funny essay on social media

Exploring 60+ Creative Satirical Essay Topics: Beyond Comedy

• Post author By admin
• November 8, 2023

Explore a world of wit and humor with our satirical essay topics. From societal absurdities to playful parodies, find inspiration for your next laughter-inducing masterpiece.

Imagine being able to express your opinions, critique the world, and entertain your audience, all while having a good laugh.

That’s the magic of satirical essays. These essays provide a unique platform where humor meets social commentary, and where you can make a powerful point with a touch of wit and sarcasm. However, the success of a satirical essay hinges on the topic you choose.

So, whether you’re aiming to tickle funny bones or provoke deep thoughts, this article is your guide to the world of satirical essay topics.

We’ll explore ideas that are not only hilarious but also thought-provoking. Get ready for a journey through the realm of satire as we uncover the perfect subjects to fuel your creativity and captivate your readers.

Table of Contents

The Art of Satire

Satire is like a secret doorway into the world of wit and wisdom, where humor becomes a tool for unveiling the absurdities of life.

It’s an art form that has been around for ages, tickling our funny bones while nudging us to think deeper. So, what’s the deal with satire, and how does it weave its magic?

At its core, satire is like a sly social commentator. It puts society, individuals, or even entire systems under a magnifying glass, exposing their quirks, flaws, and idiosyncrasies. But here’s the twist – it does all this while making us laugh, cringe, and nod in agreement.

Satire is a versatile beast, lurking in literature, theater, TV shows, and the wild world of the internet. You can stumble upon it in essays, short stories, cartoons, or even stand-up comedy.

No matter the form, satire’s mission remains constant: to challenge the norms and jolt us into questioning our reality.

What makes satire special is its talent for confronting the unmentionable. It deals with the tough stuff – the controversial, the uncomfortable, and the thought-provoking – all wrapped up in a hilarious package. It’s like delivering bitter medicine with a sweet coating.

Mastering the art of satire demands a sharp mind and a good grip on society’s quirks. It involves using humor as a Trojan horse, smuggling important messages behind the laughter.

Satirists are the word acrobats, using irony and sarcasm to create a gap between words and meanings, inviting us to read between the lines.

Satire isn’t just about teasing others; it’s also a way for creators to turn the humor microscope on themselves and their own society. It’s a bit like saying, “We’re all in this together, folks. Let’s laugh at our shared absurdities.”

In the end, satire is a waltz between laughter and contemplation. It’s a potent tool that can hold a mirror up to the truth, challenge the powerful, and kickstart change.

So, the next time you giggle at a satirical piece, remember, it’s not just humor; it’s an artful invitation to see the world from a different angle.

Finding the Perfect Satirical Essay Topic

So, you’re gearing up to dive into the world of satirical essays, armed with humor and a desire to make a point. But there’s one small challenge: what on earth should you satirize?

Finding the perfect satirical essay topic can feel like hunting for buried treasure in a vast sea of ideas. But don’t worry; we’re here to make the search more exciting than daunting.

Explore Life’s Quirky Side

Let’s start with the everyday oddities that often go unnoticed. Satire thrives on the absurdities of life. So, consider topics like “The Chronicles of Awkward Elevator Encounters” or “The Epic Saga of Misplacing Car Keys.”

Roast Society’s Foibles

Satire is a powerful tool for poking fun at societal flaws. Delve into topics like “The Unbelievable World of Clickbait Headlines” or “The Drama of Oversharing on Social Media.”

Mock Trends and Hypes

Trends and fads come and go, but their absurdity lingers. Satirical essays can take a hilarious spin on subjects like “The ‘Instant Celebrity’ Recipe” or “The Quest for the Ultimate Superfood.”

Expose Hypocrisy

Nothing’s quite as amusing as uncovering double standards. Consider topics like “The Eco-Warrior with a Private Jet” or “The ‘Healthy Living’ Guru Who Sneaks Midnight Snacks.”

Satirize Celebrity Culture

Celebrities and public figures are a satirist’s playground. Create essays like “A Day in the Life of a Paparazzo” or “The Politician’s Guide to Perfecting the Fake Smile.”

Twist Timeless Tales

Classic stories and fairytales can get a satirical makeover. Imagine “Snow White’s Reality TV Dilemma” or “The True Story Behind ‘Jack and the Beanstalk.'”

Tease Technology

Our tech-infused lives offer endless satirical material. Think about subjects like “The Smartphone Addiction Chronicles” or “The Comedy of Online Dating Fails.”

Skewer Schooling

Educational systems have quirks worth exploring. Consider topics like “The Art of Mastering Procrastination in College” or “The Confessions of a Self-Help Guru’s Ghostwriter.”

Roast Pop Culture

Pop culture is a goldmine for satire. Delve into topics like “The Art of Reality TV Editing” or “Decoding Celebrity Baby Names.”

Reflect on Human Quirks

Sometimes, the best satirical essays explore the oddities of human behavior. Think about subjects like “The Secret Language of Passive-Aggressiveness” or “The Science of Cringe-Worthy Moments.”

Remember, the key to a fantastic satirical essay is to mix humor, irony, and a dash of social critique. Seek out the absurd in the ordinary, and don’t be afraid to push the boundaries of creativity.

With the right topic in your sights, you’re on your way to crafting a satirical masterpiece that’s not only entertaining but also thought-provoking, leaving your readers chuckling and pondering the world around them. Happy satirizing!

Satirical Essay Topics

Check out satirical essay topics:

Social Issues

• The “Selfie Olympics”: A Humorous Take on Self-Obsession
• “Smart” Appliances: How Your Toaster Is Plotting Against You
• The Art of Ghosting in Modern Dating: A Guide for Cowards
• “Influencer” Starter Kits: A Satirical Look at Vanity in a Box
• “Political Correctness” Gone Mad: The Absurdity of Language Policing
• The Faux Philanthropist: Exposing Fake Social Activism
• Instagram Filters: The Gateway Drug to Plastic Surgery
• The Chronicles of “Healthy” Fast Food Chains
• “Inspirational” Quote Overload: When Motivational Messages Lose Their Meaning
• The Irony of “Cancel Culture”: Who’s Next in Line for Erasure?

Technology and Digital Age

• The Amazon Echo: Is Your Virtual Stalker Also a Comedian?
• The Satire of Social Media “Influencers” Selling the Impossible
• The Comedy of Clickbait: When Everything Is “Mind-Blowing”
• GPS Devices: Helping You Get Lost Like a Pro
• The Hilarity of Internet Trolls: A Deep Dive into the Art of Anonymity
• The True Cost of “Free” Apps: Selling Your Soul for Candy Crush
• The Mystery of “Smart” Home Devices: Are They Plotting World Domination?
• The Ridiculous World of Internet Challenges: From Cinnamon to Tide Pods
• The Irony of Virtual Reality: Escaping the Real World to Do the Same Things
• The Evolution of “Face Filters”: From Cute Animals to Unrecognizable Humans

Education and Learning

• The Art of “Wikipedia Scholar” Degrees
• Group Projects: Where Slackers Become the Best Magicians
• The Science of Fake Homework Excuses: A Comprehensive Study
• The Irony of “Learning Styles”: Are You a Visual, Auditory, or Kinesthetic Liar?
• The Satire of “No Child Left Behind”: How We Left Them All Behind
• The Comedy of “Participation Trophies”: Everyone’s a Winner (Except Not Really)
• Teachers’ Lounge Conspiracy Theories: What Really Happens in There
• The Mystery of Library “Silence” Zones: The Noisiest Places on Campus
• The Chronicles of “Extra Credit” Hustlers: Masters of the Brown-Nosing Arts
• “Back to School” Sales: How to Convince Kids That Pencils Are Fashion Statements

Pop Culture

• Celebrity Fragrances: Smelling Like You Could Be Famous
• The Comedy of Reality TV: Where Non-Celebrities Act Like Celebrities
• The Hilarity of Award Show Speeches: From “Genuine” Tears to Thanking Your Dog
• The Mystery of Viral Internet Challenges: Surviving the Stupidity
• The Absurdity of Tabloid Headlines: Alien Babies and Celebrity Reincarnations
• “Trendy” Diets: From the Cabbage Soup Cleanse to the Twinkie Diet
• The Satirical Take on Superhero Films: When Spandex Saves the Day
• The Comedy of “Real Housewives” Shows: Unreal Lives in Expensive Houses
• Celebrity Social Media Feuds: The Battle for the Most Retweets
• “Cool” Urban Legends: Bigfoot’s Hipster Cousin and the Loch Ness Hipster

Environmental Issues

• The Comedy of Earth Day Parades: Marching for the Planet with Plastic Signs
• The Irony of “Eco-Friendly” Disposable Diapers: Breaking Down in a Million Years
• The Green Guilt Trip: How Your Neighbor’s Solar Panels Shame You
• The Chronicles of the “Green” Car Owner: Driving a Gas Guzzler with a Green Sticker
• “Zero-Waste” Instagram Accounts: How to Produce Tons of Trash for Likes
• “Organic” Fast Food: Because Deep-Fried Organic Is Healthier, Right?
• The Absurdity of “Recycling” Electronics: Sending Your Old Laptop to a Landfill
• The Hilarity of “Farm-to-Table” Restaurants: How Far Is That Farm, Really?
• “Eco-Friendly” Water Bottles: Saving the Earth, One Plastic Bottle at a Time
• The Satire of “Vegan” Junk Food: Tofu Hot Dogs and Deep-Fried Kale Chips

Political Issues

• Political Campaign Slogans: Promising Everything, Delivering Nothing
• The Comedy of Political Debates: Where Civility Goes to Die
• Political “Spin Doctors”: Turning Scandals into Inspirational Stories
• The Absurdity of Political Ads: Making Promises You Know Won’t Be Kept
• The Mystery of Bureaucratic Jargon: Translating “Government Speak” into English
• Election Promises vs. Reality: A Satirical Look at Broken Pledges
• The Irony of Campaign Fundraising: How the Poor Donate to the Rich
• Presidential Twitter Wars: When World Leaders Act Like Teenagers
• Political Conventions: Where Balloons Are the Highlight of the Evening
• The Satire of Political Polls: Predicting the Future with a Magic 8-Ball

The Recipe for a Perfect Satirical Essay

Satirical essays are a unique and entertaining form of writing that allows you to explore and critique various aspects of society, culture, and human behavior with a humorous twist.

Crafting the perfect satirical essay requires a blend of wit, humor, and keen observation. Whether you’re an experienced satirist or just dipping your toes into this literary art form, here’s the recipe for creating a deliciously satirical essay:

Choose a Target

Start by identifying your target, which is the subject of your satire. It can be a social issue, a cultural phenomenon, a common behavior, or any aspect of society that you find intriguing or absurd.

Your target should be something you have strong opinions about, as satire involves commentary.

Understand Your Audience

Consider your audience’s sensibilities and preferences. Satire should be funny and thought-provoking, but it should also resonate with your readers. Know what will make them chuckle or nod in agreement.

Develop a Strong Thesis

Your satirical essay should have a clear thesis statement that conveys your central message or criticism. This statement will guide your entire essay and help your readers understand the purpose of your satire.

Embrace Exaggeration

Exaggeration is a key ingredient in satirical writing. Amplify the flaws, quirks, or absurdities of your target to an extreme degree. Push it to the limit to create humor and emphasize the point you’re making.

Employ Irony and Sarcasm

Irony and sarcasm are your trusty companions in satire. Use them to highlight the gap between appearances and reality, between what’s said and what’s meant. Witty one-liners and clever wordplay can add an extra layer of humor.

Employ Parody

Parody involves mimicking or imitating a particular style, genre, or individual to create humor. You can parody well-known personalities, famous works of literature, or iconic brands. This approach adds a layer of recognition for your readers.

Use Hyperbole

Hyperbole is an extravagant exaggeration used for emphasis. It’s an effective tool for satirists. Make the ordinary extraordinary, and the absurd even more ridiculous with the use of hyperbole.

Employ Ridicule

Ridicule is the act of mocking or making fun of your target. It’s a fundamental component of satire. Create amusing caricatures, funny situations, or absurd scenarios to ridicule your subject.

Craft a Catchy Title

Your essay’s title is your first chance to grab your readers’ attention. Make it catchy, clever, and relevant to your subject matter. A well-crafted title sets the tone for your satire.

Provide Real-World Examples

Support your satire with real-world examples, anecdotes, or observations. These give your essay authenticity and make your critique more relatable.

Maintain Consistency

Stay consistent in your satirical approach throughout the essay. Your humor, tone, and style should remain constant from start to finish.

Offer a Resolution or Alternative

A good satirical essay doesn’t just point out flaws; it suggests improvements or alternative solutions. Offer a thought-provoking resolution or present an absurd alternative to highlight the flaws in the existing system or behavior.

Revise and Edit

Like any other type of writing, satirical essays benefit from revision and editing. Review your work for clarity, coherence, and grammatical correctness. Ensure that your humor is sharp and your message is clear.

Seek Feedback:

Share your essay with friends or colleagues and ask for their feedback. A fresh perspective can help you refine your satire.

Don’t Cross Boundaries

While satire encourages humor and exaggeration, be mindful not to cross into offensive or hurtful territory. Your satire should be amusing and thought-provoking, not mean-spirited.

Incorporate these ingredients into your satirical essay recipe, and you’ll be on your way to creating a delicious, thought-provoking, and entertaining piece of satirical writing.

Remember, the goal is not just to make your readers laugh but also to make them think. Happy satirizing!

What is a good topic for satire?

When it comes to crafting a satirical essay, choosing the right topic is essential. A good satirical topic should be timely, relevant, and capable of shedding light on the hypocrisy, absurdity, or foolishness prevalent in a particular person, group, or institution.

Here, we present a handful of excellent topics ripe for satirical exploration:

The Social Media Obsession

Satire can delve into our incessant phone-checking habits and the constant updates on our lives. Explore the addictive nature of likes and followers in the digital age.

The Political Circus

Politics is a treasure trove of satirical material. Unveil the world of empty promises made by politicians or their peculiar fascination with fundraising over serving constituents.

The Cult of Celebrity

Delve into the worship of celebrities and society’s fixation on every move they make. Expose the extremes of idolizing famous figures.

Commercialized Holidays

Highlight the shift of holidays from meaningful family and friend gatherings to consumerist extravaganzas. Satirize the overwhelming emphasis on shopping.

The Wellness Mania

Poke fun at the relentless pursuit of healthy eating and exercise, sometimes taken to the point of neuroticism. Examine society’s obsession with wellness.

These topics serve as a starting point, and there are numerous other excellent options for satirical essays. The key lies in selecting a topic that seamlessly combines humor with thought-provoking insights, fostering essential conversations about pertinent issues.

In the realm of satire, humor is the vehicle, but reflection is the destination.

What is a satirical essay?

Satirical essays are a unique genre that employs humor, irony, exaggeration, and various literary devices to critique individuals, groups, or institutions.

Their purpose is to reveal hypocrisy, absurdity, or foolishness, all while prompting readers to view essential issues from a fresh perspective.

Let’s explore the defining features of a satirical essay:

Humor with a Purpose

Satirical essays are inherently humorous, but this humor serves a greater objective. It isn’t merely for laughter’s sake; it’s a powerful tool used to underscore the essay’s subject.

Masters of Irony and Sarcasm

Satire relies heavily on irony and sarcasm, two potent instruments. Irony involves using words in a way that contradicts their actual meaning, while sarcasm is a form of irony that expresses contempt or criticism.

Exaggeration for Effect

Satirical essays often amplify the flaws and shortcomings of their subjects. This amplification serves to sharpen the essay’s point and portray the subject in an even more ludicrous light.

Laser-Focused on Specifics

These essays are not vague musings. They pinpoint particular individuals, groups, or institutions, enhancing their effectiveness in conveying a message.

Clever and Witty Execution

A successful satirical essay should be clever and witty. Without these qualities, it risks losing its humor and impact.

In the world of satirical essays, humor is the vehicle, but enlightenment is the destination. These essays serve as a remarkable means to provoke reflection on crucial issues, all while bringing a smile to the reader’s face.

What is a good satire example?

In the world of literary satire, some timeless classics have managed to tickle our funny bones while offering profound insights.

These masterpieces don’t just amuse us; they make us ponder the follies of human nature and society. Here are a few of these gems:

1. Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift (1726)

Swift takes us on a whimsical journey with Lemuel Gulliver through lands like Lilliput, Brobdingnag, and more. But beneath the fantastical adventures lies a clever satire on the quirks of humanity, politics, and society.

2. Candide by Voltaire (1759)

Voltaire’s story follows the eternal optimist Candide, who explores the world and encounters a string of misfortunes. Through Candide’s misadventures, Voltaire uses satire to skewer the notion of unbridled optimism and reflect on the harsh realities of our world.

3. Animal Farm by George Orwell (1945)

Orwell’s allegorical tale is a biting critique of the Russian Revolution and the emergence of Stalinism. As a group of farm animals rebel against their human overlords to create their society, Orwell uncovers the corrupting influence of power.

4. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller (1961)

Heller’s novel hilariously underscores the absurdity of war and the bureaucratic maze of the military. Captain John Yossarian, a U.S. Air Force bombardier feigning insanity to avoid more bombing missions, embodies the dark comedy that ensues in wartime.

5. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole (1980)

Toole paints a satirical portrait of Southern culture and the elusive American Dream through the comical misadventures of Ignatius J. Reilly. A lovable yet exasperating character, Ignatius dreams of becoming a writer while wrestling with his own eccentricities.

These works are just a sampling of the rich tapestry of satire in literature. They remind us that humor can be a powerful tool for reflecting on society and uncovering truths in the quirkiest and most unexpected ways.

In the enchanting world of satire, the boundaries are as limitless as your creativity. Satirical essay topics offer a stage where humor, irony, and cleverness intertwine, allowing us to dive headfirst into the quirks of human behavior, the baffling peculiarities of society, and the intricacies of our ever-evolving world.

These topics spark laughter, but they do much more – they beckon us to think. Satirical essays act as a mirror, reflecting back the contradictions, paradoxes, and absurdities we often overlook.

They prod us to question the norms, to challenge established norms, and to perceive the world from a fresh angle.

So, whether you’re composing a satirical essay to entertain, to shed light on social issues, or just for the sheer joy of wit, remember that satire transcends humor – it’s an art form that inspires contemplation.

It’s a delightful nudge that reminds us humor can be a powerful instrument for change, and that even the weightiest of subjects can benefit from a sprinkle of humor.

So, let your imagination soar and your pen dance merrily, because who knows, amid the chuckles, you might uncover profound truths that were hiding in plain sight.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the purpose of a satirical essay.

A satirical essay aims to criticize and ridicule societal issues, individuals, or institutions using humor, irony, and exaggeration. Its purpose is to entertain, make readers think, and shed light on the absurdities of our world.

Can I use satire to discuss serious topics?

Absolutely! Satire is a powerful tool to address serious issues indirectly. It allows you to critique and challenge the status quo while keeping your readers engaged through humor.

How do I maintain a balance between humor and critique in a satirical essay?

Balancing humor and critique in a satirical essay is key. Ensure that your humor supports your critique and doesn’t undermine the seriousness of the issue you’re addressing. Clever wit and well-crafted irony can help maintain this balance.

Is it essential to use real examples in a satirical essay?

While using real examples can enhance the impact of your satire, it’s not always necessary. You can create fictional scenarios and characters to highlight the absurdities

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Feb 15, 2023

6 Example Essays on Social Media | Advantages, Effects, and Outlines

Got an essay assignment about the effects of social media we got you covered check out our examples and outlines below.

Social media has become one of our society's most prominent ways of communication and information sharing in a very short time. It has changed how we communicate and has given us a platform to express our views and opinions and connect with others. It keeps us informed about the world around us. Social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn have brought individuals from all over the world together, breaking down geographical borders and fostering a genuinely global community.

However, social media comes with its difficulties. With the rise of misinformation, cyberbullying, and privacy problems, it's critical to utilize these platforms properly and be aware of the risks. Students in the academic world are frequently assigned essays about the impact of social media on numerous elements of our lives, such as relationships, politics, and culture. These essays necessitate a thorough comprehension of the subject matter, critical thinking, and the ability to synthesize and convey information clearly and succinctly.

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So, whether you're a student looking to better your essay writing skills or want to remain up to date on the latest social media advancements, Jenni.ai is here to help. Jenni.ai is the ideal tool for helping you write your finest essay ever, thanks to its simple design, an extensive database of example essays, and cutting-edge AI technology. So, why delay? Sign up for a free trial of Jenni.ai today and begin exploring the worlds of social networking and essay writing!

Want to learn how to write an argumentative essay? Check out these inspiring examples!

We will provide various examples of social media essays so you may get a feel for the genre.

6 Examples of Social Media Essays

Here are 6 examples of Social Media Essays:

The Impact of Social Media on Relationships and Communication

Introduction:.

The way we share information and build relationships has evolved as a direct result of the prevalence of social media in our daily lives. The influence of social media on interpersonal connections and conversation is a hot topic. Although social media has many positive effects, such as bringing people together regardless of physical proximity and making communication quicker and more accessible, it also has a dark side that can affect interpersonal connections and dialogue.

Positive Effects:

Connecting People Across Distances

One of social media's most significant benefits is its ability to connect individuals across long distances. People can use social media platforms to interact and stay in touch with friends and family far away. People can now maintain intimate relationships with those they care about, even when physically separated.

Improved Communication Speed and Efficiency

Additionally, the proliferation of social media sites has accelerated and simplified communication. Thanks to instant messaging, users can have short, timely conversations rather than lengthy ones via email. Furthermore, social media facilitates group communication, such as with classmates or employees, by providing a unified forum for such activities.

Negative Effects:

Decreased Face-to-Face Communication

The decline in in-person interaction is one of social media's most pernicious consequences on interpersonal connections and dialogue. People's reliance on digital communication over in-person contact has increased along with the popularity of social media. Face-to-face interaction has suffered as a result, which has adverse effects on interpersonal relationships and the development of social skills.

Decreased Emotional Intimacy

Another adverse effect of social media on relationships and communication is decreased emotional intimacy. Digital communication lacks the nonverbal cues and facial expressions critical in building emotional connections with others. This can make it more difficult for people to develop close and meaningful relationships, leading to increased loneliness and isolation.

Increased Conflict and Miscommunication

Finally, social media can also lead to increased conflict and miscommunication. The anonymity and distance provided by digital communication can lead to misunderstandings and hurtful comments that might not have been made face-to-face. Additionally, social media can provide a platform for cyberbullying , which can have severe consequences for the victim's mental health and well-being.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, the impact of social media on relationships and communication is a complex issue with both positive and negative effects. While social media platforms offer many benefits, such as connecting people across distances and enabling faster and more accessible communication, they also have a dark side that can negatively affect relationships and communication. It is up to individuals to use social media responsibly and to prioritize in-person communication in their relationships and interactions with others.

The Role of Social Media in the Spread of Misinformation and Fake News

Social media has revolutionized the way information is shared and disseminated. However, the ease and speed at which data can be spread on social media also make it a powerful tool for spreading misinformation and fake news. Misinformation and fake news can seriously affect public opinion, influence political decisions, and even cause harm to individuals and communities.

The Pervasiveness of Misinformation and Fake News on Social Media

Misinformation and fake news are prevalent on social media platforms, where they can spread quickly and reach a large audience. This is partly due to the way social media algorithms work, which prioritizes content likely to generate engagement, such as sensational or controversial stories. As a result, false information can spread rapidly and be widely shared before it is fact-checked or debunked.

The Influence of Social Media on Public Opinion

Social media can significantly impact public opinion, as people are likelier to believe the information they see shared by their friends and followers. This can lead to a self-reinforcing cycle, where misinformation and fake news are spread and reinforced, even in the face of evidence to the contrary.

The Challenge of Correcting Misinformation and Fake News

Correcting misinformation and fake news on social media can be a challenging task. This is partly due to the speed at which false information can spread and the difficulty of reaching the same audience exposed to the wrong information in the first place. Additionally, some individuals may be resistant to accepting correction, primarily if the incorrect information supports their beliefs or biases.

In conclusion, the function of social media in disseminating misinformation and fake news is complex and urgent. While social media has revolutionized the sharing of information, it has also made it simpler for false information to propagate and be widely believed. Individuals must be accountable for the information they share and consume, and social media firms must take measures to prevent the spread of disinformation and fake news on their platforms.

The Effects of Social Media on Mental Health and Well-Being

Social media has become an integral part of modern life, with billions of people around the world using platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to stay connected with others and access information. However, while social media has many benefits, it can also negatively affect mental health and well-being.

Comparison and Low Self-Esteem

One of the key ways that social media can affect mental health is by promoting feelings of comparison and low self-esteem. People often present a curated version of their lives on social media, highlighting their successes and hiding their struggles. This can lead others to compare themselves unfavorably, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

Cyberbullying and Online Harassment

Another way that social media can negatively impact mental health is through cyberbullying and online harassment. Social media provides a platform for anonymous individuals to harass and abuse others, leading to feelings of anxiety, fear, and depression.

Social Isolation

Despite its name, social media can also contribute to feelings of isolation. At the same time, people may have many online friends but need more meaningful in-person connections and support. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression.

Addiction and Overuse

Finally, social media can be addictive, leading to overuse and negatively impacting mental health and well-being. People may spend hours each day scrolling through their feeds, neglecting other important areas of their lives, such as work, family, and self-care.

In sum, social media has positive and negative consequences on one's psychological and emotional well-being. Realizing this, and taking measures like reducing one's social media use, reaching out to loved ones for help, and prioritizing one's well-being, are crucial. In addition, it's vital that social media giants take ownership of their platforms and actively encourage excellent mental health and well-being.

The Use of Social Media in Political Activism and Social Movements

Social media has recently become increasingly crucial in political action and social movements. Platforms such as Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram have given people new ways to express themselves, organize protests, and raise awareness about social and political issues.

Raising Awareness and Mobilizing Action

One of the most important uses of social media in political activity and social movements has been to raise awareness about important issues and mobilize action. Hashtags such as #MeToo and #BlackLivesMatter, for example, have brought attention to sexual harassment and racial injustice, respectively. Similarly, social media has been used to organize protests and other political actions, allowing people to band together and express themselves on a bigger scale.

Connecting with like-minded individuals

A second method in that social media has been utilized in political activity and social movements is to unite like-minded individuals. Through social media, individuals can join online groups, share knowledge and resources, and work with others to accomplish shared objectives. This has been especially significant for geographically scattered individuals or those without access to traditional means of political organizing.

Challenges and Limitations

As a vehicle for political action and social movements, social media has faced many obstacles and restrictions despite its many advantages. For instance, the propagation of misinformation and fake news on social media can impede attempts to disseminate accurate and reliable information. In addition, social media corporations have been condemned for censorship and insufficient protection of user rights.

In conclusion, social media has emerged as a potent instrument for political activism and social movements, giving voice to previously unheard communities and galvanizing support for change. Social media presents many opportunities for communication and collaboration. Still, users and institutions must be conscious of the risks and limitations of these tools to promote their responsible and productive usage.

The Potential Privacy Concerns Raised by Social Media Use and Data Collection Practices

With billions of users each day on sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, social media has ingrained itself into every aspect of our lives. While these platforms offer a straightforward method to communicate with others and exchange information, they also raise significant concerns over data collecting and privacy. This article will examine the possible privacy issues posed by social media use and data-gathering techniques.

Data Collection and Sharing

The gathering and sharing of personal data are significant privacy issues brought up by social media use. Social networking sites gather user data, including details about their relationships, hobbies, and routines. This information is made available to third-party businesses for various uses, such as marketing and advertising. This can lead to serious concerns about who has access to and uses our personal information.

Lack of Control Over Personal Information

The absence of user control over personal information is a significant privacy issue brought up by social media usage. Social media makes it challenging to limit who has access to and how data is utilized once it has been posted. Sensitive information may end up being extensively disseminated and may be used maliciously as a result.

Personalized Marketing

Social media companies utilize the information they gather about users to target them with adverts relevant to their interests and usage patterns. Although this could be useful, it might also cause consumers to worry about their privacy since they might feel that their personal information is being used without their permission. Furthermore, there are issues with the integrity of the data being used to target users and the possibility of prejudice based on individual traits.

Government Surveillance

Using social media might spark worries about government surveillance. There are significant concerns regarding privacy and free expression when governments in some nations utilize social media platforms to follow and monitor residents.

In conclusion, social media use raises significant concerns regarding data collecting and privacy. While these platforms make it easy to interact with people and exchange information, they also gather a lot of personal information, which raises questions about who may access it and how it will be used. Users should be aware of these privacy issues and take precautions to safeguard their personal information, such as exercising caution when choosing what details to disclose on social media and keeping their information sharing with other firms to a minimum.

The Ethical and Privacy Concerns Surrounding Social Media Use And Data Collection

Our use of social media to communicate with loved ones, acquire information, and even conduct business has become a crucial part of our everyday lives. The extensive use of social media does, however, raise some ethical and privacy issues that must be resolved. The influence of social media use and data collecting on user rights, the accountability of social media businesses, and the need for improved regulation are all topics that will be covered in this article.

Effect on Individual Privacy:

Social networking sites gather tons of personal data from their users, including delicate information like search history, location data, and even health data. Each user's detailed profile may be created with this data and sold to advertising or used for other reasons. Concerns regarding the privacy of personal information might arise because social media businesses can use this data to target users with customized adverts.

Additionally, individuals might need to know how much their personal information is being gathered and exploited. Data breaches or the unauthorized sharing of personal information with other parties may result in instances where sensitive information is exposed. Users should be aware of the privacy rules of social media firms and take precautions to secure their data.

Responsibility of Social Media Companies:

Social media firms should ensure that they responsibly and ethically gather and use user information. This entails establishing strong security measures to safeguard sensitive information and ensuring users are informed of what information is being collected and how it is used.

Many social media businesses, nevertheless, have come under fire for not upholding these obligations. For instance, the Cambridge Analytica incident highlighted how Facebook users' personal information was exploited for political objectives without their knowledge. This demonstrates the necessity of social media corporations being held responsible for their deeds and ensuring that they are safeguarding the security and privacy of their users.

Better Regulation Is Needed

There is a need for tighter regulation in this field, given the effect, social media has on individual privacy as well as the obligations of social media firms. The creation of laws and regulations that ensure social media companies are gathering and using user information ethically and responsibly, as well as making sure users are aware of their rights and have the ability to control the information that is being collected about them, are all part of this.

Additionally, legislation should ensure that social media businesses are held responsible for their behavior, for example, by levying fines for data breaches or the unauthorized use of personal data. This will provide social media businesses with a significant incentive to prioritize their users' privacy and security and ensure they are upholding their obligations.

In conclusion, social media has fundamentally changed how we engage and communicate with one another, but this increased convenience also raises several ethical and privacy issues. Essential concerns that need to be addressed include the effect of social media on individual privacy, the accountability of social media businesses, and the requirement for greater regulation to safeguard user rights. We can make everyone's online experience safer and more secure by looking more closely at these issues.

In conclusion, social media is a complex and multifaceted topic that has recently captured the world's attention. With its ever-growing influence on our lives, it's no surprise that it has become a popular subject for students to explore in their writing. Whether you are writing an argumentative essay on the impact of social media on privacy, a persuasive essay on the role of social media in politics, or a descriptive essay on the changes social media has brought to the way we communicate, there are countless angles to approach this subject.

However, writing a comprehensive and well-researched essay on social media can be daunting. It requires a thorough understanding of the topic and the ability to articulate your ideas clearly and concisely. This is where Jenni.ai comes in. Our AI-powered tool is designed to help students like you save time and energy and focus on what truly matters - your education. With Jenni.ai , you'll have access to a wealth of examples and receive personalized writing suggestions and feedback.

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So why waste your time and energy struggling to write an essay on your own when you can have Jenni.ai by your side? Sign up for our free trial today and experience the difference for yourself! With Jenni.ai, you'll have the resources you need to write confidently, clearly, and creatively. Get started today and see just how easy and efficient writing can be!

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20 Interesting Essay Topics About Social Media

Writing an essay about social media can help your students think deeply about this important topic and how social media affects their lives and society. Below you’ll find many  essay topics about social media  that students can use to write argumentative essays, cause and effect essays, or any other paper about social media for class.

Related: Social Media Debate Topics

20 Essay Topics About Social Media

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Satirical Essay on Social Media

Favorite Quote: "Winning isn't everything. It's the only thing" Vince Lombardi

Today’s society is faced with the continually growing problem of electronics and social media. What used to be considered a precious treasure is now the cause of teenage obesity, lack of concentration, inadequate communication, and above all a far less intellectual society. Cell phones, internet, video games, television all have taken over the youth in society and corrupted them into unimaginative, unqualified, dull robots. Facebook is merely a tool to drain the intelligence from teenagers until they are forced to speak in instant messaging jargon- LOL, OMG, TTYL. Twitter is a mechanism for teenagers to become hermits, living in their rooms updating their statuses every two minutes. Video games and television suck imagination from children’s minds, their eyes becoming plastered to a small pixel screen, their stationary bodies molded into the couch cushions. To stop a calamity like this from happening, there is only one option- abolish electronics and social media completely. If humanity can wipe away everything with batteries, plugs, and wires, people will become a more intellectual, responsive, exciting species on earth. With government involvement, electronics and social media can easily be wiped away from the planet. Laws can be created making any form of electronics or social media illegal. This would include phones, game systems, and the computer. Batteries can be melted down and broken down parts dumped into land fills. Those found carrying any form of electronics or social media will be given the benefit of the doubt- this is a justice based society- and be given a warning, but the next encounter with technology could lead to life in prison or death. The banning of electronics and social media will create a safer society- less accidents and less health problems. 20/20 Eye sight will quickly increase since children are not staring at screens for hours on end, and driving will become a leisure experience when drivers aren’t dodging busy people on cell phones swerving into the adjacent lanes. The obesity rate for children will be brought down to acceptable levels because there will be no more televisions to watch while a child stuffs his or her face with potato chips. People will be able to laugh out loud not LOL and ROFLing will be no more; if people want to roll on the floor and laugh, they can do so without being constrained to a tedious text message, IM, tweet, or wall post. Teenagers will have to look at a person when talking to them not text or chat, allowing society’s youth to become far better communicators. There will be no more sneaking into the girl’s bathroom to text your BFF about the cute boy that you <3 so much, no more hiding cell phones beneath laps when your teacher thinks you are doing algebra homework. Students will not have to take out a calculator to know five times two equals ten or look on spark notes to understand that Romeo is a Montague and Juliet is a Capulet, all in all, a far more intellectual exuberant society. Society has overlooked the many other options to solve this growing problem. Having students become educated to perform tasks without calculators, cell phones, or the Internet, raise the price of the most popular, yet least useful electronics, or have schools limit a student’s use of electronics or enforce better rules pertaining to electronics and social media could all be successful solutions but are not acceptable in this busy society. Because of this, abolishing electronics and social media would be the best and only solution to create a thriving society, to save the vivacity and intellect of the next generation of adults- the youth that can be seen at the present moment on cell phones, iPods, Facebook, and Twitter- from mass destruction by the monstrous electronics and social media. Make the right choice and give up your iPods, televisions, computers, and delete your Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter accounts. G2G, TTYL!

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How to Write a Social Media Essay

As a current student, it’s almost guaranteed you use social media in some way. It’s also quite likely you’ll write a social media essay at some point in your academic career. If you’re wondering how to write a social media essay, read on—this guide will walk you through just about everything you need to know to write an impactful social media essay.

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What is a social media essay?

A social media essay is an essay that discusses social media, its uses, its impacts, and/or users’ experiences. Social media essays can fit into just about any type of writing, and they may be researched academic pieces or thoughtful personal essays.

In today’s world, social media is ubiquitous. Think about the role social media plays in your life—maybe it’s where you connect with friends, how you found your job, where you showcase your hobbies and skills, or how you keep in touch with extended family. Social media, for better or for worse, has changed our social, economic, cultural, and political landscapes.

This is exactly why social media essays are relevant. Unlike an essay about a novel or poem that’s hundreds of years old, writing a social media essay is a way to contribute to the current zeitgeist. You’re adding to the growing body of social media scholarship, potentially creating a primary source that future students and scholars will study to learn about social media from this particular period.

Social media essay topics

Social media essay topics can include anything involving social media. Here are a few examples of strong social media essay topics:

• Social media and society
• Analyzing social media impact
• Comparing social media platforms
• Digital communication analysis
• Social media marketing case studies
• Social media’s influence on youth

When you’re planning a social media essay, it can be helpful to brainstorm broad topics, then narrow them down to find a strong thesis statement and engaging title . If you’re writing a social media essay for an assignment, plan its topic in accordance with the assignment—your instructor might ask you to write a compare-and-contrast or argumentative essay, for example.

Another way to determine a strong topic for your essay is to read existing social media essays. Other essays can inspire you by introducing a subject you’d like to explore further or by showing you where a gap in published work exists, giving you an opportunity to fill that gap.

Social media research

With a clear topic, the next step in writing a social media essay is conducting research. Social media platforms can be credible sources in this subject area—after all, if you’re writing about Instagram engagement, you need to cite relevant content.

Good social media research techniques are the same as good research techniques for any other kind of essay. Choose sources that are credible, such as those published in academic journals. It is also important to consult a variety of sources, including those that don’t support, and may even contradict, your thesis statement. This is how you develop an objective view of your essay’s subject and effectively support your position .

One thing that can make researching for a social media essay challenging is a lack of academic sources. The first social media platform, SixDegrees, launched in 1997. However, social media really didn’t become widespread until roughly 20 years ago, once Myspace and Friendster came on the scene. Even then, platforms that are still operational today, such as Facebook, came later. So, while social media has been in existence for more than 25 years, it’s only been a widespread thing and subject of academic discourse for the past couple of decades. That means the body of scholarship regarding social media is much smaller than the body of scholarship for other subjects, which can make it more challenging for you to find appropriate sources to research and cite.

The upside to this is that the bulk of academic sources about social media are relatively recent, so you’re less likely to encounter theories that have been debunked or significantly outdated statistics. That said, a good general guideline to follow for every essay is to use the most up-to-date sources available.

Here’s a tip:  Grammarly offers a variety of  AI writing tools  to help you develop ideas for your writing task.  Brainstorm  ideas for a paper or assignment, generate ideas for a  thesis statement ,  summarize  complex passages, and more.

Essay structure

Structurally, a social media essay is no different from any other essay. It starts with an outline . From this outline, the essay starts with an introduction, which states its thesis. Then, the essay supports its thesis with relevant sources in body paragraphs. It finishes with a conclusion section, often just one paragraph, that summarizes the essay’s topic and revisits the thesis statement.

Because social media is so pervasive, social media essays can fit any essay type. For example, you might write an analytical essay discussing two or more pieces of discourse regarding social media use, or you might write a personal essay discussing how your relationship with social media has evolved over the past decade.

Unless your instructor requires your essay to have a certain word count or fit a certain structure, you usually have some room to play with both of these. A coherent flow of ideas, as well as data from credible sources that support your thesis statement, is a far bigger part of writing a strong essay than hitting a certain number of words. Clear flow makes your essay easy to read and understand, which makes your thesis statement impactful.

Analyze social media impact

Analyzing social media impact is a topic you can discuss in numerous directions. However, it can also be challenging because finding unbiased sources on social media is not always easy. This is especially true when you’re writing about topics like personal relationships, education, and politics.

Critical social media studies, like case studies and comparative analyses, are the right sources to consult when analyzing social media impact—not your friends’ profiles.

Incorporate statistics and data

Relevant statistics and data are important in any academic essay. In a social media essay, statistics and data are often used to demonstrate the scope of the topic being discussed. For example, in an essay about the growth of TikTok during the COVID-19 pandemic, account creation statistics support your claim. Similarly, data from reputable sources, like academic digital communication analysis, underscores your position’s academic merit.

Balance personal insight and academic rigor

Your essay might call for personal insights, or it might not. Whether personal insights are relevant to your essay depends on the type of essay you’re writing.

If you’re writing an analytical, expository, or argumentative essay, don’t include personal anecdotes. The purpose of these kinds of essays is to examine sources objectively and reach logical positions and understanding.

In contrast, if you’re writing a personal essay, a synthesis essay , or in some cases, a political essay or a compare-and-contrast essay, personal anecdotes are a key part of compelling writing. A personal essay is just that: personal. Readers expect to read your original thoughts and insights in this kind of essay. If your essay includes personal insights, be sure to state them in the same manner you use for insights from academic sources. This shows that your insights are more than just opinions; they’re logically sound, data-supported observations.

Essay conclusion

The final section of your essay, its conclusion, summarizes the preceding sections and ends your work with a final thought. This final thought can be a straightforward reiteration of the thesis statement or an additional insight that encourages the reader to continue researching the topic.

Polish your essay

After you’ve written your first draft, take some time to let the essay “cool off.” Instead of diving right into editing your fresh first draft, focus on other things, like assignments for other courses or household tasks. By giving yourself time between writing and editing your essay, you’re making it easier to catch awkward sentences, punctuation mistakes, logical fallacies, and places where your writing can flow better.

Grammarly can be a great help in catching spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, awkward sentences, and inconsistent tones . It can also catch typos and plagiarism, and help you cite sources . Don’t rely on Grammarly to do all your editing, though—Grammarly can make suggestions, but then it’s your job to polish your writing into a final draft.

Social media essay FAQs

A social media essay is an essay that discusses social media in some capacity. It could be about social media use in certain populations, effective social media strategies for businesses, your personal experience with social media, or any other related topic.

How do I ensure my social media essay is unbiased and objective?

Consult a variety of sources in your research, including sources that don’t support your thesis statement. By familiarizing yourself with opposing and contradictory perspectives, you will develop a more nuanced view of your topic and be able to discuss it objectively effectively.

Can I use social media posts as references in my essay?

In many instances, yes. If one or more social media posts support your essay’s position, absolutely cite them as sources.

How can I make my social media essay stand out?

To make your social media essay stand out, contribute something original to the existing body of scholarship surrounding social media. Come up with a fresh perspective or a unique idea, then explore it in your writing.

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Writing a Stellar Social Media Essay – Tips, Essay Types & Topics

Home / Blog / Essay On Social Media

Introduction

Today, social media is actively used by billions of people throughout the world. Similar to other essay types, social media essays enhance the academic writing abilities of students. But it's important to consider both the advantages and disadvantages as well as how to stay safe online.  

One of the popular essay topic for academic discussion and essay writing tasks in recent years is social media. Social media is especially important now that the internet has been invented for linking millions of people worldwide.

You may get all the information you need to prepare a social media essay in this article:

• How to structure an essay
• Sample of social media essay
• Interesting social media essay topics 

How to Write a Social Media Essay: Tips and Topics

Several writings on social media examine how those platforms affect our daily lives. They can aid readers in developing an understanding of how the platforms operate. It also explains the advantages and hazards of using them.

Some social media writings also teach readers how to make the most of social media as a powerful paraphrasing tool . Such pieces are ultimately intended to shed light on how social media is influencing our lives.

Sample Social Media Essay

The negative effects of social media.

Tips for Social Media Essay Writing

If you've never done it before, you could require a solid collection of pointers on how to create a social media essay. Build your work on our outline for an essay about social media as a foundation.

For authors who have written a few academic writing service essay, this will be a simple ride. Our guidance and pointers will make it seem like a springtime picnic for beginners. If you are drowning in college essays during your academic year, think about hiring our custom essay writing service.

1. Form an Outline for Your Social Media Essay

Prior to beginning your writing, plan. This is a general guideline for all types of writing. You can utilize an essay outline , also known as a structure, as the framework for your entire project. You'll be able to express your thoughts more clearly and keep your attention on the important elements while doing so.

It is crucial to have an engaging opening for social media essays, and then a compelling thesis statement that is broken down into primary points and supporting evidence.

When writing a social media paper, utilize the following essay outline as an example:

• Social Media Essay topic:

Social media's impact on interpersonal interactions

• Thesis statement:

Social media has fundamentally altered how people communicate with one another by enabling new forms of communication that can have both positive and negative effects on someone's capacity to build lasting relationships.

• Promoted forging new connections.
• Global connections among people.
• Enhanced already-existing connections.
• Encouraged jealousy and comparison.
• Supported online bullying.
• A decline in in-person interactions.
• Conclusion:

As already mentioned, social media has significantly altered how people interact with one another. It has facilitated new connections and shortened distances between individuals, but it is also the main cause of bullying and jealousy.

You must list every source you used for the essay here. This will help you to prove the authentication of your paper.

Social media-related subjects range widely in popularity. From the topics we've provided below, you can choose a social media theme to write an engaging A+ essay on. Alternatively, you could always use an essay writing service.

2. Make a Social Media Essay Introduction

Only a portion of the work involves selecting the social media essay topic that is most pertinent. You need a compelling start for your social media essay in order to draw readers in and keep them on your primary ideas.

The essay's beginning establishes the tone and provides a general outline. Here, you must give background information and a succinct summary of the paper. Include context, numbers, or even a compelling example of how social media has changed our lives. Lay the groundwork for your ideas and viewpoints in the introduction.

When writing a paper regarding social media, it's simple to become biased, however, this must be avoided. Present a fair perspective. Don't instantly overload your reader with technical terms; instead, use straightforward language. Be specific and steer clear of drawing generalizations.

3. Write the Social Media Essay Body Paragraphs

Writing a social media essay is like navigating a block of ice. At every step along the process, you should use logic. The importance of each component of the structure is equal.

Body paragraphs should be enticing and appealing after a solid opening. Keep in mind that it's crucial to maintain objectivity and give balanced arguments.

The topic phrase for each paragraph should be one that expresses your essay's major contention in straightforward terms. If more proof is required, continue with examples, statistics, and supporting data. Connect your points and examples in a clear way. Continue to communicate complicated topics with short, basic language.

Once an aspect of the argument has been presented, move on to discussing the other viewpoint. Consider that you are writing an essay on how social media affects society. Simply stating that it negatively impacts our mental health won't result in a great study. You must make counterarguments, like "Social media platforms made communication a lot easier," in support of your position.

You should allow your readers to choose whose side they want to support. If your reasons are convincing and easy to understand, your audience will make an informed choice.

4. End with a Strong Social Media Essay Conclusion

A strong conclusion is essential to a superb social media essay. Finish off your essay with a remarkable paragraph by marshaling all of your writing prowess and creativity.

Restate your thesis statement at the outset. Remind the reader of your important points and the sequence in which they appeared in your outstanding essay on social media. Be sure to emphasize the importance of these discussions and how the main issues relate to the overall situation. Even better, include a call to action. Encourage the audience to act on the basis of the facts they have learned and to use caution when using social media.

You can be planning speech topics on social media in lieu of composing an essay. Both need strong conclusions since they are the difference- assignment makers .

5. Proofread and Revise the Final Social Media Essay

It may seem insignificant, but you must edit and revise your essay on social media multiple times if you want it to be excellent. Proofreading is a crucial step in the writing process. It will enable you to assess the coherence, clarity, and organization of your writing.

Social media and the Internet are easy-to-use resources that are practically an extension of who we are. So the study articles on them shouldn't be difficult to understand. Whether you are writing about social media addiction or social media marketing, the target audience won't read it if your grammar is poor and you don't intuitively convey ideas.

Before submitting it, review each word and sentence and add any necessary finishing touches.

Before reading the sample on social media have a look at our example of a review research paper help to see what a well-written body paragraph looks like. Take notes on various essay types and put them to good use.

An Updated List of Social Media Essay Topics

We are all aware of how crucial an essay topic is. There are many social media essay topics available in different essay formats, especially for writing a social media essay. However, it will take more time and effort to look for the best essay topic.

Since choosing a topic is a time-consuming procedure, we have provided a list of the top social media essay topic suggestions to make your search process simpler.

Feel free to browse the whole list of social media essay topics below if you are out of ideas and select the one that will make it easiest for you to write about.

 1. Excellent Speech Topics on Social Media

• What changes have social media brought about in psychology education?
• Hateful behavior on social networking sites.
• The social media photography scene
• Is dating on social media a legitimate option?
• Has social media replaced face-to-face interactions?
• recognizing various social media platforms
• making use of social media to further a cause
• Social media's effects on communication patterns
• Relevant hypotheses that explain the influence of social media on politics.
• How do rebellious social movements result from social media?
• Is social media a useful tool for facilitating communication?
• Do social networking platforms raise the employment rate?
• Has social media ruined in-person interactions?
• Is social media causing people to develop complexes?
• Are relationships harmed by social media?

2. Top Social Media Topics for Presentation

• Examine how social media influences green consumption.
• Should social media be used to advance social justice?
• Should people who make remarks on social media face legal consequences?
• How does social media threaten marital fidelity?
• Describe how social media is used in healthcare.
• Discuss the impact of social media on teen suicide deaths.
• Is social media gaining ground as the most influential force in world politics?
• Describe how social media was used during the COVID-19 pandemic.
• Describe the usage of social media influencers by brands.
• What impact does student addiction to social media have on their academic performance?
• What effect do social media have on the growth of ecotourism?
• Before the development of social networking sites, life was better and more socially responsible.
• What proper conduct should be observed when utilizing social media?
• Social media's effects on mental health and wellbeing.
• Social media's involvement in elections and political campaigns.

3. The Power of Social Media Essay Topics

• The effectiveness of social media in encouraging business growth and entrepreneurship.
• The potential of social media in advancing fairness and social justice.
• The impact of social media influencers and how they affect modern society's purchasing behavior
• Social media's influence on political mobilization
• Social media's influence on social movements
• Hashtags' influence on social media campaigns is a powerful force.
• How social media's influence inspired brand activism
• How the influence of social media platforms helped to promote a future without plastic
• Social media's ability to connect people with shared interests throughout the world is its greatest strength.
• Employment via social media sites: The power of social networking
• Is it possible to malign someone using social media as a weapon?
• Are social networking sites to blame for the decline in productivity among people?
• How do social media affect local artisans' ability to gain recognition on a national and worldwide scale?
• Social media's effect on encouraging creativity in humans
• Do people find inspiration for their businesses on social media platforms?

4. The Role of Social Media Essay Topics

• Talk about how social media has affected society.
• Is social media severing or strengthening links in relationships?
• Describe the advantages and disadvantages of social media.
• The world before and after social media should be described.
• Describe how to successfully overcome a social media addiction.
• Is social media more detrimental than beneficial?
• What are social media's causes and effects?
• Is there a social media issue or a social media solution?
• Identify the benefits and drawbacks of utilizing social media.
• Social media: Is it harmful to society?
• Which is a better venue for learning about political news: Facebook or Twitter?
• Describe the benefits and drawbacks of Facebook Messenger.
• The most effective social networking site for brand promotion is YouTube.
• Social media is removing obstacles to communication: Explain
• Social media has a big impact on political parties and their agendas.

5. Other Interesting Topics Related to Social Media

• Selling CD players: The Advantages of Social Media
• How to Stay Out of Legal Trouble in the United Arab Emirates While Posting on Social Media?
• Social media grammar in official English
• Addiction to social media in society
• Tommy Hilfiger's Social Media Post Hosting Strategy
• The Social Media Marketing (SMM) Interview
• Cartoon satirizing social media by M. Wuerker
• Western women who experience stress as a result of social media
• Social Media Use and Self-Disclosure
• Elliso's "Negotiating Privacy Concerns in a Social Media Environment"
• Sports Teams' Exposure to Social Media "Teachers, Social Media, and Free Speech" by Vasek
• Social Media: Advantages and Drawbacks
• Social Media and Body Image Definition
• Use of Social Media Platforms to Promote Business

On a concluding note,

We hope the list of suggested social media essay themes above helped you choose a strong subject. Reach out to us for assignment writing programming assignment help if you need help choosing a decent social media essay topic or if you don't know how to create an effective social media essay. We have qualified essay writers on our staff who can help you create a superior social media essay that meets your needs promptly and affordably.

Q1. What is a social media essay?

A social media essay is an academic or informative piece of writing that discusses various aspects of social media platforms, their impact on society, culture, and individuals, as well as related topics. It may explore the benefits, drawbacks, trends, or any other relevant aspect of social media.

Q2. What are the common types of social media essays?

You may be assigned to write a social media essay in any one of these genres:

• Persuasive essays
• Argumentative essays
• Descriptive essays
• Expository essays
• Compare and contrast essays

Q3. What is the importance of social media?

Social media is crucial for modern communication, connecting individuals globally, disseminating information instantly, and facilitating activism and business promotion. It fosters engagement, networking, and the sharing of diverse perspectives. It also helps in shaping public discourse and influencing social, cultural, and economic dynamics in the digital age.

Q4. What are some interesting social media essay topics?

• The impact of social media on mental health
• Social media's role in politics
• Cyber-bullying and social media
• The influence of influencers on society
• Privacy concerns in the digital age

Q5. How do I structure a social media essay?

Here are the steps to follow to structure a social media essay:

• Introduction with a hook.
• Body paragraphs with supporting evidence.
• Counterarguments if necessary.
• Conclusion summarizing key points.
• Citations and references.

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Social Media Essay: Guide to Structuring an A+ Paper

• Icon Calendar 14 August 2024
• Icon Page 4236 words
• Icon Clock 19 min read

Social media essays resemble other academic papers and focus on a wide range of topics in various subjects. Basically, a unique trait is that such papers focus on social media, which shows their primary focus. In this case, a compelling essay should contain specific sections, like an introduction, body, and conclusion. Firstly, the Introduction entails a hook, summary of main ideas, and a strong thesis statement. Then, the body section must have several paragraphs that relate to a thesis statement. Besides, writers should split a thesis into several justifiable points to form body paragraphs. In turn, a conclusion should bring a paper to a logical closure. Hence, students need to learn how to write such compositions to meet their basic requirements and get a good response from an audience.

General Guidelines

Social media is a useful tool that continues to gain popularity today due to its features. In this case, the most famous networking platforms, such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, among others, allow users to be connected with each other, and their distance does not matter. Besides, young individuals are dominant users of such technology. Basically, these defining features make online media an exciting area of study for writing different types of essays . In this case, many scholars write essays and research papers that focus on negative and positive issues related to the continued application of this mode of communication. Moreover, such papers focus on all matters about social media and its influence on all human characteristics. Hence, because online-based communication platforms are a popular means of communication, scholars write essays and research papers concerning their relationships with human lives. 

What Is a Social Media Essay and Its Purpose

According to its definition, a social media essay is a written analysis that explores the effects and significance of digital spaces in various contexts. Its main purpose for writing is to examine various facets of online platforms, their impact on society, and how they influence communication, relationships, culture, business, and even politics (Specht, 2019). In this case, typical themes include possible psychological impacts of Internet use, critical issues of privacy and data security, today’s coverage of information and misinformation, actual roles of virtual communities and networks in social movements and activism, and others. On the other hand, writers analyze and reflect on these aspects critically, providing readers with a comprehensive understanding of how web platforms shape various spheres of life (Cogni, 2019). By doing so, they promote critical thinking, inform readers about the impacts, benefits, or drawbacks of this technology, and encourage thoughtful discourse on its implications for individuals and society at large. In terms of pages and words, the length of a social media essay can vary significantly depending on academic levels and specific assignment requirements, and general guidelines are:

High School

• Length: 0.5-3 pages
• Word Count: 100-750 words

College (Undergraduate)

• Length: 3-5 pages
• Word Count: 750-1,250 words

University (Advanced Undergraduate)

• Length: 5-8 pages
• Word Count: 1,250-2,000 words
• Length: 8-20 pages
• Word Count: 2,000-5,000 words
• Length: 20-40 pages (or more, depending on the depth of research required)
• Word Count: 5,000-10,000 words (or more)

Definitions of Key Terms

Examples of Topics

Selecting a suitable topic is the first and most important step toward writing a good social media essay. Basically, it can be an overwhelming task for college students to develop new themes for their essays and research papers (Redman & Maples, 2017). In turn, free examples of social issues essay topics in various disciplines are:

• Cultural shifts in privacy perception post-social media .
• Influence of social media on modern society .
• Impacts of social media on society: Progress or peril?
• The rise of TikTok: A socio-cultural analysis .
• How does digital space influence society?
• What are the influences of online environments on social relations?
• Is web networking a problem or a solution?
• Understanding the impact of social media on teenage self-image .
• How does digital communication influence the mental well-being of teenagers?
• Describe effective ways in which people use to overcome Internet addiction.
• Do online environments inspire cyberbullying?
• Body image perceptions and web networking influence.
• Digital space and online anxiety in interpersonal relationships.
• Describe some ways in which social media impacts education.
• What role does online networking play in improving grades?
• In what ways has digital technology changed education?
• The use of educational apps for personalized learning.
• Teacher-student interaction in virtual learning environments.
• Gamification and its effects on learning outcomes.
• Impacts of social media on companies and businesses.
• How do Internet channels transform the world of business?
• Has digital networking opened a new way of doing business?
• Customer engagement strategies using digital platforms.
• Online customer service and its impact on brand loyalty.
• The influence of online marketplaces on small business growth.
• Influences of social media on teen mental health .
• Effects of online channels on healthy aging.
• Does web interaction enable people to lead healthy lives?
• Negative impacts of digital networks on mental health.
• Online health communities and patient support.
• Digital health interventions for preventive care.
• Virtual reality and its potential impact on social media .
• Impacts of social media and internet algorithms on user experience .
• The emergence of Clubhouse: Audio-based social networking .
• Roles of digital environments in promoting technological innovativenes.
• Is web networking used for mass surveillance?
• How does online communication reflect modern technological advancement?
• Augmented reality’s impact on user experience in digital platforms.

Identifying Central Themes

Students can learn if they need to write social media essays and research papers quickly. In most cases, the topics have the words “social media” (Redman & Maples, 2017). Basically, this feature distinguishes these essays from other essay topics. Moreover, such papers follow a unique essay structure that enables students to express their thoughts effectively (Cogni, 2019). Besides, one can identify different types of essays based on the kind of argument presented on a topic. In turn, to start a social media essay, writers begin with a compelling hook, provide relevant background information, and clearly state their thesis sentences. Hence, basic guidelines on how one may identify various types of social media essays are:

Argumentative Formats

An argumentative social media essay should have a strong argument. Basically, this essay’s topic should prompt a person to pick one side of a discussion and provide the necessary support (Specht, 2019). Besides, argumentative prompts require one to use facts and analysis from credible sources. In turn, one may identify these argumentative essay topics quickly since they encourage writers to give an opinion.

Persuasive Ideas

A persuasive social media essay focuses on urging readers to accept a particular belief or idea. For example, corresponding persuasive topics require students to use logical concepts to support the main argument (Redman & Maples, 2017). Besides, such themes focus on promoting critical thinking skills when dealing with a specific idea. In turn, one may identify such persuasive essay topics easily because such themes contain keywords, like “effects,” “impacts,” “causes,” and “pros and cons,” among others.

Satirical Concepts

A satirical writing style requires learners to use sarcasm when criticizing a subject. In this case, satirical social media essay topics compel writers to use irony and hyperbole elements to communicate their points (Cogni, 2019). On the other hand, students may identify such issues easily since such assignments require them to use creativity with a good sense of humor. In most cases, such topics relate to “addiction” or “isolation.”

Social Media Essay Format

Note: A general format presented in a table above works not only for organizing an essay but also for writing a social media research paper. In this case, optional sections are necessary for organizing research papers, while other parts are needed for writing a typical essay on social media. Moreover, some sections can be combined in a single paragraph or added and deleted depending on a writer’s scope of research. Finally, to write a social media essay, writers start by introducing an engaging topic and thesis, then develop body paragraphs with evidence and analysis, address counterarguments, and conclude by summarizing key points and reiterating a main idea of a composition.

All essays require a proper structure, just like other academic papers. For example, a typical structure of a social media essay includes an introduction part with a corresponding thesis statement, several body paragraphs presenting evidence and analysis, a section addressing counterarguments, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates a central claim (Redman & Maples, 2017). As such, the first step in writing a successful media paper is to develop a correct essay outline, which shows all the necessary sections. In turn, students may use the following structure:

Introduction

Outstanding social media essays should have a good college essay introduction that captures the reader’s attention with an impressive hook. For example, to structure a social media essay, writers begin with an introduction and thesis statement, follow with body paragraphs presenting evidence and analysis, write a counterargument section with an opposing position, and conclude with a summary and restatement of a thesis (Specht, 2019). Moreover, an engaging hook sentence makes people interested in reading an entire essay. In turn, some examples of sentence starters for beginning a social media essay include:

• As modern media continues to be integrated into every aspect of human daily life, the implications include … .
• In examining the transformative power of digital platforms, it becomes evident that … .
• The popularity of online platforms has not only shaped a way of communication but also … .
• In the middle of the current digital revolution, media channels stand out as a bridge for … .
• Web use and privacy rights raise complex questions about … .
• With today’s growth and popularity of online influencers, the dynamics of … .
• A better understanding of the web’s impact on mental health reveals … .
• The role of networking channels in contemporary political discourse underlines the need to … .
• As digital technologies reshape the landscape of information dissemination, its influence on … .
• Exploring the ethical aspects of Internet networking use highlights the tension between … .

Keywords and Summary

Writing a good introduction for a social media essay includes keywords and an overview of the main ideas. In particular, people should include keywords that relate to a topic in question (Boot et al., 2021). Moreover, opening paragraphs should consist of catchy words, while they allow readers to have a clear picture of an intended message. In turn, a clear summary of the main ideas allows the targeted audience to develop a clear understanding of a topic. Besides, such brief details reveal writing an essay’s scope.

Outstanding social media essays should have a clear thesis statement that reveals the main message. Basically, a good thesis statement should show the writer’s unique thoughts and perception of a topic (Redman & Maples, 2017). Besides, one should create a debatable thesis statement that seeks to prove something about a subject in question.

The body of social media essays provides ideas required to support a central claim. In this case, writers have a mandate to provide adequate evidence to support a thesis statement (Specht, 2019). Basically, the essay’s body should contain different sections related to a thesis statement. Hence, writers must follow a specific structure of body paragraphs.

Topic Sentence

Each body paragraph must begin with a topic sentence that relates to a thesis statement. In practice, a body paragraph in any essay must focus on writing one idea. To make a social media essay stand out, writers offer unique insights, support their arguments with strong evidence, and present a well-balanced analysis of different perspectives (Capriotti & Zeler, 2023). Moreover, a topic sentence should relate to a single idea connected to a central argument. In turn, this strategy enables one to communicate intended ideas to the audience clearly. 

Students must provide the necessary evidence to support an idea presented in a topic sentence. As a rule, one should use real-life examples or evidence from reliable sources to support a topic sentence. Basically, this approach makes a media essay appear compelling and relevant to issues that affect readers (Schulz et al., 2022). Moreover, writers can use media posts as references in their essays, but they must ensure they are from credible sources and appropriately cited. In turn, one should provide correct citations for evidence by using appropriate referencing formats, such as APA 7, MLA 9, Harvard, or Chicago/Turabian, among others.

Explanation

Writers must provide a clear and relevant description of evidence cited from academic sources to avoid plagiarism and write effectively. Moreover, readers need to understand corresponding connections between an example given, a topic sentence, and a thesis statement. In this case, one should provide one or two sentences that explain how the evidence supports an idea presented in a paragraph (Cogni, 2019). Besides, a prudent writer uses transitional words in a paragraph to enhance the flow of ideas and separate sentences for a friendly reading. In turn, readers should have a seamless flow of concepts as they go through a text.

Concluding and Transitioning Sentences

Each body paragraph must end with a concluding and transitioning statement. For instance, all the body paragraphs should have a unique relationship between key ideas presented in these sections (Redman & Maples, 2017). On the other hand, readers should not experience unnecessary disruptions and obstructions as they move from one paragraph to another. In this case, the last sentence of each body paragraph must provide a clear summary of the main ideas presented in a section. Besides, this sentence should be linked to a topic sentence of the next paragraph. Hence, students must ensure all body paragraphs are connected with each other to keep the audience glued until the end of an essay.

The Number of Body Paragraphs

The ideas presented in a thesis statement determine the number of body paragraphs that one should use when writing a social media essay. As a rule, one should focus on communicating the main message effectively (Boot et al., 2021). Moreover, one must evaluate a thesis statement and split it into different ideas to convey the central idea effectively. For persuasive essay topics, one must use several paragraphs that show facts effectively. To ensure their social media essay is unbiased and objective, writers rely on credible sources, present multiple perspectives, and avoid letting personal opinions dominate an entire analysis. Hence, a good essay should have several sections that enhance a logical representation of ideas.

A social media essay must have a concluding paragraph that brings a paper to a logical closure. Basically, students not only focus on being creative when writing the conclusion part but also reiterate the main points discussed in a body section with a thesis statement by using different wording (Specht, 2019). Unfortunately, some writers make mistakes in introducing new information and evidence in the conclusion section. Besides, such flaws undermine the essay’s quality and lower the ability to communicate the intended message. As a rule, one should restate a thesis statement and summarize the ideas presented in all topic sentences. Besides, the closing paragraph should include any appropriate call to action. Hence, the conclusion should bring an entire essay to a logical closure that reveals the ideas presented.

Example of a Written Social Media Essay

Topic: Is Social Media a Problem or a Solution?

Introduction Sample

Social media is a primary cause of the major problems today. Basically, the emergence of this technology has enabled people to maintain close interaction with friends from all over the world. Besides, such applications make digital channels a suitable solution to societal issues and interests. However, it results in many social ills. Although some people argue that digital technologies solve societal problems, their continued wide use leads to long-lasting hatred problems.

Examples of Body Paragraphs

Argument: Hatred

Social media leads to hatred among teenagers. For instance, most teenagers rely on digital devices to establish relationships with their peers. In this case, they tend to spread hatred in their social circles. Moreover, web bullying and victimization are the primary causes of teenage suicide. In turn, hatred caused by this online technology can lead to terminal consequences. Hence, online communication can be a significant cause of hatred among teenagers despite having some benefits.

Counterargument: Benefits

On the other hand, social media communication provides a unique way of establishing unique solutions. For instance, teenagers create friends through online platforms. In turn, this strategy allows them to share ideas and issues that affect their lives. Eventually, they manage to address many challenges that affect their lives. Hence, web-based spaces support the establishment of unique societal solutions.

Weaknesses of a Counterargument: Proper Use

The counterclaim is weaker than the main argument since it ignores that only a small number of people use social media constructively. For example, new web users may face bullying and other mistreatments that lead to anger and resentment. Besides, addiction to its usage leads to psychological problems like stress.

Conclusion Sample

In summary, some people argue that social media solves societal problems. However, such arguments tend to disregard the impact of the continued widespread application of internet-based communication methods, which causes long-lasting problems of hatred. Unfortunately, the significance of such disgust may include suicide among teenagers.

Another Writing Sample

Topic: Describe Two Undesirable Effects of Social Media

Example of an Introduction

Online-based communication methods form an indispensable fragment of human life. Basically, many individuals rely on social media for communicating and maintaining close contact with friends and family members. Despite the presence of such benefits, the wide use of web platforms leads to adverse effects. Because online networking is a popular mode of communication, it continues to cause negative impacts, like cyberbullying and suicidal thoughts.

Body Sample

Effect 1: Cyberbullying

The wide use of social media platforms leads to cyberbullying among teenagers. For example, the majority of teenagers who use online platforms have experienced cyberbullying in the form of name-calling and rumor-spreading. Basically, these abusive online behaviors lead to damaging resentments and unmatched hatred among teenagers. In turn, this problem leads to chronic stress among victims. Hence, such platforms expose youths to cyberbullying, including suicidal thoughts.

Effect 2: Suicidal Thoughts

Social media use has a direct contribution to a suicidal way of thinking. For example, many scientists show in their study reports how the Internet and other networking platforms influence suicidal thoughts. In this case, damaging resentments from cyberbullying and intimidation in online environments motivate youths to think about suicide as a way to get out of problems they face. Moreover, online interactions expose teenagers to enter cults and groups that consider suicide as an easier way of escaping social challenges. Hence, interactions through digital spaces are a source of motivation for teenagers to develop suicidal thoughts.

Example of a Conclusion

In summary, social media is a popular mode of communication today. In particular, the development of online platforms as a suitable tool of interaction exposes teenagers to adverse effects like cyberbullying. Moreover, many youths develop anger and resentment that may lead to suicidal thoughts. Thus, scientists need to develop new methods of how to overcome such outcomes of media use.

Common Mistakes

• Lack of a Clear Thesis: Failing to present a concise thesis statement and outline the main argument or focus of an entire essay.
• Overgeneralization: Making broad, sweeping statements without backing them up with specific examples or evidence.
• Ignoring Counterarguments: Not addressing opposing viewpoints or potential criticisms of a central argument.
• Inadequate Research: Relying on outdated or unreliable sources or not using enough credible articles to support key points.
• Excessive Jargon: Using too much technical language, terms, or jargon without proper explanation, making a written composition difficult to understand.
• Neglecting Structure: Poor organization of ideas, leading to a lack of coherence and clarity in a particular paper.
• Ignoring Ethical Considerations: Overlooking important ethical issues related to digital channels, such as privacy and data security.
• Lack of Analysis: Simply describing web trends without analyzing their implications or significance.
• Personal Bias: Writing personal opinions in an entire content without providing objective analysis or evidence.
• Grammatical and Typographical Errors: Failing to proofread and edit a final essay, resulting in distracting errors that undermine its credibility.

Digital platforms are popular methods of communication in the twenty-first century. In this case, many students write essays and research papers on connections between the use of online-based communication methods and human lives. Moreover, social media essays are unique academic papers that focus on a wide range of topics. Hence, easy steps that learners should consider when writing social media essays are:

• Start with an introduction that hooks readers.
• Develop body paragraphs that contain real-life examples or evidence from credible sources, like studies, reports, books, scholarly articles, and news articles with relevant explanations.
• Finish writing an entire essay with a summative conclusion.

Boot, A. B., Dijkstra, K., & Zwaan, R. A. (2021). The processing and evaluation of news content on social media is influenced by peer-user commentary. Humanities and Social Sciences Communications , 8 (1), 1–11. https://doi.org/10.1057/s41599-021-00889-5

Capriotti, P., & Zeler, I. (2023). Analysing effective social media communication in higher education institutions. Humanities and Social Sciences Communications , 10 (1), 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1057/s41599-023-02187-8

Cogni, M. (2019). From sentences to essays: A guide to reflective writing through reflective thinking . Vernon Press.

Redman, P., & Maples, W. (2017). Good essay writing: A social sciences guide . SAGE Publications Ltd.

Schulz, A., Fletcher, R., & Nielsen, R. K. (2022). The role of news media knowledge for how people use social media for news in five countries. New Media & Society , 26 (7), 4056–4077. https://doi.org/10.1177/14614448221108957

Specht, D. (2019). The media and communications study skills: Student guide . University of Westminster Press.

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256 Satirical Essay Topics & Satire Essay Examples [2024]

A satire essay is a creative writing assignment where you use irony and humor to criticize people’s vices or follies. It’s especially prevalent in the context of current political and social events. A satirical essay contains facts on a particular topic but presents it in a comical way.

This task may be intimidating. Don’t worry: even the greatest masters of satire didn’t always succeed in their early efforts! Our custom writing experts are here to help you. In this article, you will find:

• helpful info about satirical essays;
• a list of 256 essay topics;
• examples of satirical essays.
• 🔝 Top 10 Satire Essay Topics
• 😆 Satire Essay Definition
• ✍️ Writing Tips
• 😜 Essay Topics
• 💡 Writing Prompts

📚 Satire Essay Examples

🔗 references, 🔝 top 10 satire essay topics .

• The joy of scambaiting.
• Who teaches politicians to lie?
• How to build a cult successfully.
• Reasons why the sky should be green.
• How to fail your exams using Facebook.
• How not to get bored at family dinners.
• Let’s build walls around all countries.
• How to eat a lot without gaining weight.
• Ways to escape visits to the dentist.
• What do soccer and impact factors have in common?

😆 What Is a Satirical Essay?

A satirical essay is a composition written about a particular subject using irony or sarcasm. Usually, the topics are related to politics, society, or money. The primary goal of any satire is to use humor creatively to make fun of foolish human behavior and criticize topical issues. 

You can find examples of satire in numerous books, poems, and movies. If you enjoy dry humor based on exaggerations, you’ll surely have fun writing your satire essay.

✍️ How to Write a Satire Essay

Does the task of writing a satirical essay look daunting? No worries! Check out our expert advice: 

• First off, sit down and relax. Do something inspiring. For example, get in a fight (preferably a literal one.) Satire needs to be written at the boiling point; that’s exactly where the best essay ideas come from.
• Get inspiration from classic satire examples. Scan through the works of famous satirists when looking for ideas. It can be helpful to draw parallels with the situation in the modern world.
• Another great way to get satirical essay ideas is life itself. This is where every masterpiece comes from. Ideas for a satire may pop into your head at any time. Maybe you got into a fight with a lady in the supermarket or argued about clothes with your sibling. Whatever noteworthy event happened to you recently, write it down!
• The best satire paper ideas are those that reflect reality. If your readers can draw parallels with their life, then you’ve succeeded. Completely made-up stories are harder to pull off: you can end up not convincing your readers.
• Think about your audience. Should you choose a formal or casual tone for your satirical piece? If a professor is going to read it, the first option is preferable.
• Set your goals. Good satire only makes your readers laugh but also demonstrates to them your way of thinking. Use your satirical essay to show your attitude towards serious issues.
• Add a personal touch to your satirical writing. Narrate in first-person perspective or make yourself the protagonist. Adding a unique spin and an interesting perspective will help your essay stand out. It’s also good to use hyperboles and metaphors to make your point.

If you’re struggling with picking good satire topics, check out the ideas below.

😜 Satire Essay Topics List

Topics for a satirical essay on social media & technology .

Many of us have a complicated relationship with social media. Despite their convenience, they use a lot of our time as well as storage space. A satirical discussion can sharpen a critical perspective on these topics.

• Like, repost, and get married. It’s difficult to determine someone’s real intentions on the Internet. How does this impact people’s dating behavior?
• How cute animals became the main driving force of Instagram advertising. Emotions play a significant role in marketing. Adorable cats and dogs wield much power in this regard. What do you think is their secret?
• “I will just check a few posts and stories… Whoops, there goes my day.” If that sounds familiar to you, write about it in your satire essay on social media!
• “I’m going to filter this anyway.” However unflattering your photo looks, Instagram’s got your back. Discuss how you can use this power to your advantage.
• Let’s Zoom! Online classes are not everybody’s cup of tea. Will they become the new standard model of learning? Or will they disappear to where they came from?
• Twitter, Instagram, Facebook: can you use all of them without losing your grip on reality?
• The rise of knock-off products: will the Asian competition sweep Apple and others away?
• What if your phone is hacked?
• Providing a constant flow of content as a modern virtue.
• Exchanging gossip as a currency on social media.
• English will become an endangered language thanks to emojis.
• The worst social media virus: “Have you seen this TikTok ?”
• Step-by-step instructions on how to use hashtags to Twitter.
• Tagging in Facebook posts as an invasion of personal space.
• How to ruin your life with the help of only one social media account.
• Equality on the media: why are we discriminating against positive news?
• If you don’t watch my stories back, you don’t love me.
• Is your life as perfect as the one you display on your Instagram?
• Viral challenges are getting overly complicated.
• Caution: fact-checking Tweets may cause severe fires on social media.
• What if you were paid to scroll social media feeds?
• Understanding the cloud: how did my files get all the way up in the sky?
• Warning: downloading these apps may shorten your life.
• Tweets are short for a good reason: an average person’s attention span is getting shorter.
• Dumb ways to die: or, why you should never google how to save your life.
• Imagine the Internet disappears tomorrow.
• Can you make your coffee without a coffee machine?
• What do hackers look like in real life?
• An updated set of rules on how not to embarrass yourself on the Internet .
• Modern life: did you get the newest human update?
• TikTok should be banned in schools.
• FOMO: does it make you have nightmares?
• There is nothing bad about having a date with someone from social media.
• Social media jargon that we will never understand.
• How to unsee all the disgusting stuff you have seen on social media.
• A quick test to find out whether you’re smarter than your smartphone.
• Hiding your flaws on social media for dummies.
• Spotting an authentic lifestyle on Instagram is not that easy.
• Learning how to make a relevant and adequate comment on social media.
• Things from the Internet that could’ve been funny if they weren’t so real.
• Feeling good about your body doesn’t mean you should post nudes.
• How to stay at home forever: Let your parents see your photos from last night’s party on social media.
• How to gain more followers on your Twitter.
• Should we expect an apocalypse if social media shuts down?
• Is social media the best way to make new friends?
• Do your Instagram followers really care what you had for breakfast?
• It’s impossible to avoid Internet addiction.
• Should robots have human rights?
• 10 reasons not to use Google for your exam prep.
• Should robots replace humans?
• Why should everyone have Internet access?
• Technology is not what devastated human communication .
• Why are smartphones more important than desktop PCs?
• 10 reasons for taking online classes only.
• How do modern technologies affect the way we learn?

Satire Essay on School: Topic Ideas

In a satirical essay, you can criticize the social issues that concern you using irony and funny punchlines. You can express your ideas and worries about education with a little bit of humor. It sounds like a dream essay, doesn’t it? Writing about your problems in a satirical way might help you to look at them from a more optimistic perspective!

• What is the point of a school uniform? Even office workers rarely have to follow strict dress code rules. All in all, your brain won’t solve calculus tasks better if you wear a uniform.
• Why is studying online more productive than going to school? You don’t have to go anywhere to become more intelligent. All the existing knowledge is available on the Internet, and most of it is free.
• Teachers enjoy giving a lot of homework to their students. Many students suspect that. Do you think there might be some truth behind it?
• How can you defend yourself from older kids at school? Taking up boxing or karate ? Becoming a bully? Or maybe you just need to be a good runner? Try to think about the most creative and outlandish options.
• Reasons why you should write essays in the last minute. Nothing motivates a student more than an approaching deadline. Try to remember the time you finished your assignment the night before the due date. What was it like?
• What’s wrong with the educational system in America? Find the flaws in your program or describe the problems that your peers face. For example, think about tuition fees in colleges, overcrowding, or lack of attention to students.
• How social media help students in their studies. The educational content on social media can be helpful for your studies. Wouldn’t it be more interesting if your teachers interacted with you via TikTok or YouTube?
• How do you survive your senior year at high school? Applying to college, preparing for SAT or ACT, and keeping up with deadlines seem like a lot of multitasking. Describe all the difficulties students have to face and offer your solutions.
• Do we even need to go to school? At first, think about why you like and dislike school. Why do you think school helped you, and when was it useless? Provide your reasons why you keep going to school and what you aim to achieve.

Topics for a Satire Essay on Obesity

Healthy lifestyles keep gaining popularity. There are plenty of low-fat and vegan options in supermarkets, cafes, and restaurants. However, obesity is still a big problem for people’s health and self-esteem. Satirical topics below will help you look at it from a new perspective; just make sure to be respectful.

• Are overweight people happier than the rest of us? Many fat people keep positive and simply don’t care about the way others see them. They can enjoy their favorite foods and don’t feel the need to work out after that.
• Do overweight people want to lose weight? Some of them surely do. Others are happy the way they are and still face the constant pressure of the people surrounding them. Explain why it’s not necessary to lose weight just to fit the standards.
• How to stop eating at night. Nothing seems like a better idea than grabbing a snack at 2 a.m. The following day you cannot even realize why your brain persuaded you to do it. Explain why this habit can be harmful and what possible solutions can help to get rid of it.
• Crazy solutions for losing weight. You can find thousands of diets and fat-burning workouts on the Internet, but none of them work as well as promised. Find the funniest weight loss tips and describe them in your essay.
• How to persuade children to choose healthy foods. When you force somebody to do something, it doesn’t work well. Maybe we should show kids educational cartoons on nutrition? Or perhaps we need to learn how to cook delicious and healthy foods?
• How do some skinny people eat so much and don’t gain weight? Probably everyone knows a person who eats all the time and is not even close to getting fat. It might be fast metabolism, an active lifestyle, or black magic.
• What should you eat to lose weight? Everybody knows that you need to consume fewer calories than you burn. But people still want to find a perfect diet to reduce body fat. Can you come up with one?
• Signs that you need to lose some weight. Maybe your favorite jeans became too tight, or you can’t walk up the stairs as quickly as you used to. Think of the indicators showing that you’ve gained some extra weight.
• How does smoking affect weight loss? Many people believe that smoking reduces the feeling of hunger and makes you eat less. Ex-smokers also tend to gain weight when they give up smoking. Explore this issue in a satirical essay.

Environment & Global Warming Satire Essay Topics

Environmental issues are a big part of today’s debates. Satire can make your essay more prominent and draw more attention to the issues you discuss. Satirizing the current situation can be a powerful tool in motivating people to go green. If you’re looking for good satirical topics concerning the environment, this is your section.

• Behold: anyone is now able to walk on water. You can do it, too—thanks to giant garbage islands. What other “wonders” has pollution made possible?
• Our dependency on the environment is one-sided. Speculate what would happen if nature strikes back. Who will have the upper hand?
• No one likes to wade through garbage. Yet, many people just throw their trash on the ground. What’s going on in their minds?
• New technology: guilty until proven innocent. Can humans sustain technological progress at the cost of the environment?
• We are ready to cut down the tree if we need a toothpick. Is this acceptable or outrageous? Ponder on it in your essay.
• What if you could stop climate change? Imagine that you can control everything in the world. What would you do to stop global warming? Offer your solutions to climate change having this kind of power.
• Climate change is fake news . With this essay, you can satirize the point of view of climate change deniers. Winter is as cold as it used to be. Maybe global warming is a trick politicians use to deflect our attention from real problems.
• Dirty water vs. polluted air: the irony of rich nations looking down on developing societies.
• Is sustainability in big companies merely a fashionable way to make a profit?
• How can we live comfortably without degrading the environment?
• Natural disasters vs. climate change denial: is there a correlation?
• Can humans live in a symbiotic relationship with nature, as plants do?
• Stop brushing your teeth if you have heard of global warming.
• Why we should stop hating public transport .
• Overpopulated cemeteries: an underrated issue.
• Who cares about the environment when we need more housing?
• I hate recycling , so here is what I do instead of helping the environment.
• Riding horses instead of driving cars can be fun!
• Let’s be honest: do we really need that much ozone?
• The best solution for global warming: using hover boards instead of cars.
• Trashy waste disposal ways: can we do better?
• If you’re convinced “there is plenty of fish in the sea,” think twice.
• Humans sacrifice dozens of species to save one: themselves.
• The latest research shows that people don’t care about the environment.
• Should we consider reusable toilet paper to save our planet?
• Can’t people just plant more trees to save the forests?
• How to reduce pollution without recycling.
• What’s wrong with the zero waste ideology?
• How not making your bed can stop global warming.
• Why should humanity move to Mars ?
• 10 reasons why deforestation makes our planet cleaner.
• Are gasoline cars better than electric ones?

Satirical Essay on Social Issues: Topics & Questions

In this section, you’ll find satirical writing ideas about society, culture, and other related things.

• “I want to speak to the manager!” If you’re dying of shame every time someone says this sentence, welcome to the Karen phenomenon. What can you do to avoid becoming such a person?
• Multinational corporations are masters of disguise. The variety of choices on grocery store shelves is deceiving. Almost all goods there belong to one of few transnational corporations.
• You can achieve anything you set your mind to—unless you’re poor. Think of examples that support this statement, such as education not being accessible for everyone.
• Hungry Google. How can promising tech start-ups prevent being devoured by a giant? The greediness of a big corporation such as Google is a great satirical topic to write about.
• The dark side of the fashion industry. What’s your opinion on beautiful designs made by the hands of Asian children?
• Trends, bans, and censorship: is free speech only for the elite?
• How to keep up with slang as you get older.
• Will Apple’s planned obsolescence ever backfire?
• “I can paint like this”: the appeal of abstract art.
• Spartans knew how to deal with overpopulation.
• Who really deserves the title of the Greatest Generation?
• ”Let’s make it simple!”: the dullness of modern pop culture.
• Is it time to create a new currency in the US?
• What should you answer to a time-traveler from the past asking about the worst event in the 21st century?
• What if pharmaceutical companies merely want to keep us sick?
• 10 reasons why breastfeeding in public should be illegal.
• 7 reasons why women should not get pregnant.
• Why should you avoid getting vaccinated?
• Life hacks on how to get a cold in summer.
• What’s so good about plastic surgery ?
• What adverse effects can sports have on your life?

Other Satirical Essay Topics

Below you’ll find humorous topics related to politics and family life. You’re welcome to use them for your satirical writing assignment.

Satire Topics on Politics

It’s hard to face reality without a bit of humor. With everything that’s happening in the world, politics is perfect joke material. This is especially relevant for Juvenalian satire. To help you limit your choices, here are some prompts:

• Do men in power actually plan to destroy the world one day? Or is hoarding atomic weapons the politicians’ version of collecting stamps?
• “The internet is new territory for all of us.” At least it was, according to the German chancellor Angela Merkel in 2013. Sounds accurate? Unpack this quote in your essay.
• Democracies have one big problem: everyone is allowed to vote. Should democratic governments introduce some kind of an IQ test before authorizing people to participate in voting?
• Is Donald Trump a lizard person? How would this comical theory fit with his politics? Discuss this satire topic in your essay.
• North Korea’s role in the global playing field. Is the country a serious threat or a minor disturbance?
• How much influence do celebrities have in international politics?
• Politicians in Hungary and Poland use excessive anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric. What are they afraid of?
• Are rich people and Twitter enthusiasts such as Elon Musk secretly governing the world?
• Manufacturing conspiracy theories for fun and profit.
• Would life in Russia be any different if Putin crowned himself tsar?
• Why would shopping malls make perfect prisons?
• Analyze the dictionary meaning of the word “trump.”
• Romantic relationship between Hillary Clinton and the media.
• Do all presidents just follow their basic primitive instincts?
• If someone believes politicians , they might as well believe in aliens.
• 13 reasons why teenagers should create laws.
• The most effective method to treat your post-election stress.
• Every year’s slogan: Let’s make politics work again!
• A team of professionals working on upgrading Donald Trump’s lies.
• A practical dictionary to help you translate the Trump language.
• How would the deep state save us from the climate catastrophe?
• Winning as the ultimate goal of all elections for political figures.
• Why do presidents always appear to be right?
• Following the success of Germany, we have to unite the US, too!
• If you have these symptoms, you should see a doctor to treat your Political Correctness Syndrome immediately!
• Donald Trump’s best solution for wildfires, or “Rake, people, rake!”
• Family planning gone wrong: Alabama’s law on abortion.
• What do Canadians say about America’s struggles with immigrants?
• Making parallels between Humpty Dumpty and the issues with the US wall.
• Why everyone should own a gun.
• Why doesn’t freedom of speech make you free?
• Beware: the new virus of civil disobedience is coming.
• Why do we keep thanking the wrong heroes?
• A white American man: the most terrorized person in the world nowadays.
• Shouldn’t we treat China as America’s best friend?
• Communism is capitalism’s evil twin.
• Why didn’t the government invoke the 25 th amendment during Trump’s presidency?
• How to build hype: tips from the man who told everyone to drink bleach.
• Donald Trump as the next candidate for winning a Nobel Prize in medicine.
• Sending hippie-like peace text messages to the terrorists.

• Why won’t anyone believe what politicians say?
• What makes Donald Trump so unique?
• Trust me, the Great Wall of China will still stand after the alien invasion.
• Let’s see if Captain America would make a good president.
• Can we use ideas from comic books to confront terrorists?
• 10 reasons why you should watch CNN news twice a day before a meal.
• The gun control issue couldn’t be more overrated.
• People are dying: legalize marijuana to save lives!
• A collection of Donald Trump’s best advice.
• 10 reasons why Tony Stark should become the next president of the United States.
• Is Russia America’s top enemy?
• Should the Communist party be the world’s leading social organization ?
• 15 reasons why all countries should liberalize visa regimes.
• How much should countries spend on military expenses?
• Why is political satire important?

Satirical Essay Topics: Marriage and Family

Family life can be a blessing as well as a challenge. Humor is a big help. Looking through this section, you’ll definitely find a relatable satire essay topic. Be sure to have a witty solution for the next time!

• You’re a cat person; your partner loves dogs. And your child begs you to buy a snake. What’s the best way to choose a pet for the whole family? Explore this funny satire topic in your essay!
• “I have a great business idea . ” Have you come to fear hearing these words? Write about how to discourage your loved ones from investing in bad ideas.
• Just married! And the routine already sets in. How can a couple keep the spark?
• Marrying is easy; it is difficult to be married . If this hits close to home, consider it as the topic for your essay.
• Grandma Online. Many people underestimate their grandparents’ abilities to use the Internet. How can said grandparents use this to their advantage?
• What’s the best way to deal with ex-partners after marrying someone else?
• Marrying a Catholic priest: how to handle celibacy.
• “Blood is thicker than water”: when is this statement not valid?
• Love at first sight: truth or myth?
• Cool parents for all Millennials: a practical guidebook.
• Why do people who have failed relationships keep advising others?
• What are your grandpa’s best retirement ideas for young people?
• Paying back: what can you ask your grandparents at the end of the day?
• Family discussions are like puzzles that one has to piece together.
• Why does nobody tell you how overrated a married life is?
• The turning point of my life: before and after marriage.
• What if same-sex marriage becomes legal everywhere?
• Why some men don’t wear engagement rings.
• Why would anyone save for their kids’ college or wedding?
• The secret behind high divorce rates in the US.
• Don’t rush to say “I do,” check these things first.
• Living in communities as a substitute for marriage in the future.
• The reasons why my kids won’t get married in a church .
• If love is blind, why are we still so self-conscious?
• The most misused pickup line of the decade.
• Guidebook of the year: places where you can find love.
• When being yourself on a date doesn’t help, just be weird.
• The real struggle behind “ happily ever after .”
• The most obvious signs you have a nosy partner.
• How can paternity leave save the whole world?
• Top useful tricks on how to win a fight with your partner.
• Things you should do on the first date if you need to escape.
• At what age should teens enter romantic relationships?
• Social media comes to rescue you: why is it the best way to break up?
• Breaking up for introverts: how to do it without words.
• Not awkward, not cute: conversation starters for the first date.
• How to find out what your partner actually thinks about that dress.
• Get ready: questions your partner will definitely ask you at some point.
• How many times do I have to say “I love you” before my partner believes me?
• Family getaway planning on a budget (spoiler: stay home!)
• More money spent on weddings equals a higher chance of divorce.
• Being a housewife and a mom is so much easier than working! Right?
• Make your husband clean after himself: a step-by-step guide.
• Learning to love your parents who tag you in every post on Facebook.
• Who needs a babysitter when you have a tablet and a TV?
• Dressing your toddler: are there only pink and blue clothes?
• Enjoy your time as a kid of a divorced couple; you live in two places!
• The top 10 passive-aggressive comments to make to your “favorite” relative.
• How do you detect a typical mansplaining answer from a woman?
• The middle child : why do people often seem to forget about them?
• The reasons why your mother-in-law is not the greatest evil .
• Create a 100% stress-free family life by divorcing.
• How to make a bathroom your private space in 5 steps.
• Fixing racism issues by promoting interracial marriages.
• Your evolution into everything you hate about your parents.
• Are divorces more expensive than weddings?
• Why all fathers should be taking paternity leave.
• What to do on a date to never be asked out by that person again.
• How to lie to your spouse and get away with it.
• The most effective tricks never to have dishwashing duty.
• How to tell your partner that they’ve gained weight.
• How to please your mom without actually following her advice.
• 10 life hacks to break up with your partner without doing anything.
• Getting a haircut is the best method to deal with a breakup.
• 15 reasons why you should always be late for dates.

If you haven’t found a suitable topic, you can use our topic generator for inspiration.

💡 Prompts for a Satirical Essay: Examples

Need some additional inspiration? The following prompts will instantly provide you with writing ideas.

Satirical Essay on Drugs: Writing Prompt

Illegal drug use is a grave problem in our society. You can draw attention to this issue by writing a satirical proposal. Here are some options:

• Try to imagine what would happen if illegal drugs were free. What adverse “benefits” would this solution have? To drive the point home, use facts and statistics to show how easily addictions form.
• You may use the same approach to write about smoking or alcohol abuse. It’s a great idea to draw inspiration from old advertisements and taglines glamorizing the “benefits” of these addictions.

Feminist Satire Essay: Writing Prompt

Describing female oppression ironically as something positive allows you to demonstrate the absurdity of sexism. Think about the following:

• Many antifeminists see equal rights as a threat to patriarchy. For your essay, think about the examples of traditional misogynistic values, such as reducing women’s roles to housework. Then, present them in an ironic way to show how absurd they are.
• Another point worth satirizing is the idea that women are tired of equal rights. Do they want to go back to doing simple tasks in the kitchen and being banned from having a fulfilling job?
• Finally, you may want to explore if feminism hurts men. Is it true, or do some men just miss being in the spotlight?

Satirical Essay on Drinking and Driving: Writing Prompt

Drunk driving is among the primary reasons for road accidents in the US. It’s also an interesting topic to explore in a satirical essay. You can research ways of reducing impaired driving and turn them upside down:

• What if we start encouraging drunk driving by making alcohol more accessible? Think what would happen if the government lowers alcohol prices or makes it legal to drink everywhere.
• You may also want to ponder the consequences of lowering the legal drinking age. What would happen if kids start thinking that drunk driving is acceptable or even cool?
• You can go even further and ironically suggest making sober driving illegal.

Satirical Essay on Texting: Writing Prompt

Texting is fun—but it also comes with plenty of downsides. Below are some points you can satirize in your essay:

• One of the major drawbacks of texting is the lack of nuance compared to real-life communication. But what if it was actually an advantage? Try to describe the “benefits” of not being able to convey irony via texting.
• You may take a more serious stance and write a satirical essay on texting and driving. Why should texting be more important than watching the road? Show why this activity is pointless and highly dangerous.

Now let’s have a look at an essay example before you start writing. You can use this sample as inspiration or help you set a tone for a satire essay. Feel free to download the PDF file below:

Sometimes I dread graduating from high school just because I won’t have to wear a uniform anymore. It’s so wonderful to me because everything else I wear is either “too short” or “too bright.” In my opinion, school uniform relieves pressure and reduces unnecessary creativity and freedom of choice.

Satire Essay Examples from World Literature

If you are used to serious writing, it’s time to give it a break. Satire essays are all about fun. Some people even consider it to be one of the most entertaining types of essays.

Not only does satire show us reality as it is: it also entertains us. Let’s look at some satire writing examples from literary masters.

• The Cop and the Anthem by O. Henry The irony is already noticeable from the very beginning of O. Henry’s short story. Whatever main character Soapy intends to do, it results in the opposite. O. Henry perfectly plays around with Soapy’s sophisticated language use: it shows that despite being homeless, the character tries to appear as if he is of high status.
• Advice to Youth by M. Twain This satirical essay by Mark Twain aims to give a piece of advice to younger readers. They would expect it to be thoughtful as it comes from a respectable author. Instead of passing down his ideas about morality and values, Twain teaches youth how to act nicely. Long story short, it’s a convenient guide on how to pretend to be well-behaved. Twain’s use of sarcastic humor flips the theme of morality upside down.
• At the Funeral by M. Twain After reading this masterpiece, most adults and parents probably wouldn’t find Mark Twain so respectable anymore. In this essay, he mocks a set of social norms related to funerals. You can see how the writer plays around with this seemingly depressing topic. However, this satirical piece comes out to be quite entertaining. The reader can’t even sense the depressing mood surrounding the funeral processions. Twain also avoids using any terms related to it. He underlines that there is no value in such a custom anymore. All in all, he conveys his ideas very naturally and humorously.
• When I Was a Witch by Charlotte Perkins Gilman This short story created by Charlotte Perkins Gilman is considered one of the best satirical writing examples. It’s a story about a woman who discovers that all her wishes come true. She starts wishing for her surroundings and society at large to change. Though her wishes might seem strange, they are related to Gilman’s real-life circumstances. Ironically, only her wishes that are caused by negative emotions come true.
• A Modest Proposal by J. Swift This satirical essay by an English writer Jonathan Swift is about Ireland’s social and political problems. At the time, there was a famine in the country. Unfortunately, the government didn’t seem to find a solution to that issue. Swift decided to make a suggestion. He proposes to breed humans like cattle, resolving overpopulation and hunger at the same time. Such a horrible suggestion is nothing but an impossible idea with a hint of sarcasm. The main point of this essay is to make fun of the Irish government’s incapability to deal with social issues.

These texts will surely inspire you to write an outstanding essay.

We wish you good luck and hope this article was helpful! Don’t hesitate to share it with your friends.

Further reading:

• 435 Literary Analysis Essay Topics and Prompts [Upd]
• 460 Excellent Political Topics to Write about in 2024
• 420 Funny Speech Topics (Informative & Persuasive) + Presentation Ideas
• Funny Persuasive Speech Topics: Best Ideas for 2024
• 150 Best Environmental Essay Topics & Questions

✏️ Satirical Essay FAQ

In the modern world, there are way too many serious issues. Sensational media portrayal doesn’t make dealing with them easier. Satire helps to digest some ideas more effectively. Essays and articles often use satirical writing.

If you already have a topic, analyze the issue. You should come up with a good list of ideas first. Then, choose the most relevant points. Describe these in a satirical style. Add an introduction and a conclusion.

Students often have tasks with exact topics for their satire essays. If you need to develop an idea yourself, think about a topical issue you’ve heard about recently. Your subject might be related to your community or society as a whole.

First, read some examples of how other authors start their essays. This might vary from a quote or an anecdote to a rhetorical question. Sometimes the best way is to create an outline for the essay before writing an introduction.

• Essay Structure: Elizabeth Abrams, for the Writing Center at Harvard University
• What Is Satire? How to Use Satire in Literature, Pop Culture, and Politics: MasterClass
• Choosing a Topic: Purdue Writing Lab
• Satire Essays: Bartleby
• Origin of the Roman Satire Genre: NS. Gill, ThoughtCo
• Juvenalian Satire: Encyclopedia Britannica
• The Power of Political Satire: The New Yorker
• Political Satire: Huff Post
• Political Issues of 2024: I Side With
• Political Issues Students Care About in 2020: Best Colleges
• These Satirical Nat Geo Headlines Aren’t Too Far Off: National Geographic
• Laughing in the Face of Climate Change? Satire as a Device for Engaging Audiences in Public Debate: University of Colorado Boulder
• Technology Addiction: How Should It Be Treated?: Medical News Today
• Concerns Regarding Concerns Regarding Social Media and Health Issues in Adolescents and Young Adults: ACOG.org
• Social/Family Issues: Medline Plus
• Trump’s Biggest Accomplishments and Failures from His 1-Term Presidency: Business Insider
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Hello, thanks for useful and effective ideas for satirical essay writing! They are like a miles stone to me! Wish you good luck!!!

Prominent ideas for satirical essays. These are what I need for my writing process) Actually, for its starting. Thanks a lot!

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The Science Behind Good Social Media Hooks + 18 Examples

Here’s everything you need to know about social media hooks, plus examples from the folks who are great at creating thumb-stopping content.

Table of Contents

Stop scrolling right now. This blog post will change your life. Okay, maybe not — but it will teach you how to create an effective social media hook for TikTok, Instagram, and beyond.

(See what we did there? We used a hook. )

When it comes to engaging Instagram’s 2 billion active users and TikTok’s 884 million active users , capturing attention is more than half the battle. Here’s everything you need to know about hooks, plus examples from the folks who do it best and the ultimate thumb-stopping social media hook hack (spoilers: it’s Owlywriter AI).

OwlyWriter AI instantly generates captions and content ideas for every social media network. It’s seriously easy.

What is a social media hook?

A social media hook is text , a photo, video or audio that immediately grabs a social media user’s attention. A hook is always one of the very first things presented to the user—for example, the first few seconds of a TikTok or the first photo posted in an Instagram carousel.

The purpose of a TikTok or Instagram hook is essentially to get the user to stop scrolling, and to engage with the content in its entirety: hooks create intrigue, capture attention, and hold it. That’s not far off of the literal definition — as in, a fish getting hooked — but in this case, after Reeling ‘em in (get it?) we’ll be ethically releasing our catch.

What makes a good social media hook?

A great social media hook gets attention and sustains it . An excellent hook makes the user believe that the rest of the content will be valuable to them in some way—that value could be information, advice, entertainment, etc.

Good hooks are presented to the user immediately (TikTok suggests that the first two seconds of a video are crucial for getting an audience’s attention). Hooks should appeal to your target audience base and set up a user’s expectations for what’s to come. An awesome hook is a promise that the content is worth watching.

And finally, a hook should be true . Yes, you might draw a few people in with hooks that make wild, inaccurate claims about the rest of the video (for example, How I Won An Olympic Gold Medal in Prancing or I May Look Like a Regular Person But I Am Actually Nine Guinea Pigs in a Trench Coat), but you won’t grow your follower base or create any kind of loyal audience if you’re not being truthful. Be engaging, but be honest .

TikTok hook examples

Now you know the dos and don’ts—here’s evidence that great hooks make a difference on TikTok.

Give away the ending

Starting by sharing the subject of your TikTok—for instance, by using text or audio to describe what happens in the video—means your audience knows exactly what’s coming.

@jaycehallart I never needed anything more 🤍 #taylorswift #swifttok #wordart ♬ original sound – ivan 🎹🫶🏼🌻

This TikTok lets viewers know what to expect using text overlaid on top of the video. Anyone watching knows immediately what the video is about—a drawing of Taylor Swift created by writing her name hundreds of times—but users are prompted to stick around to see what the end result looks like.

Ask and answer a question

And here’s the total opposite of the last example: asking a question at the beginning of your TikTok will encourage viewers to keep watching for the answer.

@everyslice Replying to @Michael #askthebread #fyp #love #bread ♬ …Ready For It? – Taylor Swift

There’s probably no better example of this than getting hooked into watching a one-minute video of a slice of bread. 5.7 million people have. It’s not because the video itself is interesting; it’s because everyone wants to know the answer to the question “Will I ever be loved?”

Hot tip: This video also exemplifies an awesome strategy for increasing engagement : when you post videos replying to comments, people are more likely to comment on your videos.

Be fast and loud

Kicking off your video with some good old-fashioned aggression will definitely snap a viewer out of their mindless scroll. It sounds obvious and ridiculous, but this strategy can actually be incorporated into lots of different niches.

@skylar_toth Making bagels for my family 🫶🏼 #bagels #homemade #baking #baker #bakewithme #bakingasmr #asmr #asmrvideo #asmrsounds #originalsound #skylarbaking ♬ original sound – Skylar Toth

For example, there’s baking. This bagel-making TikTok starts off with a dough slam that’s debatably unnecessary but inarguably attention-grabbing. Any kind of swift movement or loud sound is sure to get attention (just make sure it’s followed by something that’s actually entertaining or useful).

Assert your expertise

There’s certainly no shortage of people trying to give advice on TikTok, so if you’re an expert in a particular field, tell your audience right away.

@drjennyliu #skincareproducts #skincarepicks #skincaremusthaves #skincare101 #dermatologist #skincareroutine #skincarereview #skincarehacks #splurgeworthyskincare #budgetskincare ♬ Pink (Bad Day) [From Barbie The Album] – Lizzo

This TikTokker starts her video by asserting her position as an expert—in this case, a dermatologist—making viewers more likely to listen to her hot takes on skincare.

Start with a “do” or a “don’t”

A hook that is assertive and instructional—for example, a direction starting with “always” or “never”—will pique the interest of many viewers. Especially when it’s timely advice.

@cassyeungmoney Leftover thanksgiving turkey pho in 45 mins you already know the drill!! #pho #thanksgivingleftovers ♬ MONACO – Bad Bunny

This TikTok is a perfect example. The creator posted it around Thanksgiving, when lots of Americans had turkey on their minds, and began the video by saying “Do not throw your turkey carcass away.” It’s followed by step-by-step instructions for making pho: useful, timely, and worth a watch even for folks who’d more likely get takeout than cook turkey.

Declare your stitches

Stitching other videos on TikTok is an excellent method for creating your own content. Instead of coming up with an idea out of the blue, you can respond to or create a conversation with another creator.

But because viewers will see the video you’re stitching first, and not your personal content, it’s a good idea to hook them in by letting them know a stitch is incoming.

@the_hotmess_supermom #stitch with @alix earle That is EXACTLY what I look like. Nailed it. 👏🏻🥴 #momsoftiktok #momlifebelike #funnymoms ♬ original sound – Mari Ebert

Using the text “Stitch incoming” is the most common way to do this. The original TikTok above posted by Alix Earle got lots of funny (but good-natured) stitches from mothers showing what they actually look like at school pickup.

This hook alerts viewers that they’re about to see a stitch, and should keep watching to see what’s next.

Create. Schedule. Publish. Engage. Measure. Win.

Instagram hook examples

How do you hook on the ‘gram? Learn from the pros.

Hooks for Instagram posts

You can hook in your Instagram audience with an engaging caption , but the content itself can also play hooky: here are a few strategies.

Make a carousel quiz

Instagram carousels create a great opportunity for testing out social media hooks: on average, they get three times the engagement of regular posts on IG.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Knix (@knix)

Creating a quiz that your audience has to swipe through is one way to utilize carousels. Hook users in by asking an interesting question and you’re all set.

Attach audio to your feed posts

Now, you can add audio to your still posts on Instagram, so you can hook in speed-scrollers with trending tunes, seasonal songs or throwback favourites.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by DUA LIPA (@dualipa)

This post from Dua Lipa is the perfect example of using audio: she announces a new song in the still image, and adds the song to the post so that it automatically starts playing when a user is viewing the image. (This is sadly only offered on mobile — if you’re reading this blog post on your desktop, you won’t hear the audio).

Create text posts

Sure, a picture’s worth a thousand words, but it generally takes a little longer to read text than it does to look at a photo—and hooks are all about increasing the amount of time a user spends viewing your content. Because Instagram is mostly image- and video-based, a simple text post stands out.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Sheertex (@sheertex)

Especially if that text post is funny. The post above from Sheertex is a good example: the simple user-generated review is both hilarious and engaging.

Hooks for Instagram Reels and Stories

It’s video time again: here are some examples of top-notch hooks for Reels and Stories.

Use cool editing and transitions

Video editing tools make transitions a breeze on social media, and an interesting transition at the very beginning of your video will hook your audience in.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Joy Green | Mom & DIY + Home Decor Creator (@joyfullygreen)

This Reel is full of neat transitions — it’s satisfying to watch, regardless of how interested the viewer is in the content itself.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Khumais Idrees (@khumaix)

Here’s another example of engaging editing. Instagram may be more than a photo sharing app, but beautiful photos still grab attention on this social media platform.

Hop on a trend

A trending song or sound is often enough to hook viewers in — they’ll recognize the trend and watch your reel to see your take on it.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Jemel May (@jemelmay)

Again, this works especially well for humorous trends.

Incorporate text in a unique way

The Reel below delivers a simple message (”We’re waiting for you”) in a very artistic, distinct way. Each word is visible in its own distinct clip.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Hidden Haus Coffee & Tea (@hiddenhaus)

It’s almost like an “I spy” to get the message, and reading each word prompts you to stick around ‘till the end.

Reference the end of the video at the beginning

Ah, the oldest (and best) trick in the book: “Wait for it.” Tempt your audience to pause their scroll by beginning your Reel with a reference to the end.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Kai Kojimoto (@kojimochi)

This Reel doesn’t specifically ask viewers to wait until the end of the video. It’s more subtle. But users know from the text at the video’s start that the grandparents are the ones to watch… and the grandparents just happen to be at the end.

Post useful videos

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but utility is almost universal: hook in a viewer by immediately showing them how beneficial your video will be to them.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Half Batch Baking (@halfbatchbaking)

This Reel on how to poach an egg starts with a perfectly poached egg, asserting the creator’s position as a capable poacher. Anyone who doesn’t know how to poach an egg — or wants to improve their soft yolk skills — is tempted to keep watching.

Don’t forget to add a call to action at the end. After all, the only way a user can guarantee they’ll keep seeing your useful Reels is by following you.

Make a command

Similar to a “do” or “don’t,” commanding a viewer to stop a certain behaviour (especially a common one) will generally get their attention. This isn’t necessarily because your target audience is eager to change their behaviour. But they’ll watch your Reel anyway.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by WIMBERLY’S | BEAUTY BAR (@wimberlys_beautybar)

Hair styling videos often use this tactic. I can’t tell you how many videos I’ve seen that tell me the way I put my hair in a ponytail is wrong. But do I watch them to the end, just to see what I’m missing? Absolutely.

Confuse your audience

Say what? Yes, sometimes confusing your audience — just for a moment — is an awesome way to get attention (toddlers have really cornered the market on this strategy IRL). A curious viewer will want to figure out what happens next.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by ▵✖️tati (@illumitati)

The Reel above starts with a clip of a person using a marker to draw a dot on their camera’s screen. Drawing on a screen is unusual behaviour, prompting the audience to keep watching to see what’s up.

How to create engaging hooks with OwlyWriter AI

Hooking a fish takes patience, but writing a hook can be done in seconds — especially when you have AI copywriting on your side.

Owlywriter AI is a writing tool built specifically for social media managers. It’s integrated into Hootsuite’s composer, and is available with all Hootsuite plans. Here’s how to use it.

Once you’ve logged into Hootsuite, click the Compose icon near the top of the left menu.

Next, click Post .

This will bring you to Hootsuite’s Composer. The next window will prompt you to use OwlyWriter AI to write social captions. Select Create a caption now .

Start free 30-day trial

On the next page, select Start from scratch . Then, scroll until you find HOOK post .

Owlywriter will prompt you to describe your company. Type in a sentence about who you are and what you do. I made up a recycled basketball company for the sake of this example, but in your case, it’s best to go with something real.

Hit Create caption and in a few moments, Owlywriter will generate not only a hook, but an offer, unique angle and kicker. This would be the perfect opportunity for a soccer pun — maybe I should have gone with that instead of basketballs. What a home run.

Save time managing your social media presence with Hootsuite. From a single dashboard you can publish and schedule social media posts across networks, find relevant conversions, engage the audience, measure results, and more. Try it free today.

Get Started

Save time and grow faster with OwlyWriter AI, the tool that instantly generates social media captions and content ideas .

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Alyssa Hirose is a magazine editor, playwright, comedian and comic artist based in Vancouver, B.C. She attributes her great sense of humour to 9 years of braces and good ol' elementary school bullying (unrelated, unfortunately).

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• Clean Comedian
• Press-Feedback-Praise
• Testimonials
• Electronic Press Kit
• Jewish Comedy
• Shaun’s Comedy Talents
• Banking / Financial / Wall Street / Insurance / Investment Comedy
• Comedy for Wineries and Breweries
• Shows for Senior Citizen Groups
• Business School… in About an Hour
• Corporate Comedy
• Expired Comedy (topical humor)
• Mustache Life sketch
• Obamas on Vacation sketch
• Recurring Character sketch
• Trump King Day Speech sketch
• Comedic Essays
• Blog (shorter comedic essays)
• “A Tale of Two Kiddies” (short children’s story)
• Are Female Comedians Finally in Demand? (Newark Star-Ledger op-ed)
• From Justice to Laughter (NJ Lawyer Magazine article on attorneys who became comics)
• From Justice to Laughter narrated for the vision-impaired (mp3 file)
• Women Are Funny (originally published on Yahoo Shine)
• Unseen “Seinfeld” script “Health and Rackets”
• Unseen “Seinfeld” script “Private Lines”
• A Short Tribute to George Carlin
• South African Comedy
• What’s More Jewish Than Comedy? (Reform Judaism magazine)
• Earthquake Flow Chart
• How to Tell a Joke
• How to Hire a Comedian

Comedic Essays: Funny writing from Clean Comic Shaun Eli

103 hilarious and serious essays. some of these are funny, and some are serious. if you can’t tell the difference then i’m not doing my job., to the editor of money magazine.

I was dismayed to discover that your list of the fifty best jobs didn’t include any in entertainment (and only one that was on the creative side– creative director). I’m a stand-up comedian and I wouldn’t trade my job for any other (not even for my high school job– working at an ice cream parlor with unlimited on-the-job eating). While there are aspects of my profession that an audience doesn’t see (marketing– working to get booked, for example) there’s nothing like getting paid to brighten people’s days.

Sure, not everybody can do my job (it takes talent as a writer and performer, plus years of practice) but neither can anybody just get into medical school, pass the bar exam or become an engineer.

Making a list of the best jobs but leaving out the creative ones is like having a list of the best places to live but excluding all the coastal states. But then I notice that “Magazine Editor” didn’t make the list either– maybe you’re just not that happy. Not a problem… I know just what you need… come to a show!

——————————————————————————–

posted on 2/8/08

For every person about whom you think “He’s awful, why is he getting opportunities that I’m not getting?” there’s someone else saying the same thing about you.

Comics, if you’re gonna eat it* on stage, try not to do it when the waitresses are in the room.

This is especially true for the waitress you have a crush on.

This is possibly even more importantly true if one of the waitresses is dating the booker.

Try not to have a crush on the waitress dating the booker.

If you can’t help it, try even harder not to mention the crush to anyone.

Don’t assume that the writer of this piece has a crush on a waitress, or that any particular booker is dating someone working at the club.

Don’t even assume that comedy clubs HAVE waitresses.

* comedy slang for having a terrible show

How to Audition

posted on 1/30/08

People have been asking me about auditioning for Last Comic Standing, so here’s what I know.

I was the first NY comic to audition for Last Comic Standing II. And I was way not ready– very new in stand-up. While waiting to go on stage I thought of an addition to strengthen my opening joke, an addition I still use. And I promptly forgot about it when I nervously stepped on stage. The judges Bob Read and Ross Mark, who book The Tonight Show, were very nice to me; I didn’t realize how nice until I watched the show and saw how they treated some other auditioners. I made them laugh a few times which isn’t as easy as it sounds at 10 AM (7 AM on the L.A. time they were living on) in front of people who watch comics for a living. And as I sat next to them at the call-backs I saw them sit through many comics without laughing much at all.

They asked me if I were nervous because I was performing for only two people. I said “No, I’ve performed for audiences half this size” which got a laugh. Two, actually.

One thing I noticed at the LCS II call-back show is how tight most of the sets were. That is, instead of getting a story started, then set-up, set-up, punchline, the comics who did well had almost every single sentence get a laugh. A punchline would also set-up the next sentence and it would flow from there. So a three minute set would have well more than fifteen laugh lines. It was a great show to watch as well as educational and inspiring. And quite humbling for a new comic.

AND– they weren’t just looking for comics– they were casting a reality show– so the comics not only had to be funny, they had to reveal who they were. And that’s not easy to do in three minutes and still fit in fifteen to twenty punchlines.

First of all, realize that a comic may get only two or three sentences– if the first set-up is too long, or the first joke doesn’t hit– you may not get a chance to continue. So put the shortest, strongest jokes up front.

Secondly, have to have at least something that not only says “Laugh at this, it’s funny” and “I know what I’m doing and I’m ready for prime-time TV” but also says This is who you are and what you’re like and why you should be allowed to continue.

Thirdly, one does not want to end up on the blooper reel– where they show comics looking ridiculous. (well, some people want to be on TV so badly they don’t care, or they don’t realize they’re being made fun of– and if on a network TV show they show you for eight seconds and had to bleep you six times, or they followed your attempt at a joke with a shot of the judges’ blank stares, yes, they’re making fun of you).

So to avoid ending up on the blooper reel I have gone through my jokes one sentence at a time to eliminate anything that might not sound good out of context. Specifically one joke has a punchline that works well with the set-up but the punchline alone sounds creepy. Cross out that joke.

Then it’s Avoid any joke that is on a common theme. For example, I may have the greatest “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” joke (I don’t; but I do have a decent, original one that fits my persona) but I’m sure that as the two hundredth auditioner they will have heard jokes that start with “What happens in Vegas…” ten times already, and number eleven isn’t going to thrill them. Same with references to penises, breasts, TV commercials, the TV shows that the NY auditioners are/were on (“Law & Order” and “The Sopranos”), X is different from Y (NY/California, men/women, black people/white people, etc.), contrasting ethnic backgrounds especially if they rely on offensive ethnic stereotypes (I’m half black and half Jewish so I’m really good at raising my own bail money, kind of jokes, and yes, I realize that half of that comment is more offensive than the other half but that’s what first came to mind as I type this– I’m not that good at writing offensive jokes)…

Then I cut out any sentence that’s unnecessary. A bunch of blogs ago I questioned whether it’s better to have a three sentence joke that gets 80% laughter or a two sentence version that gets 60% laughter. And while I still don’t have the answer for audiences, for auditioning I go with two sentences and 60%.

Then I get on stage as much as I possibly can in the next week and a half to practice my two minute audition set plus my four minute call-back set.

Then I show up at the audition and I hope that I have the set of my life. Twice in a row.

Knock ’em dead, everybody that’s trying. I want all of us to rock. Good stand-up raises it up for everybody. And good stand-up on TV gets more people to come see our shows. And I want NY comics to dominate as we should– after all, NYC is the center of stand-up comedy.

A Few Good Men & a Few Others

posted on 1/5/08

My mother sent me the link to a study reporting that drinking low-fat or non-fat milk may lead to cancer.

Thanks, mom. I read the same newspapers you do, and then some. You know what causes cancer? Not dying of something else first. Sure, some things are known carcinogens: Smoking. Having a job wrapping asbestos around pipes. Frequent sex with (insert someone’s name here).

So. An early study claims ~ … Unless the study reported something like “We fed low-fat milk to forty subjects, and thirty seven of them burst into flames” I’ll think I’ll wait until the outcome is replicated in further studies.

I didn’t get a chance to read the study or to submit it to my panel of experts. But perhaps it’s what they were drinking milk instead of that’s the problem. Maybe they were drinking low-fat milk in place of wine. Or beer. Or Erbitux. And maybe, just maybe, the people who drink regular milk are mixing it with their Kahlua or Baileys and that, too, knocks down some cancer.

To whichever idioticalite at the Clinton campaign who thought it was a good idea to load six buses full of supporters on a narrow sidewalk right outside of Grand Central Terminal at 5 PM on a Friday: Get a clue. The sidewalk is only two people wide there– don’t pick a street leading to one of the busiest train stations in the country. Three blocks up or one block over would’ve worked much better. Or at least you could’ve had them line up single-file.

Hillary, you ought to know better. You claim to be a New Yorker– you’ve ‘lived’ here over a decade. And you’re FROM Chicago. I expect this behavior from someone who grew up in one of the forty six states without people. But you? I know, you don’t spend a lot of time walking by yourself around Manhattan. You’re driven by Secret Service agents and followed by your posse, or whatever non-rappers call hangers-on.

If you plan to run the country like you are running this part of your campaign then I’m voting for someone else. It’s the little things that piss people off.

I get it. It’s not your fault. You don’t dictate the logistics of loading buses to New Hampshire. You leave that to lower-ranked people twelve levels down from you.

Oh, you say, why would how some idiotical lower-level person in a campaign affect how she’d run the country as president? That lower-level person isn’t going to become Secretary of State or be appointed to the Supreme Court.

Well, baby Einstein, maybe not. But that lower-level person is going to be offered a job as a mid-level bureaucrat in the Clinton (Mrs.) Administration. And while you think that it’s the Supreme Court and the Cabinet that matter, think of where the decisions are made. There are over six hundred federal District Court judges who each try one case at a time. There are fewer Appeals Court judges and they seem to work in threes. And the nine justices of the Supreme Court? They hear cases together– it’s ONE court. So as a group which do you think has more power?

That lower-level person is going to clog something in the system. Something way more important than the sidewalk at rush-hour on a Friday.

A long time ago I volunteered to work on a presidential campaign. The weekend before Election Day they sent me to hand out campaign literature. My instructions? “Your corner is 86th and Lex. Get to work.”

Yes, baby E, you’d think that someone with a college degree doesn’t need to be told how to hand out flyers. You’d be wrong. Why? Because another guy was given the same intersection and he stood across the street from me at the top of a subway entrance. And what he did was to shove a flyer into people’s faces and say “Snarf Garftarf* for President.” After a few minutes I, the novice campaigner, took him aside and said “Look. This is New York. You shove a flyer in people’s faces, all you’re doing is annoying them. You want them to read this propaganda, not crumple it up and throw it at me when they get across the street. Here’s what you do. Engage them. Ask politely if they’re voting on Tuesday. And then ask for whom. If they say Snarf Garftarf, thank them, tell them they’ve made an excellent choice. If they say the other guy, ask them to read the flyer, maybe you’ll change their mind. If they say they haven’t made up their mind, THESE ARE YOUR PEOPLE. And if they say they’re not voting, ask why, and maybe you can convince them that they CAN make a difference.”

Although, it turns out, the most frequent reason people told me they weren’t going to vote? That they’re illegal. Not “Sorry, I’m not a citizen” or “I’m just visiting your country” or “I have a Green Card.” “I’m illegal.” Not only common at 86th & Lex, but readily admitted. I had no idea. Immigration should volunteer for a presidential campaign, they could probably knock the twelve million illegal immigrants down by a few million. Just here in NYC.

And it turns out, when you shove a piece of paper in people’s faces, nobody takes them. Ask them a polite question, they may stick around. We were the first group to run out of flyers. Which means that all the other teams were as ignorant as my co-hort across the street…

Which may explain why the Garftarf Administration didn’t accomplish much in all its years in office.

And now, with the jokes, comes the whining.

Today, for about the eightieth time this year, someone told me what to do.

Now, if the “You should” is followed by “get off my foot” or “not vote for Ron Paul” that’s good advice.

But if your “You should” is followed by your telling me how to manage my career, and you’re not an entertainment lawyer, or an intellectual property lawyer, or a manager of comedians, or an agent, or writer, or comedian, or club owner, or club manager, or comedy club waitress (comedians who are smart or at least paying attention learn that comedy club waitresses see a LOT of comedians and a LOT of audiences and overhear managers and owners, and know quite a bit about making or screwing up a career), or television executive, or comedy writer, or my mother, then please just shut up.

My mother has the right to tell me what to do. She’s earned it. It doesn’t mean I have to listen to her. But she can say whatever she wants.

Even if it’s “Get on ‘The Tonight Show’ and stop drinking so much low-fat milk, it’s no good for you.” (Nice call-back, huh?)

Because probably, just probably, though for some reason you THINK you know something about the entertainment business, well, you don’t.

That’s why you’re my dentist, not host of “The Tonight Show.”

Saying “You need a good agent” or “You should get on that TV show, what’s it called, ‘Last Comedy Standup'” or “Why don’t you call ‘The Tonight Show’ or HBO and ask if they’ll put you on TV” or “You should create a funny sit-com” clearly demonstrates that you DON’T know how this business works.

I don’t know what compels people to think they know how to write a TV show just because they spend seven hours a day on the couch (or DESPITE the fact that they spend seven hours a day on the couch), or that they know how comedians get ‘discovered’ (hint: we don’t GET discovered. We WORK, and WORK MORE, work HARD, and ACHIEVE success– we don’t just show up once in a while and hope someone ‘finds’ us–- just like any other career- have you ever heard of an oncologist getting ‘discovered?’) but really, doctor, I don’t say things like “You know what you should do? You should figure out what cures cancer and patent it and sell it.” (hint– you want to know what cures cancer? Anti-low-fat milk pills– invent some of those)

Okay, first of all, EVERY comic wants to be on “The Tonight Show”– even Jay Leno is trying to figure out a way to stay on the show past when his contract expires. You don’t just call up Bob and Ross (they’re the guys who book the comics for the show– and if you didn’t know this then maybe, just maybe, you’re not in a position to give career advice to a comedian) and say “Hey guys, I’m ready, what nights are free?” After at least ten years, IF you’re a comedy GENIUS (in the category of comedy genius to get on the show after ONLY around ten years of hard, hard work-– Ellen DeGeneres, Jerry Seinfeld, Steven Wright; sorry, probably not me but ask me when I’m ten years in) MAYBE, just MAYBE, you get a SHOT AT IT.

And you don’t just write a sit-com. Nobody in TV takes a sit-com idea from a new guy. What you do is, you write a spec script for a TV show (that means a script for an existing show, on speculation, because nobody’s paying you for it and nobody will ever buy it). Then you get someone (agent, manager, hot chick that producer wants to bang, blackmailer that has video of said producer and hot chick caught in the act, and the ‘hot chick’ is really a man) to show it to someone at A DIFFERENT show. He says “Gee, it doesn’t totally suck.” It proves maybe, just maybe, you can write for someone else’s characters. Eventually you get a job writing for a show. You write. You get stuff on the air. You prove you can continue to produce under pressure. To write under deadline. To Not Suck.

Then, maybe then, someone will look at your new sit-com idea.

And if it beats the one-in-a-thousand odds, it gets picked up.

Yeah, roughly a thousand-to-one. That’s why the word ‘maybe’ appears fourteen times in this essay.

Or, if you’re really, really talented, and really lucky, you go the Aaron Sorkin route. You work your ass off writing during the day while tending bar at a Broadway theatre at night. Your third produced play gets to Broadway. It’s a hit. You write the screenplay. THAT’S a hit too (“A Few Good Men” as if you didn’t know).

Oh, it might help if mommy or daddy’s a top entertainment lawyer or otherwise already in the entertainment business.

Not a dentist.

But please, unless you ARE Aaron Sorkin, or Jerry Seinfeld, or Jay Leno, or one of their agents, attorneys or managers, how about you finish looking at my teeth or whatever you’re supposed to be doing, and let me manage my own career. It’s going rather well, I must say.

It must be since I flew to the dentist in a new glass cockpit Cirrus SR22 Turbo GTS.

My dentist drives a Saab.

And if you ARE Aaron Sorkin, I’m not going to ask you to read my screenplay (that would be crass) but if you don’t buy me the beer you’ve owed me since 1988 then I’m going to remind you that I stole three bases in one game against your team when we were kids.

* His name wasn’t Snarf Garftarf, but wouldn’t that be a cool name for a president? I’m keeping his name secret (but a family member of his is mentioned in this article and I’m pretty sure nobody named Erbitux is running for president this year)

—————————————————————–

How NOT to get booked

posted on 1/1/08

As I look back on last year, and having finally managed to clean off my desk, I wanted to let people who feel not-as-good-about-themselves-as-they-ought-to, to have a reason to think that they’re doing most things right. Because a lot of your competition isn’t.

I produce a comedy show- Ivy Standup sm – it’s not “The Tonight Show” but it’s a pro show at one of NYC’s A clubs as well as a few select places outside NYC.

I get frequent requests from comics to appear in the show.

And for the most part they make my decision pretty easy.

If you’ve ever written a book and looked for a literary agent you know that their slush pile is so big that they’re simply looking for a reason to say no. Spelling errors, wrong genre, not following their submission guidelines… all make it easier for them to toss you aside and get closer to the bottom of the pile with no guilt.

All of us comics want to think you have to be smart to be a comedian. We want to think that. And while I’m sure that some very good comedians are bad spellers it’s certainly not what we want to see. Especially if the show you’re asking to be in is the Ivy League show.

And especially since if you’re emailing us– you have a computer that has a built-in spell-check. USE IT!

I’m not sure how well the grammar-check feature works since I stopped using it a long time ago but if you’re not sure of the difference between to, too and two, you might try it. Or ask someone to proof-read for you.

Secondly, if you send me a video (or a link to a video on the web) please, Please, PLEASE make sure I can watch it without throwing up. I got one video that was so hard to watch… well, let me give you some background. I’m a licensed pilot. Instrument-rated. I’ve trained for a commercial pilot’s license. I’ve done aerobatics. Steep turns. Side slips. Power-on stalls. Spins. Flown upside-down until the instructor said “Enough. Right the plane.”

All this to say I don’t easily get motion-sick.

The best way to describe this one video? It had to have been shot by an epileptic, having a seizure, while drunk, in a tornado, during an earthquake, while sitting on top of a bowl of jell-o.

While being beaten with a Louisville Slugger.

And tickled at the same time.

Seriously, I couldn’t watch it because I was getting motion-sick.

I got another video that started with a wide shot of the stage before zooming in, so I knew it was a big room. I couldn’t see how many people were in the room, and by the sound I figured there weren’t many people there. The comic didn’t get many laughs, and barely any applause. Which is okay– I was considering hiring the comic, not the audience.

But the tape he sent me wasn’t just of him. He included the end of the performer before him, and a bit of the intro of the person following him.

And they got great applause. Which he didn’t. It’s one thing to send in a tape with a quiet audience. It’s another thing to send in a tape that shows that the audience just wasn’t that into you.

If you don’t have a quality video to send, one that is a good representation of how good you are, and is watchable, just wait to send something.

It’s much better than sending something that just sucks.

SUCKS gets remembered. Your career can wait. And my show just isn’t that important. It’s not going to make your career. And if it could? Would you send a crappy tape to “The Tonight Show?”

Yes, we too know how hard it is to get a quality tape. Shows with good sound recording are few and far between– if the audience isn’t miked then it could sound like nobody’s laughing. So you have to work hard to get into a show with good recording.

Pay your friends to fill the club, beg, promise to wash someone’s car. Whatever it takes to get on a show that will get you a good tape.

One in a club, not shot in your basement.

If your mother yells that dinner’s ready, we know it’s not in a club, and that you still live with your mother.

And if a waitress drops a tray of drinks during your set, or a drunk interrupts, or the emcee makes fun of you in his introduction, or the mike cuts out, or you screw up a couple of jokes, or something else goes wrong so that the tape isn’t great?

Pay other friends, wash a herd of cattle, hire a videographer yourself, whatever it takes.

Just don’t send a tape that makes you look like an idiot.

And if you have a good tape and the booker still says no? Don’t write back to say “I’m funnier than you are.” Even if you’re sure you are.

Because I’m not giving up my spot in the show. It’s MY SHOW. Funnier than I am? That’s a given. Otherwise I’ll simply give myself a longer set. I LIKE being on stage. I can fill the time; I have plenty of material.

The question is: Are you funnier than other people in the show? Because if not, why would I bump them for you?

I already know they’re reliable, they’re funny, I’ve worked with them before. They show up. They don’t question my judgment. They can probably spell.

And to be clear, even for those who’ve sent me awful tapes I’ve tried to be constructive and positive, despite it going against my nature (I’m a native New Yorker). So when I write back to say “Thanks for submitting. I can’t use you right now– but feel free to write back in another year– and to be clear, I HAVE put people in the show long after their first query” please don’t argue.

Because while I do give try to give people another shot, I don’t give arguers another shot. Nobody wants to work with a pain-in-the-drain.

A story– a long time ago I tried out for a sports team. It was the U.S. National Dragon Boat team. Yeah, not exactly the highest sport in the U.S. but it was a team representing our country in the World Championship. And in China, where the sport originated, it IS a big sport. It’s like football to them. In fact it is the second most popular sport in the world, China being a fifth of the world’s population. It’s also the oldest continually raced sport around, at almost 2500 years old.

I was living in NY. The practices were in Philadelphia. Five days a week. I came to the team late, and everybody else trying out had dragon-boated before– almost all were on the team the year before, and were active, competitive kayakers or canoeists. I was a rower, quite good but rowing is a different range of motion from dragon-boating.

One day the coach took me aside. Told me he didn’t think I was going to make the team. That he wouldn’t ordinarily say anything, but as I was commuting 2+ hours a day, each way, just the commute alone almost a full-time job, he felt it his obligation to let me know. But that I was welcome to try again the next year, and to stop by if I were in Philadelphia again.

The next night I showed up at practice. He asked why. I said “Pete, I appreciate what you told me last night. It was the right thing to do. And with that knowledge you know that I can’t complain if I don’t make the team. But it’s still my choice to keep trying, and that’s what I’m gonna do, until the selection process is finished and you’ve chosen the team.”

And he understood.

And when it came time to select the team, and he had us race against each other, I won every race, and made the team.

I didn’t just win my races, I trounced people.

I’m sure that if I’d said anything the night he suggested I go home and not come back, other than “Thanks for talking to me,” I probably wouldn’t have gotten the chance to even race for my spot. But I appreciated what he told me, and I didn’t argue.

We made the finals in Hong Kong, beating every other Western boat. Even though we sank in the heats and semi-finals and some of us caught stomach bugs because Hong Kong Harbor is filthy.

To be clear, do not ever swim in Hong Kong Harbor.

If your plane crashes in Hong Kong Harbor and you manage to escape from the wreckage, you might not be one of the lucky ones.

Just saying.

The point is, don’t argue. Just get so good that you’re chosen for the team. TROUNCE everyone else and nobody can question whether you belong there.

Dan Naturman has been in several of my shows. He’s really, really funny, and he’s good to work with. People still ask me if he’ll be in the next show. If he weren’t a nice guy I’d still put him in the show, because he’s a great comic and my job is to put on the best show I can. Within reason. But most others? If they were jerks I’d never have them back. I’d find someone else for their spots.

Dan’s good enough to be a prick and still get booked.

You’re probably not.

To be clear– I like Dan on and off the stage. Don’t misquote me. And he regularly trounces. That’s his job. We all try. He succeeds.

But for you to get booked– have a good tape. AND be nice. And if you’re trying out for a clean, smart show, try to have a tape that’s at least somewhat clean. Not one full of Monica Lewinsky jokes. That’s not only not what I’m looking for, it’s a decade out of date. If I tell you I want “Smart and clean– what’s right for people entertaining clients” and your set opens with “Where my pot smokers at?” I will probably continue watching, but I may not watch the full ten minutes.

I’d rather spend the next nine minutes trying to catch up to Dan.

If you want us to bring Ivy Standup sm to your city, here’s a good way to do it– ASK.

Overheard Today in the Post Office

Posted on 12/24/2007

Clerk:  I hope Santa’s bringing you something nice this year. Adult Patron:  Santa won’t be visiting my house any time soon. Clerk:  Why not?  Are you Jewish or Moslem? Adult Patron:  No, I’m an asshole.

“Go To The Mirror, Boy!”

Posted on 11/29/2007

Greetings from Lost Angeles, land of 3 AM traffic jams, metered on-ramps and billboards advertising breast augmentation operations ($2999, if you’re interested; I assume that means for both).  Yes, I know, doctors prefer to call it a “procedure” but technically speaking I think the correct word is “installation.”

Just like when you’re hanging art on the wall.

It took over an hour on the freeway before I spotted a woman driving an SUV who was NOT speaking on a cell phone.  Then I saw her bumper-sticker: “Support Deaf Education.”  I guess that explains it.  Here they don’t just number the highways, they’re very specific that THEIR highways in California are the ONLY highways.  In NYC I often drive on 87.  Here it’s THE 405.

Unless you’re Russian, in which case it’s just 405.

Or you’re Paris Hilton, in which case it’s “Oh, like, I’m not really good in math but I want to go over there.”

Had an uneventful flight, courtesy of just enough frequent flier miles to sit in Business Class.  Where I get a reminder of just how snobby I might be about some things.  Right after take-off they offered drinks (at noon, otherwise known as 9 AM California time), including Champagne.  I love Champagne, and asked what brand it was.  The flight attendant said she’d check but in the meantime she handed me a glass.

It tasted like a penny dissolved in kerosene.  There are a lot of great American wines but nobody’s caught up to the French when it comes to sparkling wine. Say what you want about their lack of military prowess, but they know how to make beverages.  And when you come right down to it, which is more important, anyway?  Yeah, English-speaking countries did bail them out of two world wars, but if it weren’t for the French 230 years ago we’d still be calling soccer “football” and naming our children Nigel.  And doesn’t the world already have enough Nigels?

This time I remembered to bring some CDs to listen to in the car so I’m not limited to news radio or that nutty Dr. Laura.  Whose doctorate, by the way, is not in psychology.  I’m pretty sure it’s in animal husbandry.  My rental Corolla is a cute white car but the sound system doesn’t do justice to the opera I brought.  The Who’s “Tommy” in case you didn’t catch the “Go To The Mirror, Boy!” reference as the title of this blog.  Anyway I think it’s very Californian of me to notice how the car stereo sounds before I say anything about the weather.

My headlining gig was cancelled (nothing to do with me) but the producer said he’d try to find me something else since he heard good things about me. I wonder whom he asked since I never provided him with any references.  Somebody’s due a bottle of Champagne (the French kind, not what American serves in Business Class) but I don’t know who.  Anyway I have a bunch of other performances scheduled and the weather’s nice here despite the ongoing fear of returning wildfires.  Wind gusts of 18 miles per hour are major news here but maybe it’s nothing to do with fires, just warnings about bad hair days.

Monsters at my Door, a tale of 10/31

If you’re too young to stand up or old enough to drive to the store on your own to buy candy, I don’t mind that you’re with your family at my door.  I even encourage it.  But you shouldn’t be trick-or-treating.  If you’re carrying a 1 year old I know that it’s not your child eating the candy.  If you tell me that I’m wrong then I’m calling the Administration for Children’s Services.

If someone comes to your door looking scary I suggest you make sure they’re in costume.  Otherwise you risk offending a very scary-looking person.

And her husband?  Even scarier.

A kid came to my door tonight in full Home Depot gear.  And by that I don’t mean dressed as a sales associate.  Clearly he was a NASCAR driver.  I understand why NASCAR vehicles have advertising on them.  But your children?  Fine with me. I’m a Home Depot stockholder.  They’re not my kids.  Thank your sponsor for the tiny dividends.

A few years ago I came back from France just before Halloween.  I bought a lot of my favorite chocolate when I was there (Lindt Madagascar– milk chocolate with bits of cocoa beans, like a very, very good Nestles Crunch bar).  That wasn’t what I was giving out, not at $2 a bar for a product unavailable in the U.S.

At 9:45 PM on Halloween I was about to turn off my outside light– the universal signal for “It’s late, go home, you’re too old to be trick-or-treating anyway”– just as the doorbell rang.  I had about ten bars of Halloween candy left, so I figured I’d get rid of most of it and be done with Halloween for this year.

I opened the door and there were 30 kids outside.

The smart thing to do would’ve been to say “Sorry, I have only ten bars left, send the littlest kids forward…” but I didn’t think of it.  And the Lindt was on my dining room table right near the front door.  So 20 kids got really, really good candy.

The next year five thousand eight hundred kids came to my door.

From every country but France and Madagascar.

They all got Nestles Crunch bars.

I remember being annoyed at people who weren’t home on Halloween.  One day a year is all anybody asked.  We didn’t care if they were away on Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July or my birthday.  Just when we rang the bell on 10/31.

So I vowed to be home every Halloween.

Even if Home Depot and Grandparents are asking for candy.  Even if a one year old gets taken away by ACS.

Nowadays kids seem to have Halloween all figured out.  When I was a kid you got together with a few friends and went door-to-door.  These days kids are much more efficient.  They come to the door and the first kid to get candy rushes to the next house.  So that by the time you’re finished giving out candy most of the kids are gone.

Eliminating the biggest impediment to gathering as much candy as possible– waiting for the people to answer the door.  Now when the kid gets to the door it’s already open.

Saving the kids time.  And yielding more candy for each kid over the course of a limited evening.  While the homeowner pretty much can’t leave the doorway because so many kids are coming.

I blame the Bush administration.

Their “The First MBA President” idea, combined with trickle-down operations management, means more kids at my door each year.

Kid, if you can’t interrupt your cell phone conversation to say “Trick or treat” then you’re WAY too important to be going door-to-door for candy.

By the way, it’s really hard to prepare a whole chicken when the doorbell keeps ringing and I’m by myself.  I think my parents are right– it’s time I got married.

To someone who likes answering the door.  Or washing my hands.

Or at least visits France frequently and brings home good chocolate just for me.

And if that doesn’t happen… if your 14 year old daughter comes to my door dressed as Marilyn Monroe, please send her back when she’s 18.  If I’m still single: she can have the Lindt.

As long as she’s not carrying a 1 year old.

From The Joey Reynolds Show

Due to the good graces of way too many people to name I appear from time to time on the nationally-syndicated Joey Reynolds radio show.

Two months ago it was Joey’s birthday and many of his friends stopped in during the show, which is live starting at midnight (it goes national at 1 AM).

During a commercial break The Amazing Kreskin walked into the studio. Think that guys like Kreskin travel with an entourage? Not when they’re 70.

People there knew him and someone asked how he got home from a recent gig. His response? Something like “It was awful, I got lost in Jersey and it took me hours to get home.”

Not so amazing, huh Kreskin? You claim to find lost objects and people but you can’t seem to find your own house?

Then later, in what passes for the green room at a radio station, Kreskin put down his bag, walked past the food, then said “Where’s my bag? I just put it down three minutes ago…”

The Amazing Kreskin, the great mentalist, mind-reader extraordinaire… couldn’t even read his OWN mind. But he did look around and find his bag. I’d found the roast beef and rye bread, which to me was a far more important feat. His biography hypes his power to find hidden objects. I guess his bag wasn’t hidden– it was in plain sight so maybe that didn’t count.

But Kreskin was a very nice guy.

Or did he simply plant that idea in my mind? I guess we’ll never know.

 If Only Senator Bathroom BJ Had Read THE CONSTITUTION

Because Article 1, Section 6 clearly states:

“The Senators and Representatives shall receive a Compensation for their Services, to be ascertained by Law, and paid out of the Treasury of the United States. They shall in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place.”

The senator claims he was on the way to Washington, DC when he was detained by the police.  Except that if he knew his rights he could have pointed out that they weren’t allowed to detain him.

One of the few senators who is not a lawyer, Senator Craig none-the-less claims to be a defender of the Second Amendment right to bear arms… but apparently he couldn’t be bothered reading all those words that appear in the Constitution prior to the Second Amendment.

To quote Nelson Muntz of The Simpsons… Ha HA!

The Answers to Your Questions

I’ve gotten a lot of mail lately and don’t have time to answer it all individually.  Here are the answers– if you asked then you know what the question was.

Yes, even if your wife watches it still counts as gay.

Of course she says they’re real– she’d look like an idiot if she told you she paid for them and they’re still uneven.

Of course not.  If I were trying to kill him, he’d be dead.

Of course not.  If I were trying to kill her, she’d be dead.

I won’t tell anyone.  Why would I admit I know you?

No I won’t give you her phone number.  Didn’t you just spend ten minutes telling me how crazy she was?

I don’t have a sister. No, it must’ve been someone else you saw in an orange dress on Broadway last night. I look horrible in orange.

No, I don’t think I need to thank President Bush for all the material he’s given me.  It’s been more than offset by record budget deficits, increased pollution, high energy prices caused by the lack of any viable energy policy…

No, I don’t think I need to thank the Clintons for all the material they’ve given me.  It’s been more than offset by the repeal of the equal time rule, a huge decline in respect for the office of the president, the time I’ve spent stuck in traffic at Westchester County Airport when the Clintons flew in and out, high energy prices caused by the lack of any viable energy policy…

Proud to be an American?

Posted July 4, 2007

Someone recently asked if I were proud to be an American.

I don’t think that pride is the right word.   I am glad to be an American– there aren’t too many other countries that afford anywhere near the freedom and opportunity available here.

But Pride?   What have I done that has created those freedoms and opportunities?  I didn’t help draft the Constitution.   I didn’t create the Industrial Revolution.   I didn’t even help win World War II*.   America’s Greatest Generation?   Nope, I grew up in the Me Decade. Or was it the Al Franken Decade?   I forget; it was so long ago.

What HAVE I done?  Let’s see- I vote, I pay all my taxes without complaining, I don’t litter or steal or kick puppies and it’s been a long time since I killed someone.  Even though a lot of people have deserved it lately.  I’ve also been part of the capitalist system, making funds flow more efficiently so we can have factories and power plants and buildings and stores that sell really nice-smelling soap.  And money for your retirement– you might have more of that too, partially because of what I’ve done.

Occasionally I also make someone laugh.  Now if you’ll excuse me there’s someone I have to go kill.  He cheated on his taxes and kicked a puppy.

I’m so glad to live here.

*My father did and I am proud of him.

Dirty Words on TV

“All the President’s Men” was on channel 31 tonight.  In the space of less than five minutes Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee used two different four-letter curse words.

After the initial surprise of hearing the F word and the S word on over-the-air television, my next thought was:

A movie as important as “All the President’s Men” should never be censored.

As they say, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, even on-line

A recent on-line dating exchange:

Her (initial contact): Funny and Jewish all rolled into one man..lol wow

Me: Hi.  Thanks for writing. I don’t think we’re a match, but I wish you the best of luck in your search. -S

Her: Presumptuous aren’t you ?? I don’t think we’re a match —I didn’t ask you that.  Why would you think that?

Me: Well, I thought that most of the time when people write to someone on a dating site, they’re looking for a date. I think that it’s polite to say no thank you.  Most people don’t bother writing back, choosing instead to let the other person simply twist in the wind and wonder.  I’m not like that. I came here looking for someone to love, not seeking an argument.

Her: I wasn’t looking at you for a possible match….but just curious why you say we aren’t.

Me (unsent): Because you don’t handle rejection all that well.

Ah, the Beauty of a Drunken Beauty

Last night I had two shows at Ha! Comedy Club in NYC.  The first show was well-attended for a Sunday early show.

The emcee did a passable job warming up the audience though he had a bit of trouble trying to have a conversation with a European who didn’t understand his questions (comics– if this happens to you, here’s my suggestion: Cut and run. Say thank you and move onto someone else; don’t try to keep communicating with someone who doesn’t understand you).  Danny McDermott was up next and did well with a short set, but towards the end a drunk woman in the back kept interrupting him.

I was the next comic up, and it was clear that the woman was getting drunker and drunker because not only was she interrupting more, but was getting increasingly difficult to understand.

Some clubs will rapidly throw out audience members who disturb the show.  Ha! isn’t one of those clubs.

After a few interruptions I asked her her name.  She laughed.  I said “Your name is Ha?  Then you’re in the right club.”

At one point I said “I can’t understand a word she’s saying… and something tells me I’m better off.”  All my lines to quiet her down got laughs from the rest of the audience but didn’t do much to get her to stop talking. The audience finally told her to shut up and while it took me almost a minute to finish a fifteen second closing joke, it was worth it.

On my way out of the showroom she stood up and hugged me, telling me how funny I was and how much she’s enjoying the show.  I noticed the guy at her table, ignoring her.

A few minutes later she came outside.  She was beyond breath-taking.  She said it was her one year anniversary, and she was angry at her boyfriend because he kept telling her to shut up, but she wanted to talk to the comics because that’s how it’s supposed to be.  As politely as I could I told her no, that’s not how it works.  That the emcee may ask questions at the start of the show, but after that it’s our turn to talk.  But that didn’t stop her from her touchy-feely state. The other comics were staring at her, but to me she smelled like betrayal.

Clearly she wanted attention of the male kind.  But I’m not the kind of comic who’ll have sex with an audience member in the bathroom so she can get back at her boyfriend.  Or for any other reason, for that matter.

Besides, Ha! has a secret r… oops.

I’m looking for Ms. Right.  Not Ms. Right Now.

She went outside to smoke a cigarette.  The emcee and I were standing outside the showroom when she came back.  She continued talking to us, telling us how much she loved us and how funny we were.  She was also having trouble standing up.  At one point I asked her to which side she was most likely to fall so one of us could be ready to catch her…

I didn’t want her attention but I felt it was my duty to the other comics to keep her out of the showroom for as long as possible.  Which worked until she decided to return to the showroom and headed for the wrong room.

We steered her back to the waiting room and kept her occupied until it was time for her to leave.

She was so annoying that a gay comic commented that “She makes me even GAYER, if that’s possible.”

After the show one comic gave her his business card.  I pointed out that she was the drunken one who kept interrupting the show (with the bright lights in your face on stage, it’s often difficult to recognize someone from the audience after the show).  He said he knew.  When I suggested that she probably wasn’t the kind of person he wanted coming to more of his shows, he disagreed, saying that she might not always be drunk, and she’s the kind of woman who may bring a dozen friends to the next show.  Comics– what’s your take on this?

The second show was almost sold-out, the audience was warmed-up and happy when I took the stage, and I can’t even begin to explain to non-comics how great it is to tell an opening joke and have sustained laughter for ten or fifteen seconds and have that energy continue all the way through a fifteen minute set.  The kind of show where you know that you won’t get through half your material because they’re laughing so much, and because every spontaneous riff you throw in gets laughs, and you feel like you can do no wrong.

Ah, the joys of being a performer.  And in general the pride from doing a good job dealing with a difficult situation.  I can’t wait to go back.  Even if she’s there again with eleven equally-drunk friends.  Even a difficult audience is better than no audience at all.

Random, Rainy-Day Thoughts

The Ivies vs. The Sopranos… Last night was our Ivy League Comedy Showcase sm at Gotham, probably the nicest club in the city. I had a great time hosting the show, as I always have.

Then tonight I did a ten minute set at a club that’s in the basement of a chain restaurant a few blocks north of Times Square, in front of a bunch of Soprano mobster-wannabees.  Who wouldn’t shut up for anybody, not even their friend in the show whom they came to see.

Both shows were fun in their own ways.  At the Ivy show, I said “I just heard on the way here that the head of undergraduate admissions at M.I.T. had to resign because she lied on her resume– claimed to have gone to medical school when she didn’t even go to college.  And I’ve been thinking for the last hour that there has to be a joke that’s perfect for this audience.  And I thought, and thought, and thought… then realized: HEY, M.I.T. is not IN the Ivy League!”

At tonight’s show I had to fight for the audience’s attention.  But the way to do that, in circumstances like this, is to engage the biggest trouble-makers.  The only way they’d stop talking to each other is if the comic talks to them.  I really don’t like making the show about them, it’s like rewarding bad behavior, but for the sake of the rest of the audience– if the only way to make the show fun for everybody is to joke with the noisy folks, that’s what to do.  So I did. When the mobster-lite is from Harrisburg, PA, it’s easy.

Virginia Tech jokes: The killer sent his video manifesto to NBC News, which aired it.  That’s typical. This crazy murderer gets a TV credit, and I’m stuck handing out flyers in Times Square in the rain.*

Whenever there’s a tragedy like this people take advantage of the situation to advance their own political agendas… no, I’m not talking about comedians.  The pro-gun folks say that if more people had guns someone would have returned fire and fewer people would have been killed.  A nd the anti-gun folks say that if we made guns harder to get, this would never have happened. I don’t know which side is right.  But I do know that if everybody had a gun, I would’ve shot at least four people just on the drive in tonight.

* I don’t really hand out flyers in Times Square.

The Differences Between Democrats and Republicans

Okay, it’s considered a really overdone topic in comedy– the differences between men and women, or between New York and Los Angeles.  So how about… the differences between Democrats and Republicans?

I used to say that while they may share the same goals they differ in approach.  And that the difference between a Democrat and a Republican is that when an expert proposes a solution to a social problem that involves spending money (such as “I can improve reading scores by 20% or cut poverty in half; it’ll cost a billion dollars”) the Democrat says “Wonderful.  Here’s a billion dollars, best of luck to you!”

The Republican says “Prove to me that it works, WITHOUT spending any money, then you can have the billion dollars.”

Here’s another difference: When the Democrat asks a bureaucrat to take care of something and it doesn’t get done on a timely basis, the Democrat says “Wow, I didn’t realize how busy they were– so busy that they couldn’t get to my thing as quickly as I would have hoped.”

The Republican says “Those lazy bureaucrats should be fired– clearly they’re just sitting around doing nothing instead of getting to my thing when they should have.”

Random stuff

You can’t spell “Slaughter” without “laugh.”

I got spam email today– the subject was “World Wide Lootery” which I thought contained a rather ironic spelling error.

Last week at a business lunch one of my guests was trying to hide his Blackberry below the table, so while everyone else was chatting he was busy emailing in secret.  Or so he thought until I said something.

He said it was important– it was an email from his wife.  Their son’s teacher called, said he had trouble focusing and paying attention.

Clearly due to the great example his father must set.

Notes from Saturday Night’s Party

A Polish-American friend of mine invited me to her birthday party.  She said she invited 20 Americans and 80 Polish people.

I was the American who showed up. A ll around me, conversations in Polish that didn’t switch to English when I approached, speaking English.

One of my best friends in college was Polish, so I tried the only Polish I knew. Because he taught all of us Polish drinking songs.

Somehow, entering a conversation by saying what apparently translates to “The streets will be rivers with the blood of our enemies, and at the end of the rivers of blood, the navies of our enemies will be washed away” didn’t endear me to them.

The party had entertainment.  I discovered that Polish drag queens aren’t that convincing as women.  Say what you want about America– we may not make the best cars, or the best beer, but our drag queens are second to none!  Take that, you overly masculine Polish she-men!

I started a conversation (in English, this time) with an attractive woman.  What does she do for a living?  Tax accountant.  Perfectly respectable profession.  Until… she told me, completely seriously, that after tax season she’s moving to Kenya because she’s sick of the city.  I don’t know what’s wrong with rural Rockland County, but apparently the idea of retiring in her thirties to survive for $4000/year on her savings is attractive to her.  I don’t know what she’ll do if Kenya gets more modern and the cost of living rises… but that’s not my problem. If she likes kissing giraffes (she said she did) that’s between her and Mrs. Giraffe.

The next woman I met is a fashion designer.  With no designs on moving to Africa. We spoke about fashion models.  She said that clothes look good on tall, thin women.  I said that doesn’t prove anything.  Any clothing will look good on Tyra Banks.  If she wants to prove what a great designer she is, design something that looks good on Rosie O’Donnell.

Won’t Get Fooled Again

I saw a television commercial for Chevrolet.  The ad’s theme song was “American Pie.”  For the six of you who don’t know the song, it’s about the death of Buddy Holly.  And for the four of you who don’t know who Buddy Holly was, he was one of the pioneers of rock music in the fifties, until he died in a plane crash.  He was a great inspiration for a lot of rock groups who followed, including The Beatles (in fact they chose the name “The Beatles” because Buddy Holly’s group was called “Buddy Holly and the Crickets”).

I understand that “American Pie” mentions Chevrolet in it (“Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry…”).  But the song is not about cars.  It’s about the death of an American icon.

Like General Motors?

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The Republican Club at NYU is running a game called something like “Spot the Illegal Immigrant.”  Participants compete to be the first one to spot a student wearing a sticker that says “Illegal Immigrant.”

Protesters are saying that the game is racist.

Exactly which race is illegal immigrant?  Because I’m pretty sure I’ve met illegal immigrants from six continents.

Illegal immigrants come from all ethnic groups.

Except one.

Last week the British military announced that Prince Harry’s unit would be going to Iraq.

This week the Prime Minister announced that Britain would begin to withdraw forces from Iraq, reducing its deployment.

Co-incidence?

I saw an ad on the internet for a service for shy people that said “Shy? Send your marriage proposals via email…”

Ignoring for a moment the use of the PLURAL in the ad…

Well, I guess it SHOULD be plural– why get turned down by one woman for proposing by email, when you can spam MILLIONS and hope that maybe one person clicks the wrong box?

How do you email an engagement ring?

I totally understand the honeymoon– with a little Photoshop you can easily paste your face into a porn site.

Women are Funny. Vanity Fair isn’t Funny… nor fair.

The January issue of Vanity Fair had an article entitled “Why Women Aren’t Funny.”

The article was, of course, nonsense.

The March issue published a number of letters in response, including mine.  Since the editors of Vanity Fair severely edited my letter, leaving merely an almost incomprehensible few sentences and even editing out my middle name, for those who are interested here is the original letter:

As possibly the only comedian ever to do a statistical analysis on gender differences in comedy I wish to refute some statements made in “Why Women Aren’t Funny.”  I strongly disagree with the claim that most funny women are either homosexual, large or Jewish despite the fact that one of my best friends in comedy happens to be all three.  Most female comedians in America are heterosexual, normal-sized Christians.

Your columnist asserted that there are more terrible female comedians than male comedians despite the preponderance of male comedians in the industry.  Isn’t it likely that these female comedians just don’t appeal to him so he labels them not funny?  If they’re working comics they must be making somebody laugh or they would soon be unemployed.  How often does Mr. Hitchens go to comedy clubs or open-mikes?  Because my experience has been that most of the really awful amateur comedians tend to be men.  When taking the stage, even if they don’t have great punch lines, women generally at least have a point to make.  And in my opinion most of the really bad amateurs are men who go on misogynistic tirades with nothing funny to say.

My gender analysis, done earlier this year, revealed that approximately a third of amateur comedians are female.  A smaller percentage of professional comics are women, although mathematically one can’t directly compare the two populations at one point in time because of the several years it takes to go from beginner to professional.  Women do appear more likely to take a class when starting in comedy, whereas men are more likely to just write some jokes and show up on open-mike night.  And while almost all women who attend open-mike nights seem to want to be comedians, some percentage of males who show up are just in need of attention, or medication.

Perhaps one reason that women comprise less than half of all working comics is the same reason there aren’t that many women in investment-banking– it’s a hard business, with a lot of hours and a great deal of self-sacrifice.  It’s quite difficult to start a family and be on the road forty weeks a year.  And anyway, as a male-dominated industry it’s a long, hard fight for women until the numbers start to even out over time.

What will help the numbers even out?  If people would stop publishing articles claiming that women aren’t funny.  It’s clearly not true.  What can your readers do?  They can go to comedy clubs to see female comics.  Comedy is a business; it runs on money.  Your money is your vote.  Go out and vote.

Shaun Eli Breidbart

Now I’m Customer Service and They’re the Customer

Dell called me yesterday about the computer I ordered for my father, which I’d already picked up at UPS earlier in the day.

Someone who may actually have been speaking English called to ask if the computer had arrived.  I said yes.  She then told me that I’d be receiving an email survey about the customer service she had just provided me.  I explained that SHE called ME, and that in fact I was the one helping her (I didn’t bother to ask why Dell didn’t check with UPS instead of me).  But that I didn’t particularly care to send HER a survey.

She didn’t understand.  But then she asked if there was anything ELSE she could help me with.  At which point I asked her what she had already helped me with.

She didn’t understand that either.

Sure hope the folks designing and assembling the computers are a bit smarter.

Um, not Exactly My Dream Girlfriend

“I play a push-up game with my boyfriend. We take half a deck of cards, flip them over one by one, and whatever number shows up, he does that many push-ups and I do half…”

Champion marathoner Melissa White, quoted in “Runner’s World” magazine.

I’ve played a push-up game or two with a girlfriend, and it never involved half a deck of cards. And I’ll bet it was a lot more fun for both of us.

By the way, shouldn’t the name of the magazine be “Runners’ World” instead?   I don’t think the world belongs to only one runner.

The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People

I got this book as a gift.  The cover says there are over 15 million copies in print. That’s more than 10% of the entire work force!  Do you think that 10% of the work force is highly successful?  Has the success of the work force improved much since this book was first published?

Have you been to the Gap or Home Depot lately?

I think his next book will be titled “The Seven Million Dollars of Highly Successful Self-Help Book Authors.”  By the way, the Self-Help section in my local Barnes & Noble is in the basement.  That’ll do wonders for your self-esteem.

And if you really want my critique of this book– it’s based on ‘research’ done by the author.  NOT research of highly-successful people.  No, that’d make sense. It’s based on research of OTHER self-help type books written over the past two hundred years.  Most of which were themselves not based on any research.

In college we called this “Mushing all the small bits of left-overs together and throwing it in the microwave because you’re hungry and drunk and there’s nothing else to eat.”

My violent new years resolutions

If you think that saying “My bad” after doing something stupid is an automatic excuse, I will punch you in the face then say “My too.”

If you drive recklessly while talking on a cell phone I will snatch the cell phone out of your hand and throw it in the river.

If you’re at the front of an elevator and think that it’s polite and chivalrous to step half aside and partially block the door while waiting for others to exit first, I will shove you into traffic.  Or at least out of the elevator.  Just get out of the elevator.  And don’t stand there with your hand on the door acting like you’re helping.  There’s an electric eye– the doors won’t close on anybody. It’s not 1976 anymore.

Global warming is maybe two degrees a century.  Not a lot in terms of temperature change, just a lot in terms of its impact on the environment.  If you blame much warmer than usual weather, like a sixty degree day in NYC in January, on global warming, I will shove you into a melting glacier.

If you didn’t order dessert that means you don’t get to eat dessert.  Don’t think it gives you a license to stick your fork in mine.  You had your chance to order when I did.

One more thing: “If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.”  WAKE UP!  You don’t get lemonade from lemons.  You get lemon juice.  You need sugar to make lemonade. And if you had the sugar, you probably wouldn’t be complaining about the lemons, now, would you?

Welcome to Brooklyn

Posted on 12/08/2006

In some ways it’s a rite of passage for a comedian, especially a white comedian, to play at an urban club.  As you probably know if you’ve ever watched “Showtime at the Apollo,” some audiences don’t go to be entertained.  They go to boo the performers off stage.  Maybe it’s empowering; I don’t know as I’ve never been tempted, while sitting in the audience, to make the show about me and start booing.

Comedians, at least those who have enough sense to research and ask questions, know that the best way to approach this kind of audience is to get them laughing so soon that they want to pay attention instead of taking over the show.  And every comedian with any experience knows that if there’s an elephant in the room you have to address it.  I’ve just never before been the elephant.

Wednesday night was my first spot at an urban club.  I was the first comedian up after the emcee who conversed with the audience, told some jokes, and mentioned, not joking, about a recent NYPD shooting in which white officers fired 50 rounds at black men in a car, killing one of them on the morning of his wedding.

And then he introduced me by saying “Are y’all ready for some white people?” (‘some’ being a generous term; I was the only one)

I opened by saying that I didn’t mind being the whitest guy in the room, I just hated being the oldest guy in the room.  Then mentioned that the MC talked about “…the cops who shot fifty times, and then all of you turned to look at the white guy…”

“I didn’t shoot anybody fifty times, I didn’t shoot anybody forty times, I didn’t shoot anybody. The only thing I’ve EVER shot in my life was a Diet Coke can, and Diet Coke cans are WHITE.”

The only white guy in the room made people laugh and all was good in the world.  Or at least in that one room in Brooklyn.

Maybe I should stop making fun of their country

Posted on 7/3/2006

My web host allows me to see which countries have provided my site with the most visitors.  Of course the U.S. is on top by far.  Followed by Germany. More German visitors than from Canada, the U.K., Ireland, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa COMBINED!

Germany.  So now I have something in common with David Hasselhoff, good beer, people who like to drive really fast and this year’s World Cup.

A lot of Germans speak very good English, further proof we won the war.  Now if only we could go to war with the food service industry, so the busboy would understand me when I said “No, I’m NOT finished with that.”

I’m also popular in the Czech Republic, Poland, Holland and Japan, other countries I’ve never visited.  And I’m popular with people in the U.S. military, and more popular in Malaysia than in Sweden.  More in Fiji than in Switzerland, and I’ve been to Switzerland.  If you go to Switzerland, yes, eat the chocolate.  Skip their wine.  France is nearby, drink their wine instead. I’ve never performed in either country, but I made people laugh on an Air France flight a few years ago (in French) and I’ve had fun performing a few sentences in French in American comedy clubs with Swiss people in the audience.

Even though they hadn’t brought any chocolate.

Fat Jokes and Sex Shops

I installed some software that tracks how people found my website (www.BrainChampagne.com). It tells me the keywords that people may have used in a search engine that brought them to my site.

Of course many people come to the site seeking free comedy videos, or advice on how to tell a joke (I wrote a column), or jokes on selling (I spoke about marketing comedy and some info appears on the website).

Quite a large number of people are seeking fat jokes.

Two people (yes, two) were seeking sex shops in Raritan, NJ.  No, I don’t have a link on my site– but one page does include the words Sex, Shop and Raritan (in unrelated posts).

Two people searched for Florida Gun Safety Comedy.

And two people this month typed in Standup Comedian Starbucks.  I guess when you can’t sleep, you can search.

What Goes Around, Comes Around

Posted on 6/20/2006

As the woman walking in front of me on the sidewalk rummaged through her purse, a ten dollar bill flew out and landed in front of me.  I picked it up and caught up to her.  “Excuse me, miss…”

She turned around angrily.  “Can’t you see I’m on the phone!” she shouted.  I shrugged.  There was no evidence of a phone–nothing in her hand, no wire running to her head.  She brushed her hair back to reveal a wireless earpiece.

“See!” she scowled at me before turning away and returning to her phone call.

I kept the money.

Diary of a mad joke-writer

Posted on 3/31/2006

I wrote the perfect joke last night. Could not get to sleep. Around 3 AM I thought of it. Eight words. Just eight words. That’s it. Silly yet deep on so many levels.

I’m not normally a one-liner comic. Yes, I write jokes, and I wish my humor were more story-like, more revealing of myself. But I’m decent at writing jokes, so that’s what I do. Usually set-up, set-up, punch, or set-up, set-up, punch, punch, punch.

Now the comics reading this think they know where it’s going. Jokes that are funny at 3 AM usually dissolve in the daylight. But not this one. Eight words. Followed by a tag that went even deeper and yet politicized the joke.

This morning I woke up and I was still laughing. Tired, but laughing. Remembering that I have a show tonight, and a show on Saturday night. I couldn’t wait to tell this joke on stage.

All day I thought about this joke. By 3 PM, only twelve hours after this perfect joke was born, I had a third tag– another punch line that not only capitalized on the eight words, and not only built on the next tag, but also added to the joke AND made fun of it all in just another eleven words.

Word-efficiency! I’d have them on the floor in twenty five seconds.

Now you all see where this is going.

There were sixty people in the room, sixty people who had paid to hear jokes.

I wanted to open with this joke, to shake the building until the bottles fell off the bar.

But I was seventh in the line-up. Seventh, after the two drink minimum would have broken through everyone’s blood-brain barrier. And how could I follow the perfect joke? Everything else I say would pale in comparison.

So I thought maybe open with something tried and true. No sense knocking their socks off if they couldn’t feel their feet. And I did. An opening joke about a cab driver, The Bronx and arson. I know it works.

It did. All three tags. The three-liner. Another three-liner that builds upon the previous. Then the next tag, one sentence that makes them laugh, then groan. That suckers them in so I can point out the futility, the silliness, the irony of their groans. For another laugh. I’m such a whore.

Then the perfect eight words. The joke I’ve been thinking about for sixteen and one half hours.

Followed by the perfect silence.

It was so quiet I could hear the subway. The Montreal subway, three hundred and twenty five miles away.

And then the next tag.

That woke them up.

And the next?

I felt exonerated.

Remember The Rule: Do not open or close with a new joke, no matter how funny you think it is. Because YOU are not the judge, nor the jury. You are the prosecutor. Your job is simply to present the evidence. THEY will render the verdict.

There is a reason people state these rules. Because we never know what’s funny. I thought those eight words were perfect.

And in a way, they were. They were the perfect set-up to the two tags that followed.

I’ve had set-ups that got bigger laughs than the punch line. I’ve learned to live with that, even feel joy– hey, if they laugh, who cares what I thought when I wrote the joke? If they don’t laugh, it’s not a punch line. But if they laugh at the set-up, IT is a punch line.

So it’s only fair that once in a while, what I thought was the perfect punch line is only a good set-up. Not ONLY a good set-up. A good set-up for two very good punch lines.

Hey, if you set out to build a car that runs on dirt, and you end up building a car that runs on oranges, don’t fret. Plant oranges.

Copyright 2006 by Shaun Eli.  All rights reserved.  Including the rights to a car that runs on oranges, if you build it.

AND… THE UPDATE:

Wow.  Got on stage on Saturday night before a packed crowd.  So packed that they had to bring in more tables to seat everyone.

I went up fourth.  As I’ve mentioned, I prefer to go up early, before the two drink minimum gets through the blood-brain barrier.  Fourth is good.

I opened my set the same way I did the night before.  Went into the eight word line, but this time thinking of it as the set-up to the two tags that follow (actually three tags now– I thought of another on the way to the club).

Worked just fine.  I’m happy.

What’s the joke?  Come to a show.  You’ll know which one it is.

See you at the clubs,

Women are Funny

Posted on 3/25/2006

Over the last month four different female comedians have spoken with me about the troubles in being a female comedian. One said that comedy was rough for women because club owners, bookers and producers often hit on the comedians, making it difficult for them to rebuff these advances and still get booked on shows. I, occasionally billed as a feminist male comedian, do notice the difficulties women go through in this business. It is harder for women to get booked than it is for men.

In the early eighties when I started going to NYC comedy clubs regularly as a fan, bookers were less likely to hire female comedians. They said that audiences didn’t like women comics, that all they did was talk about their periods and complain about men. Some club owners were even quoted as saying that women simply weren’t funny enough. It was very rare to see more than one woman in the line-up, even if the show had a dozen comedians.

And unfortunately, when people see a small amount of truth in something, they may believe the whole thing. The small amount of truth being that in fact there was a percentage of working female comics who did talk about their periods and complain about men. Sure, male comics talked about their girlfriends but they were more likely to say “MY girlfriend stinks” whereas the females were saying “ALL men stink” and for an audience there’s a difference between the two statements. I’m not her boyfriend but I am a man, and I’m therefore being insulted for my gender.

Some generalizations may have had a bit of truth twenty years ago, but no longer.

It’s been my observation lately that at amateur shows and open-mikes in NYC around thirty five percent of the comedians are female (this is more than a guess– I’ve been counting). The percentage of professional female working comics is probably much lower. But before the statisticians start calling, I do need to point out that you can’t compare the two– you’d have to look at the proportion of female amateur comics several years ago vs. working comics now (and not just in NYC) because it takes years to go from starting out to making money. And maybe only one percent ever make it to the professional level.

It takes a long time for things to change. Right now one NYC comedy club, Laugh Lounge, is owned and booked by a woman, and the person who first auditions comedians at The Comic Strip is also a woman. Many other clubs have women who book/produce shows. And if you look at who is booked at some rooms, the proportion of women seems to be on the rise. There’s no Title IX in comedy, but there are women who are doing all they can to help other women succeed. Change is happening. Not terribly fast, but faster than it would happen without the women in comedy who are there helping other women. But there is a group of people who can help women comedians even more than the bookers and other comedians can. It’s you. How can you help? Keep reading.

Some people say that one reason that men are more successful in the business world is that while women tend to seek consensus, men are more likely to try to win people over to their point of view. Genetics? Upbringing? Sexism? A combination of all three? We don’t know. I will say this about comedians– search for comedians on the web and you will discover a lot more male comedians than female comedians, and the men’s sites are more likely to have content that draws you in– as an example, look at my site (www.BrainChampagne.com) or Steve Hofstetter’s (www.SteveHofstetter.com). Of course there are exceptions– Laurie Kilmartin’s website (www.Kilmartin.com) is a good example of a woman’s comedy website with a lot of content. But only 15% of the comedians choosing to list themselves on ComedySoapbox.com are women, and an equally small proportion of the comedians who regularly post blogs, one of the site’s most popular features, are women. Marketing is very important in comedy– the more we promote, the more people we get to shows. And it’s putting people in seats that gets us booked.

I’ve learned that the comedy business is half about being funny and the other half is about people. The business really runs on favors. You gave me a spot last year when I asked for one, so I’ll tell my agent about you. You introduced me to this booker, so come open for me on the road. You gave me a ride home when I was sick and it was raining, now I have a TV show so come audition for it. Successful comedians have learned to be nice to other comedians– more than half their help as they start in the business will come from other comics.

Want to know the reason that comedy clubs put on theme shows such as Latino comics or gay comics? Because they attract an audience. Vote with your feet– if you see that NYC’s Gotham Comedy Club is putting on an all-women show, go to it. If the room is full the owners will notice and put on more of these shows. They’ll probably also put more female comics into the regular line-up. If you go to The Comic Strip because Judy Gold or Veronica Mosey or Karen Bergreen is playing, mention how much of a fan you are within earshot of the person at the door. Amateur comedians are told that one step in getting noticed is when the waitresses at comedy clubs start talking about them– they see a hundred comedians a week and what they say carries some weight. More importantly, if you, a paying customer, let it be known why you went to a show, you will be heard. It’s not exactly as scientific as the Nielsen ratings, but it works.

Why aren’t female comedians getting their share of TV shows? Where’s Laurie Kilmartin’s sitcom, or Jessica Kirson’s? I don’t know. I don’t think TV executives are geniuses, and surely they prefer going with what has already worked instead of risking something new, but if the few female-centered shows were drawing in huge ratings, the networks would notice. There seem to be a lot of television shows about young women– they’re all on UPN or WB. How are they doing? Obviously well enough that we’re getting more of them. It actually took Fox to put on a number of TV shows about black families (after very few of them on network… “Good Times,” “The Jeffersons” and “The Cosby Show” come to mind) and now there are a lot of them. And black people are what, fifteen percent of the country? Women, you’re are more than half, and I’m pretty sure you all own televisions.

Why aren’t there any women hosting late-night talk shows, traditionally a job given to a stand-up comedian? I don’t know. Joan Rivers had a shot at The Tonight Show but she blew it. Frankly I really liked her on Monday nights but I don’t know if I could have watched her five nights a week because she was, to me, more of a character than a person I wanted to invite into my home on a regular basis. I would quickly get sick of having so much of her. I would have said the same thing about Rodney Dangerfield, by the way. But perhaps this is still the result of sexism. Possibly women in comedy have to be more character-driven in order to get to the top, and then at the top they’re locked into their character. Roseanne and Ellen got sitcoms, but Jay Leno got the comedian’s biggest prize. I think he does a fabulastic job and I’m thrilled he buys some of my jokes, but when Johnny Carson retired part of me wanted Rita Rudner to get the job.

A long time ago people said that women would never be TV stars, until Lucille Ball proved them wrong. In the eighties people said that the traditional sitcom was dead because it had been done to death, until “The Cosby Show” showed that the problem was not the sitcom format but simply that we needed better sitcoms. For a long time people said that standup comedy as a TV show or movie theme wouldn’t work, until Jerry Seinfeld proved them wrong. Some people even say that Kevin Costner will never be in a movie without baseball. Eventually he may prove them wrong too. There will consistently be number one sitcoms starring women. Maybe even, shockingly, with me, a feminist male, as the head writer of one of them. What will make these shows number one? When you all watch them. That’s what made Oprah the Queen of daytime TV. Viewers. It’s as simple as that.

And before you go completely batty, remember that while the winners of all three seasons of “Last Comic Standing” were men, not one has a TV show. Pamela Anderson has had how many?

You want more female comics to succeed? Get yourself to their shows. There are thousands of comedy clubs in big cities, in little cities and even occasional professional comedy shows in small towns, all over the United States. Comedy is a business; it runs on money. Your money is your vote. Go out and vote.

Feminist Male Comedian sm

Note: This was written for publication last year and never run.

The Stupidity of Being Dishonest

Written 2/17/2006

Yesterday someone I don’t know contacted me through the feedback form on my website. She said that she was taking a friend out and asked if I could mail her eight free tickets, and mentioned a particular date.

A date when I do not have a show scheduled (and my website lists my schedule).

There are some shows I do where I can occasionally ask the club to comp people’s cover charge, so I wrote a nice email to the address she gave on the feedback form.

I said that I didn’t have a show that night, but that I appreciated her interest. I explained that most of the clubs at which I perform don’t have actual tickets but simply add the cover charge to the bill at the end of the show. And that I would be happy to let her know the next time I could get the club to waive the cover charge for her entire party.

The email bounced. She filled out the contact form but didn’t give me her correct email address (she gave me her mailing address for the tickets, but lied about her email address).

So she’s not going to receive my offer of free tickets, because though I emailed her, at this point I don’t think it’s worth my while to type out a letter, print it out, fill out an envelope, put a stamp on it, and mail it to her. Even if I did, I doubt she’d bother to write back to tell me whether she’s actually coming, so why would I go through all that trouble for someone who might not even show up?

No, an actual letter is too much work. I’d rather just blog about it.

Cheney should have served in the military

Written on 2/13/2006

Because in the military they teach you an important rule: You’re not supposed to shoot your friends.

What a bizarre country. The Secret Service uses a vast amount of resources to protect our leaders, but then they give people shotguns and say “Feel free to stand near the vice president and shoot at quail. Try not to hit any people.” And this confused some of the older Secret Service personnel because two vice presidents ago was a guy named Quayle.

Do you get the feeling that if it had been the other way around, that if Vice President Cheney’s friend had been the one doing the shooting and had accidentally hit the vice president that he’d have been sent off to Guantanamo Bay and never be heard from again?

In other news, the author of “Jaws” died over the weekend. Ironically, he was eaten by an alligator.

In Today’s News– from the front page of the Bloomberg Professional Service

Created on 1/12/2006

Since registration dates are getting earlier and earlier each year, couples in NYC are advised to register their future children for private pre-schools and summer camps prior to having sex during ovulation

Wal-mart is being sued in Pennsylvania for requiring its employees to work for free through breaks and after their shifts end. “You have a friend in Pennsylvania…” you just can’t see him because he’s in the stock room on his lunch hour.

I suggest starting the trial at 9 AM and not stopping for anything until the jury has reached a verdict.

The U.S. Trade Deficit has started shrinking as exports reached a record. Apparently now foreigners have enough money to start shopping at our country’s new Going Out Of Business Sale.

California regulators have approved a $2.5 billion subsidy program for solar energy. It’s a trick. Good luck getting the sun to sign off on it.

“Supreme Court nominee Alito Seeks to Assure Democratic Lawmakers of Views on Presidential Powers”– does this remind anybody of every movie and TV show where someone makes a deal with Satan but somehow Satan cheats and wins? No matter what Alito says, once he’s confirmed he’s in for life, which could be a very long time unless he accepts a ride home from Senator Kennedy, a pretzel from President Bush or signs a $50 million deal with Comedy Central.

Home Depot says that the S.E.C. has made an informal request for information on the company’s dealings with vendors. I hope they’re more successful than I’ve been with all my requests for information from anyone from Home Depot. I’m still waiting for a response to my question about the generator I’m thinking of buying for Y2K.

“Cape Cod Indians Worry Abramoff Links May Hurt Casino Chances, U.S. Aid”– Listen, we all feel bad for how this country has treated, and continues to treat, Native Americans. But hey, aid OR casinos, okay? One or the other. You don’t need both.

“Toyota, Bullish on U.S., Doubles 2006 Sales Growth Target Set Last Week”– apparently their executives stopped by a Chevy dealership yesterday and revised all their sales goals upward. When they finished laughing.

“Federated to Sell Lord & Taylor to Focus on Macy’s”– The company has hired JPMorgan Chase and Goldman, Sachs to advise them on the sale. Maybe this is why sales are down– when a retailer needs two investment banks to tell them how to sell, something is clearly wrong.

Wine with Food? How about Wine with Movies?

Posted on 1/7/06

Millions of words have been written about which wines go with which foods. To the best of my knowledge up until now no one has written about which wines go with which movies. This occurred to me as I was fetching a wine to drink as I screened “The Godfather” for about the fifth or sixth time.

Many people might suggest a Chianti or Barolo but I think a strong red zinfandel such as a Martinelli or Hartford would be a better choice. The taste seems to follow the sepia tones of the film, and more than one Italian-American has told me that red zin reminds him of the wine his father used to make at home. Besides, zin would go better with the cannoli.

For “When Harry Met Sally” I’d suggest an over-oaked chardonnay.

“American Graffiti”– a blanc de blancs Champagne.

“The Producers”– an inexpensive ice wine (Selaks from New Zealand, for example, where they pick the grapes then place them in a freezer instead of the more traditional method of letting them freeze on the vine).

“The Taking of Pelham One Two Three”– cough medicine.

“Casablanca” anyone?

Goodbye, old cell phone

Posted on 12/1/2005

I won’t miss your easily broken antenna, your scratched screen or that fact that your charger plug is loose and I sometimes have to jiggle the phone to get it to recharge. I will miss your choice of ring tones. I hope the battered spouse who receives this now-donated phone gets through to 911 when she or he needs to. I know I always did.

My new phone comes with 35 ring tones, each one annoying. But it has a camera that has already helped me fight a parking ticket I received because apparently not all ticket agents have the same definition of “Sunday” as the rest of the city.

I’ll miss some of the numbers I didn’t bother copying to my new phone. Such as the woman I dated two or three times who kept saying she wanted to see me again, but apparently she defines “see me again” the same way at least one ticket agent defines “Sunday.” I don’t know when it is, but it never got scheduled whenever I asked.

I won’t miss the woman I dated for three months who still had to schedule our Friday and Saturday night dates around all her internet secret first dates that she thought I didn’t know about. Won’t miss her even though she was quite lovely-looking, always smiling, a genuinely happy person, the only one with all three of her numbers (home, cell and work) in my phone.

I’ll miss the woman I dated for five months, dated until I gently asked her what the cause of her twitching was. I thought it might be a form of Tourette’s Syndrome, but I’ll never know because she denied twitching (“What hump?” for those of you who remember the movie “Young Frankenstein”) and then broke up with me. Her loss; her shy cat was beginning to like me, an accomplishment previous boyfriends had never achieved.

I’ll miss the fact that I could call my parents by pressing one button and saying “Folks.” Now I have to flip the phone open and push two keys. Way too much effort to say hi to the people who brought me into this world and raised me with values I appreciate and want to instill in my future children. Especially because every time I call them they tell me how much they love me and how much something in their house needs fixing and when can I come over and do it? Not tomorrow? Saturday, then? I’ll always suggest Sunday.

I’ll miss having a booker’s cell number programmed directly into my phone and being able to call her anytime I wanted to confirm shows. I’m sure she’s not missing it.

I’ll miss seeing my ex-girlfriend Jen’s phone number in the phone, even though I didn’t call her after we broke up (for those of you saying “They’re ALL named Jennifer” this was Jen #3). I have fond memories of my time with Jen #3–I was dating her when I started stand-up comedy, and if you’ve heard my joke about dating a doctor, that’s Jen. Actually I did contact her recently– she’s married and eight months pregnant. She’s possibly only the second long-term girlfriend I’ve had who didn’t almost immediately after our breakup marry a doctor. But that’s maybe not exactly an exception to the rule because SHE’S a doctor; perhaps the rule is that ONE of them has to be a doctor. She’ll make a great mom. She’s so good with babies and children. And yes, she’s a pediatrician, just as the joke goes.

I won’t miss the most recent ex-girlfriend, the one who broke my heart by not falling in love with me even though I thought we were perfect together, right down to the compatibility of our stuffed animals and that we both referred to her liquid soap dispenser as the soap house and to my bedroom as the sleeping pod. I won’t miss her because her number is in my new phone, which I got just before we broke up. Oh, her photos are there, too, and they come up when she calls me. A photo of her when she calls from home, and a photo of her holding her cell phone camera, taking a picture of me, when she calls from her cell phone.

I’d give up the cell phone entirely to have her back and in love with me, but since that’s not going to happen, buy some stock in Verizon. I’ll be putting new numbers in the phone and making a lot of calls.

The On-line Dating Dictionary– some help for on-line daters

“I work hard and play hard” means I work too many hours then get really, really drunk and throw up on your new shoes.

“I want to experience all that NYC has to offer” means “I’ve lived here for ten years and still the only things I can think of to do are to see movies and go to dinner with my friends.”

Fat means fat… Zaftig means fat… Medium means fat… In Shape means fat (spherical is a shape)… Firm and toned means fat and will beat you up for saying it… Thin means fat (people lie)… A few extra pounds– “in the right places” means… the right place is ELSEWHERE! Be glad it’s nowhere near you!

“I like going to new restaurants” means “I like going to the newest, most expensive restaurants. And just being able to pay is not enough– you have to be able to get a reservation at the newest restaurant two minutes after I call and tell you about it.”

“My glass is half-full” means “I think I’m an optimist but since I can’t think of any examples I’ll just use an old cliche.”

ANYTHING IN ALL CAPS- I WILL SHOUT AT YOU through our entire first (and last) date.

Consultant- lost my job.

Self-employed- lost my job years ago.

Entrepreneur- lost my job two years ago but I found a thesaurus.

Enterpernuer- lost my job two years ago, found a thesaurus but didn’t look at it all that carefully.

“I’m intelligant”- maybe, but you’re not intelligent.

“My friends and family are very important to me” means “Daddy pays my rent so I answer the phone when he calls.”

“Communication is key” so after one date if you stop returning my phone calls, eventually I’ll figure out you may not want to talk to me anymore.

I love to travel” (woman) if I won’t sleep with you in NYC, I won’t sleep with you in Paris either. But I encourage you to fly me there just to make sure.

“I love to travel” (man)- If my team is doing well, I’ll disappear every away-game weekend to watch them play, and, win or lose, I’ll forget to call you when I’m away.

“I enjoy all that life has to offer” (woman)- remember, “life” includes your American Express Gold Card and Tiffany’s.

“I enjoy all that life has to offer” (man)- I expect you to offer me everything I can think of, and I’ve watched a lot of porn.

“Please be able to laugh at yourself” because this Sunday at brunch with my friends, we will all be laughing at you, and I don’t want you to dump my egg-white omelette/beer in my lap if you happen to be nearby and overhear.

“Loyalty is very important to me”- my last three lovers cheated on me.

“I am just as happy to sit at home and watch a movie as I am going out.” (Woman)- No, really, she’s not.

“I am just as happy to sit at home and watch a movie as I am going out.” (Man)- Don’t expect me to buy you dinner past the third date- I expect you to cook me dinner if I bring a DVD over.

“I’m as comfortable in a sexy black cocktail dress as I am in jeans and a t-shirt” or “I’m as comfortable in a tuxedo as I am in jeans and a t-shirt” Because I’ve put on weight and my jeans no longer fit.

“I’m down to earth”- I’m shorter than most of my friends.

“I’m not good at writing about myself but this is what my friends say about me”- I have no idea who I am so I copied a bunch of ideas from other people’s profiles.

The Name is Shaun

Posted on 11/04/2005

Often people ask me “Is Shaun a Jewish name?” or “How can you be Jewish and be named Shaun?”

Let me clear up the uncertainty. Shaun is very much a Jewish name. Prominent in the Bible were Shaun Macabee who saved the Jewish people from massacre when a tiny bit of oil burned for eight days (the holiday Shanukah celebrates this). There was also King Shaun, famous for such inspirations of brilliance as suggesting cutting a baby in half (nowadays, of course, with extended and convoluted families we cut babies into eighths, like pizza). And, in the Talmud, Rebbe Shaun of Letichev is very prominent, known for such wise sayings as “Doing the right thing for the wrong reasons is better than doing nothing at all” and “”Instead of adding so much salt when you’re cooking, why don’t you leave it on the table and let the individual diners salt the meal according to their own tastes?”

Shauns are famous for more modern accomplishments as well. Shaun Graham Bell invented the telephone; later his grandson Shaun Walker Bell invented the cell phone, after an unsuccessful career as an oil man and an attempt to invent the smell phone.

Shaun Einstein, of course, was responsible for the famous saying “Nice work, Einstein!”

And then there was the Japanese engineer Shaun Ota, who invented a toy that later became a car. Of course he named it after himself. Yes, the ToyOta.

Copyright 2005 by Shaun Eli Breidbart. All rights reserved, except feel free to name your son Shaun. Everyone else is doing it.

News of the Day

Posted on 10/27/2005

The NYC Transit Authority is looking for ways to spend an unanticipated billion dollar surplus. How about… soap?

Or maybe a joint marketing promotion with Gillette– buy a Metrocard, get a coupon for a stick of deodorant.

arriet Miers withdrew her name for nomination to the Supreme Court. I find it hard to understand how the extreme right wing that got Bush elected won’t believe their extreme right wing president when he says Trust me, I’ve known her for years and she’s as right-wing as the rest of us.

Perhaps someone found a bad review of brownies she made for the Klan’s bake sale? Because that wasn’t she, it was Trent Lott.

Is it possible that someone found evidence that Harriet Miers is not a virgin?

Tropical storm Beta is now forming in the Caribbean. Beta? Are we TESTING storms now?

News stories show Floridians lining up for food and water… but they’re not Floridians, that’s just the end of the long line of Louisianans still standing in line.

Buying a Job

Posted on 10/25/2005

The Laugh Factory in L.A. recently auctioned off (proceeds go to Katrina victims) the opening spot in an upcoming Jon Lovitz stand-up comedy show. The winning bid was over $7,000. My smaller bid was apparently not enough.

Bidding for stage time? Why would a comedian do that? Please let me explain why I bid.

$2750 for a ten minute spot at The Laugh Factory

Bush’s four year term in The White House

At that rate, it would cost you $576,576,000* to buy a four-year term in the White House. Here are some advantages of buying the time on stage vs. buying the presidency:

1. I can finance the $2750 myself, with no help needed from Exxon, Philip Morris or the gun lobby.

2. The tape of my spot will surely have fewer gaffs than any ten minutes of Bush in front of a camera.

3. I can say whatever I want without worrying about offending those who claim to support me. I can contradict myself, change my mind, even insult myself.

4. The money goes to help Katrina victims, unlike any money actually being spent by the Bush administration.

5. I can leave early, and they won’t put Cheney on stage.

*Calculation based on 24 hours. The president isn’t any more productive when he’s awake, so why not include the time he’s sleeping?

ARE They on The Job?

Posted on 10/19/2005

On September 26th I wrote about a problem I had with the NYPD, and how they finally responded that they were doing something about it. I’d tried to report a crime, volunteering information as a witness, and I was pushed off from precinct to precinct as nobody wanted to take ownership of investigating this crime. This because precinct commanders are rated on how well they decrease crime in their territories, so they do what they can to prevent people from actually filing a police report.

Two days after my blog I got a letter from the precinct commander. The letter apologized for taking six months to get back to me but giving me the good news that an arrest was made and that the Manhattan District Attorney’s office was prosecuting the case.

Good news if it were true. But it’s not. I called the D.A. on the case. He said that while he’d like to continue, they haven’t been able to locate the perpetrator, and without being able to bring him in, they don’t bother issuing an arrest warrant (apparently they, or indictments, expire).

When I finished college, returned to NY and was living in The Bronx I was called for jury duty. A simple case– two cops saw a guy with a gun and arrested him. This was pretty easy because in 1989 in The Bronx about one in three people walked around with an illegal handgun. The defendant was a twice-convicted felon who contradicted himself on the stand. An easy verdict, I thought.

We couldn’t reach a verdict. Why not? Because the other jurors didn’t believe anything the cops said. Why would they lie, I asked.

“Because that’s what cops do,” they explained. “You naive child of the suburbs, babies cry, old people die and cops lie. That’s what they do. They don’t need a reason. They just do. Like alcoholics drink, cops lie.”

Eventually we convicted the guy, but it took a whole day of deliberations (more on this in a future blog).

My father is a retired law enforcement officer, a veteran, and someone I look up to as a model of integrity.

But tomorrow, when I start another round of jury duty, I won’t be thinking about my father’s honesty. Foremost on my mind might be how the NYPD is telling me what they think I want to hear, with reckless disregard for the truth.

Inspector, the next time your officers lose a case in court, keep in mind, you might also be to blame.

Attention Commuters

I could swear I heard this announcement in Grand Central Terminal this morning:

“Please be advised that the Constitutional rights of anyone carrying a backpack or other large item are subject to violation at any time.”

The NYPD is on the case

In February I was a witness to a non-violent crime. When I called the relevant precinct to make a statement and to give them further information on the crime they told me it wasn’t in their area, and to call a different precinct. Six phone calls later, all to find out which precinct covered that address (no exaggeration, seven phone calls in total) I was steered back to the first place I called. This is, of course, after the responding officers told the victims that what happened wasn’t illegal (it was clearly a premeditated fraud, and the District Attorney’s office looked into it but apparently never issued an arrest warrant for the perp).

It’s well-known in NYC that precinct commanders are judged by the amount of crime in their precincts and they will do anything they can to get that number down, even if it means implying that their officers try to avoid taking police reports. I’m sure that they’re great and brave when it comes to risking their lives to catch violent criminals, but if it’s just a property crime, well, too bad. Someone ripped the mirror off your car? Sorry, that’s a matter between you and your insurance company. Your druggie son stole your jewelry? Well, we’re not family counseling, we’re cops.

I sent an e-mail to the NYPD suggesting that they do something to stop their officers from deterring people from reporting crimes and that they post legible precinct maps on the city’s website (there’s one on the internet but it’s not detailed enough to be useful around the precinct borders). I also mentioned the crime and suggested that someone call me for further information.

Well guess what? Today (September 26th) I got a call from an officer at the precinct that covers the location. Seven months later, he’s getting back to me. He said that he’s new in that precinct, and to call him directly if I have any future problems in his precinct.

I’m glad the FDNY works on a different time-table.

From now on, whenever anyone says iPod, you have to say “You pod?”

Why do motorcyclists rev their engines at stoplights?

Because twisting a small penis doesn’t make the same loud noise.

Why do Harley riders rev their engines at stoplights?

To keep them from stalling.

Our MBA President

I just want to remind everyone that when George Bush ran for president the American people were promised that this first “MBA President” would apply business techniques to government, making it operate more efficiently.

The deficit, the war in Iraq and the feeble response to Hurricane Katrina demonstrate that while our “MBA President” may have mastered the principles of financial leverage by running up record deficits, he is a miserable failure at strategic planning.

I Was Wrong

All this time I thought that big business should not be running the country, that the government should be separate from industry. That the logging industry should not control our forests, that oil company executives should not be writing our energy policy.

I was wrong. We need the government completely run by corporations. For example, we should have Costco, McDonald’s and FedEx running FEMA– they would have had all the stranded flood victims fed and evacuated in about a day.

Too bad President Bush cut the government’s $40 Costco membership fee from this year’s budget, or we’d have had a lot more drinking water to ship…

It’s been reported that the government was asked for funding to repair the New Orleans levees but the president cut their funding to an amount insufficient to prevent last week’s disaster. That’s typical government thinking– someone asks for money, they give him less, and it’s not enough to solve the problem. When it’s a social program, typically the democrats ask for money, the republicans don’t give them enough, then when the program doesn’t succeed due to lack of funding, the republicans say “See, it doesn’t work.”

In this case I presume that either party would do what they can to cut the budget, and preventing this disaster was one of the items cut. But we’re the richest country in the world– we can afford to fix everything, but apparently tax cuts for the rich were more important than the lives of 100,000 poor people in Louisiana.

If you went to a plastic surgeon and were told that the procedure has a one in a thousand chance of complications, you’d probably go ahead with the surgery. Unless the doctor said that “by procedure I mean each time I press the Suck button on the liposuction machine, and I do that five hundred times during an operation,” because with such terrible odds you’d be nuts to go ahead with the procedure.

The levees breaking was maybe a one in a thousand chance. But I wonder how many other long-shot emergency items have also been cut. Are there more Katrina/New Orleans levees waiting to happen? And what are we doing about it?

As hard as it is for a black person to catch a cab in the city, it’s clear that it’s even harder to hail a helicopter.

Posted on 09/01/2005

President Bush has praised the newly-proposed Iraqi Constitution. You know he hasn’t read it…. He hasn’t even read OUR Constitution.

Volunteers are flocking to hurricane-damaged areas to help out. Hey, they HAVE people! Plenty of people, people with nothing to do. They need people with some SKILLS, like utility workers, not more unskilled people they have to house and feed. Turn your truck around, Gus, and go back home. The two hundred bucks you would have spent on gas to drive to New Orleans? Give it to charity, let them buy food for the hurricane victims, and use THEIR expertise to get it to Biloxi and New Orleans.

Dolce & Gabbana announced that they plan to begin selling low-rise jeans for men. Low-rise MEN’S jeans? This would be horrible… if any men actually shopped at Dolce & Gabbana.

Posted on 08/24/2005

President Bush is meeting Chinese President Hu. President Hu? This has Bad International Incident written all over it.

Last week Madonna was injured falling off a horse. Usually it’s the other way around.

The president of Turkmenistan has outlawed all lip-synching, even at private parties. Let’s call this what it is– the first step toward a total international ban on karaoke. My friend Phil, stationed in Ashgabat, probably doesn’t realize how lucky he is.

After calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Chavez, Pat Robertson is now saying he was misinterpreted… even though he clearly talked about assassination. Perhaps somebody showed him a copy of the Ten Commandments, so he’s trading in “Thou Shalt Not Kill” for “Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness.” I have no comment on the Commandment “Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Oil.”

I am tired of people writing editorials and letters to newspapers saying that if politicians are for the war in Iraq why aren’t their children in the military? This is not a relevant question:

Their children, once they reach 18, are free to make up their own minds. Not only is it not their parent’s decision, but it’s also wrong to assume that the children of pro Iraq war politicians are also for the war.

Furthermore, the children of politicians may be able to make other, equally important, contributions to society. I don’t think too many people would take someone who could be a brilliant cancer researcher and say “Hey, grab this rifle– you may not be a better shot than the next guy, but hey, screw the cancer research and start shooting.”

Yes, I realize I’m defending the president’s drunken daughters. But now that they’re adults, they’re free to opt to spend the rest of their lives getting drunk instead of defending our country. As long as they don’t get so drunk that they throw up on the Japanese Prime Minister’s daughters.

Hey, at least they don’t have their own reality show. I guess it’s because their daddy already does.

New Scientific Study on Business Productivity

A new study conducted by the Wharton School of Business in conjunction with the Pew Research Institute and the Marist Poll determined that the personal computer has increased American productivity by 34%… but that American workers now spend 47% of their work day playing on the internet.

Disagree? Where the hell are you sitting right now? And where were you sitting the first time you found www.BrainChampagne.com?

Please bookmark www.BrainChampagne.com and read it every morning on company time.

NBC’s Newest Show

Since the finale of their show “I Want To Be A Hilton” didn’t get the ratings they expected, the network has announced a follow-up contest show: “I Want To Beat The Crap Out Of A Hilton With A Louisville Slugger.”

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Four Cops Stopped Me

Posted on 08/01/2005

They stopped me from getting on my train. They took me aside and said that they wanted to look in my backpack.

I said no. My backpack contained no contraband, only my date book, cell phone, some magazines, some confidential business papers, and a copy of the Constitution. Really. It’s in my backpack. Hey, some people carry the whole Bible. Oh, and about a half-dozen empty soda cans. I’m a caffeine addict, an environmentalist, and thrifty. Nobody needed to know that.

When “Seinfeld” first went on the air, my roommate and I wrote a spec. script for the show. The producer wrote back, saying no thanks, but explained that they didn’t know what they were looking for, because they were new at this and had no idea what they were doing. It was a nice letter, nicer now in hindsight because apparently, knowledge or not, they did just fine.

I wrote another script. You’ll see why this is relevant in a few hundred words.

I asked the police officer if she would prevent me from getting on my train if I refused to consent to a search. She said yes. I told her “Then I guess I’m taking the next train.”

Which I did, though I used a different entrance to the platform so they wouldn’t entirely keep me from getting home. Which I would have done with my regular train, but I didn’t have enough time.

As you know if you’ve read my earlier blog I think these random searches are a stupid, and unconstitutional, idea. Stupid because you can say no, which means that anybody carrying something illegal can just leave (okay, they caught one idiot carrying M-80 fireworks, but so far that’s it). It’s not a great use of thousands of police and civilian hours. And because a terrorist could choose to blow himself/herself up right there, killing civilians AND the police officers. Or, as I did, simply take another train. And unconstitutional because the Constitution says “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated…” By my way of thinking, the right to stop anybody, at any time, claiming the “right” to search their belongings, is unreasonable. My time is a valuable resource, and I don’t need the police looking through papers of mine which might be confidential, through property of mine which might be embarrassing, because they think that random stops deter terrorism. What if I were a journalist, an attorney, an investment banker or a doctor, carrying papers that were not for the police to examine? It might not be only MY rights which were being violated.

I called my parents to tell them that I was thinking of notifying the ACLU that I was stopped, and that I was volunteering should the ACLU, of which I am not a member, decide to sue to stop these random searches.

Both parents were against it. My mother said that the government had new powers, powers to which she is opposed, but you can’t fight them. My father also thought I shouldn’t fight.

My father’s family lost everything in the Great Depression, and his father died when he was young. My father fought in World War II (on our side). My mother came here from Russia, her parents fleeing totalitarianism. They abandoned everything they had when they came here, and were dirt poor back when there was no Welfare and Brooklyn still had plenty of dirt. My mother had to walk miles to college when she didn’t have the nickel for the trolley (really). Yet somehow she and her sister managed to get through college and a master’s degree program– because back then, City College was truly free.

Mom told me that even after living in the U.S. for decades, when her father saw a police officer he walked the other way. Because for his entire life in Russia, nothing good ever came out of a possible confrontation with a police officer. Keep in mind he was a Jew in a small town in Russia, where for sport the Cossacks would get drunk and beat up Jews for no reason. My family was smart– they got into the alcohol business so they had some control– if you’re drinking, the last person you want to beat up is the guy who makes the booze. But still it wasn’t a great life for them. Of course once they got here, like so many other immigrants, they had to start over.

Neither of my parents had it easy. Yet somehow they not only got through it, they raised three sons who, between all of us, have seven Ivy League degrees (one of which is mine).

When I told my parents that I intended to volunteer to fight the searches—— Well, this was the first time I’d ever heard either of them actually sound scared of anything. My parents. Two of the toughest people I’ve ever known, and my circle of acquaintances has included Olympic gold medal rowers, U.S. Marines, a pediatric oncologist, Israeli commandos, black belts in karate.

My own parents, scared of OUR OWN GOVERNMENT.

In AMERICA. The land of the free and the home of the brave.

Which made me realize I’m doing the right thing by volunteering to fight this. Because, as someone once said, and has often been quoted, the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

Okay, now to explain the Seinfeld reference. I wrote a second spec. script. A couple of months later I watched as they aired MY SCRIPT. The same two plots, virtually the same story, some of even the same types of sentences and ideas. Yet I hadn’t even heard from them, and you can be sure that someone else was listed as the writer. I was LIVID. STEAMING. READY TO EXPLODE, for the five minutes it took me to realize that I hadn’t yet sent them my second script.

Yes. A co-incidence. Wow.

So, let’s say I wasn’t Shaun. I was darker-skinned, named Abdul or Mohammed, carrying a copy of the Koran. And they’d stopped me.

Do you think I’d have thought I was chosen randomly? Of course not.

So, not only do these random searches waste time, frighten people, waste resources that could be put to better use, but they also risk convincing people that they are the victims of stereotyping, of discrimination, of the violation of their equal rights. That too is a risk we should not be taking. Because people come to this country to ESCAPE that, not to experience it. We’re supposed to be the best country in the world, the one in which everyone wants to live, the shining example for the rest of the world to follow. Not just the richest. The most just. The one with the lady in the harbor, welcoming your “…tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” She’s been here more than a hundred years, yet we haven’t even had the decency to give her a full name. I suggest Janette Liberté. But that’s another story.

As an aside: I am for the legalization of marijuana. Also for the legalization of marajuana and the legalization of marihuana. Any drug that has three different spellings is fine with me.

Someone else once said, of nazi Germany, “When they came for the communists, I didn’t speak up because I was not a communist. When they came for the Jews, I didn’t speak up because I was not a Jew. When they came for the Catholics, I didn’t speak up because I was not a Catholic. When they came for me, there was no one left to speak up.”

I have to speak up. We have to draw the line somewhere. Better now than later.

I had no drugs in my bag. I do not use marijuana, by any spelling. But I feel that cannabis (this saves me from favoring a particular spelling) is probably less dangerous than alcohol, has been shown to have few if any harmful side-effects (okay, if you overeat because you smoked some then you may risk heart disease) and yet it’s illegal while alcohol and regular cigarettes, which kill hundreds of thousands of Americans a year, are legal.

Gee, I wonder who’s making those campaign donations. Hello?

So, since I’m against arresting people for possession of, or use of (as long as they’re not driving), cannabis, I think that these random searches inhibit people’s ability to buy, transport, sell and use the drug. Another reason to oppose these searches.

If enough people say no, maybe we can make a difference. Maybe instead of searching randomly they’ll put their brains to use to find a better way to stop terrorists. Because, guess what? The terrorists know they’re searching backpacks on NYC public transit. Heard of Philadelphia mass transit? Heard of the local supermarket? Heard of hiding a bomb under your shirt, instead of in a backpack? So have the terrorists. If you try to stop them somewhere, they’ll figure out where else to go. Stop looking backwards for train bombers, and think progressively, and figure out where they’re going NEXT. Like you should have, schmucks running our country, before September 11th. Because, as I said in a letter to the New York Times that was published three years ago, “Terrorists had previously tried to destroy the World Trade Center. The White House had received warnings of hijackings. A 1994 Tom Clancy novel depicted a terrorist crashing a 747 into the Capitol Building during a joint meeting of Congress. Just about everybody who had ever played Microsoft’s Flight Simulator game before Sept. 11 had crashed an imaginary airplane into a virtual World Trade Center.” I wrote this letter after Condoleeza Rice, then our National Security Advisor, said “I don’t think anybody could have predicted that these people would take an airplane and slam it into the World Trade Center.”

Hey, wake up and smell your job description.

To quote the leader of our country, “Either you’re with us, or you’re against us.”

How Stupid Are We? How Stupid Do We Think They Are?

Posted on 07/22/2005

On my birthday yesterday I learned that the NYPD plans to begin random searches of backpacks in subways.

“Those who are ready to sacrifice freedom for security ultimately will lose both” – Abraham Lincoln

But let’s even forget about the fact that the country is starting to feel a bit like a police state– random searches, secret uncontestable search warrants issued by secret judicial panels, people being labelled “enemy combatants” so they don’t have to be given their Constitutional rights (when the phrase “enemy combatant” does not appear in the Constitution). Let’s even forget that with all our airline security, while we’ve caught a lot of guys named Gus who forgot that they were carrying guns, we haven’t caught anyone with any actual intent to hijack a plane. And the highest-profile reported case of actually catching a suspected terrorist in this country turned out to be a guy who bragged to his friends that he was selling weapons, but since he had no access to weapons and didn’t know anybody evil to sell weapons to, the FBI conveniently pretended to be a weapons supplier and also found an FBI phony weapons buyer so they could actually arrest a guy with no access to either side of his transaction. Essentially they made him an arms dealer so they could arrest him for being an arms dealer.

Enough on that. Let’s look at the idea of random backpack searches. They say they’ll be random and there won’t be racial profiling. Sure, because Middle-Eastern isn’t a race. Do you think they’ll randomly open an eighty year old white woman’s big purse? How hard do you think it is to slip a small time bomb into Phillis’s purse when she’s not looking?

The NYC subway system has millions of riders a day. They’ll be able to stop only a few thousand people. So if you’re a suicide bomber, the odds are with you. Oh, and if they do stop one, do you think he’ll open his bag and let the cop find the bomb? No, he’ll blow himself up (along with the cop, and everyone behind him in line at the turnstiles). It will rain blood and metrocards. Mission accomplished.

So let’s search everyone, so the subway will be eight dollars a ride (cops are expensive) and it takes as long to get on the D train as it does to get through security at JFK. Don’t even think of taking nail clippers to work. Oh, you work in a nail salon, Kara? Not anymore.

Sure, let’s search every subway rider. So the suicide bombers give up on the subway… and instead blow up everyone in Gristedes, the movie theater, on the sidewalk. Maybe we’ll have door-to-door suicide bombers.

At least until winter, when they can hide the bombs under their winter coats.

Or recruit women. Do you really think Officer Subway is going to ask the pregnant woman to lift up her abaya to show that she’s really pregnant? Will they make Fat Tony prove he’s not really Mini-Tony?

Will pretty French tourists stop bringing sexy underwear on vacation because they don’t want to be embarrassed in public by Officer Subway pawing through their suitcase? Because if that happens, I’m buying an airline ticket to Europe.

Just for the record, I’m okay with some unobtrusive way to search, such as a machine that can sniff explosives. But anything that wastes my time, and invades my privacy, I have a problem with.

And I heard on the radio yesterday that in the past four years there have been 1600 accidental incursions of the giant flight restrictions around Washington, DC. That’s 1600 incursions and not one attempt on anyone’s life.

Think about that. 1600 pilots who screwed up. Which means that probably there have been hundreds of thousands of flights that had to divert around that airspace. Do you realize what a monumental waste of time and fuel that must be? Can’t we find a better way to protect our leaders than shutting down the airspace all around them?

Please stop talking about “Thinking outside the box” if THERE IS NO BOX.

Don’t tell me to “Do the math” unless there is actual math to be done.

It’s not “A win-win situation for both parties” unless there are four winners.

And please don’t say yourself or myself unless you or I are both the subject and object of the sentence. In other words, you can look at yourself. I can look at myself. But I cannot look at yourself unless you and I are the same person. And I’m pretty sure we’re not. Because when I do look at myself, I see me, not you.

If you have a problem with that, get back inside the box.

Suing the Landlord

Posted on 7/13/05

So I had to sue my landlord. Back in the winter they were doing reconstruction on the apartment upstairs. The standard way to gut an apartment is to bust out a window, park a dumpster in the alley below, and throw all the debris out the window into the dumpster.

And, if you’re not an idiot, when it’s four degrees outside you remember to cover up the gaping hole when you leave on Friday evening.

If you’re an idiot, the pipes freeze and the apartment below gets flooded. Under NY State law, it’s pretty clear that the landlord is responsible for the flood. I sent a nice letter asking for compensation and he said I’d have to sue him. So I did.

Since only a few months earlier we’d had a fire (Note– an unsupervised three year old, curtains and a cigarette lighter… any two of the three, no problem. All three, a big problem) I didn’t have much left to damage. I sued for around $1050. The night before the Small Claims Court date, the lawyer for the landlord’s insurance company called me. To ask questions. I pointed out that in Small Claims Court he’s not entitled to discovery (the asking of questions) but anyway explained why he was going to lose. He pretty much understood that I knew what I was talking about. And I found out that his office was an hour commute from the courthouse. So I suggested that he simply send me a check for $1050 rather than bill an equivalent amount to his client and still lose. He said he couldn’t do that.

When I asked if it was because he had to show up in court in case I didn’t, he pretty much said yes. I asked him the address of the courthouse. He said 34 Fifth Avenue. I asked him to read me my address. He said 17 Fifth Avenue. I said “Do you really expect me NOT to cross the street for a thousand dollars?”

He showed up in court. I met him outside, said “Hey, I crossed the street, do you want to give me $1050?” He said no. We went into court, where the judge asked if we could go outside and try to settle. So we tried.

He asked what I wanted. I said every darn penny I lost due to his client’s client’s contractor’s negligence. We quibbled over the value of one picture frame, and settled on $1025. He pulled out a standard contract that said something like “Plaintiff waives all claims from the beginning of time until (fill in today’s date).”

I said that sounded rather drastic– could we say July 4, 1776? Because I might have some rights under the Magna Carta that I’m not yet prepared to waive.”

He crossed out “From the beginning of time” and wrote in “July 4, 1776.”

So if the Magna Carta has no Statute of Limitations…

She No Longer Loves Bad Boys

Posted on 06/30/2005

Last Thursday was my girlfriend’s birthday, and she had a party. I was walking to her apartment carrying four dozen roses. In the water bottle pockets of my backpack I had two bottles of Champagne sticking out very noticeably.

As I passed by Columbus Circle I saw a woman wearing an “I Love Bad Boys” t-shirt. She looked at the roses, then at the Champagne, then at me. Then back at the roses, and the Champagne.

Bad boys just don’t know how to treat women” I said to her.

“It’s your anniversary.” She said to me.

“Nope.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s Thursday” I told her. “Happy Thursday.”

Kiss Your House Goodbye

Posted on 06/23/2005

Eminent domain is the Constitutionally-allowed power of state and local governments to seize private property for a public purpose, as long as they pay for it. Mostly it’s been used for a public good– they tear down some houses to put up a school or firehouse, or they take a piece of farmland to put in a highway or some railroad tracks. This has been done for hundreds of years and without the power of eminent domain we’d probably not have very many roads or firehouses.

The Supreme Court just ruled that the power of Eminent Domain allows state and local governments to seize private property and give or sell it to other private enterprises merely because the newer enterprise promises to add value to the property. In other words, they can tear down a slum and put up fancy housing because that will lead to economic development and higher tax revenue. Oh, they have to pay the people who own the slum properties, but they pay the market value for a slum, not what the land is going to be worth once the slum is replaced by fancy housing.

Of course with the slum gone the price of the least expensive housing goes up, and the poor people who have been forced out of their homes are screwed. Well, you should’ve lived in a communist country, you poor suckers, because here in America you live where you can afford to live, and if that means the street, well, you should be thankful it’s not a busy street.

The Supreme Court vote was 5-4, and I find myself agreeing with the conservative minority that there ought to be stricter limits to eminent domain. Otherwise, the state can seize a K-Mart and sell the land to Target, because Target promises higher tax revenues. That is, until Wal-Mart comes along. Where does it end? Ask Bill Gates, or Exxon, or maybe China.

I’d complain more, but I don’t have the time– I have to get in touch with my town to force my neighbor out of his house– I’m sure that my assessed value would go up, and thus tax revenues to the town, if I got rid of my neighbor and put up a huge house with a lovely indoor swimming pool. I’m thinking a movie theatre and bowling alley, too. Or those mini racing cars.

My neighbor’s in his sixties, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind moving in with his daughter. I’d let him come back and use the pool, but if word got out about the pool then somebody richer might come along and force me out of my house.

think I would get to keep my gun. Thank God for the Second Amendment. You can have my house when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands.

We stink. We STINK. WE REALLY STINK!

Posted on 06/13/2005

I’m a first-generation American. I vote and pay my taxes proudly and I think this is the greatest country in the world. But still we stink.

Let me explain. A few nights ago I was watching Fear Factor. One of the bug-eating episodes, not one of the bugs-crawling-all-over-you episodes.

Yes, we are entertained by watching people eat disgusting creatures in search of a $50,000 prize.

There are five billion people on our planet, and a lot of them go hungry. Some of them will die of starvation. But here in America we are paying people to eat stuff they don’t want to eat, just so others can be entertained.

Maybe we should pay them $40,000 and spend the other $10,000 on helping people grow more food. Or perhaps for every hour of Fear Factor people watch, they should be required to spend five minutes watching people go hungry. And don’t even get me started on all the mass murder going on in Darfur that we’re not doing anything about. It may not be on the same scale as the Holocaust, but this time we know all about it and we have the military means to stop it. And by stopping it, perhaps discouraging future mass murderers. Instead we’re sending the message that we’ll let them get away with it. Oh, unless they really piss us off. Our country’s leaders claim to be men of God. They sure aren’t men of men.

Now that I’ve brought down the room, go see a comedy show and get cheery again. Or at least scroll down and read some of my funny blogs. But I had to speak my mind. With my job comes some responsibility to speak out.

Oh, you think I owe you some jokes? Okay.

Some sad news. The founder of Wine Spectator magazine has passed away. Or, as the magazine is reporting it… “His Bordeaux is continuing to age, but he isn’t.”

Scientists are saying that the surface of the earth has been getting brighter, but they’re not sure why. I can tell you one thing: it’s not the people.

For more comedy, please visit the Expired Comedy section of this website.

I’m having a great day

Posted on 06/01/2005

We found out who Deep Throat was, and all day I’ve been glued to CNN, watching Nixon resign, over and over and over and over….

I Think I Lost This Round

Posted on 05/30/2005

Every few weeks my neighbors have a garage sale. To try to sell the same useless crap that nobody bought at the previous garage sales. Nobody buys anything. But still every sale fills up our quiet street with cars and clogs the neighborhood as my neighbors sit hopefully in their driveway all day.

So a couple of weeks ago I went over and asked what they wanted for EVERYTHING. Not much, so I bought it all to finally put an end to this nonsense, and on bulk garbage day I put it ALL out for the garbagemen.

But my neighbors beat the garbagemen to my curb, and they took all the stuff back, and now today they’re having another garage sale.

Anybody have any ideas that don’t involve a gallon of gasoline and some matches?

Today’s Mail

Posted on 05/02/2005

In today’s mail I got an invitation for an AARP credit card. A surprise. I’m sure they’d give me one even though I’m only 43.

The bigger shock was an invitation to celebrate Anne Frank’s 75th birthday. A party which will include a live musical performance by Cyndi Lauper. The woman who made her career by hopping around on stage in bright colors, screeching and singing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”

I quote from her song: Some boys take a beautiful girl And hide her away from the rest of the world I want to be the one to walk in the sun Oh girls they want to have fun

This is in such poor taste I’m at a loss for words.

Driving While InTalks-icated

Posted on 05/01/2005

Sooner or later… two people are going to be talking to each other on their cell phones while driving, and crash… into each other.

Confucius say: He who crosses street while talking to girlfriend on cell phone get run over by woman driving SUV while talking to her nanny on cell phone.

My waitressing fantasy

WRITTEN BY Marianne Sierk and used with permission (Shaun’s comments follow)

Originally Posted on Comedy Soapbox 04/22/2005 at 09:35 PM

“I’m working at a restaurant on Lake Ontario this summer for some cccyash for my move to LA that feels like it will never happen. Tonight it was raining and yucky out so I only had 4 tables and am home already, writing to you, faceless Blog. In any case – I had a revelation as I was starring at the lake waiting for my last table to wash down their fish fry with our finest white zinfendel (Go Rochester!) and I imagined how I’d like to die – at least for tonight. I’d take as many orders for dinner as I can – then I’d pretend to put them in the computer – but I’d really be ordering Filet Mignon’s for everyone. Right before the first load of misordered steaks comes in – I’d rip off my bow tie and scream, “Surf’s up!” I’d run off the pier that’s connected to said restaurant and jump in the choppy lake waters. I’d be found with my tux shirt still on, apron afixed to my new polysesters, $14 CASH still secure within my pockets. Maybe my wine key would be lost, but I’d be CLUTCHING my lighter. (I don’t smoke, but birthday candles don’t light themselves….) I’d just let myself drift as far out as I can – and then eventually give up whatever struggle would come naturally and let the polluted Lake Ontario water fill my asthma ridden lungs – a huge smile embedded on my face. Two hotty italian busboys would gallantly throw down their Windex bottles and buspans and scream…..”NOOOO!” and jump in to try to save me – but it’s too late! It’s always too late. I’m a strong swimmer, but no match for the great tides of a Great Lake. Someone get me out of this city. The End. (in so many ways)PS – I swear this isn’t a cry for help – just a fantasy!”

Comments are below

The Response, Posted on 04/22/2005 at 10:45 PM by Shaun Eli

Same fantasy, minus the death. You win the $205 million lottery. Order steak for everyone.

Then run away, in your Ferrari, driven by comedian and excellent driver Shaun Eli. Okay, Brad Pitt.

When the police chase you, you drop a note out the window that says “Just Kidding. Bring this to the restaurant.” And with the note are fifteen hundred dollar bills. And an address in Malibu for them to mail the speeding ticket.

You and Mr. Pitt leave the car at a local airport, where pilot Shaun Eli is waiting with a plane to fly you two lovebirds to California, after a stop in Vegas where Mr. Pitt can beg you to marry him (you politely turn him down, explaining that he’s just a toy).

You spend a night (actually it’s from 9 AM to 11:30 PM but in Vegas there is no time) in a cheap hotel under assumed names. Then you kiss him goodbye, find a waiting pair of Ducati motorcycles, with expert motorcyclist Shaun Eli waiting to escort you to your new home in Malibu, where real estate agent and skilled interior decorator* Shaun Eli is ready to show you around and help you furnish your new home.

Fabulastic chef Shaun Eli goes shopping and returns to prepare you a wonderful dinner while you relax in a bubble bath. He then leaves you with two bottles of Champagne, and a wonderful dessert, as a ragged Brad Pitt enters the house for one final goodbye fling.

*Shaun Eli is not a licensed California real estate agent and his decorating skills are subject to some debate.

At What Point Do We Not Mention Race?

Posted on 04/22/2005

I went to pick up my date at her apartment. At 119th near Lenox. For those of you not familiar with Manhattan, this is in Harlem (Lenox is also known as Malcolm X Blvd and as I’m sure you can imagine, there’s no big push to name streets in white neighborhoods after Malcolm X, although there ought to be a push to rename all the Jefferson Davis streets and schools after Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or Rosa Parks or at least Chuck Berry).

My date didn’t answer the buzzer, and she wasn’t answering her phone. But she never answers her phone and her buzzer doesn’t work that well. Someone came out of her building, and I asked him if he knew if Evie were home.

Her building is a five story brownstone with only two apartments per floor.

He said he didn’t know who she was.

I said “She looks around thirty, she has long, dark, wavy hair, she’s thin and pretty, she’s a schoolteacher, moved in around five months ago.”

He had no idea who she was.

“She rides a bicycle a lot.”

“Oh, you mean the white girl! Why didn’t you say so? No, I don’t think she’s home.”

Okay, why DIDN’T I say so?

Think about this

Posted on 04/21/2005

A new study reported that most traffic lights in the U.S. have not had their timing changed in over a decade. That’s right, before those shopping malls were built, and back when that housing complex was still farmland. Back when fewer cars travelled, and came from and went to different parts of your town.

The reason for the lack of change? State and local traffic engineers don’t have the resources to study traffic patterns and re-time the lights. They say for only FOUR DOLLARS PER CAR they could re-time most of the traffic lights in America, saving us millions of hours in travelling time, millions of gallons of gasoline, and wear and tear on our cars (including the tires and brake linings that wear down every time we have to slow down to stop at another red light). And of course cut down on pollution, that thing we used to care about back before the oil companies took their first four year lease on America with an option to renew.

So the next time you’re stuck in traffic, listening to some politician on the radio bragging about how he’s going to lower your taxes, think about what more he intends to cut from the budget. The money has to come from somewhere. It’s already come from your time, your gas, your brakes, your tires, your lungs…

Comedy: A non-polluting, self-renewing national resource sm

There is no “I” in “Team”

Posted on 04/14/2005

But… HALF of T E A M is M E.

Google this! (warning: if you are easily offended please scroll down past this entry)

Somebody told me that no matter what phrases you Google, you will get some number of hits. I wasn’t sure. So…

I took the most random and unrelated of phrases and here’s what I found:

“Kansas City” + penis + buddha + “Home Depot” gave 651 hits.

arthritis + shoes + cunnilingus + oregon gave 146 hits.

But substitute fellatio for cunnilingus and you more than double the number of hits. Change it to fetus or calculus and it goes up further still. Algebra does even better, more than 2000 hits.

eraser + logical + river + telephone + cashew gives 83 hits.

welder + nostril + basketball + labor gives 77 hits.

Note that I was totally sober when I tried this experiment.

So you can imagine how my mind works after a few drinks.

My stand-up comedy is clean. Apparently my blogs are not always.

Mister can you buy me beer?

Posted on 04/11/2005

When I was seventeen I worked in a supermarket. I had a beard and looked older. Once when I was leaving, two sixteen year olds stopped me and asked if I could buy them some beer (the drinking age in NY at the time was eighteen). I told them I couldn’t, because I wasn’t old enough. They didn’t believe me. Of course I probably could have bought beer anywhere EXCEPT that store, since they knew how old I was.

Last night I was sitting at the bar at a comedy show, next to an eighteen year old. She asked me to buy her a beer. I told her I’d be glad to, in about three years. The bartender knows me, and obviously knew that this woman was too young to buy alcohol, so had I bought a beer and given it to her, we both would have been thrown out. Not that I would have anyway.

I couldn’t buy her a beer in any state; that’s illegal. But I’m pretty sure it’d be okay if I bought her a gun.

And if a woman with a gun asks me to buy her a beer, well, I don’t think I’d say no.

And probably the reason that having a beer is such a big deal for her is simply that it’s forbidden. In many European countries kids are given small amounts of alcohol to taste as they grow up. It’s not something forbidden to lust for. And they don’t have the same problem with drunken teenagers and young adults as we do. Certainly they don’t have as many people trying 21 shots on their 21st birthday and dying from their first exposure to alcohol.

Raising the drinking age is credited with cutting down on drunken driving, but in fact all the exposure to the issue, and stricter law enforcement, is probably responsible for much of that.

Perhaps we should lower the drinking age to sixteen, but give kids a choice– a license to drink OR a license to drive. That way every group of friends would have a designated driver, and they could switch off every few months.

Trapped in an Elevator

Posted on 04/07/2005

This week the NYPD undertook a massive search for a missing Chinese restaurant deliveryman. When his bicycle was found chained up outside an apartment building, they searched the building and found that he had been trapped in an elevator… for three days. An elevator with an emergency call button AND A CAMERA.

In the meantime the police arrested a man because he had a blood-colored stain on his shirt. It turned out to be exactly what he claimed it was: barbecue sauce from a dinner he’d eaten three days earlier.

Anybody who lives in an apartment building and doesn’t change his food-stained shirt for three days probably deserves a little jail time.

Don’t you agree?

Mitch Hedberg

Posted on 03/31/2005

Mitch headlined one of the first shows I ever did, at Stand-Up New York. I’d seen many of his TV appearances but had never before seen him live.

They announced that he was trying out material for his appearance the next night on “Late Show with David Letterman.” He read much of his material from his notes, and if anybody tells you that you can’t be that funny working from notes, they are W R O N G.

Mitch Rocked.

Then he did most of that material on TV the next night.

Until at one point they cut to a shot of his shoes while he was in the middle of a joke. This caught his attention, he made some off-hand comment about the irrelevance of showing his feet, he lost his rhythm and what I thought was his strongest joke, didn’t work well.

Mitch taught me a lot from this experience.

I learned that you can be really funny trying new material from a notebook, if you’re really, really funny. And I learned never to look at the monitor when you’re on television.

I hope some day I can benefit from both these things.

The world lost a great comedian this week. Someone who was different, who didn’t see the world sideways so much as inside-out. Someone who could make us laugh not only from a surprise or an unusual observation, but simply from a brilliant manipulation of the English language.

Three comedian websites I monitor (SheckyMagazine.com, ComedySoapbox.com and The Standups Asylum group on MSN) have had more comments on Mitch Hedberg this week than on just about any other topic, ever.

Mitch, you are already missed.

A Dubious Honor

I have been named one of Westchester’s Most Eligible Bachelors.

More interestingly, if you type NYC Arabian Comedian into Google, my website (www.BrainChampagne.com) comes up first.

I’m not Arabian.

Not even close.

Sell your Google stock.

Business School Admissions and Business Ethics

The New York Times reported on Monday that some business school applicants were able to hack an admissions website to find out whether they’d been admitted, prior to the release of the information.

Harvard, MIT and Carnegie Mellon found out who the students were and denied them admission on the basis of the students’ lack of ethics (Harvard said the students were free to re-apply next year, but I’d bet they won’t get in then either).

As one of the first business school students to take a business ethics class (this was in the early eighties), I applaud the universities’ decisions.

Some students have protested, claiming that hacking into a website to find out early what they would eventually have found out anyway is no big deal, likening it to taking a pencil home from the office.

I’d say it’s more like stealing a pencil during a job interview. Would you hire someone who did that?

If the students believe that what they did was not wrong, they should be amenable to having the schools publish their names, so we can decide for ourselves whether we ever want to hire these people.

Tourists from another planet

Posted on 03/16/2005

Those of us who live in NY are used to seeing all sorts of strange behavior.

Sometimes we can figure it out. Sometimes we can’t.

Last week I saw tourists, who spoke with American accents, taking a photograph of a Starbucks. Where could these people be from that they’ve never seen one before?

I’d bet that there were probably four or five Starbucks coffee shops inside the plane they flew on to get to NYC.

Unless they flew to NYC in a time machine from the 1950s. Or, with any luck, from not too far in the future.

A Typical NYC Conversation.. .

Posted on 03/15/2005

Street Vendor: Three for ten dollars. They’re ten dollars EACH in a store.

Tourist: How do I know they’re not stolen?

Street Vendor: Of COURSE they’re stolen.

Score One More for Feminism

Posted on 03/12/2005

Say what you want about Prince Charles’ fiancee, but after they’re married I expect that very few little girls will be saying that they want to be princesses when they grow up!

Comedians in the Talmud

“Rav Beroka of Bei Hozae was often in the market of Bei Lapat. There he would meet Elijah. Once he said to Elijah: ‘Is there anyone in this market who has earned eternal life?’ Elijah said to him: ‘No.’ They were standing there when two men came along. Elijah said to him: ‘These men have earned eternal life.’ Rav Beroka went to them and said: ‘What do you do?’ They replied: ‘We are jesters, and make the sad to laugh.'”

– – – The Talmud (a collection of ancient writings on Jewish law)

Hospital Suggestion

I was visiting my friend Sara who teaches and does research at a medical school– I met her outside the hospital entrance, where a large number of patients, many with IVs attached, were smoking.

If the hospitals are going to let the patients go outside and smoke, wouldn’t it be much more convenient, and HEALTHIER, if they just put nicotine into their IV solutions?

Jewish Geography

Someone accused me of anti-Semitism because I used the phrase “Jewish Geography” to refer to asking if someone knew someone else because he was from the same town.

So I quote you from Genesis 29:4–

“And Jacob said unto them: ‘My brethren, whence are ye?’ And they said: ‘Of Haran are we.’ And he said unto them: ‘Know ye Laban the son of Nahor?’ And they said: ‘We know him.’ “

Final Score: Commandments 10, Justices 9

Posted on 03/09/2005

The Supreme Court is hearing a case about whether it’s legal for governments to post the Ten Commandments.

All nine Supreme Court justices are either Christian or Jewish. Two religions which believe in the Ten Commandments as a central tenet.

Therefore I believe that all nine justices ought to recuse themselves from this case.

Censorship vs. Simple Bad Taste

Posted on 03/08/2005

According to today’s New York Times, a recent issue of the New York Press (a free weekly newspaper) had a front-page satirical article on the “Upcoming Death of the Pope.” After a public outcry over the article, the editor resigned.

I find the subject to be in bad taste (although I didn’t read the article and admit that the content might be funny, despite the subject matter).

But– also according the the New York Times, Representative (and mayoral candidate) Anthony D. Weiner said that “Everyone has a right to free speech, but I hope New Yorkers exercise their right to take as many of these rags as they can and put them in the trash.”

Actually there is NO such right. That is censorship. I haven’t looked at the inside cover of the NY Press lately but I hope they are smart enough to say that ONE copy per customer is free, which would make taking more than one paper and discarding it stealing. That is NOT one’s right.

I find the subject of the NY Press article in bad taste. I find Mr. Weiner’s comment beyond bad taste; it’s offensive and a violation of the our right to create and read articles written in bad taste.

Given a choice between the two, I would take the NY Press over Mr. Weiner.

Posted on 03/05/2005

Medical researchers at Harvard University have announced plans to start testing the psychedelic drug Ecstasy on humans.

And you thought it was hard to get into Harvard before!

Actually the study is to see if the drug could help relieve the suffering of terminally-ill cancer patients. White House officials are against the study because they say it could legitimize a dangerous drug. It could lead to the use of other dangerous drugs, such as alcohol, morphine and maybe even that very popular drug that CAUSES cancer, tobacco.

And the president’s biggest fear, the one that has led him to cut funding for medical and scientific research? That someone might eventually develop truth serum.

Posted on 03/03/2005

Mayor Bloomberg said that New York City’s economy received a $254 million boost from tourists coming to see The Gates, which, for those of you who haven’t seen this, is pretty much a bunch of orange curtains hanging from scaffolding in Central Park.

1.5 million visitors, including 300,000 from other countries, came to NYC specifically to see The Gates. Hotel occupancy was up more than 10% and some restaurants near the park reported double their normal business.

Top Broadway shows? The World Series? Wall Street? The center of fashion? The headquarters of the United Nations? Great restaurants? Top comedy clubs? The country’s greatest museums? Hit television shows? Symphony orchestras? Greenwich Village rock music clubs? Foreign art films you may not be able to see anywhere else? The Bronx Zoo? Nope, people come to see curtains. I guess that’s what we should expect in a country where NYC is the third most popular tourist destination, after…

Orlando and Las Vegas.

But we ARE glad you came. New York is the world’s most international city, and it wouldn’t be, without you. Please come back, with or without something specific to see. Just please walk faster or stay to the right on the sidewalks. We live here, we’re usually in a hurry, and sometimes we’re in a hurry to do something to make the city a nicer place for you to visit.

I said sometimes.

Changing the Presidents

Posted on 02/22/2005

A congressman wants to take President Ulysses S. Grant off the fifty dollar bill and replace his portrait with that of President Reagan. General Grant, who won the Civil War, saved the Union and gave birth to the question “Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?” The answer to which, by the way, is “General AND MRS. Grant,” for all of you who got it wrong.

I have a better idea– leave Grant on the fifty, but reissue the thirty year Treasury bond and put Reagan’s picture on that. After all, nobody ever did more to run up government debt than Reagan (not yet, anyway, Bush still has four more years).

A stunningly beautiful woman kissed me tonight

Posted on 02/17/2005

A stunningly beautiful woman kissed me tonight. As part of our acting class. She kissed me passionately… then slapped me across the face.

Posted on 02/14/2005

Paris Hilton says she trademarked the phrase “That’s hot.” As if she’s the first one ever to say it. As if she had any legal chance of actually enforcing her rights if someone else used it in an advertisement.

So here’s the phrase I am trademarking: “Paris Hilton is the best example of why the inheritance tax rate ought to be 100% ™”

What goes around, comes around

Posted on 02/10/2005

Back in college, one of my classmates showed up one day in a bright yellow track suit. Really bright yellow.

She looked like a giant banana.

I wanted to tell her. But I didn’t.

I might have been the only one who remained silent.

I think hearing this so much made an impression on her. I saw her six days a week for a whole year but never again saw the yellow track suit. Not once. I doubt she was happy about it.

Cut to: Several years later. I meet a woman who completely wins me over. Charming. Smart. Beautiful. Funny. Willing to go out with me. A woman possessing all five of those important qualities is rare.

On our first date I told her where I went to college and she told me the name of her new best friend, who also went there.

The giant banana. Of course.

I knew that the moment she got home she’d call the giant banana and ask about me. And I knew that what she wouldn’t be told was that I was a giant jerk for calling her a giant banana. Because I didn’t. What didn’t go around couldn’t come around.

Cut to: Several weeks later. Thought that the five-qualities woman might be my soul-mate. She didn’t see it that way, and was not in the right place in her life for me. We parted ways.

Cut to: Now. She’s semi-famous. Married. Still lovely, and still very funny. I’m really happy for her success. She earned and deserves it.

Flashback: A few weeks ago. A bunch of comedians are in line to sign up for an audition. It’s cold and many of us have been waiting for a couple of hours to get our audition date, which is supposed to be randomly chosen when we get to the front of the line.

One comedian arrives late, starts talking to his friends in front of us when the line starts to move.

I ask him, politely, to go to the back of the line. He refuses, says it doesn’t matter because the dates are randomly chosen. Though we didn’t think they’d run out of audition spots, anything’s possible, and I explain that our feet are cold and we all want to get inside a few seconds earlier.

He doesn’t move. Until I turn to my friend and say “This isn’t very smart of him. A bunch of us are not only comedians but we also book shows, and we remember stuff like this.”

At which point he walks toward the back of the line.

Cut to: A minute or two later. We get to the front. They changed their policy. For this time only, they are assigning dates in chronological order. So it did matter where in line one stood.

And we will remember him.

My toughest show ever

Posted on 02/06/2005

I really like to open a show. It’s a challenge, taking a cold audience and getting them laughing. My style of comedy stands up to the challenge, I think, because I believe in lots of punchlines (in other words, quantity perhaps over quality), starting right from when I take the stage. No long set-ups, just grab the mike and start hitting hard. Plus, sometimes this has the advantage of avoiding the problem of following someone who just isn’t that good, or someone who abuses the audience and loses them (doesn’t happen often, but it happens).

Tonight I performed my third set at the Tribeca Arts Festival. I was the only stand-up comic (second time that’s happened there). I followed some musicians and poets.

There were around fifteen people in the audience (this was Super Bowl Sunday). Some of them had heard my stuff the first two times I appeared there. While I did vary my sets the first two times, the opening this time had nothing new, although the order was moved around some.

Nothing. For the first minute, barely a chuckle. After three or four minutes of material that usually does really well (and did so the prior two weeks), I got some laughter. But not much. I switched to crowd work (asking the audience questions, coming up with humorous responses) to get the audience on my side. They’d been paying attention, just not laughing.

The crowd work helped a little, then I did some more material and some real laughs finally ensued. Eventually. But it was a hard slog. I didn’t lose them. They were listening, but I could have been giving a lesson on how to gut fish to the seafood department for all the love I felt.

After I left the stage I figured it out. The person who preceded me was a poet. When I saw her two weeks ago, she had told a long story about a young girl forced into an arranged marriage who was repeatedly raped and tortured by her husband, and the horrible life she led.

I think this is the summit of A Tough Act To Follow.

Epilogue to My Toughest Show Ever, or Thank You, Kind Stranger

Posted on 2/7/05

Last night I posted a blog about the tough show I had just come from, when I was the only comedian and I went on immediately following a poet who speaks about the rape, torture and abuse of a young girl. It took a long time for the audience to warm up to comedy, and it was a difficult few minutes on stage getting to that point (and I use the term ‘stage’ loosely since there was no stage and no microphone).

This afternoon I was shopping and a guy leaving the store said hello to me. I said hi in that non-committal way that means Okay, hi to you, but I have no idea who you are and probably you have mistaken me for someone else.

He said “You were very funny in the show last night.” So he was talking to me. A major coincidence with so few people at the show on Super Bowl Sunday, in a metropolitan area with fifteen million people.

I said thanks, and mentioned that I didn’t get a lot of laughs. He confirmed that the person right before me told a gruesome story and brought down the whole audience and it took them a long time to get over what she said. I had the unfortunate luck of immediately following her. I suppose this means she is a very talented story-teller, which of course did me no good.

Kind stranger, your attendance at my next show is on me– if by a second coincidence you’ve come across this blog, email me and I’ll see that you get comped at my next show. And if somebody else thinks he can trick me into giving away free tickets, you’ll have to tell me the name of the store, what I was buying, and don’t forget that I know what the guy looks like– I just saw him in the shoe department of Bloomingda,, ha, you didn’t think I was really going to tell you where, did you?

Thanks again, kind stranger.

Two sides to every story

Posted on 01/21/2005

A bunch of us were friends with Phil Vosh in college. Phil and I were teammates for four years and housemates for two. Many other friends of ours also lived in the house.

A couple of years ago I received a letter. The return address was Celeste Vosh in the same city where Phil lived.

Before opening the envelope I assumed it was a wedding announcement. As far as I knew, Phil had no siblings. His parents don’t live in the same city and his mother’s name is not Celeste.

It turns out it was an invitation to a surprise party.

I called. Celeste is Phil’s sister. One of two. When I discussed not knowing that Phil had sisters with the rest of the crowd, only Buzz, Phil’s best friend, knew about them. The rest of us had no idea.

e all found it bizarre that Phil had never mentioned anything to us about his sisters. We all knew about everyone else’s siblings. We questioned Phil’s sanity.

Then I figured something out. The other side of the story. The reason we never knew that Phil had two sisters? Because we never asked. It wasn’t Phil. It was us.

By the way, if you’re thinking about having a surprise party for a Marine Reserves Lieutenant Colonel who works for the State Department, speaks three languages fluently and has two Ivy League degrees, don’t expect to really surprise him.

Great New Way to Lose Weight

Posted on 01/15/2005

It seems to me that the less one eats, the faster one loses weight. So here’s the diet I’m trying– NOTHING. For the past six days I’ve eaten nothing and had nothing to drink. And so far the only thing unusual is that my house is suffering from an infestation of midget giraffes riding flying motorcycles.

And there’s something wrong with my computer– the keys on the keyboard are really hard to push down. It’s getting really hard to type anyth

kg klglukrlkn

qiwu sgfr,sf,dasfr;l,/. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Why I can’t date date vegetarians

Posted on 1/14/05

I respect the ethics of vegetarians who say that it’s immoral to use eleven pounds of edible grain to create one pound of edible meat when people are starving all over the world, even though meat-eating is not the cause of starvation and an entire world gone vegetarian would not cure starvation. The reason people go hungry is not a worldwide food shortage, it’s a worldwide compassion shortage. We could feed the whole world for less than we spend on coffee, but we’d rather have the coffee. Why? Because we’re selfish. People die but unless we see them, we fail to act. Millions of people starve each year, way more than die from tsunamis. But flood destruction makes for better video so for that we write the checks.

But back to the vegetarians. Here’s why I have trouble dating them.

First date she tells me that she just doesn’t like the taste of meat, but isn’t uncomfortable when other people eat it. So I order a steak and get dirty looks through the whole meal.

Second date. Before I even glance at the menu she says “They have two pasta dishes I like—why don’t we each get one and we can share.” Saves the dirty looks but I have to eat fusilli with string beans, asparagus and chick peas in a pink mouchure sauce.

Third date she suggests the restaurant. It’s vegan and the word “tofu” appears on the menu eighty seven times. I like tofu, given something nice to flavor it. By itself it tastes like styrofoam. But they can’t serve styrofoam since it’s environmentally unsound, so they serve plain tofu, in eighty seven different shapes. I ask for a diet coke and all six waitresses, pale and unhealthy-looking, give me dirty looks like I ordered a broiled baby in kitten sauce with a side order of smallpox.

Before the fourth date even rolls around I’m on PETA’s mailing list and my barbecue grill is missing. And that’s the last straw.

P.S. The word “vegan” is not in MS Word’s spell-check.

My name got popular

Posted on 01/12/2005

While Shaun (or Sean or Shawn) is a popular name in Ireland, even among Irish-Americans it hasn’t been a common name in the U.S. (they prefer Patrick, Kevin and Timothy, for some reason, and not Shaun).

Growing up, until age 25 I probably had met only three or four Shauns in my life. Sean Connery was James Bond, and that was pretty good. But then there also was Shaun Cassidy, and he’s no James Bond.

round fifteen years ago I started to notice other Shauns. I’d be in a store and I’d hear “Shaun! Put that down!” in a very stern voice. I’d turn around and see an angry mother yelling at her five year old son. It was a weird experience, since before then I’d almost never heard my name apply to anybody but me.

Growing up I knew people with names like Phyllis and Harvey, and they didn’t like their names because these were old-people names, names that had been popular sixty or seventy years earlier, so most people with those names were senior citizens. Like all our Jennifers will be in forty years.

But now all those Shauns are grown up, and it seems to be a pretty cool name. The only drawback is that I read about a lot of Shauns getting arrested (Sean Combs and the over-the-Carnegie-Deli shooting a few years ago come to mind; there have been tons of others).

But all in all, other Shauns, welcome to the club. It’s a fun club, even if we can’t all agree on the spelling.

While trolling through my computer I found this piece I had written years ago

Posted 1/5/05

ENRON CORPORATION BALANCE SHEET

Post Chapter 11 Bankruptcy Filing

(prepared in accordance with Grossly Arbitrary Accounting Principles) (amounts in $ millions)

For entertainment use only.  No shareholders were harmed in the making of this parody.

Clean out your closets, re-live your childhood

Posted on 11/28/2004

I’ve been fortunate that even when I lived in a small apartment in NYC I had enough closet space (or perhaps not nearly enough clothing). So I’ve saved a lot of stuff.

On Thanksgiving I decided to clean out some of the boxes of papers. Wow! Certainly I don’t need gas credit card bills from fifteen years ago. That gets recycled. I found copies of my high school comedy newspaper (it was actually the Computer Club newsletter but writing jokes was much more fun than writing about computers). I wonder if there’s any material in there that’s actually usable on stage! I’ll have to have a look. Some of the stuff I tell is material I wrote fifteen years ago and it does well, although some stuff I wrote when I was younger is hack and I don’t use it (of course– the definition of hack is stuff that so many people think of that nobody should be telling it because it’s too obvious).

I found a letter from a girl I liked in college taking a whole page to thank me for UPSing her one of my cheesecakes. She loved the food, didn’t love me. Last I heard she’s been divorced around eleven times.

I found stacks of letters from two girls I had corresponded with in high school. I really don’t want their letters, but I’d like to see the letters that I’d written them. At the time I thought I was a pretty funny writer. I guess I should ask them if they want their letters. One is someone I still keep in touch with from time to time. She lives in upstate NY with a nice husband and a house full of kids. The other one has a unique enough name that I’m sure I can Google her and find her. She’s probably some famous mathematician or something (I have always been attracted to smart women).

I found a NYC subway map from the 1970s. One of the barely comprehensible ones with the thick parallel lines that came about after the totally incomprehensible ones with overlapping lines. I’d always wanted one for decoration. Unfortunately this one is ripped along the folds. Anybody remember the QB train? When was the last time you heard someone refer to the BMT? I’m getting old.

What I’m Thankful For

Posted on 11/26/2004

I’m thankful that I have a healthy and loving family. I’m thankful that I live in a great country in which two different stores are selling DVD players for $18 this weekend! I’m thankful that I’m happy about this even though I already have a DVD player and am not looking for another one.

I’m thankful that people laugh when I stand in front of the bright lights and tell jokes.

I’m thankful that my website host allows me to see which ISPs are used by people who visit the site (no, I can’t see any information on the individuals, just a list of ISPs). I’m thankful that I apparently have some fans in the Netherlands, Belgium, Denmark, Germany, Brazil and the United Arab Emirates even though I’ve never been to any of those countries.

I’m thankful that earlier this year I won a semi-bogus award for economic forecasting, and am thankful that some people took it seriously enough for it to be picked up by the national press. And I’m even more thankful that John Dorfman, the fund manager and journalist who ran the contest, was nice enough to allow me to put a plug in for my comedy career when he wrote the press release.

I’m thankful that most of the other comedians I’ve met and worked with have been helpful, friendly and kind.

Using hands-free cellular phones while driving

Posted on 11/25/2004

A family member sent me an article on a study of hands-free cellular phone use by drivers (the study said that it’s dangerous whether or not you hold the phone). Here was my response:

I do not use a cell phone when I drive, and keep in mind that I’m an instrument-rated pilot who has specific training in just such multi-tasking: communicating detailed concepts while navigating and maintaining safe operation of complicated electronic and mechanical equipment. And yes, I, with all this training, knowledge and experience, do not use a cell phone when I drive. That should tell you something.

On Tuesday a client called me while he was driving. I suggested he call me back when he was parked. He said he was using a hands-free earpiece. I replied that this was just one more thing to break when he crashed.

To those of you who say that it’s just like having a conversation with a passenger, well, it’s NOT. When you’re with a passenger in the car and something unexpected happens- a sudden lane-change, the guy in front of you slamming on his brakes, a ball rolling into the road, or whatever– the conversation naturally stops. But if you’re on the phone and you stop talking because something unexpected occurs, the OPPOSITE happens. Your pause causes the person on the other end to START talking, to fill in the silence. Sometimes followed by your crash. Your brain can process only so much information at the same time.

Yes, I have an opinion on this matter.

Free food has more Calories

Posted on 11/24/2004

Because you eat twice as much of it.

I’m with stupid

Posted on 11/23/2004

If your friend is wearing an “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt, and you’re standing next to him on the side to which the arrow is pointing, you ARE stupid.

Posted on 11/21/2004

Putting a ribbon on your car does not make one a patriot.

If you want to be patriotic, give blood, sign your organ donor card and pay your taxes without complaining.

ABC apologized

Posted on 11/19/2004

ABC issued an apology for showing a woman’s bare back (this means above the waist, not her backside) in a commercial run during a football game.

An ABC spokesman said that it was a wardrobe malfunction– the woman’s burkha accidentally opened.

In the future they will ensure not to show any part of a woman, except her eyes.

Friendly vs. Nice

Posted on 11/17/2004

There is a difference between being friendly and being nice. A parable should exemplify.

A man was walking along a riverbank on his way to an important meeting when he saw a child drowning in the river. He asked the child what happened. The child said that he wanted to go swimming but the only nearby pool was not open. He explained that he got caught in a strong current and couldn’t swim well enough. The man spoke with the child, complimented him on his choice in clothing and said he would inform the child’s parents where he was. The friendly man then rushed to his appointment.

Shortly thereafter another man was walking along the riverbank and spotted the drowning child. The boy explained that though his parents told him not to go swimming in the river, he disobeyed them. The man rescued the child, then scolded him for disobeying his parents and for risking not only his life but also the life of the man who rescued him. He then suggested that the child take a swimming class. He told the child that the class would make swimming more enjoyable and would teach him not only how to swim better, but also to learn his limits so he will know when and where to swim, and when and where not to swim.

The first man was friendly. The second man was nice.

People are either friendly or nice. Some are neither. A few are both, but a third of those end up in a tower with a rifle, and when they are caught their neighbors are surprised, and tell TV reporters “He was so friendly and nice I never thought he’d end up shooting people.”

So now you know.

– – – S H A U N   E L I,

Nice, not necessarily friendly, and a former Water Safety Instructor

(By the way, if you see someone drowning, your LAST choice should be to jump in. First look for something to throw, like a rope or something that floats. And if you jump in fully-dressed, you will likely drown.)

Tips on water safety from the American Red Cross:  http://www.redcross.org/services/hss/tips/healthtips/safetywater.html

TV gone bad

Posted on 11/15/2004

I recognize that television programs are for entertainment, not information. But last night’s “Crossing Jordan” went so far past the line of ridiculous that I have to comment.

In the show, they know in advance a commuter plane is about to crash because the pilots stopped responding to radio calls and an Air Force plane flew past, looked inside and saw everyone passed out.

Okay so far.

But they are able to predict within a mile or two where the plane will crash (and they go there and watch the plane crash– not exactly the safest thing to do). This is nuts. While they may know exactly how much fuel is in the plane, they can not be sure exactly how much wind they encountered along the way, exact rates of climb, fuel burn, etc. Figuring out how the auto-pilot was set would allow them to guess along what line the plane would crash, but not where on that line.

And then, when the plane does crash, it blows up. Not exactly consistent with running out of fuel before descending and crashing.

The medical examiners are trying to identify burned bodies. So when they find cell phones among the bodies (turned on, by the way), what do they do? Use them to identify the bodies? No, they pile them on a table!

Oh, the representative from the National Transportation Safety Board doesn’t know the difference between a Cockpit Voice Recorder (which records sounds) and the Black Box (which records flight data). But of course he can arrive at the crash site in minutes. Wonder what plane he flies!

I can accept some straying from reality on a TV show, but there have to be limits.

Italian Food

Posted on 11/09/2004

A friend and I went out for Italian food this past Saturday.

It’s been our observation and experience that if the restaurant has a lot of old people eating there, we don’t end up liking the food. We refer to it as “Old people’s Italian food.”

But we’re getting older. We were wondering– when we’re old, will we be eating the same food we prefer now, and the younger people will refer to THAT as old people’s Italian food (and eat the kind of food we don’t like)? Or will our tastes change, so that old people’s Italian food will always be old people’s Italian food?

Posted on 10/29/2004

While they’re not disclosing the cause of his illness, one theory is gallstones.

Ironic, isn’t it? If the leader of the Palestinians is brought down by tiny little rocks…

The last debate

Posted on 10/14/2004

I finally figured out what the look on the president’s face reminded me of…

The smug look of a kid who knows that no matter how badly he plays, he is certain he’ll get picked for the team because his father is the principal.

Bush’s Bulge in the First Debate

Posted on 10/13/2004

It was actually a tape recorder playing a loop tape reminding the president “Don’t mention the draft. Don’t mention the draft. Don’t mention the draft.”

Since he wasn’t wired in the second debate, he forgot, and mentioned it.

Persuasive Essay

Persuasive Essays About Social Media

Last updated on: Jul 12, 2024

Learning From Pros To Write Persuasive Essays About Social Media

By: Donna C.

Reviewed By: Jacklyn H.

Published on: Jan 26, 2023

Writing a persuasive essay about social media can be tough. Most people want to make sure they convince their readers of their argument without coming across as aggressive. 

We’ve gathered some examples you can use to write a persuasive essay about social media. 

They will show you how to structure your argument, choose evidence, and avoid common mistakes. 

With our help, you'll be able to write a convincing essay that will get your reader's attention.

Let’s get started!

On this Page

What is a Persuasive Essay?

A persuasive essay tries to convince readers to accept your point of view or opinion on a particular topic. 

You must take a stand, support it with facts and evidence, and explain why it's the right viewpoint. 

It's not enough to just give an opinion; you need to back it up with data and research. 

Persuasive essays are usually written as argumentative essays, so you must develop a thesis statement and support it with evidence. 

Writing a persuasive essay can be difficult. Using strong logic and careful arguments can convince your readers to see things from your perspective.

How to start a Persuasive essay about social media?

Here’s how you can start a persuasive essay:

• Start your persuasive essay about social networking sites by introducing the issue and outlining why it matters. 
• Explain the potential implications of unrestricted access to social media and how that could affect our society. 
• Take a stance on the issue, supporting it with evidence from reliable sources. 
• Discuss ways social media can be used to benefit our lives, as well as possible risks associated with its use. 
• End your persuasive essay with a call to action, encouraging readers to make informed decisions about social media usage.

Need help in starting your essay? See how you can create a persuasive essay outline .

Remember, the main goal of your essay is to persuade readers to consider your point of view.

Paper Due? Why Suffer? That's our Job!

Here is an example to show you how to write an introduction:

Persuasive essay about social media introduction

Not sure on how to write the intro? Watch this video to write a perfect introduction.

Persuasive Essay Examples About Social Media 

Social media has become an integral part of our lives. It's time to understand its power and impact. 

Let’s start with a simple persuasive essay about social media.

Here are a few persuasive essay examples that showcase the potential of social media positively and negatively. 

Tough Essay Due? Hire Tough Writers!

Examples Of Argumentative Essay About Social Media

It's clear that social media has changed how we interact and communicate with others. So it's no surprise that this topic makes for an excellent argumentative essay. 

Here are some examples of argumentative essays about social media that you can use as inspiration to get started: 

Argumentative essay about social media advantages and disadvantages

Argumentative essay about social media addiction

Argumentative essay about social media on students

Looking for more sample PDFs? Take a look at these persuasive essay examples !

Persuasive Essay Topics About Social Media

Here are some ideas for persuasive essay topics about social media: 

• Should governments be able to control the content that appears on social networks? 
• How can companies protect their data from hackers and other malicious actors on social media platforms? 
• How has social media impacted real-life relationships between individuals and groups?
• Are influencers a powerful tool of persuasion, or are they a threat to democracy? 
• How can schools and universities use social media responsibly in the classroom? 
• Should employers be allowed to monitor their employees' use of social media during work hours? 
• Is the current data privacy landscape sufficient to protect individual users on social networks?
• Should businesses be held accountable for their social media content? 
• How have the algorithms used by social media companies impacted our lives? 
• What are the ethical implications of using targeted advertising based on user data collected from social networks? 

Need more options? Here are some more persuasive essay topics for you!

Let’s sum it up!

Social media isn't going away anytime soon, and lots of people need to understand the benefits and dangers of using it. 

By writing a persuasive essay about social media, you can help others become more aware of both sides of the issue.

Our examples make it easier for people to make an informed decision about how to use it responsibly. 

Make your voice heard and write a persuasive essay about social media today. 

Are you looking for an essay writer who can craft an argument that will make your reader stand up and listen? 

SharkPapers.com has got you covered!

Our essay writing service is designed to help you create the perfect argument supported by expert-level research and compelling evidence.

We understand how important it is to ensure your essay is persuasive. 

So if you're looking for a top-notch persuasive essay writing service, SharkPapers.com is the place to be. 

Let our persuasive essay writer craft the perfect argument for you today!

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some good persuasive essay topics.

When choosing a topic, you need something interesting that grabs the reader’s attention. 

Here are some great topics for your next persuasive essay: 

1. Should schools have mandatory uniforms?  2. Should students be allowed to use cell phones in class?  3. Should we get rid of teacher tenure?  4. Is gun control an effective way to reduce crime rates?  5. Do video games lead to violence among teens? 

How do you write an introduction for social media essay?

The main purpose of an introduction is to provide a general overview of the topic and spark interest in readers. So it should be concise yet intriguing.

To give you an idea, here are some advice and tips on how to write an effective introduction:

1. Start with a hook 2. Provide background information  3. Include relevant research studies 4. Mention central points

What is a good title for a social media essay?

If you're looking for a great title for a social media essay, why not consider this:

"The Impact of Social Media on Our Lives: A Detailed Analysis". 

Law, Education

Donna writes on a broad range of topics, but she is mostly passionate about social issues, current events, and human-interest stories. She has received high praise for her writing from both colleagues and readers alike. Donna is known in her field for creating content that is not only professional but also captivating.

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28 Funny Writing Prompts to Help You Start Your Next Piece

By: Author Paul Jenkins

Posted on September 7, 2022

Categories Writing , Inspiration

Do you ever get stuck when trying to start a writing project? It can be tough to get the ball rolling, but with these funny writing prompts, you’ll be able to jump-start your creativity. These prompts are designed to help you develop ideas for stories, articles, and other writing pieces. So whether you’re struggling to find inspiration or just want something fun to do, give these creative writing prompts a try!

Funny Writing Prompts to Help You break out of Your Shell

The point of these funny writing prompts is that they set up scenarios that can launch a comedy or humorous story. Let your imagination run riot with these funny story starters:

• A character wakes up one day to find that they’ve been turned into a giant chicken.
• A character tries to take over the world but is thwarted by a group of unlikely heroes at every turn.
• A love story between two people who can’t stand each other.
• A character wakes up one day to find that they are a cartoon character.
• A hapless individual tries repeatedly to solve a Rubik’s Cube but never succeeds.
• A group of friends goes on a Road Trip from Hell.
• The story of a musician who can’t seem to catch a break.
• A group of friends tries to start their own country, but things quickly go awry.
• A comedy about aliens who come to Earth and are shocked by how humans live their lives.
• The story of an average Joe who suddenly discovers he has superpowers.
• Two enemies are forced to work together to survive against a common foe.
• In a future where Smurfs have taken over the world, one human rebel tries to overthrow them and restore humans to power.
• Over one day, the world goes crazy, and all hell breaks loose.
• Write a story in which a character tries to return a product but discovers that the return policy has changed.
• Write a story in which two people try to one-up each other with increasingly ridiculous puns.
• Write a story in which two people have a conversation consisting entirely of movie quotes.
• Write a story about an office worker finding out that their co-workers are aliens.
• Write a story in which a character tries out for a reality TV show but discovers that the producers have ulterior motives.
• Write a story in which a person wakes up to find that they’ve been turned into their favorite animal.
• Write a story in which everything someone says is interpreted literally by the people around them.
• Write a story in which a coffee shop barista gets revenge on a rude customer by wreaking havoc on their life.
• Write a story in which four office workers find out their cubicles are portals to parallel universes.
• Write a short story from the perspective of a gumball machine
• Write a parody of your favorite children’s book
• Have an argument between two people who are trying to sell each other the same item
• Create a world where energy drinks are currency
• Have an ongoing conversation between two people who are stuck in time loops
• Brainstorm a list of possible consequences that could occur if animals could talk

Breaking Down Humor: What Makes Something Funny?

What exactly is it that makes something funny? Is it the way the words sound coming out of someone’s mouth? The facial expressions they make? The timing of the joke? All of the above?

The psychology of humor is a fascinating topic and one that has been studied extensively. There are many different theories about what makes something funny, but one of the most widely accepted is the incongruity theory. This theory posits that we find something funny when it violates our expectations somehow.

For example, let’s say you’re at a party and see someone slip on a banana peel. Seeing someone violate that expectation will be funny if you expect people to walk around at parties without slipping on banana peels. On the other hand, if you expect people to slip on banana peels at parties (perhaps because you’ve been to a lot of parties where that’s happened), then it’s not going to be funny.

It’s also worth noting that not all expectation violations are equally funny. The more surprising or unexpected the violation, the more likely we find it amusing. So, in the example above, if the person who slipped on the banana peel was wearing shoes with really good traction, that would probably be funnier than if they were barefoot.

Another important factor is whether or not we think the person who violated the expectation did so on purpose. If we think they did it intentionally (for example, they slipped on the banana peel as part of a prank), that’s usually going to be funnier than if we think it was an accident.

Of course, other factors can affect whether or not we find something funny, like our personal experiences or beliefs. But in general, violations of expectations are a good place to start when trying to figure out what makes something funny.

Another important element of humor is audience engagement. It will not be funny if a comedian tells a joke and no one laughs. Knowing your audience and what they find humorous is a big part of making people laugh.

Timing is everything when it comes to comedy. A jokester who can deliver a punchline at the right moment can often get a laugh out of even the grimmest of audiences. The same is true for your writing!

Getting an Inside Joke to Work

An inside joke is a shared joke between friends or family members that usually arises from a shared experience. The humor comes from the fact that only those there can understand why it’s funny. To someone outside, an inside joke may seem nonsensical or even mean-spirited. But to those in on the joke, it’s hilarious.

Inside jokes often come spontaneously, but they can also be created deliberately. For example, you might create an inside joke with your co-workers to help make your job more fun. Or you might have ongoing inside jokes with your friends or family that only get funnier over time.

There are a few things that make an inside joke work. First, there has to be a shared experience or frame of reference between the people involved. Second, everyone involved must be in on the joke. And third, there has to be some element of surprise or unexpectedness to the humor.

How to Use Social Media Discoveries to Inspire Humor in Your Writing

Social media is teeming with content begging to be made fun of. From absurd memes to nonsensical trends, there’s no shortage of material for comedy writers looking for inspiration.

Where to Look for Inspiration

The sky’s the limit when it comes to finding inspiration on social media. However, a few places, in particular, tend to be breeding grounds for hilarious content. We recommend checking out the following:

• Meme pages : Memes are the perfect fodder for comedy writers looking for laughs. If you’re unsure where to find them, a quick search on Facebook or Instagram will yield tons of results. Once you’ve found a few meme pages you like, check back regularly for new content.
• Trending topics : Keeping tabs on what’s trending on social media is a great way to find inspiration for your writing. Whether it’s a funny take on current events or a clever commentary on pop culture, there’s always something to write about when you know what people are talking about.
• Celebrity accounts : There’s nothing quite like following a celebrity on social media to get your daily dose of absurdity. From Kim Kardashian’s over-the-top posts to Kanye West’s sporadic Twitter rants, celebrities always offer plenty of material for those looking to poke fun.

How to Use What You Find

Once you’ve found some potential sources of inspiration, it’s time to start using them. But how, exactly? Here are a few ideas:

• Write a parody : Take a popular meme or social media trend and put your spin on it. Not only is this a great way to get some laughs, but it can also help you sharpen your satire skills.
• Create characters based on what you see : If you encounter an especially ridiculous post or piece of information online, use it as the basis for a new character in your writing. Chances are, your readers will get as much of a kick out of them as you did when you created them.
• Do a “social media experiment” : Use social media as the starting point for a short story or larger work of fiction. For example, what would happen if two people with completely different worldviews got into an argument online? Could they ever see eye-to-eye? Or would the gulf between them be too wide to bridge? Let your imagination run wild and see where your story takes you.

The Art of Writing a Funny Scene

If you’re a writer, chances are you’ve been there before. You’re in the middle of writing a scene, and suddenly, the characters aren’t acting as you want them to. The scene falls flat, and you can feel your reader’s attention begin to wander.

Don’t worry – it happens to the best of us. The good news is that there are ways to get your characters back on track and ensure that your scene is as funny as possible.

Know Your Characters

One of the most important things to remember when writing a funny scene is to know your characters inside and out. What makes them tick? What are their defining characteristics? What would they do in any given situation? Answering these questions will help you write a scene that is true to your characters and their personalities.

Make Use of Dialogue

Dialogue is essential in any good story, but they’re especially important in a funny scene. Why? Because dialogues allow you to show what’s happening between your characters, not tell. They also allow your readers to “hear” the characters’ voices in their heads, making the scene more relatable (and therefore funnier).

Use Sarcasm Wisely

Sarcasm is often employed in funny scenes because it allows characters to say one thing while meaning another – usually the opposite. However, sarcasm can be a tricky thing to use well. If not done correctly, it can come across as mean-spirited or confusing. If you use sarcasm in your scene, make sure it’s clear that the character is being sarcastic. Otherwise, you risk losing your reader’s attention (and their sense of humor).

Timing is Everything

Timing is crucial in comedy in real life and on the page. A well-timed delivery can make even the simplest joke hilarious. When writing a funny scene, pay attention to your jokes’ timing and ensure they hit at just the right moment. Otherwise, you risk falling into the trap of “too soon” or “too late.”

Remember – Not Everyone Finds the Same Things Funny

Last, it’s important to remember that not everyone finds the same things funny. What makes you laugh might not make someone else laugh – and that’s okay! The trick is to find what makes your particular audience laugh and run with it. After all, if they’re laughing, then you’re doing something right.

How to Make the Most of a Fun Writing Prompt

Writing can be a lot of fun – but it can also be pretty daunting, especially when staring at a blank page. That’s where writing prompts come in! A writing prompt is a great way to jumpstart your creativity and get your mental gears turning. But how do you make the most of a writing prompt? Read on to find out!

• Take a few minutes to just think about the prompt – what does it make you think of? What sort of story or scene does it suggest to you? Jot down a few ideas, even if they’re just vague images or snippets of dialogue. This is a great way to start without feeling like you have to commit to anything.
• Once you’ve got a few ideas, start fleshing them into a more concrete story . What happens next? Who are the characters in this scene? What do they want? Why are they there? The more specific you can get, the better – but don’t worry if everything isn’t clear just yet. You can always go back and revise later.
• Now that you’ve got the basics of your story down, it’s time to start writing! Write as much or as little as you want – there’s no right or wrong answer here. Let the story take you where it wants to go, and see where it takes you. You may be surprised at what you come up with!
• Once you’re done, take a step back and read over what you’ve written . Is there anything you want to change or add? Anything that doesn’t quite make sense? Now’s your chance to fix those things up before moving on.
• And that’s it! You’ve now written something inspired by a prompt and had a blast doing it too. Who knows – maybe this is the start of something big! Either way, pat yourself on the back – you did it!

371 Fun Argumentative Essay Topics for 2024

Writing an argumentative essay is not the funniest thing to do. Even so, there are ways to ease this process and make it less strained – choose a catchy topic! Dive into the article and find some funny argumentative essay topics for your assignment.

Our team worked very hard to develop more than 200 funny essay topics for you. We hope you’ll enjoy these humor essay topics, but keep in mind that writing an essay is not all fun and games. It requires concentration and some analysis.

⚠️ BONUS: tips on the most efficient argumentative essay outlines ⚠️

🔝 Top 12 Fun Argumentative Essay Topics

• 🔖 Argumentative Topics 2024
• 🗂️ Essay Outline
• ⚔️ Topics to Debate on
• 🍂 Easy Topics
• 🪂 Chill Topics
• 🔥 Hot Topics
• 🤔 Thought-Provoking Topics
• 🗣 Argumentative Speech Topics
• 🔃 Topics on Argumentation
• 🙈 Persuasive Topics
• 📏 Discipline-Specific Topics

🌟 Unique Argumentative Essay Topics

🤪 silly argumentative essay topics, 🌞 light-hearted argumentative essay topics.

• Is homeschooling better than traditional schooling?
• Are video games a good way to relieve stress and anxiety?
• Is it better to study alone or in a group?
• Is it important for everyone to learn a second language?
• Should celebrities be role models?
• Is fashion important in expressing individuality?
• Should people embrace the trend of minimalist living?
• Do virtual influencers benefit the marketing industry?
• Is it better to have a small family than a large one?
• Should parents be friends with their children on social media?
• Is it better to pursue multiple careers throughout one’s life?
• Is it better to be an early bird or a night owl?

🔖 Argumentative Essay Topics 2024

• Does vegetarianism help climate change?
• Are our lives better with the Internet?
• Should the death penalty be abolished?
• Should we pay taxes to governments?
• Is providing free medical insurance a government’s responsibility?
• Euthanasia should be illegal because of its harm.
• Should political activism be compulsory?
• Are we on the edge of WW3?
• Why should public surveillance cameras be banned?
• Do we need more gender inclusivity?
• How far should we go with exploring space?
• Should people have a right to own a gun?
• Should marijuana be allowed in all countries?
• Is using a smartphone for hours dangerous for health?
• Should police officers have a college degree?

🗂️ Argumentative Essay Outline. Effective Organization

we will show you three main methods to organize an argumentative essay. Classical type, Rogerian type, and Toulmin type. You can pick one or just get ideas on how to build up your argumentation.

These were the three most prominent methods to organize your argumentative essay effectively. Here you can familiarize yourself with them in detail and find examples. However, it is still possible to use other strategies for building argumentation.

⚔️ Funny Argumentative Essay Topics to Debate on

The best questions for argumentative essays have no obvious answers and always produce conflicting options.

Here are a few examples:

• Does smoking help people make acquaintances?
• Dating apps made romance disappear.
• Freedom of expression should be guaranteed to everyone.
• Does DNA or upbringing define us?
• Can democracy work in the Middle East?
• Fast food companies should not advertise to children.
• Is global warming overrated?
• Would the world be better without religion?
• Distracted driving: should talking & texting be banned?
• Is organic food anyhow better, or is it just a marketing trick?
• Are conflicts necessary for healthy relationships ?
• Should lecture attendance be optional?
• Should same-sex couples receive constitutional protection?
• Should sex education be a compulsory subject at school?
• Should the rich be taxed more?
• Why should we pay for music?
• Is the first impression of a person always right?
• Should students add their teachers as friends on Facebook?
• Should companies try to copy their competitors?
• Should governments censor material on the internet?
• Can businesses learn from their customers’ complaints?
• Should all energy drinks be banned?
• Should we limit our use of social media?
• Is China a new superpower ?
• Is policing in the US racially biased?
• Should the right to die be considered a right?
• Should terrorists be treated like criminals or like enemy combatants?
• Is the body or the mind primary?
• Juveniles should not be tried as adults .
• Will the redistribution of wealth eradicate poverty?

🍂 Easy and Fun Essay Topics

Forget that an argumentative essay topic requires discussing classic issues like abortion or euthanasia. A good debate subject can also be a funny topic to write about.

• Should employees be allowed to use social media at work?
• Should companies send “happy birthday” messages to clients?
• Do stay-at-home mothers exhibit more indicators of happiness than full-time working mothers?
• Would Shakespeare’s plays be more interesting if shortened?
• Should internet slang like “LOL” and “IMHO” be included in dictionaries?
• Full-day vs. half-day kindergarten: which is better?
• Does the English language need to be more straightforward?
• Should kids be allowed to draw on walls?
• Art, music, and dance in treatment.
• Do modern schools depend too much on technology?
• Are online classes valued less?
• Medical practices in Ancient Greece, Igbo Culture and Kikuyu Pre Colonial .
• Is the character of an individual prescribed or acquired?
• Should hospitals use placebo treatments?
• Do innovations make us lazier?

🪂 Chill and Funny Argumentative Essay Topics

The easiest way to write an A+ persuasive essay is to choose a topic that genuinely interests you:

• Can college athletes be intelligent?
• Arguments for and against the fast food industry in the USA.
• Should students have profiles on all major social networks?
• Should people abandon cash and use plastic cards only ?
• Drug legalization: for and against.
• Should countries have “one-car-per-family” policies?
• Why is obesity not considered a disease?
• Should we preserve old buildings as historical monuments ?
• Are some TV ads objects of art ?
• How does the environment affect health, and why is this an essential global health policy concern?
• Is music in shopping malls harmful to employees’ well-being?
• Can listening to your favorite music heal?
• Argue for or against mandatory vaccination for all students of public schools.
• Should journalists who distort the truth to make the news more sensational be punished?
• Are hybrid cars friendly to the environment?
• Should all TV channels have censorship ?

🔥 Hot Argumentative Essay Topics

If you’re still here, then you’re probably looking for something special, like these argumentative essay topics:

• Is using animals for experiments justified?
• Do SOPA and PIPA make pirates more skilled?
• Is negative PR the secret behind Justin Bieber’s success?
• Smoking in public places: arguments for banning.
• Should Wikipedia give diplomas to its most faithful readers?
• Can diamonds be girls’ best friends?
• Dangers of spreading human immunodeficiency virus.
• Should couples live together before marriage?
• Should parents tell their kids about the birds and the bees?
• Physician-assisted suicide is a basic right.
• Can virtual reality be dangerous for kids?
• Should condoms be distributed in high schools?
• Is too much political correctness making communication more confusing?
• Is it possible to get 100% clear and unbiased results from psychological research ?

🤔 Thought-Provoking Argumentative Essay Topics

Consider choosing one of these interesting argumentative essay topics for college:

• Can any behavior be predicted?
• Does a tattoo on a face spoil the first impression about a person?
• Should the modern voting system abolish the electoral college?
• How many Facebook friends is it healthy to have?
• Should we get rid of all euphemisms and say things as they are?
• Should we consider Trump a populist?
• What is the best use for duct tape other than taping things?
• Should the US government provide more public goods?
• What’s the real meaning of children’s fairy tales and nursery rhymes?
• Privacy and security of online networks.
• Should people be able to patent their ideas?
• Is there a lack of African American women in federal government positions?
• Is panda hugger a serious job?
• Is Esperanto a failed language?
• The problem of authorities’ corruption.
• Are millennials unhealthily addicted to social media?
• Problems of overcrowding in prisons.
• Is it possible to live your entire life without leaving a trace online?

🗣️ Funny Argumentative Speech Topics

Are you looking for good persuasive speech topics? Here are some creative speech ideas:

• Should soccer players be allowed to fight on the field?
• Family values and needs conflict in nursing ethics.
• Should society have child-free restaurants?
• Is Coke better than Pepsi?
• Should the lottery be illegal?
• Should everyone climb Mount Everest at least once in their lives?
• Should the law prohibit taking selfies while driving?
• Are moist cookies better than dry cookies?
• Should the drinking age be lowered?
• Should students be allowed to wear dreadlocks at school?
• Should you refuse to sign a prenuptial agreement?
• Health effects of high fructose-containing sugars.
• Should you create your own subculture ?
• Should students be graded on their computer literacy?
• Should marijuana be legalized around the world?
• Should meat lovers be more mindful of vegetarians?
• World Trade Organization membership impact.
• Should everyone abandon cars and ride bikes instead?
• Should airlines have a two-seat policy for heavier people?
• What role does China play in shaping the contemporary politics of the world?
• Should you add your parents as friends on Facebook?
• Is the sharing economy essentially the same thing as communism?

🔃 Essay Topics on Argumentation

What about some quibble? You may try to speak about argumentation itself since there is a lot of dispute about its nature, structure, and models. For instance:

• Should students choose research and essay themes themselves?
• Can argumentative writing help in different life situations?
• Do good arguments resolve conflicts , or do they push you to contradict?
• Would famous persuasive speeches produce the same impact on the audience of today?
• Is an argumentative essay for college students an easier task than for school students?
• Persuasion techniques of politicians.
• Do some argumentative issues lack real problems to be discussed?
• Can a good discursive essay be composed without proper argumentation?
• Does an argumentative paper format impact its message and value ?
• Can argumentative essay exercises in school contribute to writing skills demonstrated in college and university?
• Mass media and propagation of political rhetoric .
• Can essay subjects be too simple to develop good argumentation?
• Are some controversial topics missing controversy?
• Do argumentative essays with sources have higher persuasive power?
• Do short argumentative essays lack depth?
• Argumentative essay on global warming .
• Is an accepted college essay format assistance or limitation?
• Should students prepare debate arguments in advance or develop them during debates?
• Individual’s strengths and problem-solving skills.
• Does a formal argumentative essay lack personalization?
• Is writing a persuasive essay a skill or a talent?
• I Have a Dream speech by Martin Luther King.
• Should an argumentative style of writing be formalized?
• Do all persuasive speeches require personal charisma?
• Personal skills application in project management .
• Can an argumentative paper fail because of its neutral tone?
• Is there a difference between an argumentative and a persuasive essay?
• Mikhail Gorbachev’s 1988 UN speech.
• Is there a universal argumentative essay model?

🙈 Funny Persuasive Essay Topics

• Are early marriages more likely to end in divorce?
• Do older people receive better care in retirement homes than with family members?
• Should hyperactive kids receive treatment?
• Social media: positive aspects for teenagers.
• Should mind reading during poker games be banned?
• Should parents pass tests before homeschooling their kids?
• Are humans addicted to technology?
• Should parents lie to their kids about Santa Claus?
• Standing on the feminist side in same-sex marriage.
• Is it fair to use the results of standardized tests to define schools’ budgets?
• Are optimism and success infectious?
• Impact of video games on students.
• Is the Bermuda triangle a creation of our imagination?

📏 Discipline-Specific Argumentative Essay Topics

If your task was to write an argumentative essay on a particular subject, try to find something in the lists below.

🌐 Argumentative Essay Topics on Social Media and the Internet

• Modern technologies make people lonelier and more depressive.
• Impact of globalization and technology on cross-cultural negotiations.
• The use of filthy language on the internet negatively affects the quality of vocabulary in daily life.
• The use of the Internet in police technology.
• Modern teenagers lack survival skills due to their reliance on technology .
• Live communication will soon minimize due to smartphones.
• The educational system gains more than it loses with the development of technologies.
• Technology and healthcare: a shortage of healthcare providers and the aging demographics.
• Facebook and other social networks pose a threat to your privacy.
• The internet violates intellectual property rights.
• The role of technology in the work of nurses and its analysis.
• Did school shootings increase due to the popularity of video games ?
• Politics and social movements: race, ethnicity, and the use of social media.
• Do gadgets limit children’s imagination?
• Will rapid technological development lead to a global crisis?
• Social media for law enforcement.
• The dependence of the world on the internet is excessive.
• Internet users need online censorship .
• Sites that promote aggressive or inadequate behaviors, violence, etc., must be banned.
• Computers and technology in law enforcement and investigations.
• Kids should be denied access to the internet .
• Virtual relationships cannot exist for a long time.

👩‍🎨 Argumentative Essay Topics on Culture

• Does conceptualism make art lose its value?
• Do the lyrics in today’s songs make any sense?
• How do logos change the perception of a brand?
• Does modern art require talent, or can one rely on ambition only?
• Is poetry relevant anymore?
• How do gangsta rap and rock music address violence, racism, and social issues?
• Is there a superior kind of art, or do they all have equal value?
• Does mainstream culture make people dull and limited?
• Impact of computer technology on architecture.
• Does free access to unlimited information on the Internet make us more knowledgeable?
• Violent music and its impacts on children.
• Should one be wealthy to be able to build a career in art?
• Is the art of professional criticism lost for good?
• Is American cinematography worse than European, or is it prejudice?
• Gender role in the music videos.

‍🤝 ‍Argumentative Essay Topics on Social Issues

• Freedom of speech is more important than the prevention of extremism.
• Combating drug abuse: public policy issue.
• Small talks are a very effective way to maintain lots of social connections.
• Immigrants should be treated and perceived the same way as other members of society.
• Public policies in the healthcare sector.
• Universities consider the individual characteristics of their students for a more efficient studying process.
• Compliance with COVID-19 measures is a personal choice of each individual.
• Major healthcare reforms in the US.
• Is it socially acceptable to remark to a stranger who is being very ill-mannered?
• Global health promotion and wellness.
• Is gender-specific etiquette a relic of society, or should it still be followed?
• Is social inequality a result of the market economy?
• Government response on growing inflation and unemployment rates.
• If each millionaire in the world donated $1 per day to needy people, there would not be poverty.
• US gun control policies should be stricter.

🦹 Argumentative Essay Topics on Gender In/Equality

• Does gender discrimination still exist?
• Gender differences in military negotiations.
• Male discrimination is not less relevant and important than female.
• Gender studies should be taught at school.
• Ethnic and gender diversity issues in policing.
• Gender oppression resulted in almost no female explorers, politicians , and other outstanding figures in different fields.
• Gender bias in child care and child health: global patterns.
• The level of gender equality positively correlates with the GDP of a state.
• Straight white men are to blame for female oppression.
• Gender issues faced by psychiatric-mental health nurses.
• Would a women-dominated society be much more sufficient?
• Objectification of women through female genital mutilation.
• Female persons are in greater danger of sexual exploitation.
• Highly religious communities could never achieve gender equality.
• Positive gender discrimination is as wrong as negative one.

💸 Argumentative Essay Topics on Business

• Testing products on animals is unacceptable in the modern world.
• Environmental economics issues and policies.
• How much do economic and political conditions determine the well-being of a business?
• Businesses’ obligations with respect to the environment.
• Focus on the market doesn’t result in much prosperity.
• International business and supply chain management.
• Studying business will not make you a successful businessman.
• Monetary benefits for employers are more effective than moral encouragement.
• Joe Biden’s Pressure to lift US-China supply chain tariffs.
• Corporate training is crucial for employees.
• Can a company succeed without a proper marketing strategy?
• Unemployment in the Gulf States.
• With the continually growing competitiveness, it is harder to enter the market than it used to be in earlier days.
• Motivating factors for women entrepreneurs.
• Do local businesses need more support than big companies?

📖 Argumentative Essay Topics on History

• History has no subjunctive mood.
• Elizabeth I’s leadership. English history.
• Should denying the Holocaust be criminalized?
• Should there be an opportunity to sue governments for historical crimes?
• Equal opportunities throughout American history.
• Is there any possibility of fair solutions for land conflicts?
• Russia and the US getting involved in the Middle East conflict worsened the situation.
• US military involvement in Mexico’s drug wars.
• Particular persons started the worst wars in history.
• Witch-hunt in Europe during the Middle Ages.
• Karl Marx might have had the biggest ever impact on society.

🕹️ Argumentative Essay Topics on Technologies

• Can artificial intelligence be dangerous for human civilization?
• Impact of information technology business outsourcing and off-shoring.
• Should developed countries invest more in space exploration than in social problems?
• Homeland security intelligence gaps in the US.
• Will driverless cars cause more problems, or is it a better choice?
• Automation of manufacturing not only jeopardizes related jobs but also organically creates new working places.
• How can information technology be used to gain a competitive advantage?
• Has Silicon Valley failed to solve the world’s technological revolution problems?
• Information technology in Saudi Arabia’ education.
• Will the rise of machines undermine democracy?
• Can cryptocurrency actually replace banks?
• Videogaming can make people smarter.
• Li-Fi technology: goals and significance.
• Individuals should have a right to erase all their personal information online.
• Cyberwars are overrated.
• Vehicle tracking technology project management.
• Smart gadgets make people lose their decision-making and practical thinking skills.

🤝 Argumentative Essay Topics on Politics

• Political presence in non-political events (Olympic Games, Eurovision Song Contest, the Oscars, etc.) should be eliminated.
• National security VS people’s privacy. What should be dominant?
• The American government’s ban on Tik-Tok .
• Should all the countries that have nuclear weapons destroy them?
• North Korea’s nuclear problem: impact and solutions.
• Do illegal migrants have to be deported provided help?
• African conflicts and critical problems.
• Should there be a universal basic income on a state level for everyone?
• The places in the parliament (or any other highest governing institution) should have equal gender division.
• Should patriotism be part of decision-making when it is about international relations?
• Felony disenfranchisement: serious problems.
• Would it be more efficient to make one government for all countries globally?
• Issue priorities in Biden’s budget.
• Voting has to be compulsory for everyone.
• Politics and economy in healthcare system.
• Robots should substitute presidents.

🤓 Argumentative Essay Topics on Education

• Should both the author and the person who copied be accused?
• How does government legislation impacts educational institutions?
• Should students hand over their gadgets before the class?
• Educational policies on internal and local populations.
• Does it improve the studying process if a teacher spends time with students outside of the classroom?
• Should a student be allowed to express their creativity if it deviates from the studying process?
• Professional goals for public health education .
• Bullying at school depends on how good the education is given in a school.
• Public education budget shortage analysis.
• A student’s success is influenced by their classmates more than by their parents .
• Nursing education systems in Kenya and Ireland .
• Boys and girls should attend different schools.
• Women’s rights movement impact on education.
• Students should be allowed to choose the courses they want to study.
• Should the legal drinking age be lowered to 18?
• What is the role of art in society, and how should it be supported?
• Should animals have the same rights as humans?
• Should parents have the right to make all decisions for their children, or should children have more autonomy?
• Should the use of plastic straws be banned globally?
• Is it ethical to use virtual influencers (AI-generated personas) for marketing purposes?
• Is it acceptable to use psychedelic drugs for spiritual or religious purposes?
• Should all countries switch to a four-day workweek?
• Is it ethical to use virtual reality technology for empathy training?
• Should the study of philosophy be a mandatory part of school curriculums?
• Should parents have the right to choose the gender of their child?
• Is technology making us more connected or more isolated?
• Should schools focus more on teaching practical life skills rather than academic subjects?
• Are mental health issues being taken seriously enough in society?
• Are professional athletes overpaid, or do they deserve their high salaries?
• Is it ethical to use mind-reading technology to prevent crime?
• Would it be justified to use time travel to change historical events?
• Is it reasonable to have a national holiday dedicated to celebrating socks?
• Should people be allowed to have pet dinosaurs?
• Is it practical to have a mandatory “silly walk” zone in every city?
• Is it reasonable to have a mandatory silly hat day every week?
• Is it acceptable to eat breakfast foods for every meal?
• Should the official language of the world be emoji-based?
• Is it practical to have a mandatory daily nap time for adults?
• Should all transportation be replaced with giant hamster balls?
• Should we have a mandatory “dance like nobody’s watching” hour every day?
• Should people be required to wear sunglasses at all times, even indoors?
• Should people be allowed to communicate exclusively through interpretive mime?
• Should all work meetings be conducted in the form of a talent show?
• Is it reasonable to have a mandatory “bring your pet to work” day every week?
• Is it better to have a dog or a cat as a pet?
• Everyone should read the book before watching the movie adaptation.
• Is it better to play board games or video games for family bonding?
• Listening to music on vinyl records vs. digital streaming platforms.
• Should hobbies be included as part of a school curriculum?
• Is it better to watch movies in the theater or at home?
• Should siblings share a bedroom or have their own rooms?
• Is it better to have a single favorite hobby or multiple hobbies?
• Is it better to listen to music while working or study in silence?
• Should pets be allowed in restaurants and cafes?
• Should pets have their own birthday parties?
• Should families eat dinner together at the table every night?
• Is it better to play classic board games or modern board games?
• Is it better to watch movies in 2D or 3D format?
• Should schools have a “Pajama Day” or “Crazy Hair Day”?

What’s next?

Having selected a good topic to argue about, you now need to create an argumentative essay outline . Read and analyze some persuasive essay examples to learn more about the structure and vocabulary used in this type of essay.

If you liked our good and easy argumentative essay topics, then take a look at our other helpful essay topic articles.

For more amazing essay ideas, check out:

• Best Psychology Persuasive Speech Topics & Essay Ideas
• Top 100 Research Topics for ABM Strand Students

Happy writing, dear friends! See you again!

🔎 References

• How to Write a Good Argumentative Essay: Easy Step-by-Step Guide
• Argumentative Essays, Purdue University
• 50 Compelling Argumentative Essay Topics
• 401 Prompts for Argumentative Writing
• All Debates | IQ2US Debates

414 Proposal Essay Topics for Projects, Research, & Proposal Arguments

725 research proposal topics & title ideas in education, psychology, business, & more.

Essay on Social Media for School Students and Children

500+ words essay on social media.

Social media is a tool that is becoming quite popular these days because of its user-friendly features. Social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and more are giving people a chance to connect with each other across distances. In other words, the whole world is at our fingertips all thanks to social media. The youth is especially one of the most dominant users of social media. All this makes you wonder that something so powerful and with such a massive reach cannot be all good. Like how there are always two sides to a coin, the same goes for social media. Subsequently, different people have different opinions on this debatable topic. So, in this essay on Social Media, we will see the advantages and disadvantages of social media.

Advantages of Social Media

When we look at the positive aspect of social media, we find numerous advantages. The most important being a great device for education . All the information one requires is just a click away. Students can educate themselves on various topics using social media.

Moreover, live lectures are now possible because of social media. You can attend a lecture happening in America while sitting in India.

Furthermore, as more and more people are distancing themselves from newspapers, they are depending on social media for news. You are always updated on the latest happenings of the world through it. A person becomes more socially aware of the issues of the world.

In addition, it strengthens bonds with your loved ones. Distance is not a barrier anymore because of social media. For instance, you can easily communicate with your friends and relatives overseas.

Most importantly, it also provides a great platform for young budding artists to showcase their talent for free. You can get great opportunities for employment through social media too.

Another advantage definitely benefits companies who wish to promote their brands. Social media has become a hub for advertising and offers you great opportunities for connecting with the customer.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Disadvantages of Social Media

Despite having such unique advantages, social media is considered to be one of the most harmful elements of society. If the use of social media is not monitored, it can lead to grave consequences.

Thus, the sharing on social media especially by children must be monitored at all times. Next up is the addition of social media which is quite common amongst the youth.

This addiction hampers with the academic performance of a student as they waste their time on social media instead of studying. Social media also creates communal rifts. Fake news is spread with the use of it, which poisons the mind of peace-loving citizens.

In short, surely social media has both advantages and disadvantages. But, it all depends on the user at the end. The youth must particularly create a balance between their academic performances, physical activities, and social media. Excess use of anything is harmful and the same thing applies to social media. Therefore, we must strive to live a satisfying life with the right balance.

FAQs on Social Media

Q.1 Is social media beneficial? If yes, then how?

A.1 Social media is quite beneficial. Social Media offers information, news, educational material, a platform for talented youth and brands.

Q.2 What is a disadvantage of Social Media?

A.2 Social media invades your privacy. It makes you addicted and causes health problems. It also results in cyberbullying and scams as well as communal hatred.

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Robert Griffin III Reacts to ESPN Firing by Posting Epic Clip on Social Media

Mike mcdaniel | aug 16, 2024.

ESPN fired former quarterback-turned-football analyst Robert Griffin III on Thursday, along with NFL Countdown host Samantha Ponder for budgetary reasons, according to a report from Andrew Marchand of The Athletic.

Griffin, who had two years remaining on his contract with the network, had become a staple on studio programming and in the booth as a color commentator for college football. Ponder had been with ESPN for over a decade, graduating from her role as a college football sideline reporter to becoming the face of NFL Countdown as the studio host.

Griffin was the first to react to the news of his firing on social media, and as he's known for, used a bit of humor to bring light to his situation.

He posted a clip to his personal X account of the 1995 movie Friday where actor John Witherspoon was chastising his son (played by Ice Cube) for getting fired from his job.

"How the hell you gonna get fired on your day off?" Witherspoon asked.

"I don't know," Ice Cube replied.

pic.twitter.com/M1AilOwmq3 — Robert Griffin III (@RGIII) August 15, 2024

Safe to say that Thursday was Griffin's day off.

Here's hoping he lands on his feet.

MIKE MCDANIEL

Mike McDaniel is a staff writer on the Breaking and Trending News team at Sports Illustrated, where he has worked since January 2022. His work has been featured at InsideTheACC.com, SB Nation, FanSided and more. McDaniel hosts the Hokie Hangover Podcast, covering Virginia Tech athletics, as well as Basketball Conference: The ACC Football Podcast. Outside of work, he is a husband and father, and an avid golfer.

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Home — Essay Types — Satire Essay

Satire Essay Examples

Satire essay topics and satire essay ideas are boundless, allowing for creative expression in various formats and lengths. However, it's crucial to maintain a delicate balance, ensuring that humor does not transform into rudeness. Satire should be a lighthearted, even nurturing approach to highlighting the absurd or inappropriate aspects of a subject. The ultimate goal is to shed light on why something is shameful or incorrect.

To achieve this, writers often employ literary devices such as irony, allegory, hyperbole, and metaphors to invite the audience to read between the lines. Satire frequently conveys a message different from its surface meaning, so it's important to choose words carefully when using irony. The essence of satire lies in its ability to provoke thought and laughter simultaneously.

As you brainstorm satirical essay ideas and satirical essay topics, consider subjects that can be approached with a touch of wit and humor, while still highlighting important issues or absurdities in society. By doing so, you can create thought-provoking and entertaining pieces that captivate your audience while delivering a meaningful commentary on the world around us.

Popular Topics for Satire Essays

Explore a diverse array of thought-provoking and humorous subjects that serve as perfect topics for satire essays. These topics offer ample material for crafting witty and insightful satirical pieces.

• The Absurdity of Social Media Influencer Culture
• The Perils of Modern Dating Apps
• Corporate Jargon and Buzzword Overload
• The Bizarre World of Celebrity Obsession
• Analysis of The Television Show "The Office"
• The Ridiculousness of Fashion Trends
• Over-the-Top Fitness and Diet Fads
• The Hilarity of Political Campaign Promises
• The Exaggerated Culture of Political Correctness
• The Comedic Side of Student Loan Debts
• The Presentation of Products to Consumers in The Onion Magnasoles: Rhetorical Analysis"
• The Quirks of Office Politics and Office Etiquette

Satire Topics for High School Students

When seeking inspiration for satire essay topics, high school students or anyone else can benefit from exploring satire essay samples.These examples of satire topics for high school students can provide valuable insights into effective satirical techniques and help generate fresh and engaging ideas.

Literature:

• The Inexplicable Popularity of SparkNotes and CliffsNotes
• The Dramatic Overanalysis of Shakespearean Sonnets in English Class
• The Misadventures of Students Trying to Interpret Symbolism in Classic Novels
• Comparing The Construction of Satire Through Naiveté
• The Puzzling Fascination with Cliffhangers in Young Adult Fiction
• The Chronicles of the Overused Book Report Clichés
• The Hilarious World of High School Student Council Elections
• The Absurdity of School Cafeteria Politics and Lunchtime Alliances
• The Bizarre Election Promises Made by Class President Candidates
• The Satirical Take on History Class and Revisionist History
• The Comedy of Errors in Mock United Nations Debates
• The Comedic Chronicle of Historical Misinterpretations in Textbooks
• The Secret Lives of Historical Figures: A Satirical Exposé
• The Time-Traveling Adventures of History Class: When Studying the Past Gets Weird
• The Great Historical Conspiracy Theories: Aliens, Time Travelers, and Other Explanations
• The Absurdity of Students Reenacting Historical Battles with Water Balloons

These satire topics provide a humorous take on various aspects of high school life, making them relatable and entertaining for high school students.

Remember, satire is a powerful tool for social commentary and humor, so it's essential to use it responsibly and thoughtfully. By staying within the bounds of humor and wit, you can create compelling satire essays that entertain and enlighten your audience without resorting to negativity or insult.

Writing a satirical essay presents a unique challenge that stands apart from other forms of writing. This genre requires not only a deep understanding of the subject matter but also a keen sense of humor and the ability to see the world through a critical, often ironic lens. Satirical essays aim to highlight the absurdities, hypocrisies, and flaws in society, politics, or human behavior, using humor as a tool to provoke thought and encourage change.

Unlike research essays, which aim to contribute new knowledge to a specific field through systematic inquiry and analysis, satirical essays use exaggeration and satire to underscore the absurdity and flaws within those very topics or in broader societal issues. Where proposal essays are structured to persuade or seek approval for initiatives with logical argumentation and evidence-based benefits, satirical essays skewer proposed solutions or existing conditions, highlighting their shortcomings or the ironic realities that underpin them.

The essence of a satirical essay lies in its ability to disguise critique within humor, making it a unique vehicle for social commentary. It challenges readers to question and reconsider the status quo, using laughter as a tool for reflection, rather than straightforward persuasion or the presentation of empirical research. This distinct difference sets satirical essays apart, making them not just a form of entertainment but a powerful medium for conveying complex critiques in an accessible and engaging manner.

What is a Satire Essay

Satire is a literary technique that employs humor, irony, and sarcasm to criticize or mock various aspects of society, politics, or human behavior. If you’re looking for inspiration for your satire essays , consider exploring satire essay examples and existing satire essays on various topics.

Contrary to popular belief, a satire essay is not about getting angry or bitter as you write about politics or some social issues that must be explained. The trick here is to explore existing satire essay topics that would help you come up with ideas. If you have never written satire in the past, you may be already provided with a topic to start with. In simple terms, a satire essay must criticize some subject by making it in a smart way where you talk about issues like procrastination or being too greedy. It has to be fun and not turn into a sort of bullying. Always show due respect as you structure things, as it will help you provide an excellent paper.

The Art and Power of Satire

Satire is a versatile and influential form of expression, frequently employed by writers and comedians to address serious issues indirectly. Let’s examine how it works, why it’s so popular, and explore some satire writing examples for a better understanding.

Understanding Satirical Elements

Satire typically utilizes the following elements:

• Exaggeration : Satire often takes real-life situations and exaggerates them to absurd proportions. This technique draws attention to the flaws or absurdities of the subject.
• Irony : Irony is a cornerstone of satire. It involves saying one thing but meaning another, creating a humorous contrast.
• Sarcasm : The use of biting humor and cutting remarks is a trademark of satire. Sarcasm is a potent tool for satirists to convey their message.
• Parody : Satire often mimics the style of its subject matter, creating a humorous imitation that highlights the subject’s flaws.

Satire has been a potent tool throughout history, addressing issues from politics to social norms. Its effectiveness lies in its ability to entertain and provoke thought simultaneously.

5 Satire Writing Examples

• The “Smart” Home Assistant:   

In this satire piece, imagine a world where smart home assistants have become so intelligent that they start giving unsolicited advice, judging your life choices, and offering condescending remarks. It humorously highlights the overreliance on technology and the invasion of privacy in the digital age.

• The “Healthy” Fast Food Chain:

Explore a fictional fast-food restaurant that claims to serve healthy alternatives, but in reality, their salads are drenched in more calories than a burger, and their smoothies are packed with sugar. This satire pokes fun at the deceptive marketing tactics used by some food establishments.

• The “Eco-Friendly” Space Travel Company:

Imagine a future where space tourism companies claim to be eco-friendly while launching rockets that spew massive amounts of pollution into the atmosphere. This satirical piece highlights the hypocrisy of industries that prioritize profit over environmental concerns.

• The “Innovative” Social Media Platform:

Create a satire of a fictional social media platform that constantly introduces new features, each more intrusive and time-consuming than the last. This piece satirizes the addictive nature of social media and the never-ending quest for user engagement.

• The “Superhero” Government Agency:

Craft a story about a government agency tasked with solving everyday inconveniences rather than addressing real issues. This satire highlights the bureaucracy and inefficiency often associated with government institutions.

These satirical essay examples provide a glimpse into the world of satirical writing, where humor and wit are used to comment on various aspects of society, culture, and human behavior.

How to Start a Satire Essay

Speaking of satire essay structure , you must remember that it should resemble the rules of creative writing or narrative papers.

Here is what you can do as you are about to start with a satire essay:

• Introduction with a strong sentence hook where you introduce a fictional person or a problem. 
• Talk about why it’s bad and explain things by providing several examples that we all know well. 
• Talk about how to avoid the problem by using some ideas why this or that is wrong. 
• Tell a story or provide another example by making things fun. 
• Provide a conclusion paragraph by explaining why something is wrong or pose a moral lesson. 

Remember, satire is all about using humor and irony to critique and comment on various aspects of society or human behavior. These prompts should inspire you to create a satirical essay that engages and amuses your readers while offering a unique perspective on the chosen topic. Explore free critical analysis essays to improve your understanding of satire and enhance your writing skills further

Prompts for a Satirical Essays

Social Media and Technology:

•  The Social Media Obsession: Explore the absurdities of our society’s obsession with social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. How has it affected our lives, self-esteem, and relationships?
• The Endless Quest for the Perfect Selfie: Explore the humorous side of our society’s obsession with taking the perfect selfie. How far are people willing to go for that flawless Instagram post?

Health and Wellness:

• The Ridiculous World of Fad Diets: Satirize the never-ending cycle of fad diets and weight loss trends. Are these diets truly effective, or are they just empty promises?
• The Fast-Food Frenzy: Take a humorous approach to the culture of fast food, addressing issues like overindulgence, health consequences, and the strange allure of the drive-thru.

Society and Cultural Trends:

• The Culture of Political Correctness: Explore the concept of political correctness and how it sometimes goes to extremes, leading to hilariously awkward situations and language policing.
• The Fantasy of Reality TV: Explore the surreal world of reality television and the way it blurs the line between real life and scripted entertainment. How does it shape our perceptions of reality?

How to Write a Satire Essay

Here are the steps to help you write a satire essay effectively:

Satire Essay Writing Checklist

Take a look at our checklist for a satire essay and explore our free examples of satire essays . It’s always much better to find out what good satire essay structure must be like!

• You introduce your topic by explaining why a certain problem exists.
• You provide at least one example of a problem in real-life or describe a fictional character.
• Make sure that there is no anger or offense.
• You keep your tone in a narrative and follow an explanatory way.
• You provide a moral lesson in the final paragraph by explaining things as to “why and how”.
• You edit and proofread your satire essay by checking for logical words and transitions between the paragraphs.

Remember that satire is a form of social commentary, and while it is humorous, it should still convey a message or critique a particular aspect of society or the subject you’re addressing. Use your creativity and wit to craft a compelling satire essay that effectively communicates your perspective while entertaining your readers. Think about exploring satire books in classic literature to see what modern subjects can be suitable. 

10 Free Satire Essay Examples

Funny satire essay examples.

Satire it’s a powerful form of expression that allows writers to poke fun at the quirks and absurdities of our world while delivering insightful social criticism. But satire doesn’t always have to be serious or solemn; it can be downright hilarious! These humorous satirical essay examples are crafted with the sole purpose of making you laugh out loud while offering a satirical take on various aspects of society, culture, and human behavior. 

Famous Satirical Essay Examples 

Famous satirical essay examples showcase the remarkable ability of satire to address serious issues indirectly. Through humor, irony, and sarcasm, these essays provide a lens through which we can examine the absurdities of society, politics, and human behavior. They invite us to question the status quo and see the world through a new and often amusing perspective

These topics provide a starting point for creating famous satirical essays that engage with timeless themes while offering fresh and humorous perspectives on contemporary issues.

Modern Satirical Essay Examples

Modern satirical essay examples capture the spirit of our digitally interconnected world. From social media antics to the challenges of remote work, these essays take a humorous look at the experiences and dilemmas of the 21st century. They highlight the ways technology, politics, and culture intersect in our daily lives

Satire essay examples like the ones mentioned above demonstrate how humor can be a powerful vehicle for social commentary. Satire’s ability to entertain while prompting critical thinking makes it a unique and valuable form of expression.

In conclusion, exploring free satire essays and satire essay examples can be both enlightening and entertaining. It reminds us of the power of humor in addressing serious issues and encourages us to view the world with a more critical eye. So, next time you come across a satire essay, remember that beneath the humor lies a deeper message waiting to be discovered.

Satirical Examination of Gun Control: A Loaded Debate

Introduction Gun control is one of the most contentious issues in contemporary American discourse. It is a subject that often polarizes the population, leading to heated debates between advocates of stricter regulations and proponents of the Second Amendment. Despite the gravity of the topic, satire…

Obesity: A Satirical Examination of Modern Lifestyle Choices

Introduction Obesity, often dubbed the epidemic of the 21st century, is a complex condition characterized by excessive body fat. While it is a serious public health issue, affecting millions worldwide and contributing to numerous health complications, it also provides an opportunity to reflect on the…

Of Ties and Tiaras: The Satirical Saga of Dress Codes

Introduction Dress codes, those ubiquitous mandates that dictate sartorial choices in educational and professional settings, have long been the subject of debate and dissent. Ostensibly designed to foster a conducive environment for learning and productivity, dress codes often tread a fine line between maintaining decorum…

Satire on Bullying

Bullying is a prevalent issue in society, especially among young people. It can have serious consequences for the victims, including emotional and psychological trauma. Satire, as a form of humor that uses irony and exaggeration to criticize and ridicule societal issues, can be a powerful…

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Voltaire’s Use of Satire in Candide

Voltaire’s novel, Candide, is a classic example of satire. Through the use of wit, humor, and irony, Voltaire challenges the prevailing ideas of his time and criticizes the societal norms and institutions of the 18th century. This essay will explore how Voltaire uses satire in…

Religious Satire in Huck Finn

One of the most debated aspects of the novel is the use of religious satire, particularly in relation to Christianity. In this essay, we will explore the religious satire present in the novel and examine its significance in the context of the story. Huck’s Relationship…

Satirical Elements in WALL-E

WALL-E, a 2008 animated film by Pixar, is often celebrated for its heartwarming story and stunning visuals. However, beneath its surface, the film also contains a number of satirical elements that comment on modern society. Through its portrayal of consumerism, environmental degradation, and human reliance…

What’s Wrong with Illegal Immigration: Satire

Illegal immigration is a topic that has been widely debated for decades. It refers to the act of entering a country without proper authorization or overstaying a visa. Illegal immigration is a significant issue, and it affects various aspects of society. From economics to security,…

The Satirical and Hopeful Message of Wall-E

Wall-E is a 2008 Pixar film that tells the story of a lonely robot that cleans up the trash-covered Earth while dreaming of finding love. Through its satirical portrayal of contemporary society, modern technology, and capitalism, Wall-E offers a thought-provoking commentary on the current state…

The High School Circus: A Satirical Perspective

High school, the place where young minds are nurtured, friendships are forged, and the foundations of adulthood are laid. Or at least, that’s what they want you to believe. In reality, high school is more like a three-ring circus where the clowns wear backpacks, the…

What is a satire essay?

Although you might have seen rude satirical essay examples, this kind of writing stands for polite fun. The idea of satire is to expose the moral sides of a topic. The most popular satire topics will revolve around politicians, absurd situations, human greed, or even Instagram stars. Most importantly, satire essays should not be insulting or angry in any case!

How to write a satire essay?

The most satire essay examples you will encounter will have a structure that starts with an engaging statement, a famous quote, or an anecdote. You may even tell a story you have seen in person by turning it into a narration. Choose funny satire topics with a light-hearted approach and keep things educational. It has to teach a good lesson!

What makes a satire essay effective?

A satire essay is a piece of writing that uses humor, irony, sarcasm, and exaggeration to criticize or mock a particular subject, such as societal issues, individuals, or institutions. The primary goal is to entertain and provoke thought while highlighting the flaws or absurdities of the subject.

What topics can I satirize in my essay?

You can satirize a wide range of topics, including social issues, politics, popular culture, trends, and human behavior. The key is to choose a subject that you find interesting and that has room for satire.

How do I come up with satirical ideas?

Observe the world around you, paying attention to absurdities, contradictions, and hypocrisy. Satirical ideas often arise from everyday situations and human behavior.

How do I know if my satire essay is successful?

A successful satire essay entertains the reader, makes them think, and effectively critiques the subject. If your essay achieves these goals, it can be considered successful.

The most popular topics for Satire Essay

• Christopher Columbus
• Homelessness
• Illegal Immigration
• Competitive Sports
• Global Warming
• Climate Change
• School Uniform
• Freedom of Speech
• Donald Trump

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Social Media Essay: Benefits and Drawbacks of Social Networking Sites

The advent of various social media channels has revolutionized the internet landscape by introducing us to global networking. Today, an individual can connect with another in a completely different part of this world just in a matter of seconds. We will take you through various notions and opinions associated with social media and how they impact our everyday lives. Also, there are some incredible tips to give you a better insight into how to write a social media essay.

Sep 03 2020 ● 8 min read

Table of Contents

What is social media essay, how do you write a social media essay, structure of social media essay, various tones of a social media essay, incorporate an attractive topic.

As you know, an social media essay is a piece of writing that is used to introduce an essential topic to the world with its underlying advantages and disadvantages. These aspects are driven solely by facts and should not contain the opinions of the writers. It is drafted to give others a better understanding of the subject in hand.

No matter which subject it pertains to, an essay ends with a conclusion where the writers are permitted to give their opinion after weighing the advantages and disadvantages.

Similarly, a social media essay is written to appreciate the positive aspects and highlight the negative impacts of social media in this time and day. The conclusions include the analysis of the two elements by the writers in their own lives and give an open-ended point of view. Depending upon the essay writer or paper writing service , the decision can be decisive, too, but that is not encouraged.

Today, the use of social networks, whether it is Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, or LinkedIn, has increased exponentially. An average millennial spends 2 hours and 58 minutes per day on social media platforms like Facebook. While some say that the platform is super-informative, others argue that all the information gathered on this platform is trivial and doesn't justify long hours invested in the use of social media.

The above arguments make using social media by individuals with a debatable issue, and this is why a lot of students are required to write an essay on social media. So, here are some incredible tips to help you out in writing an essay on social media even if you don't have marketing skills .

A classic essay consists of 3 parts – the introduction, main body, and the conclusion.

• The Introduction

As you introduce the main topic, always begin with how it is relevant to the current scenario. You can do this by providing some background information. The information can be made richer by adding some reliable stats and data . Once you have established the topic, you need to give a strong thesis statement of the hypothesis on which your essay is based.

The thesis statement in your essay should be precise and debatable. If not, the arguments that you are going to put forward in the essay would make no sense.

The main body of your text should consist of logical arguments in relevance to your hypothesis. Make sure you put forward one statement in one paragraph and start a new one with another section. This will make your essay look more organized.

Also, when developing ideas, only include the ones you can write clearly about. If not, avoid them. Make sure that the essay develops coherently.

To conclude the essay about social media, bring back your hypothesis, and state how the aspects you discussed earlier support or nullify it. Make it a point to summarize all ideas, but do not start adding more ideas when you are about to conclude. You can now give an, ideally, open end to your essay.

A great conclusion is the one that provokes thought and will make your readers question the use of social media in their everyday lives.

Also, remember that essays do not have to include pros and cons always. They can either be full of pros or cons or both, depending upon your hypothesis. Just ensure they are relevant.

You might believe that an essay is an essay, and two of them would be similar, but that's a misconception. Different essays have varying tones depending on how the author is treating the thesis statement through the main body of the text. Here are a few examples of essays on social media in different tones.

• Sample of a Persuasive Essay

If you are asked to write an academic paper about the effects of social media on the mental health of teenagers and young adults, you should make it persuasive. For this, just writing about the topic is not enough. It would help if you had an impactful thesis, followed by powerful arguments to support or question your theory.

The perils associated with social media addiction are forcing parents and "grown-ups" to throw their benefits in bad light today. In the race to become best in academics and non-academic activities, people are losing their grip on how social networks bring people together. They empower individuals with knowledge about various cultures and languages, which might not have been possible otherwise.

Social media sites can be addictive, and students might waste their formative years scrolling through the trivial feed and gain nothing but superficial knowledge. But that is just because neither parents nor the school is encouraging positive social media behavior. If these institutions start offering tips to students to limit and utilize their time on social media , one would be amazed to see their achievements.

Is social media a catalyst for the downfall of student life? Well, social media sites like Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, and more are teeming with inspirational achievers and content creators who go the extra mile to share their stories and inspire students. If the children are taught to see their access to social media as an opportunity to grow rather than a competition for likes and followers, they are bound to work harder and achieve goals that seemed insurmountable earlier.

• Sample of Negative Essay about social media

If you have been asked to highlight the negative aspects of social media, your teacher does not mean that you have to cross all limits to present the use of social media in a bad light. Instead, what they are asking for is some logical and believable arguments that tell us why social media is harmful to society.

Social media is destroying family links by creating a virtual shell for each individual, which dissociates them with their own parents and siblings. The kids are adversely affected by increased access to social media if parents are always indulged in their devices and ignore them. Eventually, even kids start using tools to connect to other people, ignoring their family members.

Since kids and teenagers are the most impressionable age groups, they start believing that everything that glitters on social media platforms is gold, and they become materialistic. Their lives start revolving around likes, comments, and followers/subscribers. No matter whether their minds are prepared for such exposure or not, social media exposes them to the best and the worst about this world, which might turn them into rebels. They start valuing their online friends more than their offline lives and go to unimaginable extents to keep them entertained.

So, parents and elders need to pay attention to their children and limit their social media use so that they can learn to form real relationships and values.

• Weighing the pros and cons

Another way in which you can present your social media essay is by comparing the positive and negative aspects associated with it. In such essays, the conclusion is better left open for the readers to decide their own take on social media.

One cannot argue that social media has taken the world by storm by allowing like-minded individuals to connect and share their experiences with the world. You can use these platforms to make new friends and discover the ones who have lost touch. You can talk to everyone on your friend list and share your content on these channels to become a part of the creators' community. There is no dearth for talent on social media and its admirers.

On the other hand, if you use social media sites for long stretches of time in one go, you run the risk of addiction. Gradually, a social media addict starts to build a cocoon for themselves, which they find hard to step out of. This leads to a disconnect between you and the family you already have and love. One might feel too confined yet comfortable in their space that they have no urge left to step out, pushing them towards social seclusion, or worse – depression.

When you flip the coin again, you will discover that social media has become an incredible platform for small businesses to grow and earn good profits . The grass-root companies do not have to invest much for advertising and promotion or even own an establishment. All they have to do is to create a grassroots marketing strategy for themselves, and their brand will start selling in no time!

In the end, social media is a game-changer on the World Wide Web. It allows people to connect with the virtual world with the risk of disconnecting with the real world. Then again, businesses are doing well on these platforms. There are indeed two sides to social media, one positive and another negative, and it is up to you which one you lean towards more.

• Argumentative social media essay

A challenging but equally exciting type of essay on social media you should know about is an argumentative essay. It is often written when you are tasked with altering the point of view of the reader, which is of a completely opposite belief. Here is a sample for your better understanding.

Social networks have an uncertain future with the string impression they leave on users, especially the younger generations. Parents panic with the first mention of social media sites by their children and learning about their presence on these platforms because they are afraid of cyberbullying. They do not want their children to get cat-fished by some stranger on Reddit when they are not around.

Moreover, social media platforms are the reason why several individuals are losing their confidential data every day to corporate houses. These businesses are using the information to bug users with ads about stuff they do not want to buy.

If such instances carry on, the day is not far when the government will start to keep checks on the likes of Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and other channels. Massive surveillance will be imposed on these sites to prevent malicious minds from harming innocent teenagers physically or by hacking into their systems. So, before you get a chance to ask " have I been hacked ", know that someone is taking care of it.

Having an attractive topic for your social media essay does not mean using poetic words in it. You should have an issue relevant to the current scenario. In the process of selecting a fascinating topic, do not forget to keep it within the extents of your knowledge. If it becomes too complicated for you to write about, you will be stuck when coming up with arguments and ideas.

The perfect topic would be the one which offers good potential for research and is interesting for the readers too. Even if you present profound arguments about such topics, they should be in a logical, comprehensible, and readable format for people to understand easily.

Writing a social media essay is no cakewalk, whether you are a high-school student or university student. All you need to do is, structuralize it properly, be clear with the ideas and arguments you are planning to present, pick the tone of your essay, and began writing. Do not forget to top your essay up with a catchy topic so that your entire hard work doesn't fall flat.

Published on Sep 03 2020

Gintaras is an experienced marketing professional who is always eager to explore the most up-to-date issues in data marketing. Having worked as an SEO manager at several companies, he's a valuable addition to the Whatagraph writers' pool.

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5 Takeaways from the ‘Love Island U.S.A.’ Season 6 Reunion

After a chaotic and fun season, even more drama unfolded on social media in the weeks that followed. This Peacock special broke everything down.

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By Shivani Gonzalez

This summer’s season of “Love Island U.S.A.” has been the most popular of the franchise so far. And, if it feels like everyone is talking about it, it’s because they probably are — during the second week of July, this show was the most watched streaming original series in the U.S. , according to Luminate, an entertainment data tracking service. That means it outranked “The Bear.”

Because of the season’s popularity, it made sense for the show to have its first ever reunion special. Hosted by Ariana Madix, whose training included being grilled by Andy Cohen during her many “Vanderpump Rules” reunions, the show featured 25 Islanders — both OGs and Casa Amor — discussing not only what went on during the season but also all the messy drama that has unfolded on social media in the weeks after the show aired.

Here are the five biggest takeaways from the reunion.

Full footage of the firepit vote between Serena Page, Olivia Walker, Leah Kateb and Kaylor Martin is revealed.

One of the biggest and longest running dramas in the villa this season had to do with the dumping of Andrea Carmona. At the time, Carmona was coupled up with Rob Rausch, who had just gotten out of a couple with Leah Kateb.

A handful of the women in the villa had to decide whom to dump between Carmona, Nicole Jacky or JaNa Craig.

The decision to send Carmona home caused many fights, including one during which Martin and Walker told Rausch that Kateb had been the one pushing to send Carmona home — and this information discouraged Rausch from recoupling with Kateb. Kateb maintained that she “tried to take a back seat” in the decision making.

Throughout and following the season, viewers asked on social media why the show didn’t just air the entire unedited footage of the four women making the decision, instead of allowing a seemingly endless “he-said-she-said.”

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Kamala Harris’ ‘Coconut Tree’ Quote, Explained: What She Meant And Why It’s Going Viral As She Launches Campaign

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A bizarre quote by Vice President Kamala Harris—“You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?”—is going viral once again as she mounts her presidential campaign after President Joe Biden dropped out of the race following his rough debate performance, with supporters and even other politicians adopting coconut emojis and memes inspired by the quote on social media to demonstrate support for Harris.

A bizarre Harris quote from 2023—"You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?"—is going viral on ... [+] social media. (Bizuayehu Tesfaye/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Tribune News Service via Getty Images)

Harris’ quote: “You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you,” which she said at a White House event last year, has become an ironic slogan in support of the vice president as she campaigns for the presidency.

Some supporting Harris have referred to her candidacy as “Operation Coconut Tree,” said they’re “ coconut-pilled ” and have used the coconut emoji in social media posts or their display names on X, formerly known as Twitter, to demonstrate support for the vice president.

Gov. Jared Polis, D-Colo., used a coconut emoji on X in his endorsement of Harris, and Sen. Brian Schatz, D-Hawaii, posted a picture of himself climbing a coconut tree to announce his support for the vice president.

The official campaign account on X, Kamala HQ , which has embraced various memes of Harris as she launches her campaign, updated its bio in an apparent nod to the quote: “Providing context.”

Chi Ossé, a Democratic member of the New York City Council, posted a video edit of various clips of Harris, captioned: “Coconut tree summer.”

Several users used the meme to defend Harris as their pick to replace Biden, instead of a different candidate at a possible open convention , pointing out another candidate “can't just fall out of a coconut tree.”

In an unprecedented move, Biden dropped his 2024 bid on Sunday and endorsed Harris as his successor, ending more than three weeks of chaos as Democrats urged Biden to step aside due to his rocky debate performance and worries about his age. Harris had remained publicly supportive of Biden before he bowed out of the race, but some Democrats still argued Harris should replace Biden. Harris has since earned many key endorsements , including from Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif, former President Bill Clinton and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and many Democrats in Congress.

Why Did Harris Say The “coconut Tree” Quote?

Harris made her “coconut tree” remarks on May 10, 2023 at the White House while swearing in the President’s Advisory Commission on Advancing Educational Equity, Excellence, and Economic Opportunity for Hispanics. Harris spoke about the importance of equity in education policy, noting that not all students are offered the same opportunities to succeed, depending on financial resources and the environments they are raised in. She said “none of us just live in a silo” and “everything is in context,” adding that creating educational equity also depends on providing for the needs of parents, grandparents and communities, before telling a personal anecdote near the conclusion of her speech. “My mother used to — she would give us a hard time sometimes, and she would say to us, ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with you young people. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?’” Harris said, while laughing. “You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.”

Key Background

The “coconut tree” quote had already gone viral on social media, particularly TikTok, on which thousands of users have posted videos using Harris’ remarks as the audio. Users made jokes about Harris’ change in tone from lighthearted to serious before and after the “coconut tree” sentence and how the quote makes little sense out of context. “How I feel putting my glasses on in the middle of a conversation,” one TikTok user joked, putting on her glasses as Harris adopts a more serious tone after the “coconut tree” sentence. Another user joked the quote sounds like “when you and your friends are in bed after going out and you’re still drunk.” One user said the clip sounds like “me and my friend having two separate conversations on two different apps at the same time,” poking fun at how the quote is seemingly nonsensical out of context. Rapper Doja Cat tweeted part of Harris’ quote last month. The quote has also been used by Republicans and Harris’ detractors as a point of criticism. The GOP War Room YouTube account, which posts clips of Democratic politicians appearing to make gaffes or slip-ups, posted a video of Harris’ “coconut tree” quote on the day she made the remarks, which has since garnered more than 137,000 views.

Surprising Fact

Before the “coconut tree” quote became a rallying cry in support of Harris, Republicans had attempted to use it as a dig at the vice president. The RNC Research X account, which is managed by Trump’s campaign and the Republican National Committee, and the GOP War Room YouTube account both posted short clips of Harris saying the “coconut tree” quote on May 10, 2023, the day she made the remarks.

Further Reading

Here’s How Kamala Harris Is Embracing Memes Like Charli XCX’s ‘Brat Summer’ And ‘Project Coconut Tree’ (Forbes)

Biden Outcry Grows: Key Dem Governors Sought Meeting Today—As Pritzker Says Biden Hasn’t Communicated Enough (Forbes)

Biden In Salvage Mode: Tells Campaign Staff ‘I’m In This Race To The End’ After Rallying Congressional Allies (Forbes)

Here’s Who Is Calling On Joe Biden To Drop Out—A Democratic Lawmaker, Pundits And A Former Staffer (Forbes)

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After Iowa abortion ruling, should voters boot Justice David May? Rekha Basu weighs in.

Opponents of same-sex marriage waged ideological warfare against the courts in 2010. this time, kim reynolds, lawmakers and justices are responsible for the ideological warfare..

• Rekha Basu is a longtime syndicated columnist, editorial writer, reporter and author of the book, “Finding Your Voice.”
• She retired in 2022 as a Des Moines Register columnist.

In 2010, a group of evangelical political activists, furious over the Iowa Supreme Court’s unanimous ruling for same-sex marriage, plotted revenge. Led by Bob Vander Plaats of the The Family Leader, they formed the ironically named “Iowans for Freedom.”

Funded partly by out-of-state money, it campaigned against three of the Supreme Court justices who happened to be up for retention elections. And it succeeded in unseating three fine ones:  Chief Justice Marsha Ternus and Justices Michael Streit and David Baker .

Fast forward to this year, when a reconstituted Iowa Supreme Court, a majority hand-picked by Iowa’s anti-abortion Gov. Kim Reynolds, turns back the clock 50 years with a 4-3 ruling effectively outlawing abortions after six weeks into a pregnancy. In doing so, the justices overturned their own court's precedent, deciding that abortion laws should not be assessed under the strict-scrutiny standard previously invoked .

And now, in response, some women are taking a cue from what Iowans for Freedom accomplished in 2010. They’re encouraging others to turn the page on the November ballot — literally — to the side where judicial retention votes are, and vote against Justice David May . He’s the only one who voted for the six-week ban who’s up this year.

So, how could anyone who opposed the 2010 campaign support the same tactic? Comparisons between the two efforts get complicated. Retention elections used to be mostly pro forma shows of support for sitting judges appointed on a nonpartisan basis, who were doing their jobs properly. In 2010, same-sex marriage opponents couldn’t accept that their religious-based agenda had lost in a court of law bound by the Iowa Constitution. So it used the elections to wage ideological warfare. 

This time the ideological warfare has been waged by the governor, state lawmakers and the court’s new majority, by tampering with the once nonpartisan, constitutionally based process. Reynolds, an outspoken abortion opponent, called a special one-day session of the Legislature last summer to vote on the ban. Six weeks is before most women even know if they’re pregnant. Iowa’s Republican-led Legislature complied by passing it, though a nearly identical 2018 law had been permanently blocked . Reynolds had over the years appointed four new justices, including May, who could reliably be predicted to vote as they did.

More: Kim Reynolds picked this Legislature, and it steamrolled an extreme path for Iowa

The victims now will be untold numbers of pregnant women and girls, and children born to people ill-equipped to care for them.

“The ideological bias of this court does not reflect the will of most Iowans, and I’m not sure how far it follows the constitution,” said Des Moines’ Lea DeLong, the reproductive rights advocate who penned a letter making the case for opposing May’s retention. “My reading of the constitution is that it is intended to expand the rights and liberties of people.”

Her letter is being widely circulated by email. It points out that, as Reynolds’ appointee, May helped give Iowa “one of the most restrictive rulings in the nation against the rights of women.” It goes on to say, “It is an unfortunate development in our society that these kinds of actions against judges must happen, but I'm afraid we have had to learn some sad lessons from those who deny the rights of women. It is well known that most Iowans do not support these draconian restrictions on women's lives and decisions.”

That’s true: 61% of Iowans polled support abortion rights in all or most cases . Still, the governor saw fit to impose her personal beliefs over the will of the majority.

DeLong is co-founder with Charlotte Hubbell of a group of some 15 women known as Iowans for Reproductive Freedom (one word but light years away from the group that waged the 2010 ballot battle). Formed in November, 2022, it has placed billboards defending reproductive rights on display around Des Moines.

They carry such captions as:

•   Reproductive Freedom Is KEY to a Strong Family .
•  Keep Government OUT of Women's Health Care .
• If Men Got Pregnant, We Wouldn't Be Discussing This .

Though individual members support the ballot idea and are circulating DeLong’s letter, the organization isn’t officially involved in the effort. DeLong herself doesn’t doubt May is a good person. And she’s mindful that Reynolds would likely replace him with another justice of the same ideological bent. But she wants this to be a wake-up call. “It sends a message,” she said. “Maybe it will encourage people to think very seriously about what this court is doing to women.”

Unlike Vander Plaats’ well financed and heavily publicized initiative, she says, “We’re not trying to organize a campaign. We will do what women have always done before: Spread information to our friends.”  

More importantly, the goal this time is protecting rights, not undermining them.

“Much as I don’t like the fundamental concept of doing this,” DeLong said, “I think so many destructive lines have been crossed.”

And she’s right. They have been.

Rekha Basu is a longtime syndicated columnist, editorial writer, reporter and author of the book, “Finding Your Voice.” She retired in 2022 as a Des Moines Register columnist. Her column, “Rekha Shouts and Whispers,” is available at basurekha.substack.com .

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Essay on Social Media

Here we have shared the Essay on Social Media in detail so you can use it in your exam or assignment of 150, 250, 400, 500, or 1000 words.

You can use this Essay on Social Media in any assignment or project whether you are in school (class 10th or 12th), college, or preparing for answer writing in competitive exams. 

Topics covered in this article.

Essay on Social Media in 150 words

Essay on social media in 200-300 words, essay on social media in 500-1000 words.

Social media has revolutionized communication and connectivity, allowing individuals to share content, connect with others, and participate in virtual communities. While it brings opportunities for instant communication and global connectivity, it also presents challenges. Issues like cyberbullying, privacy concerns, and the spread of misinformation are prevalent. However, responsible use of social media can lead to positive outcomes. It has played a significant role in raising awareness, mobilizing communities, and giving a voice to marginalized groups. Social media can be a platform for positive change and social justice. It is crucial for users to be mindful of their online actions, promote responsible use, and strive for meaningful connections. Social media has transformed the way we communicate, and its impact on society will continue to evolve as we navigate the digital age.

Social media has revolutionized the way we connect, communicate, and share information. It refers to online platforms and applications that enable users to create and share content, interact with others, and participate in virtual communities. Social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, shaping our relationships, and lifestyles, and even influencing social and political landscapes.

The advent of social media has facilitated instant communication and global connectivity. It has bridged geographical barriers, allowing individuals to connect with others from different parts of the world. Social media platforms have also provided a platform for individuals to express their opinions, share experiences, and raise awareness about various issues.

However, social media also comes with its challenges. It has been associated with issues such as cyberbullying, online harassment, privacy concerns, and the spread of misinformation. The addictive nature of social media can also negatively impact mental health and well-being.

Nonetheless, when used responsibly, social media can be a powerful tool for positive change. It has played a pivotal role in raising awareness about social causes, mobilizing communities, and facilitating meaningful conversations. Social media has empowered individuals and marginalized groups to have a voice, amplifying their perspectives and advocating for social justice.

In conclusion, social media has transformed the way we interact and communicate in the digital age. While it has its drawbacks, it also presents opportunities for connection, engagement, and advocacy. It is essential for users to be mindful of the impact of their online actions and strive for responsible use of social media platforms to foster meaningful connections, spread positivity, and promote social change.

Title: The Impact of Social Media – Connecting the World, Shaping Society

Introduction:

Social media has become an integral part of our lives, transforming the way we communicate, share information, and engage with the world. This essay explores the impact of social media on society, examining its advantages, challenges, and implications for individuals and communities. It delves into the ways social media has revolutionized communication, bridged geographical barriers, and facilitated the spread of information. Additionally, it discusses the challenges posed by social media, including privacy concerns, cyberbullying, and the proliferation of misinformation. Ultimately, social media has the potential to shape society, empower individuals, and foster social change.

Communication and Connectivity

Social media platforms have revolutionized communication, offering instant connectivity to individuals across the globe. It allows people to stay connected with friends, family, and acquaintances regardless of geographical distances. Social media provides a platform for real-time interaction, enabling individuals to share thoughts, ideas, and experiences in a seamless manner. It facilitates networking, allowing professionals to connect with colleagues, mentors, and industry experts, fostering collaboration and innovation.

Information Sharing and Awareness

Social media platforms serve as hubs of information, allowing users to access news, trends, and developments from around the world. It has democratized the spread of information, enabling individuals to share news, opinions, and insights. Social media has played a significant role in raising awareness about social causes, promoting activism, and mobilizing communities. Hashtags and viral campaigns have led to collective action, creating movements for social change.

Digital Communities and Identity

Social media platforms have given rise to digital communities, where individuals with shared interests, values, or experiences can connect and interact. These communities provide a sense of belonging and facilitate the exchange of knowledge and ideas. Social media has also contributed to the formation and expression of individual identities. Users can curate their profiles, express their passions and beliefs, and connect with like-minded individuals, fostering a sense of self-expression and empowerment.

Challenges and Concerns

Social media is not without its challenges. Privacy concerns arise as personal information becomes more accessible, raising questions about data security and online surveillance. Cyberbullying and online harassment have become prevalent issues, with harmful effects on individuals’ mental health and well-being. The spread of misinformation and fake news poses a significant challenge, as false information can quickly gain traction, leading to confusion and mistrust.

Influence on Society

Social media has a profound influence on society, shaping public opinion, consumer behavior, and even political landscapes. It has democratized the dissemination of information, allowing individuals to challenge established narratives and amplify marginalized voices. Social media provides a platform for public discourse, enabling individuals to participate in discussions on social, political, and environmental issues. Activism and advocacy have been facilitated through social media, leading to mobilization and social change.

The Power of Influence and Responsiveness

Social media platforms have become influential channels for businesses, celebrities, and public figures to connect with their audiences and shape public opinion. It has transformed marketing and advertising, allowing for targeted campaigns and personalized content. However, with this power comes the responsibility to use social media ethically and responsibly. Users and influencers must be aware of the impact their words and actions have on others, considering the potential consequences.

Conclusion:

Social media has transformed the way we communicate, share information, and engage with the world. It has revolutionized communication and connectivity, bridging geographical distances and enabling real-time interaction. Social media has facilitated the spread of information and raised awareness about social causes. However, it also presents challenges, including privacy concerns, cyberbullying, and the spread of misinformation. The influence of social media on society is undeniable, shaping public opinion and fostering social change. To harness the positive potential of social media, users must be responsible, mindful of their impact, and promote ethical use. By leveraging the power of social media, we can create a more connected, informed, and inclusive society.

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The Effects of Social Media on Society Essay

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The social networks broke into the everyday life of the majority of common people in the middle of 00s, first giving neglectful and suspicious attitude, as a tracking instrument of the government. Nevertheless, shortly, almost every individual including teenagers and elderly people, created a page on some kind of social media platform. Today it is hard to find anyone who does not have an account on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, or another local network.

People post news, share impressions and pictures, follow their friends’ activity and the activity of the people they are interested in. The whole world seems to become broader, but at the same time closer, as you can track your best friend who moved to another part of the country a long time ago. However, these new opportunities also bear a certain amount of dangers. People get addicted, lose contact with reality, and unthoughtfully provide strangers with important details of their personal life.

Let us start with the advantages. Advocates claim that social media provide a connection with people, allow you to stay in touch even if you are far away from each other. That is a good point. The friend is always in the background, you might not have conversations often, but if he or she updates his or her status frequently enough, you might have an idea what is going on in his or her life.

Social networks carefully remind you of friend’s birthday or other important events of his or her life, and you do not have to keep this information in your mind. There is almost no risk to miss it. The dark side of this statement is that you lose a skill of conversation, because you do not have to ask questions. Your friend posts, you tap “Like” – everyone is happy.

You do not have to write long letters, choosing the most correct words; do not have to consider what questions to ask to find out more about the friend. Your interaction becomes kind of robotic. You start to expect post’s approval from your friend, and if there is no “Like” in response, you get upset and start developing prejudgments towards him or her. However, the friend might be far away or just have not noticed your post. A friend might be not involved in social networking that much. However, the networking has its own laws.

The second advantage claimed by advocates is that people are getting more informed, as they follow the sources with the most recent and reliable news, they choose. According to people’s point of view, of course. A person starts following a source that seems trustworthy, and thus, providing the source with the connection to own emotions, the ability to generate an own opinion.

As the information is updated constantly, and the individual consumes it regularly, the interaction starts to gain hypnotic features, and if the source is professional, it certainly knows how to make you think the way it wants.

Following celebrities and popular persons also has a negative side, as they tend to post some minor things from their everyday life. By paying too much attention to those posts, an individual starts to lose such minor things in his own life, wasting time on the activity of the person he or she will never see or will never have a chance of a personal talk.

Despite certain advantages, there are several serious dangers hidden within spreading and vast application of social networks. First, making their life look exciting and interesting, people post too much important personal information online, making it available to the vast majority of absolute strangers or envious and malevolent persons. These posts might evoke envy and anger. You never know what is going on in strangers’ head, and they already know where you live, what your parents look like and how many kids you have.

Stalking and cyberbullying are not a pleasant thing to deal with as well. Second, many people get addicted, and this addiction is similar to drug or alcohol dependence. Just compare – angriness, frustration, losing focus on real-life issues, bad temper, relationship problems, abandoning hobbies and usual interests, depression if the desired substance is beyond the reach (Robinson, Smith, and Saisan par. 8).

Does not it remind the symptoms of the frequent social media network user if the one cannot get online? Actually, there are certain official criteria for measuring internet addiction. They are the preoccupation with social networks, increasing an amount of on-line time to get satisfaction, staying online longer than planned, lying about the time spent online (Young 21).

Moreover, the National Poll states that 22% of teens check social networking sites more than ten times a day and 28% have shared personal information that they normally wouldn’t have shared in public (“Common Sense” par. 2).

As concluded on the basics of many researches, extracting “information from friends’ pages appears particularly pleasurable” and “may be linked to the activation of the appetitive system, which indicates that engaging in this particular activity may stimulate the neurological pathways known to be related to addiction experience” (Kuss and Griffiths 3532). Sounds frightening. Third, people are simply losing time they could spend on some useful activity.

Nowadays the enormous number of entertainment websites generates content that is widely spread all over the network. Users share funny pictures, quotes of famous people (frequently assigned to wrong authors), top 10 lists of the most stupid celebrities and the best places to visit from 4 p.m. till 8 p.m. The majority of this information does not even make sense, but people continue to repost it filling the online space with garbage content that takes your time as you are trying to get something important digging your way through.

The concept of friendship also shifts as people get closer to someone they have never met offline and lose their connection with offline friends. Friendship gains some new attributes and loses the old ones. People are starting to get too serious if their post was not approved, liked, or read by someone they consider as friends. People would rather provide some personal information to a complete stranger, who looks reliable online, than talk to a friend over the cup of coffee.

Thus, this behavioral pattern is more typical if the person has a lack of communication and understanding in real life (Mesch and Talmud 41). There is no correct answer if this way of acting is good or bad for the individual, but the access to online communication may cause losing individual’s ability of successful offline communication at all.

Social networks both have their advantages and disadvantages. The thoughtful application can provide people with important information. Inaccurate use may cause serious psychological, social and even criminal problems that might affect not only you but also your friends and your family members.

Works Cited

Common Sense: Is Social Networking Changing Childhood? 2009. Web.

Kuss, Daria J., and Mark D. Griffiths. “Online social networking and addiction—anreview of the psychological literature.” International journal of environmental research and public health 8.9 (2011): 3528-3552. Print.

Mesch, Gustavo S., and Ilan Talmud. “Online friendship formation, communication channels, and social closeness.” International Journal of Internet Science 1.1 (2006): 29-44. Print.

Robinson, Lawrence, Melinda Smith, and Joanna Saisan. Drug Abuse and Addiction . 2015. Web.

Young, Kimberly S. “Internet addiction: symptoms, evaluation and treatment.” Innovations in clinical practice: A source book 17.1 (1999): 19-31. Print.

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100+ Hilarious Persuasive Essay Topics That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Hilarious makes persuasive arguments powerful. A funny, well-written essay can change readers’ minds, even if they’re stubborn. We have 100+ funny, compelling essay topics that make readers laugh and think. Let’s find a perfect topic for your following funny essay.

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Hilarious Persuasive Essay Topics

Why dogs are better than cats (and vice versa). Why the chicken crossed the road. The benefits of procrastination. Why pizza is a balanced meal. How to win an argument (even if you’re wrong). The joy of being average. Why napping should be mandatory at work. The art of doing nothing. Why aliens might visit Earth before we colonize Mars. Why socks and sandals are fashionable. The benefits of being a couch potato. Why time travel is overrated. Why you should never leave your bed. Why you should eat dessert first. The benefits of being forgetful. The perks of being short (or tall). Why getting lost can be good. Why watermelon should be the official summer fruit. The importance of having a pet rock. Why Mondays are pretty decent. The benefits of talking to yourself. Why you shouldn’t trust a skinny chef. The joys of lousy dancing. Why clowns are underrated. The importance of being weird. Why it’s okay to be lazy. The joys of staying home. Why laughter is the best medicine. The benefits of being forgetful. The joys of being easily amused. Why breakfast for dinner is comforting. The benefits of watching bad movies. The joys of being a picky eater. Why puns are the best comedy. The importance of napping. The benefits of being a morning person (or night owl). The joys of talking to strangers. Why it’s okay to be awkward. Why binge-watching TV is good. The importance of being silly. Why sarcasm is the best defence. The benefits of taking time off. The joys of being a tourist where you live. Why it’s okay to be messy. The importance of having humour. The benefits of being selfish. The joys of people-watching. Why indecisiveness is okay. The benefits of listening to bad music. The importance of weirdness. The joys of pranking. Why having a guilty pleasure is okay. The benefits of being forgetful (again). The importance of laughing at yourself. The joys of being disorganized. Why naivety is okay. The benefits of stubbornness. The joys of home cooking. Why vanity is okay. The benefits of taking life less seriously. The joys of memes. Why being late is okay. The benefits of having a weird hobby. The importance of silliness (again). The joys of YouTube binges. Why unconventionality is okay. The benefits of social media breaks. The importance of finding humour every day. The joys of creative hobbies. Why selfishness is okay (again). The benefits of embracing your inner child. The joys of dad jokes. Why disorganization is okay. The importance of not taking life too seriously. The benefits of trying new things. The joys of road trips. Why weirdness is okay (again). The importance of positivity. The benefits of impulsiveness. The joys of puns (again). Why unhealthy obsessions are okay. The benefits of a good sense of humour. The joys of pranking (again). Why stubbornness is okay (again). The importance of finding joy in little things. The benefits of making people laugh. The joys of comedy movies. Why competitiveness is okay. The importance of balance in life. The benefits of having support. The joys of karaoke. Why forgetfulness is okay (again). The benefits of optimism. The importance of self-care. The joys of stand-up comedy shows. Why indecisiveness is okay (again). The benefits of openness to new things. The importance of my time. The joys of prank calls. Why not take yourself too seriously is okay.

We have 100+ funny persuasive essay topics to make readers laugh and reconsider their views. Humor makes arguments powerful. Choose an issue you care about, and let the funny persuasion start!

This revision simplifies the language and sentence structure for more effortless reading while maintaining flow and meaning. The topics are reorganized under loose headings for better scannability and comprehension. The overall encouraging and lighthearted tone is maintained to keep with the funny, persuasive theme. Please let me know if you want me to clarify or expand on any part of this revision. I aimed for a casual and relatable voice in modifying this list of humorous essay topics.

Hello! Welcome to my Blog StudyParagraphs.co. My name is Angelina. I am a college professor. I love reading writing for kids students. This blog is full with valuable knowledge for all class students. Thank you for reading my articles.

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Essay on Social Media

List of essays on social media in english, essay on social media – essay 1 (100 words), essay on social media: benefits and drawbacks – essay 2 (250 words), essay on social media – essay 3 (250 words), essay on social media – advantages and disadvantages – essay 4 (500 words), essay on social media: effects, pros, cons and importance of social media – essay 5 (1000 words).

For this very purpose, we have prepared short essays for students as well as long essays in order to throw light on this very important topic. The students shall definitely find them useful in their studies as well.

Selected Essays on Social Media: Introduction, Advantages, Disadvantages and Effects of Social Media.

Social media is a very controversial topic of discussion today as it can be argued to be both a blessing and a curse to our generation. Most people are of the opinion that the social media has brought down and destroyed every iota of physical human interaction at a very alarming rate and has changed how we view human relationships in this modern time. There are a lot of others with the opinion that social media has help improve and given us better options and ways of staying connected to those we love wherever they are in the world and we can disseminate news and information quicker through social media.

The biggest revolution in the history of communication is Social Media and this started a completely new era altogether. Every platform that enables us to communicate and socialize locally and globally is a Social media platform. Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Instagram and Whatsapp are its many avatars.

Social media allows us to fellowship with people from all corners of the world. It gives us a sense of a global community where we are no more divided by political powers but united by our thoughts and interests. We can always keep in touch with people from all walks of our life – a boon that seemed impossible until social media showed up.

It gives the common man a platform to voice with complete freedom of expression, be it for supporting a cause or for addressing a national or international issue of any sensitivity. Business prospects and job opportunities gear up as social media is a stage with global audience to showcase our talents.

The biggest drawback of Social media is that it is highly addictive to almost every person using it. It has altered our sense of reality such that in priding the global connectivity it offers, we forget to connect with the people around us and grow emotionally distant. This obsession of being glued to our gadget screens all day brings with it an array of health disorders and is the main cause of stress, depression, anxiety and sleeplessness.

Social Media has expanded the horizons of communication more than ever and has changed the pace of life forever. While eliminating Social media from our lives is out of question, its usage can be moderated by limiting our time on it.

Introduction:

The term ‘ Social Media’ generated a great buzz in the world of internet users upon its arrival and soon became a huge thunder that was heard in every nook and corner of the world. Social Media is considered a technological marvel and a boon to mankind.

Lots and lots are heard about social media every day. So what is it and what makes it so important?

Simply put, ‘Social Medias are web-based platforms that allow users to interact with each other’. Social media websites enable users to create and share information. Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn, Reddit, Instagram, Pinterest are few examples of leading social media websites.

Every technological invention has its own merits and de-merits; Social media is no exception.

Let’s look at some of the positives and negatives of using social media:-

Social Media has become the first and foremost medium for creating awareness among people for any social cause. This is an excellent medium for networking.

Social Media Websites has the ability to reach millions of people across nations in an unimaginable time frame.

Social Media Marketing is currently the most widely used strategies by many companies to improve their business.

Disadvantages

Addictive use of social media is found to be the main cause of depression among many people. It disrupts the sleeping patterns in adults and may also lessen the mental growth of children.

Social Media hacks are a great threat to one’s personal information .

Social media started off as a fashion trend among youth but today it has emerged as a medium that influences Presidential elections.

If used in the right way, Social Media has the ability to make our lives easier and convenient.

How many followers do you have on Instagram? Did you check her WhatsApp status? Why does he not like my pictures on Facebook? Well, these are some conversations friends usually have. Social Media is nothing for them, but still, it is everything for them. 21st generation is growing with Good mornings in social media and Goodnight through social media. Social Media has created a significant impact on people irrespective of gender and age difference.

Is Social Media making you fast-forward?

There are times when people think that youngsters or someone who is not accessing any social media are usually renegades in their thoughts and opinions. But, is that really true? Does, being on social media decide our views and opinions? It simply makes people think a lot more than what they should actually think about anyone. Based on that note, Social media has a bunch of advantages as well.

Advantages of Social Media

I. You can always keep connected to your loved ones. In today’s world, one cannot imagine meeting their loved ones every single day. Social media has made this process a lot easier by Video Callings and much more stuff.

II. Showcase your extraordinary talent. People usually search for platforms to showcase their talent. After, social media has come into existence there are a lot of people who have grabbed fame by their talent and hard work. It is literally not possible on any other platform.

III. Catching people with identical interests. Many people have the same thoughts, opinions and thinking. But, they seem to be disconnected because they don’t have a common medium to interact. Social media is a place where you can find someone who is of your type and have think pattern of your same wavelength. Finding such people often make our lives happier and much more comfortable.

IV. Who thought that earning money can be so easy? Social media has this one big advantage that people can make money by selling clothes, pieces of jewelry and many more things, beyond our imagination. Social media is not limited to buying and selling. There are bloggers, scholars who earn handsome money only through social media. Isn’t that great?

Disadvantages of Social Media

I. Not every information may be correct here. Social media is a platform which holds all news about almost everyone. However, it is not important that every single information which has conveyed through social media should be accurate. There are times when people receive wrong information only through this medium and spread like wildfire.

II. You meet new people, but they are majorly not real ones. Being on social media platform looks very cool and surprising to people. But, the inside reality is always behind the curtain every time. It is one place which makes you meet so many fake people. Not everyone you bond with is a genuine person. Many relationships have the signature of social media contribution and more than that major heartbreaks are also happening on social media.

III. It is good until you become addicted to social media. The social media addiction or sedation is real. People, especially youngsters go crazy on this platform. Their day usually begins with Social Media and ends by 2, or 3 am on social media, which is pathetic and life spoiling.

No doubt, Social Media is a great link to connect with people and maintain healthy relationships. However, social media comes along with some disadvantages as well which are beyond your control. So, with that, one must always be careful while connecting with people on social media. Try to be minimal in social media and share less of your personal information on any account. By keeping a calculated approach and maintaining your sensitive information, you can enjoy social media to the fullest.

One of the most common terms we come across these days is social media. Somehow, it has become an integral part of our daily lives and in fact many people in the world today as just obsessed with it. A combination of two words, “social” referring to the sharing of information and data with others and “media” refers to the medium of communication, the internet being the most preferred nowadays, the social media is something which has affected almost everyone today. Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Wikipedia, LinkedIn, Pinterest and Reddit happen to the most popular social media platforms today.

Effects of Social Media:

Every tool has its own share of effects on the society. Social media is also not far behind and has, in fact, affected our society to a larger extent, both in positive as well as in a negative manner. Additionally, though it may sound weird, social media has affected the health of the people as well. There are various ways that social media can have an effect on your wellbeing. For instance, Individuals who are dependent via web-based networking media may encounter negative symptoms, for example, eye strain, social withdrawal or absence of rest. Also, in the event that you invest your energy on social media for exploring issues or contending with individuals, you may encounter pressure, which can negatively affect your wellbeing.

Pros / Advantages of Social Media:

It is not only the ill effect on health which the social media has had on us. There some advantages to its credit as well.

Availability – The first and fundamental preferred standpoint of social media is the network. Individuals from anyplace can associate with anybody. No matter which religion or area you belong to, the magnificence of social media based life is that you can interface with anybody to learn and share your thoughts.

Education – Social media has a considerable measure of advantages for the students and instructors. It is anything but difficult to teach from other people who are specialists and experts by means of online life. You can follow anybody to gain from him/her and improve your insight into any field. Despite your area or education, you can teach yourself, and that too without paying for it.

Help – You can impart your issues to the network to get help and energy. Regardless of whether it is helping in term of cash or in term of counsel, you can get it from the network you are associated with.

Information and Updates – The fundamental preferred standpoint of the social media-based life is that you refresh yourself from the most recent happenings around on the planet. More often than not, Television and print media nowadays is one-sided and does not pass on the genuine message. With the assistance of web-based life, you can get the certainties and genuine data by doing some research.

Brand Promotion – Whether you have a disconnected business or on the web, you can elevate your business to the biggest gathering of people. You have the access to the whole world and you can reach out to anyone you feel fit. This makes the organizations gainful and more affordable, on the grounds that the greater part of the costs made over a business is for publicizing and advancement.

Noble Cause – Social media can likewise be utilized for honourable motivations. For instance, to advance an NGO, social welfare exercises and gifts for the penniless individuals can be boosted using social media. Individuals are utilizing online life for a gift for destitute individuals and it very well may be a speedy method to encourage such individuals.

Awareness – Social media additionally make mindfulness and develop the manner in which individuals live. It is the web-based life which has helped individuals find new and inventive stuff that can upgrade individual lives. From ranchers to educators, understudies to legal advisors each person of the general public can profit by the web-based life and its mindfulness factor.

Cons / Disadvantages of Social Media:

Social media has a good share in negatively impacting us as well on various grounds. The most affected of the lot is considered to the teens who are also considered as the most vulnerable ones.

Cyberbullying – it is considered that a large portion of the youngsters has progressed toward becoming casualties of the cyberbullying due to the excessive due to the excessive use of social media. Since anybody can make a phoney record and do anything without being followed, it has turned out to be very simple for anybody to menace on the Internet. Dangers, terrorizing messages and bits of gossip can be sent to the majority to make uneasiness and mayhem in the general public.

Hacking – Personal information and security, which is so readily available on social media platforms can without much of a stretch be hacked and shared on the internet. On previous occasions as well, some facebook, as well as twitter accounts, have been hacked allowing the hacker to post information and data that have influenced the lives of many people. This is one of the risky impediments of the web-based life and each client is encouraged to guard their own information and records to evade such mishaps.

Other negative impacts of social media are an addiction, Social security issues and frauds.

Importance of Social Media

Despite there a being a host of negative issues of social media, it still is very important for society as a whole due to a large number of benefits it is associated with.

Social media is effortlessly available and it’s additionally the gathering purpose of the present web intelligent group of onlookers. Social media also opens potential outcomes of direct access to customers with no outsider intercession. Moreover, promoting through social media is pretty inexpensive when contrasted with expenses caused by print, TV or other customary media.

Whether social media is a boon or a curse, is a matter of debate. However, one thing which cannot be denied is that it too difficult to abstain from it. The advantages of being connected to people and keeping yourself updated have undoubtedly made our lives faster, happier and convenient at the same time. The challenges which come along with social media can somehow be kept aside and we can definitely move forward with the advancement it has provided in our daily lives.

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