how to maintain long distance relationship essay

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23 tips to make a long-distance relationship work, from experts.

Long-distance relationships can work; many couples who've survived long periods of being long-distance can attest to that. But there is a particular set of issues that you'll need to address, such as making time for each other, staying emotionally close, and maintaining that spark.

So we asked experts what habits couples need to make a long-distance relationship work, no matter the miles.

Rules for communication

Establish expectations.

How much contact do you want to have with your partner each day, and how much do they expect from you? Don't assume you and your partner are on the same page about this! Different people will have different expectations around the frequency of texting, phone calls, and communication , so it's good to have a direct conversation about what type of communication cadence feels good for both of you.

Schedule in time together

Make sure you're putting regular time on the calendar to check in with each other. It might seem silly to have to remind yourself to spend time together, but quality time can often get put on the back-burner in long-distance relationships if you're not paying close attention.

Even if the two of you text frequently, you still want to schedule dedicated date nights to look forward to. "Whether it’s a multi-hour phone call, watching a movie together, or a night of following along with a funny crafting video on YouTube," sex and relationship coach Jordan Gray tells mbg, "having a weekly date night does a lot to help you maintain a sense of normalcy and connection."

In addition to scheduling when you'll be visiting each other periodically, schedule in weekly quality time together between visits.

Prioritize connecting , not just talking

Just because you're texting or talking every day on the phone doesn't mean you're actually connecting. As couples counselor Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., CST , recently told mbg, it takes more than just a goodnight call to feel connected as a couple.

"Remember to really share and consult with each other, console each other, and keep the conversation going on in-depth," she says. Talk about things like your goals, dreams, obstacles, and challenges. Give your partner the opportunity to support you through your day-to-day life and in the crafting of your future, and similarly be there for them.

Share your calendars

Sharing your calendars with each other so you know what the other is up to each day or creating a shared calendar for your relationship will help you feel connected and more immediately in each other's lives. "This is especially helpful when you're in different time zones and makes day-to-day communication that much smoother," Gray says. Plus, "it also helps you avoid sending them a naughty text during an inappropriate time."

Honor each other's time

When you do schedule a date, honor it. "Be respectful of each other's time," clinical psychologist Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy , advises. Every couple, regardless of distance, wants to feel appreciated and respected—and bailing on a date carries a particular sting when you already don't see each other often. "Don't take that video call for granted and reschedule it willy-nilly," she says. "It is sacred time."

Be fully present when together

It's very important to minimize distractions when you're speaking or video chatting together, explains therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW . "Get cozy in bed to talk, light a candle, and allow as much romance as possible."

Gray adds, "Everyone wants to feel like they're a priority, and they deserve your full attention. Instead of calling them when you're walking down the street and giving them a prime view of your nostrils, call them when you're indoors with all distractions removed."

Share your accomplishments

It can be easy to spend your whole phone call talking about how much you miss each other, so don't forget to fill each other in on all the good things happening in your lives as well. "Share the things you're proud to have accomplished this week," Neo says, "even if it's a mental breakthrough. It doesn't matter how easy it comes to someone else, as long as it matters to you!"

Romantic gestures

Don't be afraid to be "extra".

"The challenges experienced in a long-distance relationship often mirror the challenges faced in a long-term relationship," Page explains. "It takes extra effort to keep the intimacy going."

Everything you'd usually make sure to do in a relationship? Do it extra. Practice extra-good communication and give them extra attention, sweetness, and thoughtfulness. Considering all the distance between you, you should always be going the extra mile, figuratively.

Surprise each other

Another way to keep the excitement alive is to prioritize surprises, big or small! You could have a gift sent to them , Page suggests, for example, or perhaps even surprise them with a carefully orchestrated visit. Other ideas that Gray suggests include sending flowers, a sexy photo, an extended appreciation list, or tickets to an event you can attend together in the future (which also gives you something to look forward to).

Express your longing

As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder—and who doesn't want to hear that they're valued and missed? "Use the fuel of longing that a long-distance relationship generates," Page says. "There's an ache that we experience when we're apart from our loved one—expressing that ache brings deeper closeness. Don't be ashamed of your feelings of need and desire to be together. Expressing them will bring the two of you so much closer."

Treat your dates like real dates

The longer you're with someone, the less likely you may be to get dressed up for them. But your virtual dinner date is the perfect opportunity to remind them you do still want to put in the extra effort for them. "Dress up; make an effort; enjoy yourselves," Neo says.

Curate your "Relationship Bucket List"

Having things to look forward to is like a light at the end of the tunnel. As such, Gray recommends making a shared document or email chain where you can both add to a list of things you want to do together. "For example," he says, "you could write 'Live in Paris for a month,' 'Take a cooking class together,' or 'Go to a day spa together somewhere with a beautiful view.'"

Keeping things fun while long distance

Find a shared activity.

Find something you can both engage in, like reading a book together, Neo recommends. This will allow you to always have a meaty topic to discuss and ideas to reflect and bounce around together, other than just catching up on your days.

Send flirty texts

From a flirty message to straight-up sexting, it's always nice to remind each other you still view them in a romantic light. "Whether you primarily use words, photos, or emojis doesn't matter as much as simply engaging in it," Gray says. "The point is to simply communicate to your partner, through your actions, 'I see still you as my lover, and the erotic element to our relationship matters to me, even when we're apart.'"

Prioritize your sex life

"Whether you schedule video chat sex dates or send your partner weekly nudes," Gray says, "putting effort into cultivating the erotic spark is something that is imperative to keeping your relationship thriving." (Here's our full guide to phone sex and guide to sexting .)

Every couple's sex life is different, so figuring out what you both like and what works for you while you're apart is important. "Have a list of what you can do to keep the sexual and intimate spark alive long-distance," Neo says, "and do it!"

Get creative with your virtual dates

Keep things interesting by getting creative with your dates. Maybe that's an elegant dinner you both cook and eat together while video chatting, or even go to sleep together via phone or Zoom, Page suggests. Spend time in nature in your different time zones, pick up a new hobby or intellectual pursuit together—the options are endless. (Here are a few great virtual date ideas .)

Continue to get to know each other

There's always something new to learn about your partner, and continuing to prioritize it can deepen your emotional intimacy. "Engage in playing games to know each other better," Neo suggests. "I like the 36 Questions , Proust Questionnaire , and other question aids by The School of Life . There's always so much to discover!"

Embrace the time apart

It may be easy to fall into a pattern of not taking care of your appearance or home because your partner isn't around. But Gray says this is actually an excellent time to work on yourself! "Use this unique relationship phase to lean into life," he says. "Pick up new hobbies, develop new skills, or hone your existing ones. In other words, do something with your days so you'll have new things to report to them when you are talking."

How to make things last

Create forward momentum in your relationship.

A 2019 survey found that the No. 1 reason long-distance relationships end is a "lack of progress." In other words, the relationship stops changing, evolving, and moving forward.

Many couples naturally drift apart due to lack of effort and attention , and long-distance relationships are particularly susceptible. If you really want your long-distance relationship to succeed, it's important to make sure you're growing as a couple and deepening your connection over time. Where is this going? What can you do to make sure you're moving forward?

Be as vulnerable as possible

It can be easy to fall into a routine with your catchup phone calls. How was your day, how was their day, I miss you, good night.

But the beauty of long-distance relationships is that you can cultivate connection that's solely based on going deeper and deeper with your conversations . When we're not physically together, it can actually be easier to open up, Page says. "Sometimes the gift of separateness allows us to share more deeply than we might otherwise. You can deepen the romance through your communication, share sexual fantasies, and be more vulnerable."

So go in deep. Ask more thoughtful questions than, "How are you?" Find new ways to share new parts of yourself with each other.

Be open about uncertainties

Speaking of vulnerability, it's important to remain open to discussing issues. You should be able to openly talk about insecurities you have about the relationship, feelings of jealousy that might come up, and any other tensions between you. This can be difficult if you don't want to put any more strain on an already difficult situation, but it will keep resentment or disconnection from building in the long run.

"Of course, make the right time and space," Neo says. "Invite your partner into a discussion by saying, 'Recently I've been feeling ___, and I'd like to talk about it with you. What do you think?' (You don't want to make them feel ambushed.)"

Prioritize seeing each other IRL

This will, of course, depend on a number of factors, but when possible, prioritizing trips and making the extra effort to see each other goes a long way. "It's dampening to the relationship if one of you says that it's just too difficult or expensive to connect and the other feels like you just don't care enough," Page notes. "Be ambitious in your efforts to see each other in person."

Look toward the finish line

Ideally, you're assuming that one day your relationship will no longer be long-distance. So hold that finish line in mind.

"One of the best things you can do in a long-distance relationship is to figure out when you'll no longer be apart," Gray says. "The lack of physical touch becomes that much more bearable when you both have your finger on the pulse of when this phase will come to an end."

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Tips For Making Your Long-Distance Relationship Successful

Ioanna Stavraki

Community Wellbeing Professional, Educator

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc, Neuropsychology, MBPsS

Ioanna Stavraki is a healthcare professional leading NHS Berkshire's Wellbeing Network Team and serving as a Teaching Assistant at The University of Malawi for the "Organisation Psychology" MSc course. With previous experience at Frontiers' "Computational Neuroscience" journal and startup "Advances in Clinical Medical Research," she contributes significantly to neuroscience and psychology research. Early career experience with Alzheimer's patients and published works, including an upcoming IET book chapter, underscore her dedication to advancing healthcare and neuroscience understanding.

Learn about our Editorial Process

Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

Saul McLeod, PhD

Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Long-distance relationships (LDRs) can be equally as fulfilling as close proximity relationships. Dr Ana Yudin indicates that LDRs can be just as successful and sometimes even stronger than geographically stronger relationships. 

“It is not the geographical closeness that matters for determining whether a couple is going to last or how satisfied they are with each other but rather these subjective experiences and attitudes of the partners involved.”

However, this type of relationship demands a unique set of skills to navigate the challenges posed by geographical separation.

It is important to keep the relationship alive so as not to allow the distance to kill the relationship.

In this article, we will delve into specific strategies designed to address the complexities of LDRs, offering actionable tips for effective communication, sustaining intimacy, building unwavering trust, making reunions memorable, setting shared goals, and transforming challenges into opportunities for growth.

We will discuss why each area is important, the potential issues it can cause for LDR, and use example case studies to illustrate how someone can implement advice.

Overcome communication barriers

Physical separation can create barriers to real-time interaction, potentially leading to misunderstandings and emotional disconnect. Therefore, effective communication is essential in LDRs, as these intentional efforts are vital to bridge the gap left by the lack of face-to-face interaction.

Long-distance relationships heavily rely on digital communication, and while technology has provided us with incredible tools to stay connected, it also introduces its challenges.

Overcoming communication barriers is essential to maintaining a healthy, vibrant, thriving relationship.

Common problems that can arise with long-distance communication are:

• Only having text-based communication 
• Lack of clear expectations around frequency and style of communication
• Time zone challenges and poor coordination 
• Focusing solely on the frequency of communication and not the quality 
• Relying heavily on only technology-centred methods

Here are some actionable tips to improve your long-distance communication barriers:

• Schedule regular video dates to maintain visual connection
• Share daily moments through messages or calls
• Address conflicts constructively by actively listening and expressing feelings
• Use mixed methods of communication e.g., letters and texts
• Establish expectations and needs from the beginning

“The only reason it worked was because I was regularly able to travel to visit, daily phone calls (not texting), regular video calls, and we knew it was only going to be two years tops. It is absolutely doable, but you have to be ready to put in a lot of extra effort to make it work.” ‘Adam’

Keep intimacy alive

Maintaining intimacy in a long-distance relationship is often considered one of the most challenging aspects. Intimacy fosters deep emotional bonds, strengthens trust, and counteracts the impact of distance by providing a sense of closeness (Arditti & Kauffman, 2004).

Therefore, it plays a crucial role in sustaining passion, promoting understanding, and offering emotional support during challenging times.

The physical separation can create a sense of emotional distance, but with intentional efforts and creative strategies, couples can nurture and even enhance their emotional connection

Common problems that can arise with long-distance intimacy are:

• Monotony in daily communication can lead to boredom
• Lack of non-verbal cues leading to misunderstandings
• Difficulty in maintaining a passionate connection without physical proximity
• Elevated trust concerns due to lack of physical presence
• Insecurities arising from limited knowledge about the partner’s daily life
• Interference from external factors, such as work stress or family opinions

Here are some actionable tips to improve your long-distance intimacy barriers:

• Send flirty texts and photos
• Schedule regular video dates for movie nights or dinner together
• Display virtual affection
• Play online games to add an element of fun and competition
• Create digital playlists or shared online photo albums
• Establish shared routines, such as a morning or bedtime call
• Send photos or videos of your surroundings and daily activities

You can also explore each other’s love languages so you can show affection for your partner in a way they best receive and understand. Consider for instance whether they prefer you to show love through words of affirmation and how you can incorporate this into your interactions.

Build unwavering trust

In long-distance relationships, trust becomes the bedrock upon which the connection thrives. It is especially important when starting a new long-distance relationship .

The physical separation inherent in such relationships can amplify insecurities , making trust the foundation that anchors the connection. Trust acts as a stabilizing force, reducing uncertainties and fostering emotional security (Sawai, Sawai, Masdin & Aziz, 2023). 

Therefore, unwavering trust is essential for navigating challenges, preventing unnecessary conflicts, and building a resilient foundation that can withstand the unique pressures of long-distance relationships.

It is important to note that in efforts to develop trust in a relationship, you might end up doing the opposite when being too distrustful.

For example, check-ins are important but should stay within reasonable limits. If your partner has told you they will be busy on a particular day, do not spam their phone with calls and texts wanting to know every detail and then get upset they they do not reply. 

Balance is key so you should aim for a healthy amount of sharing, in whatever way reflects you both and your needs best. 

Common problems that can arise with long-distance trust building are:

• Overly demanding to know their every move and interaction
• Difficulty in conveying emotions effectively through digital means
• Doubts arising from a lack of physical presence and firsthand observations
• Lack of agreement on mutually established boundaries
• Doubts about the partner’s consistency in communication
• Insecurities arising from uncertainties about the partner’s feelings
• Anxiety about potential betrayal due to physical separation
• Verbal reassurances without corresponding actions

Here are some actionable tips to improve your long-distance trust-building barriers:

• Check-in emotionally frequently 
• Encourage independent pursuits
• Address issues promptly and directly
• Share details about your social interactions to maintain transparency
• Discuss any changes in plans or unexpected events promptly
• Express fears, insecurities, and personal challenges
• Be mindful of each other’s comfort levels regarding social interactions
• Revisit and adjust boundaries as the relationship evolves
• Address and rectify any inconsistencies promptly
• Respect their space and do not spam them when they say they are busy

“My boyfriend and I have a rule where if something is going on, we won’t text about it, instead, we call right away or wait to call and text about something else. If something doesn’t feel right, say something!” ‘Cassie’

Make reunions memorable

Reunions in long-distance relationships are the much-anticipated chapters where the physical separation transforms into a shared reality. These moments serve as the highlights in the narrative of separation and togetherness. They also act as opportunities to solidify the emotional connection and create lasting memories. 

Therefore, making reunions memorable is essential for creating shared experiences that sustain the emotional connection and contribute to the overall resilience of the long-distance relationship.

Common problems that can arise with long-distance reunions:

• Misalignment of expectations between partners
• Disappointment due to expecting too much from the reunion
• Feeling rushed during reunions due to time constraints
• Falling into a routine and repeating activities from previous reunions
• Not considering each other’s preferences in planning activities
• Forgetting to commemorate significant dates or achievements
• Neglecting to discuss and plan for future reunions before parting ways
• Feeling pressured or stressed, can impact ability to focus on the reunion

Here are some actionable tips to improve your long-distance reunion barriers:

• Plan special activities together that reflect shared interests
• Designate quality time
• Explore new places or revisit significant locations
• Incorporate surprises to add an element of excitement
• Take photos and videos
• Exchange personalized gifts that hold sentimental value
• Create a reunion playlist with songs that are special to your relationship
• Plan dedicated one-on-one time for deeper connections
• Create traditions that mark the passage of time together
• Discuss and plan for the next reunion before parting ways

Set a shared end goal

Long-distance relationships are often sustained by the prospect of a shared future, a time when the physical separation transforms into shared proximity. Setting a shared end goal is a crucial aspect of maintaining a sense of purpose and direction in the relationship in addition to maintaining satisfaction (Impett et al., 2010).

In the absence of physical proximity, having a common objective helps both partners feel united and committed to a common purpose.

Therefore, setting a shared end goal provides a roadmap for the relationship, fostering unity, commitment, and a mutual investment in a shared future despite the physical distance.

Common problems that can arise with long-distance shared goal-setting are:

• Lack of clarity on what each partner envisions as the shared end goal
• Ambiguity regarding whether the end goal involves relocation, marriage, or other milestones
• Differences in perspectives regarding the appropriate timeline for major life changes
• Lack of preparation for challenges that may arise during the journey
• Rigid adherence to initial plans without room for adjustments
• Failure to communicate about the emotional impact of challenges on the relationship
• Overlooking the importance of smaller achievements in maintaining motivation

Here are some actionable tips to improve your long-distance shared goal-setting barriers:

• Discuss the ideal future living situation 
• Share timelines and milestones for achieving shared goals
• Discuss personal and professional aspirations openly
• Regularly revisit and adjust the timeline as needed
• Make gradual steps towards cohabitation
• Discuss potential obstacles that may arise
• Acknowledge and appreciate each other’s contributions
• Regularly check in on progress and adjust responsibilities as needed
• Plan special moments or rewards for achievements along the way

Transform challenges into growth

Transforming challenges into growth is crucial in long-distance relationships as it cultivates resilience, strengthens the relationship, and contributes to individual and collective well-being.

Facing challenges with a growth mindset allows couples to view difficulties as opportunities for learning and improvement rather than insurmountable obstacles.

Therefore, this process is vital for long-distance relationships to thrive, fostering both personal and relational flourishing despite the physical separation.

Common problems that can arise when trying to turn challenges into growth in long-distance  relationships are:

• Difficulty in initiating conversations about potential difficulties
• Tackling challenges individually without involving the partner
• Repeating the same patterns without learning from past challenges
• Resisting or fearing change and adaptation to evolving circumstances
• Ignoring the need for emotional support during difficult times
• Communication gaps can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations

Here are some actionable tips to improve your long-distance transformation of challenges into growth:

• Turn jealous moments into trust-building lessons 
• Use visits to renew commitment 
• Brainstorm solutions together
• Establish a safe space for vulnerability and honesty
• Use logistics planning as bonding time
• Consider couples counseling or individual therapy
• Seek opportunities for skill development and learning
• Reflect on the progress made, both individually and as a couple
• See challenges as temporary roadblocks on the journey to a stronger relationship

Rituals for Long-Distance Relationships

When couples are physically separated due to travel, work, or other circumstances, rituals take on even more importance to maintain connection. Esther Perel provides examples of meaningful long distance rituals include:

• Leaving something with your partner when you depart (a small gift, item of clothing, note, etc.) so they feel your presence even when you’re not there. This creates a symbolic reminder that you will come back to them.
• Maintaining a private, intimate email that is just for the two of you rather than practical logistics. This separate channel allows more vulnerability, expression of affection, sharing memories or desires, that nourishes the romantic bond. 
• Setting aside intentional video call times for a “show and tell” of old photos. Taking a trip down memory lane together strengthens the sense of a shared story spanning time and distance. Laughing, reminiscing and envisioning the future provides continuity.
• Other rituals that induce a feeling of closeness work too – watching the same movie while video calling, playing online games, reading the same book and then discussing it. 

The central idea is to adapt rituals to the constraints of physical separation by focusing on emotional and psychological bonds. Consider trying out new LDR activities to deepen your connection further, too.

Keeping your intimate life vibrant through these intentional practices ensures the foundation remains solid despite external challenges. Absence makes the heart grow fonder when separation rituals keep fondness alive.

Final thoughts

To conclude, in the realm of relationships, distance can be both a challenge and an opportunity. Long-distance relationships (LDRs) demand a unique set of skills, and in this exploration, we’ve delved into strategies tailored for effective communication, sustained intimacy, unwavering trust, memorable reunions, shared goals, and transforming challenges into growth.

Relationship expert Matthew Hussey highlights the importance of having a team mindset and an “us against and world” mentality. Therefore, in the world of long-distance love, these strategies offer threads of connection, resilience, and growth.

By embracing these insights, couples can cultivate a relationship that not only withstands the trials of distance but also thrives, turning each challenge into an opportunity to strengthen their bond.

Arditti, J. A., & Kauffman, M. (2004). Staying close when apart: Intimacy and meaning in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy , 3 (1), 27-51.

Impett, E. A., Gordon, A. M., Kogan, A., Oveis, C., Gable, S. L., & Keltner, D. (2010). Moving toward more perfect unions: daily and long-term consequences of approach and avoidance goals in romantic relationships. Journal of personality and social psychology , 99 (6), 948.

Matthew Hussey. (2015, August 1). 3 Secrets to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Last [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEWoLoN4wuw

Psychology With Dr. Ana. (2023, May 15). How to make long-distance relationships work [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=160WmACbawg

Sawai, J. P., Sawai, R. P., Masdin, M., & Aziz, A. R. A. (2023). Sustaining long-distance relationship through love, trust, and dedication among married couples. MANU Jurnal Pusat Penataran Ilmu dan Bahasa , 34 (1), 63-80.

Communication , Relationships

21 best tips on making a long-distance relationship work.

Fact Checked. Our dedicated editorial team tirelessly evaluates every article we publish to ensure the information is factual, up-to-date and free of bias.

Having texting and video conferencing at our fingertips, it appears that maintaining a long-distance relationship is easier than ever. Long-distance calls are no longer a luxury; the days when they needed to be rationed are long gone.

Long-distance couples do not have to depend on 3 p.m. postal delivery, waiting for news that is at best four days old.

Now we’re no longer even in the days of waiting for our loved ones to check their e-mail when they get home from work. Instant messaging keeps us hooked to each other even when we are out shopping, working, playing, watching a movie and doing much more.

Technology, however, cannot compensate for everything in a long-distance relationship, as anyone with a long-distance relationship will tell you.

Many long-distance relationships still seem emotionally difficult despite the lack of regular physical proximity.

People often think long-distance relationships will never work. It may be discouraged by your family, and some of your best friends may tell you not to take it too seriously in case you end up heartbroken.

Many things are not possible due to the extra distance – no one can promise it will be easy. Things could get complicated, and you might feel lonely and sad at times.

However, the extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest. Being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, smelling each other’s hair… these small wishes could suddenly mean so much more in a long-distance relationship.

Video Summary

Long-distance relationships may be tough, but they have their own surprises too.

21 Tips on How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work

If you want to make your long-distance relationship work, try out these tips:

1. Avoid excessive communication.

It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples think that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of “loving.”

Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.

2. See it as an opportunity.

“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous

View it as a learning journey for both of you. This is an opportunity for you to prove your love for one another. According to a Chinese proverb, “Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long-distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.

As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,

“I would rather be here, far from you, but feeling really close, rather than close to you but feeling really far away.” – Emma, Glee Season 4

3. Set some ground rules to manage your expectations.

Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of each other during this long-distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise.

For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it all right for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.

4. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively.

Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happenings, however mundane some of the things may seem.

To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips, and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.

5. Talk dirty with each other.

Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. In a way, sexual desire is like the glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart. Sexual need is not only biological but also emotional.

Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too.

6. Avoid “dangerous” situations.

If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand to reassure them.

You should not let this sort of thing slip by because it will only make your partner extra worried or suspicious – and of course, very upset because they will feel powerless or lack control over the situation.

You can fall victim to your traps by going out with eye candy from work after work or dating someone from your past who has been flirting with you without realizing it. Before entering a dangerous situation, you need to recognize the dangers.

Listen to your heart, but don’t just rely on it. Make sure you also listen to your mind.

7. Do things together.

Play a game online together. Watch a documentary at the same time on YouTube or Vimeo. Share a song on Skype while another plays the guitar. Video-call each other and go for a walk together. Together, go online shopping – and buy each other gifts (see #13).

You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.

8. Do similar things.

Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and etc., to each other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about.

Even if you live apart, it’s nice to have some shared experiences.

9. Make visits to each other.

Every long-distance relationship is enriched by visits.

After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other to fulfil all the little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. These are typical for couples in long-distance relationships but more special and intimate for long-distance couples.

The atmosphere will be filled with fireworks, glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows, and butterflies.

10. Have a goal in mind.

Are we going to be apart for a long time?” “what about the future?” These are the questions you should ask yourselves.

In fact, a couple cannot stay in a long-distance relationship forever. Eventually, we all need to settle down.

So make a plan with each other. Set up a timeline, mark down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal.

It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still motivated to work together in the same direction towards a future that includes one another.

That’s right, you need some motivation to make a relationship last too. Find out more about what motivates you here .

11. Enjoy your alone time and your time with your friends and family.

You are alone, but you are not lonely unless you choose to feel like it. You don’t have to let your world revolve around your partner — you still have you, your friends, and your family. Take this time apart to do more with your friends and family. Go to the gym more often. Get a new hobby. Binge-watch shows. There are plenty of things for you to do that don’t involve your partner.

12. Stay honest with each other.

Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever. If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or later swallow you up from the inside out. Don’t try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. It’s better to look at the problem during its initial stage than to only disclose it when it’s all too late.

13. Know each other’s schedules.

It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and free. So that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when they are in the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting. Make sure you are aware of everyone’s small and big events in their lives, i.e., college midterms and exams, important business trips and meetings, job interviews, etc. Particularly if you live in different time zones, this becomes more important.

14. Keep track of each other’s social media activities.

Facebook and Instagram photos of each other. Send each other tweets. Tag each other on Facebook. Post stuff on each other’s wall. Let them know you care. Be cool with stalking each other.

15. Gift a personal object for the other person to hold on to.

Memories have power. No matter what it is–a pendant, a ring, a keychain, a collection of songs and videos, or a perfume bottle. Everyday items and things have meanings to us, whether we realize it or not. We all try to store memories in material things so that when our minds fail, we will still be able to look at or hold onto something that will help us recall our memories. This is why something so simple can mean so much to a person when others may see little or no value in it.

16. Get a good messaging app.

This is extremely important because texting is the most frequent and common way of communication the two of you have. You need a good messaging app on your phones that allows interactions beyond words and emoticons.

Personally, I use this messaging app called LINE. I find it highly effective because it has a huge reserve of playful and very funny “stickers” that are free for its users to use. You can also go to the app’s “Sticker Shop” to download (or gift!) extra stickers of different themes (e.g., Hello Kitty, Pokemon, Snoopy, MARVEL, etc.) at a low price. Occasionally, the app will give out free sticker sets for promotions. This messaging app is cute and easy to learn to use.

17. Snail-mail your gift.

Mail each other postcards and hand-written love letters. Send each other gifts across the globe from time to time. Flower deliveries on birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day. Shop online and surprise each other with cool T-shirts, sexy underwear, and such.

These lamps are perfect gift for love ones separated by distance. Just tap on the top of the lamp, then all the other lamp will light up that same color at the same time.

18. Stay positive.

You need to constantly inject positive energy into the long-distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful, and you can sometimes feel lonely, but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven.

One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love — someone who also loves you back. Be thankful for the little things, like the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day. Be thankful for each other’s health and safety.

19. Keep each other updated on each other’s friends and family.

This will help you two to know each other’s culture and values. Knowing small habits of each other helps in developing an understanding and building mutual trust.

Talking about family and friends gives you more matters to talk about. The best thing to talk about is gossip and scandals.

20. Video-call whenever possible.

Because sometimes looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices can make everything feel alright again.

A video call is though nothing like being together, but it’s the best thing and the most to do for coziness in a long-distance relationship.

21. Give each other pet names.

Because it’s cute. It keeps the lovey-dovey going. Having special names for each other reserved only for one another are heart-warming. Hearing that one word with love lifts our spirits up, and we feel assured all over again.

Chaos seems to fade away just by hearing that special word from someone special.

Final Thoughts

Love (or like) is a force that is beyond your control. Love just happens. The same goes for turning off those feelings, even when you get the perfect job halfway across the country.

Neither one of us expects to be long-distance in a relationship. But if you’re in a relationship like this, you’ll just have to make the most out of a difficult situation. These advice for long distance relationships will hopefully help you stay strong and cheerful when living apart from one another.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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9 Proven Ways to Maintain a Long-Distance Relationship

Rituals, independence, and trust..

Posted January 2, 2024 | Reviewed by Ray Parker

• Why Relationships Matter
• Take our Relationship Satisfaction Test
• Find counselling to strengthen relationships
• Long-distance relationships face challenges but can thrive with effort.
• Living apart can reveal compatibility for a loving, committed relationship just as much as cohabiting.
• Some key ingredients for success include communication, trust, and emotional reliability.

It's increasingly common for couples to be involved in long-distance relationships and even marriages. Long distance relationships happen because of many different situations, including but not limited to meeting in a neutral place, such as on a work trip or vacation, where neither person lives there and they wish to continue their relationship upon returning to their respective homes; meeting remotely via online apps and remaining at a geographical distance perhaps even long after meeting in person; and meeting locally and being together in relatively close proximity to each other or even living together or marrying when eventually one person needs to move for work, caregiving , or other reasons.

For the majority of individuals and couples, navigating distance is not the ideal choice for how to be in a relationship. And clearly it is not for everyone since many people flat out refuse to be in them, even turning their backs on promising romantic prospects because it's not something they want to deal with.

Others do it, hoping it's very temporary. This is because it's generally viewed as more of a burden, as something often tricky, troublesome, and testing a couple's strength. Often, people assume that not only will it be too much work, but it will also be work that lands in only one person's lap, with that person assuming the lion's share of making all the visits and plans.

Furthermore, people are soured on long-distance relationships because of the time, energy, and money involved in going back and forth to be together and concern or even dread related to issues of trust and infidelity . Those who have experienced a breakup from a significant distant relationship are often more apt to rule out this arrangement for the future, blaming the split on just what happens with distance, though, of course, that may be an incorrect attribution of the real failings of the union.

Here, I identify nine surefire ways to strengthen a long-distance relationship:

1. Communication is key. Each person needs to be able to articulate their needs and desires and feel heard and respected, especially regarding expectations of frequency for talking, messaging, and visiting.

2. Trust is built on good communication, and at the same time, effective communication is built on trust . For couples to function well at a distance, each person needs and deserves to be able to count on a comfortable rhythm of communication that enables them to feel cared for and loved.

3. Emotional reliability is an important building block of trust and communication. This involves each person being accountable and truly showing up, both literally and figuratively.

4. Long-distance relationships benefit from a healthy balance of planning, flexibility, and spontaneity . When couples communicate clearly about a framework for seeing each other that feels sustainable, they can more easily make plans with each other and socially with other couples, and they also know when they will have time for themselves and with their friends. Talking this out and exploring each person's expectations and ideas involves some creativity and emotional intelligence .

5. Striking a balance between independence and connection is key. Given all the things that can happen in life that might alter or prevent a visit, couples need to be understanding and flexible with each other; of course, this really involves trust and clear communication.

For example, weather or transportation problems and delays might prevent a visit, as might illness, a business trip, a work obligation, family responsibilities, children's activities, school responsibilities, an annual trip with old friends, or even simply feeling worn down and tired, and wanting to rest and be alone. Couples who can gracefully manage the three-ring circus of life and go with the flow on this usually feel more secure about their partnership.

This means cultivating a full life outside of the relationship. Individuals who are at ease being alone some or even most of the time fare better in a long-distance relationship, and then when they do come together, they have fresh energy and other rich experiences to bring to their moments together. The time apart can indeed deepen the relationship.

6. Resources are essential. For a long-distance relationship to work, people need to be able to communicate and see each other with some degree of regularity. This means each person needs access to phones, reliable Wi-fi, a good car, or other means of reliable transportation, which might involve having sufficient funds for plane travel, train travel, etc. As a long-distance relationship progresses and gets more serious, or as a couple cannot live together by choice or circumstance, it becomes more apparent that there are financial costs to sustaining the relationship, including managing two households.

7. Rituals help keep a couple grounded. These might be related to things a couple did in the early stages of dating that they enjoy continuing for and with each other. These are ways to bring playfulness and joy into the relationship.

8. Fighting fairly is an essential requirement. It is inevitable that, at certain points, a couple will disagree about things. That's perfectly normal. But a couple that sees each other less regularly has to find ways to convey their concerns, questions, disappointments, fear , pain, and vulnerability in ways that don't generate more woundedness.

Being passive-aggressive , withholding, giving silent treatment, or berating the other person are all toxic and deadly to relationships, especially so for long-distance relationships. Again, we come back to the cornerstones of communication and trust so that each person can come away from an argument feeling heard, held, and secure—even without the other person's physical presence.

9. Success with a long-distance relationship is based on the Buddhist thinking of "not too tight, not too loose." It's important to hold onto each other in ways that cultivate closeness and profound intimacy while simultaneously giving each other necessary breathing space.

As it turns out, the nine things I've outlined and discussed here are vital ingredients for any great relationship but are significant to amplify, especially when talking about long-distance relationships. When people are in the position to assess the future of an intimate relationship that has been unfolding at a distance, it is common to hear something along the lines of, "I need to know we would live together well," revealing a desire to halt the distance factor and to move in together.

Yet, therein lies an assumption that living together is what gives us the most important information about a partner and predicts future longevity. But long-distance relationships urge us to consider something else of at least equal importance: We can live apart well and still be fully, deeply in love and committed.

Facebook image: antoniodiaz/Shutterstock

Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D., is a professor of sociology at the University of South Carolina-Beaufort where she teaches and writes about the intersections of the self and society.

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10 Tips for Managing a Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships don’t just happen, they take work. Here are my top 10 tips to help you succeed in managing a long distance relationship.

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Let me get this out of the way: long distance relationships are hard .

Whether you’ve suddenly found yourself managing a long distance relationship, or recent events have made your in-person relationship a long distance one… there’s a lot of negative talk behind why long distance relationships don’t work. That’s because things are just harder .

There are four major challenges for long distance relationships:

• Trust: You don’t know what your significant other is up to.
• Communication: There’s always a barrier between you when talking to your partner.
• Intimacy: There’s no physical touch (obviously!).
• Activities: No in-person cooking, going to the gym, holding hands in the park, or anything that involves closeness!

So, do long distance relationships work? I know for a fact they do! Why? Because I’ve experienced it myself.

My husband and I were in a long distance relationship for an entire year before moving to the same city together. We’ve been together 14 years!

Talk about a relationship upgrade !

Now I’m not guaranteeing that all online relationships can be happy-ever-afters like mine and my husband’s, but here’s what a 2018 survey by BedBible says: 

60% of couples in a long distance relationship will stay together.

While long distance relationships are great for starting out, you need to maintain a long distance relationship for it to work in the long run. Here are the best tips to manage a long distance relationship.

Create a “Me and You” Routine

You know that old saying where communication is key? In a long distance relationship, communication isn’t only the thing—it’s everything.   

That’s why Scott and I created something called the “Me and You” routine. Creating this routine involves 2 key steps:

• Block time for communication. This can be a set period every day, every other day, or even every 3 days (try not to go longer than this) where the two of you talk to each other (video call is preferred). This is essentially a scheduled time period where you are able to devote 100% of your time to each other. 
• Commit to your block. This is crucial in a relationship. Make sure you can fully commit yourself to this set schedule, and remember—the better and more frequently you two communicate, the more satisfying the relationship.

The most important part of your Me and You routine is sticking to it. The two of you might feel like you are worlds apart, so don’t worry about overcommunicating.

It’s more important to overcommunicate than undercommunicate.

That’s because if you don’t communicate enough, you run the risk of losing trust with your partner (more on that later). 

You can also keep your partner updated throughout the day by using a variety of communication channels: 

• Text messaging
• Video calling
• Playing games
• Sending a picture
• Leaving a voice note
• Sending a handwritten letter

So how do you create a great Me and You routine in your long distance relationship? Here’s how…

• Start with Trust. There’s no doubt trust is the first step to managing a long distance relationship. After all, the two of you might feel like you are worlds apart! When you’re in a long distance relationship, you could have no idea what your partner could be up to.

• They could be flirting with other people (he smiled at the Starbucks barista for too long!)
• You might not know the “pretty girl” he’s talking to (it might actually be his cousin)
• There’s long gaps in the day unaccounted for (did he really take a nap for two hours?)

First, don’t assume the negative. Don’t automatically assume the worst when your partner doesn’t text you back. Have a little faith! Understand that he/she has their own life, and things just happen . 

Second, produce more oxytocin. If you’re having trouble building trust, you may be chemically low in the trust molecule, oxytocin. Check out our research on oxytocin and how to improve it!

Effectively communicate. You may be thinking this one’s obvious, right? But it’s not just about talking. There are 5 steps you need to follow to make sure you’re communicating well with your partner:

• No hard limits. Be open with your partner and leave all topics up for discussion, and accept the same in return.
• Actively listen instead of waiting for your next turn to speak.
• Avoid emotional vomit. Your feelings are important, but you should learn how to control your emotions before releasing it all on your partner.
• Use a little humor . Humor is an amazing ingredient to foster a positive mood!
• Forgive and forget. Not everybody is perfect!

Action Step: Every long term relationship needs a Me and You routine. If you don’t already have one, talk to your significant other and create one now! 

Leverage Your Love Language

Dr. Gary Chapman coined the term “love languages” to explain how we express and receive love. But the love languages aren’t just for romance! Love languages are extremely important in a long distance relationship. You could be showering your significant other with one type of love, when they really respond well to a different kind of love.

What love language are you and your significant other? Learn about love languages to find out which of the following categories you and your partner respond best to.

• Do you or your partner value quality time? Quality time lovers need to spend the most time with each other. Whether that’s through video calling, trying out different activities (see Tip #7) or just texting throughout the day, make sure your partner feels loved by spending time with them!
• Love to give or receive gifts? Then send gifts to each other! See the next tip for more.
• Do they love acts of service? Here’s what you can do: let them choose the movie. Pay for a bill. Ask them how you can make their day better. Buy them a gift card to a local spa. Plan for the next vacation. Get creative! 
• The hardest love language to satisfy between long distance couples is physical touch. There’s no real replacement to actual touch, but there is a good alternative (more on that in Tip #4).
• Love to hear words of affirmation? Make sure you’re getting the words you want to feel loved. You may need to constantly hear from your significant other how much you’re loved for reassurance, or want compliments from your partner to feel unique and special.

Most people have one main love language and one secondary one. It is important to take a test or ask your partner so you can leverage them to your advantage!

Gift a Surprise!

What’s one of the best ways to keep a long distance relationship exciting and fun?

Sending a surprise!

Surprises can be anything from a simple gift you order online, to actually showing up in-person for a short visit. Surprises are so fun because they say a LOT more than just receiving a text or even a phone call. My husband absolutely loves when I send him a small gift if I’m on a long business trip—and I get the added benefit of feeling good when I give, too!

So is giving a surprise that easy? Just sending any kind of gift? Well, according to science… no.

Here’s why:

• Let’s say you go online, find some nice dark chocolates and think, “ Sweet! My partner will absolutely love this! ” So you send it to your partner as a surprise gift…
• Only to find out they hate dark chocolate. No take-backs!

According to research by Elizabeth Dunn , a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia in Canada–

Giving undesirable gifts to a partner can sometimes cause them to think negatively of a relationship’s future potential.

They might be thinking something along the lines of this: “___ doesn’t understand me! Why would he/she buy me ___? Doesn’t ___ understand me at all?”

It doesn’t have to be like that—as long as you find the perfect gift!

But here’s the thing—it’s hard to find the perfect gift for your long distance lover.

• Spending more doesn’t mean better. One study found that gift givers expected their receivers to appreciate the gift more if it was more expensive. So were they more appreciative? Nope. They weren’t.
• Being unique isn’t the best, either. Another study was focused on what happens when we choose a gift while focusing on the gift receiver’s unique personality traits. Were the gifts any better? Nope. They were worse, since we tend to ignore other aspects of people’s wants and needs.

So how do you buy a perfect gift? Does a perfect gift even exist? What I’ve learned over my years of gift giving is…

The perfect gift comes from mutual interests. Give something you both love!

Here are some great long distance relationship gifts you can surprise your significant other with:

• A small pendant, ring, or keychain that resembles a hobby you both enjoy or movie you like to watch.
• Create a productive playlist that you both can enjoy while working.
• Give them “love coupons” that you both can redeem when you’re together.
• Send them a ticket to see a concert by an artist you both love.
• A bottle of cologne that reminds them of you.
• Send a postcard by using a site like Sincerely to create a postcard and send it anywhere in the world.
• Virtual hug: Send an online hug whenever you feel like hugging your partner!
• Care package: send a themed care package to each other. Or, set a budget and go wild!
• Write a letter by hand and snail mail it.

You can send anything small or big, but find the things that you’ll both enjoy to make a surprise gift that lasts!

Find Your Cuddle Buddy

Let’s get real: it’s a little hard to touch your long distance partner. That’s why managing a long distance relationship is great when you have your own cuddle buddy (aka a stuffed animal). Getting a stuffed animal for your significant other is a great way to cherish them whenever you two are far apart! Think of it this way:

Your cuddle buddy represents your significant other. When you’re far apart, your cuddle buddy is there. It offers them a source of physical intimacy for long distance relationships.

Plus, they can be really cute and fluffy!

You don’t have to find the perfect cuddle buddy (just listen to your heart!) but here are some ideas:

• Get a plushie from your favorite movie or book!
• Browse your local arts and crafts fair for a handmade one.
• Create one from Build a Bear !
• Got your own idea? Get a custom one made on Etsy .
• Build your own!

A big fan of mine told me a story of how he and his girlfriend were successful in their long-term relationship. He sent me a picture of the cuddle buddy he gave to his significant other before they left for their own countries:

Now, they still cuddle with Momo and even took him on a weekend camping trip! How cute!

Start a Relationship Journal

You’ve got people in your life. Your significant other has theirs. How do you manage to keep track of all these people without actually knowing them?

You can start what I call a People Journal! This is an exciting, fun way to keep track of the different people in your life and avoid confusion. It’s especially helpful if you:

• Love creating things
• Are a visual learner
• Are a highly conscientious person who is organized
• Want to get to know your partner’s social connections better

Fully knowing your significant other’s social relationships helps you get to know them better as a person.

A Relationship Journal can be created by taking an empty journal and putting down the name of one person in your life who you are close with. You can then list out everything you’ve experienced together with them:

• How you met
• Your closest moments together
• Your favorite things about him/her
• Sports or hobbies you two play together
• Common problems and goals you two share

You can do this with all the major people in your life, as well as friends that you and your partner normally hang out with. You can even take a photo you have of them on your phone and glue it onto their specific section of your journal! 

The key to making a great Relationship Journal is sharing with your partner . Managing a long distance relationship is a lot easier when you feel like you’re also connected to your partner’s friends!

Psst! Speaking of people, did you know research shows that being more interested makes you interesting to other people, too? You can read more in our article How to Be More Interesting: 5 Steps You Can Take Today !

You can also try other types of journals:

• Daily grateful journal. My husband and I LOVE keeping a grateful journal. I write down what I’m grateful for every night before I go to bed. Some obvious write-downs are big things like when we find the time to go on vacation, whenever we have an amazing date night (yay, Netflix!), or whenever we hit a personal milestone or goal. We also write the small stuff ( like if he made an unusual comment that uplifted me or bought some almond milk when I didn’t ask)… because being grateful for the small things makes relationships even more magical!
• Bucket list journal. Create a list of the awesome things you want to accomplish together! Which places do you want to go someday? What are the once-in-a-lifetime things that you want to do together, instead of experiencing separately? Even something silly! What about having a wild deer eat out of your hand? You can use an online resource like Bucketlist.org for more amazing ideas you can add to your bucket list journal!
• Challenge journal. Another great journal idea you can try is to create a Challenge Journal! Write out challenges for each other, such as running 3 miles or attending a cooking class. This is a great way to get out of each other’s comfort zones outside of the normal “video chat and talk” routine!

Go on a (virtual) date!

Long distance does NOT mean no dating. You can still go on dates by cooking your own food, setting up a nice glass of wine (or water), and lighting some candles! This is the best time to eat dinner while staring at your phone.

Did you know that you can also go on a virtual tour with your significant other? 

• You can take a virtual walk around the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History and the Guggenheim Museum 
• You can also try perusing through Google Arts & Culture which has a collection of virtual walkthroughs for dozens of international museums, from Paris to New Delhi.

You can even ask your long distance partner which ones they would like for each room of their house. It’s a fun game, and you learn a lot about the tastes of people in your life!

Not a fan of museums? There are other awesome experiences you can check out online with your partner, too!

• Into aquariums? Boston’s New England Aquarium has Facebook Live tours!
• Love performances? Check out Philharmonie Berlin’s library of performances!
• Can’t go to Disney World? You can go on virtual roller coasters , too!

Check out a comprehensive list of virtual tours here .

Want more ideas on how to stay sane away from your partner? This tip comes straight from our article: Social Distancing: 20 Ideas for How to Stay Sane .

Do something new!

A study by love expert Arthur Aron showed that new experiences enhance satisfaction in marriages. With a long distance relationship, doing new activities can be a little difficult ( but not impossible!)

Try these amazing new activities for a long distance relationship: 

• Work out together. Researchers at Yale and Oxford studied over 1.2 million Americans and found that people who exercised regularly felt as happy as those who earned $25,000 more a year! You can exercise together using YouTube videos or going to the gym and sharing your fitness progress. If you’re an avid runner like some of my friends, you can use an app like Strava to share your running progress with each other!
• Surf the web. You can use a site like Mix to find interesting articles to share! I love doing back-and-forth article sharing with my friends, and you can do it with your significant other to share your interests, too!
• Read a book. I just finished reading Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come: One Introvert’s Year of Saying Yes and it’s an amazing book for those introverted couples. Reading to each other is an amazing way to share knowledge and create intimacy at the same time.
• Listen to music! A 2013 study from Freie University Berlin even found that listening to music increases social bonding and strengthens attachments.
• Netflix and actually chill. Use an app like Synaptop or Kast to watch movies with your long distance partner and even watch his/her live reaction!
• Couples outfits! One way you can stay fashionable together is to coordinate outfits. Pick a stylish (or hilarious!) outfit to wear together on the same day! 
• Truth or dare. I’m a truth or dare wizard—I’ve probably played more games than I care to admit. And the best part? You can play Truth or Dare online !
• Learn something new. Online courses like EdX and Coursera offer free courses you can take right now! I also have 3 courses on LinkedIn Learning you can check out.

Avoid the Lazy; Share the Details

There’s a big problem in the texting world when it comes to long distancing. I call it the Lazy Update.

This happens when you text your long distance significant other what you’re up to that day, but only send a lazy text:

Talk about enthusiasm, right? We’re all guilty of sending over lazy texts because we fall under one of these categories:

• We’re in a rush.
• We feel like we’re just doing the same thing.
• We’re doing something “unimportant.”
• We don’t think texts are important.

But texts are SO important. Even if you’re going to talk to your significant other later in the day, sending out detailed little texts sends a deeper glimpse into your life to your significant other who is miles away. I make sure to send my husband these detailed text glimpses so that when he sees my text, he feels much more connected to me:

If you’re a lazy updater, change up your texts! Add your feelings. Note the time. Observe something new in your surroundings. Be more descriptive!

Know Thyself

Getting to know your partner is difficult when you spend so much time apart. Want to know a great way to get to know your partner? Take an online quiz! Here at Science of People, we’ve got a ton of online quizzes you can take to get to know yourself better. Try these quizzes with your partner:

• Want to know who reads body language better? Try our Body Language Quiz !
• How do you both come across to others? Find out in our Charisma Quiz .
• How do we connect and form relationships? Take our Attachment Style Quiz .
• Want to understand your personality? Take our Big 5 Personality Quiz !

Tip: Take these separately first THEN have your partner retake the quiz AS YOU. Then compare results. You will see how you see yourself versus how your partner sees him or herself.

Plan (and Savor) Your Next Visit

Can you guess how long the average length of time a long distance relationship lasts?

According to a 2010 German study , 2.9 years is the average length of a long distance relationship! If you’ve made it past that point.. congrats! You’ve won the relationship lottery. 

The truth is, not everyone can manage a long distance relationship and make it last forever. That’s why it’s crucial to always have a plan in mind for when you’re next going to see each other. And if you don’t have a plan, now’s the best time to make one.

Action step: As soon as possible and reasonable, coordinate a time with your long distance partner to meet up with him/her.

Here’s the key:

Savor the upcoming trip.

Savoring is one of the best ways to extend the pleasure of a trip. Think about your trip, dream about your trip, talk about your trip, make reservations for your trip. Enjoy it before you even go on it.

While being in a relationship is hard, adding that extra hard factor of long distance doesn’t have to turn your relationship cloudy. Being in a long distance relationship gives you a special edge. 

With distance, you learn to love your partner in a new light.

Use this time as a time of gratitude

See it as an advantage.

And remember…

You got this!

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20 thoughts on “10 tips for managing a long distance relationship”.

You just made my day! I want more of this.

My hubby and I lived in separate states our entire relationship until January 2020 – 180 miles apart for the first four years and 3000 miles apart the next two years. We because experts on how to maintain a tight connection in a LDR.

This new living in the same house has been an adjustment, to say the least. Now we have been in Oregon’s stay-at-home order – together all day and all night for the last five weeks. Lucky us! We got our wish to spend a LOT more time together. 😉 Fortunately, we learned how to live apart and now we are learning a new set of skills…to live together…ALL THE TIME. We are delighted that we get along very well. Life is a delicious adventure!

Super cool post, thank you for all inspirations and hints Vanessa!

It is a great article providing the tips on how to maintain long distance relationship. Even in country like India LDR is gaining momentum. Under such circumstances the tips provided to maintain loving and healthy LDR in this article are very valuable. Thanks a lot.

Wonderful tips and actually work for even close relationships. Thank you so much

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How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work: 15 Best Tips to Survive (& Thrive)

Way back in the beginning of our relationship we did the long distance thing for about 6 months.

And like most long-distance couples, we were forced to confront some painful fears and insecurities:

“Are long distance relationships worth it?”

So we’ve combined the best of what we’ve learned with the strategies and practical tips we’ve developed for our relationship coaching clients. This is more than just the theory behind how to maintain a long distance relationship. It’s a step-by-step action plan you can use in your relationship right now.

You’re going to learn:

• How to stay emotionally connected in a long distance relationship.
• The most common long distance relationship problems and struggles (and how to avoid them).
• How to survive a long distance relationship for a long period of time.

Think of this as the ultimate evidence-and-experience-based guide to having a healthy, happy, and successful long distance relationship.

Do Long-Distance Relationships Work?

When approached correctly, long distance relationships can strengthen communication skills, deepen emotional connection, and help you find a healthy balance between closeness and independence. LDRs can set you up for long-term success by bringing up underlying issues that many in-person relationships neglect to deal with.

Think of it this way – time spent in a long distance relationship is kinda like human years vs. cat years:

6 months in a long distance relationship can feel like 2 years of deep, focused, relationship work.

Which doesn’t always come easy.

But by implementing these long distance relationship tips, we believe you can drastically improve the quality of your long distance relationship.

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Take the two-minute quiz and discover how to have more intimacy and deeper connection in your relationship.

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15 Best Tips & Advice on How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #1:

Have an end date.

You know how looking forward to the weekend helps you make it through a boring work day?

Well having a relationship rendezvous to focus on can help you overcome the distance.

Big picture-wise you’ll want to have a plan about how to be together permanently. But prioritising the temporary times is just as important too.

Maybe it’s a holiday you’re planning together, or an upcoming weekend visit. Maybe there’s a family event, or a mid-week work trip that means you’ll be in the same city.

These visits break up the monotony and isolation and give you something to look forward to.

But as the craziness of 2020 has shown, sometimes these shorter-term goals aren’t possible. So if you’re not sure when you’ll have a chance to see each other again…

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #2:

Find the certainty within the uncertainty.

Sometimes it’s just not possible to sketch out a timeline. Sometimes the complexities of work, study, travel, or family get in the way.

And not knowing how or when you can be together is when things start to feel bleak and hopeless.

But not having a crystal clear plan for the future doesn’t mean your LDR is without certainty. Because here’s the thing:

Every time you show up for each other – on a video call or sending a message – you’re choosing each other. You’re making a big, bold, beautiful statement that says, “I’m still here… And I’m still choosing this.”

And that’s an incredibly valuable form of certainty and commitment.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #3:

Get comfortable with silence.

There’s plenty of times in an in-person relationship when you’re just hanging out and not saying much.

But sitting in silence on Facetime in a long distance relationship feels kinda… weird.

Even though silence is normal and natural, it’s one of those unique long distance relationship problems that makes people question the health of their relationship. And worry that there’s something wrong.

So instead of seeing silence as a problem, try embracing it.

When you first get on a video call, try intentionally sitting in silence for a moment:

• Don’t just look at, but really notice one another.
• Pay attention to your body – your breath, your emotions, and any sensations you’re feeling.
• Also notice how you’re impacted by each other’s presence.

This might feel awkward at first. But you’ll be surprised by what it can open up between you.

Starting a video date with this online variation of ‘eye-gazing’ can help you feel more centred and relaxed. It also gives you an opportunity to appreciate each other and connect without words.

There’s a positive hormonal boost in this practice too:

Studies * on the neuroscience of eye-gazing show an increase in oxytocin (aka the love and bonding hormone) – increasing feelings of closeness and negating some of the negative psychological effects of long distance relationships.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #4:

Improve the quality of your conversations.

How do you stay emotionally connected in a long distance relationship?

Obviously communication is key. But communicating is more than ‘just talking’. It’s how and what you communicate that matters.

One of the simplest ways to improve the quality of your conversations is to improve the quality of your questions.

Instead of the usual, “How was your day?” conversation rut, try going deeper:

“What was the best thing that happened today?… And why?” leads to a much more fulfilling conversation.

You can also try more broad yet revealing questions such as, “What’s something that’s been on your mind a lot lately?”

Focus on questions that develop your understanding of each other: from current passions or struggles, their childhood, favourite movies or books, or these 36 questions in love . All of which help you update your Love Maps and deepen your emotional connection.

➥ Are Emotional Intimacy Issues Affecting Your Relationship?

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #5:

Make video calls optional.

A common mistake many long distance couples make is talking Every. Single. Day.

Now, staying connected on the daily is a beautiful sentiment. But it can also create a tonne of pressure and expectation.

Especially because there’s going to be times when you’re just not up for it.

Communication frequency in a long distance relationship is more art than science:

It depends on your individual lifestyles, communication styles, personalities… And yeah – your time zones.

To help take the pressure off, have a judgement-and-guilt-free ‘opt-out’ policy. It’s OK to decrease the regularity of your calls if it means increasing the quality.

Trust that you can give each other a bit of space, and savour the bitter-sweetness of actually missing each other.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #6:

Live up the single life.

No, we’re not talking about playing the field. (Gotta respect whatever relationship agreements you have).

But you know all the other cool stuff that comes with being single?

• Hanging out with friends and family
• Prioritizing your passions and hobbies
• Sleeping diagonally across the bed and giving zero fucks

You get to have all that AND an awesome relationship too.

The truth is, many people struggle with maintaining a sense of self and feeling freedom in a relationship . Which inevitably leads to serious problems down the track.

But a long distance relationship gives you an opportunity to excel at this from the beginning:

See time spent apart as an opportunity to become your best selves. So that when you’re finally together you’re coming together as two amazing, whole and fulfilled individuals.

Discovering and being yourselves pays dividends not just for you, but your relationship in the long term.

(Need support on your journey of self-discovery? Check out our men’s and women’s coaching to book in for a free call. We’ll help you develop a personalised action plan to unleash your awesomeness).

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #7:

Slay the paranoia monster.

We get it. Living the single life away from each other can bring all those anxieties and unhealthy attachment styles * to the surface.

Increases in jealousy and insecurity are common emotional and psychological effects of long distance relationships. But there are ways to prevent these feels from ruling your life.

One super-helpful commitment to make is giving your partner the benefit of the doubt:

If they don’t text back or missed a call you had scheduled – don’t jump straight to “They must have found someone new and don’t even want to be with me anymore!”

Instead, go with the more reasonable (and much more likely) explanation:

They’ve fallen asleep on the couch… They’re catching up on some work and lost track of time… They’ve got their time zones mixed up and are still cooking dinner.

Stay cool, calm, collected, and actively work to keep that Paranoia Monster at bay. Otherwise you risk creating problems where there are none.

Noticing an increase in anxiety or worry?

Try writing down your concerns and rationally working through them. When you speak with your partner, let them know that you had a visit from the Paranoia Monster and talk it over. Take ownership of your fears and insecurities, rather than putting the blame on their actions.

Talking honestly about your thoughts and feelings will not only help keep the Monster at bay, it also helps build trust and emotional intimacy too.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #8:

Share the small moments.

Speaking of emotional intimacy, it’s often the small things you miss the most when you’re away from your partner:

• Sharing a coffee on a Sunday morning
• Snuggling on the couch watching Netflix
• Making dinner together

These everyday moments are incredibly precious to long distance couples. They help you feel more included and emotionally close to one another.

So take a cheesey snap of you and your toothbrush. Text them to let them know you’re watching your favourite show and thinking of them. (Even better, set up your video call so you can sit and watch the same show together). Send them a playlist of your favourite Spotify jams.

Some of the best ways to maintain a long distance relationship are actually the simplest.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #9:

Mark your territory.

Similar to sharing the little things, having physical reminders of each other in your space can really help too:

Whether it’s keeping one of their T-shirts in your closet, their favourite coffee mug on the kitchen bench, or photos scattered around the house, these little mementos will help them to feel close to your heart.

A simple, sweet thing to do is to send each other little surprise items in the mail:

One of your hair clips. A book you’ve just read. Your perfume or signature essential oil. The little items that you’d normally see laying around that remind you of each other.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #10:

Speak each other’s love language.

Love Languages are important in every relationship. But for long distance couples they’re an essential survival skill.

Don’t know what we’re talking about?

The 5 Love Languages * are from fellow relationship nerd Gary Chapman. Essentially, we all express and receive love in different ways:

• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Qulaity Time
• Physical Touch

Knowing each other’s Love Language helps you both feel loved and validated. And they help a LOT when long distance gets hard:

Partner having a rough day? If their Love Language is Gifts , get a bunch of flowers or their favourite bakery treat delivered to send an injection of love their way.

If their Love Language is Words of Affirmation , a heartfelt text or letter is the way to go.

When you’re far apart from each other, knowing how to speak each other’s language is like having their heart on speed dial.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #11:

Partner just shared something on Instagram?

We’re betting there’s one Like that’s worth more than all the others combined.

It’s such a simple yet powerful way to show that you’re thinking of them. That you’re following along with their life and right there with them in all the moments.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #12:

Nourish your sexual connection (18+ only).

Sexual intimacy is obviously an important part of any relationship.

And when you consider the lack of physical touch in long distance relationships – all the cuddles, kisses, and hand holding you miss out on – finding ways to connect intimately becomes even more important.

The challenge is finding ways to connect sexually that feels both comfortable and satisfying.

But there’s no shortage of options. It simply requires good communication, respect of boundaries, and a little imagination.

Need some inspiration? Here’s some ideas about how to be intimate in a long distance relationship:

Make sure you’re confident that any images or videos you send are for your partner’s eyes only. This might mean setting boundaries around how you want your images used and stored , and ultimately deleted if that’s what you want for any reason whatsoever.

And if you’re under 18 and you’ve stumbled upon this blog, know that sending nude images is considered child pornography and is illegal. Know your laws, and stay safe.

➥ Is Sex A Problem In Your Relationship?

How to make a long distance relationship work tip #13:, get clear on your boundaries.

Speaking of sex, have you ever taken the time to define your relationship style?

Is your relationship monogamous? Open/polyamorous? Something in between?

What exactly do those words mean to you? And what agreements come along with that?

The thing is – most couples just assume they’re on the same page. But as the saying goes, “Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups”.

So even if you’re clear on your relationship style, you’ll want to further clarify what your boundaries and expectations are:

Explore questions around what flirting means to each of you – including what that looks like on social media. What exactly constitutes ‘cheating’? Is it sexual connection? Emotional intimacy ? What does transparency and honesty mean to you?

These conversations can be difficult to have. But in the long term they’ll help build trust in your relationship, and help you feel more secure with the distance between you.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #14:

Prepare for conflict.

Misunderstandings in long distance relationships can spiral out of control – fast. And one of the most common reasons why arguments begin? Feeling out of sync with each other.

You probably know what it feels like:

• After a couple of bumpy minutes, it’s clear that you’re not on the same emotional page.
• Or you’re explaining something important, but they just don’t see where you’re coming from.
• Or for whatever reason, you can’t quite get into the story they’re telling.

The truth is, sometimes conversation and connection is awkward. Especially in a long distance relationship. And while you could try and persevere, sometimes it’s better to simply let it be.

Have a quick way to name it, so you can at least express your discomfort and manage expectations.

Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m not in the right headspace today. Can we try again tomorrow?”

Create a strategy for when you’re feeling disconnected, rather than trying to deal with it in the moment. By anticipating conflict you’re prepared and ready to deal when it does inevitably come up.

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORK TIP #15:

Get intentional.

We’ve saved the best for last, because here’s the thing:

When it comes to relationships, most people just fall into them and make it up as they stumble along.

On the other hand, successful long distance relationships need much more planning and forethought. You have an opportunity here to get intentional – to set your relationship up for success in a way most in-person relationships never do.

This can look like a variety of things:

From sketching out your relationship agreements, to working out the big picture vision of your life together. It’s about designing a relationship – something we refer to as a Conscious Relationship.

With all of the conversation-focused time you have, there’s an opportunity to talk about the stuff that really matters:

• Your values
• Your big picture dreams
• Your hopes and fears for the future
• What you want to create in your life
• Why this relationship is important to you

You see, having these powerful conversations makes your relationship bulletproof. Yet many couples don’t have the courage or intentionality to go there.

To set you up for success, we’ve created an entire deep dive on this topic:

Here’s how you can create a conscious relationship that lights you up and fulfils both of your needs. (And don’t forget to grab the free step-by-step download at the end).

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Long-distance relationships are tough. Here's advice for making them work

Clare Marie Schneider

Long-distance relationships are easily romanticized. Who doesn't enjoy a story about star-crossed lovers? Unfortunately, the reality of them can be...less glamorous. Time differences, missed calls, buffering videos, pricey plane fare, visa restrictions...these can all get in the way of a relationship. Add a pandemic, and the odds of surviving as a couple can feel insurmountable.

If you're in a long-distance relationship right now, you're not alone. Due to travel restrictions all across the world, many loved ones are separated because of COVID-19. Luckily, a lot of people are reevaluating what it means to be "present". Kiaundra Jackson is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the resident therapist on "Love Goals" on OWN. While her advice is generally geared toward romantic couples, many of her tips are applicable to platonic relationships too.

1. Switch It Up

Apps and social media are great for providing an instant connection, but we don't have to rely on them alone. Jackson says to "switch it up" because using the same mode of communication can get boring while you're apart. "Don't be a one trick pony," she says. Everything from audio memos to GIFs help "bring that person into your world a little bit more."

If and when using technology starts to feel like work, go analog. Try sending a letter or mailing a small gift. Embrace the idea that not all communication or connection needs to be instant.

Friendships Change. Here's How To Deal

2. less is more.

If you're more introverted, or if work, school or family is getting in the way of quality time, embrace a more minimalist approach to communication. This doesn't mean communicating as little as possible, but instead choosing to make the most of the time you do share. If constant texting with your long-distance partner will only tire you out, tell them you need a break from that mode of communication for a while — and set aside time to talk when you can be more present.

Love On Lockdown: Tips For Dating During The Coronavirus Crisis

3. just say what you want.

There's so much pressure to keep conversation light and to relive your relationship's exhilarating early days when you never knew what to expect from a partner. But at this point, if you want to talk about something specific, or if you prefer a certain communication style, just say so!

"If something is truly bothering you ... [or if there's] something you desire from your partner, it's okay to verbalize that. It's okay to literally say what's on your mind," says Jackson.

Maybe one of you prefers a "good morning" or "goodnight" text and the other person has never sent one. Talking about your needs and communication styles can feel a little like a workplace exercise or therapy session, but discussing this together will save you a whole lot of hurt if you don't yet realize your communication differences.

"It's okay to have these boundaries, markers and expectations because when we don't, we just default to assumptions. When we start to assume things, that doesn't really land us in a good place," says Jackson. "Avoid those assumptions and get back to the basics of communication: stating your thoughts and feelings."

If it's difficult for you to speak up in a relationship, try being more straightforward about smaller, less consequential things before being more direct about the important stuff. "That's just what you need to make sure that you feel safe, secure, respected and loved in a relationship," says Jackson. "And I'm sure that your partner has their preferences you can accommodate as well."

What 'The Rocket Years' Can Teach Us

4. understand the limits of physical touch.

There are many virtual ways to mimic the intimacy of physical touch and spice things up.

But if you're frustrated you can't be together in-person, prioritize your emotional connection so when you're together, you're stronger as a couple than when you were before. Again: it's better to focus on what you can control instead of all the things you can't.

Non-monogamy may be an option for you or other people you know, but if you're thinking about opening up your relationship in order to solve an existing issue, Jackson warns it's not for everyone.

It's Been a Minute with Sam Sanders

Love and coronavirus.

"You have to be an extremely confident person to bring another person into your relationship in any aspect. So, if you have low self-esteem or if there's some...personal development that you need to do, I wouldn't advise someone [like that] to be in an open relationship."

"If you think that bringing another party into your relationship while it's already rocky is a good idea because you think that's going to solve something, you are asking for a lot of trouble."

5. Prioritize Maintenance Over Repair

This advice applies to all sorts of relationships: Don't wait for issues to fester into full-blown problems before you address them. "Oftentimes we wait until things are horrible in our relationship to try to repair them versus...nipping things in the bud as they happen along the journey," says Jackson. When a rupture happens in a relationship, address it as quickly as possible to avoid bringing something up that happened six months ago.

6. Don't Just Grin And Bear It

Microaggressions Are A Big Deal: How To Talk Them Out And When To Walk Away

Long-distance relationships come with so many obvious challenges that it's easy to think of them as something you just have to endure and not enjoy.

But Jackson says that's no way to think about long-distance relationships at all. She says you don't want to look at any relationship that way, regardless of if you're physically together or not.

"You should be growing as an individual but also collectively. If you're finding yourself not doing that...you need to reevaluate," she says.

7. Don't Lose Sight Of Who You Are

Jackson says that she often sees people in long–distance relationships who have let their relationship consume their entire life. It dictates their schedule and attitude on life.

You can become a homebody or both morph into having the same personality. Regardless of who you're in a relationship with and if you can physically be together or not, you should never stop living your own life.

This podcast portion of this story was produced by Clare Marie Schneider.

We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 with a greeting, your name, your phone number and a random life tip. It might appear in an upcoming episode. Or send us an email at [email protected] .

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Long-Distance and Extended Time Effect on Relationships Essay (Literature Review)

• To find inspiration for your paper and overcome writer’s block
• As a source of information (ensure proper referencing)
• As a template for you assignment

Introduction

Improved intimacy, enhanced communication, sense of autonomy, improvement of sex life, appreciation of one another, tests the love.

Long-distance relationships are common phenomena in the contemporary world. Factors such as job assignments and education force couples to live miles away (Kelmer, Rhoades, Stanley, & Markman, 2013). The general perception is that long-distance relationships do not work. Most people argue that it is difficult for couples to wait for each other for an unspecified duration. Individuals opposed to long-distance relationships are unwilling to live a life characterized by Skype calls and expensive travel (Kelmer et al., 2013).

Despite the negative views that many people have regarding long-distance relationships, research shows that there are couples who are in such arrangements and happy with the way they relate to each other. Being in a long-distance relationship does not necessarily result in negative interaction. Individuals who have defied the general perception about long-distance relationships have proved that the arrangement strengthens companionship. This literature review will discuss how long-distance and extended amounts of time reinforce relationships.

The popular knowledge has it that distance impacts romantic relationships, and that being away from one’s spouse or partner affects their happiness. Individuals in support of this argument hold the adage that “out of sight, out of mind” (Mark & Jozkowski, 2013). They do not understand how couples can allege to be happy yet live miles away from one another. Recent research shows that absence has a significant impact on relationships because it results in couples missing each other, thus developing compassionate feelings (Mark & Jozkowski, 2013).

Indeed, men and women who do not meet on a regular basis have more meaningful relationships than those who live together. According to Mark and Jozkowski (2013), couples in long-distance relationships have higher chances of sharing valuable emotions and thoughts than those who interact on a daily basis. Additionally, they are likely to romanticize their spouses’ behaviors, resulting in a better sense of intimacy.

Couples should not part ways if circumstances do not allow them to live together. Research shows that geographical distance does not prevent spouses from sharing intimacy. A study on 63 heterosexual couples aged below 21 found that they were happy in their relationships despite having limited interactions (Mark & Jozkowski, 2013). They claimed that their occasional communications were extended and more consequential. The interactions gave them an opportunity to share their emotions and talk more about themselves. Studies are yet to confirm why long-distance relationships promote deep interactions. Nevertheless, there are propositions that men and women who do not meet regularly can romanticize their spouse’s confessions.

Technology has revolutionized the nature of long-distance relationships. In the past, people could only communicate through telegraphs or letters, which took time to reach the intended persons. The correspondence between couples could take days if not weeks. Today, social platforms like Skype, Facebook, and Twitter have made it possible for couples to communicate instantly, bridging the geographical distance between them.

Bao and Lyubomirsky (2013) argue that technology enables couples in long-distance relationships to read each other’s facial expressions as they communicate, which boosts their intimacy. At times, partners may get distracted when talking via phone. However, they tend to pay attention to each other if chatting via video calls.

The critics of long-distance relationships argue that the allegation that it enhances intimacy overlooks factors such as stress and loneliness that are attributed to living apart (Firmin, Firmin, & Lorenzen, 2014). Some relationship therapists posit that not all couples who are in long-distance relationships are happy (Bao & Lyubomirsky, 2013). The counselors allege that they occasionally come across men and women who regret living apart. Some spouses even disclose to them that they are doubtful of their relationships. Some counselors admit that they do not encourage couples to live separately as such a relationship is quite stressful (Bao & Lyubomirsky, 2013).

The major problem is that most of the existing studies focus on the demerits of long-distance relationships. Nevertheless, it is imperative to appreciate that such relationships are not inevitably bound to fail. Technology has made it possible for couples to remain in a romantic relationship despite the distance between them.

Communication is paramount in a relationship. Long-distance or geographically close relationships cannot work without adequate connection between couples. One of the mistakes that spouses make is failure to have heart-to-heart conversations with their partners (Jiang & Hancock, 2013). Instead, they live like two strangers without knowing how the other party feels about their behaviors. Research shows that partners in long-distance relationships endeavor to show understanding and love. According to Borelli, Rasmussen, Burkhart, and Sbarra (2014), couples who live together have a propensity to disregard their daily interactions. The fact that they see each other on a regular basis makes them believe that they understand their partners’ thoughts and feelings.

It might not necessarily be the case since some couples may conceal their emotions to please their partners. On the other hand, couples in long-distance relationships take advantage of the time that they interact to express their feelings. Jiang and Hancock (2013) hold that spouses in long-distance relationships make sure that they utilize their communication time fully. They share not only their emotions and feelings but also thoughts. Eventually, they gain experience in how to speak with one another. A study on couples who lived distances apart found that most men and women believed that their partners did not hide their thoughts and feelings during conversations (Jiang & Hancock, 2013). It helped not only to understand one another but also strengthen their bond.

Couples in a long-distance relationship are better at communication than those who live together. Living apart compels partners to enhance their communication skills to avoid misunderstandings. As per Jiang and Hancock (2013), Cornell researchers found that long-distance couples work hard to defeat communication challenges. They learn each others’ ways of communicating, thus knowing what to say or not to say during a discussion. For a long-distance relationship to work, both parties must know what they require to feel connected. Communication between spouses enables them to understand each other’s needs and work towards fulfilling them.

Being in a relationship entails more than just watching movies together and having sex. Jiang and Hancock (2013) claim that individuals ought to take advantage of relationships to discern how to connect on different levels with their partners. Couples who experience the challenges and joy of being in a long-distance relationship acknowledge that there are multiple ways of strengthening love than just being together. According to Jiang and Hancock (2013), individuals who survive long-distance relationships do not let the geographical gap thwart their intimacy. Instead, they look for alternative ways of communication that enable them to connect. Some couples share surprise gifts while others send thoughtful messages to partners to remind them of their love.

One of the unique features of long-distance relationships is the sense of independence that couples develop. Firmin et al. (2014) argue that living miles away from one another results in couples developing individual freedom, identities, and a sense of control, which are vital to a relationship. In instances where couples live together, one of the partners may feel overwhelmed or “crowded” by the presence of the other. Such feelings affect their relationships, forcing them to drift apart. On the other hand, couples that live a distance apart are not bothered by their partner’s proximity.

One may argue that living apart leads to couples developing jealousy and a sense of insecurity, which affects their relationships. However, couples who trust in each other are not afraid of living separately. Firmin et al. (2014) aver, “Fully trusting your partner and their actions as they live away from you is a true act of faith and a testament to the health of your relationship” (p. 63). Despite the freedom that the couples who live apart have, they consult each other before doing anything.

Firmin et al. (2014) claim that men and women treasure the dynamics attributed to long-distance relationships such that they miss them when they finally settle together. A study conducted in 2006 found that at least 33% of couples who were in long-distance relationships could not sustain their love for each other after moving in together (Firmin et al., 2014). Some spouses cited loss of autonomy, jealousy, disagreements, and time management as some of the factors that contributed to breakups. It showed that long-distance relationships was not only good for the couples but also appreciated and ideal. Therefore, the interaction is healthy for men and women who prefer autonomy and trust each other.

Relationship experts argue that distance should not interfere with an individual’s love life. Morey, Gentzler, Creasy, Oberhauser, and Westerman (2013) argue, “Distance introduces a whole new element to the idea of monogamy” (p. 1774). Even though many couples won’t admit it, long-distance relationships have the temptation. Some people develop the urge to establish new relationships with men or women who live close to them. Only couples who are disciplined and dedicated to a relationship can withstand the urge.

Morey et al. (2013) assert that men and women who are creative overcome the temptations associated with living apart. Skype sex allows couples to understand each other sexually. There are intimate things that husbands and wives cannot share face-to-face due to being shy. However, they can say them freely via Skype, making it possible for them to improve their sex life.

Couples are liable to taking each other for granted when they spend a lot of time together. They get preoccupied with their everyday activities and programs such that they do not have time to value each other’s presence. It underscores the reason most husbands and wives who live together are caught up in petty squabbles that result in break-ups. Such challenges are mostly witnessed in times of stress, especially if one or both partners had a rough day at work.

Borelli et al. (2014) argue that being away from your spouse can be useful for both of you. Distance teaches couples the significance of their relationship. Consequently, men and women appreciate the time that they spend with their partners. They begin to miss their company, jokes, and laughter. Such feelings are not wrong because they enable couples to understand how much they love their partners, thus appreciating their presence whenever they meet.

Most people tend to think that couples who live together have greater love, which is not always correct. Many men women who spend a lot of time together break up when distance separates them. The inability to cope with the distance leads to partners dissolving the relationship. Borelli et al. (2014) maintain that it is depressing to find that many couples are willing to sacrifice their relationships for the immediate safety attributed to living together. They fail to realize that being apart may give them a chance to grow individually. Moreover, the separation is mostly short-lived. Hence, couples are confident of being together in the future.

A long-distance relationship helps to gauge the husband’s and wife’s love for one another. Borelli et al. (2014) posit, “To be ready to spend days, weeks, or even months apart is a great sacrifice, and in the end, it can bring much happiness when you and your partner are reunited” (p. 1091). Nevertheless, this demands commitment from both parties.

Long-distance relationships are not always destined to fail, contrary to what many people believe. One of the mistakes that couples commit is to focus on the negative attributes of the relationship. In a situation where men and women love each other, long-distance relationships can help to strengthen their connection. Couples who live apart appreciate the significance of communication and work hard to understand and meet each others’ needs. Living apart makes husbands and wives to miss and value each other, thus treasuring the moments that share. It becomes easy for partners to resolve their differences because they do not like to lose one another. Separation helps to determine the couples’ commitment to a relationship.

Bao, K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2013). Making it last: Combating hedonic adaptation in romantic relationships. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 8 (3), 196-206.

Borelli, J., Rasmussen, H., Burkhart, M., & Sbarra, D. (2014). Relational savoring in long-distance romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32 (8), 1083-1108.

Firmin, M., Firmin, R., & Lorenzen, K. (2014). A qualitative analysis of loneliness dynamics involved with college long-distance relationships. College Student Journal, 1 (1), 57-71.

Jiang, L., & Hancock, J. (2013). Absence makes the communication grow fonder: Geographic separation, interpersonal media, and intimacy in dating relationships. Journal of Communication, 63 (3), 556-577.

Kelmer, G., Rhoades, G., Stanley, S., & Markman, H. (2013). Relationship quality, commitment, and stability in long-distance relationships. Family Process, 52 (2), 257-270.

Mark, K., & Jozkowski, K. (2013). The mediating role of sexual and nonsexual communication between relationship and sexual satisfaction in a sample of college-age heterosexual couples. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 39 (5), 410-427.

Morey, J., Gentzler, A., Creasy, B., Oberhauser, A., & Westerman, D. (2013). Young adults’ use of communication technology within their romantic relationships and associations with attachment style. Computers in Human Behavior, 29 (4), 1771-1778.

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How to Survive a Long-Distance Relationship and Make It Work

Yes, it requires effort, but it doesn't have to be complicated.

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If you’ve found someone you connect with, you probably don’t want to let the opportunity for love pass you by simply because you two don’t live in the same place. You can still have a healthy, satisfying relationship with someone even if you only see each other a few times a month (or even a year). Still, being in a long-distance relationship requires work, and you have to take steps to make sure both you and your partner feel connected with one another while not physically together. 

For advice on how to navigate a long-distance relationship, we turned to Kavita Patel, a life and relationship coach; here, she shares tips for couples, including how often to see each other, how to feel connected when you aren’t physically together, and how to communicate whether you are together or apart. The main takeaway? “Emotional connection and support are so important in a long distance relationship,” she said. “Keeping in touch and involving each other in daily feelings and situations is powerful to keep a feeling of intimacy flowing.” 

Meet the Expert

Kavita Patel is a life and relationship coach who helps people find and maintain love. 

Tips for Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship

Pick up the phone.

“It’s so important in a long-distance relationship to stay connected. Talking on the phone and FaceTiming is the best way to stay connected because so much can get lost in translation via text,” said Patel. It can be easy to go through the busy day relying on texts and without picking up the phone but don’t fall into that trap. Make time to have in-depth conversations where you can hear one another’s voices or see one another’s faces. 

Talk in the Morning and at Night

“Doing a check-in during the mornings and in the evenings before going to bed is also really important,” said Patel. “That way you feel like you’ve connected at the beginning and end of your days. That way even though you aren’t physically together you still feel like you are part of each other’s days."

In a long-distance relationship, the mornings and the nights can also be the times of the day when you feel loneliest because that is when you would normally be alone together. “Also, so much can come up for us within a day emotionally so to also have those check-ins you can feel emotionally supportive,” said Patel. “Having that emotional support also really shows the strength of the relationship.” 

Meet in Person Regularly

“It’s important to see each other as much as possible,” said Patel. “I know depending on the distance it can feel hard, but it’s important.” She said the goal is to see one another in person at least quarterly. Even better is if you can make it work to see each other monthly. 

Always Have Your Next Outing Planned

It’s important to always know the next time you are going to see each other in person. Having an exact date when you know you will see each other again will mean you both always have something to look forward to. When things get hard, you can know exactly how long you have to make it until the next meeting. 

Visit One Another in the Places Where You Live

When you’re in a long-distance relationship it can be tempting to plan fun, exciting trips to see each other. Or it can feel practical to meet one another in the middle of the two places where you live. But make sure you visit one another where you each live also, said Patel. “Having trips to see one another in the locations you live is important so each person can see how the day-to-day for each other works,” she said. 

Ask About Each Other's Feelings

“Show your care and concern and your willingness to be there through it all,” said Patel. Ask questions including: How can I support you? What is it that you need most from me right now? How are you feeling? “These questions allow the person feeling disconnected to reflect and share what’s really at the heart of what they are feeling and thinking. For the person asking it shows care and gives them clarity on what is needed most to come back to connection and love.” 

Be Prepared to Schedule Emergency Visits

If one partner is feeling disconnected or lonely , it can be important to schedule a visit to see one another, said Patel: “If one person is feeling disconnected then it’s time to see one another as soon as possible.” 

Surprise One Another With Gifts

When you aren’t together physically, it’s important to show your thoughtfulness in creative ways, said Patel. “If you know she would love flowers, get flowers delivered to her,” she said. “If you know he is feeling under the weather, then get food delivered to them as if you were there taking care of them.”

Don't Be Afraid to Sext

While sexting (sending sexual texts) might seem like something only young, new couples do, this can be a great way to keep the spark ignited, said Patel: “Keeping the romance alive is also about sexting." It's important to find a time that works best for both of you to engage in these activities.

For example, don’t sext someone when they are stressed preparing for a big meeting at work. 

Get Romantic Over Facetime

Put time aside as a couple for romance, even when it’s virtual, said Patel: “You can FaceTime and get intimate that way, so you are both connecting with each other to keep that attraction alive.” 

If Something Feels Off, Talk About It

“If something has changed within the relationship, it’s important to begin to question if you are both on the same page and have the hard conversation of whether it’s time to let the relationship go ,” said Patel. “Ask what has changed and what is different.” She said you might also have to ask if there is someone else if you feel like there might be. Trust your instincts. 

Prioritize Each Other

Long-distance relationships take work, and it’s important that both partners are putting that in and prioritizing one another. “It’s not worth it anymore when one person stops choosing the other,” said Patel. “If someone starts to distance, does not commit to plans, starts to withdraw, it’s important to talk through that. It’s just imperative for both people to feel like they are being made a priority in whatever ways that make them feel good."

Self-Reflect

“It’s also really important for each person in the relationship to be aware and reflect on what they need most or what does feel good within the relationship when certain words, experiences of actions take place,” she said. In other words, it’s important to know yourself so you can tell your partner what is important to you and what you need to make this work. “You can’t just place all your happiness in the other person’s hands without giving them a roadmap to your heart,” she added. 

Look at the Positives

There are many positives to a long-distance relationship, said Patel. “What’s beautiful about long distance relationships is that you won’t take each other for granted because you aren’t in each other’s daily lives,” she said. “ Seeing and being with one another can feel fresh and new .” When you are feeling sad or lonely or frustrated, remember that long distance relationships offer some benefits that couples who live in the same place don’t have. 

Cherish Your Moments

No matter how you are connecting, it can be powerful. A FaceTime session, for example, can be as meaningful as a dinner date because the person is fully present and right in front of you. Regardless of how you are coming together, try to live in the moment. “It’s powerful because you value and cherish each moment way more when you are in a long distance relationship,” said Patel. “That is true whether you are connecting in person or virtually.” 

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Long-distance friendships take work: Here’s how I’ve had success

We were talking about jeans. When we should have been carefully studying our volleyball teammates on the court, or at the very least cheering them on, Lacey and I were in a deep discussion about the acute agony of trying on jeans with our moms, a trauma only two tweens forced to wear Catholic school uniforms 95% of the year could truly appreciate. This was 1995 and if there was one thing 12-year-olds could agree on, it was the injustice of denim.

“My mom will be like, ‘We can make ‘em fit!’” I told Lacey, prompting our coach to rebuke us for laughing when we should have been in game mode.

Inside jokes like these would become the foundation of our friendship . When you’re in middle school, finding a pal to commiserate with is a matter of survival, and I found the very best. And then in high school, whether it was skipping class to grab Starbucks or throwing shot put and discus together (are you getting a visual of how cool we were?), we rarely did anything apart. Teachers and students alike were freaked out when they’d encounter one of us without the other — we were that connected. 

So it’s remarkable that even though we put 3,000 miles between us in college and have spent at least two-thirds of our friendship that far away, we’re still best friends. A real feat for two wildly different people: I think of Lacey as calm, cool and collected, whereas I tend to be a bit more high-strung. She’s raising three beautiful children. I have one. She grew up in a farm family. I was raised by a dentist and actress. Any algorithm would likely say we’re not a match, but I can’t imagine my life without her — the only adult woman who can make me laugh so hard I shoot margarita out my nose (true story). 

Part of it is luck. I just happened to sit next to a super loyal gal that day in the gymnasium. But more likely, it’s the effort we both put into staying close, even as we were physically apart. 

People often talk about how to make long-distance relationships work, but what about long-distance friendships? To figure out how we can all better nurture and maintain our own, I turned to some experts. 

Communication matters — and it doesn’t have to be IRL 

Marissa Franco, a psychologist and friendship expert, told TODAY that my and Lacey’s regular phone calls, emails and many, many text messages over the past three decades are what’s kept our platonic bond alive even with an entire nation between her home near Seattle and mine in rural Virginia.

But it’s not just about communicating — it’s about how we communicate. 

“Sharing vulnerability tends to make us feel a lot more connected,” Franco said. “Asking for support and being willing to give it is really a portal to deep intimacy if we’re willing to be upfront about our needs and also show up for each other.”

Sharing vulnerability tends to make us feel a lot more connected.

marissa franco, psychologist

We could all use these deeper relationships, be it with a friend next door or a friend three states away, now more than ever, she added.

“Americans are very lonely right now,” Franco said, comparing the effects of loneliness to a habit as toxic as smoking.  

For people concerned about not seeing long-distance friends in person — especially as the pandemic has ruined so many of our travel plans — there’s good news: Research suggests that friendships can flourish even without face-to-face interactions. 

In her doctoral dissertation at the University of Tennessee, Jessica Thern Smith studied 36 women from three different age groups about their long-distance friendships and found that “relationships are not solely based on proximity and frequent face-to-face interaction; instead, friendships can exist across telephone lines, in cyberspace and even within our minds.”

In other words, it doesn’t matter that Lacey and I might not see each other more than twice a year. What matters is that we’re there in spirit.

Long-distance friendships can be especially rewarding 

The idea of rekindling a long-distance friendship might sound daunting, but Shasta Nelson, the author of “Frientimacy,” said it’s worth the effort.

“We replace half our close friends every seven years,” Nelson said. “The ones who tend to make it are the ones we figure out how to maintain past changes.” 

That means that our long-term and even long-distance friendships might just be the ones that have the greatest potential. Consider how much probability plays into who we befriend. You meet a person in a fitness class or bond with another adult on a playground, but as life shifts, you might not see that person as much and then that brief relationship can fade to the background. But a solid long-distance friend doesn’t require a coincidental run-in at the local coffee shop or grocery store. You can just pick up the phone and call them at any time. 

Consistency and reciprocity are key

Both Franco and Nelson agree that putting regular calls on the calendar with a long-distance pal can make all the difference in maintaining a friendship. 

“Consistency is correlated with vulnerability,” Nelson said. “The more often we’re talking and hearing about each other, the more meaningful it actually becomes.” 

Nelson has more advice: Balance the conversation. “Mutual sharing is going to be key to making that relationship work,” she said. You know the old phrase “pass the mic”? Well, that pertains here as well. You can’t hog the conversation. Both parties need to feel like they were able to share both the highs and lows in their life and come away from the call feeling heard. 

“We have to find a rhythm,” added Nelson. “Otherwise the friendship won’t feel as meaningful on an ongoing daily basis.” That means that both parties take the time to make the time. It can’t always be one friend reaching out, making the call or sending the text.

It can’t always be one friend reaching out, making the call or sending the text.

“The other thing that’s really helpful is to just express positivity and affection toward each other — like, ‘I really value you, I appreciate you. I always look forward to talking to you. You’re so important to me,’” Franco said. “It tends to cement the bond more.”

In that case, let me say it here and now in this highly public forum for all the internet to read: Lacey, I love ya, girl. Now let’s pick a date for a call over margaritas. 

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16 Tips That Helped Us Survive Our Long-Distance Relationship

Hey there, friends! One of the most popular questions that me and John have received over the last year has been surrounding how we made our long-distance relationship work. We dated with over 4,000 miles between us for the first year of our relationship and, while it wasn’t ideal and had it’s share of not-so-fun moments, I believe our relationship is stronger and better for it! If you’re currently in a long-distance relationship or in a relationship and will be doing long-distance for a period of time, we thought we’d share a few times that helped us!

Shift your perspective.

While it’s tough to be away from someone you feel drawn to and love deeply, see the distance and the time you spend apart as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship in a way not many traditional couples are able to. For me, the time I spent apart from John made me appreciate the time we get to spend together now so much more. I don’t take it for granted. It’s important to cognitively reframe situations that are less than ideal in order to tap into hope and make getting through it a little easier.

Define the relationship and ensure that both of your end goals match up.

It’s incredibly important that, as a long distance couple, you know where you both stand in the relationship. Is this an open relationship? Are you exclusive? Have you spent time with each other in person enough to know how you truly feel about the other? Do you see a future with this person? Because I had only gone on three dates with John before starting to date him long-distance, I was a little nervous that the time I was investing might not amount to something that would last because I hadn’t spent enough time with him in person. However, from very early on, we knew that our connection was special and we could both tell how invested we were and that we saw a future together. If you can tell that you’re both on the same page and putting the same amount of effort in, go for it!

Have a long-term plan for the relationship.

One of the things that can make distance even harder is not having a clear understanding as to when it will end. [Ha, sounds pretty similar to quarantine at the moment, huh?] This is going to be easier for some than others. This was particularly hard for us because it was hard to say exactly when I would be ready to apply for my visa. But, generally speaking, it’s always good for our mental space to know when something will end so that we know what we’re working toward.

Respect the reason behind the distance.

It’s also important to completely respect why you’re having to spend this time apart. It’s obviously not going to be ideal for either one of you but don’t hold it over the others’ head when you’re frustrated by it. Try your best to keep a level head. The distance could be for the good of you both in the long run so try your best to be respectful. Believe me. I understand how frustrating distance can be. We had lots of delays with our situation [me trying to get a visa] but, remember – the distance will not be forever.

Communicate regularly and consistently.

It’s important to communicate with your significant other while you’re apart in order to show them that they are a priority to you. When you check in and include your significant other, it builds trust and deepens your relationship. A lot of people would find it hard to trust someone right away if you start a relationship the way me and John did but, what made it easier is how well he communicated with me. If he went out with friends, he would take selfies with the boys and send them to me and then video call me with his friends as they were heading to the next bar. He always made me feel thought of and never made me feel like a secret.

However, avoid excessive communication.

Just because you’re far away from the person you love doesn’t mean you need to overcompensate by excessively communicating. Don’t be too needy and maintain your own level of independence and comfort in the life you lead outside of your relationship. And, remember, there is an obvious difference between checking in with and checking up on your significant other. So, make sure that, when you are communicating, it’s not to make the other person feel like you don’t trust them or are too curious about what they’re up to.

Trust is a must.

Trust is the cornerstone to any and all relationships. It’s something that every relationship needs to survive and it’s one of the top things you must lean on in order to get through your long-distance relationship successfully. While I didn’t love doing long-distance, I did feel it was made easier by the full trust I had in John. He did such a good job of expressing his feelings to me and for me and how important our relationship was to him but, more than that, showing me in the ways that he could. He always called when he said he would, always made me feel like a priority, and never went MIA. He always kept me in the loop when he was out with friends and even included me on some of their nights’ out with short video calls. These were all things that he did without me asking and, in return, built my trust in him. And, while he always did this for me, I believe I did the same for him in return. Always do what you say you’re going to do and do what you can from afar to show your partner that they can trust you.

Avoid situations that could put your relationship at risk.

This is something that all couples should be doing, whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or not. However, distance from your significant other can have its share of low feelings and emotions that could cause one to be tempted to fill it with something or someone other than their partner. So, know what situations would put you on a slippery slope and avoid those.

Manage your expectations by setting some ground rules.

While having ‘rules’ doesn’t sound like fun, it’s important to know what your partner expects of you and have your partner understand what your expectations of them are while apart. I believe it’s important to do this prior to being long-distance or as early on in the relationship as possible. Don’t be afraid of having such a serious conversation, either. The more you communicate, the more you set yourselves up for success. Some of the rules we made were to always send the other person a video message for the other to wake up to, never go two months without seeing each other, and making sure we spent the holidays together. These rules are going to look different for every couple so, set the rules that make the most sense for you guys!

Visit as often as possible for your situation.

Being able to visit ‘often’ is going to depend on a number of circumstances so be realistic when it comes to making a rule surrounding what that looks like for you guys. But, do make seeing each other a priority when and if you can throughout your time apart because it is what will invigorate you both and remind you of why you both chose, not only each other, but to commit to each other even if distance was a part of your story together.

Video call at least a couple of times a day.

Technology can really keep you going. I can’t tell you how thankful I am to have done a long-distance relationship in the age of WhatsApp and Facetime. I love that I was able to see John’s face every day. While it’s not as good as the real thing, it does really make you feel like you’re spending quality time with the person you love in the best way you can considering the circumstances. It allows you a window into their life in a way nothing else can provide when you’re apart.

Get creative and make plans to do things together.

In other words, create opportunities for you both to connect about something that is outside of just day-to-day life. Read the same book, assign a certain amount of chapters to read, and then assign a date you guys want to discuss it. Or, do the same with a Netflix series. Plan when you will watch certain episodes then discuss the following day OR, if you can, watch it together. Another idea is to pick recipes to cook together. Whether it’s from a cookbook or choosing the same Home Chef meals, cooking together would make for such a nice date night for you both!

Find little ways to show the other person you love them and are thinking about them.

While technology does do so much for those in long-distance relationships, don’t underestimate or forget the power of traditional means of communication or surprise gestures. Writing a handwritten note with a small package of goodies that might mean something to the person or you both as a couple would be something anyone would appreciate, especially if it’s from the person you love. Sending flowers or a bottle of champagne would be also be a nice gesture when your significant other has something to celebrate or just because! Making an effort behind the scenes for your significant other will really show them how much you care about them.

Show each other and your relationship respect with your behavior on social media.

One of the most annoying things about dating in this day and age is discussing expectations when it comes to social media. These conversations are never fun but, if you both are truly wanting to prioritize each other and your relationship, it’s really important that you verbalize what you do not want to see the other doing on social media. This just ensures you don’t have to constantly be questioning the other persons’ feelings for you.

Always say good morning and goodnight.

This is likely debatable but, for me, I think one of the most loving things you can do when you’re apart is to make sure the other person knows you’re thinking about them at the start of your day and before you go to bed. I loved listening to John’s video message every morning letting me know what his day was going to look like and leaving him one to wake up to before I went to bed. I felt like it was one of the easiest ways we stayed super connected during our time apart and something we both looked forward to.

Be open and honest about your feelings. And, always be willing to listen and show support.

At the end of the day, long distance is hard so, be sure to maintain that respect for why you’re apart but also be honest about how you’re feeling when it does start to get to you. It’s an opportunity for you guys to be there for each other. If the one struggling is your significant other, be sure to lend a listening ear and show your support for what they are sharing. You will really need to lean on each other. Always remember that this time apart will do nothing but strengthen your bond and relationship as a whole.

Whew! Okay, that about does it! Do you have any you’d like to add for anyone in a long-distance relationship? I feel like I could have kept going but my fingers are about to fall off! Hah! I hope all of that made sense. Let me know if you have any questions about how we made it through. Happy to share more in the comments below! Thanks for stopping by! xo.

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"Long-distance relationships are extremely relaxing and easy to navigate," said no one in a long-distance relationship ever. Whether you are bicoastal babes or a quick two-hour train ride apart, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but it also makes it grow worried, confused, and lonely. I am of the mindset that long-distance translates to "soon-to-be-failed" when it comes relationships, but I've never been in one. TBH, I'm probably just secretly hoping my ex's long distance relationship isn't as adorable as it looks on Insta. As for how to survive a long-distance relationship ? I have no idea, but there are plenty of couples out there who have made it work.

While I've never been in a long-distance relationship myself, I'm not totally against them. I love feelings and crushing and dating people, but I also really love my own independence and need lots of alone time. I prefer looking forward to a long stint of hanging out with a partner over a weekend after taking care of my own business all week.

Part of me even thinks I'd prefer a long-distance relationship to a regular one — especially because I live in New York, where, unless you live in the same neighborhood, it can be hard to find time to see each other daily. Part of me knows that this is an incredibly ignorant thought, and that I don't understand the challenges that couples in long-distance relationships face. So I spoke to clinical psychologist and host of The Web Radio Show , Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., about how to care for your long-distance relationship.

01 Communicate, But Acknowledge Your Limitations

Communication is the key to all relationships, and I would bet that 98.2 percent less fights would happen if people communicated their thoughts and fears more often in romantic relationships. In a long-distance relationship, you might be tempted to stay in constant communication, since there isn't the promise of seeing each other in person each night. But too much communication can be stressful.

"Communicate often but not constantly," says Dr. Klapow. "Trying to make up the time you are not together by talking, emailing, texting, FaceTiming constantly simply creates a level of expectation that can’t be sustained." Allow yourself and your partner the same amount of independent, offline time you would in a short-distance relationship. "Talk daily, text once or twice," recommends Dr. Klapow. "Keep it regular but regimented so that communication doesn’t take over your life." Fair point.

02 Set Realistic Expectations

You're probably in a long-distance relationship because you and your partner each need to be in a different part of the country (or world) for your careers. It's important to set realistic expectations when it comes to how you both want to maintain your long-distance relationship before things get lost in translation.

"A long distance relationship is not only logistically challenging it is extremely psychologically challenging," explains Dr. Klapow. "If you and your partner struggle with communication, transparency, [or] if your expectations about how much you will be together are off... you will create a level of psychological tension in the relationship that ultimately will be it’s demise." If you set expectations about how often you can be in touch and how often you will plan to see each other, there will be less room for miscommunication and disappointment.

03 Stick To A Schedule

When it comes to planning trips to visit each other and times to FaceTime regularly, make a schedule. It sounds sterile, but it will help with the expectation-maintenance. "Predictability will help create a rhythm to the relationship and allow you to function at a higher level when you are not with your partner," explains Dr. Klapow. Start a Google calendar if you must, or just promise to see each other every two weeks. Whatever works for you and your partner.

04 Maintain Your Independence

You can both be in a healthy long-distance relationship and create an independent life for yourself. In fact, taking care of your independence is only going to benefit your relationship. "Don’t force the relationship," says Dr. Klapow. "Allow it to happen while you continue to be as healthy and strong as an individual as possible."

If you put all of your time into maintaining your relationship, you're putting a lot of pressure on the relationship — it must work out!!! "Sacrificing your daily life, or watching it pass by simply to be with the other person comprises your wellbeing and places too much pressure on the relationship itself," adds Dr. Klapow. "Do the work, but let love be the glue that holds you together." As with everything in life, it's a balance. You've got this.

Power to Decide

5 tips for keeping a long-distance relationship healthy & strong, share this /.

Long-distance relationships present unique challenges and can take some time to get used to. The good news is that long-distance relationships can work and actually flourish if you and your significant other are willing to put in the work! If you’re about to be or are already in a long-distance relationship, check out these 5 tips for keeping the connection healthy and strong: 

Trust 

It is important to have trust in any relationship, but when you’re long distance it’s vital. Lack of trust in long distance relationships can lead to jealousy, suspicion, doubt, etc. Of course, when you’re far away from your partner it can be hard not to think that they’re with someone else, but you and your partner shouldn’t let lack of trust ruin your relationship. 

You should be able to have faith in one another to know that neither of you will cheat. If you both are committed to each other and keep healthy conversations going, then there should be nothing to worry about or be suspicious of. When both parties in a long distance relationship make each other a priority, it creates a stronger bond for the relationship to survive. Check out these tips for learning how to trust again if you’ve been hurt before. 

Communication

Open communication can make it easier to navigate your long distance relationship and maintain an emotional connection with your partner. Communication can also go a long way in helping you resolve any issues or conflicts that may occur during your long-distance relationship. In a situation where you’re far away from each other, you have lost the physical aspect of body language, so it’s important to verbally communicate things to your partner. Since you or your partner cannot guess the mood or body language of one another through the phone or over text, you should always speak up about what you’re feeling so that there is no void being created in the relationship. You can also take advantage of the distance by sending your partner a letter or care package through snail mail! Taking the extra time to communicate in a special way can show your partner just how much you care. 

Set Expectations

Before any relationship is long distance, there should be expectations in place for what you want and what your partner wants. Know and communicate with your partner how often you would like to call/text, video chat, or even visit each other in person. Setting these expectations beforehand ensures that you both can rely on a regular schedule to talk to one another and makes sure that you have free time to give each other your undivided attention. These scheduled times to talk to each other don’t have every day or the same time. What’s most important is setting a schedule based on what works for you and your partner to ensure you both are making time for each other. 

Have Virtual Date Nights

With the technology we have today, there is more you can do through the phone now instead of just talking to one another. Setting up virtual date nights can help keep the romance alive in long distance relationships and ensure you all are still spending quality time together. 

Some ideas for a virtual date night: find online cooking classes, have movie nights, do virtual museum tours, take painting classes, or simply enjoy each other’s company. Platforms such as Zoom and Facetime allow you to not only see and talk to your partner, but you can also use other features that allow for different interactions which makes virtual date nights easier to do.  An active sex life can also help keep your relationship healthy and it doesn’t just have to be in person! Check out these tips for learning how to practice safe sexting with your partner. 

Keep a Positive Mindset 

It’s very hard to be away from the person you love, but there are ways that you can still spend time together and make the relationship work. Keeping a positive mindset is easier said than done but having optimistic outlook can help you focus on ways that can make your long distance relationship work rather than focusing on the fact that you all are apart from each other. 

When you’re in a long distance relationship, it can also give you the opportunity to be independent and spend time with your family and friends. Sometimes a relationship can be unhealthy when you spend too much time with your partner and not your other loved ones. Being away from each other can possibly help you figure out who you are and develop things that you like to do on your own or with friends. Long distance relationships can help you divide your time between the people in your life so that you aren’t neglecting anyone or yourself. 

Long distance relationships can stay alive if both parties are willing to put in the work and effort. It definitely takes some getting used to, but if you and your partner trust one another, set up expectations, communicate effectively, have date nights, and stay positive about the situation then your relationship can work long distance! It’s even possible that you and your significant other can visit each other when the both of you find time. A relationship can still be beautiful even when you’re miles away from each other, and there are ways to keep a healthy relationship even if you’re not together all the time. And if you aren’t sure if a long distance relationship will work for you, consider asking yourself these questions !

Emani Brooks is a senior at Suitland High School in Maryland. She currently is the President of the Suitland National Honor Society Chapter for the class of 2022. Emani plans to study Business Administration upon graduating high school and hopes to pursue a career in social media management.

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Making it work: how to stay well in a long-distance relationship

• 04 September 2024

Author: Molly, 23

Topics mentioned:  relationships, self-esteem , self-care

About:  Navigating a long-distance relationship can be tough. Molly outlines the challenges she's faced and offers practical tips for staying connected and mentally healthy.

It’s funny how life works out sometimes. I met a guy at a festival a couple of years ago, and we just hit it off from the word ‘go’. He took my phone number and two years later, he is still my boyfriend. Our relationship has blossomed into something beautiful - I like to think that he is the male version of me. The biggest problem we have? We live on opposite ends of the country. Long-distance relationships are tough, there’s no doubt about it. But here are a few things that I do to keep my mental health intact, and what we do to make it work.

Schedule time to catch up online

My boyfriend and I are both in our early 20s, we both work full time jobs. Sometimes, just as I’m starting my shift, he’s finishing his, and vice versa. Not talking to him all day doesn’t feel nice, and often on these days I find myself needing a bit more reassurance from him than other days. It’s natural, I want to feel connected to my partner, especially if we’ve gone all day with hardly any communication. FaceTime is an absolute lifesaver and blocking out time to check in with one another is a useful tool for when I’m feeling this way. Even if it’s just a five-minute conversation, it really does make a difference, and reassures me that he cares about me and is interested in how my day went.

Not talking to him all day doesn’t feel nice, and often on these days I find myself needing a bit more reassurance from him than other days.

Plan when you’ll next meet in person

We’re lucky that we get to see each other roughly once a month, sometimes more if our rotas sync well. I would really recommend taking the time to look at each other’s schedules and plan out when the next meet-up will be. I find it extremely frustrating sometimes when it seems like there just isn’t a time where both of us are free and able to meet, but dates do eventually align. It’s very comforting to know that I will see him again soon and we both have something to look forward to. The saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ is so true. My boyfriend and I have both said that it’s much more special when we see each other and go on dates. It’s a real treat for us when we get to spend time together.

Mindfulness is great, but so is having a good cry

Meditation is key for me to regulate my emotions. Learning to keep myself in the present prevents me from spiralling into deep, dark thoughts, and it has helped me to accept the situation for what it is. Spiralling and catastrophising is easy to do when someone you love lives so far away, so having mindful coping mechanisms to limit this is so important. On saying that, a good cry can help to relieve any emotional pain and to release some of that mental weight, so it’s definitely nothing to feel ashamed of. This is always helpful when we’re saying our goodbyes after a wonderful few days together. Releasing that intense emotional pain through crying helps me to recompose myself and I find it a lot easier to keep myself in the present afterwards.

Find hobbies that boost your mood

Staying active, whatever that looks like for you, is not only good for physical health, but it does wonders for my mental health too. I like to lift weights or take a stroll in the sun (or rain, more likely) to release endorphins and other hormones that help increase and maintain happiness levels. Also, getting creative has massively benefitted me. I’ve found a new love for painting, and I always feel happier by the end of it. An activity like this has even ended up bringing me and my partner closer. It’s something we can do together, or on a few occasions I’ve given him my paintings as a gift, and it shows my boyfriend that I’m keeping him in mind.

I’ve found a new love for painting, and I always feel happier by the end of it. An activity like this has even ended up bringing me and my partner closer.

Long-distance relationships can feel difficult from time to time. It’s not a ‘traditional’ relationship, but they seem to be getting more and more common these days. There’s a lot of people in the same boat and knowing that has made me feel less alone in this situation. Sometimes you, or your partner, is going to need a bit of extra reassurance. That’s okay to ask for. If you really love each other, it can work out and it’s worth fighting for.

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How long-distance relationships can bring you closer

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Where to get help.

However you're feeling, there are people who can help you if you are struggling. Here are some services that can support you.

If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.

Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their  free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.

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Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.

Whatever you're going through, you can contact the Samaritans for support. N.B. This is a listening service and does not offer advice or intervention.

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Provides information about local counselling and advice services for young people aged 11-25.

Put in your location and what you need help with into their ' Find help ' search, and see what services are available in your area.

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