climbing my grandfather comparison essay

Home — Essay Samples — Life — Grandfather — How Poets Present Family Bonds In Eden Rock And Climbing My Grandfather

How Poets Present Family Bonds in Eden Rock and Climbing My Grandfather

• Categories: Grandfather

About this sample

Words: 1435 |

Published: Jun 9, 2021

Words: 1435 | Pages: 3 | 8 min read

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

• 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
• Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

Dr Jacklynne

Verified writer

• Expert in: Life

+ 120 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Related Essays

2 pages / 874 words

2 pages / 895 words

2 pages / 994 words

1 pages / 535 words

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on Grandfather

Arthritis Foundation. 'Arthritis by the Numbers.' Arthritis Foundation. https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-elderly#1.

A southerner, a drinker, a fouwl mouth, a grumpy old man, are phrases youd probably use to describe my grandfather, but to me he has a heart of gold. A man who knows no strangers, that pretty much sums him up. He could talk to a [...]

The day of my grandfather's funeral was unlike any other in my memory. As I stood amidst a sea of grieving faces, I couldn't help but be struck by the profound impact one man had on so many lives. In this essay, I will delve [...]

In this essay on my childhood memories I want to talk about my grandfather. My parents were busy with work most of my childhood. Therefore, my days revolved and heavily relied on my grandpa. Barsegh, my grandpa, is a work [...]

Inspiration is a profound sentiment, seldom ignited by ordinary individuals. It requires someone truly extraordinary to spark that inner fire. In my life, that exceptional figure is my grandfather. As I recount his story, you'll [...]

First, I would like to give a brief description of the teaching context. This lesson was designed for 16 intermediate to advanced adult ESL learners from different countries with diverse L1 such as Arabic, Chinese, French, [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

Get Your Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

• Instructions Followed To The Letter
• Deadlines Met At Every Stage
• Unique And Plagiarism Free

Climbing My Grandfather Summary & Analysis by Andrew Waterhouse

• Line-by-Line Explanation & Analysis
• Poetic Devices
• Vocabulary & References
• Form, Meter, & Rhyme Scheme
• Line-by-Line Explanations

"Climbing my Grandfather" is a poem by British poet Andrew Waterhouse. The poem is told from a first-person perspective and sees its speaker climbing up their grandfather, as though the latter were a mountain. It's a treacherous, unpredictable climb, but the speaker is attentive and observant, eventually making it to the summit—the grandfather's head. It's here that the speaker can sense the "slow pulse of [the grandfather's] good heart," suggesting that the poem is about reclaiming a certain memory or feeling of emotional connection and warmth. It is one of a number of Waterhouse poems that takes a look at family relationships—though unfortunately his total output is rather small given his death by suicide at the age of 42 (in 2001).

• Read the full text of “Climbing My Grandfather”

The Full Text of “Climbing My Grandfather”

“climbing my grandfather” summary, “climbing my grandfather” themes.

Childhood, Adulthood, and Familial Love

Lines 10-12.

• Lines 18-27

Line-by-Line Explanation & Analysis of “Climbing My Grandfather”

I decide to ... ... get a grip.

By the overhanging ... ... like warm ice.

On his arm ... ... and move on.

Lines 13-20

At his still ... ... open and close.

Lines 20-27

Then up over ... ... his good heart.

“Climbing My Grandfather” Poetic Devices & Figurative Language

• Line 1: “o,” “o,” “i,” “i”
• Line 2: “o,” “o”
• Line 3: “a,” “a”
• Line 4: “i,” “i,” “i”
• Line 5: “a,” “a”
• Line 7: “a,” “ai,” “a,” “ai”
• Line 8: “i,” “i”
• Line 9: “i,” “i,” “i,” “i,” “i”
• Line 10: “i,” “i,” “i,” “i”
• Line 11: “ee”
• Line 12: “y”
• Line 13: “i,” “i”
• Line 16: “i,” “i”
• Line 17: “ee”
• Line 18: “e,” “ee,” “ee”
• Line 19: “i,” “i”
• Line 20: “o,” “o,” “o,” “o”
• Line 22: “i,” “i,” “a”
• Line 23: “a,” “i,” “a,” “i”
• Line 25: “i,” “i”
• Line 26: “o”
• Line 27: “o”
• Line 1: “,”
• Line 2: “,”
• Line 4: “,”
• Line 6: “,”
• Line 7: “. ”
• Line 10: “.”
• Line 11: “,”
• Line 13: “,”
• Line 15: “,”
• Line 18: “,”
• Line 19: “,”
• Line 20: “.”
• Line 21: “,”
• Line 22: “,”
• Line 23: “,”
• Line 26: “,”
• Line 1: “d,” “d,” “d”
• Line 2: “d,” “s,” “d,” “s,” “d”
• Line 3: “s,” “s,” “s,” “s”
• Line 4: “t,” “t,” “g,” “g”
• Line 7: “n,” “n,” “d,” “n,” “d,” “n”
• Line 8: “n,” “n,” “g,” “g”
• Line 9: “s,” “k,” “n,” “n,” “s,” “th,” “th,” “c,” “k”
• Line 10: “k,” “r,” “r,” “s,” “r”
• Line 11: “ss,” “s,” “c”
• Line 12: “n,” “n,” “n,” “n”
• Line 13: “r,” “sh,” “r,” “r,” “r”
• Line 14: “sh”
• Line 15: “n,” “n”
• Line 16: “l,” “l,” “k,” “ck”
• Line 17: “m,” “m,” “n,” “m,” “n”
• Line 18: “R,” “r,” “cr,” “ss,” “s,” “cr,” “k”
• Line 19: “t,” “st,” “t,” “p,” “p,” “l”
• Line 20: “l,” “l,” “p,” “l,” “p”
• Line 21: “s,” “c”
• Line 22: “h,” “h,” “t,” “t”
• Line 23: “t,” “t,” “t”
• Line 24: “r,” “r,” “l,” “l”
• Line 25: “l,” “ds,” “d,” “ds,” “l”
• Line 26: “l,” “ng,” “h,” “h,” “ng”
• Line 27: “s,” “l,” “l,” “s,” “h,” “h”

Extended Metaphor

• Line 5: “change”
• Line 6: “direction,” “belt”
• Line 7: “to,” “nails”
• Line 8: “are ”
• Line 9: “thick”
• Line 10: “like ,” “discover”
• Line 11: “the,” “feet”
• Line 12: “gently”
• Line 13: “ while”
• Line 14: “in”
• Line 15: “pull”
• Line 16: “myself,” “neck”
• Line 17: “to”
• Line 19: “ pupil”
• Line 20: “slowly,” “over”
• Line 21: “the,” “well-spaced”
• Line 22: “and,” “ white”
• Line 23: “at ”
• Line 24: “ lie”
• Line 25: “watching”
• Line 26: “knowing”
• Line 27: “the”

End-Stopped Line

• Line 1: “.”
• Line 2: “;”
• Line 3: “,”
• Line 4: “.”
• Line 8: “,”
• Line 12: “.”
• Line 14: “,”
• Line 17: “.”
• Line 25: “,”
• Line 27: “.”
• Line 2: “s,” “s,” “s”
• Line 6: “s,” “s”
• Line 7: “s”
• Line 8: “s,” “s”
• Line 9: “s,” “s,” “s,” “s”
• Line 10: “c,” “s,” “s”
• Line 11: “ss,” “ s,” “c”
• Line 12: “s,” “s”
• Line 13: “s,” “s,” “s”
• Line 15: “s,” “s,” “s”
• Line 16: “s,” “s,” “s,” “s”
• Line 17: “s”
• Line 18: “sh,” “ss,” “s”
• Line 19: “s,” “s,” “s”
• Line 20: “s,” “s”
• Line 21: “s,” “s,” “c”
• Line 22: “s,” “s,” “s”
• Line 23: “s,” “s”
• Line 24: “s”
• Line 25: “s,” “s,” “c”
• Line 26: “s”
• Line 27: “s,” “s,” “s”
• Line 10: “like warm ice”

“Climbing My Grandfather” Vocabulary

Select any word below to get its definition in the context of the poem. The words are listed in the order in which they appear in the poem.

• Screed Cheek
• (Location in poem: Line 2: “brogues”)

Form, Meter, & Rhyme Scheme of “Climbing My Grandfather”

Rhyme scheme, “climbing my grandfather” speaker, “climbing my grandfather” setting, literary and historical context of “climbing my grandfather”, more “climbing my grandfather” resources, external resources.

More Thoughts on Waterhouse — Libby Brooks talks about Waterhouse's life, work, and death. 

Thoughts on Waterhouse and His Poetry — A thoughtful piece about Waterhouse and his work by Helena Nelson. 

A Reading of "Climbing My Grandfather" — "Climbing My Grandfather" read aloud.

Waterhouse's Obituary — A piece on Waterhouse in the British newspaper The Guardian.  

Ask LitCharts AI: The answer to your questions

• Science & Math
• Sociology & Philosophy
• Law & Politics

‘Climbing My Grandfather’ by Andrew Waterhouse: Analysis

• ‘Climbing My Grandfather’ by Andrew…

The narrator imagines climbing his grandfather using the extended metaphor of his grandfather as a mountain and himself as a climber. The narrator may have imagined this or recounted this, picking out details from observing his grandfather.

Ideas and Themes:

• Family relationships
• Getting older
• Poem highlights the child’s progress from bottom of mountain to top. He gets higher with each line of the poem.
• Written in the present tense as if he’s imagining this.
• Enjambment imitates the motion of climbing and emphasizes steady progress.
• “dusty and cracked”- shows age and compares shoes to mountain
• “Trying to get a grip”- trying to know his grandfather
• “I change…direction” – enjambment reflects him changing direction perhaps moving onto a new stage of his grandfather’s life
• “Earth-stained hand” possibly gardening showing he has a close bond to nature
• “the nails are splinted and give good purchase”- splintered nails are often ugly but here they are used usefully reflects old people- they may not be valued but have a lot to offer
• “like warm ice” oxymoron creates a child-like simple simile showing his father isn’t cold like ice is
• “smiling mouth”- shows that he enjoys the time they spent together
• “drink among teeth…refreshed” showing him taking on his grandfathers’ wisdom
• “watch a pupil slowly open and close”- shows him as a pupil eager to learn
• “(soft and white at this altitude)”- his grey hair is compared to snow on top of a mountain
• “gasping for breath” shows his exhaustion and that it was a lengthy process.
• “knowing” this provides a contrast to “trying to get a grip” earlier showing he has learned something and sets up a conclusion
• “the slow pulse of his good heart” final line slows the pace of the poem to his grandfather’s heartbeat. Also displays his steady and warm love for his grandson.

Related Posts

• ‘Winter Swans’ by Owen Sheers: Analysis
• If – Rudyard Kipling: Poem Analysis
• Kosinski’s The Painted Bird: Analysis
• Strange Fruit: Poem Analysis
• Essay Analysis Structure

Author:  William Anderson (Schoolworkhelper Editorial Team)

Tutor and Freelance Writer. Science Teacher and Lover of Essays. Article last reviewed: 2022 | St. Rosemary Institution © 2010-2024 | Creative Commons 4.0

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Post comment

Climbing My Grandfather, Andrew Waterhouse Poem Analysis/Annotations

• July 5, 2021
• All Poems / GCSE AQA

Climbing My Grandfather, Andrew Waterhouse

FULL POEM - SCROLL DOWN FOR LINE-BY-LINE ANALYSIS​

I decide to do it free, without a rope or net.

First, the old brogues, dusty and cracked;

an easy scramble onto his trousers,

pushing into the weave, trying to get a grip.

By the overhanging shirt I change

direction, traverse along his belt

to an earth-stained hand. The nails

are splintered and give good purchase,

the skin of his finger is smooth and thick

like warm ice. On his arm I discover

the glassy ridge of a scar, place my feet

gently in the old stitches and move on.

At his still firm shoulder, I rest for a while

in the shade, not looking down,

for climbing has its dangers, then pull

myself up the loose skin of his neck

to a smiling mouth to drink among teeth.

Refreshed, I cross the screed cheek,

to stare into his brown eyes, watch a pupil

slowly open and close. Then up over

the forehead, the wrinkles well-spaced

and easy, to his thick hair (soft and white

at this altitude), reaching for the summit,

where gasping for breath I can only lie

watching clouds and birds circle,

feeling his heat, knowing

the slow pulse of his good heart.

LINE-BY-LINE ANALYSIS

The poem begins ‘in media res’, in the first person and in the present tense – immediately creating a sense of action and excitement. The ‘rope’ and ‘net’ are references to climbing equipment, introducing the extended metaphor present throughout the poem. Climbing without them symbolises the narrator’s intrepid nature as well as the trust he has in his grandfather.

The narrator’s grandfather’s ‘dusty and cracked’ shoes are a metaphor for his age and experience – he, like his shoes, have seen and endured a lot over the years. 

These two lines are imagery of climbing a mountain, further referencing how climbing a mountain is a metaphor for getting to know his grandfather throughout the poem. The shift from ‘easy scramble’ to ‘trying to get a grip’ conveys the increasing difficulty of the climb as it progresses.

The enjambement at the end of these lines reflects the narrators slick change of direction – the climb requires a change in approach but not a pause, hence, remains rather effortless for the narrator.

His grandfather’s ‘earth-stained hand’ and ‘splintered’ nails are symbolic of his old age and experience. ‘Earth-stained’ alludes to his keenness for nature and the outdoors, whilst his ‘splintered’ nails emphasise how he has been weathered by this environment over the years. The fact that they ‘give good purchase’ is a metaphor for how his grandfather’s wisdom and experience benefit the youthful narrator.

The simile ‘like warm ice’ to describe the skin on his grandfather’s fingers is an oxymoron as ice only exists below freezing temperatures, otherwise it melts to water. This sense of warmth, however, signifies the comfort that the narrator feels when he is close to his grandfather.

The ‘glassy ridge of a scar’ is further mountain imagery and implies that the man has suffered pain and suffering in his life, linking to the idea that he has been weathered by the environment – as though he is a mountain being eroded by the wind and the rain.

His grandfather’s ‘still firm shoulder’ provides a shaded place for the narrator to rest and recover. The way in which his shoulders offer shade from the sun is a metaphor for the sense of security and safety that the narrator feels in his grandfather’s arms.

The imagery of ‘drink among teeth’ is a metaphor that likens the narrator gaining wisdom from his grandfather’s words and advice to the refreshing qualities of drinking from a fresh mountain spring.

The narrator staring into his grandfather’s ‘brown eyes’ conveys the closeness in their relationship and the strong bond that they share. The fact that his pupil slowly opens and closes suggests a weariness to the man, indicative of his old age, that juxtaposes the narrator’s youthful energy.

In a metaphorical sense, the grandfather’s ‘wrinkles’ are the ridges which act as footholds on a mountain, whilst his ‘soft and white’ ‘thick hair’ is the snow that settles on a mountaintop where the altitude is high and the temperature is low.

The narrator is exhausted as he reaches the summit – in the poem’s literal sense the climb has been a long and arduous one, hence, metaphorically the narrator has taken great efforts to get to know his grandfather. This has potentially been made difficult by their age and cultural differences, represented by the challenges facing the narrator during the climb.

feeling his heat, knowin

The ‘heat’ the narrator feels from his grandfather links to the sense of comfort that he feels when in his arms. This feeling of warmth is also symbolic of the love and affection shared between grandfather and grandson, whilst the grandfather’s slow beating ‘good heart’ further emphasises his caring, nurturing qualities.

You Might Also Like

Valentine, Carol Ann Duffy Poem Analysis/Annotations

Singh Song!, Daljit Nagra Poem Analysis/Annotations

How do I love thee? (Sonnet 43), Elizabeth Barrett Browning Poem Analysis/Annotations

• GCSE Edexcel

Terms and Conditions - Privacy Policy

Climbing My Grandfather (Andrew Waterhouse)

Climbing My Grandfather by Andrew Waterhouse uses the metaphor of climbing to explore the relationship between the speaker and their grandfather. The speaker describes the physical act of climbing their grandfather's body, starting from his feet and progressing upwards to his face. Each body part encountered reveals details about the grandfather's life, such as scars, wrinkles, and warm skin. The climb symbolises the speaker's journey of discovery and admiration for their grandfather, culminating in a moment of intimacy as they reach his smiling mouth and gaze into his eyes. The poem ends with the speaker lying at the summit of their grandfather's head, feeling his warmth and hearing the slow pulse of his heart, reflecting the deep bond between them. You can read the poem below and find analysis further down the page.

Climbing My Grandfather by Andrew Waterhouse

I decide to do it free, without a rope or net.

First, the old brogues, dusty and cracked;

an easy scramble onto his trousers,

pushing into the weave, trying to get a grip.

By the overhanging shirt I change

direction, traverse along his belt

to an earth stained hand. The nails

are splintered and give good purchase,

the skin of his finger is smooth and thick

like warm ice. On his arm I discover

the glassy ridge of a scar, place my feet

gently in the old stitches and move on.

At his still firm shoulder, I rest for a while

in the shade, not looking down,

for climbing has its dangers, then pull

myself up the loose skin of his neck

to a smiling mouth to drink among teeth.

Refreshed, I cross the screed cheek,

to stare into his brown eyes, watch a pupil

slowly open and close. Then up over

the forehead, the wrinkles well-spaced

and easy, to his thick hair (soft and white

at this altitude), reaching for the summit,

where gasping for breath I can only lie

watching clouds and birds circle,

feeling his heat, knowing

the slow pulse of his good heart.

Title Significance:

The title, "Climbing My Grandfather," sets the theme of the poem, highlighting the metaphorical journey of the speaker as they explore their relationship with their grandfather. The title suggests a physical act of climbing but also symbolises the emotional and psychological exploration of familial bonds.

Imagery and Sensory Language:

Waterhouse uses vivid imagery and sensory language to evoke the physical sensations of climbing and the details of the grandfather's body.

Descriptions of dusty brogues, earth-stained hands, wrinkles, and warm skin create a rich and immersive experience for the reader.

The poem consists of a single stanza with irregular line lengths and no consistent rhyme scheme.

The structure mirrors the speaker's climb, with each line representing a step in the journey upwards towards the grandfather's head.

Tone and Mood:

The tone is reverent and contemplative, with a sense of awe and admiration for the grandfather.

The mood is intimate and reflective, as the speaker explores their grandfather's body and reflects on their relationship with him.

Family and Relationships: The poem explores the theme of family and relationships, particularly the bond between the speaker and their grandfather.

Aging and Legacy: The physical details of the grandfather's body, such as scars, wrinkles, and white hair, reflect the passage of time and the legacy of his life experiences.

Intimacy and Connection: The climb symbolises the speaker's journey of intimacy and connection with their grandfather, as they explore his body and reflect on their shared experiences.

Language and Diction:

Waterhouse's language is descriptive and evocative, with an emphasis on conveying the physical sensations of climbing and the details of the grandfather's body. The use of specific imagery, such as the description of body parts and the tactile sensations of climbing, adds depth and richness to the speaker's narrative.

Conclusion:

Climbing My Grandfather by Andrew Waterhouse is a poignant exploration of the relationship between the speaker and their grandfather. Through vivid imagery and sensory language, Waterhouse captures the physical and emotional journey of the speaker as they climb their grandfather's body, reflecting on his life and their connection to him. The poem offers a heartfelt portrayal of familial bonds and the enduring legacy of love and admiration passed down through generations.

You can find analysis of all the AQA Love and Relationships Poetry Anthology Poems here . 

Climbing My Grandfather

By andrew waterhouse, climbing my grandfather literary elements, speaker or narrator, and point of view.

The first-person speaker describes climbing a mountainous version of his grandfather. Though Waterhouse uses the present tense, the poem recalls a free and adventurous sense of childhood while also evoking the process of growing older and looking back through one's memories.

Form and Meter

The poem is written in free verse

Metaphors and Similes

Metaphors -The poem is based on the extended metaphor of climbing, which represents growing up as well as the speaker getting to know his grandfather better.

Similes -"the skin of his finger is smooth and thick / like warm ice" (Lines 9-10): The skin of the grandfather's finger is compared to warm ice, which focuses more on the smooth texture of ice rather than its cold temperature.

Alliteration and Assonance

Alliteration -"give good purchase" (Line 8): The "g" sound repeats. -"the skin of his finger is smooth and thick" (Line 9): The "s" sound repeats.

Assonance -"the screed cheek" (Line 18): The long "e" sound repeats.

Lyric Poetry, Nature Poetry

The setting is the metaphorical terrain of the grandfather's body.

Focused, Formal, Loving

Protagonist and Antagonist

The protagonist is the loving bond between the speaker and his grandfather. The antagonist is the possibility of falling.

Major Conflict

The major conflict is the challenge of climbing the grandfather.

The climax occurs when the speaker reaches the summit (the top of his grandfather's head).

Foreshadowing

Understatement, metonymy and synecdoche, personification.

A mountain is personified as the speaker's grandfather.

The speaker's grandfather is described as being the size of a mountain.

Onomatopoeia

Climbing My Grandfather Questions and Answers

The Question and Answer section for Climbing My Grandfather is a great resource to ask questions, find answers, and discuss the novel.

Study Guide for Climbing My Grandfather

Climbing My Grandfather study guide contains a biography of Andrew Waterhouse, literature essays, quiz questions, major themes, characters, and a full summary and analysis.

• About Climbing My Grandfather
• Climbing My Grandfather Summary
• Character List

 The ultimate dermatologist-approved summer skin care routine

• TODAY Plaza
• Share this —

• Watch Full Episodes
• Read With Jenna
• Inspirational
• Relationships
• TODAY Table
• Newsletters
• Start TODAY
• Shop TODAY Awards
• Citi Concert Series
• Listen All Day

Follow today

More Brands

• On The Show

The day I returned home after being kidnapped by Islamic terrorists

Beth Rodden is a professional rock climber who, along with three other climbers, was kidnapped and held hostage by Islamic militants in 2000 while on a climbing trip in Kyrgyzstan. The following is excerpted from her new memoir, “A Light Through the Cracks,” about the day she returned home to the U.S. 

Amsterdam, August 2000

By the time my boyfriend, Tommy Caldwell, and I made it to Amsterdam’s gleaming, sterile airport, we had been passed along a half dozen times, like an important but increasingly well-worn package. Military helicopters had brought us and our other two climbing partners from base to base. We’d endured a surreal ride on a private jet from the last military base to the capital, Bishkek, traveling alongside the tipsy and jovial president of Kyrgyzstan. He’d patted us on the shoulders like a grandfather and claimed us long enough for a photo op and a speech to local media in a language we couldn’t understand. Then he handed the four of us off to the American embassy, which scrambled to find us flights home. A few days later, Tommy and I drove across the Kazakhstan border, in a hired car with a diplomatic escort, to the international airport in Almaty, and finally a commercial jet took us from Central Asia to the edge of the Atlantic. Now we had just one more flight to go.

Our tickets were a last-minute mess, and we needed to check on our connection. As we crossed the terminal, I carried a brown paper gift bag from the airport candy shop — despite what we’d been through, I still wanted to bring my older brother a present from this trip. I watched the families clustered around the gates, the lone business travelers perched at the bars, scanning each face around me. I’d been on edge through practically every step of the journey: The embassy in Bishkek had felt almost safe, but at the hotel where they’d sent us to get some sleep, I’d felt vulnerable and stayed vigilant.

In the airport, I was hungry again. When we’d made it to the second army base, the one that felt like a cluster of portable classrooms set down on a vast brown plain, we’d stuffed ourselves with barley and warm buttered bread, but I could not stay full. I had just eaten two chocolate croissants. Still, my stomach felt like a cavern. My brother didn’t really need a present, did he?

I ate half the chocolate in the bag before we got to our gate.

The line at the KLM Royal Dutch Airlines counter felt so orderly. The whole airport did. Just existing there felt like getting a big, soothing hug. When we’d boarded the flight in Kazakhstan, the passengers had formed no line. Everybody just pushed in a scrum toward the plane. Tommy and I stood frozen, like the good, shocked scouts that we were, and got lost in the flood. I felt so fragile, so extremely fragile, and so resigned to that fragile state.

We weren’t safe. That was obvious to me. No line, no order, no rule of law. I loved rules. People smoked openly on that first plane.

“Next,” the flight attendant said as we arrived at the counter. Her voice was as professionally cheerful as her uniform: light blue skirt, light blue jacket, white blouse underneath.

“We’re here to check in for our flight,” I said.

“Wonderful. May I please have your boarding passes?”

I mumbled something apologetic and handed her a few crumpled, dirty sheets of paper. “I think we have to get our seats and stuff from you.”

She pinched her brow as she read our mess of documents. She typed vigorously. I was sure this meant we weren’t going to make it home.

“Can you wait one second?” she asked, flashing a strained smile. She disappeared behind a wall.

I looked at Tommy. He stared into the blank space where the woman had just been. I couldn’t tell if he was as scared as I was, if he was also monitoring the people pooling and flowing around us for any threat. I felt like I had grown an invisible antenna that vibrated continually, never at rest. Never letting me rest. A memory tried to surface inside me: a body in silhouette, sailing off a dark cliff. A crunch, and an exhale. I forced it back down.

Two blond attendants now appeared where there had been one.

“Can you tell me: Was it something KLM did?” the new flight attendant asked.

I looked back at Tommy. Did he know what she was talking about? Did she know what had happened? Tommy shrugged.

“Wait, what?” I said. “What was something . . . ?”

“Well, um, how to say this,” the flight attendant said. “It says on your tickets, ‘Emotionally distressed passengers, please take care.’ So, we are just wondering if it’s something KLM did.” She looked concerned and defensive in her caring, like a hospital billing manager. She didn’t want to know the answer, but she had to ask.

I didn’t want a stranger to try to comfort me, but I did feel the need to comfort her. So I said, “Oh no, definitely not. We were just kidnapped and we want to go home.”

I couldn’t believe how easily the sentence came out. We were just kidnapped . . . I’d never said it so plainly before.

The flight attendant exhaled all her breath at once, stunned and relieved. “Well, good,” she said.

Well, good?

“KLM does our best. How about business-class seats for you two?” She printed our fresh, flat boarding passes. Tommy and I boarded the plane.

We ate every meal and every snack that was offered to us on the long ride home. My hunger was like a portal opened into a galaxy — infinite, absolute. When I was in middle school, I used to watch my older brother, David, eat, stunned by the mountain of food he could consume. Now, it felt strangely freeing to eat with that type of abandon. I hadn’t done that since ninth grade, when I became obsessed with climbing.

I could eat, but I still couldn’t sleep. My anxiety kept me wide awake, and my wakefulness in turn meant I had nothing but space and time for the anxiety to spin itself tighter in my body. I kept wondering if the plane would crash. That seemed possible, maybe even probable, given how the rest of our trip had gone. An appropriate ending, in a way. I wondered if I’d be scared. What would Tommy say to me before impact? Would it hurt? Our backpack, stuffed at our feet, was filled with souvenirs purchased in a blur during our strange interlude in Bishkek, between our flight with the president and our diplomatic drive across the border. I had stuffed the paltry remains of the airport chocolate into our bag alongside the rest of the things we’d acquired: a hand-carved wooden chess set, a wool hanging. Proof that we’d done something major and been somewhere cool. What were we thinking?

The backpack that sat at our feet had been lost in transit when we’d first landed in Kyrgyzstan, full of hope for our climbing adventure, and was waiting for us, perversely intact, at the hotel in Bishkek after our escape. We’d left San Francisco with 20 expedition duffels, and all I had left was this backpack filled with trinkets from a country to which I’d never return. Maybe that was why we’d bought them, with the money Tommy had wadded up in his sock just before we were marched away from our camp at gunpoint. Maybe it was some attempt to fabricate a decent memory of the place.

My hands trembled the whole 12 hours to San Francisco. I knew I needed sleep, but if the plane did crash, wasn’t I supposed to be awake for that? I had no idea how to act, what to do or say or who to be when we saw our parents. I’d left as a 20-year-old girl full of herself, ready for the world, sure I was doing something extraordinary. I was living out the dream I’d stared at in the posters I hung on my bedroom wall: climbing to incredible heights in far-off places. My mother had hardly traveled, certainly not by my age. I’d felt so awfully superior as I’d walked down the jetway when we left. I didn’t even turn back to wave.

My parents had given me everything — pride, freedom, confidence. They trusted me. They trusted my decisions. They trusted the world. Now I was returning home a broken mess. I’d spoken to them a few times from the embassy in Bishkek, the words mainly drowned in my tears. I wanted to be small again, so small I could crawl through the phone into their arms, where they’d hold me and shush me and stroke my head. I wanted my mother to say, “Mama’s here, Mama’s here,” just like she always did when I was a girl. I wanted to shrink back into that little-girl body and lay my head in her lap and cry.

How was I supposed to carry myself getting off the jetway? Was the idea to act strong, like I was fine? I was weirdly good at that. Or should I literally run into their arms?

Now — how to do this? How was I supposed to carry myself getting off the jetway? Was the idea to act strong, like I was fine? I was weirdly good at that. Or should I literally run into their arms, like I had been dreaming of doing for the past eight days? I’d never spoken easily with my parents about feelings. They were so kind, so present, and gently but firmly on my team. But inside, I always felt nervous, like there was a line I was afraid to cross, like I needed to be tougher, solid, unbreakable. And even if I could lay my head in my mother’s lap and have her say, “Mama’s here,” would that still work to soothe me? I was not the same person I had been when I left. My thoughts flapped like the loose end of a film in an old-fashioned movie projector, the front reel spinning empty.

I looked over at Tommy. Maybe he’d know what to do. His head was slumped at a 45-degree angle to his chest, his mouth dropped open, snoring. He was sick. His brain was more lucid and less spastic than mine, but his body was breaking down. He had a fever. I envied Tommy’s oblivion. I felt so alone.

We landed. My palms were sweating, but Tommy’s hands felt strong. That felt like a plan: I’d hold his strong hand and we’d present a united front, though I hadn’t told him about my looping, flapping mind. I was trying to stay composed — for him, for me, maybe for my parents too. We collected our bag of souvenirs from under the airplane seats. The souvenirs promised our trip was normal. We were normal. I grabbed a free chocolate bar and a package of cookies from the plane’s galley as we exited. I never did anything like that, but now instead of saying, “Don’t eat that, Rodden,” I thought, “Just in case we don’t have any other food.”

I didn’t race off the plane like I had seen people do in movies, straight into their loved ones’ arms. Instead I walked so slowly that other passengers started passing us. I was desperate to return home, to the narrow twin bed in my parents’ house, on our quiet block filled with minivans and white Honda sedans, to replant myself in the flat farmland around Davis, California, to recommit to the safe wide sidewalks. I just didn’t know how. I wondered if people could tell we’d changed: if we walked differently or stood slightly less straight, if we’d absorbed so much fear and terror that we now emitted it.

Excerpted from “A Light Through the Cracks: A Climber’s Story,” by Beth Rodden. © 2024 Published by Little A Books, May 1, 2024. All Rights Reserved.

Beth Rodden is the author of “A Light Through the Cracks: A Climber’s Story,” out May 2024. 

I ran away from a troubled teen program and escaped for good. This is my story

No one wants the family spinning wheel. So why is it so hard to get rid of?

How my (many) wedding superstitions saved my marriage

Can you get better at small talk? Here's what happened when I tried to

I did my own makeup on my wedding day. Here’s how it went

Why I’m happy to be my husband’s second wife

I got a psychic reading 3 months after losing my dad. How it helped me heal

I was 1 of millions who traveled for the eclipse. Here's how it went

My fiancé is 17 years older than me and I’m sick of the age-gap conversation

Author Jo Piazza: How a 100-year-old family murder mystery inspired my new novel

‘New objectives’: Paulo Dybala isn’t done climbing mountaintops

• Show more sharing options
• Copy Link URL Copied!

Paulo Dybala has been to soccer’s mountaintop, winning a World Cup with Argentina before his 30th birthday. And once you’ve made it to top of the mountain, there’s only one direction you can go.

Yet Dybala insists he’s not done climbing.

“Every soccer player wants to win a World Cup,” Dybala said in Spanish from Rome, where this month he will finish his 11th season in Italy’s Serie A . “That already happened. But there are always new objectives, both at the club level and at the national team level.”

The most immediate concern is trying to win his way back onto the national team after missing Argentina’s last 10 games because of injury. Injuries and fitness problems have plagued Dybala throughout his career, but the last year has been particularly tough, with multiple muscle problems limiting him to 37 games for club and country. He missed Roma’s Serie A loss to Atalanta on Sunday because of a lingering thigh issue.

When he’s healthy, however, Dybala can be a game-changer.

A five-time Serie A champion with Juventus, Dybala has scored in double digits in league play eight times, finishing third with 22 goals in 2017-18. In the 2022 World Cup, his second, he came off the bench just ahead of the tie-breaking penalty-kick shootout in the final and made his try, helping Argentina to its first title in 36 years.

Miguel Berry scores late in stoppage time to seal Galaxy draw with Real Salt Lake

The Galaxy rallied to force a 2-2 draw with Real Salt Lake in front of a sold-out crowd Saturday at Dignity Health Sports Park in Carson.

May 11, 2024

“Obviously when you achieve something like that, the question arises if there is something more,” said Dybala, 30. “I think so. A World Cup is the most important trophy for a footballer but one is always hungry.

“I had the bad luck of losing both the Europa League final and the Champions League. I feel young and obviously I want to compete again to win those titles.”

Dybala is an excellent dribbler and a quick, elegant attacker whose talents earned him the nickname “Jewel.” He’s been in Italy for so long, signing with Palermo at 18, he has Italian citizenship, something he was able to obtain through his maternal great-grandmother, who was from Naples.

“It suits me very well and I am happy here,” he said of Italy. “That’s why I always gave Italy priority for my football career and for my life as well.

“I am very grateful to Italy for [helping] me grow both as a person and as a soccer player,” he continued. “But my heart will always be Argentine.”

His playing style, however, is arguably more Italian than South American. And in his time there he’s seen Serie A evolve, climbing back to the top of the UEFA rankings as the best league in Europe .

“Many young coaches have arrived, coaches who have modernized football a little, trying to play something different from what Italian football has shown in the past. I think it has paid off,” Dybala said. “As a player who is in Serie A and who wants Italy to grow in football, that makes me very happy.”

Las Vegas Lights rebuild quickly and face a familiar foe in LAFC in U.S. Open Cup

When Gian Neglia took over as sporting director of the Las Vegas Lights in February, the team had no coach, no players and no employees on the soccer side.

May 7, 2024

He might come to regret that happiness because the Italian national team, which missed the last two World Cups and exited after the group stage in the two before that, is benefiting from Serie A’s rise. As a result it could pose a challenge to Argentina’s quest for a second straight title when the tournament comes to North America in 2026.

“Football operates in cycles and now, with [coach] Luciano Spalletti, Italy can return to the level it deserves, that of a national team that has won the World Cup four times,” said Luigi De Siervo, Serie A’s chief executive. “Spalletti has reignited passion for the team, knows how to highlight individual talents within the collective, expressing an entertaining yet concrete style of play.”

The first big test for Spalletti, who took over the national team last August, will come in this summer’s European Championships. Dybala, if he can get healthy, could spend his summer with Argentina in Copa América. That tournament will be played in the U.S. where it will serve as a kind of dress rehearsal for a World Cup in which Dybala hopes to reach the top of the mountain again.

“Otherwise,” he said with a grin “it would make no sense to continue.”

More to Read

Olivier Giroud will join LAFC after 2 more matches with AC Milan

May 13, 2024

How American players are helping fuel a renaissance in Italy’s top soccer league

April 2, 2024

Naomi Girma still seeking her full potential as a next-gen USWNT star

Feb. 24, 2024

Kevin Baxter writes about soccer and hockey for the Los Angeles Times. He has covered seven World Cups, four Olympic Games, six World Series and a Super Bowl and has contributed to three Pulitzer Prize-winning series at The Times and Miami Herald. An essay he wrote in fifth grade was voted best in the class. He has a cool dog.

More From the Los Angeles Times

Cristian Olivera scores twice as LAFC beats visiting Whitecaps

LAFC defeats Las Vegas to advance in U.S. Open Cup

May 8, 2024

Galaxy, Seattle Sounders play to a scoreless draw

May 5, 2024

Cristian Olivera’s goal isn’t enough to save LAFC from loss to San José

May 4, 2024

• Share full article

Advertisement

The Morning

A new rent-versus-buy calculator.

Does it make sense for you to buy a home right now?

By David Leonhardt

It is the biggest financial decision for many younger adults: Should I rent a home or buy one? The decision is especially difficult these days, with both interest rates and rents having risen in the past few years.

To help people understand the trade-offs, The Times has just relaunched its popular rent-versus-buy calculator . Even if you already own your home — or are a committed renter — you may enjoy playing with the calculator and learning a few things about the real estate market. I did.

The calculator, which The Times’s Upshot section built, has been updated in several important ways, including to take into account the 2017 tax law that affected the mortgage-interest deduction.

Ultimately, the calculator can’t tell you whether you should rent or buy. That decision depends on the future paths of home prices and rents, which are unknowable. It also depends on your life stage — a factor that too many people fail to consider when making this decision. If you know you will move again a few years from now, for instance, buying is almost certainly a mistake.

Here are a few other points that the calculator helps highlight:

1. It’s OK to rent

I know that many people feel guilty about renting — as if it’s an inherently inferior decision that wastes money. That’s wrong (as I explained on a recent “Daily” episode ). When house prices are high, as they are in most parts of the U.S., buying often wastes more money because of broker’s fees, mortgage interest, house repairs and other costs of owning.

“At this time, in the majority of circumstances, renting likely makes more economic sense than buying,” said Mark Zandi, the chief economist at Moody’s Analytics, who has advised our work on the calculator over the years. He notes that the typical monthly mortgage is about $2,000 today, more than double what it was when the pandemic hit in early 2020.

Rents have risen, too, but not nearly as much. And many new rental units are coming on the market, which should hold down rents in the near future. The new units include higher-end, multifamily developments, like a 15-story, 1,111-unit complex on South Broad Street in Philadelphia.

2. An overrated deduction

The 2017 tax law reduced the advantages of owning a home in a way that many people have not fully recognized, said my colleague Francesca Paris, who helped build the new calculator. Francesca, who’s a renter, told me that she herself didn’t understand this dynamic until she worked on the calculator.

First, a bit of background: Taxpayers must choose between taking one large deduction, known as the standard deduction, and a series of individual deductions, known as itemized deductions, like the one for mortgage interest. If the standard deduction is more valuable to you, the itemized deductions become irrelevant.

The 2017 tax law, which was Donald Trump’s main domestic legislation, was mostly a tax cut, and it increased the value of the standard deduction. But the law also effectively reduced the value of itemized deductions in states with high taxes, like California, Illinois and New York. (Doing so created an incentive for states to cut their own taxes, a longtime goal of conservatives.)

This combination means that many homeowners now save more money by taking the standard deduction rather than itemized deductions. For them, the mortgage-interest deduction has become irrelevant.

3. The break-even rate

The calculator allows you to see the break-even mortgage rate that would make buying or renting more affordable (if the economy followed an expected path). In many situations, that break-even rate is between 4 percent and 5 percent, Francesca noted.

The average rate on a 30-year fixed mortgage is 7 percent today, up from less than 3 percent in early 2021 — which is a big reason that renting is often the smarter choice now.

4. When to buy

Buying will still make sense for some families. Home prices in large parts of the country — including New Orleans, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, upstate New York — are more reasonable. And even in expensive markets, families that are confident that they are going to remain in the same home for a decade or longer may prefer to own even if doing so costs extra.

For people tempted to buy, Zandi encourages looking at new construction. Prices of older homes haven’t fallen much as mortgage rates have risen, because owners can simply decide not to sell if they don’t get an offer they like. Developers are more likely to cut a deal. They lose money when homes sit empty, and many have cut the price of newly built homes, as the financial writer Wolf Richter has noted .

Use the calculator to explore these dynamics. As the housing market changes, you can check back to see how your calculations change.

Related: An “assumable mortgage,” which allows a buyer to take over a seller’s mortgage, is becoming more popular in this era of high interest rates.

THE LATEST NEWS

Election polls.

Trump leads President Biden in five battleground states, and Gaza and the economy have hurt Biden among young and nonwhite voters, polls found .

Democrats lead their Republican rivals for the Senate in Arizona, Nevada, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin — races that could decide control of the chamber.

The polls show a pattern of people splitting tickets. That might be good news for Biden: Voters haven’t abandoned him in full , Nate Cohn writes.

Israel-Hamas War

Israel has not offered a plan to govern Gaza after the war. Secretary of State Antony Blinken warned yesterday that without such a plan, it’s likely Hamas would eventually regain power .

For years, a secret police force overseen by Hamas has spied on Palestinians , according to a Times investigation.

U.S. officials said that Yahya Sinwar, the top Hamas leader, was not hiding in Rafah , in southern Gaza. The intelligence could undercut Israel’s rationale for a major operation there.

In the past week, the flow of aid into Gaza has almost entirely stopped, according to the U.N.

Israel is observing Memorial Day , an annual commemoration that has taken on greater significance after the Hamas-led attacks.

Campus Protests

Dozens of graduates walked out of Duke University’s commencement ceremony before a speech by Jerry Seinfeld, who has vocally supported Israel.

Many students, distrustful of major U.S. outlets, are reading the Arab news network Al Jazeera .

War in Ukraine

Russian forces have poured across Ukraine’s northeastern border , capturing villages and settlements.

Vladimir Putin replaced the defense minister who had led Russia’s military since the start of the war. The new defense chief is an economist.

More International News

About 130 children had a sleepover at Rome’s opera house , part of a campaign to make theater more accessible.

Spain’s governing Socialists won the most votes in Catalonia’s elections , a result that might lead to the first anti-independence government there in over a decade.

Ahead of elections in Mexico, cartels and criminals have killed more than two dozen candidates , The Washington Post reports.

Other Big Stories

On Instagram, a children’s jewelry ad drew solicitations for sex with a 5-year-old, a Times report found . The investigation suggests that the app’s algorithms play an important role in directing men to photos of children.

The former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen once called himself Trump’s “designated thug.” Today, he is set to testify against the former president. Read what to expect .

A man died two months after he became the first person to receive a kidney from a genetically modified pig. The hospital said it had “no indication” his death was related to the transplant.

Minnesota and parts of Wisconsin are under an air quality alert because of wildfire smoke from Canada.

Federal law today discriminates against disabled people who marry or work , Pepper Stetler writes. Congress can fix the problem.

Gail Collins and Bret Stephens discuss commencement season and Trump’s hush-money trial .

Here are columns by David French on becoming a grandfather , and Maureen Dowd on Stormy Daniels and Trump .

MORNING READS

Small cars, small drivers: Go inside the intense competition to represent New York City at the international soapbox derby championship.

Ask Vanessa: “Should I get rid of my clothes after a divorce?”

Punctuation: A town in England dropped apostrophes from its street signs. Some residents aren’t happy .

McHaters: “Super Size Me,” a documentary released 20 years ago, led to a backlash against McDonald’s. It didn’t stick .

Metropolitan Diary: St. Patrick’s Day, ’78 .

Lives Lived: Roger Corman was a prolific director and producer of low-budget cinema who helped start the careers of Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola. He died at 98 .

N.B.A.: The Denver Nuggets defeated the Minnesota Timberwolves , 115-107, to even their series at 2-2. Indiana and New York are also tied at 2-2 after the Pacers blew out the Knicks, 121-89.

N.H.L.: The Florida Panthers outlasted the Boston Bruins , 3-2, to take a 3-1 series lead. The Carolina Hurricanes defeated the New York Rangers , 4-3, but the Rangers are ahead in the series, 3-1. And the Dallas Stars held off the Colorado Avalanche to win 4-1, moving 2-1 ahead in the series.

College softball: For the first time in years, the Oklahoma Sooners are not the No. 1 seed in the N.C.A.A. softball tournament — their longtime rival, Texas, claimed the top spot .

ARTS AND IDEAS

As psychedelics show promise in the treatment of depression and addiction, a number of organizations that describe themselves as churches are offering the compounds to followers. It’s a wide field: Some organizations merely sell psychoactive drugs online, while others are congregations that hold regular worship services .

More on culture

The actress Anya Taylor-Joy is in “Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga.” She said, “I’ve never been more alone than making that movie.”

The Cannes Film Festival begins tomorrow. Read five things to watch for , including Sebastian Stan as a young Trump in “The Apprentice.”

People are buying 18th-century re-enactment clothing online.

Prom dresses today are more refined than shimmering taffeta. Social media has made style among age groups more fluid, Hilary George-Parkin writes in The Atlantic .

THE MORNING RECOMMENDS …

Bake a delicious meatloaf with a tangy tomato glaze.

Solve your mouse problem .

Pick the best frozen pizza .

Take our news quiz .

Here is today’s Spelling Bee . Yesterday’s pangrams were clementine and inclement .

And here are today’s Mini Crossword , Wordle , Sudoku , Connections and Strands .

Thanks for spending part of your morning with The Times. See you tomorrow. — David

Sign up here to get this newsletter in your inbox . Reach our team at [email protected] .

David Leonhardt runs The Morning , The Times’s flagship daily newsletter. Since joining The Times in 1999, he has been an economics columnist, opinion columnist, head of the Washington bureau and founding editor of the Upshot section, among other roles. More about David Leonhardt