funny assignment quotes

GRACIOUS QUOTES

61 inspiring & funny homework quotes (assignment), top 25 most famous quotes about homework (best).

“Education is a cause very close to me. What matters is encouraging my fans to focus on their education, because only an educated generation can ensure a better future. Even when I was on tour, I did my homework and studied.” Martin Garrix

“No kid should be getting three or four hours of homework a night. There’s no breathing time, there’s no family time, there are just extracurriculars and homework and then go to bed.” Ross W. Greene

“I feel sorry for kids these days. They get so much homework. Remember the days when we put a belt around our two books and carried them home? Now they’re dragging a suitcase. They have school all day, then homework from six until eleven. There’s no time left to be creative .” Tom Petty

“I’ve always been surrounded by many great people and professors, but my family , especially my mom who was a teacher, was the person who encouraged me to study and pushed me to continue. When we’re young, we don’t understand why our parents bug us so much with school and doing homework, but it’s a blessing to have that support at home.” Bad Bunny

“After your first job, is anyone asking you what your GPA was? No, they don’t care. They ask you: Are you a good leader? Do people follow you? Do you have integrity ? Are you innovative ? Do you solve problems? Somebody’s got to do that homework and redesign the educational system so that it can actually train people to be successful in life.” Neil deGrasse Tyson

“You have got to pay attention, you have got to study and you have to do your homework. You have to score higher than everybody else. Otherwise, there is always somebody there waiting to take your place.” Daisy Fuentes

“Growing up, I ate, slept and breathed hockey. I got home from school, I shot pucks, played outdoor hockey, road hockey, go home for dinner… Remember this is pre-Internet, barely any video games, I had a Commodore Vic-20. If you weren’t doing your homework, you were outside playing hockey, most likely.” Chris Pronger

10 Funny, Yet Inspiring, Quotes About Homework (ASSIGNMENT)

26 Wise Quotes About Homework that Will Make You Think (WISDOM)

“When I was growing up, my parents told me, ‘Finish your dinner. People in China and India are starving.’ I tell my daughters, ‘Finish your homework. People in India and China are starving for your job.'” Thomas Friedman

“Homework should be a swear word. Every time teachers say it, they should have to put money in a jar and then, when there’s enough, they need to buy all the kids ice cream.” Rachel Inbar

“When my son Nandan was in middle school, I had a fun way of doing his math homework. I bought another set of mathematics books and both of us would sit side by side and start solving problems.” Suhasini Maniratnam

“You guys got big uglies, fuumm-bull, and ‘Whoa, Nellie.’ What I got was, ‘Lindsey, why are the trash cans still out front?’ ‘This homework needs more work,’ and the inevitable was, ‘How fast were you really going?'” Keith Jackson

“By providing every student with a quality education , and the materials they need for class and to do their homework, we can help students from all backgrounds learn and thrive.” London Breed

(MUST READ) Homework for Grown-ups: Everything You Learnt at School… and Promptly Forgot

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20 Funny Homework Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Hard

Introduction

20 Funny Quotes About Homework

Many students hate homework, right? It can be really bothersome to spend time home finishing tasks for school when we can have fun and enjoy the time spent out of school. Whether you love studying or not, there must have been some time when you hated doing your homework. These funny homework quotes will remind you of the homework struggles and make you laugh with their wittiness.

Homework is a prolonged school “torture”.

Some students choose not to do their homework at all.

Time passes so slowly when we do our tasks.

If you want to be bored, do your homework.

One of the best perks of baseball.

Google doesn’t always know everything.

Everything is simple when you are younger.

How many times did your dog chew on your homework papers?

The trash can is a place where many homework assignments ended.

Copy-paste is one of the widely known techniques.

Everything is better than doing homework.

It is the right time to finish your homework when you are bored.

Some homework is just too difficult.

Homework is time-consuming and exhausting.

Sometimes you just can’t manage to finish all tasks on time.

Answers are not important, as long as we have the assignment finished.

Nobody thinks about homework in summer.

Funny homework quotes will make you laugh out loud.

No matter what, I don’t want to do my homework.

It is better to finish our homework when we are smarter.

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Home › Funny Quotes

300 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh

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Looking for a good laugh? We’ve got you covered with a huge list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud.

Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins.

So enjoy these 300 laughable quotes, sayings, and observations and get laughing today.

Page Contents

Top Funny Quotes

I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later. Mitch Hedberg

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. Don Marquis

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? Abraham Lincoln

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. Abraham Lincoln

An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do. Dylan Thomas

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Alan Dundes

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein

War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography. Ambrose Bierce

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Ann Landers

I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical. Arthur C. Clarke

A smile is a facelift that’s in everyone’s price range! Tom Wilson

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. Bob Hope

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. Caroline Rhea

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Charles Lamb

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Shulz

A day without laughter is a day wasted. Charlie Chaplin

Political correctness is tyranny with manners. Charleton Heston

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. Dalai Lama

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Dale Carnegie

Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. Daniel J. Boorstin

Everyone with telekinetic powers, raise my hand. Emo Philips

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening. Alexander Woollcott

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. Bill Waterson

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop. Gertrude Stein

All men are equal before fish. Herbert Hoover

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Isaac Asimov

My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists. Jean Rostand

Life is hard. After all, it kills you. Katharine Hepburn

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. Laurence J. Peter

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain

I am only human, although I regret it. Mark Twain

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty. Norm Crosby

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left. Oscar Levant

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! Tom Lehrer

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. W. C. Fields

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. Sam Levenson

He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything – that clearly points to a political career. George Bernard Shaw

Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. Will Rogers

I had plastic surgery last week – I cut up my credit cards. Henny Youngman

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. Dennis Wholey

Funny Quotes from Comedians

Nobody provides laughs like comedians. After all, they do it for a living!

These funny quotes are some of the best we could find from hilarious actors and comics alike.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. Andy Rooney

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? Benny Hill

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. Dave Barry

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. Ellen DeGeneres

Everyone has a purpose in life . Perhaps yours is watching television. David Letterman

can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Fred Allen

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman… or a bad woman. George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. George Burns

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron? George Carlin

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam. George Carlin

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. Jerry Seinfeld

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog. Jay Leno

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. Jackie Mason

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Johnny Carson

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. Bill Maher

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. Bill Maher

If you think you have it tough, read history books. Bill Maher

This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo. Bill Maher

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.’ Conan O’Brien

The only bathroom law I’m interested in is one that bans loud sighing. Conan O’Brien

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin

The road to success is always under construction. Lily Tomlin

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. Naguib Mahfouz

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin

Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway. Gilbert Gottfried

If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better. Gilbert Gottfried

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. Zach Galifianakis

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough. Larry David

If I wasn’t a golfer, I would still be miserable – but not as miserable. Larry David

I’m one of the few people in Hollywood who actually had a good childhood. Seth MacFarlane

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion. Tina Fey

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. Steve Martin

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Joan Rivers

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else. Mae West

I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me. Marc Maron

Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. Margaret Culkin Banning

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. Matt Groening

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. Jon Stewart

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. Jon Stewart

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn;t that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena. Jon Stewart

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. Mike Myers

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? Milton Berle

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. Milton Berle

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Redd Foxx

When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life. Richard Lewis

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. Rita Mae Brown

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Rita Rudner

If you want to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield, Back to School

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. Woody Allen

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Bill Murray

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Bill Murray

Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are. Will Ferrell

Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. George Eliot

Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV. Thomas Sowell

If your parents never had children, chances are… neither will you. Dick Cavett

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. Sid Caesar

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. Jay Leno

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. Mae West

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. Franklin Jones

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the dog’s owner – and the distance you are from your car. Demetri Martin

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Demetri Martin

I live about four muggings from Central Park. Henny Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. Henny Youngman

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots. Ron White

DeBeers should change it’s motto to ‘Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!’ Ron White

I wouldn’t camp out for five days if was… camping. Ron White

Quotes to Make You Laugh

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. Benjamin Franklin

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. Bob Thaves

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Casey Stengel

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it. Clarence Darrow

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Dave Barry

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. David Lee Roth

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Douglas Adams

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Earl Wilson

A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Emo Philips

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there. George Burns

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. George W. Bush

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! Billy Connolly

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends… may they never meet! Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. Harlan Ellison

Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. Helen Rowland

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock. Henny Youngman

Sickos don’t scare me. At least they’re committed. Michelle Pfeiffer, Batman Returns

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles Schulz

Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway. Greg Tamblyn

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? Jay Leno

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. James Thurber

Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. Betty White

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. Clint Eastwood

The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. Josh Billings

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. Kin Hubbard

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. Kurt Vonnegut

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Mark Twain

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Miles Kington

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. Natalie Wood

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. Oscar Wilde

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory. Paul Fix

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B. Fatz Domino

“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people. Thomas Lansing Masson

Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. Rodney Dangerfield

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. Rodney Dangerfield

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White

It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? Ronald Reagan

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. Sam Ewing

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife)… but still my own. Si Robertson

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Rodney Dangerfield

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? H.L. Mencken

I told you to go to Cox’s and buy a searsucker suit, but it looks like you went to Sears instead. Jay Shulte

I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms. Michael Scott

Funny Sayings

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. Ashleigh Brilliant

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right. Ashleigh Brilliant

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. Benjamin Franklin

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. Bryan White

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. Carl Sagan

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. E. B. White

Never have more children than you have car windows. Erma Bombeck

I drink to make other people more interesting. Ernest Hemingway

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx

Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law. Voltaire

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. Groucho Marx

It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours. Ronald Reagan

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston Chruchill

f you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman

When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic. Jane Wagner

Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories. Jessica Simpson

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Sam Levenson

Once you give up integrity, the rest is a piece of cake. J.R. Ewing, Dallas

A fool and his money never should have got together in the first place. Michael Douglas, Wall Street

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. Derek Bok

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken. H. Kyle Seale

Don’t let schooling interfere with your education. Mark Twain

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. Jim Davis

Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. Joan Collins

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. John F. Kenendy

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Lawrence Ferlinghetti

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly. Peter Cook

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. Oscar Levant

A camel is a horse designed by a committee. Sir Alec Issigonis

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Robert Bloch

It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose! Steven Weinberg

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Steven Wright

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. Samuel Goldwyn

I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun. Scott Adams

When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’ Sydney J. Harris

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. W. C. Fields

We are all here on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know. W. H. Auden

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. Will Rogers

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. Will Rogers

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. Steve Carell, The Office

You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. Joel Osteen

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Charles Dudley Warner

If at first you don’t succeed, quit. When life gives you lemons, quit. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit. Jim Rome

It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious. Bill Hicks

Funny Observations

Sometimes simply observing daily life provides enough funny quotes to make you laugh.

These humorous observation quotes are a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Al McGuire

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. Oscar Wilde

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. Albert Camus

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. Albert Einstein

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. Andy Borowitz

At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Ann Landers

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. Anton Chekhov

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. Charles Wadsworth

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. Christopher Morley

If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes. Chuck Palahniuk

A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. Dennis Waitley

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female. Desmond Morris

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. Doug Larson

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. Francois de La Rochefoucauld

If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age. George Burns

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more. Walter Mathau

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. Groucho Marx

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less. Nicholas M. Butler

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. Harry Hill

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. J. Paul Getty

Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both. Janet Evanovich

Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you. Jeffree Star

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. Jim Harrison

Americans are incredibly impatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk. Jim Rohn

It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. Navjot Singh Sidhu

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. John Maynard Keynes

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. John Wayne

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. Bill Vaughan

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. Bill Vaughan

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner

A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know. Laurence J. Peter

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. Norm Crosby

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Paul R. Ehrlich

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers

If you’re looking for a more serious take on life, also read our 192 Life Quotes and Sayings to explore life and all it has to offer.

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Robert Frost

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? Scott Adams

A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. William James

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there. Yogi Berra

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. Winston Chruchill

Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path. Ellen DeGeneris

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, thyroid problem? Arnold Schwarzenegger

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Steven Wright

Any pizza can be a personal pizza if you have the right attitude. Mark Withers

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. Marty Allen

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor. Rich Hall

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. Doug Larson

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person’s yard. Demetri Martin

We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians, celebrities, and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day.

Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh , and stay inspired. If you have a favorite we may have forgotten, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below. Maybe it will make our next list!

Quincy Seale

9 thoughts on “300 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh”

I read all of these they are so funny I can’t even stop laughing at all of these.

Thank you so much for all the jokes! Some made me laugh till tears ran—which then made me wonder if they were jokes? ??

Thanks for the great selection of quotes, I needed to find my sense of humor after losing it.

“[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.” ~ Groucho Marx

Thank you so much. I realize I should spend much less time watching the news, and more time laughing.

that’s great and very helpful!

Funny, witty, and wise. I read them all, and went from a bad mood to a good mood. Thanks!

God’s love is abundant for every creature. Look at the non-wearing, beautiful and costless but quality shoes cows and goats put on throughout life. Their clothes (hides) are removed, sold and make other expensive items.

Laughter and life truths- a rare delicacy!

Thanks for all those hilarious quotes. You made my day! 😀

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134 funny quotes that are laugh-out-loud good

Laughter is arguably the best medicine.

When life feels gloomy, a dose of humor is the easiest way to brighten up your day.

In fact, studies show that laughter actually has real-life health benefits: a good giggle can decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety. Even forced laughter can improve your mood — look in the mirror and chuckle at yourself, and you might be surprised at how much better you feel.

If that doesn't do the trick, it's time to bring in the experts. Cue up an episode of Larry David's hilarious show "Curb Your Enthusiasm," watch old specials from classic comics like George Carlin , or put on a comedy podcast during your morning commute.

Laughter is contagious, so bring your high spirits with you wherever you go. With a well-timed wisecrack (you can even borrow some from this list), your sense of humor is sure to brighten your coworkers, family , friends, and loved ones' days.

Whether you're looking for a mood boost on a bad day, some inspiration for your water cooler chats, or just a little extra amusement , these hilarious quotes are sure to tickle your fancy.

Read on for 135 funny quotes about life, work, and family that are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud.

Best funny quotes

• “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” — Sandra Bullock 
• “Keep calm and carry a wand.” — A.W. Jantha, “Hocus Pocus & The All New Sequel”
• “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” — George Carlin
• “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” — Ace Ventura, “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”
• “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie Bradshaw, “Sex and the City”
• “The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.” — Willy Wonka, “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”

• “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams 
• “Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.” ― Golda Meir
• “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” ― Judith Martin
• “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” ― Oscar Wilde, “The Picture of Dorian Gray”
• “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ― Oscar Wilde
• “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” — Fran Lebowitz

• “Instant gratification takes too long.” ― Carrie Fisher
• “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres
• “Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” ― Bo Derek
• “So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom, and if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.” — Neil Gaiman
• “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler Bing , “Friends”
• “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” ― Mitch Hedberg

• “I’d love to stand here and talk with you...but I’m not going to.” — Phil Connors, “Groundhog Day”
• “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ― Charles M. Schulz
• “People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” — Joan Rivers
• “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton
• “It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.” — Shirley MacLaine
• “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” — Dory, “Finding Dory” 

• “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” ― Terry Pratchett, “Diggers”
• “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs.” — Wanda, “A Fish Called Wanda"
• “Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ― Isaac Asimov
• “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ― George Carlin
• “I’m not superstitious…but I am a little stitious.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”
• “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” — Jay Leno

Funny family quotes

• “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” — Jack Whitehall
• “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
• “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” — Damien Fahey
• “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
• “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” — Halley Reed, “Crimes and Misdemeanors” 
• “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ― Erma Bombeck

• “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
• “As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.” — Prince William
• “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper, “The Big Bang Theory”
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
• “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” — Lin-Manuel Miranda
• “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” ― P. J. O’Rourke

• “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” — Nora Ephron
• “You can kid the world, but not your sister.” ― Charlotte Gray
• “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West
• “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld
• “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” ― George Bernard Shaw, “Immaturity”

• The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” — George Carlin
• “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” — Oscar Wilde
• “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
• “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
• “Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.” ― P.J. O’Rourke, All the Trouble in the World
• “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Shirley MacLaine

Funny quotes on aging

• “People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.” — Dolly Parton
• “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope
• “My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’” ― Rose Nylund, “Golden Girls”
• “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” ― George Burns
• “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends, I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White
• “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” — Graham Norton

• “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” — Jerry Seinfeld
• “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt
•  “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” — Joan Rivers
• “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” ― Isaac Asimov
• “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” ― Norman Wisdom
• “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” — Redd Foxx

• “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” ― Yogi Berra, “When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball’s Greatest Heroes”
• “I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.” — George Carlin
• “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
• “Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” ― Luis Buñuel
• “It must be around forty, when you’re “over the hill.” I don’t even know what that means and why it’s a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I’m past the hard part and there’s a snack in my future. That’s a good thing as far as I’m concerned.” — Ellen DeGeneres
• “Death is nature’s way of saying, “Your table is ready.” — Robin Williams

Funny nature quotes

• “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” — Mindy Kaling, “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?”
• “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
• Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” — Steven Wright

• “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Noel Coward
• “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” — Ellen DeGeneres
• “It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of ‘Law & Order’ in my apartment.” — John Mulaney
• “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” — Jack Handey

Funny well-being quotes

• “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” ― Tina Fey , “Bossypants”
• “Reality continues to ruin my life.” ― Bill Watterson, “The Complete Calvin and Hobbes”
• “Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn’t allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, Jazzercise; 6:30, dinner with me — I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing...I’m booked.” — The Grinch, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”
• “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” — Charlie Brown
• “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don’t have to shake hands.” — Larry David

• ​​“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
• “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” —Mike Bechtle
• “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” — Sophia Petrillo, “The Golden Girls”
• “Spend some time this weekend on home improvement; improve your attitude toward your family.” — Bo Bennett
• “From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” — Jarod Kintz

• “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
• “I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.” ― Edgar Allan Poe
• “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.” — William Gibson
• “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” — Maria Bamford
• “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” ― James Branch Cabell, “The Silver Stallion”

• “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian Donovan, “Bridesmaids”
• “Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It’s cheaper.” ― Quentin Crisp
• “I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.” — Rodney Dangerfield
• “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.” — Ouiser Boudreaux, “Steel Magnolias”
• “Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.” — Philip K. Dick
• “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” — Jimmy Kimmel

Funny work quotes

• “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben
• “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” — Douglas Adams
• “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ― Charles Lamb
• “I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ― Jerome K. Jerome 
• “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis
• “By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me.” — Miranda Priestly, “The Devil Wears Prada”

• “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
• “Trying is the first step toward failure.” — Homer Simpson, “The Simpsons”
• “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
• “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost
• “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” ― Mark Twain
• “If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.” — George Burns

• “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
• “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” — Paula Poundstone
• “When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.” ― Walter Payton
• “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” ― W.C. Fields
• “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
• “When in doubt, look intelligent.” — Garrison Keillor

• “Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” — Robert Benchley
• “Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
• “An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”
• “Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” ― Rita Mae Brown, “Alma Mater”
• “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” ― John Gotti 
• “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” — Douglas Adams

• “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vince Lombardi 
• “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
• “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” ― Bill Gates
•  “When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
• “Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
• “I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt

• “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” ― Muhammad Ali
• “It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner 
• “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” ― Mark Twain
• “If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’” — Dave Barry
• “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”
• “No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

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Sarah Fielding , MS, is an acclaimed journalist focusing on mental health, gender rights, and social issues. She's also the co-founder of  Empire Coven , a space for highlighting trailblazing women across New York. She has written for The Washington Post, The New York Times, Insider, Verywell, The Guardian and more. 

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134 funny quotes that will literally make you laugh out loud

• Oops! Something went wrong. Please try again later. More content below

Laughter is arguably the best medicine.

When life feels gloomy, a dose of humor is the easiest way to brighten up your day.

In fact, studies show that laughter actually has real-life health benefits: a good giggle can decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety. Even forced laughter can improve your mood — look in the mirror and chuckle at yourself, and you might be surprised at how much better you feel.

If that doesn't do the trick, it's time to bring in the experts. Cue up an episode of Larry David's hilarious show "Curb Your Enthusiasm," watch old specials from classic comics like George Carlin , or put on a comedy podcast during your morning commute.

Laughter is contagious, so bring your high spirits with you wherever you go. With a well-timed wisecrack (you can even borrow some from this list), your sense of humor is sure to brighten your coworkers, family , friends, and loved ones' days.

Whether you're looking for a mood boost on a bad day, some inspiration for your water cooler chats, or just a little extra amusement , these hilarious quotes are sure to tickle your fancy.

Read on for 135 funny quotes about life, work, and family that are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud.

Best funny quotes

“Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” — Sandra Bullock

“Keep calm and carry a wand.” — A.W. Jantha, “Hocus Pocus & The All New Sequel”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” — George Carlin

“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” — Ace Ventura, “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”

“I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie Bradshaw, “Sex and the City”

“The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.” — Willy Wonka, “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams

“Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.” ― Golda Meir

“If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” ― Judith Martin

“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” ― Oscar Wilde, “The Picture of Dorian Gray”

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ― Oscar Wilde

“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” — Fran Lebowitz

“Instant gratification takes too long.” ― Carrie Fisher

“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” ― Bo Derek

“So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom, and if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.” — Neil Gaiman

“I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler Bing , “Friends”

“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” ― Mitch Hedberg

“I’d love to stand here and talk with you...but I’m not going to.” — Phil Connors, “Groundhog Day”

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ― Charles M. Schulz

“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” — Joan Rivers

“I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton

“It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.” — Shirley MacLaine

“I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” — Dory, “Finding Dory”

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” ― Terry Pratchett, “Diggers”

“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs.” — Wanda, “A Fish Called Wanda"

“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ― Isaac Asimov

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ― George Carlin

“I’m not superstitious…but I am a little stitious.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”

“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” — Jay Leno

Funny family quotes

“I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” — Jack Whitehall

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” — Damien Fahey

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller

“My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” — Halley Reed, “Crimes and Misdemeanors”

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ― Erma Bombeck

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.” — Prince William

“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper, “The Big Bang Theory”

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

“Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” — Lin-Manuel Miranda

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” ― P. J. O’Rourke

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” — Nora Ephron

“You can kid the world, but not your sister.” ― Charlotte Gray

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West

“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” ― George Bernard Shaw, “Immaturity”

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” — George Carlin

“The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” — Oscar Wilde

“Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns

“Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.” ― P.J. O’Rourke, All the Trouble in the World

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Shirley MacLaine

Funny quotes on aging

“People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.” — Dolly Parton

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope

“My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’” ― Rose Nylund, “Golden Girls”

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” ― George Burns

“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends, I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” — Graham Norton

“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt

“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” — Joan Rivers

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” ― Isaac Asimov

“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” ― Norman Wisdom

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” — Redd Foxx

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” ― Yogi Berra, “When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball’s Greatest Heroes”

“I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.” — George Carlin

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball

“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” ― Luis Buñuel

“It must be around forty, when you’re “over the hill.” I don’t even know what that means and why it’s a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I’m past the hard part and there’s a snack in my future. That’s a good thing as far as I’m concerned.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“Death is nature’s way of saying, “Your table is ready.” — Robin Williams

Funny nature quotes

“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” — Mindy Kaling, “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?”

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” — Steven Wright

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Noel Coward

“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of ‘Law & Order’ in my apartment.” — John Mulaney

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” — Jack Handey

Funny well-being quotes

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” ― Tina Fey , “Bossypants”

“Reality continues to ruin my life.” ― Bill Watterson, “The Complete Calvin and Hobbes”

“Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn’t allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, Jazzercise; 6:30, dinner with me — I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing...I’m booked.” — The Grinch, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”

“Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” — Charlie Brown

“When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don’t have to shake hands.” — Larry David

​​“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling

“People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” —Mike Bechtle

“People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” — Sophia Petrillo, “The Golden Girls”

“Spend some time this weekend on home improvement; improve your attitude toward your family.” — Bo Bennett

“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” — Jarod Kintz

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.” ― Edgar Allan Poe

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.” — William Gibson

“My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” — Maria Bamford

“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” ― James Branch Cabell, “The Silver Stallion”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian Donovan, “Bridesmaids”

“Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It’s cheaper.” ― Quentin Crisp

“I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.” — Rodney Dangerfield

“I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.” — Ouiser Boudreaux, “Steel Magnolias”

“Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.” — Philip K. Dick

“I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” — Jimmy Kimmel

Funny work quotes

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” — Douglas Adams

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ― Charles Lamb

“I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ― Jerome K. Jerome

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis

“By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me.” — Miranda Priestly, “The Devil Wears Prada”

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin

“Trying is the first step toward failure.” — Homer Simpson, “The Simpsons”

“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold

“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” ― Mark Twain

“If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.” — George Burns

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” — Paula Poundstone

“When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.” ― Walter Payton

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” ― W.C. Fields

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde

“When in doubt, look intelligent.” — Garrison Keillor

“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” — Robert Benchley

“Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” ― Rita Mae Brown, “Alma Mater”

“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” ― John Gotti

“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” — Douglas Adams

“The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vince Lombardi

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” ― Bill Gates

“When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

“Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen

“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt

“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” ― Muhammad Ali

“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” ― Mark Twain

“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’” — Dave Barry

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

“No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

This article was originally published on TODAY.com

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15 Funny and Motivational Quotes about Homework

When you think of homework, what comes to mind?

Maybe you think of worksheets and penmanship. Maybe you think of math drills and word problems. Maybe you think of busywork and time spent on unnecessary tasks. 

Whatever you think of, we’re pretty sure most people don’t have a positive association with homework. For kids, it means extra school work when school hours are over and they just want to play. For parents, it means time spent supervising or coaxing after a long day at work. And, for teachers, it means hours of grading once the kids go home. 

But, in defense of homework, we think there are some good reasons it exists that make us want to change our negative mindset about it! Homework helps to build responsibility and teach kids to work independently. It develops good study habits in students and can boost self-esteem and develop confidence. Afterall, everyone loves to see that bright red “100%” or “good job!” at the top of their paper! Some homework can help to develop critical thinking and problem solving skills. And it definitely teaches life lessons about time management.

At the end of the day, doing tasks that aren’t the most fun but are necessary is a part of life that teaches self-discipline. So here’s to buckling down, focusing hard, and knocking out your homework each day!

We’ve put together a list of 15 quotes about homework to help you look on the bright side of after-school learning. Some are motivational and some poke fun at what can seem like drudgery, but all of them are perfect for your letter board or other magnetic surface in your home or classroom!

• H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K. Half My Energy is Wasted on Random Knowledge
• Homework: the teacher's way of finding out how smart the parents are!
• I don’t procrastinate. I save my homework until the last minute so that, by the time I do it, I’ll be older and wiser.
• Study hard, do good, and the good life will follow.
• Time flies when you’re avoiding homework.
• Procrastination is the thief of time.
• Stay positive. Work hard. Get it done.
• Study as if you know nothing. Work as if you can solve everything.
• That feeling when you can’t find the answers to your homework on Google
• “Yay! Homework!” - no student ever
• Alexa, do my homework.
• The teacher can always tell when you did your homework on the bus.
• “The most effective way to do it is to do it.” - Amelia Earhart
• When in doubt, clear your desk, tie up your hair, grab a coffee, and just start.
• Focus on being productive instead of busy.

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446+ Homework Quotes That Speak Your Student Struggles! (Images)

Dive into the world of education, late-night study sessions, and the ongoing challenge of managing time with our look at Homework Quotes.

This article is a handpicked collection of thoughts, humor, and wisdom about the shared experience of homework, made for those looking for quotes that capture the ups and downs of academic life.

Whether you’re a student seeking relatable words or someone reminiscing about the days of assignments and deadlines, these Homework Quotes cover a range of feelings associated with homework.

Join us on this journey through clever observations, motivational remarks, and maybe a bit of sarcasm as we explore different perspectives on the age-old task of dealing with homework.

Whether you find comfort, laughter, or inspiration, these quotes are here to connect with your academic journey.

Table of Contents

Homework Quotes

“Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can’t help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.” – Janice Hardy

“Homework is a compromise between teachers and students. Students hate it; teachers love it. So, in the interest of harmony, let’s compromise: students should complete their homework with the same enthusiasm teachers use to assign it.” – Melanie White

“Homework is not about getting it done, it’s about getting it right.” – Neil Gaiman

“Homework is not a choice; it’s a responsibility. To succeed, you have to prioritize your tasks and complete them in order of importance.” – Jennifer Woo

“Homework is the key to academic success. It’s not just a task; it’s a journey toward knowledge and self-improvement.” – Tonya Hurley

“Homework is like a second job, but without the paycheck. However, the rewards of knowledge and success are priceless.” – Dana Bowman

“Homework teaches us that life is full of challenges. It’s not about avoiding them but facing them head-on and conquering them.” – Rosalind Wiseman

“Homework is the bridge that connects classroom learning with real-world application. It’s the path to mastery and success.” – Sara Shepard

“Homework is the practice that leads to perfection. Embrace the challenges, for they are the stepping stones to excellence.” – Richelle E. Goodrich

“Homework is not a punishment; it’s an opportunity to showcase your dedication to learning and growth.” – Andy Weir

“Homework is the engine that powers the train of education. Without it, the journey may be slow, but with it, you’ll reach your destination successfully.” – Nicholas Sparks

“Homework is the compass that guides us through the maze of knowledge, helping us navigate the twists and turns of academic life.” – Shannon Hale

“Homework is not a burden; it’s a gift. It offers the chance to expand your mind and explore the boundless realms of understanding.” – Lemony Snicket

“Homework is the silent partner in the journey of education, working tirelessly behind the scenes to ensure your success.” – Khaled Hosseini

“Homework is the blueprint for success. The more carefully you construct it, the sturdier your foundation for future achievements.” – Veronica Roth

“Homework is the rehearsal for the grand performance of life. The more you practice, the more confident and skilled you become.” – Jodi Picoult

“Homework is not just about completing assignments; it’s about cultivating a disciplined mind and a tenacious spirit.” – Alyson Noel

“Homework is the training ground for resilience and perseverance. Embrace the challenges, for they are the sculptors of your character.” – John Green

“Homework is the architect of success, designing the structure of knowledge that will support your dreams and aspirations.” – J.K. Rowling

“Homework is the investment you make in your own future. The more you put in, the greater the returns.” – Rachel Cohn

“Homework is the compass that points toward success. It may seem challenging, but the rewards are worth the journey.” – Cassandra Clare

“Homework is the seed that, when nurtured, blossoms into the tree of wisdom. Water it with diligence, and you’ll reap a bountiful harvest.” – Lisa Mangum

“Homework is the map that guides you through the uncharted territory of knowledge, helping you discover new realms of understanding.” – Libba Bray

“Homework is the path to mastery. Each assignment is a stepping stone, leading you closer to the peak of academic excellence.” – Lauren Oliver

“Homework is the sculptor’s chisel, shaping your intellect and carving out the masterpiece of your education.” – Kiera Cass

“Homework is not just a task; it’s a journey. Each assignment is a step forward, propelling you toward the summit of success.” – Marissa Meyer

“Homework is the currency of success. The more you invest, the richer your academic portfolio becomes.” – Gayle Forman

“Homework is the bridge between classroom learning and real-world application. It transforms knowledge into practical skills.” – Tahereh Mafi

“Homework is the fuel that powers the engine of academic achievement. Without it, the journey would come to a halt.” – Cecily von Ziegesar

“Homework is the rehearsal for life’s performance. The more you practice, the more confident and skilled you become on the grand stage of success.” – Meg Cabot

Famous Homework Quotes

“Homework is the price we pay for success. It may seem steep, but the dividends it yields are immeasurable.” – Robin Sharma

“Homework is not just an academic task; it’s a character-building exercise that shapes you into a resilient and disciplined individual.” – Stephen King

“Homework is the compass that guides us through the labyrinth of learning, helping us find our way to enlightenment.” – Haruki Murakami

“Homework is the silent conductor orchestrating the symphony of education. Each note played contributes to the masterpiece of knowledge.” – Maya Angelou

“Homework is the investment in human capital. The more you put in, the brighter the future becomes.” – Condoleezza Rice

“Homework is the gym for the mind. The more you exercise it, the stronger and more resilient it becomes.” – Malcolm Gladwell

“Homework is the roadmap to success, providing the directions to navigate the challenging terrain of education.” – Albert Einstein

“Homework is the cornerstone of achievement. It builds the foundation upon which your dreams and aspirations can stand tall.” – Oprah Winfrey

“Homework is the rehearsal for life’s challenges. Each assignment prepares you for the roles you’ll play on the stage of success.” – Bill Gates

“Homework is the key that unlocks the doors of knowledge, revealing the vast treasures that await those who seek understanding.” – Mae Jemison

“Homework is the bridge between potential and achievement. It connects the dots of learning, creating a pathway to success.” – Elon Musk

“Homework is not a burden; it’s an opportunity. It’s a chance to prove to yourself what you’re capable of achieving.” – Michelle Obama

“Homework is the sculptor’s tool, carving out the intricate details of your intellect and shaping the masterpiece of your education.” – Vincent Van Gogh

“Homework is the navigator on the ship of education, guiding you through the storms and helping you reach the shores of knowledge.” – Maya Angelou

“Homework is the compass that points you in the right direction. Embrace the journey, for it leads to the destination of success.” – Walt Disney

“Homework is not just a task; it’s a commitment to personal growth and intellectual development.” – Sheryl Sandberg

“Homework is the architect’s blueprint, designing the structure of your education and shaping the building blocks of your future.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“Homework is the currency of success. Each assignment is a valuable coin that contributes to the wealth of your knowledge.” – Warren Buffett

“Homework is the crucible where knowledge is refined and intellect is forged. It’s the fire that tempers the steel of your education.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Homework is the alchemist’s potion, transforming raw information into the gold of wisdom. Stir it with diligence, and you’ll discover the elixir of success.” – Paulo Coelho

“Homework is the silent mentor, guiding you through the intricacies of learning and molding you into a well-rounded individual.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Homework is the GPS of education, helping you navigate the twists and turns of academic challenges and guiding you towards your destination of knowledge.” – Stephen Hawking

“Homework is the compass that keeps you on the right path. It may seem tedious, but it ensures you stay on course toward your goals.” – Margaret Mead

“Homework is the silent partner in your educational journey, working behind the scenes to ensure your success in the spotlight of life.” – Thomas Edison

“Homework is the garden where the seeds of knowledge are planted. Nurture it with care, and you’ll reap a bountiful harvest of wisdom.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Homework is the passport to the future. Stamp it with dedication, and it will carry you to the destinations of success.” – Mark Twain

“Homework is the sculptor’s chisel, shaping your intellect and carving out the masterpiece of your education.” – Plato

“Homework is the compass that points you in the right direction. Embrace the journey, for it leads to the destination of success.” – Nelson Mandela

“Homework is the silent partner in your educational journey, working behind the scenes to ensure your success in the spotlight of life.” – Rosa Parks

“Homework is the garden where the seeds of knowledge are planted. Nurture it with care, and you’ll reap a bountiful harvest of wisdom.” – Winston Churchill

Funny Homework Quotes

“Homework is like a math problem – you’re not sure why, but somehow it always seems to involve trains leaving stations at different speeds.” – Bill Watterson

“Homework is nature’s way of telling you that you have too much free time during the day.” – Mark Twain

“Homework is a conspiracy between teachers and the secret society of parents to keep kids busy and prevent them from taking over the world.” – Anonymous

“Homework: because 7 hours of school wasn’t enough punishment.” – Anonymous

“Homework is a bit like a dinosaur – it’s big, it’s scary, and you’re probably better off running away from it.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the only thing on Earth that doesn’t follow the laws of physics. It expands to fill the time available for its completion.” – C. Northcote Parkinson

“Homework is like a monster with a thousand eyes. The more you try to escape it, the more it seems to be watching you.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the only thing that kids give their 100% in, but somehow the answer is never right.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a vampire. It sucks the life out of you, and you can’t escape until it’s finished.” – Anonymous

“Homework is a never-ending story, and the sequel is due tomorrow.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a black hole. Once you start, it’s hard to escape its gravitational pull.” – Anonymous

“Homework is proof that the universe has a sense of humor, and it’s not afraid to use it against you.” – Peter Doskoch

“Homework is like a horror movie. You know it’s going to be terrifying, but you still have to watch it.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a puzzle. You spend hours trying to figure it out, and when you finally do, it turns out you were missing a piece.” – Anonymous

“Homework is a lot like a shot of espresso – it’s bitter, it keeps you up at night, and you’re not sure if it’s really necessary.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad dream – you try to wake up, but it just keeps coming back.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad movie. You keep waiting for it to get better, but it just never does.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a diet. You know you should do it, but the temptation to avoid it is just too strong.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a fine wine. It gets better with age, and by ‘better,’ I mean more challenging.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, and by the end, you just want to get off.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad date. It takes up too much of your time, and you’re never really sure if it’s worth it.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad haircut. It might seem like a good idea at first, but you end up regretting it.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad breakup. You think you’re finally done with it, but it just keeps coming back to haunt you.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad habit. You know you should quit, but somehow you always find yourself going back for more.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad song. You can’t get it out of your head, no matter how hard you try.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad joke. You don’t really get it, but you’re expected to laugh along anyway.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad cold. It lingers on, making you miserable, and there’s no cure in sight.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad smell. You can’t escape it, and it always seems to linger longer than you want it to.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad game. You keep playing, hoping it will get better, but it just gets more frustrating.” – Anonymous

“Homework is like a bad dream. You try to wake up, but it just keeps dragging on.” – Anonymous

Homework Inspirational Quotes

“Homework is the compass guiding you through the vast landscape of knowledge, leading you to the treasures of wisdom.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the opportunity to turn effort into achievement, challenges into triumphs, and dreams into reality.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the training ground where champions are made, and success is not just a goal but a way of life.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the bridge between aspiration and accomplishment. With each task completed, you build your own path to success.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the tool that hones your skills, sharpens your intellect, and forges the sword of knowledge that cuts through the challenges of life.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the canvas on which you paint the portrait of your academic journey, using the brushstrokes of dedication and perseverance.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the rehearsal for the symphony of success, with each note played contributing to the harmonious melody of achievement.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the blueprint for a brighter future, where each assignment shapes the foundation of your dreams.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the ladder to excellence, with each rung representing a step closer to the pinnacle of academic achievement.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the seed you plant today, hoping to reap the harvest of knowledge and success tomorrow.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the currency of education, and every completed assignment is a deposit into the bank of your intellectual wealth.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the path that leads from ignorance to enlightenment, with each assignment paving the way to a brighter and more knowledgeable future.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the journey of a thousand steps, each one taking you closer to the destination of wisdom and understanding.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the marathon of the mind, where every completed assignment is a step forward, bringing you closer to the finish line of success.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the compass that points you toward the North Star of knowledge. Follow it diligently, and you’ll never lose your way.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the investment that pays dividends in the form of knowledge, skills, and the confidence to face any challenge.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the sculptor’s chisel, shaping your intellect and carving out the masterpiece of your education.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the journey where struggle transforms into strength, challenges into opportunities, and dreams into reality.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the key that unlocks the doors of understanding, allowing you to explore the vast corridors of knowledge.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the melody of learning, and each assignment adds a note to the symphony of your academic success.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the canvas on which you paint the picture of your intellectual growth, using the vibrant colors of effort and determination.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the architect’s plan, designing the structure of your education and laying the foundation for a successful future.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the recipe for success, with each task adding an essential ingredient to the potion of knowledge.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the catalyst for transformation, turning potential into achievement, and dreams into reality.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the compass that guides you through the labyrinth of learning, ensuring you stay on the path to academic success.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the currency of ambition. The more you invest, the wealthier you become in knowledge and understanding.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the foundation upon which your academic success is built. With each completed assignment, you strengthen that foundation.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the journey that transforms you from a student into a scholar, with each assignment adding to the pages of your academic story.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the mirror reflecting your commitment to learning. The more effort you put in, the clearer the reflection of success.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the silent mentor, guiding you through the intricacies of learning and molding you into a well-rounded individual.” – Anonymous

Positive Quotes About Homework

“Homework is the path to knowledge, and each assignment is a stepping stone that brings you closer to the summit of academic success.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive force that turns challenges into opportunities and transforms effort into accomplishment.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the canvas where you paint the masterpiece of your education, using the colors of dedication, persistence, and curiosity.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the garden of learning, and each task you complete is a bloom that adds beauty to the landscape of your education.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive echo of your commitment to excellence, resonating with the sound of achievement and success.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive energy that fuels your academic journey, propelling you forward with each completed assignment.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive habit that cultivates discipline, resilience, and a thirst for knowledge, preparing you for a bright future.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive link between aspiration and accomplishment, connecting your dreams to the reality of success.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive navigator on the ship of education, guiding you through the waves of challenges toward the shores of knowledge.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive workout for your mind, building intellectual muscles that empower you to tackle any academic challenge.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive puzzle that, once solved, reveals the picture of your academic prowess and intellectual capacity.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive investment in your own potential, with each completed task adding value to your intellectual portfolio.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive catalyst that sparks curiosity, fosters a love for learning, and ignites the flame of academic passion.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive bridge between theory and practice, transforming knowledge into skills and information into wisdom.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive map that guides you through the vast terrain of education, helping you navigate toward the destination of success.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive melody of learning, with each completed task adding a note to the symphony of your academic achievements.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive mirror reflecting your dedication, determination, and the bright potential within you.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive architect’s blueprint, designing the structure of your academic success and building a solid foundation for the future.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive path to mastery, where each assignment is a milestone marking your progress toward expertise and understanding.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive spark that ignites the fire of lifelong learning, turning every assignment into an opportunity for growth.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive sculptor’s tool, chiseling away the excess and revealing the masterpiece of your education.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive navigator, guiding you through the twists and turns of academic challenges toward the positive shores of knowledge.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive compass pointing towards success, guiding you through the academic journey with confidence and purpose.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive currency of education, with every completed task adding value to your intellectual wealth.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive garden of learning, where each task is a seed that, when nurtured, blossoms into the flowers of wisdom.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive mirror reflecting your commitment to excellence, resilience, and the continuous pursuit of knowledge.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive canvas on which you paint the portrait of your academic success, using the vibrant colors of dedication and perseverance.” – Anonymous

“Homework is the positive compass that guides you through the labyrinth of learning, ensuring you stay on the path to academic success.” – Anonymous

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101 Funny Quotes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

Turn that frown upside down with these hilarious sayings about life, love, friendship, and work.

We’ve got hilarious quotes about love , marriage, aging, parenting , friendship , and many more topics that are oh-so relatable and undeniably clever. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or even just to print and hang above your desk to serve as a little reminder that life's not that serious — and we’re all much better off laughing so we don't cry! With quotes from famous comedians like Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller, here are the best laugh-out-loud quotes to enjoy anytime you need a laugh. Looking for more inspiration? Be sure to check out these funny graduation quotes and inspirational quotes about life as well.

Funny Quotes About Life

1. "There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it." ―Mindy Kaling

2. "Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos." —Stanley Hudson, The Office

3. "I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food." —W.C. Fields

4. "People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." —Joan Rivers

5. "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." —Elbert Hubbard

6. "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." ―Mae West

7. "Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don't have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!" —Charlie Brown

8. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true." —James Branch Cabell

9. "I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness." ―Bill Watterson

10. "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." ―Mae West

11. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it." ―W.C. Fields

12. "I love mankind... it's people I can't stand!!" ― Charles M. Schulz

13. "I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability." ―Oscar Wilde

14. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." —Michael Scott, The Office

15. ​​"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." ―Albert Einstein

16. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye." ―Cathy Guisewite

17. "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." ―Isaac Asimov

18. "When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific." —Lily Tomlin

19. "I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort." —Zach Galifianakis

20. "I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted." —Kevin Malone, The Office

21. ​​"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing." —Dwight Schrute, The Office

22. "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well." —Mark Twain

23. "I'm not crazy — I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years." —Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias

Funny Quotes for Friends

24. "Well, you know what they say: If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me." —Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias

25. "A woman is like a tea bag: You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." —Eleanor Roosevelt

26. "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." —Oprah Winfrey

27. "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." —Charlotte Whitton

28. "I drink to make other people more interesting." —Ernest Hemingway

29. "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy." —Benjamin Franklin

30. "When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'" ―Groucho Marx

31. "I'm not offended by blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. And I also know that I'm not blonde." —Dolly Parton

32. "I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet." —Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

33. "Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping." —Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls

34. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK, then it's you." —Rita Mae Brown

35. ​​"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." —Garry Shandling

36. "People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever's in the glass." —Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls

37. "I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat." —Pam Beesly, The Office

38. "Don't waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living." —Meryl Streep

39. "Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford." —Cindy Crawford

40. "I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural." —Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias

Funny Quotes About Aging

41. "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." —Lucille Ball

42. "​​Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face." —Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias

43. "You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police." —Joan Rivers

44. "People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup." —Dolly Parton

45. "Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm old, so I'm giving it anyway." —Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls

46. "No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're old, you sag, get over it." —Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls

47. "You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there." —George Burns

48. "Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese." —Luis Buñuel

49. "As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." —Sir Norman Wisdom

Funny Quotes About Marriage

50. "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are." —Will Ferrell

51. "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." —Albert Einstein

52. "I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" —Jean Illsley Clarke

53. "Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener." —Pauline Thomason

54. "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." ―Phyllis Diller

55. "The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone." —Dolly Parton

56. "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." —Shirley MacLaine

57. "As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You can either be right, or you can be happy." —Ralphie May

58. "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." —Jim Carrey

Short Funny Quotes

59. "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." —Oscar Wilde

60. "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." —Betty White

61. "If you can't be kind, at least be vague." —Judith Martin

62. "Anybody who tells you money can't buy happiness never had any." —Samuel L. Jackson

63. "Reality continues to ruin my life." ―Bill Watterson

64. "Don't be so humble — you are not that great.” ―Golda Meir

65. "Never miss a good chance to shut up." ―Will Rogers

66. "I've had great success being a total idiot. " ―Jerry Lewis

67. "Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system." ―Ellen DeGeneres

68. "Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company." —Mark Twain

69. "Instant gratification takes too long." —Carrie Fisher

70. "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." —Mark Twain

71. "My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best." ―Winston S. Churchill

72. "All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening." —Alexander Woollcott

73. "Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired." —Sandra Bullock

Clever Quotes and Sayings

74. "Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would." —Neil Gaiman

75. "Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that." —Ellen DeGeneres

76. "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —Isaac Asimov

77. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it." ―George Bernard Shaw

78. "Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." —David Lee Roth

79. "The lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most." —Ann Landers

Funny Quotes About Parenting

80. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." —Erma Bombeck

81. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." —Phyllis Diller

82. "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." —Phyllis Diller

83. "It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it." —Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls

84. "Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas." —Paula Poundstone

85. "If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon

86. "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." —Jerry Seinfeld

87. "Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help mom do the dishes." —P.J. O'Rourke

Funny Quotes About Work

88. "Everything I have I owe to this job... this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job." —Jim Halpert, The Office

89. "An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true." —Michael Scott, The Office

90. "So this is my life — until I win the lottery." —Jim Halpert, The Office

91. "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." —Oscar Wilde

92. "Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?" —Phyllis Diller

93. "I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again." —Joan Rivers

94. "I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." ―Jerome K. Jerome

95. ​​"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." ―Charles Lamb

96. "Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door." —Marcelene Cox

97. "The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen." —Sarah Brown

98. "You can't have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic." —Zig Ziglar

99. "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure." —Mark Twain

100. "Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." —Will Rogers

101. "No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early." —Groucho Marx

Alesandra is a digital travel and lifestyle journalist based in Los Angeles whose work has appeared in Good Housekeeping , Woman’s Day , Prevention , Insider, Glamour , Shondaland, AFAR, Parents , TODAY and countless other online and print outlets. Alesandra has a masters degree in journalism with an emphasis on cultural reporting and criticism from NYU, and a bachelor’s degree from UC Berkeley. An avid traveler, she trots the globe with her husband and their twins.

Corinne Sullivan is an Editor at Cosmopolitan , where she covers a variety of beats, including lifestyle, entertainment, relationships, shopping, and more. She can tell you everything you need to know about the love lives of A-listers, the coziest bedsheets, and the sex toys actually worth your $$$. She is also the author of the 2018 novel Indecent . Follow her on Instagram for cute pics of her pup and bébé. 

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Miscellaneous Quotes

60 short & funny motivational quotes to laugh about.

Which are your favorite motivational quotes?

Is there such a thing as funny motivational quotes?

Of course! I mean, why can’t we have a little fun and be motivated at the same time?

We don’t often feature funny quotes on Wealthy Gorilla, but after compiling this list, I’ll make an exception. Some of the quotes below are pure gold!

Here are 60 short and funny motivational quotes to help brighten your day:

Table of Contents

60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes

1. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” – Unknown

2. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

3. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer

4. “Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying.” – Unknown

5. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott

6. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown

7. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

8. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” –  Mark Twain

9. “The best things in life are actually really expensive.” – Unknown

10. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

11. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

12th of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes

“Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” – Unknown

13. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain

14. “Always remember that you are unique  –  just like everybody else.” – Unknown

15. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

16. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

17. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

18. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

19. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

20. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn

21st of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes

“The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” –  Albert Einstein

22. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

23. “When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard”, I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?”” – Sydney Harris

24. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright

25. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

26. “Bad decisions make good stories.” – Ellis Vidler

27. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” – Unknown

28. “Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.” – Unknown

29. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz

30. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” – Unknown

31. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower

32. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” –  Thomas Edison

33. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

34. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” – Unknown

35th of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes

“When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” – Barney Stinson

36. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London

37. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” – Unknown

38. “Be happy  –  it drives people crazy.” – Unknown

39. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

40. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones

41. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

42. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” – Elvis Presley

43. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

44. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

45. “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” – Unknown

46. “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West

47. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

48. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

49. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell

50th of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

51. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

52. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

53. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

54. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

55. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love

56. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Winnie the Pooh

57. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

58. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson

59. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe

60. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams

Which are your favorite short and funny motivational quotes? Leave a comment below.

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Dan Western is the founder of Wealthy Gorilla . Dan has been running Wealthy Gorilla and studying self-development, personal finance, and investment for the last 7 years. To this day, Wealthy Gorilla has become one of the fastest growing wealth infotainment sites in the world; with over 300 million views worldwide. Dan doesn't use personal social media anymore, so you won't be able to find him on Instagram, or Twitter.

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47 Wise & Honest Ernest Hemingway Quotes

Ernest Miller Hemingway was an American novelist, short story writer, and journalist. His economical and understated style had a strong influence on 20th-century fiction, while his life of adventure and his public image influenced later generations.

Here’s our collection of wise and honest Ernest Hemingway quotes:

47 Ernest Hemingway Quotes

1. “A man can be destroyed but not defeated.” – Ernest Hemingway

2. “Courage is grace under pressure.” – Ernest Hemingway

3. “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” – Ernest Hemingway

4. “I’m so in love with you, that there isn’t anything else.” – Ernest Hemingway

5. “Never confuse movement with action.” – Ernest Hemingway

6. “Sometimes following your heart means losing your mind” – Ernest Hemingway

7. “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.” – Ernest Hemingway

8. “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” – Ernest Hemingway

9. “When people talk listen completely. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway

10. “You are so brave and quiet. I forget you are suffering.” – Ernest Hemingway

11. “All things truly wicked start from innocence.” – Ernest Hemingway

12. “Every day above earth is a good day.” – Ernest Hemingway

13. “I don’t live at all when I’m not with you.” – Ernest Hemingway

14. “Isn”t it pretty to think so?” – Ernest Hemingway

15. “Never go on trips with anyone you do not love.” – Ernest Hemingway

16th of 47 Ernest Hemingway Quotes

16. “Stop chasing the wrong one. The right one won’t run.” – Ernest Hemingway

17. “The world breaks everyone, and afterwards, some are strong at the broken places.” – Ernest Hemingway

18. “There is nothing to writing. All you have to do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” – Ernest Hemingway

19. “When you stop doing things for fun you might as well be dead.” – Ernest Hemingway

20. “You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.” – Ernest Hemingway

21. “All thinking men are atheists.” – Ernest Hemingway

22. “Every day is a new day. It is better to be lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then when luck comes you are ready.” – Ernest Hemingway

23. “I drink to make other people interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway

24. “It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.” – Ernest Hemingway

25. “Never mistake motion for action.” – Ernest Hemingway

26th of 47 Ernest Hemingway Quotes

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” – Ernest Hemingway

27. “The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.” – Ernest Hemingway

28. “To let with them. Nothing hurts if you don’t let it.” – Ernest Hemingway

29. “Why did they make birds so delicate and fine as those swallows when the ocean can be so cruel.” – Ernest Hemingway

30. “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” – Ernest Hemingway

31. “Every man’s life ends the same way. it’s only the details of how he lived and how he dies that distinguish one man from another.” – Ernest Hemingway

32. “I had learned already never to empty the well of my writing.” – Ernest Hemingway

33. “Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the romance of the unusual.” – Ernest Hemingway

34. “No matter what else you have in your head I’m with you and I love you.” – Ernest Hemingway

35. “The first draft of anything is shit.” – Ernest Hemingway

36. “There are only two places in the world you can live happy: At home and in Paris.” – Ernest Hemingway

37. “We ate well and cheaply and drank well and cheaply and slept well and warm together and loved each other.” – Ernest Hemingway

38. “Write drunk, edit sober.” – Ernest Hemingway

39. “Being against evil doesn’t make you good.” – Ernest Hemingway

40. “Fear of death increases in exact proportion to increase in wealth” – Ernest Hemingway

41. “I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” – Ernest Hemingway

42. “My only regret in life is that I did not drink more wine.” – Ernest Hemingway

43rd of 47 Ernest Hemingway Quotes

43. “Only those who are prepared to go too far can possibly know how far they can go.” – Ernest Hemingway

44. “The fun of talk is to explore.” – Ernest Hemingway

45. “There is no friend as loyal as a book.” – Ernest Hemingway

46. “We’re stronger in the places that we’ve been broken.” – Ernest Hemingway

47. “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” – Ernest Hemingway

Which are your favorite Ernest Hemingway quotes? Leave a comment below.

48 beautiful leonardo da vinci quotes.

Leonardo da Vinci was a famous Italian artist and intellectual of the Italian Renaissance who’s known for his enduring works ‘The Last Supper’ and ‘Mona Lisa’.

He was born in Vinci, Italy, in 1452, and passed away in France, in 1519.

Here’s our collection of 48 beautiful Leonardo da Vinci quotes:

48 Leonardo da Vinci Quotes

1. “A beautiful body perishes, but a work of art dies not.” – Leonardo da Vinci

2. “Art is never finished, only abandoned.” – Leonardo da Vinci

3. “Experience does not err. Only your judgements err by expecting from her what is not in her power.” – Leonardo da Vinci

4. “I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.” – Leonardo da Vinci

5. “It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.” – Leonardo da Vinci

6. “Life well spent is long.” – Leonardo da Vinci

7. “Once you have tasted the taste of sky, you will forever look up.” – Leonardo da Vinci

8. “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” – Leonardo da Vinci

9. “The painter has the Universe in his mind and hands.” – Leonardo da Vinci

10th of 48 Leonardo da Vinci Quotes

“Wisdom is the daughter of experience.” – Leonardo da Vinci

11. “A painter should begin every canvas with a wash of black, because all things in nature are dark except where exposed by the light.” – Leonardo da Vinci

12. “As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death.” – Leonardo da Vinci

13. “He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.” – Leonardo da Vinci

14. “I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. It’s the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.” – Leonardo da Vinci

15. “Just as a well-filled day brings blessed sleep, so a well-employed life brings a blessed death.” – Leonardo da Vinci

16. “Life without love, is no life at all.” – Leonardo da Vinci

17th of 48 Leonardo da Vinci Quotes

“One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself.” – Leonardo da Vinci

18. “Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in.” – Leonardo da Vinci

19. “There are three classes of people: those who see, those who see when they are shown, those who do not see.” – Leonardo da Vinci

20. “You can have no dominion greater or less than that over yourself.” – Leonardo da Vinci

21. “A wave is never found alone, but is mingled with the other waves.” – Leonardo da Vinci

22. “As you cannot do what you want, want what you can do.” – Leonardo da Vinci

23. “He who thinks little errs much.” – Leonardo da Vinci

24. “In time and with water, everything changes.” – Leonardo da Vinci

25. “Learning is the only thing the mind never exhausts, never fears, and never regrets.” – Leonardo da Vinci

26. “Make your work to be in keeping with your purpose.” – Leonardo da Vinci

27. “Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.” – Leonardo da Vinci

28. “Tears come from the heart and not from the brain.” – Leonardo da Vinci

29th of 48 Leonardo da Vinci Quotes

“There is no object so large but that at a great distance from the eye it does not appear smaller than a smaller object near.” – Leonardo da Vinci

30. “You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.” – Leonardo da Vinci

31. “A well-spent day brings happy sleep.” – Leonardo da Vinci

32. “Beyond a doubt truth bears the same relation to falsehood as light to darkness.” – Leonardo da Vinci

33. “He who truly knows has no occasion to shout.” – Leonardo da Vinci

34. “Iron rusts from disuse, stagnant water loses its purity, and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind.” – Leonardo da Vinci

35. “Learning never exhausts the mind.” – Leonardo da Vinci

36. “Nothing can be loved or hated unless it is first understood.” – Leonardo da Vinci

37. “Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master.” – Leonardo da Vinci

38. “The knowledge of all things is possible.” – Leonardo da Vinci

39. “When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.” – Leonardo da Vinci

40. “All our knowledge has its origin in our perceptions.” – Leonardo da Vinci

41st of 48 Leonardo da Vinci Quotes

“Every action needs to be prompted by a motive.” – Leonardo da Vinci

42. “I have always felt it is my destiny to build a machine that would allow man to fly.” – Leonardo da Vinci

43. “It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.” – Leonardo da Vinci

44. “Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.” – Leonardo da Vinci

45. “Obstacles cannot crush me; every obstacle yields to stern resolve.” – Leonardo da Vinci

46. “Realize that everything connects to everything else.” – Leonardo da Vinci

47. “The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.” – Leonardo da Vinci

48. “Why does the eye see more clearly when asleep than the imagination when awake?” – Leonardo da Vinci

Thanks for viewing this collection of the best Leonardo da Vinci quotes!

Which are your favorite Leonardo da Vinci quotes? Leave a comment below.

47 empowering andrew carnegie quotes.

Andrew Carnegie was a Scottish American industrialist who led the enormous expansion of the American steel industry in the late 19th century. He is often identified as one of the richest people , as well as one of the richest Americans ever.

Carnegie built a leadership role as a philanthropist for the United States and the British Empire. Before he passed away, he gave almost $350 million to charities, foundations, and universities. In today’s economy, that money would have been worth around $78 billion.

Here’s our collection of empowering Andrew Carnegie quotes:

1. “A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune. Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind, like the body can be moved for the shade into sunshine.” – Andrew Carnegie

2. “And the law of competition may be sometimes hard for the individual but it’s best for the race because it ensures the survival of the fittest in every department.” – Andrew Carnegie

3. “Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was because you wanted something. Aim for the highest and when it’s a question of God’s almighty spirit. Never say I can’t.” – Andrew Carnegie

4. “I did not understand steam machinery but I tried to understand much more complicated mechanism; – man.” – Andrew Carnegie

5. “It is the mind that makes the body rich.” – Andrew Carnegie

6. “No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit for doing it.” – Andrew Carnegie

7. “Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.” – Andrew Carnegie

8. “The men who have succeeded are men who have chosen one line and stuck to it.” – Andrew Carnegie

9. “There is no class as pitiably wretched as that which possesses money and nothing else.” – Andrew Carnegie

10th of 47 Andrew Carnegie Quotes

10. “You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he is willing to climb a little.” – Andrew Carnegie

11. “Aim for the highest.” – Andrew Carnegie

12. “As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.” – Andrew Carnegie

13. “He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. he that dare not is a slave.” – Andrew Carnegie

14. “I resolved to stop accumulating and begin the infinitely more serious and difficult task of wise distribution.” –  Andrew Carnegie

15. “Mr. Morgan buys his partners, I grow my own.” – Andrew Carnegie

16. “No person will make a great business; who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit.” – Andrew Carnegie

17. “The average person puts only 25% of his energy and ability into his work. The world will take off its hat to those who put in more than 50% of their capacity and the world will stand on its head for those few and far between souls who devote 100%” – Andrew Carnegie

18. “The secret of happiness is renunciation.” – Andrew Carnegie

19. “Think of yourself as on the threshold of unparalleled success. A whole, clear, glorious life lies before you. Achieve! Achieve!” – Andrew Carnegie

20th of 47 Andrew Carnegie Quotes

“You must capture and keep the heart of the original and supremely able man before his brain can do its best.” – Andrew Carnegie

21. “All achievements, all earned riches have their beginning in an idea.” – Andrew Carnegie

22. “Concentrate your energy, your thoughts and your capital.” – Andrew Carnegie

23. “I began to learn what poverty meant. It was burnt in my heart then that my father had to beg for work and there came the resolve that I would cure that when I got to be a man.” – Andrew Carnegie

24. “I shall argue that strong men conversely know when to compromise and that all principles can be compromised to serve a greater purpose.” – Andrew Carnegie

25. “My motto is concentration. First honesty; then industry and then concentration.” – Andrew Carnegie

26. “People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.” – Andrew Carnegie

27. “The first man gets the oyster, the second gets the shell.” – Andrew Carnegie

28th of 47 Andrew Carnegie Quotes

28. “The secret of success lies not in doing your own work but in recognizing the best person to do it.” – Andrew Carnegie

29. “Watch the costs and the profits will take care of themselves.” – Andrew Carnegie

30. “All honor’s wounds are self-inflicted.” – Andrew Carnegie

31. “Do your duty and a little more and the future will take care of itself.” – Andrew Carnegie

32. “I believe that the true road to per-eminent success in any line is to make yourself master of that line.” – Andrew Carnegie

33. “I would as soon leave my son a curse as the almighty dollar.” – Andrew Carnegie

34. “No amount of ability is of the slightest avail without honor.” – Andrew Carnegie

35. “Success can be attained in any branch of labor. There’s always room at the top in every pursuit.” – Andrew Carnegie

36. “The man who acquires the ability to take full possession of his own mind may take possession of anything else to which he justly entitled.” – Andrew Carnegie

37th of 47 Andrew Carnegie Quotes

“The wise man put all his eggs in one basket and watches the basket.” – Andrew Carnegie

38. “Whatever I engage in, I push inordinately.” – Andrew Carnegie

39. “And here is the prime condition of success, the great secret. Concentrate your energy, thoughts and capital exclusively upon the business in which you are engaged in. Having begun in one line, resolve to fight it out on that line; to lead in it. Adopt every improvement, have the best machinery and know the most about it.” – Andrew Carnegie

40. “Don’t look for approval except for the consciousness of doing your best.” – Andrew Carnegie

41. “I can’t afford to pay them any other way.” – Andrew Carnegie

42. “Immense power is acquired by assuring yourself in your secret reveries that you were born to control affairs.” – Andrew Carnegie

43. “No man becomes rich without himself enriching others.” – Andrew Carnegie

44. “Surplus wealth is a sacred trust which its possessor is bound to administer in his lifetime for the good of his community.” – Andrew Carnegie

45. “The man who dies rich dies in disgrace.” – Andrew Carnegie

46. “There is little success, where there is little laughter.” – Andrew Carnegie

47. “When I did big things, some large corporations like the Pennsylvania Railroad Company were behind me and responsible party.” – Andrew Carnegie

Which are your favorite Andrew Carnegie quotes? Leave a comment below.

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Funny Quotes About Stress

These quotes will make you smile (and relieve some stress)!

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Sean is a fact-checker and researcher with experience in sociology, field research, and data analytics.

izusek / E+ / Getty Images

Sometimes the difference between a stressful day and an easier one is all in your perspective. Stress is serious, but seeing the humor in it can also help make a tough situation feel easier. Funny quotes about stress can add just the perspective you need!

A humorously crafted quote can help you open up to a new way of viewing an old situation. Sometimes, you just need the laugh that takes some of the anxiety out of a stress-provoking situation. No matter what you are facing, these funny stress quotes can offer your mind a shift or your mood a lift.

At a Glance

Being stressed doesn't feel good, but leaning on your sense of humor can sometimes help. In many cases, having a laugh about stress can make it a little easier to cope. We've rounded up what we think are some of the best funny quotes about stress to help brighten your day and your mood.

Each quote comes with a little more on the topic from a stress management perspective, plus a link to additional resources on the topic. Enjoy, and feel free to share these with friends who may need a lift as well.

Jane Wagner

‎"Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it."

We can't always change our reality, and ignoring problems isn't usually the best way to deal with them, but we can embrace reality and soften it at the same time with a bit of humor and a few extra stress relievers .

Ignoring your stress isn't something you want to do. Instead, be aware of how you are feeling so you can look for ways to cope effectively. Signs that you might be too stressed include:

• Getting angry and irritable
• Crying or feeling upset
• Worrying constantly
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Finding it hard to cope

When you start to feel this way, it's important to identify what's making you feel so stressed and figure out what you can do about it. Sometimes you can remove stressors from your life. In other cases, you'll need to rely on stress relievers, like spending time with loved ones or doing relaxation exercises, to cope.

"Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Simply put, quit worrying over the little stuff and wait for something really big."

It's good to maintain perspective when you're worried about the "what ifs" of life. Backup plans and being prepared is great, but if you've done everything you can, it's best to focus on relaxing your worry muscles a bit .

If you tend to be a worrier, you might find it helpful to schedule a little " worry time " to allow yourself to fret over specific problems. Limiting your worries to this specific block of time can help you find solutions, feel more in control, and minimize the amount of time you spend worrying throughout the day.

If you're struggling to quit worrying about everything (both small and big), it might be a sign of something called generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) . It is characterized by worrying excessively about a wide variety of things, which can be very difficult to control.

Jack Donaghy (30 Rock)

"Money can't buy happiness; it IS happiness."

Well...not really, but the quote made us laugh and should be included as a funny stress quote for sure. Actually, the things that we think will make us happy are often totally different from the things that actually make us happy .

What truly makes you happy? The truth is that it looks a little different for everyone. For some, it might involve achieving their goals at work, while others might feel like traveling the world or being involved in their communities is what brings them the greatest joy. 

Some ways that you can help bring greater happiness to your life include building a strong social support network, finding a sense of purpose and meaning , cultivating an optimistic attitude , and working on your goals in life.

‎"I've tried yoga, but I find stress less boring."

While yoga brings some wonderful stress relief benefits , stress management is not a one-size-fits-all activity. If you get bored with some of the more "quiet" forms of stress relief, look for stress relief in the fun activities. If you're looking for stress relief that's a bit more interesting, consider some of the following

• Going for a hike outdoors
• Solving a crossword puzzle
• Cooking or baking
• Draw a picture
• Read a book

Bill Watterson (Calvin & Hobbes)

‎"I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life."

While you don't necessarily need grassy knees to show that you're enjoying life, the visual is a great reminder that we need to be doing things we enjoy (among the things we simply must do as responsible adults), and if we savor each moment , stress will have less of a hold on us.

You can keep your knees clean, but what will you do to enjoy yourself today? Give yourself permission to have more fun !

Exploring a hobby you enjoy is one idea, but you might also try playing games, gardening, listening to music, creating art, playing sports, or traveling. Focus on what brings you joy and look for ways to incorporate these activities into your life more often.

Sydney Harris

‎"When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'"

Life is challenging. But sometimes, our expectations lead to stress; when we expect something to be better than it is, we stress more. If we focus on what we can be grateful for in each situation, we can see the positive more easily and feel less stressed.

What can we appreciate today? You may find it helpful to write in a gratitude journal each day. Research has found that briefly writing down thoughts of gratitude can decrease stress and improve mood.

Charles M. Shultz

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."

Sometimes our soc-called "guilty pleasures" can be great stress relievers—when they are enjoyed in moderation. For example, chocolate has health benefits besides being delicious. Enjoying the occassional tasty treat can be an excellent way to help soften stress.

Tip: Don't think of these things as guilty pleasures! They are just pleasures. The things you enjoy shouldn't make you feel guilty, and these activities can be a great way to lift your mood and ease feelings of stress. Whether it's binge-watching your favorite show, taking a relaxing bubble bath, or singing in the shower, there shouldn't be any guilt in taking care of yourself with the occasional indulgence.

Rita Rudner

"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."

We laugh about Hollywood marriages being short-lived, but the truth is that a high proportion of non-Hollywood marriages end in divorce for one reason or another.

Because healthy relationships and happy marriages can be good for keeping stress levels low, exploring tips on maintaining a happy relationship may save you significant stress in the future.

How Humor Helps Reduce Stress

Research suggests that having a good sense of humor can help make you more resilient to stress. Other health-boosting benefits include improving your relationships, strengthening your bonds with others, and helping you look at situations with a fresh perspective.

Plus, smiling can actually activate areas of your brain associated with good moods. Getting yourself to smile and laugh can help shift your mind to a happier state.

Other Ways to Use Humor to Combat Stress

Funny quotes about stress can be helpful, but there are also other ways to utilize humor to improve your ability to manage your stress levels.

• Try faking a smile : Even if you don't feel like it, smiling can release endorphins that cause you to feel better.
• Talk to a friend : Try chatting about a problem with a friend with a great sense of humor. Social support is a great way to ease stress, and their sense of humor may help you laugh about your problem.
• Seek out humor : Watch a sitcom or listen to a funny audiobook. Spend some time looking at memes that bring out your silly side.

Managing your stress is all about figuring out what works for you! These funny quotes about stress have been a great way to get a bit of perspective. Think about some of the lessons you might take from them and how you might apply them to your own life. Humor is a great tactic for dealing with stress, but having other tools (such as social support and relaxation techniques) is also important.

If you're struggling to manage your stress, talk to a mental health professional. They can help you figure out what's wrong and what might help you best.

Liu H, Waite LJ, Shen S, Wang DH. Is sex good for your health? A national study on partnered sexuality and cardiovascular risk among older men and women .  J Health Soc Behav . 2016;57(3):276-296. doi:10.1177/0022146516661597

Lagunes-Córdoba E, Yoldi-Negrete M, Hewson T, et al. A better way of life: The role of leisure activities on self-perceived health, perceived stress, confidence in stress management, and satisfaction with social support in psychiatrists and psychiatry trainees in Mexico .  Front Psychiatry . 2022;13:1052275. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2022.1052275

Fekete EM, Deichert NT. A brief gratitude writing intervention decreased stress and negative affect during the COVID-19 pandemic .  J Happiness Stud . 2022;23(6):2427-2448. doi:10.1007/s10902-022-00505-6

Katz DL, Doughty K, Ali A. Cocoa and Chocolate in Human Health and Disease .  Antioxid Redox Signal . 2011;15(10):2779-2811. doi:10.1089/ars.2010.3697

Carr D, Freedman VA, Cornman JC, Schwarz N. Happy Marriage, Happy Life? Marital Quality and Subjective Well-Being in Later Life .  J Marriage Fam . 2014;76(5):930-948. doi:10.1111/jomf.12133

Cann A, Collette C.  Sense of humor, stable affect, and psychological well-being .  Europe’s Journal of Psychology . 2014;10(3):464-479. doi:10.3389/fpubh.2021.667821

Marmolejo-Ramos F, Murata A, Sasaki K, et al.  Your face and moves seem happier when I smile: Facial action influences the perception of emotional faces and biological motion stimuli .  Exp Psychol . 2020;67(1):14-22. doi:10.1027/1618-3169/a000470

Harandi TF, Taghinasab MM, Nayeri TD. The correlation of social support with mental health: A meta-analysis .  Electron Physician . 2017;9(9):5212-5222. doi:10.19082/5212

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

18 Funny Homework Answers from Kids Who Are Going Places

These snarky students are smart alecks at heart

• Holiday Humor

When you're a  student , homework is an unavoidable fact of life. Kids these days often face hours of homework assignments each week—it's no wonder that some of their answers turn out a little snarky. 

Lucky for us, the funniest homework answers often end up on the Internet, courtesy of amused parents or teachers . Some of these students are being deliberately funny; others may very well be trying ( and failing ) to find the right answer. We think every single one of them deserves a place in the  Smart Aleck Hall of Fame .

Extra Credit for the Snazzy Drawing

"Show your thinking?" 

Challenge accepted!

"What do you need to find?"

"The answer."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. That's really helpful .

Just Following the Directions

The assignment said to write "< or >" so that's exactly what this student did. What's the problem here?

You know what they say — never trust a fart. 

For those who may not know, "shart" is slang for what happens when you do trust a fart. Use your imagination.

That's Just Your Opinion

Some say Tony is disciplined and loves music. Others say Tony is probably a huge nerd. No shame in that game, Tony!

Seems Legit

Why do we know anything , Sharon? Because we're SMART!

Somebody give this kid a scholarship.

Don't Be Silly, Kid

Pssh. "Tedison" is not even a real name... but we totally wish it was.

Failing Biology and Acing Zoology

Sure, this student doesn't know the difference between an ovary and a fallopian tube, but check out that kick-butt tiger face! Points for creativity?

Find X? No problem, there it is. It was right there all along! How did you miss that, Teach?

The Metric System Is Confusing

We can partially blame the American system of measurement for this one, but this student also gets bonus points for the sheer genius of the  utterly sarcastic remark. 

So Wrong, Yet So Right

Again, this answer isn't even wrong. It's technically totally, 100% correct! Maybe the teacher needs to rethink those test questions.

(Nah, not really.)

"April Ham Lincoln."

Remember what the great former president April Ham Lincoln once said: "Four scones and seven beers ago."

Wait, that's not right. Or is it?

An Example of Being Too Honest

This sounds like something out of "Breaking Bad." We really, REALLY hope this is a little kid spelling error situation.

She Must Work at the School in #13

Some teachers will go above and beyond to bond with their students, but this is ridiculous. Get your act together, Mrs. Edwards!

I See How It Is at Your House...

This is an actual quote from a first grade student. How did the teacher not die laughing?!

Comedian Chris Rock once famously said, "As a father, you have only one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole!"

Clearly, this kid's family has some work to do in that department.

Hold Up There, Buddy

From "I like to play football" to "I am a god" in just a few short sentences. That's quite a leap!

Tell the truth: this is Tom Brady 's homework from 30 years ago, isn't it?

That's Extremely Literal

The difference between six and eight IS that eight is more curly. That's not silly – it's just accurate.

Okay, so I never did that well in math class either. Sue me.

She Deserves Extra Credit

We'll end on a positive note. This student followed directions to the letter and did exactly what she was told to do:

"Write a story to go with this picture. Use capitals and punctuation."

She not only created a funny story about this really, really weird picture of a cat overseeing a pile of hot dogs, but she also used CAPITALS and lots of exclamation points. Who cares what the teacher thought — this kid deserves an A+!

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Wedding invitations, 80 funny quotes to make you smile.

Written by  Shutterfly Community Last Updated: Jul 29, 2021

There’s just something about getting a good laugh in that can make your day a million times better. If you’re looking for funny quotes to make you smile, to give a toast with, or to send to a loved one, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve curated the best funny quotes and sayings that cover everything from everyday life to relationships and even work! Adding that extra dose of joy and positivity with humor will put a lighthearted spin on life that shouldn’t be taken too seriously. After browsing our joyful list, share these funny quotes inside custom photo cards to brighten up someone’s day.

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Funny quotes about life, funny love quotes, funny birthday quotes, funny quotes about work, funny quotes for yearbook, funny quotes about family, funny best friend quotes.

Looking for a funny quote or saying to reflect the humor that underlies many facets of life? From life’s many lessons, struggles and joys to the always interesting realities of life, you might find the perfect words in these funny life quotes. These funny sayings about life are also the perfect little additions to any personalized photo book . Why not pair your favorite photos with unique quotes, messages, and sayings that best describe all the funny memories, milestones, and adventures in life?

• “I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands.” – Unknown
• “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote
• “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
• “Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.” – Unknown
• “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” – Unknown
• “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?” – Unknown
• “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
• “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
• “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” – Tina Fey
• “So it turns out that being an adult is really just Googling how to do stuff.” – Unknown
• “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” – Lisa Lieberman-Wang
• “Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else.” – Unknown

Love is messy, weird, difficult and oftentimes very funny. These funny love quotes are the most relatable thing you’ll read all day. Whether you’re looking for the perfect wedding toast and jokes, hilarious Valentine’s Day captions, or anniversary quotes that will make your partner laugh, we’ve rounded up the these funny quotes about love that are all too true. Scroll down, click and save your favorites, and copy and paste them into personalized gifts to share with all your loved ones.

• “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott, The Office
• “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz
• “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
• “If love is the answer, can you please rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin
• “Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby—awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” – Lemony Snicket
• “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford
• “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin
• “I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger.” – Unknown
• “The four most important words in any marriage—I’ll do the dishes.” – Unknown
• “I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee.” – Unkown
• “I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target.” – Unknown
• “You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.” – Unknown

Choosing a birthday card is just half the battle; now you have to think of something funny to write inside. Pick out one of these funny happy birthday quotes or mix and match them with your own words to craft the perfect cheers to another year older. Birthdays are meant to be full of laughter and cheer. When your loved ones open their  birthday cards  from you, you’ll know why they can’t stop smiling.

• “It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.” – Unknown
• “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
• “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain
• “You’re not as young as you used to be. But you’re not as old as you’re going to be.” – Irish Saying
• “You’re in mint condition for a vintage model. Happy Birthday.” – Catherine Pulsifer
• “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
• “After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” – Bette Midler
• “You’re not forty, you’re eighteen with twenty-two years experience.” – Unknown
• “Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. And forget about the present, I didn’t get you one. Happy birthday!” – Unknown
• “Don’t get all weird about getting older! Our age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying us!” – Unknown
• “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. Happy birthday!” – Unknown
• “To quote Shakespeare: ‘Party thine ass off!’” – Unknown
• “You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime. Happy birthday!” – Unknown
• “On your birthday, I thought of giving you the cutest gift in the world. But then I realized that is not possible because you yourself are the cutest gift in the world.” – Unknown

Our jobs are undoubtedly a vital part of our lives when we learn different things, experiment with them, and meet people. These hilarious quips and funny work quotes poke fun at the ups-and-downs of being a working professional, and are guaranteed to make any day on the job better. Add these funny inspirational work quotes to your office decor to help you find your daily grind a little more enjoyable.

• “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” – Bill Gates
• “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen
• “It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
• “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” – Peter Drucker
• “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower
• “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde
• “I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Unknown
• “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
• “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” – Unknown
• “Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” – Michel Tournier
• “The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
• “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale

As school comes to an end and it’s time for summer, funny yearbook quotes are a great way to let loose and poke fun at your memories. These humorous school quotes would be especially great for graduations  with photos throughout the years. Looking back on your photos with these hilarious quotes will make you smile as the years go on.

• “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. Milne
• “I like to think of myself less like ‘an adult’ and more like a ‘former fetus.’” – Anna Kendrick
• “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
• “Every day in high school, I was looking for the snack, not knowing that I was the snack after all.” – Unknown
• “Turned all my Ls into lessons.” – Cardi B
• “The roof is not my son, but I will raise it.” – Unknown
• “Welp, glad that’s over.” – Unknown
• “Don’t follow your dreams, follow my Twitter: [insert Twitter handle].” – Unknown
• “Goodbye, everyone! I’ll remember you all in therapy.” – Plankton, Spongebob
• “The bell doesn’t dismiss you.” – Teachers
• “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo” – Michael Scott, The Office
• “Pain is temporary, GPA is forever” – Unknown
• “You’re doing amazing, sweetie!” – Kris Jenner

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” You may have used it once or twice when you’ve had enough of a family member’s antics. If you need a lighthearted reminder of the funny side of family, look to the funny family quotes below. These quotes about family help keep everything light – they’re perfect to add to personalized gifts  for any holiday or add into a  greeting card  to send out to the extended family and close friends.

• “We put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional” – Unknown
• “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
• “The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.” – Marge Kennedy
• “Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.” – Unknown
• “Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” – Harry Morgan
• “Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.” – Unknown
• “The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” – Robert Brault
• “Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.” – Ralph Bus
• “The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” – Sam Levenson
• “One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family.” – Jonathan Safran Foer

What are best friends for if not to laugh out loud together? The following funny best friend quotes are as clever as they are true to your bond. Whether you’re looking to make them smile about what it’s like to be a friend or show them you understand the funny aspects of your relationship together, funny quotes are always perfect for your social media posts and gifts .

• “It’s fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything.” – Lew Schneider
• “Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.” – Greg Tamblyn
• “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
• “It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’” – A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
• “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” – Linda Grayson
• “If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything.” – Unknown
• “We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing.” – Unknown
• “God made up best friends because he knew our mom couldn’t handle us as sisters.” – Unknown
• “Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.” – Unknown
• “Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.” – Unknown

Wrapping Up

Did you find some humor and a bit of inspiration in this collection of funny quotes about life? Save them and combine it with one of our wall art templates to memorialize the humorous sentiment.

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