world order band 6 essay

World Order - Legal Band 6 Year 12 HSC planned paragraphs

• Extensive dot pointed paragraphs on almost any topic that could come up in the HSC World Order essay questions.
• Reading over and memorizing these paragraphs helped to obtain a band 6 and be prepared for any question.
• Many resources used to create structured paragraphs with introducing information, example, effectiveness and ineffectiveness.
• Organised into syllabus order with contemporary issues 'the principle of ‘responsibility to protect’, 'regional and global situations that threaten peace and security', 'the success of global cooperation in achieving world order', and 'rules regarding the conduct of hostilities'.
• Significant time saver!

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World Order – Essay 24/25

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To what extent does the law encourage cooperation to achieve world order?

INTRO: International law is integral in achieving world order and does so by encouraging cooperation between nation states to ensure that global issues can be addressed with efficiency. World order refers to the activities and relationships between nation states as well as significant non-state actors that occur within legal, political and economic frameworks. Although legal mechanisms to promote cooperation do exist in the United Nations, international instruments and courts, they can be severely limited by nations exercising state sovereignty, acting in self interest and a lack of compliance.

The primary limitation to international law in promoting and enforcing cooperation is the principle of state sovereignty. State sovereignty is the right for a state to make and apply all the laws within the territories they govern and control internal affairs without the interference of other states. This concept of ‘political independence’ was first established in the Treaty of Westphalia (1648) and further reinforced in Article 2 (7) of the UN Charter allowing nation states to reject decisions of international legal measures effectively reducing these mechanisms to a system of compliance.

This has been a significant impediment to conflicts that involve non-compliant states, evidenced by regional conflict in the South China Sea. In 2013, the Philippines took China to the Permanent Court of Arbitration to dispute the territorial sovereignty and Exclusive Economic Zone of its artificial islands under Article 80 of the United Nations Convention of the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS), as well as the “Nine Dash Line” that encircles a significant portion of the regional water and overlapping with areas claimed by Malaysia, Indonesia, Brunei and Vietnam. Although the court ruled in favor of the Philippines, China itself did not participate in the arbitration and ignored the subsequent ruling. In this, state sovereignty was demonstrated to be a limitation to international cooperation, as nations who act in self interest are able to do so with impunity, knowing that they will not be held accountable within the scope of the law.

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HSC Legal Studies - How to Get a Band 6

Jamon Windeyer

Thursday 10th, March 2016

Hello everyone! Thanks for visiting a guide that I never thought I would be qualified to write. I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I would be getting a fantastic mark for HSC Legal Studies. I was aiming for Band 5, I would have been ecstatic for a low Band 6. I put in lots of work throughout the year, and studied hard, and went into the exam confident… But I never thought I’d state rank. I got 13th in the State for Legal Studies in 2014, with a mark of 98. Point being, I didn’t think Legal was up my alley. But hard work lead to success; never count yourself out. Here are my Band 6 Legal Studies Tips for the student who doesn’t think they’ll get a Band 6.

HSC Legal Studies: It’s All About LCMT

For those who don’t know, this stands for Laws, Cases, Media, Treaties .

Absolutely, knowing your content is super important. But every subject has one thing that distinguishes the Band 6 students. For sciences, it’s usually knowing the jargon. For Math, it’s the practice and experience. For Legal, it’s this stuff. Cases, laws, media, treaties. Know as many of these as you are able to remember, but it’s quality over quantity. The student who knows 10 crucial cases in detail, will probably outperform the student who knows the name and rough details of 25 random cases.

So, make sure you know the key laws and cases for each area of the course. Check all your textbooks and browse online forums and guides, do some research! Pick a handful of cases to understand, analyse and criticise. At the very least, remember the basic stuff, LCMT is what forms the evidence in your essays. It’s like remembering quotes for an English essay, super important!

A quick note on media; there are differing opinions on how it should be included. Remember the purpose of including media articles (or similar), is to portray how the legal issue in question is viewed by society and how this reflects on the legal and non legal responses. Essentially, it shows what society thinks about the issue. So, the marker will not criticise your response if the title isn’t exactly right, or the outlet is incorrect, blah blah, they just want to see that you are considering the societal response to the issue. Don’t stress about remembering titles, quotes, etc, it is perfectly fine to write things like: “Articles in major newspapers such as the Sydney Morning Herald are effective in promoting human rights issues to a domestic audience,” if you can’t remember details.

Watch the News!

This may sound a little stupid, but HSC markers are looking for contemporary cases and examples. The best place to find these is by watching the news, reading the newspaper, whatever you can do to keep up with the times. If something pops up that is relevant, do a bit of research and add it to your study notes. Markers love it; they hate seeing the same examples as they have every year because it is what is in the textbooks from 2010. Bring in what is relevant!

I read the news the morning of my Legal exam, and there was a story to do with the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation approving new sanctions against North Korea. It went into my World Order essay, easy to remember since I’d read it that morning!

So, watch the news, keep up with the times! It will give you an edge in the exam for two reasons. One, it gives you more evidence to play with. Two; legal studies exams are more likely to ask questions on current issues , or frame them in a contemporary mindset. Someone asked whether I think the Legal Exam for 2015 will have some sort of question on marriage equality in there somewhere; I say YES . It is relevant and current, so very likely to be asked (perhaps in the Family Elective). So, keeping up with the news actually gives you a way to sort of, kind of, maybe, predict questions in your exam!

Study Notes

I think that, by far, the best way to structure your Legal Notes is around LCMT. That may seem strange, and you will probably want a separate section for content for the Crime module (and possibly human rights). But consider this; 75-80% of your mark comes from essay/extended response style questions. The backbone of these responses is LCMT, so it makes sense to structure study notes around them.

For my electives, I crammed all of my study notes into about 3-4 pages per module. These pages listed the important laws and treaties, summarised the vital cases, discussed relevant articles, and formulated some potential arguments. By studying these, the content came naturally! I think this is an awesome way to study, and supplemented with some extra, more traditional notes to prepare for the multiple choice, will arm you extremely well for the exam. I can’t recommend it enough.

Studying for Legal Studies

I’ve already mentioned how I think you should structure your notes. When it comes to studying for Trials and HSC, again, keep in mind the exam structure. 20-25 marks MC and short answer. 75-80 marks extended response/essay. Therefore, you should spend 80% of your time prepping for these longer sections!

The best way to do this is to practice. Try and do as many sample questions as possible, and even more importantly, get them marked!   There is no point doing a practice essay without feedback, and the best feedback comes from a teacher, or even a knowledgeable peer. You can even upload a practice essay into ATAR Notes to be marked, how easy is that? The feedback will help you identify areas of improvement.

Beyond practice, you should work on learning your laws and dates. To do this, make a little deck of palm cards, the law on one side, the date on the other. Or maybe, the case on one side, the details on the other. Whatever you think best. This is also a great way to learn the types of crimes, and pretty much any legal studies terminology. There are cool apps you can download for your phone that let you set up similar games.

To learn content, the best thing is to use the syllabus. Go through each section and see if you could confidently answer a multiple choice/short answer question on it.  If you can, tick! Move on, otherwise, spend some time revising. To check, do some practice MC questions.

One final thing. When you study for a subject, it is useful to keep in mind exactly what the markers are looking for. Content is a given. In Legal Studies, when your essays are marked, what the markers are looking for is critical analysis . They want you to evaluate specific responses to legal issues and make links between these responses, and how the issue is being dealt with by the system as a whole.

What does this mean? You should devote study time to formulating arguments that you can use in your essays .

Formulating Arguments in Legal Studies

Arguments in your Legal essays are the difference between a Band 5 and Band 6. It is essential that you give some thought to the sort of arguments you can make in all the different exam sections. It is absolutely better to come up with these yourself, rather than trying to copy something really complex that you don’t really understand. That said, if you need some help, don’t feel shy about utilising my free online HSC tutoring service . Open that up in a new tab and check it out when you’re done with this guide!

So how do you come up with an argument? Well, you are looking to come up with a conclusion, as to how well the legal system (including non legal responses, where necessary) is dealing with a legal issue. So, the first step is to look at each response and think, “What is it doing well?” “How could it improve?” Think strengths, and weaknesses, and evaluate each response using your LCMT as evidence.

EG- The domestic judicial system has proved an effective mechanism for protecting human rights. For example, in the case of BLAH, where BLAH happened, effectively protected human rights such as BLAH, because BLAH.

So, the case, what happened (very briefly), what was protected, and why is was effective. Use this evidence to make a judgement for each response. Group these together into an umbrella argument. The best of these have some level of complexity, rather than just saying “Everything is good” or “Everything sucks”. An example:

“Though legal responses have proved relatively effective in protecting World Order in the past, they ultimately remain overly reliant on cooperation between nation states, which will continue to prove a hindrance to true achievement of global peace and security.”

This argument says, okay, the responses are doing pretty well, but they could do better, and are rendered useless if a country chooses to be uncooperative. This is a deep argument which, successfully backed up with evidence, could be the backbone of a 20/20 essay.

So, long story short, spend some time thinking about your arguments. Read the news, talk to other students, and come up with an argument which YOU can back up.

There are lots of tips I can share for doing well in the Legal Studies exam:

There is a ridiculous amount to do in three hours. Three essays, a short answer section, and a multiple choice, is a LOT. Time management is key; keep an eye on the clock, and make sure you go to the bathroom before the exam. You don’t want to miss a second.

Spend reading time looking over your essay questions. Use the 5 minutes to decide which elective question you will tackle, and begin formulating arguments for all 3 essays. Pick the essay you feel most confident writing for the electives. No question is “harder” or viewed more favourably. That’s a myth.

I recommend spending more time on the essays than you would be expected to, based on the marks. Try and do the multiple choice in 20 minutes, and the short answers in about the same amount of time. Spend forty minutes on the crime essay, and fifty minutes each on your electives. Any extra time from any section should go to electives. You want as much time as possible.

Legal is one of the HSC exams with the most writing for the given time. You want to break this up a little to avoid fatigue. So, I recommend doing the exam in the following order: Short Answer, Crime Essay, Multiple Choice, Electives . This separates the content so you aren’t jumping back and forth between core modules and electives, and gives your hand a break in the middle. It was a god sent in my HSC, and I bet you’ll love the break too.

During the short answer section, pay attention to the verb. Don’t evaluate where it only wants you to describe. Big time waster, be efficient.

Same is true for the essays; make sure you include everything they want. If they give a quote (something which happened to me, it could be the new thing ), make sure you refer to it. If they ask for specific inclusions, include them.

Like all MC, you should answer the multiple choice questions by crossing out three incorrect answers, not by picking a single correct one. This elimination approach will keep you from making silly mistakes.

Also watch out for tricks in the multiple choice. There will be a few, don’t fall for them. Think everything through carefully, underline key terms, etc

That about wraps it up for this guide! Do you have any tips for doing well? Feel free to register and share them, or of course, ask questions! All the good stuff which will prove super helpful. If you need any notes, there are detailed notes on Crime, Human Rights, and many other topics written by Band 6 students right here !

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IELTS Writing Samples Band 6

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. to what extent do you agree or disagree, some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foregin country. others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. discuss both these views and give your own opinion, people who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. to what extent do you agree or disagree, organizing tours to remote places and communities is becoming more and more popular. is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment, some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both these views and give your own opinion., «some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation» to what extent do you agree or disagree, some experts believe that it it better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. do the advaantages of this outweigh the disadvantages, the quality of life in some big cities is becoming worse every year. what is the main cause of this problem what solution could you suggest, most people are undoubtedly influenced by heavy commercialization and advertising of products; consumers are buying out of desire more than necessity. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion, many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. discuss both views and give your opinion., many people now undertake extreme activities, from hand gliding to mountain climbing. why do people risk their lives in this way do you think it is a good trend, some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that they are best at or that they find the most interesting. discuss both these views and give your opinion., in many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world do you think this is a positive or negative development, some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. discuss both these views and give your own opinion., most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. they only care about how much it costs. how true is this statement what influences people when they buy food, universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. to what extent do you agree or disagree give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience., some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. other believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather that compete become more useful adults. discuss both views and give your own opinion., smokers can cause themselves serious health problems. the choice to smoke is made freely and with knowledge of dangers. smokers should therefore expect to pay more for medical treatment than non-smokers. to what extent do you agree with this statementquestion: should pay medical treatment or not should smokers expect to pay more than non-smokers for medical treatment, many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. while some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. discuss both sides and give your opinion., some people think climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think that it provides more business options. discuss both views and give your own opinion..

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How to Band 6 your HSC Modern History Essay

Your ultimate breakdown to writing a Band 6 modern history essay from introduction to conclusion. Read along for our expert tutor's top 5 tips on acing your next essay.

5 months ago   •   7 min read

As the HSC creeps closer, many Modern History students find themselves baulking at the prospect of the dreaded 20-marker essay. But not you! Because you are going to read and discover the five fool-proof tips that will guarantee you a BAND 6!!

1. Understanding the scope of the question

This one might seem too obvious to mention, but you’d be surprised how many students trip on this hurdle. It’s one thing to read a question but it’s something else entirely to understand it, and failing to grasp the full scope of the question can send you completely off-course.

Similarly to your English essays, there are three things you should be looking for when reading the essay question:

• Content phrases: what does your essay need to talk about?
• Directive phrases : how do you need to talk about it?
• Limiting phrases : what are you not supposed to talk about?

To better understand what I mean, let’s use this past HSC essay question as an example.

Looking at the question’s content phrase, we can see that it requires you to talk about 1) the Chinese Communist Party and 2) achieving political stability.

Then, turning to the directive phrase, we see that it’s asking for an evaluation of this achievement - that means you need to make a judgement of whether this political stability was/wasn’t achieved, rather than merely explaining what happened.

Finally, the limiting phrase gives you a strict cut-off: do not consider any events after 1949. Understanding what not to include in your essay is just as important as knowing what to include. If you veer into limited areas, you’re just going to waste your time writing paragraphs that won’t earn you any marks - and will most likely lose you marks for failing to read the question properly.

2. Using a flow-on structure

Once you properly understand the question, it’s time to consider the structure you’re going to use to answer it. Think of an essay as a house you’re building: the paragraphs in your essay are bricks that you need to build on each other in order to culminate in your central thesis. Your essay is a story, and your marker should be able to predict how it’s going to end.

Some examples of how to do this are:

Pro-tip: put your strongest paragraphs first. That way, if you run out of time, you won’t be losing your best analysis.

3. Using cause-and-effect analysis

When your marker is reading your paragraphs, they’re looking for analysis rather than a story. Resist the temptation to share every detail you can remember about what happened at a historical event. Instead, every fact you write should be framed as either a cause or an effect of your paragraph’s central point.

Let’s say you’re writing an essay about the factors that led to the fall of the Romanov Dynasty and your first paragraph focuses on Rasputin. Do not write…

While this paints an accurate overview of Rasputin’s role in relation to the Romanovs before his death, it dances around the paragraph’s central question: in what way was he a central factor in their downfall? Instead, you could write it more like…

In this version, the combination of the ‘cause’ - Rasputin’s intimate involvement with the Romanovs coupled with his poor reputation - flow into the ‘effect’ of growing distrust of the Romanovs’ rule in Russia, which gives us the answer of how he was a factor in their downfall.

Knowing the facts is only half the battle. The key is demonstrating that you know how to create an argument with them.

4. Meaningfully integrating sources

It’s quite common for you to be given one or more sources as stimuli to accompany your essay question. It’s not enough, however, to merely mention these sources in passing when crafting your response; a meaningful integration is key to a Band 6 mark.

To meaningfully engage with a source, you need to explain how it enhances your argument. Always write as if your marker has absolutely no idea what that source is depicting and why it’s significant. This will demonstrate that you actually understand the source and aren’t just name-dropping it as a formality.

Let’s say you’re given this source for an essay about analysing how the Nazis rose to power in Germany between 1930 and 1939:

Rather than writing: “As shown in Source A, the Nazis utilised propaganda to influence the German public to sympathise with their ideals,” a response that meaningfully integrates the source could look something like this:

Even with photo sources that you can’t quote from, the same can be achieved by analysing the photo’s contents. A good rule of thumb is that if you can remove any references of the source from your essay without impacting the quality of your analysis, you haven’t integrated it well enough.

5. Including your own sources

Following the above steps is enough to write a solid Modern History essay, but if you really want to stand out from the pack and earn a Band 6, then you should enhance your analysis by incorporating your own sources. These could include secondary analysis by respected historians or primary sources from notable figures at the time.

Including sources outside of the prescribed stimulus shows that you’re capable of thinking critically about the topic you’re writing about rather than just regurgitating what you’ve learned in class. Just make sure that the sources you’re quoting are relevant to the question. While it does mean memorising a few extra quotes, the end result is worth it.

So there we have it! If you follow these five steps, Modern History essays are going to be a breeze.

Where do I find historical sources for Modern History?

The easiest way to find quotes is to simply google ‘[historical event/figure] historian perspectives’ or ‘quotes There are plenty of archives dedicated to collecting these. Even if this doesn’t yield direct quotes, many websites such as online encyclopaedias will provide citations that will take you to more direct sources.

If this doesn’t work, or you’re feeling particularly ambitious, searching the same query in Google Scholar will provide you with journal articles written by academics.

Do I really have to memorise ALL these dates for my Modern History Essay?

Yes and no. While it’s important to try and reference key dates in your writing to demonstrate your understanding of historical facts, it’s not the end of the world if you can’t remember a date down to the day or if you’re off by a year or two. The marker is more interested in your overall understanding than semantics. As long as you’re not claiming that WW2 happened in the 1920s or something equally egregious, you should be fine.

What’s the best way to study for Modern History?

Everybody studies differently, but there are some tried-and-true methods. For the nitty-gritty details such as dates, statistics, and names of significant historical figures and events, it can help to:

• Use flashcards
• Write out a timeline
• Quiz yourself/have somebody else quiz you

Whereas for the substantial content such as your cause-and-effect analysis, try:

• Teaching the concepts to somebody else - this will highlight gaps in your own knowledge
• Writing timed practice essays - as well as sharpening your analysis, this will help practise structure, time management, and question interpretation

Of course, another surefire way to improve your Modern History results is to get yourself a tutor!

Want more personalized study guidance to help drastically improve your marks? A private tutor can make the biggest difference!

Written by KIS Academics tutor for HSIE and English, Adam Hughes. Adam is currently pursuing a Bachelor of Arts/Law at UNSW and is always happy to take on new students. You can view Adam’s profile here and request him as a tutor.

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Common Module State-Rank Essay Showcase: Nineteen Eighty-Four

The following essay was written by Project Academy English Tutor, Marko Beocanin

Marko Beocanin

99.95 ATAR & 3 x State Ranker

The following essay was written by Project Academy English Teacher, Marko Beocanin.

Marko’s Achievements:

• 8th in NSW for English Advanced (98/100)
• Rank 1 in English Advanced, Extension 1 and Extension 2
• School Captain of Normanhurst Boys High School

Marko kindly agreed to share his essay and thorough annotations to help demystify for HSC students what comprises an upper Band 6 response!

Common Module: Nineteen Eighty-Four Essay Question

Marko’s following essay was written in response to the question:

“The representation of human experiences makes us more aware of the intricate nature of humanity.” In your response, discuss this statement with detailed reference to George Orwell’s ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’.

State-Ranking Common Module Essay Response

George Orwell’s 1949 Swiftian satire Nineteen Eighty-Four invites us to appreciate the intricate nature of humanity by representing how the abuse of power by totalitarian governments degrades our individual and collective experiences. (Link to rubric through individual/collective experiences, and a clear cause and effect argument: totalitarian governance -> degraded human experience. Also, comments on the genre of Swiftian satire. Value!) Orwell explores how oppressive authorities suppress the intricate societal pillars of culture, expression and freedom to maintain power. He then reveals how this suppression brutalises individual human behaviour and motivations because it undermines emotion and intricate thought. (Link to rubric through ‘human behaviour and motivations’, and extended cause and effect in which the first paragraph explores the collective ‘cause’ and the second paragraph explores the individual ‘effect’. This is an easy way to structure your arguments whilst continuously engaging with the rubric!) Ultimately, he argues that we must resist the political apathy that enables oppressive governments to maintain power and crush human intricacy. Therefore, his representation of human experiences not only challenges us to consider the intricate nature of humanity, but exhorts us to greater political vigilance so we can preserve it. (Concluding sentence that broadens the scope of the question and reaffirms the purpose of the text).

Orwell makes us aware of the intricate nature of humanity by representing how totalitarian authorities suppress intricate collective experiences of culture, expression and freedom in order to assert control. (This is the ‘collective’ paragraph – a cause and effect argument that relates the question to the loss of human intricacy in the collective as a result of totalitarian rule). His bleak vision was informed by Stalin’s USSR: a regime built upon the fabrication of history in Stalin’s ‘cult of personality’, and ruthlessly enforced by the NKVD. (Specific context – an actual specific regime is named and some details about its enforcement are given). The symbolic colourlessness and propaganda-poster motif he uses to describe London reflects the loss of human intricacy and culture under such leadership: “there seemed to be no colour in anything, except the posters that were plastered everywhere.” (First example sets up the world of the text, and the degraded collective experience). Orwell uses the telescreens, dramatically capitalised “BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU” posters and allusions to Stalin in Big Brother’s “black-moustachio’d face” as metonyms for how governmental surveillance dominates both physical and cultural collective experiences. Winston’s metatextual construction of the fictitious “Comrade Ogilvy” serves as a symbol for the vast, worthless masses of information produced by totalitarian governments to undermine the intricacy of real human history: “Comrade Ogilvy, who had never existed…would exist just as authentically, and upon the same evidence, as Charlemagne or Julius Caesar.” Similarly, Orwell’s satirical representation of Newspeak ignites the idea that political slovenliness causes self-expression to degrade, which in turn destroys our capacity for intricate thought and resistance: “we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it.” (The examples above prove that the government’s leadership style truly is totalitarian, and that it results in a loss of intricacy and ‘humanity’ in the collective. It’s good to cover a variety of examples that explore different facets of the collective – for example, the first example establishes the extreme surveillance, the second example establishes the loss of ‘truth’/history, and the third example establishes the loss of language). The political bitterness that marks Nineteen Eighty-Four as a Swiftian satire (This is a link to the ‘Swiftian’ term used in the thesis statement. It’s important to refer back to any descriptive terms you use in your thesis) ultimately culminates in O’Brien’s monologue, where Orwell juxtaposes the politicised verb “abolish” to symbols of human intricacy, “we shall abolish the orgasm…there will be no art, no literature, no science…when we are omnipotent”, to express how totalitarian rulers suppress collective experiences to gain metaphoric omnipotence. Thus, Orwell makes us aware of the intricate nature of humanity by representing a future in which totalitarian governments suppress it. (A linking sentence that ties it all back to the question and rephrases the point)

Orwell then argues that the effect of this suppression is a loss of human intricacy that brutalises society and devalues individual experiences. (Cause and effect argument that links collective suppression to a loss of human intricacy on an individual scale – continuous engagement with the question and the rubric!) Orwell’s exposure to the widespread hysteria of Hitler’s Nazi regime, caused by the Nuremberg Rallies and Joseph Goebbels’ virulent anti-semitic propaganda, informs his representation of Oceania’s dehumanised masses. (More specific context around the Nazis, and a specific link to how it informed his work) The burlesque Two Minute Hate reveals human inconsistency by representing how even introspective, intelligent characters can be stripped of their intricacy and compassion by the experience of collective hysteria: even Winston wishes to “flog [Julia] to death with a rubber truncheon…ravish her and cut her throat at the moment of climax”, and is only restored by compliance to the Christ-like totalitarian authority, “My-Saviour!”, Big Brother. (A link to the rubric with the ‘human inconsistency’ point) Orwell frequently juxtaposes dehumanising representations of the proles, “the proles are not human beings”, to political sloganism: “As the Party slogan put it: ‘Proles and animals are free’”, to argue that in such a collectively suppressed society, the upper class grow insensitive towards the intricate nature of those less privileged. (It’s important to link the proles into your argument – they’re often forgotten, but they’re a big part of the text!) He asserts that this loss of empathy degrades the authenticity and intricacy of human relationships, characterised by Winson’s paradoxically hyperbolic repulsion towards his wife: “[Katharine] had without exception the most stupid, vulgar, empty mind that he had every encountered”. (Continuous engagement with the question and rubric: make sure to recycle rubric terms – here, done with ‘paradoxically’ – and question terms – here, with ‘intricacy’)  Winston’s “betrayal” of Julia symbolises how totalitarianism ultimately brutalises individuals by replacing their compassion for intricate ideals such as love with selfish pragmatism: “Do it to Julia…Tear her face off, strip her to the bones. Not me!” Therefore, Orwell makes us more aware of the intricate nature of humanity by demonstrating how it can be robbed by suppressive governments and collective hysteria. (A linking sentence that sums up the paragraph).

By making us aware of how totalitarian governments suppress meaningful human experiences both individually and collectively, Orwell challenges us to resist so we can preserve our intricate nature. (This third paragraph discusses Orwell’s purpose as a composer. This can in general be a helpful way to structure paragraphs: Collective, Individual, Purpose) Orwell’s service in the 1930s Spanish Civil War as part of the Republican militia fighting against fascist-supported rebels positions him to satirise the political apathy of his audience. (Integration of personal context is useful here to justify Orwell’s motivations. It’s also a lot fresher than just including another totalitarian regime Orwell was exposed to) Orwell alludes to this through the metaphor of Winston’s diarising as an anomalous individual experience of resistance, ““[Winston] was a lonely ghost uttering a truth that nobody would ever hear,” which highlights how his intricate nature persists even in a suppressive society. Often, Orwell meta-fictively addresses his own context, as “a time when thought is free…when truth exists”, to establish an imperative to preserve our intricate human nature while we still can. The Julia romance trope (It’s good to include terms such as ‘trope’ which reflect your understanding of narrative structure and the overall form of the work.) represents how Winston’s gradual rejection of his political apathy empowered him to experience an authentic, intricately human relationship that subverts his totalitarian society: “the gesture with which [Julia] had thrown her clothes aside…[belonged] to an ancient time. Winston woke up with the word ‘Shakespeare’ on his lips.” Orwell juxtaposes Julia’s sexuality to Shakespeare, an immediately-recognisable metonym for culture and history, to argue that human intricacy can only be restored by actively resisting the dehumanising influence of the government. Orwell also represents Winston’s desensitised and immediate devotion to the Brotherhood to reflect how the preservation of human intricacy is a cause worth rebelling for, even by paradoxically unjust means: “[Winston was] prepared to commit murder…acts of sabotage which may cause the deaths of hundreds of innocent people…throw sulphuric acid in a child’s face.” (More chronological examples that show Winston’s transformation throughout the text. It’s useful to explore and contrast those who resist with those who don’t resist, and how just the act of resistance in some way restores our humanity! That’s why this paragraph comes after the ‘brutalised individual experience’ paragraph) However, Orwell ultimately asserts that it is too late for Winston to meaningfully restore humanity’s intricate nature, and concludes the text with his symbolic death and acceptance of the regime, “[Winston] had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.” (It’s important to remember that Orwell ends the text so miserably so that he can motivate his audiences not to do the same thing). The futility of this ending ignites the idea that we must not only be aware of our intricate nature, but must actively resist oppressive governments while we still can in order to preserve it. (A linking sentence that ties the paragraph together and justifies the futility of the ending)

Therefore, Orwell’s representation of human experiences in Nineteen Eighty-Four encourages us to reflect personally on our own intricate human nature, and challenges us to fight to preserve it. (Engages with the question (through the reflection point), and includes Orwell’s purpose as a composer). His depiction of a totalitarian government’s unchecked assertion of power on human culture and freedom, and the brutalising impact this has on individual and collective experiences, ultimately galvanises us to reject political apathy. (Your argument summaries can often be combined into a sentence or two in the conclusion now that the marker knows what you’re talking about. This reinforces the cause and effect structure as well.) Thus, the role of storytelling for Orwell is not only to make us more aware of our intricate nature, but to prove that we must actively resist oppressive governments while we still can in order to preserve it. (The clincher! It’s often useful to add “not only” in your final sentence to reinforce the massive scope of the text)

If reading this essay has helped you, you may also enjoy reading Marko’s ultimate guide to writing 20/20 HSC English essays .

P.S If you have any questions about aceing HSC English , you are welcome to learn from Marko and join one of Project Academy’s HSC English classes on a 3 week trial .

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How to Write a Band 6 Essay

Every year 11 and 12 student has essay writing as a crucial element of their matriculation. English is a compulsory subject for students completing both the HSC and IB, with essays the prominent feature of both English courses. For HSC students, you should be aiming to write Band 6 level essays (the highest mark bracket), and IB students should aim to achieve 7’s (Band 6 equivalent) in their essays. 

TutorTime’s top tips to writing a Band 6 Essay:

• Create a thorough and sophisticated essay plan 

What’s your initial reaction to the question? Do you agree, and if so, why? Do you disagree, and if so, why? Don’t try to fabricate the correct response in line with the paragraphs you have prepared.  

Don’t be afraid to disagree with the question, or to agree partially. The best essays have sophisticated theses. Markers don’t want you to completely agree with the question.  

Think about the wider context. If you come to a conclusion, e.g. Eliot characterises the individual experience as depressing, ask yourself why he does this. Remember, in English everything is a metaphor or emblematic of something bigger. Even if it seems silly, conclude that your themes are metaphors for “the greater…”. This is how you can turn themes into techniques.

• Understand the rubric 

For HSC students, you should have a thorough understanding of the rubric for each module. These can be located on the NESA website. You may want to make a mind map out of the key rubric words. Band 6 essay’s integrate rubric words and phrases into their theses and throughout the essay. 

• Answer the question

This may seem obvious, but many students underestimate the importance of answering the essay question not just once, but constantly and consistently throughout their essays. A trick you may want to try is to write the question in big font and place it next to your laptop so you ensure you are constantly referring back to what is being asked. Reread your essay every time you add a new paragraph to make sure it answers the question.

• Use your paragraphs to take the marker on a journey 

Each paragraph of your essay should discuss your thesis and the essay question at a different angle. For example, if your thesis is “Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet suggests love is an overwhelming human experience”, your first paragraph could interrogate the overwhelming experience of love from the perspective of the individual, your second paragraph could offer the perspective of the collective, and your third paragraph may take an entirely different approach and discuss the possibility that love is not an overwhelming experience. 

This technique is called playing devil’s advocate, and the most sophisticated essays often include a paragraph that considers an idea contrary to their thesis. However, if you decide to do this, you must include a sentence or two (with evidence) that explains why this in fact isn’t the case. This ensures that you do not contradict yourself. 

• Choose strong evidence and techniques 

Texts often have many pieces of evidence that can be used to substantiate the same piece of analysis. This allows you to choose the strongest one. Avoid cliché or overused pieces of evidence – for example, an essay about Hamlet should not analyse the quote “to be or not to be” as markers have read this a thousand times before. 

The techniques that you use alongside your evidence should be the strongest ones available. This means that you should prioritise complex techniques such metaphor, pathetic fallacy and enjambment over simple and unimaginative techniques such as visual imagery or evocative language. 

• Avoid repetition and rephrasing the question

Band 6 essays are not repetitive – every word is there because it enhances the argument in a nuanced manner. To avoid repetition, ensure you edit your essay thoroughly. This could include printing it out and going through it with a highlighter, or reading your essay out loud. 

A common mistake students make is to simple rephrase the essay question in their introductions, conclusions and topic sentences. 

For example, if your essay question asks: “Othello, most of all, is a play about a man’s never ending struggle to keep chaos at bay.” To what extent do you agree?

A Band 3-4 essay would start by rewriting the question. However, a Band 6 essay may read: “The personified notion of chaos exists to disrupt, penetrating the individual’s inner psyche to corrupt their morality”. 

Notice that the above sentence does not include the text. You may want to try this in your own essays, starting with a general sentence about the key idea and using your second sentence to introduce your text and author. 

If you or your child is struggling to understand any of the above content or require further advice, contact TutorTime today to book a TutorTime tutor. 

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IELTS Band 6 Essay Samples

These are IELTS band 6 essay samples that have been given grades (of 6 or 6.5) and basic comments on the score for each criteria by an experienced IELTS instructor. 

View other samples:

• Band 8 Samples
• Band 7 Samples
• Band 6 Samples
• Band 5 Samples
• Band 4 Samples

Topic: Wages of Entertainers (band 6)

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. 

Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion. 

The entertainment industry is one of the largest sectors in all around the world. Some think that the people who work in that industry earn too much money considering their bad influence on society, and I agree.  Others, however, believe that their positive impact on others is worth the money that they are paid.

On the one hand, there is no doubt that show business is an enormous and unfairly well paid sector. In addition to that, members of it do not add real value, compared to others like, for instance, education workers. Although in some countries teachers live with unreasonable wages, their responsibility, is extremely valuable for next generations become better people. Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly salary from one concert. The other important point is, for a balanced and equal society, the difference between income levels must not be very high. Regardless than their contribution, no one should make billions of dollars that easily, because that imbalance does have a significant negative impact on societies.

On the other hand, some people think that entertainers’ contribution to the modern life is worth the money they earn. It can be understood that for many people, watching a movie or going to a concert is irreplaceable with other activities; therefore, they think that their positive impact is crucial for a significant proportion of people. In addition to that, celebrities do compromise their privacy and freedom with being known by many others. In exchange of that, they do deserve a comfortable life with significantly better paychecks.

In conclusion, despite their minimal contribution with their work to the people and sacrifice from their private life; I believe that their impact is far from being positive and they are not paid fairly or balanced with others.

Task Response: 7

Both parts of the question are fully answered and there is a clear position and opinion presented. But some of the support loses focus and generalises too much. This can be seen in the last part of body paragraph one, which just states there are negative impacts again but does not say why. 

Coherence & Cohesion: 6

Fairly well-organised but there are some issues with CC. For instance 'in addition' does not fit in body paragraph one so early as the topic sentence has yet to be explained. The thesis would be better with the opinion at the end. 

Lexical Resource: 6

An adequate range of vocabulary but there are inaccuracies and mistakes with word forms. 

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Good range and mix of simple and complex sentences but too many noticeable errors for a band 7. For instance, "Regardless than their contribution" or the fragment: "Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly salary from one concert."

Topic: Computers and Teaching (Band 6)

School children are becoming far too dependent on computers and this is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all costs and go back to teaching basic study skills.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Children are born into the digital world. From young age, they know how to operate computers, iPad, and TV. It is part of their daily life. School age children is no exception to the use of computers. They are confident users of computers and very dependent on them which can lead to decline in reading and writing skills. Some teachers utilise the computers well in their lessons, while others avoid the use of computers in their classrooms. I believe good balance of both is needed to help students’ reading and writing skills to improve.

Computers can help students with reading. For example, if students come across unknown words, they can search the unknow words and hear the pronunciation. If it was not for the computers, they have to find someone who knows how to pronounce the words for them. Therefore, computers can play positive role in students’ reading skills.

On the other hands, writing skills need to be improved by lots of handwritten works. If students are using computers all the time and getting the help of autocorrection, they will not improve their writing skills. They will not know how to edit as autocorrect is doing the job for them.

In conclusion, I believe that teachers should not allow students to do all the work on the computers especially writing tasks. However, teacher should not avoid the use of computer as computers can be a great help if they use it effectively. Rather than avoiding computers that students are so used to, teachers need to come up with how to use it effectively to enhance students’ reading and writing skills.

Task Response: 6

You have addressed the question properly and your ideas are relevant. However, you don’t have enough support in your body paragraphs, which is the most important aspect with regards to the grading. Shorten your introduction considerably (2 or 3 sentences to introduce the topic and thesis). It currently doesn’t meet the requirement of “presents, extends and supports main ideas” for band 7.

You sequence information and ideas logically, but your linking devices are a bit too mechanical  i.e. transition words in initial sentence position e.g. for example, therefore, on the other hand etc. A greater range and higher ability to link would be needed for 7 and over. Take a look at this advice on using transitions for band 7 .  Referencing should also be improved e.g. “Some teachers utilise the computers well in their lessons, while others avoid the use of computers them in their classrooms.”

Lexical Resource: 7

Sufficient range of vocab and some less common vocab used, but some errors in word choice / formation prevent a band 8.

Overall the grammar is very good, but there is an error in quite a few of the sentences. Most are quite minor but a couple of very noticeable and the candidates need to take care with this to avoid a drop to a 6.

Topic: Improved Medical Care (Band 6.5)

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.  

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Since the medical care system has made significant progress in the last decades, people nowadays get older. While this can be seen as a clear benefit on a personal view, it causes huge problems on a global view. That’s why I think that the benefits of a higher life expectancy do not outweigh the drawbacks.  On the one hand, an advantage of a longer life and better medical care is that people can spend more time with their loved ones without being in pain. As it is possible to treat illnesses the way, that they don’t affect the patient’s life anymore. For example, even a few years ago a lot of people died having a heart attack. With the increased medical possibilities this isn’t the case anymore. As a result, people can overcome illnesses that were deadly.  On the other hand, the global impact a longer life expectancy has is huge. This can be seen by the fact that a longer life of individuals means a higher population on planet earth. For instance, we already have about 8 billion inhabitants and this number is increasing steadily. Consequently, we’ll not have enough resources to gain food and water for such a high number of individuals.  Furthermore, a longer life period also causes higher costs for the medical care system. Reason for that is that more resources are needed to keep people healthy and alive. To illustrate, for the prevention of a heart attack the patient gets a variety of pills to decrease his blood pressure. This medication is expensive. Accordingly, we will need more and more young people to finance the medical system, or the system must be changed.  All in all, it is understandable that people wish to have a healthy and very long life. But in my opinion the global disadvantages clearly outweigh the personal advantages of a longer life and better medical care. 

Content of the essay and ideas are generally okay. However, the initial explanation for the advantages is not always clear. The reader has to still think about what you mean about “being in pain.” A stricter examiner could penalize either TR or CC because the reader still has to process what is meant in this paragraph. But I think the average examiner will give you a 7 as the other paragraphs are ok.

Coherence & Cohesion: 7

The use of sequencers is okay. CC levels 8 and 9 do not necessarily have very obvious introductory phrases at the beginning of nearly every sentence (e.g. on the one hand, for example, as a result), and too many could even limit it to a band 6 if it is very mechanical. Take a look at model 8/9 essays to see how it should be done if you want a higher score.

Vocabulary is okay, despite an error or two. But for a higher score, you’ll need more complex words.

There is a good mix of complex sentences though this aspect could be improved – some sentences could be linked together to make the essay more complex, which would be expected for a band 7, 8 and 9. And this is confusing – “As it is possible to treat illnesses the way, that they don’t affect the patient’s life anymore.” Check out how to write complex sentences as you appear to have a fragment - complex sentences .

Double-check to correct errors you are aware of. As earlier mentioned, the first body paragraph has issues. There are also punctuation issues (comma) in other areas. I think this does not quite reach a 7 but is very close.

Topic: Strength in Sport (Band 6)

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while others think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Physical energy is considered to be an imperative aspect for achievements in the field of sports. However, many individuals argue that mental strength also plays a pivotal role. This essay represents view for both sides along with the opinion. Firstly, talking about physical energy, regular exercises enables an individual to stay fit and healthy by stretching body muscles that keeps the body active. Secondly, exercises can be performed in a way of practising any activity related to sports; for an instance, playing tennis or football may provides an encouragement and an exploration of new ideas and techniques that can be applied during games. Lastly, exercises reduces the risk of health issues, such as alterations in blood pressure, cardio-vascular diseases, by regulating blood flow in whole body that prevents risk of heart and brain strokes. On the other side, a healthy mind lives in a healthy body. According to this phrase, mental strength performs a crucial role in sports activities. In today's world of competition, a person came through many situations that are full of stress, for example, team pressure, pressure of winning or loosing the game. Moreover, an individual cannot focus on sports unless or until his mental strength is not strong. A stress may leads a player into depression which can put him on stress releasing medication for his entire life. Furthermore, state of happiness provides relaxation to mental power that boost up the confidence level to perform well in the sports. In my opinion, both physical as well as mental strength are considered to be mandatory because if exercises helps in the growth of body similarly mental strength gives confidence and support to play well.

The essay addresses all parts of the task, a clear position is presented throughout the response and main ideas are extended and supported main ideas. However, there is a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus.

The essay is clearly organised but it tends to be a bit mechanical with the use of the transition/sequencers (e.g. firstly, secondly, lastly etc).

There is an adequate range of vocabulary for the task but not enough to meet the and 7 criteria of "sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision" or "uses less common lexical items".

In this IELTS band 6 essay sample there is evidence of a mix of both simple and complex structures but error free sentences are not frequent (band 7), but the errors present do not reduce the communicative effect so it merits a 6, not 5.  

Topic: Relocating Businesses (Band 6)

In some countries governments are encouraging industry and business to move out of large cities and go to regional areas.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, industry and business have been encouraging by part of the nations governments to establish their factories in regional areas instead of in large cities. I strongly believe that there are much more benefits in this movement than drawbacks.

Having a company in a metropolitan area could bring lots of benefits, especially because the infrastructure is better than in smaller centers, with more transport options to receive and dispatch goods as well as a bigger range of specialized services and also skilled labour. Even tought, usually the general costs to keep a business in large cities are higher and not worth it, for instance the taxes and rents are normally more expensive.

On the other hand, moving industries to regional areas could benefit not just the local population, but also the entrepreneurs, due to the savings. A new business in a town or small city may bring more opportunities for workers, with job offers the inhabitants do not need to move to metropolies seeking for a greater careers. Furthermore, almost all the biggest centers in the world are heavily populated, reorganize the population density also brings advantages in the sense to avoid migration to already overcrowded areas.

In addition, industries and business can lead to the development of a different region owing to the need to improvements that can benefits everyone, such as government investimento in roads, as well as new opportunities to small commerces to supply daily need, like restaurants and bakeries.

To sum up, there are numerous benefits in the politice that encourage companies to establish in regional areas, which outweigh the drawbacks. The advantages achieve the entrepreneurs, the local population from towns as well as the large cities. Besides, the government can plan better how to distribute the population.

You discuss and explain the issues well, making sure you discuss both benefits and drawbacks. You focus a bit more on benefits which is ok as you think there are more of these.

Your essay is generally organised ok but there are errors with cohesion. “Even tought” is should be “However” - check how these words differ (the first is used to make adverbial clauses , and however is a transition . Also you can’t have ‘On the other hand’ without firstly having “On the one hand”. Check online how to use those words. This is perhaps an area where you could reach a 7 if you take a bit more care.

Vocabulary is generally ok and there are some good words in there. You have too many spelling mistakes which brings it down to a 6. I don’t understand this: ‘politice’. Again be careful. Perhaps you could get 7 if you try to cut out the spelling mistakes.

This is only just a 6 as you do have some noticeable and in cases slightly confusing errors (you’ll see some of the spelling and grammar errors if you look on Word). I think it’s not quite a 5 but it’s possible another examiner would award it that. Be particularly careful about comma splices as these can really confuse what you are trying to say. These all have comma splices in:

• ...usually the general costs to keep a business in large cities are higher and not worth it, for instance the taxes and rents are normally more expensive.
• A new business in a town or small city may bring more opportunities for workers, with job offers the inhabitants do not need to move to metropolies seeking for a greater careers.
• Furthermore, almost all the biggest centers in the world are heavily populated, reorganize the population density also brings advantages in the sense to avoid migration to already overcrowded areas.

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IELTS Sample Essays

Looking at IELTS sample essays is an excellent way to learn how to improve your score. Here you can view a variety of IELTS essay topics with answers to help you prepare for the Test.

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Band 6 Student Answer with Examiner’s Report

Lots of students only require a Band 6 or 6.5 in their IELTS test and I get lots of questions every week about what a Band 6 essay looks like and what is required to get a 6. I recently marked a Band 6 essay for one of our essay correction service students and you can read it below.

I have included the picture of the original essay below so you can see the original corrections and I have included the examiner’s report and sample answer. This student was able to get the Band 7 they required after following the advice below.

Task Response- Band 6

You address all parts of the task and cover both arguments. However, the question asked you to discuss both views and you spend much more time saying why children were happy and not adults.

You presented a clear position throughout the response. It was very good to see that you gave a clear thesis statement in your introduction and then used the rest of the essay to support this view. ƒ

You present, extend and support main ideas, but there was a tendency to over-generalise at times.

Suggestions –

For discussion (discuss both views) it is important that you give equal time to both views. Even if you disagree with one view, you should write one paragraph saying why you disagree. If you did this, you would have got a higher band.

One thing that you could do better is provide specific examples. The more specific you can be with your examples, the more authority your points have. You can make your examples more specific by adding dates, statistics, peoples’ names or place names. See my article below.

Be careful not to have too many ideas. Your ideas are relevant, but it is better to have fewer ideas and support these with explanations and examples, than simply list lots of ideas that are not fully developed. Examiners are looking for fully developed ideas, not lists of ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion- Band 7

You logically organise information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout. The structure that you have used really helps in this area and makes everything easy to follow and flows very nicely. However, it can be improved even more.

You use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) appropriately although there is some over-use. All linking words are used accurately and effectively, but there tends to be a reliance on them through overuse. This is not a huge problem, but the higher band scores use cohesive devices much less than you currently do.

Each paragraph presents a clear central topic and this is really helped by a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph.

Try using this paragraph structure for discussion questions:

Introduction • Paraphrase Question • Thesis Statement • Outline Statement (outline what you will discuss in the rest of the essay)

Discussion of first side • Main point • Explanation of main point (linked to your opinion) • Example

Discussion of second side • Main point • Explanation of main point (linked to your opinion) • Example

Conclusion • Summary of main ideas and opinion

Your use of cohesive devices is very good, but you do have a tendency to overuse them. You don’t get more marks for every cohesive device you use and in fact, you will be penalised for overusing them. Only use them when necessary. If you look at my example essays I might only use them once or twice per paragraph.

Vocabulary- Band 6

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the task such as ‘financial responsibilities’, ‘academic environment’ and ‘scientific competitions’. You attempt to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy and you make some errors in word formation, but they do not impede communication. Please see corrections above for examples of this.

You do try to use advanced vocabulary but this often leads to small mistakes. Follow the 100% rule- don’t try to use any words you are not 100% sure about. It is better to use simple words and make no mistakes than use advanced words, but in error. By 100% I mean that you should be sure about spelling, grammar, collocations, synonyms, antonyms etc.

In the long term you should think about starting a vocabulary book. This is a place where you record new vocabulary with spelling, grammar, collocations, synonyms, antonyms and example sentences to make sure you know it 100%. You can then review these new words regularly so that they become a natural part of your vocabulary.

You should also give yourself a few minutes at the end to evaluate your vocabulary and make sure you have not made any mistakes.

Finally, synonyms are important and you should try to use them, but only use them if you know that they mean exactly the same as the word you are replacing. They should also be grammatically correct. If you are not sure, just repeat the word.

Grammar- Band 5

You attempt complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences.

You make frequent grammatical errors and some errors can cause some difficulty for the reader.

Please see above for grammatical errors.

Suggestions-

Establish your common grammar errors and then review this grammar. There are lots of online activities you can do to practice and perfect each area you are weak in.

Also, follow the 100% rule for grammar. You should only write sentences that you know are 100% correct. If there is any doubt then you need to think about how you can express your point in a simpler way, that has no mistakes.

It is better to write in a simple way and make no mistakes, than use complex grammar and structures with frequent errors.

Overall- Band 6

Overall this was a good essay but there are some things you can do to improve in the future.

The main things you can do is to answer the question by doing what it asks you to do. In this question you have been asked to ‘Discuss both views and give your own opinion.’ You have really only discussed one of the views. You need to make it really clear to the examiner that you have discussed both views by having a separate paragraph for each.

Your coherence will also improve if you use the structure I suggested above and you should also check out the structures for the other types of essay. I have included a link for this below.

Your cohesion is very good, but remember that you don’t need to start every sentence with a linking word, one or two per paragraph is enough.

Your vocabulary and grammar are your two biggest challenges. The quick way to fixing these is to follow the 100% rule I suggest above and if you want to fix these long term I would suggest the following:

1. Read books/blogs/magazines about the common IELTS Task 2 topics, such as Education, Health and Technology. Note down any new words in a vocabulary notebook as I suggested above and then review this regularly. It will take you a little while, but soon your vocabulary will really expand.

2. Find out what your common grammar mistakes are. Most people make the same grammar mistakes over and over again. When you know what these are, you can review the grammar rules, practice online and fix them.

If you can improve the things above, I am confident that you can increase your band score.

Suggested Resources

Paraphrases in IELTS/ Writing a Supporting Paragraph in IELTS/ How to Analyze IELTS Writing Task 2 IELTS Writing Conclusions IELTS Task 2 Essay Structures Common IELTS Task 2 Topics IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay Discussion

Do you need help with IELTS Writing? Try our IELTS Correction Service .

About Christopher Pell

My name is Christopher Pell and I'm the Managing Director of IELTS Advantage.

I started IELTS Advantage as a simple blog to help 16 students in my class. Several years later, I am very humbled that my VIP Course has been able to help thousands of people around the world to score a Band 7+ in their IELTS tests.

If you need my help with your IELTS preparation, you can send me an email using the contact us page.

IELTS Charlie

Your Guide to IELTS Band 7

The Differences Between Band 6 and Band 7 in IELTS Writing Task 2

Many of the students who come to my website and join my courses are stuck at Band 6 or 6.5 for IELTS Writing, and they want to know the answer to this question:

How do I get from Band 6 to Band 7?

Well, there are 5 key differences between Band 6 essays and Band 7 essays.

Resources for this Video:

• Download the IELTS Writing Task 2 Band Descriptors
• Learn more about Carrier Nouns
• Discover the 4 types of Complex Grammatical Structure

Create your own summary of the video! Click or tap on the CORRECT statement from the 4 options, and build your own summary of the video. If you make a mistake, just try again!

Key Difference #1

In Band 6 essays,  some  ideas are  inadequately developed .

In Band 7 essays,  all  ideas are developed.

So, to get a Band 7 for Task Response you must make sure that you  explain and illustrate all of your ideas  (e.g. the reasons for your view, the reasons for the views in a discuss both views essay, the problems, the disadvantages).

If you fail to explain any of your ideas, you will be stuck at Band 6.

Key Difference #2

In Band 6 essays, there is  clear overall  progression.

In Band 7 essays, there is  clear  progression  throughout .

Progression means: “is your essay going somewhere?”

Band 6 essays get from A to B, but they might wander around a bit:  some arguments might go in circles, some sentences might repeat something already said.

In Band 7 essays, EVERY sentence adds something new to the essay. There is no repetition.

So, to get a Band 7 for Coherence and Cohesion,  EVERY sentence in your essay must have a purpose . Don’t keep repeating yourself, and make sure your argument is clear.

Key Difference #3

In Band 6 essays, some  cohesion  is  faulty or mechanical .

In band 7 essays,  cohesion  is  generally appropriate .

Cohesion means things like transition signals, referencing, substitution and conjunctions.

Band 6 essays tend to use cohesive devices in quite a rigid way, and some cohesive devices, especially transition signals, may be used incorrectly.

Band 7 essays tend to use cohesive devices correctly, even though they may be used too often, or not enough.

So if you want to get Band 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, be careful not to make mistakes with transition signals and referencing. Just use transition signals you know well; you don’t need to use ‘advanced’ words like “nevertheless” or “notwithstanding”!

Key Difference #4

Band 6 essays tend to  lack vocabulary which has a precise meaning .

Band 7 essays contain  some vocabulary which has a precise meaning .

So, to get a Band 7 for Lexical Resource, select nouns and verbs that have a precise meaning, but also use words in combination, since “traffic congestion” has a more precise meaning than “traffic”.

Key Difference #5

Band 6 essays tend to use a  restricted range of complex grammatical structures , and may rely heavily on complex sentences.

Band 7 essays use a  variety of complex grammatical structures , including complex noun phrases, complex verb phrases and complex verb patterns.

So, to get a Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy , use these other types of complex grammatical structure. But try to use them accurately, since too many errors could keep you at Band 6.

Here’s a quick summary of these 5 key differences. (Click on the image for a full-size version.)

So that’s how to get from Band 6 to Band 7 in IELTS Writing Task 2 .

I hope this helps you, and thank you for reading!

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Charlie is a former IELTS Examiner with 25 years' teaching experience all over the world. His courses, for both English language learners and teachers, have been taken by over 100,000 students in over 160 countries around the world.

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Discover the 7 STEPS to BAND 7 in IELTS Writing Task 2