for example, the antisocial behavior and rage are implications and consequences of anger.[ 9 ] Anger related with physical health problems, particularly cardiovascular disorders.[ 10 ] Well as anger is associated with depression, drug dependence, alcohol abuse, suicide, back pain, atherosclerosis, cardiovascular disease, development of atrial fibrillation, hypertension and lipid-lowering ability and readiness, and reduce the feeling of well-being.[ 9 ] According to the World Health Organization, each year 5.1 million people lose their lives due to violence.[ 11 ] Anger and aggression is a major problem in today's world, it was reported that a quarter of the US population, experience some of kind of anger in their lifetime. In most cases of this disorder in the individual, not only reduces the amount of his personal and social adjustment, but also security and family mental health and other social groups suffer from problems. In some cases, anger would be the harassment and intimidation of members of the legal community, thus leads to involvement of the individual with the law references and criminal.[ 12 ]

In the 20 th century, crimes have taken serious forms, according to the United Nations during the 1980–1986 annual average increase of 5% on the crime rate in the world.[ 13 ]

More than 10.2 million people are held in penal institutions throughout the world, frequently as pretrial detainees/remand prisoners or as sentenced prisoners. Almost half of these are in the United States (2.24 m), Russia (0.68 m) or China (1.64 m sentenced prisoners).[ 14 ] In our country, according to the latest statistics, there are far more than 217,000 prisoners, evaluate the mental health of them as individuals at high risk is very important.[ 14 ]

Issues of criminals and prisoners, especially its association with psychiatric problems are one of the most challenging and the most active areas of research. Mazaheri et al . study among female prisoners of Zahedan prison indicated that prevalence of personality disorders was 95%. Antisocial personality disorder with about 86.2% prevalence was the most common disorder. Drug dependence and sadistic aggressive personality with 60% and 56.2% prevalence, respectively, were in next places.[ 15 ]

Fotiadou et al . study among Greek male prisoners revealed that mental disorder was diagnosed in 78.7% prisoners. The main diagnoses were: Anxiety disorder, (37.5%); major depression, (27.5%); antisocial personality disorder, (37.5%); alcohol dependence, (26.3%) and opiate dependence (27.5%) and schizophrenic or bipolar disorder (11.2%).[ 16 ]

O’Connor et al . study among 541 teenagers 13–18 years in the United States offenders indicated that rates of internalizing problems in offender teenagers is twice that of other teenagers. Prisoners suffering from mental health problems not only are more committed violation in prison and as result is added to the length of their sentence, but also they are more likely to be victims of violence, abuse and harassment of other prisoners.[ 17 ] The results of a systematic review of psychiatric surveys of people in general prison population in Western countries indicate that the risks of having serious psychiatric disorders are considerably higher in prisoners than in the general population.[ 18 ]

Likewise, studies, for instance, have shown that prisoner's women compared to prisoner's men more suffer from personality disorders and mental disorders.[ 19 ] Because of the negative impacts of anger, numerous researchers wanted to find solutions and ways to control and management of anger.[ 20 ]

Reviewing the educational programs for anger management, demonstrates the effectiveness of intervention programs for different groups.[ 21 , 22 ] Furthermore, anger management interventions with offenders and prisoners, particularly violent offenders, have been performed. However, the evidence for the effectiveness of intervention with serious offenders is sparse. For instance, a brief anger management intervention with experimental and control groups of young male offenders was down, significant improvements observed in the experimental group and no change observed in the control group.[ 23 ]

Howells study is revealed that in which offenders receiving anger management were compared with waiting list controls on a range of dependent measures. In general, the degree of pretreatment/posttreatment change was small and experimental versus control differences were not statistically significant.[ 24 ]

As mentioned earlier crimes statistics and as result the number of women prisoners is increasing, however, few studies performed in this regard. According to crucial role of anger management training on physical and mental health, this study investigated the effects of anger management training on mental health and violence among women prisoners in Isfahan.

MATERIALS AND METHODS

This research was a quasi-experimental (pretest-posttest) study. Target population consisted of women prisoners in the central prison of Isfahan. Participants were selected by multi-stage random sampling. Initially randomized 165 women with regard to the inclusion and exclusion criteria were chosen and completed Buss and Perry Aggression and Mental Health questionnaire. Then, those who were achieved score higher than 78 (cut-off) in the Buss and Perry Aggression scale were selected ( n = 70). In the next phase, intervention in four sessions (75–90 min) was conducted. Education teaching methods were lectures, questions and answers and discussion group. 1 month after the last training session,[ 25 ] posttest was performed (Buss and Perry Aggression Questionnaire the General Health Questionnaire [GHQ-28] were completed) five women did not posttest. Data analysis by IBM SPSS Statistics for Windows, Version 20.0. Armonk, NY: IBM Corp. software and paired t -test, Pearson correlation, ANOVA analysis was used.

Educational intervention

• Session I: Familiarity with participants, communication with them, trust them, explain the objectives of the program, definition of anger and aggression, anger expression and characteristics of mistakes anger expression and its consequences
• Session II: Introduction to causes of anger Introduction to the rage symptoms (physical, behavioral, emotional and cognitive symptoms) and describe the overall changes to the arousal of anger, thinking about identify similarities and differences between their own and others’ experiences of anger, identify and specifying the actions or words of others that may make them angry to detect events which creates rage and discuss the outcomes
• Session III: Introduction to anger management programs, introduction the effect of negative thoughts on the experience of anger, identify negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, introduction the effect of relaxation, exercises, deep breathing, and problem-solving strategies to anger management
• Session IV: The effects of anger on family relationships and mental health, anger impacts on the quality of interaction with family, reviewing and summarizing the previous contents and relaxation exercise.

Instruments

Buss and perry aggression questionnaire.

This 29-item questionnaire measures of a general aggression and four factors (subscales), hostility (8 items), physical aggression (9 questions), verbal aggression (5 items), and anger (7 items) was formed.

Subjects in response to each item choose one of the options: (1) Very high (2) high (3) low (4) very low (5) Never. Items 24 and 29 will be reverse scored. Range of general aggression scores and four factors are: General aggression 29–145 (minimum score of 29 and a maximum score of 145), hostility 8–40, physical aggression 9–45, verbal aggression 5–25, and anger 7–35.

Psychometric analysis has shown that the internal consistency was desirable. Furthermore, several studies have confirmed its validity.[ 26 , 27 ] This questionnaire was standardized in Iran, and its validity and reliability have been confirmed.[ 28 ]

General Health Questionnaire

The questionnaire consisted of 28 items and has four sub-scales including: Somatization, anxiety, insomnia, social dysfunction, and depression, each sub-scales have seven questions. The total score is obtained by the sum of the four sub-scales scores.

Subjects responded to each question as one of the options: (0) Not at all, (1) As usual, (2) Almost more than usual, (3) More than usual. The items 1, 15, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 will be reverse scored.

Psychometric properties of GHQ-28 in Iranian population were accessed. Factor analysis revealed that the four factors which are the basics in this questionnaire have a high internal consistency. The calculated optimal clinical cut-off point for screening general health in Iranian population was 24 which ensure optimal psychometric indices. Coefficients of criterion validity, structural validity, and reliability showed that GHQ-28 is one of the most valid instruments for screening general health.[ 29 ]

Furthermore, the demographic characteristics of women (age, education, marital status, number of children) were considered

Ethical considerations

All procedures were performed with the permission of the Isfahan University of Medical Sciences. Before performing the test, aims of the study were explained to the participants, and they were ensured about confidentiality of the information and were emphasized that the questionnaires will be anonymously.

The mean age of participants was 27 years (standard deviation [SD] =8.03). And the mean number of children was 2 children (SD = 0.93).

In terms of education, 18.5% were finished elementary school, 29.2% were finished guidance school and 33.8% were finished high school and 18.5% had a college education. In terms of marital status 35.4% were single 38.5% were married, and 21.5% were divorced and 4.6% were widowed.

The results of the comparison of scores in term of aggression before and after intervention are shown in Table 1 , and in term of mental health before and after intervention are reported in Table 2 .

Comparison of mean scores of aggression before and 1-month after intervention

Comparison of mean scores of mental health before and 1-month after intervention

According to Pearson correlation test, there was a weak inverse correlation between age and aggression ( r = −0.23, P < 0.05). Furthermore, Pearson correlation test revealed that there were no significant relationship between number of children and aggression, as well as mental health and between age and mental health. Spearman correlation test results showed that there was no significant relationship between education and aggressiveness as well as mental health.

According to ANOVA test, there were no significant differences between marital status and aggression, as well as mental health.

This study examined the effect of anger management education on mental health and aggression among prisoner women in Isfahan.

The data revealed that anger management training was effective to reduce self-report aggression. The mean scores of general aggression and its factors (hostility, physical aggression, verbal aggression, and anger) significantly were decreased one mount after intervention.

As well, after anger management training women's mental health was promoted. The mean scores of GHQ-28 in all dimensions significantly were decreased.

The findings were consistent with some previous studies.[ 9 , 30 , 31 ]

One of the reasons of intervention effectiveness could be considering prisoners and fostering their sense of human dignity.

According to researcher searching, there was no study which be evaluated the effect of anger management training on the both mental health and aggression. The effect of anger management training on mental health and aggression was evaluated separately in numerous studies.[ 30 , 32 ]

In some studies, the effects of anger management training compared with other methods of controlling aggression for instance Rostaee compared the effectiveness of anger management training and drug therapy on the aggression prisoners. Both methods were effective in reducing aggression, but the effect of anger management training was greater.[ 12 ] Similarly, in Karimi et al . study, effectiveness of anger management training and communication skills on the aggression among those who are dependent on cannabis was compared, finding indicated that communication skills training was more effective than anger management.[ 33 ]

Because of specific environment of prisons and precise characteristics prisoners, one of the aggressive management objectives is to reduce the recurrence of crime which certain studies have dealt with it. For example, in study by Hunter and Hughes, after anger management programs in prison, recidivism, and crime recurrences significantly reduced.[ 34 ]

In a study by Kennedy after anger management training for adult male inmates with aggressive behavior following changes was observed: Self-report reduce anger expression to normal conditions of prison, the frequency, intensity, and duration of anger, a more appropriate expression, the better reactions and consequences of anger reactions.[ 35 ]

The findings of this study were inconsistent with Lakeh and Khalatbari among mothers of an elementary school boy in Rasht.[ 36 ] One reason for this inconsistency could be the small size of their sample ( n = 15). Consistent with Motlagh et al . study among adolescents,[ 37 ] in the present study, there was no significant relationship between ages of the respondents and general aggression. This finding also inconsistent with the study of Lakeh and Khalatbari this inconsistency may be due to differences between subjects in two studies.

Furthermore, the findings of this study were inconsistent with some previous studies, for instance, would be pointed out to Watt's et al . study among violent offenders.[ 32 ]

One of the reasons for inconsistency results with the present study could be due to gender inmates. Women prisoners are more likely than men prisoners to embrace training program and more influence by training. Another reason could be the mismatch specific cultural issues.

This study had limitations one of the most notably of them was a lack of a control group. Likewise, lack of classification of the audience according to the education, crime type, age, and history of incarceration can be mentioned as another limitation.

As conclusion, anger management intervention can have a positive effect on mental health and reduce aggression among prisoners. Anger management education can prevent the occurrence of negative and damaging consequences of aggression. Anger management training, enabling prisoners to effectively solve problems in their lives and do not use aggressive behavior in their interactions with others.

It is suggested that in future studies, the effects of anger management intervention compared with the control group. It is recommended that the impact of trained educators about communication skills special for prisoners compare with other educators. In general, it is recommended further studies at prisons of the country perform anger management training in order to improve the mental health of women prisoners.

Financial support and sponsorship

Isfahan University of Medical Sciences. Project's number was 392564.

Conflicts of interest

There are no conflicts of interest.

Acknowledgments

This article is master's thesis in Health Education and is sponsored by Isfahan University of Medical Sciences. Hereby, respected principles of Esfahan prison and all participants who helped us in this study are appreciated.

7 Reasons We Are So Angry All the Time

The world is getting angrier. understanding why gives us a fighting chance..

Posted May 6, 2024 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

• How Can I Manage My Anger?
• Find counselling to heal from anger
• You may have experienced the world's increase in anger while driving, flying, or waiting in line.
• Understanding the reasons for this uptick in anger is key to addressing it.
• Through proactive management, we can help address anger in ourselves and reduce its impact on our world.

Last week, I lost my cool with a customer service representative on the phone. This week, I became frustrated with a fellow motorist. I made a gesture. No, not that gesture, more of a “What are you doing?” gesture. I immediately felt bad about both incidents. In the latter example, the motorist pulled into my son’s school. The car held an older couple, probably grandparents. I had become frustrated with a nice couple who were probably picking up their grandchild. It was time to ask myself that same question: What are you doing?

In an effort to turn the above events into something productive, I decided to investigate the topic of anger. I am a psychologist who literally teaches stress management to medical students and psychiatry residents. Every day, I help my patients cope more effectively with their stressors, including their anger. Sure, I am human, too, but if I am losing my cool, exactly how common is it?

The worldwide trend has been decidedly up. So, yes, the world is getting angrier. According to Gallup’s Global Emotions report, negative emotions remained at their highest level in 2023 (tied with 2022). Anger is a piece of this data, and it remains near an all-time high worldwide.

In the United States, air rage incidents have been trending up according to the Federal Aviation Administration. The roads are not faring much better with Consumer Affairs noting that 92 percent of Americans witnessed a road rage incident last year.

Following are some likely culprits related to why we are feeling angrier. At the end, I offer suggestions that you may be able to employ to help you cool off when you are feeling angry.

So, first off, why are we so angry?

• We are tired. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about one in three American adults report not getting enough sleep every day. The same document added that about 40 percent of adults report falling asleep during the day without meaning to at least once per month. Nearly half of us fall asleep during the day regularly? I was shocked by this. Since studies indicate that poor sleep is also predictive of more intense experiences of negative affect, especially anger, this is not a good sign for interpersonal harmony.
• We are overwhelmed. If your week is anything like mine, you have been bombarded by more emails each day than you can realistically sort through. According to Venngage, the average person receives 121 emails per day. True, most are probably insignificant, but some really matter. This requires us to remain vigilant so important notices do not go unnoticed. This state of constant arousal is stressful . As an example, my wife and I missed a re-enrollment deadline for our son’s school because we missed the email(s). So, the takeaway is that we need to stay on top of something that is nearly impossible to stay on top of or bad things will happen.
• We are afraid. The media plays a big role in this one, although so does reality. In my home city, Washington, DC, carjackings have been up for six straight years. According to a media report, these crimes can happen “anywhere and at any time.” Talk about fear -inducing. Some other crime statistics are actually down both in DC and cities throughout the United States, so it is a mixed bag. However, just watching the news is enough to scare someone. Since studies show a “fear promotes anger” model in the brain (especially the posterior insula and anterior insula), fear is a bad state to remain in from an anger management standpoint.
• We are hot. According to climate.gov, this was the warmest year on record, and that trend is likely to continue, unfortunately. Researchers have predicted that the climate crisis will “dramatically increase humans' exposure to risk factors known to cause aggressive and violent behavior” (Miles-Novelo & Anderson, 2023). In other words, the hotter the world becomes, the hotter we become, most likely.
• We are stuck in a zero-sum game. I used to tell my patients that life is not a zero-sum game, to take some pressure off them. While this remains true in many instances, the stakes are getting higher, unfortunately. By way of example, a neighbor asked me which camps I am putting my children in this summer. When I named a few possibilities, he said something like, “Oh, if you haven’t booked those yet, it’s too late.” This was in February. Other cities are similarly competitive. Just try getting last-minute reservations at that popular new restaurant. Yeah, it’s booked. If you go to church late on a holiday, good luck getting a parking spot or a seat. Life has indeed become more competitive, which creates tension, a precursor for anger when things do not work out.
• We are broke. Just as things are getting more competitive, they are similarly becoming more expensive. One does not need to look at inflation statistics to realize this. We just need to go to the supermarket or book a vacation. Not surprisingly, financial worries have been linked to greater psychological distress. Since anger can be a symptom of many psychological disorders, including depression , anxiety , alcoholism , and posttraumatic stress disorder ( PTSD ), psychological distress and anger can go hand in hand.
• We are in pain. According to the 2023 Gallup Global Emotions report, nearly one-third of the world is in physical pain daily. While this is tragic, it is also contributes to anger in the world. Not surprisingly, studies document the link between chronic pain and the experience of anger. If you have ever been in pain, I am sure you can relate that it takes a toll on one’s mood to be suffering. It is very relevant to my own recent expressions of anger that I am recovering from surgery and have been in pain.

Making Peace With Ourselves and Others

It is tempting to despair, given the pervasiveness of the challenges that contribute to anger in our world and ourselves. The problem seems overwhelming. The best place to start, as is often the case, is with ourselves. Fortunately, we are not entirely helpless over these factors. Here are a few suggestions:

• Be kind to yourself. This is more than a “nice to have”; it is crucial for managing anger and well-being. Studies show that self-compassion can contribute to better mental health and improved sleep. In contrast, self-criticism can lead to adverse impacts in both. To move beyond anger, a lifestyle involving self-compassion and self-care appears to be key. Healthy behaviors such as regular exercise, proper diet , progressive breathing, and mindfulness are key ways to promote self-care and, of course, are healing in their own right.
• Forgive yourself, forgive others. Just as self-compassion can improve well-being, as noted above, mercy toward others can do the same. One way to do this is forgiveness . The opposite of forgiveness is holding onto a wrong, a heavy psychological burden. The way to let go is through forgiveness. Studies support this, including a recent mediation analysis that found that forgiveness has a positive relationship with both anger reduction and hope. Further, these mediating factors can indirectly affect psychological health. All that to say, forgiveness is healthy. I remind patients regularly that forgiving someone does not mean that you condone their problematic behavior or even that they need to remain in your life. It simply means that you choose to let it go for your own well-being.
• STOP. This simple acronym can be helpful in situations in which you feel triggered. It consists of: S top, T ake a Breath, O bserve, P roceed. Anger can be instantaneous. That is why we talk about a “flash” of anger. If we are able to build in even a few seconds before action, we may be able to alter our response to something more productive. Remember, anger is a normal human emotion . It is not necessarily anger that is the problem. Rather, it is the response to the emotion that can become destructive. With the above tools, it is realistic to reduce the negative impact of anger on our own lives and those of others.

Adachi T, Yamada K, Fujino H, Enomoto K, Shibata M. Associations between anger and chronic primary pain: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Scand J Pain. 2021 Dec 15;22(1):1–13. doi: 10.1515/sjpain-2021-0154. PMID: 34908255.

Audigier, A., Glass, S., Slotter, E. B., & Pantesco, E. (2023). Tired, angry, and unhappy with us: Poor sleep quality predicts increased anger and worsened perceptions of relationship quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 40 (12), 3803–3831. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075231193449 .

Kim JJ, Payne ES, Tracy EL. Indirect Effects of Forgiveness on Psychological Health Through Anger and Hope: A Parallel Mediation Analysis. J Relig Health. 2022 Oct;61(5):3729–3746. doi: 10.1007/s10943-022-01518-4. Epub 2022 Feb 21. PMID: 35190955; PMCID: PMC10120569.

Miles-Novelo A, Anderson CA. Avoiding a Grim Future: The Climate Crisis and Its Effects on Human Aggression and Violence. Adv Environ End Res 2023; 4(2): 034; doi:10.21926/aeer.2302034.

Ryu S, Fan L. The Relationship Between Financial Worries and Psychological Distress Among U.S. Adults. J Fam Econ Issues . 2023;44(1):16–33. doi: 10.1007/s10834-022-09820-9. Epub 2022 Feb 1. PMID: 35125855; PMCID: PMC8806009.

Zhan J, Ren J, Sun P, Fan J, Liu C, Luo J. The Neural Basis of Fear Promotes Anger and Sadness Counteracts Anger. Neural Plast. 2018 Jun 14;2018:3479059. doi: 10.1155/2018/3479059. PMID: 30013595; PMCID: PMC6022272.

Kurt Ela, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, and an associate professor at Georgetown University School of Medicine.

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The Importance Of Anger Management In Today's World

Anger is part of everyday life. Subconsciously or consciously, our days are filled with hatred, violence, anger and aggression. Many psychological theories on human development focus on the universatility of an infant’s struggle with primitive fantasies of guilt, aggression, and reparation; these fantasies are said to stem from the core feelings of anger and frustration. Most theories agree that human beings grow up with anger right from the very beginning of their lives. Anger Theory: Anger Creates False Power The famous psychoanalyst, Jacues Lacan suggested that anger results from the psychological defense against the intimidation of a disruption in thought. The baseline of his findings was that as infants, we are just a jumble of biological processes. Authority-less and in search of self identity, we live in a perpetual state of fragmented confusion. This lack of identity may further give a feeling of unified personality. In brief, it creates a psychological fuss within us, which hides our essential human vulnerability and weakness. Thus, in order to defend ourselves from the truth of our essential fragmentation, we adopt the most common defense available - anger. Anger creates a false world where we hide our weaknesses, and feel that we possess power over the situation at hand. In short, it creates a sense of entitlement. Anger is Becoming a Mental Health Problem in Urban India Anger management is seldom practised in an Indian scenario. In a country where more basic health concerns rule the roost, mental health plays second fiddle to widespread disease, malnutrition and lack of fitness avenues. However, anger is finding its way into urban India and beginning to affect relationships and social settings. One of the least celebrated branches of the cognitive therapy tree, anger management is a quasi-scientific way of controlling anger and related negative feelings. Anger affects mental, physical health and relationships at many levels. A Look At Why Anger Management is Essential  Lack of anger management can be disastrous as it can affect one’s mental health, and can also hamper personal and professional relationships. Anger management is a must for those who are not able to control their temper and let anger affect their lives. Anger management can be a solution of your overall well being. Mentioned below are a few anger management tips, which you must follow in order to manage your anger practically and maximize your physical and mental wellness. 

• Don’t try to be perfect. Expect others to perform well, but avoid frustration and anger when they under-perform or fail to live up to quality standards.
• If you have had a traumatic past, talk it out with someone you can confide in instead of brewing a temper. 
• It is essential to give yourself some ‘me’ time, in order to derive the little pleasures of life. 
• The next time you get angry at a stranger, smile at him or her. Not only will this disarm the offender, but also help you put some perspective into the situation.
• The age-old remedy of counting till 10 isn’t such a bad idea. Stop, think, regain your calm and composure before losing your cool. At the cost of sounding like a cliché, develop a positive outlook towards situations and people and you shall never complain of anger ruining your day again. 

Anger management is all about not giving in to a violent mood or act. One polite act at a time, with a smile, and you will do just fine! *Image courtesy: © Thinkstock photos/ Getty Images

An essayist and journalist by profession, Mansi is a Mass Communications major with a focus on health and fitness writing. With 2 years of journalism experience under her belt, Mansi loves obsessing over topics like body image, nutrition, mental health, and stress reduction, along with art, multiculturalism, fashion and gossip writing. Overall, she is a twenty something whose fitness philosophy boils down to: Do the healthy thing more often than you don&#039;t do the healthy thing. Persistence matters, not perfection.

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