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9 Qualities of the Most Successful Relationships

Unselfish, egoless, fair, current, and authentic..

Posted September 15, 2021 | Reviewed by Chloe Williams

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• Characteristics of quality relationships include negotiating where resources are allocated in a fair way and regularly reassessing needs.
• Unselfish love, authentic communication, trust and a recognition of triggers from the past are also components of successful relationships.
• Acknowledging behaviors that are already a part of one's relationship can help a couple embrace others that they may want to attain.

In working with couples for more than four decades, I have been able to observe how committed partnerships are influenced by society’s changing definitions of what a quality relationship is. But despite those changing mores and values, I have also witnessed that some characteristics of successful relationships have remained constant independent of those influences.

I’ve compiled these beliefs and traits over many years, careful to sift and resift as quality relationships are subject to different expectations. The following nine illustrate what I have observed.

As you read through them, you will naturally ask yourselves which of them has been part of your own intimate relationships. Do not feel defeated if your relationship doesn’t include all of them. Focus, instead, on those that do apply. Acknowledging beliefs and behaviors that are already successful will give you more confidence to embrace those you may then want to attain.

1. The Fair Negotiation of Resources

Every relationship has only so many resources at different times and in different situations. Whether time, money, love, availability, or mental and emotional resilience , those resources must be allocated with fairness, generosity and understanding. Successful couples negotiated priorities together, deciding what each may need at any one time.

In times of abundance, those allocations are easier to manage. There is more of whatever each partner needs and can more easily meet requests, desires, or an emergency. When resources are depleted, successful couples know to adjust to those diminished coffers and negotiate to reach the best agreement they can.

2. Staying Current

Life’s demands change. Resources wax and wane. Different life stages require adaptations and adjustments. Losses are inevitable. Early dreams may fall by the wayside and new ones emerge. In so many ways, quality relationships are like businesses that grow and shift with what works to keep them functioning as optimally as possible.

Relationships are no different. What responses, offerings, and valuable contributions that may have been more than enough at one time must be able to continually transform as new requirements demand different reactions, resources, or priorities. People in quality relationships regularly re-assess how they need to alter who they are, what they can give or need, and how the relationship is doing in general. With ever new evaluations, they shore up what is faltering and let go of what is no longer working.

3. Unselfish Love

Love is comprised of the honest desire to seek the gratification of personal needs interspersed with making certain that your partner must thrive as well. Every intimate partner struggles between the need for safety and security and the desire for freedom to grow. The former maintains the comfort of predictability and the latter gives the relationship challenge and excitement.

Those of you who have supported your partner at your own expense know how scary it is to risk your own security to give your partner the opportunity to follow what he or she sees as offering more possibilities and altered dreams. Despite your insecurity, you know that it is the right thing to do no matter what the cost.

It is always better to know that your partner would rather be with you than somewhere else. But, if you know that he or she would thrive better away from you, holding them trapped to maintain your security will ultimately fail in the long run. The deepest form of love is to want what is best for each other even when that sacrifice brings potential fear of loss. The old adage, “Let something go free. If it is meant to come back, it will,” is profoundly true in successful relationships.

4. Congruent, Authentic, and Open Communication

Every bid for connection has both an altruistic and self-serving motive. Both are profoundly human responses and should be shared without shame . Though some strategy and diplomacy are part of every successful relationship, quality communication gives both partners a heads-up as to what is wanted and what the consequences might be if those needs are not granted.

Congruent communication occurs when a person’s body language , facial expressions, voice intonations, rhythm, and touch present the same picture. When people are comfortable with their good qualities, working on their limitations, and honest about that process, they are authentic and upfront, giving the other partner a full understanding of what to expect.

In all communication, there is the content of words and the way the partners are with each other as they are connecting. Words are useless if the process has gone sour. Good communicators are alert to these in-the-moment shifts, and immediately repair the interaction before returning to the content.

5. The True Meaning of Trust

At its most basic level, people who trust each other know that the other partner will not behave away from them any differently than they do when in each other’s presence. It’s as if there is a metaphysical tattoo in their presentation that signals “I am joyfully taken.” There is pride in the way either talks about the relationship to others. When they talk about the relationship with others, their sentences begin with “we” rather than “I.”

People change over time and that trust must be constantly renegotiated and shared. What can be seen can be changed. There is simply no room for negative surprises.

6. Triggers from Past Relationships

No one comes into a relationship without emotional baggage. Past losses, traumas , broken dreams, or disappointments from childhood until the current relationship are bound to rear their influence on a current relationship.

The way people resolve those past issues is a critical harbinger of how they can be triggered in their present relationship. The more both partners know about past entanglements and their consequences, the better they are prepared to differentiate between what is happening just between them and what may be surfacing as an old, unresolved situation from the past.

Both partners are quick to recognize the most obvious tell-tale signs: They start talking at each other from farther away, rather than to each other. There is little or no eye contact. They seem on a one-way street, focused on some other time and place where they may have felt irrelevant or helpless.

Asking yourself how old you feel when you are responding this way can help identify the earlier experience and how it may be contaminating the current interaction.

7. Consistent Expressions of What Is Working

Too often, many committed couples take for granted that the other knows he or she is loved. Most of their conversations tend to be about logistics, keeping each other informed about life events, sharing responses to what affects them, talking about future plans, or sharing what they are unhappy about.

If the couple is still together and prospering, it is evident that something lies underneath their more superficial interactions. But the other might not know or share those positive feelings. I have been with so many people who have unexpectedly lost a partner and suffer the most when they have not told the other how much they meant to them and why. Frequent expressions of authentic appreciation, tenderness, caring, special affections must be said aloud to make sure the other partner knows those feelings are still intact.

8. Egoless Leadership

Role definitions and their executions are not fixed in quality relationships. The partners are not defined by rigidly expected behaviors and effortlessly give leadership to the person who can do it best at the time. They are a team first, and winning means there is no automatic captain.

They are also non-competitive and respectful when one partner can shoulder a challenge better than the other because the other compensates where he or she can. They can fill in for each other when needed and have no ego around who may be better in any one area. Both are secure in being respected for who they are and what they bring to the table and know they are better off together than either could be alone.

9. Inquiry Before Judgment

Successful partners do not assume, guess, or come to conclusions about the other’s thoughts and behaviors without checking with each other as to the accuracy of their assumptions. They have learned that rapid reactions said in defense will not result in any meaningful resolution so they commit to asking for more clarity before they respond.

Many relationships break up because incorrect assumptions of another’s motives trigger mistrust , even when it is not warranted. Even people who have been together for many years mistake the other’s reasons or build-ups and react as if they know enough to respond accurately.

When either partner cannot take the time to make room for the entirety of the other before they react, the other partner over time will pull away, withhold, and sometimes disconnect. Everyone changes over time, and continuous reevaluation of the other partner can put a halt to those potential and often unnecessary damages.

These nine beliefs and subsequent actions are the underlying strengths in relationships that not only survive but thrive over time. They all share the same core. The partners treasure each other’s experience of life and each other.

Facebook image: Goksi/Shutterstock

Randi Gunther, Ph.D. , is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor in Southern California.

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21 Key Secrets To a Successful Marriage

Angela Welch is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor Intern from Valparaiso,IN. She earned her Master of Arts in Marriage and... Read More

Dylan Banks offers sharp insights on relationships, love, and human connection. A leading expert, he's passionate about helping others build meaningful connections.

In This Article

Wouldn’t you like to know the secret sauce to a happy and long-lasting marriage, especially from those happily married couples who have aced the art of leading a happy relationship?

We unveil 21 keys to a successful marriage that will help you problem-solve marital issues, disarm conflicting partners, and create and maintain a successful marriage.

Whether you are a newlywed or refer to yourselves as ‘old Ball ‘n’ Chain,’ every marriage has its share of ups and downs. While it may sound cliché, lulls and patterns of mundanity are natural to the ebb and flow of married life.

Periods of stress, boredom, and poor communication are part of the course.

“Marriage takes work.”

Marriage does take work, and like anything else in life, you have to do the work to reap the reward. But the work of marriage is not like cleaning the toilet and taking out the trash. 

What does a successful marriage mean to you?

Marriage is a union of two souls, yet the meaning of successful marriage differs from couple to couple. There is no clear definition of a successful marriage. However, here are some standard definitions of a successful marriage.

1. Having a good partner

For some people, a successful Marriage means having a good partner. For some, marrying a virtuous spouse who will take care of their partner and support them at all costs is what makes a marriage successful. 

2. Raising a moral family 

Some people believe that marriage is the union of two people and the family. They believe as a citizen of society, they need to raise their kids morally upright. 

They believe that if they can raise their children right, society will have better people, and for them, it is the definition of a successful marriage. 

3. One with effective communication 

Some people believe that clear communication and companionship are the keys to a successful marriage. These people are convinced that talking to each other without reservation and hiding no secrets makes a marriage successful. 

4. Living as friends 

If you are looking for a simple secret to a happy marriage, this might be it. This is one of the most talked-about definitions of a successful marriage. Some people firmly believe that sharing life as friends is the ultimate key to a successful marriage. 

5. Unconditional love and understanding

Another common definition of a successful marriage is commitment, responsibility, and sacrifice. Some people believe that good understanding and unconditional love are the keys to a successful marriage. Accept your partner with flaws and understand that nobody is perfect.

What are the most important things in a marriage?

If you are looking for a recipe for a happy marriage, you must understand the essential things in marriage that help keep the relationship healthier. Here are some elements of a successful marriage you should consider if you want to fall under happily married couples. 

1. Communication 

Believe it or not, communication is the key to a happy marriage. Make sure that you always communicate clearly about what you want and expect. Remember that good communication is what makes a marriage successful.  

There should be mutual respect in marriage. Without respect, marriage can be toxic and stressful. It would help if you eliminated anything that can lead your partner to disrespect you and vice versa. Understand your partner’s perspective and try to work around that. 

Having a different opinion but still understanding where your partner is coming from is an excellent way to show your respect towards your partner. 

3. Setting Boundaries

Another important key to a successful marriage is setting personal boundaries without hesitation. You should keep an individual life and take some time for yourself. You may be going on dates for five days a week, but you should also be able to meet with your friends and family often. 

4. Trust 

All successful marriages need mutual and unbreakable trust between partners. Although it takes time to build that kind of trust, you have to put in effort right from the start.  

Having a supportive partner makes every marriage happy and successful. It is absolutely important to have a partner who believes in you and supports you unconditionally. 

21 Key secrets to a successful marriage

The effort that goes into a successful marriage (read happy, functional, and fulfilling) is the type of work that can be fun and therapeutic.

Read on to learn their 21 keys to a successful and happy marriage.

1. Be independent

Independence was rated extremely important in a marriage. To be happy in a relationship, we must be happy first. That is, in fact, the key to a successful relationship. With that in mind, wives and husbands must continue to take time for themselves, enjoy their hobbies, and in general, spend some time apart.

Not only does absence make the heart grow fonder, but in the time we spend alone, we get to reunite with our spiritual side, re-establish our sense of self, and check in with the progress of our personal preferences, goals, and achievements.

On the other hand, being dependent weakens your resolve and ability to move forward as a free thinker.

When we maintain our independent sense of self, we will always have something to talk about at the dinner table, and we are forever stronger, healthier, and more attractive to our partners.

2. Be a good listener

We need to talk. Most partners dread this sentence, but do you know that if you are wondering how to have a successful marriage, then creating a platform for healthy conversations is the way to go?

While all women should work on active listening, we emphasize this as an area of special attention for men. Too often, men do not realize that all their partner needs from them is a listening ear. 

This is due to their programming and how they are taught to relate to others.

Remember that listening and hearing are not the same things. Listening involves our hearts. Open yours, hear what she says, look at her while she speaks, paraphrase even, and reassure.

Listening is the real key to a happy marriage, for that matter, to every relationship.

3. Agree to disagree

Being good together does not mean that couples agree on every little thing. Most of the couples we interviewed had varying attitudes, opinions, and belief systems; and even held opposing views on major areas in some cases. 

All couples should have some level of disagreement somewhere. Successful, loving couples respected the point of view of one another and even had a sense of humor over their points of contention. 

Remember, respect is one of the major tips for a successful marriage. Recognize two opposite views; one of them does not have to be correct.

4. Communicate 

There are several books out there on the Languages of Love. This was developed from the concept in psychology that each individual has a unique way of communicating love.

By knowing your partner’s preferences and hobbies, metaphors can be used to communicate something the person understands well.

Observe the physical way your partner shows love, and you’ll know what makes a successful marriage.

This could be, washing your car or picking up the kids. It could be keeping the toiletries stocked and ironing his shirts. For others, it’s words, letters, and affection.

Our advice for a successful marriage? Figure out your partner’s love language so you will always know how to speak to them. Love languages are often talked about, but couples don’t pay as much attention to this as they should. 

Understanding a partner’s love language is the secret to a happy relationship.

5. Forgive each other

This can be one of the most complex keys to embrace, especially if you typically hold a grudge. This key goes hand-in-hand with praying together and offering grace.

Forgiveness is an extension of both of those keys. Take a deep breath and forgive your husband for not remembering to stop and grab milk. Forgive your wife for shrinking your shirt.

Forgiveness can transform your marriage , but it takes time and patience with yourself and your partner to look at them and tell them that you forgive them for hurting you in the past.

But if you can forgive your partner, you can move forward together without anger or frustration, and that past pain can begin to heal.

Start small if you can and work up to those big situations. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in marriage and will help you have a more successful marriage this year.

To practice forgiveness, here is an educational video that will help you decode one of the keys to a successful marriage:

6. Acceptance

A major relationship killer, lack of acceptance, is a trait more commonly attributed to women known for their nagging. Remember, you married your partner for who he was then and now. Even if we wanted to change him now, we can’t.

The key to a successful marriage lies in realizing this as soon as possible.

When urging or persuading him, you only focus on his weaknesses or problems. Change your perspective immediately and start focusing on positive traits instead.

7. Take responsibility

It is that easy and one of the secrets of a successful marriage. When you participate in a project, take responsibility for your successes and failures.

When you and your partner have a disagreement or argument, remember to take responsibility for your actions, including anything you did or said, especially if it was hurtful, unthoughtful, or created adversity.

8. Never take one another for granted

Taking one another for granted may be the most toxic pathogen of all. Once they are comfortable, it is easy for couples to slip into a complacent state – and expectations form.

This is only a matter of human nature, as we get comfortable with what is familiar, but in marriage, you absolutely should never come to a place where you take your partner for granted.

Pledge to respect your partner indefinitely, no matter what. Avoid assumptions, and offer to do nice things for your partner whenever possible. Most successful marriages have partners who vouch for this.

9. Date night

Among the other tips for a successful marriage, dating is the most ignored and overlooked by couples. It does not matter what a couple does on their date night.

Simply having a night when they spend their time with each other strengthens the bond and maintains it over time. When you have a date night, you should turn your phones off and put them away so you are free of distractions.

Watch a movie at home with popcorn or go hiking or rollerblading together. Change it up often and be helpful and cheerful for one another. A romantic and thoughtful date night is not just one of the steps to a successful marriage. 

It is important to schedule this monthly, if not weekly, to maintain accountability and establish a pattern of importance regarding date night.

10. Add romance

Wondering how to make a marriage successful? Go old school with your romance. Romantic acts can be many – try giving her a flower someday or place a love note in his briefcase or backpack. Surprise him with his favorite meal, or watch the sunset together. 

There is no shortage of marriage tips and ideas, and you’ll be amazed at how far a little romance goes toward strengthening the relationship.

11. Keep intimacy alive

Sex is very important to a healthy marriage . Sex should be regular, and therapists suggest doing it even when you’re not in the mood! 

We suggest keeping it interesting by talking about what pleases you and adding any fantasy role-playing, positions, or bedroom props you may want to introduce to keep it exciting. 

After all, what is a successful marriage if it doesn’t let you get what you desire?

Life coach Giovanni Maccarrone talks about how making this one conscious decision before getting married can help make a marriage successful.

12. Compliments

“A compliment a day keeps the divorce attorney away.” Acknowledging your partner’s positive attributes every day, and paying compliments, will go a long way in your relationships. 

Stay positive, and keep track of what your partner does well. 

When the going gets rough and his not-so-great attributes come forward, rather than focusing on the negative, try switching gears and pointing out the positive stuff instead.

13. Look for the soft emotion

Behind every “hard” emotion is a soft one; psychologists teach this concept. 

When we feel anger, it’s usually masking another emotion behind it, such as sadness, disappointment, or jealousy. 

We often use anger as a disguise to protect our vulnerabilities. 

Looking for the “soft” or vulnerable emotions underneath someone’s complex display of anger will help keep you connected as you are better equipped to empathize with that person’s genuine emotion. 

We are often searching for marriage tips for a successful relationship. Still, We fail to realize that a simple thing such as identifying the reality of emotions can keep us on the right track.

14. Let go of the fantasy

Unfortunately, we are socialized to believe in fairytale endings, and we may carry some false perspectives on reality into adulthood. We need to recognize that while marriage can be a beautiful thing, it is not effortless, nor will it ever be perfect.

According to marriage & family therapist  Lisa Seid :

Give what you want in return. While it’s common for both parties not to excel in the same areas, it’s okay to talk about which areas you each feel strongly about and agree to take the lead to model and encourage the same from your partner. 

Have realistic expectations, and do not fall victim to the fairy tale – you may find yourself sorely disappointed. This is not only one of the most important keys to a successful marriage but plays a massive role in your happiness as an individual too.

15. Do not control

Married people often come to a place where they start to lose themselves, they give in to jealousy or feelings of inadequacy, or they forget that they are separate people away from their partners, and they may try to control their partners.

Most of the time, this is done inadvertently, as expectations may grow over time.

What makes a marriage successful are communication, independent time, and healthy indulgences that will keep any couple on track. If you sense you are being controlled or are the controller, get a handle on it or make an appointment with a family counselor.

16. Never use the D-word

Presuming you don’t want to get a divorce, don’t threaten to. Couples using the D-word or talking about separation during fights use this as a control mechanism. Couples using it threateningly are more likely to see Divorce come to fruition. 

Making threats is not a mature strategy for solving any problem, so don’t do it.

17. Pray together

This is one of those keys that takes so little time from jampacked days but gives you space to breathe together.

Before bed, each night or right after you tuck the little ones into bed and say prayers with them, pray with your partner.

Take a few minutes to offer thanks and grace to God and each other. These quiet moments when you invite God into your marriage help to strengthen your emotional connection to God and your partner.

18. Offer grace to each other

If you’re like me, you are relatively quick to offer grace to the people we work with each day or to our children when they make mistakes.

Too often, we hold grudges or harbor anger with our partners rather than offering them that same grace that flows so easily in many other areas of our lives.

Our partners often take the brunt of our frustrations and setbacks, and we forget that we have also to seek the good in them.

My wife didn’t mean to leave the dirty dishes in the sink overnight; she fell asleep after putting our daughter to bed. Instead of grumbling about the dishes, you need to offer her grace. Load the dishwasher and maybe bring her a cup of coffee too.

‘Being quick to grace and not to frustration’ goes a long way to setting our marriages up for success.

19. Have patience for each other

Parenting books talk about how children often behave the worst for their parents because they are most comfortable and safe at home. The same holds true for successful marriages.

We often show our worst sides to our partners because we are comfortable and safe with them. That can often look like frustration and a severe lack of patience.

We get frustrated when they take forever in the shower or when they aren’t home at the exact time they said. Remember, this is the person you love most in the world. Grant them the same patience you grant to your toddler, at the very least.

20. Respect each other (in private and in public)

One of the highest compliments you can give to another person is to have them hear that you have been singing their praises to others when they aren’t even there.

When you are out and about professionally or socially, respect your partner by singing their praises in conversations. Also, respect your partner through your actions, both in public and private.

If you said you would be home by 5, be home by 5 (as often as you can). If you are running late, respect your partner enough to call.

In private, respect your partner by speaking to them as if they matter to you. Sing their praises in front of your children. Listen to them when they tell you about their day. It is such a simple gesture, and it matters.

21. Encourage each other

It is important to know your partner’s hopes and dreams. This new year is a great time to talk about your goals.

When your partner shares their goals and resolutions with you, please encourage them to accomplish them. Make their goals as necessary as your own.

Be their biggest cheerleader , and do your best to help them and give them the space they need to meet their goals for the year. This also works for the goals you set together.

How can you push and support each other to be the best version of yourselves that you can be? Make your individual and couple goals a priority, and celebrate your progress throughout the year.

Most happy couples swear by these successful marriage tips. Follow these keys to a successful marriage, and you will be able to save your marriage and enjoy a highly successful one.

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Dylan Banks is a prolific writer, known for his sharp and insightful commentary on relationships, love, and human connection. With his extensive experience and infectious passion for all things love-related, he has become a leading Read more expert in the field of relationship advice. Dylan is a true romantic at heart, with a deep passion for helping others find love and build meaningful connections. When he’s not writing about love and relationships, Dylan can be found exploring the great outdoors or indulging in his other passion: music. As an accomplished musician and songwriter, he believes that music has the power to connect people in profound ways. Read less

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The keys to a successful marriage .

When you're caught up in the excitement of your wedding, it can be hard to imagine that you and your spouse might not live happily ever after. But sharing your life with another person can be a challenge, especially if you don’t have a lot of experience with relationships. Marriages take work, commitment, and love, but they also need respect to be truly happy and successful.

A marriage based on love and respect doesn't just happen. Both spouses have to do their part. Below are some important keys to work on each day to make your marriage successful.

Communicate clearly and often

Talking with your spouse is one of the best ways to keep your marriage healthy and successful. Be honest about what you're feeling, but be kind and respectful when you communicate. Part of good communication is being a good listener and taking the time to understand what it is your spouse wants and needs from you. Keep the lines of communication open by talking often, and not just about things like bills and the kids. Share your thoughts and feelings.

Tell your spouse that you're thankful for having them in your life

Appreciate each other, your relationship, your family, and your lives together. Show gratitude when your partner cooks dinner, helps the kids with their homework, or does the grocery shopping. It may help to take a few minutes each evening to tell each other at least one thing you appreciated that day.

Make time for you two as a couple

With work and family responsibilities, it can be easy to lose the romance factor. Plan special dates, either to go out or just stay at home. If you have children, send them on a play date while you relax, talk, and enjoy each other's company.

Plan for some personal time

Alone time is just as important as couple time. Everyone needs time to recharge, think, and enjoy personal interests. That time is often lost when you're married, especially if you have kids. Go out with friends, take a class, or do volunteer work, whatever you find enriching. When you're back together with your spouse, you'll appreciate each other even more.

Understand that it's OK to disagree

You won't agree on everything, but it is important to be fair and respectful during disagreements. Listen to your spouse's point of view. Try not to get angry and don't let yourself become too frustrated. Walk away and calm down if you need to, then discuss the problem again when you're both in a better frame of mind. Compromise on problems so that you both give a little.

Build trust

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are serious threats to the success of a marriage. The more a couple engages in these destructive activities, the more likely they may divorce. Studies indicate that spouses who stay together know how to disagree or argue without being hostile and to take responsibility for their actions. They are also more likely to respond quickly to each other’s wishes to make up after fights and repair the relationship.

Learn to forgive

Everyone makes mistakes. Your spouse may hurt your feelings or do something that upsets you, and that may make you angry, even furious. But it's important to deal with your feelings, let them go, and move on. Don’t keep bringing up the past.

Remember to remain committed to your spouse, your family, and the life that you have built together. Support each other emotionally and in everyday ways. You, your spouse, and your relationship may grow and change with time, but these ideas can help your marriage stay successful over the years.

Medical Reviewers:

• Heather M Trevino BSN RNC
• Marianne Fraser MSN RN
• Rita Sather RN

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10 Pillars of a Strong Relationship

Your performance evaluation at work comes in, and it’s glowing. However, there’s one area that “needs improvement.” Days later, which part do you think about?

The negative, of course. Part of you knows it’s ridiculous to let that one thing bother you. After all, there’s a lot more good in there than bad, but you can’t seem to help it.

Unfortunately, we do the same thing in our romantic relationships. We all have a negativity bias , or tendency to focus on the bad aspects of experiences. This makes us more critical of our relationship than we should be. Along the way, we take the good times for granted and they become an under-appreciated part of our partnership. But the problems? They stand out. Our partner’s insensitive comments, moods, and messiness regularly capture our full attention.

Mix this into a relationship that has lost a bit of its spark, and it can be hard to notice anything other than the problems. As Daniel Kahneman describes in Thinking, Fast and Slow , we tend to only see what’s right in front of us and overlook what’s not there at the moment. When problems are all that you see, it feels like that’s all your relationship is.

In fact, we have such a strong tendency to pick up on the bad stuff that we may even manufacture problems that don’t exist. A study published in Science suggests that if our relationship doesn’t have any major issues, we’re more likely to take what once would have been considered a small issue and feel it’s more problematic.

When we spend our time worrying about the wrong things, we don’t have time to appreciate what’s going right. Not only does this mean our view of the relationship is skewed, but it also means we’re missing out on a meaningful opportunity. While working on problems is one way to improve a long-term relationship, it’s just as important to reflect on your partner’s good qualities and the positive aspects of your connection.

The pillars of healthy relationships

To shift your perspective, start by paying more attention to the facets of your relationship that are stable, consistent, and comfortable. Those peaceful, drama-free, status-quo elements are easy to forget, but they’re sources of strength.

Below are 10 key pillars of healthy relationships that research suggests are key to a satisfying, lasting bond. Many of these are likely present in your own relationship; you just need to pause and take notice.

1. You can be yourself. You and your partner accept each other for who you are; you don’t try to change each other. You can simply be yourself and show your true identity without worrying if your partner will judge you. That’s helpful because research shows that partners who accept each other tend to be more satisfied with their relationships. 

2. You are BFFs. In many ways, your romantic partner is your best friend, and you’re theirs. That’s good news because research suggests that romantic partners who emphasize friendship tend to be more committed and experience more sexual gratification. Romantic relationships that value friendship emphasize emotional support, intimacy, affection, and maintaining a strong bond. They also focus on meeting needs related to caregiving, security, and companionship. 

3. You feel comfortable and close. Getting close to someone isn’t always easy. But in your relationship, you’ve worked through that and are quite comfortable sharing feelings, relying on each other, and being emotionally intimate. Even if vulnerability can be challenging at times, you’ve learned to trust your partner and find it brings you closer. You no longer put up emotional walls and don’t constantly worry about your partner leaving, which provides a sense of stability . 

4. You’re more alike than different. You and your partner have a lot in common, and key areas of similarity may help make your relationship more satisfying , new research suggests. Sure, the differences stand out, but beyond those few contrasts, you’re similar in a lot of ways. For example, your partner may enjoy superhero movies while you enjoy rom-coms. Though that feels like a major contrast, you’re both homebodies who enjoy making a meal together then crashing on the couch to watch TV shows where you can debate others’ life choices, make fun of awkward dialogue, and try to guess the next plot twist. Ultimately, you have a lot more in common than you have differences.

Greater Good in Spanish

Read this article in Spanish on La Red Hispana, the public-facing media outlet and distribution house of HCN , focused on educating, inspiring, and informing 40 million U.S. Hispanics.

5. You feel like a team. Words matter. When you talk, do you often use words like “we,” “us,” and “our?” If someone asks, “What’s your favorite show to binge-watch?,” do you reply with, “We have started watching Schitt’s Creek ”? That use of “we” shows a strong sense of cognitive closeness, or shared identity, in your relationship. Research suggests that couples who are interconnected like this tend to be more satisfied and committed . 

6. They make you a better person. Your partner helps you refine and improve who you are. Here, your partner doesn’t take charge and tell you how to change, but rather supports your choices for self-growth . Together, you seek out new and interesting experiences that contribute to a feeling of self-development. According to relationship researchers, when you expand and grow as a person, your relationship does, too .

7. You share the power. While partners may have their areas of expertise (for example, one handles lawn care, while the other does interior decorating), partners often share decision making, power, and influence in the relationship. When both partners have a say, relationships are stronger, more satisfied, and more likely to last . And, unsurprisingly, couples are happier when they feel the division of labor in their relationship is fair. 

8. They’re fundamentally good. What do people want in a spouse? It’s surprisingly simple: someone who is reliable, warm, kind, fair, trustworthy, and intelligent . Though these traits aren’t flashy and may not immediately come to mind when creating your partner wish list, they provide the foundation for a resilient relationship. Research suggests that when partners have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities, they tend to be more satisfied in their relationship. 

9. You trust each other. We need to be able to rely on our partner, which comes from a sense of trust. Not only do we trust our partner with the password to our phone, or with access to our bank account, we know that our partner always has our best interests in mind and will be there for us when we need them. Research suggests this is a positive cycle : Trust encourages greater commitment, which encourages greater trust.

10. You don’t have serious issues. There are problems, and then there are PROBLEMS. Sometimes it’s easy to forget about all of the problems and major red flags we don’t have to deal with. “Dark side” issues like disrespect, cheating, jealousy, and emotional or physical abuse are relationship killers. Sometimes, the light can come from the absence of dark.

Spend a few moments reflecting on how each of these apply to your own relationship. At this point, you may want to give yourself some kind of score to affirm your relationship is in good shape. How many of those 10 pillars do you have? How many do you lack? But that’s not really the point. Chances are, your relationship has elements of all 10. The key is to do a better job of noticing and, where needed, cultivating these foundational areas. Often, strengthening these pillars is as simple as savoring everything in your relationship that works. There’s a lot there when you know what to look for. 

Hopefully, you’ve also noticed areas of strength that aren’t on this list. That’s great, because this list is by no means comprehensive. More importantly, it shows you’re starting to notice more of what works, and not obsessing about what’s broken. 

Of course, you shouldn’t use a few positives to justify staying in a bad relationship. Focusing on strengths is only helpful for those in good relationships looking to make them better. Good relationships are built on mutual respect, love, and friendship between equals.

The lesson here also isn’t to pretend like your relationship doesn’t have issues. Rather, it’s a lot easier to fix those problems when you appreciate how much of your relationship is already going well. Relationships are difficult enough without making them any harder. When you’re only shedding light on what’s wrong, it’s easy to buy into the mistaken belief that your relationship is in trouble. But when you stop taking the good for granted, and give your partner and relationship more credit, you may realize that your relationship is stronger than you think.

About the Author

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D. , is the author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them . He is also an award-winning teacher, researcher, relationship expert, and professor at Monmouth University.

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Seriously. What’s the Point of Marriage?

• Est. reading time: 9 min.

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What’s the point of marriage?

No, really, this is a serious question. What’s the point? If you don’t have a goal, objective, or specific outcome in mind, or if you don’t know what you and your partner’s needs are and how best to fulfill them, how can you know whether or not you’re being successful in your partnership?

Having the wrong goals or “point” to your marriage can leave you feeling frustrated, alone, or even reeling in confusion or anger. Speaking of anger (this will all tie together, so stay with me here), I saw a quote on social media the other day that got me really upset:

“You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Somebody who doesn’t complicate your life. Somebody who won’t hurt you.”

This quote got me riled up because this is the kind of hogwash cooked up by a social media manager in desperate need of some validating “likes.” It can destroy relationships because it is offering an ineffective platitude that people will take as serious advice.

Is unending happiness the goal? Sounds boring.

So, here’s another honest question: since when did the pinnacle of relationship achievement become existing in a constant, unchanging state of happiness, simplicity, and total safety? When did the fantasy of “and they lived happily ever after “  stop being the end of a storybook for kids and turn into literal #lifegoals?

I don’t remember “providing your partner with an endless supply of happiness” being in the details for me or my wife when we signed up for this marriage thing. Social psychologist Eli Finkel argues in his book, The All or Nothing Marriage , how, in today’s world, couples expect more and more of each other. We rely on each other for many aspects of socialization and support that, prior to the 20th century, many people found outside of their marriages.

Don’t get me wrong, I think happiness is great. It’s necessary in all aspects of life, and especially in a relationship. But it’s also a fluid emotion that comes and goes based on how your stomach reacts to the burrito you ate for lunch today, your coworker’s irritable habits, what’s happening in the White House this week, if your baseball team wins or loses, or who lives or dies on Game of Thrones.

Happiness is not a strong, stable foundation upon which to build lasting, committed love. It is simply too unstable, fleeting, and constantly in flux, and the ways in which we achieve happiness changes as we change over time.

Honestly, sustained and immutable happiness is arguably the most ineffective goal you could set for your relationship because it’s not possible to achieve. The reality of happiness, just like any other emotion, is that it comes and goes, just like the in-laws during the holidays, 80’s fashion, or stomach cramps.

Well, today it’s time to bust out another cold, hard truth:

The point of marriage is not happiness. The point of marriage is growth.

The Human Growth Machine

The key to becoming a truly successful couple is to take action and expand your comfort zone. Marriage is what Dr. David Schnarch, author of the book Passionate Marriage , calls a “Human Growth Machine.” And Finkel also posits that, in our world, “a new kind of marriage has emerged, one that can promote self-discovery, self-esteem, and personal growth like never before.” I love the idea of having a growth-centered marriage. That is something I can achieve, and it feels satisfying to grow and improve. It is a tangible goal.

Regarding goals: in the last few years I started doing something I never thought I’d do. I lift weights.

I used to be a slender little guy. I once dropped a girl when I was country dancing and was so embarrassed by my weak muscles that I never went back. Then I hit the gym. I remember when I first started lifting, I squatted 225 pounds and my coach was like, “Dude, Nate! That’s awesome!”

I was so proud of myself! So, I kept at it.

A few years later, after grinding away at the gym every week, I now squat around 345 pounds. Big improvement, right? And every time I add another pound, I feel like a champion because growth is satisfying and progress feels amazing.

How to keep your marriage strong for the long run

Now I apply the principles I used in the weight room to my marriage. For example, I used to get anxious when my wife was feeling sad or stressed. And I used to snap at her if I felt attacked or threatened. For over a year I’ve been working to improve myself in this area. I practice self-soothing , taking deep breaths, and thinking before I speak, and giving my wife the benefit of the doubt and trying to understand her perspective when I feel hurt.

I’m definitely not perfect (a little secret: nobody is!), but I’m getting better at managing conflict between us and using it as an opportunity for understanding and growth. I’m less stressed out when she is. I snap at her less. My wife even smiles compassionately at me when she sees me taking deep breaths, or using the plans we’ve put in place to help us fight better and love smarter.

She’s commented that I’m improving, and because of that, we’re improving as a couple. But, like working out, it’s not easy, and especially not at first. It stretches your comfort zone. It pushes you to your limits. It expands your capacities as a human being. And this painful stretching and expanding and growing means that, sometimes, your partner and your marriage will not make you happy.

Honestly, marriage is a challenge. And it’s a good one because marriage reveals your limitations and exposes your weaknesses, flaws, and vulnerabilities. Marriage makes you painfully aware of how impatient you might be, of your struggles to say “no” to things that aren’t important and “yes” to things that are, and of how challenging it is to navigate your differences when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed, or simply hangry.

Marriage challenges you to deal with sickness, tragedy, financial stresses, changes in faith or beliefs, job loss, weight gain, raising kids, losing parents and other family members, and you have to do it all while supporting and satisfying another emotional human being!

You can’t tackle this stuff and come out on the other side still in love with each other by remaining the exact same people you were when you started. You can’t go through all of that together while remaining in perpetual bliss. You have to constantly grow and evolve into the version of you that’s capable of facing and overcoming the unique challenges that life throws at you at any given moment.

That dynamic won’t feel like perfection, but that’s actually what you want. In fact, Dr. John Gottman argues strongly in favor of a good enough marriage when he states that today, couples “expect to be treated with kindness, love, affection, and respect. They do not tolerate emotional or physical abuse. They expect their partner to be loyal. This does not mean they expect their relationship to be free of conflict. Even happily married couples argue. Conflict is healthy because it leads to greater understanding.”

You will be confronted with uncomfortable truths throughout your marriage. It might be about sex, or money, or time spent together, or parenting, or all of that. Things won’t always work out how you plan them, and plans may need to change if you’re going to have the relationship you want.

Having someone challenge you to expand and grow can make things feel worse before they get better. It may even put the relationship on the line if you or your partner refuse to confront your own flaws, or if you won’t take responsibility when things go wrong. If the Four Horsemen come charging into the dynamic, then you might be doomed if you don’t find ways to fight them off .

But this is what love is really about. It is not always about always pleasing your partner, or always being pleased yourself. Instead, it is about supporting your partner.

Pleasing your partner means you make sure they are happy and comfortable and worry-free, and there will be times you must do that. But if that’s your primary goal, it might cause you to be overly agreeable and accommodating even when your partner is being unkind or hurtful. And we all make those mistakes, but pleasing your partner also means shielding your partner from anything that could make them feel challenged or uncomfortable.

Like the uncomfortable experience of growth.

Supporting your partner means you have their best interests at heart and you intentionally act to uphold and achieve those interests. It means you stand by their side, you help them, you have their back, and sometimes it means you engage in conflict about difficult truths and regrettable incidents. True partners dedicate themselves to the person they love and to the bond they share, even when those acts of dedication might be temporarily painful due to the positive growth it causes.

Dedication to that positive growth forces you to identify and open up about your weaknesses, insecurities, and fears is exactly what leads to the periods of happiness, trust, connection, passion, and commitment.

Is that the kind of love you want? Or are you willing to settle for less?

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Nate Bagley is a relationship researcher on a mission to rid the world of mediocre love. He’s traveled the country interviewing hundreds of America’s top relationship experts for his  podcast , and shares his biggest breakthroughs on  his blog . He loves hearing from people who enjoy his writing. So, if you liked this post please drop him a line!

• Publish Date: May 7, 2018
• Last Updated: June 26, 2024

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Memoir coach and author Marion Roach

Welcome to The Memoir Project, the portal to your writing life.

How to Write About Marriage? Learn How to Write the Personal Essay

I TEACH ONLINE MEMOIR CLASSES and work as a memoir coach and memoir editor, and in those roles I get a lot of requests for teaching how to write the personal essay. The essay is my favorite medium and most of the essays I have written and published take on simple, domestic issues stemming from marriage and family. The key to writing from home is to stay small. You are most likely to succeed in delivering a feeling to the reader if you attempt to do so without telling us what that feeling is. Navigating this space of showing, not telling, is critical to the success of a good, domestic essay.

What do I mean by that? Just this: Let the reader do some of the work. Let them do the math. Let them read it and gather together the details without you having to say something like: Hey, look at how someone loves me . Just show us. How? Here’s an example.

Read this essay and leave in the comments what you notice about what does and does not get said, and what you feel at the end.

I HAVE THREE FREEZERS. There, I admit it. I do. A born and raised New Yorker, maybe I have nothing more or less than a shtetl mentality, some genetic holdover from a time when there was never plenty. But probably not, since the closest I’ve come to Anatevka was fourth row center seats for “Fiddler on the Roof” when I was twelve.

And so it remains one of the greater mysteries of my marriage – to my husband, that is – that I buy chickens and freeze them, make stock and freeze it, make pesto and freeze it, and that every once in a while in the blur that I am as I whirl between the three freezers, I put something into one of them that, well, simply doesn’t belong.

It’s good he doesn’t take it personally, though that is probably because I have assured him that this started long before our marriage, and that I once located a sumptuous pair of alligator loafers in the fridge after thinking for months that I had lost them. They were in a brown paper bag, exactly the size of a pizza slice, so it seems obvious to me what my mind did when I got home from the shoe repair. Into the fridge, I thought, and that, as they say, was that. So glad was I when I found them that there were no recriminations. Plus, at the time I lived alone, so I had no one with whom the share the joy of finding them. Cold, though they were, I merely slipped them on and instantly regained my sense of balance.

These days, I have an audience, as well as several mouths to feed. Along with providing food for the adults in my home, I also cook for our dog. He has allergies. Seven years we’ve been at it. The cost of this is 14 sweet potatoes and 14 chicken thighs each week, and so an enormous canvas bag of sweet potatoes sits on top of the chest freezer in the garage (did I forget to mention that of the three freezers, one is the chest variety?) It’s the kind of bag that ship riggers use. Strong handled and sturdy, we need it for when the price is low – a recent 99 cents/pound, for instance – and we buy in bulk. It’s hard to lose.

Or so you might think.

Saturday was a cooking day for me, and so I am writing in real time here, reporting from the front. The last of the parsnips, all of the frozen vegetable scrapings, cilantro stems and other tidbits from the freezer went into the cauldron-sized stock pot. Back and forth from the freezers I went, finding tempting stashes of things to add.

“Oh look,” I said to the dog, “Chives!” The dog gave me the look he always gives me. It’s lovely to be adored no matter what you do.

My chives are now up in my kitchen garden, so clearly the frozen ones had to go into the soup. And in they went. And more things came to mind, and apparently I was wearing one of my many pair of glasses and carrying a mug of tea while I triangulated my way between my freezers. And then the washing machine sang its little song it sings when the load is done and the triangulation became a parallelogram and I added an upstairs trip.

The soup was creating that kind of happy haze it does when the aroma has taken over the house, and everything seemed right with the world. Out to the freezer I went again when I noticed the mega bag of potatoes was gone. Missing. Thinking it might help if I could see better, I patted myself down for my eyeglasses. Gone too. And what about that tea? Wasn’t I drinking something just moments ago?

Opening the stand freezer I was delighted to find the full bag of potatoes quietly cooling inside. Not that alarming, really. Many remarkable things have been unearthed there, including a portable phone and a book. It happens. And being a good wife, I called to my husband.

“Look, honey!” He came in from the kitchen, and that look on his face was the dividend check, the little extra I get from years of investing in this life.

The glasses? They were in the laundry hamper. Obviously. But it was my husband who found the tea mug, hours later, in that grand sweep I now realize he quietly does every day and last thing on most nights, simply putting everything back in its place so we can get on with our lives.

Tips for How to Write The Personal Essay:

Most of my essays come from domestic moments. Before I set out to write from my idea of home, I read extensively. Specifically, when learning how to write about marriage, domesticity or cooking, I can credit the great Laurie Colwin, Russell Baker and Nora Ephron for some great provocation. I read and I learned how to write the personal essay.

Have you seen my list of books to read to write memoir ? Have a look.

Want more? Join me in an upcoming online memoir class where tips like these are plentiful.

And if you have not done so already, listen in to QWERTY, my podcast by, for and about writers. 

Photo by Paul Gilmore on Unsplash

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Related posts:

• How To Get A Personal Essay Published? Write it Like This
• Marriage Memoir: Going to the Dogs
• Marriage Memoir: The Questions One Should Never Ask

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Reader interactions.

Betsy Marro says

April 20, 2015 at 2:27 pm

Marion – I laughed out loud as I read this. In our house, we take turns finding what the other has lost as we wander through our home and our lives. I still recall the day that my cell phone rang just as I pulled into work. It was my love, speaking in that confused, amazed, indignant, frustrated tone that signals the loss of something crucial. In this case it was his glasses, his last pair. He couldn’t drive without them. He was late for work. He could no longer think clearly about where to look. “Would you like me to come home?” I asked. “Would you?” he said. And twenty minutes later there we were, retracing his steps. “Did you check the laundry closet?” I asked. “I wouldn’t have put them there!” he said. Which of course spoke volumes. I went in, opened the washing machine and there they were at the bottom of the drum, the lenses staring up at me. I didn’t crow or chortle or get too mad. By then I’d learned what we both know all too well, that it is only a matter of time before I’ve lost my keys, again, in my purse.

marion says

April 21, 2015 at 6:22 pm

Oh, that’s lovely, Betsy. Thank you for being in the club, and willingly admitting to it. Please come back soon for more. I sometimes forget what rich fodder is there is marriage. The everyday is the best place to go for material, isn’t it?

diane Cameron says

April 20, 2015 at 5:53 pm

Now I was waiting to hear that at least one of those freezers had a stock of Creme de la Mer–just in case, or your favorite red lipstick–also just in case. That I would understand, or for storing cashmere crew necks, which I understand store best in freezing cold storage. Chickens? Chives? Lordy–the things I learn about you.

Not even a small freezer bag of lipsticks?

April 21, 2015 at 6:21 pm

Small bag. The good stuff. The stuff I did not buy at the drugstore. How did you know?

Julia Pomeroy says

April 21, 2015 at 10:56 am

So funny, Marion, and so true. I love your home, your husband, your dog. Thank you for inviting me in.

April 21, 2015 at 6:20 pm

Thank you, Julia. I am delighted by the affection and friendship.

Jan Hogle says

April 21, 2015 at 12:16 pm

Damn… I’ve lost my expensive prescription glasses with the detachable sunglasses. Can you help me find them??

Great post!

April 21, 2015 at 6:19 pm

Found ’em. In the freezer.

Robin Botie says

April 21, 2015 at 6:11 pm

Oh THAT’s what husbands are for. Been so many years I forgot how great they can be around the house. I’ve been losing things left and right all this time. Cheers!

Ha ha ha. Yes, they can be great around the house. Thanks for coming by for a laugh.

Melinda says

April 22, 2015 at 11:11 am

I have a clear childhood memory of my mother standing in front of the freezer, dumbstruck, as she pulled out her purse. When I laughed she said, “I’m not worried about the purse. Now I just need to find the damn ice cream.”

Now that I am of that certain age, I completely understand.

April 22, 2015 at 12:18 pm

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Laughing so damn hard right now. What a kind gift this is you offer. Thank you. And what a fabulous thing for you to write about. Go on.

Sherrey Meyer says

April 25, 2015 at 2:34 pm

Marion, I’m guessing you can hear my laughing all the way from Portland, OR to the east coast! Such a funny story you’ve shared, and one which many of us can relate to in one way or another. I don’t have a chest freezer, and I only have one freezer other than the one with the fridge. But I do manage to lose things in that tall freezer residing in a garage that is really my husband’s workshop and not a garage at all. I’m wondering now if that’s where he’s lost all those books of blank checks he was looking for and perhaps it’s where I might find the springtime blouse I can’t find now that it’s spring. I’ll go look!

Kathleen Pooler says

May 6, 2015 at 10:52 am

Oh my gosh, Marion, you had me laughing out loud as I recalled my own stories of “losing “my eyeglasses which were sitting on my head or finding the box of Triscuits in the refrigerator and wondering who could have possibly done that?? I’m so happy I’m not alone in this. Thank you for sharing!

Amanda says

April 5, 2020 at 9:57 am

The cilantro stem, the dividend check (just beautiful – a ROI), something about the sturdy bag reminded me of my grandmother’s cool damp cellar. I had to read the essay twice to know why the last sentence struck me – the grand sweep, but it was your words “that I now realize” he does…I do the grand sweep of our night stands every morning. It is part of my morning rhythm after he leaves for work. And moreso, I pick up clues – an empty ice cream bowl tells me he stayed up later than me and will have a story to tell about an episode or a news piece, business cards tell me he’s mowing today, the gold PO Box key – he’ll be calling for it any minute. As I do the sweep each morning, I think of him and wonder if he knows how it happens. I suppose I’m waiting for that ROI!

Julia Grant says

April 5, 2020 at 10:14 am

It is lovely how you provided a portrait of a loving marriage through your articulation of your meanderings in the kitchen, the items you lose, and those that are found by your husband. Thank you for the lesson!

Wendy Komancheck says

April 5, 2020 at 1:46 pm

Hiya Marion: I’m glad I’m not the only one leaving things in odd places. Your husband should start a support group for men whose wives are forgetful! :) It’s the artist/creative inside us! My older son also has had to suffer with my absent-mindedness–but he thinks I lost my mind. I always reply, “I wasn’t always like this. It wasn’t until I had kids.) Said in jest, of course.:) Thank you for sharing!

Colleen Golafshan says

April 9, 2020 at 1:57 am

Oh, I relate to misplacing items – sometimes not finding them for years. This morning I happily found, from a pile I’d pulled out behind my desk, a hard copy of your recommended memoir books, which I wanted as I research my first memoir essay (after working on book-length projects). It’s about my years as a homeschooling stay-at-home mum, my failings and asking forgiveness of my two beautiful children, now rewarded with their amazing love in hard times.

Here’s what I heard in your essay: You’re a born and raised New Yorker, genetically but distantly Jewish. You love to keep food frozen and at the ready in your three freezers, which include a chest freezer on which you keep a canvas bag of sweet potatoes for the dog.

On Saturday, while whirling around creating a cauldron-sized soup–with parsnips, vegetable scraps, cilantro stems, chives and other tidbits–and carrying a mug of tea, you had to attend to your clothes washing.

Once the soup was on, creating a happy haze of aroma through the house, you noticed the sweet potatoes were missing, as well as the glasses you’d been wearing and your tea. You found the sweet potatoes in a standing freezer. Showing this to your husband, he rewarded you with a look, a paycheck for all the years you’ve invested in his life. The glasses turned up in the laundry hamper but your tea mug wasn’t found for hours, and then by your husband.

What you did not say in the essay: Apart from your preamble about the art of memoir which should show rather than say, Hey Look at how someone loves me, you don’t actually say your husband loves you or that you love him and the home you’ve created. But these facts well up through the peace you describe at home, despite the chaos sometimes caused by misplacing items. There you have an audience of an adoring dog and a husband who not only shares your joy of finding things in unusual places but who balances your tendency to leave such things out of place with his quiet nightly routine.

When you lived alone, it took longer to regain your sense of balance after misplacing your loafers than these days when your husband quietly ‘sweeps’ through the house at night to find misplaced items.

How I feel after this review is grateful for the peace you feel and share when New York is in chaos with so many affected by coronavirus. However, this was not a clear feeling on my first read.

As an Australian, I often feel at a loss to fully translate others’ communicated lifestyles into exactly what is meant, as I did when I first read this essay. Using maps and looking up word definitions helps (eg. shtelt). For example, I love listening to your inspiring podcasts, yet I often feel I lose a lot of rich context, especially when interviewed authors are from your area and you have shared history, far from my western Sydney townhouse. I’ve not been to New York, though I’ve stayed with friends and family living in Minnesota and California. These days I travel in books and online as I learn to live with low-grade lymphoma that limits even local travel.

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What Makes A Good Marriage Essay?

Table of Contents:

Marriage is a bond between a man and a woman, and it is essential for a successful marriage to be based on love, trust, respect, and understanding. This essay aims to identify the benefits of marriage, compare the level of happiness between married couples and cohabitors, and analyze the conditions that contribute to a happy marriage.

Marriages take work, commitment, and love, but they also need respect to be truly happy and successful. A marriage based on love and respect doesn’t just happen; it requires a strong, trustworthy bond between the couple. Respect is determined by decisions made by a spouse and helps make a safe relationship. Trust helps a couple be smart with their thoughts and feelings throughout a marriage.

Healthy marriages consist of three characteristics: communication, respect, and trust. A healthy marriage is satisfying, stable, and sexual. Historical factors are most predictive of a healthy marriage. Growing up in an intact, functional family is crucial for a successful marriage.

Mounts are often the most important part of a couple’s lives, and many couples prefer to spend their honeymoon abroad. These trips provide a good chance to grow their love and get to know each other better. To maintain a satisfying relationship, it is important to be friends with your partner, have independence, and have designated areas for self-care. Equality is also crucial in any marriage, as it helps avoid disrespectful judgments.

True love is the first key to a successful marriage, as it involves not giving up, working together through problems, and remembering why you love each other. Communication is one of the most important components of a successful marriage, as it allows couples to talk openly and honestly about their feelings and any disagreements.

A good marriage is something that is unique and beautiful, just like no two souls are alike. Communication is essential for both parties to express their feelings openly and honestly. It is all about finding the person and enjoying all the differences and imperfections, making life smoother.

There are many factors that contribute to a satisfying marriage, such as love, commitment, trust, time, attention, and good communication. Couples wanting to make their marriage last should strive to make their significant other happy, sometimes requiring giving up their own happiness.

In conclusion, a successful marriage is built on love, trust, respect, and understanding between the couple. By focusing on these factors, couples can create a lasting and satisfying relationship that is both satisfying and stable.

📹 Why Bother With Marriage?

From many points of view, marriage is a costly hassle that makes no sense. Why, then, might there still be good reasons to get …

What best describes marriage?

Marriage is a union between a man and a woman that is regulated by laws, rules, and customs. It gives the partners rights and duties and status to their offspring.

Marriage is a legally and socially sanctioned union between a man and a woman. It is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any). Marriage is a universal institution because it provides structure for many basic social and personal functions. These include sexual gratification and regulation, division of labor between the sexes, economic production and consumption, and the satisfaction of personal needs for affection, status, and companionship. Marriage is also about having children, taking care of them, and teaching them how to behave. Marriages have taken many forms over time. (See exchange marriage, group marriage, polyandry, polygamy, and tree marriage. See also common-law marriage.

Jim Obergefell in a convertible at the San Francisco Gay Pride Parade on June 28, 2015. That year he was the plaintiff in a Supreme Court case that made same-sex marriage legal. By the 21st century, the meaning of marriage in Western countries had changed. In 2000, the Netherlands became the first country to legalize same-sex marriage. It went into effect on April 1, 2001. In the years that followed, many other countries, including Canada, France, the United States, and Germany, also legalized same-sex marriage. Some countries gave same-sex couples benefits and obligations through registered partnerships or civil unions. These terms meant different things in different contexts.

What are the three good of marriage?

Procreation is good, but it’s not the only reason to get married. St. Augustine says marriage is about three things: staying together, being faithful, and having kids. Marriage is the union of a man and woman for life, with exclusive and mutual fidelity, for the procreation and education of children. St. Augustine writes: 1. Children: The potential for having children. The union makes it possible for a couple to have children, who will then love them back. A child comes from the love between the spouses. It is not something added on to their love. It comes from their love as its fruit and fulfillment. Conjugal love makes parents better people and helps them teach their children. Parents educate their children. Marriage and family should serve life. Spouses without children can still have a full marriage. Their marriage can be fruitful in charity, hospitality, and sacrifice.

2. Fidelity: The exclusive fidelity of the marital relationship (one man with one woman). Many people today are suspicious of exclusivity. Everyone wants to be special to someone. This is why the good or value of the bonum fidei, the commitment to a faithful and exclusive love in marriage, is so important. If you don’t want to belong to someone else, you’ll always be alone. The Lord says: “Love your wife with all your heart and don’t love anyone else.” When the Lord says “all your heart,” it means you can’t share or deny your love. And to the woman it is paraphrased: Love your husband with all your heart and be faithful to him. The words “none else” mean no one else. The spouse is the most important thing in the husband or wife’s life. Nothing else should come before them.

What is an ideal marriage essay?

A good marriage is about giving, taking, and sharing. A marriage should be unselfish. The partners should try to make each other happy more than themselves. Each partner should make the other happy. The ideal marriage is based on tolerance and sacrifice. This doesn’t mean ignoring wrongdoing. It means agreeing to disagree on some things and overlooking minor issues. No one is perfect, so partners should be able to forgive each other’s imperfections. Spouses should praise and appreciate each other often. In an ideal marriage, partners fight and reconcile just as often. People in a marriage have different ideas. Every marriage has its challenges, but couples in an ideal marriage will weather the storms and come out stronger. An ideal marriage is full of love and patience. Both partners are positive and willing to work hard. The ideal marriage is one that is satisfying for both partners.

This ideal was created by looking at marriages today. Many people are in bad marriages where one partner gives too much while the other gives too little. I think many people would choose different partners if they could. This made me think about what went wrong and what could be done to change things. I thought about what an ideal marriage would be like. I think this is possible. If both partners love each other and are committed to making it work, it can be achieved. If both partners know their roles and try to fulfill them honestly, they can have an ideal marriage. The ideal marriage can be achieved by being honest and loving each other. It can be achieved by both parties knowing what their partners like and doing exactly that. The ideal marriage is simple. Love your partner and don’t hurt them.

What are 3 good things about marriage?

We love being married because we cheer each other up. Your spouse knows how to cheer you up when you’re down. … You have your own club. They’re there for each other. … You can be goofy together. … You can be yourself with your best friend. In the movie Forget Paris, Andy says, “Marriages don’t work when one person is happy and the other is unhappy.” “Marriage is about both people being unhappy.” Movies and TV shows often show marriage as one of two extremes: happy forever or unhappy forever. But in real life, it’s not either/or. Marriage isn’t all happy. It takes work, commitment, and forgiveness to keep a relationship going. A good marriage can be a source of joy, laughter, and comfort.

What are the 3 C’s of marriage?

Happy couples do three things to stay together. They are committed, communicate well and compromise. These are the three Cs of a happy marriage. Happily married people are committed and show it. They tell their wives and husbands how much they love them. This seems simple, but many couples don’t do it.

What are the 7 C’s of marriage?

A strong marriage is built on selflessness. Our society says we should look out for ourselves. If we don’t enjoy our efforts, they’re not worth it. Many people have bought into this way of thinking. A wife is bothered by her husband’s lack of attention and a husband is bothered by his wife’s nagging. This leads to disaster. Our society has a 33-50% divorce rate. A strong marriage makes a family strong. Without strong families, society is weak. We must rebuild a strong society by strengthening families. This requires a commitment to marriage. A husband and wife will find happiness in their marriage that the world can’t offer. They can do that by understanding the seven Cs of marriage: the command for marriage, a commitment to marriage, communication, couple time, agreeing on issues with their currency, putting Christ at the center of the marriage, and supporting each other’s endeavors in the community. Our lives are busy. It doesn’t matter if you have kids, how old they are, or if you work outside the home. We prioritize things that will help us or our family. We should exercise and take time for ourselves. To be a better person, we may help a friend in need. We forget about our spouse. If you forget your partner, your relationship will suffer. After two years, the initial excitement fades. If we don’t rekindle it, it will die out. You can make it stronger again. This takes effort and attention.

Marriage is like working out. It can be hard to get motivated if you feel your spouse doesn’t appreciate you. Just start. Start with one kind act, one word, or one kiss. Keep this a priority every day. You may feel tired at first, but it will get easier. You’ll get used to thinking about your spouse and trying to serve them in different ways. You’ll start thinking of others. Your marriage will get stronger and healthier too. You’ll be surprised and pleased.

What makes a great marriage?

A satisfying marriage/relationship depends on love, commitment, trust, time, attention, good communication, partnership, tolerance, patience, openness, honesty, respect, sharing, consideration, generosity, willingness to compromise, constructive management of disagreements/arguments, willingness to see another’s viewpoint, ability and willingness to forgive/apologize, and fun. The list is simple, but it can be hard for couples to stay happy when things go wrong. There are many ways to strengthen a marriage or relationship. Sometimes couples wonder what’s wrong with their relationship. The following four areas of closeness can help couples assess their relationship and improve it when difficulties arise.

What’s the secret to a happy marriage?

Focus on each other’s strengths. It’s hard to see past little annoyances, and you might even hate your partner. To have a happy marriage, you have to accept your partner’s strengths and weaknesses and set realistic expectations, says Ellen Chute, LMSW. If you’re better with numbers, don’t get angry when they misbalance the checkbook. Set the budget instead. If they’re good at cooking, they can manage meal planning. “Using our strengths makes us happier,” says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, co-author of the book Happy Together. “When we help our partner use their strengths, we are more satisfied in our relationship,” she says. Don’t expect your partner to complete you. It’s real. Jerry Maguire is a movie character. When he said, “You complete me,” it was romantic, but it doesn’t work in real life. If you rely on your spouse to fulfill you, it can lead to an over-dependent relationship where you don’t grow. Couples in healthy relationships should “complement” each other, not “complete” one another. “We should be secure, mature, and whole in ourselves while being open to the other person.” Nurture your own interests and desires. Take a class you’re interested in, make plans with friends. Don’t wait for your spouse to fill in the void. But still, do things together. Have fun together. It’s important to share experiences with your partner, but don’t depend on them too much. “Mixing up your relationship with new activities can strengthen it,” says Pawelski.

What’s the most important thing in a marriage?

Marriage is about commitment. Commitment is more than just wanting to stay together. … Love: Most couples start out in love, but it takes work to keep that feeling alive. What are the most common problems in a marriage?

STARTOTHERTAGLIST OTHERTAGLIST ENDOTHERTAGLIST.

What is the main key in marriage?

When you’re excited about your wedding, it’s hard to imagine that your marriage might not last. But sharing your life with another person can be hard, especially if you don’t know much about relationships. Marriages take work, love, and respect to be happy and successful. A marriage based on love and respect takes work. Both partners must contribute. Here are some keys to a successful marriage.

Communicate often. Talking with your spouse is good for your marriage. Be honest, but be kind. Good communication means being a good listener and understanding your spouse’s needs. Keep talking, not just about bills and kids. Tell your spouse what you think and feel. Tell your spouse you’re thankful for them. Appreciate each other, your relationship, and your lives together. Thank your partner when they cook dinner, help the kids with homework, or do the grocery shopping. Take a few minutes each evening to tell each other one thing you appreciated that day.

What is the key to a perfect marriage?

What is the secret to a good marriage?

Focus on each other’s strengths. It’s hard to see past little annoyances, and you might even hate your partner. To have a happy marriage, you have to accept your partner’s strengths and weaknesses and set realistic expectations, says Ellen Chute, LMSW. If you’re better with numbers, don’t get angry when they misbalance the checkbook. Set the budget instead. If they’re good at cooking, they can manage meal planning. “Using our strengths makes us happier,” says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, co-author of the book Happy Together. “When we help our partner use their strengths, we are more satisfied in our relationship,” she says. Don’t expect your partner to complete you. It’s real. Jerry Maguire is a movie character. When he said, “You complete me,” it was romantic, but it doesn’t work in real life. If you rely on your spouse to fulfill you, it can lead to an over-dependent relationship where you don’t grow. Couples in healthy relationships should “complement” each other, not “complete” one another, she says. “We should be secure, mature, and whole in ourselves while being open to the other person.” Nurture your own interests and desires. Take a class you’re interested in, make plans with friends. Don’t wait for your spouse to fill in the void. But still, do things together. Have fun together. It’s important to share experiences with your partner, but don’t depend on them too much. “Mixing up your relationship with new activities can strengthen it,” says Pawelski.

📹 The Three Requirements of a Good Relationship

It can be hard to know what we really need from a relationship. But the task becomes much simpler if we keep in mind that every …

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As an enthusiastic wedding planner, my goal is to furnish couples with indelible recollections of their momentous occasion. After more than ten years of experience in the field, I ensure that each wedding I coordinate is unique and characterized by my meticulous attention to detail, creativity, and a personal touch. I delight in materializing aspirations, guaranteeing that every occasion is as singular and enchanted as the love narrative it commemorates. Together, we can transform your wedding day into an unforgettable occasion that you will always remember fondly.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Marriage — Why Marriages Fail By Anne Roiphe

Why Marriages Fail by Anne Roiphe

• Categories: Marriage

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Words: 714 |

Published: Mar 19, 2024

Words: 714 | Pages: 2 | 4 min read

Table of contents

Introduction, the role of communication, unmet expectations and unrealistic ideals, the impact of external stressors.

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My husband and I keep our finances separate and believe it's one of the reasons our marriage has stayed strong over the years

• My husband and I have always kept our finances separate.
• We have different money habits, and it works for us.
• However, we're still transparent about money, and we split shared costs fairly.

Right before my husband and I got married in 2021, we did a deep dive into our finances. We had always kept our money separate and decided that after tying the knot, we wouldn't change that. While we both had similar financial structures, like saving, retirement, and investment accounts, our money habits differ .

I'm obsessed with saving money and cutting costs wherever I can. My husband rarely uses coupons and doesn't think twice about ordering takeout when we have food in the fridge. While this caused a handful of fights over the five years we dated, we always resolved those arguments by agreeing to keep our money separated and not judge the other person's financial behavior .

This worked because when I saw my husband overspending on things I never would, I could relax because it was his money he was spending, and mine wasn't being wasted. When he saw me spend an hour figuring out how to stack coupons to get discounts when online shopping, he looked away because he knew it mattered a lot to me.

Moving into marriage with that mindset felt comforting. Now that we've been married for three years, I believe having our finances split has kept our relationship strong. Here's why.

We still stay in the loop about each other's finances

Just because we keep our finances separate and manage our money individually, we are still very transparent with each other about our portfolios. It's important to me that we stay open with our finances to catch things like missed credit card payments or make sure the other person hasn't been caught up in habits like gambling or overshopping. While neither of us has ever gone down those roads, I've seen family and friends get lost in those things and destroy their finances.

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At the end of every month, we sit down and do financial audits together. We review our credit card bills to analyze how much we spent and see if we can find any overcharges or subscriptions that need to be canceled.

We also go through our accounts (including savings, retirement, and investment) to see how the money is doing. We advise each other on how to better manage our money and discuss strategies that could work best. But after the conversation ends, each of us does what we want with our money until the meeting happens the next month.

We split things as evenly as possible

For the most part, we split our joint spending or costs evenly. We pay the same amount for rent, utilities, and insurance premiums. When it comes to smaller shared costs, like take-out or household items, one of us usually picks up the tab. We don't keep track of who bought dinner or laundry detergent last. We just try to take turns and believe it all evens out over time.

However, during moments when I lost work as a solopreneur or had our baby and didn't have a day of maternity leave, we've been more flexible on splitting the bills. My husband covered more joint costs, like rent and utilities, and picked up 75% of the smaller costs. I didn't ask him to do this, but he knew that I couldn't work as much as he was, and he felt it was the right thing to do.

It took a big burden off of me during tough moments. Even now that I'm working 50% less to take on full-time childcare, he picks up most of the shared costs and pays a little more of the bigger shared costs, too.

We make big financial decisions together

When it comes to small purchases, like clothing, household items, or groceries, we both spend however much we're comfortable spending. But when it comes to bigger purchases, usually anything over $500, we have a rule that we both have to agree before making the decision.

For example, we're planning to move to a new apartment and need a few big-ticket furniture items like a new couch, mattress, and dresser. While we might not be able to agree on a budget for these items since I want to spend very little and my husband prioritizes quality, we have to be on the same page about an item before making the purchase. I liked a couch that was $650, and my husband liked one that was $3,250. We did some research and found one we both agreed on from a design, comfort, and price perspective for $975.

We created a shared account when we had a baby

Our split financial plan worked well until we had a baby last year. As our shared costs grew, we decided it would be easier if we had one checking account and credit card that we used only for shared costs related to the baby.

To make this easier and avoid having it be a point of contention in our relationship, we calculated how much these costs are each month and decided to each send half that amount to the checking account on the first of the month. It's usually enough to cover the credit card bill, and any extra cash remains in that account as overflow money for future months when we might spend more.

We'll stick to this strategy for the foreseeable future

It might seem like putting all of our money into the same account and having joint credit cards would be easier, but it wouldn't work for us. Since I'm hyper-focused on saving, I know that analyzing every transaction my husband made would make me anxious and angry at him.

Splitting shared costs and managing our finances separately while staying transparent about our money has allowed us to avoid arguing about this topic and has kept our relationship on a strong path.

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How to End a College Essay: Strategies and Examples

Writing a college essay takes skill, but making a strong college essay conclusion is often the most important part. A great ending can make a big impact on your readers and bring your main ideas together. This guide will walk you through four strategies that will help you create impactful conclusions that resonate with your audience.

1. Writing a Memorable College Essay Conclusion

The conclusion of your essay is your last chance to strengthen your main points and leave a lasting impression. A well-written ending can make your whole essay better and more memorable.

Successful Essay Ending Examples

Here are some great ways to end an essay:

• Share a thoughtful idea that connects to your main point, giving a sense of closure and understanding.
• Quickly go over your main points, showing them in a new way.
• Discuss why your topic matters beyond just your essay.
• Link back to your introduction, making your writing feel complete.

Example: 

"When I started looking into how music affects the brain, I didn't know I'd find a connection to my grandmother's struggle with Alzheimer's. I learned that songs people know well can often bring back memories for patients, even when they have trouble talking. This discovery changed how I see music's power and gave me a new way to connect with my grandmother. When we hum her favorite songs together, I see hints of recognition in her eyes, reminding me that sometimes, big scientific ideas can have very personal effects."

Common Mistakes in Ending an Essay

Avoid these problems when writing your college essay conclusion:

• Adding new ideas: Your conclusion should bring together existing points, not introduce new information.
• Just repeating your main point: While it's important to remind readers of your main idea, simply saying it again word-for-word doesn't work well.
• Using overused phrases: Don't use expressions like "In conclusion" or "To sum up."
• Stopping too suddenly: Make sure your conclusion gives a feeling of completion and doesn't leave readers hanging.

Aithor's advanced language model can help you write compelling conclusions that avoid these common mistakes and enhance the overall impact of your essay.

2. Thought-Provoking Questions: A Powerful Way to End an Essay

Ending an essay with a question that makes people think can get your readers interested and encourage them to keep thinking about your topic. This approach leaves a strong impression and can make your essay more memorable.

"After looking at how social media changes how we see ourselves, we're left with an important question: Can we find a way to share our lives online while still living them fully offline? Maybe the answer isn't choosing between the online and real worlds, but learning how to connect well in both."

When using this method, make sure your question is:

• Related to your essay's main topic
• Open-ended, encouraging deeper thought
• Not easy to answer with just "yes" or "no"

3. How to End Your College Essay with a Call to Action

A call to action (CTA) in your conclusion can encourage your readers to do something based on the ideas you've talked about. This works well for essays about social issues, environmental problems, or personal growth topics.

"In this essay, we've looked at the problem of plastic in our oceans. Now, it's time to help fix it. Start by replacing one single-use plastic item you use every day with something you can use again. It could be as simple as using a reusable water bottle or bringing your own bags to the store. Tell your friends and family what you're doing. By taking these small steps, we're not just making less waste; we're starting a chain reaction that can lead to cleaner oceans and a healthier planet."

When writing a CTA for your college essay conclusion, make sure it's:

• Clear and easy to write
• Directly related to your essay's main points
• Something your readers can actually do

Aithor can assist you in writing perfect calls to action that connect with your readers and fit well with your essay's content.

4. Personal Anecdotes: An Engaging Essay Ending

Ending an essay with a personal story can help your readers feel connected to you and strengthen your main message. This approach makes your writing more relatable and human.

"Last summer, I helped at a local animal shelter. One day, they brought in an older, scruffy dog named Max. For weeks, people passed him by, always choosing younger, cuter puppies instead. I started spending extra time with Max, and slowly, his playful side came out. When a family finally took him home, the happiness on their faces – and Max's wagging tail – showed me how important it is to give every living thing a chance. This taught me more about patience, unfair judgments, and the power of second chances than any book ever could."

When using a personal story to end your college essay:

• Make sure it relates to your main topic
• Keep it short and powerful
• Use clear language to paint a picture for your readers

Tips on How to End a College Essay

To write a strong conclusion, think about these extra tips on how to end a college essay:

• Wrap up your main points clearly while suggesting how they might apply to other things or future ideas to keep your readers thinking.
• Make sure your conclusion sounds like the rest of your essay for a smooth, polished finish.
• Don't weaken your arguments by sounding unsure in your conclusion.
• Be extra careful with grammar and punctuation in your conclusion, as it's the last thing your readers will remember.
• Write your conclusion to connect with your specific readers, whether they're college admissions staff, teachers, or other students.
• Write a short and powerful conclusion that drives your main points home without repeating too much or using too many words.

Remember, your conclusion is your last chance to make a strong impression. Take your time to write it carefully, making sure it ties together your main points and shows why your essay matters.

For those wondering how to end a reflection paper, Aithor can help you improve your college essay conclusion, making sure it's polished, powerful, and fits your specific needs. This top writing tool can help you refine your essay ending examples and give you guidance on how to end a reflection paper or any other type of school writing.

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Marriage in the Modern World Essay

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Introduction

Values cherished in the modern world, legal position of marriage.

Marriage is a phenomenon that has existed throughout human history and appears in a variety of literatures including sociology, anthropology, cultural studies and legal studies among others. It is a phenomenon that has evolved through different definitions that attempt to fit the concept in particular circumstances.

The two prominent views that have emerged are the conjugal view and revisionist view (Girgis, George & Anderson, 2010, p.246). According to conjugal viewpoint, marriage is the joining together of a man and woman in order to make a lasting and exclusive commitment of the type that is intrinsically fulfilled by bearing and bringing up children together.

On the other hand, the revisionist view considers marriage as the union of two people who commit to love and care for each other romantically and to sharing the challenges and gains of domestic life. Such differing views emerge from extreme debates that question the changing nature of marriage.

Therefore, this paper argues that marriage in the modern world does not depend on a legal definition only, but also depends on alternative justifications. In as much as the worldviews on family life have changed, marriage still refers to a social, psychological, sexual, emotional, religious, economical and legal fulfillment and the fundamental values of marriage still holds.

Arguably, the aspects that were valued in the traditional marriages have not lost any significance in the modern world as many people tend to think. In most societies across the world, it is generally accepted that it is good for children to be reared in stable close partnerships and that these partnerships would provide adults with personal accomplishment.

The regularization of such stable partnership in some areas has been channeled through marriage, though marriage universally is a massively varied phenomenon (Probert, 2009). For instance, there is no common agreement over the number of parties required in a marriage; who should select partners for marriage; whether or not the rearing of children is the core idea of marriage; or the appropriate age for marriage.

Indeed, in culturally diverse societies, it is hard to describe the nature of marriage that might be true for couples. Although the religious notion of marriage dominated in the tradition world, it has not lost meaning due to the legal conception of marriage.

Religious marriages can take place in situations which would not necessarily be commended by the legal framework and vice versa (Barlow et al., 2005). Interestingly, some religious sects have even perceived the need for official marriages to be reinforced by special religious vows, involving obligations beyond the legal commitments of marriage.

In some societies, we have seen the development of civil partnerships, another alternative to marriage for couples of the same sex (Bamforth, 2007). The fact that these societies felt the necessity of creating a status different from marriage yet similar to marriage, demonstrates how strong the conventional understandings still are.

Initially, marriage used to be the central focus of family laws. Scholars would concentrate on debates of the requirements of marriage, the effects of marriage and marriage termination. Presently however, many scholars of family law connote that paternity is the central concept and that marriage has limited legal importance.

This is confirmed by the suggestion made by Diduck and Kaganas (2006) that “marriage is both core and tangential to family law, thought it can be argued that marriage remains at the center of family ideology” (p.30). These scholars attempt to argue that, while the legal effects of marriage are restricted, the figurative nature of marriage is still the element which plays the most important role in providing an explanation of what the perfect family should be in the modern world.

With that understanding, marriage in the modern world still creates some significant legal effect. For instance, it would be impossible for an advocate to counsel a client over family issues unless the advocate is aware that the partners were married. No wonder Hecker and Wetchler (2003) observe in many societies that, married couples incline more to religious or social authorities for counseling over marriage issues.

Moreover, there are other particular challenges that pressure to restrict the legal importance of marriage even further. One, as noted earlier, there are demands for the conventional definition of marriage to be more inclusive. For instance, divorce should be made available and that sexual orientation should not matter (Bamforth, 2007).

Two, there are debates that those couple living together in one way or another like a traditionally married couples should be regarded in the same ways as married couples (Lemanna & Riedmann, 2011). These threats make it difficult to declare a unique standing for marriage in order to accommodate an encompassing legal definition.

The phenomenon of marriage depends on many justification including legal definitions. This is because the elements valued in the tradition conception of marriage still hold in the current world. In addition, the symbolic nature of marriage rather than legal conception underlies the ideology of a perfect marriage.

Bamforth, N. (2007). The benefits of marriage in all but name?” Same-sex couples and the Civil Partnership Act 2004. Child and Family Law Quarterly , 19, 133.

Barlow, A., Duncan, S., James, G. and Park, A. (2005). Cohabitation, Marriage and the Law . Oxford, UK: Hart Publishing.

Diduck, A. & Kaganas, F. (2006). Family law, gender and the state: text, cases and materials . Oxford, UK: Hart Publishing.

Girgis, S., George, R. P. & Anderson, R. T. (2010). What is marriage? Harvard Journal of Law & Public Policy , 34(1), 245-287.

Hecker, L. L. & Wetchler, J. L. (2003). An introduction to marriage and family therapy . Oxfordshire, UK: Routledge.

Lemanna, M. A. & Riedmann, A. (2011). Marriages, families and relationships: making choices in a diverse society . Florence, KY: Cengage Learning.

Probert, R. (2009). Marriage law and practice in the long eighteenth century: a reassessment . New York, NY: Cambridge University Press.

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IvyPanda. (2018, June 7). Marriage in the Modern World. https://ivypanda.com/essays/marriage-in-the-modern-world/

"Marriage in the Modern World." IvyPanda , 7 June 2018, ivypanda.com/essays/marriage-in-the-modern-world/.

IvyPanda . (2018) 'Marriage in the Modern World'. 7 June.

IvyPanda . 2018. "Marriage in the Modern World." June 7, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/marriage-in-the-modern-world/.

1. IvyPanda . "Marriage in the Modern World." June 7, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/marriage-in-the-modern-world/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Marriage in the Modern World." June 7, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/marriage-in-the-modern-world/.